Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 115. Sidebored

Episode Date: May 7, 2021

On the podcast this week both Chris and Rosie come with some new features for the show. Expect unusual wishes and animal facts! Rosie has a parenting beef whilst Chris's are more interior based. QFTP's involve a trip to the doctors, an unfortunate puppy name and some mistaken identity. See you all at the bottle bank! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shag My Roy with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Chris Ramsey. Boom shakalaka! Boom shakalaka indeed, yes!

Okay, very exciting. You're very proud of yourself for the little boom shakalaka. Thank you. A little smile on your face. Hello! Hi. What's going on? It's episode 115! Alright, well hurry up and say that! I do my bit, you do your bit! Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Why are you messing it up? No, no, no, sorry. Are you considering Boom Shakalaka as your fucking input so far? No, that's just, I say, hello, welcome to the podcast. Me, Rosie Ramsey and Chris Ramsey. And then I added a Boom Shakalaka. Then you go, episode one of that. And you just, this is shit. Normally, no, don't you.

Oh, sorry, did we peek at Boom Shakalaka, did we? Yeah, fucking lunatic. I was, no, you do, you have not learned anything from this podcast. Talk about me with a jingle. Get the jingle in. Hurry up. Oh, goodness me, man. Okay.

I like to settle in. Do you know what I mean? It's like when you get on holiday, you don't go and do all the activities first. You just settle in. You go to your room, you unpack. I'm settling in. No one fucking does that.

This is me sitting down in my armchair. No, buddy. Who goes on holiday and unpacks as soon as they get there? Me. First thing I do. So I feel like I've arrived. So I feel like I live there. Absolutely not. Yes. So I armchair I'm settling in who goes on holiday and unpacks as soon as they get there me first thing I do so I feel like I've arrived so I feel like I live there absolutely not

yes so I feel like I'm all set and all done I get my toiletries out I put them on a little shelf I actually do this has been my beef before has it really

yeah it was when we go to hotels and you just take all your shit out yeah sad sad act sad or you're living out of a suitcase

the whole time are you absolutely just pulling shit out I'll have at least three more hours in the sun than you three hours you're taking too long to pack you are sunshine tell you that much right now three hours to unpack i'll only take you to park a fucking week bullshit listen guys guys thank you so much for coming back we love you it's episode 115 goodness me wow yes can't believe can't believe it's one more than last week oh that's how numbers work i see what you did there very clever very very bloody clever and without further ado it is time

for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor oh he's getting his phone well it's not one at the top of his head i've got to get my phone because they've sent a jingle this week oh is there oh there's a yeah yeah this week's sponsor is eggs sponsor is... Eggs. Hey, eat them in the morn, eat them in the night. Poached, fried or boiled, you know they'll be alright. Have them on a steak, have them in a cake.

Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs. They won't cost you an arm and a leg. Eggs. Eggs. So there we go. Now we've peaked. Right. Now we've peaked.

I, oh, well done. That was, I feel like I'm rubbing off on you and I'm so sorry I just love eggs I had some eggs the other day and I thought you know what they really meet you halfway

they've really they've got it all going on eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs they've got it all going on don't slag them off

I don't know I don't know honestly I like what you can do with them I like that you know the part of it like

a bigger show if that makes sense do you mean a breakfast no so they're an ingredient you add them to things to make like cakes right okay

yeah said that cover that in the jingle well I'm just saying that's right but by themselves sometimes bit shit nah good yesterday

bit of butter scrambled eggs bit of salt bit of pepper couple of bits of basil I didn't even have any toast it was that nice do you know what I really like

which you hate what hot boiled eggs horrible awful I love a hot boiled egg awful like a sad soft pear

absolutely mangy take them to public places you do as well it's awful I love them eh oh nah it's the way you've got to pick the shell

I don't like the picking the shell off it's going to sit and just pick there's a tiny little bit there where there's another little bit oh there's a weird little skin under in fact you know what i take it back fuck eggs that's skin not fuck love all eggs apart from hard boiled eggs that's skin bit when you get a bit and when

you get a bit of boiling water in one of there's like a hole in the egg and you you're fooled into thinking that it's cooled down enough to peel it and then there's just a sack of boiling water so yeah serves you right for having a hard-boiled egg. Disgusting. Stop having hard-boiled eggs, everyone. Pack it in. Oh, beautiful. Lovely.

The clog you up. The clog you up. The bung you up. The bung you up. You'll not poo. The bung you up. They are very good for you, though. We must have told the story of...

Whose friend was it who went on a bus? Oh, yeah. We've told that a lot of times. They just had loads of boiled eggs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's beautiful, that leg. Jason Cook even used it in one of his murder mystery shows on uk gold did he well what's the jason cook story no no it was someone i knew about come back the day when i was in college wonderful so if anyone who doesn't know someone got on a bus to go to spain with

their 40 odd spain with 40 odd hard boiled eggs on the top of the way and jason went and immortalized it on uk gold as well on the Murder Mystery series which I think you can actually stream on UK Gold on demand. There's a little plug for Jason. There we go.

Happy days. Very good show. I could do with a bloody jingle right about now I tell you that. Do you want to do your eggs one again?

I'd like to learn it. I'll have to read it out again. Okay. Should we do it together? Eggs sent in. No that'll take

forever. Right. Let's go. Eat them in the morning. Eat them in the night. Fried butter

poach. You know they'll be alright. Have them on a steak. Put them in a cake. Eggs. Eggs. Eggs. Eggs. Eggs. Eggs. Eggs. Eggs. Yes. They don in the night. Fried butter poach. You know they'll be alright. Have them on a steak. Put them in a cake. Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs.

Yes. They don't cost you. No, I'm going to leg. Eggs. Here's the jingle. Here's the actual jingle. They are cheap. They are valuable money.

Here's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle, jingle, we couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle, so this is the jingle, jingle, we hope you like the jingle, jingle, babadoo babadoo babadoo bap, jingle! Hello and welcome back to Shag Mountain Oid with, we've done that, so welcome back. Wow, wow.

Honestly. Wow. Head up me arse. Head up me arse. Head up your arse. But somebody's very prepared today. Oh, I've got Cleopatra coming at you today. Cleopatra, coming at you. Cleopatra, coming at you.

I've got a segment. I've got a segment, Rosie. Yeah. Because you very, very, very passive-aggressively pointed out to me last night that I've only got one job at the minute, which I have, which is just the podcast. Had a massive go at it as well while going to sleep.

We had a bit of an argument last night, guys, right? Because yesterday, I was cream-crackered. It all got on top of us, and I needed a little nap. And I said to you, can you please... Sorry, I need to interrupt here. You need a little nap, right? Everyone in your head, get an idea of how long a little nap

is. Rosie, tell them how long you slept for. Two hours. Two and a half hours. Is that long? Fucking rats and a little nap is Rosie tell them how long you slept for two hours two and a half hours is that long fucking rats little nap fucking hibernating I had a full sleep for two and a half hours

and I said to Chris can you please make sure the podcast is all sorted you know because yes we do sit down and chat

there has to be some sort of you know something goes into it you didn't do anything? No, I did nothing yesterday. You did nothing. Did it all this morning, though, and it's done.

So what's your problem? I just like it. I like it done on a Monday. Or while I was sleeping, like fucking Cleopatra, the actual Cleopatra, like some kind of fucking lord. Like a goddess. I'll take that. While I was just napping.

You make sure you're downstairs working, minion. You make sure you're down. Chris minion. You make sure you're down. Chris. You've got one job. Listen. One job? And I did it this morning. What's your problem?

You are part-time Perry over there. Part-time. Your one job. Was Perry the only name you could think of that was alliterated with part-time? Just that began with a P. Right, so it could have been part-time Peter, part-time Paul, Paul but no part time Perry

you went with Perry fucking idiot Kevin and Perry go loud oh great yeah yeah yeah you know what you should have done you should have got up yesterday and prepped that

instead of having a long bloody snooze shouldn't you Perry Little Mix yeah yeah but then it sounds like you're slagging off Little Mix you don't want to get

on the back of their fans you don't want to get on the back of their fans they'll knock you out they'll knock you out I've experienced it first hand you know that I am legit one in the back of their fans they'll knock you out they'll knock you out I've experienced it first hand you know that I am legit

one of the biggest Little Mix fans ever so don't even dare come at me with that shit you didn't even want to miss any of the songs

so you had a piss behind a bus step on the way home because you hadn't gone to the toilet during the gig that was Spice

Girls oh well you pissed behind a bus step have I not told you when me and

Steph and Angela went to a Little Mix gig and we were piss by a bus, don't you? Have I not told you when me and Stefan Angela went to a Little Mix gig, and we were the oldest there, and we were the only ones dancing, and I had the best time of my life. It was great. Loved Little Mix. Genuinely amazing.

Pure banging songs. When I did the Little Mix show, and I had to watch them, I say I had to watch them, I came in early during the days and watched them do the rehearsals. Phenomenal. Oh, they're mint.

They're absolutely mint. And they're talented as well, which makes it even better. You know what I mean? Dead, canny lasses as well. Prop Akitlosh. Prop Akitlosh. The reason Rosie is knackered,

the reason you are knackered and had to have your sleep is because we went back to work last week, didn't we? Oh, hey, tell you what I did. Bloody trains to bloody London. I know. Bloody having to bloody speak to people

and bloody all that shit. Sat outside aows. Bloody speak to people. Radio shows. All that shit. Sat outside a pub with people from our management. What? Unbelievable, wasn't it? God pissed. Back in the world. That was grim.

I mean, yeah. Don't explain what happened. So we went out with the management team and Daisy, who edits the podcast, and everybody was there. It was really lovely. There was about six of us. And we went and sat outside a pub and we were like,

oh, this will be lovely. We'll get some lovely food, lovely drinks. It was pissing it down. It wasn't actually pissing it down, but there was just water collected on the canopies that we were sitting on there.

There was collected water in the canopies and every time a vehicle bigger than a car went past, we all got drenched and it was just ridiculous

a bin lorry came past and hit one of the parasols and we all got soaked which was great and then I went to the toilet and I came back and I genuinely thought someone had got us another beer it was rainwater rainwater had filled me beer up and they came and brought us another one but apparently am I right in thinking

the second time it happened, it wasn't a bin lorry. The woman who worked there forgot about the water on them and started moving the parasols. She started fucking looking them about. I was like, excuse me. Excuse me, love.

Hey, got a free pint of it. But you know what's hilarious about that? So if that had happened in normal circumstances, right, you'd be livid. Well, one, you wouldn't have been sat outside. It wouldn't have been sat outside because why would you? You'd have been raging raging but because we hadn't been in a pub

or even outside of a pub i've seen anyone for so long yeah i was just i was smiling away i was like this i do not care i was fucking freezing but i was buzzing crazy isn't it yeah i went to the metro centre the other week with robin and uh went on the climbing wall and then wanted to get some food afterwards but obviously none of it, normally we'll go for like a pizza or something, but none of the restaurants are actually open yet. Yeah. But you can get Greg's takeaway.

We sat on the floor in the corner of like the Yellow Mall or whatever in the Metro Centre and ate Greg's sausage rolls. Nice. I couldn't believe my luck. The queue outside of Greg's at the minute is massive. Crazy.

Crazy, crazy, crazy. But the reason you're not getting the reason it's happened is because we announced more two-hour dates last week didn't we we did

so just in case anyone has missed it we have announced a shitload shitload of new tickets very scary it's

it's it's ambitious it's ambitious it's ambitious and it's I mean are we meant to tell people this

it's like we were like yeah put them on because your first two are sold out and yeah you know if they don't sell out you'll actually lose money and I'm like are we meant to tell people this it's like we were like yeah put them on because your first two are sold out and yeah you know if they don't sell out

you'll actually lose money and I'm like wait get in that's great so that's fun we're already past the point of that don't worry are we

tickets are genuinely flying out yeah it's to the point I'm addicted again we talked about it on Twitter the other day I'm addicted again I'm checking all the little the websites

when you checked the Glasgow one that was exciting yeah check the little seat map there's not that many left. Dead exciting thing to do. So just to shout out, right, we are doing Nottingham, Leeds, Liverpool, Sheffield, Glasgow, Aberdeen, Birmingham, Manchester and the London O2, guys. Yes, very, very, very excited.

Very excited. Tickets are genuinely flying out. It just feels like the world is getting back to normal and everyone's just ready to go out. They're not until December. So everyone's ready to go out and just... Have a good time. I cannot wait. It's going to be Christmas time.

Just think of it like you're having your Christmas party with us. Oh, that... Yeah. I should have marketed it as the Shag Mountain Christmas Party, but it's too late now. Oh, for fuck's sake. Oh, listen, man. I've been busy, man. Yeah, absolutely.

You've been napping. I've been rearranging my office. It's all fucking go around here. Yeah, totally. There you are. Bloody writing egg songs and snowed under. You've been napping. I've been rearranging my office. It's all fucking go around here. I was writing egg songs and snowed under. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. So do you know last week when you chatted about putting chicken bits in the bin? Yeah, what was the story of someone who stayed at a boyfriend's house and they didn't have a bin inside, they'd have been outside.

Somebody messaged me and was like big massive block capitals saying like, why are you putting meat in the bin? Right. What are you meant to put in the bin? Are we putting the wrong things in the bin? They're in a different place to us. They're obviously in a place

where you can get rid of food waste. Our bin service doesn't do that. Right, okay, that's all right. Same as ours doesn't do fucking glass bottles. I've got to go down to the bottle bank toting me ways. Shameful. Shameful the noise I make

when I'm down there. Oh my gosh. The amount of glass bottles I've got to hide. to the bottle bank, toting me ways. Shameful. Shameful, the noise I make when I'm down there. Oh, my gosh. The amount of glass bottles I've got to hoist. Fucking hell. Big drinkers. Someone was staying out of the idea. I'd tell them I was doing my neighbours as well. I wasn't.

Really? I'd say, that's my neighbours as well. I'd do them for the full street. It's just mine. So I went in the bottle. I parked at the bottle bank, where the bottle bank is, a few weeks ago. And one woman just came with one bottle of wine

and I was like that is an organised person she's showing off isn't she do you know what I mean either that or she's been there that's a four time

position I should just walk there with a bottle of wine with a straw in it maybe it's doing me walk to the bottle bank maybe

I've timed it I can do a full Sauvignon by the time I get there I never thought about that actually there's me thinking she's like this best person in the world. She's actually just a raging alcoholic

who walks to the bottle bank. She gets her steps in, I'll tell you that right now. She does get her steps in. Hey, I'll tell you what, I would walk to the bottle bank if I could have a bottle of wine on the way. Rosie, you can.

Journey juice. What's stopping you? Journey juice, that's lovely. What's stopping you? Brown paper bag around it, like prohibition. What's stopping... I mean, you know what's stopping you brown paper bag around it like prohibition what's stopping i mean you know kids like life um what's what hey listen if you rosie i'm telling you right now i'll make a deal with you i'll have the kids for a day if

you want to walk all the way at the bottle bank while drinking wine from the bottle are you getting it i'll 100 i'll have the kids all day if you want to go and do that are you actually getting i will oh i'll be driving past them with you taking photos you'll be great look at that fucking wino look at that she's got kids

are you actually getting this because that sounds like a bloody good day out on your own you can't go with any friends

oh no no come on come on it's no fun that's no fun drinking alone wasn't that

did we talk about this wasn't that the craze back in there before the pubs opened back in the last lockdown that they had

that people were going on pub crawls off licence crawl where you just walked along the town and every off licence you got to you went and bought a drink

my Millie did it Annabelle did it my cousins go and Annabelle did it and she was absolutely hanging I was like where you been

she was like I did 30,000 steps I was like yeah but where you been she was was like, I did 30,000 steps. I was like, yeah, but where have you been? She was like, I don't know. That's amazing. Measuring your pub crawl in steps, it's the future. It's like, it's a good way of losing weight though,

on your way around. I think you're kind of counteracting it. Listen, I just want to get back quickly to me walking to the bottle bank with a bottle of wine. Can I, honestly, I'm so up for that. As soon as the sun's shining, I'm going to do it. I'll do it on my own, actually. No, I've got to pick the day and you've got to do it on your own.

Yeah, I'll happily do it on my own. I'll pick the day. Can I pick the day? Why? What's the day going to be? It's going to be pissing down. Well, that's not very good. Freezing.

Snow. What are you ruining? You're ruining my birthday present now. Birthday! If you're a professional wino bottle bank stepper, walker, drinker, you wouldn't mind about the weather.

It's all about the steps and all about finishing that bottle. And you know what it's mainly about? Recycling. Yeah. Saving the planet. Okay, okay. Right, well, I'm here.

I'm so excited. I'm going to get a nice bottle of wine. Treat myself. I might look online now, actually. So grim. I think I'll go with white just in case I trip over and spill any on myself.

I mean, planning ahead. What an amazing way to plan it. I'll go with white, just in case I trip over and spill any on myself. I mean, plan in ahead. What an amazing way to plan it. I'll go with that one because of the colour for when I inevitably spill it on myself because I'm a hack. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! I don't know whether I told you this, but we took Robin to get his haircut the other day. You were there, obviously. I was there.

You hang around like a bad smell. Jesus, wow. Just there all the time did you know what he said before do you know he didn't want to get his hair cut well he said mommy I don't want to get my hair cut because it will make us look older and I said well you know

that's ok because you are getting older and now I'm worried that he feels like he's getting pushed out because of his younger brother oh is that what it is but then when he said, I look older, I was like, well, how old do you think you look?

And he said 57. Right. So I was like, right, well, that's not going to happen. So I don't know what's going on in his little brain. Can you imagine he had a trim

and he came out and looked 57? Benjamin Button. Little Benjamin Button. Can you imagine going to the hairdresser, what do you think of it? What do I think of it? Who's this fucking bloke? You mean, where's my son?

57. He's a maniac. I know. He said he looked 57. But he looks very handsome. No, he does. He looks lovely. Yes.

That's all I had to say about that. And we went to Charity Shop Dippin's. He's a new little hobby. He loves it. Loves it, doesn't he? Only because his money goes further yeah so he doesn't give a shit

what he's buying just as long as he's got more things yeah yeah yeah so instead of maybe just getting one toy as a treat yeah

he can get like seven exactly they're all falling apart 50 pence each yeah he loves it though any parents out there it's an amazing little

afternoon to have with your kid just let them walk around the charity shops and give them a couple of quid yeah they buy loads he bought that cap though

he's bought an angry bird's cap it rivals the Mario cap for how fucking ugly it is it's absolutely disgusting so guys if you can

picture it it's the it's you know the red angry bird the main angry bird so it's that's the head and it's beak is the the peak of the cap and he came out

and I was like yeah of course you picked that. Oh, yeah. £2.50 that was actually. £2.50? That was quite expensive. Bloody hell. I know.

I had a good sniff of it as well before I bought it. Right, okay. Nice. I can't be buying a gift. You know. I know. I think they clean them.

They must clean them. They must do something. I think they must do, but I did have a good sniff just in case and it was all right. Oh, yeah. Charity shopped it, man. It's class.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bach. Do you remember a few weeks ago when we're talking about wishes uh vaguely we're saying like if you get a wish what would you wish for you said more wishes and all that yes i thought just as something fun might not work might be shit might whatever right every week we could make an imaginary wish oh i was gonna do a jingle but obviously I had a nap. Okay, brilliant. So here's one off the top of my head. Right. What do you wish? What do you wish?

What do you wish, bitch? Is that the jingle? That's the jingle. Honestly. Sounds quite a lot like what do you beef. Am I happier that you didn't hold your laptop up like a violin? Exactly. Possibly am.

Yeah. I possibly am. Oh, hang on though. Wait one second. Oh, God. I just had an idea hang on right daisy pause it please i know what it's gonna be i already know what it's gonna be make a wish make a wish make a wish make a wish bitch

what do you wish that was horrible what do you wish chris was horrible. What do you wish, Chris? That was horrible. I thought you were going to pick for When you wish upon a star Probably get sued all over. You probably can't even use that. Disney man. Airtight. We'll get shut down.

Congratulations. Sorry. So what's this new cobbled together theme? Just make a wish. Make a to make a wish every week? Well, just whatever you want. What's your wish? I wish that I could... I'm busy picking sideboards for the house.

Fucking what a boring... No one, no one in the world has ever started a wish with I'm busy picking sideboards for the house. You... Really? That's worse than you and your kid. Are you a boring old woman? That's worse than you and your sister talking about a thing. Which by the way, can I just say to you listener, if you listen to last week's episode

where Rosie and her sister had the most riveting conversation about Kate taking the plunge and wearing floral dresses with fucking denim jackets and trainers. We went on this morning last week. We were standing upstairs waiting to go in at the security checkpoint thing

and a lady walked out on her phone and Rosie nudged me and went, look, and she had a denim jacket, floral dress and trainers on. I was furious. Furious that I'd seen it in the real world. If they've got them in London,

you know that it's happening hip and cool. Happening hip and cool. Spoken like a true boring old lady. If you rubbed a lamp, if you found a magical lamp at the beach and you rubbed the lamp and a genie came out and said I'll give you three wishes. What do you wish? And you started with

I'm busy trying to pick sideboards in the house. You just fuck off. I just wish there wasn't so much choice. You wish there wasn't so much choice for sideboards. Because I'm really struggling to pick because I'm getting a second hand one because i think our house can get away with like an antique second hand sort of sideboard i just want there's too much choice and then i don't know whether they're dropping a bit or not so i wish they would just whittle them down to about five right all the right measurements and i can go why don't you just

look at five pick them because it's too many because you look at one right and then look at one more and then they go oh more that you might like and you go well I do and then you put on that

well only look at the first four but then but what about all the other treasures out there so you want choice is what you're saying well no I do

but then I don't I'd rather just not see it so you I can't be trusted to pick just four I want the internet to go rosie he has six right six he has six my head is done in by this because i got a shower this morning i came downstairs it must have been seven o'clock robin wasn't even ready for school and you and your mom

had the fucking tape measure out walking storming around the hallway absolutely driving honestly because you find one check that will it open open ma'am will the door open there hold that there right is that depth and width what's depth and what's width get me the fuck out of this house

yeah no but you find one you go right the length's perfect right the height's perfect and then it's like two centimetres too wide and you go what the fuck's that

oh god first world problems and then and then bloody ebay right I went to order something on ebay I mean

maybe take the eBay out because if they ever sponsor the podcast then you know I'll love them but I went I went on eBay

and I was like right I found the perfect sideboard perfect look perfect dead good condition messaged the woman

saying like can I buy this and I'll send a courier no she said no why did she say no because she's had bad experiences in the past I was like so sorry what do you mean she's had bad experiences saying like, can I buy this and I'll send a courier. No. She said no. Why did she say no? Because she's had bad experiences in the past.

I was like, so sorry. What do you mean she's had bad experiences in the past? She'd had bad experiences of couriers and something turned up damaged or whatever. So unless our fucking next door neighbours wanted to buy a sideboard, I'm not quite sure what she's going to do about that. She won't have a courier pick it up. She wants you to go and collect it in person.

Wow. It was in Manchester. Right, yeah. I'm not doing that. Aren't the picked it up. She wants you to go and collect it in person. Wow. It was in Manchester. Right, yeah. I'm not doing that. Aren't the government saying no unnecessary travel still? Possibly. I was really confused.

Excuse me, madam, where are you going? I'm going to Manchester and it's an emergency. I've got to go to a sideboard. Took us fucking six years to pick one, which was only five.

Officer, just drive off. Officer falls asleep. Are we still not allowed to drive anyway? No, we are now. The shops are open, so I doubt it very much. Everyone's been all over.

People have been on little holidays and all sorts. I was joking. I was doing a joke, man. Well, I wasn't getting mad. I was just saying. You're fact-checking my material. Jeez. It's like being on QI.

Still on sideboard hunt. Good. You'd love to go on QI. Right. Like the Davie on QI right like that have you on QI come on you've never been on have you I've never been on QI no

one day oh no oh let's oh let's laugh at the shows Chris hasn't been on there's a news segment let's laugh have I got news for you

no have you never been on have I got news for you no oh my god satire I'm not good on satire i just don't watch a fucking news i don't think you look intelligent enough i mean i mean it's not about looking intelligent it's probably about the third no i think there's a lot of everyone

everyone on qi or have i got news for you looks intelligent they do i'm sorry no no disrespect okay johnny vegas has been on qi. He's, oh, well, yeah. Ross Noble? Does Ross Noble look intelligent? Yeah. Does he look intelligent? Yeah. I mean, big up to Ross and Johnny.

You're too young. Yeah? I've told you this before. You've got comics of me have been on there. No, but I've told you this before. When you started comedy, have I said this on the podcast?

No, but you've said it to me multiple times in person. And, you know, I mean, by all means, let the world know. When Chris started comedy in his early 20s, right? Dickhead.

I went to see you on a programme. Good to hear this. And we'd only been together a few months and I went down to film it and I even said to you, Chris, you were a bit

intense on that. Just like, is it wide boy? Just like, I was like, calm down. Right. Chill out. Yeah out and then I think

that last impression has just stayed with a lot of people in the industry but I just want to tell you all now he's grown up a lot very very boring

it was all an act he doesn't even like football I don't like that that's why I've never been on any sport ones leave the room not a chance

don't like football wouldn't know what they were talking about I used to watch that you don't have to like football to watch that well don't fancy it

no I just haven't been asked but I don't fancy it I mean they don't fancy me listen man I'm busy man I've got to rearrange my office today we're at Egg Jingle

I'm snowed under man you've got so much going on so I've got no time for these what who's that at the door who's that at the door what no I can't come on your panel show no god fucking chill out man back off everyone give us a bit of space Who's that at the door? What? No, I can't come on your panel show. No.

God, fucking chill out, man. Back off, everyone. Give us a bit of space. Bloody hell. Bloody hell. Bless you. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. So, we've got a new segment this week.

Okay. We've got a one-time only segment. Yeah. It better be good because I am shelving Rosie's Mysteries. Right. And I was going to do a really good search for the items inside yourself. Right. Are you lying?

Because I know you don't have it. Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll not do this and you can do them two things that you've got prepared. Bullshit. Let me just... Just banging it. Just banging that. No, I can't.

Unfortunately, I've had an email from... You didn't use your trackpad. The government. You didn't use your trackpad. You just pressed the buttons. No, the government have said..., I've had an email from the government. You didn't use your trackpad, you just pressed the buttons. No, the government have said... Liar, you're a fucking liar. It's just too much. Now, on the premise of you being a massive idiot,

fans of Rosie's Instagram, slash the part of the internet where she flogs any old shite, spell out! Do you know what it is? That's bullshit. I've got three campaigns going on at the minute, and they ares any old shite. Do you know what it is? That's bullshit. I've got three campaigns going on at the minute and they are bloody good brands actually. Thank you very much.

Troll. Right. Wow. Goodness me. Anyone who follows Rosie on Instagram will notice a few days ago Rosie made a shocking shock.

Honestly I was embarrassed and he phoned you and said delete that instagram story now so uh rave got sent some stuff hashtag gifted and uh you put a little video of him on and he had leopard print on and he went oh leopard print oh that's lovely that oh you know oh rave and this is genuine if you didn't follow her on instagram this actually happened i was mortified guys, guys, right? She went, oh, look over here for your leopard print. You look like a little... You look like a little... Then she said, I swear to God, she said this, right?

She went, what animal does leopard print come from? And I couldn't believe it, right? Then Rosie's mom was in the background pottering on, as she normally is, and then Rosie turned off camera, as she normally does on her Instagram stories, to get her mom involved, and went, mom, what animal does leopard print come from?

I'm expecting her mum to, quite rightly, tear her a new one for being a moron. Her mum then said, I don't know. What's the... Then her mum, something happened in your mum's fucking pinball brain where she pinged off and she started going,

What's the saying? A tiger doesn't change its stripe, but a leopard can't change its spots. Naming the animal, naming the animal leopard, but not putting two and two together. That leopard print was from a leopard. Absolutely shocking.

You're better than that. I know. You're better than that. I was so embarrassed. We are not of that ilk. We're not the people who come on telly and just say stupid stuff and then, you know,

everyone goes, oh, I like her because she's an idiot. That's not us. No. Don't ever do that again. Oh, I'm sorry. Right? And we're going to fix it

right now with Rosie's animal print quiz. That's the blinded theme tune. I don't have a dangle because I was busy writing an egg one. Right. Okay.

So. So is this the question? Got some questions here now for you, right? This is Rosie's super duper animal print quiz. This is to redeem myself. This is to redeem myself. This is to redeem yourself.

I was very embarrassed about that, by the way. I think I was just really tired. Yeah. Okay, it's time to play Rosie's super-duper animal print quiz. Cue the tense music. Okay. Rosie, how are you feeling? I'm a bit nervous, Chris.

I'm not going to lie. Okay. I have to name the print You have to name the animal That it comes from Are you ready? Question one Cheetah print

Good, correct Question two Cow print Question three Crocodile print Question four Gir crocodile print. Crocodiles. Correct. Question four, giraffe print. Giraffes? Is this a statistic? Correct. Question five, hyena print.

Hyenas? Correct. Question six, jaguar print. Jaguar? Correct. Question seven, leopard print. Now, this one's been tripped before. This one did trip you up in the past. Take your time. You can consult your mom, but as we've seen, absolute fucking waste of time.

Question seven. Leopardprint. Give you a clue. Leopardprint. Yeah, okay. I'm going to go with cheetah. I'm going to go with cheetah. I can accept your second answer.

Leopards. Leopards, correct. Fantastic stuff. Question eight. Peacock print. Peacock. Wonderful stuff. Excellent.

You're flying here. Snake print. Snake. Fantastic. Correct. Tiger print. Tiger. Tiger print.

Wonderful stuff. Tortoise shell print. Tortoises. Excellent. Final question. Zebra print. Zebras. Fantastic. Final question. Yeah. Zebra print. Zebras. Fantastic.

Rosie Ramsey, you are a winner. Fantastic stuff. Just amazing work. What a brain. What a brain. I tell you what. Absolutely phenomenal stuff there. Oh, gosh.

How do you do it? How do you do all of them? You got them all right. Every single one. That's amazing. I'm so embarrassed by that. That is horrific. Listen, Rosie, I...

There's not more, is there? There's a bonus question. Oh, right. There's a bonus question. It's a little bit of fun. It's not animal related. Get this right and I will apologise for the massively piss-tickety game that I just did.

Yeah. And the very nasty way that I did it. That would be quite nice. I typed, what is the most interesting crocodile fact into Google

this morning while looking for questions? 20 other suggestions came up under the people also ask section. Name three of those

questions to win the entire game and I'll give you i'll apologize for that game okay okay here's my guess number one okay how long can a crocodile stay on the water was that there hold on that is a very good one it's not there i'm afraid it's not there i tell you what i'll give you three choices to get i'll give you i'm gonna change it i'll give you three guesses to get one of them right if you get one of them right I'll apologise for that game and I'll not call you an idiot

for the rest of this podcast okay okay so how long I wasn't one but that's a fucking good one I know thank you well I did have other guesses

not there though okay what's your other guess come on you've got you've got two more guesses you're going back to your original game this is fucking painful no no this is it

no no you were supposed to get three of them you were supposed no it's not painful if you listen it's not painful if you listen you were supposed to get three right you were only supposed to get one right but I'll give you two supposed to get three of them. You were supposed to know. It's not painful if you listen. It's not painful if you listen. Sorry, listeners. You were supposed to get three right.

You were only supposed to get one right, but I'll give you two chances to get one right. Okay? I think you've lost us. There we go. Just fucking guess again. You lost us at leopard print. I'm not going to lie.

Of course we did. Yeah. Lost you in that leopard print. Okay. Can crocodiles eat people whole? Like snakes? You know what? Do crocodiles eat humans?

I'll give you that. There you go. I'll give you that. Thank you. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. I'll apologise. They do, don't they?

Yeah. Well, I don't know. It doesn't say it. But I didn't click on it, if I'm honest with you. The top questions are, what is an interesting fact about crocodiles?

Do crocs sleep? Are crocodiles bulletproof? Maniac. Wow. How many hearts do crocodiles have? Do crocodiles eat humans? Can crocodiles feel pain? Can a pistol kill a shark?

Oh, guns, man. People and guns. Can a pistol kill a crocodile? Can a bullet kill a crocodile? What animal has eight hearts? Do crocodiles have three hearts? Do crocodiles have two hearts? Do crocodiles, my personal favourite,

do crocodiles feel love? Oh. And the final one, do trees feel pain? So there's... Wow. How many horses does a crocodile have? Just one. Why are people thinking they've got eight? Why are they asking if a bullet can...

In what situation are you in? I like to think it was the same person sitting there going, look, I'm going to ask this crocodile out. Either it can feel love or I'm going to shoot the fucker. No, well, if you lived in America and you've got a gun and you had crocodiles on your property, that's probably why they're asking.

Apparently the top's kind of like bulletproof but the belly's really soft. Right. How many, who, what animal's got eight hearts? I don't know.

I don't think any animal's got eight hearts. I don't know why they've written that. Oh. Do you want to Google it? Yes. So, an animal with eight hearts is an octopus.

Octopus or octopi are one of the most well-known animals with multiple hearts. Do they have eight, though? People also ask, which animal has ten hearts? Which animal has nine hearts? Which animal has 13 hearts? This is a Google hole. I'm not going to go down. I'll save this one.

Oh, God! What? Oh, a cockroach has got 13 hearts. Bollocks. An earthworm's got 10 hearts. She's gone. She's absolutely gone. She can't hear us.

Are your headphones plugged in? Or dinosaurs. Fuck it, they are. No, they're not real. Did you explain on here that you didn't think dinosaurs were real? No, we did. We covered that. Oh, which animal has no brain?

Rosie Ramsey. Sponge. have we covered that oh which animal has no brain Rosie Ramsey sponge guys you should have seen her face sponge massive smile god love you

Rock City you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental

health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday.

You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen.

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real.

It's not real. Who said that? the first omen in theaters friday get tickets now it's time for what's your beef what's your beef sorry i'm sorry

that was so loud people are gonna complain i'm sorry that was horrible that's little the little bar on my computer that tells us how loud the thing was. I don't think, I don't know. No, because I'm going to get a tweet going, I was driving

and you did once, you're beefing and I nearly died. Ah, fuck them. Let them have it. Keep them on their toes. I'm excited. You are excited and I'm excited. Do you know what it is, Chris? Having a lovely day. I'm enjoying this. I'm dead glad. I'm really enjoying this. excited and I'm excited I'm done do you know what it is Chris yeah having a lovely day I'm enjoying this

I'm glad I am I'm really enjoying this it's cheered us up well I've got a I've got a well-researched beef coming your way as well I'd like to say Cleopatra

coming at you this week Cleopatra get a pen and paper write down our names because one realises our aim is the same

as the other we all have a dream to make it to the top we get there we know we're never gonna stop cleopatra yeah we got to move so we're gonna we're gonna blow the roof cleopatra yeah I used to really like Cleopatra do you know they had a cartoon yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

they had a cartoon I used to watch it are you crying are you crying laughing or are you crying because you miss Cleopatra it's just the memory it's just

guys it's T.S. Rowland because because I started I started really thinking that I knew all the words but then obviously never

what you you don't know the lyrics there's no way I wouldn't have that what's your beef oh my beef with you this week don't even have to look

at me thing because it's pissed us off that much you've been doing this since the kids were born both of them and I've never mentioned it on here

but it really I don't know why it irritates us it probably shouldn't but it just really fucking does so if you're holding when robin was a baby or now rave is that's why you used to do it when robin was a baby and obviously he got older he stopped doing it now you're doing with rave all the time okay you hold rave yeah if he's laughing or smiling and you go he loves

his daddy he loves his daddy and it pisses us off. Right. Because I just find it a bit, it's just a bit vain. Right. Okay. Just a bit like, oh, he's laughing and he loves his daddy. Right.

I just can't imagine me holding Rafe and going, he loves his mummy. Because I just find it a bit disgusting. I wouldn't bother me. How is it disgusting seeing that my son

loves his daddy? Because it's like, it's like you're bigging yourself up. I don't know, I just don't like it. Oh, you've only just noticed that I've bigged myself...

I should, for seven years. Chris Rams, are you bigging himself up? That doesn't sound right. Take the piss. True, true. I just don't like you, Chris, I'm sorry. So you don't like one of them? Oh, he loves his daddy.

But he loves his daddy. But then you go to me, look how much he loves his daddy. And I'll go, that's fucking gross. Shut up. go to me look how much he loves his daddy and i'll go that's fucking gross shut up it is rank i can't imagine i would never okay so it sounds a bit stupid it's just it's look how much he loves his dad like you're talking about yourself like it's weird but he loves his daddy i just don't like it. All right, okay. I'll try and curb it. I'll try and curb it.

It's so weird. Okay, if it sounds a bit weird. All right, okay. You and you say it loads there. Yeah, there you go. But I didn't mean it to sound weird. And I don't mean to sound, you know. I mean, there is a silent brackets, more than mammy, implied as I say it.

Is that what it is? But I don't say it out loud. Is that what it is? What if I just sat there with him just going, he likes me better than you? Is that better? Yeah. Right, okay, good. Just checking. It's just, it's something that somebody else would say. I just feel there with him just going he likes me better than you is that better yeah right okay good just checking

it's just it's something that somebody else would say I just feel like I'm the favourite at the minute it's why he just

he's sweet he looks at us and I get him laughing quick Aaron you know and no lyrics to stuff and he just he just respects us he just respects me

wow right okay see how long it lasts right okay see how long it lasts yeah who will yeah who will

wait till you go off on tour. The fucking forget-who-you-are. And I'll bring me new boyfriend around. Not be that one you're toddling to the fucking bottle bin on your arm with your wine. Where's mammy? That used to be your mammy. That woman there toddling along with a bottle of wine in a brown bag, talking to herself.

Look how thin she is. It's a four mile walk. She has to sprint the last mile because she's finished her bottle. Right, what's your beef with me? My beef with you this week is... I don't know what's happening. I don't know why it's all being done

in this way, shape or form, but in this house at the minute, and you can blame it on the fact that we've just moved, why it's all being done in this way, shape or form, but in this house at the minute and you can blame it on the fact that we've just moved but it's not that. In this house at the minute, something is happening with you and lamps. And it's

a phenomenon that is doing me fucking head in. So, she knows it's right, guys. Before I even tell you what it is, she knows it's right because we've lost her, right?

Tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us. There is, right? I've actually written it down. I wrote it down longhand, this beef this morning as I was emptying it into the laptop, right? Every day, there is a new lamp

appearing or you're putting a new lampshade on an old lamp and the lampshade doesn't fit it or the lampshade's broke or it's the wrong way around or there isn't a bulb or you want the lamp in a part of the room where there isn't a fucking socket that's your newest thing

guys the amount of lamps on little tables in corners of our rooms and I go to turn it on and I look and it's not plugged in and I look and there's no socket in that corner of the room. Don't put the fucking lamp there! It's driving us mental. Currently, and I walked around today, I did a little survey in the house. I did a little survey.

She caught us walking around doing a survey. Currently, guys strap in. Currently there are 21 lamps in this house. What? For real? 21 lamps. 13 are working. Why is it so dark? 13 are working. Thirty are not working. Why is it so dark? Thirty are not working. Eight are not working.

Two of those that aren't working don't have shades. And then there are a further six lampshades placed in random places around the house. Get fucking help. It's crazy.

Stop it. Six lampshades just places. Lampshades. Just places. Lampshades on floors, on little bits of sideboard. Listen, I do like lamps, right? Get a fucking torch and strap it to your head. I don't know what's going on. I like lamps.

And I just want them out of storage. Right. And I'm just deciding where to put them. It's taking you fucking ages. I know, Chris. Sick of it. We've just talked about side them. It's taking you fucking ages. I know, Chris. Sick of it. We've just talked about sideboards. The lamp situation's even worse.

Don't be turning around and saying you can't sort the lamps until the sideboards are sorted. I'm having this house of cards being built. That's true. Where are the lamps going to go? On the sideboards? Explain why you keep putting them

in corners of rooms where there's no plugs. What are you expecting? The electricity's just going to jump across there. They just look nice. What? They don't Electricity's just going to jump across there. They just look nice. They don't fucking work! But look how pretty they are. Here's something which is very frustrating and I've only

realised in adult life. Why aren't all lampshades just the same size? They're all different fucking sizes and I thought I could just swap them round willy nilly and tis not the case chris doing my nothing that's why we've got the worst bit every day you're taking a lampshade off one lamp and putting it on another one and then leaving it and then you broke one the other day and then you go

i've got these for this and i've got to take the lampshade off and they don't fit and you're like why don't they fit have you can you not just and you ask a stupid stuff like have you took the bulb out yes i've took the fucking bulb out i haven't just balanced the lampshade on top of the bulb. You're just doing me head in. Right. Death by lamps. Sick of it. There's worse ways to die.

God. Tell you what, there's me wish. If there was lamps and there was a genie, I'd rub it out and I'd say, get rid of all these

fucking lamps. I forgot to do me wish. I was too excited. Oh, well, you just live with a big light on for the rest of your fucking life. Your sad little sorry life with a big light on where everyone can see in your windows.

Have a lovely, lovely time. Try to relax. Try to relax with a big light on, will you? Here's a lovely bit of ambience. Let's put the big fucking light on. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the pubelics. Oh, pubelix.

Very good, very good, very good. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, it's shagmaridanoid at gmail.com. There we go. shagmaridanoid at gmail.com. gmail.com. Do you want to send things in? Stop that.

You're not. We proved this last week. You can't. You only finish a sentence when you know the fucking, what am I going to say? Stop it. Guys, keep sending your awesome, awesome stuff. I'm reading them again this week

I had a lovely time trawling through them we really do appreciate it I can't genuinely can't thank you enough I keep sending things in same

gonna crack on to the first one now okay so we're gonna revisit the shower argument here what is the shower argument remember the shower

argument about which way do you stand in the shower oh head towards the wall or head out of facing or facing out now a man has got in touch here called David.

Okay, hi David. And David has put such a compelling argument forward with a few different reasons and he did an office poll at work and I think he might have once and for all cracked which way he should stand.

Okay. So I just wanted to get... I just wanted to... I just wanted to let his research see the light of day is what I'm trying to say here. Okay, David, thank you for getting in touch. Appreciate it.

My girlfriend and I were recently having a nice romantic meal discussing the usual things partners discuss. We discussed how we shower. Now, like a normal human being, I step into the shower and turn around. I don't think he has heard the episode yet where we discussed this. Chris, I can't actually remember it, to be honest.

Brilliant, but he's nailed it, to be fair. Like a normal human being, I step into the shower and turn around. Brackets, water runs down my back. I have done this my whole life and presume that this is the only way to shower. However, she laughed and began to quite aggressively... He's putting in speech marks. Quite aggressively bully me for my poor shower technique

as she gets into the shower and continues to face the shower so water runs down her front. To me this was nonsense as turning around makes more sense for a number of reasons he's put four reasons. Right okay I'm interested The final reason is my favourite by a mile. I'm starting to think he is

Dwight from the US office and you'll see as this goes on. Reason number one, you don't get peppered in the face by water. Reason number two, you get to enjoy the lovely scenery

of your bathroom. Reason number three, you are more effectively covered in water. Reason number four, if there was any intruders you did not hear, you would see them

enter the bathroom and would be ready for battle. Great. Some people constantly live in fear of being attacked, don't they? Ready for battle. Soaking wet and fucking naked and covered in soap. Slip of your toes. Slip of your toes out. I see two broken ankles, David.

Naturally, I did the only responsible thing to be done in this situation and did a poll at work. 69% of people stand with their backs to the shower. The way he does it. 21% stand facing the shower. You notice that doesn't add up to 100 because there's 10% left. He's written here, 10% continuously rotate. That's me.

Brackets, brackets, like a kebab. That's me babadoo babadoo babadoo hi Chris and Rosie our friends are from Belgium and speak great English however they are not really used to the odd slang that we have here in the UK they recently got a puppy who was very cute with long flappy ears

they finally decided on a name for the puppy they called him flaps they did a they did a full announcement on facebook and were very proud oh i love them needless to say it caused a lot of laughter and we had to tell them what flaps meant. Oh. Oh, gosh. Oh, little flaps. This is me puppy, flaps.

This is me kitten, clitoris. This is me ham, Flaps. This is me kitten, Clitoris. This is me hamster, Vulva. This is me gerbil, Gooch. This is me tortoise, Oswald. This email caught my eye because this email was titled what's wrong with me right in massive capital letters i love them dear rosie and chris pre-lockdown i had an appointment with my what it's just so sad it's just you've got to picture it in your mind's eye okay okay pre-lockdown i had an appointment with my gp my doctor gently took my

hand in his me being a benevolent person i placed my hand on top of his only for him to say i'm just checking your pulse so he took a hand in one of his hands and she put her hand in one of his hands and she put her hand on top of his and said, yes, what is it? Hi, Rosie and Chris. After listening to episode 111, when you were discussing making jewellery out of breast milk, I thought I'd send this story in.

Around 15 years ago, my ex-boyfriend, who now I can't believe I was with, asked me what I would like this story in. Okay. Around 15 years ago, my ex-boyfriend, who now I can't believe I was with, Yep. asked me what I would like for my birthday. Having no idea what I would like, I told him to surprise me. Oh, God. We had been together quite a while at this point

and there was talk of an engagement ring. Oh. When my birthday came around, I arrived at his house wondering what my surprise could be. He told me to close my eyes. I did as I was told, expecting to open my eyes and see him on one knee.

Oh no! When I opened my eyes, I was presented with a small brown envelope. Inside was a tiny glass tube with his initials engraved on it and a strand of his pubic hair in the jaw. Shut up man, no way. He expected me to wear this as a pendant on a necklace.

Fuck off. Safe to say. No way. It didn't last. No way. Just teeny teeny little pubic hair. That's the worst. That's the most unwanted thing in theie. That's the worst. That's the most unwanted thing in the world.

That's the worst. These people live among us, Chris. Do you know what I mean? Oh, my God. How did he pick it? I bet you there was a moment where he was standing with a pair of tweezers pulling pubes out and he picked the one. The best one.

He had it. Yeah, there'll have been an opinion. It'll be like, you were fucking lamps. And there's going to be that one. Oh, it's got a little chair that one oh that's got a bit of like you know skin gunk you know sometimes

you pull a bit of hair and it's got like the roof like the skin gunk yeah you go it's got a bit of skin gunk that one's too curly

you see it sort of hugs the side of the container needs to be a straight one tough might be tough

might have even trimmed it straight pubes they're a bit wrung aren't they like a wire brush just like just proper

straight pubes I think pubes are awful yeah well well rank on there like a wire brush just like just proper straight pubes I think pubes are awful yeah well well that's annoying what

definitely gonna get you one of them vials let's go about that back to the drawing board babadoo babadoo babadoo back hi Rosie and Chris just listening to episode 109

about the girl wiping her face with her parents black sex flannel. What is our job? Which reminded me of something that had happened to me years ago. It is crazy when you hear someone refer to something. We get paid for this.

Literally. We get paid for this, Chris. I was listening to the episode where the man pissed into somebody's mouth and gurgled till he died. Oh yeah, it's episode 85. Oh yeah, that was a cracking episode that was. Yeah, great.

The worst bit is that we can't remember most of them but I do remember this one. Okay. I do remember this one. Okay.

When I was 14 or 15 I had a sleepover for my birthday. It was a night or a summer. No, indeed, yeah. I loved sleepovers. Oh, weren't sleepovers

great? Oh, they were fucking mint. What were girls ones like? As a boy on the outside I used to think that they were amazing. Frig all night in Mount. Star, you can't say that. No, weren't Sleepover's great? God, they were fucking mint. What were girls ones like? As a boy on the outside, yeah, we used to think that they were amazing. Frigg all night. Star, you can't say that.

No, we really didn't. There's no children listening to this. No, but you were a child in that Sleepover, so you just said all this stuff. Yes, but I'm not a child now. Right, okay. Oh, don't enter into the world of people who can't, oh, I can't hear that because, you know,

oh, the children. It's not happening to a child. All right, all right. Cards on the table. Cards on the table. Didn't like the word Frigg. You're better than that. to a child. It's a joke. Cards on the table. Didn't like the word frig. You're better than that. Right, okay.

Dirty discussing word. Pork. I much prefer flicking a bean. You say that. Right, right. No, well, that didn't happen. What happened at Sea of Overs? We all just stayed up really late.

Do you know what we did? We learned steps, dancers. Great. That's absolutely what we did from the box. I feel like we've talked about this before. I don't know. No, we just learned dances and then did them. It's a bit like TikTok now.

Yeah. I would have absolutely loved TikTok as a kid. Oh my Christ. I wouldn't have left any room. It wouldn't have been handy last year. I know. Yeah, we've just had. It was a nice summer's day in July,

so we had a barbecue and there were five friends sleeping over. In the evening, we all went to the loo together brackets as you do and as i was washing my hands i noticed a black flannel on the side of the sink which i thought was strange as we two are not a flannel family let alone a black flannel family don't want to be a black flannel family. As I touched the flannel, which went for it anyway, much to my horror, it moved.

It wasn't a flannel, it was a fucking bat. Oh, Jesus. In the bathroom? They've obviously had the windows open, it's a summer's night.

Can you imagine that? Oh, it chipped me pants. Can you imagine going to go, that's the thing about our listeners and people who write in, I'll just grab it anyway, for reason people just grab stuff yeah right but it

was a bat but i half expected the rest of that to be like there's just she's written there q6 teenage girls screaming and the bats flying around the house and it's absolutely terrifying we can laugh about it now but i can never look at a flannel in the same way but the emails we got i was half expecting that to say so I wiped my arse with the bat because there was no toilet paper and now I've got arse bat aids oh not arse bat aids oh is that

back oh the lock went down again oh no Christ alive do you remember when a bird got in the bungalow? In the extension? When? I don't think you were here.

A bird got in and it was honestly one of the most terrifying times of my whole entire life. It was awful. Really? You never had a bird come in your house? I've had a bird in the garage before. It's terrifying. Yeah?

It wouldn't leave. They're very erratic. It would not leave. Yeah, they're very erratic it would not leave yeah they're very erratic oh it was like a pigeon type bird it was like a pigeon type bird well it was just a bigger

bigger than a like a robin red breast bigger than a robin so but it didn't look like a pigeon it was just a bird right

and honestly it was fucking harrowing by myself I had to get like I had to shoo it out it just would not leave it took about 20 minutes I was terrified I wish I had to get like, I had to shoo it out. They just would not leave. It took about 20 minutes. I was terrified.

I wish I had cameras. It was horrible. The cameras we've got now, I wish I had them. Yeah. Oh God. Really horrible. And there's shit everywhere.

They did a couple of poos because when they scared the poo. Yeah, I'm scared because I'm afraid of it. I was trying to be really calm but it was like shit in his, oh, horrible. Horrible afternoon that like.

I'm very, where was I? I was on tour or something. You were on tour. I'm very surprised because of how lazy and ridiculous afternoon that like I'm very where was I I was on tour you were on tour I'm very surprised because of how lazy and ridiculous you are I'm surprised that I didn't come back

and you hadn't just been getting takeaways delivered cordoned off the kitchen and I was like are you welcome back do you have a nice chair by the way a bird lives in the kitchen now

I've left it to myself he's got the extension as well put loads of news here on the floor be fine he's very very erratic bab put loads of news to her on the floor be fine he's very very erratic babadoo babadoo babadoo bah

thank you so much again for listening to Shagmire Annoyed with myself Rosie Ramsey and Christopher Ramsey which is now part of the E-Cast Create Network

I know what she said both were names there because she forgot the E-Cast Create Network but then she remembered it right in the end so that's alright guys as always

thank you so much for getting in touch if you want to get in touch send anything in any stories whatever you want it's sh touch, send anything in, any stories, whatever you want. It's shagmaridanoid at gmail.com and shagmaridanoid.com for the live dates. The arenas for December are on sale now and genuinely selling fast. Nottingham, Leeds, Liverpool, Sheffield, Glasgow, Aberdeen, Birmingham, Manchester and London's O2 Arena. Guys, we can't wait to get out on the road and see you all there.

Cannot wait. See you there. Bye! in conversation. Together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at TorontoRock.com.