She's On The Money - Why MLMs Are So Hard to Leave—And How to Do It Anyway

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

This episode has been one of the most requested since we began unpacking the world of multi-level marketing. Whether you’re ready to leave yourself or trying to help someone you care about, we’ve got you covered. We’re breaking down why MLMs are so hard to walk away from, how to protect your finances as you exit, and how to handle those tricky conversations with friends or loved ones still involved. If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of what to do next, this episode is your guide to reclaiming your money, your freedom, and your relationships—starting today.  Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kurni, Wolperi and Awadjuri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjuri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast that's here to help you dodge financial traps, identify the red flags and stay scam free. I'm Victoria Devine and today we're going to be picking up on a topic that clearly struck a chord with so many of you. Since our last episode on multi-level marketing or MLMs dropped, it's become one of the most shared of our community. What I've really loved though is hearing from those of you who said it's helped you see MLMs in a whole different light. So many of you reached out to say that you're actually leaving your MLMs after realizing that these business models can impact your finances, your confidence, and your mental health. And it honestly fires me up to know that we're making a difference together. That is why

I am so wildly passionate about these conversations. Multi-level marketing companies don't just affect our wallets, they can impact our relationships, our self-worth, and our time. And because this resonated so much, I've been absolutely flooded with messages asking for a deeper dive, something that breaks down the process of leaving an MLM and explains why you're finding it just so hard to get out. It's also something that I wanted to dive deep into before breaking down different multi-level marketing companies, because I don't want to start breaking down companies with no cushion, I suppose, for you guys to fall back on, no advice. That would be against everything that I go by. So by popular demand, we're going to be unpacking that today.

I'll be walking you through why these companies are so effective at keeping people in, why leaving is such a challenge, and how you can exit with confidence and take back control of your finances, and how you can support a loved one who is caught up in an MLM. So my friends, let's get straight into it. I reckon we should start with why multi-level marketing companies can be so attractive in the first place. They offer this, I guess, idea of financial freedom and flexible schedules, and even a completely built-in community. It's an attractive thing, right? At the end of the day, so many people

are going to be joining MLMs because they see these genuine reasons to join. It's not a false hope that they are buying into. It is this very legitimate option that they see in their minds to either create additional income for their family, or maybe they want to gain independence, especially if you're like a single mom, like everybody wants that. Or even if you are more regional and you're thinking, oh my gosh, this is so isolating. I do want extra income. And all of a sudden, on a silver platter, someone rolls out this supportive group of people that I want to be involved in, right? I think it's also important here to acknowledge that multi-level marketing companies know exactly what they're doing. They are able to sit there and see their target audience

and go, well, what would be attractive to this group of people? They're able to identify all these common financial dreams and things that people in the community that they're trying to attract are interested in, right? It's no accident that there are group trips to places like Mexico because the type of person that is attracted to that is going to think that that is absolutely incredible. And if that's not what you're into, I can almost guarantee that the entire business model is not something that you would ever be attracted to to begin with, right? And at the end of the day, I think it's really important to not think that this is a failing on your intelligence or a failing on you not being able to identify an opportunity that you've been

attracted to these promises because all of us are, right? And I mean, at the end of the day, that's probably why you're listening to the She's On The Money podcast, right? Because I have told you that by listening to my podcast, I'm going to help you to create your own level of financial literacy and give to you something that you weren't afforded in the first place that I believe that you deserved, right? And if I'm able to speak in this way with conviction, because I genuinely believe in what I'm doing, then other people are able to do that about other topics as well, which is why it is so dangerous. Because obviously, I think that after more than 700 episodes and five, six years podcasting and having my own business, I think that I have

earned your trust. I have proven it. I've walked the walk. I have shown you the people that are better off. But multi-level marketing companies are, in a way, able to do something similar as well. So if you think for any second that it is a personal failure that you've been attracted to a multi-level marketing company or you're in a situation where you're embarrassed, I don't want you to be because at the end of the day, all you wanted was better for your family, better for your community and better for you. And that is so attractive. It just went in the wrong direction, right? And I mean, who wouldn't be attracted to this idea that you get to work on your own terms? But that dream is often crafted in a way in these companies to be incredibly persuasive.

And as I said before, it's not an accident. Multi-level marketing companies are built on some incredibly intentional psychological tactics that make it incredibly hard to walk away, but also make it really attractive. I can almost guarantee if you did your own research into multi-level marketing companies and who sits at the top, none of them are product specialists in the product that they sell. Say they're a skincare company. I can almost guarantee that at the top of that company, it's not a skincare specialist. It wasn't founded by somebody who actually is good at what they do. It's founded by somebody who is good at multi-level marketing companies or good at network marketing. And they have then backtracked and essentially

reverse engineered a system and gone, all right, well, I want to make a whole heap of money. I'm going to start a multilevel marketing company, or I'm going to start another one because most of them are serial multilevel marketers or serial network marketing company enthusiasts, you could say, but they're reverse engineering it. So they go, all right, well, I'm going to try and attract a group of women because obviously that's going to work best for me. And this is how I'm going to do it. Oh, haircare. Fantastic. I'm going to go for that. At the end of the day, I spoke about it on the last podcast, that's exactly what happens in Monet. Monet is a multi-level marketing company built by someone who is fantastic at multi-level marketing companies and network marketing.

And I think that that's what we need to remember when we're looking at these companies, because so many of you come so quickly to defend the product. And I get that. The product actually might be great. There's no shame in loving a product that is made and built by a multi-level marketing company. The problem that we have is with the business. The problem that we have is with the structure and the advantage that they are taking of the people involved. So back to, I guess, intentional psychological tactics. Even when it's not working out, they promise things and they talk to you about that's the journey. They talk to you about the community that you've built and putting in more time and energy and effort and maybe even needing to pay more for

more training because obviously it's on you, not the business. And one of their most powerful tactics is actually creating a sense of community and belonging. And this goes back to Mexico, right? Like we talked on my social media, we talked in the last podcast about these brand trips that they're able to earn and able to go on and the way that they have their little communities inside their organization. So you'll often see, and I know a lot of you have started to see when you start to do your own research, that these companies have, I guess, subcultures. They have different groups of people inside of them that attract their own community and create their own sense of belonging. And I think the hardest thing about that is if you do decide

to leave that, you get booted out of that community in 0.2 seconds as though you never existed and as though you were never somebody that they ever cared about. In fact, they will absolutely ostracize you because that sense of community is so tight. Multi-level marketing companies create these tight-knit communities that make people feel really valued and really supported. And arguably, that's a really big part of the appeal. But being able to leave, one of the hardest things is you feeling like stepping away is going to have you lose friends. And I can almost guarantee if you're really deep into the multi-level marketing rabbit hole, you've probably lost some personal friends. You then felt like you gained a group of friends

that really got you and were on your team and wanted the best for you. But stepping away would mean losing those friends. And I can guarantee right now that those friends were never true friends to begin with. But I guess community is only part of the story. Another really powerful tactic that multi-level marketing companies use is I guess this like mindset trap. And this one to me is massive. It's the idea that success in a multi-level marketing company is not about the product. It's not about your community. It's about your mindset. If you're not succeeding, it's framed that you are the problem, not the business. Multi-level marketing companies are really good at making people feel personally responsible for success, which I guess can lead

you down a track of self-blame rather than questioning the MLM structure itself. And I mean, it's very me to want to deep dive into this topic. You guys know that over the last few weeks, even over the last month, I have absolutely been going ham on this topic. Not only have I been going ham, but I've been having all these really deep conversations in my DMs with people who are in the process of leaving, people who are disgruntled, people who have left and felt this. I feel like there needs to be a subculture. And I'm sure that there are Facebook groups of people who have left multi-level marketing companies that support each other because it is hard. It is something really challenging. But I think this self-blame leads you into essentially throwing

good money after bad. And that's another big factor in this multi-level marketing structure, right? So it's this sunk cost fallacy. So they give you the idea that the money and the time that you've already invested would just be lost if you stopped. So if you've bought the starter kits or you've attended some of the training, or maybe you've been on a trip or you've paid for some of the travel, you are walked down a route of thinking, oh, I can't walk away right now. I've already invested too much. I've put too much in. But something that I was told a long time ago is the sooner you get off the train, the less expensive the return trip home is. And I think that that's a really important thing to remember, that the sooner you get off, the sooner you start

saving, the sooner you are in a better position. And I guess it really frustrates me that multi-level marketing companies make people feel personally responsible for success of a multi-million, if not billion dollar company, because that leads to self-blame rather than questioning the MLM structure itself. They did that on purpose. They are going to lead you down that root of essentially gaslighting you into saying that it is your fault. It is not, you know, the company, the company has set you up for success. We've given you every single tool and resource to be successful, babe. This is your fault. And I think that it is so important to be able to identify that whether you're in a multi-level marketing company or you're just

in a toxic corporate job, because that still happens in quote the real world, right? These companies also rely super heavily on social proof or I guess so-called success stories. You've seen them. I know you've seen them all over your stories. You've seen them all over your Instagram. You've seen them on TikTok, the before and after hair care photos. You'll often see people at the top of multi-level marketing companies. I guess the high earners spruik just how much that they're making as well. And I find this so interesting because as I mentioned before, you've all seen the before and afters. But I absolutely can guarantee that you've also seen the top dogs talking about how they're making bank, how they've retired their husbands, how they're making all of

these trips happen because, oh my gosh, I've done so well and I got my white Range Rover and I did all of this and you can do it too. If I can do it, you absolutely can do it. And it's this concept of, I guess, social proof where you go, wow, you're right. That girl from the Gold Coast, she did it. she was just a stay-at-home mom. I could absolutely be a stay-at-home mom who does that as well. I might even quit my full-time job to go and do this because it looks like she's having so much more fun. It looks like the grass really is greener. And you do convince yourself that if they can do it, I can do it too. Multi-level marketing companies are structured that way. It's also, and I'm not going to get into it right now because we'll go to a break

in a hot second, but it's also why you'll often find that multi-level marketing companies have really deep religious ties. And that's because of the sense of connection. It's around community. It's around bringing people in. And I find that really toxic. Like you do you when it comes to religion. I've got absolutely no opinion on what you choose to do in that aspect. But I think it's really interesting, the cult-like multi-level marketing behaviors and the types of religious groups that they tie themselves to. Because often you'll see a really deep connection and them talking about how their religious ties are the reason for their success. So I'm going to go to a really quick break because I could yap about this all day. And when we come back, I'm going

to dive really deeply into why leaving a multi-level marketing company can be so emotionally challenging. And then I'm going to give you some steps to, I guess, help make that exit a little bit smoother. You are absolutely not alone in this and this is not something that we should be embarrassed about. So stay tuned. All right, my friends, we are back. And now we get to dig into why leaving a multi-level marketing business can feel so complicated. And honestly, it ends up being a bit messy. If you're finding it hard to walk away, my friend, you are not alone. And it's actually not an accident. As I was saying in the first half of this episode, multi-level marketing

businesses are designed to create, I guess you would call it a sense of loyalty and then personal responsibility that makes it really tough to leave, especially when friends or family become involved. So let's break it up. First up, let's talk about the guilt many people are going to feel when they start thinking about stepping away. So multi-level marketing businesses often recruit through friends or family and they do this on purpose because it can make leaving feel really complicated. Like you started this business, you were wildly passionate about it and so you recruited your best friend and then her mom joined and then your mom got a little bit envious and was like, oh, I want to be in on the fun and she joins. So stepping away is going to feel really

icky because there's often this guilt around stepping away, especially because maybe you brought in somebody that you really care about. The point here is that it's always okay to put your and their financial well-being first, even if it means that you need to set boundaries with people you know or people that they know. The other thing about multi-level marketing businesses is that they prey on your personal responsibility and your self-worth. Multi-level marketing businesses sometimes, most of the time, make people feel that if they're not succeeding, it's their fault. I was telling you about this before. They take the responsibility away from the brand and away from the organization and put it on the shoulders of the individual

so that you feel, genuinely feel, as though if you're not selling the product, it's your fault. it can't possibly be the brand or the business or the business model. It definitely has to be because you're not that good at sales. And then maybe you should be spending money on training or workshops or programs that the people in your higher up or in your upline are offering and charging you through the nose for when in reality, they probably have no experience in this. They're just copying somebody else that they saw doing this and knew it's another way that they can make money. And I can't say this enough times. Guys, 99% of people who are involved in multi-level marketing lose money. I need to really emphasize that not succeeding in a multi-level marketing

business is more often than not, not about the person. It's about the structure. At the end of the day, being able to succeed in a multi-level marketing business, sure, it's about selling a product. But at the crux of it, to make real money, to make the money that they're glamorizing, to make the money that they are showcasing to you, that woman that you're following, that's saying that you can do it too, I can promise the money she's making is only good because she's managed to recruit enough people under her to make that money. It doesn't come from just purely selling the product. And anyone who says, oh, I just signed up to sell the product only like, and I'm making good money, it's not going to last because there's no longevity in

that. And that's what they are promising. So when you are finally ready to step away, I need you to remember that it's not just about leaving the business behind. It's also about choosing to rebuild connections that might have been strained along the way. How many times have we heard people say, oh, my cousin or my aunt or my friend got involved in a multi-level marketing business? Time and time again, I've heard in my DMs, people say, oh, my cousin started. I haven't said anything because it's my cousin, but I've muted all her stories. Or, oh, my aunt has been doing this for ages and everybody in the family talks about it when she's not around. Oh, my girlfriend started this and oh, it's getting really icky. I've literally unfollowed everything

that she does and I don't follow her business. Even if you are feeling as though no one said anything, it might be because they just don't want to bring it up. They're not confrontational. So if you are leaving a multi-level marketing business, I think it is time to invest in reconnecting with your friends and family because many people doing multi-level marketing end up isolating themselves away from friends and family who were a little bit skeptical about the business because the multi-level marketing company told you to distance yourself from people who are threatened by you. You've seen it time and time again. They're like, oh, they don't support you because they're just envious of what you'll be able to achieve. It's actually a joke. It makes

me feel sick because not only are these people making you isolate yourself, they have absolutely no support when it doesn't work out. Reconnect with those people that you might have distanced yourself from and maybe be transparent about the fact that you are leaving the multi-level marketing and you've learned some new stuff and like, oh, you can't believe you got caught up, but we don't need to be embarrassed about these things. I would reach out through maybe a message or a call rather than, you know, simply re-adding them on social media to really rebuild your trust and connection gradually. The next thing I would do is handle your upline carefully. Over the last few months, I've learned a lot about uplines and how savage they can be and how nasty people can

be if they're still in the MLM to people leaving the MLM. So what I would do is really avoid announcing that you're planning on leaving until you're ready to formally leave. I know that this sounds maybe a little bit hypocritical because these women are going to be saying, you can talk to me about anything. This is something that you can't talk to them about because the second you show any inkling of leaving, you are going to be ostracized. Some uplines might actually guilt trip you or pressure you to stay, which can be really tough to resist if you're feeling really vulnerable. These aren't the people to ask about whether you should stay or not because they are making money from you. Of course, they want you to stay.

so take steps to exit the multi-level marketing business first before having a chat with them so that we don't have any unnecessary pressure or manipulation and I know that this might sound dramatic if you're listening and being like oh V like I really doubt that'll be like that you know my upline is lovely of course they are it's literally their job to be kind to you so that you recruit more people underneath them as well and I know that that sounds very negative but it is the way it is because it keeps people involved. And my heart absolutely breaks because I have had close to 100, I would say, conversations in my Instagram DMs over the last month of people sharing with me their horror stories of what has happened to them when they've left. People

literally being abused, people being verbally abused, people having people park outside their houses to overwhelm them and make them feel really scared. People, you know, telling their family and friends that they're leaving for different reasons. It's actually, from my perspective, cooked what these women will do to protect a multi-level marketing business that, just to point out, wouldn't even protect them when shit hit the fan. So when it comes to telling your upline that you're planning on leaving, you do not owe them any kind of explanation. The next is, and this is hard. You want to cut the ties to your multi-level marketing and you want to cut them real hard. We're going to disconnect from any multi-level marketing related social media groups. We're

going to leave the Facebook chats. We're going to leave the Telegram conversations. Oh V, how did you know that they have Telegram conversations going on? Well, my friend, all those people that I was just telling you about that are leaving multi-level marketing businesses that are disgruntled sent me the links to their Telegram conversations. And because I'm brazen, I added myself to their group chats and had a little bit of a spy around before I got kicked out of them. I don't know if they've been following, but I don't think they would have been very happy to see Victoria Devine has added herself to your group chat. But also, I don't know why they're using Telegram. So Telegram as a basis, this is just like a little side conversation because I

just think it's a bit of a red flag. But if any business is operating group chats on Telegram, it's because they don't want their conversations to be able to be tracked. Everyone in this day and age has WhatsApp, so I'm not sure why they couldn't use that platform. But essentially, Telegram exists because it's on a super encrypted platform that can't even be hacked if people are investigating into the platform or into groups and conversations like this, right? So Telegram is super encrypted and more often than not is used by drug dealers. So I'm unsure of why they need to use a platform like that to talk about their multi-level marketing business. Could it be perhaps because there's something illegal going on in there? Who knows? So when I go back to this

conversation about cutting ties from your multi-level marketing business, we're going to unfollow your upline. We're going to unsubscribe from group chats or newsletters. This separation is going to prevent, I guess, unnecessary exposure to new sales or promotions or recruitment pressures, which is going to allow you to move on without temptation or continued involvement. Like the last thing you need is to see so many people promoting it when you've just left it and get a sense of, I guess, FOMO. And then we're going to talk about any financial impacts. Obviously, I'm going to be most passionate about this because of the financial impacts of multi-level marketing businesses, but leaving them might mean facing a few short-term financial losses.

I need you to remember that conversation about the sooner you get off the train, the cheaper the return ticket. Leaving a multi-level marketing business might mean that there are a few financial losses and I need you to confront the money issues directly by, I guess, assessing what you invested and making a really realistic budget to regain control of your finances. If you need to seek financial advice, my favorite platform is the National Debt Helpline, which I will put the resources and the contact information to in the show notes. But at the end of the day, seeking financial advice or assistance is really smart and it's going to put you in the best possible position. And remember that financial recovery

is possible and we don't want to be throwing good money after bad. Unfortunately, Australia doesn't have this, but some countries actually have buyback laws for multi-level marketing products where the company has to buy it back from you. As I said before, unfortunately, that doesn't exist in Australia. And if you asked, they would absolutely say no, because they will say it's your fault. You shouldn't have purchased the products. But at the end of the day, it's important to know what your rights are. And if you're listening to this because you're overseas, absolutely have a look into it because it might actually apply to you. Now, if you've been listening to this episode because you're not involved in a multi-level marketing business, but you're listening

because you're worried about a loved one or a friend who's still involved in a multi-level marketing business, helping a loved one leave generally requires a gentle yet supportive approach. I would avoid confrontation because they might not be ready to hear what you are willing to talk about. And multi-level marketing businesses thrive on emotional bonds and criticism can trigger defensiveness. In fact, they have whole facts sheets on how to respond when somebody's not on board. They have whole fact sheets that say, if somebody says that they don't have the cash, this is what you say. If somebody says it's a scam, this is what you say. If somebody calls this business a pyramid scheme, this is exactly how you respond. It's really sad. And from a

business perspective, relatively smart for them to have invested so much in sales training. But it means that they are basically hardwired to take anything that you say as not gospel. So instead, what I want you to do is listen more than you talk. I want you to create a safe space for them to share openly. You can say you're not interested in purchasing the products, but you always want to hear about it because they need someone on their team. I would focus on shared memories and maybe reminding them of their original goals to always encourage reflection and maybe remind them of the dreams and the values they might have sidelined, which might help them to assess if the multi-level marketing business truly aligns

with their aspirations. I would be very patient because that's what they need as it's probably going to take a few conversations for them to actually process their attachment, whether this is a good or a bad thing. And I wouldn't support them in the way of purchasing products or joining their team because that actually reinforces their commitment. But I would offer steady support and alternatives and that you're helping them to see a way forward on their own terms. And remember, are stepping away from a multi-level marketing business, it's not just a big decision. It's a really hard one to make. And the support of family and friends can and will make all of the difference. And I mean, you obviously care a lot because you're listening to this podcast. I would potentially

send this podcast to them and be like, wow, this is really interesting. Don't say, wow, I need you to listen to this podcast because you finally have to leave that multi-level marketing business. We don't need that. I'll say that to them for you. And if you're listening to this because personally you're considering leaving a multi-level marketing business or you're involved and someone sent this to you. No, it is completely okay to put your well-being and your financial future first. I'm here. The She's On The Money community is here to support you every single step of the way. From the interactions I'm having with so many of you on Instagram, it is clear that these conversations are needed. The response to this topic has been

absolutely overwhelming. It's why there has been such a gap between the content on this because I wanted to make sure that it was the right content coming out at the right time. And honestly, this overwhelming response to the content has only reinforced my commitment to keep talking about multi-level marketing businesses, breaking down their tactics and sharing stories that empower you to make informed financial choices. So my friend, if you are just as fired up about this as I am, make sure that you subscribe and stay tuned. I'm absolutely not done with multi-level marketing businesses yet because there is so much to cover so hang around have a good weekend my friends and i'll see you bright and early on monday for a money diary

the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorized representatives of Money Sherpa, PTY, LTD, ABN, 321-649-27708, AFSL 451-289. you