Sh**ged Married Annoyed - 90's Parenting, a Golf Trip, and the start of Rosie's Caravan Campaign

Episode Date: June 12, 2026

On this week's podcast Chris and Rosie discuss Chris's Golf Trip, 90's parenting, the importance of boredom and why Rosie loves slagging of Chris to the kids... There's Beefs, QFTP's, shopping substitutions and a camping toilet story! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shagged Married annoyed. Chris has finally found a way to watch horror films. I'm so excited. I give you updates on my lads golf break. Yes, very nice. I get a little bit toxic. Rosie gets toxic. Tune in for that.

The taste of your lips. We've got beefs. And you lovely lot get in touch about supermarket substitutions and camping trips. I love camping. No, you don't. No, I don't. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly.

19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. What did it? Game as fast as they could after Jesse called for help. It's been too long, cowboy. Story 5 is only in theaters. So that's Lily Pan. Where are you?

Some sort of old man toy? She thinks you're old because you're bald wedding. From Disney and Pixar. Toys are for play. Tech is for everything. It's Toys versus Tech. The screen just took over. All the tapping.

The tapping. On June 19th. I want to talk to you, device. A long toy. Twitter off her up. I responded. I have plastic fingers. Disney and Pixar's Toy Story 5.

Only in theaters June 19. Hello, you lovely lot. You are listening and watching Shagmardinoyed. Ramsey and my husband Christopher Ramsey. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi. Right, let's, uh, quick as we can, get this over with. I've got my clubs, masting downstairs. You get down, get them a scrub. Awful. So basically, maston. Mastin. Sounds sexual. It does. I don't care what you say. So I'd never heard it until my mate Jordan said that his mom says, um, when you put the tea bag in the water,

don't put the milking straight away. Don't take the tea bag out too early. Let it mast. that it massed and he said it we're at a soft play I mean soaks better soak seep yeah

but mast is a very odd word but now whenever we're cleaning my golf clubs are saved I'm just masting masting me so you put them in so me what are they muddy

they're a little bit muddy off my golf trip oh we haven't done the podcast since your golf trip thank you for asking it was fantastic golf trip more about that later

it was very very good yeah all good what you've been up to while I've been golfing oh just had the kids yeah just had the kids Good phone.

No. No, no, obviously. The lotion, it's getting a lot better. But for some reason, I don't know why I do this to myself, I go 90s. Yes. And it's like I'm torturing myself, but at the same time,

I'm really clamping down on, like, technology. Yeah, explain to people what you mean. It doesn't mean that you're sort of, you're wearing shell suits in your blasting, Blast and Blur. I've started just wearing and smoking around them, blowing it in the face. Blastin that, Oasis, Travis Blur.

Yeah, British. pop. We're all right from our childhood. Why are we so pathetic as parents now? Like, what the fuck? Sometimes, I just want to give them a smack. I do. I just want to. You still haven't explained what you meant. You're joking. You still haven't explained what you meant. You mean you go,

you don't let them go on iPads. You don't let them go on games. I'm boredom. I just let them be bored. You want them to be bored. But it's horrible because they don't leave us alone and they just constantly say that they're bored and I'm like, but boredom's very good for you. And it is. I think it's important to be bored. It is. It's really, really important to be bored sometimes as a child.

Yeah, because then, and I've noticed the minute that they're bored is when they start doing other stuff, like drawing and getting stuff out that they haven't played with for ages. Ray, he's got his play-dough out the other day, and he played with it for like a solid 40 minutes, and I just sat. And do you know, I was doing the washing? And I didn't actually leave the utility room for 10 or 15 minutes.

I just sat on the floor and listened to a podcast because, I know, it's so sad. It's Rosie's mental breakdown. No, because the minute I go in to the room where he is, He wants some things. As soon as they see you, they're like, oh, there's a waiter over there. Excuse me, can we get some,

can we get some juice and some snacks, please? The ice is melted in my juice, bitch. Can you? So, yeah, so, no, but it's good. I think it's good for them. And I'm just having a whole breakdown about just technology. Being a parent with technology.

I just, it's such, I fucking hate it. It's dead hard. And I just don't, I'll... I think there's a lot of people listening will be going through the same thing. I'm the strict, ma'am. and I hate it. I hate that I'm the strict ma'am.

And Robin is really upset with us at the minute because I'm the strict man and I'm really upset about it. I think it comes from the right place. The literally have just said that they're going to, the government have said that they're possibly going to ban social media felt under 16s. They're not doing that on a fucking whim. Like they're doing it because children shouldn't have smartphones

on social media. Too much for the brains. And I feel, I said this this morning you didn't it? I said, I feel really sorry for the children who've been exposed to it and their parents because I genuinely don't think it's their fault. Like when it like, yeah,

so the kids. so I like 16 and that now who when it all came out and it was like oh he has an iPad he has YouTube just fucking smash that from four years old why not no boundaries on it whatsoever yeah yeah because they're like fully in it now and because I just feel like come with everybody works really hard everyone's really busy right and like there's a government in place and there's all these people in place getting paid money to run the country and to keep working check but when nobody is it's just not fair like so you mean like they should have been like maybe well Steve didn't Steve Jobs say?

Steve Jobs said he would, iPad, not for kids. He was like, I would never give me kids this. Yeah, but they're making so much money of our kids. Yeah, yeah. And it really fucks us off. Yeah. Because they don't give a shit. Like, I didn't tell you about the really sad video I've seen.

Oh, no. Okay, well, let's just carry on then. No, no, come on. Do you want to tell, right? So, guys, everyone, right, we've been making a joke for a few weeks, like Rosie's trying to kill comedy. I'm not.

But literally this morning, like, you did your best to make me not be in the mood for this podcast. You hit me from all fucking angles. I swear down. Well, okay, then let's just. Carry on. Because we're trying to, no way. He had to cheer people up.

I don't want to bring everyone down. We have to cheer people up. We hear to take people's minds off it, right? Listen, I have had a breakthrough, right? First of all, thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. Can I tell you really quickly about my side video? Very quickly.

A lady who works in Silicon Valley was talking to other people who work in Silicon Valley about AI and about... Southern Valley. Is that where they do all the boob jobs? It's not. You know exactly what Silicon Valley is. Just a bit like, just a bit of like, just peppering a couple of dad jokes in here. And this is right?

Just to try and. Just to keep it light. So everyone, remember that, that's your little, that's your little, you know, when you're on a marathon and you've got the little table that hand the water out, am that on the journey of sadness

that you're trying to take everyone on, and the little tables of happiness off of it. So that was it, that was your one mile mark. And you are what keeps us in the comedy charts rather than the serious politics. Yeah, cry and sad. Yeah, not, we'd never get into politics, but maybe cry, sad, sad cry charts.

So she was saying that they were talking about AI, how amazing it is, but how bad it is for like, you know, the world. and everything. And then she was like, so what can we do to like stop that? And they were like,

why would we? We're making millions. Yeah. And we've all got cracking tits. Exactly. Because we live in the valley where they do the tits. Should be called silicon cleavage.

They've missed a trick there. Is this doing anything for you? No, because I was trying to just make a point about how the world is going to shit because a small amount of people are making millions and billions of pounds. But it's all. going to go to shit.

And I believe I've accidentally made a really good point as well during that which is but look at them tits. Yeah. I'm going to come over there for a minute. You're going to do your next bit and I'm going to leave all of my shit in the badness of the world

and how upset I am about everything at the minute. I'm going to leave it all over there and I'm going to come back and we're going to talk about piss and shit and coming on tits and we're going to honestly let's just. Don't you threaten me with a good time.

Let's get back to business. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But technology just really obsesses. Sometimes what I like to do is I like to empty me face, right? So I hold like that and I empty all of the sadness. Like, you know, in the green mile when he sucks the badness out? And he blows it out. John Coffin.

So I go like, coffee. That's what I said. I said, coffin. I did it with an accent. John, coffee. Not his accent, but an accent nonetheless. So I bleep, like that. And I sort of like, you know, Cyclops off X-Men.

I put all my badness. I cyclops it in my hands. That's, I wouldn't thank you for that one. And then I, two seconds. and then I roll it up and then I throw it away. Right back of that. You wouldn't thank for Cyclops. Oh, I can't look at anyone.

Wait, can when he's got his special glasses. I know, but imagine. Imagine if you had a kid and you forgot to put your little glasses on and you'd just fucking killed your kid. I do believe you'd remember, but yes. You might not. Mm-hmm. But the kid might have the same thing.

The baby might be born and might go, oh my God, it's a boy. I wonder what color his eyes are. Oh, there you go, exactly. It's just one I would never thank you for it. I just don't think it's a good one. Apparently Cyclops is in the next X-Men film. Next Avengers film. all the X-Men are going to be in it.

Oh, well, that's... You're not seeing the fucking cast list for the new Avengers Dooms Day. No. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. We've got a couple of cinema trips coming up. Toy Story 5's coming out.

Yes. Which I'm excited about. That was quick, by the way. I just made, it's just how life works now. So fast. The only a couple of months ago was like, oh, then you're going to be Toy Story, it's going to be an iPad.

You're going to love it. It's an iPad against the toys. You're going to be there, team toy. And I'm going to be sitting looking at the kids going, yeah. Yeah. What do you think of that? Kids?

would he cry? Huh? You've made, would he cry? He's going bald! I'm going to do my thing. We're very... Should calm down a bit? Nah, I refuse.

Just take a minute. It's you, man. I'm on edge, because you're always trying to... Right, careful, you've got a wire. You've got a wire, you've got your dog lead on. Right, just gone over there.

Right? You look like you're having a shit. On the long camera, on the wide camera there, you're sitting having a shit. But they were going, you're back. Hello.

What's your favourite kind of crisps? And we're back in the room. Listen, guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for watching. If you are, please subscribe on YouTube. That would be wonderful.

And without further ado, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Again, this isn't the real sponsor, so don't skip it. Lucrative, lucrative sponsor, right? Lucrative sponsor. Yeah.

I've had a breakthrough. I thought he was going to say breakdown. I was going to say... Oh, I've been on a breakdown for years. Just mates with it now. It's just with us. Just part of us. You let the elephant in?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm riding the elephant. Not in a sexual way. This week's sponsor is watching horror films on the train. Ah. I've fucking cracked it. I've cracked it. Okay. You know, I've always, I've said it in me stand up.

I've always said it. I am, like, I'm obsessed with horror films, but I'm too scared to watch them. I watch the advert or I listen to the premise of it and I go, oh, and it's the, it's the, it's the, oh, I wonder what that is. I wonder how they sort it out. Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm buzzing about, but I'm always too scared to watch them. I had a thought, we just started watching that Widows Bay on a house. Apple TV. We're only about four or five episodes in. It's fucking great. We head as fuck,

funny as fuck. Bit scary. Great. And I thought, you know what? I think I can handle horrors now. And I watched a horror film on the train yesterday. Was I scared? Yes. Did I cover my eyes a couple of times? Sort of, but I made it look like I was scratching my head. What did you watch? Weapons. Oh, okay. Never heard. It's the one where all the kids run away in the middle of the night when their arms out like that, like a little airplay. Oh, God. No. So 27. What happens is, I'm not going to spot it for everyone, but at 2.17 one night, all a children bar one from a

from a class, a school class, all run out of their front doors and fuck off into the night and no one knows where they are. And it's scary. There's loads of jumps, but I was, so I was doing this a lot. You'd have to watch this on the video,

so I was doing this a lot on the thing. So I had me right arm across me eyes because I was covering my eyes because I was scared watching it. But I didn't want anyone. Well, yeah. But it's good because you're watching a horror film on the train.

But I'm in public and there's people there and I'm safe, so you can't get into it too much and every now and then the bloke comes and goes, do you want to cut the tea and I'm like, no, I'm fine, back in this.

Would I like it? Weapons? Yes. Is it ghosty or is it? No. Murdery or is it? It's sci-fi? No, none of the above.

It's witchcrafty. Oh, ooh. It's great. I really enjoyed it. I really, really enjoyed it. Okay, I might watch that. But I can what, I've got them all lined up. All the ones I've been obsessed with

and thought about, Babadook, I'm going to watch that on the train. It, you've just, you've never seen it, You've just said that, haven't you? You've never seen it. What? You just said Babadook in a weird voice. Never seen.

Great. You just like the word. No, we talked about it years ago. Isn't it a bit like seeing Candy Man in the mirror? I don't know. I think I already know the twist in that one. But that, that it,

I've never watched any of the it's all welcome to dairy. Too scared. Trains. Honestly, when I go down... I thought that was in the film. It's where you're going to watch it. What, Derry? No, you said trains.

I was like, what's trains? Oh no, I'm watching all of them on the trains. Yeah, good. Very excited. I was watching... sexy things that you can't watch on the train. I've missed dialogue you know. Oh, Game of Thrones. I remember when Game of Thrones first came out, first series, very sex heavy. I remember minimizing, this was the day, I just used to download them. I just torrent them and put them on

my screen because you streaming wasn't as, no, you know what, you couldn't tether to your phone back in the day when I was doing all that. This was all fields. I remember I had to minimize the screen to sort, like to the size of a fucking posted stamp in the top corner of me screen. I was like, people are going to think I'm watching porn on the train. I know. I've just, I've been having to fast forward stuff. But they do dialogue while they're doing it. Right. And I'm like, I'm missing.

Brightness. Missing full chunks. Brightness. Turn your brightness down. You can still hear the dialogue. Oh, flick, flick. Just flick up so it's still plain. Flick up on your iPad.

Flick like they're flicking each other's knees. But then part of his things, I'm a grown-up, I'm allowed to watch sex. So how about you just deal with it? And maybe I might just get me kicks by thinking, look at me screen. There's a photo that went viral years ago of an old man sitting on the train. And he's facing. Yeah, so he's like, he's got his back. to the, he's got his back to the window and he's watching an iPad and he doesn't realize it's

dark outside and someone took a photo over and you can see his iPad and he's full on on porn hub on his iPad on a train. I still haven't watched porn. Never. It's been about a year. Oh, since the wanted, yeah, details. Since they wanted me details. And honestly, yeah.

I think I'm better for it. Tell that the 10 minute conversation we had before this podcast started about everything that's bad in the world. Tell you what, I'll sign you up. Get yourself a porn subscription. Fucking cheer your bracket up. Swear to God. I think I'm better for it

You just had to sit in the corner What do you think you're better for it? Bourne, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, No, but I haven't been watching pop But I've been watching sex on the train So, you know Whatever on the train Come on move your body

Sex on the train Very good No, come on, let's sing Oh, I can be asked You really are Broke Look at all that just happened there man I think I've got to

The roller coaster of emotions. Like my head now, I feel like I could explode. Yeah? I don't know if I'm happy or excited or if I'm sad or overwhelmed. I don't know. It all feels a bit fuzzy. I think you're missing porn. That's what it is.

You're missing porn. I'm not missing porn because I could never get away with it. I could, I'd just seen through them. I just saw through their eyes. I just can't find something sexy when they don't want to be there. Honestly, sometimes. I'm not saying cock. I'm saying clock.

A lot of clock watching. a lot of you can tell they're going It's never the men It's not the men The men are all very much enjoying it It's just the women changing musicians And whilst they're doing it going Right

Ah Ah And then change it again Ah Ah Again You've done the same one You've done the same one

Well because they've probably just done it twice But I can't I can't I can't Do it She just wants to go on bath. She wants to go and have a bath. There's none of them want to be there. And it's

I can't, I don't find it sexy. Whereas in the movies, they're all very good at acting. And it makes it, you know, it's much better. Yeah. And they've all got the little pieces on so the bits aren't touching. Yeah, but sometimes in my head I like to think, I bet they all. Yeah. They did it afterwards just to make it.

Yeah. Okay, fair enough. Strictly's the same. We had to find about the jingle. We could. And settle on a jingle Jingo So this is the jingo

Jingo We hope you like the jingo Jinnu do babadoo babadu babadu babadu babadu bag Bha-do babadu ba Jingo Hello and welcome back to this week's episode

of Shadmridingland Hello, hello Now as promised Golf Trip update Golf trip I had a lovely time Thank you for asking It was fantastic

I'm going to make an annual thing absolutely fantastic. Loved it. Loved it, loved it, loved it. A lot less depressing being shit at golf when you're in a sunny place. A lot less depressing. I think anything's better in the sun.

Yeah, yeah. That's why I think this couldn't... No, I'm here it is. No, I think there's just a lot of sadness and upsetting this country. Especially in the north. Because we don't get the sun. We don't get the bloody weather.

No, we don't get it. We'd never get nice weather. I take three vitamin D tablets a day. That's too many. It's not man. It is. That's too, it is too many. Chris.

What? That's too many? You just poo it out, man. You poo it out? In the summer, you go down to one. In the winter, you're up in the two. I'm on one. I'm on one.

But in general, you don't need three vitamin D tablets. I'm going to take four just to prove you wrong. Why do you do everything? Why do you everything? Because I heard vitamin D was good, so I was like, well, I'll have more of it then. More's good. But too much. Same with everything, in it? Come on.

You look yellow. I was really worried. After you slagged off me watch time, I was really worried I was going to have a glove tan. I don't think I've got one. No, you haven't. I think they're the same, yeah. I think I was, I think it was going to get that. But, so as we all know, Carl Hutchinson, friend of the podcast, came with us on the golf trip.

Yeah. But he didn't, he doesn't play golf. So he just waited for where he just had a little holiday on his own. Oh, good. And then we all, I mean, we were done at like one o'clock in the afternoon, which is when, you know, we saw him then. So Carl, when we got back, so we'd be playing golf on the morning, right? And then we'd be like, he's coming back. We'd be like, yeah, run my way back.

we'd get back and he'd already be around the pool waiting for her. The excitement on his little face and how he went on when we came back, it was like, and this, I'm not exaggerating yet, if you see the videos of people who've lost their dogs and they're going to find their dog, and the dog is like, it can't control itself. It's like, it's on them and it's like fucking wagging his tail so much.

Its whole body's moving. He was exactly like that when we got back. He was like, you all right, hey, I've done this, and I've watered the thing, and I went down there, and I've got these sunbeds forward, and it was like, It wasn't, right? But however, however, Carl discovered,

and I didn't know this was a thing, Carl discovered the level before, the level of pissed before a need carried home, because he was a big lad, I wouldn't be happy having to carry him home. He discovered the level, there's a level under a need carried home. So you're drunk, you're tipsy,

you're pissed, you're Hamad, you need carried home. Yeah. In between Hamad and need carried home, there's a state that calls, I didn't know it was a thing. We were walking home one night and Carl was a little bit worse for way and he just turned to one of the lads.

What? Can I hold your hand? And Sean went, what? He went, if I just hold your hand while we're walking. And so I went, yeah, no bother.

I've got multiple photos at my phone. Just to keep them up, right? Just to keep them. Like, I don't need carried, but can I just? just hold your hand. The weirdest bit was they didn't hold hands

like school trip holding hands they held proper linking fingers married couple holding hands and why shouldn't you? To be fair Sean I think Sean swapped at one point with Jordan

but Sean and Jordan held his hand all the way home all the way home and then I took him up to his room and I put him to bed because you love him he's your friend

love him to bit I took him up his room and he's alright you're a pleasant drunk but he is the most pleasant drunk in the world. Oh, that's, well then when people are pleasant drunks, you don't mind

looking after them when they're drunk. It's unbelievable. Like, laughing his head off just loves everything, loves life. And he said the next morning, he's like, this is why everyone was saying you're such a nice drunk. He was like, this is why I never get beerfia. He was like, I never get beerfia because I know I've never upset or offended anyone because he's great. Yeah, I don't know his bedroom.

And he just fell face forward. Was he more drunk than everyone else because he'd been drinking while he was a golf? I would imagine so. Right. He fell face forward onto the bed, right? And I've a photo on my phone I'll have to show you. It's a photo of him just lying face down on the bed and I texted at the group with the caption, your package has been delivered.

Oh, blah. Well, he's had a good time. He's also trenches. He's trenches with young, young, young, young children. They are. They're in the trenches. So I get it. And again, it gets easier.

I tell them all the time, it gets easier. But when you're cutting loose, when you're away, you are cut loose. Yeah, absolutely. You've done it before. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, you've lost days. Oh, when you're so hung over and hot,

you put a lie on the bathroom floor for the tiles. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Been there. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. How can working at your local Tims take you further? Sure, you can level up your teamwork skills. You also get a chance to receive a Tim Horan scholarship award.

Ready for what's next? Apply today at careers.timhorans.ca. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. So another thing that happened. Okay. I this would not have been as funny if it wasn't in a Scottish accent right went for a meal one night and we went to a went to a curry place right and we went at I went to the bathroom during said curry and a lady had already ran past our

table holding like a four year old a four or five year old little girl right ran like sprinted holding the girl okay we all know why they're sprinting at the top we all know why they're sprinted in the toilet. For a wait. Well, there's an accident on the horizon. Yes. Okay. So she runs past and we go, oh, you know, and wait, what was mad was, were all dads.

So in a really, not a horrible way, but in a really, like, I don't know, like, trying to enjoy myself as much as possible way. Whenever we saw anyone round the pool or anyway, having a bit bother with their kids or on the flight, we all were just like, ah, not us. This is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But also probably, I'm guessing, understanding.

Very understanding. Oh, kids flying on, kids crying on flights, couldn't give a shit. Yeah. But once I'm going in time. My kid, I'm devastated. Before I had kids, I was raging. Stick a screaming kid next to me for the full flight. I couldn't give a shit because I don't have to help.

I'm like, fuck you. Well, I mean, it's not my. Yeah, but I could, but it's not my issue. It's my problem. It's not my. So I'm like, okay, kids, right. I thought you were going to take a different angle. No, no, I'm like, that's not my problem.

No, but I thought you were going to say, I understand. I do understand. Oh, I understand. It's my point is I understand. But I'm like, it's not. I feel I've just remembered something. It's not my burden, should I say. Yep, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, listen to this, right? What? I'm just writing something down. Okay. What for the beefs? Maybe. Wow. She's doing our research in front of us live on the podcast.

Wasn't going to mention it, but I will. Great. So, this lady runs to the toilet. She's in the toilet for quite some time. I end up eating the toilet. So I go, and it's one of them toilets where it's got the sink area is communal. And then off to the right is the ladies and off to the left is the man's. Awful.

Yeah, so I walk in and the little girl is standing next to the sink and the mom is, looks at me and turns her back. It's just clearly cleaning something in the sink. I kind of know what's going on, but I'm not bothered. And I saw it looking. I go, oh, which one's the men's, which one's the which goes? Oh, it's there. And I went, and she goes, you're off the tailie.

And I was like, oh, yeah. And she was like, oh, right, yeah. And I went, yeah, and I went to the toilet. And I came back out and I'm waiting to use the sink. And she went, and she realizes I know what's happened, right? and she kind of went, oh, two seconds, we've just had a little bit of an incident like that.

And the little girl looked up at us, right, and to her mom's horror, and it wouldn't have been funny if it wasn't in this accent, in this accent, she'd looked at us and she just went, I'd done a joby. And the mom just went, and I fucking lost it.

Oh my God. I done a job. Oh, bless that hot, man. If anyone who doesn't know what jobby means of shit, it. Oh my God. I went, I went, well done. I went, congratulations me darling. I like smiled and the man was just like shaking her head. Oh, I love job.

It was so good. Oh, the candy man. I've done a job. I've done a job. Just look right up as I'm told us. I'm going to go, ship me pants. God, it was fun. The man was dev.

I knew, if the mom's listening, I already knew what had happened. I get it. And it's fine. But it was, God, it was funny. Cute. Babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, bah. One thing of note that happened whilst you were away that I haven't actually got to speak the year about.

One day, there was somebody knocked on the door. No, so the gate was open and somebody came to the door. Very smartly dressed man. Like he'd had a suit on all day, but he took his suit jacket off. Right. With a delivery saying, oh, I'm going out shortly. so I just wanted to drop these off. Uh-huh.

I'm like, this delivery guy is going above and beyond. Right. He's literally going out and on his round, he's dropping off our parcel. Who is he? Not the normal guy. So I'm literally like, thank you so much. You didn't have to do that, blah-di-blah. Didn't realize till he's a neighbour?

I'm never going to say that. Who is he? I don't know. I was like, I've not seen this guy before. It wasn't like, I don't think he's peripheral. Right. You don't think he's an immediate neighbour So you thought he was a delivery guy

But he was dropping something So something's been dropping at his house Until he left I spoke to him like he was a delivery guy Brilliant Who must know we're on his rounds And wanted to drop it off Before he went on holiday or something

And I was just like what is happening That shows how ingratiated we are In the local community Don't even know I just thought I thought we did though Yeah I thought we knew all the neighbours

You might just moved in you never Sometimes you know if they'll knock If they'll knock to try And because that's that whole thing in it way if they don't deliver it, they get bollicked. I know. So sometimes they'll knock, and if everyone's out,

they'll go fucking miles down the street. Right, okay. Well, they must have gone pretty far because I was like, I don't think I've seen this guy before. Oh, you didn't see anything awful. No, I didn't. I was just like, oh, wow, thank you.

Like, so actually, he's probably took it as me going, thank you for taking that in. I really appreciate it. Whereas you thought he was... I just thought this delivery guy is... On his way to a wedding. Yeah.

But he was going to... I have to get this parcel to you. This is so important. I absolutely have to get this to you. Like the parcel at the end of Castaway. Yeah. And he keeps the whole time. So he's got a purpose to get home.

Yeah. Oh my God. That is such a good film. Incredible film. Isn't it? Yeah. I might watch it again, actually. You know that is six month gap?

So you get into shape. For when they've gone back? Yeah. Yeah. The dedication. That a six months. So he, you know, he's quite, he's just like normal body shape.

And then the crash and they do all the first bits. And then they have like a six month gap and he gets shredded. And then they start filming again. Because, well, surely they had to do it while they were doing the filming. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, While he's there, he's lost it all the way.

Yeah, of course, because there's that one where it fades, I think he knocks his tooth out, and then it fades away to nothing, and the next one there's a, there's a fish, and a fucking spear lands in the fish, and then the white shot, it's him just on a rock, just fucking ripped to bits. Yeah.

Love that. So there you go. So sorry, sorry, the gentleman. Yeah. He was a gentleman. It's good, so I'm just glad, I'm glad you didn't say like, you know, I want to take a photo of it like you normally do,

or something like that would have been painful. That would have been painful. Right, good, good. good. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for what's your beef. What's your beef? What, it's your beef?

What, what, what? What's a beef. Right, so you wrote something down earlier. Was that beef? Yes, it is beef. And this is the new one that you've just remembered. I didn't just remember it. I just, I didn't write it down at the time.

But it's just, I think it's a, I think it's all mothers we can agree that this is something. Well, okay. Yeah, we're going. All right. Well. As a woman, as a mother. I know about a girl or shit.

Come on then. So something happened with the kids while you were away, just like Robin was misbehaving type thing and bloody blah, and I told you about it because I had to implement some rules. He wasn't allowed to play out for a couple of nights and blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, it's all sort of, don't worry about it. But it was kind of plaguing this, and I wanted to talk to you about it because you were away,

and I spoke to you about it. And then the next day I said, like, have you thought about what we're chatting about yesterday? And you said to me, I'm on holiday, no? and I just I just no no no but I just I also have been on holiday without the kids

but I can tell you right now I don't like stop thinking about them and stop thinking about stuff just because I'm not with them I still think about everything and possibly might even be awake in the night thinking about stuff

this might be why you said earlier on that your head feels like it's about to explode because I did just switch off but it's just a luxury that I'm not afforded well no because it's got something to do with the fact that I know that when they're with you, they're in the best

hands possible. You know that when they're with me, they're with second best. Yeah, I know I just don't ever switch off from them and thinking about them and thinking about stuff. I know I was just, honestly, I was just a bit shocked. I was a bit shocked that you were literally like, oh, I haven't give it a second. Well, I mean, I should have told you. I should have, I should have, I should have, I should have, I should have. I mean, yeah, that would have been better. Yeah, I should have. Yeah. Honestly, for a minute I went, I went, I kind of did just go, I'm in this alone. I did. I'm not even joking. I genuinely, for a second, I was like,

oh, it's just all up to me, which is fine. I like to know where I stand. And like, you do, you know, you take them to school and stuff and you'll take them to the scooter when I can't be awesome. I should have it out. If I had me time again, if I had me time again, I should have went, yeah, no, honestly, Rosie, I haven't stopped thinking about it. Whereas, honestly, as soon as I hung up, it was like none of you existed until you rang again.

How do you... I need... Sensei. How do you do it though? I just need it. Golfs are... Golfs and all encompassing game, you know. You can't really think about anything else

while you're playing golf. Be honest with you. What? Sorry, the bad dad game. The bad dad club. That's what you're all. It is the bad dad club. Yeah, it is the bad dad club.

Yeah. Yeah, in future, just pretend. I shut up. Oh, no, I know now. I'll fucking know. I'll be like, you haven't thought about this once. It's just mad. But that's just how different

males and females are, because on a girl's trip like you will have just talked about other stuff but on a girl's trip we would have talked about it I told them all about the issue I told them about the issue obviously we're making it sound like it's really

it's not really fucking funny as well to be fair and quite it was one of the things where you know when your kid does a thing where it's naughty but you go fuck me that's impressive like I can't tell you how much like that is millimeters away from a high five

what you've done but you're getting a bollicking for it but I'm telling you right now that's millimetres away from a high five yeah So, yeah, I told them about, we're talked about, we laughed about it And then I just, you know, got another beer. Nice.

I'm just jealous. I know you. I know you are. And honestly, green's not a good colour on you. I know. I just don't sleep. I don't sleep worrying about my kids. And I hate that.

I hate that about, I really just want to be, shit, I want to be laid back. I want to be like, go with it and, oh, well, everything will be fine. You know, I lose sleep. Yes, and that's why you're a brilliant man. And they'll thank you. for it when they're... I don't want to be brilliant. They won't thank you for it.

That's about that, in fact, in fact, get it in your head now, they will not thank you for it. So why do I bother? Because you know it's the best, you know what's best for them. You know what's best for them. Well, I know, but I'm very aware.

I said this to me, mom yesterday. Me and Robin are going to have a hard time because I am, I'm the strict man. Yeah. And he hates it.

And I sometimes think he hates me. And it's just, it's really upsetting. He doesn't. No, he does. Honestly, sometimes he fucking hates us because he's like... Well, no. Let's see the way around because he was asking me for something last night and I said, no and he went, well, where's ma'am? I'll ask my arm. So no, no. He's, he will play a way off against each other. I know. Yeah. I love saying no. That's a difference. Can I have this? Nah. Can I have one of them?

Nah. He tried to get a pat a chili heat wave Doritos at 8 o'clock last night. Why do you keep calling Doritos? There's only one O. I fucking hate it when you call it door. That would be... Every time you call it Doritos! Fucking, it's Doritos. People had to go at me on holiday for that. Oh, God, what are you saying it around your mates? I'll say it around everyone. Doritos.

Doritos. There's one O. Well, that would be Doritos. You fucking... No, door. D-O-R. If there was two O's, it would be Doritos. Ah, right.

It's Doritos. So the O's silent. Pretty much. Who told you this? Or Doritos. It's not Doritos. So fucking back it in. So, hard on.

So your. saying it's Dura the Explorer. Hmm? Is it Dura the Explorer or is it Dora? Oh. Tushay. But it's not Doritos. We'll find, go on.

No, he can carry on. Doritos the Exploritos. Listen, my beef with you, right? When he says, he's sorry everyone, he says Doritos all the time. He'd be upset. Do you would tell everyone about the... But why wouldn't you let him have any Doritos?

It was eight o'clock. At night? Aye. And he went and got them, you got a chocolate bar and a pack of the doorritos and I was like, what the hell's going on here? I went, put them back.

You went, where's ma'am? I went, did we give them a Zaz? I went, go and put them back. Can you phone her and ask if I can't have some, I went, no, I can't phone her and ask I think I have some Doritos and put them back. You should have out.

Open the cupboard door and put them door retos back in the door retail cupboard. Now close the door. So there you go. Listen, my beef with you. No, you can't have one. I'm really sensitive. My kids hate this.

My beef with you is You always whinge about this house being a bit like messy and they're being shit everywhere and not tidying up and stuff Yet today, just this morning I went to throw away some kind of cardboard mask

on a straw that Reeve got from McDonald's that I saw them use once yesterday I went to put in the recycle bin and you went Oh don't let him keep it Give it a week! A week! Just a week! Just a week? But then you go, why is this house a tip?

It's because you let him keep bits of shit for a week. I throw them away after a week. Just let them have them for a week. You only got it yesterday. You can't chuck it away. Let them have it for a week. And then throw it away? What's wrong with you?

I'm not having it. I'm not having it. Straight in the bin. If it's recyclable, it's going. It's going to get wrecked, man. It'll get wrecked. You're ripping up in tiny pieces. The pieces will be all over.

I'm not picking it up. You're going to have to get rid of that. I'm not getting rid of that. I tried. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. The amount of like, like a party bag shit

that just hangs around. Oh God. I know, I hear it. Oh. But just, you can't, he's a person, you can't just throw away his stuff.

He's not a person. No one's a person. He is. You can't throw away their things. You have to like ask them. Right. But if I asked them would never get rid of anything.

Yeah, no, but then just, they probably wouldn't even let us fucking flush their shits away if you asked them. Note how long they haven't played with it

and then get rid of it. Can't just throw it. Because then, because, because, will happen? What'll happen? You go, where's that mask? You go, where's that thing? And I'll go, man, and then...

And then, what I've got to do is be horrible about you, which I love. Oh, God. Do you know they say you shouldn't do it? But I fucking love it. I know it's the most toxic thing ever, and I know it's shocking, and I know the red flag guy would hate us, but I fucking love saying to them kids, well, your dad

hasn't done this. Well, you'll have to go and ask your dad about that because actually your dad said the I and when you're there oh God! Oh I've never felt more alive. Dreadful but very funny. Do you not love it though? I don't.

Hey, I don't. Oh, it's pure red flag shit. I fucking love it. Yeah, I say I don't do that at all. Yes, you do. I don't. You do. You name of time I've done that.

I've never done it. I won't do it. I won't. Do you get upset when I do it? Well, do you know what it is? Actually, we've got two boys so I'll give you it because we've got two boys.

But I'm not going to say, like, negative things about their mom. Yeah, you want them to grow up knowing that women are in charge. I just think it's healthier. I'm sorry, I do, I think it's healthy. I didn't ask my dad for shit growing up. I know what you mean. He was great, amazing dad, loving him to death. But my mom ruled the house.

And I think most healthy houses, the women rule. And I want my boys to marry women who are really strong. and they run the house. Not stronger than you though. They can fuck off. There's a higher rocky here. There it is. And you need to know.

There it is. Oh, God. Oh, no, stop it. I'm doing this. I'm joking. I'm totally joking. But I do love slagging you off in front of the kids. Fair enough.

I've got thick skin, I can take it. I know. And then I know when I leave the room, I'm not stupid. I know that when I leave the room, you go. She's on a pee. She's on her period or something. She's on a period or something, girlie.

You know what they're like, eh? So it all balances out. And then we all watch Andrew Tate. So it's all good. It's all good. Oh my God. Oh my God. Ew. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo.

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and a wide leg that feels modern, Not overwhelming. Plus, that signature, wait, for this price? Moment. Old Navy's drape you denim wide leg. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for questions from the public. You've done it different there.

As always, if you want to get in touch, it's shagmarydenoid at gmail.com, if you would like to send a long form written correspondence, or if you'd like to send a voice note to the WhatsApp, it's 078874-406650. All of those content details can be found on your podcast page. Oh, well done. That sounded very professional. It's good that, wasn't it?

I was like, Blue Peter. No, please send a self-addressed envelope if you want to send your tattie bits of shitty art that you've done back. Yes. Don't expect all the bits of macaroni to still be stuck out of the fucking cardboard. Very true. I've got two here. I haven't listened to them.

Dazzy sent them last week. One's called Noor-Loo Roll and one's called Toilet Roll substitution. Which one would you like? I'll have toilet roll substitution, please. Right, okay. Hi, Chris. Hi, Rosie. Hi.

I was listening to your podcast and heard the rosebush substitution. So I thought I'd tell you about a substitution that I had of my own. What's the rosebush substitution? Wasn't that someone gave someone a rose bush as a present? Didn't it? I don't know. Someone gave someone a rosebrush as a present, I'm sure. It'll become clear, but I can't remember.

I'm now thinking, wiping a... No, no, no, no, no, no. No, it was nothing to do with that. All right. Pre-COVID. So the substitution that I received for toilet paper was even more. It's on a shop. Someone got to, wanted a bouquet of flowers for someone and the substitution that the online shopping did was literally a plant, a rose plant, if I remember rightly.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a rogue one the other day. I ordered the pre-made pancakes for Rave. He hates my pancakes. He's horrible. It's awful. so I ordered the pre-made pancakes It's really upsetting No it's really upset

But then he snuffled them down the other morning Yeah yeah Anyway, just does it over says Do you know what the substitute was? What? A cheesecake? A brownie cheesecake? I was wondering why that cheesecake was in the fridge

And the guy, because I didn't get time to check And he was like, is that okay? I was like, yes So instead of pancakes, crepes, ready made crepes, they gave you that A brownie cheesecake? cake?

It's like, much of a breakfast I said, what's happening here? I saw it in the fridge I was like, why I should bought that? It's,

oh, do you know, I thought you'd got it for me as a little gift. Oh, no, sorry. Was it nice? I haven't had any of it.

It looks amazing, but I was just like, someone's been eating it. Sandra's been eating. Did you throw out that veg that she left? No, put it in the fridge.

Good, because she's a bag of veg. She's texted saying, don't let Chris throw it away. She's like, a bag of vegetables on the, on the bench. Well, she said,

Do you know how much sprouts are nowadays? That's why she doesn't want it. She looked like she was going to a farm to feed the rabbits. It's just a bag of random bits of red. So weird. It's a little bag of stir fry that she takes everywhere. She takes it back home with her, like, as if we're not worthy of our leftover veg.

It's so weird. So weird that she just carries, she comes and stays out of house and just brings like, yeah, you're right. It looks like the stuff. that you give to your rabbits? Can you remember Rocka Park where there was rabbits at Rokker Park? It looks like he's going to Roker Park to give the rabbits.

Sorry, that was a park in Sunland near us, by the way, years ago. So weird. Anyway, ready? So this is about supermarket substitutions. Substolutions, yeah. There was no shortage at the time. Of toilet room. I had been pre-warned that my toilet paper was not in stock,

so they were going to replace it. Fine. I thought I'd just have a different brand, maybe a different colour. What is it? When my shopping arrived, my toilet paper had been substituted for a ream of A4 printer paper. It's the most ridiculous substitution I've ever had. And no, I did not use it. That's fucking amazing.

That what? I would not have guessed. I would not have. I was going to go kitchen roll, cloths, sponges. That's, and I went as far as towel. A4 printer paper Are they not allowed you say that they don't have it? I don't know

But that is absolutely phenomenal That's hilarious Oh imagine wipe your ass with this As a pandemic No, this was before the pandemic She was saying this was before It wasn't even a shortage of toilet roll That's what you're saying

It was just they didn't have her brand So oh look we haven't got You know I don't know Andrex Extra Soft Show us give her Charmin Nah will not let's give her A4 fucking laser jet paper

So this is what I find With like Do you know when you go to a coffee shop And it's a young and I'm not Slating young people I love young people I was young once myself as well And I used to work in a coffee shop

And I didn't drink tea And I didn't drink coffee And honestly Abysmal Yeah Probably everything I made was disgusting Right Yeah yeah

But all I'm saying is It's like when you go to a cafe And the people Serving the coffees Don't drink coffee And they're shit And you go What is this?

like vile anyway. Or you're saying the person who substituted it has never wiped their ass. I feel like the person who substituted it is a 16 year old boy who's probably never ever done the shopping. Right. No, like he's probably just like not, I don't know. I think there's been an error. I think there's been either a computer

or there's been a really quick glance in an error. They've seen paper. They've not seen anything else. All right, okay. And they've gone, boom. So it's either the computer has done it before the, because you see them on the little past. No, because, no, it's not.

That's not how it works. That's the person who drops it off. That's who's packed your shopping. Yes. But you see them on that, yeah, but you see them on their pads going around the supermarket doing it. So either before it got to the screen of the pad, paper for paper has been, or they've been in a fucking frantic rush. They've looked, they've seen paper. Oh, paper.

And they've just got paper by it. But that is so good. Yeah, fair enough. That is, can you imagine how upsetting it would be wiping your ass with a crisp sheet of printer paper? Oh, God. Wouldn't pick anything off. would it? No, it would just slide.

Yeah. It would just be like a butter knife. Yeah. Oh. I was thinking about thonged bikinis this morning. Great. Because I've got a little spot on my bum. And I've just seen it this morning.

I thought, I could never wear one. No. We've had this conversation before. Again, people still wear them on Haldi. Find it upsetting. I find it upsetting. Why? Just find it upsetting.

You just don't want to see someone's full horse on Haldi, do you? Yeah, there's just. just no part of us that wants to see someone's full ass. And again, I'm like, that's right up your ass crack, that? How much of a tan do you want? Come on, man. Stop it.

They're just fashionable now, I think. That's the crack. That's the crack. But it's upsetting for us, the rest of the world, who don't want to wear thong bikinis, because now all the bikinis are just getting smaller and smaller. Like, I wear massive knickers,

you know. And I love them. Oh, I know. You know. You take them off, the room goes dark. Blot out all the light. Someone put a tent over here. We don't need blackout blinds on holiday.

So, but to find a full, that should actually make a bikinis, a full coverage ass bikini because they are rare nowadays. Really? Yeah. To get like a stylish one as well. They're just getting smaller and smaller

and they just cover half your ass and it's like, I don't want to constantly be picking out a wedgy on holiday. You can't pick it out, otherwise everyone can see your own. I would like me all's to be covered. There's no picking out.

It lives there. Yeah. It lives there. Yeah. Weird. Anyway. Odd. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo.

Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. Always. I have a story from when I went camping back when we lived in New Zealand. With my auntie and uncle when I was about 13 and my siblings nine and seven. Wow, you've had a good life. That just sounds really adventurous and cool. Yeah, it sounds nice. I'd love to go to New Zealand, you know.

Same. Yeah. Put it on my list. Fucking miles away. I know. Days away. I know. It's like time away, isn't it?

I know. And I hate coming back. I hate flying back so much. Honestly. Like, I can't describe how much. I think the key is to, you know, sometimes if we go on a little road trip with the kids around the country,

you know, that awful summer where we'll have that motorhome, where we go like, you know, you hop. So you go like... I still want another one, by the way. So you go like, we'll go to North Yorkshire, right, and then we'll go further down. And then we'll go, boom.

Then we go south coast. You didn't enjoy that? Back up, nope. And then we'll go back up. And then, you know, we're back up North York Yorkshire and then we're gone. You honestly hand on hard, did not enjoy that? Nope.

It was only because it was COVID you didn't enjoy. If we did it now, you would love it. The only good thing about having a motorhome is you have your own toilet on the motorway. That's it. That's it. You go, I need a piss. I'll just pull over and I'm pissing in my vehicle. Isn't that cool?

But, you know, Pringles tin sorts that out. Not for longer, it does get soggy. I didn't enjoy it at all. I refuse to get another one. Oh, man. I loved it. I loved it. hated it. And the one we had

was weird. It was French, so the door was on the other side. I wouldn't get a motor home again. I just want a caravan. The door was on the other side. So we had to pull up the other way because that was an error. Yeah, they're all on the same side. The door so you opened, we opened our door, you could see everyone else's fucking toilet slash cupboard slash bed, slash living room slash kitchen. Would you not get just a geet lush

caravan? No. Because do you know what? They exist all of the country. They're called hotels. You literally said the other day, I wouldn't have stay in a hotel. That's worse than my house. you want to stay in a fucking tin of farts on wheels? I'm sorry, you think my caravan will be a tin of farts. All caravans are tin of farts. No, they're not.

It'll be lush. It'll be absolutely nipping clean and lush. I really want one. And then we can just clamp it up. The kids are bigger now. We don't have to worry so much. They're magical to drive as well. Most crashes on motorways are caravans are involved.

Are there? Yeah, 98% I read. No, is that bullshit? I've never ever. I've never drove past an accident on the road where there's a caravan. I have never. I've never.

No, don't Google it. Don't, I'm already upset. Why are you trying to ruin me life? Wow. What? Wow. It's tiny, isn't it? Wow, that's minuscule.

What is it, 4%. No, don't you dare swipe that off. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Do not. Less than 2.6%. I'm really sorry. I got out of a height.

I am due on Right, okay, there it is Right Oh, is it all makes sense Yeah, always All makes sense But the thing you forget I'm gonna get cancelled

Because I'm due on You forget though You do this all the time You go I don't know what's wrong with me I'm this, I'm that I'm this, I'm that I'm this, I'm that

Oh I'm due on Every, but every month It's like you forget You have a period I know I think that's what they want To do Right

I think that's the whole point You think periods Want you forget You have periods No I think We're biologically sort of programmed to forget.

Okay. That makes sense. Oh, I read about this scruff and a stupid shithole caravan. I seen something the other day though, it's just camping, it's actually worse, where it was like, you know how periods

and women's sort of internal organs have been, they've done the least amount of research on them. Bear in mind, the uterus literally is the only human organ that monthly sort of like refreshes itself,

like, gets rid of it, all of the coating and the lining and then regenerates. It's the only human organ that regenerates monthly. And they've hardly done any research on it whatsoever. Really? Yeah. Wow.

Men have never, because men have all, you know, as far as it goes back in time, have always been in charge of, they've never bothered to do research on the women, on the menstrual cycle. I don't know. want to say to that. I think you should be ashamed to yourself actually. Oh, sorry, do you want us to get me,

do you want to get back in the lab? I think you should go back in time, and you should have a chat with the lads and say, I think we'll probably need to look at this a bit more, and they'll go, why, why? What lads do you think I can talk to back in time? You think I can just get all the, all the, all the, all the, all the, all the, all the,

biologists, yeah? Yeah, they were too busy looking at how to, maintain erections and making medication for it. Mm-hmm. Is that true? Yeah, of course it is. They've probably done more research on Viagra and stiffies than they have the female organs

Do you know 0.2% 2, 6% of accidents? Do you know what would make us feel better? What? If we bought a caravan. Right, okay. No. I'll forgive you. Should we do this? Yeah, let's do.

Sorry, I'm sorry. Guys, I'm sorry. What the fuck? What the fuck? I am broke. And I don't know if them... I'm broke? I don't know if that... I'm angry, I'm broke and I can't be fixed. until a week's time where you go

Hey I'm not on anymore It's great Caravans are shit aren't there D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D I'm literally going to cry I'm going to cry Don't cry

I just I can't bear it Chris What Just how much I'm a Mess Yeah when you do one I know Dom But I understand I understand

And you're still funny You can still do your job You're all good Do you know what I've just remembered What I bought timeouts the other day I'm going to have one When I'm getting

There's none left Robin, that's the chocolate bowl Robin had last night you had the last one fucking hell I shouldn't tell I should have waited two of it She's gone She's actually crying

Oh god Listen As soon as we finish this I'll send the files off to Daisy I'll run at the shop And I'll get your time out I'll get you one with two fingers in it Because you're like two fingers didn't you

She's back in the room Two fingers in the bat of a caravan sums you up Right I'm honestly so easily pleased Oh God Go on then finish the story Go on camping in New Zealand With their when they lived there

With their aunt and uncle and the siblings Go We were camping in almost the middle of Norway If I would rather have a toffee crisp It's just because I had thought I had been As soon as I don't I'll go straight to the shop, I promise. You might have to go to BNAM because I don't think they do them.

I think you have to buy them in big packets. They don't do them singularly in the shops anymore. Whatever. I go to Bainer. Thank you. Love you, back. Okay. We were camping in almost the middle of Norway.

So we had... I've just remembered me clubs. I'm asked in, can I quickly finish? Clean me clubs. I'll get them out of the sink and then I'll go. We had to bring our own camping toilet, which we managed. Oh, glamorous. Despite forgetting we needed a tent to go with it.

We then had to... improvised with a normal tent which was quite notably shorter than one normally used. Sorry. So right. So they've brought a camping toilet. Yeah. Gross. And then you need the camp and toilet needs to go in its own tent. Yes, apparently so. Delicious. Um, so they've instead, instead, I'm only just learning it. So instead of, right, so they've done a normal one, which obviously you can't sit up in on a toilet. I'm going to. guessing, yeah. Oh, God, and this is a fucking holiday. Stop it. All is well, my sister and I are playing catch with a frisbee, not far from the spot in which we were camping.

My sister throws the frisbee too far, so I go to retrieve it. As I'm going to retrieve it, I happen to look in the direction of the toilet, I then, to my horror, see, my uncle, pantless outside the toilet tent, wiping his ass out in the open. we're all going on a summer holiday there's your uncle wiping his ass crack you forgot the bog pencil will shit in the normal one for a week or two it'll stink of poo awful what a horrible way to live

I unfortunately saw his bare backside as well as my younger sister Our auntie then lures us away As we hear her yell at him in the distance I assume the reasoning behind his behaviour Was because he was simply too tall to wipe inside the chest Oh god But I still don't understand why he did it in round

About eight kids Our cousins were also there You might be a perfect This image is still embedded into mine And my sisters to this day And we still talk about it every night I can see him now I can see him

Big white pale horse standing outside of the tent that he's just like crawled out so he's shatting it he's crawled out of it with a shitty arse and he's standing outside of it how can he's ass crack

and then putting it God almighty go and stay in a B&B oh for honestly I refuse to holiday anywhere where there isn't actual plumbing

I refuse I'll only just go to Greece where you've got to put it in the bin where you've got to put the bog roll in the bin next to toilet that's upsetting. I am not, I am not spending my free time

anywhere where I'm not shitting into work and plumbing and I'm not going back on that. On most campsites there is toilets there is plumbing and toilets. Yeah, the communal toilet. Yeah, definitely I. All right, yeah, 100%.

Yeah, all right. Don't sign them off because honestly some of them are really lovely. You can't, I think, personal preference. It's personal preference. Okay, but I, all right, well, we disagree on that

because I think camp and in caravans like mint, I think it's class. And I think kids love it. But this is grim. This is upset. Yeah. The camping toilet in the tent that's too big for the uncle is very upsetting. And I would be really upset if I'd got to catch my little frisbee when I was nine

and I saw my uncle wipe me his ass. That would really upset me. It's ruined my day and I'm not even related to the man. It's really bad. And he probably has a job in that and he probably, you know, he's probably paid to go there. My point is these places are filled with people who will happily wipe their ass out in the open and that's my issue. Right.

And I'm not going. There and that. There you go. Okay. There you go. Would you have just bent down in the tent? I wouldn't have gone. Well, okay, but you, all right, you have to have gone.

Did I went, no. Uncle Chris, are you coming on a holiday? And I went way, that I went camping, we're taking a, stop you there. Stop you there. I'm not coming. And then everyone would have slyly gone, oh, get in. Good. Yeah?

Yeah. And they come back and they go, oh, we forgot the tent for the toilet. I got a class. You know what I did? I shattered me toilet in the house. It's great. You're such a miserable bastard. I'm not, I'm not doing it.

You're a snob? You're a snob? Yeah. Yeah. 100%. I was glad that everyone knows. Yeah. Oh,

oh, Chris Ramsey showed his true colours. One shit in a small tent and you've got a squat in the middle of the field and wipe your ass with all nature to see. Oh, snob. Yeah. Full snob. That's being a snob. I call me a snob.

You've always been a snob, actually. Manky. Manky. Camp and toilet. Oh, God. Someone's got to clean that. Someone's got to clean that. Probably him.

Nah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bao do do do do do do. Thank you so much for listening this week's episode. Sorry, I'm a bit emotional. I don't know, I don't know what's going on. Let them all know that you're actually okay. Oh, I'm fine.

I'm absolutely fine. I'm going to go and get your toffee crisp now. Yes, thank you, darling. Everything's going to be good. Yeah, great. So there we go. Guys, my tour is on sale now. I'm going out September, October, November.

And I think a little bit of the beginning of December as well. I can't remember. All over the UK, places I've been before, places I've never been. and at all on my website, Chris Ramseycomedycom. It's really good. Thank you very much. And I've got JNS next week.

Yes. So if you like the theatre and you're in South Shield if you want to come, you can come. Mainly, but mainly Chrisromseycom for tickets for September and save your money.

Save your money. Don't worry about the J&S. You've heard the singing on you. Go to the Christmas Rangelo. It's called Hey Mr. Composer It's at the Customs House. I'll be going with the bands.

You will. Yes. Yeah. No, it's amateur, it's amateur dramatics. It's not going to blow your mind. Again, mine is professional. It's very lovely, and it's supporting local theatre.

Professional top fly comedy, supporting a local lad. It's not a competition. There's months between them. Yeah, just in case. Great. Just in case you put them all off. Great. You're singing.

Do you do sad songs? I bet you do. Loads of sad songs. Guys, we'll be back in your ears next week. Bye! Performance Auto Group's 37th annual sale event is back. Now for three days. Lease or finance from 0% plus loyalty incentives and maximum trade in value.

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