Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 10. Who let the cats in?

Episode Date: April 19, 2019

This week Rosie and Chris drink wine again! They discuss their biggest beef with the general public, sleeping on the sofa, the worst house party Chris ever went to and an incident in the bathroom which led to the best thing Rosie has ever done. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret.

It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. You know, don't. The first omen.

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.

Who said that? The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello. You're listening to Shagged Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Chris Ramsey,

who's just told me that i can't put the heating on because we're going to start the podcast and once we start the podcast we're going to get really warm by sitting here talking to each other not moving wow that might be the earliest beef that's ever happened on this podcast 10 seconds in the beef's just bleeding hi everyone thank you for coming back. This is episode 10. And do you know what? In light of recent events that have just happened there, I'm going to have to apologise profusely to this week's sponsor

who had signed up and who was on board, and I was going to get on board with them, but we're going to have to change it. In light of the slander I've just received, I've just got a new sponsor. What was it going to be? Well, it can be next week. This week's sponsor is...

Yeah? Jumpers. Jumpers? Jumpers. You walking around the house in a t-shirt, are you? Want to stick the heating on? Don't bother, mate. Put a jumper on.

Jumpers. Versatile. Some of them have got hoods. Put two on. Hang on. Are you my granddad? Back from the dead. Hey, do you like a shirt but want it to be thicker?

You need a jumper. Do you? You had not thought this through. You should have went with the other one, mate. I should have went with the other one. God, will someone just sponsor the podcast for God's sake? Have you not got anything else? I've got another one, but it was probably worse than that.

Oh, Christ. Are you done? I'm done. Right. Oh, Chris, you've let yourself down. People look forward to them. Oh, hold on. No.

Something coming through from the jumper? Anything? Before we start, officially, a word from our real sponsor. This week's sponsor is... Cheers is chairs no you can't do two you can't do two what do you want us to do you're slacking us off as well right yes the jingles we had a fight about the jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle So this is the jingle, jingle We hope you like the jingle, jingle Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah!

Jingle! Hello there, welcome back. Thank you, Christopher, for the worst sponsor ever. If there is actually any real sponsors who want to sponsor the show, please get in touch with us, shagmiredanoid at gmail.com. And just as a note, so like the internet, water, and

cups, and all of the people who've done it, they were paying a million an episode. So that's the ballpark figure we're after here. Thank you. It wasn't pounds, it was a million of their product. I got a million waters oh god seriously stop what are you being up to oh no should we explain actually firstly yeah explain what's happening well what's happening is um due to last week's uh the comments from

the podcast last week because we did it on a night time and we drank some wine, you just asked me a question there while I was busy drinking some wine. Because everyone said, look, you're just, you know, it seemed... It was better. They said it was, weirdly, yeah. I mean, it's that thing of like, they didn't not like the others, but they were like, oh, this is better now. This needs to be your new thing. I think it just needs to be a bit drunk, doesn't it?

So we just thought, well, we're not drunk. I mean, I've had literally two sips of a wine, but it's night time. It does feel a little bit better being able to do it on a night time rather than, God, we're not drunk. I mean, I've had literally two sips of a wine, but it's night time. It does feel a little bit better being able to do it on a night time rather than, God, we're doing it at 10 in the morning at one point. I know, I know.

It's a bit strange, isn't it? You've had the whole day limber up and think of stuff. I've just been for a run. Yeah, I know. Can you believe it? What's the matter with this? You went for a run?

Bent? Bent for a run. Bent for a run. Bent for a run. You need to sort your posture up. You're going to do yourself in when I'm like that. I put the bear into bed.

I put Robin to bed. Do you know what he does now? What? He used to cuddle you. My son? Yeah. No, I have no idea. Who's he?

You put him to bed, right? And he used to cuddle around you. Now he just, with one of his hands, just grabs your neck. Yes. Like he's... Do you now he just with one of his hands just grabs your neck yes like he's do you think he's got a little bit of bully shaking you down for dinner money do you not think he's got a bit of cereal color in him he just has yet has his hands on you know is that a normal thing do other children do that let's do this should we send him to the doctor

it's very strange yeah it's horrible so how far are you going you're running you're running now are you gonna put are you gonna put the maps on facebook no i don't go Yeah, it's horrible. So how far are you going? You're a runner now. Are you going to put the maps on Facebook? No, I don't go far enough. It's not impressive at all. I literally do, like, 15 minutes. I hate that map. What? I hate that map that people put on their Facebook.

Just did the morning run. Just, uh... Tricky 13, King. I am just... Oh, God. All right, man. Get it out of my face. I don't eat my curry and cry on your lawn.

Get it out of my life. It's a very arrogant thing to do, isn't it? Oh, proper. Putting your pictures or your maps or your runs. Keep it to yourself. Why does anyone need to know? But then again, I've just told you all that I went for a run. Didn't have to tell you that.

Couldn't bloody wait, could you? I know. I also had, like, two tablespoons of butter on my jack potato, but I didn't think to tell you that did i do you know what i mean i'll not tell you the bad things you had a chicken pie at the pub today i did have a chicken over yeah massive it was nice we went to a garden center today didn't we aren't we old there was i was walking around the garden center and i was just thinking yeah this is my domain now this is where i hang out I love it mate I do you bought a jumper

because you were cold I bought a jumper at the garden centre I was over the moon I just took my t-shirt in the car because I'm an idiot and I was like

it'll be fine not thinking garden centre as a predominantly outside so I literally walked around and I was like it's a bit it's a bit

Billy Big Bollocks it's a bit flash do you know what I mean just going I'll buy a jumper just for now because I'm great bloody 18 quid and it was gorgeous.

I'm over the moon. I'm going to go back and get some more colours of it. It was a lovely fit. I know. I bought them on a birthday present the other day. From the garden. From the garden. Don't tell them. Don't tell them. A little clue though, if you happen to get a bottle of

weed killer, you know who you are. Goldfish, anyone? A couple of ant traps. I nearly bought a goldfish today. What? Honestly, me and Robin perusing, I don't know where you were at this point.

Probably getting a hose or something. I know exactly where I was. I was looking at the big mass of fish. Of course. Oh, right. So you were near? Yeah, they were a pound to buy. They were only a pound?

No, sorry. No, they were a pound to feed. Oh. I was standing looking at them for... Honestly, I got lost just staring at them. They're absolute units. Yeah, they are. The size of them.

I know. They're like rugby players' thighs just floating around in the water. Did you not notice, though, they weren't eating much today? It's half term. I thought the kids had come to eat. There's been loads of kids. Normally, you go main Rob and Nicole on a Thursday afternoon, and it's dead.

And you'll feed the fish and they'll be like gun it like this went a day chucked it out and they weren't bothered they were hungover

too much food they're like going like a carb crash no more no more chubby little ants feeding us I'm sick of this shit no genuinely

nearly got a fish could we get a fish should we get a fish I Should we get a fish? I don't know. Why? They're just boring, man. I know. They don't even know that you own them.

They forget every, like, 20 minutes or something. They're stupid. It's less than that. Is it? Mm-hmm. It's like three seconds. Nah, it can't be three seconds. That's no life.

It's like Dory. That's no life. Mate. It actually is. That's got to be an urban myth. It can't be three seconds. Something like that.'s no life mate that's got to be an urban myth it can't be three seconds something like that oh i'm wet where am i oh i'm a fish oh i'm wet we're out oh killers i'll jump out if i was that fish you'd find us on the bench you'd find us on the kitchen bench rolling around in some salt just don't want to be here anymore but then you'd wake up going

what am i doing oh my fish oh my life But then you'd wake up going, what am I doing? Oh, I'm a fish. My life's great. You'd forget that you wanted to die. Oh, man. I've just made myself really sad thinking about a fish. I know. Let's not get one anymore. Oh, God.

We were in a pub today and Rosie tried putting the fork behind the napkin and making it float, didn't you? Oh, yeah. So, guys, you know when you hold a napkin out and if you put like a fork behind the napkin and making it float, didn't you? Oh, yeah. Guys, you know when you hold a napkin out, and if you put a fork behind it,

and you push the fork up and it looks like it's floating, and Rosie was looking at Robin, and she was going, look, Robin, it's floating, look. And Robin was the most unimpressed I've ever seen a human. He was just looking at you. And you couldn't understand why he wasn't excited. And I was like, Rosie, there's a light

directly behind you and the napkin's made of paper and all he can see is that you've got your fork behind the napkin. He was just like, this is worse than rubbish. I was wondering why he wasn't impressed.

I was like, these new age kids. You might as well have had it behind a bit of plastic. You might as well have had it behind a see-through Greengrocer's bag. I used to love that when I was a kid. I'm knackered today. And I know it's not a weird thing.

It's a weird thing to say on a podcast. And we've been kind of a day off today, just me, you and Robin. He's hard graft, isn't he? Welcome to my world. Won't you come on in? No, he's hit a level now. Are you kidding me? You think this is the worst he's been?

This is the easiest? Are you taking the mic? You gave me a little lie this morning. I came down and he was sitting on the kitchen island eating a lint chocolate rabbit.

He had the full rabbit. It was about, you know, eight inches tall, this rabbit. And he was just eating the full thing, like a carrot. Right. Can we just, no, he didn't eat the full thing. No. And he was just eating the full thing, like a carrot.

Right. Can we just... No, he didn't eat the full thing. No, but he was just eating the top of it. He was just eating like... He ate its ears and its head. No, I'd ate its ears and its head the day before. Right.

So he ate the middle bit. He ate the torso. Right, okay. Because... At eight o'clock in the morning. Yes. He found it. He's relentless, man.

He found it. The point is, the point is, and I'm not having to go to you, he's relentless at the minute. I can find chocolate and sweets in this house that I didn't even know existed. Same. I'm not joking. I know.

Something else that's happened this week, which has just caused outrage on my Instagram. Yeah. Got a McDonald's because I was severely hungover. Put a picture of it on Instagram uproar do you know why I caused uproar? I put my McDonald's

on a plate people didn't like it well it was 50-50 actually but the people who weren't happy were like what are you doing why are you eating your McDonald's off a plate why wouldn't you if you were taking it home what are you doing? Right. Why are you eating your McDonald's off a plate? Wow.

Why wouldn't you? If you were taking it home, why wouldn't you put it on a plate? A little presentation, enjoy it. Yeah, like it's a meal. If you were in a restaurant. I think I have mine on the plate. Yeah, I put yours on the plate as well.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And everyone's going off it. We're not animals, yeah. Right. Honestly. I love that they're offended that you do that in your own house.

No. On your own. Like, what, that's ruined my day. What the fuck's it got to do with you? I got about ten messages just saying, you've changed. You've changed? Like, you've changed. How dare you buy some plates and put your food on it?

Like, they've seen you spit on a homeless person. Like, how ridiculous. What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? Beef. Do you want me to go first or you go first?

You go first. Okay, so, my beef. It's a long-running beef, Rosemary. It's a long-running beef.emary. It's a long running beef. I've mentioned it in stand-up previously in different shows. I'm going to bring it back. New listeners, listen up. Old listeners, here's some trodden ground with a new

little extra nugget on the end for you. Oh, chicken nugget. Rosie, definitely not a chicken nugget. Rosie, you insist on, even though I've said Rosie, definitely not a chicken nugget Rosie You Insist On, even though I've said please don't You insist on going to the toilet While I'm in the bathroom

I could be brushing my teeth I could be washing my face I could be having a bath I could be having a shower Rosie comes in, goes to the toilet Right, does it all the time Sometimes it's number one, sometimes it's number two. Doesn't matter,

right? I'm just as offended by all of them. Don't do toots. Right, well, right, prepare to eat your words, right? The other day, Rosie took it to the next level. Here we go. She remembers it. I was cleaning the bath after Robert had had a bath.

Rosie came into that room, that specific bathroom, sat down on the toilet. We had had a minor argument slash crossed word about something. So Rosie went, as she was having a wee, she went, come here, give us a cuddle. I went, oh, my God. So come here, give us a cuddle. And she grabbed us and she pulled us towards her for the cuddle

while she was having a wee. I cuddled her while she was having a wee. She grabbed us extra tight and shouted, now I'm having a poo and wouldn't leave loose. And it's not on. It's not on.

You should be utterly ashamed of yourself. Hands down. Best thing I've ever done in my adult life. Hands down. I've never've ever done in my adult life. Hands down. I've never ran out of a bathroom quicker. I thought I'd broke one of your nails. It was good fun.

It was good fun. Oh, I've totally forgot about that, you little bugger. Oh, that was funny. No-holds-bar, is it? No-holds-bar. They all get written down. We've got the wine now. They all get written down.

What's your beef? Okay, my beef this week, because you've been home a little bit more often, not gigging as much, looking after Robin all the time. I've been getting stuff done because I've got, you know, stuff going on now. Yeah.

I am really sick of you constantly asking me where to take our child. Do you know what I mean mean I knew this was coming right if you have Robin for the day yeah I don't care

where you're going I don't want to have to tell you where to go put his shoes on put your shoes on leave and just go somewhere

because I couldn't give a shit don't ask us where to go don't expect me to tell you where to go i'm not right near an itinerary okay as long as he's fed and he has a drink and he has a bit of fun possibly some fresh air as well right okay you haven't even got anything to say because you know every time you look after rob and you're like rosie and i just think oh here it comes because you know where should we go where should I take him oh

right that's right you know what it is this laziness on your part and nastiness what right okay

so picture this it's not a child we're not married right but you live in roads you live in roads where you used to work

right you live in roads you live in the little area right I'm visiting hey Rosie hey it's Chris how you doing haven't seen you for a while haven't heard from you you're like yeah of course

how's it going i go hey where's good to go around here you you live here you know oh i'm not telling you that what's the fucking point in this no way sorry christopher i'm not a fucking brochure you're not a brochure you're a parent and manual I'm not. You've lived here just the same amount of time as me. You've done stuff with them during the day. I know soft play. I know swimming. Other than that, I don't really know where to go. Google.

Google? Google. Have they got offices around here? Oh, well. Shit, shit bag. No, Google. All right? Honestly, I guarantee...

National Trust. Parks. National Trust. Beach, whatever the, I guarantee... National Trust. Parks. National Trust. Beach. We'll live at the beach. There's three beaches. Four beaches that I can think of. Right?

Life's a beach. Take all of them. Get a bucket and spade. Stop asking us where to take your child. I bet you loads of blokes listening do that. I bet you. All women, but mainly blokes because we are useless. Definitely blokes.

Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I'm going to park that for a bit, because it's made us a bit stressed. I might just take him with a tip tomorrow. He loves the tip. You're not allowed to get out of the car. What is it? I saw a sign, kids aren't allowed to get out of the car with a tip.

Oh, he's tall. He definitely looks like a kid, though. He's just a 12-year-old bending over. He's fine. Oh, take him with a tip. He loves it. He does love the tip.year-old bending over. He's fine. Oh, take him to the tip. He loves it. He does love the tip. Not as much as me.

Hey, garden centres and the tip. That's my life now. And I bloody couldn't be happier. I know. Sometimes I buy stuff from the garden centre. I just take it straight to the tip and throw it away. I love them that much. I don't really do that.

Okay, it's time for questions from you lovely people. Questions from the public. You lovely questions from you lovely people. Questions from the public. You lovely people. You lovely people. Got one here, let's go straight in. This is from Louise. Hi Chris and Rosie, loving the podcast. So as we are all away, your beef with each other

is pure gold. Thank you. Thank you. What is your beef with people in general? Oh. She's given an example. She says, today I was trying to leave Tesco and basically it took me about 72 hours to get out of the shop because people just walk so slow after paying for their shopping. Yeah. Yeah.

And they block the entrance with their trolleys. Yeah. I can get on that. Hate people. Yeah. I hate everyone. Do you want to go first or me? You go first.

Okay. Okay. do you want to go first or me you go first okay not so much people in general but I cannot stand

people who work in restaurants you're going to say the same one am I yeah am I really yeah right hold on

okay guys this is going to sound like it's planned but it's not planned right what's the question when you're in the restaurant okay let's say it at the same time right

all right hold on hold on so after you when they're giving you a bill or when you're paying a restaurant when you're leaving the restaurant or a clothes shop or a clothes shop or any kind of service they say we'll say it after three one two three what are you doing for the rest of the day yes is that yours oh that's literally the first one that came to mind. Haters. So if you didn't hear that for the garbling, guys, it's when in a shop or in a restaurant, someone who's serving you for no reason

will just go, what have you got planned for the rest of the day? They don't care. They don't give a shit. They've been told to ask that. I know. When you leave in a restaurant, they say, what have you got planned for the rest of the day?

And sometimes in shops, in shopping centres, they genuinely say, so you're just doing a bit of shopping today then? No, mate. No. Or I should go, oh, am I? Oh, fuck, is this a bag of... Is this what this is? Have I just bought this stuff? Seen it on the telly. I've been shopping.

Yeah, shopping. I feel like the last of sex in the city. I just find it as a person who's worked in restaurants and shops I find it really like fake

you don't care what you're doing for the rest of the day how many people have you asked that today what are your plans I think of something else I don't want to

just anything anything at all are we dicks please on social media let me know are we dicks for this but I just can't I'm paying the bill

I'm about to leave I've ordered my food with you I've had a big crack on with you like you're taking me card out of the machine or whatever and it's what you got planned

for the oh getting the fuck out of here is my first plan and you are slowing that shit down oh no are we horrible I don't know maybe we are

I don't know do you know what I would never have got annoyed by that but I've been married to you for too long and your bitterness is rubbing off on me hey I'm not bitter

I'm a happy little chap I'm a real sunshine you are not a happy little get lost put your suntan cream on I'm a real sunshine you're absolutely not I used to be a unicorn

do you know I've started telling them now and then when I can be bothered it's better if I'm not with you but now and then if they'll go go plan for the rest of the day then I will if I can I bothered. It's better if I'm not with you, but now and then if they'll go. Go plan for the rest of the day then. I will,

if I can, I will say a funeral. Just to shut them down. I will say a funeral just to shut them down. I'm burying me best mate. Ask me. What have you got planned

for the rest of the day? A couple of wanks. Can we do it? Should we do it? I don't know. Right, I've got a question here from Caroline and Carlisle, who's married to Mark. Caroline and Carlisle.

She has said some lovely stuff about the podcast. I'd like to ask a question. As soon as I get through the front door, I kick off my shoes. And I'm shoeless for the rest of the day. My husband, on the other hand, can go all day and keep his shoes on. It can be a Friday evening at 11pm. We're chilling on the sofa watching TV and he's still got his trainers on. Please can you confirm that he is the weird one and not me?

Caroline, he is so weird. Who keeps their shoes on till 11 o'clock? That's weird, isn't it right I'm a slip-ass girl you see I literally as soon as I get in the house I take my shoes off

and I put my slippers on Rosie what we'll both do that we'll put slippers on straight away we will put pyjamas on if I know I'm not leaving

the house for the rest of the night pyjamas will go on same I have been known if you've went actually should we get a takeaway will you go and pick it up I've had to like

get dressed out of pyjamas and put other clothes back on and go and pick it up? I've had to get dressed out of pajamas and put other clothes back on and go and do it. I'm talking six o'clock at night. Sounds about right. Most of our, if you go through our dirty washing basket at any time, most of it is loungewear and pajamas. Oh, totally. I 100% agree that it is a bit weird,

but I can see, sometimes I like having trainers on around the house because I feel ready, but I would never do it on a night. Yeah, that's the point. Sitting on the sofa at night, watching telly with your shoes on. I kind of get, I kind of...

Why is it affecting her? That's my question. Just ignore them. What? I could not live in that. I could not live in the moment of someone having shoes on my sofa. I couldn't relax.

Oh, it's like people who come in your house with their coats on. Don't take the coat off. You're like, oh, sorry. Got somewhere to be. Mate, try doing a gig where fuckers on the front row with their coats on.

It's the worst. I can't. We've had people in our house not naming any names. Right. You know who I'm talking about. Sat there with a cup of tea with a coat on in August.

What are you doing? Are you going to down that cup of tea and go for a little run? Get your coat off you nutter. A couple of ice cubes in that tea.

I don't get it. My house is warm. We've had, you know, got double glazing. So if I was, so if it's Friday night, it's like,

I mean, 11 o'clock. It makes it worse that it's Friday. 11 o'clock's crazy. What, you're nocturnal? Let's be realistic here it's

half past nine on a friday night maybe half eight right okay our world you're sitting there in pajamas you've got your slippers on we're putting something you know line of duty or something yeah we've saved up for the week um and i'm sitting there with jeans and trainers on and a shirt what i'm like sitting i'm not sitting up straight but i'm you know maybe a couple of buttons are undone on the shirt i've got a bmi hand but i'm sitting up straight, but I'm, you know, maybe a couple of buttons are undone on the shirt. I've got a bee on my hand. But I'm, my feet aren't on the sofa,

but you know, I'm sitting there with trainers on. Would you not be able to relax? I couldn't relax, no. Really? Honestly. Wow. I'd be furious.

It's really affected us, this. I think it would really upset us. I think I can understand. Yeah. Yeah. It would be like you,. It would be like you sitting there with boots or something on and me just going, what are you doing? It's just awful. It's like people who don't

have lamps. Yeah. Oh. Honestly, I've been to houses before where they'll just have a big light on all night. I've not wanted to go back. Honest to God, they'll be like, come back around mine. We'll do another night i'm like yeah i'll not go back what makes us sad i i know exactly what you mean that sometimes i drive along the

road at night and i look at people's houses if they've got the windows on and if there's a big light on and someone's sitting watching the telly i think you better just finish decorating or something i know you know they'll be sitting there with the shoes on you better just finished painting or putting some wallpaper up because that is unacceptable. I know what you mean. Yeah. There better be a child

doing homework in the corner of that room and you've claimed the concierge and you've had to put the big light on because this is... You better be doing it, Jake's all of. Get that light off.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad times will start to happen.

Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen is the most terrifying movie of the year. The first omen. Liam Peters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th

when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com okay another question here subject is what do yous think which means there may be northern but i'm honest with you if i'm reading the bulk of this correctly, they're from another planet. Listen to this.

Just wanted to get your opinion on mine and my fiancé's sleeping arrangements. Most nights we end up sleeping on the sofa. I've got three blankets behind the sofa that we always use when watching TV. One of us ends up falling asleep first and the other one of us just snuggles up and goes to sleep too. Is this weird? I keep saying that we should stop doing this and use the bed but my partner thinks it's not a big deal we don't have kids so i guess it would probably be different if we did i do love that it means the bed is always made every morning also i love how that how little space we have together on the sofa so we have to be as close as possible. I'd honestly have a single bed for us

if he'd let me. What do yous think? I think you're making us sick, is what I think. Right. One, why are all the weirdos emailing in? And two, he's going to murder her. Do you know what I mean?

Honestly. But I mean, I love... Cut. Sorry. I love making up. I love waking up every morning and the bed's made. You don't need it. Put a gym in.

What? Turn it into an office. I'm not being funny, but I've said it once, I'll say it again. These people are costing the NHS millions. I bet they've both got bad backs. Bad backs, yeah. Honestly, imagine that listen to them at work

oh what kind of mattress you got mattress what do you sleep on sleep on the sofa my lass why just romantic oh shut up you're Danielle Clark you better be getting a private chiropractor and I better not be on my tax money

I'll be furious she's wrote here as well, PS trying not to be weird here but I just want to add that it doesn't affect our sex life so that's definitely not a problem so if you are friends with Danielle Clark when you go around maybe put your jacket down before you sit on the sofa

eww animals eww Ew! Animals. Ew! Oh. Do you remember being, right, well, you might not have done this because I don't know what your social life was like when you were younger, but I remember being younger and being at, like, house parties and stuff with lads and, like, lasses and whatever, and everyone used to just sleep everywhere.

Yeah. Fun until you have to go to sleep. Then it's just hell. You don't sleep at all. It's so uncomfortable, and you just want to die. But you don't have any money to get home. You're too young to know taxi numbers,

and you can't ring your mum or dad, because they'd be like, you're at a boy's house? What? Exactly. So, I just don't understand that logic when you've got a bed upstairs. Absolutely.

Genuinely, I'm not exaggerating here. Well, I am exaggerating slightly, but a bit hyperbole. I just don't I don't understand that logic when you've got a bed upstairs absolutely I was at a genuinely I'm not exaggerating here well I am exaggerating slightly but a bit of hyperbole it was one of the worst nights of my life in scare quotes New Year's Eve

went up to Newcastle with a load of people and we went back to a flat in Jesmond in my mate's house my mate was in the bed with some girl the beds of his

housemates were locked these beds of his housemates were locked these bedrooms of his housemates were locked because they had gone back home from uni

there must have been six people on the sofa easily all sitting up there was a couple of armchairs

with people on them the only floors available was the floor in the room with me mate and the girl but they were

doing stuff so you can't sleep on the floor while people are doing stuff. It was the bathroom floor, which was manky and soaking. The kitchen floor, which looked like a changing room of a rugby team. There was wet mud footprints all over that. Then the living room floor and the landing floor were all covered in pine needles off the Christmas tree you'd taken out the day before. I stood on the landing floor were all covered in pine needles off the christmas tree taken out the day before i stood on the landing nearly in tears and waited two hours for a taxi oh no i was crying when i got in the taxi i was actually crying bless you i was crying it was horrible

pine needles everywhere and i was in me, I was in my indie boy days so I only had like a leather, an ill-fitting leather jacket and some skinny jeans. Imagine how cold I was full of fucking pine needles. Please explain the people who were sleeping,

sitting up on the ceiling. It looked like, it looked like, have you ever been to someone's house and they've got a little display bit for their Barbie dolls but there's too many Barbie dolls and they're all sort of

leaning against the wall. It was six people asleep on like a three-person sofa and they all had planned it they all had um sleeping bags on with the hoods so the hoods were up and they're all down like kenny from south park so they knew they were gonna sleep yeah yeah they were all sitting sleeping on there yeah it was crazy and i was just like me and it was me and adam hogarth my mate and we were just walking around hog if you're listening, it was, honestly, I remember we got in the taxi. He didn't even speak to us because he knew I was ready to blow.

I think I was crying when I got in the taxi. That's hellish. It was sleep deprivation. There was no way to sit or lie down. I had to stand for two hours waiting for a taxi. What if you never told me? Got a question here now. As a parent, this is something I feel we're going to,

this is going to happen to us at some point. Okay. Divorce? No. Dear Rosie and Chris, this weekend was at my girlfriend's grandparent's wedding anniversary and we'd been out drinking to celebrate.

As often happens, after a bit of day drinking, we got a bit frisky afterwards. Brackets not to your podcast. Thanks for clearing that up. Thank God. But to our horror, her dad opened her bedroom door midway through me going to town on

her to let the cat in why is it funny that he's letting the cat in why is he letting the cat in our room the cat must have letting the cat in our room? The cat must have wanted to go in our room. Obviously heard a bit of action going on and thought, here we go, my turn. I love that our dad opened the door. In you go, Tuppence. Oh, good God. So what happened?

I haven't yet seen him. And quite frankly, I'm not sure I can ever face him again. Do I apologize? Do I give him time to pretend it never happened? I haven't yet seen him, and quite frankly, I'm not sure I can ever face him again. Do I apologise? Do I give him time to pretend it never happened? What on earth would you do? Cheers. Henry. I didn't expect your name to be Henry, but happy days. Are you talking about the cat or his dad? He hasn't seen the cat since.

Do I apologise? do i shake his paw oh that's great oh gosh really embarrassing really embarrassing yeah horrific um oh geez uh i don't um i don't know how i would handle that thankfully i've never i've never been in that situation i've never had a as the man as the man having sex with the woman and then the dad of the woman if he caught you

it would feel yeah it would feel not that it's strange because it's just your daughter and she's obviously in a loving relationship and I love the fact

that it was the grandparents wedding anniversary and that got you in the mood weirdo Henry but yeah yeah it would be weird I think what i would do is just never mention it yeah happened to me once years ago okay just never mentioned it who caught who what

happened no it was um my boyfriend's mom boyfriend's mom i just literally i was like no just never mentioned it never mentioned it ever. Neither did she. Wow. It was just like this thing that we don't mention. Right. Because it was horrific. She wasn't letting the cat in. She was getting some washing.

She wasn't letting the cat in. And since then, she hasn't let the cat out of the bag. Now, while I was giggling when you were talking there, because the closest I've ever come to this, and I don't think I've told you this. I love it because I what the closest I've ever come to this and I don't think I've told you this I love it I don't think I've told you this

an ex-girlfriend of mine I was staying at her house and I think it was the summer it was really hot and I think I'd slept with no clothes on and I went on a sofa

sat up covered in pine needles it's a thing I'd slept with no clothes on and I got out of bed and it was like, do you know,

I think I might have been drinking or something. I needed like a wee early morning wee. It must have been like six in the morning or something. I walked to the toilet with nothing on. What, in your house?

Yeah, because it was like six in the morning and I thought, no, I'll be up. And I walked to the toilet and I was having a wee with nothing on and I left the door open

and a dad opened the door. No. Right? A dad opened the door behind us and I went, oh, oh and I was having a wee with nothing on, and I left the door open. And a dad opened the door. No. Right? A dad opened the door behind us, and I went, oh, oh, I mean, yeah, sorry. And I just, I just heard him go like, oh, like that.

Oh. And then he walked off down the corridor back to his bedroom, and I just heard him go like, oh, God. Oh. I just heard him going like, oh, God. Oh.

Ruined that man's day. Poor bloke. I still feel bad about it now. Not surprised. It just sounded just destroyed. Well, put it in, now that you have a child. Yeah. Say Robin, you know, we don't know what,

you know, he might be gay, he might be straight. yeah say robin brings a bloke home yeah okay you six o'clock in the morning you just go in and see some bare bloke's arse in your toilet like it's not it's not the best thing to see first thing in the morning like i said i'm not defending myself i felt really bad i felt terrible i still feel bad about it now and i don't know how but you've managed to make us feel worse oh very funny look at us learning things that's what about each other you know what is genuinely when we did a few warm-ups so if you listen to the trailer of the podcast you'll have heard a few stories that you haven't heard yet on the podcast because they were on warm-up little ones that we did and then we'd left it far too late and we changed the name and we changed a few things but we said straight away we learned stuff about each other that we'd never ever learned before because you don't talk about you don't

sit and talk this intensely with your partner god no ever no so yeah we're quite okay talking about exes we i know some people who never ever mention like ex relationships or anything about their past like it's like it's just like like they like like they've been born at 24 yeah and only ever known that person nothing happened before then isn't it yeah it's bizarre it's kind of like i know what you mean some people who if they mention their ex their partner so they go oh you know me ex and like that's where they finish speaking but their partner he has a little invisible you know me ex who I still love in the background you know me ex

who I never wanted to leave lovely question here they've just signed it they haven't even signed the name and it's from a tattoo supplies email so I don't know who the person is one of the shortest questions

we've ever had for the podcast okay just wondering dot dot dot how the fuck do you fold fitted sheets? Sincerely yours, a confused twat and a kiss. Lovely question. It's a great question.

How do you fold a fitted sheet? I start with all of the hope and promise of folding a normal sheet. You can't really fold a fitted sheet? Well, what I'm saying is I start, I go, I can do this. I've never been able to do this before every time I go

I'll be able to do this and I get it and you fall it in half fall it in half it's the easiest bit and then you fall it in quarter and you go okay

and you go to fall it again when you're making that straight edge go to fit that crumpled mess at the bottom it's not happening and then

I'm not joking have you ever seen like the old Rocky films where he's got the speed ball and he goes brrrrrr

with his hands I just spin my hands around like that, wrap it up and just throw it in the back of the truck. Yep, I've seen it. Well done. What about you? Can't say I've ever done it. Don't think I've ever folded a fitted sheet. Need to sleep on the mattress.

Terrible question. Got another question here from Emily. Our question, our, or Emily and Becca it's from. Our question is aimed at rosie one how did you separate the wheat from the chaff in terms of finding a man i.e when did you know that chris was the man for you oh i love this question already i think because if you say you just settled i call bullshit do you want the real answer or do you want the real answer? Just come on. I think it was when you showed me your bank account.

Shut up, you liar. That I actually thought, right, this is the one. That's not a thing I do. I don't go, hey. Oh, hey, can you check this app's working? Oh, my God, no, did you see that? No. No, I know.

No, really, though, I you see that? No. No, I know. No, really though, I think we were like a little bit of a nice little fairy tale, weren't we? We were. I think we just knew. When you knew. When I tell people how fast it all happened for us, it's craziness.

I just wanted to get a podcast off the ground, I'll be honest with you. This is true. Then again though, I think you hid a lot of your weird things from us. Yeah, of course you got them. Not going to lie. Yeah.

No, that's not a thing you can do. You do as well. You hid some of your stuff. You hid the fact that you're a disgusting, filthy slob and that you just leave crap lying everywhere and you can happily live in just a pile of shit and not be bothered. It's both ways.

Oh, gosh. It was a sense of humour. It was both ways. We've got a second part of the question here. Oh, yeah. And I really like this one. it was a sense of humour it was both ways we've got a second part of the question here oh yeah and I really like this one did you find that men were

slash are intimidated by your skilful banter is this for me yeah oh dear goodness erm no

I don't think anyone's ever been intimidated no do you I don't think I have by your skilful banter no I see you sometimes

talking to blokes. Do you? Well, yeah. It's my thing. I'm normally in the cupboard. Ew. I see you talking to blokes. And sometimes, like, yeah, sometimes guys can't handle, like, you know,

when you're, like, sort of dropping, like, punchlines and jokes and saying, like, funny things in conversation. Sometimes, I think. I know what she's a lot of old I know what she's talking about this is Emily and Becca I know you know they'll have met men who

there's still blokes out there who want a woman to be silent do you know what I mean well yeah well I've never found them men attractive though that's the thing yeah yeah

good point I've always gone Abbo my type is like arrogant bastards it's backfired it's backfired it's backfired

thanks for your question don't email again it's one of my favorite parts of the podcast now it's time for our celebrity question celebrity celebrity celebrity question this is the gorgeous and very funny tom rosenthal hello chris and rosie rosie i would just like to take this opportunity to apologize for the mean things i said to your husband on comedy central's roast battle that is just the show and i hope you can forgive me chris i just want you to know that i meant every single one of them and i'll never forgive you for saying i look like a pigeon now my question is this do you guys watch tv series together and do you get that thing

when the other one has watched like an episode before you have and do you ever get frustrated about that fact if you don't watch a tv series together can i recommend plebs and fried night dinner to you and all your listeners they are excellent oh thanks mate thanks tom good good good question good question staying on brand as well because he's a TV star now. Oh, he knows his stuff. That is actually one of our biggest bugbears, isn't it? Yeah. I'm sick of having to watch stuff when you're here.

Waiting for you to come home to watch stuff is painful. I'm not going to lie. And Game of Thrones has just started again. Yes. So if you think I'm hanging around for you... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. What?

I'll divorce you. I'll cancel the podcast. I'll do it. Right, well, this is... Do you want me to unplug this mic? This is my only job, so... I'll unplug them both. You'd be ruining my life.

Now, people ask that. I've been asked that before, and it's the thing with couples. It's like you're just locked in, aren't you? You're locked in. You start watching something together that's it mate i know that's it i don't it's yeah but it's okay for couples who are you know together all the time yeah have similar shifts at work so that on a night time they'll be together

people who have different shifts or a partner who works away quite a lot it's hell on earth yeah especially if it's something really gripping and really good. What was it with us? Was it broad shit? What was it? Well, there was a show. There was something that we were watching and you weren't yet. And I was like, are you shitting me?

Yeah. And I was desperate to watch it. I will sometimes let you go, right? But now your thing, right? This was genuinely going to be one of my beefs, right? But I'll bring it out now. Your favourite thing that we do, me and you, we'll start watching a TV show together.

We'll start watching it. It'll be great. We'll get to a slightly slower-paced episode than the rest of them. You go, don't know if I like this show anymore. We could be, right? We never are,

but we could be 99 episodes in to a 100-episode series, and you'll go, don't you know i don't like this anymore don't want to watch it halfway through an episode right i go fuck it then and i start watching it right don't i and then about two weeks later everyone he does two weeks later i'll go by the way by the way i've just watched like four more episodes of that. It got really good. And then Rosie goes, oh, will you wait while I catch up?

Yeah, ref. You've done it with billions. I've just done it with billions. I'm really upset about you. You haven't watched it for six months. I know, but I did really like it. It just went a bit slow for a while. You've got to stick with it.

No, but you've got to get a script with it you've got to get a script in you've got to get a I don't work for HBO shush you've got to keep me interested right

because I've got a lot going on in me little brain and I need to be hooked if I'm not hooked I ain't got time and they're so flipping long

what am I supposed to do every episode every episode's a bastard hour do you know what I mean it's a long time that's half a film I'm not being funny what do you mean

how am I supposed to keep you gripped you don't have to keep us gripped tell the people I thought you were talking to me I thought you were

talking to me he's in bed no I don't mean you it's not your fault you're not the one on the telly it's the TV programme I thought you meant

me as your as your partner in life and in watching shows I thought you meant I had to keep you gripped and genuinely

do you know what I just worked out quickly in my head there when I thought you meant it I was just going to hold an easter egg next to the telly I'll just be salivating

I wouldn't be able to watch the programme Once again thank you so much for listening to this week's I'd just be salivating. I wouldn't be able to watch the programme. Once again, thank you so much for listening to this week's Shag Married Annoyed. Make sure you do subscribe so you can know when they are coming out. They come out every Friday. I hope you've enjoyed this episode with wine. Not too much, though, because I'm trying to lose a bit of weight for my summer holiday.

And wine, like you know, is really bad for putting on weight a bottle of wine fear in your eyes there it's true a bottle of wine is equivalent to four Mars bars apparently so I shouldn't

so I shouldn't have been dipping these Mars bars in this wine guys thank you so much for listening please if you want to get in touch email shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com it's lovely to hear from you thank you so much for listening. Please, if you want to get in touch, email shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com.

It's lovely to hear from you. Thank you very much. And see you next time. Bye-bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series this unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition

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