Sh**ged Married Annoyed - A bribe, a Tom Jones obsession and some hidden Easter Eggs!

Episode Date: March 6, 2026

On this week's SMA Chris and Rosie discuss their very different parenting styles, hidden easter eggs, late check outs and whether it's okay to bribe a child... They have a very unreasonable ick from a listener which neither Chris or Rosie are onboard with. They have a discussion about favourite colours which somehow leads to a conversation about The Mighty Ducks and a phone call to Kev! There is of course beefs, QFTP's, WhatsApp messages and loads more! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Today, get Huel’s full Lite & Lean Starter Kit online with our code SMA30 for 30% off at https://huel.com/SMA30. New Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shagmary Noyd, we are chatting different parenting tactics. Chatting or arguing about. The latter. Bit of both. Clones. Easter eggs. We've got loads of beef. And voice notes and questions from you lovely, lovely lot.

Hope you enjoy it. Hello, you are listening and you're watching if you've got the YouTube. The Chris and Rosie Ramsey. The YouTube. The YouTube. Listen, go on the Google, find the YouTube and watch the videos. Hi, welcome to the podcast. Hello, hello.

Hello. The world is shit currently. But we are here to hopefully bring you a little bit of light relief. Just take your mind off it. Just take your mind off it, cheer you up. Yeah. I looked in the charts the other day. Yeah.

And there was Megan You and Rob and Josh holding up the masses of just... Just keeping it lighthearted. Try my best. It's all just news and politics. It was all amongst news and politics. Which I was actually listening to. I've listened to two news podcasts. on a walk.

Think you hard, do you? I know, it's in fact. But we drop some knowledge bombs, are you? I know facts and figures. Yeah. But then I go on Instagram and I don't know what's real anymore. Of course. I don't know what's real and what's real.

Well, I mean, is Jim Carrey real? There's the first thing we can talk about. Oh, that put... Do you know what it is, right? You said this, didn't you? I said it this morning. I said it this morning. I'd be fucking devastated if I'd just paid a shitload of money

to get me eyes lifted and me, me cheek implants and whatever the fuck else he's had done. And then for people... For people, not only outwardly say you look weird, but to literally question whether it's fucking you or a clone. But I did say though, I think if it is, right, it would be something that he would do.

Yes, yes. But who knows? Again, misquote, you know, in the future, all right, if it turns out it was his clone, slap us on the wrist, I'm wrong, but I don't think it is. I think he's just had a bit fill out. He's put it on a bit weight on his face.

He might be doing a roll. You don't know. But, fuck me. Well, guess what, Chris, guess what? He's just aged. Yeah, he's aged. And people can't bear it. Or maybe he's trying to stop it.

I don't know, but fucking hell. Like, you imagine. Imagine getting like, I don't know, like on our level. Like, imagine like, I don't know. Getting a haircut. Getting a haircut. Getting your hair died. I got you, I'm sick of the little grey bits on the side of my head.

I get my hair died, right? And then someone goes, I go, I turn up with something. I don't know. Comedy awards. People are like, that's a fucking clone of him. That's not. I'm like, ah, shouldn't have got that hair died, shoulda? That was a fucking mistake.

It always makes us laugh, though, when someone isn't in the love. limelight for a while. Mm-hmm. And then the pictures, can you believe? It's like, what, it's 20 years later. Like, people change.

Yeah, yeah. They did one, I think, what was the one I saw? A while ago was Jet Lee. Remember Jet Lee? The guy who did the, all the, like the martial arts films and stuff.

All right, okay. I don't remember. He was a sort of next one after Jackie Chan kind of like martial arts did all his own stunts. Right. You know, just,

just, just yorn while I'm talking. Absolutely fine. Unbelievable. fucking just yawns openly, just yawns into me face. Oh no, I'm sorry, I've been awake since 5 a.m. Right, yeah. 5 o'clock in the morning, because I decided to have children. Stupid, what a stupid idiot I am.

So, yeah, sorry, I've been, I'm really tired the day. I've just been up too early, man. I just, God, I miss, I miss just, like, being able to stay in bed. Yeah, but then when you do, you feel guilty when you've got kids. That's the thing. You go, all have a day in bed. You feel fucking terrible. I know.

I can't enjoy relaxing. I don't relax anymore. I'm on tour at the minute, right? And sometimes we're not checking out the hotel until 12 o'clock. I can't fucking stay still. What? No. I got up in fucking Brighton the other day and I walked around Brighton.

It was fucking raining. Maybe one time because I've definitely rang you at 11 o'clock and you've been in bed. No. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. 11 o'clock in bed and you're crazy. Yes. Yes.

Where was I? I don't know. It has happened. I had breakfast and everything. No, not on this tour. Nah. Not on this tour. because I'm a parent now

No no I'm a full-time parent now What time are you getting up? Like 10? 9 o'clock I think Something like that But listen All I'm saying is

You can't lie in bed You feel bad Even if you give yourself a day You go I'll just like I could be chilling But I'm just like No slagging bright enough here But I just walk around

Just fucking walk Because I'm like I should be moving I should be doing something It gets ingrained in you Yeah I totally agree That's the thing

Them two little tossers Who we live with Right We're children Love at my death Tossers They're going to be teenagers

in bed, not getting up until midday or whatever, and we are going to be conditioned through years and years of being woke up. Saturday mornings, me and you'll be up seven o'clock, fucking pottering around, and they'd be like, what you're doing? We'll be like, well, you fucking did this to us. Wait, she would join the park run? No.

No. No. Okay. No. No. God. No. Oh. Oh, no. I think we drink too much. We drink too much to join something that early in the morning. Running is a solidary affair. I don't understand people going running in groups.

I've never understood it. No? Do want to go running? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many, do you want to go with 20,000? Wait, no, I'll put Netflix on. Because you can't speak, can you? Really. I'm just not, I don't like being on a busy pavement. Yeah.

Run into saw everything. On the Peloton when they say you should be able to hold a conversation, I'm like, I don't want to have a conversation right now. Conversational pace. I want to just concentrate on me breathing. Doesn't exist. By the way, what I was going to say was, they did, you cut us off.

They did it were jetly ages ago. They did a photo from one of his films off like the early noughties. And then a photo of him, someone had spotted him now. And they're like, he's the age. yes, yes, he's aged. Just because you're famous, it doesn't mean you don't age. I mean, some people are ageing incredibly.

Some people age wonderfully. And as well, we've spoke about this before. I think people think that once someone's famous, they have to just be famous forever. Like they're never allowed to change the mind. They have to just be that person forever. And like, that doesn't happen, does it? Yeah, well, sometimes.

But, you know, I would say eight out of terms. I think some people are, Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd. The man hasn't aged a fucking day. looks amazing. But you know, good genes, good genetics. Probably moisturises like a motherfucker. Yeah. So listen. Probably has tweakments as well. Tweakments are one little tiny ones that you don't allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Sneaky, sneaky. Yes. Guys, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for being part of Shagroy Nord. If you'd like to like and subscribe and all that shit, that would be really helpful. Probably not very convincing when I say in all that shit, but there we go. It is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Rosie, it's happening. It's happening. This week's sponsor is Light mornings. Oh. The light mornings are back. It's here.

I wake up. I look at the curtain. There's a crack of light. Yeah. There's a... What's happening? Is there a fire? Is there a lighthouse?

Has someone ported a car? No. It's daylight. It's spring. Oh, God, it's happening. So happy. I don't know. But the other day...

But it's mad how you forget, though, in it. Because the other evening, I went to take the bins out. I walked in the back garden and it was still light in the back garden. It was like... Something about quarter five

and I was like, the hills are... The kids were playing outside last night unbelievable. After school. Absolutely amazing. And I was just so happy about it. And we live in the north as well,

so we're probably getting the shittest version of that. So if you live down in the south and you're getting actual warmth, fuck me, congratulations. And have we become those old fuckers who talk about and winch about the weather? Yes, we have. Hard lines.

Yes, we have because it affects your mental health and it's nice to be back. It really does. We're back, baby. Back, bitchers. We had to fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle Jingle, Jingle.

So this is the jingle, Jingle, Jingle. We hope you like the jingle, Jingle, Jingle. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadu, Babadu, Babadu, ba. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmuridonoid. Hello. Like we said before, hope you're all well, and it is just a bit intense. At the minute.

Out there. Yes. But we are here. You're on tour still? I am on tour still. as I like to call it at the moment. So there's two jobs I've got at the minute. My first job, three jobs.

One job's the podcast, obviously. Love it a bit. Wouldn't change it for the world. Would I change my co-host? No, no, I wouldn't. I'm all right with that as well. Shake it. Listen, shake it up.

Try, give it a try. Well, I am working on a clone. Oh, thank you. I am working on a clone. Presti. Yeah, it's just, yeah, it's just great. You go, oh, will you meet her? Honestly, do you know what I've done?

What? I've evolved a period out of her. She never has a period, which is amazing. Oh, my God. Amazing. If I didn't have a period, I think I'd be the perfect woman. What? Yeah, you would.

Don't you think? I'm totally joking. I'm sorry. So, oh my God, I think I briefly mentioned your period on stage the other night when I was on tour. And I think there was a lady in the crowd who mustn't listen regularly with the podcast and was just like, was like mortified that I was mentioning me, wife's paper. And I was like, you're not up to date, are you? I was like, you don't understand.

the period is the third host of the podcast. But is it not good that men talk about periods? I said that, Robbins had the... Robbins getting the big chat today at school, isn't he? The big chat. The big chat. Not the sex education chat, because they already had that,

which was mortifying last year. Awful, awful, awful. I don't feel like that should have happened, but that's by the bye. It's done now. I don't feel like I was warned about it, and then I just sort of got told, and I was like, okay, anyway,

that's by the bye, it's happened. The big chat about, and I said to him this morning, I said, what they're going to talk about, tiddlers and periods, and what did he say? He was just like Oh, shut up, shut up.

He was mortified. He was mortified. I told you, didn't I? Yesterday were in the car and I said, You know what I mean, jelly bean? I just said, you know what I mean? And I left a little gap and I went, jelly bean. And he went, don't you. Ever.

And I was like, what the fact? That's not even that bad? On the subject of him, I forgot to tell you about this. Right. Do you know the other day when they were just being dicks? Well, narrow it down. Most is. Anyway.

Sorry, let's check my diary. Oh, that was. That was every, you know, I'm going to need more, I'm going to need more specifics. It was just a day when they were being dicks. I said to Robin, I don't know if you, you might not be here, but I might, you might have been downstairs.

I can't remember. Anyway, he was going to bed. And I said to him, and I was like, I'm sick of everyone being rude in this house. I'm sick of no one listening. I was just doing one of them rant. He was reading his book and I was just having a rant. And then I said, you know what it is?

I went, yes, would be gutted. I think it was one of them, pity me moments. I went, if I packed my bags and I left this house, yes would be good. which I hate actually because is that like what narcissistic parents do

possibly? Possibly yeah anyway Listen when your backs against the wall you pull out the old narcissistic parent stuff come on well I know I just had a moment I felt sorry for himself

anyway all he did so I was like and I would leave this house and I'll never come back and he literally looked up from his book and he just went that's a bit dark isn't it?

And carried on reading couldn't give a shit I thought well I just think you pull them out now and then you really do Like, I went, I paid him to leave a skateboard party the day. We'd been there for so long. You paid him? I paid him. I went, if we leave now,

you can have 20 pounds. I need to leave. I would be in there for four and a half hours. It was fucking freezing. I was sick. You did not say, you did not tell me that you paid him to leave. Chris, that is horrendous. I managed to change it at the last minute. I managed to change it and say, look, you did so well in the competition that, you know, you got up, he did. They did the competition.

Everyone was watching you now. They had to take turn. Someone was on the microphone. They were like, next to the ramps, it's Robin Ramsey. And he had to do all the stuff. stuff. It was amazing. And I was like, yeah, clearly slash you did really well. Why don't you just say we're going now? Because you...

What the... You are... You are ruining these kids. You're actually ruining these kids. Should I have packed me bags and tell them I was leaving them there, should I? Hey? Pick your fucking side, will you? I'd rather they'd be sort of emotionally scarred

from the possibility of we're leaving, right? The threat of we're leaving. Than they're getting 20 quid, just whenever they want. It was 12 quid in the end. The thing you wanted was 12 quid. I kept the eight quid apoculars. His actual words were, I'll let you keep that eight quid dad

because that was clearly a bribe. Why am I telling you? What have I told you? Why are you telling you? Why do you keep doing this? And then do you know what really? Do you know what's the most upsetting? This is being a beef?

Because they'll do something and you go, these children are spoiled rotten. And I'm like, well, because you bribe them to leave places, you're moron. You say, get your stuff. We're leaving now or I'm going to pack my blood. Listen, love, listen. Stop, Chris, stop it though because...

No, you buy the McDonald's every week. Can you stop that? I've got a shiny... You're not the favourite parent. I've got a shiny 20 pound note if you stop talking about this. I've got a shiny 20 pound note for you. If you just leave this, if you forget about all this now... You're a moron?

You're a moron? You're a moron? You're a shiny 20 pound for you. Well, good luck because actually, they're clever, right? And they do realise that, you know, sometimes we are a team, but sometimes we're very much not, right? And I think that's because we're both fiercely independent. So they will know, oh, Mom doesn't just give us stuff, but Dad does.

So good luck. So good look. They're going to bleed you dry. And who they're not going to bleed dry? Okay. Me. Right. So there you go.

All right? Fine. They will be like, Dad, push over. He'll buy us that. He'll get us this. Now, it depends on what day you catch is on. Because sometimes I'm an absolute pushover. Sometimes I'm an absolutely.

You're always a pushover. You're always a pushover. I'm not having this. Literally, the amount of times they come home. Every time you go to the supermarket, you buy them something. Not ridiculous though, just like a sweet or something. It's not like toys in that. Every time, every time, Chris, you're a mug.

You're a fool. You're a fool. Do you want I buy them? They get a pack of raisins out of the one, that were the muck's pack that I bought. Yes, they do. Or what do you want from the job? A handful of bird seed.

You can have a bryosh out of the pack that I bought, and that's it. All right, okay. I don't buy them nuff all me. Okay. Okay. Noted. Listen, do you want to hear about your jobs?

Three jobs, right? as I was saying. Anyway, podcast, right? Like I said, definitely changing the host, a co-host,

stand up. And my other job is coming home and trying me best not to get fucking coughed and sneezed on so that I'm ill when I go back out on tour.

I've known nothing like it. They pair of them. Just, but they're at you, just in your face, just sitting like that. I feel wind. I just feel wind from coughs on my body

the whole time. Is this, is this you trying to prepare me for you just not coming home home at all. This is what this feels like. I just need to stay.

What are they used to do? I need to quarantine. I just need to quarantine so I can still do the game. Well, wasn't it? Was it? I don't want to like dig him out. But we interviewed a pop star. We've interviewed a couple of pop stars who tell us that when they've finished

tour, they'll go and just stay in a hotel for a week to decompress. God, yeah, I don't want to say who it was. But I've told loads of people this. I'd be really true. But someone who we have interviewed a couple of times, who's a musician and a famous man, told us of another even more famous guy who, when he finishes a massive world tour,

stays in a hotel round the corner from his house and just pops in for a couple extra hours per day just to get you that. I mean, that's the fucking life, isn't it? That's the fucking life, in it? I'm going to say who was, actually. I'm not going to say who told her, but I'm going to say who it was.

No, why? Just so everyone knows who. No, an inimidi. All right, yeah. We want to have some trust. Oh, well, yeah, but I don't know this guy. I don't actually remember who it was. It was Bono.

It was Bono. I got told that Bono comes back from a massive tour I mean in there too has on mental I mean and you two do separate planes they don't travel together

in case they all die and the whole band's gone so they go on separate planes right so he comes back and apparently just stays in a hotel around the corner and just comes out

come in for a couple hours and then fucks off back the hotel stays one night comes in six hours the next day fucks off at the hotel just drip feeds himself back to his family it's mad

how are the other half living it. Oh, that's just great, isn't it? Imagine that. Ah, I'd be raging. No? I'd be like,

dipping your toilet out of you? Huh? I stayed an extra half no idea have you, dick it. Well,

I just think, do you know what it is, right? In his defence, it's the way that you choose to live your life. Yeah.

We, you know, which is, and I don't want to talk. No. What am I going to say? What are you going to say? Quick,

say something you're going to regret that you have to wake up up in the middle of the night, remember. It's not that I'm going to regret it. I just, we are in a financial position where we could live a very different life to what we do. But it's because I feel like I need to see my kids all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's the kind of mom and family that I had and I want that for my kids and you're the same. So like, so you could go and stay in a hotel down the road for a week, but I would be like, sorry, what are you doing? Listen to me. Listen to me right now, and this is from the bottom of my heart. I don't like any of the hotels around here,

which I have looked at new, so I'm not going to do. Actually, this is the difference. We're like, right, we're talking a lot here, but the difference is you would love to do that. 100%. Honestly, someone opened a nice little hotel around here. Self Shields, get open a pretty nice one, and I can come, I'll, oh, God, you're kidding.

I'll live there full time, I'll just pop in now and then. Pop in, bed and bath. Bed and bath. See you later. I know. Do you think Bono gets up at 5 o'clock with these kids? And then does a show? His kids must be grown up now.

I don't know if he's got kids to rent with you. No. So it's, sorry, you don't know, so it's just his wife. I think it's just his life. It's just he's... It's an hotel just goes and stays his wife. I had to have enough love, can't be seen you anymore, love.

We've had... We've done two hours, love. I'll be it. We've had no. I'll be back in the morning. I don't know if that's sort of. Is he Irish? He is Irish. Yes, I think that.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember 988. Candace Suicide Crisis Hubline. It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can

Call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 988 suicide crisis helpline is funded by the government in Canada. Babadoo, Babadu, Babadu, ba. I forgot to tell you something last week. Okay. So, me and Carl, I went to do jihitsu with some lads in Milton Keynes, right? And then Carl found, like, a little, I think I told you, Carl found this little, like, health club thing around the corner. Where we went and had, like, a sauna in that afterwards, basically because I didn't want to do jihitsu.

What? What? What? just must be nice where we went and we did all that you're gonna go on tour again next year hey

what you're doing it again next year listen I swore blind on this podcast that I wasn't going to add any dates so I'm assuming I'm probably going to add some dates because I'm a massive hypocrite

before the two I started you were just like you know you're a bit sad and you're saying you're going to miss win miss the kids and that and honestly I haven't really seen that actual

I haven't seen that follow through you don't seem sad at all you actually if anything you seem like a lot happier. Rosie, I am, listen, you and, is it Robert and Steve,

what they're called, what they're doing? You and them two kids mean so much to me. You and Peter and, Richard, is Richard. Well,

them begins with an hour. You and them baines, I honestly, I love you so much. I can barely concentrate on me day trips, jihitsu and, you know,

am I taking me golf clubs tomorrow? Yes, I am, take me golf clubs tomorrow. Have I booked a full round of golf in one of the days that I was? way yes um but I will be thinking of you and the kids I am sure the entire time that I'm saying what I'm saying was right so we went at this gym was really weird

it was like a little sort of really like I can't remember what it was called but I think Carl put it on his Instagram was a really like Instagramable little cool health club thing it was like I don't know if this I don't know if this makes sense as an analogy but it was like if Hollyoaks did a gym that's kind of what it felt like it was like young and cool and a lot of a lot of wood and like black black shower heads and do you know what like using hollioch as a reference bad in it is am I old that's yeah yeah you could like this a lot more now really that you could have said it was just dead fucking cool right okay brat summer like like that sort of what that is right well just like Bridgetton if Bridgetton did the gym with that work I mean was it

the kids are watching I don't know is it is that old is that medieval not Bridgeton then what's the what's the one where the spunk drinks spunk out of a bath bath salt burn that one if they did a gym I don't think that's in this time either no I missed that as a euphoria if euphoria did a gym to keep pony in it listen it was a fucking cool gym is all I'm saying right

well no okay I still don't know what it looks like though you have not expected because hollyoaks is a gym it's really not like I haven't watched hollyoaks since I think I was about 19 imagine an Instagram influencer opened a gym right and he's got tattoos and he's got fucking bright white teeth this isn't the guy

the guy who owned it look nothing like this but you impersonating imagine really good looking fella you know bruh and it's like the good looking couples like the good looking couples and she's standing next to him and she's doing that thing that makes her ar stick out and they're going welcome to her gym and everything's black and it's all cool

and there's little squeegees in the showers that were black and you're squeaking I'm not describing it very well and if anything I might be putting people off but it's fucking awesome place you have described it a lot better because you said you said Holyo

Right. And that is... The gladiators. Imagine the gladiators. It's open the gym. It would look like this. You've gone to... Right.

I don't know what I'm talking about. It's a fucking nice gym, right? It had a cold plunge. It had all this stuff, right? We had to get, right? The guy who warned had came in and said hello to was the next day. We booked it the night before, me and Carl. And obviously, because I wanted to have a shower, I didn't want to do Jitia,

and then sit in the car to Brighton for ages, right? So I phoned them up and I was like, um, do you provide towels? And they were like, no. And then I went, do you just have lockers? and they went yes. Now apparently because Carl phoned up and booked both of us under one address to stay there

and then I phoned up and asked if they had lockers, there was like, it flagged up on their system and they had to like background checkware and then check them and when we came in and be like cagey with me because phoneing up and asking if you've got lockers and booking off two people off one address is apparently what thieves do

who come to gyms and just rob all the lockers. You are a couple of... Did they real old men? Just fucking... What? Like, I'm sorry. Bad, in it?

But he was like, oh, well, like, the staff were like on alert. It was like, when these two come in, like,

keep an eye on them and that and they were fucking following around. But it was because that's what people do. They're coming and they just nick out with the lock, they're leaving, but at then, none of that, right,

okay. That whole story was one of the worst stories you've ever told on the podcast. And I'm, it made no fucking sense. Okay. It was shit. Okay. Do you want to retract?

the whole thing and get it taken out. I want to retract everything I just said. Because that was, we'll never get those five minutes back. All you wanted to say was that just thought you were dodgy, thought you were Robin. I thought it was a criminal. Great.

I thought it was a criminal. Right. That's it. Wonderful. It's a really, should we go straight to question because it's a really slow? Is that all you've got? Is that all you've got to say?

Yeah. Right. All you've got to say is that you and call are really old in living the past and he's ring up about lockers and booking under different addresses and you used Holyoaks as a reference don't ever do that again

I think is it still on it probably is still on I think It's Holly Ong's still on? I think so I got off a part in Holyox once Good for you I don't want to upset anybody because I think it is

but I just don't think it's our Okay Reference so I'm still doing Pilates Yay! Yeah which is nice Are there lockers there? There's actually not There's no lockers

and it's just like places to put your coat in your shoes but I take me bag in with us like a little old lady because I don't leave me back well you fucking slag of me off you're old as fuck as well I don't know but I didn't

sorry I didn't write down in my notes tell Chris and everyone listening that I take me back it's not all fucking gold right some stuff I'll tell you and you might have something you spin off from sometimes you don't

and I'm just talking into the fucking ether babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadu here's something that makes me in Carl sound even more pathetic by the way what so this week just gone I did Halifax Stockton Stockton we drove there and back every single night

and because Carl gets off stage an hour and a half before me or whatever, Carl drove himself as well. Do you know on the drive to Halifax, Carl was in the car behind when I was in the car in front and we were on the phone talking for nearly the entire journey. I said, this is fucking pathetic. I was like, this is what like, brand new couples do.

Oh, no, you've got a lovely friendship. I think it's really important. But it was like, we couldn't, right? So he'd set off at whatever time from me, he lives in Newcastle, I live in Southfield. So he'd set off at whatever time and then I got picked up by me to our manager and I got taken down.

And he phoned to ask about, there was a road closed and he phoned to ask about it and then we stayed on the phone and we were just, we were like, I was like, we've just gone past like a bakery are you see the bakery yet?

And he was like, no, and then two minutes later I'd be like, I've gone past it now and we're so excited and I went, I went, why is this so exciting? We're going to the same place.

Obviously we're following the same route. Why is it so exciting? And he said, because we're set off for different times from different places and we'll bend it up on the same roads. and at one point he was behind us in the van I couldn't contain myself. I was so excited.

But I finished a banana and I did consider throwing the banana skin over the top of the cartum because we do play a lot of Mario card. But the two, I imagine I told us I couldn't. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. It's time for what's your beef. What's your beef. Now, I have been a delight when I come back

picking up the reins, being amazing, and I've been away for quite a lot, so I can't have annoyed you then. So there can't be much things that you have beef with me this week. Do you not have enough? actually wrong. Really? Well, because you haven't really been here.

Wow. I wouldn't say he'd be in a delight. You've been very tiptoe, which annoys us. Right. Like, just, just like... Well, because I don't want to come back and, like, you know, swing my dick around and piss you off. So I'm very, like...

I do have one beef. Brilliant. It's actually different from the one I was going to say. Didn't take long. What's happening with us cooking? Because you're just getting me way. Right. But I think I'll get in your way as well.

Well, yesterday I was cooking... No, you're all... Okay, this is more than my beef. you always want to empty the dishwasher that's stupid dishwasher when I'm cooking right you're just getting me away

okay and I hate you I have to empty it because you're using all the shit and then you need stuff so you're getting stuff out of it and I think well I'll empty it then but then you're using so much fucking shit

I need to empty it to put it back because we're running out of a bench base because you just fucking ignore it ugh I hate it let's go paper plates paper plates you do that in America

it blows my mind Really? Oh my God. Oh, you're not in TikTok, are you? TikTok. I'm not on TikTok. I'm meant to say on, sorry. You're not on TikTok.

There's loads of videos on TikTok where they're just moms, not very many dads, but not many men do it, it's mostly women. Just plating up dinner in America on paper plates. And then they just hide them all in the bin. Jesus fucking Christ.

I don't know what the carbon footprint of a dishwasher or a shitload of hot water and a wash plates versus throwing them away it is, but I'm going to put my money where my mouth is and say that I imagine just using paper paints and slinging them away

is worse for the environment than just washing your dishes. Who knows? I don't believe anything anymore. Brilliant. Probably be Jim Kerry. In a mask. The mask? Sorry, if you just put two and two together there.

Because some guy said it was him in a mask and you're... The film? Yeah. You've just... God. My beef with you and you are... You haven't just read it off me, iPad.

No, I can't read that far? Good. And you, that sounds like a lie. I can't. You are going to be, you are going to be mortified. There's going to be egg on your face here. Last night, it wasn't a beef against me, but I'm beefing on behalf of Rave. Last night, Rave got star of the week at school.

Yeah. He was buzzing. Got star of the week. His little certificate. He's a little pen. His little toy, everything. Very proud of him. He finished all his dinner.

And I said, I told you, dear. There it is. I love it when it takes you away. Click on. So you finished all his dinner and I said, you know what? You've been such a good boy.

You got star of the week. Would you like some chocolate? And he said yes and I went okay. And I went in the fridge and I got an Easter egg out because we went to a restaurant on Saturday night, me and you and we had the kids with, we had a lovely night now, but we had quite a bit of wine. And afterwards, I went to the shop. But we didn't get a dessert. We didn't get a dessert.

Afterwards, I went to the shop and I got two Easter eggs. You had forgotten about the second Easter egg. So I went in the fridge and I got this. I was really drunk. And I got this Easter egg out and you were like. where the fuck did you get that? And I was like, oh, we bought it there now and I was like, right, I'm just gonna open some for Rief

and he went, no, don't you dare. And she wrestled it off us guys, she wrestled it off us, right? Put it in the fridge, went in the other cup out and went, Raph, do you want a kit cat? And he got a kit cat instead of some chocolate egg. He loves kit cat. Look, he calls him cat cats.

Catcats? He loves a cat cat. He loves a cat. He loves a cat. He loves a kid cat. He doesn't know. He does not need to know. He's unbelievable.

If either, if them two know that that Easter eggs in that fridge, it'll be gone. Yeah. And then who's not going to enjoy the Easter egg? Muggins, yeah. No? Unbelievable.

Sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Unbelievable. Getting 20 quids left around and left. I can't speak. Right in center. Would, yes, one. Would you pay them to not eat that Easter egg?

No. It's the last Easter egg in the land, right? You are on your period and hung over. Oh, God. And there's just the Easter egg in the land. Easter egg left and they both want the Easter egg but you've got 40 pound in your

hand to give them 20 pound each or they're going to eat that Easter egg. What would you do? I'd give them the money. And there it is. But that's, but you don't have a situation. My case. You filthy hypocrite. You're here now.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. As always, if you'd like get in touch, it shagged, Married, annoyed at gmail.com. And if you'd like to send a voice note to our WhatsApp, the number is 07874-40-6650.

And it's on the podcast page on your little podcast app. So you can just click it on there, really. But I've said it anyway. Congratulations. And I will I learn it? Will I fork? You don't need to learn it. You can have your tools around you.

Yeah? Like, you know. I can read it out. I should write it down on me. I should write it down on me mic stand. There is a good idea. I'll look forward to forgetting to do that Yeah, great

Right I've got these voice notes Which I totally forgot I've only listened to a few of them So I don't have comment But Daisy sent them so they should be good Just smash them Let's go

Hey Chris and Rosie So my partner would probably kill me If he knew I was sending this in But I just had to do it So last year he decided he wanted to lose weight He didn't want to do the jabs So he decided to take these slimming tablets Now, these slimming tablets strip all of the fat out of the food you're eating.

So you can imagine what they do to you. He took a slimming tablet on his birthday. And on his birthday, that night, we were going out for a curry with all of our friends. So in his infinite wisdom, he thought he'd take a tablet that day. Go to the next day and he comes in, absolutely traumatised to the bedroom, to tell me that he has shut out pure, orange oil and he wasn't lying because even though he flushed the toilet the whole toilet was orange it's like someone had sprayed it with orange oil and that is what he did for two days and that

day i thought let me change the bed as i've taken off the bottom sheet no there's an orange splatter across our mattress so clearly in the night he decided to do a little pop and in that part he'd pebble dashed spray painted our bed with orange oil it took a whole new meaning to you've been tangoed do you know what I've I've heard of that before they're quite old school them I used to work with someone who took them that sounds fucking terrifying yeah they take like all of the fat out of everything you eat so you do kind of just excrete like oil and all that kind of stuff oh god mate so like right so some curries when you get them you know from a place that they'll have that

like layer on top you're telling me that layer on top that stuff that when it gets on it's on your fingers for days he was just firing that out of his back end for days yeah that that's that's horrendant I'm sorry why is him the first thing I go to he must have been wiping for hours I know why did he take it on his birthday surely on your birthday you go I'm having the night off so weird time to do it. So I don't understand what, they do something that you're insides that makes you not get take any of the fat in. Apparently

that can't be good for you. The fat must just go through all the way through you. Oh God. Grim. Not good. Ready? No, I'm not. Hi Chris and Rosie. So I've just

listened to the episode where you were talking about the guy that got his dick stuck in a listerine bottle and it's reminded me of my very first boyfriend. and he was 17. He, so just for contact, just to give you a bit of info about the type of person he was, we were together for about six to eight months.

I absolutely idolized him, you know, first boyfriend, tall, dark, handsome, etc. He was a little bit odd when I think back, actually very odd. He was probably Tom Jones's biggest fan at the age of 17. He wore crocodiles, skin. in type shoes because Tom Jones wore shoes like that. He also wore like a gold signet ring on his little finger because Tom Jones wore that on his finger. And he would listen to so much of his music that he wasn't really up to date with like modern

music because he loved Tom Jones that much. He also had this obsession with tigers. So his bedroom as a 17 year old boy living at home with his parents was covered in photographs, signed pictures of Tom Jones and then tigers in the wild. Yeah, so the Listerine situation. Pause it? He's like a sitcom character?

Awful. But we've all gone out with people like this. Come on. Think back. Leather jackets? Did you see leather jackets or if I just put them in one in my head? She put him on. She said crocodile shoes. And as well just for a second there, when she said he was up, she went, she said he's obsessed with Tom Jones,

then she jumped to tigers and she went in his room signed she said signed photos of I thought she was going to see Tiger I thought she was going to see Oh I thought she was going to see Dom Jones with Tigers

Like like the tiger He'd got a photo with a tiger from the zoo And then it's paw print on a little bit of ink He said he's seen her Tiger sign So weird isn't it I've no but when you think back I don't know how many girlfriends you've heard in the past

But I had like a lot of boyfriend I've lost count Millions some weird ones when you go what? I just I find people absolutely fascinating who go right I'm going to pick

one or two things and that's me done. To be obsessed with. Yeah I'm going to pick one or two things I'm going to make them my entire existence and that's it. I've always I've always found it like... I've heard of people like this like what he gets so much pleasure from Tom Jones and tigers so much pleasure he doesn't even know any modern music as a 17 year old. He just listens to Tom Jones

and tigers I wonder if he has he has had a photo of Tom Jones with a tiger. Well, that's what I thought she was going to say. Yeah. She'll find out the rest because why should mention in this Listerine bottle? That's the thing that's got me. He's already weird as far. I haven't listened to this, by the way.

Yeah. Where's he getting his dick stuck? It's got a tiger mouth with Tom Jones face on. I'm so confused. Tiger bomb. Okay, go. Okay, ready? Yeah.

Yeah, so the Listerine situation, he was quite proud about the fact that he was never going to get an STD or an STD or an STD. because he regularly rinsed his stick in listerine. He would splash listerine all over it to keep it clean and he believed that because it said on the bottle that it kills bacteria and kills germs

that he was never going to get anything like that because of listerine. Again, I did have a heart to tell him that you would have to actually have sex with lots of people who had infections to contract that kind of thing. I think he genuinely thought he could just randomly get it.

Wasn't the smartest, the brightest crayon in the packet. Wow. So he believed that you could just randomly get an STD from, like a cold, like a cold or a, you know, or a random infection. So he just regularly,

for no reason, washed his dick with listerine. Do people not talk to their kids? I don't think anyone talked with their kids back then. No one spoke to him. Nobody... The part of... They're probably what he said.

You turn that fucking Tom Jones off again. And stop roaring. Are you... Is it you? Scratch all these holes in this door? What fuck's wrong with you, man? Your sister's scary. You better not be saying there great again.

I'll come up there and I'll give you the... Noggle savage. Why? Why? Unbelievable. Beautiful. Well done. Babadoo.

Babadoo. Babadoo. Do bab, do ba-do-ba-do-ba. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I thought you'd love this story. So late last year, I'd come out of a 14-year relationship. Ooh. Back into the daylight. In a moment of post-dumping delusion,

I decided I was that girl and went on a date two weeks later. Delusional behaviour, yes, I know. I mean, not necessarily if you've moved on, but, you know, maybe she wasn't ready. I don't know. Lesson learned and ever again, she wasn't ready. I'd rather be on my own if this is the kind of people available. Oh, God.

Ike one, this is this guy, right? And I'm not condone, this is just her icks. I'm not saying it's my ex, okay, or our ex, because I don't think you should, it's not an ache in my opinion. And I'm really icked out, but this is just her, okay? But anyway, I can't be a nut allergy. That can't be your ick. That's so bad.

That's not an ache. That can't be your ick. I don't know why, but it was just something to me and made my vagina's rivel up. can't help it I felt like I'd have to carry netby pen instead of lip gloss the romance was fading fast so that's a weird thing

so that's that is it's interesting it's an interesting point because it's like that old school like survival of the fitness kind of thing some people see a weakness

in someone and say it as a oh my God I'll look after you I'll be there for you a lovely nurturing thing and some people see you know I'm not saying

it's a weakness but you know it's an issue some people say something like a not algin go absolutely not you need to look after me. Well, it takes all sorts of people.

My friend, John's got a nut allergy and you, you just constantly forget he's got a nut allergy and try and kill the kid every time he comes around. In my opinion, he doesn't mention it enough. He doesn't, he never does. The kid could die. I have to mention it at restaurants.

When we go to restaurants, they go any allergies and he goes, and I go, fucking tell him, I'm not going to hospital with you. He x-out himself out. He x-emself out. That's his problem. No, I've tried, I have on multiple times.

Multiple times. John, I've just cooked this and he's literally like, Oh, just about to put him. his mouth and you go oh by the way there's nuts in it goes okay thanks to letting us know i'll just put that down yeah bless him um anyway she's ike by like i said i am not absolutely it's just a not allegation i don't like offend anyway and i'm not unbelievably harsh and i am not on board with her being and the only reason i'm reading this out is because the end is funny right

okay so i'm not i'm not trying to condo anyway second the second dick he's got asthma this is fucking shocking this is so again oh my god no again nothing wrong with it but why did i immediately picture myself fanning him gently during a like jog and him puffing on his inhaler and me on my vape to get through the situation this is her these are her issues not his these are her issues I think in a past life she's had all of these things

right okay and this is why she's got there anyway but the absolute the absolute final nail in the coffin was the conversation or lack of this man looked me dead in the eyes and asked me my favourite colour I said mine he said his

which was baby blue I made my excuses and left Why is that so funny Oh, the three horsemen of the ick apocalypse Analogy Asthma baby blue Taxi

It's easy Please keep me anonymous Just in case he tries to chase me down the street Inhaler in hand We'll keep you anonymous because you're a fucking dick You literally, that's on you that I think I don't even think that Because I'm telling you right now

I think she's just, she's a little bitter because it says 14 years I gave to a man and this is what I've come back out to. Not allergies and hila as and Baby Blue. I don't think, I think if she met the love of her life and he had an allergy and he used, and he had asthma, I don't think she'd be bothered. I think she's just in a bad place.

She's just in a bad place and just didn't go on with this file. We're enjoying it. Baby Blue's hilarious. Baby Blue, who fit? That would tick me out. That's really funny. Yeah, what's your favourite call that Baby Blue? Why is he asking what the fit?

What is this? What is this? What's a, nursery, how to start a conversation, level one? What's your favourite colour? Hold on, let me, should we say at the same time? Wait, what's your favourite colour? Green.

None of your fucking business. How about that? I don't know your favourite colour? What's got to do with you? You boring cow! No, my favourite colour, it's like an army green. Like an olive. It's probably my favourite colour for stuff.

Yeah, I've got four pairs of olive trousers. Just ask me mine. What's favourite colour? Olive green. Shut up man. The same. Why are you copied? I'm not a different one.

Pick a different one. Can't be baby blue, can't be olive green. Baby pink. Babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, ba. Public service announcement. Second one today. First one, don't watch your dick in history

and didn't think I'd have to say that. Second one, if you are on a date and they ask you what your favourite colour is, make your excuses and leave because they are not putting the effort in here. They are root one. That is the worst possible. What's your favourite colour?

That is the worst thing you can ask someone. I don't know. I think you get a good impression of someone. Unless you've got an amazing follow-up question, what your favourite colour is? What are you reading? Dating for Dummies, page one. Well, maybe, well, I'm not being funny.

If I went to a date to one, I want your favourite colour, and they went like, black, I'd go, well, well, well. Right. He's depressed. Who you're going to date with Edward Cisorahans? I don't understand. Jack Sparrow.

I saw a video the other day. If a kid dressed up as Edward Cisarhands for like Halloween or something, And I thought, they don't know who that is. Well, they might. What, what? Five-year-old watching Edward Seahans. You made our kids watch a mighty ducks here a day.

Our kids turn them off, but some kids keep them on and watch them. Some kids actually go out and watch them. Yeah. Can I tell you how much anxiety I had? Because I loved it about it. I kept crying. Because it was just nostalgia all the way through. I was like, ooh.

We got, and I was just waiting for them to turn it off. What? What am I going to say? What's your favourite film? No. Oh. Never seen it. I've never seen the Mighty Ducks.

this is are you actually being serious I've never seen it stop come on come back tell you what your favourite colour is I've never seen the Mighty Ducks

I'm a clone I'm Do youankary please do me What did you What did you watch When you were a kid Everything except the Mighty Ducks

I've never seen it Are you okay I'm not okay I've never seen the Mighty Ducks Would you like me to watch it with you As what I was going to say It's brilliant It's cinematic

It's like God. God, why? I just... Weirdly, I used to play hockey outside and I used to quote it all the time because I used to just quote the quotes that other people said. I used to copy the... It's knucklepuck up time and all that.

I've never seen that, but I know what people said... Swing, bedda, bar, bar, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, I said all that. But I'd never seen it. I just copied off what everyone else said. I think it was on Sky. No, well, I didn't have Sky. I watched the Cartoon, the Mighty Tuck's Cartoon.

There was a cartoon. This is really... This is actually... Really. Are you upset? Hang on. Hi, Kev, it's me. You're all right?

I'm all right. I'm just ringing you really quickly, right? This is going to... I'm just doing the podcast and this might upset you a little bit. Do you know my Chris has never seen Mighty Ducks? Drip. That's terrible that way.

That's shocking. Has he seen the Goonies? I've seen the goonies. Right. What about the Sandlock kids? The what? The what? not kids.

Never even heard of that. Oh, Chris. This is so, I'm so upset right now. You've got no idea. Coach Bombay, man. Coach Bombay? What's that? It's Missingham Bay.

The Mighty Ducks, Coach Bombay? Sorry. Holy shit. All right. Do you know, I don't think I can actually be married to him anymore? You know, I put it on. Fermi needs educated in the Mighty Ducks. And isn't it, there's two and three?

Oh, no. Coach Bombay made a series after. how he coached as kids again I just come out there last year I've seen the Coroon I've seen the Mighty Ducks Carlune I'm still trying to claw you way back

loser I'm getting fucking bullied I'm getting fucking bullied alright Kevin I just have to let you know I'm on DVD of VHS I've got it on Prime

but I watch it every year me like on guys birthday Charlie Charlie Coach Momby. Swing! Manna,

matter, matter, matter, matter, right. Okay, love you. See, yeah. Bye, love, bye. I knew that would upset my Kev because... Drip, call us a drip.

I know your drip. It was such a huge film of our childhood. And I just assumed everyone our ages watched. I was expecting the patented, you and Kev and your mom and Kate all go,

eh! I was expecting the eh? But he just went, nah, drip. Which hurts so much more. What? It's true. Oh, anyway, that's, I'm sorry that just took a lot of time up with the podcast. That's really upset me.

I apologize. Do you think, you know, your partner though? Like, I thought I knew you really well. You've never seen Mighty Dogs. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Fuck. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu. Hi, Rosie and Chris, please keep me anonymous.

I've been listening to the podcast from day one and never miss an episode. I love you, thank you. I've been dying to write in for years with the story my husband told me and I think you'll love it. I hope so, let's go. He's finally agreed to me sending it in as long as no names are mentioned. Cool. When my other half was around 12 or 13,

he hung around with another lad. Let's call him James. James lived in a street in our hometown in the north-east called Greta Avenue. In this street, it's not Shields. Right. In this street resided a girl gang, self-titled the Greta girls.

Very imaginative, I'm sure you'll agree. I like it. I like that. I'm all about that. of it. The Greta girls had a bit of a mean streak and weren't very nice to James. I imagine they had their own theme tune and their own dance. I would love that. 100%.

Being as my husband puts it, bitchy, self-entitled knobbeds. Wow. That's what he says there. One day by chance, the boys were looking out of an upstairs window and saw the Greta girls shifter placing an object in a water meter cover in the path. Right. When it was clear, when the girls are gone, the boys ran and grabbed this item, excitedly opening the drain cover to in a plastic bag

with what can only be described as a burn book inside do you know what a burn book is have you seen mean girls yes you haven't have you no you've seen the musical you never told me

you've never seen mean girls when I'm watching musical the musical's better the musical was great the book's better I don't think there's a book if you're not read the book you're not read the book

that's embarrassing we can tell you we had mighty dogs the book I've read all the mighty duck books so burn book in mean girls was where they just wrote horrible stuff about people. Oh, like a burn. Right, okay.

Yeah. God. Oh God, they found that in a drain. Yeah. The girls have stashed that in a drain and these lads have found it. Yeah. So the burn book contained the scribblings of teen girls, things like Emily thinks Josh is fit. Chloe is a slack.

Things of that nature. Classic. Yeah. There was only one thing for it. My husband, a well put together individual as an adult might, I add, took the bag into James's house and in it did a shit I guessed it

because it's the only thing you can do it's absolutely would never be my go-to thing is just shit and something I don't understand then so he's he's shot in the bag and he's going to go and put it back so that when they go back to get this burn book

the book isn't there and there's just a turd there no he's shit in the book oh wow has he? Yeah with the bag in oh he took the bag into James's house

and he did a shit in it with the book in. Yeah, he's not sure. It was shut of shit in the boot. He then put the bag back into the cover and left it there for the girls to find the next time they went to write about Shannon being a bitch, etc. Wow.

He has no idea what came of the bag or the discovery of the bag, but is mildly haunted by his actions. I personally think they deserve it and it's a pretty funny story. This wants this guy. I've got a sideways, well, if he's listening, mate, I've got a sideways slant of what could have actually happened here.

The pua, poor bloke from Northumbria water could have had to come round to check the meet that and found a carry a bag with a book and some human shit in it. And probably quit that day. I'd quit. Oh, God. Babadu, babadu, babadu, babadu, ba. Reverseic.

Nice. This just says, Nout makes me moister than an oyster, than when my husband... Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I like that a lot. Moister than an oyster.

Because oysters are typically very moist, very wet. Okay. Good God. Yeah. Nothing makes me moist more than a oyster. Nicester than a oyster. Moister than an oyster. Then my husband wearing his cap backwards as he does DIY.

Or a cheeky wee pencil pop behind the ear. Why, I? Really? Yeah. God, she listened to Limbiscuit back in the day, didn't she? Aye. Hello, Rosie and Chris. Long time, listener, first time, email.

Hello. Listen to your episode where Rosie is. talking about being on slop duty in primary school. It's so funny. It's because it's you. It's you on slop duty. It's so funny. That's what it was called.

It was literally called. Slop duty. Fantastic. It unlocked a memory of I had when I was in school. Ah, school was mint man. Was it fork? We didn't have a slob duty, but we did have a water monitor. Right.

Right. For like a water fountain? Yeah. This was a pupil that stood between the two fountains. Two water fountains we had in the cloak room slash bogs. Their job was to press the button to make the water come out while you drank. No, I think we had this. No way.

I genuinely think we might have had this. I can't. Why couldn't students press the button by themselves? Well, because if I remember correctly, people take the piss. Right. People would have just been at it for ages. Right. Just taking the piss and messing on.

So there had to be like water monitors. Yeah. So another kid in school got to decide how things. Mr. you were. Yeah, basic. Prefect? But they got to decide how thirsty you were. You weren't a prefect, right? No.

Oh, God, the power, the power. It was brilliant. You've had enough now. Yeah? I fucking haven't. You have. You've had enough. Well, listen. So, if you had had a squabble or didn't get on too well with whoever's turn it who happened to be that day, they just wouldn't press it. So you couldn't get a drink and their mates would get more than the 10 seconds allocated.

Ten seconds. Teachers didn't give a shit. And the water monitors had all the power in this situation. situation. That's fucking unbelievable. Oh, how did you get kidney stones? Oh, because the water man wouldn't let us drink water. It wouldn't us press the button. I'll press the button myself, got my face.

By the way, the amount of drinks that we make for our kids, I don't remember drink. This is on Instagram so much, but it's so true. I don't remember drinking when I was a kid. I take water with us everywhere now. Like, I'm going to fucking dry up. Honestly, and if I don't, I have a headache. And I'm like, Jesus, crap, I don't remember ever drinking at home?

Do you? No. Now, I remember the first time, have I not told you about this? The first time, it was a lad called, if I've said this on the podcast, I apologize, there was a lad called John, and he was in my French class.

And I remember, We? Sorry, Jean. The lad called Jean, using my friend class, he was from Shields. He had, I'll never forget it, it was a bottle of Evian on the desk next to us. And I remember going,

What are you doing? And he was like, oh, yeah. And I was like, what? You're not allowed that? And you're not allowed to drink that? And the teacher went, can you get that off the desk? And he went, I'm allowed a bottle of water. Like, from the doctor?

No, but she was like, yeah, I was like, I'm not, and she went, oh, right. It's the first time of that. But then, like, uni and everything, it's fucking, bottles of water. And the garden is what they do now. They've probably got fucking backpacks on with straws where you're just, just constantly like a fucking starfish. The only drinks I remember at school was the milk, obviously. And, uh, you didn't get juice at dinner time.

Do you remember sometimes it would be your treat and there'd be juice? And you'd be like, there's juice! Really? Do you remember? In my primary, I do remember that. I brought a carton of ibina in. Of course you did. Oh, you had a pack lunch, carton of ribina.

Every day you had a ribena. Yeah, it's bad, isn't it? So we're milk in the morning, then a corner ibina and then literally fuck all until God knows drinking bath water later on. The only other drink I remember drinking is the little cartons of the juice that you didn't use the straw. You bit the bottom. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Bite the bottom, squeeze it. That's the only other drink, I remember. This pattern about two water fountains next to each other has unlocked a memory of something that Carl told me the other day that I completely forgot about. Do you know Carl once? Well, I mean Carl went the same school? Is it about school?

No, no. So Carl, for some reason, right? One of his favourite things to do is just remember times in the past where he's been an asshole and laugh about them. Great. It's his favourite thing. Do you know what once? He said he was in,

it was either Manchester or Newcastle and he had his business card, bank card, and his personal bank card, and he went up to the cash machines and there was two cash machines next to each other and he put the personal in one and the business and the other and he was going between the two cash machines

checking his balance and getting money off and stuff apparently there's a bloc turned up to use on the cash machines and Carl was jumping between two of them like a fucking DJ right? That's horrible. And apparently turned out and this bloke just went, mate. That is over.

Oh sorry, sorry I'll only be one minute. That's it all. I watched, I just fucking unbelievable. I miss cash machines. I haven't been no one for a long. I con with the last time I used a cash machine. Mad, in it? Oh.

Yeah, mad. Do miss a cash machine. I tell a lie, I use the one across the road from the pub. Don't lie to me! I actually got a shock. Fuck you. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Really quickly.

Hello, I was listening to the reverse ick episode and thought of a random surprising reverse ick. The first time I saw my boyfriend making dinner for us, he got a garlic bulb out of the fridge, and it opened it, he closed. crushed it with the heel of his hand against the chopping board to separate the clothes. Very surprising turn on.

What? Easily, please. He just broke a colloquy. Bull. But I think, you would cock that up. That'd hurt me hand. You would cut that. You'd look away.

I would do it. You would hear a shout out. You'd look away, you'd look back, and I'd have a bandage on. I'd have a bandage on and I'd be neck in the burns cowpoll. I'd go, I've hurt my hand. Oh, God. Would.

Although, like, Jamie Oliver and that, you see them do it, they put the knife, they put the side of a big knife like that, and they bang it like that, that's pretty cool. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah. You should have married Jamie Oliver. Shouldn't we all.

On the subject of reverse X, I wrote down a couple of reverse X from a guy we worked with called Jack, who does the film and when we do with Please be anonymous. He told me two reverse X the other day. The first one is really, I get it. Is it about girls? It's like a little turn on about his girlfriend.

Okay. I really get the first one. The second one, just made us feel a bit sad for him. The first one is when my girlfriend strokes the back of me head while I'm driving. So you can be driving along and she'll lean across

and she'll just touch the back of his head and the back of his neck. We used to do stuff like that. I did, didn't? Now I'm like, don't fucking touch as I'm concentrating! When does it all go to shit? When you have kids?

Next question. And he's, this one, this one, so that first one makes you nostalgic and really happy about this. This next one is just, it's essentially a basic human right. Um, reversick When my girlfriend brings me your water As well as getting herself one

Oh That's sweet though I mean Just bringing them a fucking water I know But it is sweet She's not on water monitor She didn't have to crack them out

Wip a bit stronger She didn't have to I suppose Yeah Well there we go Yeah From sexy to just servitude That's marriage Babado babado babo babo da

Do do do do do do Do do do Thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shag Marriedenology. Yes, thank you so much and as always if you want to get in touch it, shagmuridnaud.com, send us whatever you want. We will keep you anonymous. And if you want to send a voice note in, of anything at all, it is 07-874-40-60. Big love.

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