Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Buzz Ballz, Pasta Puns and Safe Sex Tips from Chris!

Episode Date: April 24, 2026

This week on Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris and Rosie get nostalgic for old school alcohol and they figure out what a Buzz Ball is! Chris provides some pasta based humour and lists things that really do blow his mind! The pair discuss the TV show Hebburn, a word that Chris has been using in front of the kids and why this week, there is no beef for Rosie... There is also a quick call with the original Barry Beef, our Kev! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married annoyed. Our little Chris, he's tired from his tour. I am tired, but you know what? I'm being a bloody brave boy and I'm cracking right on with it. We reminisce about 50-pence shots. We talk quite a lot about nights out back in the day, actually. Love a bit of that. I'm saying words I shouldn't in front of the kids

and I've been rightfully called out on it. And we've got a lovely losing your virginity story. Honestly, one of my favourite stories of recent memory. Love it, love it, love it. Hello, you're listening and watching Shag Married Inoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and a very tired Christopher Ramsey. I wasn't going to mention it.

I was going to power through, but I'm a tired little teddy bear. You can't not mention it. You literally have not felt more sorry for yourself. And you look. Oh, here it is. No. No, I do.

I look like shit. You just look like shit. You just look a bit tired. I look tired. But you're on to her. Listen, it's the last leg. I've just done big love to everyone in Newcastle. I've just done six shows back to back in Newcastle City Hall,

which were amazing. Thank you so much to everyone who came. It was phenomenal. Thank you. Everyone who came on the two hours so far. It's been great. I've got one week left. We're filming the special in two days.

I think I'm a bit stressed about that. Yeah. Because the beautiful thing about stand-up is it happens on the night. You go on the stage, you do it on the night. It's gone. Everyone's, you know, had a drink. Everyone's had a lovely time. There's a large bit of, like, artistic license with it as well.

So stuff you see, you can get away your stuff. When you know it's going to be filmed, it's always terrifying. I know. It's all... Yeah. Just don't overthink it. And as well, you know, what you've got to remember is we're living a world now where like everything is filmed.

Yeah, so back in the day when you did your DVD recording, it was like, oh. DVD. Kids, for only one listening, DVD, it's like imagine a coaster. Imagine a coaster that you put a drink on. Wild. Wild. But now, I don't know, like, I just think it's a lot freer. I suppose, yeah.

You could probably break, you could even break the fourth wall a bit. I don't know. Do they in recordings? I don't know. Still, some of this stuff still old school, you know. I announced the new leg of the two hour on like a Tuesday, put the video out, and then there's pre-sale on a Thursday,

then there's the mainz. Oh, and yeah, I don't know. But once that's done, I've got a run of gigs this week. I think there's still some ticks for Swansea, but other than that, it's sold out. And it's been lovely, and I've loved being back on tour,

and thank you to everyone who's came so far. Good. So yes, it's all good. I think I took for granted how much you are doing at the city, like, because you were home, yeah. But obviously you'd done two shows, and you came home and I was going,

hi-y-you were like hi-hi how do you know hey I was putting outside I was putting outside lightning in the garden during the day and everything I've been on it yeah on it on it so guys thank you so much for listening thank you so much for being here thank you so much for subscribing and liking and all that stuff like you're doing on YouTube I know for a fact you're doing it you cheat your little sods and yes without further do it's time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor real sponsor genuine no jokies this week sponsor is the second leg of me tour oh you can't that is I can't Cheap. I'm tired. That is cheap. Tucky. I am tired. Listen, I'm going to, not as a cheap and tacky. I'm going to do a Steve Wright. Okay. I'm going to do a Steve Wright. He's to go on BBC Radio 2 with Steve Wright and he would read every single one of your dates. No, you can't have to. I want to have one of your date. Right. Do you want to read half on them? No, do I fuck.

You're going to read everything. Don't read them all out. Okay, I'm not going to read them all out. Listen, it's on sale now. It's selling really... Why don't you do it at the end? Oh, so everyone can just turn it off. Yeah, clever.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. What you're going to do? You're going to box in boxes like they do one on BBC when you're watching something. Yeah, you can't even see the credits now. They disappear at the bottom corner.

And it's like, fucking don't go anywhere. Something else is on. You're not allowed to blink. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not going to. I've got to say,

yeah, I'm fully like, if the new program now doesn't start straight away, I'm seething. Yeah. What do you mean? Like,

I was watching a program and if it doesn't have, like, episode next coming up straight away. And I don't know if it's broke or something. All right, on streaming service, right,

if you can't just immediately press next episode. I'm like, I'm not going back. So I was watching something with the kids of the day and it finished and then it came up with the bottom next episode. You know the little,

this is the proper word for it. The lozange comes up. Shut up. Yeah, yeah. The little lozange comes up and it says next episode and the bar fills. I didn't know that was the name. That's nice. Well, I think it is anyway.

Lozance. So can remember when you used to do like your cats exams in school and it was just a little bar and you had to, why am I talking to you about school? A cat's exam? Yeah, so there was the sats. But then you had to do your cats. You weren't as important with it. Congregnability tests. I think they were in the year seven.

And it was just, it was just, you know, you just put a little line in the box. So that little box was called a lozange. Oh. And I'm assuming. It's the same word here, right? But I just like saying the world. What about like whole soothers? They are...

They're also lozenges. Lozenges. It's like a lozenges, different shape. It's different. Is it because of the shape? I imagine. This is, blow my mind.

Oh, you're doing it again. I'm not? The thing is, right? I think what everyone knows, if you listen to this regularly, you'll know that I could say anything and you would believe it. No.

Have some power in your conviction. Right? Mm-hmm. So, okay, it's called a fucking lozange, right? So the lozons comes up and me and the kids watch or something. The lozenge comes out on the bottom and it says next episode

and then it fills with the bar. Yeah, everyone know. They're not fucking stupid. Everyone's got a telly. Wraith went to grab the, thanks. Raph went to grab the remote and I went, wait, it'll come on. Fuck me, the tension.

Like, these fucking kids are so spoiled with entertainment. Like, we had to rewind VHS tapes. Right? And I'm literally, I went, don't press it. It'll come on. And we all just sat there going like, and Robin was like,

and we're just looking at each other. Like, we're going through a fucking bomb to go off. Do you remember cassette tapes? If they're broke, and you'd have to put a pencil in? Pencil in, wind it round. And then that bit of the song was always ratly after that. I know.

That bit where it had come out. Oh, my, I saw someone knitting the other day. Yeah? Sitting knitting and there are two things, two things that blow me mind. That shouldn't blow me mind. The fact that knitting is a thing blows me mind. Come back, I think.

I mean, it's like meditation, she said. She says just like, you know, she just does it like meditation. Blows me mind that knitting's a thing. Like, there's just two balls of yarn next one. She's just got two what looked like chopsticks and just bum, bum, bum, bum. And then she was like, oh, I knitted this jumper and way in. And I was like, fuck, mate, it looks like I was bought in a shop. Like, I can't believe it.

Crazy. Exactly. It shouldn't blow me mind, but it does. Another thing, vinyl. The fact that vinyl records, LPs play with grooves and a little needle blows me mind. Yeah, I've never really understood that. Now, MP3s and stuff on computers doesn't blow me mind. It's got our lasers, digital.

Yeah, data. A fucking needle? I know. I scratched the table there. Made no noise whatsoever. Sorry about that. Blows me mind. Crazy.

So there you go. Sign language blows me mind as well. Yeah. And I had a sign language lady on stage last night. It's amazing. Some of the stuff she had to do, he bless her. I'm sure she had a shower when she got home.

What was the swear words? I didn't test any of the swear words and stuff, right? There's one point in Carl's set where he talks about quite a violent spout of diarrhea. The action she was doing for that are nearly passed out laughing. Poor lady. You've got to have a sense of humour. She was good.

She came and saw the show on Saturday and knew it and learned a few with a bit so she could do it. So she was a mate, she must have been, I mean, I'm knackered off saying it. Yeah. It's incredible.

Absolutely incredible. You've unlocked a memory for us. Oh! And it's something that, you know, children don't always learn manners until later on. Right. And I don't think Robin would do this

because he's older and I think he knows. But just when you're talking about knitting, we went Shields, say, front at the weekend. Yeah. And they do, like, little stalls along under the Amphitheatre. It's Dead Sweet. They just sell, like, loads of little stuff. There's a lady who, like, knits loads of little teddies in that.

Right. And I'd give the kids, they had three quid each to spend. Okay. I was like, you've got three pound each to spend. So they only bought, like, little things. But anyway, Rief went up to this. It's knickknacks and brickabrack, I do believe, is what you're looking for. Is that what it's called?

Just, yeah. bought, there's a little bit of tat. Yeah, yeah, to stuff. Yeah. So I was like, you know, three pound each. Lush. So he went to this knitting place and he wanted one of these things. And the woman's sitting there with her needles who blatantly made all the stuff.

And he wanted one of them, which was eight pound. I was like, Rave, you can't, it's eight pound. I was like, you can't have that. Right. But then he wanted another one that was four pound. I went, okay. I was like, you know, support local businesses. Yeah.

I was like, that's fine. You can have an extra pound. Don't tell your brother. the wink wink type thing. Literally he was like, yeah, I'll get this one. And then, and then he just, I was like about to hand the money to the woman and he just went, no, and he put it back and ran away.

In her face. In our face. So I was kind of stood there going, I don't want this. But should I still, but actually she was dead sweet, which went, it's okay. And I was like, oh, but be back next week.

Oh, that's beautiful. So I had to have a word with them and I was like, It was so embarrassing. I was like, Robin, no, sorry, I was like, Ray, if you can't like, once the purchase is made, you can't change your mind. But he was just like, I didn't want it, though. I was kind of like, fair enough. That's so awful.

But if you went to a supermarket or a shop, it wouldn't have mattered. But it was because the woman was right there. The woman who made it with our own hands, pride and joy, poured her heart and soul into it. He wanted it, then he held it for a second and no longer wanted it. I should have just got it. Yeah, you should have just bought it. Yeah, you are, honestly, they'll have your photo up there.

next week. You'll not be allowed in. It'll be like pub watch. I know, but I was like, what am I going to? It was literally like, it was a little octopus thing. I was like, I'm not going to do this. But we'll go back and you'll get it. There it is. Maybe I'll let him save up when we'll get an eight-quid one. Great. Look forward to waste

my family savings at that stall, just a safe face, excellent. Can't wait for that. Brilliant. Fucking kids, man. I swear to God. Oh, dicks, man. Just the manners. Just no manners. Like. Full dick, D-do. Jingle, Jingle, we couldn't settle on a jingle, Jingle,

Jingle, so this is the Jingle, Jingle, we hope you like the Jingle, Jingle, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadu, Babadu, Babadu, ba Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmary Noy. Lovely to have you all back, I hope you're all well. Yes. The sun shining, I think everybody's got a little bit of a spring in this stuff. Yes. It's just everyone seems a bit, bit.

more cheerful, but I don't know if that's just me. And I've just finished my period, so I am... Oh, there it is. Delightful. Delight to be around. If you want to spend any time with us socially, probably get it in in the next week and a half. Because after that, I'll not want to leave the house and I'll be really depressed and you'll not want to be around us.

So you've got a week and a half if you'd like to have some one-on-one face-time with Rosie. Brilliant. I'm out on Saturday, and I'll actually have a good time. I mean, jokes aside, what a fucking... It's horrible, Chris. It's horrible. That's horrible. I'm sick. I'm sick as a fucking chick. And there's nothing you can do.

Well, other than a hysterectomy. But then didn't you say that makes it age really quick? Well, I don't actually, I don't know if that's scientifically true. Okay. So I don't want to upset anyone who has had an history. Well, get yourself under that knife now. Get that sorted. No, but I heard it kind, you do, I mean, I don't know where me fucking estrogen is anyway. Right.

But it does kind of like age you a little bit. Good grief. I don't need any more aging. The amount of cream I'm putting on my face on it. night time. Sometimes I stand and, I think I've said it before, sometimes I'm standing

talking to you. Fucking hell, honestly. I've seen videos online where people make wooden chopping boards from scratch. You know the check of ones. You're going to say when they oil them up.

Yeah. And they have less, there are less oils, ointments and potions go on these handmade, high quality wooden chopping boards than go on your face every single night. Well, I've seen this thing online recently.

It's called face drenching. And it's just, Are you about to tell me that they have reinvented washing your face? Because that just sounds like washing your face. It's not. Was it fucking bobbin for apples? No, it's a new age waterboard. No, it's not.

So it's actually, what I was really chuffed with was like, oh, I've been doing this for years. Yeah. So it's just putting loads of stuff on your face. All right. Yeah. They invented. That was it the people who sell all the stuff. I bet it was.

Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, face drenching. Yeah. I remember. Yeah, but you've got to know what you're doing. You've got to just the, the, the, the drenchy stuff, you get the cheapest stuff of that.

Yeah. And then the actual, the eye cream and the night cream, they're the top end ones, but the rest. It seems when you go for a massage man. You should come for these regularly. Oh, should her? 80 pun to pop. Oh, I bet you I fucking should.

Yeah, you'd love that. Oh yeah. You'd love that. You'd love that. You'd love that. You'd love it, sir. You should come once a week. Keep me in a job.

The mate of mine was getting some really posh aftershave ones. And it's that creed stuff. Creed, I use creed. Oh yeah. But it's fucking expensive. Yeah, yeah. And he said that the lady said, which one you use and he said whichever it was, I think

the Venice is one I use, I think he used the same one. It was Jason Cook and he used the same one. And she went, oh, well, you know, you can buy a different one and you can mix them? And he was like, oh, you'd love that. You'd love that, wouldn't you? Fucking couple hundred quid a bottle. I'll just spray two at a time, go through it twice as fast. You can mix them.

Apparently so, yeah, you can mix them up and make them like, yeah, make new scents and that. Oh, God, how much do you want to stink? We got a, when we stayed in Edinburgh, we got like a tester of the Chloe perfumes, did you see? Right, no. Oh yeah, the little bag they gave you in a hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My mom and Kate, being in my room. Brilliant. They've both had it on. Yeah. Yeah. So, good luck, because it's like 200 not quite a bottle. Oh, all right, that's how they get you. There's the tester.

There's the tester. It's a lot. It's lush. Everyone will compliment you. I know. It is nice, though. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

So I was at the venue the other night, and I was Facetime. The venue, the old pub in South Shield? No, the Newcastle City Hall venue Okay, you have to be more specific. Sorry, I was at a venue. Tour and community. I apologise. I was at a venue.

Do you remember the venue in Shields by the way? I never went. I never, I couldn't get, you got to understand. I couldn't get in until I was 18. I could not get into pubs. I did, sorry. And I'd never got ID'd once I was 18. When I had that driving license in my pocket that said I was 18,

they never fucking asked me again. But when I didn't have it, it was written all over my face. Do you know what's actually mad about the? It was called The Venue, I think, right? I went a couple of times. They sold cans. Just pure cans. Brilliant.

Like, when we were younger, we went to some monkey places. Oh, yeah. It ended up, I think I was 18, 17, 18, and it was too rough for even me at that age. That's how monkey it was. So we're talking older people were in there, then that's how rough it was.

Because when you're 17 and 18, you can get quite frightened by older people being in there. Oh, yeah, there was like, oh my God. Were they even our parents' age, or were they just 40s? Were they just our age now? Oh yeah, I mean they were probably... Oh, fucking hell.

Yeah. I was literally like, so old in there. I mean, yeah, yeah. It'll be literally, it'll be people, alright, it'll be parents, it'll be parents on it. And I bet you they weren't even rough. I bet they were just tired and loud. Probably.

I mean, they did sell just straight cans. That's good, man. You can't a glass anyone with a can. That is, genius. Well, that's probably why. Yeah. It's probably why. That'll be it.

Yeah, it was gross. Can you remember there was a pub called Pucker? Remember Pucker? Oh, 50 pence a shot. 50 pence a shot. friend of mine once I don't know if I said this on the podcast Paul, friend of mine once went in there

with 20 pound, put 20 pound on the table got 20 pounds worth a shot which is maths, come on 20 pounds, 50 pence shot come on 5, 10, 15, 20 Is that 40 shots?

40 shots. That was good maths. Was it? Because I did see you count on your fingers. 40 shots of what? 40 shots, of whatever it was. I remember, no, the 50 pence shots That wasn't the good stuff.

Do you remember Aftershock? Absolutely. Disgusting. Right. My mate loved Aftershock, right? And I always felt like such a loser because I would have a shot of it and I'd literally be like,

they loved the idea. They loved the idea of Aftershock. It was the bottle. People would get the bottle and be like, I got Aftershock. It looked like it was off a fucking Resident Evil game. It was so disgusting. Like cryogenically created Frozen in a lab.

and brought back out and it was in this square bottle with fucking half of it looked like it was fucked up horrible. They're so lucky nowadays the kids nowadays like tequila rose

yum really nice like genuinely once that the drink that looked like the fucking like a bowl of shit it's a ball

the brain thing yeah I don't know what they called and some of the young kids brought it to our house and it was like they left in the fridge I was devastated

a bowl it's a ball it looks like a fucking yoggut it looks like a bubble yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one downstairs in the fridge. What's it called?

Yeah, there is on. You had seen it, yeah, it's in the fridge. Oh, it's something, it's on Instagram all the time. I can't remember the name. I'm really uncool. But it looks like your little Christmas bobble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to put it?

The massive ones? The massive ones. By the massive ones. Do you want to make sure. That's where I've seen it on her Instagram. Jesus Christ. She had like a massive one. Right.

I might be, I don't know what. It looks like a little cauldron. It looks like a little yogurt cauldron. Yes. Yeah. Unbelievable. but I imagine they're quite mild. They look quite milky.

Do I mean? Like a Bailey's kind of vibe. How are you going to... I just run downstairs and grab it. Listen, bauble-shaped alcoholic... This is going to end badly. Buzzball. Wow.

Buzzball. Can you remember Hooch? Yes. I remember there was a huge fucking thing on the news when I was a kid. Cocktails. About Hooch. Because Hooch was the first alcohol pop.

Yeah? And Alco pops were invented when we were kids. And it was like, Oh, look, you don't want to drink, whiskey or wine or beer. We're making a soft drink, but it's alcoholic. It was, you know, it seems like a vodka and lemonade, but people were fucking, and then there was WKD, there was all that, there was hell on. Now, now there's a buzz ball.

Yeah, it's literally Christmas and a drink. It actually looks, it's always a cocktails, you can take them places. Don't. I think it's female owned as well. Don't talk. I am buzzing. Don't talk about ready-made cocktails in drink cans for sale. Because we all know, I invented that at cross.

college and I was told it was a stupid idea by my lecturer. That is so upsetting by the way. I will never go right. Buzzball could be me. It could be worth a fucking fortune. Exactly. I'd love to make a wine, you know. I know, I know, but I do believe

it's incredibly difficult to be a nice wine. And then if it's too expensive, no one will buy it. And then if it's too cheap old, it's like shit. Yeah. Horrible world to get into, no chance. Can I do it? No, no. Tell you what you can do.

You know what you'd love? I'll suggest this to you. You've done this before. This would be wine bottles with buttons glued on. You're mocking me, aren't you? Oh yes. What did you want to say about your venue? Because we went totally...

So two things. So me, may too... Oh, no. No, don't. You can't do this. I was only going to say, people will be screaming. At Pucker,

you could get a shot for 50 pens, but you could only get vodka, gin, rum or whiskey. And it was the, it was the, and it was like... And it was like... Disgusting. Vodka.

Yeah. Sorry, the painstrip of vodka. You know, the... Yeah. And I think I've mentioned... I think I've mentioned it before because my next-door neighbor's son worked on the door as a bouncer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I loved him growing up as a kid. And he used to let us in, I was under age. Am I going to get him in trouble? No. Anyway. Hold on, two seconds. Just arrested him. He had to kick people out all the time.

Yeah. And I had to watch him kick everyone out. Like, I was coming up. He was like, hi, Rosie. He was like opening the door with someone's face. Hi, oh, Rosie, you're all right, love. How are you being? I was like, it's my, it's my school.

It's my childhood crush, Colin. Hoying some man down the stairs. Sorry, you, sorry. You knew a child. No, he wasn't called Colin. What was his name? I knew a child called Colin, but he very much fit the Colin. But in a man, in it mad that they'll never...

He was called Colin? Isn't it mental? That there will never be another... I will, honestly, I will put money on the fact that there will never be another baby called Colin. I'm going to have to ring Kate. Oh, fuck me. I haven't even finished my story. I know, I'm so sorry, but what the hell was his name?

Can you tell that? We haven't seen each other. much so I haven't had many conversations together so now this is just ADHD tennis I spend most of my job waiting for your sister I pick the fucking phone up, do you know that? Your call has been brilliant, right.

No, I need to find out. Hang on. Can you fucking ringing now? Kevin, just really quickly. I think his brother was called Graham. The dad. Hi, kid. Hiya kid, just really quickly.

I'm just doing the podcast. Do you remember next door? When neighbours next door The lad who worked at Puckabar Is the bouncer, what was his name? Oh Colin Colin, right, brilliant That's all I need to know

Big time geezer, Wani Hey are Big time geyser Is that it? Luzzy! What? Is that it? I'm just typing up on that train

Mess. All right, okay, that's it I love you, bye Bye. Hello, you're gonna chipcha. Big time geeseer, Wani He's always got a sound bite.

He is, Kev has always got a sound bite. He's off his tit. He's Barry Beef in real life. Of course he is. Right, sorry, listen. Right. So first of all, first of all, the lad who went in and put 20 pound down

and bought 40 shots and Dragon's Men as you could, obviously was in hospital at very night, ambulance. Do you want to tell them about when you had the boat of hospital? How does that? That's never happening. That's never happening. Did you get his stomach pumped? Nah, just lay there, didn't I like a dickhead?

Did you not even get your stomach pumped? My mate was stroking as like a cat. It was awful. It was awful. Terrible that, like, I've never had to go to hospital because of drink. That's the only one time and I was mortified. I was mortified. Horrible.

You must have been vomiting though. Oh yeah, yeah, big time. Just be careful out there, kids. Yeah, oh God, yeah. It's the worst thing in the world. Don't drink more than you more than morning you need. It's not a competition. Don't throw it down your neck.

And make sure you always go out on a full stomach. So you've got something to line your stomach with. Yeah, I've started putting ice in me wine. What is it down a bit? Water is it down? I feel like I'm having water at the same time. Yeah, not, you haven't. Did I tell you when I was sick in my bed?

I haven't seen it. Are you fucking ill? I haven't finished it. It's not even worth it anymore. Come on, when are you sitting there? I think I wrote about it in the book. I'm sure I wrote about it in the book. Just drank too much.

Blue VK. Right. I think. This is before, no, it would have been Bella Bruscoe getting ready. Disgust, can you believe I drank Bella bruscoe? It's awful. honest to God the wine I drink now

I'm a proper wine snob now and I literally You just admitted to put that ice in your wine So? That's not a wine snob thing It is well that's just being sensible It's just because I need water So no I shared a room I shared a room of my Kate

And I was on the top bunk And I'm Jesus death from above I didn't it didn't go over the side actually It just was in my bed I was just sick in me bed Like lying down asleep And I just went that's horrible. I must have told everyone on this podcast

about the one when I was going on me first ever, a lad's holiday and I had me... You were sick in your suitcase. Seeking the suitcase, yeah. Suitcase all packed out of bed, into the suitcase and it all be clean, but closed still with the tags on. Oh, Christopher.

Hell on. Anyway, I face-timed you from the Newcastle City Hall venue backstage the other night. Oh, yeah. Handed the iPad to Rief. And me and Raph were chatting away, And the kids like to do that thing where they put the emojis on the face time. So he goes through and he's going, I'll do the, you put the robot on.

He went, I'll be the robot. And he put the dog on. He's going, wuff, wuff, and he's going through all of them. And he got to the skeleton. When he got to the skeleton, Robin came in and started trying to join in. So him and Robin started fighting. And then in the distance, you came up the stairs and through the door, and you started trying to get in between them and calm them down.

And it was carnage. And I was dying. One of the funniest things I've ever seen. Because as they were fighting and you were telling them off and trying to rag them off each other, the skeleton emoji face was just incrementally jumping from one person's head to the other whoever like happened to glance in the direction of the iPad became the skeleton in this fucking carnage scenario my god I was like Carl came in because I was laughing so much I started choking god it was good

God it was good weren't wall in my pajamas I was in my dressing gown I mean you were in dressing gown yeah it just just every hey let get off it get skeleton oh mom he's Skeleton. No, Robert's not. Skeleton. Fucking amazing. God, it was great. You should write that down for a sitcom. You ever bother writing anything? Can't be honest.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Speaking of sitcoms. Yes, I love a sitcom. We randomly started re-watching Hebbin the other day. Oh. Do you know what, right? It didn't pass us by because you were in it. And I watched it because we were together.

Yeah. And you were in it. But I don't think, what age were we? When we watched it, 26, 27? 27, yeah. I did not fully appreciate how funny it is. Same. Hebbin, it's on eye player.

I was in it. Oh my God. Gina McKee. Gina McKee. Vic E. Elliott, Lisa McGillis. Kimberly Nixon. Kimmer-Nixon. Neil Granger.

Absolutely. Written by Jason Cook. Oh, it's so... Written by Jason Cook. My God. The joke rate is like... The gag rate is phenomenal. That's what it is.

Gagreit. Yeah, there is. Loozer. And I remembered... right I had a really a really odd interaction on the internet while I was on there and I completely forgot about it until I watching it the other day

so I was I think I must have been in we're talking a lot about nights out here but I think I must have been in dusk in South Shields that were favourite nightclub in South Shields that we got together in and I was in there one night while I'd been on heaven

I won't have a bad word said about dust oh dust was amazing so I was in there one night while I'd been in heaven and some obviously some lads took umbrage to me being there because they were just pissed I must you know they must have just thought that I thought I was the man and I was on Twitter one night just sitting here that is quite arrogant yeah and if I'm pissed and I'm with all my mates in a nightclub

I was probably being a bit of a dick anyway not a dick but I was probably just being a bit you know you were yeah full of myself as a young kid I was on the telly why the hell not right now the yeah one kid this lad he tweeted us out with no way just one night I was sitting on Twitter and I just got this tweet and said, saw you in dusk at the weekend

thinking you are the man, you're in a show called Hebbin, mate, grew up, right? And I remember, I tweeted them back. I don't normally celebrate me victories, but I tweeted him back, I said, mate, you're in a show called Naut, ask your mom next time, she's bathing you. Right. And I've never had this on the internet before.

but about 13, 15 of his mates all piled in just going, he's fucking done you! And they're all like were hammering this guy, they were all like on my side like hammering the men going, what were you thinking? He's fucking hammered and he came back

and he was like, I'm really sorry. I don't know why I thought I could take you on on Twitter. It was such a lovely, wholesome little experience. Yeah, oh, he's dead now. Good. Good. You know, he's mom drowned him in the bath. I think that's what I.

Bruin breed Dead He's not He's not dead He might be We're not making light of that No he might be dead But I don't think it's got anything to do with you

Or that interaction on Twitter Because we are nearly 40 He could well be dead He could be no longer than you Gotta happen sometime He's younger and stop it Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo So you know obviously

A reoccurring thing on this podcast Is I don't watch the news Or know what's going on in the world at all Because I get triggered by it and upset and full of anxiety because I'm pathetic. But my Instagram knows this, so I only get sent and shown wacky, wacky dude, our news stories, right?

Like what we used to do in extra, extra extra. Oh, yeah. This one's popped up, right? Which I just think is genius, right? So a guy, right, a 28-year-old Californian man, allegedly, they always say that, even though we blatantly did it. Okay.

But expensive Lego sets, opened them carefully, took all the pieces out, returned them to the store, with instead of the Lego pieces in there with bags of pasta dried pasta in the bags and sealed up in the boxes

took them back oh I don't want anymore took them back got his money back and kept all of the Lego sets isn't that incredible I mean not listen to this I know you think it's bollocks but listen to this right he allegedly pulled the same scheme on roughly 70 times across target locations in California Texas Tennessee New Jersey and Florida racking up around 34 thousand dollars in fraudulent refunds.

Wowza. Isn't that incredible? But you'll get caught. Well, filling them up with dry pasta, I don't know how he thought he was going to spigate away with it. Yeah. His mom and dad should have taught him lean-eat him better than that. Eh?

Honestly, it's true, I know. It sounds a bit far-fally-fetched, but... Oh, Jesus Christ, how many is there? Two more. They're just rested at him his house. Apparently, they're just knocking him on the door. that's actually potato it's not pasta

yeah it's not even the same you either got him now though he's in the state penny yeah what what I have nothing to say

I have nothing to say that's your your tour is quite good this is quite good quite all right

why did you catchers of God with this shit I just thought of... That's bad. Bad in it, yeah. Listen, I'm good at puns. Tagna tell you all your friends about it.

No. Yeah? I won't. Did you think of that when you were watching the Sopranos? Yes, yes. I'm currently watching the Sopranos. Question? No, it wouldn't be anywhere in the same amount of money.

What? You'll have lost a bit of money off all the past days had to buy. Do you know what I mean? We'll take a few quid off there for a problem. Yeah, you've got to take... So it'll not be that much. you'll probably spend about a thousand pound in pasta Maybe

Maybe maybe Anyway, well done Do you want to well done? Nah, not if it's forced Not if it's forced It was good They weren't that good They're not supposed to be

They're ponies or shit Okay Deliberately shit Well, if you want to sell out your tour Don't be doing that on the one show I'll not be doing that on the one show tonight No no no no Well I wonder who you're going to be on with

Stephen Toppterson Stephen Topton Oh Yeah Stephen's on Oh that's oh he's love but oh we know him. Yeah, I know him. I know him.

It's like, I want to be on my famous people. Every time I watch one of my peers on, there's fucking someone massive's always on. I mean, don't get me wrong. Stephen Tompkinson. Ledge. Love him. Okay, tell him I said hello.

But that, but that's annoying. But that's annoying. You said that it's annoying that I've on with him and that he's not famous enough. I'm going to tell him that. Hey, I don't think he's not famous enough. Stephen Tomikinson is.

It's just that we're known. But you know him. You want to be on with like someone you've never met before. That's always exciting bit about Chachos and they're getting out. Our track record with chat shows. I know. Stephen Thompson, save a pair hands. We were on with, was it, Miles Teller?

Miles Teller. And Jennifer Connolly. Yes, that was pretty cool. Both all right, Touchwood. That was pretty cool. They seem to be. They're still thriving. If you don't understand what that means, you have to come see me new to hear about that. Tickets on.

Hey, no past our jokes. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Local news is in decline across Canada, and this is bad news for all of us. With less local news, noise, rumors and misinformation fill the void. and it gets harder to separate truth from fiction. That's why CBC News is putting more journalists in more places across Canada, reporting on the ground from where you live, telling the stories that matter to all of us,

because local news is big news. Choose news, not noise. CBC News. Frozen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo. online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games.

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Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo-Badoo-Bad It's time for watch your beef What's your beef! Beef! Beef! I would love to I would fucking love to punt a one in the face. Me? No, not you.

It's a terrible, terrible punching technique there, by the way. Well, I've never done it. You've never punched someone, ever? No. Wow. No. That's mental, that? Girls don't punch.

No? Just grab hair, grab hair and bend down. Well, I've never really had a fight. Really? Mm. Wow. With Kate, I used to fight, but I've never had a fight fight, I have been attacked. I love that you've never physically punched someone, but you have swung a hair dryer around by the cord to hit your sister with it.

Yeah. Yeah. imagine skipping straight from hand-to-hand combat to fucking jet, like, sorry, air-propelled weapons. Yeah, we never punched. I mean, my mum slapped each other. Will she be okay with you saying this on you?

Well, what's gonna do? Wow. Tell us off. What's gonna do? Snappers, I'll hang out of back. I've done it before. Top of the stays, we had a little landing at the top of the stairs.

When you go up the stairs and then you had a little landing and then you would go up another set of little stays. And it was on there. And I called her a bitch and she slapped us and so I slapped her and then it was just a bit like

and then we're stopped and then we're all right was crying and kisses afterwards yeah very very intense hormones you know me you know me now imagine me as a teenager

oh Jesus Christ okay ladies first what is your beef you keep on using a word around the children that I don't think is appropriate I don't think it's that bad

but I think if they said it at school or if they called anyone this at school they might get wrong. Is it PC? What have I been doing? You keep calling people troglodytes. You've been doing it a while. I mean I quite like it, but I just think... You've actually been doing it for years, but I just think

in front of the kids, I don't think it's a good word to use. Is it a really bad word? So, no, I'd Google what it means, I'll tell you, it says, a troglodyte, I can never say this. This is terrible. I'm so sorry. A trogladite is primarily a person who lives. in a cave. I stand my it.

Particularly in prehistoric times derived from Greek for hole dweller. It is also used informally to describe someone with outdated reactionary views or someone who is antisocial, reclusive or uncultured. Yeah, yeah, good.

You're not far off. I'm telling you, when I've used it, it's been absolutely 100% warranted. Yeah, it has. But I just don't think, please stop saying it in front of the kids. Okay.

So I remember, I remember using it recently, and it was where in it, my thing is, I, when I had part-time jobs and stuff, when I was younger, and I was in service, like shops or restaurants or anything like that.

You made it down at the Army, but that's fine. You worked at all sports. All sports in the stadium, like, I'll serve a service, I think you'll find. But like, you know,

I was, I remember some places not getting jobs and thinking, oh my God I mustn't have been good enough and then like trying there. But some people in shops and in restaurants, I would fully believe that they'd never had a conversation until the minute that I speak to them. Oh, don't get me started.

Yeah. Because to my service. I don't want to say where it is. I don't dig anyone out. But we were somewhere the other day. And I always give people the benefit of doubt. I'm never nasty to anyone. But I'm going to go back to my table.

I'm going to slag you off to fuck to me wife. That's what I do. But you never get, you're not going to hear it. I'm not going to have a go at you. But we've started doing something recently, which I think works quite well. If anyone's rude, young people of a certain generation, if they're rude and they just can't talk or hold a conversation properly,

we now go back to the table and say it to Robin, that's because they're on their phone too much. Yeah, it's pretty good, yeah, yeah. They can't have an actual conversation because they're just looking at their phone. What ordered stuff, food in a restaurant, but with the kids, and I was looking through the menu, and I wanted something sort of, you know, a bit of a create-your-own kind of thing. And I ended up backing out of getting that

because of how useless the person was I was speaking to. because I remember I said, loads of different things, but I remember the moment I thought, I'm just going to order for the menu here. I said, can I get the sausage bap on a bryosh?

Because there was options on the thing and the person went, is that on sourdough? A brioche? And I went, Priosh, and they went, and was that sausage?

And I thought, what the fuck just happened? I told you the thing and I specifically said what it was. It's the full, I'm telling you about, asked again. No, but right, right.

No, the attention span of young, of kids now is fucked. What would their reaction have been, right? What would their reaction have been? If I said, all right, can I have the, the sausage sandwich on the briosh, please? And they went, is that on the sourdough? And I went, there's that sausage. Oh, no, sorry, I said Sunday dinner. Would they have gone, oh, yeah, you did.

I want listening. Or would they go, no, you said sausage. But what, fuck, fuck you ask this for then? Like, and yes, and yes, I shouldn't say trogad that in front of the children, but sometimes it is, and I love that, it means living in a cave. Because I was dead worried it meant something worse than that. But living in a cave is fucking perfect. I mean, like you say, it's not that, but I think it's a bit derogatory.

I thought, not it's very derogatory, but it's very, I'm standing by it. But it's apt for some people. An iPhone cave that they all live in with, don't look up from the phones to have a conversation with any other human. I don't have a beef with you this week. You have been... I'm aghast, by the way, you can't say us. You genuinely have been an absolute delight.

Don't get us wrong. We have a bad weeks when you're... you know, it's not your fault, but yeah, difficult. I know. I know. But I have been doing Newcastle City Hall gigs and three nights in a row, I came back, there was a glass of wine waiting for us.

First night, you literally said to me, I said, I don't know what I'm going to have because I something I beat myself up. I'm like, I shouldn't eat after gigs. Madness. I saw a thing years ago where Jimmy Carr said he lost loads of weight because he stopped eating after gigs. And I was like, oh, well, I eat after,

I've got this thing in the head. No, but you don't eat enough calories in the day. I know. So that's the problem. You don't. eat like, which is fine because if you're not exude an energy, you don't eat, you have like a hule or whatever.

Yeah. And then you'll just not, then you'll have like a tea. But then you can't, I know what it's like being on stage. Yeah. Energy that you use, even doing this podcast, after this podcast, I am ravenous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a different sort of energy, it's like an adrenaline.

And if you don't have something to eat, you're going to wake up in the middle of the night, starving. I do, yeah. So, yeah. First night, you were like, go and you were like, go on and you're like, I've left your chass, crassons, use a quasson, put some ham in, and put them in the oven and cheese, that was amazing. Second night, next level, you had wine waiting for us

and you ordered a Chinese and kept me a chicken chamean noodles, which is literally the only thing I like from the Chinese. It was amazing. Third night, more wine. Look at you trying to get us drunk, yeah? After a third kid. I mean, I was definitely drinking before you came in every single night. And, yeah, lasagna,

lasagna ready to wake up with a little auxiliary salad on the side, ready to heat up, sorry, not wake up. Yeah, just thank you. Thank you very much because you used to genuinely think that when I was on tour I was just pissing around and having a right laugh until you did the tour with me

and you realised how tiring it is. Yes. Yes and no. No, no. I mean, I still think you are pissing around most of the time with Carl. But the only thing I can say is currently the kids are that little bit older. I just don't feel as stressed out by them.

Listen, they're not a walk in the park. Having kids is not easy. but it's just a bit easier and life's a bit simpler. And, you know, I'm happy to do it. I love you. Well, I love you too and thank you very much. And no beef, you've got to waste Godfrey. It's sad that that's all it takes to impress you, though.

I mean, good for me, but... Listen, I'm an easily impressed guy. Yeah, me too. I'm a very simple little guy. All good. All right, love you. Love you. It's time for questions from the public.

Questions from the public, public? As always, if you'd like to touch it, Shagged Married, annoyed at gmail.com. And the phone number for the WhatsApp, which I'm about to read off the podcast page that I do every single time. The phone number, if you want to send a WhatsApp voice note at any point, it is 07874-40-60-6-650. That email again for everything else, Shagmary Nord at gmail.com. Please send them stuff in. We'll love it. Thank you.

Dear Rosie and Chris, I was telling this story to someone the other day and thought it would be good for the podcast. Okay. This is the story. of the night I lost my virginity. Yay! Congratulations. And celebrations. I want the world to know that you're a massive slag.

Hey! Wow. Or, no, Slagher? Slag-a-slag-er? Slag. That was boy or girl. What's the masculine of slag? Legend.

Don't you be so ridiculous? Do you want to... Sorry, Mr. Innsk. the cell? I didn't think it would get as much of a bite as it did. You can't say stuff like that nowadays. I was in second year of uni, and after struggling with anxiety and low self-confidence during high school,

I was finally mingling with boys. Wow, congrats. I was still quite nervous about the actual big event, and so whilst I would neck on with guys on nights out, it would never go any further. Oh, they love that, though. They love that. What? Oh, you can neck on with her, but she doesn't,

oh, it makes them want you more. Does it? Yeah. Oh. She kisses everyone but nothing else. Oh, well, I shall be the one to break down the drawbridge. This doesn't sound very nice. No.

No. Okay. Okay. Just want to tell you that. You don't sound very nice. But also, girls, there's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong. If you want to do it and it's consensual and you want to have a nice time, then do it.

And if you want to just kiss, that's absolutely fine. Well, yeah, everything's fine. Yeah. As long as it's what you want to do. don't ever feel pressured, but also, if you get caught up in the moment, go with it. That's what life's all about.

There we go. From one slag to another. Wow. Stay slaggy. I need to be careful, you know, because I think sometimes I'll throw the word slag around in public and people think, why are you saying that terrible word?

That's so derogatory a ruin. I'm like, my wife says it so often that it just rubs off on us. Yeah, and also, I think you are not a chauvinist man at all. Like, honestly, you're very much under my thumb and I think you like being there listen wow no I think you do

but sometimes you say something as a joke that if anybody else if a really chauvinous man said it it would be like disgusted what you're saying and I know you don't mean it does it just come across as pathetic no no

but maybe people who don't know everyone knows you now no everyone knows you on the podcast now yeah yeah yeah do you like being under my thumb um I think you need it personally because I mean

bearing of mind you're going to be 40 this year we've owned a lot of houses you asked me how to use the washing machine yesterday and genuinely I was aghast well you know what it is right because you went I went tell us the rules with clothes

you nearly put it up for an hour and a half but I went tell us the rules with I wanted them dead clean I say tell us the rules with clothes and then you were like oh well these are darks oh no now now that we've got that oh now that and go with that and go in with that and go in with darks and I went to you sorry there in two

things that you've put in the separate piles are different of exactly the same colour and you're like oh I saw the word and I was like she just fucking makes this up as it goes along yeah like I can't even work listen the washing does change depending on what you have to wash awful the color it's too many like there's too many just I honestly thought it was whites blacks colors but now there's light colors there's dark colors if you want to go out looking like a shabby scruff yeah being you know washed out and all of your colors running into each other there then that's up to you but we've got a 28 minute wash on that washing machine and a 15 minute spin but like that's so fast so actually you know you can take a bit more

time always whites separate to blacks for sure but then i've got some t-shirts that are like off cream well then it depends what the white stuff is that you if it's the kid's shirt i wouldn't put it in but if the kids shirts aren't they oh my god listen listen this story about this last getting booked for the very first time And I'm back in the room. Got you, I knew that would get you. You pig. Right.

Listen, so she's finally mingling with the boy. Still quite nervous about the actual big event. This is something grim that I thought of. I don't want to go off too off-piece, but I can't remember some of my earlier times.

Right, wow. Just can't remember. Is that alcohol? No, because I'm old. Can you remember? You know, when stuff happens in the moment? Every single one of them. Every single one of them,

God, I miss them so much. much. I could draw you, I could get some of your drawings out that I've done of it, some of my paintings, my watercolours, and I've got, I've wrote a lot of pottery about them all. Okay, great. Not about you. Not about me. No, no, I just about everything pre-you. You're obsessed with me when you met me. Don't even date. Don't. Still are now.

I'm off. Right, listen. Should not go on? Wouldn't go any further. Yeah. I didn't have the teenage dream of what my first time would be like in brackets. Someone I love, all that mushy stuff. Right. I don't, does anyone, I don't know.

But I did want it to be with someone I knew. That is helpful. Yes. That's, I think, I will say that to the boys. I'd be like, please lose your virginity to someone who you at least are going out with. Yeah, not with some stranger. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Anyway. It's horrible. Horrible thought. Also, all the societal pressures of having sex were getting to me, which if I can tell, if I can tell to my past self and anyone listening thinking the same, It doesn't matter. No, not at all. Be comfortable with yourself and the person you're with,

don't push yourself if you don't feel ready and don't be embarrassed if you're older than what's deemed normal. Yes. Because this person was, I don't know if they've said. Although at uni. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, but that's fine. Yeah.

It doesn't matter. Of course it's fine. Enter Rob, in brackets, it's real name. He'll know who he is if he listens. Right. So there you go. We studied the same degree and had some of the same weekly seminars and became quite good friends over the two years.

I knew he had a thing for, me. He would drunk text every so often, but it took me a while to reciprocate. Right. It got to the end of second year and after some back and forth during our final week, meeting up in the club, flirting, texting, it finally seemed like it was going to happen. Oh God. Smash time. He invited.

Oh, should I say, smash, sash. That's really hard to say. Smash. Oh, hey, I was just about a bowling. I was going to have to, yeah, smash sesh. Smash sesh. Smash. Oh, I don't like that at all.

Yeah. I want a smash burger now. I go to London. Oh, yeah. Oh, nice. He invited me to a house party and walked me home afterwards, in brackets, gentlemanly,

that's hard to say. Gentlemanly. Gentlemanly. Although we lived in the same street. Got you. Not that job. Okay. We stopped outside his,

both knowing what was coming next. Oh, God. The next thing he did should have been a sign of what to come, what was to come. He leaned in to kiss me, stopped just before reaching my lips and said this is really going to turn you on

Oh don't say that Of course being young, naive and a little desperate I laughed this off and he invited me inside This is really going to turn you on Oh God pal When things got going we had a little trouble with the condom But he reassured me that his pull-out game was strong

Oh fucking hell man no Another sign of the night ahead Kids guys Always put the condom on before you leave the house that night. That is the best way, super safe. Always get ready, after shave, have a shave, get a clean, put the condom on, go out, enjoy the night,

have fun, have a few drinks. Then you're never too drunk to find the condom and put it on because it's already on. Copyright Chris Ramsey, 2026. That is not real advice. You can't say that. Always put it on before you leave the house. always work for me

and then you don't need to go hey you don't lean in and go this is going to turn you on you just go hey I'm already wearing a condom I've had it on I've had some bad sexual experiences I've had it on since the cinema

I'd be like I knew I could smell to me it's full of piss gallons if I were cooking up with someone and they were already condoned up I would die I would die

It's the sign of a sensible and safe lover. It's a man who plans ahead. Nobody wants a sensible and safe. You do. It's a man who plans ahead. You, honestly, that's what you want in your life. Right, listen. We laughed it off.

Seeing as I was on the pill and he reassured me he was clean. Great. Yeah. Brilliant. Okay. Thanks for that. And again, being young, naive and a little desperate, we carried on each other their own, I guess.

Cut to the end. We're in Doggy in Brack. On the first time! Adventurous for the first time! time. Fucking hell. And having fun. So they're having a nice time.

She's enjoying it, so it's fine. Without until, this is where it gets, this is smart olden days. You want to go back in time to when we were smutty, dirty, horrible. You're kidding, we are. We did a porn quiz the other day. Like, come on.

Fair enough, but this is old school smart. Okay, so strapping. Until, without saying a word to me, he suddenly pulls out. I was expecting him to grab a tissue. Maybe even ask if he could do it on me. But no, Rosie's mysteries, mystery, mysteries. I'll just tell you.

I don't want you to guess. Please, I can't be asked to guess this. This man, Rob, leapt off his bed, leaving me confused as anything, runs across his room, squats down over his bin and wanks it into it. This is our first sexual experience. That's the fuck. This is horrible. Oh, that's the song.

Oh, it's the saddest thing. Rosie, I can see him. I can see him. I can see him. I can see the... Oh, dude. This is horrible. I feel so sad for her.

Over the bin. And then she said, yes, that's right. He finished in the bin. Wow. I mean, he said his pull-out game is strong. His pull-out game is an ink. He's incredible. Pull-out-yard dash into the bin.

No mess. So bad. Wow. Wow. That is the saddest end to a... sexual encounter I've ever heard. It's horrible, isn't it? Into the bin. Listen, honestly.

She'd know him that well. And as a woman who's probably been in similar situations than this, I'd rather it in the bin than on my tits. I don't know you. That's a sound bite. Don't use that. I've wrote a children's book. Two.

This week's Paul. In the bin or on your tits. Yay. the bin. It says here as well, what makes things worse, and I know Chris will hate this, is that since this was uni accommodation,

this wasn't actually his bin. He was moving out that morning, and so some poor student was going to be moving into a room with a jizzy bin. Jizzy bin. He's now known amongst, my friends, as bin guy. I guess he was right, though,

he's pull-out game was strong. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. That was a great story. Old school, that, loved it. Thank you so much. I know, thank you.

And there is more actually to this It said an additional add-on He then moved away for his year abroad And I had a false pregnancy test scare Had to call him at 3 in the morning So Wow Put-out game was not that strong

Oh, a little bin baby A little precom Do you remember how scary pre-com was Terrified I don't even know what it is Really I don't really know what it is I don't actually

Do you know how I don't want to be naive with this, but also I am a woman and I have a body. It's actually quite hard to get pregnant. Don't say that, yeah. It is. I've got a couple thousand episodes of Jeremy Kyle that would argue with you.

Well, I'm sorry, but if you are follow my period, there's only like four days where you can actually... I think when you're young and you're virile and you're doing it all the time. I will be telling our kids about pre-com and I will make them really scared. Can you make sure I want a golf trip? I'll just be like, no, oh

hang on. You have to do most of the sex talk I'm not doing it. Listen, I'll, I do think, and obviously I've just thought of this now, but the run-into-the-bin technique might be the new, might be the new gold standard in this household. Who, what? We might just, I might just say, lads, always just run to a bin. Listen, don't start.

Condom on before you come out, right? Fill it with piss, run to the bin. If you tell them that. Three checklists. Oh, don't. They're so little. I hear talking about, but they're going to grow, but yeah, yeah. Oh, God.

Wow. Never. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. This is, you have been fully thrown under the bus with this. Have I? Right? It says, dude, we're here for your stand-up gig. Saturday night in Newcastle. Can you explain why they won't let us keep the lid on a water bottle sold at the in-house bar?

They said it was at your request. Sorry? The fuck, that's got nothing to do with me. They have fully threw you under the box. So my question is, why? Okay, so I don't have a lid to throw it. you, but I can still throw the bottle. That's un-

That is nothing to do with me. I know nothing about this. Why did they do that? They've done it. I don't fucking know. They've done it to maybe four places. They're going to take the lid off you and I don't know why. I've got no idea.

Maybe sure you can't throw it. But if you're throwing a bottle lad as I'd rather the lid was on. But they're plastic anyway. Throw as many as they want. I don't give a shit. It must be for throwing. It must be. That must be why.

It's got to be a safety thing. Yeah. Why would they do? Guys, that is nothing to do with me. Listen, they've saved your life. If someone threw a full bottle of water, even in a plastic. It would hurt you, though.

Could not you unconscious. Goodness. But, oh, God, I'm so sorry. I can't believe in the staff. No, Mr. Ramsey has said. He's got it. And then what happens is they have to then, halfway through me set, I pick up a plastic bottle,

and I take the lid off, and I drop the lid on the floor, and I drink me water. Well, somebody might come and pick it up and get it for the morning. I'm so sorry. What? It's funny man. At your request. Mr. Ramsey has a fear of lids and you can't have lids in the room.

It triggers him. Yeah. Yeah. He was mugged by a bottle top in his youth. You hate them pearly queens. You've got lids all over them. What's that? It's a very niche thing.

I don't think you'd. You never heard of pearly king and queens? No. There's people, something to do with London. I thought that was badgers. Is it not bottle lids? You think they've got bottles? bottle tops on them. I'm sure they're badges.

You think they've got bottle tops on them? Listen, I'll take back my previous thing and I'll just say the Wombles. Great. Good, good safe. Good safe. Babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, ba. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagmoudianoy.

We do. We love you, love you, love you. Thank you so much for listening. As always, if you'd like you in touch at shagmoudunoid gmail.com. And if you want to send any voice notes to the WhatsApp, it's 07874-40-6650. I forgot out of read numbers there. By the way, I've actually really on top of the emails at the minute, so if you send one in, I will say it pretty.

I'm like, I'm up to date. Good stuff. Well done. Well done you. Again, thank you so much for listening. And if you could like and subscribe on YouTube, that would be awesome. And we'll be in your ears and your filthy little eyes next week. Bye.

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