Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 109. Flannel Heavy

Episode Date: March 26, 2021

Chris and Rosie bring you the first podcast from their new home! The pair share removal men stories, some beef that gets Chris in to trouble and an unlikely photoshopped Dad for Robin and Rafe. There is a fair bit of flannel chat, discussion over grown ups getting pocket money and an unusual Funeral tradition. Enjoy! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying... 666 is the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now.

Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and me husband, Chris Ramsey. And we are bringing you this podcast from our new house. New house, yes. New studio. New house indeed. New house. New podcast studio.

If it does sound slightly different, I mean, I don't know how it would, but if you're one of them, one of them people who can just pick up the slightest little difference in a little echo or a little room, oh, the room you're in's a different shape. Well, yeah, that's it. But we'll have a listen back. It should sound okay.

I think it'll sound nice. It'll sound lovely. This is my office, which is like a little cupboard, and I love it. Yeah, a little cupboard, a little Harry Potter cupboard that Rosie lives in now,

which I'm very, very happy about. Guys, it's episode 109. Thank you so much for still being here, for sticking with it. Hope you're all right out there. Thank you for continuing to like, rate, and subscribe. And without further fanning on, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor.

Last week, it was a catchphrase. I'll be honest with you, catchphrases don't pay as well. Well, honestly, Chris, I'm hoping it is extremely lucrative because, you know, new house. Yeah, yeah. Got to pay them more to gorgeous. We're back in the mainstream gorgeous we're back in the mainstream we're back on product placement here we go okay

this week's sponsor is y fronts hey hey yeah you're flapping about down there fella yeah yeah going up down the stairs always a little slap when you go down the stairs a little slap little oh sometimes oh jump oh that hurt oh it slapped against my leg little bit hard that ooh ooh it hit the undercarriage ooh that's not nice like penis tits

sometimes maybe if it's like a boxer short with like just a slit in it sometimes it just falls out just comes out disgusting

hello just hey get yourself some Y-fronts ooh hey buy them for your bike keep them for life

you see right you're saying this because you bought some Y-fronts and I was like those are different yeah you said they were for your bike are you bought some y fronts and i was like those are different yeah you said they were for your bike are you just wearing them all now all the time now rosie rosie because we're living out of a box living out of box living out of a cardboard box

literally all the clothes are in boxes uh couldn't find me normal in the pants yeah found me y fronts put them on the other day good heavens i've never turned back oh you see i'm a y front guy now the the only thing about your Y fronts Chris do you have you seen sex in the city before are you about to slag my Y fronts off

a little bit have you seen sex in the city don't you dare are you talking about when Samantha's going to have sex with a little man

the man's got the saggy arse I saw your Y fronts I saw your bum in them Y fronts the other day and you look like that man

no way the old bloke what first of all can we all just give me a massive round of applause for knowing a Sex and the City reference offhand

well done modern man I'm a modern man yeah no way he was like an old bloke with like his arse hanging down like a

fucking curtain pelmet that's what yours looked like no it didn't the wife runs keep everything gathered in I didn't even want to say it there must have been baggy there must have been baggy I There must have been baggy.

I must not have them pulled up properly. It must have been that. Because this is a tight bum that we've got going on here. How dare you? You haven't been on the bike for a while. Why? Because it's fucking in the garage with loads of shit piled on top of it. Right, that's it.

This is a short podcast today because I'm going on my bike because I'm getting body shamed of this cupboard-dwelling whore. How dare I? Good God. How dare I body shame you? Good God. Can't believe this. Body for you.

Anyway, I'm a Y-front guy now, so if you need, get them Y-fronts on you. Do you know what the best bit was about Y-fronts? I was walking around, I was lugging boxes around the house the other day and I was like,

oh, I've got a bit of a wedgie going on here. How many boxes are riding up? Oh no, it's me Y-fronts. Just keeping us all in place. Honestly, give it a week, you'll be in a thong.

I will, no, no, I wouldn't, I just can't imagine, I don't week, you'll be in a thong. I will, no, no, I wouldn't, I just can't imagine, I don't think anything needs to be that far up your arse crack. Yeah, I don't like thongs.

I can't imagine that's a good thing. We've spoke about this before. Fucking cheese wire. Very, very strange invention. Nah, nah, strange.

Have you seen them things where, it's like a bloke thong, but you just put your dick in it, and it just goes around one side, and your dick just points, points over your hip. Oh. I've seen them.

Who wore one of them? Can't remember. Someone off TOWIE wore one of them on the beach. Yeah. Awful. Awful. Terrifying.

I could not walk around with that on. It just looked like it was about to pop out at any minute. It was like a game of buckaroo with your knob. Just waiting for it to just pop. Get lovely all over tan though. Apart from the underside of your dick

and that one line. That one line. Or would you have to did you have to wear like a right side one and then go yeah yeah yeah yeah just put it on the other side good idea should we crack on let's crack on why do we do every flipping week here's the jingle jingle we had a fight about the jingle jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Maridanoid. Brought to you from... What's happening? She's got her laptop on her fucking... Oh. Introduction is a little bit longer than I...

Should have found the chorus. Oh, shit, they didn't do the verse first, haven't they? Fuck me. Hang on. Oh, my God. Sing along there at home. Right, I've worked out what song it is.

Yeah, I've worked... Pause it. Just keep it going. Oh, Jesus. Do you not get done for doing this? Only like 30 seconds. Right. Oh, good God.

I can only apologise. Are you ready? New house In the middle of ready? New house. In the middle of our street. New house. Right, OK. I'll finish that.

That was... Right. That was ill-prepared, ill-thought-out. It was painful. You didn't... Not only did you not cut the intro off, you didn't cut the... So you only wanted to say

our new house. Right, well, the problem is, right, what happened there? I only thought about doing that about five minutes ago. Right. And I wanted it to be a surprise for you, so I couldn't listen to it. Right, not a surprise.

Surprises are supposed to be nice things. When that laptop goes on your shoulder, I know I'm in for a world of hurt. Oh, madness, are you kidding us? Not during a fucking podcast. It's tinny. People are gutted, man. Well, you've got sound energy. Let's email him about whatever's going on here

alright sorry everyone well I enjoyed it your dad loves madness doesn't he yeah it's ridiculous so this is funny when we went on holiday with mum and dad

and your dad had his little like I think it was an iPod shuffle or something something like that like the first iPod ever every day I was like

what are you listening to he was like madness yeah I was like have you got anything else have you got anything else on there bill in all honesty i didn't put many things on for him it's his only album he just listened to it over and over one of the worst days one of the worst days of my life was the day that i um got him that ipod and he gave us that he literally i got him i was like happy birthday and he was like oh that's amazing so how could i get all my stuff on here and i was like oh i can do it for you and he gave us his fucking discman and a pile of cds most of them pirate cds

so i couldn't even put them in my laptop my laptop would recognize what they are so i had to like take each track off and then put it on through a different thing and name them one of the one of the worst days because he had a he had a mate who for like five quid would do you any album with the covers remember that come on when people used to do you with the covers can you remember like yeah but they'd just be a photocopied picture of the cover yeah but can you remember though it was like it was always like it was a really good thing so i've got a mate i do any dvd fiverr six quid with the covers all right yeah i'll pay an extra quid for a fucking bit of paper out of his shitty printer

out of his shitty fucking Epson series one printer whatever the fuck it is non-glossy so getting back to our new house we've got a lovely bookshelf that we've got to fill me and Chris aren't big readers

even though we've wrote a book we're not huge readers ourselves there's one book on there. That's ours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a load of them in the van. Got a family WhatsApp at the minute. And me nana kindly offered her and her mates,

I've got loads of old DVDs. Fuck me. So, I was like, thanks, nana. But honestly, we're alright so the people who used to have this house called that room the library we will call it fucking blockbuster come on in to blockbuster

bring a bottle of pop we've got the full Catherine Cookson collection here we've got the Christmas selection here we've got Home full Catherine Cookson collection here. We've got the Christmas selection here. We've got Home Alone 3 and 4. Not 1 and 2. They didn't have them.

Too expensive, them ones. None of them are watchable. When you skybox at Christmas, you can only get Santa Claus 2 and 3 to download. You've got to pay for the other one. Same as Home Alone. Fucking bastards. I know what yous are doing.

So yeah, new house. New house. And we are sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. Sneaky little buggers. None of you knew. Everyone's really, I didn't realise how attached everyone was to our bathroom. Oh, that's hilarious. Good God.

When I put on Instagram that we'd moved. A lot of congratulations. Thank you so much everyone for we'd moved um a lot of congratulations thank you so much everyone for the well wishes a lot of you've just done your bathroom looking great absolutely amazing like it's literally like me mom it's like me mom's got like 20 troll accounts and just like just i'll just message him about the bathroom they're throwing money away no i very much um understand why you move and hope you're very happy but why you're moving, hope you're very happy, but why? You've just done your bathroom. Crazy, isn't it? Guys, we did our bathroom

because it was dropping to bits and then we found a house. And the thing is, we would have had to do that bathroom to get any sort of money on the house because it'd be like, well, this bathroom's dropped a bit. So it added value.

The shower was leaking through the floor into the hallway. Yeah. It was really bad. There was a brown stain on the ceiling. Yeah, I had to redo all of that. You know what I find interesting about the fact that everyone's like, It was literally, the shower was leaking through the floor into the hallway. Yeah. It was really bad. There was a brown stain on the ceiling. Yeah. I had to redo all of that. You know what I find interesting?

What? About the fact that everyone's like, you've moved? How didn't we know? This is why you shouldn't believe what you see online. Yeah. Because people don't put everything online. We managed to sell our house, move our house, and nobody knew. Quite a few people stopped me and was like,

so your house is on for sale? I was like, do you just fucking troll the internet looking for houses? What the hell's going on? No, pick where we live and that

but not, you know. So there you go. Well, don't, well again, because I've never held Rafe ever on the internet.

Never held him. Never held him. Do you ever hold that baby? I meant to tell you about this, something weird. Somebody tagged me in a picture the other day.

Yeah? Somebody, I put a picture the other day. Somebody, I put a picture on of you holding Robin and Rafe, right? Right. Someone, a weird One Direction fan account has changed your face into Louis, what's his face? Louis Tomlinson. Right. Holding Robin

and Rafe. And it's really, really weird. Wow. Really, really strange. Why have they done that? Well, I don't know. I wasn't going to tell you about it because I know you hate stuff like that, right? That doesn't really bother us.

Well, Robin was going through my phone the other day and he loves looking at the pictures and he's seen that and he's like, who's that? Mum, when did I meet Wanda Reckless? Forget about it. Mum, why am I a kip on Louis Tomlinson? That's hilarious.

Have you got your phone? Can you quickly show us it? I have, yeah. Hang on. It's really weird. Look. That is so fucking weird. Why would people do that?

That is so strange. It's really good as well. They've done it well. So, I mean, he's got his headphones on.'s clearly at a gig he's like djing his head's djing and his body's asleep with two children and in its early days of one direction so he is young as out well he looks like your nephew holding your kids so strange so they've put his face on and his face was obviously from a photo that was like aged they'd like have an instagram strange. So they've put his face on and his face was obviously from a photo that was like aged.

They like had an Instagram filter on so they've then filtered the full photo. That's the weird why would and they've wrote daddy in a heart. Mm-hmm.

But But they're not his kids. Louis, Louis if you're listening can I have my kids back please? They've changed Robin's face. So strange. Doesn't even look like him.

So fucking weird. So yeah anyway it anyway buzzing that I put my kids online and people use it with Louis Tomlinson I mean that's the thing though you don't want

you know you want people to not like photoshop and do weird stuff with their kids they haven't if anything

they've just they've given Robin and Rafe a bloody great life experience there they've met literally one

in one direction over the bloody moon we should keep that and go aye my mate he came round

Robin's gonna go to his new school and be like oh so me uncle Louis here I am having a cuddle so fucking weird

you gotta put that Harry was on the other sofa so this comes out on Friday this podcast you have to have put that on your

Instagram on Friday right okay you have to it's awful though isn't it it's so fucking robin he god honestly he was like mom who's that so you know we can now talk about the house um hence why my jaw was kicking off and we're being stressed a bit because we sold our house and we bought this one it's just a great time it's just a great time to move house it's just such a great time you're being sarcastic just make sure there's a pandemic and make sure you've got a five-year-old who isn't really been at school that much until sort of a week ago yeah um make sure you've got a new

baby two month old baby and make sure that when you're looking for the house and going through all the stuff at the house your husband has got a broken ankle oh that was fun literally you could hardly get up the stairs looking around this new house when we moved in was the first time i'd been in the house without a broken horn in my body the first time i've been in the house without crutches yeah like there's bits of the house i hadn't even gone to because i was like oh fuck it i just can't be bothered there's another set of stairs there no chance and then just to make it even more i'm still angry about this it was almost my beef this week but i've picked something else just to make it even more i'm still angry about this it was almost my beef this week but i've picked something else just to make it even more difficult you went and came on your period

as soon as we're moving as well selfish could have held i did yeah could have held that in and not just that not just came on my period came on the first period that i've had in uh what 11 What, 11 months? Oh, God. Oh, and I tell you what, Chris, it was an absolute thrasher. Thrasher! What a word! I've had to hold so much of my emotions in. A thrasher or a thrusher? A bit of both. Honest to God.

I think I've handled all of this really well, considering. Yeah. Well, I mean, one morning i did wake up came downstairs half asleep because i've been up with three or four night and i just got absolutely fucking destroyed by you it was like it was like like watching mike tyson on a punch bag i just sat there trying to drink my coffee while he just screamed at us but your letters though and i was very great well i had to leave and then your mom was like oh do you know she's on a period i was

like that makes sense oh did you mean mom yeah yeah she was like it's all right she's on a period right yeah it's been it's been it's been good fun um so obviously we came to the new house really chuffed absolutely love it um it's beautiful it's a dream home uh the guys who were the removal guys were great um really did a fantastic job uh one of them did a especially good job of bringing me right back down to earth. With a bang. With a bang. Just got the keys off the lady and came in, stood there, stood at the bottom of the stairs

and the bloke from the removal place came in with us and he went, and so sorry, I was just kind of looking around, getting chuffed and he just stopped and he just looked up the stairs. He went, look, I don't want to offend you, but I've seen bigger.

And I thought, that's nice. Oh, I love him. I love him. Honestly, that was... I needed it though, Chris, because honestly, I was just a little bit too happy, if I'm honest. Getting above your station. I needed that to go rosy.

We all need a reality check now, man. You piece of shit, yeah. Really good, really good. Don't want to offend you. Oh,

well, I think you might by the way you've started this. Bigger houses than this shit, we'll see after. Where am I putting all your crap? I've seen bigger. So that was good.

He's class. I love him. Yeah, but no, we'll stop talking about the new house but we are absolutely buzzing

and we love it and it's yeah mint thanks thanks it's time for what's your beef what's your beef

beef beef beef ladies first what's your beef okay my beef with you Christopher

we moved out of our house last week. Yeah. A lovely lady who I know, Nikki from Fionda Furnitions, I can't say it properly. She makes all my curtains. She's fantastic. Yeah.

She came round to... Oh, got your own curtain maker, have you? Oh, got your own personal curtain maker, have you? Oh, I've seen bigger. There you go. Back to work. No wonder he had to bring you back down to earth, banging on about your personal curtain fitter.

Whose name you know. I mean, she's not my personal curtain fisher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fisher. Fisher. I can't speak. She just happens to have made a couple of pairs of curtains for us. Anyway, one specific pair of curtains that I only bought a year ago,

I wanted to keep because the material looks quite expensive. So she's just going gonna use it up on loads of old bits of furniture to repulse and stuff like that okay good recycling i like it yeah upcycling actually chris that's what you call it yeah in the interior design so embarrassed who told you that your fucking curtain mate nerd can i get in my beef no you can't man i'm trying to take it down a peg or two great i just feel like that I feel like the remove man really had it. I think he's got a good

thing going on. I think he knows how to keep you in check and I might have to give him a ring after this and work out how he's done it. That's weird because I was just thinking

he was massively jealous actually. If I'm honest. I mean we can take different stances on that. He's living in your head. He's got you. Good on him.

First thing Chris. First thing. I love him. First thing I heard being the owner of your new house. I wish living in your head. He's got you. Good on him. First thing, Chris. First thing. I love him. First thing I heard being the owner of my new house. I wish I'd said it. Not even me mum

who was there with us going, Rosie, it's lovely. No, no. Wasn't that. It was the man from the removal saying that he's seen bigger houses.

Which he probably has. It's not, you know, it's not the biggest house. Well, it's not a competition to have a massive house. It's not a massive house. You know, it's a nice house. Yeah.

Anyway, I'm not bitter. Seen bigger seen cleaner seen cleaner would have hurt yeah i've seen cleaner houses and that would have been upsetting wouldn't it for both us and the previous owners so double double whammy double whammy to me beef, beef, I can't speak today. Back to me beef, Nikki came around and she was taking the curtains from the curtain pole and she said, oh,

they're actually, they're dripping at one side and I was like, are they? She went, yeah, and I went, oh,

I wonder why and then you popped it up and said, oh, well actually, Rosie, don't get mad well you can't get mad

because we're moving now and ha ha ha when I broke my ankle I was actually using those curtains to pull myself out of bed in the morning

I was I was so I was and it got to the point don't do that again in the new house thank you very much

so that was the thing so i was really i've been really worried that you were going to spot it right but then as soon as it was so strange because as soon as she was like oh yeah these can i can make a cushion a couple of cushions out of them i can put them on a chair or whatever the fabric i was like oh thank fuck for that i went i literally went so you're not using them as curtains anymore and she went no i can't because they're sort of anyway they need redone here because they're drooping and i was like yeah it's me so basically it got to the point where we were closing the curtains and as the mornings have been starting to get lighter and lighter and lighter on the right hand side near where my bit of the bed is it was like a fucking massive gap at the

top where the light was coming in and it was so scary away from the other side and i was like oh she's gonna notice it little tosser little tosser It was right okay in my defense the first 10 or 12 times I was pulling myself out. 10 or 12 times? 10 or 12. Chris 10 or 12. The first 10 or 12 times I pulled myself out that didn't make a noise it just worked. Oh you did you hear a ripping? Yeah about the 13th or 14th time it literally went and I went oh I'm not going to do that anymore. Are you actually... Why would you do that? I had a bad leg.

Chris, buy a reel? Are you shitting me? You're going to pull on me curtains. Listen, I thought the word... I thought it was expensive, made by a Nicky. You want to speak to Nicky? It's the kind of hold the weight of a human man.

They're fucking shite. Oh, I'm sorry, right? Curtains were invented to keep out the light, not to pull lazy little bastards out of bed every morning. Honestly, I thought you might have done it two or three times. Oh, no, no. You little twat. Great system I had going on.

Yeah? You are so strange. You are, like, so anal about so many things. Not curtains, it turns out. Not curtains. Why would you ever think I'm going to pull myself with these curtains?

That is the weirdest thing. When someone tells me, I've got my own person who makes curtains, I know I need them. Will you get over that? When you've got your own thing, oh, there must be decent curtains in.

Turns out, nope. Right. That's because they are very expensive and fragile. Rubbish curtains. Silly. Dunelm. With Dunelm, I could have done that thing, man,

in the Olympics where they've got the rings and they're spinning around. I could have fucking had one round each arm and abseiled down the wall. I could have abseiled out of that window. I could have abseiled out of that window and down onto the grass with a Dunelm, I tell you that. Dunelm probably make ones actually for people like you

who want to pull them to get out of bed. Have you broke your ankle? Need a little pulley out of bed i'm i'm so shocked i couldn't believe it and we were so busy moving that i didn't get to properly bollock you brilliant well this is the first time i thought it hadn't been mentioned at all so that's good don't you dare do that in this house okay but promise if i break my leg there's nothing i can do right if i put it this way if i break my leg right just take the curtains down if you if you break another bone in your body in the next five years i'm leaving you wow wow anyone is there any divorce lawyers out there is there any solicitors out there who could tell me if that is a fair thing to hear from your wife? Because I think that is a really horrible thing to hear. If I break another bone in the next five years,

he even is. Yep. Good God. Let this be known to the world listening to this. If Christopher Ramsey breaks another bone in his body in the next five years, not including nose, because that's fine. Great.

That's threatening. Anything that's going to... Is it... What's it called? Habilitate? fine. Great. That's threatening. Anything that's going to... Is it... What's it called? Habilitate? Debilitate. Right, yeah. Stop you from doing stuff.

Okay, something that's going to... Yes. That's my new doorbell. Listen to that. Did you hear it? We are posh as fuck. I've heard better. So I've just had to go and check the doorbell there

because the doorbell rang. Rosie's claiming that we're posh. She might be right because at the door is a door-to-door garden furniture salesman. What? And he wants you to have a look at the stuff he's got in his van.

What? You're changing the video? Where the fuck do we live? It's fucking Narnia. This is Narnia. Do I need to go and look at stuff now? Yeah. Am I? Should I bring me credit?

No. My card? My bank card? Just come down. We've got a... He's got stuff.... Go have a furniture. He's got stuff. He's selling garden furniture.

I don't know where we live. It's ridiculous. I'm coming. I miss South Shields. Stuff like this doesn't happen in South Shields. It's weird. Is there any... Can I have a glass of wine?

So if you can hear any banging in the background, I've basically... We've just went down to the door to see the man selling garden furniture out of his van. He fucking must have saw Rosie coming because she's just almost cleaned his entire van out and the banging you can hear is the poor fucker

putting them together outside on the drive and we've had to go mate we're busy doing a podcast can you just leave them there when you're done and fuck off so he's on the drive putting furniture together see right okay we're getting buzzing and we're thinking oh how posh are we? We've got someone selling furniture.

Did you never have the fish man come to your door? The fish man? Mm-hmm. The fish man cometh? No. Did you never have, see, well, you lived on a new-build housing estate, didn't you? Right, yeah, yeah.

We used to have people come to the door and be like, do you want to buy any fish? Right. But they'd just caught them and we used to go round all the doors. Okay. That's really strange. Yeah. We had the fish man used to come in our local doors okay that's really strange we had the fish man

used to come in our local pub no it wasn't Colin the fish man it was a different one so in the B.I.V.E on the low top along with the B.I.V.E

the pub in South Shields that used to be my haunt with me and my mates you'd get the DVD guy yes pound extra for covers we mentioned him already and you'd get

the fish man would come in as well yeah Colin's fish little tubs of little winkles and that welks yeah

vinegar with not mussels with vinegar crab sticks all kinds of stuff and now garden furniture honestly the garden furniture

I tell you what mind I would love that they used to do it back in the day when people would come to your house and sell cleaning products and everything

they saw lockdown coming a long time before it started yeah but they're not doing it anymore because you can just buy all that shit online that, but they're not doing it anymore because you can just buy all that shit online.

Oh, that's why they're not doing it anymore. Are you serious? Yeah, of course it is. Wow. Yeah. Oh. Furniture guy, I saw you coming. He's cleaned us out.

He has. I'm surprised. If you hear a bang, you can probably hear the fucker laughing as well. And I'm going to get that garden furniture. I'm going to go and sit on it later. He was selling it for cheap. Pissing down rain.

He was selling it for cheap. Selling it for cheap, which is a bit sad because of lockdown. They haven't been able to go to all of the shows. Yeah, they go to shows on it later he was selling it for cheap pissing down rain he was selling it for cheap selling it for cheap which is a bit sad because of lockdown they haven't been able to go to all of the shows yeah they go to shows what do you mean by shows so I think they go to like shows

they go to like garden shows and garden and outdoor shows where it's like almost like a car boot sale but like not and it's businesses why does my brain go to

right on stage there's just loads of furnitures and people and they're like buy our stuff buy a bench here's a kidney shaped little table

anyway yeah not a show show but yeah so I'm going to go and sit on them later in the pissing down rain so that'll be nice can't wait

that'll be nice listen my beef with you it might get taken out it might not oh well I mean you've been doing it for ages now it's not even annoying I just feel like it's just they're not annoying it is annoying right um you

constantly think that when you find a white feather in the house it's a dead relative oh yeah and i'm fucking sick of it every time you find a white feather you go oh look oh that's oh that's me nana oh that's me grandma this is her this is it and it's like right you know my granddad was here yesterday brilliant right so every time guys it's like look oh white for that found a white feather you know me granddad uh guys what are our cushions made out of every cushion in the house fucking feathers feathers every single one of them is all of the cushions in the house are made of my grandad Jimmy's soul any idea how many times I sit on one of the sofa cushions

and go oh god and I've got a sharp little thing and it won't push back in so I'll pull the feather out and I'll just

throw the feather and then it's like oh look spooky this look oh I'm getting looked after beyond the grave

look I found another feather oh hiya grand I hope you're alright I literally just pulled that over a cushion five

minutes ago you psychotic fucking piece of shit. Right, well, stop pulling them out because you're ruining the loveliness of finding them. I've started a little jar in the back sitting room. Oh, Jesus Christ. And every time I find one, I'm putting it in there.

Oh, God. I'm going to fill it up and then I'm going to say a little prayer and I'm hoping he might come back for a day. All right, okay. Just a day, just to say, how are you doing? Don't, man. It's a nice thing. When you...

You haven't really lost anybody massively close to you, I don't think. I know, I've been very lucky in that case. You didn't... You were quite young when your grandparents passed away. And I don't know. I think it's a lovely thing to just be able to go, oh, that's the...

You saying that and taking the piss hasn't made me feel any less about it no that's great that means you wholeheartedly believe it and that's fine but yeah you know every time i find a coffee bean um a straight coffee bean on the floor i know that that's my nana yeah right okay you know where she is in the she's always in the kitchen she's always in the kitchen right She's always in the kitchen. Do you know where she's in the kitchen? Right in the corner where the coffee machine is. This is just where she hangs out. This is where she hangs out.

Hiya, Nana. Are you still there? Do you know where she was the other day? Coffee Island, Asda. Millions of her. Millions of the bitch. Honestly, why are you so jealous of my beliefs?

Get your own beliefs. Oh, it's quite nice. I'm joking. It is quite nice. It's lovely. Honestly, why are you so jealous of my beliefs? Get your own beliefs. Oh, it's quite nice. I'm joking. It is quite nice. It's lovely. Honestly, everyone comes the same, eh? In feather form. All of them.

Gotta get rid of them. So for you in South Shields on the Coast Road, whenever a seagull gets hit by a truck, it's a family reunion. They're all here bits of blood and shit as well and a bit of beef but they're all here oh gosh well because

seeing as we've moved to the countryside now yeah see me first dead rabbit oh it was grim oh yeah yeah i saw i saw something on the road today when i was coming up from the

shops and i don't know what it was big it was it would have been big back in the day it had a lot of insights i don't know what it was it had a lot of insight it was all over the place it was oh good god but you know and the country is what it is that's what that's a song i should have had i thought that yes i thought you're gonna have a house a very big house in the country. Seen bigger. That's how it goes. Not as big as she was. Seen bigger. Seen bigger. Thank you. famously unnerving piece. Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play.

Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. This Friday... You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth... Bad things will start to happen. Evil things.

Of evil. It's all... No, no,. Bad things will start out. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday.

Get tickets now. What's not real? Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. It's time for questions from the public. And cues from the public.

As always, guys, if you want to get in touch, it is shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. Send anything. Send your stories. Send your would-you-rather. Send your dilemmas. Send relationship advice. Whatever you want, send it. Send your stories. Send your would-you-rather. Send your dilemmas. Send relationship advice. Whatever you want, send it.

Hello, guys. First of all, congrats on the book. Wow. So this was a while ago. Jesus, thanks. Thank you. Still available. It says here, I think I can beat the dead lady date story from last week.

I don't remember that. Dead lady date. I can't remember. Anyway, it says here, my dad died unexpectedly at 63. He lived abroad where we grew up, so we had to go over there. We are Scottish,

but my dad's partner is Chinese. So we wanted to respect the fact that he was part of two very different cultures, so we had a fusion funeral okay however it's his coffin and its contents that i think you will love okay if you think two pairs of glasses is a bit much you just wait right i don't remember talking about that anyway in chinese coffins there is a tradition of lining the coffins with hell money. Hell money?

Mm. His partner believes in the afterlife, and instead of hell money, wanted him to have everything he needed in the time 100 days when he might wander the world as a spirit before crossing over. Right, so you have one. Right, okay, so the belief structure is that you've got 100 days to wander the earth before you go to the afterlife. Oh, fucking hell, that's a hell of a layover. I know.

That is a hell of a layover. When's me connecting flight? In 100 days' time. God damn it. Going to stay at Charles de Gaulle for 100 days. So for me, this was a bit strange, but we know my dad would have wanted us to respect her wishes. That's very nice of him.

Even if he was an atheist himself. Fair enough. So, it started off by her saying that we should put a couple of his mementos into a coffin like most people do. Yeah, a couple of little favourite trinkets and stuff. But it escalated. Right, okay.

Very quickly. Okay. I went through to find piles of clothes, shoes and other items. She had packed his suit for his best friend's wedding he was planning to attend in a few weeks and a spare shirt. A spare? In the scheme of things, this seems relatively normal. It then got weirder. Weirder than that?

Yes. So hold on. Are they getting the Beringham? Yes, the Beringham. So in his coffin, this is what she's put. A lot ofirder. Weirder than that? Yes. So hold on. Are they getting the Beringham? It must be buried. Yes, the Beringham. So in his coffin, this is what she's put. A fuckload of spare clothes. Yes.

So enough for a holiday and a suit. And a suit and a spare shirt. Fuck me. She's also put in there, he's got spare socks and pants and a pair of swimming trunks. Fantastic. Just in case he wanted to go for a dip. Absolutely brilliant.

What's wrong with that water? What's wrong with that water over there? Is that a pump? It's rippling, that water. I know there's just an invisible dead man swimming there, but he does have his shorts on, so it's fine. Yes, exactly. I feel like for being a ghost,

he probably doesn't need the practicalities of swimming trunks or spare pants, but alas, here we were, handing over piles of clothing to the funeral hall manager who presumed this was a scottish custom brilliant on the day of the funeral she asked me if i had a pound coin for his pocket i asked why and she said so he could get a trolley out when he went to little I don't know about you but if I had 100 days to wander the earth I don't think I'd be going to Lidl

there's a question here my question to you guys is if you had to wander the earth for 100 days what would you get packed into your coffin? Why am I wandering? How's he going to carry all that shit? He's wandering.

He's got a fucking suit bag on his back. He's got a shirt on. He's got a fucking bag of kegs. He's got everything. Oh, he put them all in his little trolley. There you go. That's what the trolley's for. Oh, my gosh.

Just to put all his shit in. Do you think that's what it is? That's what the jolly's for? Oh my gosh. Just to put all his shit in. Do you think that's what it is? That's so weird. I don't even know if it's a Chinese custom. She might just be a maniac. She might be. Or she might just want to get rid of all his shit. Do you know what I mean?

She probably is thinking, I can't be bothered. Oh, we've got a custom where we're just like, yeah, put his wardrobe in as well. Where's that manky chair used to sit in front of the telly? Where's that? Look at the fucking stitching's coming out.

Oi, that chain with them are all. There'd have to be a big hole in the ground. Fucking tip in the tip. Do you not feel like we've talked about burial versus cremation and stuff like that?

I think it always gets taken out. I think we talk about it and it always gets taken out because it's so fucking morose but I think we've managed to find a happy little think we talk about it. Do we? It always gets taken out because it's so fucking morose. But I think we've managed to find a happy little way to talk about it. Okay, well, do you not think

somebody, when they came up with cremating bodies, was just like, oh, fuck this. I am sick of digging these six foot holes in the ground, keeping them in there.

Disgusting. Just burn them. Burn them all. Well, I feel like it was when they realised that they were going to run out of land pretty sharpish. Oh, right, okay. That makes more sense. Yeah, well, you like it was when they realised that they were going to run out of land pretty sharpish. Oh, right. Okay. That makes more sense.

Yeah. Well, you just go, well, there's just going to be no... You think if you buried every single person in a slot, if you lay everyone down, you'd cover the earth pretty quick. Yeah, you would. I never thought about that. I'd like to be buried, though. Am I selfish? Oh, God. How much is a plot? I don't... Why would...

We've moved away from me home, cemetery. Heart and cemetery. Yeah. That's the way I wanted to be. That's alright, you've got 100 days to walk there. Do you think you can,

request to be buried somewhere, if you don't live there anymore? It's got to be in your postcode. It's like, genuinely. It's like dominoes. You go on the website, you put your postcode in,

to get your nearest one. Really? No. Oh. Because that's the way I want to be buried. No, no. I've told you. Put someone next to me, Grandad, you know.

Put someone next to him. Put someone right next to him. Really? He was on the end. How much baggage does he have? He was right on the end. He had a lovely little spot in the bloody... Corner slot in the button extension.

Squeeze someone in. Raging. Hope we've got a nice name. Wow. Your family are fucking strange. So strange. So strange. Why?

Just weird. You're getting cremated, you. I'll do it myself. I'm class with fires. Don't cremate us. I'll be dead upset. No, don't. You won't be upset.

You'll be dead. You won't be upset. I'll know. I'll know. Don't cremate it. Promise me. All I'm going to have, I'm going to cremate you

and then all I'm going to have in the house is memory foam cushions. So I won't cremate it, promise me. All I'm going to have, I'm going to cremate you, and then all I'm going to have in the house is memory foam cushions, so I won't even know if you're there. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. I'm sorry, who wants to sit with a memory foam cushion? Put a cushion behind your back. Solid as a rock. Dear Rosie and Chris, please keep this anonymous.

Always. When I was around 15, I came home late one night drunk. 15, why not? Jesus. And went upstairs very quickly to get ready and into bed before my parents could see how wasted I was. We all did it. I'll tell you about when I held my friend's tongue

so she wouldn't choke on a bottle of cheap vodka. Anyway, I went in the bathroom to take my makeup off. I say take it off. I mean, splash cold water on my face

and hope for the best. Got you. Anyway, folded on the sink was a lovely black flannel. We aren't flannel people. I thought... Sorry,

no one's ever said... That is the most lovely black flannel. Not only is no one in That is the most lovely black flannel. Not only has no one in the world ever said lovely black flannel, I doubt a 15-year-old's ever went, I said, bloody, look, ma'am, dad, that's a lovely black flannel. Well, can we, that's the least nicest colour ever. It's really strange.

It's got a black flannel. Black flannel? Ew, horrible. I mean, red, possibly. Where did you get that from? Goth towels are us. Noel Fielden's house. Got it from Rabiot relative in a dead relative in a towel.com. Who's got black towels horrible

anyway these have imagine the fluff you get on yourself off a new black towel you're like a fucking big foot black towels in general

are minging the one thing black towels I was choosing black towels rank anyway does not mean anyone who's choosing black towels. Rank. Anyway, just don't meet anyone who's got black towels and is massively offended.

I wonder how many, you know how we're always gaining listeners. I reckon we're gaining listeners because word of mouth and you're all so lovely and you tell people podcasts and we do,

we love you so much and thank you. But I wonder how many we lose. Oh yeah. Like just, I mean, black towel owner is gone. Just,

I think every week we must lose a big fucking portion. It's kind of almost like deforestation, but we're replanting at the same time, so it's quite cool. Let's do a little role play, right? I've just been to the shop, right, and bought a packet of lovely black towels, right?

Yeah. And I'm on the way home listening to this podcast. You just slag off black towels. And I'm going to, this is how I'm going to react. I mean, who the hell, black towels are rank, man. Who the bloody hell, black towels. You heard this? Didn't like black towels.

I'm not listening to this shit anymore. Get it off. Honestly, I love my black towels. I absolutely love them. And be on my period and not even know. Nobody can even tell. Honestly. Hey, black towels good for scared marks. I my period and not even know nobody can even tell honestly hey black towels

good for scared marks I didn't think of that there you go you've won us back black towels next week's sponsor black towels brown towels

it's even better red towels do you know what colour dark orange towels right why earwax honestly dark orange towels can we just not wipe our

orifices on with towels can't believe you got that word right well thank you normally that would have normally that would have been a half hour around the house is that and you got it in one do you know what's hilarious i've just been speaking speaking to my mum because I'm adamant I'm discalculus, right? I've got to discal... whatever it's called. What? It's like number dyslexia. I'm really bad with numbers. But then I was

saying to my mum, because my friends said how can you be so bad at maths but you did quite well at English at school because they're teachers and they were like, right that's usually discalculus. But i do this podcast i don't feel like i am good at english so i actually just think well yeah i think i haven't got discalculus i think i'm just a bit thick yeah i just think you don't concentrate you don't put any effort in you go you go what does it sound does it sound a bit like the thing i'm going for and you just aim for it but orifice

yeah it's not even or aim for it but orifice yeah it's not even orifice it's orifice no no I think you I think you nailed it okay good plural I don't know

anyway can't be orify can it can't be orify I don't know anyway right listen the lovely black flannel lovely black flannel

lovely black flannel said Edward Scissorhands um she said here we aren't flannel people. Neither are we, person who wrote this in. It's going to be a fucking dead cat skin or something. Well, we'll see.

I thought mum must have got it free with one of the towel bundles you can buy. This week, Colours of the Rainbow. On sale. this week colours of the rainbow on sale the beauty of a towel bundle is they're all different colours for no reason whatsoever put it in each room of your house you've got your earwax towel

your period towel your shitmark towel and white for when you're getting out the bath picking it up it was wet so I thought I'd do a right good job and white for when you're getting out of the bath. Picking it up, it was wet, so I thought I'd do a right good job on my face, rubbing it for ages and making sure I got all my make-up off.

Oh, Jesus. Going to bed, I felt really proud of my drunk self and thought my sober self would be very proud of me. Got you. Anyways, I woke up the next morning and went downstairs and saw my mum remembering the lovely fat flannel folded nicely on your life your life's absolutely shit by the way that's the highlight you've had a night out on the piss and the highlight of it is you woke up remembering how lovely the black flannel was which isn't even lovely because black flannel is disgusting

so i can't wait for what this is remembering the lovely flannel folded nicely on the sink last night i asked my mum about it mentioning to her i didn't think we were flannel people and that i'd done such a good job of washing my face my mum recoiled in horror for approximately five seconds and then burst out laughing to the point where she couldn't breathe and tears were streaming down her face. Oh, man, what is it? It turns out this wasn't a flannel she had got from a towel bundle. It was, in fact, her sex flannel.

And her and my dad had indeed got it on the night before whilst I was out. Oh, no. And she had afterwards wiped up the mess using the lovely black flag. Oh my God. That's worse. See, I thought it was going to be like

the lining of something or a filter from something like awful because she was pissed and she didn't realise. Oh no. My thing about reading this, right? Why? Right, we about reading this, right? Oh. Why? Right, we are parents now, okay?

One of our sons has come in drunk at 50 and he'd be getting a bloody ralking round the ears, first of all. But secondly, he's used our lovely black sex flannel, right? And then he comes to us. Right. He comes to us the next day going, oh, that flannel. I used that. next day going oh that flannel

I used that I didn't know what flannel people ma'am would you tell him that we wiped up our stuff with that

I mean no I definitely wouldn't put you probably my main thing if I was sitting there on a morning and my son came

downstairs and said hey good morning dad hey I washed my face with that lovely black flannel upstairs around the sink lovely black flannel that I've face with that lovely black flannel upstairs around the sink. Lovely black flannel, that.

It was coming in the sink. I've never seen that lovely black flannel. I didn't know where your flannel, Peter. Lovely black flannel. I would go, shut up, you boring cunt. Why are you talking about flannels? I'd go, what kind of pattern is that? You're the son of two prominent podcasters, and I'm a comedian,

and you're coming down. That's your opening gambit on a morning banging on about the flannel. Fucking hell. Do you know what I'd say? What? Didn't happen. Didn't happen. Lovely black flannel.

What a boring family. Oh God. Nah, that means obviously the man just couldn't she just couldn't hold that laughing. I mean you wouldn't be like she's obviously just backed into a corner

and thought what do you do yeah yeah that's oh man you've just washed your face fully

with your mam's and dad's juices well done oh for god's sake people are why did you leave it on the sink

oh that's I know I know again I've told you there is not a flannel exists we've mentioned flannels before

there's not a flannel exists on this planet that hasn't been used to wipe up spunk. Not a single one. Honestly. When I go into hotels, I've told you, they leave them on the side of the sink. I literally, with my elbow, I just push them off the sink onto the floor

and I don't touch them again for the rest of the time I'm there. Fucking disgusting. There's just loads of flannels on the floor. Loads of flannels. Lovely black ones, brown ones, white ones, all kinds. Some as big as your head. If the flannel is as big as your head, I'm afraid it's a hand towel. Hi Rosie and Chris.

My question is about money. My husband and I have a joint bank account since we got married seven years ago, where we get paid and do all the bills in bits. Okay, so all the pay goes into one big pot? Yes, I'm guessing so. That's how it is. We share all our money equally, but have separate accounts for spending money for things like buying presents for each other.

Okay. So they'll siphon it. So, say, at Christmas time, they'll each go, we're going to spend £100 on each other, and they'll take £100 each out of the account yes yeah i get it i get it i get it ridiculous but okay just go to the cash point fair enough people have got to be online okay who knows anyway however right this is where it gets a bit tricky right my husband luke has a very generous grandma who has been giving him 1010 a week pocket money since he was

about 12. Sorry, no. Adults who keep taking pocket money. I know. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Get in the fucking bin. Fucking 40 odd year olds who still take £10 off their nana a week. You want locked up. You want shot with shit. How fucking dare you. Let her get another

blooming, let her get some posh tea bags or something you fucking cunts. Oh, me nana'sana's boilers broke oh thanks nana for me 10 pounds i've brought them blankets for you because your boilers broke right you got me uh you got me sweetie money because i'm 45 got me got me cinema money horrible listen to that sentence. My husband's grandma gives him £10 per inning. A week. A week.

A week as well. I don't get that much off me mum and dad. I know. So do you want to hear the rest? Yes. It says here, she still does this now, even though he is 30 year old.

Nah. Horrendous. And whenever we go down to visit her, she has it saved up and a wad of tenas for him. Fuck off. Fuck off. Nah. She does.

He's pathetic. He's pathetic. I'm sorry, mate. Luke, you're pathetic. He's getting his inheritance early. You're pathetic. Well, there's a question here. My question is...

Is Luke pathetic? Yes. Is Luke very clever? Am I jealous? I'm probably just jealous. Yeah. I love money. Tax free.

Tax free. I love like £10 notes. I tell you, didn't I? I've said it on the podcast before. I used to get me Christmas money and stuff and me mum would change it to fivers so I had loads of them. Chris Algo won,

but we used to get pound coins. Did I ever tell you when me mate randomly told us, I think he told us once, one week, I think I used to get a fiver, pocket money, which was a lot. You got pocket money off your mum and dad? Yeah, yeah.

You got pocket money off your mum and dad? Yeah, yeah, I got pocket money off my dad. Oh, gosh, we didn't. I actually got it off my nana. Right, okay. One pound a week until you got to the end of comp, and then you get two. Wow, okay.

Yeah, she had a lot of grandchildren, bless her, and I always thought it was just lush. And she'd have it piled up on the cabinet and we all used to go for tea on a Friday all the cousins, I mean I say go for tea did I go for tea or did I go for my pocket money not sure, probably for my pocket money if Luke was there, Luke the fucking sponger

Luke would just go in and just just scrape all of them off into his pocket like fucking Sheriff of Nottingham I love it my mate once told us that all of them off into his pocket. Take the lot of it. Like fucking Sheriff of Nottingham. I love it. Right, go on, tell me what I'm talking about. Oh yeah, my mate once told us that, he was like, you know when you get to 12,

it's like the law is that your parents have to give you like £7.50 pocket money. He's like, you know, it's gone up. He's like, there's a law. That's law back then. Yeah, but it's bollocks though, isn't it? Oh right, yeah. It's a law.

He was like, they've said, like the police have said, it's got to be £7.50. I remember like marching into the house and happily telling my mum and dad and they were like, fuck off. I was like the police have said, it's got to be 750. I remember like marching into the house and happily telling my mum and dad and they were like, fuck off. I was like, do you know the pocket money's gone up, mum. It has to be 750 a week.

My mum was like, that's not a thing. I was like, oh, okay. My question is, should he share his money with me? No, you should just give it back to the nana. What the hell's going on? Who are you people? Who the fuck are you two? Honestly, listening to a free fucking podcast right emailing in a free podcast talking about

taking money off an old lady let her keep it what if she's really well off but still well what's what if she's right if she's really well off if she's like a billionaire just got like land and helicopters and you, corgis and then it's neither here nor there for the tenner. So what's the point? Why, I don't know, it's a bit weird.

Right. But if she's not, which I assume she's probably not, what... What if he's... What if he is her only grandchild and giving him that £10 a week makes her feel better?

What about that? I feel like, unless, right, I feel about that I feel like unless right I feel like I feel like he should at least every single time he goes

go oh no Nat come on I feel like there should be a debate every time no he takes the words yeah I don't feel like there's a debate

I feel like sometimes he just drives past and just like knocks on the door and goes got that money Nat cheers like a drug dealer collecting a drop off

yeah I'm just a bit jealous if I'm honest it would be lovely I hate him look I hate you so are you saying no you shouldn't share it

I'm saying don't let the nana just give her it back that wasn't the question she was asking well the question is no you shouldn't my answer is

no you shouldn't share it second part of the answer you shouldn't be fucking taking it I think you should share it I don't think you should take it. Okay, that's by the by. Would you get

over the fact, the nana wants to give him the money, right? It's got nothing to do with you, what she does with her money, right? She wants to give it to her grandson. Get over it. The question is, should they share it? No, I think they should share it. I think they should not only share it, I think she should back date how much he's had and work it out per

week for his full life and he should give her half of now you're speaking my language that's not fair actually since the met i think since the met and became official boyfriend and girlfriend he should back date and half everything and give it to her i just think from marriage or he's even more of a fucking little weasel right let's stop luke i'm like luke i'll fight you i'll fight you come and find me house it's the. Luke, I'll fight you. I'll fight you. Come and find me a house. It's the one with all the teak furniture outside. I'll fight you.

But I tell you what, put all your nana's money in the middle when I take some. Luke, please don't come around. I'm really tired. I've got a newborn baby. I'm not hard at all.

I don't want to fight you. I'm just kidding, please. Dear Rosie and Chris, after this week's podcast episode 107 so not last week the week before when someone wrote in about a sock used to catch bum sweat yes i do you know the arse sock i've been pulled up on numerous occasions and knowing your joint hatred of flannels yeah which we've ended up talking about this week i decided to share this little nugget with you both. Okay.

So let's see if you enjoy this. Nuggets are... Nugget was stuck on the flannel. Yeah. Are they called winnets? Is that what they're called? Yeah, but... The little bits of poo that men get stuck on their arse hair?

They're called winnets up here. Oh, right. In the northeast, we call them winnets. Yeah, I only found out about them about seven years ago. It's a little bits of... Sorry, guys, this is really more dirty than we you know why it was a little bit of sorry guys this is really more dirty than we ever go but it's little bits of is it though well yeah because it's really descriptive i don't like having to describe stuff but it's little bits of feces that

get stuck in the bum hair of a gentleman or a lady if she's got bum hair um and they say uh up here we'll call them winnets and you know why we call them winnets no because the bits of poo that when it come out is that why is that why the winner come off because they grabbed on bits of shit that when it come off shut up yeah so when it is jordy for won't yeah yeah bits of shit that when i honestly thought they were globally called winnets so that's globally do you know when i was in thailand and I said I just I said to the tourists I said to the tourist guy I just said

do you call them minutes sorry madam turn it I passed the mic on the coach I got the microphone on the coach

and I said does everyone where's everyone from do you all call them globally hello welcome to France

don't do accents do you have minutes no no no why not do accents. Do you have minutes? No, no, no. Why not do accents? I love doing accents. You're bad at them.

You're really bad at them. All right, great. Okay. Well, anyway, let's chat on. Let's carry on. Okay. Some years ago, I went on holiday with my extended family, and we all stayed in a beautiful, large house together. Got you.

On the second day, in one of the shared bathrooms, I came across a flannel on the counter and half a dozen other flannels in the drawer, Got you. Wow. Having a good holiday, aren't you? Why is everyone such a boring fucker? I'm not being funny. If you went to a hotel or like a house that you were sharing and you saw loads of flannels

I wouldn't I'm just I'm going to stop myself now I wouldn't count them all I never thought I never ever thought I'd see this when I started doing the podcast

but it's a bit flannel heavy this week I know maybe maybe it's me grandad trying to tell us that I need to get a flannel for the new house

no flannels will be happening in this house come on I assumed this had been done by the company that had rented us the house kind of like

a super sanitary way of keeping the flannels clean but no how wrong I was a short while after I had used the one in the bag

that was on the counter to wash my face who right right this is no wonder no wonder there's a pandemic because people are just who why is everyone just finding a thing a random thing finding a flannel and going i'll just rub this all over my face what the fuck's wrong with everyone

i'm a little bit embarrassed right i haven't i got the questions this week i didn't realize that i had two questions involving wiping your face with with a monkey flannel you just found i haven't i got the questions this week i didn't realize that i had two questions involving wiping your face with with a manky flannel you just found i don't know i'm really sorry no it's fine because it brings us to my point why do people just go oh this thing oh yeah i'll just assume i'll just rub this with me feet like like you don't pick up a mask like the masks that everyone's wearing at the minute you don't just pick one up and go oh mask i'll just put that on my face and you know it could have been someone else you don't know where it's been but people just people just trust flannels blindly well to be fair though if you're staying

in a rented house and she's thinking that they're just there to wash your face no right so she's fucking found them randomly being confused but just used one like fucking goldilocks yeah just using everything a short while after i had used the one in the bag that was on the counter to wash my face we all sat down together for breakfast i remarked to everyone how nice it was that they were fresh clean flannels to use cue some confused looks from the rest of the family and one family member who looked particularly sheepish oh god oh jesus turns out my cousin has an extensive collection of arse flannels that he had brought with him he's a daytime arse flannel yeah he uses two a day and puts them back in their bags

what's wrong with everyone oh god he's got them in sandwich bags he's counted how many days he's worked out how many days he's there he's got two for each day two little sandwich bags so so yeah so he uses two a day and puts them back in the bags after he's carried out his twice daily rectal cleaning ritual so i had inadvertently washed my face with the first of the

sphincter rags that he had used that very morning I thought there was he going to be down a flannel and have to like go and source

another flannel or maybe turn one flannel no she's used the used ones so she's used she's used and do you know what's even worse

they're Marie's travel laws they're the travel ones they're not even the good even worse they're Marie's travel arse flannels they're the travel ones they're not even the good ones no they're not although they get used less the travel ones do get used less

I suppose if they're his travel arse flannels what do you mean I'm saying he's been in transit with that arse flannel oh right okay so he's travelling Chris he's actually

he should probably go to the doctors the other guy just got sweaty on a night as we all do in bed it's a bit hot this guy this guy's this guy needs some sort of operation most people who write into this podcast need to go to the doctors yeah

um that's incredible he's having to clog his arse every day with a flannel because he's that twice a day i mean why is he from the middle mean, ah. Do you want your pack a wound? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When, like, that's what this is. So, basically. Terrific. Is it strange that I find it a little bit better that he's got separate ones

and he's put them in all the thing and stuff? Honestly, I respect that. What's wrong with Bog Rule? Look, we've all gone for a courtesy wipe in my time. We've all gone for it. Everyone goes you know you have a bit

of sweaty bum during the day. I think this is more of a man thing. Is it more of a man thing? There are blokes out there.

I don't have to do a courtesy wipe. I'm not saying this for all women. We're all different. For instance when we're moving in the house I'm lugging a

load of boxers. Did you have your courtesy wiped in our new house? Didn't have to. I had wife runs on. But the point is if you're wearing your baggy boxer shorts and you're going you're moving you're sweating you might have

to think oh i don't know i've got a really sweaty bummy i might go and have a little i don't know i've never had a sweaty ass crack well i don't get a sweaty ass crack well i get my curtains made specifically okay right well done. I am not posh because I didn't get a sweaty arse. Like, don't be... I get boob sweat. I get really sweaty under me boobs. Right, there you go. Maybe I need to...

Oh, you are one of us, Mrs. Ramsey. It's Ramsey to you, actually. Ramsey. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagged, Married and Flannels which is now part of the Acast Creator Network Yes indeed, it was inadvertently and retrospectively sponsored by Flannels. Guys, thank you so

much for listening, we hope you're alright out there we hope you're hanging in, not long now, hopefully we're going to be back to some kind of normality, and we can see and cuddle people again and all kinds of lovely stuff Oh shit, that's still happening. That is still happening, yeah. You're too busy getting curtains made and googling flannels. As always,

if you want to get in touch, it's shagmarinoid at gmail.com We love you, we'll see you next week. Bye! I just want to quickly say, if you've got black towels and black flannels and you've made it to here, that we're sorry. I'm not sorry, you should stop it. Get better towels, it's weird. Really weird. I'm not sorry you should stop it get better towels it's weird really weird I don't want to lose listeners

oh okay I mean you put a black flannel in a wash with your other colour stuff it's game over alright yeah well okay it's not practical

you've got grey clothing everything's grey alright love yous bye bye You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca.

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