Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 1. Three’s a crowd, four’s a chore

Episode Date: February 15, 2019

In the first episode of Sh**ged Married Annoyed, Rosie and Chris discuss their weekly beef, answer some risqué questions from Instagram and they hear from Ed Sheeran who needs an answer to an ongoing domestic debate. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello. You're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with Chris and Rosie Ramsey. Hello indeed. This is episode one. Thank you very much for listening to the trailer. You all seem to enjoy that, so fingers crossed you're going to enjoy this just as much.

Coming up, we are going to chat to each other. Obviously, we're going to talk about life, talk about the grievances in life, and we're going to answer some questions from Instagram that, I'll be honest with you, some of them are a little bit too revealing. Just a little bit, yeah. Yeah, and we've got a celebrity question as well. Ooh. Indeed. If you enjoy them, please subscribe and tell all your mates, will you?

Tell all of your friends. And without further ado, here is the absolutely cracking jingle that Rosie thought of and did and made. Thank you. Yeah, here it is. Do you know it's number one in 50 countries? What? Yeah.

We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Jingle. Chris. What's up? First episode. Yeah. Are you excited? I am indeed, are you?

I am. Well, welcome to Shag Married Annoyed. If you're listening for the first time, yeah, you're all listening for the first time. It's the first episode! It's the first one! Oh God, it's going to be a long half an hour. We've got an advert if you've heard that, but well done. So we thought we'd start with three W's.

Who, where, why? All right, okay. Hey, who are you? Whom I am, Rosie Ramsey, thank you very much. I'm a full-time mother. Part-time podcaster. Part-time podcaster now. Oh my God, is this my job?

Shut up, have I got a job? You're a podcaster congratulations doesn't pay much well done you i'm buzzing happy yeah thank you oh get in i've got a job mate finally no i am in well i'm an actress and a singer and i used to present on the radio thank you and now i'm a... I'm a mom, I've mentioned that. Yeah, you've mentioned it. Repeating it.

What do you do? Who are you? Who is this guy? I'm a stand-up comedian and do a bit of presenting, some writing, I rap in the shower. Wow.

So it's good. I'm stand-up and you're my lovely wife and here we are doing our podcast. We are in the house. Where are we? We are in the northeast of England in our house

because that's where we live. Because if we lived in London, we wouldn't have the size house that we do. Wouldn't be able to afford microphones for this. Absolutely not. Although we would

and we'd go to the shop and we'd go, can I have a microphone? And the guy would go, what mate? I can't understand you. And I'd go, can I have a microphone?

I'd still be there now. Can I have a microphone, mate? Governor? Oh, God. He is right. Let's stop laughing at ourselves for the whole podcast. So we are in our little living room kitchen area. And I've got to tell you,

I'm looking past over Rosie's shoulder now, through the kitchen, I can see the garage door. The garage door is firmly shut. I had to stand up and shut it beforehand because you can hear the gas meter spinning round if you don't. Isn't that right? It is very true. It goes What was your third W?

Why? Why are we doing a podcast? Yeah. We're doing a podcast because we quite like talking to each other and this is the only way we get to have a conversation these days isn't it? Yeah without a toddler in a room or without sitting on my phones. Yeah. I'm actually looking at you when i'm talking it's quite nice isn't it no no it's awful i put makeup on today yeah so you should think you're i've got a shirt on i know oh you got

ready you got ready for work i got ready for work don't tell everyone about that i did so i'm sitting here with um me i've got my socks uh outdoor shoes on i've got khaki trousers um like sort of chinos i've got a shirt on buttoned up one button undone uh i've got my wedding ring on i've got a nice watch on i've got my hair done i'm literally ready for work because i got out the shower and i thought you know what i could put my pajamas back on because we're just doing a podcast but you know, mindset. That's a really good thing to do because when you work from home it is hard to get into

a routine. I want the Amazon guy to knock on the door and I want to open it and go, it's snowed under in here mate. And he goes, are you working? I'm working. You're a bloody smart casual for your living room. I am. Thank you. What if someone does come to the door? What are we going to do? I'll just go, sorry mate,

we're busy in here. We're having a meeting. Yeah. Do you know what happened to me this week? What happened to you this week? I got 100,000 followers on Instagram.

Yay! A job and 100,000 followers in one week. Sure! God! This is the best week ever. This is better than wedding, birth, everything. Thanks.

Yeah, good. It's great. I mean, Robin would be upset, but I'm, yeah. I get all that. Yeah. We haven't mentioned Robin yet. Oh, my. No, we haven't.

Right. Jeez. It's because he's out of the house, out of sight, out of mind. It is. We've got a son. Yeah. He's three. Three years old.

He's genuinely wonderful, isn't he? Yeah, he's mint. He is great. Especially when he's not here. Oh, I love him more when he's not here. When we talk about him when he's not here, he's like the best thing ever, isn't he? We gush about it.

It's disgusting, actually. Well, sometimes he leaves and we sit watching videos of him, which is just pathetic. We do that a lot. It's just a waste of time, isn't it? That's like having builders in and once they're finished, him, which is just pathetic. We do that a lot. It's just a waste of time, isn't it? That's like having builders in and once they're finished,

watching our feeders in pet. But do you love that we will watch a two-minute video of him, right? But sometimes if he's like, Mummy, Mummy, come and do this game, I'm like, oh, Robin, no. I'm watching a video of you. I'm watching a video of you.

Play by yourself. I'm watching a video of you I'm watching a video of you play by yourself I'm watching a video of you playing God love him but yeah he's lovely so he's he's knocking about

you might hear from him later on what was better than him being born was 100,000 followers I love the photo that you posted so go on Rosie's Instagram

and have a look at the photo I didn't know you were posting this photo until you posted it explain you in a what looks like a 90s So go on Rosie's Instagram and have a look at the photo. I didn't know you were posting this photo until you posted it. Explain. What? You in what looks like a 90s photo of you in some kind of chimp costume. Chuckles the monkey?

Flicking the bird, yeah. I used to work as a ponies. Sorry, flipping the bird. I sound so out of touch. Flipping the bird is a middle finger. Flicking the bird is just harassing a sparrow. Flicking the bird. Flicking the bird. Wow,ing a sparrow. Did you say flicking the bird? Flicking the bird.

Wow, 30-year-old man. 32-year-old grandpa. Wow. Flipping the bird. Kids, I meant flipping the bird. Hey, subscribe, like, subscribe, like. Using the bees. Yeah, yeah.

Up thumb. Thumbs up. The photo is... I used to work as a ponton's blue coat. And it brings hands in Somerset. And I used to work as a ponton's blue coat at Breen Sands in Somerset. And I used to have to dress up as the characters. But actually, it scared me a little bit putting that picture on

because you weren't allowed to take any pictures, really, with your heads off. Because there was a character called Action Pack Jack, right? And another one called Florence the Flamingo or whatever she was called. Come on, we've got a good backstory. Well, the story is two people got fired from the job because they took a picture, and this is actually, I don't know how it went online, but it's like my space.

It was my space because Facebook wasn't even a thing when I worked there. Two people got sacked, right, because they took a picture of action-packed Jack doggy-styling Florence the Flamingo, right, without the heads on, and they put it on MySpace, and it was like, whoa, the kids can't see it without your heads on, like it's all real,

and they got sacked. So actually, me putting that on, how long ago was that it was yeah I was 18 so and I'm 32 now my maths isn't that good

it was a long time ago I was a bit worried putting that picture on I was like oh my god will I get sacked genuinely you think you're going to get

retrospectively sacked from Pontons well I will what would you do if Pontons got in touch right and were like we're phoning out with this

we're retrospectively sacking you this is terribleons got in touch, right? And were like, we're phoning out with this, we're retrospectively sacking you, this is terrible. And you lost 50,000 followers because Pontons slagged you off. Do you think that happened? No one's going to come back at you for slagging off Pontons. It's fine. No one's going to, like... It's probably stuck with us.

You can't say a thing, but she is genuinely worried. Like, you are worried that Pontons are going to come back at you. Chris, I have never put that picture anywhere, ever. I had to get it from the meat hard drive. I'll be buzzing. I'll be buzzing if they get in touch. I'm going to have to take your name off the mortgage just in case they try and take my house off in a cold case.

Oh, my God. So it's time for what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef just be a bit impromptu

thank you thank you as well for all your lovely comments about the jingle very chuffed with that everyone's yeah it is me doing all of the parts

yeah thank you yeah she's very much Eddie Murphy and the Nutty Professor on the jingle selfish she's done everything she's done the backing track if you think you can hear an instrument much Eddie Murphy and the Nutty Professor on the jingle.

Selfish. She's done everything. She's done the backing track. If you think you can hear an instrument, it's not. It's just her humming or patting the desk. I got a shout jingle at the end, which Rosie didn't even want us to do. It was Steph who recorded it with her. Didn't want you to do it at all, if I'm honest. Didn't want you on it at all, but that's fine.

So, as the podcast is called Shagged, Married, Annoyed, a section we're doing is called What's Your Beef? Do you want me to do the What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef again? God alive, you've just done that. I'll not, yeah. It's called What's Your Beef? So we just, in a very mature way,

like the airwaves grievances about each other, on the podcast airwaves. Why not? And why not indeed? I remember when we first put the thing out a while ago i said what's your beef we're going to talk about beefs what's your beef your partner and someone did actually say why don't you just like talk about what you love about each other honestly i filled the bath with vomit when i read that we got a big bath now we'll see you can go

first what's your beef with me this week my beef beef with you this week. Or every week, actually. It's not like it just happened recently. You can't tell me what she's doing. She's got her arms in the air, she's stretching, getting ready for this. Right. Like a tennis player. Why is it that every time we hug,

you burp? Right. Why? Why? I will put my arms around you in a loving embrace, and I rub your back up and down a couple of times, and you belch. You've answered your own question there.

Like a three-month-old baby, and it's disgusting. You've answered your own question. You rub me back. Your wind is... you're a grown man a windy man a windy man oh right i don't know i don't know i'm gonna be honest with you i'm gonna just blame it on coincidence a lot of the time i'm ready to have a little burp whatever what every single time that we're about to hug honestly almost all the time and then and then you come for a hug and i go i was about to hug honestly almost all the time and then and then you come for a hug and i go i was about to burp and then you hug and then i'm so relaxed and happy when i hug you it just slips out i just squeeze it out yeah yeah just it might be i'm relaxed it might be

i don't know what it is well what kind of marriage are we gonna have going forward where we can't embrace in case you just have to fucking birth like what what if every time we had hands i just shit myself I'll be honest with you I wouldn't be bothered with that and I would weaponise that in public places don't you

I definitely would be in the metro centre and you'd be going oh what do you I can't go to five guys why don't you no let's go for a salad oh come here love

calm down see you in a bit and I would just leg it at five, guys. Honestly. Please start doing that. No. I would love that so much.

On a night out. Lads, watch this, watch this. Rosie, come here. You having a good night, darling? Yeah? All right, yeah, it's all the boys. Yeah, yeah. Oh, come here.

Ah! Taxi! I'd be over the moon. It's the most horrible thing. I don't know why, but me mum and dad came for dinner yesterday, didn't they? And me mum hugged our son Robin to say bye. She put her arms around him and he did a massive burp. And I was like, oh my God, that's what I do.

And then me mum hugged me. And because I can burp on command, I did the same to her. But she laughs because she, you know, she's me mum and she thinks I'm brilliant. Yeah, she doesn't have to have sex with you oh my god I do and unfortunately

sometimes hugging can lead to sex if you're burping then it's not going to happen no no I would never do it it's really often

it's no because I wouldn't have said it if it happened a couple of times right it's probably three out of five times

wow it is you're the one burping can I see the graph you've made of this if it happened a couple of times. Right. It's probably three out of five times. Wow. It is! You're the one burping! Can I see the graph you've made of this? Can I see your research? No. Okay. Do you want to talk about it anymore?

I'll try not to. Right, well, come on. What's your beef with me? What's my beef about you? Okay, good beef. Well done. I like that. My beef with you this week is

you will not let me be ill. Oh, God. You will not let me be ill you just won't have it right it's craziness i'll not feel i'll feel a bit poorly and i'll tell you and it'll i'll see it straight you're just annoyed about it you're just irritated And I want to know, gentlemen out there, is this a thing? Are wives just heartless? Once you have a kid, are you just a heartless harpy? And I'm pointing at you when I say that, Rosie, right? I can't be ill.

If I'm ill, if I don't feel well, you have an absolute none of it. You automatically think I'm lying or you just don't want anything to do with it. Because you're pathetic. You are pathetic. I don't mind you saying you're poorly. I'm lying or you just don't want anything to do with it because you're pathetic you are pathetic I don't mind you saying you're poorly

I don't mind you being poorly just be poorly and just don't tell us every 20 minutes and you know what you're not actually really annoying us right we're going to have

first episode and we're going to have a fight and have a scrap this is just a little thing I bleed out my vagina every month right for about a week do what

but do i like that is a big thing it hurts it's painful i feel crap right do i bang on about it constantly yes no i do not you're poorly you are poorly got a little bit of the sniffles right which you still have a drink though Might I add That's a different thing If you're really poorly You don't have a glass of wine Sorry

No Not falling for it Oh shut Shut up Hey the wine made us feel good For about half an hour I have about half an hour Till everybody left

And then it was the On the set A With your hood up Hood up Hoodie hood up Blanket So I had my hood up On the set A last night

Watching Star Wars like a child because I wasn't well I hate you honestly you've just got no sympathy for me I do

I have a lot of sympathy I brought you paracetamols in bed yesterday so don't even and you've had three lie-ins I've had three lie-ins right

so do you want to apologise that's lie-ins not lie-ins oh sorry I'll be at the zoo again, Chris. I thought he'd make you feel better.

Why? I'm going to have to get a third lion. How ill is he that he's not cheered up by two lions? You see,

the beef's always tall and nasty but they always end well. It's always good. Love you. Love you too. You're invited to an immersive listening party

led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play.

Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.

So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. So we asked you, lovely lot, to get in touch with us and ask us some questions either about ourselves or just in general. And I love the just in general questions, if I i'm honest so i've got a great one here actually i've got a couple are you ready yeah can we just say beforehand as well this was supposed to be a really short section of the podcast wasn't it the questions yeah the stuff we have been sent i mean i'm surprised there's been any content up until this point. Same. Because they're fantastic. Oh my God, cool. Are you ready? This is from someone, right?

Someone. Anon. Anon. I recently stole a load of stationery from work and sold it on eBay. Does this make me a bad person? I love it. I love that.

What? Yes. Does it? Yes. See, well, for me, it depends where you work. If you work at a big, like a huge company and they've just got a massive cupboard full of stationery and you've pocketed a few, you know,

a couple of nice little fine liner pens and that and you've sold them, that's fair enough for me, in my opinion. If you work at a small family-run bakery and, you know, old Mr. Johnson and his wife who are running it, and, you know, while they've been out, you know, at the doctor's getting a hip looked at, you've just ransacked the office,

then you're a piece of shit. And also, if you actually work in WH Smith's and you've just had it all off the shelves, then that's even worse. See, I disagree. Right. Stealing is stealing. Right.

And it's not good, right? Okay. But I think if you're going to nick a couple of things from work, Yeah. give them to, like, keep them yourself or give them to your mum or something, right? Or family or friends. Just disclaimer here.

For those of you not aware, Rosie's mam is a genuine womble, a full-on womble. And we can't leave a hotel without stealing all of the little shampoos and conditioners for our mam. So that's what she means by it. That's why give them to your mam.

She doesn't mean wrap them up for Mother's Day. She means if your mam is a non-stop womble, give them to her. But if you're going to go and then make a profit on eBay, that's legit. That's a crime. a non-stop womble give them a who but if you're gonna go right and then make a profit on ebay

that's legit that's a crime that's a full-on crime and I don't think that's good

I feel like we're gonna see this person on the apprentice in a few years time or we're

gonna see them like massive how did you start your business I just stole stuff

from work and sold it on ebay it's not good that though I stole stationery from work I stole stationery from work and I sold on eBay. It's not good that though. I stole stationery from work I stole stationery from work

then I sold it on eBay. Yeah. And then I sold my company car that wasn't mine. To start up my business. And then I sold my council house. And now I've got 13 burglars in the local area.

I run a team of 30 strong burglars. It's true. I don't think that's going to crack Stop it Have you ever stolen anything from any jobs you've had? Yeah What? Oh my, listen

Chuckle's a monkey Now I'm going to talk about Stephen What about monkey costumes in our cupboard? Oh gosh Yeah, I've pilfered loads, mate Is that bad? No, I mean, I don't know I can pilfered loads, me. Oh, man, yeah. Is that bad? No, I mean, I don't know. I can go into anything.

What have you took? Let's get you a bad name. Come on. When I worked at the Inland Revenue, there was a stationery cupboard that I used to love. What did you take? Post-it notes, pens, rubbers and pencils, even though I was at an age

where I didn't really use rubbers and pencils anymore. I've still got, like, I'm not joking, there's something ingrained in us. I loveery I love it I think it was from I remember when I was going to big school when I was going to comprehensive school my mom took us down to W.H. Smith's and I got to buy a load of stationery and I was like oh and I used to keep pencil case nice and it's I walk past stationery in Asda now and I stop and look I don't need stationery oh mate I've got about five notebooks I've never wrote one yeah so I stole stationery

from the land revenue I didn't steal anything from all sports no you can steal you know

the what on it they're like yeah they've counted everything yeah nerds where else

have I worked stadium of light I ate food at the stadium of light 100% but I don't know if it's stealing if you're eating it

off the plate you've just collected that the person was finished with as you're carrying it back Christmas meals at the stadium light, if they hadn't ate their little pig in blanket, you'd know for a fact I was having a happy time I'm shocked I'd do the same Sometimes it was table of eleven

Christmas dinner put ten down, or what about this one? Or he wasn't well, he didn't turn up. Jackpot. I could, I mastered eating a full Christmas dinner from a tray while walking 100 yards into a kitchen. Yeah. That happens, of course that happens.

I don't know if that's stealing. I also stole stationery from a stadium in my life, but nothing, you know, nothing. You're naming the places. I'm not going to name the places what are you going to do man well probably ask for it back stationary

yeah cool get yourself an ebay I know someone who's there I worked at a shop that sold like beauty products and stuff

I'm not naming it mate I'm not no 100,000 followers on Instagram no shut up! Are you kidding us?

Don't name it. Everyone's nicked a bit of stuff from work, but if it's for personal use, fair enough. As I say, if you're not robbing a little corner shop with people working, whoever is that anonymous person who then sell it on eBay for a profit, I'll be honest with you,

you're a bit of a scumbag but i do respect your entrepreneurial spirit and good luck in the future with all of your endeavors yeah you're not fired okay another question this is interesting actually rosie and chris where do you stand on couples that never argue I've been with my girlfriend for seven years we're getting married in April and we've had one

argument about a lamp oh I've got so many questions I mean I want to see what was the lamp my question is

if you are in this perfect incredible loving Mary Poppins like zen relationship and you do not have a crossed word for seven years how bad was this lamp was it like was it like a porcelain cock with

a lampshade oh my god it must have been how bad was this lamp jesus like not a crossed word and they see the lamp and they just start punching the shit out of each other yeah like did they buy that lamp from the other person's ex-girlfriend or boyfriend do you know what i mean that's how bad it must have been like did they buy that lamp whilst giving a blow job to somebody else maybe we're thinking wrong maybe it wasn't a lamp lamp maybe it was like a genie lamp and they got three wishes and the argument was who got the final wish because they got one each and then the argument was who got the last wish what you should have done there wished for unlimited wishes idiots where did that even come from that's what a lamp is before i knew what a lamp was you not notice this before i knew what a genuine genuine lamp was

my aladdin was my only frame of reference for what a lamp was What age were you when you found out what a lamp was? Well when I found out that a lamp wasn't a little weird teapot looking thing What are you talking about? When you're a kid you watch Aladdin and you go rub the lamp or you watch anything and they use rub the lamp

It's not a lamp it looks like a teapot Yeah but did you not grow up in a house did your mum not have a lamp? I don't think lamps were popular when i was a kid lamps it's not a new invention they've been around for a long time so did your mom never say turn the big light off put the lamps on possibly but what i'm saying is i was aware of what a genie lamp was before i was aware of what a lamp lamp was. Well done for you you moron. That's ridiculous.

Do you realise that we are arguing about the one argument that their people have had that they never argued about? Do you know what their argument was? Do you know what their first argument was? They read this message from someone else. It's like a chain email. They didn't pass it on to 10 people and they argued about it.

It must have been. This is tragic. We argue a lot. We do argue a email. They didn't pass it on to 10 people and they argued about it. It must have been. This is tragic. We argue a lot. We do argue a lot, but we didn't argue, to be fair, until we had kids. Yeah, have they got kids? Until we had a kid, we didn't argue.

Bet they haven't got kids. Yeah. We didn't. We were at... We never did, did we? We were at the City Hall. We had this conversation recently. We were at Newcastle City Hall

and Glenn Ruffhead, singer Glenn Ruffhead, said he never ever argues with his He's never argued. I don't know if they're married but they have got a kid. And he's about two and a half. What's going on there? We were very shocked by this, weren't we?

Shocked, jealous, mortified. Thought he was lying. I went through a range of emotions. It's funny how quickly you can go off a person. Sometimes I think when blokes go we never argue I sometimes honestly just think I don't think your wife listens to you

yeah you talk and she just nods you know you do argue you just don't realise you don't know what's happening well

do you know what good for them yeah good for them but couples who don't argue good for them yeah good for them but couples who don't argue good for them yeah should we stop

should we stop arguing no because we wouldn't have a podcast if not very true there we go leads us on to a nice next question somebody wants to know

how did we meet oh that's nice that's cute isn't it thank you for that do you want to lead I shall yeah we met when we were were we 14 years old? Something like that.

We were 14 years old, and Chris's mum and dad lived in the street next to my best friends. And we used to play in the street together, do you remember? Yeah. And then we went to college, but we both had representative, is that the word? Respective. What? Respective. Respective, innit?

Wow. Yeah. What did I say? Representative. We didn't meet in English class. Rosie was resetting our GCSEs in college. You were, weren't you? I was doing ESLs.

Yes, I was doing. I'm not very clever. That's fine, man. Too much time spent monkeying about. Literally. Chuckles literally why do you think I had to go and dress up as flipping

characters I've got no GCSEs yeah so we met at college but you had a girlfriend I had a boyfriend but you

fancied me at college didn't you well no right I didn't fancy you yeah well for blokes I think it's slightly different.

I think a bloke can fancy, you know, at that age, a lad can fancy multiple, you can think someone's fit, multiple people are fit. Did you think I was fit? Well,

it didn't mean I was like lying. Yeah, of course you're fit, you're still fit, you're beautiful. But it's like, I'm sorry. Oh,

what happened there? But it's, you know, I would walk, I would always think, oh yeah, she's, yeah,

I remember. But can I just say as well you see we used to play out in the street together no you and your mate came round because yous were going out

with two older lads who lived in my street oh yeah that's true didn't play in the street it sounds like we played curb you walked past on your way to some older older tougher bigger boy

and I just was standing there probably playing on a yo-yo yeah something weird god yeah but yeah we used to hang around in the street so yeah we were having an only chest until about 13, 14 and it was always someone was sawing it was like and they were probably playing on a yo-yo. Yeah. Something weird. God. But yeah, we used to hang around in the street.

So yeah, we haven't known each other since we were about 13, 14. And it was always someone we saw. And it was like, oh yeah, and we kind of orbited similar friendship groups. Like people who knew each other, always knew us. We had each other on Facebook. I think we may have had each other on Facebook. Yeah, we did. Yeah.

And then what happened? And then I met you. I came back. When I lived in Manchester, I was doing i'n gwneud gigiau. Ac rydw i wedi dod yn ôl ac yna, cyd-dwylo'n nightclub RIP. Ie. Yn ystod i'r hamser. Ie.

Felly, roeddech chi'n gwneud sioe ar y Custwm House. Ie, roeddwn i'n gwneud sioe ar South Shields Custom House ar fy nhw'n teimlo'n ddigon hyfryd. Ac fe wnes i allan ar ôl gyda phobl. Ac roeddech chi yno yno. Roeddwn i'n ystod y ddwylo. Roeddech chi ynddo. A dywedwch i mi... Ydw i'n sioe? tour and i went out afterwards with everyone and you were in there i was in dusk you were in dusk and you said to me i've spoken to you a couple of times before this right yeah and we had actually kissed on a night out oh my gosh yes we had right that sounds a lot better i forgot about that yeah

yeah yeah i don't like that line that you're about to hear i don't just say that to people but the line was i saw you putting a coat on and getting ready to leave dusk and my line was, are you going home? Can I come? Yeah. Yeah. But I'm representing a slag mass of me. I don't care.

You said yes. I did say yes. We had been on it, we had had a little kiss a while ago before that. in a friend's garage. I remember that. Yeah, in a friend's garage.

We are scum. This is disgusting. This, what a couple. We're married now and we're happy. So it's actually a good story. I'm just really glad It's disgusting. This, what a couple. We're married now. Yeah, we're married now. So it's actually a good story.

I'm just really glad that one of my one night stands paid off. Do you know what I mean? Because sometimes in the single life, when you're one night standing, it seems like a never ending circle of shit. Honestly, can I just say, when I see people out on the pole now, I feel like gutted for them yeah I'm not trying to be all holy

and go oh my god you don't have a connection of the soul and the family and I'm not saying that at all I'm just saying if you're single

and you're on the pole all the time stick with it you know the future's bright I'm telling you I'm looking at my wife now Rosie

I couldn't be arsed to ever leave you wow I thought you were going to say something really nice no just couldn't be arsed same here I couldn't be arsed to ever leave you. Wow. Oh, I thought you were going to say something really nice. No, no. Just couldn't be arsed. Same here. I could never be arsed.

We're settled. It's a jungle out there. Yeah. Craziness. Yeah. So there was one particular question that caught my eye. Oh, this is... I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about this question.

Yeah. So, this was from a lady. Rosie and Chris, I'm giving my man his first foursome on Wednesday. How are we going to cope? Well, very generous. Very generous of her. I mean, first of all, foursome on Wednesday.

In my head when she says I'm giving my man his first foursome on Wednesday, all I saw was a calendar in her laptop or her phone and Wednesday you click on it and it just says foursome 8pm. Is it just me? But that's a weekend thing, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? You're knocking out foursomes mid-week.

You can't be having a foursome during the week. Wednesday. Wednesday. So, another... I've got so many questions. Well, I've got another question, okay. When did the threesome happen? Has the threesome happened?

They jumped straight forward to the foursome. Twosome to foursome. Who knows? It's craziness. Who are they asking? Is it going to be three men and her? Yeah. Or is it going to be three women, including her and him?

Or is it going to be like another couple? It'll be another couple. It'll be another couple. Oh, God. I'm giving my man. So he's literally, I mean, it sounds like you put it on his Christmas list. It might be he opened a card

he opened a card I imagine the kids are sitting around he opened the card and he went oh god thanks so much darling I love you

and the kids went what did you get him ma'am and he went nothing it's a golf trip hole in one par four high five

yeah well done well done funny the funny that's what I do shouldn't have said that ruined it that is

honestly I mean what is going on how much admin could you be asked with a foursome babe I can hardly be asked to have sex with you

not being funny imagine adding three more no two more people into it. It's just too much. I've never understood threesomes or foursomes. Tell you what, though, if they do that in a small enough room and they start with cuddles, there's going to be a lot of burps kicking about. Imagine if we had a threesome, right, or a foursome, God forbid.

I would have to say it to everyone, right, guys? Just to let you know. If you cuddle Chris, he might let out a little burp. It's affectionate. It doesn't mean... It means he's relaxed. It means he's comfortable with you. While you're at it, don't hold me hand or the day's over.

While I'm at it, don't hold me hand or the day's over. Imagine it would get out to all the swingers. Oh, you know, the Ramses. He burps when you cuddle him and she shits herself when you hold her. Their keys have been removed permanently from the fruit bowl. Oh, my God. But, I think, no, we need to give a little bit of advice. Come on.

People ask us questions to give advice. My first bit of advice, right, and I don't want to sound like an old man here, but my first bit of advice is the way you've worded that, mate, I'm giving my man his first foursome, how will we cope? If you don't want to do it, you don't have to do it. You don't have to do anything, love, that you don't want to do. If you don't want will we cope if you don't want to do it you don't have to do it you don't have to do anything love that you don't want to do

if you don't want to do it you don't have to do it I mean practical advice would be don't eat anything make sure no one eats anything spicy

or that's going to repeat on you for a couple of days beforehand everyone brush your teeth wash your hands hand sanitiser at the ready baby wipes

for days mate protection protection as well why is that your last thing? I'm just thinking about cleanliness I'm sorry, I could not imagine the blooming admin involved

if I was going to have a foursome they would come round my house, they would leave immediately because they'd walk in the bedroom and there'd be plastic sheeting everywhere like Dexter like I was about to have a foursome, they would come round my house, they would leave immediately because they'd walk in the bedroom and there'd be plastic sheeting everywhere like Dexter. Like I was about to chop a body up. I'd literally be like, look, I've put plastic, it would be like a slip and slide.

It would be like a deflated bouncy castle, the whole room. Oh, don't be cussed. You know in films, when there's a film and it's like a joke that there's always someone with someone who has to have a shower

because that's yeah yeah yeah that's literally you honestly there'd be a decontamination chamber they'd come in and it would like a little

oh the the headache involved in a force it's not good like what if as well you know when you're sort of like

if you're having you know you're starting as a couple if you're having a bit of kissing and a bit of cuddling you know and then you start

you know a bit of item of clothing moves and then something starts happening in here and there. What if one couple's doing it and then you have to sort of look over and see where the other ones are at and be like, oh God, they're already blooming third bit. Right, we need to hurry up.

Or what if you have to rewind? Do you know what I mean? Slow down. We've already got our pants off, but they're just, you know, they're just cuddling and kissing. Well, we're just foursome virgins. A lot of people have threesomes and foursomes.

Horrible. I couldn't think of anything worse. If you're listening, you're all animals. You're not got Netflix. You're not got the internet. Porn. What's the matter with you? Watch a bit of porn.

Honestly. Anyway, have a lovely time. Yeah, have a great time. We'll be thinking about you on Wednesday. I will not be thinking about you on Wednesday. If I think about you, I'll have to get in the shower. Oh, God.

Bless her. Have fun. Have a good time. Stay safe, guys. That, no. No, la, la, la, la, la. Don't make that noise. Ba-ba-do, ba-ba-do, ba-ba-do, ba.

So we've had questions from people on Instagram and stuff and each week, hopefully, if we can source them, we're going to get a question from a celebrity. This isn't a wind-up. We've got this guy this week.

Right, Chris and Rosie, tomato ketchup. Do you put it in the fridge or do you put it in a cupboard? Believe it or not, for a little first episode of a two-bit podcast recorded from a living room, that was genuinely Ed Sheeran, wasn't it? Ed Sheeran. Ed Sheeran sent me a question. And he loves ketchup, doesn't he That was genuinely Ed Sheeran, wasn't it? Ed Sheeran. Ed Sheeran sent me a question. And he loves ketchup, didn't he?

He's got a ketchup tattoo, hasn't he? Ketchup, fridge or cupboard? Fridge. We have ours in the fridge. But I've got people who come round sometimes and have chips. So that sounds like I've just got a secret chip society that I do on a Wednesday. Four of them.

We come round and when people sometimes will go, you got any ketchup? And I get out the fridge they are like visibly furious it's weird though actually because I grew up in a cupboard

that must have been hard no wonder your no wonder your posture is not great you're very chubby yourself have you said that I couldn't believe I nearly didn't get my words out because I couldn't believe you'd that? I couldn't believe you said that.

I nearly didn't get my words out because I couldn't believe you'd say it. I couldn't think of the next thing. So I grew up in a cupboard ketchup house. Yeah, a cupboard house. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for listening to Shag, Married and Annoyed. We will be back next week with another episode.

Please like and subscribe and leave a little comment if you want. That would be lovely. Do that and rate it as well. It's lovely seeing five stars. Never had five stars before. Go us. If you want to get in touch, please email shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com

or you can direct message Rosie on Instagram at rosierosemary or ramsay. Wow. I don't know my wife's Instagram tag I have got 100,000 followers

I'll have you know rosemary or ramsay if you want any advice you want me to get your opinion on anything or you know ask her you know

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