She's On The Money - This Car Finance Mistake Could Cost You Thousands

Episode Date: June 12, 2025

This week, we’re talking about one of the biggest money traps out there: car finance. It seems simple... buy the car, pay it off... but what if the way you’re financing it is quietly costing you thousands? From mortgage refinancing to dealership loans, Victoria breaks down the smart ways (and not-so-smart ones) to fund your next car, and the red flags to look out for before you sign anything. And we've got a heated child support DM that had us all fuming. When a co-parent uses child support as ammo against their ex, what’s fair game, and what crosses the line? We get deep into emotional manipulation, kids' financial literacy, and how to protect your peace (and your children’s) when the other parent is being... not so financially kind. Plus, it's Friday so there's all the unhinged money chats you know and love.  WANT LEARN HOW TO INVEST? The Investing Masterclass is here.  Ready for more laughs, lessons, and unhinged money chats? Check out our oh-so-bingeable Friday Drinks playlist. Listen here. Join our 300K+ She's on the Money community in our Facebook Group and on Instagram.  Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast that makes personal finance fun especially on Fridays it's our favorite day of the week because we get the team together and we get to celebrate you, our beautiful She's on the Money community. Miss Jessica Ricci, she's going to be sharing our favourite money wins. Miss Bex Syed is going to be sharing her broke tips and we're going to be helping to answer a money dilemma, which is all about finance options for a new car and something that you slid into our DMs about this week,

a child support drama with your ex. I always find those so juicy. Oh, like it just, it blows my mind how messy they can get. It just makes me angry. yeah i was gonna say i'm already kind of boiling up can we not just put our stuff aside and care about this kid genuinely anyway before we get there guys how were your weeks you go oh long weekend what can we say it's just so nice i feel like a three-day weekend i just love extra time off isn't it so and it's crazy how like you would think an extra day wouldn't make that much

difference but it's like it feels like a week somehow do you know what i mean it's crazy so I'm feeling good. I'm live, laugh, laugh. That's really nice. What about you? I had to work in Brisbane. I'm like, I can't talk about this because I'm already getting, I just feel like, I feel like an anger or something like,

because there's no public holiday in Brisbane. And I was like, I, well, as for context for everyone, I covered someone's shift in Brisbane. And so I was like, cool, whatever. And then I realised that everyone at home has a public holiday. Nah, nah, nah. We're asking for a day in lieu. Nah, we're asking for a day in lieu.

Oh, 100%. Great, great, great. No, sorry. Your contract is a Victorian contract. Yeah. In fact, you probably should be getting public holiday rates. Okay, I feel better now. I actually do feel better now.

Yeah, give them the option. Be like, you can either pay me public holiday rates or you can give me a day move, which is going to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Girl, you give me your emails. I will send something sassy for you. Okay, well, that makes me feel better. But otherwise, you know, it was actually a fine weekend.

My girlfriend was in Queensland the same time that I had to work in Queensland. And so like it worked out really well. That's actually so cute. I still do have FOMO. I have such a sickening FOMO, but anyway, what can you do? You just got to live with it. What about you Fifi? How's your week? Live, love, laugh. Honestly, just having more time to chill out. I feel like we've been trying so hard to get ahead on like content and work that I was just like, I'm excited to have an additional day off. Although I'm not used to saying king's birthday like it just it feels wrong it doesn't roll off the tongue no queen's birthday and i mean that makes sense because she was the queenie for so long king's birthday it

just doesn't it feels fake yeah it's fake news yeah exactly a woman i say yeah exactly i want another public holiday celebrating women anyway would you guys like a five-star review because i've got a good one yes i've got a really good one so this one is from mike louds long time listener soon to be mother. I've been listening to She's on the Money since COVID and have found it very interesting and easy to listen to. My wife and I are expecting our first daughter to be born in the coming months after a long IVF journey. Listening to this has been a great way for me to get a deeper appreciation and understanding of the challenges and mindsets a lot of women have. I really hope you keep producing this show as my daughter grows older

so that she can learn from you as well. Oh my gosh. Isn't that so cute? So lovely. Congratulations to you as well. From a dad. That's so lovely. Literally so wholesome,

which is why I was like, this is the one I'm going to be putting on the show. We've had a few men commenting and stuff in the Facebook group and stuff lately. And they always preface it, I find, by saying, oh, like, I know that I'm maybe not your normal target demographic. No, you are.

Anyone who resonates with our content, welcome here. And I feel like it's exactly what Mike was saying. it gives you an appreciation as well for like the female perspective that I feel a lot of men lack or don't care 100% like you just you also don't know what you don't know so you're often like oh I didn't know that was an issue and that's like totally fine but the idea that you're consuming content in order to get ahead of that that's okay very sexy yes for you yes oh my god that's so good then thank you so much for listening I love it all right you know what else I love hearing about

our community's money wins. Jessica Ricci, every single week you do a little like rally up of what the community has been loving. What have you got for us this week? All right. Firstly, we're starting off with just a good solid one from Caroline who said she stayed within her budget this week, which means she's allocated everything correctly. Oh my God. But like good for you. In this economy, I swear everyone I'm talking to is like, I'm trying so hard to budget, but every week I blow it or I just I can't get it right or it's really frustrating or I'm giving up like to get it right it's a flex chef's kiss well done Caroline next I've got a money win from Elle who said money win we went through all of our expenses and income for a year then made an

achievable budget aligned with our values this is the first month that I've been on maternity leave and we haven't dipped into our savings how good well done I'm just really feeling everyone's staying in budget this week I didn't even realize I'd had two back-to-back next I've got a money win from Sophie who said money win I realized I had a few nicer branded dresses at home that I've only worn once so I decided to list them on the vault to rent them out instead of having them just sitting in my closet and collecting dunst I've rented out one specific dress eight times and I've tripled the money that I spent on buying the dress wow how good is that I never know how like rentable my dresses are because I go is this just something I like yeah or is this like

universally liked but you're good at this Jess I swear you're like oh that's a dress I really want to buy and you like snoop the Instagram to see how many girls are wearing it yeah you've made a lot of money doing it I wish I was better at knowing what was trendy because I feel like it is if you can pick the right dress I'm too millennial yeah I think I may be as well but you might as well just put what you've got up there and see what happens because you know it doesn't cost to list doesn't it no it's all free so you might just sit there and every now and again And I get an email that says someone's rented a dress. And I'm like, ah, what a money win.

Exactly right. Well done, Sophie. Next, I've got a money win from Shannon who said she got a jumper that was originally $170 for $10 at the Ina Pali Warehouse Sale last weekend. Oh, my goodness. Love a Warehouse Sale win. That's so good. You are like the Warehouse Sale queen.

You've, like, called me before to be like, hey, there's a Warehouse Sale. Can I please go during work hours? Because otherwise I'll have to line up on a Saturday like a pleb and I don't want to do that. And I'll be like, yes, queen, go, go. It's for the greater good. we love a supportive boss and we love a warehouse sale as well very well done for shannon next I got a money loss from amber and I did feel this in my soul because she said she had to buy milk

and cheese and bread today and there went twenty dollars what is it like yeah seriously every time I check out I look at what I've got I've started playing this game like how much do I think it's gonna cost I wouldn't recommend it as a game it's very soul crushing um but it is crazy you'll be like, oh, there's five things there. And it's like $90. I actually nearly vomited the other week when I was leaving the supermarket again, super privileged, but I had two bags of groceries and it was kind of like a last minute decision to go to the supermarket. We had all of our Marley spoons and stuff, but I was like, oh, we're out of like bread. And like, I need some essentials and bloody olive oil and all of that stuff that I'm like, oh, we nearly out. I may as

I'll just do a shop and if you're a mum you know that like it's like on the front of your mind if you're not with your baby going to the supermarket is easier so I was like oh I'll just do like an essentials shop two bags not even full bags from Coles I'm walking out I'm like geez Louise that was $170 what are you talking about and I was like low-key a bit embarrassed as I was checking out and I'm thinking no I do need all of these things and it was like genuine pantry staples so I've got butter, I've got, you know, olive oil. I bought some balsamic. I had to buy some new white vinegar.

Obviously that's not expensive, but like all these things just kind of added up and I was like, what? Oh, and dishwasher tablets. I had to buy the same transaction. Those are so expensive. I know. And I always make sure that when you're buying things

like dishwasher tablets or if you buy like laundry pods or whatever, you're not just like picking the cheapest one on the rack. You're actually looking at how much per pod is because when they're on sale I'm always making sure that like each of my dishwasher tablets are like 20 or 25 cents because it's so easy to get away you're like oh that one's half price but then it's like the Omo brand or whatever it is and it's like double what it normally is so maybe that's a broke tip look at the unit price instead of the overall price this is very very true you

do have to do that astronomically expensive very privileged that like that didn't financially cripple me but i was thinking i am so lucky at the same time as being so frustrated yeah it is really hard out there and i feel you in my soul amber lastly this week i've got a money win from megan who said facebook marketplace money win i've been wanting to get a daisy dog bed for my frenchies but the one i wanted is normally 289 dollars my goodness founded a marketplace brand new for 120 mandatory pet tax included and just take a look at that face girl oh my goodness Like little babies. Frenchies are such naughty babies.

Oh, they're so cute. Like their little snoots kill me. And the sounds that they make, I'm like, this can't be normal. Adorable. My best friend has a Frenchie called Archie, and he just sounds like a little piggy. And when he's excited, like he does the piggy dance. Little snuffle.

It's the best. That's very cute. Bec, tell me, broke tips, what have you got? Okay, so this first one comes from Brooke, and I have mentioned something similar before, but I don't think I've mentioned this particular app. So Brooke says, download Receipt Jar app and all you have to do is photograph and upload receipts of purchases you have made and you accumulate points

which you can cash out into like vouchers for Woolies, et cetera. So I think it's fantastic and it's like because we got it. We got to buy things to stay alive and it's like you may as well get some bloody benefits out of that. I always wonder what are they doing with the receipt? Like why? What's the benefit to that? I always wonder that too.

Are they doing something dodgy with them? which I'm assuming they're not. Lots of people use receipt jar, I'm not shitting on them. But like what is the point? Lots of people use it for business or whatever. Oh, data collection. Yeah, data collection, understanding people's budgets, spending habits.

Like it's interesting but like I don't know. Are you guys asking for receipts for things that you can't claim on tax? Because like if they're like, do you want a receipt with that? I'm immediately like, unless I can claim it on tax, absolutely not. No, save the paper, save a tree. Save a tree, absolutely, I agree. Well, I guess maybe it would make more sense if, you know, back in the day we'd flip it over and it'd be like $15 Domino's pizza.

Yeah, where are the pizza? Bring that back. I feel like in this economy we deserve our receipts that are literally so long and so expensive to have like free KFC on the other side. Yes. That's what should happen. Do they still do fuel vouchers on there? I don't believe so.

That's ridiculous. That's illegal. That's illegal. I mean, it sounds like it should be. And then this next one comes from Shani who says, if you go to H&M, they have a recycling clothes initiative where you can take in a bag of old clothes to donate and they can reuse that as like textiles and whatever else they want to do with it. They'll give you a 15% off H&M voucher. That's good. How good would you use your recycle?

I really like that. See, I'm so salty on that program because like I have done a deep dive on TikTok and I'm so sorry to absolutely blow this. No. But they don't reuse it. And I think that that is a greenwashing scandal if ever i saw one what does that mean come in we'll give you a discount to buy more fast fashion and we're actually just going to donate it to charity later and essentially drop it into like a charity bin which i'm not saying that donating to charity is bad but when they're doing it under different pretenses a guise of a different yeah so look it up have a look make your own decisions but i mean if you're going to buy from you know h&m already and you wanted a cheeky little discount

and you don't mind, like pop off queen. But I think the more educated I am, the more sinister I am. Hey, that's okay. Don't be so lovely. I'm glad you're looking into these things. Greenwashing, one out of 10. Greenwashing.

That's like virtue signaling. Yeah, basically. Yeah, okay. It's where you make yourself sound super ethical. Yeah, or you do something so that you look a certain way. Yeah, and like, don't get me wrong. We're in the middle of Cozzy Lives and you know we can't all afford to go and buy super ethical outfits like no shame on anyone

shopping at like fast fashion outlets I don't mind at all I just think we should be so much more conscious with our purchasing but for a fast fashion brand to be like hey we drop new stock in our stores literally a number of times per week but also here we've got this like recycling program and you can bring in your old clothes and buy new ones it's just making them look like they're doing the right thing when in reality, like why do they produce so many clothes? Why aren't we just producing consistent basics or things that actually last H&M? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Anyway, I'm just a bit naff on that. We did a whole episode ages ago on fast fashion, which we might link in the show notes, actually, if you're interested in that. But it's a goodie. It annoys me. Sorry, Ben. No,

no, no. Don't be sorry. And this next one. I don't want to be that person. But yes, you do. I'm going too. And it's honestly, I'm going to sound like a broken record. So me and Jess, my partner, I've booked like a trip to Singapore, which is very exciting. Sorry. No, not Singapore, Thailand. I'm so sorry. I keep thinking Singapore for some reason, but it's not anywhere near Singapore, right? No, it's a different country. Well, I have that in my head. So I hope I don't land somewhere else. And so this is just a complete side note. It's not at all relevant to my broke tip. It's like, I, for some reason I can't like, because I have never been a saver, I can't save for a trip because I feel like if I've finally gotten on top of saving,

I've saved $2,000 and then all of that, my whole, that is literally my whole life savings goes toward a trip. I'll be devastated. And so I, I'm one of those people that just like to book and then figure it out later. So I don't, I haven't even paid for anything yet, but my broke tip is going to be this. If you're going away anywhere with anyone, it does seem a little bit dodgy. You can tell them, you can tell them what you're doing, but be like can I book it everyone pay me I book it and you do it through Shopback I made $50 on a go-to and Air Arlo Jess you told me about Air Arlo it's like the eSIM 14% back on Shopback try and book everything for everyone get them to pay you and then in your Shopback you're just

accumulating all this wealth and if people are like hey the frick you need to give us some of that money then you can do that but I would say you book it you get the money you get the benefits you've also done the payment for you doing the admin yeah you're doing the admin that's just through and through in every situation including buying things from officeworks for our office yes she adds her own shop back i mean that is a good idea because i'm jess's boss and i allow that so like her flybys her i'm like you know what pop off queen exactly that's fine but probably don't do that at your workplace without getting explicit consent from your boss because it might be theft true but also if they don't have their own shop back account then it's

like that's why you've got to ask that's why you've got to ask because like imagine if your boss found out oh like you know and i don't see it as a bad thing but oh jess is getting like five percent back of the purchases i'm making all right like you might not see it my shot back yeah but when it's with friends no sorry sorry that rule doesn't apply yeah no you get that for the for the admin you also can get travel insurance on shop back you get trips the actual flights through shop back god i just i feel i'm gonna make so much more money as you should queen thank you like by, by, by spending much, much more money, but you got to spend money to make money or whatever they say. I'm on your team. Thank you so much. So anyway, that's, that's what I'm saying.

Um, I think be the admin person in your group or in your duo or in your singular, and you could just make a little bit of extra cash on the side. Money win. All right. Well, let's go to a really quick break because on the flip side, we're going to be answering your money dilemma, which is all about financing options. If you're purchasing a new car and then something that I think has annoyed everybody at this table. We've got a message that you slid into our DMs with talking about a child support drama with your ex. So guys, don't go anywhere. Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here

to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hey, she's on the money. I have got a question for you. We're thinking about getting a new car towards the end of the year, but I'm not too sure how to go about it financially. we were considering refinancing our house for some money but the problem is we don't have any equity really in our house right now so I'm just wondering what other options are out there for us is refinancing even possible without equity or should we look at other ways to finance the car

thank you that's an interesting one because so many people believe that to refinance you have to have equity in your property and it's just simply not true. So you can refinance your mortgage and a refinance is when you take your current mortgage that you have with bank A and go, you know what, bank A is no longer serving me. I want to pick that up and take it over to bank B. It doesn't mean that you need equity, which is essentially, you know, a value that's added up because bank B, if it's a good mortgage, they're going to go great. And a lot of the reason you might refinance for is to, you know, obviously I think you're assuming that everybody refinances to release equity and that's not the case. Sometimes you refinance so that you can get

a different loan structure. So you might go, I really want to move to bank B because right now I don't have an offset account and whatever savings I have coming in, I'd really like offsetting the interest or I'm moving because I want a lower interest rate or I'm moving because I just simply want a different bank. This one's no longer serving me or I want to redraw. So you don't have to have equity to refinance. So if we're talking about cars and I know that that's not necessarily what everyone is doing, I'd say always buy a car in cash, never buy a brand new car and always take into consideration that that asset is not going to increase in value. It's always going to decrease unless you're talking about buying like a vintage Porsche and it's an

investment. Like that's a different story, but most of us are not buying vintage cars for investment purposes, we are buying cars that can get us to and from work, right? So there's a lot of thoughts I have on cars, because I think that they are often one of the worst investments, but at the same time, we need them. So you could go to a good broker and you should go to a good broker and be like, I don't think I have equity, but what can I do to put myself in the best possible position? Because it's very naive of me to assume that everyone can just save up to buy a car. Like car loans are something that my business writes often. And does that mean that I, you know, really promote you going out and getting a brand new car loan back? Absolutely not. But like I deal

with moms and dads all the time that are like, oh my goodness, we're pregnant. We're having another baby and I need a car that fits two car seats. Like, I'm sorry, we're in an economy where you don't have 30K saved to be able to purchase that asset. But like, let's make a smart decision. We're going to buy a car together. We're going to go through this. Sometimes you might be able to extend your mortgage out by 30 grand and you might go, oh, that's not a good idea. But the interest rate on your mortgage might be much lower. So the interest rate on your mortgage is going to be under 5%, whereas asset finance often sits at about, you know, 8 to 10%. So you're saving money by doing that. And then we can aggressively pay off that $30,000 above and beyond. So there's

always a strategy. So when it comes to purchasing a car, no, you don't need equity. You actually just need a little bit of strategy. There's also a lot of deals going around at the moment. So as I said before, we're never buying brand new because from my perspective, and this is, I'm the daughter of an old, like my dad used to be the financial controller of car dealerships. So like he never let me buy brand new cars. Like he was always like terrible idea. Absolutely not. And to this day, this man will not buy a brand new car. He will buy a demo model though. But if you're looking at a demo model of a, let's say you want to buy a Volkswagen Polo, you want to go like, cause I feel like that's like a little bit higher end, but like, you know, Hyundai gets

whatever you want to purchase, right? You're going to purchase a small car. Maybe we're looking at a demo and we're trying to get really good finance. Sometimes the best finance doesn't actually come from a mortgage broker or someone who writes asset finance, but it might come from the dealership. And I have seen historically like one or 2% finance on cars on their lots. So we're just going to do our research. Finance at a car dealership most of the time is not your best option. In fact, it's probably going to be the worst option because it's the most convenient, right? So like a little finance man has set up shop at the local Toyota and he's like, great, Jess wants a new car. She wanders in, goes, can you get finance for me? Yeah, I can. I can get

you the best deal I can get you. And it's not the best deal on the market. So we're shopping around a little bit, but I think having a look around, like imagine if you could get demo car, one or 2% finance, drive away, all of your regos paid. Like that's not a bad deal. Yeah. We are making sure that we're making the right financial decision as opposed to just a, Oh, I'm a bit ashamed of this. I need to get a loan. And then you agree to the first loan that comes up. Now we're hustling that loan too. We're hustling everything as you should. So do you guys have anything to add to that? I think I just jumped in

because I was like, oh, you don't need to have equity to get a car loan. There you go. The only, it's not adding it to anything. I just wanted to ask, and it's probably a really dumb question, but I've always wondered when people say paying cash, do you mean physical cash?

Is that what you're saying? Just having the amount in your bank. So you could use your car, use your- Yeah, you could like tap your debit card, but you could like- Okay. Not saying like, you know,

go to the ATM and get some 50s to hand over. Yeah, like make sure it's not tracked, like just buy it in cash. Yeah, when we say like buy cash, Understood. Understood. Sorry. Yeah. And that's not sorry. I reckon lots of people were thinking that to be honest, but I think it's, yeah, for me, love a good car, but also we need to be so aware of how that impacts our like long-term financial goals. And I see a lot of people, especially like you see it, especially during like cost of living crises, they're like, well, you know what,

everything else is hard. I deserve X, Y, Z. And they often talk themselves into an asset that is maybe a bit beyond their financial capacity or a bit beyond because they just want to feel special you're just like life's really tough right now like well you know earlier this episode we're talking about groceries being a struggle you're like well what's and like so easily we justify it to ourselves what's an extra hundred bucks a month honestly like groceries are more than that you justify it and then you have an asset that's worth more decreases more like it just puts you in a worse off position often because you think this asset is going to make you feel good oh it's the confidence boost I need for a week. It's just a car. It's just a car. It gets you from A to B.

Yeah. I drive my cars until they're like kaput. Exactly. As you should. Yeah, seriously. As you should. All right, guys, would you like to hear the DM that we got this week? Absolutely. I think we've got thoughts and opinions on this. All right. So the DM we got this week. Hi, she's on the money. I have a money dilemma I really need help with. My ex and I share children. And after a long period of him not contributing financially, including to things like school, dental and sports, I went through child support collection to make sure the kids' needs were being met. Since then, he's started making comments directly to our kids like, I can't give you pocket money anymore because I have to pay child support and mum will have to pack all of your clothes now.

My kids are pre-teens and they've started asking questions. I'm really torn. I want to teach them financial literacy, but I also want to protect their view of their dad. At the same time, I don't want them believing that I'm the reason they're missing out. How do I have age-appropriate conversations with them about this? And how do I talk to their dad about the comments he's making? Oh, God. That sounds like the exact situation I would hate to be in because it's like- It's awful, hey? yeah like now you're parenting everyone you have to have a that's so true gentle parenting conversation with an adult and be like hey don't say that that is so dumb you are so dumb

it's made me so angry like oh my i feel first of all i just want to say i'm so sorry it's so manipulative you're stuck in this situation with like like and you don't know that this is the things is worth saying to all my friends is worth saying to everyone is like we meet someone all these things that you're like oh no you've got to get to know someone before you live together you got to get to know someone before you have children with them I totally understand you do but by the time you've learned that the person you're living with actually doesn't cook and clean for themselves actually isn't an equal parent actually is not like meeting you at your level when it comes like the the mental load the emotional load you don't realize until you're

attached in some way either emotionally physically literally financially whatever and then you get there and you're like good to know this person is just being so immature like first of all not first of all because i've said a million things but the other thing too is that like did they say how much they're paying in child support no i don't know what this person's paying in child support it might be it doesn't matter because if it's child support it doesn't matter it's actually court mandated so it would be based on their income based on their children based on their children's needs and we all know having I have a lot of single mum friends we all know it's never bloody enough like your child support payment is not going to be the majority of your income it's

not going to be enough to do dental and sports and clothing them and feed it I promise you hand on my heart that is not enough money so sit down exactly but even if like if it was the other way around and she was like I've paid for all of your basic needs and then you go and you you do have some money that is disposable income or whatever whether you do or you don't I feel like if you go out to the shops and your child is like hey I'm really hungry and then you're like okay well I'll just let me just get you one of these like you know a milkshake or something I don't know what kids eat or drink mine eats a lot of berries imagine you're out and your child is hungry and then you're like I've actually paid for your all of your basic needs so sorry I already

paid my child support yeah like no I've yeah I've paid for your school fees I've contributed to the rent it's so silly when you put it that way isn't it no exactly and that's your child you both decide to have children so your responsibilities as a parent never dies no matter what until you die it doesn't matter if you've already paid for xyz you just have to do what you have to do because you both decide to have children you just keep being a parent I'm so sorry to this no I anyway it makes me so mad and it like makes me so mad I think because I have the privilege of being in the she's on the money community and seeing so many single parents with all of these pressures and I think the thing that makes me the maddest is when one parent is paying you know what they

deem to be a lot of child support but they can't seem to conceptualize that that actually does go to the child rearing and it's also not enough and they're like throwing shade at the other parent being like well of course you can afford that like you get child support as though like they don't deserve it i know it actually blows my mind jess what are your thoughts on this oh i completely agree with everything you just said beck and i'm not gonna go on a big ramp because i feel you covered it very like i agree with everything you said yeah i'm really sorry that you're going through this. This is emotionally manipulative. It's really, really horrible. They're weaponizing your children against you. And that really doesn't sit well with me. I'm going to tackle it from a

practical standpoint and say, I kind of have two thoughts on this. The first one is that I think there's a lot of benefit to talking to your children like they're adults. That's something that my parents will really be gone with me and my brother, obviously within the level of being age appropriate. But the second thing that I would say that kind of leans into that is children are much more observant, I think, than we remember a lot of the time as adults. But even if you're not talking to them about things, you would be amazed at the non-verbal cues that they're picking up. The things that they're, you know, reading between the lines from the conversations they're having with you and your ex-partner. And so I think there honestly is probably a lot of

benefit, particularly because these types of living situations can create a bit of a sense of instability in just being honest with them and, you know, sitting them down and explaining what is child support where is that money going like giving them a bit of an understanding and again we don't know the ages of your kids so you know if you're talking to one year old they said kind of pre-teen oh okay pre-teen yeah yeah like if you're talking to a one-year-old it might not work but if they're pretty yeah harvey is just like banging on the fridge nowadays being like where the blueberries are not not comprehending it all but if they're of that age they are old enough to be able to kind of understand these basic concepts of economics of shared responsibility

of kindness to people who are, for better or worse, a part of your family. And so I think being really frank in conversations with that is beneficial. It also opens the door for them to come to you with questions. Because I think when you have two parents that are communicating maybe different things, and it sounds like on our listeners side, you're trying to protect their image of their dad. You're trying to make it feel, you know, maintain that feeling of stability of where it's not your responsibility in the nicest possible way like the team thing absolutely but like if dad wants to act that way I'm so sorry yeah and I like I really appreciate that you're trying to do that for them because it's so kind it's a really good and important I think thing

for you to do but at the same time all of your hard work in that space it seems like is likely being undermined by your ex-partner and it seems to be like that tactic at the detriment of your kids view of you so like are you trying to raise their dad up so that you know he doesn't look bad but at the same time the kids are like well it's mum's fault because dad said that and then mum's not defending that exactly where's the line yeah and I'm definitely not saying get down in the mud like I think we're better than that I can understand how it would be really hard for you like emotionally to try and maintain I think as women particularly we really try and hold on to all of these things and we don't want to make dad look bad we want to make life really good for the

kids but also like the child support isn't enough and like it can be so hard to balance and I really do think opening those lines of communication to your kids giving them as much information as possible and also making it really clear to them that they can come to you with questions will hopefully help ease that burden a little bit hopefully how counteract any misinformation that is maybe being shared with them I would also if you haven't already have a stern word with your ex-partner and say hey my dude this is actually not okay like we 100% for whatever reason that we broke up we are raising these kids yeah we are co-parents we're co-parenting on some level again we don't know what the split of time or anything is but we have a responsibility

to them to provide stability to provide a loving environment and that cannot happen when we're ripping each other a new one like 100% you can say whatever you want about me to all your mates yeah go go ham son don't say anything to our kids in fact a lot of like child protection orders say that the parents can't shit talk each other which is really important but at the same time it's like small digs like I would probably be going down the route of being honest and open we don't need to do that at the detriment of the other parent but like how do you get your kids involved to a point where it's age appropriate we're talking about budgets like maybe we're like budgeting for school stuff or like you go, okay, cool. Like here's my budget or, you know, here's

the split of how much money comes in for you guys and this, and this is where it goes. And this is what your school fees are. So that maybe as your kids get a little bit older and maybe your ex is making comments about finances, it just doesn't make sense to your kids. So like, you know, one plus one doesn't equal two. He might be going, we give you so much money, but the kids are kind they're like, oh, well, actually that only covers this, this and this. And like, I've seen that budget. Like we're not trying to shit can each other, but like give them enough. Because as you were saying before, Jess, like kids read between the lines, like they kind of know in a way what's going on, but I would not want it to be at the detriment of you, mum. Like you're doing such a

good job. And the fact that you're caring so much about even the way they're having a relationship with their dad when he's clearly not that kind to you speaks volumes about the person that you are yeah and I just I have friends who are going through this and I know what their ex did I know and like I don't think I would be as big a person as these mums are because I just go if you did that to me straight under the bus but they speak so highly of their partner to their kids like they are bending over backwards their kids would never know what happened personally that I just sometimes I think oh my god like what happens when their kids are adults and they go mommy what really happened and you go well yeah daddy xyz I would just be like I would love to be a fly on the wall

but the kids would never even get that inkling because it's so I guess calm and the co-parenting relationship is really amicable so I just I think how can you feel a bit more in control because it's clearly weighing on you very emotionally but also like they seem pre-teens that's a great time to get them involved in household budgets, whether it is, you know, we're not sitting down being like rent is this, mortgage is this, whatever. But like, could they get involved with, okay, cool, here's our grocery budget. Here's how much we have. Here's how much things cost. This is what we spend on a weekly basis. You guys actually have $50 allocated a week for school lunches and snacks. How do you want that spent? And kids, they're smart. They can work that out. Like if

you say to a kid, okay, well, you can have the Smith's chips. And I think I've said this on the show before I used to be so envious of the kids who had the Smith's chips, not the like home brand ones. Do you remember the home brand white packets that had the green lines on for the chicken? I always had those. And it turns out it's just because my mom's a money-saving queen. She's like, same stuff, but you get more. But I always saw it as being detrimental. And I wish at that point, mom had been like, did you realize that the cost difference here is here and you get a b c d e or one packet of chippies right do you know what i mean like can we involve kids in these conversations so that they can be not led down a garden path but they can like comprehend the

decisions that are being made because i guarantee that like when i was that age i wouldn't have known what the groceries cost no i don't know what it costs to make spag bol and if your partner's going oh my god i pay a thousand dollars a week or like whatever it is that's a big number to kids yeah you go wow that's so much money like I'm not seeing any of that not really realizing where it's going exactly and like yeah let's be honest let's pretend you're a 14 year old girl you hear that dad's paying a thousand dollars a month or a week or whatever it is for me I don't see that cash what the hell mom yeah like sit down anyway we asked everybody else yeah we asked the community we said first do you think kids should know about child support arrangements 74 percent of you said

yes, of course, in an age appropriate way. 18% said, no, that's between the adults. And 9% said only if they're asking. We then said, what would you do if your ex was saying this kind of stuff to your kids? 40% of you said, speak to the co-parent. 38% of you said, gently correct the narrative. 20% said, I'd go and actually ask a professional for advice. And 2% said, avoid fueling the drama, which like I get, cause you also just don't know who's the co-parent. Like are we dealing with some dude who is absolutely unhinged that's a really good point actually maybe something we should say is not knowing you know there's a acknowledging that there's very much you know we're just assuming that this is not some absolute narcissist terrible person

terrible person who's manipulative and was abusive and all of this we just we just think it's your ex throwing some shade yeah like that's where we're giving this advice from because if it is that bad we actually do need to get professionals involved like that's not for a money podcast to advise on. We did though ask the community, could you give us your two cents? First person said, this is so icky. My dad pulled this too. Later I found out he was actually only paying 20 bucks a month. Oh my God. Yep. Someone else said, do not protect your ex. He didn't provide financial support for his kids and now he's being spiteful about it. It's a great point. Yeah. Another person said, I actually work in post-separation mediation and including kids

in the CS conversation is not recommended. Really? Apparently. Which I find. That's so interesting. Yeah, super interesting. Might be worth speaking to an expert then to get 100%. And if you're going through that situation

and there is like court mandated child support being paid, there's going to be professionals involved that you can go back to and be like, hey, what's this look like? Another person said, what a dirt bag. I love that. Agreed. Someone else said, avoiding the tit for tat

is honestly harder than you think but the kids actually hate hearing it so keep going on mom yeah another person said why don't you do a post-separation parenting course which I didn't even know was a thing that's quite cool idea someone else said it's not your job to volunteer information but you could correct it a therapist might advise you of something and how to have those conversations yeah then another person and I love this is going to be like my second last one said children will always remember which parent made them feel safer actions are always going to speak louder than words so true yeah that's a good point and then someone else said in my custody order neither parent can actually say negative comments about the other parent i understand that

but i think like impracticality yeah yeah like how do you how do you manage that be like oh court ordered it's like well i wasn't saying anything bad it's just fact it's just yeah like it's all objective or the kids are making it up or like it's very hard too hard and i agree that sometimes it's necessary oh absolutely but also i really like that point of kids are always going to remember who made them feel the safest the most welcome the most heard like let's focus on that yeah it's a great take i love that all right well that's so strong unfortunately guys all we have time for today so we'll see bright and early on monday for a money diary but till then have a great weekend bye guys bye

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