Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Another Stag Do, A Little Accident and Memories of Snogging Strangers

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris has been on yet ANOTHER trip. This one involved a lot of Guinness, a lost passport and an early exit. The pair discuss trouser shorts, arm tights, losing airpods and and what happens when you take a good banana through airport security. All of this plus some brilliant beefs, (foot wash anyone?) a verruca update, some Mormon Wife correspondence and a BJJ injury. If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married annoyed. Chris has had a little accident. We can't talk about it. We can't talk about it. We just got to move on. Just got to move on. I've got a stag-dew update for everyone. I've been on another stag-doch-do.

Of course, yeah. Chris has hurt himself a bay, JJ. Again. Been a busy week for me. Been a really busy week. We've got our beefs, voice notes and more wart magic. Freaking me out, this wart stuff. Freaking me out.

I've got an interesting email about Mormons and parking. Yes. And we accidentally name our imaginary dog. was genuinely the most confusing thing that's ever happened to us. Enjoy. Hello, you are listening and watching possibly Shag Mardinoyd with me, Rosie Ramsey, my husband Christopher Ramsey, Lavellay, to have you back. Hello, hi.

Hi. Hope you all having a hot and sweaty time out there. Have a nice little... I'm not complaining about it. No, but we don't live in London. But we don't live in London. Or, you know, southern, down south, because it's El... We're in London separately next week. Yeah, we are.

And it's El Scotio. Yeah, yeah. And it's a bit complicated, actually. because all as a northerner and I think other people will understand this in the north-south divide the only kind of clothes that I have which are suitable for 30 degrees

are very summery yeah very holiday clothes very holiday yeah very like floral and intense and I just don't feel like that is a London vibe I get you do you know what I mean yeah maybe it is I don't

I kind of love down there that nobody gives the shit what they're wearing up here people take the piss out of you if you've got a hat on but I've said this loads of time yeah I've said there's loads of time People don't give a fuck what you're wearing in London. I don't know. I love that.

I've said this loads of times. When we're going to London, and it's hot from here, you've got a dress for three climates. Yeah. You've got a dress for what it is here. Yeah. What it's going to be on the train.

No, no. What it's going to be on the train and then what it's going to be in London. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going forward to it though. I remember one time I had a pair of, um, I had a pair of, like, cargo pants

that zipped off into shorts. Mm-hmm. Iick. How, when was this? You weren't with me? No. I was a... I wouldn't have allowed them, no, awful.

I think it was from Manchester. I was getting the train from Manchester to London when I was first starting. Very like fishermen vibes. Yeah. Very like my dad. Right, yeah. No, I'm not...

I remember I zipped them off on the train and thinking, I am Mr. prepared. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. And what did you just hide them in your bag? Yeah, I just put them on my arms, like little sleeves. Oh, nice.

Now I'm joking. I just not, I think I'll probably put them in pockets because I was dead cool. I didn't have a bag. I do know how I did slag you off though, you know, because some of the stuff I used away when I was younger. B night on a Wednesday night at

Visa and me and my mate Abby would wear tights, fishing a tights on what arms. I remember you, yes, the arm tight slags, I remember. That was us that's what everyone used to call with. I had one theme tune. What was it? Tide slags Dale suck you off. Arm tight slags Dale.

Suck you off, a half a tab? Yeah, we just kept seeing all that. Okay, good. Nice. So I was really put on the spot and I was very aware that I was saying the word slag. It's weird you now because sometimes when I'm doing other things, maybe you're not the week, I'll sometimes go a little bit sexist because I'm for sexist in front of you to wind you up to get a reaction and I sort of how the word slag about because you're here saying it as well.

You're not allowed. When I'm on my own, sometimes I let it slip and people are like, fucking hell, I'm like, pig. And I'm like, oh, sorry, I'm normally sitting next to my wife and this is normally fine. I'm the same. As the pair will we make like a one. Chris, yeah? Sometimes I'm horrible to men. And I think, oh, no, Rosie, you can't do it to these men.

That's not your husband. No, and because it's very much. Tongue and cheek. Yeah. And a joke. Like the stuff that we, obviously. Hot-arm, tight slags. They'll put the tongues in your cheek.

That was the other bit. Put your tongues in your cheeks. You put your tongues in, you'll kiss them. I couldn't think of anything worse. Do you know what's so funny? Ask me now is a nearly 40-year-old woman to go and snog a stranger on a night out. Tung the lot.

I'd rather die. I'd rather die. Can I take them to the dentist first? Can we quickly nip to a dentist? I want him to floss you. I want them to do the scraping. I'll full mouth wash. Just couldn't.

Full polish. When, guys, when, like... In fact, pee into this cup. Let's see what you've got. Let's get a test. Yeah, let's get a swap. There's a good question. Okay, so the millennials or the...

No, what's the one... Where millennials? That's what I'm asking. Oh, sorry. Wind your fucking neckin. Continue. So, this is a question for the millennials and the Jeddexas, who are the one above us.

And the Zias. And then the Zs. Yeah. Even the boomers, listen, right? Yeah. We all know much more now. Yeah. So what are the singles doing?

Are they... snog and tonguing on the first date? I believe they are. No, I don't think people are. I believe they are. Nah, you just wouldn't. Are you out there snogging and tonguing on the first date? Let me know.

Are you on the dance floor? Hey, look, hey, not many times, but I remember snogging multiple people in one night. Oh my God. Were you used to have competitions? Sorry? We would have, like, the girls who I used to go. We would have competitions of how.

I beg your pardon. What? Sorry. What do you mean? You've snog more than one person in the night. Oh. I thought it was just me. I thought, sorry.

I'm embarrassed to say what I think I got. You weren't astute. I'm sorry, you were part of the competition. Oh my God, I wasn't astute. It was a statistic. You were but a number. Sorry, so them five lasses I kissed that night when I was at 8E. They were all, I was just on a leaderboard.

Like, top gear. Fuck this. I knew I knew your old tastes of kebab. I couldn't do that now. Horrible. No chance. I'd rather die. Yeah.

I'd have to at least know somebody now to be able to swap saliva. But the amount of people I speak to who just still stink. The amount of people I just think. It's not even that. It's just more like, I don't know. Vile. COVID taught a lot. Or did it, let we know.

Now listen, guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for watching. If you are, please subscribe on YouTube. Thank you for listening. Please subscribe on your podcast shops. And we do really appreciate your comeback every time. We don't want to over-wreg the pudding, but we really, really do. Absolutely.

And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative. lucrative sponsor. Now listen, this week's sponsor, very important. The company have been in touch and they don't want any discussion after the fact. I've just got to say the sponsor. Sorry, sorry. Am I being silenced? It's big money here. Big, big, big bucks. Seriously big books. No discussion after the fact. No diluting of the product. I've just got to say what it is. I've got to read it off the sheet, word for word, okay? And then I don't want to discuss. They don't want it discussed. They don't want it discussed. You are something else.

The company don't want to discuss. Are you okay with this? Right, good. No, I'm not. This week, you have to be. I'm not. It's, it's 300 million pounds. Oh, God.

All right, Joe Rogan. Per download. Per download. Okay. Listen, all right. Okay. Right, good. No, because then again, I will not be silenced for money.

So. Yeah, you will. No, I fucking would not. Of course you would. No, I would not. There's a number. There's a number that would silence me on anything. Listen,

don't play this. big in of going, oh, do anything for money, because you fucking wouldn't, because you've got a conscience. So whatever. Right, carry on though with your bullshit sponsor. You've almost ruined it now. It's okay. I'll bring it back. Um, this week's sponsor, which you've shot all over. This week's sponsor, again, no talking about it. Just want to go on. This week's sponsor is, attempting to quickly undo the drawstrings on your pants because you're desperate for the toilet, but accidentally not and it's so tight that you almost piss yourself trying to undo it. Again, don't want to discuss it. Let's just move on.

Where did that happen? Yesterday. Oh God, where? Weave myself a little bit. Where? Downstairs. How to go and change. In the house?

Yeah, I had to change your pants. We had to wear pants shorts or weed. This is what I'm supposed to discuss this? Oh, God. I went for the, I pulled it, get it around over me, over me hips. My hips don't lie. I couldn't get, and I just, well, I, I just. You've weed your pants.

I weave your pants. Okay, well done. I'm, listen. I'm 39. Welcome to the crew. Oh, you weed your pants on trampoline. I'll eat my pants all the time. Joking.

I walk back to the house with my period. I goes on, thank God. Pissing, fully pissing after that trampoline. Yeah. That's fine. You were bald going on that trampoline either day. I know. Do you see us on the trampoline?

Get jealous. Forget yourself. Go on the trampoline and think, oh, this is why I don't. Every time I say he's on that trampoline, I think I fucking loved bouncing on a trampoline. But can I tell you right now, I've been doing running and walk and all that shit.

Like, I do that quite often. And it's not great for your pelvic floor. I need to get, like, it kind of, I think it loosens it a bit. So I need to, I just need to do more exercises. I'll do them now. Great, well, John is after the intro when she's got a stronger pelvic floor. We had to fight about the jingle, jing, gong. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jing, gong.

So this is the jingo, jinggo, we hope you like the jinggo, jing, gong. Bhabo do babadoo babadoo ba bach do ba jingo Hello and welcome back to this week's episode A Shagmarydanoid Hello, hello Hope you're all well Hope life is going okay Even if it's not

Don't worry about it Let's just try and have a listen to this and there J you're up for the next 40 minutes or so Can't be perfect all the time can it? It really can't But update from me I've been on another stag do

Yeah we know Been on another stag do Yeah Went to Dublin for a stag do Yeah Tell them how long he lasted On his head stagged Came back a day early

You want of my best mate Staggdews Thankfully he was very understanding He knows what a pussy You cried with joy When I came back I was very happy I just You're not like

Maybe both of us I just don't think we're that Them people anymore I just I can't Don't get us wrong I've made a new room I can't do two day drinks in a row Like we did the what

It was great with airport drinking on my plane we got to Dublin just Guinness, Guinness, Guinness Fuck me. The day after it, the day... That's what's done you. Love Guinness. The day after a session on the Guinness,

I was sharing a room when we made Jordan. If you told me that in the night after the session on Guinness, he put a funnel up my arson in my mouth and poured cement into us and let it set, I would 100% believe him. Oh no, and do you know what as well? 100% believe you.

All right, I'm going to tell you right now what was wrong. with you as well, you'll have been holding in your thoughts? No. No, but you will have, like, subconsciously. No. Oh, no, he got, no, he got full, he got Gale Force winds. Okay.

He got wind warning. He got Amber, he got Amber Alert. Oh, yeah, it was horrible in that room. It was unbearable. And it was already hot, and the aircon didn't work. And the window opened over the restaurant and you could just smell food getting fried. It was the worst.

Anyway, listen. Listen, yeah, it just, honestly, like, hats off to everyone who can drink Guinness and have a full night. Guinness and be alright the next day. I felt about 15 stone heavier. I think the trick is with Guinness to not eat. Right.

I think it's like... See, we had a curry afterwards as well so it was hell on. Well, there you go. It's a fully blown meal. That room was a fucking bio hazard. Anyway, listen, a couple of updates, right? I learned something. Yeah?

Something Irish? No, no, no. This starts in the airport, right? So we got to the airport and we're going through security and I took a banana from our fruit bowl to have, you know, because I knew everyone was going to get on the drink straight away. It was about 8 o'clock in the morning, right? So I took a banana.

I was like, I'll eat a banana first, right? It was in my bag. What? I'm an old man. I had a banana. I had an electrolyte drink and I had a protein yogurt, right? And everyone else was like on the Guinness. So I put my hand luggage.

I had my little wheelie suitcase, all hand luggage, but I had the wheelie suitcase. Then I had my backpack. And I put it, I put them through. And you know, when they go through the security and then it stops and it's like, oh. And it doesn't, if it slides it to the side and down the next one, it's getting checked.

Yeah, I'll get mine. case comes down but my backpack gets checked right and the young lass she gets it off the thing she puts she goes this yours i went yeah she went right and i was thinking what could it be is it my toilet rees is there too much you know have i got too many liquids or whatever and uh she went it'll be your banana why well i went what do you mean you can take food through yeah she she went she went yeah yeah yeah she went it'll be your banana and she went and you can tell it a good one because it must have really high potassium levels because that's what set the machine off and I looked at her

and I regretted it as soon as I said it I genuinely meant it but it was one of the stupidest things I've ever said I went there and we're gonna have to eat it all now what like down in a bottle of water when you say everyone down in their water God's tragic I hate the human race

that's one time when I go God what what's wrong with we're just no but like just we've all travelled loads before you know you can't take your water what you bought a bottle of water for yeah like a massive one so what happened

just went no and I went right okay And then she went Did it get swabbed? Well, she went, No, she went to, it just means, it's the banana, she went, it just means it's a really good one

because it's either. And I went, well, it was from where it was. It wasn't, but that was the joke. Oh, yeah, and she actually said, so shout out to you

because she actually said, I hope I hear about this on the podcast. So thank you very much. Oh, well, there you go. Um, cut more updates, we drank in the hotel, sorry, in the airport

then I went through. Yeah. Um, the next day. Did you have a morning drink in the airport? I did. This is what, I always slag it off.

When I'm with the... I can't do it, me. When I'm with the pigs, I always just go for it. So a couple of Guinnesses and then got there and then went around loads of different pubs. The next morning on the WhatsApp,

one of the lads were talking 8 o'clock in the morning here. Has anyone got my passport? I've lost it. Were there for two days? Two days. Didn't need his passport either. Or did he?

Yeah, Dublin. Yeah, Dublin. No, like if you were at Belfast, you wouldn't need it. Yes. You wouldn't need your driving licence, I think. I'm learning. So, yeah.

So what? Where is his passport? Well, gets up. Messaged everyone. No one's got it. No, no. They're staying in, incredibly, they're staying in university halls.

Yeah. What were they like? I don't know. I didn't say them. I think they rent them out during the summer when there's nobody staying there. Or it might be like

a funky new sort of thing that somebody's bought them all as rooms. I don't know. So anyway, they're staying in university halls. He wakes up, can't find his passport. So he's still like hanging. He gets up.

He goes back into Dublin, city centre. He goes to like the four pubs that we went to. Two of them were open, didn't have it on him. Yeah. Why? I don't know. I don't know. How old is he?

A man. Like late 30s man. He didn't need it for ID. Definitely not. So he is quite little. Littlest of the group by a mile. But you know. But still very much.

Still a man. Just a little man. Over 25 now. Yeah. So maybe hoping. Maybe thinking, oh God, you know, I've been my. Maybe he's being asked for it once and he's just thought, I'm not fucking doing this. So goes to four pubs, two of them are open or whatever,

no, I haven't got it, other two are shut, goes to the curry place, doesn't open until 12, freaking out, goes back, it's in his bedside draw. What the fuck's he put in his bedside draw for? He must have put his bedside draw and then just forgot about it. But what's happened is, well, what's happened is, he opened the bedside draw and it stood up on its side and it's stuck to the back as he opened it.

And he couldn't say it. Freaking, that's not, you know, when you're hung over and you're trying to find something. It's the worst. Oh my God. But tell you about the... Trying to find something in general. Do you know I've gone back for two reasons, right?

Bluetooth headphones. Do you want to tell everyone your new catchphrase? Where's my headphones? Grace wears my headphones. I've given up my Bluetooth headphones. One, because I think that they're actually not good for our brains. By the way. You're still using yours, but whatever.

And two, I just lose them. They're just... They're smaller. Smaller than a fucking regular tampon. Like, what the fuck? No. I think Oh my God

There's a very specific reason you don't lose the tampon Literally stuck inside you I mean carrying them in your bag Oh okay I've got I've just invented something Okay I think

You should have like a book With a big cut out Like they do in prison And you should put them in there It's just a larger case A bigger case So you think Because then you wouldn't lose it as much

You'd carry it round And you're in Like in a toilet bag, but I suppose in your handbag. I just think they're too small. Right, you've said some stupid stuff. Put them on my key ring? You can probably get them.

Do you know, my mate, Michael's got a little thing, and it's a little pack of Doritos. It's a case, but it turns them into a little pack of Doritos and you open it up. You can get all kinds of cases for the AirPods, all kinds of cases. My problem is, it's just too small, and I just keep losing them.

Sorry, we need to dissect what you've just said. So you're thinking, end of Shawshank with Devon. he's not in his cell the press the poster the sea the massive hole that he's tunneled through the open his Bible and there's a cutout of a toffee hammer

you think the idea that the I think it's quirky I think people will love it is to have a book and you open the book and inside the book there's a cutout thing

the exact size of an AirPods case and that's where you keep it I'm telling you right now I've just invented something I want to make a handbag I want to make a handbag but it's just got compartments so you open it up and there's a little

space for a lipstick there's a little space for a couple of keys there's a little space for your AirPods and then there's a little and then there's a space for your phone and everything fits in and then you just close it so that when you open it you're like

oh there's everything instead of ah fucking hate rifling through my handbag where you're going to put your apple that's wrapped in a bit of kitchen roll that you always take with you I'm not saying you can fit everything in this great you can't

Fall down straightway. Were you putting your 6,000 hair clips that you're taking There'd be space for it. There'd be space for it. There'd be a circle shape and you put a bubble there

and all the little Kirby grips were fit inside. Have I? Have I made millions right now? I'm not even joking. Can I make this? Fuck it. I'm going to make it.

You know what you'd love? Like, so certain golf things have little bits for the teas and little bits that's different and stuff. Yeah, little bits. Slush? It's lush. Ah, like he said slush.

Honestly, handbags really upset me. Really upset me. I think it's because you're a disorganized pig. Maybe. Anyway, I've gone back to the wired headphones, which are good, but when I'm listening around the kitchen, the amount of times that they get stuck on a drawer handle.

I've seen it. It's so pathetic. You're like a dog that forgets it's got a lead on and goes for someone as they're walking past the garden. You're like, you get caught on stuff. And the amount of times I've seen you either cooking or like

pontificating with your hands, like gesturing and you flick the fucking and your ear thing comes flying out and I'm like, I know. Stay at her, man. And I've lost, I've lost a pair already, so. Yeah.

That's what I can have for my birthday. You're all the problem. Can I have that for my birthday? What? Can I just have three pairs of headphones? Pathetic. Why? But I want stuff that I'm going to use.

Lose. You want stuff you're going to lose. Use Lose. I'm going to send you a little list because I need a top up of loads of stuff. For your 40th, you just want to top of, just get that anyway and let me just get you something,

get you a little surprise. I don't need anything. Waste it. the waste. I want to top up. I need cleansers, moisturizers, serums. I need stuff, eye creams, lotions, tan, lotions and potions and potions. And you can just do, I'll do your little list. And the say, romance is dead. Great.

That's romantic. Last thing about the Stag do, which was very funny. So they were staying in the university halls and one of them need, one of the lads needed an iron. There's no ions in the room and he went down to what was, you know, the makeshift reception or whatever area where, you know, the main bit. And he said, do you have an iron? And the lady said, yes, can you, can you, have you got any money for a deposit? It's like a 20 euro deposit or whatever. And he was like, I haven't got any money.

You've got a card machine. She was like, no. And he was like, well, what do I do? And she went, well, you need to leave something that means you're going to come back and give back. Oh my God. Why do you leave his passport? He's fucking watch.

He went, will a watch do? You had a fucking brightling on, which is an expensive watch. He went, will me watch to? For a laugh, apparently should look at it, intently, like, one step short of getting a, like, you know, like, monocle things that they look at it. I went, yeah, that'll do. Kept his fucking couple of thousand pound watch. And he went up and ironed his stuff and came back and swapped it back.

Unbelievable. That's mad. That's mad. Unbelievable. Wow. All right. Okay. And then one of the lads in the group sent a video of a t-shirt on a thing with his watch in his hand, just rubbing his watch on his top.

That's good. Okay. That's nice. Banta banta. Lads, lads, lads, lads. And then I went home a dearly because I can't handle it. Lads legend. Yeah, well.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo babadoo baabababababababababab. It's time for what's your be. What's your beef? What's your beef? Beef, beef. Um, again, I have, stop that. I've been a delight recently, so I can't imagine there was any beefage, but ladies first. Um, I had a couple of things and I thought you might, always, all.

You think you're a delight. You're not a delight. Come on then. Um, I have got a couple deliberately because I thought you might have mentioned one of them. because I know what you're like. Okay, I'm just having a big sip of water with my big water bottle. God, do you remember when you used to do that all the time?

Do you remember during the podcast? You just take drinks all the time. Keep me whistle wet. I'm keeping me whistle wet and I'd thank you to back off. I love that phrase. What, wet your whistle? Wet your whistle. Yeah, it's lovely, isn't it?

I don't say enough. I don't say it enough at all. I think it's dying out and I don't want it to. Let's bring it back. Go on. Get out on T-shirt. Hoat, your whistle.

Wet my whistle. Wet my beak. I quite like wet my beak as well. Wet your whistle. It's a bit old manny in it. It's a bit creepy. Reminds us of... I don't want to kill comedy

but honestly, perverts. You broke your finger. I have... Oh, you've done something to it. You've done something to it. Yeah. I'd Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Yes. And it just... Okay. If there was anything... If you went to the supermarket and hurt your finger or something like that, if you did anything,

and hurt your finger, you would be slagging that place off so, so much, right? Yeah. But you hurt yourself with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. You don't mention it. Part of the course made.

Stoic. No. I just think it's because you know that I literally would be like, I kind of inside him thinking, why the fuck to do this? You just keep hurting yourself. So you're playing it down.

That's genuinely quite bad. Yeah, it's massive, in it? It's really swollen. Let's have a look compared the other one. Yeah. That's bad. These two here. Yeah, they're really fat-combed.

Especially the ring, like the opposite of the ring finger. That's a divorce finger. Oh, yeah, great. Can't wait. You can't wait. It was just funny this morning because we were both downstairs. And I did this deliberately. I don't know whether you notice.

Right. But you were like, oh, can you? Can you do the breakfast? And I was like, what's matter? So you? I just did it anyway. You did it. And at one point I was like, should I take over?

But I know that you can't slag off your injuries from BJA. I can't. So yeah, again, like if I was somewhere... If I was somewhere else and it happened, I'd be suing. I know. But, you know, it was... In my defence, I haven't been injured for ages and it was a total freak accident.

No, I was there last week. Yeah, but you're sniffing for that purple belt on. Sliphing! No, someone's mentioned it to him going, oh, you might be ready and you're literally now. No, they didn't say I might be ready, they just said the reckon is probably not very long, which was a very nice thing to say,

but they might just be saying to keep us going. But anyway... They just have to hear money. The man is not affiliation. in any way who said it. And he's a black belt. He knows what he's talking about. But anyway, it was, you might just say it to be nice. He might just be being nice. But anyway, listen. It was just, someone's trying to arm bars and try and get the head

over the leg over the top of my head and I try to stop it and I hit me, he's got little legs and I hit your shin and it heard, but it was fine. So gay. Listen, my beef with you is... You can't possibly have been a delight. I have. I have. Really trying to be nice. And it's related to this. I had my finger strapped up last night and you refuse to to wash my feet.

Oh, Jesus. What the fuck? I'm not washing you. I'm sorry, no. I'm sorry, no. No. I had been outside in the garden, playing football with our son, barefoot, and my feet were dirty,

and I couldn't wash them because I'd strap my fingers up, which didn't help them and all. And I said, will you wash my feet? And you said no. And your card is marked, mate. Because I'm, till death there was part, sickness and in health, right? I was an invalid.

That was self-inflicted. Doesn't matter. Still a sickness. You washing, you cleaning and wiping my arson vagina during child birth was not self-inflicted. In fact, you did that. Yeah, something begged for it, man. Whatever.

Don't be disgusting. This was self-inflicted. And also, like, I don't know. Just wipe them. Get a detal wipe. A debt-all wipe. Get a debt-all wipe on me feet. Do you know, one of the best films ever, by the way,

and I've just watched it for the second time while I was on the Peloton yesterday. Sorry? Pelot. Steph, what have you done? Oh, your friend says Peloton. Peloton. Peloton.

When I was on the Peloton. Yeah. Pelotron yesterday. I watched the Green Book again. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the bloke, who I love, by the way, the Italian bloke, when he gets into bed, it's like the 50s or whatever. And he just, like, wipe his feet before he gets in with his hands and he's like that. Oh, you love that.

But literally a couple of weeks ago on the podcast, someone told you that, Reach James. Yeah, I told him that I had a little mat next to my bed and I wiped my feet on it. I'm a comfort for doing that, but this guy's lush for doing it. He didn't have a little mat on the side of his bed. He just wiped his hands. It's quite manly and masculine. I'm here in real life. I just said it was just observation.

Do you see what I live with? Do you see what I live with? Also, I don't want to wash your feet. Your call is marked. If something happened... You are in... You are in, Debit. If something happened, I've been thinking about this recently

because I know I joked a few years ago saying I wouldn't look after you. Or no, what I say? Oh no, I stand by it. No, I would look after year, I would wash your feet. I would wash you and do everything. But I would have a boyfriend on the side. That's what I said.

Wash your Willie. Wally. me. I would wash you really. I'd keep you nice and clean. Nippin? I would. I would. I love you. Until death of a spot. I would look after you but also... You didn't wash me feet last night. Because you're not... Because you went to be, JJ and hurt your fingers, cuddling other men? It's the jealousy. I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous. You're jealous. You're jealous. I'll let your arm bars if you want in your own bars. I'll sure how ever do it. You'd be quite good. Why? Because you got hips. Babadoo, babado, babado, babadoo, babadoo, bab.

Questions from the public? Questions from the public? I love you public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is shagged, married, annoyed at gmail.com for long form, written correspondence. And if you'd like to send a voice note to the WhatsApp, it is 07874-40-60. Can't believe people are still sending stuff in. Amazing.

I just love it. We'll love you so much. I love it. Seven years. Crazy. Seven years. Hey, can't clap very loud because I've got an injured finger and dirty feet, very dirty feet.

And that's how we're still going. Yeah. Because we're able to actually be horrible to each other, but it's deep rooted from love. We couldn't do this if we didn't love each other, you know? No. There's no way. No, it has to be, yeah, I know what you mean.

I can't hold your hand very hard. Oh, God. I can't, look at how big and fat they are. It's really bad. Horrible, I'm there. I can't feel sorry for you. Try, try. Try your best. No, if I, again, I know I keep saying it as yoga.

If I just went to yoga, every other day and came back and couldn't walk to bed off bad hips and shit like that you wouldn't have any simple for me. It would almost be like when you did the full week of the GNS and the GNS concerts and then you were tired for three days and I was so understanding and lovely the whole time.

Do you want to go here? How many stagdos you've been on this year? How many more trips you're going to have? Fuck off. G&S is part of my trip allowance. Okay. I will start a fight. I don't give a shit

because I'm going to wait. We've just gone. We've gone from, I love you. This is great. We've done this for seven years to I'll start a fight. Well, because fucking I hate being married. No, there it is. Because if we weren't married, we could have those kids, 70, 30, and I could get away more.

In your favour. In my favour. You're fucking 50% of my childhood. No chance. My children. No way. Shut up, do your voice notes, man. All right, okay.

Damn you. Hi. All right, I have just listened to your episode on the fifth of June about the waltz and buying the waltz and buying the waltz. of their kids and I actually I had to stop and message it and my voice note in so my son had waltz all over his feet all over his hands he was about to start school

I was really embarrassed and also he yeah it just wasn't great so we went to the doctors they treated it a couple times it wouldn't go away they referred us to a specialist we live in Australia so it costs like $600 for the specialist and she literally

she went through them she looked at it she said that we had to rebooking for the treatment, another whatever amount of dollars. Hang on. If she says that the doctor bought these wots, I'm going to die. Right. First of all, $600 is insane, by the way. Yeah, for kids' wot.

That's mental. They don't have NHS over there, do they? I don't know how it works. I think it's a CIP. Well, it'll be private. It would be like insurance. That's fucking wild. Go on then.

I think she's going to say that. No. I swear to God, right, how are we? I thought it's going to be really expensive. And as my son walked out, she pulled me back and she said, if you just tell him that you are treating the walls, so every night when he goes to bed, you tell him you go to sleep.

And then when you're asleep, I'll come in and I'll do the treatment that the lady told me to, then they will go away. And I kid you fucking not. No. We've done it for about six weeks before we started seeing a difference, I would say. And within three months, they were all gone, all gone. both of our sons are going on it to. $600 to get that.

Fucking ridiculous. It is unbelievable. I know it sounds mental, but it's true. I can't. I can't. What witchcraft are what? What are wots? This is so weird.

That's insane. So many people are saying this. That's a doctor. I'd love to know where this doctor was operating from. I told the witch doctor I was a little bit. Was it a fucking hut? That's madness. Wow.

So do you think it was stress-induced? by the kid and you tell them that it's all right. That's the whole... We're saying it's bollocks, right? I'm not saying it's bollocks. Yeah, yeah, but the placebo effect is a scientific thing. Mm-hmm. So maybe this whole I'm buying the moffy and they're...

Oh, it's gone and maybe... I don't know. Worry dolls. Or war-stress related? I don't know. Worry dolls is different because worry's not a physical thing. A wart is a physical thing. Oh, yeah.

Fair enough. By the way, guys, just let you know my Vruca is still alive and kicking. It's got a lot better. I want that 10 pence box. I don't think you did put it in my bank. I fucking transferred 10 pens to you. Can I tell you though it's a lot better than it was, but you haven't got a Vruca now, have you?

Not that I know of. It's getting a lot better. Maybe it was worth, maybe it knows it's worth, it's holding out for a better. Yeah, 10 pence is pathetic, actually. Right. Speaking of 10 pence, that was a good segue. Ready?

Until you say it was a good, until there's 30 seconds of silence and then you say that was a good segue. Hi, Chris and Rosie. So I was just catching up on your most recent episode where Rosie's talking about how much she pays, for a packet of polos and I can beat that. So not polos, it was a Fredo.

And obviously we know how much Fredos used to cost back in our day, 10 pence, but they've gone up like what would the cost of living crisis? My youngest son wanted a Fredo and I paid one pound 10. No. They should be ashamed of themselves. Where? No. Where was this a service station on the fucking moon?

What? One pound 10? America? What are you talking about? about? No, they're not £1.10. One pound £1.10 is wild. They're £25. I'm sure they're 25 pence. Oh my God, what have they gone up since then?

No, you can get, I'm sorry, you've been done. Wait till Christmas, or after Christmas, they're in the selection boxes for like a pound. That's wild. I won't have that. They're not £1.10. Google reckons between 34 pence and 45pence

depending where you buy it. Which is crazy, by the way. God. 10 pens. Loved a Fredo. Do you know what else I loved? More. Taz. They're not called them now.

They're not called Taz's anymore. Why not? Because Taz is not popular anymore. Looney Tunes was huge when we were kids. Oh, is that what they were named after? I thought it was just called a Taz. Like the opposite of the Fredo. But now I think they've turned in just a caramel.

So this Fredo was chocolate. And then the Taz was... Caramel. It was Taz Minian Devil. Yeah. It was caramel inside. And now... Brilliant, Marklin though, because I've just called it a Taz.

for years. Yeah. Yeah. But it was named after the character. I didn't know that. But then Fredo wasn't a Looney Tunes, so that doesn't make any sense. This is what I'm trying to say to you.

When are you going to... Am I going to get shit for saying Looney Tunes, by the way? Was it Looney Tunes? Looney Tunes. Tunes is songs. Looney Tunes. Oh, you used to call it a Looney Tunes, I think. I don't know. We are the Animaniacs.

That'll do. Love that. It's terrifying, that. One pound ten for Fredo. She's been fucking sh shast. I'm sorry. That's silly. Shafted.

Was that a situation where you actually like get to the counter and just pay, same what I did with em polos. One pound ten. In my head, that's service station. That's got W.H Smith's service station written out of that has.

That's got Corner Shop made it up. Yeah. That's got corner shop, that's got multi-packed should not be sold separately. Yes, yes, yes. You've made that up. Well done. They have.

What did I buy as well? Yesterday I was in Jesmond. But it was an off-licence in Jesmond. What are you doing spending our money in Jess, are you mental? For anyone who doesn't know, Jessman is a very posh area of Newcastle,

half studenty, half incredibly posh. What are you, don't you... I was in Jesmond. How dare I? I know, who the fuck do I think I am? So anyway, I've got a packet of mentos and there were a pound. Good God.

Fucking pound. Oh, they're still in the car. Do you know, I had to... This is, I've got a problem. Your car's a fucking bin on wheels, by the way. Your car's just... Your car, I hate your car. It's not.

It's not. Well, it's... Sorry, I love. on my car. It's not. Anytime I go anywhere in your car, do you know, I've got to wheel the wheelie bin up at your car, open all the doors. Stop.

Sometimes I do. I hate it. I've got to wheel the wheelie bin up, open all your doors and empty everything at the wheelie bin. This is disgusting. Guys, this is the main beef between us because Chris just loves to load it up in his car, a special little fancy car

that he doesn't let the kids eat in, bloody, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but if I'm going from a mac in his drive-to-you-all. Yeah, of course, because your car's a bin on wheels. It's not a bin on wheels. I cleaned it the other day. I took it at ASDA and I did the Hoover, which was a grim experience, by the way,

and ruined a pair of my pants. Right. Just like, you know, the extension, the lead that it's on. Yeah, the scruffy is for. Oh, God, that was upsetting. Yeah. Anyway, I took Oliver to use prom. Nice.

So. Oh, and nephew Oliver. I'm a nephew, Oliver. And I've got a really nice car, but it looks shit. Do you know, can we talk about proms? All right. Our kids have got a little while till they prom. Oh, it's going to be helicopters and fucking flying cars by then.

You're going to have to drone them in. and dropped them. Well, last year, when I dropped down, when we went to see Daniel offered his prom, I was like, geez, I went to Kate. I didn't know, like, the kids went to school. I didn't know the school was like such a rich school. Because people who were dropping them off,

there was like, there was Rolls Royce, there was Lamborghinis. But their parents were driving them and I'm like, why, the fuck, like, who's got a Lamborghini? I think they know someone who's got them and they get insured for the day, or they rent them or they borrow them or whatever, yeah. They're hiring them. Crazy.

And I was just like, sorry, what? Yeah, it's crazy. What? Yeah. Mad. I don't understand. So it made my call a piece of shit. And it's, well, it made it like a bin on wheels that it is.

And it is, really. Was one of the footsteps out and one of them not? No, I fixed, do you know, it was just dirt? Dirt, yeah, yeah, it was just dirt. Because I took it to the car wash and now the deployable, what they're called footsteps. Yeah, yeah. Because for a long time, I was, for two months, I was seething. Because you had to climb.

Because I've got a big car. Because I love it, because I've got a little person syndrome. Syndrome. but I was having to like hoik myself up on the wheel Oh God To get in And I was like I'm paying

The month The monthly bloody payments I'm paying for this And I'm having to hoik myself in Like I'm working on a fucking farm And I was like I can't take me Nana anywhere In it

Because you couldn't get in So I was like What's the part Anyway it's fixed now Because I think it was just dirt It's just dirt Yeah yeah It's just dirt

Again Been on wheels Both inside and out Congratulations I think you're not living your life to its full extent if your car isn't a little bit dirty inside. I don't fully trust people. It takes two seconds.

Just take all the cans and fucking murrements out of the side compartment and put them in the bin. But in my defence, right, here is out. Do you know when we'll pick the kids are from school or something? Or have been at the supermarket. I've got a lot of car. I have as well. I make a few trips. Sometimes on a Monday morning, if you pick them up on Friday on a Monday morning,

I've got to go back into your car and get the bags that have sat there all week end in the back of your car. They don't have anything in the matter of the need. So they can just stay there. Awful. Getting out of the car. How about you use your car? How about that?

How about that? Not if they're getting a drive-thru. They've got fucking no chance. They get to drive-through my car. It sits on the knees, unopened, until we get home. Oh, you're horrible. The duo McDonald's actually, awesome sort of. The duo takeaway.

It's Friday night. I put them off last week. Listen, all I was saying is, I'm a big factory with your pig. Me one pound Mentos from Jesmond. I ate half the pack on the way home, and I had to open my glove compartment, going over the time bridge. and I had to throw them in and close a goat so I couldn't reach and get them.

So they're still there. Rosie, why did you crash on the felon bypass? I was trying to get the menthols back out of the glove compartment. I've got problems. Just everything in excess. Yesterday I bought some Doritos, big pack of Doritos, and I put them in the cupboard and I came downstairs after putting the kids to bed and you went, why have you bought Doritos?

I went, don't eat them. You went, no. We had a bowl of Doritos. We ate the full bag. We ate the full. So there it is. Full bloody bag. God, they're delicious though, aren't there?

Oh, Chitty. We're doing those. Forget it. I love crisps for me. Forget it. Oh, God. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo.

Oh, okay, so I've got, I've had an email here. Yeah. It's about, like, Mormon stuff. Cool. But this is the thing, right? I know loads about this, because I watch the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, where a lot of Mormons live. Yeah.

And also... Salt Lake City. And, uh, Also, Mormon wives. Yes. TikTok. Yeah. Is that what's called

The Real Lives of Mormon Wives? The Real Lives of Mormon Wives. No, it's not part of the Real Life. I think it's called The Real Lives of Mormon Wives Live. You wouldn't like that one. I don't think I'd like any of them. But carry on.

No, you would. You'd love Real House Wives. But the Mormon Wives one is a little, I don't know, I liked it at first, but it's a bit ridiculous. And then the husband's got too involved. And honestly, shut up. Shut.

Nobody wants. You shut your mouth. This is more. Mormon wives, not Mormon husbands. Yeah, honestly. And they start, so it was mum talk that the Mormon wives did, right? Mum talk. So it was a TikTok where they're just all like Mormon women wives.

So is this the one where he's got loads of wives? No, no. So Mormons aren't the ones that have got loads of wives. I'm not being ignorant to you. I just don't know. Some of them do. Some of them are polygamous. Right, so they have loads of wives.

But these don't. Okay. But this is, so this is what I'm trying. So you don't know anything about this, but I know all about this. And you're going to blow him. it's going to blow your mind, right? Fantastic. I love learning stuff.

Yeah. I'm writing you from the US, specifically from Salt Lake City, Utah. Also known as the land of the Mormons. Okay. Yes, the polygamist ones. I was actually raised a Mormon, so I think I might have some insider info you'd find interesting. Okay. For context, I'm no longer a Mormon, which will make sense once you read the rest.

Right. Firstly, most Mormons are actually not polygamists, so they don't have multiple wives. I get you. These are fundamentalist Mormon groups who continue to practice polygamy in secret. Those are the ones in the Netflix, like the Baddies. Those are the No, no, no, no. The Baddies, right. The Netflix documentaries that I watch, which is mainly just tidlers who want loads of women.

One step short of a cult is what you're saying. Absolutely. Okay. But you know, but listen. But I'm sure there are Mormons out there who. practice polygamy who are fine and it's okay. That's what we're saying. There we go. Covered that.

There we are. Just leave it. Anyway, I'll just tell you about the stuff. Yeah. Oh yeah, they don't drink coffee because God told them not do. It's like a religious thing like caffeine's a no-no. Coffee's bad. I've heard of that in religions, yeah, yeah.

But they do drink caffeinated soda. Makes no sense. Yeah. So in Utah, like on the Mormon wives. Right. There's loads of soda shops. So they just drink like... They don't drink alcohol, do they?

They don't drink alcohol. Okay. But they take ketamine. Sorry. They do ketamine to like go in trances and stuff and yeah, it's really fucked up. So they won't have coffee.

That's fucking. But they'll drink, like, diet. All of them are just specifically the ones you watch on the telly? Specifically, I don't know about all of everybody. It's bad that. Oh, what you haven't there? Shandy. Bad for you that.

Get some smack. Like... Behind closed doors, things get weirder. Mormons believe. as many Christians do, that sex before marriage is sinful. Despite this, young morbons across Utah have found a clever way of getting

past that particular rule. These young people engage in what is called soaking. Have you heard about this? No. You haven't heard. I knew he hadn't heard about this. Soaking. To properly soak, a young man must insert his penis into his partner's vagina, but he must not thrust. So this is like, they think that this is okay because you're not really having sex?

you're not thrusting all right you're just dockin just docking that's what it's cool we've talked about this before

no dockon's where you put your dick down the end of someone else's dick you must know that that was the thing have we talked we've talked about docking

yeah I think it's in the foreskin I don't think it's fully down the dick I just just awful just sorry to everyone sorry that came out so is that part of the gay world

well I don't think fuck it's rarefellas I deen it no no but I've got Me and Jordan didn't do it in Dublin for a laugh. Well, past the time. I've never heard of them talk about Dockin.

Oh, look, I think it's a really specifically weird thing. Like, you know, I like freezing shit and all that. It's one of them ridiculous off the wall thing. I'm going to have to ask all. But Soking doesn't make any sense. They shouldn't call it Sokin. It should be called, few of names. It should be called Dipping.

Yeah, Dip. It should be called Parking. I love Dockin. I thought that was a perfect exposition. It's taken by a much worse one. All right. Parking. Dipping.

Yeah. Tasty, tasting. Just having a little lick, like taste? No, no. No, no. I think it should be called Parker. I'm going to call it. Okay, parking, I like that. Okay, but what happens is,

and I've heard this on many multiple things, for some reason it's become a consensus that the thrusting is the part God would object to. I have to agree with that, because that's where the pleasure comes from. It's a bit of violence in it, so yeah. Don't ask me why, as you can imagine, this isn't a very satisfying experience for either part of me.

Fortunately, the creation. The creativity doesn't end there. This is when you're for a friend, so to speak. Dutiful Mormon friends, usually young men, will then begin to jump on the couple's bed, allowing their friend to successfully have sex without breaking God's commandment. They call this jump-humping. Honestly, right, a couple of things.

First of all, I thought you were going to say they'd basically grab their mate's hips and go like, to me, to you, to me, to you, which I would have enjoyed a lot more. Yeah. I just Am I impressed with the creativity of that?

Yeah, they've found a way to get around it So they lie on them like You know the scene in the in between us where he just lies on top of her Yes So you just like the lie there And the other people bounce on the bed And they think that's better than just

So a full on They can't have sex because they've been brought up Religious I'm sorry They're not that That this is full sex You're having full sex and there's extra people there.

You're having a fucking orgy. It's worse. This is worse than just having sex. But apparently that's what happens. Well, people will always find a loophole. Yeah. Good for them. Look at the legal system, for God's sake.

I know. Good for them. And they're just doing a bit of parking. Good for them. Parking. I just thought you might find that interesting. I find it so bizarre. No, I like being told.

So there's certain things. I won't watch the full show, but if you tell us the best bits, I'll just take the highlight. I'll take the highlight. I'll take the highlight. Well, I'm hoping. But you already knew about this?

Yeah. I've known about this for donkeys. God grief. Heather, um, Heather, um, Heather Gay talked about it on, on Salt Lake City years ago. Jumping up and down. That's great. Wow.

How do you know how they don't, I don't know how, you must have some serious willpower to not thrust. Did you sit there? Oh my God. Yeah. Imagine. Unbelievable.

I wonder if I can dry hump. There'll be a lot of dry hump and going about. I don't bloody need new, do they? You'd be like a dry hump, but you're not being out of thrust. You can't move. It's the same. Might as well just park.

Might as well just park up. It's called a park up or a drive-by. It's awful, isn't it? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, guys. Hi. Listening to Rosie talking about people asking if she was missing a belt from the dress she sold on Vinted.

Yeah. And it reminded me of something similar. I had one of those fill and Ted's double buggy years ago. Fillin' Ted's. Fillin' Ted's? Double buggies. Like Amazing Adventures? A fillin Ted. Oh.

I've never heard of Phil and Ted. I wonder if it's American. Kind of tight, doesn't you think of? Oh, God. Is this a brand? Phill and Ted double pram? All right, it must be... Oh, it's the one where it's like a bunk bed pram.

We're one kid's underneath. Oh, nice. Not nice. I often think the one underneath just like... On the concede. Turn to the side and see the ground whizzing past or that look up and just see the back of it. Yeah, but...

It's like they're on the worst Ryan Air Flight ever. But... But in Phil and Ted's defence, like, have you ever... try to push a double buggy round a shop. Well, yeah. Either two lengthways or wide ways. Yeah, you've got no chance.

Just a nightmare. Yeah, you're not getting around home. Bargans, one of them. Thought it would be a good idea, but in the end was a friggin pillbox of a yoke. Joke? Yoke. I think people say yoke for joke.

Oh, God. What? Stop the planet. I want to get off. I've had enough. People are just transposing in words for, what are you doing? That's the thing now.

When people say, Is it a typo or is it a new fucking phrase? Maybe. I've heard of someone saying, oh, what, he's a yoke. Or a yoke, I don't know. I don't know. I'm not cool enough. Pillbox of a yoke. What?

Pock's ball. Oh, pox ball of a yoke. Who? We can't talk. We're Jordy's and we say rad stuff all the time. Like, it's a darn tooting. Like, what the hell? This might be like, is this brummy?

I don't know. Box bowl of a yoke. I don't know. Come on then. Doesn't matter. Used it literally a handful of times, but sold to family friend. Oh, well, there we go.

She was fucking chasing me to buy a pump for them wheels as they needed to be pumped up, but I never got a pump with it. Okay. And she hounded me. Ended up telling that to fuck off as the primate originally cost

around £800. She got it from me for 100. Go and buy a pump, you scabby cow. Still grinds my gears 15 years later. Wow. And that's it. Wow. All of that for that.

Yeah. Wow. Because of the belt, I understand. Right. She's just upset. Wow. Why can't wait? 800 quid to 100 quid.

She's done all right there. Like, yeah, go buy a fucking pump. Dodging her. She's asking her for the pump. Some people are just, do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's just not enough, is it? It's just not enough.

Nothing's enough. You asked me this morning. Yeah? If I'd get you a dog for your 40th. Right. Listen to this. Okay. Can I just say it's because I go through stages.

You're not allowed buy dogs his presents. by the way. I know. I go through stages the garden has dog Paddy. He's just so lush. He comes around and he's just a... Do you know what a day he was looking at us through the glass door at the back? I'd already give him a stroke and stuff and he was looking at us through the glass door. He's doing one the cleverest things I've ever seen.

He's looking at us for ages trying to get me attention. I kind of like waved at him and he sat for ages thinking I was coming at the door and I walk past the door. He gets down, he takes me flip flop and sprints it in the middle of garden the flip flop and turns around and looks at us so I open the door and go give us that back and he's like, I guess a stroke while you here. I was like, you clever little fucker.

Clever once a week. Yeah. 10 times a day? Still clever. I was just like... Still clever. Listen. Hello, Rosie and Chris.

Long time listener, first time emailer. My dog Hamish is a dick. No need to keep me. Hamish McDick. I love that. Because he deserves to be shamed. Great. Hamish is a cross between a standard poodle,

the big ones. Yeah. And a flat-coated retriever. Right. Okay. So he's a golden doodle. Pretty much. Right.

Two working breeds, which should make him clever, but really just make him a high energy asshole. Way, brilliant. I'm writing this email because you have both spoken a lot about potentially getting a dog, but I'm here to provide some harsh reality. Okay. This is what you need to hear. Okay.

All right. Hamish is known in our vets as a scavenger. He has had two stomach surgeries and being forced to throw up once due to the idiotic things he has eaten. Oh, no. First was a whole chicken car. They can't have... So he could eat it raw

Yeah But the can't have it once the bones are being cooked Because they go brittle and they get the shards in them Uh-huh Left on the kitchen counter after a roast dinner That I love a chicken carcass Yeah So you know it would be fighting that, you and the dog

Yeah Grown at each other for it That came up the way it went down So he vomited that of Good love, good bone Second was a lamb coughed a skewer The skewer The skewer?

This was at a barbecue And the skewer was six inches long And was cut out of him Oh Just I leave Loads of shit around You do

Headphones Imagine how many headphones I would eat Oh my god AirPods It was still in one piece Third was a corn on the cob The middle isn't digestible

And it was wedged In his digestive track Dickhead I think he's just a greedy dog Yeah Like you know They don't give a fuck man Some of them

They'll just eat They will just eat Until they die I know I know I know Um We don't, oh my dog will be so fat.

No, no, it's abuse. You can't, you've got to have an athletic dog. You can't have a big fat dog or you're not doing your job. It's not cool. You can't outrun a bad diet. I would feed that little bufucker. Yeah, it'd be horrible. Oh, God.

He loves chili heat wave Doritos. Rosie's literally being sick. He's being sick now. Oh, God, you know, don't do. Oh, my little race, cute. Now for the worst thing he has done. That's not there, not the worst. Oh, God.

He likes to roll in things. Oh, no. Now you're thinking shit. Yeah, yeah. Which has to be, which has been, oh my God, yeah. They're often rolling fox shit. Fox and cat shit. Yeah.

My maid seat there's dog, Ronnie, I'll never forget. Ronnie. Oh, he was lush, like, he was the same as Paddy. He rolled in Fox shit and he came back to her house. And obviously I've never had a dog and I was like, what the fuck is that? It didn't come out. Of course not. Didn't come out of him.

The smell for days. Horrendous. Disgusting. Wow. disgusting. I can still... You know, when you're like, I can smell it.

It's left such an impression. Recently, this is what he's been rolling in, it was a dead bird. Yes, you read the correctly. A rotting bird corpse which he shimmied his whole body along while out playing on a local field.

Why would you do that? Yeah. She says I can hear Chris Wretchen from me. I am, because it's like a get... Well, no, I don't... If you want a dog, this is what you've got... This is the crack.

Why do the... I'll be really interesting to know why the rolling shit. Why do the rolling stuff? Is it like a... To kind of get rid of it. Is it to get rid of it? Or to wipe it up. Like a sense thing?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. To like wipe it up and then, oh my, I know I'm here. Get rid of that. Now I'm here. I honestly don't know. Let me know. Someone will email him. Horrible.

A few years back we went in us, but this is what really will really upset you. No. Worse than the bird. A few years back, we went to Norfolk for my parent's nanny's funeral. We were walking along the beach with my partner and his parents. suddenly Hamish disappeared out of sight We followed him

He's obviously a absolute nightmare We followed him And found him rolling along the sand Assuming it would just be shit We didn't panic too much Until we got closer Hamish was rolling in Oh it's a mysteries

Mysteries mysteries Oh I was gonna say can I guess I know what it is It's not the dead Nana Fucking hell Well that's how they do it in Norfolk They just take her on the beach Take her on the beach

Just let her lie there Let the tide come and take her It's what you would have wanted It's what the country vogue do It's not the dead Nana No, I know what it is I think I know what it is because I think I know Sometimes the wash-up on the beach around here

And it's disgusting jellyfish No That's not No Come on then A dead seal pup That That

That has upset me so much What you're more upset about The dead seal or the lack of respect from the dog Everything Everything Everything Yeah The pup

The dead seal pup's upset us This dog's a fucking psycho Oh, what's that? Dead, I care. Me and you fucking get a bit of that, will you? Eh? Oh, God. I know. Dogs are fucking lunatic?

I swear my mother-in-law was ready to throw him in the sea and leave him there. He looked so proud of himself. What the hell, man? Do you still want a dog? No. Right. So before you get a dog, ask yourself how many animal corpse smells you are willing to wash off your dog, all the best. Oh, no.

Again, I will never forget Nick Grimshaw when he had his dog, pig. Oh yeah The dog was called pig I don't know if he still got that dog Lovely dog I think he has Hyper as fuck But I remember

We were in a dressing room And he was like Oh yeah He was like He was like The thing about kids It was genius He was like the thing

My point with the dog He went That fucker I'll never built To make me a cup of tea And I was like I'm so fucking bang on Like Robin could possibly

If I taught him out He could possibly make us a coffee He could possibly make As a coffee He could definitely go At the fridge And he's a lazy little shit And he needs to start

Doing stuff He's lazy as fuck Because he's getting old now and like he loves a bit of mom get us a drink mom do this and I'm okay I'm not gonna do it anymore I can't shake your hand I've got another one we're not gonna do it anymore okay he needs to start getting his own stuff he's 10 now okay right yeah are you gonna be on board with that and when he when he rolls in them animal caucuses we'll just hose him off in the garden all right no more coming in the house and using the bat he's gone we need to have a word with the kids that the slip and

slide on a night time is not a real like wash yeah this is getting upset. Because the weather's nice. They've been on the slithers every night. So three days passed and they were like, we're bead washed

and I was keeping, because they're like, we're on the cold water on the slipper slide and there's a fairy liquid on. This is a bath. It's not a bath. I mean, listen.

It's not a bath. Did I? Oh. What did you do? Did I the other night get a flannel in the paddling pool and get some of the water

from the slip and slide and rub their crotches and backside. Did her, maybe I did. You're vile. You wouldn't be asked if a dog was rolling. You would just let it. Dog would roll in, we'd have a dog.

Rolling carcass and that. You'd go, I let me on the sofa. He's all right. No, I've, no, I've, are you talking? My nose. My nose. You honestly think, with my nose. Oh, I thought you'd named the dog.

My nose, come, my nose. I thought you'd already named the dog. Matt, you think I'm letting my nose run. That was so weird. I was so confused. God, bloody, my pride and joy, my little my nose,

you think I'm letting, you think I'm letting him roll on the stuff? Hey, say it enough, it's happening. My nose, my nose, Ramsey. No, I forgot with.

I need to say with. With my nose, right. Oh, I think I've got a headache off that. That was so confusing. It's all right. I hated every second of that.

Oh, I've got all hot. I've got a really good sense of smell. Like we're getting the sofas clean on Thursday because I can't, one of the sofas smells so bad. I can't eat, I can't sit on it. It's disgusting. And when that room heats up and you've got that daub and it's just putrid.

But that's being the like kids sitting bare asses after their baths eating cereal so far for a long time. That'll mainly be snots shit and milk. It'll be, oh yeah, man. It's kids' cocks. It'll be snots, shit and milk. That's what it'll be. It's disgusting. It's vile.

Yeah. It is mostly little, little, and that's the thing though. Add little my nose on there as well. It's going to be dog feet and dog ass as well. My nose, come here. My nose, my nose? It sounds like exotic. It does sound a bit like Milo.

It does sound a bit like Milo, but my nose. Freak us out. Freakers out hugely. Didn't know what was going on. Sorry about that. You're welcome. Babadoo, babado, babadoo, babo do, ba. Thank you, as always, for listening to this week's episode of Shack Magnolia.

Thank you very much indeed. We'll be back in the years next week. continue to like, rate and subscribe. And if you want to send anything in, it's Shagmarriedenoid at gmail.com. And I don't know the number off by heart yet. I can't be asked of reach over on your phone, but it's earlier on in the podcast.

And son your little podcast list. And chrisramsycom. I know, I was going to remind you. But you... While we're on it, because the tour starts in September. Very, very excited to get back on the road. So I hopefully see you all then.

Cheers. Bye!