Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Emotions run high watching Lewis Capaldi and Chris has an awkward encounter with a Taxi driver

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

On the podcast this week Chris & Rosie share all the BTS from a charity event, including Chris feeling all the feels whilst watching Lewis Capaldi! Rosie shares some brilliant reverse icks and Chris gives a tour update which involves an awkward encounter in a taxi. All of this plus some imposter syndrome, a Geophysicist, dry robes and some classic 90's parenting! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shag, Marion, annoyed. We are a little bit rough because we were at a big gig at Newcastle Arena last night called Sunday for Sammy, and we'll tell you all about that. There was some special guests, wasn't there, Rosie? They very much was, yeah. Chris gets taken down a few pegs by a taxi driver in Aberdeen. Oh, he absolutely dealt me a good one. Beautiful.

My favourite taxi driver interaction, I think, for all the wrong reasons. We've got beefs. We've got some reverse X. Love in the reverse X. I've got some call updates on the tour patta, because I'm on tour now, and he's up to his old tricks. We've got some questions from you lovely lot. Enjoy! Hello, you are listening and watching Chagmary Denoid

and I can barely speak. God Almighty! I'm so sorry! You are actually not that bad just a couple of seconds ago but as you've just started to do your performing voice, it went. It's gone. Wow. Yeah, we had a busy day.

Well, I had a busy day yesterday and Chris came along later on and drank. I came home for the piss up. At a charity gig at Newcastlewina Sunday for Sammy and it's very much you do your performance, but whilst you backstage, all you do all day is talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my voice is done in, so I'm so...

But my little sucks of eyes. That's not get ahead of yourself. It's, if no one's heard of Sunday for Sammy, it's like a big charity thing that I do every couple of years. You did a thing in the one show about it, and it's like a fund for performers in the North East, isn't it?

And you've been helped by them in the past. Yeah, they gave us money when I was in a girl band. Many years got 10, 11 years ago. When you were a girl? When I was a little girl. You could not, and I repeat, not. pass for a girl in a girl band now, right? Just so you know.

It's horrible thing to say, but you are right. You are wildly correct. It was unnecessary to say. You couldn't call it a girl band? No, no, it would be this... Slags band. This wife band. Do what I'll give you?

Miltf band. Oh, a Mouth? Didn't you get introduced as a MILF last night? Well, I know Kelly said it was a MILF, but she's my friend, so I think she was just being kind. To me, you're absolutely a MILF, yes. Well, so there we go. Yeah. But yeah, stayed a bit too late, drank a bit too much, but it was all good.

Hell of a lot. Are we going to talk about it now? We'll talk about it in a bit. Do your stupid fucking shit you do every week. Wow. Wow. This week, right, okay. So first of all, thank you for coming. Thank you for listening.

Thank you for being here. Please like and subscribe and all that crap. But listen, this is a very important, very, very important sponsor this week. This week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Nearly seven years. Listen, listen, throw enough shit, some sticks. Not all them, some of them. I'm going to hold me hands up here.

Some of them have been absolutely dog shit. But this one, there's a rising epidemic of it. I'm starting to get really fucking sick of it. I'm triggered. Right? No, there was a pandemic, not an epidemic. Learn your fucking words. Learn your demics.

Oh, God. Brilliant. Now you've mentioned pandemic. We're going to get that little thing on. Do they still do the thing on Spotify? Where they go, by the way, this one mentions COVID. This is how you find out all the truth about it. Well, you've just done it.

You've done it because you've mentioned it. So well done. Anyway, people are doing this more and more. It's really starting to do me tits in. This week's sponsor is, People wearing cold tub and sea water swimming dry robes as normal coats. Stop it. This has been going on for ages.

Pack it the fucking. I've had enough for you. Because it's just stop it. I don't like it. They're very warm. Of course they are because they're designed to put on after you've been cold water swimming or in a cold tub. I bought one. I bought one.

Yeah. I walked yesterday at the arena. Wow. During the day. I took you with us. Well, I got there on the night. told me it was freezing I got they all jumped up and caught it up I was fucking sweating I thought I was gonna die well it's the hottest arena I've ever been in

me life yeah but the day before was the dress rehearsal and there was no one there and then on the night obviously there was thousands of people yeah something about body warmth I think that's the thing that's the same as what I'm trying to do with this room that's what I haven't put the heating on um right stop doing it though it's upsetting us pack it in if you cook and I don't know what a noise is more and I don't know why if you do have a cold tub or you do the cold water swimming and you just wear it any way for casual, that irritates us, because what you're trying to do, show off

that you do the cold water swimming. What the fuck? What is this? All right, well done. We've all jumped in a cold tub. Let's finish. Oh, my God. But I don't know if I'm more annoyed

by people who actually don't do any of that at all and they've just bought one for the crap. Yeah, I think that's the, I've never worn mine out. I think a lot of dog walkers wear them, women dog walkers, which Chris, it's a fleecy, it's a jacket. It's a blanket. It's like wearing a blanket.

It's very warm. Have some bottle. You can't wear a blanket. Well, you look like you're wearing a blanket. No, I'm actually all for them Who gives a shit? Well, we've lost the money off the sponsor Because I can't be on the side of it

And you're off the, you've contradicted the sponsor, well done, well done Oh God, it's ruined Let's call the whole thing Oh Let's go Yeah We had a fight about the jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle

Jingle jingle So this is the jingle Jingle We hope you like the jingle Jingle Jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo bao

Jingo Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmrandenoid genuinely thank you for coming back and thank you for listening thank you for watching

the amount of people recently who say that they listen to this podcast blows my mind Oh oh it's nice in it I wrote this down on my phone I got off the plane

the other day in London I went from Aberdeen to London there was a guy sitting next to us, he didn't speak you during the flight because he didn't realize it was me until I got. So I take my Xbox on tour with us and it's in a lovely little, it's in a proper little nice case.

It's currently on our kitchen island because you've started playing on it during the day when the kids are there and you just ignore the kids. And Rave actually, I've got to tell you, Rave said to me because Rief and his friend were over and obviously the dad is your friend as well and Rave said, Daddy

and Uncle Sean just played on the computer and ignored us. Did he fucking eat the little tougher? He did. He did. He did. He did. And I went, wow. I went that is disgusting. Eh! Oh, me, I'm not even joking. That's what he said. I don't believe that.

I'd well believe it. He said. That's tragic. He said. God, that must be Saturday because we did that yesterday as well. No, I'm not mad at it. Good. The need ignored. Oh, no. Sorry, these, they get, children nowadays get far too much attention. They're fucking...

Good, I'm glad you ignored it. It didn't stop. It didn't stop saying, da, dad. It was constant like, but, you know, we're just. zoned in on the war zone. So I've got a, yeah, I've got a little monitor, fucking cheapest chips, the monitor, Alphan is a little foldaway monitor thing. Anyway, the guy didn't speak to us until I got it out with the overhead and he just went, it's a nice little, it's a nice little case. And I went, it's an Xbox and he went, it's an Xbox in there, and yeah, and he was like, oh, turns out, he was like, oh my God, he was like, who Chris Ramsey? I was like, yeah, I think his name was Jack. He was, I was so

impressed when he told us his job, I wrote it down to me phone. Oh, what? He was, and he listened to this podcast, and he's, him and his partner, I'm expecting, So congratulations again. Oh, nice. A geophysicist. Okay. Just want to take a moment. What does a geophysicist do?

Listen, don't remember that. I just want to take a, no time. I just want to take a moment. Sounds really impressive. You'll never get it. You'll never understand. The rest of the people are listening. I don't know, I don't waste that time.

Don't make them feel stupid. Don't want to intimidate them with me knowledge or show off. This isn't QI. I agree. I agree. I just want to take a moment to bask in the high brownness of he was a geophysicist That's all right, isn't it?

Incredible. Yeah, absolutely amazing. And yeah, he was a fan. But I just remember thinking, it's not just, it's not just fucking Naccas listen to this, is it? We are the king and queen as a knackas.

It's because I'm such a knacker. I imagine everyone else is as stupid as me. But there's some bloody, there's some real people out there. I think sometimes, I think really clever people need just a break. Are we there? And I think we might be that relief

of, I can't be your dirty little see, create. Yeah, just stupid, like thick. They quickly put something else on. They listen to us, but they've got a screen grab of another, of like an education podcast. No, like the news agents or something.

Yeah, yeah, like a political one. And people go, what are you listening to? And they go, oh, but that's a screen grab. That's just the, that's their fucking screen saver where they're in the background. And they're listening to us talking about come and shit. And fingering and I love it. I haven't talked about fingering for a while, actually. No, no, come on, come on.

Keep it high brown now. I've got bloody geo-philysis, listen. What? genuinely, though, what does it do you? Listen, don't worry about it. Honestly, I'd love to get into it. My knowledge on it is extensive, but I just don't have time. Don't want to, you know, don't want to drag it down with all me geos for cysticness.

Honestly, something to do with rocks and the earth. All right, okay. Yeah, it's something. I wonder when they had I went like, hot and that? Hot. No, the earth geography. There it is. There it is.

He's just switched off. Look, if you're still, it was nice and one. You know, thank you for listening to the final episode. So there we go. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, bah. So, Instagram tag About Last Night. Oh, hashtag about last night?

He has a photo of me, getting ready 6,000 times. So yes, the Sunny Vasami. Apologies for we both do sound. I can hear myself in a meet years now when I do sound a bit ratly. That's funny. But what a fucking line-ups.

I know. So Nade Vasami is a charity in the North East and years ago, I was in a girl band and they give us a bit of money to make a CD. They give out, basically, the charity is they give out grants

to young people who are wanting to get into the industry and just need a bit of help. So Emma last this year got a grant because she's a drama school in London but obviously she got the scholarship to pay for the drama school but she's got no like money to live like do you know what I mean? So they give out a grant.

In the most expensive city in Britain. Exactly. It's a really good charity. It's all of like the Orphidesane pet lot started it and Sammy was one of the actors who sadly passed away and it's the 25th out of it. of the charity. Anyway, so this year, I sang a little song.

We made Kelly hosted it. There was loads of lovely sketches on, loads of lovely local people. Stephen McGovern was there. All the V-Row was there. Jill and Chelsea Halfpenny, it was great. Had such a lovely day. And then Matt Healy, obviously Mattie Healy was doing it. From 1975, he was on. And he brought some friends.

And we didn't know who the friends were until a lot later on. And it turned out his little mates was Lewis Capaldi and Sting. Just casual. Just casual. Mental. So that was nice. And obviously,

because people just like the shit on us, I got told that, Rosie, you are going on very, very much towards the end of the second half. Yeah. After Sting. Straight after Sting. Straight after Sting.

Following Sting, following Special Guest Sting in the Northeast way Sting is from. Yeah. So I was like, Well, the first half of my song will be people going, eh, what the fuck is Sting? Like, because you could, once he's gone,

people would have been talking about a chucks. So I was like, I kind of re, I was like, fine. Yeah. Whatever. And then what happened was, do you want to explain, you were watching. Yeah, so I was watching. I was laughing so much because you walked out after Sting.

Sting walks off, the fucking room goes mental. Kelly's introducing you on. And everyone, everyone, they are lovely. Everyone did give you the respect, you know, people weren't getting up going to the toilet or leave and I phone and people. Because I was also. a surprise. You were also a surprise.

But not. Yeah, but you've got two names, which is rubbish. Oh, I know. Yeah, pathetic. Ugh, ick. So you walked out after Sting, and for some reason, Sting's entire team had fucking stripped the stage of all the microphones. And you walked out to sing a song while the music was playing,

getting ready to, you timed it so you would walk up and just grab the mic, and the fucking mic wasn't there. No, Mike for real. Rosie. I was laughing so much. It was lovely. But, so what happened was, normally in them situations

in a live situation, people are very much, you know, the sound guys, the tech guys are very much engaged with what's going on. But I think that kind of falls by the waist once Sting has finished. And I feel like all of them

were having a conversation going, fucking hell. I feel like everyone walked off with Sting. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a moment. Let's get me picture with Sting. Fuck Rosie.

I'm Stained her song. She'll just shout. Ash is loud. She'll just shout. so I just had to fill, what felt like nine minutes, I think it was only about 30 seconds. It wasn't that long, but as a, like, I knew exactly what you're going through,

and I was just like, and it's not like it's a theatre where you can shout. It's a fucking arena. Oh, God. Like I said this last night. It was so funny. Stuff happens all the time. I've been doing this for years, so you go out and you, if you don't have your mic,

or your mic's broke, you just, but usually it's a theatre, it's a much smaller of any way and going, my mic's broke, and someone will hear you. Or you can talk to the audience over the band. I, I started, doing the bloody grease.

They're pointing the fingers and all that. I've got them clapping. I thought, oh, I'll get them clapping. Yeah. Why? What took so fucking long to get me a mic? Sting was there? God, Jesus.

The fuck do you think you are? You don't get a mic? Sting is there? Yeah? Check yourself. Check your privilege. But yeah, thank you to Lou and Lorraine, who are the backing singers.

And Lorraine was like, Can somebody get Rosie and Mike? It was a fucking, prop a Georgie. It was a Georgie. It was a Jordy shout. It was a Jordy shout over the fucking. It was really funny.

And then. Lewis Capaldi was on towards the end Oh yeah Up until I wrote this down Tell them about you You had a moment Didn't you

I was pissed last night right And I was sitting I was sitting watching it I don't think that I think you would have still had this moment If you hadn't been pissed But yeah you were pissed Up until I've never seen him live before

Never met him until last night Lovely lad And I wrote this down pissed last night And I stand by it Up until now I wrote it in the past tense I knew I'd read it the day So I've written

Up until last night Hearing my children and say, Dad, for the first time was the best thing I'd ever heard until I heard Lewis Capaldi singing. Jesus Christ! I'm obviously joking. I don't think you are. You told me.

You literally said to me, you went, well, you wrote something down. Yeah. And it's huge. That's, what, sorry, Lewis Capaldi is better than you and your kids say, Dad. It was, listen, right? I don't, I've, I've never, never seen, never seen him live.

And that song, he did, what I fucking love about him as well. He turned up a one song. Sting the same. Turn up a one song. Did an acoustic, fucking message in a bottle. Yeah, do you hit. One of the biggest. Lewis Cabalbally turns up. What does he do?

Fucking you know what he does. Boom. Someone you love. Whack. Give the crowd what they want. Now, to the point where I have no emotional connection with that song. It's not linked to any person in my life, any moment in my life, funeral, anything like that. Honestly, I've heard it a lot. Dare I say it, it genuinely doesn't really mean anything it is.

To the point of way, he started it and I thought, I don't know what song this is when he fucking started singing when that kicked in I've never felt anything like it in me like if you've seen him live fair play to you you'll understand what I mean but it was just

I know I'm telling you I was watching I turned to the crowd I didn't know he was on I turned to the crowd and I was looking at some people and I was like I didn't know and they were like you did I was like I didn't and then by the end I had to cover me eyes from where they were because I was fucking bawling oh no but those tears

pissing down my face I was crying like I've never cried I tell you the only other thing that's made is cry like that you know that episode of Insigned Number 9 with Sheridan Smith that's the only that thing that's made me cry like her and I was like literally sobbing me fucking heart out to the point of where someone who he spoke to afterwards was at the side filming the crowd and filming it

and she like got the camera towards me and then she went like oh and she like moved her phone away and then she went are you all right but that's why he's done so well because there's only there's only a handful of people in the world who can actually do that and make you feel like that

and I think it's more powerful because his voice is amazing and he wrote it and I think recently with all of the troubles that he's had we watched the documentary and you know I totally sympathised with him but good on him

and I just, it's sad isn't it because we're in this world as well but we are two fucking cocky bastards who I don't know like it's I think it's sad because we were chatting about this yesterday now you can be an amazing thing but you're also having

have to have that other side of your personality which deals with the public. Yeah. And it's, it's mental because actually I feel like we're all going to possibly lose some incredible singer-songwriter because of the fame.

You've got to do more of that stuff as well, yeah. And I just want to go, yeah, guys, leave him the fuck alone because he's talented as fuck. We want him to keep making music. Just leave him alone. Let him get on with his life. Yeah. And like, we didn't end up chatting to him.

I wanted to say to him, buy a house in your hometown. Yeah. And go and stay there for half the year. Tell everyone you're back. and everyone will just be like, oh, he's just here. Like us in Shields, that's how we live our life in South Shields. Everyone knows we're here.

We'll go everywhere. We'll live our life dead normally. We'll go at the pub. We'll go to the fucking, I was at the Toby Carvery last week. We'll go at the Sainsbury's. We'll go everywhere and we'll live with. And everyone's just like, oh, yeah, they live here. Yeah.

And I don't know, sometimes I think these mega stars. And it's not their fault. They get put into this world where that is not normal anymore. And it must be so awful. Yeah. And it must be an absolute head fuck. but he's so talented. And he gets so nervous.

You could see how nervous he was. He gets like, I've seen the documentary, you know, I've seen stuff about when he gets so nervous, right? But I can't, someone like me,

feeling how I felt when he was singing last night, I can't get my head around the fact that he gets nervous. I know. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, but it's all relative

because my mates can't get over the fact that I get nervous. Well, I know, I know, and we all do. God, I was, when I went,

And in the matinee yesterday, when my mic was there, that was nice. Wow. I mean, Mouth? No, but my mouth. Dry. Yeah. The first show, I was terrible. My mouth, I was terrified. Yeah.

It is. It's very, very scary. Sorry, can I just say I'm not putting myself on the same pedestal as Louis Capaldi there. No, you were. You were. No, all I'm saying. No, you think you're as famous as him. No.

It's arrogant. It's all relative is what I'm saying. And like, I think every gig, any comedians out there, I think every gig is the one where I'll get found out. every gig is the one where they go hold on a second he's just fucking he's just talking and being a bit rude and talking shit he's just saying stupid stuff this is bollick like

I feel like that so my mates Jordan Sean they didn't know what I was like until can you remember a little while ago just before I announced the two of Sean drove us to home and I was in the back of the car going through my notes and I was like in the world they literally went we've never seen you like this

though like what the fuck is wrong with you and I was like it's going to be a disaster and they were like how's it going to be a disaster, you know what you're doing. And I'm like, well, blah, but that, that must, he, weirdly, he doesn't know how fucking good he is.

Mm-hmm, I know. Mad. But, I mean, that's quite a nice trait as well, though, isn't it? Probably why everyone loves him so much. Well, yeah, and he comes across. It comes across. He's just a genuine lad from a working class town and he's super talented, but...

I'm telling you right now. I don't say this lightly. It was an enema for the soul. Mm-hmm. I was just, whew. And as well, sorry, I was still talking about it, but he's a solo act as well. Yeah.

Which is terrifying? Yeah. Like, you know, give me a band any day. Look at me and you. When people are like, are you sick of working together? I'm like, no, because when we go and do a job together, I know that you've got me back. I mean, I did request the removal of your mic last night, but I was just...

Great. Did you tell Sting himself, did you? Oh, yeah. He ate you. He's not a fan of you. Fantastic. Oh, my God, I'm just... Oh, do you remember the change the running order quite quickly, though? So I was meant to go on before Sting And he was stood backstage

Yeah I went to you When are you on then? Because he seems to be getting ready You went oh I'm on before Sting I went oh that's much That's great I'm not kidding

I went for a piss I came back and you went I'm on after Sting I was like what the fuck No but the before Sting was also horrible Because he was stood backstage With everyone watching the show And I was like

Oh I just gotta sing for Sting now And I haven't sang for ages but anyway it'll be back in two years' time if you like tickets and I didn't who they're gonna get now God

I nearly sent to Matney I was like could you just like could we just have one of them this show and then keep them keep the other one for in two years time

hey Sting so listen Rosie doesn't want to go on after you so can you come back and two year talk about blowing your lord blown your fucking lord the two I'm like who's next yeah I don't know

I don't know they'll probably give me a ring Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo ba I've got a bit of gossip Not gossip, not about anybody But I was chatting some on yesterday Because obviously there was a lot of TV people there, radio people All that kind of stuff And somebody who worked on a crime programme

About catching, like true crimes like catching blokes Catching criminals Catching the crimeanils Actual criminals, right? They talked about. told me that often on these programmes, when they're looking for

somebody, like if it's like a bloke who's being awful, who he's wife or something like that, do you know they get hundreds of calls from women saying that it's their husbands? What? When it's not. Really? I swear to God, it blew my mind. I was like, what do you mean?

The amount of women who call and say, I think that's my husband, but no it's not. Just so that they'll get a call back and the husband shits their pants. What the fuck? I know. It was wild. What kind of crime is?

I don't understand. A bit like, so like, remember fucking, what was it, watchdog? When they're like looking for people, like looking for criminals. Crime stopers. Yeah, yeah. That's Watchdog.

Watchdog's way it's like... Scams. Yeah. Yeah. This pan isn't non-stick and the one gives me money back. It was my husband. He's the bastard.

He's always selling the wrong pans to people. What's the other one? Crime Stoppers. Was it crime stopers? I think something like. Anyway, yeah. So loads of people ring in and be like, I think that that's my husband.

Are you, sorry, are you the same as me? Do 999 Watchdog and Crime Watch and Crime Watchers. Are they all the same in your head? All the same. Same set. Same people host and everything. They all just meld into one of you head. All the same.

Was it Crime Watch UK? Oh, it was brilliant, whatever it was. Just lots of blurry CCTV. It's just Instagram now. Yeah, yeah, of course it is. Yeah, of course it is. Yeah, yeah. Wow, so they'll phone up just to get, to get the call back,

but your wife phoned saying that you're wronging. I know. Wow. Very interesting. Actually, but now, I was only thing I fully, fully digested it when I got told yesterday, and I thought, oh, that's juicy, so I wrote it down. But now I'm like, oh, that's sad. Yeah, it just feels really sad, actually.

Oh, good. Yeah, well done. Listen, tell you what's sadder. So from the dizzy heights of the arena gig last night to my two are started, thank you so much to Edinburgh, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeenstein. with the first three days, absolutely phenomenal. Thank you so much to everyone who came. Thank you particularly to my taxi driver from Aberdeen.

Oh, you've been waiting to tell me about this for days. The Aberdeen Hotel to the airport. Now, just the other day in London, we had a taxi driver who was talking to it. He asked what we did and we said what we did. And these exact words were, hey, gosh, why have I never heard of you? Who's exact words? Which is quite a nice way to say it. But I quite, you know, you often get told that people,

haven't heard of you or they've done what you do and that's absolutely fine i don't recognize you it's a big world there's a lot of people doing there's a lot of stuff going on there's it you know you've got your algorithm even if you're not in any kind of thing we do your algorithm not even push anything towards you except right you might not listen to watch a tv whatever whatever it's always fine vera aka brenda bethel yesterday i've done sundayvassami with her for approximately 10 years yeah and she said yesterday what what do you do nice and i said i do a podcast And she went, all right, okay. And I thought, I love that.

I kind of love that. But was she, was she a bitch about it? No. Exactly. She's a lovely woman. So, I got the greatest, the greatest, never heard of you from a taxi driver in Aberdeen. Okay.

So I get in the taxi. First of all, he's going, he's going, sit in the front. And I went, oh, can I sit in the back? He went, yeah, yeah, but it's better if you sit at the front. Oh, no, it's not. Why? I went, why is it better if I sit in the front? He went, someone can talk easier.

I went, I'll sit in the back. Absolutely right. Sorry, I'm so busy. I've kind of haven't got time for this taxi. I'd have shut the door and left. So it's an absolute nightmare to get taxis in Aberdeen. Someone explained it to us. People from Aberdeen listening, you'll know why.

There's a sign in the hotel that says fucking good luck. Like, we can't get your taxis. It's mental and I don't know why. Okay. Something to do with some licensing, short trips versus long trips. I don't know. Anyway, so I'm going to the airport. So anyway, we'll book it.

We'll get it in a night. And he stands there and he goes, yeah, get in the front. And I go, no, and I get in the back. And he went there. So you've just been up for a couple of days? I went, oh, I was Edinburgh, guys, go, Abidian, I'm going to London. Oh, right, okay. What you're going out of London for?

Oh, I've got a show. Oh, can I ask what it is? Can I ask what it is? Yeah, you do? What is it? What is it that you do? I said, oh, I'm a comedian. And he was, people watch on the video. You'll see this a lot better. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to lean off to the left

because he was driving and he looked at the center console, where the phone was with my name on for the booker, right? I swear to the fucking God he did this, right? I went, oh, I'm a comedian. You're not a comedian? And he leant over like that. He set a console and he looked at the phone. Still do it in the mic?

He leant over, sorry, this is not a console. He looked at the phone. And then he went, Mald how do you? Fucking, Rosie, it came from his fucking toes. Like, it was, it was so fucking, fucking, exaggerating.

It was the best one I've ever had. Never heard ye. Never heard ye. Easily a five second long sentence. That just fucking from the depths of his stomach, from the soul. And I was just in the back. What did you say?

I went, that's fine. It was fucking silence. Silence, right? Silence. And then he went, so wait, I'm going to tell the whole thing. Because he couldn't, he fucking wanted to put us down and he just couldn't, right? And he went, um...

Louis Capolini needs to get in his cab. Oh, fucking, I swear to God, right? He's fucking love him. That's the fucking ironic thing. So he goes, oh, um, so are he off to, I went, I'm on, I'm on two at the minute. I'm going, oh, so where are you? I'm going, oh, so where I'm going, I've got Warwick next and Brighton in a field place. I'm doing a podcast on my...

And he went, ah, yeah, still looking for that big break, are you? Hey, fucking hell, pal. What have I done? Is this because I didn't sit in the front? run. Why are you so pissed off? Yeah, he's raging. I normally don't do this, but you went there. Oh, God, what did you see? It's fine. He went, you're still looking for a big brick, are you?

And I went, I've had me fucking big break, mate. And he went, have you? And I went, fucking rights I have like that. And I was just sitting there saying, because it was a little bit annoying, right? And then there was silence for a long time. What did you use as your big break? He didn't ask what it was. He didn't ask what it was. What would you have said?

And then he, you made me, my wife had a fucking world records for a podcast. We're sold out of you two with a podcast. We're fucking, you know, I've got, well, we've got, at one point one of the biggest podcast in Europe I mean you know like

fucking Yeah but he's never heard you um then right and I don't do this often please don't think I'm arrogant

but he was really doing my titan right and then this was the best bit he went where were you last night and I went oh I was your music call

he went was there many in I went oh it was sold out he went ah and then we got on the I don't know why

he had a vendetta against us again next time I'll just sit in the fucking front because I was I was beating the fuck I was right we went past the arena Aberdeen Arena

and I could see him in his mirror he couldn't as but no no he went he went see that he went that's the arena that's big that's a big venue that I went you have sold it out twice

and he just went and he like sort of grimaced and he just drove and the rest of the driver was in silence wow he was fucking like he couldn't have it

he was like I'll have you and I was like I'm gonna bring you down honestly I was like it was like a boxing match I was like jab jab jab jab parry

and it was horrible Honestly Oh bless you I was like Text and call At the same time I'm going I forgot the best one

I was like This is the best No I tell you what I think it's good You need a bit of that Every now and again Like we're saying I think

Like people Who get a bit Above their stations Yeah yeah Need These are good telling I'm never I wasn't upon me station

No I know I know I know I know Well this is This is the irony It is You don't really go on

Like that But yeah Oh God bless you It was funny. Hey, you know, you don't know what happened in his day or in his life. I wouldn't mind Scotland. Fucking love Scotland. Oh, talking is wrong.

The best gigs we've ever had in our careers of being in Scotland. He was the worst person I met in Scotland. Everyone else was amazing. Don't tar all the Scots for the same. No, no, he was top of the shit heap. Everyone else was absolutely banging. Yeah, of course, of course. That's funny.

Oh, bless you. But in, in contrary, what's it, in the guy, The black cab in London, the guy who only listened to BBC Radio 4, he was lovely. Yeah, he's very lovely. He put we down, but in a lovely way. Very Radio 4 way.

Yeah, very, well, there you go. Rubs off on him, didn't it? But then, yeah, but then slagged off by him, and I got on the plane, and then I'm sitting next to her. And then Jack's there. Do you visit us? Jack, who listens?

It's fine. You can't be everyone's cup of tea. No. That's what I've learned. Yes. I've learned that people, here it is, but a lot of people love us, and I'm fine with that.

But I love, there's loads of people I love, but there's people I have fucking hate. I follow them on Instagram and I can't bear them, but I watch what they do. And you would never comment and tell them. But I would never tell them. There it is. Nah, never ever.

There it is. Nah, I was lovely a sting last night. It's not an Instagram. No, he's not, is he? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. It's time for what you be. Never!

That's going to follow me around for quite some time now. I was dying to tell you. I feel like it might be a new feature. Our new section, I feel like we might have to Try and make a section out. Let's have a buzz meeting after this, eh? Do you mean a brainstorm? I don't think you're allowed to say a brainstorm anymore.

Okay, buzz meeting's not a thing. Is it not? Is it not? Is it a buzz meeting? I don't know. Does it a buzz meeting? Let's have a meeting of brains and just we'll thrash it out.

There is. What are you ruining it for? Let's just having little work after this. Honestly, I can't tell if you're talking about work or you want to have sex. I can't tell. Oh, God. Let's have a buzz meeting.

Let's thrash it out. Is you coming onto us? Do you remember trying to have sex with me last night? Nah. You did? You did? It was 2 o'clock in the morning. I went,

I have had the longest day of my life. I can't believe you, tell everyone, then I can't believe it! Oh, God! I can't believe you tried. I am. Honestly, I mean...

A happily married man who's attracted to his wife, so fucking... Well... Strike me down. Yeah, I know, but you'd been on a jolly. I'd been at work.

That's like, getting a paramedic to come in from a 12-hour shift going, oh, come on. No? Sorry, so you're saying a day that you did. You're saying a day that you did in the arena. Shmoosing and not know about what staying in his loose quality

was exactly the same as being a paramedic. Do you know what I? Just say that again. Just click that up. Any press listening, just click that up. I think that when my mic wasn't on that stage, I've lost minutes off my life. Minutes of panic.

My cortisol. Oh, there it is. My cortisol went through the roof. Just everyone knows. Everyone in Scotland, you already know this if you've seen the show, but you, you, I can't wait for you to see my two or you're getting dealt with you, like.

Do you mention cortisol? Oh, I tell you what, you're getting fucking, you are, you are getting dealt with. I'm dreading this show. You, I think you just fucking slag us off the whole way through. Yeah. Is it real? Yeah. Really.

No, you've got a section. You've got a section, I'll be honest. Well, anyway, let's have beefs. There's a beef section. Right, I'm going to go with you first. I'm going to go straight away. I'm going to jump in here. Right.

You're going first. Yeah. Well, fuck you, go. Mm. My beef with you is, I can't remember at what point you said this, but I wrote it down on your phone the other day, but you just looked at me at one point

and said, I wish you would put some weight on. Well, I kind of do. I kind of do. My metabolism that you've been gifted with is seething, seething. This leads quite nicely in my beef, actually.

No, you just always trim. And I see you every day eating an egg sandwich with cheese on and that. And I'm there with me buying an egg and I'm still like... Can I tell you? I don't want to talk about me weight

because it's all I talk about. Can I tell you? What? No, no, you talk about periods as well. Can I tell you? By the way, I've come up with a new podcast idea that I might do on my own when I'm sick of doing this.

Right. I want to do a podcast. I'm putting it out in the universe. I want to do a podcast about real housewives, periods, like weight and stuff just like talking about men. Right. Men are pigs.

Men are pigs. Men aren't allowed on. No men allow. No tidalers. Got my title. No tidalers allowed. Great. Great. Good. My beef with you is, last week, I was very poorly. Never got a chance to actually just sort of relax and get better because life and work and we had to go to London and we've got kids and you can't just go to bed.

I was very poorly, right? I looked after you. I know. This is not me beef. This is not me beef. Oh, okay. The beef is, why are you smiling like that? like a weirdo.

Because I knew I'd done a good thing. No, you did. You look out, yeah, you're nice. You're a nice guy. God. Don't tell everyone, man. You're nice guy. What do you want?

What do you want? I'm married you for God's sake. She literally just said you're going to do a podcast called men are pigs. I'm honest with you. I'm getting mixed fucking signals of. No, okay, right. No title has allowed. Men are pigs, not all men.

Right. Thank you. But in the current state of affairs, men are pigs. Yes, I know. It's upset. Men are pigs. And there's only one person in prison at the minute. And she's a fucking woman.

off all of that stuff Riddle me this Yeah okay I understand What Sorry Yeah Why is why is one one woman in prison

You're talking Muggerley Maxwell I'm talking about Galilee Maxwell Who is a pig But at the same time Where's all the men Yeah In prison with her Oh

Bring them down Bring the tyranny down on them all Fuck them Take all the money away And lock them up And I don't want to get sued So everything that they've done Is alleged currently right now

There it is There it is Pigs listen, me beef with you is I'm shitting me part of something you're not a pig, you're lovely then this is, right, okay, because this is a public platform

and everyone listens, I know lovely men and not all men are pigs right. Squeeze me hands with you. No, you're a lovely man and hey, there's a lot, we're talking about the Epstein Files obviously there's a lot of men who aren't on them

who wanted nothing to do with them and you know, those are the people who I think, well done. Anyway, listen. Yeah. My beef with you. I was ill last week.

didn't get it from the outside world. I don't think, because I'm very careful. I sanitised 24-7, wash my hands. We wiped down the tables and all that. I didn't get from the kids. They weren't poorly. Guess it would be poorly the week before me? That would be you.

You brought the disease in our house. Where did you get it? I'm telling you right now, you got it at a cuddle club. You got that at cuddle club because you're in close proximity to other men, germs, all that. So you were a bit of another. the weather. Cut a club being

Brazilian Jersey by the way thus you gave it to me. Okay. Problem.

Since COVID everyone now seems to believe that you can track every single germ you get to its point

of origin. You fucking can it. Right fair enough There's used to say stupid stuff on the news like there's been one outbreak

in New Zealand they've got one case and they've tracked it down to it down to an elevator button I know the fucking shit

tracking it down to an conspiracy theorist because I have gone to down a very dangerous rabbit hole. Oh, your algorithms mentally at the minute.

Yeah. You're going to, you are one click away from being a flat earth. Guess where it is? Right. It's in the Epstein files. Great. That just means it's mentioned in an email.

No. No. It's mentioned in a very, very just way of like, let's start this. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly.

It's fucking there. Well, um... Cuts. Good. Well. Allegedly. Well, um, I will not apologize.

I'll not apologize because I could have caught that anyway. You could have, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, who are you? You could have caught a smaller version of that cold, right? Give it to me, I could have sort of, it could have hit my, you know, my incredibly fine-tuned athletic body. And I could have then made it worse, and then I could have ended up giving a different strain of it, back to you. I've got to come back. We, we, we, in the last 10 years, we, we, we have only caught colds, sickness books, from our children.

Right. Not the outside world. We have not. We have not. We have not. We brought this. You brought this in our home. You can't prove it. I'm not bothered. You can't prove it. I'm just saying.

No. Never heard of it. Keep your monkey dirty germs, wrestling germs to yourself. What to be for me? Can't imagine it. Already done it. What was it? You said you orders to put some weight on.

Oh yeah. You've fucking lost your mind. You've lost your mind. You've fucking gaslighting yourself. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo babadoo babadoo babadababababababababababababab public. As always, if you'd like to touch it, it's shagmoud and auditjimil.com for your emails and for your WhatsApp's the number is on the episode description. Write it down. If you don't, I'm going to have to for next week.

There's only two phone numbers I know. Mine and the police. Are you going to say mine? I don't know yours. I mean the actual police, not sting I did say hello last night but I didn't get his number. Somebody, someone has sold my number

and I'm raging about it. Yeah, you're getting, yeah. Yeah, I'm seething. I've put it into a website somewhere and someone sold it because I keep getting dodgy phone calls and dodgy emails. Did you tick the box? You probably didn't tick the box.

Or did it double fuck you? You know the box? It's like, if you do not wish to receive marketing from our third parties. Yeah, but sometimes the go... It says, tick this and you'll not. So sometimes they go, if you don't not want tonight, maybe not, yes, receive the marketing from third parties. Don't uncheck this box if you wouldn't rather like to not do it.

Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. Why do you want to unsubscribe? I just fucking do. I'm not giving me a reason. Are you sure? Why are you breaking up with me? Listen, we've done with beasts which were awful and we're not very nice.

we talk about X quite a lot We've had some reverse X from the public And it's just nice actually to hear like For those who don't know Sorry didn't know there Rosie For those who don't know the reverse X It's basically a turn on but an odd turn on And I've coined it reverse Ike

Because I just find it's fascinating Yeah they're all from women Good Just basically gives you a little bit sort of We still like you's Right Okay, might not always show if it would do Hi Chris and Rosie

I've just had to pause this week's podcast Friday the 13th just to give you what I think is a reverse ick now I I love to swear probably one of the reasons

I love to listen to your podcast and I make it quite well known that I swear but sometimes when I'm around men and a man swears in front of me and he looks and he apologises because there's clearly a lady present

and he's like, oh, sorry. And I'm like, oh, it's fine, it's fine. But, like, before I would have just called someone a dickhead. So I find, I think it's like, I don't know, what's the opposite word of misogyny? Shivalry. Shivalry, that's the one. It's the chivalry.

I can't like with Rosie and the door opening. I get it. So, yeah, I just like it when men. and think I'm a lady, and I'm not. That's really good. Nice, isn't that? That's really good. True.

This brings me on, so I wasn't going to do a Carl update here, but this brings me on perfectly something Carl wrote in the WhatsApp. Have I told you this? No. So Carl. Space for everything. Yes. Come on.

So Carl on tour is a wild man. I'll get off stage and you'll have the dressing room full of ice, the sink. Not the whole dressing room. The dressing room sink will be full of ice and they have beers in it. I might be as well So do you know Have I not told you what he says before we go on

So you know he calls himself Drinkman No I didn't know So I said if you're a superhero You'd be Drink Man Because he's just really Like there's no one on this earth Who can chill a lager better than Quick on him call alright

It's a good skill So instead of saying You fancy couple of beers after the gig tonight Do you know what he actually says He looks at the eye And he says Will you be requiring the services Of Drink Man this evening?

Just a couple of gimpst you're in the country I swear to God So years ago, right? Years ago, I've got to get me forward to read this other. Years ago, we were on tour and we went to where apologies of I told this on the podcast.

I don't think I have. Years ago on tour, we went to Birmingham, Malmaison after a gig. We walked in, checking in. And in the lobby was a comedian called Chris Stokes, Milton Jones,

and Nish Kumar were in the lobby of the hotel staying in the same hotel as us. And that never happens. We were like, oh, he's fucking shit. So we started getting on it. Carl had already been drinking while I was on stage.

He was quite pissed. And at the end of the night, after I have three or four beers, Milton Jones goes, I'm going to get a little whiskey nightcap for everyone. Who wants one? And Carl was like, and I went, don't. I was like, Carl, don't have one. Give him a flat coke. No, but I remember Nish and Milton, especially looking at us going,

look at all, he runs a tight ship. He's bloody telling his support. That he can't drink. What a bastard, do you know what I mean? I was like, lads, you don't know what? he's like he can't handle it when he hits a if he has a whiskey he's going to be unbearable tomorrow he's going to be it's going to push him over

the edge get Milton gets him one of his Milton Jones lovely man gets him one anyway don't listen to him Carl the given one Carl goes up to his bed and I hear the next morning that this is what happened oh Jesus Christ he goes in the lift he goes straight up he walks in his room he opens the door with a key the door closes behind him he walks to the foot of the bed

he falls face first onto the bed he sleeps on top of the bed fully clothed with his bed backpack on I didn't do this like a fucking turtle

oh no with his backpack on what pisses the bed oh god does he want you telling people this

yeah yeah it's fine I'll check after I'm 99% sure it's fine piss the bed so now this is now known on the tour

as turtling because you now we've got Reese on the tour who's my tour manager and me and Carl and Reese are in a WhatsApp group together

and Also, Lucia, who is the second to her manager, she does all the text. So she gets there and sets all the stuff up earlier on. Oh, poor Lucia. So she's in the group as well. And I said to call, I was like, fucking, I rang him. I was like, look, Lucia's in the group as well,

but don't really know how that well yet. Yeah. She's fucking cool. She's dead lovely. She's not in on the jokes yet. She went to uni with Anya Magriano. She's good friends with her. She's really cool, really funny.

But I was like, just be careful in the WhatsApp group, because we don't know it yet, you know. Be professional. so Carl is we're drinking after the Glasgow he's not an inappropriate person though Carl no no he's just he was not like he wouldn't say anything no no no and it's not offensive I know but you know this is this is what I was talking

boy it's boy chat boy chat is exactly the best way of so Glasgow we have a couple of drinks after the show and he's sitting talking to me and Reese Lucia's gone Steve who books me to her he's gone and the three we're just sitting there and Carl's telling a story and halfway through

stuff like that He just stops off here through the story and goes, I'm sorry, I can't remember what I was saying. And I looked at the reason, I went, bedtime, so we go to bed. Next morning, I get this is an, I wake up to this in the group. Off call. Passed out, but didn't we anything. We'll call that one-one.

Slept on top of the bed, still made with all my clothes on. But I'm in the gym now. See you all for breakfast at about 9.30 if anyone's about. Second message. And I've just remembered you're in this group grouply cheer. Apologies for being so vulgar. Poor Lucia. He's a fucking minute.

Oh no. Pua lucia. If you took his backpack off, that's awful that like... The backpack ones are me isn't there? That's dirtland. During the next morning, I ran around the hotel breakfast. As soon as I saw Milton, I ran up and I went, Milton, just so you know, I wasn't being an asshole.

Carpissed the bed last night off that whiskey you gave him. So I was right. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babo, bab. Right, okay, listen, I've got a couple of more reverse eggs. Ready? I'm just listening to last week's episode about the reverse X and immediately I knew I had to send you a voice note because this is probably quite specific to my boyfriend

but he looks a lot like a lumberjack. He's got a long beard, he wears checked clothing and at Christmas it's the best thing I've ever seen. We go and pick up our Christmas tree and when it's all wrapped up in its netting he carries it to the car on his shoulder and it's amazing.

He looks incredible. There you go. I absolutely love that. For anyone else carrying a Christmas tree like that, maybe a bit of ekey, but for her, whoo. Wow. She loves it. Right, yeah's another one.

Wow. Nice, yeah. I love that. Hey, Chris and Rosie. I'm just listening to today's episode. Something that I find sexy is when, like, a guy's brushing their teeth and they have their hand up on the wall. I don't know why, but that is just, that really does it.

Hopefully, Rosie agrees with me, but I think Chris might think it's a little bit weird. I can get it I can get that I agree I agree you were doing something the other day

and you had your bum out but it was but it was nice it was like a nice thing and I thought oh all right I can't remember what you were doing

but you weren't like running around with your socks on that you were doing something quite like maybe as you were brushing your teeth oh no

was it was between four and five what my bum out oh my bum out it was bum out of you need to get rid of that the kids are getting older

now you can't be having your bum out of I said don't be don't you tell me how to live my life um you got any more

because Daisy gave me a few of the idea as well I've written them down. Okay, go on then. Daisy's got great. We'll leave the, we'll do more. Thank you, by the way, for all your WhatsApp.

These are brilliant. Keep them coming, you know. We'll get through them. We'll get through them. We'll get through them. Thank you. So when we went down to London to record, please get me anonymously.

I did Daisy, our wonderful producer was in the room with us and she said, oh, Chris, I've written down a couple of reverse X for you. Oh, nice. So she said, so you know how I said the one about,

the one I'd seen on the Russell Kane show years ago where they put the hand behind the thing. Yeah, I'm going to look mean, Daisy. I think I've got similar sort of taste in life. So, you know, steering, using the steering wheel, but just doing the one hand wax on, wax off. Like a shh. I used to like that, but now I think I'd be like, with you,

I'll go, 10 and two! Yeah, yeah, well, you tell me, when we're driving the motor, where you tell me to put both my hands on the wheel, which is really upsetting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so okay, maybe not. Not using the sat nav. She finds it incredibly attractive. So she says she'll be in the car with a fella,

and she'll go, oh, we're going to such and such and such, I'll put it in the sat. And he goes, you don't even put in the sand, I know where it is. And he gets straight away and she's just like, oh. Right, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah, no, yeah. You take me where I'm going and don't have to look where it is. Yeah, yeah.

Imagine, an ick would be stopping to ask for directions. That would be the ick, I imagine, yeah. This one's really specific. And I hope I can describe it properly. Obviously, anyone watching the video, you'll just be what I do. A bloke taking his t-shirt off with one hand from the back.

From the back of the collar. Oh, my man. And I know what it is, that makes it sexy. It's like he's getting a sword out. We're just feral, really, aren't we? Yeah, we are. We're just fucking medieval. Medieval.

You're just medieval wenches, aren't you? Yeah, fuck it. Yeah. You want the knights to come to your village and slay the dragon and ravage you, didn't you? It's all you just want. No. You do, man.

No. You do, I've read your diary, you do. I want to be winding down first. I couldn't live in them times. Oh, horrible. We've just started watching. what are called? Night of the Seven Kingdoms.

It's amazing. Oh, it's good. But they'll stink. And I can't watch something. Yeah, we go. If there's a set scene, I'm going to be really sad because I just know that it'll stink

and it's muddy. And watching them walk around with long cloaks on in the mud and that. Oh, God. I don't like wearing flares when it rains, man. Rosie, I told you,

I've started wearing waterproof golf trainers to pick the kids up from school when it's raining because I don't like it. How dare you? What? Slag off. Like the coat, the dry robes. When you wear waterproof golf shoes,

you're just normal day life. Well, of course, I'm a gigantic hypocrite. You know this. Well, I know. I slag off what I don't like and I do with you. Anyone listen to this? You know my mantra is do as I say, not as I do. Yeah, I can't know what I was going to say.

Oh, great. Oh, did she go to bed? Hello, the Ramses, hope you the boys and fucking Sandra are well. She is, well. That's that what it says? That's what it says. She's got all the cousins the day, so she's there. She has.

She'll be sick of our life once she comes to drop them. I can see them now. I think they'll probably be making a fort in the living room. They'll have their boxes on. Strip off at my mams. It's weird. Class. They love being naked at my mom.

Feral boys. Yeah, it's mint. Right. Long time listener, first time email her. I'm on my second listen through, and I've got the episode, where the... Wow, thank you. Wild, thank you.

Oh, you're a geophysicist, though. Awkward. I've got to the episode where the cheeky saw took the shopping basket from the supermarket and took it home with him. Yes.

My boss has blown that out of the water. He went to Costco recently for the Christmas big shop and couldn't be asked to bag up his hall. No. Instead, he took the massive trolley they have

and decided to wheel the entire lot up the week. wheelchair ramp on his van and took it home. Wow. I'm, I'm, I'm so impressed. Yeah, I know. I'm not even, I'm not even angry. What would have, would you get arrested for that?

No, would it be worth their time? They've got, you, you'll be on CCTV, that have you a reg. Would they even notice? It's fucking wild Western cost. And at Christmas, isn't he in the queues? Them bloke's on the way. to check your receipts upset me no end.

Why do they? I've got no idea. Is it easy to rob? Let's find out. You can take the trollies by the sounds of things. Tell you what, though, I always get to get. Costco is one of them places where I've never walked in really nonchalantly. Because I just know at any minute, they could be like, what's your business?

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? What shot do you own? What's your small business? Yeah. Why are you here? I'm like, oh, I've just got a limited company. Why do you need this much millionaires?

I don't. Madam, why do you need a barrel of beans? But then, once you get in, once you're over that, your heart raise goes down, and then I love looking around the shop going, I wonder what they own. Yeah?

I want, like, we've got 19 loaves of bread. What do they do for 11? I think they are professional pigeon feeders. Sandwich. Well done. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Hello, I was just listening in episode 320. I'm a bit behind.

We shared a story of a dad who would come in straight after bedtime and ask the children what they would do if there was a fire, or was the fire guy. Yeah, what would you do? I'm going to do. Giving them different scenarios. I had to tell Robin the other day, if he's up in his room and he starts to choke, I was like, you have to come downstairs.

Because that child keeps putting random shit in his mouth. Yeah. He's just, he chew, so he chews on plastic things. I'm always a chewer. I chewed everything. We know, we've discussed this on. Yeah, it's your fault. Love the good chew. Yeah. We have an episode called A Good Chew or something, yeah. Yeah. Inside a bottles, the glue from the, you know, the, um, I used to

chew glue. That was on chewing gum packets. The irony. I used to finish the chewing gum and then I would scrape the glue off from around the packet and chew on that. Oh, mental. I think I'm not well. When delivered in song, takes the edge off. Yeah, well, I've never been well. Never been well.

It explains a lot. If you have spent some of your childhood chewing glue, it does explain a lot about your knowledge and information retention in later. of life. Yeah, Pringle lid. Pringle's lid. Such a good chew. Used to be. The guy on about

microplastics and that now, you fucking... Oh, I'm fucked. Yeah. You've been swallowing that shit for years. Yeah. Yeah, literally.

Right, I never swallowed it. I was sparring out. Listen. What was he chewing the other day? Yoshi's foot. From his brother's toy. Yeah. So that'll be fun.

That's gonna be fun. That's gonna be fun when race is. I'll go upstairs and throw that away. I'll go upstairs and throw that away. I can't be honest with that. Right. You then asked. as in us, if anyone else had times their parents' desire for safety had traumatised them.

My childhood house had a fire door for the kitchen that would slam itself shut. Awful. I know, I hated. Like a student accommodation. Yeah, I lived in a flat once that had them and I was just sad. I did and I bought, oh, I stole door wedges from comedy clubs and used to put them in me flat. What, right, no, right, yeah, no, he's here, we've got him. He's here, we've got him.

Get him. Get him. Put him next plane. Take us away. Take us away. I'm using your joke, yeah, yeah, yeah, good, yeah. Plagiarism.

Yeah, because I remember the ones, I got plastic ones from the shop and they skidded across the line over. Too heavy. While I was in the comedy club and there was rubber ones like smushy rubber ones and they did quite well.

Was that the big horrible, soulless apartment that you lived in when I met? No, it was one before that. Oh, it's horrible that apartment. Yeah. Really didn't like it. Sorry about that.

Right. My parents were worried about it's ever put, our fingers in the door hinge area and it's slamming shut. Yes, of course. Wush, that would lose some fingers. So, the way our dad taught us not to put our fingers there

was to get a carrot. I knew you're going to say a carrot. I fucking knew you're going to say a carrot. And tell us to imagine it was our finger. He'd open the door, put the carrot in the hinge, let the door slam shut

and make us watch as the carrot got cut in half. Oh my God. Then told us that that would be our finger if we ever put it in there. Again, Again, is that the kind of thing I would do? 100%.

We probably should, because I hate hearing door slams in our house. Are you aware of how I told Robin about what getting hit by a car would feel like? No. What would it feel like? Well, I was just, like, pushing him, but going, imagine this a thousand times harder. Right. That would literally, I was just shoving him. Like, I could sum up for this over.

And I was like, you walk in front of the car. I was like, you're probably kidding. And I was like, shoved him. I was like, did that hurt? He was like, a little bit. I was like, now imagine I'm a metal car. I'm going 30 mile an hour. He didn't get it.

We need to show them some 90s adverts. Bring them back. Yeah. They stopped me from running. Like, yeah, we'll find some on YouTube. Also, quickick in India, and this is one that we've said before, but it just needs telling again.

When you go on holiday, and there are men in just their speedos and a top with a bulge peeking out from under the top looking like a toddler. Yeah, awful. Awful. We've never done that one. I think we have?

I don't think we have. Well, me and you have talked about it. Speedos. With a T-shirt. Yes. Vile. Absolutely disgusting. Saggy arses.

I don't want to be ages because it's coming to a hole. But old men's saggy arses just, it's not the one, is it? Speeders and a T-shirt is the worst look. I know. It is the worst look. Put some shorts on. Even like short shorts are better than... Yeah.

And don't get me wrong, right? I think Speedos in that round a swimming pool, absolutely fine. It's a swimming. You know, everyone's got their bikinis on. No, but when you... We went some... Where did we go in Kefalonia last year? with my mom and Kate.

There was a park of Gavilonia that was so lovely. It was like the port. I can't remember the name. I'm so uncultured. I can't even remember it. We were sat outside a lovely bar having a glass of wine

and just the amount of men walking past in their little t-shirts and their fucking arse is out. It's disgusting. Hair and pubs. I'm like, I'm having a drink. Well, blokes don't do there. Bikini line.

No, it's not a thing they do. So yeah. It's disgusting. I'm going to go on record here about Speedos and other brands of fucking Lycrae, swimable Y fronts are available. The reason

they wear them in the Olympics is because the shorts will slow them down. You'll take micro seconds or seconds off, whatever. Put some fucking shorts on. You don't need to be that streamlined in the fucking water. And what is your life that you need that much of a fucking tan?

Oh, sorry, I need the area just to the left of me gooch tanned, please. I'm telling you right now. Get some shorts on. The older I get, I'm not sitting in the sun anymore. No. I'm going to, you know we go on holiday this year. I'm going to take me fake tan with us

and I'm going to put it on one night. Tell you what, tell you what? Why don't you stay at home and we'll save on a flight? No, I'm, I still like to be abroad. I like,

I like to feel warm. I'm just not sitting in the sun because it just fucks your skin. My mom hardly sits in the sun and she looks absolutely great. Everyone thinks she looks amazing. So I'm going to do the same. Well, there we go.

Yeah. And I'll be in the sun. I'm going to go thong. I'm going to go thong. I'm going to go thong. The sad thing is, men look better. I'm going to go thong.

You've got a lovely bum. Really want the inside of my ass cracked hand. Right. Really thing. Do you remember that was a thing once? What? I had a weird...

Because you know how they were talking about, you know, the Epstein things and they're talking about allegedly eating babies and all this stuff. Can you remember for a while? Because you know, because you often think like these really over famous rich people do mad stuff

for health benefits and was it something like that? But also... Probably. Also, can you not remember when people used to... There was a thing where they were tanning their anus there was a thing where in LA they were all going out on the hills

and they were bending over and like opening their ass at the sun and tanning their ringpiece and it was something about getting vitamin D and you better it would get in your ass quicker Well no people bleached their asshole I'm telling you they were tanning their assholes It was literally like fucking on the hill

next to the Hollywood sign Legs of Kimbo get your Gucci in your asshole lovely golden brown Oh well yeah I'm telling you it was a thing I've never had a tan funny Like, it's always right.

Booker list, go on the bucket list. Right, it might look quite nice. There we go. Cheers. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. You're definitely going to pull that out of the bad. That's going to live with me for quite some time now. Anytime you try to tell me anything.

Yeah. Or, you know, put your bloody stand in this house. That's going to come out. Fantastic. Fantastic. Thank you for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagmarine. We're bloody love you and just thank you for being there

It's absolutely class I just want to echo that Thank you so, so much for being here and being part of this If you want to get in touch Obviously shagmogdoidnaudatjima.com Is the email address

The phone number It's on the episode I'm having time busy I've got too much geophysicist It's stuff in my brain The number will push some of that out And it's very important

The world is very heavy right now Yes And we'll hope you're all right Yes I hope we'll bring you a little bit of there Light Relief Light relief? Not in a wanking way.

Don't, don't. Or maybe in a wanking way. Why not? If people want to wank to this, I don't mind. Absolutely wrong. Just don't tell them. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Fuck. I don't know.