Sh**ged Married Annoyed - A New Alliance, Real Life Dominatrix and the Last Bus Home

Episode Date: April 10, 2026

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris and Rosie Ramsey discuss the long weekend, including pints at the soft play! There's a non-family friendly quiz, pube problems, and some quite tense beefs... WhatsApp's cover the 'savouries' debate and there is Rosie's Mysteries involving a listeners Nan. All of this plus a story from the last bus home and some intel from a real life Dominatrix! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Maudenoyd, we talk pints in the soft play. Very disgusting quiz. You loved it, don't lie. Oh, it's horrible. I didn't enjoy it at all. We've obviously got our beefs. A scary suitcase. And lots, lots more.

Enjoy. Glad Tidings. You are listening and watching Chag Mildonautil. With me, Rosie Ramsey, my husband, Christopher Ramsey's. What are you been watching to say? Glad Tidings. What you've been watching? Nothing.

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Just feels very Night of the Seven Kingdoms. It's the generation that I think that I was part of in a past life. Oh yeah, we're back to thinking that you were. I think I was. Fully think I was.

Street wench. Yeah, it's the only thing that I... You feel like you would be fully at home thrown a bucket of your family's shit out of a window into a street, don't you? Yeah. I mean, that can be arranged. Just to be honest with you.

Do you know what, though? Yeah. I sat on the train the other day and there was a man. Genuinely thought you were going to say a toilet there, but yeah, carry on. No, I sat on the train the other day and there was a man and he just smelled of piss. Like, just piss. and cock and awful.

Just, no, honestly, it was disgusting, right? Was you not wearing piss and cock by Calvin Klein? Maybe. Right, okay. You joust himself, Ellie. Disgusting, right? I was like, this is vile.

Yeah. And all I could think, I've been watching, I've just finished it, actually, it's one of the best things I've ever watched. Harlitz, I'm sure I've told you about it. Okay. I might have talked about it here,

I don't know, I've told everyone. Yeah. It was on ITV, but then it was on Netflix as well. Really good. Yeah. Really good series. Like at first I was like, I don't know what this is going to be about.

Anyway, it's about prostitutes back in their day. Great. And obviously, they have a lot of sex. And when you're watching it, all, I've said this so many times. Yeah. All I can think about is the smell. Everyone stinks. And then I smelled that man the other day and I was like, I could not have been a prostitute.

Back then? No. No. So when we invent time travel, you don't want to do that anymore? I don't, I couldn't do it. The smell would be too much. I'd have to do something else. I would have to, like, I'd rather work in the fields all day.

crippling myself I couldn't have sex with dirty men what about picking cockles on an estuary on muscles on an estuary I did that for time crash as it was horrible

I would rather do that I would rather do that I'd rather have me feet in the mud than be having sex with dirty old men smelling hair something would never discuss either

by the way I'm sure what a sentence so much pubic hair so much food yeah so I mean down to the inside your knees

I imagine it would get caught yeah like so hell on oh my god do you not think really long pubicare would get caught like inside and hurt like pull

inside what inside your vagina well it can happen I'm circumcised so I don't know but I've got friends who are uncircised say that pubicare can get pulled inside of the foreskin and it can pull and hurt

that's just all my brothers out there who are their pubicare or their partner's pubicane I do believe they and their puberty as they're walking. I just remember I've got a very vivid memory of me and my mates were more younger,

when more like, once to be in sort of like 15, 16, 17, 17, walking to the Chinese takeaway and one of me mates put his hand in his pocket and went, ah, ah, why this has come, again, it's one of them situations where if I could paint, I'd be able to paint it,

I can tell you the orange light was coming off the lamppost and everything, I remember, looked at him so confused, and he went, ah, pub in Bellend, is what he said. Ah, pub inbound. I like this pubes. And he said, well, there must have been massive. He's a trim.

Yeah, yeah. Big old dreadlock ones. But he said, yeah. So he said it would go in and pull. Nothing that I know about, obviously, because I'm circumcised. But yeah. So there you go. So I imagine in the back in the day that would have been an issue as well.

Yeah. Awful. Just horrible. So why did we, why we're talking about this? Because you're obsessed with the fact that you think you should have lived there. But again, you do this with everything. You think you should have lived there. You'd be there five minutes and you go, can I go back to the future, please.

This is horrible. Oh, I love the future. I'm not saying I don't like the future. I love living now. But, you know, I think I was back then. I love the future. Right, great, excellent. I'd rather look after kids.

There it is. I'd rather look after people's kids. Look after the children. Oh, you'd rather work. Oh, you'd be a milkmaid. A chef or something. You couldn't even be a milkmaid because you couldn't breastfeed. You couldn't be their lass in the village.

That breastfees everyone's kids. You couldn't even do that. Did you see in the news recently? No. That, you don't watch the news. It wasn't in the news. Categorically, no. I think they ended up dying

I didn't read it but I just glanced at it but I think a woman breastfed was like in a hurricane or something and breastfed everyone and they all survived and I think she died but she kept everyone going with her breastmen

how amazing is that amazing legend hero and you wonder why I don't watch the news thank you so much guys but I've said it could be old God I don't know I'm talking I take it out that it might be old you don't know

might be fake who knows thank you guys AI. Just say that. Just say that. That's what Trump does. Anything. Oh, that was fake. It's fucking great get out. Absolutely unbelievable. And with AI now, it can be. I showed you them videos that we all went to the soft play and drank like legends. And I showed you them videos that you made of the lad's kissing on AI. And you've got the fright of your life. Because it's quite convincing until you realize, isn't it? Yeah. Because we went, do you know what? Honestly, never done it before, but I'm well up for that as a future. Like, back in the day when we were younger, when we were kids,

there was beer gardens. A beer garden with a play area in a pub there was millions of the fuckers. They don't seem to exist anything. None now, yeah. None. I imagine that drink driving laws have killed most of them.

Real crackdown on drink driving laws. I imagine there was a lot of drink driving when we were kids. Come on, kids. You know, we're just going to sit and have six pints. You play on the swings there with your friends and then I'm just going to drive a home. Yeah. Shocking.

So good, to be fair. Thank you. So we went to the soft play at the weekend with all of our mates. and the kids and I sat and drank, it's the first time I've sat and drank a pint in a soft play. I was like this, I've done it once before,

but I was like, this is a nice one out. This is living. Yeah, this is living. Yeah, it's attached to a pub, so. Yeah, fantastic. So yeah, so thank you for being here, guys.

Thank you for watching. If you're on YouTube, it would be amazing if you're subscribed. If you're on your little normal podcast app and you haven't subscribed, but you do that as well. And thank you for being here. I think you've been part of this,

a load of bollocks, really, if I can be honest with you. If I can be, just put my cards on the table here. toss. But thank you. And it is now time for this week's

lucrative, Luke sponsor. Without further ado, this week's response are... Computer games that say 3 plus,

however, all of the dialogue in the game is subtitle only, so I've got to fucking sit there and read everything to me, kid, or he has got

no clue what's going on. Well, you've told me that I should let him go on that switch. The switch is fine. No, because you say it's educational. I don't say it's educational.

I say it's good for hand-eye coordination. Right, okay. Well, I know, but you've got a reader to him. So annoying. You've bought on them. All the Mario games. All the Mario games. Three plus, by the way, all the characters are mute,

but they will have full conversations through the subtitles on the bottom. So weird. So weird. Why don't they give them voices? Chris Pratt. If you go back and voice all of the Mario games. Why don't they do that? Surely they could.

Like, are we? I think they didn't want to give Mario a voice. I think they didn't want a lot. I didn't have a voice. Yeah, he does have a voice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that guy.

Yeah, and he makes a cameo at the beginning of the first Mario movie. So, yeah. But, yeah, really, really annoying. Kirby does it, all of the, all of the Nintendo games. Yeah. Other than again, I'll be honest with you, the Sonic games don't, and I don't like Sonic's voice on the games. Okay.

It's really corny and horrible. Like, yeah, yeah, guys. And I'm like, oh, God, oh. That's nice, though. I feel a little bit sick. No, I like the guy who does it on the films. Anyway, that's that. If you pay me, if you pay me,

how much? I would come and stand at the side of the telly. and I'll read all that I put voices on but I will demand I do demand it be paid Right okay a fee I'll just sit there and do it I'll just sit there and do it

Because I quite like playing on them as well I've off had Good well yeah we share an income So that's just ridiculous Where am I getting that money from So if I've got to go and do a side hustle I get that and give it to you Oh yeah

God fucking damn it Oh here's the jingle This is my opinion myself We had to fight about the jingle We couldn't set a long a jingle Jing-go So this is the jingle J-D-D-D-D-Gong

We hope you like the Jing-Doo-Doo-Doo-Ding-Gong Bab-Badoo-Bab-Doo-Bab-Badoo-Bah Jingo Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmranenoid I hope you are all well

It's the Easter holidays Was it the end As this comes out It's the end of the Easter holidays Yeah Felt like, do you know what is It felt like a long slog That Easter weekend

Long slog I hate Easter I do I'm not a fan of Easter at all. We had an event or something every day. Well, it's because, it's because all of our mates have normal

jobs. Yes. So everybody is off which is great. Yeah, it was nice to say everyone. But it becomes like a fucking week. It's just like a piss up. It comes like a week and magal off. I know. I've decided I'm off the drink for a little while. Off the drink for a bit. Not slagging off alcohol because I love alcohol. I won't have a bad word said against it.

But but my face is tired and I've come out and spot. And I think it's drink. I've just drank too much. I'm puffy and bloated. It's mental how much. So if I'm like away with call or whatever,

I'm doing the two and you know, you finish your gig, I've got this weird thing. I think I've talked about it before where if I'm off and I'm at home, I'm like, oh, I'm off. I'll have a little beer because I'm off. But then if I've done a gig,

I'm like, well, I've had a gig, I deserve a beer and I'm like, right, Chris, you can't operate on when I'm working I need a beer and when I'm off I need a beer because that's just, but you've got a sociable job. That's the problem.

That's the thing. home, it's only one or two, unless it's like a proper occasion. It's like, you know, a shandy in the house. We're not, we're not this week. I'm putting my foot down. It's unbelievable how much it bloats you is what I'm trying to get at, literally. And you go, oh, I've put loads of weight on it. And then you just have a couple of days of going, no, no, obviously I'm not going to a drop of alcohol.

And it's just the blow it, especially off beer, it's just a blow it you get. Well, someone told me, a friend of ours told me the other day that a bottle of wine is equivalent to 800 calories. Good, God. I know. And I, I'd kind of... 800. 800 calories.

Christ. I did it, um... It's like five mars bars. Would you, okay. No, I would not eat five mars bar. I can't eat one mars bar. I can't eat one, oh my God. Not going on on the marsball.

It's very much the sausage of the confectionery world. Couldn't have one. Couldn't have one like, it's literally a twice a year sort of job. Twice a year. Possibly. Maybe it's even once. Once a year. Let's just get your calendar laid out here.

Chinese once a month. Yes. God, oh! What? You haven't had your Chinese this month? I haven't had a Chinese for ages. Right, okay. I've got the date on this watch.

I can't it at the night. No, you can't. You got G-Nest tonight. Got Janus. Right. Tomorrow? No, I don't like them. The food.

That sounded like I was going to start a hate speech. I don't like the food. That sounded really bad. Again, anything he says, it's not me with different people. I can't have people clipping that up and taking that out of context, man. Why do you think I say it in me to her? Why do you think I say so much in me to her that like I can't say on here?

because there's artistic license you can say it on the night and yet I say it to the crowd I say it look I'll see it tonight and it sort of goes out in the ether we all have a laugh and it's gone and even I'm recording it for a special like next month

still tickets available if you want to go on my website anyone recording it in Waltham Store Soho Theatre and even if I do that even if you record it there's still with stand up there's like a bit of artistic license but with podcast

when podcasts became big big the media kind of went all right well everything you say on there is a direct quote and that's your full belief and we'll just clip that up and put it straight at the page And you go, alright, brilliant, so I kind of fucking say now.

No. Thankfully, I was as pure filth, so we can just enjoy ourselves. That was fine. But no, I've found you a good order now, so you can. Uh, yeah, it was all right, actually. It's just that, it's very... Oh, for God's sake. It's very sugary.

Get lost. It's like someone's, like, some of the dishes. You've done this with everything. You did this with Kish. You did this with bloody fucking corn on the cob. You've done it with everything. You do like it. Yes.

But some of the dishes, I could be forgiven for thinking they've just fucking crack it up and a few cream eggs and hide that in. Very sugary. Very... There's not a syrup. That's lots of syrup going on and sugar. That's salt, isn't it? That's like flavour...

It's just like in like a thickener? A thickener. God, get a bit of MSG in the end. It's good for all the time. Thickena's very vague. Very vague. What's in this soup? Our tomatoes and thickener.

Why, I? All right, okay. Can you take the thickener out? No. Good for you. Anyway, I haven't had one for ages, so I'm clamming for one. Right, there we go. So then Mars bar twice a year.

And then me Marsbar twice a year. and then bottle of wine 800 calories man That's a lot So I did a run The other day right I was on the treadmill

I did a run And I was I probably ran for about 20 odd minutes And I was I haven't done running For ages It's not something I've been

Like Carl does like a five At one point of the two I called it Two 5K runs in one day He did a 5K on the morning At the hotel We left We got to another hotel

We had time to kill He went and did another 5 That's pretty impressive Oh well impressive Yeah And I was like You know what I might get back on the run

And I did about I think I'd done About 18 minutes of running At that point and I looked at the clock and I was like oh fuck I was like I'm done it I get bored it hurts us and physically pains us I'd done like 130 calories or something I was like that's fuck all like I could literally go and have a twix and that's I've I've done it's fucked you can't even running that fast do you know what really burns calories I was on the phone at

the same time I'll be honest with incline incline incline get on the incline shift the calories Clifference thickener done yeah that income's like it's like a thickener for the treadmill Incline MSG and the thickener great go for it there it is Welcome to my tutto. Babadu, Babadu, Babadu, Babadu, bah. After 19 years, they're back. Frankie Munis, Brian Cranston, and the rest of the family reunite in Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair. After 10 years avoiding them, Hal and lowest demand Malcolm be at their anniversary party,

pulling him straight back into their chaos. Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair. A special four-part event. Stream now on Hulu on Disney Plus. So the other day, a clip from this podcast went online and it was where we'll put a little beat to it and we'll put a little song to it. Oh yeah.

You're saying whatever happened and just licking, just all the normal stuff, right? So in the vein of that, I had an idea the other day and I thought, I would do you a little quiz, play along at home, a little quiz, it's golf rules, right? It's not about golf.

Sorry, I should have explained that. It's porn categories is the quiz. Oh my God. What do you mean? I don't watch, I'm watching porn with you and all. Yes, so it's golf rules. Where do you... So, there's Mars boy every six months,

so it's Chinese once a month. What's porn every two year? Since I started asking for your email, I went absolutely not. No. Right, great. So you don't, right? I'm sorry, so you've given yours, have you? No.

Right. No, but I've got ways around it because I'm a technical way. I'm not that technological, but I don't miss it. I'm absolutely fine. I watch, I've got a VP and I watch all my porn in New York. Well, good for you. That's what I do. Watch all.

A little accent on. A, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Start spreading your legs. Thank you. Thank you. Anyway. Absolutely, absolutely fucking wonderful work. Yeah, so porn free.

How come I can give up porn, but I can't give up wine or Chinese. I do believe you like wine and Chinese food and Mars balls are a lot better than porn. I do, I do, so this is good. So, like, play along at home. This is porn calories. What? Why are you not listening? You're just talking over us?

I'm sorry, go on. What do you want to talk about porn? I just feel like they're a bit dead, I just know that it's a performance. And I know that they're dead behind the eyes And nobody looks like they're enjoying it Right, okay, okay Well, yeah, you're a better actor than me So you can probably spot that

I don't think I can spot it But then again, I can't read a room, I talk about this No, you can't, I don't know if someone's a bad mood Unless it's you, because I'm quite needy with you But other people, I don't know what's going on No, yeah, people can come around with a bereavement And I'll not know, I'll not know until the physically tell us But they will have been crying in the conversation for 10 minutes

And I wouldn't have noticed it's, I'll be busy Do you know, oh, I was playing pool So I was playing pool with me mates the other night we got the, it's like a dining, we've talked about before, I've got a pool table, but it's like a dining table as well, we've had it for years.

It's one of the first things I bought when I started doing stand-up. I hate it. You love it. I don't love it, I hate it. So we're tough it. Square, so square. It's got no, like,

just no character. There's no edge, there's no grain. Oh, it's a horrible piece of furniture, but whatever. It's gorgeous. It's not too dissimilar from this table. The worst bit is. This is lovely.

No, this is, if you're watching on YouTube, This is a very nice table. I'm telling you right now, in the sale of Bar and Stonehouse. This is not too dissimilar from my pool table when I've got the lid on. Anyway, you're a hypocrite. It's because it's got a pool table underneath and you don't like it's having fun. That's basically one of this. So we, I was making a drink.

I think I was changing the little keg and me be a machine, right? So my mates took the lid off the pool table and did all the stuff. I was like, you sorted out. They sorted out. They sorted out. And I went, oh, we don't know. And I was like, I get it out. I do everything.

I get the chart. And I went, where is it? And the one, we don't know where the chalk is. And I, we couldn't find it. It was possible to play without the choke because the tips are quite worn anyway. I couldn't enjoy, I couldn't enjoy the night. Well, where was the show?

I couldn't enjoy it. I found it the next morning. Yeah. When I went, yeah. I was looking at home, yeah. I was playing and I kept looking and my mate went, stop it. Jordan went, you went, stop, stop it.

You can't stop thinking about the chalk. I went, I need to find it. Don't tell me these things because this just winds me up and gives me the total lick. I was getting ready to this. Oh, no, that's me brief. Is it a brief? Yeah.

I'll look forward to that. Right. listen, porn category's quiz like I said before, we are you know, we've said it, there's a chapter in the book that said, are we vanilla? Yeah. This is golf rules.

I don't know anything about golf. The lower the score, the better. That's what this is. Any higher, if you get a high... If you get all of these, you're something wrong with you. You're ill. If you get half of these, you're a perverture. Can I, can we just make it a way

that I haven't actually seen any porn for a year and a half? Okay, that's fine. But you can still know the, you know, you know, If you hadn't watched it, if you hadn't watched a movie for a year and a half, you'd still know the categories. I'm just a bit behind. Okay. I don't expect you to get any of these.

Okay. Are you ready? Ten questions. Yeah. Ten categories. Yeah. I didn't even know there was ten categories. What?

Back front, up, down. But let's go. I'm just going to say a category. A porn category. And you've got to tell us what it is. What it's about? Yeah. I might be quite good at this.

Goh. Doubted it. Play along at home. Golf scores, by the way. Okay. Yeah. Scarfing. Scarthing.

it could be two things Okay It could be seasonal No Winter No strangulation Strangulation

Don't track at home kids Dangerous Gonzo Oh god I'm not gonna know any of these Is that food related No No

And it's not the guy from the Muppets No I don't know what that is It's where the bloat with the camera Is doing all of the jobs Oh God that's irritating Isn't it First person

He's got the camera on his head His view. It's his view. He's got the mic sorted. He stops halfway to charge it. He's doing the sex as well. Like having sex with a ghost. Yeah, yeah.

That's what it's like. Yeah, or a bloody odd robot. Disgusting. Yeah. B RCCC. Don't know. Backroom casting couch. Awful.

Is that still a thing? Casting couch still a thing. I think they pretend now. It's like quite muggy and it's that horrible black sofa that everyone's seen. Pretend that they're going to come in and say. I'm auditioning. They've already. They've already got the job.

It's not like, yeah. They're not virgins. What? You're joking? This is horrible, by the way. I'm not enjoying any of this. That's why I'm doing it. You're going to hate this one.

Futonaria. Footonaria. Is it feet fetish? Like foot fetish? No. I wish it was foot fetish. Fettish. Furtanaria?

I don't know. It's cartoon porn, where the women have like gigantic dicks. Like gigantic dicks. Why?

I don't know. People like it. Although I've got to say a cartoon porn stops people getting there's nobody being what's the word? I can't think of the word.

Exploited. There it is. Okay. Big old dicks on the girls. Yeah, unless they're not playing the anime. Foot an army. Or raincoat.

I don't know. It's not going to be something that you think. I mean, people in courts having sex, I don't know. In the rain? It's actually a lot. Oh, is it condoms?

Yeah! Perfect. How did you get that? Well, because it's put your jacket on. Don't people say that? No. No, no. You're thinking of potatoes.

Oh my God, is there a category of porn where people wear condoms and that's like a thing? It's like an outlandish thing. Crazy. I can't believe he's done that. Disgusting. Stranger on the rocks. that's random's hiking having sex

meeting each other on a walk no what putting your hand in a bucket of ice water until it's so cold it feels like someone else is doing it apparently people do this as videos apparently people do videos of it strangers on a row all these from a GQ website this is fucking insane RIP my algorithm by the way there's gonna be hell on

on my Instagram when I go back on from this your phone site's gonna be even worse oh god um do want me porn watching in New York um I'm sitting that never sleeps Oh Veggie porn Do you want my real answer

Because you don't I don't think you do No No Do you want me answer for this Yeah Vegetables just inside Okay everyone knew the other one

No Just girl on girl No meat No meat No meat Wow wow wow I do love a little joke NSFL

Football something to do the NFL The old football jerseys Have you heard of not safe for work? No NSFW Not Safe for Work

If something on the internet's not safe for work You go here's the link But it's not safe for work Don't click on it on you know that Great This is not safe for life It's the stuff that's so bad It's so disgusting

Not Safe for Life It's all it says on the GQ website I'm sorry that's all I've got Are we done? No, two more this is horrible listen people want to know your opinions on these things no they don't

this is this is a V-O-R-E Italian VOLA Yeah yeah Getting off on being eating alive Animated or C-GI Awful

Last one You're gonna like this one You're gonna like this one That's dark web shit this Yes it's bad in it It was on a GQ website Like I see I'm not I haven't made these up

I haven't looked into these I didn't know what these were This is the crack Um Cake sitting well that's people sitting on cakes do you know what it is people sitting on cakes very messy

yeah very you're asking for an infection you're like cake in your vulva and you're wasting cake I know cake up your bum have you ever had that I mean when we did I'm sorry to mention they straight away but when we when we did bake off sorry just mentioned bake off straight after that

I did the butter icing in my hands I felt like I couldn't get it off for ages did you touch your dick and get a slippery dick Like with chili When you cut a chili Can't touch any of your body All I'm saying is

Imagine getting a bit butter icing On your ass crack Oh no It's gonna be horrible You're gonna be slipping around for days Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo It's time for What's your beef?

What's your beef? What's your beef? Beef, be beef Ladies first You can't have a beef with me I have been an utter delight You know what is you have No I have

I haven't been horrible I'm due on and I've been disgusting And I know I have But it's fine because I know it's It's not fine though I ruined the whole atmosphere for the house the other day. Yeah. Oh, you need actually...

When I'm sad, because I have a reason why I'm sad, because my hormones are depleting and I'm just on a downward spiral. Yes. You actually need to step up for the rest of the house. Well, you need to piss off then. Okay, glad. I can't be around. So I'm sad because of hormones that I can't control,

and you get sad at the same time. I can't help. And it ruins the whole day. I'm a little sponge. I'm a little sponge. And you are... I actually are. I specifically married you for how lovely and happy and chirpy you were.

And I do feel like I've been shortchanged. You have? Yeah. Like, honestly, I've been catfished. So it's a very long-winded, long game of catfish that you're playing here. But yeah, so you need to just remove yourself from the situation and say, look, I'm off and I'll just do something with the kids. Okay, great. No, it's...

We are shaking hands. Is that a deal? 100%. Yeah. Don't it face. I can't... I can't... This is an awkward angle.

I'm getting pulled. I can't, I can't snap out of it when you. you're like full or miserable and then they they dicks when you when you're miserable and it just yeah okay great deal i'll just i only need a couple hours yeah oh there we go yeah that's perfect all right then good i'll just go watch a bit of that that's not my beef my beef's worse than that much worse than ruin the mood of the house for the full day well i don't do one shall do mine first just as well eating on yes i watched you the other day put open a packet of vinegar flavored crisps It's not salt and vinegar, just vinegar.

You poured them into a bowl. Yeah. You then doused the vinegar-flavored crisps. Yeah. By the way, sorry, can I just tell them what the crisps are? It is right. I'm not sponsored about, the posh ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Torreys vinegar-flavor crisps. Yeah, yeah. I bought them off Amazon. I tell you can't. Sorry. Wow. You put them in a bowl. You then doused the vinegar-flavored crisps in balsamic vinegar

and ate them with a spoon. Like, series. No, like a woman who does whatever the fucks you want. Like cereal in a nightmare. Like a nightmare where you go, oh my God, I had this dream and it was my house, but it wasn't my house. And you were sitting there and you went to cereal,

but it wasn't cereal. It was crisp with vinegar on. Why is that bad? It was like something from a fever dream. It was horrible. Can I tell you right now? I thoroughly enjoyed them. I'm glad you did.

And I'm glad I left the room while you finished them because I couldn't be there. I had my tan on. I spilled a little bit of vinegar. on myself and I had to leave me onesie on for two hours and it really upset this actually because it was very strong but I love them that's my favorite my new favorite way to eat crisps and we thought and we all thought everyone this is this podcast we thought your old way of sucking the crisps dry and sucking all the flavor off and leaving the dry we thought that was bad but

your new way is even worse yeah I just really like really vinegory foods and they're my new favorite crisps they're quite expensive to be fair like they're amazing crisps yeah Can't get them in the normal shop. I haven't seen them in the normal shops. Like I say, I had to get them off Amazon. But I thoroughly enjoy them and I don't care. You can think what you want. You eat black pudding in that.

You like stink out the house with your disgusting breakfast that you make. My breakfast this morning was a breakfast of fucking kings. But it stinks the house out. But I don't see anything because I think that's how he enjoys to eat that. Why are you got to have an opinion how I eat? Um... But I do have a beef with you.

Do you want to hear? Come on then, yeah. So you're back from tour for a little bit. I am. And I'm... And I'm a delight to be around when I come back. I come back and I'm great. No, sometimes being married to you is like living with my mother.

Really? Or like a parent. Wow. Yeah, I was getting ready this morning. I was sat at my dressing table, getting ready. And I'm, you know, 39-year-old woman, and I pay me mortgage, and I work, and I, you know, and I'm independent and all that shit. Right.

And you come in, right? And I had a packet of ibuprofen on the dressing table. Yeah. And you're just talking, you're talking to us. at the same time, you're just like checking on all my stuff and like lift you lifted up that packet of ibuprofen and I was like, what you're doing? And what, and you were just like,

oh, I was just checking if you had any left because I brought you this last night and then I was just going to put them in the bin. I bought you. Like you tidying up. You're tidying up. Imagine that. Imagine that being a beef.

I come in a room and I tidy up. Imagine that. It irritates us. All I was doing was, I saw the ibuprofen pack and I was on my way downstairs and I was like, oh, I remember I brought you an ibuprofen last night. I brought you it upstairs. Like a mom, that's what a man.

does. That's what I do to the kids when I go in their room. Yeah. Well, you know, I think you need looking after sometimes because left of your own devices, you eat fucking vinegar, crystal vinegar on with a spoon like you're having something. Like you've just broke up with someone. It's just irritating. Well, all I was saying, because there was one left in the packet of the ones that I gave you last night. So if you took that and it was just an empty packet, I would have took it down at the recycling bed. That's all. I was literally trying to do your favour. Just try to do your favour. Try to help tidy your room.

Just gives his yick. Everything I do gives you. Well, it's just like, oh, the man I'm married. who I love, who, you know, have sex with who I fancy just comes in my room and tidies up. What? It's a good thing? It's not.

Because I don't know what it is. It's just because when you do it, you don't, you're like not talking. You're just like in the zone of like tidying up shit. So this is a problem for me and you that we've got quite a lot, right? So sometimes I'm sorry. But there's other things that you could be tidying up.

So there's stuff that you literally are like, you know when people say nose blind or you're just blind to, there's certain things in the house that you never move and you never tidy up and you're like you never make the bed you never, there's certain things that you just don't see but you're coming to my room and mid-conversation

fucking raking round on me dressing room table checking empty packets of ibuprofen raking round raking round I pick up one packet of ibuprofen as I was talking to you. Okay but maybe it's not that I'm annoyed that you're actually tidying up

it's the fact that you do fuck all else you do fuck all else in that house but then you'll come and tidy up my ibuprofen packets And in my brain I go, like there's so much you could be doing that you just walk fucking past every single day. Name three things. The letters on the bar,

your letters on the bar, which you could be put away and tidied up and all the envelopes that you could put in the bin. Okay, I'll take that. You never make the bed. Ever. I'm not walking past it though, am I?

What do you mean? I'm not walking past the bed. If I was standing talking in the room with the bed was, I'd probably start doing it. But we're not talking in there. You never make the bird, ever. In the bathroom, in the on-sweet bathroom, whenever you use the shower,

you always leave loads of fluff and mankiness in the bottom of the shower, and all it would take is five seconds of, like, getting the shower head and just cleaning it before you get out. You never do it. But you'll come into my dressing room and you will have a good fucking rake around

with my shit. And patron, that's it, you're patronising. It's so patronising. Guys, I wish you could see what I did. I literally were just talking. I just picked it up. I turned it over to see if the... My eye with roving on my table.

It's got nothing to do with you. Unbelievable. Get on my dressing room. But I don't come to you. I don't come around your stuff. I don't go in your cupboard in the onsuit where all your stuff is and rake around and be like, I'm going to put this in the bin. It's your stuff?

Don't touch me stuff. Fine. Fine. God. The problem is you're a sibling and I'm an only child and we've clashed. That's what it is. I'm used to everything being mine. Mine.

Yeah. well what you're going to learn which we are seeing with the boys now because our kids have just started fighting loads it's very upsetting rafs finally got to an age where like he's fighting back and just wants to fight but like I said to you the other day

oh my God we haven't talked about how the they made an alliance and I went I've never seen this in our family before yeah but this is what me and Kate and Kevin used to do all the time it was really weird so we were we went away for the weekend

to a little cottage and you were I mean there were just being dicks yeah horrible but we both were like right you're not getting any dessert that you're not getting dessert and they went over on to the sofa and they were crying on the sofa about zero or Rhea was crying on the sofa about dessert

and then Robin started asking if he was all right and trying to cheer him up and trying to offer him different things and you came over to me in the kitchen and you whispered like fucking David Attenborough you literally went well what's happening now is they're forming an alliance against us it's exactly what I was a child it's exactly what me and Kate and Kevin used to do

they're forming an alliance now against their parents in the wild yeah it's important because it was like we're not giving in he's there a couple of little bastards but you know you can you can lean on each other it was really nice to say actually

yeah I mean they were fighting again five minutes later but yeah but in that moment I was like they're fine they've got each other so we can carry on nice Rief just does not like being told off and I feel like we've spoil him a bit. Yeah.

When you tell him off, he's like, what the, what are you doing? Well, to the point where he's like, you're being rude. And I'm like, no,

I'm, I have to tell you off, I'm your mouth. He's kryptonite to being told off. You can't, you can't tell him off. Don't be rude. Why,

you're being rude? Why? How dare you speak to me like this? Or when you just need a minute and you're not really speaking to them. And he's like, it's rude to ignore people. They can't wait

until we finished a conversation to speak. Anyone out there with the kid. I've even tried the thing off Bluey. The thing off Bluey where the dad goes, when you come and talk to us and I'm talking to someone else, I'll touch your arm, which means I know that you're there and I'll wait. They just fucking grab me hand.

Yeah. They grab me hand and they're like tugging on it like it's a fucking toilet. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Oh. I know. And they don't want anything until they know I'm there. You'll lay on the sofa with me head down so they couldn't see us and I'd just lay there. And it wasn't until one that was like, Dad. We're two available. My parents were not available for us. They just weren't, they weren't available.

We are too available. And the minute that you'd be, like, try to not be available. They're just so used to it, so then you, it's horrible. Ugh. Anyway. Stop coming in my room and raking around me shit. I fucking go out of my shit. Shut up.

Full of shit. He's so full of shit. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Visit BetMdemd casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly. us to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor,

free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Where are my gloves? Come on, heat. Any day now? Winter is hard, but your groceries don't have to be. This winter. Winter, stay warm. Tap the banner to order your groceries online at voila.ca. Enjoy in-store prices without leaving your home. You'll find the same regular prices online as in-store. Many promotions are available both in-store and online, though some may vary.

When West Jeff first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, in-line skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when West Jeff welcomes you on board. Here's to Westjetting since 96. Travel back in time with us

and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, bah. It's time for questions from the public. Public. As always, everyone again, touch it's shagmarynaoid at gmail.com. And if you want to send in a voice note

or to a bloody loving, the number is 07874-40-6650. and it's on, all them details are on the podcast page where you're listening to this, hopefully. Rosie, what we've got this week? So, I was going to listen to them, but then I need to speak to Daisy about this. I quite like having a surprise. I feel like I don't get any surprises in this. Well, yeah, go for you.

So we sent a few, and let's have a little listen. You do get surprises. I did you a beautiful quiz earlier on and you just winged about it the whole time. It's terrible. Brilliant. By the way, you scored two, which is just below pervert level. So, well done. Good.

Rosie's mysteries is from a bloke. Ooh, from a bloke? Yeah. Can I just say? What? Fair plate of people sending these in because I've literally, when I have to send a voice note,

I do something on my own, or even do a little tiny bit of video on me own and tell a story or whatever. I can't do it. I have to redo it again and again and again and again. No, but not everyone's mentally ill like you. There it is. So thank you everyone for putting,

we'll really appreciate it. Thank you. Always. Hi, Chris. Hi, Rosie. I wanted to tell you a story about my nan who Godlover is a little bit away with the fairy sometimes. This one could be a Rosie's mysteries, mysteries, mysteries, mysteries.

They'd got out for a meal, gone to an Indian restaurant. At the end of the mill, they bought around the end of the mill, they bought around the bill, and my nan picked up her complimentary mint and popped it in her mouth. only for everybody else to look on in horror. And I wonder whether you can guess what she had done. I shall pause so you can have a think.

Sorry. So she's put a mint in her mouth at the end. They've come round with the bill. And they've come round, because I had a curry two nights ago, and they brought the mince. And I was actually in Coleman's Seafood Temple last night, and they bring the mince with the bill. And Robin was fighting us to try and get them.

she's not, well, she's not put a mint in her mouth. What's she put in her mouth? I've got two ideas here. Yes. It's either in the rap, I still, or, no, it's not. It's one of them fucking, have you ever seen the napkins that are a little,

and you put water on it? That's pretty posh, they're posh. Well, maybe it's that out of pot. Is it an Indian restaurant? I'm guessing that. It's a napkin. It's one of them little micro napkins that you put water on it and expands

and there's poor fuck I should hide it straight in her mouth which I don't think even that's anything to do with being away with the fairies I think that's a very easy mistake to make I don't think it's that I think it's money you think she's put money in our mouth I don't know I don't know what the fuck

I don't know okay I don't know I don't know what just putting them out what else? Sorry what else comes what comes you get your receipt your bill your receipt you get like sometimes a business card you get afterates or you get them little

sometimes you get the heated up wipes Yeah, but they're fucking massive She's not going to put one of them in I haven't had a heated up wipe For ages Luxury Pure luxury

We used to give you them on the planes randomly Hot towel Hot towel But I heard that they never wash them properly So I'm always a bit begrudged to Wack them all over my face But does the heat not just kill all the germs Possibly but you never know do you

I suppose if someone's blue their nose on it Anyway come on Yeah Okay ready I'm sticking with one First one yeah All right She had

She had picked up Her mint Popped it in her mouth complained at how dry it was, looked round to watch the waiter pour warm water on these flannels for everybody to wipe their hands and their face with. Brilliant. And my nan was sat there chewing on an old flannel. God lover, indeed.

Oh, lovely bit of a lovely bit of wordplay at the end there. Cute. I think one, not her fault at all. that is such a weird fangled thing and two, that is a posh posh, posh restaurant, you're right. That is a posh rush, because they do, they come out like,

they come out like, like little sort of, what, like, like, they're trebo, like double-stacked tree-bo extra strong mints. I've never. Oh, you never had one day, love. I've only ever seen them on,

on video. I've only ever seen them on the daily. I've never, never been anywhere that had them. We haven't. together, have we? I don't think I'd know. I honestly call in everything.

Oh no, hang on, maybe so might have been one time in a spa. Mm. I don't know. I don't remember. Anyway, listen. Go. Just reporting in from New Zealand here about the savoury chat. Yeah.

If that man's wife was a New Zealander or an Australian, her instructions could not be clearer because in New Zealand or Australia, getting savories involves just getting a, you know, the ready made bag of like the 12 little mini pies and kishas so like the um a you know a bag and it would it include like the potato top pie uh an enormous pie and then like a keesh and it's kind of a mixed a mixed bag uh for you to serve at parties and heat up those are called savories i know elsewhere they'd be called like mini pies or something but in new zealand it's like you're having a party you're going to serve some savories and that is it so just thought i'd uh shed some light on that for you

thanks for the pod you guys are awesome Love that. Why does he sound attractive? He sounds great, didn't he? Just to love the accent. In my head, he's clearly driving. Why in my head is he in the car from Bluey? I know it's a different country. He's in the car from Bluie.

There's a surfboard on the top. I know it's Australian, but I don't care. He's weighing the ring from Lord of the Rings. I'm just getting racist now. It just seems, he sounds healthy. Sounds a lush. Sounds like his hair's always well trimmed. He sounds like he's got a thick stubble.

It's not a big beard. It's just a thick stub. He wears a suit well, but he also can dress casual and look just as good. God, who is he? Who is this man? Anyway, thank you. Thank you, sir. He wears his suit well, but you can also pull off casual.

Great, so that's what, okay, so that was, if this is the first episode he doesn't or you're not up a day on the episode, this is a, someone had sent, their wife had sent them to the shop for series and he had no idea what it was, but yeah, I just love that. He was like, if she was from New Zealand, she could not have, being more clearer. I'd love to go to New Zealand. Same, yeah, beautiful. We've got friends who live there, we should.

We do, I know. I'm clear, we've got listeners there. Hello. Just listening to the latest episode, and I just had to send a message in, did the lady not mean cheese savories? I feel like, you know, these little packets with the cheesy crackers,

maybe they're different shapes. That's what I would have got. Somebody'd ask me for savories, but they've got a packet of cheese savories. Hi No Thank you Thank you

Before I I thought cheese Savory was a sandwich It is I think It's like when I said to you About protein It was just I've said to you

Go and get some savories What you're getting Go and get some savories I'm getting crisps Right I'm getting like Bread Potatoes

Eggs Like savoury food I'm full Just listen to this I'm getting carbs I'm getting starch I'm getting salty Cairbs.

I'm just getting salty carbs. I'm getting crackers. I'm getting some nuts. I'm getting some crisps. That's what I'm getting. Go get some desserts. What would you get? Go get some,

some like sweets. What would you get? Exactly. So it's not that difficult. I just think be more specific. Her own husband didn't know what you want. No. This message has come in via WhatsApp,

but it's not a voice note. Okay. But it was like a text. Okay. Which is good. Cheating. Fair enough. Hello, just listening to the Emma Doran episode.

Oh. I used to be a Dominate Rick's. Real life. Dom. walks of life. Listen to this. It's great. We've got people from New Zealand. We've had doctors, we've had nurses, we've had vets, we've got dominaters. It says, yeah, I have done all sorts of things to my subs, which I think means subordinates. Is that right? I don't know what it means. Subordinate? Like, lower? Yeah. So is it not submissives?

Whatever they call them. Is it a subordinate like an employee? I do believe a subordinate is just someone you're a manager of, yeah. I don't know what they're, but it's not, but it's Yeah, Dom and Submissive, yeah, yeah, yeah. So someone of the Domitiv. I think you're right. I think it's submissive, yeah, yeah. God damn it. They paid up front, so there wasn't any card swiping going on.

So it's like a cash before. Well, before, right, I'll get you. Yeah, so there's no, like, at the end, you're always 100 quid or whatever, you know. That'll be all going on it. I once, this just blows my mind, and I don't know why anyone would enjoy this, but maybe you can shed light on this. Right. If you do like this sort of thing.

I once made a sub sit in a corner of the room with a pillowcase on his head, It says, yeah, he was stalkers too. Naked. And I totally ignored him for an hour whilst I spoke to my friends, did some admin in my then dungeon, berated him and belittled him whilst talking to said friends

and he was hard as a bat on. Fucking get married if he liked getting ignored. Joking, aren't you? You're fucking amazing? He fucking won't me to live his life. He must just have a really good wife. He's married so well that he has to go somewhere else

to just get ignored and slated. Wow. No, you're, he's married somewhere. Come here, go on a dressing room, try and pick up some fucking rubbish. You'll be honesty. Oh, I'd have his life.

Flagpole. Yeah, but then he'd get hard and I'd go, you disgusted! Oh! My eyes! Oh, erections are not for the week. Put that down and stop that and all.

Put that down and put that down. Exactly. That's mad. Did her admin and that? Had a strong and hard. Had a strong and hard. on for the entire time and yes multiple times during his hour I said look at the state of you you've been bedding I just I don't get it but there's some serious deep root of trauma

that in it there's trauma gone on there like crazy trauma I just someone just having a go at you well I'd I worry now sometimes am I just like I were too good am I a nice mom oh don't start talking about my kids gonna be like my mom was so nice that now I pay a woman to go around to sit in her kitchen no no no no no no no I think it's when the horrible it weirdly gets. Yeah, they still need it. Yeah, I think it's, yeah. I mean, you don't know.

There's no fucking rulebook is there like the pair. It's horrible. I mean, in each other room. He's not harming anyone. They're all, they're both adults. Well, we're having you think of the minute with YouTube, aren't we trying to like not them be on that? Because we usually, every five minutes you watch a video,

ironically on your phone. That's like, oh, what do you say? YouTube frame changes every three seconds and it's too much for them. There's no, like, and I read another thing in a day that said, um, you can't parent them the way you were parent. the way your childhood is because they live in a different world now and it's like there's no fucking rule book it's absolutely solid

and he can't go throwing shit like that in the fucking mix as well maybe he's just honestly in his defence maybe he's just had enough of the whole thing and he's like I'm just want to be sat in someone's kitchen let me hard on be free no sorry don't try and make this sound normal no no no I'm not having it no in the car pillowcase on his head sitting there

absolute rock on just being called told is he a piece of shit the fact that he paid just doing admin talk my mate and doing admin easy money Wow This one I could get on board with Once a guy paid me

2,500 pounds Right To lick his face After I'd eaten a clove of garlic Where? How do you know that this turned you on? How specific is that? I love garlic though

You eaten a clove? I'd eat a raw clove of garlic And I would lick something For 2500 quid How long she'd lick this face for? It doesn't say I wouldn't lick something for an hour Oh it says

The reason to charge that much is because she couldn't work for three days afterwards because pillow face doesn't like garlic he's got a pillow on his head it's punging um is that what she said she couldn't work for three days after because she's done with garlic so you want your garlic face fix you need to pay us further me days i'm going to have to take off yeah good god do you think it was raw or do you think it had been baked in the oven um bait in the oven wouldn't be as bad raw is going to raw is going to put you out a commission for days. So good for you though.

Oh yeah, she'd probably, yeah, immune system would be through the roof. And for three days, she hadn't seen, didn't have to see any of these fucking perverts social had a great, yeah. How, okay, how do you realize that your kink is somebody licking your face who's had raw garlic?

How? How? Pretty innocent, to be honest with you. I mean, it's not, like, she could be shitting in his face. Too, right, fair. Two things. Either you were,

on a date with someone and they'd had some garlic and you hadn't had the garlic and you had a kiss with them and you were like oh my god that was amazing I need this forever I need that and I need it more and you're like oh you're kissing someone and you're like smell a garlic oh oh oh kiss has now licked me face oh it's bad smear or oh and this is the bit left field um your dog your dog accidentally ate some garlic and then you let it lick your face and he went oh what's going on downstairs well I must be into this and then that was it and then you apologised profusely to the dog babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo bah bye do bye bye bye hi hi guys Hi. Just a quick one.

On this week's episode when you were talking about people getting in Cabs that smell. I mean, we've talked about that many times, but yes. Horrible, horrible, horrible. There's a man in the gym that I go to who is a driving instructor. Right.

Three to four times a week, early morning. I watch that man do a full workout in jeans, trainers and a hoodie and then get back into his car to do what I can only assume is a full day teaching, people to drive. Fuck off.

Full workout and he's clothes, no shower. I can only imagine the smell of that car and it upsets me every time I see him. Oh. In his defence, he could be going home

and showering and changing. Why training in jeans? Why are you training in jeans? Stop everyone. Stop training in jeans. Stop it. Come with you. Come, I tell you what.

But I wouldn't, if I got a driving lesson and he smelled, I wouldn't go back. Yeah. I told you mine, I told you mine used to change more than fall asleep.

I've told you this, I've told you this, I've, yeah that's terrible he's genuinely yeah yeah yeah I ended up fucking miles because you know you get at the roundabout

if nothing said go straight ahead I was fucking miles away I just kept going he lives on the edge people who haven't got driving license he's just fallen asleep

and he never put his belt on wow because he said if anything happened sometimes belts can jam and you can't get out like if the car sets on fire you belt jam you can't get out

but the bit before that I mean I'm not I'm a maniac you end up through the window mom's a maniac yeah it's absolutely maniac it's crazy

the fucking the light it didn't beep. He'd done something to turn the beeping off, but the light just flashed all the time for his seatbelt constantly. Oh, God. He was mental. She was maniac. Absolutely ridiculous. And the thing is, he was really cheap, obviously.

So I got him. My girlfriend at the time, got a miss her. She got him. All my mates at the time, they got them. They got him. It's crazy. Shock. I remember I got a phone call off someone going,

does he fall asleep on your lessons? I was like, yeah, yeah, sometimes, yeah. Crazy. Mm-hmm. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please keep me anonymous as usual. I wasn't sure of this story was quite strange enough to say,

end in. But it's something that genuinely happened to me a couple of years ago and it still makes me laugh and feel a bit uneasy when I think about it. At the time I was working late shifts at a petrol station just outside town. Oh, hell. Hell. Oh, the little window in that. I've often

thought working, fair play to them like, keeping the country running. But when I have to go to a petrol station in the middle of the... I mean, I'm always fuming where I'm like, you go to go in, the doors locked and you go, I'm not pointing out if fucking chicken sees her wrap and letting you run and get it and bring it and then go

actually no I don't I want a ham so forget it I'll just go hungry God I haven't done that for age oh no um nothing exciting mostly people buying snacks any you drink in energy drink sorry or asking if we sold things we very obviously didn't sell my ship finished at midnight and since I didn't drive back then I always had to catch

the last bus home oh bless you if you've ever taken the last bus anyway you'll know it has a very specific atmosphere oh yes yeah it does doesn't it? Oh yes. Last chance saloon. Yeah. Everyone on it is rather exhausted drunk or slightly suspicious looking. Or all of the above. Yeah. Yeah. Most nights it was pretty quiet though.

One night it was raining and I was already in a bad mood because my shift had dragged on forever. Got you. I got on the bus with a coffee from the shop that probably shouldn't have still been on the shelf and sat a few rows from the back. There were maybe four other people on the bus. A woman asleep against the window. A teenager blasted music through his headphones. And an older guy sitting in the middle with a large,

black suitcase next to him. Oh, what's he dark? At first, I didn't think anything of it. People travel with suitcases all the time. Oh, for fuck sake. What's he got in there? No, it's not, it's not going to be body. It's going to be, if we'll find out what it is,

it's always, it's always like a mannequin or like, like, like a thousand pairs of dirty underpants or a fucking, you know, six pumpkins. It's always something so fucking stupid and weird. And then they go and went, and I never find out why we had. And I'm sitting here with a nosebley. because I want to know why he had it. After a few minutes, I noticed he kept adjusting it,

like it was heavier than he expected, or like it might fall off the seat. The bus was quite quiet, except for the rain hitting the windows. Then the suitcase moved. No. Just likely. No.

I told myself it was probably just the bus going over a bump, but a few minutes later, it shifted again. No. More like something inside it had moved. Nah. The guy immediately put his hand on top of it and muttered something under his breath, like he was trying to calm it down. The door, what's that?

At that point, my brain started going through every terrible possibility. Either he had some kind of animal nair, or I was about to end up in the opening story of a crime documentary. Or it's someone whose fucking thing is being in a suitcase and taking them on public transport, and they're in that case, wanking. Eventually, the driver noticed the movement too and asked if everything was all right. The guy said yes very quickly and looked extremely uncomfortable.

A few minutes later the suitcase thumped again and I could swear the zipper moved slightly. Not enough to open fully, just enough to make me extremely aware that something was definitely inside it. No. My stop was coming up anyway. So I stood up and walked past him. I must have looked a bit concerned because he sighed and said very quietly, Rescue ferrets. Poor bugger.

Poor bugger. You could have stopped there and you could have given me a year. You could have given me a year and as many guesses as possible and I would not have fucking come up with rescue ferrets.

Apparently there were seven of them in the suitcase. Fucking hell. One, were they okay? Two, you're not keeping that case afterwards with a load of fucking ferret chitting it. He'd picked them up

from someone who couldn't keep them anymore. Last bus with a suitcase. The bus ride was the, The only way you could get them home that night. God, what, you do, seven, you're, you're taking, you're getting home after midnight with seven ferrets in a suitcase and just opening them and letting them be in your house. What, he's not getting a beddle for in the morning. And this is never a sentence I thought I would ever say, but how long is it going to take them ferrets to get settled in? Who knows?

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babo do, do, do do do do do do. Thank you for listening and watching this week's episode of Shadmary. Thank you, thank you so much. I'm just going to reach from your phone so I can read you the details but as always if you want to get in touch at shagmarinoid at gmail.com and the number for the WhatsApp messages

and the voice notes. Big love to the fellas who said in this book by the way. Thank you so much. 07874-40-60. All that information is on the podcast shop so we listen to it. If you're watching on YouTube,

subscribe. Thank you. That's the end of me rant. See you next week. Bye. Bye.