Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 114. A lady from the 90's

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

On the podcast this week Chris & Rosie have some exciting SMA news! They discuss that thing called fashion, second hand clothing and Robin’s trampolining incident. The beefs are eggy and QFTP’s involve bins, a PDA that goes wrong and an unusual use of a plastic bag… environmentally friendly though.  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental

Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Mountain Oid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey, who, before every record, says love you, and I say love you too.

But why are you saying that as if it's a bad thing? I'm not. I'm just letting everyone know. Well, we do that. I say love you. We normally do a fist bump. We didn't do a fist bump this time. All right, OK, come on. And I didn't tell you what episode it was, so this is going to be a disaster. Right, what's the point?

Fucking disaster. Sorry. Oh, God, I feel like one of them football players who's forgotten to do his touch the pitch and then do all the crosses and all the things before they do. You've seen some of them do that. They walk on and they get substituted on

and they go, they touch the deck and then they look up and then they touch the shoulders and then they do all this stuff. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's why this episode's going to be the shittest episode ever.

Calling it now. Anyway. Oh, what was yours? Well, you know, I've got a bit of a twitch. Yeah. I used to, before I went on stage, just stand at the side of the stage and do me twitch loads which is i shouldn't laugh right so for those of you who don't know it took me a while to spot it

rosie's twitch it's like a little no it's almost like a little um no i look like a little nose snuffle in it like you do i mean you say a little it used to be a lot worse. Do you know the lion at the beginning of a film when it goes like that? The MGM lion. Yeah. It's a bit like that and my whole face kind of moves It is a little bit like that. Yeah. So I do that and I used to before I went on stage just stand

with my face to the wall and Stand in the wings and do that did you? Yeah yeah. Thoughts and prayers to the actor who was on before you who had to look into the wing and seeing that going on. Yeah, well, it was one time when I was in Amherst.

Did you ever go on before that, Rosie Ramp? Did she just stand just trying to put you off? Just making her face go berserk in the side, staring at you like a killer? Yeah, she does.

Yeah, I hate her. I don't like doing gigs with her. She's the worst. Oh, it's because a woman told us off once. What? She was like, when you're on stage, your face. Stop moving your face. Great.

Stop moving your face. Stop moving your face. It's a dredge. It's a dredge. Rosie, I forgot to tell you what episode it is, and I'll tell you now. It's episode 114. 14. Yeah, there you go.

Did I say that before? Did I say it before, or did you just know? I mean, it's not that hard to 114. 14. Yeah, there you go. Did I say that before? Did I say it before or did you just know? I mean, it's not that hard to keep up. No, no. It's not that difficult. I find it very hard to believe that you'd know what episode it is without me telling you. No, I actually have quite a good skill for finishing off sentences.

Right. Right, go on. For my tea, I would like... Would like... That's nothing. That's just repeating this. No, no, I do it at the same time do it again

tomorrow I would like to go you're just copying you're just echoing what I say I hate stop this now horrible I've got a skill for finishing sentences you're a fucking lush

can you stop right anyway this is the end oh my christ gosh every time guys thank you so much for listening

we love you thank you for coming back without further ado it is time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor

and for once it actually is a lucrative sponsor it's not one thing it's a hundred and ten thousand tiny little things oh it is indeed

more info after the jingle here's the jingle we had More info after the jingle. Here's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle.

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Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jing where the young whippersnapper in the street selling papers went, extra, extra, read all about it. But she managed to cut off the extra bit. So he just said, rat, read all about it. Horrible. Should I do it again? Definitely not. Right. Definitely not.

Listen, welcome to the podcast. We are delighted to have you here. We have some extremely exciting news. Excited and terrifying. If you don't have social media and you don't follow us online, that's absolutely fine. I'm actually good for you. Well done.

Jealousy. We are doing... Oh, you do it. You're going to say... I'm going to say something wrong. Tell the truth. Is it because you don't really know the ins and outs of what's happening here?

Fuck me. I just want to be picked up, tell where I'm going, and then do it. So guys, massive news. news huge news we have added a shitload of arenas to our podcast tour it's happening in december this year there's 110 000 extra tickets on sale and they are on sale now if you listen to this on friday and after well

this comes out on friday morning oh this comes out about seven o'clock on friday morning so 10 o'clock friday they are on general sale. So go for it. And it's in December. Scoot them bad lads up. It's in December this year. We're doing all over the shop. And I've decided

that the theme tune for the tour will be It's Christmas time, shag meridional life. Okay. So we are extremely excited to be going on tour twice. Twice.

Two tours. The September tour and then the Arena exclusively. Just Arenas. Arena tour in December. And tickets are available at 10 o'clock on Friday. Very, very exciting stuff. So today. They're available today.

Unless you listen to it afterwards, in which case they're already available now. So get them scooped up because the last time they all sold out in about 24 hours so very exciting stuff it'll be lovely to have you there she's picking up her laptop again horrific utterly horrific babadoo babadoo bab

great babadoo babadoo babadoo bab so I haven't told you about this yet I went to visit my nana yesterday mint had her jabs.

So she's like accepting visitors and that, you know, outside of, you know what I mean? So went to see nana. And do you know I chucked loads of stuff away to charity? Loads of clothes that I've had. I've had some of these clothes, I swear to God, for like 15 years. I was like, right, I need to chuck out, blah, blah, blah.

Went to me nana's. I give them all to me nana because her friend runs a charity shop okay so she passes them on to her friend nice every time my nana

gets a load of charity stuff all the family go around and it ends up just being spread up around like a plague of filthy disgusting locusts like a plague of

begging awful just skin flint womble locusts you are awful who just descend on the house and just everything.

Honestly, you can't throw anything away. I've never known anything like being married into this fucking family. It's really nice though when you go to a party and so like my Nina,

my cousin, might have me top on and there's been times when I've took other people's stuff and you go and they're like, oh, that was mine. You're like, yeah, I love it. And it's getting like

a new lease of life. I'm just not allowed to throw anything away. It's weird. I'm not allowed to throw anything away. It's no, oh, look at this. It's got shit on it and it's getting like a new lease of life I'm just not allowed to throw anything away it's weird I'm not allowed to throw anything away it's no oh look at this

it's got shit on it and the sleeves fell off and you know it's been on fire no take it to me nana someone will have it and lo and behold it could be a duster

lo and behold one of them will fucking womble it away and then yeah you go to your nana's house box and day and they've all

got your clothes on it's like some kind of weird fucked up being John Malkovich where everyone's dressed as you from the past horrors

well because you've married into a family where all the blokes are similar size to you they all are Jimmy

Kevin Jacob you know you know what it is I think I'm getting the bottom of the video what annoys us

the most is Jacob and Kevin specifically I throw clothes away they get them I see them wearing them and I go fuck they look really good in them one I Kevin specifically I throw clothes away they get them I see them wearing them and I go

fuck they look really good in them one I'm annoyed I threw it away but two yous look better than I did in them and this is just bullshit gutted

yeah so went to me nana's and she came out right with about six clothes on hangers and I was like what she went

oh one second before you go and I was like right she went eee I've rescued these from the charity for you right so she'd gone through the whole charity bag right and she'd picked out items that she thinks that i'd made a mistake thrown away so she washed them ironed them hung them up and went you don't you can't throw this away i was like nana wow i've had it's the old you know i showed her the label i was like they don't even use that label anymore that's how old

it is and she she was trying to give us my clothes back wow i love that i thought you're gonna say she answered the door in your wedding dress wouldn't fucking put it past her afternoon Afternoon. See you through this away. Here's your cup of tea. On the same vein, when we're talking about clothes, I spoke to Kate yesterday, my sister. Sister Kate, yeah. Also another avid wombler. She's not as bad.

She's not as bad. She said to me yesterday, she was like, Rosie, I've decided to wear them floral dresses and then you wear trainers with them and a denim jacket. People on Instagram wear them and they look lovely and then whenever I put them on, I took a bag of shit. Just like, why

have you got that flannel on with them trainers? I just look horrific right so hold on so it's a it's a thing now on instagram that people wear floral dresses with denim jackets and trainers and trainers right it looks it's it's a fashion it's called fashion chris okay i'm not familiar with this yeah it's the f word that we don't use right okay so she rang and she was like and i wore it and i thought ah look you know this looks great and i was like well you can carry that off she you know she's raked in. She's died tall. Sorry, sorry. She phoned you specifically to have this conversation.

No, we were having a conversation. Why would she ring me to tell me that? Because it's just a boring, just a, Rosie, hello, big news. Put on what you're doing. I'm going to do it. You're going to do what, Kate? I'm going to do it.

You're going to move house? No. You're going to, you know, get another dog? No. You're going to take university night classes? No. I'm going to wear the flower dresses with the denim jackets and the trainers.

Extra, extra. Hold on, I'll get my laptop. Extra, read all of you. Couple of boring sods. Christ. Come on then. Fuck, she's going to wear out. She's going to, oh.

Honestly. No, sometimes, can I just say, dear listener? Why? No, dear listener, right'm gonna no dear listener right sometimes i'm in the house in some kind of quandary i'm either busy getting stuff out of the cellar or unpacking boxes or hoeing stuff away for the tip or sorting our children out and i'll be like rosie it's like two seconds i'm on the phone as if something important is happening on that call and now i hear you just talk about your sister taking the leap.

And wearing a dress. Oh, good on you, Kate. Fuck me. Christ. I'll sleep at night now. Gee whiz. I hate yous. No, I'm sorry.

I know this sounds like I'm getting angry for no reason. But the amount of times I get fucked off in the house because you're on the phone and I get ignored you some I've told it I've told it about before you'll sit outside in the car on your phone

for 45 minutes like someone's I'm avoiding me family life oh anyway anyway right she's okay

she's wearing a dress oh she's so brave she's so brave hey Kate if you're listening you're so brave man oh go on oh hey we didn't you know what I never thought you'd do it if you're listening, you're so brave, man. Oh, go on. Oh, hey, we didn't...

You know what? I never thought you'd do it, but you're wearing a flower dress with a denim jacket and some trainers. Good on you. Jesus. Hold on. I'll phone...

Who do I know in the paper so I can quickly phone and tell them? Sorry. So, anyway, she took the plunge. She did wear it. Took the plunge. Right, she did wear it and she felt great yeah and then um her son daniel he's 12 obviously my nephew he said he said kate hey

mom you're dressed like one of them women from the 90s what does he mean well because this is a fashion that's like returning so now all of the trends of when we were younger are coming back fantastic

and that's what we used to wear so he but to me I found it really terrifying that now kids think 90s is like ages ago ages ago

every time something comes I think did I mention it last week that it came up on Instagram that the Matrix came out 22 years ago and I nearly burst into tears yeah

I'm sick of them what Shrek isn't Shrek Shrek's 20 year old oh god Toy Story sick of them man horrible

yeah crazy I think I saw a thing that Dragon Ball Z the anime cartoon is like 32 years old you've lost us you've absolutely lost us

you had us at Shrek and Toy Story. I wasn't going to watch Dragon Ball Z, but I took the plunge and I started watching it, so I quickly phoned me mate and talked about it for 45 fucking minutes. Christ. Boring as sods. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah!

So, big news as well, that we actually didn't talk about at the time because it was too harrowing and we were too worried about it. What? But Robin, like father, like son, sprained his bloody ankle the other week, didn't he? Oh my word.

Oh yeah, we didn't mention it, did we? Well, he's out of his moon boot thing now because it was just a sprain, thank goodness. But I couldn't believe it.

Like, what is it with our family and ankles? Yeah, well, I haven't done mine since having a family. Yeah. You decided to do yours, you know,

with two children. Honestly, the most embarrassing thing was, so basically, Robin was on the trampoline, he hurt his ankle. I mean, are we not going to tell them how it happened? Are we not going to?

Oh, hang on, hang on. You mention him every other Flippin' podcast. The only time you're not going to mention him is when he's actually... Uncle Carl, Carl Hutchinson. Dislocated with child's ankle. Sprained it, he sprained it. Basically, I think, didn't we,

it was weird because like that week on basically I think didn't we it was weird because like that week on the podcast hadn't we mentioned that at the trampoline parks they tell you not to jump on the trampoline together we had

oh my word and that's exactly how we did it yeah we had and I remember having to tell the doctor how's it happening I was like you know the first thing they tell you on the trampoline video

about don't double bounce and affect someone's bounce I just do that to my son all the time and then his uncle did it and broke his ankle. We took the piss about having to watch it

over and over again. Like that week. Well, I was seeing them. So spooky. Because I didn't know that because I never take Robin to the trampoline park. That's always where

you've been called. First thing on the video. Well, why do you do it then? Well, just, you know, it's fun, isn't it? No, it's not because when I had to come to hospital

and see my child, you know, with the massively swollen foot. Huge. That was not fun. No, it's not. Because when I had to come to hospital and see my child, you know, with the massively swollen foot. Huge. That was not fun. It was black and blue. It was massively swollen. He was very, very brave.

He got a little moon boot. A little moon boot. Same as us. The same as I had, that they call it. That was the weird thing when the guy was putting it on him. He was like, right. He was like, to me. He was like, right, mate, this is how you... And I was like, I've literally had...

I had one on a month ago, mate. I was like, I've literally got the same one is how you and i was like i've literally had i had one on a month ago mate i was like i've literally got the same one same make and everything just a child's one yeah but he made a fool of her robin did what do you mean so we were both like scarred for life frightened because they were like we don't know if it's sprained or don't know if it's broke yeah yeah i phoned again big shout to daryl who's who's me physio who sorted mine out i phoned him and i was like crying i sent him the x-ray and i was like is it gonna be all right he was like look it looks just like a sprain crying my eyes out next day robin's at a party with his friends from school i'm like is he all right i looked over he ran past a blur shouting at the top of his voice i'm running on me bad foot

kids man give a shit just like i literally, I literally looked and I was like, I was crying about that yesterday. It was black. It was, honestly, it was that green, bluey black all the way around his foot and all the way up. And he was just fine. It was, so I was in there again in the hospital. The staff were phenomenal.

Oh, big shout out to Heather, who works in the canteen in Hexham Hospital. All right, why? She, as I went into the hospital with Robin, he was asking for some quavers from the machine. Of course he was. Because, yeah. And I had no money on us,

and the machine didn't do contactless, and she heard us, she was walking past, and she came back in, and she gave us a quid, and I got the quavers with that, and then she came in and gave me a little juice box thing as well. Oh, that's lovely. And it was just really, really nice.

And I was already emotional. And yes, did I cry over some Quavers and some juice? I might have cried over some Quavers and some juice. And was he running on his foot the next day at the party and make me look like a right cunt? Yes, he was. But big thank you to Heather. She was so lovely.

So lovely of her. Thank you, Heather, for looking after my child more than his father did. Brilliant. Yeah, blame Carl. Appreciate it. Yeah, Heather, Carl's the one, the real one to blame here. Can we Yeah, blame Carl. Appreciate it. Yeah, Carl. Heather, Carl's the one, the real one to blame here. Can we just,

poor Carl, bless him. Carl was heartbroken. He was in a bad way. Absolutely heartbroken, yeah. He says he'll never forget the scream. Oh, bless his heart. Carl, we don't blame you. We don't blame you.

But don't be coming round. Yeah, yeah. Anymore. And when your brain's born, yeah, I might want to keep them out of our way yeah yeah

revenge bitch no that's terrible when I was in the hospital though and the doctor was sort of feeling Robin's foot in the

different places and it was swollen it was black and blue and I'm telling you this kid he's I don't know where we got him from

because the doctor was pressing on the side of it he's going right okay is this hurting he's going no he's going about this what

about this is this hurting no and then he pressed right on the bruise is this hurting? He's going, no. He's going, about this? What about this? Is this hurting? No. And then he pressed right on the bruise. Is this hurting? Robin went, no. Then he moved Robin's foot up and went to Robin. Like, he moved the foot up, you know, if you lift your toes. Moved it up and he went, how does that feel?

Robin went, good. And the doctor looked at us as if to go, what the fuck's wrong with this kid? Well, I think you might have that thing. I've said it before, where he doesn't feel pain. No, no, I think because he screamed when it happened and it was hurting for a bit. But then afterwards't feel pain. No, no, I think, because he screamed when it happened and it was hurting for a bit. But then afterwards,

he's just like, no, I'm just hard as fuck. What are you going to do? He's going to, do you know what it is? He's going to go into UFC or something, isn't he? He's going to do it.

Motorbikes. No, no. Not even just, I was going to say skydiving. He's not even going to be just skydiving. He's going to be doing that thing where they dress like a fly and squirrel and fly through fucking canyons the illegal like 400 mile an hour you

know them things he's gonna be doing them and he's not allowed honestly shout out all the parents out there well someone told me once that having a kid is like uh ripping your heart out of your chest and having it walking around in the world on its own yeah that's exactly what it's like it's like your heart has jumped out your chest and it's walking around out there and you've got no way of protecting it. I just, do you know what it is? If I could, if somebody came along and says, here's a wish, right? I'd go, right, thank you so much, appreciate it.

And my wish would be, I wish that... More wishes. Well, obviously. I mean, I'd absolutely try that. Come on. Who do you think I am? I'm a mug. So, my second wish would be,

please, whoever's granting me this wish, let Rafe be a proper little weakling. What do you mean? I want him hanging around me ankles. Right. I want him to be soft as cloth. That's tragic. Nah, I do, for the rest of his life.

I want him to just be like, oh, mummy, no, I don't want to do that. And oh, oh, mummy, I don't want to go down this slide. Oh, mummy, I'm too young for that. This is what I want. That would be me dream. You want Ned Flanders' children from The Simpsons. I want Ned Flanders' children.

You want Rod and Todd or whatever they're called. Whatever, I don't care. That's what I want. Because I cannot live anymore with... Is it rambunctious or rambunctious I never know sorry Sandra yeah yeah

Robin is just so much he's too much and like he just can't he will jump off everything yeah yeah yeah

do you remember like last year did I talk about it on the podcast when we were at the park and he just jumped off and fell on a bike oh yeah yeah

I was just like are you fucking are you are you crazy why are you doing this? And the older he gets, I keep thinking, I might be able to not watch him on this park and leave.

And it's like, no, no, you can't. Because he will break, he will break his face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a full on maniac. Oh, I can't say so. Anyway. Right, okay. So you don't want, you don't want Rafe to be a weakling.

You just want Rafe to be a bit more shy and reserved than Robin is. No, I want him to be weak as shit that's terrible I want him to be terrified of his own shadow that's ridiculous no I do I want him to be

just I want him to be like constantly ringing his go mummy oh why is he talking like this we live in Northumberland he's posh as hell I'll tell you what

if he talks like that he's going to get wedgied when he comes in this house you better hope not bye Robin bye Robin and me Robin and me he's dealing money off him.

This is what I want. I want, oh, mummy. Oh, mummy, you look so beautiful in those trainers and that dress. And oh, mummy. Oh, mummy. No, I don't want to go to this Katie Park, mummy. I want to come to the shops with you. That's just...

And I'll go, Rafe, come on, son. Oh, gosh. Get your helmet on. To go to the shops? I just want to keep them safe. Fuck. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for What's Your Beef?

What are you going on to, Orion? You greedy little bastards. Think we're daft, don't you? Listen, we've had a year off, man. Think we're fucking stupid, don't you? Us mugs buying these tickets, just line your greedy little holler pockets. This isn't...

Leaving your brains at home, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Honestly. Wow. Disgusting. Wow. So this is obviously Belinda, who's just popped in here.

Hello, yes, it's me. Yeah, hello. Anyway, got any spare tickets, can't pay? Yeah, absolutely. What, after that fucking outburst? No chance. Oh, yeah, I need tea, big, too big for your boots, yeah? Eh?

Remember where you're from? Eh? I'll let you suck on my tit. That, what, now, whoa! Oh, sorry, I wasn't meant to say it. Sorry, sorry, shit, Chris, sorry. I know you said not to say it. Horrible. Wasn't sexual, Rosie, wasn't sexual. It to say it. Sorry, sorry, shit. Chris, sorry. I know you said not to say it. Horrible.

Wasn't sexual, Rosie. Wasn't sexual. It's even worse. It was his teeth. That's even worse, in my opinion. Where's his mouth? Is that worse? Busy woman she was.

It's even worse. Anyway, listen, I hope it goes well. I hope you sell them tickets. All right, okay, aye. I need a couple of cunts. Wow. It's all right, aye. Take care.

All right, okay. Remember where you're from. Right, yes. Remember your roots. Yeah, all right, all right. Don't forget yourself.'s alright, aye. Take care. Right, okay. Remember where you're from. Right, yes. Remember your roots. Yeah, alright, alright. Harry, don't forget yourself. Alright, man. Harry.

God. Love you. Bye. Don't say that at the end. That might be the first time in the history of possibly the world that Act's alter ego has appeared to slag off the Act for putting tour tickets on sale honestly

bitter she is she's really bitter bitter unbelievably bitter just because she's not allowed to smoke in the venues bang on like

she's raging she's an oily bang on she doesn't go to them anymore now you can't smoke nah she doesn't go anywhere she won't even

stand outside got ya don't blame her okay beefs got ya what's your beef do you want to go first i mean it's up to you i've still got a couple to choose from got a new one from today got a

reoccurring one got a new one from today got a couple from last week it's all going off got loads of them i've got a beef but it's a question it's a beef but it's a question yeah okay then so um just just let me know how long have you been having a piss whilst you've been holding our baby? Sorry? Caught you the other day. Yep. Having a piss.

Yep. In the downstairs loo. Yep. Holding Rafe. And he was awake. Well, multitasking. Wasn't asleep. Chris, really?

But I had a hold of him. His little head was over my shoulder. I had a hold of him with my left hand. And with my right hand, I was having a wee. Rank. Why is it rank absolutely I don't know why

it's just that's horrible hey put him down excuse me he pisses all over me on a regular occurrence he's shitting left right

and centre changes he I'm smelling his piss he can smell my piss oh no welcome to the world son just put him

he's got about nine places to sleep put him down I was busy. Put him down. I was busy. I was multitasking. Rank. Honestly, that was a really horrible sight.

Why does it upset you so much? Because just walking in to you having a wee, holding the... I think it was because Rafe looked at us and smiled. And I was like... He loves it. He absolutely loves it. And I was like,

oh, your dad's literally having a slash and you're just there. Oh, he's just... Is this bad? Is this one of them things where, like, are we going to get in massive trouble for this? Is this, like, a terrible thing that I've had a wee while holding a baby? No, I think it's because you were holding him.

Chris, I've had multiple shites in front of that kid. Like, what else are you meant to do? I put him down on the floor and I have to have a bit. Oh, right, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, so you're telling me right now that putting that child on a bathroom floor next to the toilet and the sink where feet and dirty things and wee,

and you know when you flush a toilet? Put him on his mat. And you know when you flush a toilet and all the microscopic poo comes up in the air? So you lie him on a toilet floor, do you? And I kept him cradled in my arms, safe and clean. I'm trying to get his immune system up. Well, that's bullshit.

I just made it up on the spot. That's a lie. No, it was weird. Please don't do it anymore. No deal. Depends how busy I am. Think I can't multitask? I'll multitask the shit out of everything.

Great. There you go. Wait to be for me. I don't think you'll have anything really full on. I've been a joy recently. That's absolutely ridiculous. I'm going to quickly look at my notes now. I've got one, two, no, that one's done.

One, two, three, four, five beefs to choose from. I've got five beefs to choose from. Great. There's actually six because I've got another one, another one in my head that I just thought about there. Nice. So there we go.

Thanks, Matt. But I'm going to go with, my beef of the week this week is, this morning, I was making myself scrambled eggs on toast. You came down into the kitchen, angrily looked at us and went, oh, I didn't want any scrambled eggs.

Thanks. I turned around and went, I'm literally making a batch now you can have some scramble eggs he went no no no it's fine he didn't ask us it's fine really trying guys really trying to pick a fight with us right I got I said look

there's more eggs I'm about to do some now would you like some scramble eggs it'll take us two seconds to make you some what did you say to me Rosie I don't remember tell the truth what you said. Why did you not want any scrambled eggs?

Tell them the truth now. Tell them the truth why you didn't want any after your little try to have a fight with us. Kicking off that I didn't offer to make you scrambled eggs. And I offered you some. Tell the truth. Why? What did you say?

Why did you not want them? I don't really like scrambled eggs. She doesn't like scrambled eggs, ladies and gentlemen. What a fucking psychopath what kind of lunatic comes in and starts that fight oh I didn't want anything oh we just never do do you I didn't want any scrambled eggs

Rosie here I'll make you some scrambled eggs actually I don't really like scrambled eggs Chris you nutter horrible that right it's the worst way to eat eggs no it's not it is

eggs are amazing oh I'm sorry fried is better fried poached hard boiled soft boiled scrambled

bleh nah amazing bit of butter bit of salt bit of pepper nah horrible but anyway thanks for asking us

you didn't what I would have liked to have been asked butter, bit of salt, bit of pepper. No, nah, horrible. But anyway, thanks for asking us. You didn't fucking... I would have liked to have been asked. That's literally like me walking into the cinema while you're watching telly going, oh, thanks for watching Real Housewives of Cheshire without us. Didn't want to watch it anyway. And then you're going, do you want to watch it?

And me going, nah, it's a load of fucking shit. I wish you did like them. Right, okay. My multiple wishes. There's my next wish. That I watch Real Housewives of Cheshire. That Chris would like Real Housewives. Nah, I can't. All of them. Right, okay. My multiple wishes. There's my next wish. That I'll watch Real Housewives. That Chris would like Real Housewives. No, I can't.

All of them. We'll watch them from the beginning. That my memory is erased and we can watch them from the beginning. That's the dream, innit? I've always said that. That's the best invention. Once they invent it.

When they invent the pill that you take and makes you forget Breaking Bad so you can watch it again. Ho, ho, ho. Sign me up. Minority Report. That would be mine. I love that film. So you can watch Minority Report again. so you can watch it again sign me up Minority Report that would be mine I love that film

so you can watch Minority Report again sign me up it's time for questions from the public public public public

guys as always if you want to get in touch at shagmoudanoid at gmail.com I've done some questions this week and it has been

a genuine pleasure genuinely going through all the amazing stuff and things that you send apologies that not all are the make of the podcast but there is literally tens of thousands in there

please keep sending them we'll get as many through as we can shagmaridanoid at gmail.com thank you so much for all of your input we'll love it

I'm so excited got one here hi Chris and Rosie I've got a question for you my boyfriend still lives at home which is is fine, so do I. But his family don't have any bins in the house. What?

The only bin is outside in the garden. What? Yeah. They don't have any bins? No bins anywhere in the house. Just the bin outside the garden. Not even a carrier bag? Listen to this.

He thinks that it's totally normal that every time he finishes a bag of crisps, he has to walk outside into the garden to the bin. What? Yeah! Yeah! The bin isn't even by the back door. You actually have to walk a fair distance to get to it. Is this

genius or not genius? So I think this might be your ideal setup if you weren't so fucking lazy because you hate the smell of bins. I really do. Part of it is euphoric. Every day you tell me that the bin stinks.

I'm actually sick of hearing that the bin stinks. It does. It absolutely reeks. It gets to the point now where I open the bin and close it and in my head I hear your voice and my brain goes to a... It stinks. In your voice. It really upsets us, that us that bin yeah but who's having it in the what is it the middle of the garden in the garden it's literally

up somewhere in the garden so i imagine they've got to go out of the back door and then like either out to the right or to the left to go and put stuff in the bin so every single time anything in the house is needed to go no carrier carrier bags on doors. What? No kitchen bin. But if you think of how many times you use the bin in a day, you're going to be going out to that garden about at least 30 times. Probably more. What if you're making like a meal? You're walking outside in the pissing down rain

with a chopping board full of the mighty scrammy bits of chicken. Just getting fucking soaked. Standing at your wheelie bin, just scraping scrammy bits of chicken. Just getting fucking soaked. Standing at your wheelie bin just scraping scrammy bits of chicken off the chopping board into your bin. It's crazy talk. No.

Oh. But then it wouldn't smell. You quite like this idea. I do because honestly, right, I didn't want to tell you this, but the amount that that bin stinks. I think this bin is bigger than our old bin.

It's putting us off the house. Hey, I tell you what. You can tell these two are doing well. Look at that. I think this bin is bigger than our old bin. It's putting us off the house. Hey, I tell you what. You can tell these two are doing well. Look at that. What a sentence that is. You moved up in the world, have you?

I tell you what, the fucking new bin is twice as old as the old bin. I'm just telling you that right now. Fucking the smell in our kitchen smells like a tip. The bin is massive. Absolutely gargantuan.

How's that? I tell you what, I popped your, oh, the size of your kitchen bin. You're not doing very well, are you? I was like a skit mate. Coming a hot hot day it's such a weird thing to say when you when you pins bigger no it is it's deeper moving on up moving on up

dirty little laugh there um so yeah so he said um i think she said sorry i think it's weird but he doesn't see my problem. It's got to the point where I end up having to put all of my rubbish in my handbag to take home with me. Oh, what? Oh, no. No. So she goes to his house because the bin's outside. If she has crisps or whatever or whatever she's got in her person,

she puts all her rubbish in her handbag so she doesn't have to go out to the bin outside. Aren't some people so strange? Like, I wouldn't carry on going out with him i wouldn't i would break up with him because you're too lazy no because i'd be like i'm sorry i'm not marrying into a family because if you're with someone you know it could it could end in marriage or whatever or just being together for a long time i'd be like i cannot be with somebody who their whole life them and their whole family walk across the garden to put an item in a bin i'm no i couldn't no oh god put it out put it on

the landing put it in the hallway what the bin i yeah put it outside the back door why is it my no no that would put me off straight away because then you'd be like, right, that's surface level. That's surface level like crazy. Right. What's underneath? You know what I mean? I'm surprised the toilet's inside at this rate. Crikey. Exactly.

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Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! Hi Rosie and Chris. A few years ago, I was travelling on the metro with my now husband Steve. For anyone who doesn't know, the metro is like a little train system in the northeast

that goes all around the northeast and goes into Newcastle and everywhere else, doesn't it? Like a tube. Like the tube. But it's yellow and it's in the north. and all around the northeast and goes into Newcastle and everywhere else doesn't it like a tube like the tube but it's yellow and it's in the north

and it's a bit littler it was really busy so we were stood up holding onto the floor to ceiling poles the sort of poles

in the middle I've seen somebody seen a young boy hitting another young boy's head off one of them when I was younger that's nice

oh it's lovely really nice then they ran off nice little story about the metro the busies were coming the busies the police

the police I decided to give Steve a cute little kiss on the hand however when I looked up to see his reaction to the kiss

I saw that his actual hand was a bit higher up oh no the pole oh no and realised that the hand I'd kissed belonged to a complete stranger oh that is horrible

why is that so horrible that's great why is that horrible that's so good oh god is it why would you take that risk

when it's heaving like that all I could do was look at the floor in shame for the rest of the journey when we got off the metro and I told Steve, he thought the whole situation was hilarious.

Imagine standing just on your way to work and some fucking random woman kisses your hand. Hey, they are friendly in the North East. They're really friendly. Everyone kisses each other. It's just lovely. Babadoo babadoo babadoo

I want to see what you make of this because I don't think you'll think this is that bad because we differ on manners and stuff like that I'm told regularly by you that I've got bad manners because I will I'll just walk off and start doing something while someone's talking to me

terrible manners well I also think that's bad manners to interrupt me when i'm doing something so wow yeah think very highly of yourself well busy man busy man time's money it's not um hi rosie and chris i was listening to episode 110 today as i set off for my easter shop so this is a few weeks ago eas Easter shop. Yeah. Whilst browsing the shelves for my bunny crumpets, I heard... They're a thing. It's just really specific. Like, it's Easter shop.

I'll get me bunny crumpets. Bunny crumpets. If they've ran out, I'm going to smash the shop up. Yeah. Kicking off. Bunny crumpets. I heard a fellow shopper ask an assistant if they sold simnel cake.

Simnel cake? What the fuck is that? It's... My mum likes it. It's quite thick and dense. if they sold simnel cake simnel cake what the fuck is that it's my mum likes it it's quite thick and dense full of monkey fruit yeah

fruit and seeds and one of the things that your mum well your mum will go Chris I've got some cake and I'll go this is great and she'll hand us

some some bread-ish with some fruit in yeah and like courgettes and that it's a seeded pistachio loaf.

It's lovely. Honestly, taste how sweet it is. There's no sugar in it. Yeah, they don't use sugar. They use this lactose-free dairy cream

and it's got natural raw sugar. She does it all the time. She does it all the time and then when I've got a cookie... She made you do a milk test, remember, the other day?

Pathetic, yeah. Honestly, love your man to made you do a milk test, remember, the other day? Oh, pathetic. Yeah. Honestly. Love your mum to bits, but God, it's that, the thing, I've got this thing with no sugar in it. It's much better.

You should try it. Thanks, Sandra. Then the minute I'm eating something full fat with sugar, she's on me shoulder. What's that? What's that? What have you got in there? What are you doing with that now?

I don't like pizza. Can I slice that pizza? Prime example, we're going to get an Indian takeaway tonight. Yeah. In the last three times that we've got it, I've just ordered my mom's had a bit of my chicken tikka masala half of your half of my chicken tikka masala and uh so we're ordering it with we're talking about what to get because i'm trying to be good so i'm gonna get shazlig instead anyway and my mom was like oh i

don't want chicken tikka masala i don't really like it yeah funny that you've eaten the last because i've seen you eat it the last three times. You've ate it the last three times. Yeah. Practically licked your plate, Sandra. Back to the cakes though. When someone hands me a cake and it's got fruit in it,

very upset. When someone hands me a cake and it's got nuts and seeds, very upsetting. Even worse, someone came to visit our new house the other day, friends of ours, and they brought a meringue.

That was Kate. Fucking raging. it was kate was it what's wrong with the blue pointless worst thing ever i've brought a meringue for you good there's the bin stinks apparently get it in a bit of a walk get in the garden bin meringue pointless i loved it pointless it was hot it was that thing the shitty thing that shitty thing that you and your mum love what is it meringue oh god

it's like sharp and then soft it's like sugar sugar and egg whites it's lush utterly pointless alright well nobody was forcing it down your neck

was it Chris I didn't have any good more for me honestly you take a meringue to someone's house be prepared for a fight

because that's fighting talk great can we talk about this cake yeah come on so she's getting her Easter bunnies crumpets in they're crap as well

by the way I've had Easter bunnies before this they don't toast properly they don't toast and the ear bits don't have the lovely holes that crumpets have got in

they're too dense I don't think they're for you I think they're for children well I'm just saying I didn't like them okay right good for you

okay listen somebody's asked for a simnel cake. Right. Right. The assistant said, oh, yes, there's one left because I've just popped it on top of the Easter eggs at the till. So there's only one of these simnel cakes left, right?

I thought nothing more and carried on shopping. However, as I headed to the tills, I saw the simnel cake all alone. The woman earlier had not got to it. So was it fair game? Abso-fucking-lutely. Really? Yeah. I'd have went and bought it just to throw it away. Just so

that person couldn't have it. Because it's a stupid cake and you shouldn't be buying it. If you want to get a cake, get a fucking cake. Get your fruit out of me cake. That's the most sinister thing you've ever said. I would. I'd go and get it anyway. Yeah. And do you know what? Maybe, maybe they'd come to their senses and get themselves a little Easter egg instead. Because if you want a treat, have a treat. Something wrong with you. Stop putting fruit in me cake. So, do you want to hear what happened? Yeah. She said, I picked it up. Good. Put it in my trolley. Go on. And headed to the till. Go on,

you dirty bastard. Well done done I now feel so guilty nah the question is would you have done the same yes Christopher I wouldn't I wouldn't have because if I'd heard somebody else wanted it

I would have had a principal to get rid of that cake I'd have probably just dropped it on the deck and stamped on it do you know what I'd have done if I'd had the time I'd have picked the cake up

and if I could have seen the person that asked I'd have given them it oh really that's not weird at all aye I'd just throw it over her head I was just

alright you don't know me don't you troll into this hi you don't know me I just threw a herd you taught them they asked them for this weird cake thing

I went and got it for you I went and got it for you then I looked round the shop for you are we friends now can I sniff your hair can we open it in the car park can we have a bite together so i know what you mean because that's one of the lovely friend friendly helpful things that

i sometimes like to do i'm obviously i'm joking i wouldn't have actually bought you're not joking you would have bought it right if it was something right let's say okay all right okay okay right, let's say, okay. You're horrible like that. Okay, okay, right. Change it. Change the art. Change the thing, right? If I'd overheard them go, excuse me, you know the brand new

Lotus Biscoff Blondie cakes that you've made? I've just made that up, but imagine it was some kind of Lotus Biscoff sugarific white chocolate and Lotus thingy. And they went, there's one left.

And I went, I've never heard of them. They're clearly popular. There's one left. To the Easter eggs! And I took it, it big time not a simil cake no chance um but that is one of them things that you've said there sometimes i like to do nice little things like that for people but that sometimes look at you like you're a maniac and that is one of them things where you go hi i just overheard you talking to the person there there's that simil cake after you're welcome and it's like yeah it would backfire

they'd be like she's a fucking weirdo that's happened to me a lot in life you know when you try to be nice but you know some people who don't

understand what being nice is yes and you be nice to them and they look at you like a piece of shit and you're like I was trying to be you know friendly

and you're a dick so stick your cake up your arse right see you later yeah well anyway they saw

the end of the message here she did it she picked it up put it in her trolley and she said here I've never had

simnel cake but it does look nice she's never had it she's never had it that's even better that's awful wow you opportunist what a cow that's great not like that's even better that's awful wow you opportunist

what a cow that's great not like that's my favourite cake and I love it I can't believe there's only one left she's never had it before

I've never heard of that ever but I'm a nosy fucker and I'm going to go and take that so she can't have it wow but in her defence or him actually

they haven't said I think they feel bad about it yeah and I think that's why they've messaged in oh okay so wow it says here the cake thief with a conscience got you didn't have it I think they feel bad about it. Yeah. And I think that's why they've messaged in. Oh, okay. So. Wow.

It says here, the cake thief with a conscience. Got you. Didn't have it at the time. Yeah. Still took it, didn't you? Yeah. Still took it. Did I ever tell you about the story of when I accidentally stole something?

No. But I was going out with a police officer. Sorry. Right. Oh, this is juicy. Really juicy. I don't want to mention any of the shops. Okay.

Because that's quite bad. Got you. You think they're going to come back at you? Maybe. Could they? You're still on the run, is what you're saying. Yeah, you're still on the run.

You avoided going in this shop, have you? I've been in them loads. You only went in when the face masks became mandatory. Jacky Jackpot! There's this virus and I get to cover my face. How are you?

So, I went into a store that sells like like a big pharmacy store okay

got your boots carry on no the other one great oh don't crack that crack that code didn't I

fucking hell hey hey honestly Scotland Yard if you're listening sign me up crack that

two attempts boom it wasn't super drug okay super drug Fucking hell. Hey, honestly, Scotland Yard, if you're listening, sign me up. Crack that. Two attempts. Boom. It wasn't super drug. Okay. It was super drug. Okay. So I went in there and I got a basket.

Okay. And I was walking around and I put loads of stuff in the basket because I needed some makeup and loads of bits. By the way, this is about, this is like 10 years ago, right? So whilst I was going around, I saw a makeup bag with a handle. So I put that on me arm, right? Brilliant. Above me, above me, what's that called?

Elbow. It's called your elbow. Fuck me. Because I'm nervous. Guys. She was just pointing at her elbow going, what's that called? I put the makeup bag, because i had my basket and i

had my handbag i had bag so i put it on my arm and then i had my basket so anyway i went to till yeah bought all the stuff in the basket forgot about that right yeah got the bag off them yeah they didn't say anything and so i was just carrying on my shopping and then i went to a clothes shop i went to try some clothes on in the dressing room and whilst I was putting... Just put them on on top of your clothes. Didn't realise. No. I pulled that over. What's this thing called? My head. I pulled

it over my head. No. Whilst I took everything off and I put everything down, I realised that I had the makeup bag on my arm and I hadn't paid for it. Wow. I didn't go back. You didn't I hadn't paid for it wow I didn't go back you didn't go back I kept it

you didn't go back I didn't go back and I kept it and it wasn't until I got home and I used to go out with the police officer and he was really upset

with it that's great it was you oh did he not march you back like a parent I'll still remember what he said

right he didn't march us back, no. I think you would have if I'd let him. Can I just say, Rosie, if it was me, if I was the police officer, I promise you I'd have marched you back. Just for how fun it would have been. Just march you back and go, excuse me, can I speak to the manager, please?

I've got a very naughty little girl here. What did he say? He said, he was really upset with us, and he said, Rosie, you didn't commit the crime until you didn't take it back. Oh. So. Wow.

When did you realise, in the clothes shop? In the clothes shop. How far away from Superdrug was the clothes shop? Shut up, man. Had on. Was this King Street in South Shields? Was it across the road? Next door.

Next door. Gee, this is, honestly, guys. King Street in South Wales was it across the road next door next door gee this is honestly guys am I gonna get in trouble guys am I gonna get in trouble

guys what about the kids I am sorry I am so sorry your ears for 114 episodes have been sullied by the voice of a criminal

no I'm so Chris don't across the road it was next door next door eee god am i gonna get wrong that's terrible that like i'm honestly oh hey if you put this in i'm genuinely worried should we put this in honestly like i would it would be a bit harrowing and stuff right and you know i wouldn't want to be a single father in that but there would be a large part of us that would find it extremely funny if the police came knocking on the door because of this i'd find it really funny really funny

with inflation you know how much was it how much was the makeup bag like five pound oh easy looking antenna they're like plus the emotional turmoil of what if rosie what if that got taken on a member of staff on the day a member of staff was working who was on the final warning and that got taken and that was the final warning and they got sacked because of you stealing that oh don't

because I hate thieves I hate thieves what's it like looking in the mirror must hurt I wouldn't do it now I was skinned oh so you were skinned

so you deliberately did it oh Chris there's part of you there's part of you that deliberately did that no it was funny at first I feel horrific I feel terrible now

no honestly I feel really bad but I was proper skint and I just thought oh nobody's honest our poor children raised by a criminal

don't this is they're going to make a Netflix documentary about this babadoo babadoo babadoo bah hi Chris and Rosie I appreciate if you kept my anonymity on this

please folks right i have even used my old email account so excuse the name oh wow it was a ridiculous like you know like gaza b it's something like i've changed that but it was something along them lines okay after listening to episode 106 the one with the couple whose dilemma was their disney box full of used condoms we all remember there was a utter disgust and pervert horrible it reminded me of a time when i tried to remove my own embarrassing possessions from my house okay i used to keep a naughty box in my house you ready for for this, Rosie? Well, I can imagine what's going to be in it. Which contained lubricants, condoms, brackets not used,

two bullet vibrators, a pube bag, brackets explained below, and a fleshlight along with the appropriate kit to clean the items. What's the pube bag? He's prepared. Explained below. We'll find out. out right if you're wondering

I had stored them in a room that I used to keep my DIY tools in they were hidden in a box for a mitre saw if you're curious

right as it was the it was the least conspicuous in my mind so he's put them in a box so it's not even

in just a random box it's in his bedroom so it's a box where he keeps his diy so someone's going to go and try and use the mitre saw and get a bloody hell of a shock oh hell of a shock right for context i used to live alone and unfortunately my work was hit badly by lockdown so i had to move back to my parents oh he's took the soul no he's had to get rid of them no no he's had to get rid of them no he's got rid of all them things we'll see so in order to save myself the embarrassment

of bringing the box to my parents or them ever finding it, I knew I had to dispose of them. Now, what he's about to say here, I had no idea this was a thing. Okay. And this is fucking ridiculous. This blew my mind.

I first tried contacting Love Honey to ask them to recycle, but it turns out they no longer take unused sex toys. So I had to dispose of them myself now i had no idea that i had no idea that there was an option i mean i'm all for recycling but i had no idea you could send used fucking sex toys to the sex toy place that's blown my head off that has i mean i think we found the worst job in the world recycling used sex toys i don't

want to slag anyone off here. A job's a job. You're putting food on the table. But fuck recycling old sex toys. Sylvia, you're on the return step. No! No, not again! Please!

For the love of God, I can't. I can't do it. You know when you're driving to the tip? You're driving to the tip and you go, you all right, mate? What you got? Oh, cardboard. Oh, scrap metal.

All right, yeah. Bin number 14, yeah 14 yeah uh sex toys loads of sex toys bin number z right down at the bottom there get your tetanus on the way out horrible but but you know makes it a little very plasticky makes sense so why not why wouldn't you recycle it? I'm all for saving the environment, so yes. Are we talking about recycling as in they kind of like melt it down, make another one, or they just rebrand it, give it a clean? The same way you can buy a secondhand MacBook refurbished on the Apple website. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So would you like a fleshlight for, I don't know, 50 quid

or whatever they are? Or would you like a refurbished fleshlight for, got a bit of mileage on it, for £24.99? It doesn't go as deep as it used to. Unfortunately. It goes deeper. Oh yeah, it's slacker. It's slacker.

It's slacker. Slacker's out. Rattles. Rattles. Don't do it when someone's in the house. It rattles. Just for anyone listening, a fleshlight is a tube.

Imagine a tube of Pringles with a vagina inside. A plastic vagina fleshy I'd love to feel one of them have you ever felt one? I haven't no

no good idea to be fair brilliant invention they're for blokes more so yeah I mean it is the invention that sort of

because women have had sort of sex toys for years that have been it's become the male sort of standard sex toy that isn't like you know a big sort of inflatable doll or a big massive rubber ass oh them are horrible i just felt like blokes got a real they got the short end of the stick for

years women could have like a little vibrating tiny little bullet like it look you know at a glance look like a lipstick and men had to buy like a fucking pump a puncture repair kit a fucking yeah or a big giant six foot i find them really awful what those like silicon sort of vagina or bumhole things because i just don't feel like they would ever be clean right properly no he's got this guy's got a kit to clean this i know but inside how you, like, this is the thing for me, right? Right. If I was a man with a penis and I ejaculated, because that's what happens, isn't it?

They use these things. Thank you for the science lesson. Well, I know, but you use them and you ejaculate inside them. Right. Listen, I don't care what people do, as long as they're not hurting anybody, and do what you want, right? But can you imagine after, right?

You're finished. Had a lovely time. a lovely time yeah you gotta clean that out i mean there's no sadder moment i think in a man's life than standing disinfecting and emptying emptying your seed from your rubber vagina what sink are you using what sink are you using for that i'll tell you what i mean garden hose during the night i know i just how would that's that takes away the fun doesn't it just i always imagine that it must smell like a lilo as well you know a brand new lilo i just imagine you're getting off going oh it smells like i really like that smell though the plasticky smell i do really like that smell inside of a popped beach ball yes oh yeah right here we go listen okay oh sorry there's more due to my paranoid anxious and

totally irrational mind that has consumed far too many episodes of csi and other numerous crime dramas okay i was concerned that if i simply threw the toys away in my general waste eventually a criminal would extract my semen and use it to frame me for a crime not somebody's gonna see your flesh right and think you're a dirty perv no you think someone's gonna frame you that's hilarious brackets even though i always clean it after every use um it's not a point though he's got a point well he said it's not rational i know but if you saw a used sex toy and you were a criminal you you'd realize that there's dna on it i mean someone can make your toothbrush they'd have more dna

so this is this was your solution right and this this is just ridiculous okay so my solution was i decided to purchase some bleach and a scalpel to destroy the items and my dna so basically like a knife so he chopped the flesh light up into tiny little pieces and bleached it um i dare i dare to think what anyone at the tip thinks seeing me throw in a plastic bag smelling of beach bleach totally over the top disposal but i thought chris would either think i'm a psycho or he would understand that i know he also has irrational thoughts now i think you're so he basically he chopped up his fleshlight in loads of tiny pieces soaked it in bleach put it in a carrier bag and took it to the tip why what a put lunatic put it in your bin why take it to the public bin that's that's you know shining more

light on you just you know what you got me cardboard bin number 11 what you got me uh dismembered chopped up almost blended took us fucking ages fleshlight stinking a bleach in a carrier bag just go straight the police station mate the police station oh bless him though ridiculous i mean i understand the paranoia i just feel a bit sad that he felt he had to get Police station, mate. Police station. Oh, bless him, though. Ridiculous. I mean... I understand the paranoia. I just feel a bit sad that he felt he had to get rid of it.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? What, he couldn't have took it to his mum and dad's house? He could have took it there. I mean, he could have, but he's clearly a paranoid individual. I mean, it's craziness.

Now, what's happened to you, Rosie, is exactly what happened to me when I read this email. I got totally sidetracked and I forgot that the pew bag hadn't been explained oh my gosh i totally forgot okay as much as i as much as i as much as i enjoyed this email this guy has done what a lot of you beautiful people do when you email in right you kind of you kind of leave what's really the golden nugget in the the grand prize right at the end okay the pube bag oh yeah this is it beautiful so he's just wrote here yes come on reading back you may want to

know what a pube bag is i do i really remember this is in his box this is in his box. This is in his naughty box. Yeah, okay. Condoms, flashlight. Lubricants, cleaning. Lubricants, cleaning stuff. Bullet vibrators and a pube bag. Yes, okay. Well, I do not store my pubes. But if you take... I can't.

Just, I need you to close your eyes, Rosie. I need you to close your eyes and visualize what I'm about to tell you. Everyone listening, close your eyes and visualize what this man is describing. If you're driving, don't close your eyes, Rosie. I need you to close your eyes and visualise what I'm about to tell you. Everyone listening, close your eyes and visualise what this man is describing. If you're driving, don't close your eyes. Be safe.

Well, I do not store my pubes, but if you take a regular 5P plastic bag, put your legs through the handles until it is above your knees, you can use the bag to catch your pubes as you trim them. Why does he get that in his rude box? Is he coming back?

Is he fucking coming back? You can use the bark that catch your pubes as you trim them. I throw thees away but i keep the bag to save the environment oh god love him ah i could totally it you know what's really bizarre i told you saying why has he kept it in his thing it's a carrier bag i know why he's kept it in so if i'm when i used to travel a lot for stand-up i'll have a carrier bag to put my trainers in so i could put them in my case with all my clothes so they didn't get dirty now that carrier bag will stay in my suitcase because it's the trainer one and you don't want to go to the supermarket and put your fucking apples and oranges and bananas in the trainer bag you definitely don't want to get a hairy hairy banana out of your bag oh god cheeky little

puby peach is someone being having a shave over your fruit bowl oh I didn't think it would be that that is

caught me he puts his legs through the handle he puts his legs through the handles of the bag and then I imagine he holds his legs through the handles of the bag and then I imagine he holds his legs

wide enough for the bag to be like taut and tight and then she's in the drive he's a fucking genius babadoo babadoo babadoo bap

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Shag my arid annoyed

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thank you so much for listening to this week's episode which is now part of the Acast Creator Network as always guys you want to get in touch shagmarryroy.gmail.com hope you're well hope you're happy we'll be with you again next week bye dot com hope you're well hope you're happy we'll be with you again next week bye you're invited to an immersive listening party led by rishi kesh her way the visionary behind

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