She's On The Money - This Is the Money Trap That Keeps So Many Women Stuck

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

This episode is all about those moments when you know something’s not working, but you don’t know how to change it. Whether it’s setting boundaries around your time, charging what you’re worth, or figuring out how to leave a relationship that no longer serves you… when money’s involved, it gets complicated. We’re getting into what keeps people stuck, how to start building a way out (even if it feels impossible right now), and where you can turn for help that’s real and judgment-free.  And because it’s a Friday show, we’re also lightening the mood with your favourite money wins and chaotic broke tips (Cheesels over chips? Discuss). The National Debt helpline is a free resource you where can speak to financial councillors about your debt. Call 1800 007 007 or visit https://ndh.org.au/Ready for more laughs, lessons, and unhinged money chats? Check out our oh-so-bingeable Friday Drinks playlist. Listen here. Join our 300K+ She's on the Money community in our Facebook Group and on Instagram.  Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast that makes personal finance fun, especially on Fridays. It is our favorite day of the week because we get the team together and we celebrate you. The incredible She's On The Money community. Miss Jessica Rieke is here as always, and she's going to be sharing our favorite money wins. I think one of her money wins, Bec, is going to be discount Easter eggs. Probably, yeah. Yep. Fantastic. Bec, you're here, obviously, and you're going to be sharing your broke tips. We're going to be helping to answer a money dilemma, which this week is all about setting boundaries and knowing your worth and something that you slid into our DMs about. What do you do when you want to leave a relationship,

but you can't financially afford to do so oh I feel like that is a really good topic to discuss but before we get into the deep juicy stuff I need to know how have your weeks been Jessica have you gotten discount easter eggs oh you know I was at the shops at seven in the morning scooping them up but you know what half price this year feels like full price last year oh it's disgusting isn't it I know I'm getting why is something funny why were they $15 dollars crazy I opted for baking all my Easter stuff this year because I was just like no it's so crazy actually way better um and yeah Jess made these like Easter egg nests with the what are they called the mini eggs yep the mini eggs but like the crunchy mini eggs oh she found them

they're so high I had to buy the little individual tiny packets because they were all gone I've literally bought like 15 I was like I feel like a bad person because I'm taking all these no screw it i need them yeah but then she made it for me so slay they're just so good and you're so cute jess that is so sweet of you cute how was your weekend your easter really nice my dad was randomly in melbourne so okay nice yeah random um so that was a nice just like you know extra for the weekend and then yeah just saw some friends ate a lot of choccy and yeah just having a great time over here I love that. What about you? Oh, mine was full of renovations actually. So we've recently finished our bathrooms, which you'll see all over my social media very, very soon. But I also decided,

and I feel like this is, this is big. Jess is going to be like, I would never. I have sacrificed my walk-in wardrobe to make it my son's bedroom because we have a split level house and upstairs there's one bedroom there was like a walk-in wardrobe downstairs were the additional bedrooms I didn't want Harvey to be like all the way downstairs like in the night like that just didn't fair like it just didn't feel right um so we have made a very small bedroom upstairs by like knocking out a wall putting in a new one and now I just have an Ikea pax wardrobe like it's built into the wall we've done I would say a pretty good job of it but we've like built it into the wall as opposed to having a walk-in wardrobe. So we've lost a lot of wardrobe space, which I don't

think Jess would ever consent to, but it means that Harvey can have his own little bedroom upstairs, like right next to our bedroom. Which just feels right. If that makes any sense. I don't know. I never thought I'd be this needy mum. Like Beck, I just really didn't see this coming. Like I did not think that I would be the mum that wants to watch their baby on the monitor. Like I screen record him sometimes. Like I have this screen recording I can show you later of him playing in his cot once he woke up in the morning with one of our cats. The most wholesome thing in the entire world. He goes to sleep. I'm looking at videos and pictures of him on my phone. What? That's so cute. I can't be trusted. And like, I used to think that the mums that were

doing that, I was like, weird. Okay. Have some you time, babe. I don't want you time. I want to look at pictures of my baby and cry about how he's so much bigger than he was. Anyway, it's been a very wholesome Easter. Obviously, Harvey loved it. I don't think he comprehends it yet because he's still a little bit little for it. But he was very excited. Oh, yeah. Because there was lots of colorful things and lots of stuff on the ground that you could pick up. And that's very fun. And that was my weekend. Also, I've been in the reviews. Do you guys want a five star review? Absolutely. Before we get there, we did actually get a couple of weeks ago. I saw this when i was looking a two-star review which is hilarious because apparently get this we should

not be covering the budget because it's government-based and somebody believes that only get this skilled journalists bring a level of rigor and nuance that a lay person might not achieve well jess's face is like but what the whole point of this podcast is to make things more accessible to people like I completely agree that like you know journalists do an incredible job and they're they're so important but like at no point do we ever claim to be expert well I actually do claim to be a finance expert like quite literally I claim on a daily basis that I am expert when it comes to finance because I am I'm sorry and I just thought it was so funny because obviously like there are so many beautiful people leaving beautiful reviews but like this two-star one

I just thought it was really funny to bring up because I was like, do you really think that I read this and go, yeah, you're right. I wouldn't know how to interpret the budget or talk about anything when it comes to politics. Yeah. I mean, at least it was two stars and not one. Silver lining. Thanks for that. Silver lining. Also, cheers. But on the same page, we got another one that was five star. But if you guys also think that maybe we should be covering the budget I loved covering the budget I think I was salty about that review because I was like hold on I think we deciphered it in a really beautiful way that made a lot of sense to our audience and we had so many nice messages from people saying I have never engaged in the budget

before until your episode or until your Instagram post or until I saw you guys like really getting into it and what it means for me yeah I'm gonna keep doing that sorry not sorry sorry not sorry but we got one five stars. It's from Becky. She says, amazing, amazing, amazing. Hi, she's on the money team. I just wanted to leave a little review so that you guys know how much I love your podcast. I'm a 24 year old mom of two toddlers and I need all of the broke tips, advice, support, and inspiration I can get. The podcast gives me just that and more. I've started a master's degree in accounting after leaving my healthcare job as you three have shown me my absolute love for money, numbers, and still being able to help people. I have you guys to

thank for opening these doors for me. You three are an absolute dynamic trio and doing God's work for the girlies. And you are all so appreciated. Love you guys so much. Oh my God. That is really beautiful. Isn't that so cute? That's so sweet. We love you. I love Becky. That is really sweet. thank you so much. Also look at this influence. I don't know if you guys think this is as sexy as I do, but more women in finance and accounting. I love to see it so much. Masters. That's incredible. An icon who runs the world. Girls. Exactly. Speaking of the girls, tell me about the Facebook group. What have our friends been up to and what are their favorite money wins of the week. Alrighty. Firstly, this week I have one from Chow Chow who said, I was sitting at home

last night eating a pint of salted caramel Haagen-Dazs on my couch watching Netflix with my silly dog in my new apartment with a manageable mortgage and money in my offset account. My bills are fully paid. My fridge is fully stocked and I am just loving my life. Wow. My stomach felt really warm. I know. Also Haagen-Dazs. Oh, that ice cream is just so good. Gorgeous. I love the Positive mindset. You love to see it. And she did give us a dog photo of said dog. That is a Chow Chow dog.

Chow Chow dog. Chow Chow has a Chow Chow. Oh, my goodness. Oh, he's so fluffy. Go look at the photo, guys. He's adorable. Oh, my God. Also, just a gentle reminder to the community,

if you're going to mention your dog and not give us a picture, we do judge you. Pet tax is due. Yes. Next, I've got a money win from Teresa who said, money win, I'm going to New Zealand for 10 days with free accommodation the whole time. Excuse me?

How? Merely by being an excellent friend. I haven't lived there for 15 plus years, but I still keep in touch with all of my friends there. Some of them I even chat to daily. I love that so much. So gorgeous, right? And I love the idea of, yeah, staying with a friend. It's cozy. It's cutesy. Next, I've got a money win from Palak who said money win. My Dyson vacuum stopped working. So I reached out to Dyson customer support who suggested I either get a battery change, which would have been $120 or they could offer me 25% off of a new purchase. I did some research and I found the battery replacement off of Amazon for $40. It had great reviews and it saved me

$80 total from what I would have paid at Dyson. How good's that? But also props to Dyson for good customer service. Like they could have said, oh, it's out of warranty or, oh no, we don't do that. But they offered you a discount on a brand new one. 25% is pretty good too. Especially off Dyson. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. You could probably stack it with cashback too. Exactly.

Exactly. Don't even get me started. That is great. There is good cashback on Dyson as well. Like not being sponsored by any of those. But like whenever I see the cashback on Dyson, I'm like maybe I do need a new Airwrap. I know I noticed that.

I don't need a new Airwrap. But you can sometimes get like up to 20% cashback, which is so good. That is 120% cashback, 25% off. Maybe I'll just DM them. they have like a live chat function and be like hey guys I have working Dyson products but I did see that you released a baby pink air wrap and I find that quite rude yeah get this baby pink and rose gold oh yeah anyway you can pretend that you have I can say well I actually just think that's

really rude because I have a hot pink one and while that is really chic baby pink would suit Jess and my aesthetic much better yeah you guys think is beautiful yeah yeah and it would match my hairdryer so maybe it's time for my hairdryer it would match my hairdryer which I have in the baby pink well you gotta have it exactly say less hit up the customer support chat this is why Beck I have to have my savings at a different bank next I've got a money win from Nicole who said I finally transitioned my old budget to the she's on the money budget and I've discovered a few places where I could capture some lost savings iconic gorgeous it's almost like I spent ages building that to work imagine oh next i've got a money win from ruth who said she bought a dress

she's wanted for ages second hand off of depop instead of spending 190 to buy it brand new she bought it for 62 including shipping and the bonus was it had only been worn once oh how good is that i'm loving depop at the moment oh my god i bought a pair of shoes off depop i have them in my car i will show them to you this is gonna mean not a lot to beck but like you'll get it i bought a pair on Depop, a vintage Manolo Blahniks. They cost me, delivered, $80. Crazy. Which obviously $80 on a pair of shoes, you might go whatever.

But these are like $1,000 shoes, but they're like a beautiful vintage pair and they had some stains on them, but I cleaned them up and they are perfect and I'm obsessed with them. Good job. And they're in like my perfect size. Like they're a 38 and a half. Oh, amazing. That is rare.

Do you love it when that happens? Yeah, right? Anyway, Depop is giving. yeah I got my Easter dress on Depop it was so cutesy I was very happy with it and then lastly this week I've got a money win from Rhiannon who said she claimed $11.75 for her Cancer Council sunscreen through her health insurance yes good just reminded to double check that we're coming towards end of financial year so claim your things claim your things double check what you can claim to because sunscreen's a great one oh I love that for us and that's it for me this week I was gonna

make a joke but it's too late now oh is it did i skip ahead too quick no not at all it was the joke it was relating to pet tax and i was going to say oh yeah it's really delayed your bath sound statement sorry i'm really okay i'm pretty embarrassed by my delivery but anyway let's move on as quickly as possible so my broke tips if you'd like to hear of course yep uh this first one comes from jock which is an interesting one so you know you sometimes you go to like parties or like you'll have people over and you're like I gotta get some snacks and they've suggested chisels instead of chips because it looks more impressive and they're often cheaper oh I love a chisel too it reminds me of like a kindergarten party like the chisels they actually sit right

beside the fairy bread and they're across from the party pies and like a little plastic what did you used to call them I don't know like the cocktail frankfurt's the like little red frankfurt Are you trying to avoid saying wiener? No, I'm not. You don't have to say little boy wiener. So what I used to call them when I was little was little boys. I hate that. I don't know why they call that.

That was really inappropriate. But, like, when you were little, you didn't. You wouldn't know. You don't know. And then, yes, I was trying to say cocktail frankfurt, Jessica, not wiener. Cocktail is just a suggestive. Yeah, but, like, who doesn't love a little cocktail frankfurt?

We need the little toothpick, though, in it with the little flag. We should have a kids' party at work one day. That would be very cute. I would love that. Do you want to come? Cappanossi. What? Surely you had Cappanossi.

What is Cappanossi? It's basically the same. It's just, like, harder, more gristly, way less yummy, and, like, you know those long, like, the red wrinkled. Twiggy sticks, sorry. It must be a New South Wales thing. I have no idea what you're talking about. Twiggy stick.

Hey everyone, Editor Sam here and I was listening to this audio. I heard the girls guess that Cavanossia's Twiggy Sticks knew immediately that if we didn't correct that, the DMs would blow up with people letting them know. So just want to let everyone know, I've informed them and they wanted me to let you know that they now know the very specific difference between these meats. Not really sure why we're doing a full sandwich meat conversation, but we are. Let's get back to it. For a second, I thought she was going to go on to explain like Devon, like, you know,

like the smiley face Devon. Oh yes. And do you know what, when I was growing up, I used to think I was so hard done by because so many kids in my class got Devon sandwiches with tomato sauce. And like, I used to trade my mom's sandwiches, but those, and in hindsight, like my mom used to bake the bread. My mom used to make like these beautiful salad sandwiches and I would hate on them so hardcore because I'd be like, ew, she puts mayo on them and the mayo goes soggy and all I wanted was a Devon and Sauce sandwich. Oh, yeah.

Stras and Sauce is what they called it. Yep. Jealous. Used to be. Crazy how everything's got a different name everywhere you go, you know? Yeah. It's like if I say, what's a prima? Like a juice box.

But would you call them primas? You'd call them like- No, prima in my head I thought of like ham. Yeah, so like at school we used to call them primas and I was having this conversation the other day. It didn't end, wasn't it? I think so. We're called poppers.

Yeah. Yeah, no. Which is definitely different. No, I'm glad that we got that whole sidelined conversation. We really got sidetracked from that one. Sorry, guys. Yeah, how did we get there? How did we get to Devon?

And Jess, Rikki, somehow we always end up in the same spot with our broke tip money wins. We're just in the same wavelength. We really are. We vibe. And I was going to say if you try and either do what our listener did with the dice and kind of reach out to custom service, i just recommend if anything breaks anywhere in the world in something that you know something

that you own let's say your dyson hair wrap or whatever try and i was gonna say market go on marketplace and look for the parts or google the parts and just she's a handyman deep down she's a handyman i do have my robot vacuum like the little brushy thingies and the filters i replace those myself yes and some people be like i don't understand what's happening here i'm just gonna get a whole new brand new one you know and so just just try and do that first or yes go to customer a service. I'm sure there's a cheaper way. If you've bought it once, you shouldn't have to buy it again and again. You know what I'm saying? Yes. And, oh, sorry. That one came from Emma. I'm so sorry for not giving you credit where credit is due. And my one for this week is if

you can afford it. So I just want to like a tiny little, very, very short backstory. You know how I was saying that I have like a million gym memberships. Do you still have a million? I I cancelled all of them, I want to know, but I got another one, but just one, just one. So it's like all clean. And I was like, you know, signing up and I realized that this is probably more so if you are in a position of, of, you know, you have some money to put towards something, which is already a very privileged position to be in. So, but as I was signing up, he gave me options or $3 per week or a hundred dollars a month or $20 a week if I paid biannually. And so it just made me realize like, if you can afford that, try to do, I know a lot of gyms do this. That's where

money has power, right? Like that's where I would call that in the most non-offensive way possible, the poor tax. Yes, I agree. And I feel like that is so rude because they're saying, if you've got the cash, we'll give you an even better deal. And I love that. But the people who need the better deal are the ones that don't have heaps of cash, which I think is why it's so important to get on top of our budgeting and our cash flow so that we can seize opportunities like that. Like how good would it be if you had a heap of cash in like saved, not even heaps, but like enough cash so that you can save cash. Yeah, exactly. It's so frustrating. Exactly. But even if like what, because legitimately what I'm going to do is put 20 bucks away every week for six months. Yeah.

And then hopefully I'll be able to afford it because right now obviously cannot, but I just thought like, wow, rich people will be getting some benefits. Yeah, right. And the same thing happens with like your life insurance and your car insurance and like all of these other things they often offer a pretty nice discount to do a lump sum yeah and like rude i know but anyway that broke tip is somewhat depressing but also just good to know it's actually a good broke tip thank you so much also if they don't offer that and you have the cash ask yeah what if i paid for year. Can I get a discount? Totally. Yep. They might do that. I think that's a good one. I love that. All right. Well, how about we go to a really quick break? We can talk more about party food.

And on the flip side, we're going to be talking about setting boundaries and knowing your worth, which is something I am wildly passionate about talking about and something that you slid into our DMs about this week. What do you do when you want to leave a relationship, but financially, you just can't see how that's going to work. Guys, don't go anywhere. welcome back everybody let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma hi there have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve the she's on the money team is here to help every week we tackle your dilemmas both big and small to answer your most burning money career and life questions to get involved simply head to our website and leave us a short voice

recording and you might just find yourself on the show now let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi guys I have a money dilemma with a side hustle that I really should be turning into a business because I feel that it's gone too far. I work full-time in a quite a good paying job and I also work casually in another quite good paying job so my time's quite full but on the side I also do a lot of photography and videography work as a hobby. This hobby has really expanded and I've had a lot of people reach out to do their weddings. I've also had local councils reach out to ask me to do events. It's become quite a big thing. My issue is every time I do a large job, so like a full day wedding with videography or like a big event, I can't charge them. I feel

really guilty and I let them have the work for free even though I have spent hours doing this I'm now beginning to hate photography so I don't know what to do I don't know how to now start charging or whether this is something I should completely stop and just let this hobby go please help I'm burning myself out in doing this but I also really struggle to say no girl no stop that no i get it i'm gonna like tap tap tap on your hands like absolutely not i get it i get it like i get it too but like it's not just about knowing your worth like people are genuinely taking advantage of you they know that you're bad at saying no yeah those industries specifically like weddings particularly are known for being really lucrative for photographers and videographers

understandably so it's a lot of hard work and it's you know i'm not judging on that but like knowing what people pay for wedding photography and they know as well like if you're saying that those are big organizations it's not like oh I did like a shoot for a girlfriend who's starting a brand who maybe didn't know how much photographers get paid right but like you're saying you did big they've done this before this ain't their first rodeo I get so angry about big organizations taking advantage of smaller people it actually happens so much and Jess can attest to this in our industry as well of like people reaching out and expecting that I would speak at events for free or expecting that I would go on a panel for free when they're

selling tickets to that event and making money off it. Like there are so many, like, can you imagine Jess, if I went public with who takes advantage, like you would be shocked. Obviously I'm not going to do that, but you would be shocked about the level of audacity that some organizations have and how much power they hold. Like it's often the smaller businesses that are like, oh my God, like how much does it cost to do X, Y, Z? Cause we'd love the opportunity to work with you. And they're the ones that were like, hold on, you're a brand new small business. Like girl, we'll do that, you know, for free or for a significant discount and look after you. But like, it's the big businesses that take advantage and that hisses me off. I don't think

she should stop doing something she loves. We need to flip it though into something that you continue to love because you don't like it because it's being associated with being taken advantage of and that's not fun. Bec, what would you do in this situation? Well, I totally, totally get this feeling because obviously I do like little arts and crafts on the side. And when someone asks me for a commissioned piece, something that I did and I tried to pay you for it and you said no. So I don't know what to do about this situation. No. Well, this is the thing is that if it's commissioned, then it's like someone's giving me an idea and i'm making it and they have no control over how it's going to look i have no control over whether

they'll enjoy it or not and so in those situations which is weird because commissioned you expect in any other situation to be more expensive those pieces i do not even charge for because oh no i don't know what i have about details so i'm still gonna pay her it's very funny they might hate it i don't know and so that's i'm not gonna hate it it was made with love by beck that's why that's very sweet but can you just put a step in the middle in that instance where you're like oh draw up a quick sketch so you have an understanding of what it's going to look like kind of it depends because if it's ceramics and it depends on like it will look different after both firings and after i've hand molded it and like it there's no telling so i'm sorry they're asking for a custom

piece based on seeing your previous custom work and enjoying the way you craft things no you charge for that that's true well that the thing i've decided to do is just not do and maybe this will help for this person as well i'm not gonna do commission pieces unless like you know it's a friend or something and and I because I actually do enjoy doing it it's not a problem for me but what I'm going to do instead is I'm going to make stuff and then put it online with already a price on it and then they people pay for it and then I sell it because that way I can imagine with this person like they've come in they've been asked to do a job they come to the job afterward when they're discussing money it's like oh this is really awkward I don't want to do this I'm not

going to charge but instead if you had an option maybe like an online situation where someone paid in advance. You pay for a, let's say like a package where you're like, I send 100 photos. I take however many I send you a hundred. I have a 30 second video. You have packages and you pay for the package in advance. So by the time you go and do the work, everything's being paid for. You don't need to discuss it. You send everything you need. If there's a problem after they'll come to you and then you can be like, and the chances of them coming back to you and being like, I have a problem with whatever then you know the chance is very low so but if that happens then you can decide to give 50 back or all the back or whatever the hell you want to do but paying in advance and

just completely separating yourself from them it's just a complete stranger on your website deciding to buy something you get notified someone's paid for a service then you go forward with the service that kind of like because i get i really get the feeling of like talking to someone and then be like how much is this and be like uh it's really awkward isn't it how dare i that's where i think you need to get really clean and clear on your language and like this is something that i think jess is really bloody good at so jess let's pretend it's us for a hot second because it's a really good and it does happen to us right so let's pretend that we've got a client that we worked with and that's never paid us and we're like yeah cool we would like to be now paid for

the work that we do. How would you approach that? I think so what we do. Because also backtrack for those of you, because we've got a lot of new listeners at the moment, which is very cool. Jess is also head of partnerships for She's On The Money. So she's not just like the hot girl that's on our podcast. She's also actually really, really smart in this space. So you've come to the right place, guys. Yeah. I think the biggest thing, and this is something you taught me, VD, is just operate on the assumption when somebody comes to you, like someone says, hey, I really want to work with you. Even though they haven't said it, they want to pay you for your work because in our minds, we assume that all professionals should be paid for the jobs that

they're doing. Because it's way more awkward if they have to put on the table, oh, I just assumed you'd work for free. Correct. And you go, I don't know why you would have had that assumption as opposed to working on the opposite assumption that they think it's going to be free and you have to convince them. Yeah. Because that is a power play. Yeah. So it's when someone messages you or emails you or whatever it is and says, Hey, we'd really love to work with you. The first thing that you should be doing is sending off your rate card. So like what Beck was saying, whether you have individual, you know, you might have a day rate, a half day rate or packages for, you know, X amount of photos, X amount of hours, whatever, however you want to set it up,

have a think about what you want to charge. Look at other people in your industry, put together what that looks like for you. Anytime someone inquires with you, you're, Oh my goodness, I would love to help you bring your vision to life. This is so exciting. I've attached my rate card let me know if you've got any questions yeah and then you can go from there you're like putting a line in the sand that these are your expectations and now these people have to come back and say oh well we were actually hoping you'd do it for free or we are we didn't expect that and that's so fine but I think it's about updating your language so if we've done it for free historically like even if we've done it for free we can use the language of like oh hey

we've actually recently updated our rates yeah yes my rates before were zero but now I'm charging for them I don't have to justify that to you I do not owe you an explanation on wanting to be paid no for work that I'm doing like I don't owe you an explanation so hey our rates have updated recently I've actually attached them for you have a quick look at that and then once you've got a good idea of what you want to lock in let me know and we can have a meeting yeah correct and from there, you can negotiate, you can do whatever. If you want to offer discounts for friends and family, you can do all those things. But I think it's genuinely just going, oh, like my default is I charge these prices. And my expectation is that anyone contacting me would understand that there's

a fee attached and I'm just letting them know what those fees are. A hundred percent. That's really nice. Also, how good is the transparency of letting people know the fees before wasting either of our times on having a conversation? Because there's nothing worse, right? Even as me, like, you know, let's say I am hiring a new photographer and I do this all the time and, you know, I'm engaging the service of somebody in a once-off capacity. We're doing a cute Zella money photo shoot and I want to work with somebody. I love when they send the rates first so that I know what to expect, because then I'm not having a whole conversation about me being like, oh, I found you on Instagram and I really liked your work and I really want to work with

you. And then the rate comes back at like five times what I had thought it might be. And then I have to go, oh, hey, like that's actually not in budget for us right now. Like I've wasted their time. I've wasted my time. If they are giving me the rates upfront, I can go, oh my goodness, I'm brainstorming in my head. Okay. Well that fits in budget. And oh, I could add in this social aspect or this, this, and this. It's an opportunity for upsell before you've even sold to me. Yeah. Like I'm looking at that and going, okay, well that's reasonable. And that if it's not within budget, I might go back and be like, hey, Jess, for example, I've had a look at your rate card and unfortunately it doesn't fit within budget. Thank you so much for your time. That's then their

opportunity to, if they wanted to offer a discount, but from my perspective, I'm not undervaluing a freelancer or a service provider by saying, can you do it cheaper? Because like there's a reason they have those rates. And if they have those rates, I can promise you they have thought long and hard about what their value is. And just because I can't afford it doesn't mean they have to lower their prices to meet my expectations. No, it's actually, it's the flip really. Like if that's what happens and someone comes back and goes, oh, I'm so sorry. I only had, let's say you were going to charge 2000 and they only had 1000. That's your opportunity to say, okay, for a thousand dollars, I can do X, Y, Z. And maybe you drop some of the deliverables off,

or you take a couple of hours off of the day. So instead of doing a full day or do a half day or something like that, like that's your chance to then go, okay, well I can do X, Y, Z within in your existing budget because I think the thing for freelancers a lot of the time is the fear of when you're scared of putting your rates out there. And I get this as someone who freelances. You're scared of putting your rates out there and then the opportunity going away completely.

You're almost like, well, I'd rather have $100 than no money at all. But if you're not being paid to begin with, I don't think you should be working with those people to be quite blunt. Like if you are working with people that you adore but they aren't paying you and then you put rates on the table and they go away. They were never there for you. They were there because they were able to take advantage of you. They weren't there because they're like, oh, Jess is the best ever. Go find your people. Go find clients that actually pay you. Go find people that see value in the work

that you have, because right now you're just finding freeloaders who are taking advantage of a situation. Let them go find someone else. Yeah. And local councils specifically always have budget allocated for these things. Just as someone who has worked with council before, like they have budget. So like they can afford to pay. Yeah. A hundred percent. And like, if they have decided that they want you and you've put rates on the table, it can be so overwhelming putting your rates out and being like, oh, I'm X per hour. I'm this or I'm that. You're like, what if they come back? If they really want you, they're going to come back and politely explain, I'm so sorry, Jess, we don't have budget. And that's your opportunity to let them know what that looks

like. But then on the flip side, it means that they always see your value. So like they know that they're getting a significant discount. Like, and we always, if we're working with a client at a discount, which we do sometimes, we always make sure we articulate why we're doing it. So we're not just like, oh yeah, we could definitely do it for less. We're like, oh, look, we've had it. And we'll articulate to them. Our long-term clients, for example, is a good example. exactly but we will articulate to them why they are getting a budget discount or whatever it is because I might go look you're a really good brand for my community and while you don't have budget I think that they would get a lot of value out of this as well we clearly don't do this often but

it gives us an opportunity to build the relationship and they're obviously grateful because it now fits within budget but then if they revisit us again like the same rates apply I can't always discount my rates. So we're not setting an expectation that now our relationship is worth less. Like I'll work for less this time and we'll see how it goes because I think that the community would love it

or I think that this would work really well. And I think going from there, but like if people are taking advantage of you, they are not your people. They're not good clients. Full stop, end of story. Yeah. Yeah.

Start charging for your work, girlfriend. Let's move on before I actually lose my mind. Guys, we had a DM this week and you know what? this one makes me really sad because there are lots of people in this situation would you like to hear it yes please hi she's on the money i haven't told anybody this yet i want to leave my husband but i don't think i can afford to financially we've racked up debt in both our names over the years and most of it was from his spending as it's in both of our names if i walk away i still owe half i've run the numbers and between rent bills and my share of debt i actually

don't think I can make this work on my own. I feel completely stuck. I'm trapped in a relationship I don't want to be in because of money. Has anyone else been here? How do you leave when it feels financially impossible? I'm really glad we're talking about this because there's so many people in this situation and it always looks so different. In the most ideal world, your husband is a very sweet person and is willing to work with you on this. But in a lot of cases, either they're really hostile they're not very happy that you want to separate and they're going to make things very difficult for you and in really really really sad cases they're quite abusive and you feel scared for your life to leave it's so cool it gives me goosebumps talking about this

because there are so many women that have approached me over the years in this exact situation and just I don't want anyone to be in that like I want you to have cash not just so that we can buy cool shiny things I want you to have cash so you've got choices so you can leave a situation you don't want to be in, whether that is a partner or a workplace, or even just like you're out for the night and you don't want to be anymore and you don't feel safe getting the train home. Like I want you to be able to leave places and all women deserve that. Like it just, oh my God, Beck, it just upsets me. No, totally. And what I immediately think of now, I don't know, I don't know how financially smart this is, but I'm just thinking about like my world and my mom

as well. Like luckily for us, we were in a situation where like, you know, we were scared for our lives or scared of being harassed and kind of like chased down for leaving. So we were very lucky in that situation. But the first thing that came to mind was, can you maybe, if it's wise or possible for you, I would file for bankruptcy personally. This is probably not good advice, but I would file for bankruptcy. I would clear that debt. I would get myself a job anywhere I can and just be like, okay, I'm starting from zero now and I'm going to move to a share house or I'm going to go and look at what resources are available. Maybe a, what are they called? Sorry, the women's shelters. Shelters. Sorry, that's the word. With or without children,

obviously it's very, very difficult, but without, I'm thinking as long as you're kind of like starting from scratch, I'm also assuming there are not resources available, friends, family, things like that, just in case. So shelters, personally I'd file for bankruptcy. I don't know about you guys because I'm like, I'm trying to leave a situation and I can't afford to, I literally cannot afford to do that. And so I'm finding as cheap and as affordable housing as I can. I'm getting any job that I can. My priority right now is not to get on top of my debt and get on top of my finances and make sure I've got an emergency fund. That is not my worry right now. My worry is feeding myself, finding housing, starting from there and then going wherever

the hell you can but yes that's my advice I don't know if you guys are on the bankruptcy train with me it does well it depends how much it depends how much it depends how much debt because bankruptcy while I know you've spoken publicly about having utilized that yourself you were in so much debt that you weren't going to get out of it like you know bankruptcy stays on your record for seven years and there's a lot of stuff that like a lot of criteria that you need to meet during that period of time right and like you've like is the word struggled or you've you've dealt with this over the last yeah six or seven years like your phone plan and like yeah and I do want to say like for context and and just so this person knows I don't think it has affected me at all but I also

haven't needed to get a home loan or anything like that but right now I am able to get everything because it's it was we don't know if it's like thousands and thousands or if it's like two thousand dollars worth of debt at this point and like it's a good option but I think from my perspective, it wouldn't be the first port of call. Like I want you to make a plan and see what we can do without going bankrupt because I literally run a mortgage broking business. I have seen women come out of these situations and in two years flip their entire situation and own their own home. And like, I don't want anybody to have to wait because of a situation they were in. I think for you, it made a lot of sense. And like there are, and we've done podcasts on

bankruptcy maybe we'll link them in the show notes as well but there are so many situations where bankruptcy is the perfect like clean slate for somebody like it just wipes everything it is actually sometimes so empowering to go you know what I'm going to surrender to this wipe me clean I know that there are like rules and regulations and whatever that I'm going to have to abide by but that is so much better than the 50 plus years it probably would have taken me to get out of that debt. And I can just start building wealth on my own and taking my power back. I adore that. But like, let's look at all our options. That can be one of them and make the decision that makes sense for our situation. If that is fair, Jess, what would you be doing?

I'm not sure if our listeners are listening. It sounds like maybe you have, but if you haven't running a full budget of what you would need to pay to exist on your own, because obviously as you are kind of getting out, in addition to taking on your debt repayments and stuff, you're going to be no longer splitting costs that historically you probably were like the costs of food your electricity your housing so put together a budget figure out what that housing situation looks like are you looking at shelters are you looking at a share house have you got somebody you can move in with how long will that term be for run your numbers figure out what you need to live on figure out what the deficit is and then go okay do I need to get a second job

you know it's no one wants to do that but as someone who worked two jobs for the majority of their working life. It's doable. You know, it's sometimes we have to sacrifice short term to put ourselves in a good position long term. So hold whatever job you've got now. Can you waitress in the evenings or on the weekends? Can you bartend? Can you do some kind of shift work warehousing? There's a lot of options out there. It is hard, like I'm not going to lie to you, but it is better than being in a situation that you don't want to be in. Once you've got an idea of your numbers, I would also be calling our friends at the National Debt Helpline. I was about to shout them out yes absolutely they're a great resource they have access to financial counselors they'll

be free financial counselors and they will be able to help you come up with a plan they have access to a lot of resources they're well versed in all of the support programs that are available you know that are government assistance programs for people who are leaving hard situations again we don't really know exactly what your situation looks like but if those resources are needed they will be able to point you in the right direction so have a chat to them because they will be able to kind of table for you what all the options are. It will likely include bankruptcy as an option. It might include, you know, consolidating your debt. They'll be able to talk you through all the different things, having looked at your situation holistically, because obviously where

we've just got a DM to go off of, we can only provide very generalized insight. So I think having someone look at your situation in depth and provide you all of your options will probably be really empowering for you to help you see what the right move is. So I would be having a chat to them and yeah, I would really just be running your numbers and seeing, okay, well, how much money do I need to make and what can I do to make that happen? Because it is a short-term thing. We've said before, living by yourself is far more expensive than living with a couple. That's unfortunately just the reality of it, but there are lots of things that you can do to lessen that burden like share housing and things like that too. Yes. Also Centrelink is also a really good

option. Also, if you're on Centrelink for a certain amount of time, you can claim financial hardship. It's a whole thing. Maybe just Google this. Yeah, literally get in touch with the National Debt Helpline. They are incredible. And they're not just for people who are up Chick Creek without a paddle. I think so many times you think you can't call these services because your situation isn't bad enough or that you aren't as in need. Just call. Because they'll let you know and be like, oh, actually, you're fine. And maybe that's the validation you need to leave. Like you might be not budgeting correctly and they can like tweak a few things and then you're on your way. Right. Yeah. But I think that the other thing I want to say is

1-800-RESPECT is a really fantastic resource that again is underutilized because so many times you think, oh, I have to be in a super abusive relationship or I have to be in these like really, really bad situations to reach out. But you could pick up the phone and they can give you the emotional support you need, a little bit of guidance, like some resources that are going to point you in the right direction and on the right path. And then also it takes a village. So like you've obviously sat down and done all of the numbers and you're just like probably in your own head about the plans and what's going on. Sometimes we need to reach out. Sometimes we need to get in contact with these resources. I'm not saying you have to tell your friends and

family. And I feel so privileged to have seen this DM coming through because you've just told me, I haven't told anybody, but I think I'm going to leave my husband. Thank you for trusting us with that. Like, I want to know that you are safe and well and on the right path. But the best way to do that is to literally reach out to some professionals and be like, look, I really want to leave my husband and I have done all the budget and I don't think it's going to be possible. And they're going to go, okay, sit down, sit down. What we can do is, and they're going to be able to lean on different resources and work out what you're eligible for and just they're there to help you they aren't there for the worst of the worst situations they absolutely are but like they're

also there for you so we're going to put those resources in the show notes and I'm hoping that you know you take us up on those because they are literally beautiful people we also asked the community uh so we said what would you guys do if you were our community member 68% of you said I'm going to start planning for a secret financial exit. 16% of you said, I'm going to leave even if it means struggling. 15% said, I honestly don't know what to do. And then 1% said, I'm actually just going to stay to share the financial load. It's horrible that people find themselves in a situation where they feel that they have to do that. Yeah. We then asked, have you ever felt stuck in a relationship because of money. 53% of you, thank God, said no, luckily. 28% of you said

no, but I've seen it all around me. 13% of you said yes, and I left. And 6% of you said, yep, I'm still there. So then we said, we want your two cents. Like what advice have you got for our listener? What advice have you got for our community member? First person said, legal advice is the best step here. Often the debt isn't actually split evenly as overall it may not be 50-50 and it can be allocated more to your partner. That's a great point. Well, I think it's a really good point as well because like you're just operating under the assumption, well, both of our names are on it. It is my debt. Like that doesn't mean it can't be negotiated to go, hey, mate, yes, we're getting a divorce. Obviously, financially, we've racked up heaps of credit card

debt it actually was all you and not me and I want to leave this relationship cleanly yeah like obviously might not be as clean as this but they go yeah no worries or can you sell something I said like if he's bought a boat great like either you take on the debt or we're selling the boat you know like things like that yeah because like filing for bankruptcy would impact him as well in this situation so like there might be some toing and froing and if you talk to the national debt helpline they can give you options on what that might actually look like someone else said I've been there, please call the National Debt Hotline. They were awesome. Someone else said, what you said, Bec, go to Centrelink and see what you might be entitled to. Another person did like a three

parter. So first was, this was me. I left with debt as our credit card was in my name. I sold our unit at a loss. I have regrets as I wish I bought the unit, but don't regret leaving him for a minute. That was the best decision ever. Now, 13 years later, I am in a great financial position with a fantastic husband and father. Isn't that so cute? Someone else said, can you safely be honest with him? If not, can you lean on your support system? Like, can you sit down and have a chat? Cause obviously he doesn't know yet. Someone said, stayed with someone eight months till he paid me back the $15,000 I lent him. And then I left. I mean, as you should. Absolutely. But like, they should be paying it back, not be stuck in a relationship with you.

like if money is owed, money is owed. And then I've got two more. Someone said, leave your husband. You're going to be better off financially, mentally, and emotionally. We know. And then the last one is my friend tried creating a plan, but he continued to increase the debt. You actually just need to get help now and leave. Yes. Because like, otherwise it might just compound. Like he might just get more spendy. And I mean, we know that if you're not happy and in a relationship, spending might increase and budgets aren't stuck too. That is a really tricky one, but I do hope this is okay. Please keep us updated.

If you have any questions about the bankruptcy thing, I almost got done by someone who was like, I'll pay me X amount of money and I'll do a bankruptcy, but you can do it for free by yourself. Let me know if you need any help with that. And we'll put all the links to all the resources we're chatting about in the show notes if you or anyone you know might need them. There's some really great organizations out there that can help you.

A hundred percent. Well, that's all from us today, guys. We will see you next week. I've got a Money Diary Brighton early on Monday morning for you, but have the best weekend. Bye, guys. Bye. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorized representatives of Money

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