She's On The Money - When Helping a Friend Means Breaking a Secret

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Do you help a friend in financial trouble or keep their secret? It’s the ultimate friendship dilemma, and today, we’re diving into it headfirst! We’re also sharing your best money wins, your broke tips, and tackling a juicy situation about feeling more like your partner’s financial manager than their teammate. So tune in for all the Friday fun! SIGN UP FOR THE INVESTING MASTER CLASS! Use the code PODCAST for a cheeky discount. Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast that makes personal finance fun especially on Fridays. It's our favorite day of the week because we get to get the team together and celebrate you, our incredible She's On The Money community. Today, Ms. Jessica Ricci is going to be sharing our favorite money wins from the community. Ms. Bex Syed is going to be sharing her broke tips this week. We're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about what to do when you're feeling like you're more your partner's financial manager than their teammate. And we're going to unpack something spicy that you slid into our dms about this week we're chatting about what's more important helping a friend in need or keeping

their secret oh so juicy that is so juicy before we get there though miss beck syed how has your week been really nice i moved house we were evicted um i feel like i mentioned that a couple times on this show it's a bad to say it's a common theme it's the ongoing saga it feels like it's happened a few times but honestly it's just the one move but it's actually yeah it's been a long long time coming yeah and i feel like you've just had property dramas for the last 12 months like yeah it's just it's just frustrating you know it's one of our it's it was a share house like more than 10 years so the crap in this house is is like outrageous that's still a bit of a dump but anyway and you just know that it would have cost six billion dollars as well like obviously

when the owner bought it was four dollars yeah but then you just know that the property even though it's a dank share house it's probably worth four mil or something oh for sure and you're just like how how can i get in on this yeah totally but no it's been really good i moved in with our old producer how funny just up the road actually yeah yeah it's been really really nice so yeah just been chilling haven't been doing too much oh how good consuming by what good company i love this i know i feel like it's right it feels right gosh and she has her cat got the cat little cat i never thought of myself as a pet owner but parmesan is your housemate parmesan is my house mate oh you are living the dream my friend I know I really am I really am but um yeah other than

that that's it what about you Jess nothing she's not moved she doesn't have a new cat house mate no I'm very sad about that now to be honest I also kind of boring but like maybe the girls who get it get it I got a kindle for Christmas and I mean it arrived at like February and so since February I have been reading one singular book series not because it takes me a long time to read But because I started this series, I just picked it up because I watched the TV show. What series? It's called Shadowhunters. It's like YA fantasy.

I do not have like highbrow tasting books. Let me put a little. Oh, no, mine is trash. Yeah. Yeah. So YA fantasy called Shadowhunters. There's actually some research out there just to butt in there. Yeah, please.

To say that the more intelligent you are, the lower level the content you like to consume in your free time is. Perfect. I must be the world's smartest person. Yeah, which is why I'm the world's biggest fan of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. that makes perfect sense you're welcome um i started this book because i watched the tv show and then i realized it was a book so i read it and it was a trilogy and then i was like looking for something similar and i was like oh in the same universe there's another trilogy and this

happened to me like five times so i have read in it's in the same universe but it's like an extended timeline so there's prequels there's sequels there's anthologies i have read 19 books this year from the same universe but the problem the problem is that i finished the last book no what are you gonna do last night and now i'm like because i read every night before bed it's my little nighttime routine i'm like that's so cute what do i what are you gonna do tonight oh yeah i feel like i have this void because i've been so immersed in this one universe so if anyone has any recommendations i have a lot of recommendations please at zella we actually have a book club cute that's very cute it's very very cute and we all have our little kindles and

we go to book club and we talk about our books of the week so I have a few recommendations but if you're anything like me do you feel like that when you finish a series and there's no like follow-on because I'm assuming that you then went oh I'm finished I don't know what to do with my life and then you found something do you feel like right now you just become a non-reader again yeah I go from being like no I'm a reader like I'm a bookworm I'm fully in it like I can read 19 books to it's not for me yeah like I fall off the horse completely and then I'll see my Kindle one day and be like I'm in love with that thing and then I like dive back in yeah I just I can't commit long term though remind me Kindle is a tablet yeah it's like an e-reader but all it does

is the book which I really like it's why I read it before bed because if I read on my phone or on my iPad or whatever I do get sidetracked whereas the Kindle it's just books like there's literally physically nothing else on it they're already in the tablet sorry but sorry if this is a dumb question they're in the tablet already the book yeah you download them like you would it's kind of like got the kindle app and you download it kind of like you would download a pdf and then it appears on your kindle but the thing i like about it is it's not like a bright screen either it kind of looks like you're looking at paper oh that's very good yeah so it's just very low stimulation yeah that's awesome so if anyone else also likes ya fantasy especially if you've read

that series and can recommend something similar I'm not a smart girl that's my one thing all the recommendations I've gotten have been like fantasy smart which is not really for you for me that's okay no judgment but it's just like I like something a little bit huh not smart I'm sorry like it's dirty like it's dirty give me those records yeah yeah yeah um so that's what we've been reading at Zella so I'll just filter out the recommendations I do have a number of other recommendations for you but i feel like that's a very good conversation topic for me at this point in time because i hyper fixate on things and right now my kindle and i bffs i do have a question though yes um beck you're gonna be like why is this a question what font do you choose i read

whatever the default is oh i know what you read i like adjust the brightness because i read in the dark or during the day but like i don't really mess around with anything else oh actually no I've made the font big because I'm getting old. Why do you know what font I read in? You use dyslexia font. I do, I do, and it's so good, Jess. It's in your Kindle already. You don't have to download it.

It makes reading so much easier. Like your eyes just glide across the words. You read so much faster. Yeah. I don't know. Is that a good or a bad thing, reading faster? Because like you finish your books quicker. Yeah.

Then you have to find another one. Yeah, which is. It's a money loss to read quicker. Oh, true. No, that's true. Yeah. How cool that we live in 2024, though, and you can make a book more legible for people with dyslexia by clicking it.

Isn't that cool? I didn't even know that that was something that would benefit me. I thought it looked really weird, but now I'm obsessed, guys. How's your week been? Oh my gosh, this week has been insane. We finally launched the Investing Masterclass, which is, oh my God, I have been working on this for a billion and one years, and I'm just honestly so excited for it. But at the same time, I'm so glad I'm no longer talking about it.

Like, Jess, have I been talking about this since you joined? Literally, it's been like four years. It's disgusting. Like, I feel like I keep being like, how long has it been? Two years? No, four years. Oh, my God. How embarrassing.

I have been sitting on this for so long. And I mean, at the start, it was because I couldn't launch it because I was a licensed financial advisor and that would have constituted me giving personal advice. So not allowed to do it. Now I am. But like, life happened. So I was like, oh, I'm getting married. I'm having a baby.

I'm doing life. Like everything was too busy and I wanted to do it myself. I didn't want someone else to swoop in and be like, oh, hey, you know, Jess would have been like, oh, do you need help with that? I'm kind of like, no, I do it myself. When I say I do anything myself, Jess, what happens? Nothing gets done. ADHD gets in the way. And that is absolutely fine. But we've had the best week. I feel like all of our friends are joining the course. It launches on the 30th of September. So like right now it's for sale. You can go and sign up and like there's only a very limited period of time that you can sign up to the course because it starts on the 30th and then we're not letting anyone else in so that I can focus on that cohort. But surprisingly, so many

of you messaged and said, hey, can you like bundle up your money masterclass and your investing masterclass together? Jess, I wish I'd thought of that. Say less. But we have bundled it together so that if you sign up, you can do the money masterclass now waiting for the 30th of September so that when the 30th of September comes, you can start doing the investing course and you've kind of got your financial house sorted. I just feel like this month is the month for the investing girls. I'm just so excited about it. Sprinkling your finances. Yeah. But like also let's get really ridiculously rich. I'll obviously pop all the information in the show notes, but if you don't want to go to the show notes, just use the code podcast and it

we'll give you a sweet little discount, which we are all here for. Let's jump in though. Jess, what community money wins have you brought to the table? Alrighty. This week, I'm going to start off with one from Emily who said she received an email from the company that she bought her pram from recently to do a review for the chance to win back the cost of the pram. Being a new mum, everything's super tight. So she figured why not? She didn't have anything to lose. Prams are so expensive too. So expensive. And then she checked her email a few weeks later and turns out she'd won what she said it was so exciting and loved that they already had the pram they knew that they liked it but now it is free that's such a good money win i love hearing when people win

those types of competitions because in my mind no one ever wins them i know i'm the same i'm like who who's winning these it's like the mac is monopoly thing right or like the at the bottom of the receipt you know fill out a survey to win they're like does anyone ever win these emily won one very true when's mac is monopoly coming back that's a very good question is it actually. I think so. Jess is obsessed. Yes! Golden Mac is on the way home. Next, I got a money win from Danae who said her eldest plays netball and went to the state age competition earlier in the year. One of the other mums had sent her through a link to apply for a grant towards the cost, so she thought she'd give it a go. And she got an email saying they were successful and will receive

$650 towards the cost of the trip this week. $650? Great. That's a good deal. And I wanted to say because I was an activities kid. Like I did a lot of activities as a child. I can see that. I can see that. Story kind of tracks. But I remember that we used to get a lot of grants through our local council and I know that it's so expensive

with kids doing activities. So I just wanted to say if you're a parent, check your local council because a lot of the time there's government funding for like kids in sports and kids in arts and those things can kind of make it a little bit easier on you. So check your local council website. There you go.

Next, I've got a money win from Katie. Actually, I have a few money wins that are all on the same theme. So, I'm just going to bundle them all together. So, I have one from Katie. Oh, a bundle win. One from Nellie and also one from Zira or Zara. I'm really sorry. Z-E-A-R-A. Zira? Zira. How cute is that? Beautiful name. Love it. I hope I got that right. Sorry if I didn't. But all tax themed. So,

Katie did her taxes for last year and this year. She's feeling very relieved to have it done. Nellie said she received her tax return. She paid off her credit card, put some in savings and also shopped the sales at Kohl's this week and managed to save herself a whole bundle with her tax refund and Zira got her tax back and she had enough to pay off her after pay, pay off a whole extra month of her car finance and she had money left over to cover some of her bills while she's doing an unpaid placement. Oh great. How good is that? How good would that feel though? Yeah that's satisfying. Oh that's so nice. Tax people doing tax things we love to see you being responsible with that tax money well done ladies. Is that an attack on Beck? What are you doing with

Is that your tax money, Bec? I didn't even pick up on that at all. I'm glad because it wasn't what I was thinking of. Jess would never actually put that down. We all know that. I was just like thinking at the same time. I'm like, look at all these people being really irresponsible. And Bec's like, I'm just living my life in line with my values.

You can have some fun. I did blow a little bit. Jess, you would not like to see the inside of my car right now. I know you keep telling me to pay off my fines. You know there's like that one window in my car that's just duct tape because it was broken into. and on that on the inside is like a wall of new parking fines that I think is quite a wall of Rebecca Syed and I can send you a photo if you want but um I actually do want a photo yeah I

should have used that tax money to pay for those fines but I didn't and I'm sorry but I just I don't have that kind of brain it's like I actually am who I am so I just can't but I what I can control is where I park, and so I'm going to start doing that. Yeah, I was going to say, at the very least, can you stop getting more? Can you stop racking them up? At the very least, like, try and stop getting more. It's giving me anxiety for your parking. Honestly, at this point, I'm like, give me the fines.

Give me the login to your bank account. I'll fix this. Oh, my God. You're like, oh, no, no, no, no. You won't find much in there. No. Lastly this week, I have a money win from Laura, who said she applied for recognition of prior work as credit towards her university degree for

the upcoming semester. She wasn't sure if it would work, but if you don't ask, you don't get. And today she got a notification saying that her application was approved. This means she's going to save over $2,000 that would have gone on her help debt because she doesn't have to take the credits again. And it's taken a big mental load off of her as well. Great. That's so good. Prior work I didn't know that you could transfer like I knew that you could transfer some course credits because my partner did that when he went from sports science to physio yeah and even that he had to actively like I remember it being a bit of a pain in the ass like it wasn't a simple thing but it was the same type of deal I think it saved him a semester or two because I've just I've just

done this because as you guys know like I don't actually have a lot on at the moment I'm busy no no no no so I was at work the other day and I was a little bit jealous because all the girls they're mortgage brokers I'm not a mortgage broker I own the mortgage broking company and like I could probably do it like the back of my hand but like for the last few years I've been like well there's no point me doing it because like I managed the team got jealous signed up for a mortgage broking course so that I can become an official broker because I was like that sounds slay like that sounds fun got recognition of prior work which makes sense but also when I was on the website none of it lined up because I was like well financial advice is not mortgage broking but I

wrote a little case and I like submitted it and I submitted my prior degrees and they were like oh yeah you don't have to do this this this and this like amazing that's pretty good so I feel like even though it didn't directly align just asking meant that they were like well actually and it was like ethics modules and just kind of things that you're like oh it's not how to do the job it's more how to you know function in finance they were like oh you definitely don't need to do a b and see. And I was like, thank you. So money win, but also like admin win. Yeah. As Laura said, don't ask, don't get. I don't even know if I'm going to be a proper mortgage broker, but I want the degree. Just another one to add to the collection. I just like collecting

them like little Pokemons. It's very cute. Nobody is like me and that is okay. That is okay. All right. Beck, broke tips. Yes. Not parking fines. They are not good tips. No. Well, actually one of my tips is pay your fines if you break your car window you actually can just duct tape it and I know that's that's not my broke tip for this week see I'm all for a good broke tip when they're legal that's actually illegal yeah so like let's not do that don't do that I mean it's good in the interim and yeah like desperation calls for being creative and I like that it's just a fantastic thing that I didn't know should get it fixed though because we should if you can't see out of the window because it's made of duct tape.

Oh, it's very difficult. Yeah. I can't see any blind spots. I was about to say, can you see blind spots? Oh, no. No, not an option. Okay. Not an option.

See why it might be illegal? I see. I see. I see. That is on the to-do list. Okay. So the first broke tip this week comes from Iris, who sent me a TikTok about an app called Too Good To Go.

I've been seeing it everywhere. Where do you see this? I keep trying to get it, but there's not much where I live, unfortunately. Oh, I see. I just downloaded it today, actually. Sorry, I've never heard about what it is. Oh, sorry. Yeah.

Oh my God. I didn't give anyone any context. You were like, it's cold, too good to go. Yeah, get it. Woo. Get it. Anyway, next tip. No, it's kind of like a combination of things. It's like trying to reduce food waste. And also it's a broke tip. I feel like with this app, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's like you can scan like your area or like anywhere around you really and see if there's any food waste going. I don't know if it's like companies or if it's like just people, but it's like restaurants and stuff like that. Yeah. So it's like food that you got to chuck out at the end of the day or so you pay a flat fee and effectively you just get a mystery bag so like it might be like is it attica in the city i saw oh my god yeah like a lot of bougie

places brumbies i saw do it like lots of i always wonder so i used to live on the peninsula i think you guys already know that and the local like baker's delight used to like bag up and i'd see them if i was at the supermarket late putting all the bread into garbage bags and i was like oh my oh what a waste but they were like donating it to like the pig farm and the pigs would eat it and like i liked that but if it goes to human beings is that not better totally so it's usually like a flat fee and so you might pay five dollars or ten dollars and from what i've seen it's like a day in advance so like today i would book to pick up tomorrow and it'll say pick up between three and four or whatever and you just get a mystery bag and so if you search up on tiktok heaps of

people been unboxing what they've got that was so fun i'm gonna look that up it's really really fun and it's cool. It's like a little mystery. And if you're eating cheap, it's, so you get the whole thing is you, it's more value than what you pay. So if you pay $5, it might be worth 20 bucks or whatever. And I'm assuming depending on how much they have, you might get like even more value or whatever. So. How good. Money wins. That is a good broke tier. It's just come to Australia. It's really new. It's been in the US for a while. And I think it's just launched here. I'm going to do a little bit of a snoop into them because I have been on that side of TikTok, which is like all the budget eats yeah and I've noticed that there seems to be and I don't know if this is true I'm

gonna try it but a couple of girls have been posting what they're buying at the butcher like they get the butcher's mixed bag and it's like I don't know 75 or 100 dollars and they get like 10 items and I'm like that's wild yeah like this one girl for 75 dollars got like a roast and like mints and like 10 other things and I was like that's like less than 10 dollars per item and you got a roast for sunday that's great what a money win so good anyway i just i like cheap food no don't we all in this economy absolutely and it's a human right anyway what else have you got okay next one comes from lauren who says store your nail varnishes in the fridge to stop them going gloopy especially if you live in queensland it's quite hot that's quite smart if they do go

gloopy add a few drops of nail varnish remover to them and shake voila they'll last a bit longer Oh, how good. Yeah. I mean, I've not tried personally, but I'm sure that. Do you wear nail polish? Is that a Beck thing? I don't really, but I'm not opposed to it. I just like don't really know what to do.

And also it's very hard. I don't know how you guys do it. It's very like, yeah, you always get it everywhere. I have a rainbow this week. I did a whole rainbow. That's beautiful. Very cute. I'll put that on my stories.

Yeah. Oh, thanks. Of course. Just use some exposure. Oh, I just need it actually. But I just, I don't know about you, Jess. Like, this is not a you thing, Bec, because you don't do your nails. But, like, I just get in a mood sometimes and I just go,

I need to have rainbow nails. I know my mood's going to improve if I paint my nails the colour of the rainbow. That's lovely. And then my mood instantly improves. She's full of pride. Yeah. Yeah.

She's an ally. Look at this. She's an ally. Look at this ally with my fingers. Yeah. You're welcome. Moving right along. You're welcome.

Bec, what's your broke tip? okay my broke tip is i regret nothing just so you know hey that's one hell of an ally um okay my broke tip have you guys heard of today ticks no oh yes actually jess loves today i knew i stole it from somewhere i knew this didn't come from me um last ticks as well same thing last ticks as well okay so it's where like you hold on Jess what's it what is it I think I think I'm so sorry but I know I love that I'm a real skim reader and I think you can find cheap tickets through these websites you think at the last minute yes yes is that correct yeah so it's like a lot of I feel I'm so sorry I feel like I'm just taking no I'm sorry that I've

Hold on, hold on. Just to reset. Jess, you feel like you're taking something off Bec when Bec brought your broke tip to the table. It's a sharing economy. Make it make sense. Yeah, so it's exactly as you said. It's a lot of theatre, so musicals, plays, sometimes galleries,

things that, you know, there's X amount of seats. If they don't fill the seats, they don't make any money. So often it'll be like the same day or the same week or if a show's in its like last kind of leg, you can jump on there and either buy the ticket directly or sometimes it's a lottery so you submit to try to be able to buy the cheap ticket. I remember you were trying to get Wicked tickets so badly but I didn't, devastated.

But, like, I think normal Wicked tickets were, like, entry-level $90 for, like, the very back row. Whereas they were selling all of them on, I think, I can't remember if it was last Tix or today Tix, whichever one it was, they were $40. Yeah, and I feel like right now everybody's under so much financial pressure that doing something like going to the theatre, you're like, $90 a ticket?

yeah like that is an expensive day out like that's not something that you can just go oh hey jess i'd love to take the kids to wicket like that's not a thing like to me that's like a christmas present like a good christmas present at that so like being able to go for 40 bucks yeah support the arts fill the theater also you know look after your wallet a little bit while you do it we love that love that well let's go to a really quick break jess is gonna look at the font that i like on kindle because i'm gonna force her and i'm probably gonna get another coffee but On the flip side, we're going to be talking about what to do when you're feeling like you're more your partner's financial manager than their teammate.

And, Bec, I'm excited for this. I feel like you're excited too. We got a little bit of a spicy DM. We're going to be chatting about what's more important, helping your friend or keeping their secret. So don't go anywhere, guys. Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma.

Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's On The Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi, She's On The Money. Love the podcast and would love some help with my current money dilemma around getting my husband involved in our budget it's not something he's interested at all and he

has always left it up to me says that he trusts me completely in the decisions that I make but it makes me feel like I am completely in charge and get guilty if we don't have the money when something arises and we need it or if I've done something wrong he's not interested in getting involved at all so I just love some tips around navigating this with him because recently he started to make some comments around how I'm policing his spending, but it's because I know he doesn't check the account. So I kind of have to check in and make sure a certain purchase was him and it's not our accounts being compromised and things like that. Another example is he got a recent pay rise and I tried to set a budget meeting and gave him lots of warning in the

calendar around it or just to figure out where we should allocate the extra funds that he's now getting and any financial goals that he had, but he didn't have any, wanted to just leave it up to me and trusted me completely and then a few days later comes to me and says that he wants to buy a certain thing cost three thousand dollars and that's not something that's built into our budget and I feel like I can't say no I just have to suddenly come up with the money and work around him I'm a little concerned that later on in life any goals that we have anything that goes wrong it's going to come down to me and be my fault do you have any tips for this oh my god this is It's so hard to listen to because I totally get it.

Like it's the same old thing, isn't it? The I'm not, I don't want to generalize here, but I am going to generalize. It's usually like one partner is not doing any of the mental load. Maybe they're doing some of the physical load if the other partner quote unquote nags them enough because all of the mental load falls on the other partner. Even if they're not physically doing the thing, they're still like, I've got to remember to remind this person to do this thing. Anyway, in this situation, it feels like there's no winning.

it's lose-lose she's she's completely taking over all of the financial responsibility the mental load the physical load all of this load and then therefore has to say yes or no to the partner who wants to spend all this money and then they're the bad person because they've said no to a certain purchase or yes to a certain purchase i know the whole thing is just like i feel so bad for this woman and i want her to find an equal partner i wanted to find an equal partner basically oh so you're saying leave i'm not saying leave find a different equal partner i'm saying if your partner can't understand why this is stressful and extremely extremely unfair then find an equal partner or be single because then you just have to worry about yourself you know what i mean so i

agree i think it's a it's a bit rich like when people are like i don't care i don't care also i want to spend three grand like you actually do care but it seems to be that you only care when it benefits you and that's not how finances work like you've got to get into the nitty-gritty and I really heard her when she said I'm fine with it now obviously I've got to work it out but like in the future does this mean that everything's going to be my fault when it doesn't go to plan because like you can totally see that that's the case like it really frustrates me and I feel like you hit the nail on the head back when you said it's about mental load like you're the one thinking of like okay cool like we need to budget for Christmas and oh we've got this coming up and

oh we've got people coming over so like dinner's going to be different like it's stuff that he's just going I can't be bothered but then all of a sudden when he wants a three thousand dollar item he's like oh yeah let's let's make room for that totally are you willing to help make room also what do you mean you can't say no sorry you said that the budgeting was in my court and I've actually we don't have budget for that oh you're interested in the budget now would you like to revisit it because I can clean the slate. We can start budgeting from scratch again together. Because if you're interested, jump on board. I would be really happy to clear the slate and start again when it's completely equal. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. You don't get the best

of both worlds and be like, hey, Jess, I want a $3,000 item, but I also don't want to help with any of the financial stuff. No. No. I hate it. What do you reckon, Jess? I agree. I think it's a common trope unfortunately like it's very common that the load leans one way or the other I would say that if you haven't because it sounds a little bit like our listeners just carrying it all and going okay like I feel like I have to just find room for it as you're saying VD I think like push back I think that when you say yeah you have to find room you absolutely do not I think as well it's important as much as you would hope that your partner would see and understand the level of work that goes into something, the best way to communicate is to not make those assumptions.

So I think if you haven't already communicating to your partner, hey, do you realize that this takes up a lot of time? Do you realize that it's causing me a lot of anxiety because I feel like I'm the bad guy in our relationship? I feel like I'm parenting for you or I feel like I'm your accountant. I don't feel like I'm your equal. I feel like I'm working for you. If you haven't already had that conversation, I think it's important to help your partner to understand those things because we can't assume that they know how we're feeling. In an ideal world, would they just do their part equally? We're coming back to communication. Shockingly, yes. It's a very roundabout way of saying have a conversation.

But also you've got to feel empowered to have that conversation because right now you're probably like, I don't know why it is like that. And the reason it's like that is everything you're saying, Jess. Yeah. And I think like in some partnerships, there is maybe one person who takes the lead on something like finances. And if that works for you, that's not a bad thing. But because our listener is clearly saying that that's not for her, it's very reasonable for you to expect your partner to carry their share of that load because it is both of your money. And, you know, maybe he thinks that he's being really like nice by saying, oh, I trust you. I want to leave it with you and doesn't understand that actually it's causing you a lot of stress and you're really not liking

it. So it's not really about trust though. It's so nice that you do trust me. Fantastic. That's actually why we're in a relationship together because we trust one another and want to build of life together. This is actually about our core values and how we are allocating the resources that come into our relationship to achieve the goals that we want. And if your partner's saying, well, I have no goals, like, oh, for me, red flag. But also you clearly do, you want a $3,000 item. That's a financial goal to me. Like a $3,000 item needs a lot of consideration from my perspective. Totally. I think, yeah, it's just, it's really hard because I totally get like not having financial goals. Like I feel like when I started dating my current partner, I still don't really

have any, but I know that if I want to build a life with this person who does have financial goals, I need to change the way I live my life. But so that's, that's a completely different thing. That's deep. That's a big conversation. Yeah. So I feel like maybe that's- Are you going to pay your parking fines? Maybe not right now. If we move in together one day, I will. But I think- That's a sure sign of commitment for Bec. If she comes in one day and says, I've paid my parking fines,

I'm going to be like, are you getting married? Yeah, then you know it's serious. I really feel for our listener because I think it's hard when you come into a conversation or you try to have a conversation. If you start from an equal playing field, it's still hard, but it feels like our listener is not at an equal playing field. It feels like they're going to be immediately on the defence because they've been kind of labelled the quote-unquote bad guy in situations.

So it feels like they're going to have to defend themselves and then get to equal and then talk about how to change things. And so I feel like there's just so much land to trek. I don't like that he cancelled the meeting either. That makes me mad because that was her opportunity to have the conversation. Maybe that was her plan. It's like, okay, we're going to sit down, we're going to go over all of this, and then he like bailed on it, which I also think is just very disrespectful.

I just don't, I just, I just think. Put him in the bin. No, I'm just kidding. Honestly, yeah. We're through with communication. Well, let's communicate first, sure. And if it doesn't work, then it's just so much, sometimes it's so much easier just to be single.

So, I mean, it might not be in this case, but think about it. Just think about it. I'm really, I get really frustrated about this, but I can also see how it happens. And I think that this is potentially, getting a little bit deep, a reflection of his money story as well he could be quite evasive of this conversation because it deeply makes him uncomfortable maybe he doesn't want to talk about money because you know it's overwhelming and he's just like thank god my partner's got it like oh I don't want to talk

about I trust you please just deal with it like you maybe don't know enough about it and that's where I would go it's not just about the conversation clearly he's evasive of that maybe we need to step even further back and go hey like you know are we getting married one day what does this look like okay so if we're building a life together and you know when we're 80 and sitting on a porch in our rocking chairs holding hands looking off into the sunset like what do we want to have achieved what are we talking about what are those things that we are proud of and going from there I know that's a really deep way of looking at it but are we achieving things together okay well this is actually the tool we need to knock on the head to get there why are

you evasive of this? How did you grow up around money? Let's talk about our money stories and maybe sharing with him some resources that he can consume in his own time and just going, look, you're really evasive of the meeting. I get it. Here's a podcast. Here's Victoria's very first podcast on money stories. Please listen to it today in your own time and have a think about whether that's guiding the way that we're interacting around money. Give some resources. and I feel like being extended the I won't say privilege but being extended the opportunity to consume those things in his own time might mean that he has that point of reflection whereas if he's doing what I think he's doing and avoiding that conversation if you then drag him into the

budget conversation he's going to be defensive he's not going to want to play he's going to be like yeah yeah just whatever you want oh you want to buy a new car in the next 12 months okay put that on the goal list like he's not going to actually give you what you want in that situation it's going to take a bit of work so I would be trying to work out what that looks like and having those conversations and even just going hey I know that you cancelled the meeting like why what's going on like you know can we talk about it is it making you uncomfortable like and then maybe having a think about if you can't ask those questions of your partner why why can't you have these conversations and what is that indicative of in your relationship it's an uncomfortable

conversation at the end of the day because like as you were saying beck it's easier to be single but it kind of is sometimes i'm not saying leave but like have a think about why these things might be happening the way that they're happening great advice i don't know solid i don't know and then come back and let us know what happens please do like i want to have all these people that DM us, send updates. Yeah, we want updates. We should have a whole update episode. Yeah. And so I can be like, all right, remember this. Oh my God, she X, Y, Z. So juicy. Keep us up with the goss. Speaking of goss, we got a DM this week and I have been waiting all episode to get into it. Are you ready? Ready. Okay. Hey, she's on the money. I'm in a bit of a dilemma and could really

use some advice. A friend told me that another one of our mutual friends is in deep financial trouble they're struggling a lot and my first instinct is to reach out and help but here's the problem the friend who told me said it was supposed to be a secret and they shouldn't have shared it in the first place I don't want to betray anyone's trust but I also can't shake the feeling that I should be doing something to help I'm not sure how to approach the friend who's struggling without making things awkward or revealing that I know something that I shouldn't what would you do oh that's so hard isn't it oh I feel like it's really important to not let them know that you know and I worry that that feels sneaky and I don't mean it to feel that way

but I think if they haven't shared it with you it is because they are feeling embarrassed or unsure or unconfident and I think that telling them that you know will one make them feel betrayed by your mutual friend that shared the information so that's gonna pile on top and it's gonna make them feel embarrassed because they didn't get to control the narrative themselves they might start to worry what else you've been told like I think it's just gonna add to their feeling of anxiety that they're already having for me the way that I would go about it and I have to say you're a great friend it's really lovely that you do want to help and that and of course you care like that's absolutely the right instinct that's coming from love I think that you

need to try to open the door to them by making those conversations comfortable. And the way that often you can do that is by talking to people about your problems. It's that age old saying of like, if you want people to feel confident accepting your help, you need to ask for theirs first to make them feel like they can ask for something from you. So maybe talking to them about even if you're not experiencing current financial problems, you know, talking to them about another problem that you are having or, you know. Yeah, it doesn't have to be like for like, You don't have to make stuff up because you can see through that. That would become really inauthentic.

Or reflecting on, you know, oh my gosh, my friend is going through X, Y, Z and I'm trying to figure out what to do to help them or whatever. Like if you approach them with your problem, it's going to make them hopefully feel more comfortable opening up to you. And then particularly about finance, because as we know, finance is very divisive and some people are really comfy talking about it like we are. And some people are so not comfortable about it at all. just start talking about money as if it's a casual thing like not even necessarily about

financial problems but talking about your super talking about if you're thinking about investing or your financial goals money doesn't have to be personal no like it can be like i could be like beck what do you earn what do you spend right what fines have you got but it doesn't have to be personal it can be a topic like a conversation in the same way any other topic can be of conversation and i think if you start normalizing that type of conversation it might also make your friend feel more comfortable to then broach that topic more personally for herself with you yeah no I I agree I think I'm very against exactly the same as you do not let that friend know that you know yeah because do you know what the worst feeling in the world is feeling betrayed yeah

like feeling like somebody didn't keep your secret in fact I'd be quite I don't know I'm a very black and white person I'd be like why did you tell me that like why did you break that person's trust obviously that's an awful situation to be in we all know financial troubles it's stressful you feel like trash you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and then on top of that you feel like other people are going to think that you're less than because you're experiencing financial hardship the last thing that you wanted when you shared that problem maybe you finally shared that problem with somebody is to know that they in the background then went and told Jess Do you know what I mean? Like, I'd be heartbroken if I'd shared something with you, Beck, and I finally felt comfortable. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, this is something I'm really struggling with. And then, Beck, you went and talked to your friends about it. And then your friends are approaching me being like, oh, did you need help? I'd be like, what? Like, that's so overwhelming. And it's just going to make me bury my head further in the sand and feel really distrustful of people.

um so first if you're that friend who can't keep it first if you're that friend who can't keep a secret have a good hard look at yourself because that's not what friends do but then two yeah i'm reiterating everything that jess said like yeah don't approach it in that way open honest money conversations sharing content there's so many great instagrams and podcasts out there that talk about money and talk about things but i really like your idea of sharing a problem that you have so that maybe they can open up but then also realizing that I don't know how to say this without seeming really harsh but it's not your problem to solve like you might want to help them but if they haven't reached out maybe you're not that person for them like maybe empowering the

friend that told you to go well actually I'm really worried about this person but I can't approach it here are some resources that you could say are from you to pass on to this person And here are some things that you could do to help them. So inadvertently, they're getting the advice, but you're not making them feel as though everyone's talking behind their back. Yeah, I was going to suggest the same thing, actually. I'm trying to remember what made me comfortable when I was in a really bad financial situation, like right before I decided to declare bankruptcy.

And I think that what made me tell my friends was, first of all, security with them because I have known them and I'm friends with them and, you know, I feel very secure. But a complete stranger, I don't know if this person is a complete stranger, but let's think what would make you feel comfortable with a complete stranger? I think, yeah, Jess, like you're so right, like sharing those stories as well. I think, though, if someone was telling me their money, not money problems, but just like talking about money in general and they kind of suggested that they are not in a bad place, it would make me a little bit too stressed to talk about my situation.

When I talk to friends and they're like, oh, it's the end of pay cycle. I'm really stressed about money. I don't want to have to dig into my savings. I don't want to have to dig into my savings. Yeah, you're like, what savings? I am closed off from you because I cannot relate to you. I'm trying to get there now, but back in the day, I'd be like, back in the day, I literally mean like a month ago, I would be like, okay, I'm not telling this person that I have zero

savings. I'm just like, yeah, I'm stressed too, but I would not tell them anything. I'd hate to dip into my non-existence savings. Exactly, exactly. And so I think that that is a very good way to do it, but also just being conscious that this situation might be so much worse than you could have ever imagined. It could be, like, something you've never experienced before.

I think the easiest, safest way to go about this is just, yeah, present yourself as a very safe person because you probably are, like, you sound like a very good friend, and let them come to you. But I think exactly as you were saying, V, like maybe the best thing to do is like find those resources for yourself because financial struggles can be so bad that you're like I don't know how to get out of this I just don't know how to get out of this and I don't think I ever will and so yeah finding resources like being like an advocate for bankruptcy if you need to be being an advocate for all these other things

and then sending that message through the friend that knows yeah so I know I understand like the friend might just genuinely be like I'm scared for my friend and I don't know I need to tell yeah so that's fine but I get it you know it's coming it's all coming from a good place like it's coming from a place of love and concern from everyone but I think if someone's already feeling stressed anything you can do to not add to that anxiety is a good thing no I agree and I feel like as you've been talking Beckett reminds me of this concept of leading with empathy not sympathy like I feel like when you're sympathetic of someone you're like oh are you okay like that must be really shit oh I feel so bad for you instead you're leading with

empathy and going well how can I help like I can understand that that would be an awful situation to be in but we're like being proactive and we're helping and I think that it's really important to reframe that because so often you can be like I feel so bad for you that's not what that person needs like I can almost guarantee Beck if you were going through that bankruptcy journey and I said oh my god Beck I feel so bad for you you'd be like thanks bitch like do you know what I mean You'd be like, cool. Like that doesn't help me. It just reminds me that my situation is not good and that it's trash.

Like I don't want that. So I think just making sure that you're leading with not making the person feel like their situation is that bad, more leading with like, oh, Bec, no stress. Like heaps of people go through bankruptcy. My mate went through it and they're fine now. Like it's those things that can help you feel more empowered instead of burdened by what you're going through. and I just yeah so we obviously put that out to the community and said well what is your two cents

the first question we asked was would you reach out to help a friend who is in financial trouble even though you weren't meant to know 25 said absolutely I'd still help 75 said no I've got to respect their privacy interesting split interesting split I totally get it and I get wanting to help yeah I feel like I would really struggle yeah like don't tell me don't tell me if I'm not meant to know because I suck and I'm really transparent too like you'll be like Victoria do you know about this and I'll be like no no I've never heard of it that's crazy Jessica yeah like ask Jess like I can't lie for absolutely trash like it's the worst the question we then asked was let's flip it how would you feel if you were in financial trouble and a friend who wasn't

supposed to know reached out. 26% said, I'd be really grateful for the help. But 74% said, honestly, I'd feel betrayed. Yeah. Fair. It seems that that split is very similar to the previous split. Yeah. Maybe same, same. So then we said, all right, give us your two cents. What are your comments on this? And we got more than a few handfuls of them. So one of you said, bring up money with a friend in a mutual way. For example, oh my God, have you ever heard of She's on the money. Great suggestion. Someone else said, don't mention it because it could blow up the relationship with the confidant who may be their only support, which is true. If they're the only person that they trusted and then you're making them not trust them, that's not good. Someone

else said, don't come in trying to fix it, but generally just talk to your friend. If they don't bring it up, then it's your job to leave it. Someone else said, maybe do some low-key things for them like invite them for dinner and pay another person said why can no one keep a secret these days literally someone else said maybe like a random act of anonymous kindness drop a gift voucher in their mailbox or have some basic groceries delivered that's nice that's kind of really sweet yeah the groceries delivered i feel like is underrated like if you've got a friend going through a struggle having the basics dropped at your door oh imagine imagine even just like bread milk eggs all of those things that you just like oh pantry staples yeah like oh thanks like

it would take off so much pressure someone said if a friend is in trouble and wanted you to know you'd know yeah yeah that's very true then someone else said this person seems to have a really big heart and the drive to help. Maybe they should try some volunteering and working in money in a different way. And then someone else said, I'd bring it up casually. So for example, I'd chat about the cost of living is really hitting me hard and try and make it a relatable conversation. I just feel like I get it, but I'm the type of person that if I told you a secret and you told someone else, I'd feel betrayed. At the end of the day, I think I'd end up more upset that my secret was shared rather than I had the secret to begin with. Some good practical suggestions

there from people like I like the idea of helping anonymously or finding a you know oh my gosh I did a click and collect and I got someone else's click and collect I have all these extra groceries I don't need like would you want them? Yeah I think like that's a really nice subtle way as well to try and help. 100% well guys that's sadly all we have time for today it's been a fun time. Sure has. It has been a great time. But we will see you bright and early on Monday morning for a money diary. And I've got another little bonus episode dropping in your ears tomorrow morning.

So watch out for that. But have the best weekend, guys. Bye, guys. Bye. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.

If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of MoneySherpa PTY LTD ABN 321 649 27708 AFSL 451 289. you