She's On The Money - Two Doting Dads Talk Spoiled Kids, Valuing Values & More!

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

Strap in for a hilarious and freewheeling Friday as Jess and Bec are joined by Matty J and Ash Wicks, aka Two Doting Dads! The guys bring some interesting (cough) tips on how to save on your kids birthday party, and some fascinating front line dad experience to today's show. And as ever we share your money wins and losses, and some broke tips! Plus hear the brains trust unpack a Money Dilemma all about the ethics of pocket money, and you slid into our D.Ms about how best to manage spoiled nieces. Do you draw a line in the sand, or let it go? Listen to Two Doting Dads Podcast  Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Jessica Ricci and as always, I have the wonderful Bex Sayed joining me today because it is Friday and today we are going to celebrate you, the incredible She's on the Money community. Today we'll be sharing some of our favourite money wins, we'll be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about whether pocket money is a good idea for kids and we're going to unpack something that you slid into our DMs about, which this week is all about managing gift-giving expectations with your nieces. Now, Bec.

Yes. The vibe in the room's different. It is. It feels like there's, again, I think I'm seeing double, but I don't know. Tell me more. I'm also extremely drunk. But Maddie J.

That makes two of us. Maybe we all are. Maddie J. and Ash Wicks, welcome. Individually, you're both many things, but together you make two doting dads. Thank you so much for joining us. Tell us a little bit more about the pod. Well, I just want to stop you right there.

Thank you for having us. And before you start thanking us. I am many things. I would hold off giving us any type of like applause until the end of the episode because I don't know, we're not very, we're not very, we're very dumb. Yeah. We're going to provide you it. That's the appropriate word.

Just to manage everyone's expectations. I don't know where I am. Let's put it that way. I got lost. I know. I was walking on the street and someone was like, through this door, sir. I'm sitting down here and now I'm talking to you. Yeah, we actually weren't meant to be talking to you guys.

So thanks so much for coming. That's okay. In the wrong studio. That's fine. Two Doting Dads is a podcast about the trials and tribulations of parenting. It's the good, the bad, and the relatable. Yeah, it's not meant to be. Well, the last thing we wanted to do was offer any type of advice

because I think there's enough people out there trying to offer advice to parents. And I think every kid is so different that... What's the point? The thing that parents really need is just to know that there's others out there who are struggling just as much as they are. So it's a shared pain, I think.

Yeah, we wanted to create an environment where everyone's just doing the best they can. It's a safe place. I think the most common bit of feedback we get is that it's just refreshing to hear other parents struggling. Have a shit time. It's a bit shit. It is.

But also, we love our kids. Yeah, so much. You really summed up my thoughts on children in general. It's a big shit. We always say they're like owning drunk people. Yes. That's like our thing. That's hilarious.

They're irrational. They love you sometimes and then they just lose it for no reason. That's fun. You're really selling it. Can a non-dad listen? Absolutely not. We actually, no, we thought we'd be a really blokey podcast and then we ended up having more, like we're more mums now.

And I think we're lucky in that men, the bar is so low for us. Agreed. Agreed. Well, let's not all collectively agree. We can talk about our stuff-ups with just like a total lack of fear of judgment. Because they're all stuff-ups. Yeah. There's not a lot we're doing.

We're bumbling our way through most of it. As are all parents. It doesn't matter how amazing you are as a parent, every day there's some type of stuff-up that you have to deal with Because as Ash said, they're drunk little people. Yeah. And so, yeah, mums have kind of come to us and said, oh, it's just really refreshing to hear myself

and my story reflected back in your content. But we have people that aren't parents that listen. Oh, yeah, we do. We have a thing against pet parents, but that's a story for another day. I take personal offense. I have met people that are like, I don't have kids, but I like listening to you. What's wrong with you guys?

Yeah. There's so much else out there. Take the win where you can get them. Yeah, I will. Oh, for sure, for sure. I'm not a parent, but I am going to be a listener from this point onward. Okay, perfect. That's one more.

That's one more. One job here is done. Cha-ching. Okay, I feel like let's jump straight into money wins. I think so as well. There's some goodies this week. So, firstly, I've got a money win from Maggie who said, I've been eyeing up some mid-century dining tables for some time

and most of them sit around the $800 mark. I found some on Facebook Marketplace that were in immaculate condition for $100, hired a ute from CarShare for $50 to collect it and made it a total of $150 for a six to eight seat. Yeah, she's put in a photo. We love a photo. Lovely. On a Facebook thread.

Very mid-century. And I don't know if anybody else loves the mid-century style, but she's absolutely right. That stuff is so expensive. It's absolutely insane. So well done, Maggie. Until you sit on it and it falls to pieces. Just missing a couple of screws or something.

It's pure lift decoration. No sitting allowed. Yeah. Next, I've got a money win from Jamie. It's short but sweet, but she said money win. My mortgage is going to be paid off this Friday. Oh, my God. Oh, nice.

Well done, Jamie. That's very nice. That's so exciting. A little flex. I'm not worried about cost of living. I'm interested to know what you're going to do with the money now. How did she do that? Also, how old is she?

When did she buy her first house? We've got a whole lot of follow-up questions. I have to get her on the money diaries. Yeah, for sure. That's a very good effort nonetheless. I'm happy for her, but I'm also like, ah. Well, I'm just going to go home and pay my rent. Literally?

Seriously. No, amazing. Next I've got a money win from Georgie who said, win that I think Victoria and all of my fellow green thumbs will appreciate. I bought a plant to add some greenery to our apartment. When repotting it, I noticed it was actually three separate plants in the one pot.

Oh. So now I've got three plants for the price of one. Oh, yeah. That's epic. Love that. Laura would absolutely lose her mind if that happened. It's like when you go shopping with your toddler and you walk out and you haven't realised they've taken his shit.

Yeah. Money win. That's a money win. Money win. Penny Lassity. Huge. Usually the chocolates are the perfect. Oh, no, don't steal that watch.

Don't take the Rolex. Prams are great for that. Next, we've got a money win from Gina who said, I've got a small money win. My Uber on Friday was more expensive than I was quoted because of traffic. I contested it through the app and I got a refund. Oh, whole thing free. Free Ubers.

Didn't even know you could do that. That's a Matty J special. Loves a free Uber. He loves to complain about Uber stuff. Yeah. About his personality. Under the bus he goes. Sorry.

It's actually a credit to him. Actually, I have a money win. Can I jump in really quickly? Please do. Okay. Ash is right. I do like to complain, but for the right reasons. The right reasons.

Like if I get the wrong order, I'll be like, hey, I didn't order that. Last night, I got some Thai delivered, right? Delicious. And it arrived. It was a salmon stir fry. Delicious. Immediately, no. Yeah, first problem right there.

Red flag. Okay. That's what you're ordering from the Thai restaurant? Well, each to their own. Okay, sorry. Different strokes for different folks. Exactly. I'm sure there's people out there who like salmon

and their stir fry. We need to stay strong. Stay together. There's only so few of us. There's very few. I took the lid off and straight away Laura was like, what is that? She's like, that's chicken.

That is fishy. And I smelled it and I was like, oh, that's definitely, that's not quite right. And I tasted it and I was like, oh, it's not quite there. It's on the turn. It's on the brink. Yeah. I ate half of it.

Oh, no. Oh, God, I don't like it. So I got somewhat of a meal. I then complained because I said it was off and then I got it free, got it refunded, so I got a free half meal. That's really, really good. And I didn't have diarrhea today. I'm not being sick.

Money win. Money win. Yeah, it can take some time. It can take some time. That's great. So you need to run out at any point. That's a money win, right? Oh, yeah.

I got one off the back of that real quick. We were in Brisbane, ordered the kids pizza to the hotel we were staying at. And it said that it had turned up and it didn't. So I immediately went for the refund. 20 minutes later, pizza turned up. Oh. money win. How long did it take to get there? Money win.

I got it refunded, but then also because I had Uber Cash, got dinner last night, free. Double win. Technically. Wow. Right. Okay, girl math. Winning over here. I know. These are all like accidental wins. Uber's really confident today.

Thanks so much for our sponsor for the day, Uber Eats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it? No. Oh, that'd be great. It's actually DoorDash. oh my god amazing well i feel like that let's wrap it up there and head into broke tips i feel better i think you've got a goodie for us right okay i do but unfortunately it's not uber it's related is that okay is that like allowed off theme yeah it's off theme i'm really going rogue

you guys okay so as always we do have broke tips um now ash and maddie j have come with their own so i'm just going to read out one for the day so this one comes from maddie who says refill spray and white bottles with water when they get down to halfway, which I think is a great idea. Yeah. Because they really are a little bit too condensed at the start. I do that with body wash. Yes, body wash, shampoo, anything because you don't like it's still

all in there, you know, and you're saving a lot of not just money but also you're saving the planet a little bit. I've got a conspiracy theory. Go. If I can just jump in for one second. Please. I love this. Go.

Someone said that, you know, the scooper for the powder for your washing, for the clothes, they were like, that's actually, that line they put on the scooper to say how much you need for a full load, they're lying to us. They're saying you actually only need half of that, but they put the line way above because they want to encourage you to use more so you have to buy more. So I only wash with half a scoop.

Dirty dogs, those dirty dogs. Dude, my wife goes through so much laundry powder. Sometimes I think she's just doing washes for the sake of it. She doesn't want to get out of the routine. Yeah, she's like, can you hang the wash up? Open it up, there's a pillowcase in there. Broke tip. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Over consume is our broke tip. Okay, what are your broke tips? You go first, Ash. You want me to go first? I've got one. I've got one. It's like a how to save money and I've just figured this out because I've done it.

Now, popular subscription service costs quite a little bit per month. However, I was recently told about a specific sports team that you can actually buy a membership from and get this subscription for free for 12 months. Of the streaming service. The streaming service as well as the membership. Now, I'm a member of this particular sports team now, don't support them, but it is one-off payment of $250,

which is far less than a full year's worth of subscription of this streaming service. That's very good. Can I ask also, Ash, are there any other benefits from being a member of this sports club? I can go to the games for the whole year. For free? Yeah, but I'm not going to Western Sydney.

Yeah, because I'm a member. Oh, true. I'm an entry-level member. Really saving actually quite a lot of money. I've got a lanyard and everything. There you go. And now when someone asks who your team is, you can go, oh, you know who I bloody love.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saving me heaps of money. Anyway, I won't throw the subscription service under the bus. Don't want them to find out. Anyway, that's mine. It's actually quite a significant amount of savings. Yeah, that's actually really good. We're going to have to get your tell us off the air

and if anyone wants to know, we'll slide you a DM because I just know that people are going to ask. I have a feeling. Anyway, sorry, I won't get into it. I can't say anymore. Oh, is that too much? That's scary. They might take it off him.

Number one ticket holder. I don't know. Ash Wicks. Of every sports team in Sydney. Okay, what's yours? My saving tip is what comes from my mum and for those who may not be aware, I'm one of five kids.

We were raised by a single parent, my mom. Queen. So she's a teacher. Not a big salary. So, you know, we watched every dollar. She makes up for it in personality. She does. She does.

But from a very young age, she used to just on a Sunday, she would do these really big cook-ups. We would then live off that meal for bloody ages. We have our freezer to just be chock full of these frozen dishes. and the two that she would always go for spaghetti bolognese classic and lasagna oh my god and also because it was efficient to cook right yeah yeah and then we'd have chili con carne it's mince killing me but but now that we're all adults and we're all like you know financially secure at this point mum still has this same mentality to save money so recently we went on

a holiday to Rockhampton, all of the family together. It was my younger brother's birthday. And you know, Rockhampton has supermarkets, it has restaurants, it has everything that we would have. But there was a lot of us there, a lot of kids. And my mom thought that the best thing to do, not knowing what type of kitchen we would have in the holiday house, she did a big cook up and she, in one bag that she checked in on the flight, it was full of frozen lasagna and spaghetti bolognese. She flew it on the flight? Whenever we go on holiday, my mum will bring with her enough food

so we don't have to eat out at all when we go on holiday. You don't have the heart to say, mum, that's kind of the point of the holidays. Well, I was like, come on, this is ridiculous, mum. Like we don't need to bring it along. And on this particular flight, they lost our luggage. It was a morning flight. Not many flights out to Rockhampton,

so we didn't get the bags back until like 11 o'clock that evening. Bit iffy. Thawed. And I was like, we're not going to, we'll just throw out the food because it's, you know, surely it's not good to eat. Anyway, we all ate it. It was delicious. We saved a ton of money.

It would have been just right by the time you got it. It would have been like, this is so ready to eat. It was cooked. It was actually fully cooked. It's fully corked by that point. No microwave or nothing. Oh, my gosh. That's a great, great, great broke tip, actually.

It's a good story, that one. I've heard bits of that story before and I love that story. If you had kids that do that thing where they only eat one meal, that would be like your saving grace. Like if you had a kid who's like, all I want is spaghetti bolognese, you're like, we're at fancy. My kid eats nothing. We're at no good.

Nothing is ideal. Eating nothing is better. It's so hard to get your kid to eat, you know. Yeah. Like, so we were away, right, and I got a steak and my youngest, Macy, was like, I want some. I was like, okay, cool. Perfect.

She had some, loved it, made a steak at home, didn't want a bar of it. It's all about environment, you guys. I guess I'm not a Michelin star chef. Who would have thought? I wouldn't have thought that you're not, I mean. Anyway, you're giving Michelin star chefs. You are giving Michelin stars.

No, I'm giving it up, I know. I'm giving the bear sort of vibes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yes, chef. So this is off the back of our podcast, we joke about something that I have done since having children

is that I've never thrown... Well, hang on. It's hard to know if this is genius or... Sad. This is for people to decide. Yeah. Now I feel like it's sad. it is sad for them not for me i'm enjoying it it's now a sport for me this i go every year

just with one goal okay so since having kids i have never thrown them a birthday party how old are your kids either of them five and two okay five is pushing your luck i'm deep in it i'm deep in it now but like i said it's an olympic sport for me now so the reason i don't do that And how I get around it is I take my kids to other people's birthday parties and tell them it's their party as well. Oh. And it's gotten to the point where I have my daughter who's two and one of my really good friends has a son who's born on the same day

but a year later. So he's one. So we recently went to his first birthday and it's such an ongoing joke amongst my friends and us on the podcast that midway through the happy birthday where they went, Happy birthday to Bo, I just threw out there, and Macy. And then they whipped out another cake. Oh, stop.

That's so sweet. And sung Macy happy birthday. That's cute. Because it was in November, I successfully had got through another year of not throwing my kids a birthday party, hence saving me all the money and stress of throwing a birthday party. They are very expensive. I wouldn't know.

Do you think you could get to a point where you're inviting her friends to other people's birthday? Now that's going to be like. I can do that. I'm just going to make sure she's friends with everyone. Well, most of those birthday parties, they're in parks, aren't they? You just turn up. Yeah, so it's easy to invite other guests.

As long as it's around about the right month. If I get a birthday invite around about, it's Oscar had about 12 birthdays last year. He's spoiled. He's about to start work. yeah i honestly haven't spent a cent on birthdays birthdays are expensive for kids there you go that's a good little break tip for you i don't know how many people are going to take you up on that but those parents that are expecting start early yes or like plan the due date around

someone else's or we could actually do that for ourselves i might do that this year with one of my friends even if they're born in june i'm gonna do that well let's go to a really quick break and when we come back we are going to chat more about kids we're going to talk about whether pocket money is a good idea. And we're also going to chat about managing expectations with children that maybe aren't your own. So don't go anywhere. Welcome back, everyone. Here's our Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short

voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi guys, wanted to write in with a bit of dilemma I'm having at the moment. So my hubby and I, we've got a bit of opposing views on pocket money for our 11 year old son. So up until now, he's been, you know, generally really sweet and helpful kid, always cleans up his room and helps out with really basic things. You know, when I ask him to do something, he does it. And of course we give him when, you know, what he wants when he needs money. So a little treat, going to the movies, something like that. I'm pretty keen for this to continue. My thought being that it's important that he's expected to help with

household chores and not, you know, you don't specifically get money for those tasks. It's something that you should contribute to the household. However, my husband wants to up the chores. So make him do more and give him a set amount of money as he thinks this will teach him kind of a better value for money and hard work. And we're at a bit of an impasse. And I was just wondering what you all think. You know, what's really exciting to me is having people who are actually parents here because we have answered questions about kids in the past and neither of us have kids. So I'm interested to see if maybe the perspective is a little bit different. I mean, our kids are much younger, but we, mine are like, they're at the age where it's like,

here's a good example for my son he was so scared or not scared he just didn't want to cut his hair so i said if you cut your hair you'll get rewarded with something so now what he does is he's like i need a haircut thinking to be rewarded i think she says there she's like he wants to up the chores yep i don't see like if he wants to up it i think the kid should be compensated we're all about people being paid for the work they do here on this podcast If she's already happy with him doing those low-lying activities, the shit-kicker activities, and then he's like, well, I want him to do more important work,

I think he should get paid for it. Plow the field or whatever. I kind of agree with you. I do think as well that she's got this unicorn child. Oh, yeah. First of all, congratulations on winning the lottery there. Write a book. The best kid, yeah, because that does not happen often.

I grew up having to have like a star chart and so we had we had certain jobs there was one that we had a little plastic bag and we had to fill it with weeds and then you know a certain number of stars would then get you something that you wanted at the end of the week and that then progressed when we were older going into you know like year seven year eight we would get an amount of pocket money was your mom part of the cartel yeah it's just like here's this bag full of weeds there's an ounce we definitely us kids we needed to have some type of incentive to get those jobs done the shitty ones like the cleaning the toilet doing the gardening washing the car things that we don't really enjoy and it was good for me because it taught me you know you had to if you

want something you got to put in the effort you got to get the work done bit of discipline but Then also, eventually when I was in my early teens, I could then start saving for money and I understood like how to use money. The value of it. Yeah, so it was a good foundation for me. But I do think the risk is if you've got a kid who's already doing the work happily,

like don't rock the boat. Just take the win and leave it at that. No, yeah. I think like as long as you keep piling on the work until he says no. They kind of answer their own question by adding, they're like he wants him to do more than he'd get compensated.

So the things that he's doing for free, they're still free chores. But the kid doesn't want to be compensated. The dad's saying he should be compensated. The kid's not complaining. Work the kid until he starts to understand. That he's being taken advantage of. Exactly. Yeah, I agree.

But then it's like, then he's just going to be bitter. He's going to start a union. No, he's not. He's going to start a union. His siblings are going to unionize. He's like a robot. Think of the knock-on effect. He's going to start a union.

He's going to get his buddies over. Are they going to rally out the front? I disagree. Protest. Get a picket going. Yeah. At some point. I think at some point.

Asking for better conditions. It's good. Then what's next? It's good to have some type of monetary exchange. Yeah, I think so. I think so. So they can learn the value of money. Exactly right.

How much that is, that's up to them. How much money they've got, I don't know. True. If he doesn't want to do the work. Did you get pocket money? If he doesn't want to do the work, I'll do it. We could all use the extra cash, let's be honest. We could use it.

Did I get pocket money? i can't remember see there you go he's not gonna remember don't give him any money save that i would have yeah i don't remember anything any specifics actually yeah my sister got paid for making the school lunches she's older her lunches were shit anyway still got paid those capo dogs so i think i just i don't know like obviously we don't have children yeah dressed together or separately um would you pay a small child to come to your house and do work yeah i would but i think also like there are other ways that you can be like as you were saying like with the star chart and stuff there are other ways you can like feel like you've

achieved something by doing these small things so i think that like you know rewarding your child in other ways and if you're already kind of like getting everything you need if you if he needs to go to the movies or not no one needs to go to movies if he wants to go to the movies you give money for it you know things like that it's like you know there's already this kind of like really nice dynamic that you've got going on i don't think it's necessary but it's a different story if you are wanting to start teaching financial literacy and if that's what you are want to do eventually or that's what you want to do now you think that he's in a he has capacity to understand that right now then go ahead if not i think it's fine to just kind of like because

chores are expected you're going to have to do chores the rest of your life yeah so i don't know but that's just me. I don't have a single child. So no, I, as a, as a pet parent, no, I agree. I think that the important thing is, is as an adult, I think you can really tell the difference between people who had to work for things as a child and people who didn't. Like, I think it's really obvious as you get older, the people who learned those lessons and actually had to work for things versus the people who maybe were in more affluent situations or their parents were a bit more cruisy and happy to just let them do as they did.

I think it really ultimately raises two different types of people. And as you were saying, like you come to a point in life where unfortunately we all have to work for a living. And so I think getting them to earn the pocket money sets them up to understand the way that the world works. Like in addition to the financial literacy benefits, I think it really teaches you like there are shit jobs. Like sometimes you don't want to turn up and do what you have to do, but you got to do it. And so I think it really teaches those skills in addition to, as you were

saying, like understanding that, you know, the exchange between doing a job and earning money and the concept of saving that money up to purchase something like those are all really good lessons. But I think more than anything, it helps. I mean, I don't have a kid, so I can't say, but having observed people as adults, I think that people who didn't necessarily have to work for things are often not as well adjusted or as well equipped for the things that they have to do later in life. Yeah. Personal perspective.

I mean, you can tell your mates the ones that didn't have to do anything when they were younger, you know, you're just like, that guy. Yeah, the ones that don't bring frozen lasagna on holidays. They have no resilience. Like, I'm just going to buy fresh lasagna. How's that sound? Must be nice. Make it rain.

Yeah, so I think like it's, and it's hard if you and your husband, ultimately it's your kid and you guys have to come to an agreement. Maybe there's a middle ground where maybe it starts off as an optional, hey if you want some extra money to spend you know we cover all the things that you need we cover what we've been doing but if you want a bit of extra cash yes you can earn that by doing a and maybe you kind of can introduce it that way and transition over see how it goes but I definitely like to teach them worth work ethic because they can start like 15 now right he's 11 yeah a few more years and he's going to be in the trenches yeah he's going to be working at

red rooster mcdonald's absolutely triggering to think about I know I don't know but I totally agree i think not to be a little monotonous but i do want to talk about kids a bit more while we've got the experts in the room i think i thought you'd never ask might as well take advantage so might as well let's get into this week's juicy juicy dm which actually caused some conversation at our family dinner this week oh so our listener said i'm an auntie to two beautiful nieces but they are spoiled rotten by my brother and his wife the girls are 12 and 10 and are getting really obsessed with materialistic things and i see a real pattern of excessive spending in the girls. The other day, I took the girls to a movie and to the shops where they insisted on

going into their favorite shop, Mecca. They both found items that were over $100 and expected me to purchase them for them. When I told them that that would not be happening, they had massive tantrums and got very upset with me saying, mom or dad would never say no. I'm worried my brother isn't teaching the girls good values around money. And so my question is, can I say something to them or is it really not my place to tell them how to parent? Will they get defensive and be offended? It is their kids after all, but I'm worried that they haven't realised the lessons

they're teaching the girls around money and they might need someone to give them a bit of a reality check. There is so much to unpack here. Yeah, seriously. I think like, look, kind of none of your business as well. But also, if you set the expectation and what it's going to be like with you, that's fine. But you can't really go and tell your sister or your brother,

sorry, how to parent. I don't think that's on. Well, it depends on the relationship that you have. Yeah, that too. Like I guess there could be a situation where they could be very responsive to getting that type of feedback, but you would assume based on how I am, based on how you are, most parents out there, taking any type of criticism from a family member is always going to end badly.

yeah nine times out of ten like as much as you can try and sugarcoat it like how are you supposed to say your kids are spoiled

little shit like how are you supposed to say that politely I agree with her concerns oh yeah I wouldn't say anything

there's no question that she's likely gonna be these children are gonna grow up to be entitled little brats yeah but like

also what sort of person is the auntie as well if it's like her value is obviously very different to her brother's how is their

upbringing any different or is she just on a high horse or I don't know. Well, I think but I think no child should be going to Mecca. Hang on, I don't think any child should go to Mecca. It doesn't matter how you've been brought up. Yeah. Shouldn't be getting a hundred bucks off the back of anything. No, not saying that. I think

like as a benchmark rule, like I don't agree with it. But unfortunately, that's not enough to warrant, you know, you stepping in and being like you're being, I don't agree with your parenting style. They could have been talking shit too because all their friends could be getting Mecca and they were like, well, mum and dad aren't here. Let's try and bum steer out.

You don't know. But I think like it's not worth risking the relationship with the rest of the family when they need to work it out on their own. They need to work out that their kids are spoiled little shit on their own. As long as those kids are happy and healthy and well-fed, unfortunately, you can't step in. It's kind of like the rule, you say everything right, as long as the kids are happy and healthy and well-fed, which is true.

I mean, I don't know these people personally. So I would say, yeah, like I agree with you if they're happy and healthy, but also maybe just butt out a bit. Yeah. What came up at the dinner table with my sister-in-law, who hilariously I have two nieces, and what she brought up was the fact that often at that age they test the boundaries.

So it could very well be that mum and dad wouldn't spend the money at Mecca or wouldn't do that, but the girls are just trying it on to see, oh, well, maybe if we said. Yeah, it could be bum steering them, yeah. Maybe the auntie's going to be like, oh, I guess that's what mum and dad will do by all means. Yeah. As someone who doesn't have kids, and maybe it's not my place to say,

but I do think it's worth maybe gently raising the conversation or raising your concerns, even just sharing the story of what happened. Yes, exactly. Kids are manipulators too. That's very true. Yeah. I mean, Marley and Lola that we've had before where the babysitters called us up and said,

Marley said that she's allowed to have a full block of chocolate. And I'm like, what? No chance. And I'm like, put Marley on the phone. And Marley's like, oh, whoops, sorry, my mistake. Sorry, didn't think you'd actually call me out on that. So I almost think maybe it's worth even just letting your brother know or your sister-in-law know the story of what happened,

saying, hey, we went to this house, this happened, you know, wasn't sure what to do. Because to be honest, if my nieces did that to me, like especially if they started to get a bit toey in the store, I'd have a little meltdown. Like I wouldn't know what to do. Right. Like I don't have, do you know what I mean?

Like I would be embarrassed and I would just be like, okay, like whatever you want, let's get out of here, like let's be done. and so like I can I almost feel like sharing the perspective of saying hey like if I'm gonna take the girls out or if I'm gonna do whatever like that's not really something that can happen because I'm not equipped to handle it or I'm not prepared to spend that like I think there's something in you could tell the story like yeah like happen with that in a non-judge way yeah look I would agree with that I suppose just to see you could gauge what the reaction would be before you start to read the room a little bit yes I think you can flag it without necessarily

coming and being like hey the your girls are little shits and they're really entitled and blah blah like I think you could just maybe bring it up and have the conversation and see what happens from there because I also think it's very valid for you to not want to spend that money and if you're like me and you're not sure what to do in that situation I can see how that would be kind of hard to handle absolutely I also think too like no one really needs to worry too much like I totally get that like people's upbringings and stuff like really shape who they are as a person when they go into adult life but a lot of our like the way that we are and a lot of things learn it does happen in our later years so i have friends who have like kind of grown up like this

where they probably like i don't even i only literally just learned what the word mecca is personally but i'm like and you can kind of tell but um some people grew up in you know really really affluent affluent is the word affluent house it's a very fine line that one i did almost say it really they kind of you know grow up in um these really affluent households and they don't really, you know, I can kind of see the difference but only slightly now because people, once you like start mingling with other people from different walks of life and different experiences and different everything to you, that's when you start kind of like

your own like identity and where you are in the world and where your place in the world kind of like is shaped. So I think that even if right now they're spoiled, I think that when they grow up and they start mingling with different people, different social groups, meeting people that um they really get along with but maybe grew up poor and like just kind of being like their eyes will be open to like other experiences and i feel like you don't need to worry too much about how they are as children because yeah they could be manipulating her they

could be anything but we all kind of our formative years and this is this is not backed by science i don't know when the formative years are but i feel like socially and and all of these things it's kind of like, you know, yeah, you know, late teens, early twenties, when we start really meeting different types of people from different walks of life. So I think that, don't sweat it yet. What does the community have to say? I'll do a really quick whip around because as always, we asked you guys what you think on Instagram. If you want to join us, you can find us at Shares of the Money AUS. So firstly, we said, do you think this person should say something? 61% said, yes, they have good intentions. And 39%

said, no, it's not their place to tell them how to parent. Then we said, if you said yes, have you got any advice on how to bring it up? And so we had a few kind of very different perspectives. Some people said you should be able to discuss these things with close family. And some people said, you absolutely should not touch that with a 10 foot pole if you want to keep a good relationship. So there's very differing perspectives on that one. And I guess it really comes down to what your relationship with your family is. Have you spoken about these things before. One person said a really good, I think, example of what to say. And she said, discuss the tantrum that the girls had in response to the word no, rather than making it about the money and the

other stuff. Talk about the behavior and what your experience with that was, which I think is pretty valid and kind of going back to what we were saying before. Then we asked, if you are a parent, what are some of the main values or lessons that you try to teach your kids around money? One person said, how you earn it and how important it is to save. Another person said that you need to work for what you want. And somebody else said that money needs to be earned and should be spent, but it needs to be spent based on our needs and our values before our wants, which I think is really relevant, particularly to the idea of a 12-year-old dropping $100 in Mecca.

And then lastly, we said, tell us your two cents. somebody said it takes a village to raise a child you can help to teach them values too which I thought was a really nice take yeah it could be hard maybe if your values conflict and I'd be interested to know what you guys think as parents like in that in regards to that yeah like I suppose her value well again we don't know if the kids were manipulative or whatever but like I know like my sister and my parenting styles are very different and look some of the things she she does say I would agree with and I could do better but some things I don't agree with and I don't think that they they work but like you've got to try and find some common ground somewhere

because everyone's going to be different every kid's going to be different so it does take a village and like sometimes like I said you take bits of advice from from those around you but some you don't agree with at all and you sort of just push it aside and try and do what's best for you yeah totally relevant somebody said my mum always said yes to me when I was a child and then when I got older, I really struggled to save and to not shop. So it's an interesting look at maybe the impact or the flow and effects that that can have. Somebody else said that kids can be fully want, want, want because of social media and marketing, which I think is something that I've really seen. Like again, with the Mecca thing, my nieces are a little bit younger than this

listeners, but they talk about wanting drunk elephant skincare and stuff that you go, I don't have that as someone who's nearly 30. It's crazy to me that you think that you need that. do you guys see that with your kids at all them kind of mirroring they're quite young aren't they so maybe not quite so much yeah marley's marley's five i mean it's it's crazy when she watches youtube and she'll be watching gabby's dollhouse and then after an episode there's an advert for to buy a gabby dollhouse toy and you know it just that little ecosystem is so crazy so well designed to make them want more and more and more it is it's hard work as a parent to always say no yeah yeah i find like throwing them off the scent is better like you'd be like yeah maybe

like for your birthday next year not that he gets a birthday but it you know like you know if you're a really good boy or for christmas it was like look if you are a really good boy you're right to santa you're telling what you really want then you know maybe you but you also got to look at you know giving to others and shit like that yeah you try and move instead of just being like no you know yeah yeah youtube is like bit shit yeah for us parents when that person was talking about it takes a village to raise a child absolutely agree but at the same time i think the rules and the standards are very much enforced by the parents yeah other family members and friends they then follow suit yeah so it's really bloody

hard if you disagree at its core with what how the parents are raising that child so that's where it's it's like you hope that you would all be on the same page I mean I'm very much sometimes I have to tell other family members don't come over with a toy each time like my brothers for example that are in a different state so whenever they arrive they bring a toy with them even if it's not a birthday or a Christmas present I'm trying to build resilience into my children I'm very much It's like stop with the gifts and the presents. You don't want the kids having this expectation as like you see that person.

You automatically get something. They're going to back you up because ultimately they're your kid, right? I think like, yeah, in that person who's like got the dilemma, it might be worth just saying, hey, I didn't know how to deal with this. How would you deal with it? Just see what the reaction is instead of going, you're parenting them wrong. And then if you disagree, punch them out.

Cool. and that's why you don't take advice from me now amazing I feel like that's a really good place to leave it I think yeah

ultimately work with the parent not against them it's not your kid at the end of the day and if they do raise someone who's not in line with your morals

they're not your child and so exactly not your circus not your monkey just own them forever and ever and ever guys thank you so much

for joining us if people do want to hear more of you where can they find you where can they listen what can they watch two doting dads wherever you get your

podcast from we're also on socials we're at two doting dads on instagram tiktok we also have a facebook group and i'm just going to confirm the two doting dads on facebook youtube is the you can also find us on youtube very good at what we do the two doting dads yes and we have a facebook group as well so we're bloody everywhere we are can't escape incredible well thank you so much for joining us it's really cool to get a fresh perspective love having an actual parent here a comment on parenting things once. Phenomenal. Does help.

Thank you guys so much for tuning in. Victoria, we'll see you bright and early for a Money Diary on Monday. Have a great weekend. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. The advice shared on She's On The Money

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