Sh**ged Married Annoyed - BFT's, Bum Washing Toilets and is Rosie Launching her Country Music Career?

Episode Date: May 1, 2026

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed Chris and Rosie Ramsey discuss remembering things the old school way, their musical tastes in the early noughties and what Chris would like for his 40th Birthday! Rosie explains the drawbacks of BFT's and shares her ideas for a new Children's book. Chris has one last tour update which involves some shade from his tour manager and a town crier! All of this plus a musical voice note and some QFTP's involving a a foreign object in an ear and a less than romantic declaration of love. If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shagmard Innoid. We taught remembering stuff, old school. BFTs and BLTs, which is your favourite. To get your mouth around. I'll tell you exactly what my favourite is. Smart toilets. I had a turn on one recently. It's unreal. Room service style, Emma's.

I want to say we've got beefs, but we've got our beef, because Warner doesn't have one this week. You'll find out who. Questions from the public. And musical voice notes. Enjoy. Amazon presents Laura versus Fruitflies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen,

these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Hello, you are listening and watching Shagmarried annoyed with me, Rosie, and my husband, Chris, he's back.

Hello! He's back off his tour! I'm back, I'm back. Welcome home, Dickface. Thank you, and so love, thank you for the welcome home Dickface card and banner you made as well. You are so welcome.

Didn't really do that. Obviously, for everyone else, I haven't really been any way, but I'm now, like, obviously, because the podcast has still been happening every week, but I'm now back full time. I'm here, I'm opening your fucking grill. For the summer, only for the summer.

Well, it's been a summer. We've both got with a summary shirt. on today. We look jazzy as fuck. And I like it. Jazzy A. F. Jassy A. F. Why do people don't understand people who get boob jobs.

I'll never understand people who want larger breasts. Because honestly, I hate them. Right. Hate them. Right. Well, I can tell you right now, I do believe, I don't know who the band is, but I do believe a band sung it best. Might be called play.

For the grass is those green around the other side. Naver's got a new... I think I'd get rid of them and I'd miss. them. No, I think if you didn't have them, you'd want them and if you now that you had them, you don't, again, let's just paraphrase. Let's, let's repeat. The grass is all screener on the other side. Maybe it was going to your car that you want to drive. On a time it's running that you want to stay alive. Ooh, that was the first time you've ever sung in tune. Oh, God, seven years. Seven years. Oh, my God, I was singing the other day in the back of the two of them.

We've been doing the gig. The podcast and the first time I've actually harmonized. I've known you for longer than seven years. You haven't. I was in the van. Stop it, man. Although, or are you just doing this to get people to look at the, to watch the YouTube? Is that what this is? Do you think if I, if you go on about your tits enough on the podcast, people will go, hold on, let's have a look at these bad lads.

Okay, bring them to the, bring them to the, um. Can you get them off the table please? The table's leaning. I know exactly. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Sorry, what? I was in the back of the car the other day. I've got a new tour manager, Mick.

More about Mick later. Um, but we've got a new tour manager, Mickey. He's a lovely man. And I was at the back of the car, and I can't remember what I did, but I started singing. I just sung something. I can't remember what it was. Just passing the time, just a phrase, and I sung it the way you do. Did he sang or sung?

Whatever. And he went, like, he's toot-ed with, like, super grass and stuff back in the day. He's like a big music to a manager. Oh, right. Okay, cool. And I finished singing. And he went, oh, Chris, I didn't know you couldn't sing. I was fucking devastated.

But he's so, like, mild and quiet. Oh, I love me. And it just came from nowhere. And I was like, oh, you fucking dick. That's a nice one. I never knew you couldn't sing. That's beautiful. I'm actually going to Jane Eston tonight rehearsals.

I might say that to people. Wow, that's good vibes for your singing. When practicing their solos, I'll go, oh my God, I didn't know you couldn't sing. Can't wait. Actually, do, because you get kicked out, and then you be back in my house on Wednesday night because I'm sick. Oh, God's sake. It's like a solo parent on Wednesday night. Unbelievable.

Guys, thank you so much for watching. If you're watching, please subscribe on YouTube. Thank you so much for listening. If we've been in your beautiful years since day one, we can't thank you enough. Thank you so, so much for being part of this, again, just absolute fucking bullshit. But we love it and we love you. Thank you. Now, without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Now, I did this the other day. This is old school. I'm bringing it back. I'm going to be a ludite just like you. We're smashing technology, right? Okay. This week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor is sitting in silence and trying to remember stuff.

Right. Okay. Yeah. So you know what you? I don't want to live like that because that's set an alarm for everything No, no, no, you do. So we were in a, again, we're in a hotel bar the day after the, like a hotel bar after the gig.

Went back to the hotel and we're sitting chilling. And Mick was talking to a manager Mick, who's going to feature heavily in this podcast, he was talking about different bands. And I went, oh, what was that band that them took, so it was the Libertines? I was like, oh, baby shambles. Are we not meant to guess?

No, no. So, listen. So Libertines was the main band with Pete Dockley and Cobb. Barat, yeah. And then Pete Dockney went and did baby shambles. And then Carl Bratt went and did another band and I went, oh my God, what was that band called? And both of them went to grab our phones. And I went, no, no. I went phones down, old school. Think of it. Remembering. And I heard everyone to do it. I said this, I said we're all, and it's happening already, we're all going to get so sick of where phones that were just going to flip reverse it. I said

this about the kids when the kids get older. They're not going to want social media. is going to be like, oh, oh, need a like, do you? You need a like on your holiday photos, do you? So, nah. I hope so. I hope you're right. I hope so too. You think you'll go the other way and I think I love it.

You know, right? And I think you'll be a saddle. Well, I'm telling you, right? Like, it was, it was, it was, I'm going to sound like such a boring twat. It was invigorating. It was exciting. I was looking at Mick.

Mick was looking at me and there was a race. There was a silent race going on to see who would remember the fastest. Oh, come on. then what was it? No, but it was like the fucking rush of adrenaline and triumph that I got when we got it

was unbelievable. And I remember the first of a time I did eight or ten cats. I don't know if it made the edit or not but I was sitting next to Sean Locke, rest in peace. And Sean was like, someone, Jimmy Carr said something

and he went, I hate it when someone gets the phone out of the pub. He goes, the conversation is just gone and I'll just go home. And it was obviously Sean Locks of the way he said it was fucking amazing.

But I'm just doubling down on it from and it was, do you know what the band was called? No. Dirty pretty things. Oh, I don't. You never heard of them. Great.

No, I'm going to have. Yeah. I don't recall. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Is that a Christmas song? Deck the whole. No, I don't. What was that?

Bang, bang, bang, you're dead was the song. Bang, bang. You're dead. They're so easily there. Bang, bang. This was not my era. No. What year was this?

This was very much my leather jacket. Okay, well, tell me what the year was, and I can tell you what I was listening to because it wasn't that. I don't, you know what? I was about to Google it. I'm not going to... No, it would have been in 2000. No, no, I'm sitting in silence now.

I reckon it would have been sort of... 2011? No, maybe even earlier, maybe 2005. Oh, 2005, 2006, 2007, something like that. I was out. I was very in R&B at this time. Ah, okay. This was, um...

What was it? It was... It was... I'm... Yes, with the fur. With the fur! And it was, um... You got a $50 bill, put your heads up.

Weirdly, I was in at that as well. Yeah, yeah. Not as much as me. Really? Fight you. Garage, mystique, all that kind of stuff. All I want. Great.

A lot of singing. It's been a lot of singing so far in this podcast. Let's not the singing on the head. Life's for Living. I think it's because it's summary. Have a sing. Honestly, I can't stress enough. Sit in the side.

Everyone go, yeah. Just everyone listening on the audio. Just put your headphones down. Get yourself on YouTube. Look at those these big fat tits. Like, subscribe. BFTs. A very different.

rule doll book. We haven't actually had any meetings recently about the new kids book but I think it should be called BFTT. Great. For the big,

for the girls stormed puberty early right. You know, getting ready for them big fat tits. Okay, I will, I'll step out with this,

you can take the lead on this one. I'll bow out with this one. I'm not writing a book for prepubescent teenage girls called big fat tits. I'll put my name to that. I'll do it. I'm not put yet.

I'll do it. I do it. I do believe that will end me in hot water. What about BFPs? Big fat periods Again stepping back Let me wife Taylor

Support of husband I believe in you I see you Hey listen Big fat tits They are becoming a thing of the past Yeah Are you joking

I don't understand Well everyone's thin Ah right okay I get you Everybody It's wasted away before me eyes And all the big fat tits Are becoming big fat saggy tits

And no one's got any big F tics I actually need to make this sooner rather than later Okay yeah Yeah I'll get right in the day. I found a pen earlier on. I don't know where I put it.

I found a pen in this room. Once upon a time there was a girl called Rosie. BFTs. Great. I'm starving. BLTs. Okay. Oh, sorry, because of BLTs.

Because of bacon letters to a lot. Right, great. God. BLT, right, is such an underrated sandwich. Yeah. It's such a good. I'm sorry, when at home do you make? If I'm having a bacon sandwich,

it's got butter and ketchup on, right? Yeah. but with lettuce and tomato A LT Yeah but it's bloody lovely though I So I don't I know what you mean

I don't think it's underrated And this is this is a really odd opinion that I've got of it But I don't think It's a popular enough Nice enough sandwich To have a cool nickname Oh

That's my thing I don't think it's got the kudos To have been To have the three initials I don't think it has. All right. That's sad. I really don't.

I know that sounds harsh, but yeah, Bill 8, BLT, I want a good note. You're not cool enough to have that nickname. Go back to Bacin Let's Tomato now. Fair enough. I don't know how it happened. If anybody is listening from Greg's,

oh. What happened to the egg mayonnaise sandwich in a white bun? This is when I used to eat white bread, so this is quite a while ago. With bacon and tomato salsa, because that was the best sandwich that Greg's ever did and it's gone. It's starting to work.

where these big fat tits came from. Just full of egg me and salt. Do you know I remember the other day when we met actually when I worked at the nursery? Do you know what I used to have for my breakfast sometimes? Good on then.

I would drive to Morrison's car park if I was starting at 10 o'clock, right? Because it was the 8 o'clock shift that you started on the 9 o'clock or 10 o'clock and you would finish earlier or later, depending, right? Okay. So if I started to 10 o'clock, I would go to Morrisons,

I'll buy one of the fresh buns from the bread bit and I would have a crisp sandwich dry breakfast yeah but what the fuck how are you pooing what do you mean

that would clog you up no end the day these days I don't know I just do but yeah but can you believe that a dry crisp sandwich

on a bakery bun oh white did you have a drink with it you didn't drink coffee at the time either no I didn't do just drink water just juice I think

oh god crazy I'm not kidding my throat is dried out thinking about eating that in a hot car. It was lovely.

It was a hot car. That was the car that the dooden didn't work. I know. You're climbing in a passen to see it yes.

You've come a long way baby. I know. I know. I know. Big fat. Still got me Big fettet.

Same tits. Same tits. Same tits. Right. Right. Great. This episode is also sponsored

by the big fettet. Do too. We had to find about the jingle Jinggo. We couldn't set along a jingle jingo

jing go. So this is the jingle jingle. Do do. We hope you like the jingo Jingo Babadoo, babadu, babadu, babadu, ba Jingo!

Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmrily. Hello, hello, hello, listen, I've got some straightway, got something I think I'll make you laugh. Right. I obviously, I did. Well, first of all, thank you to everyone who came to the first leg of me tour

genuinely from the bottom of my heart. It's the best fucking time I've ever had on stage in my career. It must have been good because you kept getting standard in ovations, which... Now, I wasn't going to mention them because it seems a little bit big-headed if I've mentioned them,

but if you're mentioning them, I'm definitely going to go on about them because fucking hell. I can't believe it. I'm not kidding, right? And thank you again to everyone for showing that love and support. Before this tour,

not including the Shagmire... By the way, I'd said earlier on as well, it's the best time I've had on stage. You cut us off, I was about to say on my own stand-up because obviously the Shagmary no tour was fucking just... We were pissed.

Mate. We were just pissed. I mean, I had a nice time, but I don't even know the show was any good. That was really good. Well, was it? That was Stamovisions.

But listen, the, the, the, in my career before this tour, I could count on one hand the amount of standalone invasions I had. I'm not kidding. Didn't happen. I've been to all your shows. It didn't.

Thanks. No, very good, but you didn't get Stanovasions. I don't know what's happened. Did you have a breakdown? I don't know what happened, but I'm serious. Sorry. What? No, it was a real, I've seen the show.

I know why you got them because it was a really good show. Thank you. But, and it was a bit weird. Nearly every night. Nearly every night. I kept texting you going, fuck another one. I'm like,

well, like, to the point of way I was thinking, these venues got something new now to get people out where when the show's finished, the seat's ought about

that you've fallen in, so they've had to stand up. No, no. I think you've just grown up. I think you've just got better at it and you had a bit of time off. Yeah. So,

and I think those few years where you didn't do it, you really missed it and you actually realized how much you love it and you really, you just put in more into this tour than I think you have on your other ones. And that's,

again, massive apologies to, I know I've got the second leg on sale, it's on sale now, go to places I've been that sold out quickly in places I've never been. And I know I claimed again and again again that I wasn't going to, and I know I've made light of it, but I didn't know I was going to enjoy it this much. And it was like, I've been like, I've gone to extend it. And I was like, Avalon were like, oh, you're going to extend it? And I was like, yes, I'll extend it. I'm fucking love it. I can't believe I've loved it this much. So that's all I'm going to say. Thank you so much. Second leg is on sale now. And thank you to everyone who's coming and and say the rest of you

all in the future. Yeah. No, I think it's good. And there's also something to be said about like, but you know, like big time huge actors. Yeah. They only do like one project at the time. I know what you mean.

They keep the powder dry. Yeah. I think in the public eye, when you see people doing, I see it now. I see people on my Instagram and I go, they're doing really well. The burnout's coming.

Yeah, yeah. I literally watch it and I'm like, it's in the post. Yeah. It's in the post because I feel like we have experienced it. And I think, you know, when you are getting ready, for this tour we were doing the podcast, the kids' book,

which is mad in itself, but it wasn't crazy, crazy mad and I think you've just had a bit of breathing space. And I think that's why it's so good because you weren't doing all the other shit. Well, not just that. I've just had all of these stories saved up. Loads of stories and things that have happened

who saved up that I haven't said on here, as I say on the tour, that I'm not allowed to say on here. So they go on the stand-up, crazy. So thank you. But listen, this is what I'm telling you. Right. So it was the end of the tour. Now, what happens is we'll look at the hotel budget.

So for the last two nights, we're well under on the hotel budget, because I obviously... It's not like you. Well, it's because I'm obviously I'm a hotel snob I talked about in the show. But obviously I stayed in

golf hotels a couple of times which were... We're dead cheap. So we had this money so for the last two nights of the two of the two I stayed in this really nice hotel in Cardiff, right?

I mean, he has me thinking and you could have just got the money back put it back into the family pot, no. What? Just a little treat. Wow, that's...

So we're just stayed in this really nice hotel. We'd stayed out on the smart way, right? But it's really nice. I don't remember. Well, listen to this, right? So you know when you're in a nice hotel or a nice restaurant because they give it that, although a lot of places start to now,

but they give it that, you know, any allergies we should be aware of and all that when you're ordering. So I phoned up for breakfast. I was in the room. I randomly got this really nice room. I think it was like under subscribe for the weekend, so I got this lush, like sweet, right? Okay, nice.

So I phoned up for breakfast and I said, you know, it was a nice room. I'll have me room service breakfast. So I was like, hi. Hello, Mr. Ramsey. Yes. can I please get a order some breakfast

Of course Mr Ramsey How many people is it for? Whether English or Welsh I think she was English Yeah I'm just doing it you know Could done the accent Put a bit effort in

Do you want to do the accent Good morning Mr Lamsey Okay I can do the accent Yeah Come on Mr Lamsey How can I help Can I have a Order some breakfast please

How many people are dining Just one Any allergies Any allergies she should be aware of No no allergies She was lovely Really well-smobile She was lovely

She worked in a posh hotel And I went, can I get scrambled eggs on toast? Yes, what kind of toast? White granary? Sourdough? Nice. Sourdough, please. I went, can I get some black pudding on the side as well, please?

Of course, yes. I said, can I also, can I get some avocardo? It's not on the menu, but do you have any avocardo? She went, no problem, I'll check. We've got any avocardo! I don't know. I've fucking lost it, right? I fucking lost it.

I was lying in bed. I was like doubled up. I got such a shock and I was pissing myself. And then she was like, had a conversation with someone up there. And she was like, hello, sorry about that, Mr. Anzibby. And I was laughing and she was like, Sir, Mr. Amsteri? Are you okay? And I was like, I went, I didn't expect you to scream it like that.

I went, I'm not bothered, but it was so funny. Did you think she'd put you on mute or something? So she came to me room to deliver it and she was dead red. She went, I'm so sorry. I pressed the mute button on the phone, but I pressed it twice. So it muted you, then it's unmuted it. That's funny. She was like, she went, you should never.

ever have heard that. I'm so sorry. I went, yeah, I went, it fucking made me day. Luckily, she had you on the other end of the phone. Well, yeah, you get some assholes complainer. I thought it was amazing. Give her a tip and everything. Just the, of course, Mr. There's a, it was like a sketch. It was like a sketch. Oh, I loved it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu babadu babu babu babu ba. Rosie? Yes. My 40th is coming up, as is your 40th. I know. I know what I want. Oh, good, because I've got no idea.

what they get you. Write this down. Do I have to? Just mental note. Okay, what? Mental note. Everyone reminder. My 40th is in August, 3rd of August.

What? Toilet that washes. Oh, no, man. No, because then we'd have to, I've thought about this. I will not rest until my 40-year-old sphincter is being blasted with warm water. Right, well, where is it going to go? Because you can't tell the kids. Oh, their kitchen.

Bathroom. No, fuck off. I know, but which one? Because if you, the minute you tell them kids, that's the minute that that fuck out is broke. And then you've just got a really ridiculously expensive, ugly, by the way, they're not nice looking toilets. And how much do the cost to run?

Okay, listen. They are, I mean, I've sat on them before. They are warm and lovely, but. We stayed in London, the idea, and Carl was in the same hotel as me, and I said to them. I mean, this hotel budget, get in a bit,

and say, how much money did you have left over? you're staying in the bum washing hotel this is insane you meant to be making money not losing money it's called the bum wash plaza very popular for the tourists for the gays

no one's scratching their bum in that area no one's got an itchy bum because they're all just cleaning their bum so listen douching oh is that one that's the ball I'm talking rosy heated seat you sit down

lush I've done press it bum there was a back there was a button for back and there was a button for front terrified to watch press press the button for front. I did the button for front. I had on my vagina for ages. I don't know what. It was probably going to hit me balls or something. I wouldn't like it. But the bum.

I think it's for funnies. My word. Unbelievable. I'm not kidding. So I'd set a call. I was like, mate, I was like, you got the same kind of room as me. And you went, yeah. I went, is your toilet? Like, is it got? I went, have you had a shit? You went, yeah? I went, did you do the bone wash? He went, no. I went, did your toilet have a heated seat? You went yeah? I went, you've got the bun wash, I went, press the book, press it, press the bone wash. I'm not kidding. Did you soap it as well though? Did you just water? What do you mean? Soap it? Did you wash your ass? Or did you just rinse it with water? It's a jet wash. It just it just gets the detritus off, I do believe. Detritus? Actually, that reminds me something I want to talk

about in a minute. Great. But I literally the next day, I was so excited about it. I was like, I was pressuring him into having a shit. Yeah. I was like text him going, have you had a shit yet? and he was like no and I was like, hurry, like, hurry up. And he's like, can you stop? But the thing is, it's amazing.

You say get it for your birthday. So I just had a thought. We're going to have to do a full bathroom out. It's not just the toilet. Okay, I've just had another thought. So, um... I'd use it. I'd happily get one.

Just, if we can build something in the garden, just a little outhouse that just says like a shed that just says like dad's, dad's dangerous tools, keep out, just put it in there.

And I can just go at the bottom of the garden. I'll just have me bone wash, just on me on my own, away from everyone. I'm up for it. Right. Well, me and you will use it. The sooner you have shite outside, the better.

Do you remember when you had a poo the other month in the onsuit? Guys, I was so upsetting. No, you had a poo in the onsuit. And I went for like an early night. Right. And I was like, why is my bedroom? Why is my bedroom? Stink of shit.

I was like, I'm sorry. I'm a grown woman with a decent job. I should be able to go to bed without it stinking of shit. Like, I don't live in a bed sit with a fucking bathroom in me, in my bedroom. Like, don't, do not shit where I sleep.

Right. Basically. Was that a night I wiped me on your pillowcase? Must have been. Yeah, you deserved it. Great. Babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, babadu. Speaking of detritus,

yes. I've currently got a beef with children's books. Okay. Okay, because I know detritus is not a thing really to do with this, but it just reminded us of, of the fact that every time I read a dinosaur book with rave.

I cannot pronounce what the dinosaurs are called. Right. And honestly, it turns... P's normally silent. Right. At the beginning. If the P's at the beginning... But I just think reading your child on a night time shouldn't be as difficult as what these dinosaur books make it.

It's literally like, and then, and then... And it's not just... I know velociraptors and I know the T-Rex, Tyranosaurus Rex. Yeah. What the fuck? Numbinombo Nemosaurus. and the bloody truffling it all about doers. No, ridiculous.

I understand. So, it was... Give us four more dinosaurs that you know. Give us four more dinosaurs like you know. Right, Velociraptor, Tyrannosaurus Rex. The one with the long neck, what's that called? It begins with a pain. Plem...

No, I don't know. I don't know. Rave knows more than me. Brachiosaurus? Barakiosaurus. That's fair enough. I'm sorry, I'll get the boot for you. Do you know the flying one?

Velociraptor? That's not the flying one. Pegasus I don't know what's the flying one The flying one Velociraptor? No no

You keep saying No it's not You've made us forget it It begins with a P but it's silent Terradactal But it begins with a P It's a Pteridactal

Yeah That's disgusting So it's not even the F sound There's teradactal Yeah That's where the fuck Well I'm sorry You know Stegosaurus

Stegosaurus I know the one The one with three horns Yes What's that one? Stegosaurus? No, no, that's the... Stegosaurus is the one of the things on its back. Do you know, the one of the three horns?

Rhinoceros? What's it called? I don't know. Chris, I'm telling you this, because I don't know the names of them. Rhinoceros is fucking great. Rhinoceros is the best. Tell us the name of that one.

That's a cute one. Try. try. Try. I am trying. Try seratops. There it is. I'm trying.

No. But listen. I just think it's getting silly now. I understand. It's getting silly. They're trying to be too clever. And you're putting in all the rogue ones that no one's ever heard of.

I understand what you meet. They're bringing, if this was an album, they're bringing out the acoustic b-sides that weren't released. Stick to the main. Stick your big guns. Stick the big guns. T-rex.

Velarap. Yeah. Stegosaurus, triceratops, teradactyl. Delete the rest. I'll get the book for you. It's ridiculous. Is it the, yeah. Is it a dinosaur? No.

There's a different one. It's a different one. Wow. It's a ridiculous. and it's a full story. It's not even like a fact book. It's a full story wave. It's like, and then the bloody, whatever it is, said,

and I was having to skip out the names. Diplodocus and that. Oh, I know that one. Well, that wasn't in it. Yeah. I know what you mean. If I could be asked, I'd run and get it now, but I can't be valid. But it was ridiculous.

So that's my beef with the children's boot world. I have to agree with you. Yeah. Have to agree with you. Thank you. Thank you for agreeing with this. Babadoo, babadoo, babo. So I've got a new obsession.

since he's been away. Oh, okay. What's his name? Oh, great. Wow. Jokes. It's not really not, well, I've only done it twice.

Okay. But you know what I'm like. Yeah. But I don't think I can carry on doing it because actually the results are really bad. Right. Anyway, I had a bit of bird shit on the front of me car.

It's just one way to start. You could have given us a thousand guesses and I wouldn't have guessed what that was. Well, I had a bit of bird shit on the front of me car. Yeah. And I was at the garage. Yeah. And I thought, I don't, I don't want to put them out of business.

Well, I'm never going to put them out of business, but they won't listen to this either. I don't like going to get me car washed. I don't know what it is. We've talked about this before. I got my car wash yesterday. I feel stupid, embarrassed, guilty. Yeah.

I feel weird sitting there while some bloke's literally sweating to wash my car. I know, I know. I just, and when they open the door and, like, and my fucking car door is full of shit. And, like, chewed up chewing gum. And then open the door and I'm getting, oh, I don't look. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then they do around the rim and I'm fucking... I haven't had a shower and I'm like... I still can't get over the look they give you when you tell them you don't want an air freshener. That smells like bubble gum. Oh yeah, I hate your air bubble going. And I go, I don't want that. And they go, really.

And I don't want me fucking car to smell like a teenage girl's fucking mouth. They do a great job and I'm not going to stop going. But so... I went yesterday. I love them. But I know what I think we're talking about before. Everyone knows the feeling. The feeling.

You're just sitting there and you're like, do I look at them? Like, what do I? I feel strange. Yeah. And we've talked about that. They're fucking, what is that? They're washing it all and then they go, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, stop!

And you're like, oh God, what happened? I think it's one revolution in the wheel, but it's a lot further than I imagine. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, what did you do? So, me and your obsession that I've done twice. Yeah. I went to the garage and I washed it myself.

Ah, with the gun and that. The hot brush. Oh, hot, my God. It's lush. It's mint. I know what you mean. The hot, you feel the hot, you feel the hot, hot water and the bubble's coming through

and you do all your car but I couldn't so I've only done I only do the front because I can't actually the brush does not go around at the back because I didn't pull forward enough

and I think we've got quite a long car anyway so but then also the jet washing it all off was lush but then I did realise when I got back the water marks are horrendous

so they didn't look good but honestly for them two times I loved it great do you know we've got a pressure washer at home. Yes. And we've got a foam gun. Well, I would love that.

Yeah, cover the whole thing in form. That might be my new job from now. The brush isn't great. You know, the brush can scratch your paint as well. Well, I could hear you saying that in my head, but I thought, I'm having a nice time. Right. Well, that's all. And then there's a countdown.

It's very stressful. I know. It's very, very stressful. But it was like being on a game show? It's like 34 seconds left and they'd still all the foam on. I was like, oh my God. Dun, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun da da, do it. Dirty car.

Got to get your kicks where you. can get him so well done. I know what you mean. I do know what you mean and it is fun. I consider doing it yesterday but then I just went

at the place and let the fellas do it because they dry it. The drying it's the thing. Your watermarks of it. I know. So there we'll go. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo.

Babadu. So as I mentioned before, new tour manager, Mick. Very lovely man. He kind of got a baptism of fire because obviously Ming and Carl are in the van were very much in our own

little world and we swapped out Reese for Mick because Reese had to do the tech stuff so he was getting at the venue earlier and Mick's driving with. So poor Mick, four days left on a tour gets thrown in with me and Carl

me and Carl go in we'll go out in London during the day we'll have a meal and like a couple of pints of of Guinness glass of red wine and we'll jump in the car to go to Bristol and we just fall asleep in the back like a couple of like pikes

yeah like a couple of old like gout ridden men who just fell asleep in the back amongst other things you know and we're drinking in the way back and from different things but um we on one of the mornings I think it was was it the Sunday?

Saturday morning Saturday morning he was driving we're from pool to Cardiff. And he popped out in the morning because his brother lives in a town near. I'll not say the town just in case, but his brother, in his brother's wife live in a town near.

And he went and he came back and he picked us up from the hotel afterwards and he had some pastries from stuff. He's like, oh, they're from my brother-in-law's house. Oh, that's nice. And we're driving along. And out of Norway, he just went, yeah, yeah, then pastries.

I got them off my brother's misses. I didn't actually see me. brother this morning he was out because he's the town crier and we fucking I'm not kidding right we fucking laughed uncontrollably

for an embarrassing amount of time like I've known the man I've known the man 48 hours and he's just told us out of nowhere that his brother was the town crier what's a town crier do again he he he people have just strut for the pot haven

that's not the place I've just made it up people have stratford of the pot Look, this weekend's car boot sale will be headed. Hear thee, hear thee. That, with a fucking bell and he wears all the gear. In certain posh, old-fashioned little towns, it happens. And he said it, and we laughed, and he giggled along at first, and we kept laughing for ages.

And I'm going, and I'm like, I'm done, this tear straight in my face. And I'm going, hey, hey, sorry, Mick, sorry. And then completely canceling out the apology by continuing to laugh. We've never had social, isn't it? better town cry back in the day I think they might be more

I think every time what about gaslighters 10 for a pound 10 for a poundy gaslighters Gies it but um yeah

yeah town cry goes out and does all the does all the news and stuff I kind of love stuff like that though brilliant beautiful I imagine it's a gorgeous keep it going

but that's hilarious I'm not joking laughing how I'm sorry but all I can think right as a daughter yeah

as a girl daughter to a dad yeah imagine if your dad was the dad Oh, fucking hell. The town crier is your dad. Oh, I'm sorry.

Absolutely not. Horrible. I don't know if it's as bad being. Obviously, I've never experienced being a male. But my dad was embarrassing anyway, but fucking if he was the town crier. It'd be bad, like, wouldn't it? Jesus Christ. It'd be really bad.

But yeah, sorry, Mick, but yeah, yeah, just laughed in his faith or easily 10 minutes. Oh, well. Oh, well, someone's got a date. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for, what's your beef? Come on then. Come on then! What's your beef?

You didn't say it again. No and so, if you're watching on YouTube, you've seen that, but you swung a hand round, like, pop-eye, getting ready to punch someone in a cartoon. It's a punch that doesn't work. Let's say you're coming a mile away. I haven't got a beef. No. No, you haven't been so good.

No, you haven't been here. Ah, same thing. And you just get on me tit in general, but I don't have one. Get any BFTs? Me big BFTs, yeah. I do have a beef with you. Oh, that's brave. Wow.

One, I shouldn't, how dare I? Because you've been holding fort at home with the kids. You've been amazing. However, I do have a very slight beef and it was yesterday. Yesterday, obviously, because Robbins, you know, Robin's been in his own bed for a long, long time now. And Rave's still a bit of bed hopping going on. So we still sort of do separate beds just so it's not crowded in there.

If and when he does come in. And I looked at you yesterday with hope in my eyes. And I said, hey, you know, soon, in the not too distant future, we'll probably be able to sleep, share a bed together now, me and you on a long-term basis. And you looked at me

like I just told you to go and clean the gutters. You just went, yeah. Honestly, I just think that you shouldn't sleep in a bed with adults. Right. I think adults should sleep in separate beds

for sleep. Yeah. We can relax in there and, you know, do whatever else. But I want to sleep. What do you mean? Whatever else? What kind of? Uno?

Avocado smash? Or just smash? Town crying. Yeah. I always tell me. I always tell me. No, I just, I quite enjoy me little cuddles with Ray. Yeah, fair enough.

Quite like it. Yeah, it's just a fee. Now that you've explained it, that's fine. That doesn't upset us as much. It was just the initial face. Listen, I can't control my face. Fair. There's nothing I can do.

Fair. And we've got so far into marriage now that I had, it's absolutely that. skill has gone. There is no control another face. You just get what you get what you're giving. I'll take it.

Yeah. Fair enough. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu bad. It's time for questions from the public. Public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch,

it shagged, married anoid, gmail.com. If you'd like to send a big old story, which we'd absolutely love, or if you want to send a quick little voice note, I don't be a long voice note. Don't you give a shit. 07874-40-66-5-0 is the number

for the WhatsApp. Big love, keep them coming. Okay, right, listen to this one. Let's talk about booing we. Let's talk about shit, baby. Let's talk about all the good shit and the best shit that have been. Let's talk about shit. With a little bit of shit. Let's talk about shit.

Shank meridian she. Good for you, pal. That was good. It was great. Basically, when I was on Grindr, many, many moons ago, I got a message and I very used that term loosely. A gentleman who, oh my God, if only had the screenshots to send you this, there was a gentleman who said, I want you to fuck me, thinking, okay, that's nothing unusual,

because kind of is a hookup at. And it says, I want you to put your hands below my ass. sorry along the locks I can't remember and is that you can feed me shit while you're fucking me and then afterwards

I want to lick your hands to wipe the shit off and then I just messaged back you need help and the fucker pop me I was like you think I'm the insane one wow

I'm not into kink shaming, but I will shame me for that. Yeah. Like, no. Yeah. I don't want to see what you have for breakfast. Oh, dude. Oh, my God.

Right. First of all, thank you for the singing. Second of all, he took a while to get into that, but he's just sung a song and then he's trying to sing, and then he's trying to tell well, like, this, this story. Fair play, right? Fair play. Hard thing to describe, but I imagine what he's saying is he wants, so he wants, he wants something, like poo has it happened

and then feed him it from underneath. So the thing I find wild about that, it's not even necessarily the poo element of it, okay? It's the fact that this is a stranger. Yes. They've not worked, they're not in a relationship and he's got this secret kink and they're working up to it and he's like, look, we'll love each other,

we'll be together for five years. Please, just once, let us shit in your hands. And you might be like, no. But they go, okay, fair enough. This is a stranger. This is his opening. This is his hello. This is his hello.

Please may we. Can you remember when people just used to say ASL? What's ESL mean? Age, sex, location. Is that what it was? In the back of the... Chat rooms. No, chat rooms on the internet.

It's a general of old school. ASL. Age, how old are you? Yeah. Sex? Yeah. Male of female at the time. Location.

Yeah. Where are you in the world? We had a big... Now, sorry, now it's... Oh, hi, don't reply. No time for hello. This is what. I want you do while with...

Come on. Question. Yeah? Not that I'm trying to make this a male-female thing, but I am going to make this a male-female thing. Go for it, this whole podcast, a male-thame. Do you think, or what percentage do you think, of women or messaging men, or other women, saying,

can I shit while you're doing this? Tell me truthfully. I've got to agree that it'll be a lot less. Yes. a lot less Don't bundle me in with the fucking You're in there You and your sick old toilet

That's what you want I want to clean You want me a blow job While I'm getting my ass cleaned Off this toilet Unless I didn't see it It is me 40th That's your present

That's your present I'm gonna pretend I've got you this posh toilet But I'm actually just gonna Have a water bottle filled with warm water And just put it round the back Brilliant

Thank you for that though Because that was interesting. Yes. It opened up a very intellectual discussion. I love it. Right. What else we've got? Hang on.

There's a song here. Are you ready? A what? A song apparently. All right. Ready? Hello, Chris. Hello, Rosie.

I'm just listening to last big episode about the guy who finished in the bin. And I'm a little bit disappointed in Rosie because she said, I'd rather it in the bin than on my tits. If that's not the, start to a song, I don't know what it is. Because I'm not a country song,

I'd rather rid in the bin than over my tits. That's all I have to say. Bye. It really is. You would normally sing that. You would normally sing that. Well, hang on a second. Give us one minute.

I've got one. Two seconds. Okay. So mine's just a chance. Mine's like a football song. Yeah! Welcome. to the rodeo. Here we go. I'd rather it in the bin that on my tithes. You better finish in that bin than on my tithes. I ain't got no time for a wash. I don't want to bother with that dross. I'd rather it in the bin than on my tits.

Yes. Very good. Oh, very good. Mine was just a football song. Okay, come on. So I'd rather in the bin than on my tits. I'd rather in the bin than on my tits. I'd rather on the bin then I'd conquer on my chin

because I'd rather in the bin than on my tits. Oh, lovely. I love songs. I love lamp. It's funny though, isn't it? Because I might look back on this and this. This might actually be how I conquer the world of country music. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Country music is lush. Massive at the minute. It's always been massive. Yeah. It's always been massive. But it's just...

It's gigantic at the minute. No, it's... It's bigger than what you think. No, I'm joking. No, it's always been huge. Bigger now, though. It's... I don't think it is.

I don't think it is. Huge. It's always... It's grown. what I'm seeing. But the thing, it's a simple, no, but listen, I think it's a simplicity of country music and the simplicity of the songs. Yeah.

And the way, it is just like a story. But it's, yeah, it's just luck. There we go. Babadoo, babado, babadoo. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Hi. I arrived home from work last night and my boyfriend telling me this corka. And I thought, you know who'd want to hear this?

Chris and Rosie, obviously. So, and we do. I open the door and I'm greeted by a very smiley man who's awfully proud of himself. He starts by. saying he bought a contraption on Amazon for 1199 that can look inside your ear and it's got a camera on the end which you can see through your phone so you put it in you and see the camera he then went on to tell me he'd been having pressure in his ear for a little while sort of occasionally feeling dizzy and just generally on and off earache over the years don't buy a thing go at the fucking doctor

I go to the ear clinic there's a ear clinic there's one down the road from me that I go to get my ears cleaned all the time I've produced too much wax Apparently so. I do. I produce too much wax. You are a slippery little motherfucker. Waxy little weas. Wax on, wax on.

Oh, our children will never know what that means. What? Wax on, wax on. Just put Clariton. They wouldn't watch it. I've tried. Put the newest one on with Jaden Smith. Do they have Wax on, wax on, wax on?

I imagine. If they did, I haven't seen the one with Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan, but if they didn't put wax on, wax off in, what's the fucking point? Mm-hmm. I think Robin Wood watched Karate Kid now though God, remember how tense it was. It was so, it was fucking terrifying.

No, not just that, it was terrifying. Brilliant. He was just trying to go on dates with these last and people of fucking lads. Bullied to fuck. The hoider bonsai tree over the cliff and then took his fucking rope off it. It was terrifying.

Cruel. It was like, all of them films. Like, no wonder we're riddled with anxiety. All of the films we watched as children. Like, no wonder we can't go, when I was a kid, I couldn't go on the Met Road at the arcade. I'd think that was going to get me head punched in.

Because every film you watched, the bullies were like 40, odd year old men pretend it to be school kids and they were literally trying to murder people. Yeah, you're right, you're right. Terrifying. Biff Tannen was a fucking sexual predator in back the future. McFlaught! Literally

trapping a girl in a car until George McFly comes and punches him. Oh, that's great. Hard times. Great. Yeah. Listen. Yeah. So he bought this thing on Amazon, all right? Yeah. Because he's been getting dizzy.

Maniac. Finally, he thought, I'll have a little look in time here. None of this he had told me previously. Right, so this is a surprise. Yeah. Never, in a million years did I think he was about to show me. Dot, dot, dot. What do you think he's found in his ear?

What's he found in his ear? What's he? Don't look. I'm not looking. Listen, he has found something in his year. He's found something in his ear. What's he found? That's making him dizzy. Right, so there's something in his ear, there's pressure. So it's obviously there's not going to be wax. It's going to be something else. Is it? It's either a pot. No, because if it

You are never going to get this. Really? You're never ever going to get this. You're never going to get this. You're never going to get this. Okay then. If I'm never going to get it. It was amazing.

If I'm never going to get it, I'm going to go left field. I'm going to go crazy here. I believe it is a part of a Star Wars toy. Oh, closer than I thought you would be, but you are wrong. Great. Never in a million years did I think he was a. about to show me 14mm of ruler.

What? Yep. That had obviously snapped off in there when he was at school anywhere from age 15, sorry, anywhere from 15 to 17 years ago.

No wonder he had earache. I've attached photos. There is photos. Sorry. 1.4 millimeters, 1.4 centimetres of ruler in his ear. Yeah.

And he's a man. Yeah. So it was in his ear from school. Yeah. It looks like an old ruler. Hang on. Let's just put ruler in, but they'll come up.

Is this photo of the ruler in his ear? Or is this photo just of a bit of ruler? No, it's the ruler in his ear. I can't believe this. Sorry to everybody listening. Yeah. I mean, it's not a, oh, right, so it's, yeah. Okay, so he's got it there on his, that,

that is unbelievable. I wish I had the photo of it in his actual ear, annoyingly. Well, how are you going to get that? Oh, no, hang on. His little phone, didn't he? Yeah. Oh my fucking Christ. You know me

I'm a hypochondriac Yeah My ear's now hurting Really? My ear's now hurting off looking at that That's how fucking disgusting that is How long has it been Thank you

Listen it could be something in there We can't rule it out Oh Gross Yeah God well done Come on Come on

Come on Babado babado babado Bye Hey Rosie and Chris Hi Don't need to keep me anonymous But I haven't actually Saved your name

so actually sorry I will. This story is too funny not to share. My cousin Nicola has been with her boyfriend Mickey for a few years now. Hey Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my man. Hey Mickey. Hey Mickey. I do love you.

I love you too. I love you too. I wonder because he's joining. He has a reputation for being a total tight ass where money is concerned. Awful. In every conversation he would say, yeah, can't afford that.

Cost 11 crisis, you know. Great. All that kind of stuff. We all know someone. Yeah. Anyway, last year, They booked a holiday of a lifetime to the Dominican Republic. Okay.

In brackets, yep, not so cosy now. Not so cosy live now, Mickey. Not so what? Cozy live now. Cozy life, Cozy live? Cost of living. Oh, not so Cozy Livy. Cozy Livy.

Oh, Cozy Livy. I like that. Sorry, me, Cozy Livy. Oh, I'm going to say that from now. Next time someone. Please don't. Please. What?

You're going to say that it's the Cozey Livy? Sorry, Cozy Livy. Yeah. If someone says, oh, if I'm walking down a high street and someone says, sorry, can I stop you? Sorry me, a Cozy Livy. It sounds like a type of plant. Cozy Livy?

Cozy Livy. Just say, look, Cozily. No, don't. I'm going to, isn't it? I'll be more afraid of you. It's in my short cuts now. See me shortcuts in my phone. Great.

One day, whilst walking along a beautiful beach, Nick Lowe was sure he was going to propose. Oh, God. He took her hand and said, this would be a lovely romantic place to propose. but the car needing a service I just can't afford it Oh no

Oh bro It's now April 2026 And she's still waiting Just don't say it So there go Listen right one You know when I said about people You know I'm not

I'm not having to go with people who can't afford things I'm having to go to people who are just tight and say they can't afford things We all know someone like that Secondly I've never I don't believe in this

It has to be three months wages and all that. It's just fucking, it's more of the... Oh, me neither. It's more of the gesture. I'm sure I should have just loved you to see it. Do you what I mean?

Yeah. Get a fucking shitty little ring from anyway. Who cares? Get a wooden one. Get a lovely little carved wooden ring off... It depends what kind of person you are, right? Because if you're marrying someone who is adamant that you spend a certain amount on a ring

and that doesn't sit well with you, don't propose them. I would agree. I'd 100% agree. Yeah. If you believe that that's what it should be and they also believe that, then you probably might be.

marrying the right person. If you're literally like, it has to be this much and they're like, yeah, I agree. Yeah. Then you marry in the right person. But if you... Because incidentally,

you weren't bothered about that, but incidentally, I did spend three months wages on your ring because it was just, it was in one of them claw machines at the fair and it just took so many times to get it. I wouldn't have been bothered how much it was. Again,

should have been, honestly, probably worth pennies, but honestly, they don't grip. Most of the time, they don't grip. But I do have to say, which is a bit shameful.

Yeah. I don't know if anyone knows this Oh Oh we're going there You're going to tell everyone Well Why not? No

Tell them No For the again For the amount of shit I started saying this On me tour right I started saying look Can you all fucking

Get out of her fucking Instagram comments Whenever I'm putting new dates on For this tour This extra tour Get out of her fucking comments Going E Rosie how do you put up with him I'm not booking fucking stag dudes

I'm booking work But let's Why you turn this on you What I'm saying is that could do with a bit of goodwill from our fans because they all seem to side with you. So let's, come on. Let's tell them all this. Okay. So Chris bought me in an engagement ring, which I love, by the way, still got it in a box.

In a box. Yeah. Yeah, in the box. Yeah. No, what happened was, you know, life changed. Yeah. Me, independent woman. Yeah.

Got a better job. Yeah. And I thought I want to upgrade this. So I used my own money to buy a new engagement ring, which was more expensive. Yeah. Because I didn't want to walk around with that piece of shit. Because I am a cent. I kind of get it.

You didn't pick it. You're going to wear it every day. No, I loved it. No, but no, at the end, no, Chris, listen, time's changed and I was earning more money and I, you know, wanted to have a nicer ring. He has a thought. But I've still got it.

Have you ever heard of a little oozy vert? Sorry? Have you ever heard a little oozy? I apologize if I'm saying this wrong. It's either little oozy vert or little oozy ver. Rapper. Oh. Uh-huh.

Yeah, I think. So what you could do, if you do love the ring, I'm thinking of a bon Appetit, what did you say? Little Ousey Vert. No. Right. So little Oosievert, what he does, anyone who knows who he is, you'll know where I'm going with this.

Rosie doesn't, so this is going to be fun. If you don't like wearing the ring that I got you, but you do still love it, you still love it. Yeah. Okay, well, what he has, he got it snatched off him, but he's getting it redone. He's got an emerald, a green emerald embedded in his forehead. would you maybe consider...

Like fucking body face of... What's he called? Like vision. Like vision? Like vision off Marvel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you consider getting the ring embedded in your forehead or your skin somewhere? No.

Could we insert into your BFTs? Oh my God. Should I get... Should I get me right BFT P.S and just have it hanging off? Should I? Be a thick P.S. in that, wouldn't it? Be quite thick.

Yeah, it was. It was very bandy. Oh, all right. Listen, again, that machine at the fair, they didn't have loads of choice. Did I get too bad for it? Maybe there was that as well. Maybe there was a bit of that. It had been stretched to it.

No, do you know what it is? I just wanted to nicer. I just, not nicer. Again, I'm taking the pace, but I kind of agree. If you'd got me a watch. You're not quite proud of us, though. If you'd got me a watch and it was like, oh, I got that watch for you and you've got away that watch every single day.

I'd be like, I can I agree with the watch it. You know, life's moved on. Can I have, can I'll agree with it? I did this watch. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I do kind of get it. Thank you. You've kept the wedding ring, which is good.

Yeah, I love the wedding ring. You picked the wedding ring. Again, I'll take the piss, but it is odd that there's a bit of jewelry that you're going to wear for the rest of your life and you don't even get to pick it. A man who, let's be honest, I couldn't pick you fucking clothes. No. Let alone a ring you're going to wear every day. You did it spawned, like, I didn't know you were going to propose, which was even better.

And it was more the gesture. And back then, I loved it. But, you know, times have changed. And then it means that you can give that ring to one of our children when they want to propose. Oh. And you can still keep you up. No?

Oh. No? Not even good enough to give away. Fucking hell. See, guys, let that be a lesson to you. I'm totally joking. No, no, everyone out there. Gentlemen, gentlemen, went by an engagement ring.

Let it be a lesson to you. What I said, when I walked into that jewel as and said, what's your cheapest ring, this is what happens. Yeah. No, I'm joking. It was gorgeous. But, you know. Anyway.

Broke me hot. Shut up. Babadoo, babadoo babadu ba. Thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagged Marriedenoid. Blahdi laugh you. We really do.

We really do. Thank you so, so much. As always, if we want to get in touch at Shaggmarriedinoid at gmail.com, please continue to send us anything that spot your interest, anything we've taught about, stories, you know, questions,

actual questions, and help with dilemmas would be nice. I feel like I really know a lot more in life the Loma started seven years ago. if you want to send a voice note in, it is 07874-40-60-6-6-50, and we'll be back in your ears and your reprehensible little peepers

next week. Bye. Bye.