Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 118. What a man wants

Episode Date: May 28, 2021

Rosie's in a good mood and it's getting on Chris's nerves. They talk coffee in bed, back scratching and it seems like Instagram is taking a side, Chris's side.  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening at Shag Marginoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my darling husband, Christopher Ramsey. That's me, that's me, that is me. Right, let's get this over with, I'm going out. Going out after this.

Oh yeah, oh no, you actually are. I'm actually going out. Are you fully blown on the lash today? I am, I'm on the lash. Come on, let's wrap this up. We're sat here, it's bloody 5 to 11 dry is out i've only had one coffee dry is out yag what i don't know what i meant by that usually reference oh well mate come on

life's a bit more exciting at the minute two kids who's moist with two kids oh not going around the house oh god that's a t-shirt that's a slogan bring the if somebody emailed the management merch if the merch guys are listening that's another t-shirt what did i say who's moist with two kids running around horrendous it's true absolutely horrendous dry as a dog's bone stop it you've gone you've gone mucky the past two weeks you've gone mucky and i don't like it this is because this is where i release which is so strange because so many people listen to this but this is my release i'm not like this all the time no you're not people meet this and they're like and i think i'm really shit in real life about how you're not actually

you're not actually as stupid as you come across on the podcast but you're very relaxed and you just let your guard down on here that's what we were yeah

because we are chatting in our house and you're my husband and I'm really relaxed I just kind of switch off a little bit so I say when I listen to it back

I'm like oh you moron and I'm not like that massively yeah but I get to pick up on it it's really fun you do I get to be a I'm like oh you moron and I'm not like that massively yeah but I get to pick up on it it's really fun you do I get to be a little sniper

and pick up on it anyway but you did say you did say one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my life this week and I've written it down I'm going to talk about it later

oh hey can't wait where was I what time was it was I pissed yes was I pissed it was midnight on Saturday

you were pissed but it was oh I was really pissed on Saturday it sobered me up it was that stupid it sobered me up it was that stupid it sobered me up it was one of the stupidest things

I'll tell you later don't worry we've got all that coming up folks after Kaiser Chiefs tune in just joking there's no music

Taylor Swift's coming up she's not no Kaiser Chiefs neither anyway guys it's episode 118 we'll hope you're all good out there

it bloody is one more than last week can you believe it fucking hell guys thank you so much for listening you know we say it every week.

We absolutely love you. Thank you for coming back and listening to our utter drivel and bullshit every single week. And without further ado, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Yeah. This week's sponsor is...

Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate The words that You cannot find re Yeah Yeah Yeah What the fuck's happening?

They've done a remix I think I've got a problem I had to sing that there I actually had to It was awful Sing it You glazed over And looked into the middle distance

You were gone for a moment I think you're in another dimension Do you know Lockdown has broke me Yeah It's broke a lot of people Your jaw still hurts all the time Yeah

And I have to Anyway Let's carry on I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt They's broke a lot of people my jaw still hurts all the time yeah and I have to anyway let's carry on I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt they've done a remix of that so that's one of my favourite songs ever they've remixed it on TikTok

no one gives a fuck I don't know the sponsor is banging on the door here fuming I'm losing money hand over fist here with you

fannying on about what the hell's going on you rein yourself in right now I'm so I'm happy happy, you know, today. Well, why have I got to suffer when you're happy? Eh? Anyone else out there? Does anyone else out there,

when their partner's really chuffed and in a great mood, do they perpetuate that by annoying the fuck out of you? Because she does with me, and it's doing me nothing. Listen. See, wait, just quickly. No, no, I hope that dickhead who said to me that I haven't

we need to talk about this later on I hope that dickhead on Instagram all of the dickheads on Instagram who say that I'm horrible to you I hope they're listening to this right now

because they clearly don't listen to this fucking podcast you're horrible to me anyway I want to talk about that after this say that you're horrible to me on Instagram have you not seen it

I knew you didn't look at my Instagram you lying piece of shit I don't look at your comments i don't look at anyone's right listen we'll chat about that after this come on hurry up with your stupid stupid sponsor that only takes up time and actually costs for money wow cost for listeners because they've signed out of this now comedy comedy costs money and waste time does it well hell the arts are dead i didn't want to enter this profession it got thrust upon us don't call it profession don't say thrust

you've already said moist and release and all kinds of other awful words people are going to be shagging on the streets this week's sponsor is I'm sorry I'm excited this week's sponsor is the gut wrenching horrendous nauseating feeling you get

when you accidentally touch the soft bit on the top of a baby's head. Oh, the fontanelle. You hate the fontanelle. Makes us want to be sick. Sometimes you can see his heartbeat through it and I want to rip me eyes out. That's how you know he's dehydrated.

Really? Needs a bit of water. Fucking horrific. It's awful, isn't it? Sometimes. And Robin will touch his head and I'll go like, don't, don't touch his head.

Horrific. Honestly, get them all a helmet. It'll grow up soon. Get baby helmets, bring them out, put the helmet on until it's closed. Oh, my God. It's terrifying. Yeah. It's terrifying.

It is. It is. No, it is. It's something that could really, if something went through that, it would really hurt them. Like Robin. Robin is the roughest kid. I'm constantly terrified.

But sometimes I go, if he even touches his little head and I move his head out of the way and then my hand dips and I go, and my legs go numb. Fucking. It is when it pulses at it.

Ban them. Ban them. Get them banned. Someone, get on the government. Get them banned. Let's get this sorted. Why don't, when they're in the room,

just go for surgery, K.O. How are you a little plate in there i mean little metal plate childbirth it's not horrible enough true oh come on listen i'll do anything for an extra hospital stay oh i didn't even get back onto that stop it you know i know no i'm not no i'm right catheter aside okay if some like you know all these people raging about that catheter i know the way i'm so sorry like i didn't mean it in that kind of way it was very much in jest but you know all these people people were raging about that catheter I know the way I'm so sorry like I didn't mean it in that kind of way it was very much in jest

but you know what you meant was she's a lazy pig and she doesn't like getting up to go to the toilet I felt like I was the butt of the joke if I could carry you

to the toilet you'd be buzzing wouldn't you you lazy horrible clip no I wouldn't I wouldn't be buzzing for you to carry us

to the toilet what I would be buzzing is if the hospital said to me no two weeks before me due date if the hospital said Mrs Ramsey you need to go on bed rest toilet. What I would be buzzing is if the hospital said to me, no, two weeks before me due date, if the hospital said, Mrs. Ramsey,

you need to go on bed rest and the hospital, I'd go, oh, let me pack my bags, sir. This might be the longest we've ever done. I know.

Who gives a shit? before I kick right off. Oh, you don't want to see him kick off. He's an arsehole. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. All right, here's the jingle.

Go outside and talk really loud or something. That was far too good. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle.

Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo,le, Jingle. We hope you like the Jingle, Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed. Lovely to have you back as always. I want to start off with a really quick question to you, Christopher.

Yes. We're doing the bedroom out at the minute, doing our master suite. Yes. One question, Right. Coffee machine in the bedroom. Genius or pointless? Pointless. Lazy. It's not a fucking

hotel. You're not confined to your room. Why do you hate a bedroom? What's happened to you in your childhood? You hate your bedroom. What's happened? We talked about this before, didn't we? When you got your little laptop, blooming bed laptop stand and you just stayed in the bed all day. You would get up, roll over.

I've solved it. What have you solved? I know why you are not bothered about your bedroom. Right, why? Because it always goes back to this. Only child. No. I shared a bedroom and now I've got my own bedroom.

Listen, Dickie. You share a bedroom now with me and we're not putting a fucking coffee machine in it. I am. So what are you going to do? Next, you'll want a fucking George Foreman grill in there.

A sink. A toilet. It'll be like a student fucking hall. Listen, I'll be boiling pasta in that kettle before you can stop us. God. No, this is the thing.

It was my sanctuary in my bedroom when me other sibling was out. Right, okay. And now, you know stop us. Oh, God. No, this is the thing. It was my sanctuary in my bedroom when me other sibling was out. Right, okay. And now, you know, yeah. You've got a full house? You've got a house? I don't like going downstairs for a coffee. I want to have it in my bedroom.

I'll get the cheaper version of the one that I've got. You'll get nothing. You don't tell me what to do. Do you know what the worst bit is, right, with our coffee machine? When you do the bang, when you bang the coffee grounds out of the thing, it goes all over the wall.

We'll have coffee bits all over the wall. The room will fucking stink. Of coffee, which is nice. No, it's not. What, when you're trying to go to bed, smelling coffee? I wouldn't be... It would be off by 11 o'clock in the morning. Oh, with magically the smell of coffee.

Our kitchen always smells of coffee. Which is great if you want to sell your house, isn't it? Oh, God, no, we're not. Stop doing weird stuff to the house. We've been beefs about this lately. Oh, I tell you what. coffee which is great if you want to sell your house isn't it oh god no we're not but stop doing weird stuff to the house beefs about this later oh tell you what i want somebody i want to do a poll about this on twitter not i'm shit i'm so shit on twitter i take it back i'm sorry i take it back well if you're listening the guys who do the smart polls every week yeah coffee machine in the bedroom should you put a coffee machine in your bedroom?

Not if you are older living with your parents. I'm talking if you're a married couple and you've got the run of the house yourself. Right? I don't know how you're

going to fit that in here. My auntie used to have a tea's mate. My auntie Kath. What? What's a tea's mate? So a tea's mate or a tea's mate

it used to be on the side of our bed. Right. It was like an alarm clock that would go off and make you a cup of tea. Oh my god. I'd heard about these. Yeah. My auntie Kath had one. Wow. teas mate it used to be on the side of our bed right it was like an alarm an alarm clock that would go off and make you a cup of tea oh my god i'd heard about these yeah me auntie kath had one wow and i think me nana had one as well wow so it was an alarm clock but it was also a kettle yeah yeah start boiling the water and you'd have a cup of tea first thing in the morning it's absolutely

ridiculous it's genius i don't know why they went out of fashion because no fuck i bought them because it's stupid. It's not. It's absolutely stupid. Do you know how happier I would be in life? I'm not, honestly, there's not many things that I need, right? I'm quite low maintenance and I am. Right. Although that dickhead on Instagram thinks I'm not, I am.

We'll talk about that. I need to know what the hell that is about. Right, can't wait. I'm quite low maintenance, but honestly, it would bring me so much joy if I woke up in the morning, right? Hi, Robin, put Netflix on and Rafe can watch it as well. He's got eyes.

He's getting older. He loves a telly. Absolutely great. If I could just have 15 minutes to sit in bed and have a cup of coffee, first thing, right? I know what you mean.

I'm saying, right, let's leave Rafe snappy for a bit longer. Yeah. He's fine, right? Just sit them there. First thing, as soon as you open your eyes,

coffee on, 15 minutes, and then you can go, right, now let's get started. You need a coffee machine alarm clock, which is also Bernard's watch. So you can just click it,

time stands still, and you can sit. It's not going to happen. There's no chance you're going to, there's no way, you're a parent of two kids, there's no way it're going to... You're a parent of two kids. There's no way it's going to happen. I'll start you right now.

We don't need an alarm clock. I set my bastard alarm every day for 20 past seven. I'm already fully dressed onto my third cup of coffee when it goes off. Oh, I laugh my head off. Every day I'm like, oh, great. Morning. Morning me last night

thinking I might get a fucking lie in morning optimistic yesterday's Rosie not a chance I absolutely do not like being handed a coffee in bed really upsets us I know

I'm telling you it's so strange it's my favourite thing in the world so it's just this thing of just like wake up and just hoi in a cup wake up

neck that I'm like no fuck yeah down that quick we're going like fuck that i love it have i never told you about simon who is simon right we don't know anyone called simon so as i said i'm so i'm going out today obviously with carl hutchinson friend of the podcast me and him are the reason we're recording this now at like 11 in the morning uh it's because is because me and Carl are out on a sesh after this because the pubs are open again. You'll be coming home vomiting all over as you do.

When me and Carl first started Stand Up, we did this gig somewhere in the Midlands, right? Or it might have been sort of, I can't remember where it was, but it was in this really lovely little country pub, right? Right. And the deal was you didn't get paid that well for the gig, but you got free drink and you got to stay in the guest house above the pub remember this always yeah early days of early days of show business right so you don't get paid much and you get to stay upstairs so i stayed in the i think there was like a double bed there was

a sofa bed i stayed in the door bed car was on the thing on the sofa bed and then uh in the morning literally about half past 10 in the morning right right? We were both sort of stirring, slightly hungover, a bit like, uh. And Simon was the manager of the pub, of the place, right? Right, right. And a waitress walked past. I shit you not, right? A waitress or a lady who worked there walked past our room at half past 10 in the morning and shouted, Simon, your burger's ready.

And we, I looked at the clock and I looked at Carla. Simon your burger's ready and we we I looked at the clock and I looked I looked at Carl and I went half ten he's having a burger the dirty sod

so that that I always think of that I always think of that half ten in the morning Simon your burger's ready it's a bit different to a coffee

I just I feel the same I feel like I just I was woken up by the fact that Simon was having a burger so then obviously it got for years we're dined out on you know your burgers ready. It's a bit different to a coffee. I just feel the same. I feel like I just I was woken up by the fact that that dirty rat

Simon was having a burger. Aye. So then obviously it got for years we dined out on you know Saturday. It just got more ridiculous so every time we spoke

to each other it would be like Simon your paella's ready or you know Simon your lasagna's ready. How have I not heard that? I don't know but it's Simon your burgers ready.

So any time everyone anyone has anything too early it's like oh Simon aye he's doing a Simon. Do you know it's funny that you should say that have i ever told you about the time when i was in a band and we went to a big castle right in scotland to do a gig right and it was really strange because this lady hired us and i think she had something to do with stage coach buses i think she might have owned it. I don't know.

Right. Anyway, this mansion, the castle thing, right? We got there and our kids were just on quad bikes in the garden. And we were like, what? What is this life? Wow. And we did it in her sort of living room, but it was like a ballroom for just all our friends and family.

We did a fully blown gig. Wow. Like singing, dancing and all that. Yeah. And they had a cottage and they were like right yeah you can call me do the gig and then the cottage is empty if you want to stay there for a few nights the cottage is empty and it was beautiful it was like this five bedroom cottage but you know as a fully grown human now with a mortgage and everything right so i must

have been i mean i must have been 20 at the time we went and we did the gig and i think i got like 70 quid or whatever was the the nightly rate or whatever hey canny canny not bad for a night's work not bad

not bad for a night's work I mean it really shit if you go to Devon right yeah yeah I used to go to Devon for 70 quid I mean you've got to stick the fuel and the food on there

but yeah yeah yeah shit but loved it but what I'm saying is it was the kind of job that I don't think other people have experienced so I went

did a gig for 70 quid and then I stayed there for another two nights. Wow. For nothing. Two nights. Oh, there we go. That just paid for itself. I know, but in real life, if I had a mortgage,

it's like, well, I can't just stay. I need to work. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. I can't just stay for an extra two nights for nothing. Excuse me, Mrs. Ramsey, you've missed your mortgage payment. Can I pay you in a two-night stay in a cottage that I just got given?

Because I don't have any actual money, but if you want to go and stay there for two nights, you know, I've done it on a quad bike. Will that cover me, Mum? That was good fun, actually. I know what you mean. We got a tip.

We got a really big tip, which was nice. And then we went to the games room with all of the kids. Fucking games room. These people, this is amazing. The kids were really sweet. I say kids, they were our age. They were all in the games room playing pool and that.

So we stayed there, had a little drink. And then they were all going to see Elton, they knew Elton John. They were going to see Elton John the next day. Sorry. It was insane. I'm starting to, did you dream this? No, it really happened.

Are you sure? Was this real? It really happened, that's why. Sounds like a dream. I wonder if they listen to the podcast. I don't know. I was there. Sounds like a dream though.

We did a medley. We did like a Greece medley. This is tragic. the podcast. I don't know. Sounds like a dream though. We did a medley. We did like a Greece medley. This is tragic. Stop trying to make these people remember. Stop it. This is awful. But honestly, I'm not even joking. If you're listening, get in touch.

I don't want to borrow your quad bike. They were talking about the Elton John thing and they had tickets. Wow. But we had to go home. I was like, fuck this life. I've got to go home yeah

good times babadoo babadoo babadoo so Saturday night we had a little bit of a soiree you're allowed to pick around your house now oh we did aye

got a little bit merry and then we were Chris actually has put a dint in the new fridge because he was pissed putting wine bottles

in the fridge and he's knackered the fridge it's one of them metal American kind of fridges and I had the freezer doors on the left and the normal fridge doors in the fridge and he's knackered the fridge it's one of them metal American kind of fridges and I had the freezer doors on the left and the normal fridge doors

on the right and I was putting wine bottles in and I was turning to talk to someone and I just basically just fucking smashed a wine bottle

against the fridge but I just want to clarify if that was me oh you break everything oh hi and you let us know let's talk about the Hoover let's not

let's not bother with the Hoover let's talk about the Hoover let's talk about the fact that I have just had's not bother with the hoover let's talk about the hoover let's talk about the fact that I have just had to buy a brand new cordless hoover where there are there are a few

fucking quid I've had to buy a brand new cordless hoover because in the old house right which you hadn't really told us about basically your mum

was hoovering for us the other day Sandra saint thank you she was hoovering for us the other day and it kept

getting everything kept getting clogged so I took it all apart and I looked and I was like there's loads of stuff caught in the took it all apart and I looked and I was like, there's loads of stuff caught in the middle here.

There must be something big. And I got like a knife and I took all the stuff out and I was like, this is like candle wax or something, but it hasn't dried. It's still like white and sticky. And you went,

oh, that might be me. And I went, sorry, what? And so explain what you dropped, what, suet? Suet. So suet suet you make mints and dumplings with it it's basically like lard it's lard pellets

little lard pellets you drop them in the old house and you hoover them up in my defence when they went on the floor I forgot that they were really soft because they looked hard like you would hoover porridge up so you pulled the the slightly soft lard things into a boiling hot

overheating hoover yeah and now the entire inside of the hoover is just lined with lard so you hoover up a bit of fluff off the carpet and it just sticks in the middle yeah you hoover for half an hour and you go there's no dust in here because it's all inside you can't even see it i'm really sorry about that so let's yeah a little dent in the fridge fair enough right okay Yeah. You hoover for half an hour and you go, there's no dust in here because it's all inside. You can't even see it. I'm really sorry about that. So let's, yeah, a little dint in the fridge. All right, fair enough. Right, okay.

What did I say on Saturday? So. Because I don't really remember. We got the level of drunk where you forget you've got kids and then in the middle of the night your kid cries or your kid gets up in the morning and you go, oh my God, I shouldn't have got drunk. I've got kids.

Yeah. We were busy going to bed and I was emptying, we've got one of them sterilizers that goes in the microwave. You put the water in it and you put the baby bottles in it you sterilize it and i got the bottles out of it and i went rosie there's little black things in here can you remember i went there's little black little specks in here little black specks in in in the in the sterilizer on the bottles and stuff what are these what was it you went oh that'll just be where the water's burnt and i went what and he went well it's been in for too long and the water's burnt i went what the water's burnt you went yeah it's like too hot you can burn

it i went you can burn water it doesn't just it doesn't just evaporate and turn into steam you went no you can burn it and you walked out the room and I got my phone out and I wrote it. It was so stupid. It's so butted up. It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. So there you go. You still believe you can burn water. So you think if I put a pan on...

I don't think you can burn water. But I think it would leave something in the thing. If it's burning the thing. No but no you said what was it then was obviously just a little bit of dirt or some shit or something or some probably maybe that i had cleaned the thing the next day maybe there's some grime or some residue inside the thing and that's burnt right of dirt but you but not the water it's right chris i don't know so precipitation you can so you think if you think you can burn water, what the fuck are firemen doing

spraying fires with water? I know that... Howie, Christopher, I know water evaporates. Right. But if there's no water left, if all the water has evaporated, then what happens?

Stuff burns. Not water, though, because you've just said it all. Okay, well, not the water, but the other stuff. So you can't burn water? Right, yes. You can't burn water. well, not the water, but the other stuff. So you can't burn water. Right, yes, you can't burn water. I got the bottom of it.

There we go. You can't burn water. Tune in next week for more absolute bollocks. Tune in next week for science. Right, what's a crack with Instagram, then? Who's bullying you on Instagram? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, man.

Oh, Instagram. So, can we... Sorry Oh, Instagram. So. Can we... Sorry, just to interrupt you. Yes. Can we just first of all say that 99.99999% of the people on there say nice things. I love them.

Absolutely love them. It's the odd one person every three days that goes, actually, I think you'll find it something. You go, oh, Michael, fuck yourself. Oh, I just hate them. Hate them with every fibre of me being

just those people not everyone else it's 0.01% it's a tiny little percentage but I just

hate them and they've never got a face so I don't know what they look like so I can't

hate them in my dreams as well anyway no I put something on about you because you

get your back scratcher out every time we're on a bloody zoom really

important meetings right Chris will get his back scratcher out every time we're on a bloody zoom really important meetings right chris will get his back scratcher out and start scratching his back and i'm just like stop it because no i just want i need to get this out while it's on my head right before we work together i knew that you did all these things and i knew that our management just kind of accepted you and you're like right well he's just a bit you're like eccentric

you're eccentric and you're just a bit intense right but now I'm there in the meeting with you right and you get your back scratcher out

and I'm like Chris this meeting's gonna last 15 minutes you can wait to scratch your back after right if I have an itchy back and my back scratcher

is on the desk as it is it used to be in my toiletry bag from when i went on tour because you weren't there to scratch me back right but now i'm on tour at the minute so my back scratcher and can i just say as well everyone wait everyone thinking that it's like a big long back scratcher slash shoe horn that you buy in the costa del sol in the 90s it's not it's bloody smart little thing it's black and silver and it's telescopic and it looks like a pen and then you pull it out it's not necessary though

if I'm sitting there and I've got an itchy back and I can see it I will not listen to that meeting if I've got an itchy back and I can see a back scratcher on the table there is no fucking chance

that I'm listening to what they're saying listen alright okay I might need a poo and I'm sat down or I might just shit myself I'm sorry no no no

yeah analogy falls apart it's the same thing yeah analogy falls apart why because you can't see a toilet and you'm sat down oh how am i just shit myself no no no yeah analogy falls apart analogy falls apart because you can't because you can't see your toilet and you're not sitting on a toilet sat down though yeah but what you just shit on chairs do you anyway it's just that it's just the fact that you can't hold yourself you can't hold yourself together long enough right and i know that everybody knows that and i know the management know yet that about you but i just sit there and because you kind of would come as a package, I get a bit embarrassed. And I'm like,

oh, they must think, what are you fucking married to? Anyway. Do you want me to buy you a backscratcher? They're great inventions. I'll borrow yours. Not while I'm on a Zoom.

Shouldn't share backscratchers. I've seen it. COVID and that. All right. Backfluff. So anyway, I put something on Instagram, you know know jokingly

jovial slagging you off right and some dick was like you're horrible him let him scratch his back and I was just like

I agree are you fucking do you marry him I agree right where is I'm gonna have to follow this person I feel like it's me soul mate was it a boy or a girl

it was a lady a woman but I just feel like if you're listening get in touch do you want to do a podcast? Oh, it'll be good fun. It'll be loads of fun.

It'll be ambient noise. It's 20 minutes of me scratching my back. And in the background, you hear her going, go on, give it a good scratch. Good lad. Is that nice? And I go, yeah. She goes, good lad.

Good for you. So that'll be out on everywhere you get your podcasts very soon. Go and sign with this one. No. But I just thought, you give as on everywhere you get your podcasts very soon go and sign with this one no but I just thought you give as good as you get but I've had that a lot recently

I got a tweet as well actually from a man a stupid man quite right he said I used to always agree with Rosie

but now I find that she's a bit awful and Chris I feel sorry for Chris finally finally the tides are turning guys if you're listening the revolution has started

Viva la revolution explain explain to the people how much of a nightmare you want to live with please explain because I can't be dealing with this bullshit that I'm getting on social media no don't

please don't Chris I feel like if you look across all platforms if you look at social media and then you look at this podcast I feel like we all give as much as we get that's what I think I love you loads I really do

and I like you as a friend give us some space and as well I feel like we both give as much as we can. I love you loads. I really do. And I like you as a friend. Give us some space. And I just, as well, in my defense, right? Because I feel like I'm losing this battle. We've been doing this podcast during the global pandemic and I was pregnant for a lot of it and I couldn't have a drink. So I think I dipped.

I had a really big dip, guys. I'm really sorry. I was really depressed for a while. And if I took that out on my husband live on here, then I apologise to you having to listen and I apologise to you, Chris, for being nasty. Well, I don't think you should apologise. I think it's been, I think it's entertaining.

No, better than, how are you, man? No, better than watching people have an argument. Yeah, you're right. Come on. You're welcome. I've missed that, actually. That's one thing I've missed during COVID. I know what you mean.

Watching people fighting. I've been known to stop my car. Oh, mate. Rub her neck into the max. Are you kidding us? I love a bit of rub her COVID. I know what you mean. Watching people fight. I've been known to stop my car. Oh, mate. Rub our neck into the max. Are you kidding us? I love a bit of rub our neck. What's going on? Yeah.

Love you. Love you too. Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo. led by Rishikesh Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada

will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturdayurday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason

game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com may or may not have a new little segment oh god uh it may not go in so if you're listening to this then it's been good enough but uh if you're not then it's not in so nana came around nana bridget came around last week yes for the little piss up on Saturday night which was lovely she brought a few books for her

because we've got the library which is the most pathetic library in the world it's got near books yeah so the people we brought this

bought this house off were extremely well educated and you know and literary yeah and we are not no way

and they had a lovely room that we've kept because it's really nice it's shelved beautifully they had a lovely room that we kept because it's really nice, it's shelved beautifully, it's a lovely chill out room and it is called The Library and we've got about, they may have had

I would say they had in excess of a thousand books and I think we've got about twenty, something like that three of which are ours yeah, we've got Philip Scofield's autobiography twice, got that twice, pick up the scoff yeah, we've got three of which are ours yeah we've got philip scoffield's autobiography twice twice got that twice pick up the scope yeah yeah we've got this yeah so anyway me nana has been bringing books forward okay and this i'm really i'm like really really chuffed she's brought this because this this selection there's three of them these have been on my nana

shelf for as long as i can remember look how faded that is one side's been in the sun the other hold on so just i mean obviously it's a it's an audio medium so this is a little box so imagine guys a box that you would get i mean there's three books in it yeah but what you would get like a you know a set of dvds or a set of videos in like a box a trilla it's a book trilogy box and it's got sunflowers on it and yeah one side is fucking white and the other side has got the color on still okay so what are these so she brought these right for us and she said and this is the nice because my nana listens to the podcast she's a mucky little pup so everything we say she doesn't mind she's great um she said that she wants to give us these and she said we should read them

out on the podcast just the things people would really like them okay Okay. And what they are, I've looked at these books all my whole life on her shelf and I never knew what they were. It's like little quotes, like inspirational quotes. Oh. Well, because me Nana didn't realise that Pinterest is a thing and stuff. Right.

So I didn't want to say it to her Nana. So this is book Pinterest. This is book Pinterest. Holy shit. And with we're being a marital, you know, if we ever get an award, we'll be in the relationship. We might be in the relationship section because, you know, we're married and that. So.

Well, what have you got an award? What are you talking about? Well, I know. Multiple awards. I know. We are actually up for an ARIA as well this week. Up for an ARIA. Yeah.

And a trick award. Oh my, oh my God. Yeah. So anyway, this is the one, there's, there's one called success one day at a time. There's one called happiness one day at a time, but this is love one day at a time. Okay. And I thought what I could do every week

Yeah. is skim to a page. Yeah. I don't know what's going to be on it and I'll read the little thing. Okay. The little section of it. Do you like that?

That's lovely. Okay. I've got some music. Of course you have. On my laptop. So I'm just going to skim to the page. I'm going to put my telephone voice on.

Okay. So if anybody wants me to do voiceover on anything I am available okay get in touch with lee hammerman from avalon she's my agent and she's lovely so here we go oh the couple's enemies the couple's enemies what's this oh this might be this might be a bad one okay oh it's a question question oh i don't want a question. I want a quote. God, fuck this.

Oh, here's another one. Jesus. What men like. What men like. Jesus, okay. I'll be honest with you. You should just turn the book around. Short paragraph.

It is. Couples Enemies was a full page. This is a paragraph. So this is by Deidre Day. Okay. I hope this is... When was this wrote? I hope it's not inappropriate.

We'll see. God knows. Most women know what men like. Men like to be spoiled. What the fuck is this? No, no, no. She's right. They like to be complimented

and to be told that they are the most handsomest and the strongest of all. 100%. They like to be served and they like to see their woman in the kitchen quite right. This is banging.

This is spot on. Sorry. This is spot on. It's sorry. This is spot on. It's like you're inside my head. Okay. Preparing their favourite dishes. Yeah. Men like to be right even when they pontificate on a topic they know relatively little about.

100%. Men like to give orders and to see others obey them. Damn right. Stop reading a second. Men like to make love whenever they want to. Continue reading. That's the order. Go that one again. Who wrote this? Make love whenever they want to. I feel. That's the order. Go that one again.

Who wrote this? Make love whenever they want to. I feel like I might have... No, no, come on. Not done this right. Okay. Make love when they want to. Men like women who forgive them no matter what.

Damn right. And who give them the freedom they need to do whatever they want. Damn right. While most women know what men like, women aren't willing to give it. Why? Because women want the same things. That's not going to be easy. like women aren't willing to give it why because women want the same thing is that and that's by daydream i think you need to turn your music off um that that is that is that a joke when was a look. What the actual fuck? This has been on my nana's shelf for a long time. It'll be the inside of the first page.

Okay. Goodness me, you've written a book and you don't know where that fucking date is. 1998. Sorry, what? Where did this person live? 1998. When did D.H.V.D. write that?

I don't know. Is that basically saying, like, you treat your man, like, amazing? I mean, it sounds like it was written by Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. It does, doesn't it? Oh, Nana. Oh, Nana.

Hey, dip into that every week. That's fucking genius. We'll read another one next week. That's amazing. Oh, look, she's left little notes. That's on our moral code. Well, I'll read it next week. Our moral code, look forward to it next week but our moral code look forward to that

can I just say that did not sound like my nana and grandad's relationship at all she ruled with an iron fist so she did

Jimmy just did what he was told oh Jim but did he was he able to make love whenever he wanted to that is the main

question I mean that's something that I don't ever really want to know we'll get her on the phone next week thanks nana Was he able to make love whenever he wanted to? That is the main question. I mean, that's something that I don't ever really want to know. We'll get her on the phone next week. Thanks, Nana.

As if I picked that one. Listen, as long as it fills the shelves in that room, I couldn't give a fuck. I'll be on my third score field in a while at this rate. It's time for What's Your Beef? Hello, Chris. Rosie. Hello. Hello.

It's me, Blender. Hello. Listen, I've just got to be really quick. I just wanted to come clean, Rosie. Right. It was me. It was me. Listen, I've got about 16 accounts.

Right. I'm a troll. Right. And it was me. So I just want to say sorry because I didn't mean it. Right. I honestly, if anything right I honestly if anything I think

Chris is punching with Hosey all the time but I just had to get it out there I'm really bored I haven't got much going on so I do troll a lot of people right

okay yeah I follow all the Instagrammers right got them all on there right okay 16 accounts all different names and that

numbers get away with a lot when you've got numbers on there couple of dog photos I mean I've been doing it for years right okay

why? just feel a bit of power you know what I mean do you make any money off it or? no no I've got a lot of friends a lot of other trolley friends

oh okay yeah get together trolley dollies aye that's what we call the trolley dollies you can't steal that I just saidies aye that's what we call the trolley dollies you can't steal that I just said it

no that's my nicknames great so aye do you think maybe you should stop never love it love it

love it love it aye how do you feel when they reply to you oh I get a buzz when they reply it's like

love it love it when they reply Chris I can't do this because I don't I don't really know what I'm talking about right okay then see you later bye tragic that line I know I love it when they reply. Chris, I can't do this because I don't really know what I'm talking about.

Right, okay then. See you later. Bye. Tragic, that line. I know. Can you stop using your alter egos to big yourself up and put me down, please? Never. Tragic.

Absolutely tragic. Now, listen, guys, just a little bit before, get behind the curtain here, sorry. Just in a little pause break there recording, Rosie said that we shouldn't do the beefs this week because we had already had a go at each other quite a lot. I do, yeah. So would you want to instead... But I don't see... I don't know what the people want. Right.

I think that they do quite like listening to us argue, which is strange. Well, listen... And I'm happy to do that. As a little flip side... Live long day. Right. Why don't we instead, just this week,

say something that we like about the other person? Hmm. Yeah, fuck that. Right. My beef with you this week is... I we'll like about the other person who? yeah fuck that right my beef with you this week is I couldn't think of anything

and this beef actually right this has been long this has been long standing and I said this beef but I said it on the episode

a few weeks ago that I accidentally got deleted so you actually got away with this beef oh you can't be rehashing oh I can because you did it again

the other night and I'm right so one of my beefs in the past i think has been the fact that sometimes we will finish watching the telly and you'll go she will go to bed and i go yeah let's go to bed and i stand up and i turn the telly off and you pick your phone up and you sit staring at your phone even though you've said let's go to bed you lie on the sofa for another 10 minutes staring at your phone right you've stopped doing that which is fantastic you've now upgraded that to you say let's go to bed i say yes let's go to bed i stand up i turn the telly off we'll take if we've had a blanket or a throw on we'll fold that up we'll put on the chair we'll pick up the empty glasses

you disappear out the room i'll go and put the glasses in the kitchen you come back in and you've come up with a bit of di what do you want us to quickly do before we go to bed? Don't you dare talk about measuring the rugs. It's psychotic. The other night, so now you go, just before we go to bed, Chris, can you hold this picture for us? Yes, they wake up. Chris, just before we go to bed, can we move this sofa?

Chris, just before we go to bed, can you put this mirror over here? The other night, which was fucking the best one you've ever done, you went, Chris, just we'd go to bed. And I went, don't. I went, don't ask us to do any, move anything or put a mirror up or anything. Just don't. We're going to bed.

Guys, you know what you said? She went, so you don't want to get the tape measure and quickly mask and tape out the size of a rug on the floor. 11 o'clock at night, two children, sitting watching telly. Shall we go to bed? I'm knackered. Yes, I'm knackered.

Oh, let's quickly get the masking tape out and mask out the area that a new rug might cover. Oh, do not. There's not enough time in the day, Chris. Fucking nutter. This is because this is the stuff that keeps me up at night, though. Do you know that?

Why should I suffer? Why should I suffer? Why should I suffer? Let me sit and watch the UFC and you can just run around the house with a tape measure. I've got the laser on you. You can use the laser measure and you can mask and tape.

Oh, honestly. Oh, God. Stop it. Done? I am done, yes. Great. I can't wait until tea time tonight. Aye.

Aye. What am I having for my tea? Oh, I don't know. Chris, do it yourself. I'm going to watch the UFC. Oh, yeah.'t know chris do it yourself i'm going to watch the ufc oh yeah really well enjoy it because i'm going out for a curry with carl tonight in your face oh yeah you are fair enough um i've got loads of beefs they've racked up oh really no they went a bit sparse because um i think i was just busy with rave and that but now he's a bit

older a bit more self-sufficient you've been getting on my tits again. Literally a couple of weeks, but okay. Yeah. So, yesterday morning, I got up at five o'clock. Yeah. Because, you know, you're still adamant to do the night feeds, even though you do,

fuck off. Right, okay. Right, he's up for 20 minutes, bullshit. he's up for 40 minutes, he wouldn't go to sleep at night.

I changed a nappy, he did a loud fart, I got a fright, woke myself up a bit. Ridiculous. Doesn't warrant a three hour lie in. Doesn't warrant a three hour lie in doesn't warrant a three hour lie in it's the getting up

and putting the dummy back in every single time yeah I know I did it yeah you did it yeah yeah yeah you did it yeah but you get

a full night's kip don't you I don't really get a full night's kip because you do involve me a lot in what you're doing no that's bullshit

so anyway me beef me beef is I you take Robin to school. Yes. Because you can just get ready quicker than me and all that bullshit. I came to wake you up yesterday morning. It was about quarter to eight.

Right. I came in the room. Chris. Yeah. Chris. Nothing. Right. Nothing.

Chris. Chris. Chris. Still nothing. I squeezed your arm three times you still didn't wake up wow I had to shake you

to wake you up right what use are you gonna be if we ever get burgled that just tells you at that moment in time

I stood over you and I thought you are a useless useless piece of shit. If we ever get burgled or robbed or there's a fire, you fat, lazy prick, you're going to sleep through it. And I'm going to die. Fat, lazy prick. Chris, I shouted at you so many times and I squeezed your arm three times and you are still lying there.

Wow. How could you do? How is that possible? So I was in a massive deep sleep is what you're saying. How deep are you going to sleep? How How could you do? How is that possible? So I was in a massive deep sleep is what you're saying. How deep you're going to sleep? How deep can you sleep? So what you're saying to me is, well, I'll tell you exactly how I...

It's quarter to eight in the morning as well, though that's not R.E.M. Just shows how interrupted me night's sleep was. Oh, whatever. I rest my case. What's happened? The prosecution has just tied themselves

in knots, your honour. We will not be cross-examining because they have just done all the work for us. Oh, yeah. Give him a job. Get him in an ITV drama, will you? Stat. It's time for questions from the public.

From the public. Public. Public. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, it's shaggedmarinoid at gmail.com. Send us everything. And as well, I was thinking the other day, right, if you're ever sitting there thinking,

well, I haven't read mine out yet, and I've sent one, and I've just heard a story, and mine's better than that one, just resend it. Resend it again. We've got someone going through all the emails. They'll get it.

Go for it. Sorry, I just don't want anyone sitting out there thinking why are they ignoring mine we haven't ignored it we just get absolutely loads but at the same time as saying we'll get absolutely loads i'm saying send more i've got questions today from 2019 oh because we have got a little the before times the yeah the before yeah i know questions from the before times i know it's really sad because people are talking about actual office polls question from the before yeah I know questions from the before times I know it's really sad because people are talking about actual office polls questions from the before times before times

before times that should be a new section I know what's the lovely lady's name who's going through them Faye Faye is going through them and she is getting them

right back from the beginning she's doing really well some great stuff right okay this is one for you for we're here right ready dear Rosie and Chris

my question is when watching comedy alone do you laugh out loud it's a bit of a backstory right i'm asking this because a previous boyfriend was watching the it crowd for the first time as recommended by myself i went upstairs to put my son to bed and was listening out for his laughter i wanted him to enjoy it as much as i do and thus verify that we were on the same wavelength right that's true i never understood i never understand couples who don't laugh at the same stuff yeah there's nothing i always think and there's nothing worse than when

you go to someone look this is really funny you gotta watch this and they don't like it and they don't like it yeah that's bad crap so he'd watched a couple of episodes and not once laughed she didn't hear him laughing. Right. I thought he must have fallen asleep. When he came to bed, I asked him if he had enjoyed the programme and he said, yeah, it was really funny. I then asked why I hadn't heard him laughing. And he said, you don't laugh when you're on your own.

I'm not going to lie. Found this a little psychotic. Psychotic. Which later was to prove accurate. That is absolutely psychotic. And then she's psychotic which later was to prove accurate that is absolutely psychotic and then she's put so when watching comedy alone

do you laugh out loud well yes because laughter is in real laughter true laughter is involuntary say yes

yes and no although actually I did I watched a reel on Instagram I was just about to say Rosie I laugh my head off

I hear you in another room on your phone cackling away all the time. Fair enough. So it's a rollercoaster of emotion actually listening to you cackling because sometimes we'll be like, where is she? What are you doing? And you laugh for a bit.

And I go, oh, there she's laughing. And you laugh a bit more and I go, a bit too much, a bit annoying now. And then sometimes you laugh loads and then I hear a door open and I go, oh, she's going to shout at us to come and watch whatever piece of shit on TikTok she's just seen. You just, honestly, I just want to let you all know,

Chris hates people. He just hates people. And I think as a comedian, no, you hate that there is now a social media platform where people are quite funny. Normal,

run-of-the-mill people make me laugh on a regular basis. You've hit the nail on the head. I want to give a shout out to somebody. You've hit the nail on the head I want to give I want to give a shout out to somebody you've hit the nail on the head can I just say

I was going to try and defend myself yeah no you're pissed off I'm going what are these fucking muggles doing their funny fucking videos have you done the have you done the

have you driven have you driven to Grimsby on a Thursday for 40 quid have you have you heard Simon your burger's ready at half ten in the morning

have you been paid less have you been paid less simon your burger's ready at half 10 in the morning eh have you been paid less have you been paid less than what the petrol cost to get to manchester on a wednesday night for a gong competition you got gonged off in the first three seconds for a laugh jealous much do you really make me laugh i was just gonna say sorry i felt the same when when youtube has started being a thing and i'd already started comedy and youtubers were making millions from their bedrooms i was i was wrongfully fucking raging with all of them and i apologize big shout out to kyron hamilton he does the teacher impressions the teachers in the staff room it's just it's hilarious all right all right he is fantastic yeah really good a lot of them are fantastic i'm just being a prick uh yeah it's

just the fact that you then force us to watch them and i'm like well it'll all go away everyone's got to go back to work at some point yeah yeah so all this content is going to just drain away Saturdays are going to be busy on the old phone aren't they yeah

but back to the laughing question that is like true laughter as I say is completely involuntary that's why it's so beautiful

that's why making someone laugh is such a beautiful thing that's why I'm addicted to it that's why I love it that's why I do it as a job so he either this guy either never really laughs at anything or finds anything funny and then thusly has to put a laugh on when with people to not look like a nutter he's learned to put a laugh on to not look like a psychopath yeah right

it is a psychopath trait or yeah or he thinks well it's weird to laugh on your own so the IT crowd's on rightfully hilarious and something happens and he just goes like yeah and just like suppresses the laugh

he probably came up with a red fit must not laugh must not laugh no he might do you never know different strokes for different folks you don't you don't laugh when you're on your own

you do yeah cry a lot as well babadoo babadoo babadoo would you like a disgusting question always well this is actually

this is for this is for all our male male listeners right that was awful here it is I'm joking why

I'm joking do you love that we can do that though because there's two of us if this was a female podcast I couldn't get away with that we would bat for both sides so this is for the lads lads lads lads

ok hi Chris and Rosie on my stag do last weekend we were having high brow discussions over masturbation techniques fantastic my friend told me that when he gets to the point of climax he pinches the point of climax, he pinches the end of his foreskin as it fills with...

Disgusting! Right. Okay. I am taken aback. I am aghast and I am shocked. You don't have foreskin so you can't do this. I don't. That's why I might be a bit jealous as well. Jealous, right. That is... I was like a new toy to play with. That is manky.

Okay. Once it is filled like a balloon, he then waddles over the toilet and lets it in the toilet. That's the most pathetic joke. Talk about a walk of shame. Oh my God. That is a really bad walk of shame.

It says, he's ripped into him, saying that nobody does this however two of the other lads in our group do the exact same thing wow

so he's put that's 18.75% so he's quite well educated imagine getting your calculator out for that might be really

boring to start doing oh my god and he said surely this isn't normal please settle this argument once and for all a calculator out for that. Might have been really boring to start with. Oh my God. And he said, surely this isn't normal. Please settle this argument once and for all. One of the lads

tried arguing that it's environmentally friendly as there's no toilet paper wasted. That was, I'm fucking raging that that was the first thing I kept in my mind as well. I was like,

he's using the receptacle that God give him. Is it, but I mean. That's not what it's for, surely. Disgskin for to keep it clean i've got no idea what foreskin is for i know a big shout out joel domit uh comedian does it uh he did a routine where he said i i didn't know i watched joel domit do stand up and i learned that you can nip the end of it and it can fill with wee if you really need a week he's got he's got this routine about him right needing

i'm not gonna give it away but he's got this he's got this routine about needing the toilet okay and i was and he was talking about and i didn't even hear the end of his routine because i was standing there as a man who's never had foreskin just going oh my god it can like balloon up so it can obviously do it on a smaller scale with this. See, you've just... Fucking disgusting. You haven't had foreskin your whole life, really. Yeah, no. Got lobbed off as a kid. Chris, I've seen... Some of them look like polo neck bloody jumpers.

Honestly. See, I've seen some foreskin in my time. I'll tell you something strange. Slug, slug, slug, slug, slug. When the wind blows, does it sound like someone blowing across the top of a beer bottle? Yeah. That's manky. that's disgusting um i mean i guarantee it'll be more normal than what you think well yeah it will be there'll be people they would do it but you know can in this day

and age can you turn around and go now look listen here right i'm telling you right now i'm laying down the law that's a disgusting way to dispose of your spunk. This is the right way to dispose of your spunk. Like, do what you want, but yeah, very interesting. It's interesting. It's the little walk,

I imagine he does, which is probably quite comedic. Just a little nip and a little waddle at the toilet and then lie up and leave loose and ploop.

Oh, it's the... Women have that as well. He'll have to have a bloody good cleaner that afterwards. Christ alive. Chris, women have that on the toilet. Right. have a bloody good cleaner That afterwards Christ alive Chris women have that on the toilet Right

The globe The globe The globe Oh it's awful Globe Is a disgusting word Mate Try living through it

Sitting on that toilet Globbing yourself Vile Globbing yourself I'm so sorry Listen Nana This is terrible

Ah your Nana Shut up The bloody sexist books you brought. I know. Written by one of the characters from fucking Mad Men. What's his name? Dot one.

Donnie. Don Draper. Don Draper has autobiography. Don Draper has guide for life. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Hi, Rosie and Chris. This made me laugh. Just remembering it from yesterday. After this week's episode Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap. Hi Rosie and Chris. This made me laugh.

Remembering it from yesterday. After this week's episode about the Cadbury's project, I thought you'd like to hear a story about my sister. Do you remember ages ago when I chatted about in year six, my project was about Cadbury's world. Still haven't invited us. Whatever, not better. They know how much they'd lose. I'd really like to go.

It's not worth it. I do want to go. The PR they would get from you saying, look, I'm here on your Instagram, wouldn't cover the amount of chocolate they would lose that day. You and your ma lying in your fucking pockets. So I don't blame them. They're probably running a mile.

And Robin. Yeah, and Robin, yeah. Honestly, it would be the only time that I'd say to Robin, I'd say, Robin, you can eat, like, vomit. I don't care. Robin, have you not heard? It's a special day. Stealing's good today. Just for today, Santa said.

Oh, I can't wait. Okay. When my sister Naomi was at primary school, she was so obsessed with chocolate that after her Kit Kat at break time, she would keep the foil and sniff it in class. I love her.

Because that's something I would do. That's mint. That is mint. Oh, I love her. I love her so much. So, what... I'm just sorry I just imagined a silent class

right silent reading everyone 15 minutes just a tiny rustle over the mumbled reading of I love it I absolutely love it over the mumbled reading of Kin. I love it.

I absolutely love it. I would do the same. I respect it. Yeah. One day, she had rolled it and sniffed so hard that it shot up her nose and wouldn't come out.

The school called my mum, who tried everything to get it out, even pepper up the nose to try and make her sneeze. Nothing worked, and they had to take her to hospital. Oh, God, that is fucking wonderful. She was already on the waiting list to have her tonsils out

so she got bumped up the list and had to have both her tonsils out and the fire removed oh god

that's one of the funniest scenes I've ever met oh god oh hey beautiful that like beautiful stop boffin tinfoil would you speaking of have i ever told you about how i really i got so bollocked off my mom and dad when I was younger. I also liked the Kit Kat. I think Kit Kats were something that I think they were cheap.

Were they cheap? I don't know. Because we always had Kit Kats and if we were ever getting treats, it was always a Kit Kat. So anyway, I had Kit Kats and what I used to do was I'd put the fire on, the gas fire and I'd hold the Kit Kat up against the fire and melt it in me hands. I've always enjoyed doing that. I still do it now. Still do it now. So anyway,

I held it too close and I got chocolate on the glass of the fire. Brilliant. And it didn't come off. It burnt and it was just knackered. Really? So I knackered the full fire. Wow. Yeah, I got bollocked. Yeah. Still did it the next time. I remember I did a similar thing.

Can you remember mini Boglins? Mini what? Mini Boglins. No. So Boglins were like little goblin kind of things. Right. And you could get

loads of different sizes of them. None of them were toys. Someone, we talked about recently, someone sent us a photo of one. You could get one that was like a puppet. You get them in a packet

from the newsagents. You know, sometimes you get like monster wrestlers in my pocket. You get football cards. A thing, basically things where you buy

and you don't know what's in it you get a different one I don't remember them mini boglins were like little rubber little goblin things and I remember

I was sitting in the living room and I touched the tail of one on the gas fire and it obviously just melted immediately and me dad was like what are you doing and he had to let the fire

cool down and scrape it off and I got bollocked for that so we've all done that yeah yeah I think every kid at some point has tried to touch the fire melt something on the gas fire it's weird isn't it

fire is hot is something you have to learn it's well this is the thing you can't avoid it i think i think everyone needs to burn themselves to realize to a level to a degree not like no i mean i'm saying save your hand. It's got to be like... So many times with kids, man, I've noticed it with Robin. You go, don't do that, mate. It's dangerous. Don't do that.

It's dangerous. And I go, I'm going to let him do that. And then you fall over. And I go, see what happened there? The amount of times I've told him, I go, Robin, be careful on there. You'll fall. And he goes, but I'm not going to fall.

And I always go, and he can't get his head around it. I go, did you want to knock your teeth out when you're on your bike? Did you want to do that? And he goes, no. And I go, it was an accident, wasn't it?

So it could, something that could happen again. And he's just looking at us. I mean, you are exhausting to be around because you, no, when, I tell you all the time, all you constantly do is go,

careful, Robin, and I'm like, that does fuck all. You just saying it does nothing other than irritate me. Right. Oh, does fuck all you just saying it I know does nothing other than irritate me right

oh well I'll keep saying it that's great that's fantastic great I was going to back down great great great I huffed a little bit there

because I just all the time remember we've got that stage coming up with Rafe yes God love him

he's oh God I love him so much he's absolutely delicious he's the best but we've got that stage coming up with Rafe. God, I love him. Oh, God, I love him so much. He's absolutely delicious. He's the best. But we've got hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah, we've got that coming up. All of that. All of that coming up.

Just touching the oven when it's off going hot, hot, hot, hot. See, I never did any of that. I don't even know what you're talking about. No, I did it. It's about like one year old when they're kind of up and walking and that. You've just got to constantly remind them that it's dangerous stuff

and go ah, ah, ah and hot, hot, hot and kick, kick, kick. Yeah, horrible. Look, a Kit Kat rabbit. No, no, no, no sniff, sniff. No, no sniff, sniff. Hospital.

Tonsils. Gone, gone. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Back to life. back to reality. Don't sing because there's already do-do-do-do-do-do underneath and you're singing another song over the top. It's going to be horrible. All right, sorry.

Horrible listening. Okay, well, thank you for listening to this week's episode of Shackle My Annoyed with us, and it's now part of the ACAS Creator Network, which appears we're mortgaged. So thank you so much for helping pay our mortgage. Can you all hear the little huffing in her voice because I told her to stop singing.

Unbelievable. Guys, thank you so much for listening as always. If you want to sign anything in shagmyrnoyd at gmail.com Please continue to like, rate and subscribe in all your little podcast shops and the tour is still on sale.

Come and see us at the tour. Yes. Everything's getting back to normal now. Theatres are going to be opening full capacity very soon and we are going to fill the bad lads we'll see you in December

all of September sold out shagmarinoid.com slash live for all of the December dates we'll see you there see you there

bye guys bye rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.