Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 12. Caravan of love

Episode Date: May 3, 2019

On this week’s podcast Chris and Rosie discuss caravans, crisp packet colours and lying about sexual partners. They have a great question from Radio Royalty Sara Cox plus they answer the age old question – Ant OR Dec? Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shagged, Married, Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Chris Ramsey, who had an ice cream today. And when I said, oh, can I have a little bit

of the ice cream? He looked at his spoon and he went, Rosie, I'm not very well. You better not use that spoon. And I laughed because we all know there's nothing wrong with him. So I used the spoon and I'm not worried. Wow. That was was that was fantastic hi guys it is episode 12 thank you for listening and before we start a word from this week's sponsor yay this week's sponsor is sheds no no hey are you sick of having your lawnmower in your front room? You need a shed. Have you got the hose in the way of the telly

and you can't watch Line of Duty properly because you're like, there's a hose in the way, there's loads of spiders in here, there's a garden rake. You need a shed. Honestly, I don't know why it hasn't occurred to you before. Get all of that stuff for your garden. Get it out of your front room. It's an eyesore, mate.

You're an embarrassment. Get yourself a shed. Little wooden building at the top of the garden. Stick it all in the shed. Put a lock on the shed. Put a little window in the shed. Sheds. Are you having an affair with a shed?

Swear to God, I need a new shed. Anyone listening who makes sheds, please come and make us a shed. I'll pay you in laughter. Rosies. Here's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle well is it me who talks now is it me who talks now we have no idea no idea really that's lovely thanks for coming back thanks again for all your lovely comments and before we continue

we are gonna plug something quickly now yes do you have the address uh i'm not giving out our address but we do need a shed. So is that not what you want plugged? Absolutely not. Oh, no, of course not. Jokes aside, we are up for Listener's Choice Award on the British Podcast Awards. So if you'd like to go on the British Podcast Awards website and type in, you can't type in shagged because we're stupid.

We got too excited at how funny the name was and then realise that in all publications and all TV shows we can't mention it

just ridiculous so just type in married annoyed go on British podcast is that what it is awards we're just making

really we should have had this you've got your laptop in front of you yeah but I've got wifi turned off to save battery haven't I

anyway and we're not actually even up for the award I don't think well it's listeners choice isn't it laptop in front of you yeah but i've got wi-fi turned off to save battery haven't i oh anyway and we're not actually even up for the award i don't listen that's choice in it so you can literally you could you could you could vote for anything if you wanted but you guys listening now you're gonna vote for us yeah yeah we're gonna find you sorry um sorry i've had a wine again it's wine time wine time cheers hey there we lovely. I might even probably put it in the description of the podcast. I'm not sure. But look, just go British Podcast Awards. Go on Listener's Choice.

You can do it. You'll find it. Type in Married Annoyed. You'll find where. Put your name. Put your email address. Bang. And that'll be us on the awards ceremonies.

Jobs are good. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for listening. We are still doing it And we're still really enjoying it And we're still getting

Lovely feedback Which is great So Wine time again tonight Which is good Yep I think we've said that Yep

But I had a little sip And I forgot What have you been I'm saying What have you been up to I've seen you Every day I have

I've seen you every day We watched Avengers this week Oh so good Rosie don't spoil Before you speak Don't spoil the end game I'm not gonna Don't spoil the end game what have you been up to? I've seen you every day. I have. I've seen you every day. We watched Avengers this week. Oh, so good. Rosie, don't spoil it before you speak. Don't spoil the end game. I'm not going to. Don't spoil the end game.

Ridiculous. Everyone, if you're even thinking about spoiling the end game. Somebody will tweet you and tell you off. Yeah, literally. If you even consider, in your head, going to see the new Avengers film, in three seconds, someone will ring at your door

and tell you not to spoil the end game. I'm not going freaking spoil it guys no they all die yeah it's not real they don't what happens is

Ant-Man goes really tiny and he climbs into the end of Thanos' tiddler and then he goes really big and his tiddler pops and I'm sorry to spoil it for you all but I just had to

pops his Thanos pops the old thanos cherry eye oh i've got some images right now in my head no genuinely though it was very good a massive i'm a massive marvel geek now it was incredible well i got you one of them last summer didn't i i was just like look at infinity wars coming out let's watch them all and you i'm so lucky i don't want to hit a gender stereotype here but i'm very very lucky that my wife is banging to them films with me as well i've always enjoyed them to be honest yeah well i knew straight away so being a sexist pig oh my god it was a compliment still still sexist if it's a compliment um i was uh i remember when we first got together and you were saying some of your favourite films.

One of your favourite films was Minority Report. And I was like, this is going to be great, guys. We'll have a lovely time, don't we? It's only reason we stayed together. This is how much of a Marvel fan you are and I am, Rosie. We were, if you don't mind telling the listeners, we were having a little bit of a row. We had a little bit of crossed words, as couples do.

We don't do it very often. We sound like we do, but it's just, we talk about it. You're like, all we do is talk about it. We talk about rowing, do we don't do very often no we sound like we do but it's it's just we're talking like all we do is talk about that we talk about rowan but we don't row as much as we talk about rowan you know i'm saying this is true we did have a little bit of a little bit of a barney um but we were still both definitely going to see him very much getting ready just a really cold atmosphere in the bathroom both getting ready both getting in the same car going all the way to the cinema thank you we made friends in the bathroom both getting ready both getting in the same car going all the way to the cinema

thank you for being friends in the car and then we held hands in the cinema when they all died cried well they don't all die we cried our eyes out

it was great yeah but I just love the fact that it was like look even though we've had a crossword I'm not spitting you and you're a dick

and you're a dick as well but I'm not missing this film there's more important things alright you are not ruining this day for me it is the end game literally

it was I was genuinely very proud of both of us I was it was a good day priorities people priorities what's your beef

what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef

what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef

what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef hey was that quite good that was actually quite good

that's how I a human accordion. You can't do the singy bits. No. You can't see this, guys, but she's pointing at us. It's like an accusatory finger getting pointed at us here. Get lost. I'm going to hide behind my wine. You go first.

Me first? Okay. My beef this week is you will not let me buy a caravan. I would like to buy a caravan it's a ridiculous beef it's a very serious beef and it's quite a it's a current beef and it's a bit chewy

and it's getting stuck in my teeth I'm not happy about it I would like to purchase a caravan a little well I say a little quite a nice caravan a tourer

right to put on the back of our car to go places a caravan. Yeah. A little, well I say a little, quite a nice caravan, a tourer. Yeah. Right? Uh-huh. To put on the back of our car. Right. To go places. Yeah. Take our little boy places.

Yeah. Yet you have this stupid thought in your head that caravans are just this certain thing that you don't agree with. It's a toilet on wheels. What?

It's a toilet on wheels. It's much more than that. It's the worst. Nah. We'd get a four berth. I don't know what that means. It means four people can sleep in it. Double bed. There's only three of us.

Waste of money. Extra room. Right. Extra bed. We could have a guest. Right. Listen. Okay.

There is a part of me. There is a very small part of me that thinks, yeah, a caravan holiday might be nice. Don't give us hope. I am not buying a bastard caravan to test out whether a caravan holiday might be nice don't give us hope i am not buying a bastard caravan to test out whether a caravan is nice or not right but borrowing a caravan might be if you see you just grimaced i saw your face there you grimaced it's a boring a caravan why i'll tell you why because it's a toilet on wheels because it's full of other people's pumps it is it is a big plastic box on wheels of pumps they're never as nice they're never as nice

as the new ones that you can buy right yeah yeah and what we'll buy it and i go out at once and i go do you know what i was right that was a toilet on wheels what am i going to do with this do you know come on when was the last time you went in the caravan listen to me right when was the last time you went in a caravan i've regularly been in a caravan my friend's grander had a caravan in his garden and he used to do jigsaws in it and I've been in that caravan. How old were you? I was about seven. Right. Oh my God.

That is so long ago. It was my mate's grander and he did, he went in, was he right? Yeah. In his caravan in the garden. And sometimes my mate would be like, let's go in your grander's caravan. Like as if it was like a den that you hang out in.

And he went in and his grander was there doing his jigsaw. Yeah. It was like a 6,000 piece jigsaw yeah every it was like a 6 000 piece jigsaw or something right and every single surface in the whole caravan had little plastic bags of jigsaw pieces on so he had like a little bag of sky over there and a little bag of like animals and a little bag of corner pieces and it was just i'd love to do that god it was just like in my car yeah so it was like let's go and sit in your grandest caravan and not move in case we'll knock

some of these friggin jigsaw pieces on the floor it was ridiculous we had a caravan on our front right I've told you this

on the drive yeah this is the best right you had a caravan your family owned a caravan right well we got given a caravan right

explain well we got given a caravan and it just sat on the driveway because at the time, my parents didn't have a car. It's my favourite story in the world. My dad went back to university. Hold on, hold on. So, friend, explain. So how did you get, who was it again? It was, it was our old headmaster at school.

Yeah. Gave us a caravan. Explain the terms of getting the caravan. Well, I don't know. Why do you know this more than me? What were the terms? This is my favourite song in the world because your mum told us the ins and outs of it.

So he said, do you want my caravan? And you went, absolutely, your mum. Eh? Aye? Your mum would have a free, you could literally go to Rosie's mum, do you want this bag of rubbish? She'd go, of course, for free. I don't have to pay you for it.

And... Remember your Womble. So your headmaster said, your mum, do you want a caravan? And your mum went, of course. And he went, great, you've got to go and collect it from the caravan site. So your da had to get in a car with his mate and go up and collect it. And his mate charged him something extortionate like 50 quid petrol

to go and get this caravan and then you dragged it back to your house on King George Road and it sat on the drive because you didn't have a car. Do you know what you got? You got a fucking conservatory with new windows. You're taking the mic though. Will you still go sit in it?

Like at different times? Should I call my mum having a coffee? Your mum going to have a coffee in the caravan. I'm going into the sunroom. We haven't got a sunroom. I'm in the caravan. The caravan. I'm sure we slept in it a couple of times.

It was fab. It's like a little extension of the house. It was great. We never let that drive. I bet your neighbours were thrilled. Yeah, I know. I bet you jet washed that patio and it's a different colour underneath. Oh, Jesus.

Did the toilet work? No. The toilet didn't work. I don't think so. So it was on your time. Well, where would it have went? Was it bricks? Propped up with bricks?

Yes. You scumbag. It had wheels, but the top, the front bit just had the two wheels. So the front bit was propped up with bricks yes you scumbag it had wheels but the top the front bit just had the two wheels so the front bit was propped up with bricks

oh Jesus Christ tragic oh man bad times you should have started a jigsaw oh look here right

I if there's anyone out there who's got a good posh nice caravan and they want to lend it to me and Rosie for the weekend right

do it I'd love to actually so I got a posh, nice caravan and they want to lend it to me and Rosie for the weekend, do it. I'd love to, actually, so I can get them into the new caravan world. But you're saying to me as well, you said, what did you say the other day? You said, it would be lovely to get a caravan. It would be really nice. We could pick Robin up from nursery on a Friday afternoon. You know, we'll just go to France. Hey, go to France

on a Friday from Newcastle. 50 mile an hour down the A1M. That'll be amazing. We'll be in France by Saturday night. When do I get home? Sunday night. So we'll get there, have a fucking croissant, turn around and drive back.

I follow a lot of Southerners on Instagram and all I see is just drove to France for the weekend. I'm like alright, you've got five hours on us love. Got more than five in a caravan. You're talking 58 miles an hour. Oh, for God's sake.

We'll just go to the lakes. Cumbria, Yorkshire, Edinburgh. Yeah, okay. Find nice places, right? The main thing for me, right, is watch The Inbetweeners, right? Jay's dad has a shit in the caravan while they're all having the dinner.

And he's just... Why do you just keep thinking about the toilet? Because that is what it is. one of the most ridiculous things the arguments against me getting a caravan is that you all you do is imagine that we're gonna turn up at this field and everybody you hate is gonna be there yeah everyone have so we're gonna turn up and so and so's there with so and so the crack is we're gonna turn up and it's gonna be there yeah everyone have oh turn up in so and so's day with so and so I'm not gonna happen the crack is

we're gonna turn up and it's gonna be like have you ever turned the telly on and seen like darts fans just like drinking warm fosters and just like oh god it'll be that

fights just carnage everyone I've ever met who hasn't liked this I literally I'll open the caravan door and they'll go he thinks he's funny

do you have a warm Fosters, Davey? And it'll be a bloody nightmare. Dream come true for me. Yeah, you'd love that, wouldn't you? Me little van. You're getting bullied. Caravanable love. What's your beef?

Well, my beef, other than trying to get constantly bullied into getting caravans and having to fight that off, my beef with you this week, Rosemary Ramsey, the first, first of your name? Ramsey, the first of your name? Who knows? The first of your name. I was the only Rosemary winter. I'll have you that know.

I'll have you that know. I'll have you know that. What is this Ian? I'll have you know. I'll have you know. I don't know where that rogue that came from. Dropping in there Rosie my beef with you this week is

yes our shower first of all when we first moved in we got the shower, it's quite a big shower tray isn't it like you're standing, it's quite big we used to have the little bottles a little shampoo and stuff all around the just on the floor yeah and then they got a bit sort of moldy and out on the floor

so i thought i will just put a shelf so i put one shelf on right and that was fine right then that shelf got full so i put another shelf on oh oh that's full now as well we had the um so i bought another pack of two shelves and i put them two little corner shelves on as well. They're full now as well. The amount of crap you have in that shower, I've known nothing like it. You've got more stuff in that shower than I've seen people who detail cars.

If you go to a Formula One place, there's a silver shampoo, there's a blue shampoo, there's conditioners for both of these things, there's colour conditioner, there's some kind of wash, There's a silver shampoo. There's a blue shampoo. There's conditioners for both of these things. There's colour conditioner. There's some kind of wash. There's some kind of wash that you shave with.

Half of them are fucking empty, I'll be honest with you. I don't know what's going on. Right, well, the silver shampoos are for my hair to brighten it when it goes a bit brassy. You can't use them for every wash. Brilliant. So they're just every other wash, right? Brilliant. Okay. And then the conditioners are the same yeah right what i did was do you really want do you really want to go into this right what i did was i got all of my

shower gels that i got for christmas and i thought you know what i'm going to put them in there and i'll use them you know what happened i got thrush so i had to stop is that why there's loads of tiny shower gels in there yes I got thrush my vagina did not agree with the shower gels so they're there for you great wow anything else

the moisturising one is just for when I shave my legs right yeah and if they're empty you take them out why is it my responsibility they're not mine mate they're not mine wow take them out. Why is it my responsibility? They're not mine.

Wow. Can I just say that bloody silver shampoo? It's blue, isn't it? That silver shampoo stuff. It's like blue. Purple. It looks like someone stabbed an alien. If any of that's on the wall or the floor of the shower,

it looks like someone's like just like throttled predator. It does actually. It's terrifying stuff. It goes in your eyes. It's horrible. Backfired that one. I'm really sorry about that. Yours always backfire. Do I in your eyes. It's horrible. Backfired, that one. I'm really sorry about your thrush. Yours always backfire. Do I need to get you some flowers for thrush?

What happens? Nothing. Nothing. Do I need to get tested? No, I've washed all the towels. Oh, that's nice. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public.

You public. You lot. That's you. Well, I've found a new talent, so you'll see me on Britain's Got Talent this year winning. Fishman. Oh, hey, are you a comedian? Are you going to do comedy? No, no, no. Something much better.

You can do comedy. No, no, no. Something much better. Right, stop. Stop. Right, Rosie, you have most of the questions this week, don't you? Because I've been doing them all through the emails and I'm scared of everyone now. Well, I put this out to the lovely people who follow me on Instagram

and I was like, send me some questions. And, you know, because we are a very highbrow podcast, I thought I'd start off with this one. Fantastic. Okay, so, Anonymous, who do you think looks a better shag, Ant or Dec? Wow.

Wow. Wow. What a brilliant question. So blunt. I don't think I've ever heard a shorter question that made us more confused. It's just, you could never pick. I could never choose. I don't.

I don't look at them in that way. I don't look at them in that way. I don't. I should hope not. No. I really don't. They're like me brothers. They're the brothers of everyone in the North East.

That's the beautiful part. So I don't know who's sending that creep. Definitely not from up here, are they? Yeah, no, definitely not. Scumbag. Scumbag Southerners coming and voyeuring on our beautiful, pristine, perfect, golden Ant and Dec. Don't you dare.

Don't you dare, silly Ant and Dec. So we're not answering that then? No, I can't. Dec. Oh, you dare sully Ant and Dec. So we're not answering that then? No, I can't. Dec. Oh, God. No, I'm joking. I don't know. Just said it.

I mean, I'll be honest with you. It would have to be both. I'd have to have sex with both of them. Same time. Same time. It would have to be. God, I hope they don't listen to this. I know them.

This is weird. One of them would have to always stay on the other side yeah because the stand hadn't decked out yeah they wouldn't be able to I'd have to turn around he'd be like

why can't you go over here but no this is my side you see Idris Elba got married I did wonderful I'm good at me

why I always thought I always thought he'd wait for us that's right I always thought he'd wait for me I've got honestly I've got a man crush on Idris Elba you met him didn't you yeah I met him I always thought he'd wait for us. That's right. I always thought he'd wait for me.

Honestly, I've got a man crush on Idris Elba. You met him, didn't you? Yeah, I met him. Honestly, I don't think I've ever done him before, since or before then, but Rosie, I swooned. You swooned? I swooned. Swoonied. Oh, hey.

I had my back turned. It was at NME Awards and I was presenting an award and someone came up and said, oh, Chris, this is Idris. He's presenting the next award. And because I didn't have Elba at the end of it, I went, Idris? Oh, interesting.

Oh my God, it's Idris Elba. I know, you took a picture with him, didn't you? I did, I was absolutely buzzing. Oh man. And just after I'd had Robin, that was nice times. Yeah, well, I didn't FaceTime you, did I? Well, you should have.

No, but it's, you know, because you're like, just after I'd had Robin. What's that supposed to mean? Just because I was gutted look at me tired knackered wife

Idris question dear Rosie and Chris what was your favourite thing to do as a couple before robbing sleep

yeah sex telly eat what you want not put weight on yeah lions with a hangover

be hungover do you know what it's a really strange thing to say but be hungover be hungover I could be hungover before I had a kid

guilt free hungover guilt free it's horrible isn't it the day just drags the day drags and it's like he knows it's like he goes it's like alcohol

on your breath mammy and daddy oh I'll just turn myself into difficult mode absolutely it's crazy isn knows. It's like he goes, it's like alcohol on your breath, mammy and daddy. Oh, I'll just turn myself into difficult mode. Absolutely. It's crazy, isn't it? It's horrible. And you feel so bad

because you're like, I can't function today. A comedian said to me that he never ever has a drink when he's got his kids the next day because when you're hung over, it's like you're stealing time from them. And every time I'm hungover when I'm with them,

because I don't heed it until the day, I just think, I am... What? Because he's like, Daddy, do this. And I'm like... Right. And it's like you're stealing time from them. Stealing time from them?

Mm-hmm. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Hey, hey, hey. I didn't say it, mate. Well, was it male or female? Male. Yeah. Sounds about right. Yeah? Mm-hmm. Do you think I should... Shall I didn't see it, mate. Well, was it male or female? Male. Yeah, sounds about right.

Yeah? Mm-hmm. Do you think I should... Shall I ring him now? Absolutely not. I don't even want to know who it is. No. Stealing time from them. Yeah, he said you're stealing time from your kids

because you're just like, and they're wanting to do stuff and you're like, I can't... Can we just clarify? He stole time from me. Yeah? He stole months from me, that kid. Took years off my life.

I know. Yeah, I'd agree. I've got grey hair now shocking his fault no guilt you know life you feel too guilty you do feel all the time when you've got to hang over with a kid it's just like oh god it's like they know and everything's harder the more difficult and the moment you sit down when i'm hungover with him I feel like he doesn't stay on one task or activity for too long he wants like a thousand different things and I'm like mate I've just got that out I can't put that away

we've got wise to it now though haven't we because we don't really go out that much anymore but when we do we get Rob and Baby sat and we're like do not drop them off before one o'clock remember that time your mum broke them out at eight in the morning that was a bad day oh god sandra do you know what i do do you know what games i play when i'm hungover with them i played well i wasn't hungover yesterday i wasn't well but i played um

i played pile all the cushions on daddy i'll just lay it down brilliant game parents out there let's play pile all the cushions on me lie there the pile all the cushions on you let them jump on you it doesn't hurt kick up cushion off with your leg and go one came off you'll have to do it again honestly that's a good one actually i fell a kip yeah brilliant you're invited to an immersive listening party led by rishi kesh her way the visionary behind the groundbreaking song exploder podcast and net series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together,

they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together

and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today

at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth birth bad things will start to happen evil things of evil it's all you know don't the first omen i believe the girl is to be the mother mother of what is the most terrifying 666 is the mark of the devil movie

of the year the first omen in theaters friday get tickets now question here from nell bull which is a great name um hello i was wondering if you guys could settle a debate that me and my friends have and have been having for too long now when you get changed do you take off for example your trousers then put on your paj, do you take off, for example, your trousers, then put on your pyjama bottoms, then take off your top and replace it with pyjama too, like a sane human being, or do you strip butt naked, then put on all of the clothes? Thanks. Oh, I'm genuinely just thinking of myself doing it now. I do what you said first.

Really? I take my pants off, put my new trousers. Sorry, we call them pants. Yeah, you said first. Really? I take my pants off, put my new pants, no, trousers. Sorry, we call them pants. Yeah, you mean bottoms, you mean trousers. I take my bottoms off,

put my new bottoms on, then I take my top off and I put my new top on. Right, okay, so yeah, I don't, I do it the other way.

You get strippy, waddy, waddy. I just literally go, I go, okay, so I'm in my jeans and a t-shirt,

jeans off, t-shirt off. Hey, what's this blank canvas? What are we going gonna put on this pajamas pants top bang it's good good stuff is that weird no not really i've got boobs though show off two of them shut up um no so like if i get naked it's you know i've got like i gotta shut the blinds and everything okay so if i just whip

it off dead quick and put it on i can get away with it got you do you mean hope the neighbors aren't in the kitchen yeah type thing you know what i mean hope for the best do that little that little horrible crawl that you do under the radiator you forgot to get your towel oh god i've got since we've got the new rooms upstairs i I've got to do that so much now. It's awful, isn't it? If I stand getting ready in the spare rooms,

if Robin's room's open, she can literally, the people across the thing can just totally see us doing me blank canvas. Everybody does that though. Do you know what it is? You think you get to a certain age

and you're like an adult and you're like successful, you know, you've got a lovely house. If you forget your towel when you've gone in the shower, you've got to do that horrible little squat dance

to the radiator where there it is in front of the window absolutely just praying that nobody sees you it's horrible everyone's done it

do you know what I mean so funny like Leonardo guys Leonardo DiCaprio has crawled under his window naked yep yep

guarantee on his yacht probably they've all done it don't you worry next time you do it just remember rosie and chris do it too we're there on all fours with you got your back got your back babes i've got a question here from what i can only imagine is another dimension

where all of the other maniacs are my favorite come on okay this is from emma cropper hi chris and rosie um i have a friend who has just got into a new relationship and one night we started talking about the intimate details of bedroom activities and she stated that they have sex 15 times a week i was gobsmacked thinking this was an excessive number of shags a week. I get it. Four times a week max, which I think is pretty good. When having chats with other guy friends, they have all said 10 to 15 a week is pretty normal. So my question is, is having sex 15 times a week excessive

or am I just not getting enough? Best wishes, Emma. Emma, do you remember I was talking about thrush before? If you want to avoid thrush, you're going to be having sex 10 to 15 times a week. Emma. That's just wrong. They're talking shit, mate.

They're absolutely bullshitting you. When having chats with other guy friends, they have all said 10 to 15 times a week. No. Emma, they're talking about wanks. Yeah. Emma, I'm telling you, no Emma they're talking about wanks yeah Emma I'm telling you them lads are talking

about I mean if this right so if this lady has just got in a friend of yours just got in a relationship just got in a relationship

now 15 times a week so that's twice a day and three times one day what day is three what day is what day are you having three what day is that

Sunday what's that no day of rest you're joking aren't you such utter bullshit I hate what is that Sunday what's that no day of rest you're joking aren't you huh such utter bullshit I hate

sex figure bullshit Jesus do you know what in my prime I wasn't even that high in my prime in my

that is the saddest thing I've ever heard you say during the war in my prime in my prime in my prime in these top shagga days in my prime

I wasn't even doing 15 not at all no that's you know don't believe it god four four Emma

actually Emma yeah let's yeah four are you kidding Emma four times a week Emma fuck you're unemployed we used to you kidding Emma four times a week Emma fuck you're unemployed we used to do that

remember four times a week I don't know if I ever did it four times a week I don't think anyone's ever done it four times a week

I think that's that I think porn stars don't even do it four times a week I think they do it three and then the union steps in and goes

what hold on hours let's be realistic here people come on keep it real keep it real

going on strike babadoo babadoo babadoo question here Let's be realistic here, people. Come on. Keep it real. Keep it real. Going on strike. Got a question here from Ashley. Hi. Hi, Ashley. I just wanted to ask, what's your thoughts on cheese and onion crisps? Should the packaging be green or blue? Personally, I'm torn between the two.

Right. Thanks, Ashley. This has always confused me. Yeah. Because. Craziness. Everything else, salt and vinegar, the two. Right. Thanks, Ashley. This has always confused me. Yeah. Because. Craziness. Everything else, salt and vinegar, is blue. Mm-hmm.

Right? Everything. Yeah. And cheese and onions, green. Yeah. Walkers. Yeah. My favourite crisps.

Swapped it round. Mixed that shit up, didn't I? And it's, you know what? I mean, don't get me wrong. I know what they are. But it's annoying. Yeah, it is. I remember being, when I was younger, when I first had walkers. Mm. Because I would just have like cheap crisps and stuff.

And sometimes I think Salt-N-Digna squares maybe I had. And everything was blue. And I got the blue Walkers and it was salt and vinegar, it was cheese and onion. It was down, down was up. It was craziness. Everything was just...

I imagine that's what it must be like to go through a black hole. It's horrible. But Walkers are such a powerhouse of crisp that it doesn't really matter. They've kind of made their own rule. And not everyone follows that rule, but you kind of just know it. Horrible. But walkers are such a powerhouse of crisp that it doesn't really matter. They've kind of made their own rule. And not everyone follows that rule

but you kind of just know it. I know. It is really annoying when you think about it. Why did they do that? Twats. Yeah, that'll be it.

Some twat thought you know what? Why did they do that? You know what? Hey, you know what? Let's change the colours round. You know it's an English company.

Hey, you know what? I think we should change the colours round. You know it's an English company. Hey, you know what? I think we should change the colours round for a little joke and see what everyone thinks of it. And nobody will give a shit because we're the best crisps going. And they'll be eating us for years. And Gary Lineker will bleed us bloody dry, so he will. Any of the crisps. McCoy's, blue.

Blue. Salt and Vinegar Squares, blue. Blue. Disco's, blue. Salt and Vinegar Squares blue discos blue blue frisps blue right that's it

anyone who knows Gary Lineker get him on the phone we're going to sort this out imagine oh hello imagine next week's celebrity question was Gary Lineker

and the question was what's your fucking problem with alright man Gary chill man we're just joking man it's just for jokes please sponsor

the podcast oh god I'd love that imagine the can I just say imagine how difficult this podcast would be to listen to

if we were sponsored by crisps because it would just be you Rosemary rattling and rustling and chomping away

on brand oh rattling and rustling and chomping away on. Question here from Emma. I'm originally from Wakefield, West Yorkshire, but I've lived in America for the last six years and I've managed to keep mostly my Yorkshire accent. Good for you. Congratulations. Very good for you.

But I find myself going half American sometimes. My question for you is, does one of you say a word in a certain way that winds the other one right up? Oh, Emma. Emma, Emma, Emma. It's like you read my mind. Where should we start?

Prisoning. Right. That's a good one. So everyone knows the real way to say it is christening. There's a T in there. Christening. Christopher says, Christening. Christening. Christening. Christening. We'll go on to your kids. Christening. christening there's a t in there christening christopher says christening christening christening we're going to your kids christening horrible christening awful awful however yes can

i hit you back rosie with come on then why do you open the fridge a little pot get a little pot out a little spoon dairy flavor pot maybe maybe strawberry, it might be banana flavour, it might be vanilla. You take a little spoonful, you scoop it. What are you eating? Yoghurt. Yoghurt. What in the God's name is yoghurt? Yeah! Can you pass me yoghurt? How are you

going to say it? Yoghurt. Yoghurt. Yoghurt. Yoghurt. Yoghurt. Yoghurt sounds like someone who eats it with their hands. That's my yogurt. Yogurt. So a lovely little uplifting question here for you, Chris, for me and you, to Chris and Rosie. If either of you died, would you be happy for the other to remarry and would you want robin

to be nice to the new parent what's your thoughts jesus um i mean cut more glasses of wine in i think you make us cry with that question um i've obviously in my stand-up in my last two i talked about us doing a will things like that and i joked around those topics i never really touched on that um it's weirdly something that you you say it to me quite a lot i have haven't i it's really strange that's why that's recording me um yeah i've said to chris a few times if anything happens to me um i don't know whether that's a mother thing i don't know my thing is that i would want you to meet somebody else. I would really want you to meet somebody else because I'd want Robin to have two parents.

Do you know what I mean? And I wouldn't want you to just have to do it on your own. But I would want the other woman or man. You know, you might have a, you might just. You think you've ruined all of the women for us. You never know. You think you're that good. I wouldn't be surprised. I end up, yeah, you know, you might have a, you might just. You think you've ruined all of the women for us. You never know. You never know. You think you're that good.

I wouldn't be surprised. I end up, yeah, great. So I would want the next person, all I ask is that they're just lovely to Robin and to you. Wow. But I would want you to. Personally, that's me. I'd be like, yes, please. What about you?

No, definitely not. I'd want you to be miserable forever, die alone. And in the will, it is actually, I need to be stuffed and mounted. Imagine, glued to the settee. I'm stuffed and mounted. I'm on the settee. I've got it all sorted. There's a team coming and they move us

and they put us in different places to give us a fright and stuff. Sometimes I'm in the hallway just chilling. Sometimes I'm like at the hob and you can't make your breakfast and you've got to make other stuff. And every morning you get down on your knees

and you pray to the stuff mounted image of me. Great, yeah. And you stay miserable forever and you die alone and you never have sex again. So just a normal day. Yeah, just a normal day.

And nothing changes. It's just a normal day. Yeah, just a normal day. Nothing changes. It's just a lot quieter. No, no, there's a speaker. Oh, great. And what it plays is, on a loop, all the sponsors from the podcast. Fantastic. Like a Build-A-Bay. Which tour would you like

Rosie none of them dear Rosie and Chris is it bad to lie about how many people you've slept with to a potential new partner does it matter please don't show my name

from Emily Seven Shags dot org what do you think so is she saying is she dumbing the number down or is she buffing it up well i'm i mean i'm getting actually i don't know she hasn't said maybe i'm i think she's buffing it up well i mean i'm getting actually i don't know she hasn't got to be maybe i'm i think she's buffing it down yeah this day and age you don't need to buff it up do you yeah i mean i don't know we we had an email actually recently about someone who was who was still a virgin at 20 odd i read through it but i didn't see but it was i didn't end up reading it out but it was a yeah someone who was still a virgin at 20 odd and they thought

it was weird but said they were waiting for the make their first time special oh god just get it over with it's not a special

so is she I'm assuming she's trying to make herself not sound like she's you know been about a bit I don't think

she needs to do that what to lie about it yeah I don't think she should no I don't think she should at all I don't think she needs to do that what to lie about yeah i don't think she should no i don't think i don't think she needs to at all but if she wants to just lie about it and then when you've been together for six months tell the truth by the way you know how i'm really good at sex 900 15 times a week i yeah i i don't think so it would it would never bother me it would never as a blooper right really

no so okay you're on a date yeah with a girl being on a couple of dates you're thinking I really

really like this girl she is amazing cool you come to the sex chat how do you feel about this no do you know about this this is in the past

have you died like the story so you've died and I'm moving on cool keep going okay I've died you're moving on horrible Cool. Keep going. Okay, I've died. You're moving on.

You're a horrible man. So you're sitting on your date and you think, and I really like this girl. This girl is marriage material. Do you know what I mean? Okay. You get to the how many people, whatever. You give your number.

You know, mid-range, not too bad. You had a bit of a lovely time when you used to be a rep and a beater and all that kind of stuff, right? Wow. So, she gives her number. Ask me. I'm that girl. So, you've heard my magic number.

A gentleman's nine. Yeah. What about you? 7,000. Is there a problem with that how many 7000 like 7 and then 3 zeros

like k yeah 7k 7k like like one more than 6999 yeah

how do you feel about that is this gonna affect our relationship I thought I heard a weird noise when the wind blew through here like is this gonna affect our relationship Chris

I thought you weren't one of them judgmental people god you're like everybody else why do you hate me so much blew through here. Is this going to affect our relationship, Chris? I thought you weren't one of them judgmental people. God, you're like everybody else. Why do you hate me so much? Ah! I'm just a really sexual being. I like having sex. What's the matter with you?

God, you're like everybody else. Okay, okay. Is that... Oh, my phone's ringing. Who's that? Oh, what? What? Hello?

Rosie? You're alive? Holy sh my phone's ringing. Who's that? Oh, what? What? Hello? Rosie? You're alive? Holy shit. Look. Hey. Hey. I'm sorry. You'll not believe it.

My dead wife's alive. Look, I'm going to have to go. Bye. Bye. And then that's how I deal with it. Thought I could have done 7,001. I should have done 7,000. As far as you're still walking.

Craziness. It's time for the celebrity question of the week. Hello, Rosie and Chris. This is Sarah Cox, your number one celeb fan. I'm off of the radio and everything. Okay, broadcasting legends. Some people say, but whatever. I've got a question for you two lovely people.

Who has got the best taste in music and who is the coolest dancer? Oh, thank you, Sarah Cox. That's a good question. Can I just say Sarah Cox was so lovely in real life, wasn't she? I was so glad that she was nice. She's on my list. Me, me.

That sounds, please don't take that out of context. Excuse me. I've got an imaginary, no, no, I've got an imaginary list that I check people off when I meet them of people who, if they weren't as nice as I thought they were going to be, I'd be really upset.

Yes, I agree. Which she was everything and more. And Dec, Lorraine Kelly, she was on it there. Yeah, yeah. She was wonderful. Thanks. That's a really good question.

Do you want to go first? Yes. there yeah yeah she was wonderful thanks that's a really good question do you want to go first um yes ah you've probably got more of like a specific taste in music whereas my taste in music is extremely eclectic yeah and i kind of just like everything yeah from show tunes to rock and roll yeah to country music to a bit of hip-hop. I just like it all. Yeah, you've got quite good taste. Well, I mean, you have single-handedly destroyed my Spotify daily mixes. Thank you. No, it's not a good thing. So on Spotify, you have your daily mix,

which takes all the different kinds of genres that you like and it pumps them into five different mixes and you have different ones. It was perfect. It was amazing. Whenever I had people around to play pool, I would have you have different ones. It was perfect. It was amazing. Whenever I had people around to play pool, I would have the daily mix on. It was incredible. Now, a bit of bloody Bette Midler pops up in it,

doesn't it? I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. Well, you know. Which one was it? In between the Libertines and bloody The Cribs,

Bette Midler sticking up there. A bit of Wind Beneath My Wings. Oh, man. I mean, don't get us wrong. They're good songs, but they're just,

I don't know. You love musicals. I love a musical. Don't get us wrong. They're good songs, but they're just... I don't know. You love musicals. I love a musical. Don't get us wrong. I love going to see a musical. I am not listening to an album of a musical in the house. Why? I don't.

It's the... It's the way they're... Like, they've got this... Do you mean the horn section? No, they've just got this... That was all that jazz. No, it's the way they speak. It's the...

It's like, I don't want gone, my son will come out tomorrow. It's like, I don't want that. Scream that is in my kitchen. I want something a bit more sort of put together. I did not leave until today. How can I leave when we are parted? Horrible. Stop. I don't want to be putting the washing in here and like, prisoner 25641, your time is up, your's begun it's like come on man that's lovely that you know

what i mean yeah i get it but i love it because halfway through i pretend i'm there i get really into it i cry a bit you know sometimes i'll be in the car listen to my spotify you will whack a musical on my car go oh we've changed the song, have we? And bloody something from Hamilton will happen while I'm halfway up the motorway. Oh yeah, that does happen actually. It's well annoying. And as for dancer,

you are a much better dancer than me, hands down. Thank you. Robin, annoyingly, is also a better dancer than me now as well.

But weirdly, Robin, Robin does a really cool little quirky dance and I was like, where's he got this from but we got sent a video of you

when you were like you must have been about six or something yeah Robin dances exactly like you crazy innit it's exactly the same

he does the same dance it's madness it's great yeah he does it better than me which is irritating he's a good little groover like

bless his heart yeah you're just a better dancer than me you had a talk in my ear didn't you at the wedding which is irritating. He's a good little groover, like. You bless his heart. Yeah. You're just a better dancer than me. You had a talk in my ear, didn't you, at the wedding? Oh, yeah, I did. I forgot about that.

We did our first dance. I remember your Nana going, it's just, it was so romantic. You guys were just cuddling each other and you were holding each other so close. It was the most romantic thing I've ever seen. Like, yeah, what she couldn't hear was you and me here going,

I'll turn, I'll step, I'll get off my fucking toes. No, it was towards the it was the one two I was going one two one

two everyone was like sweet nothings it was just numbers and trying to tell Chris where the movie's feet

you've got a lot better recently come on and that's it episode 12 in the bag lads thank you again so much for listening we really really mean it we didn't think this podcast would do as well as it has and we are buzzing about it because we really enjoy listening it and it wouldn't be anything without you listening so thank you so

much genuinely yeah thank you very much um so just one more thing britishpodcastawards.com slash vote opens up the listener's choice. There's a little box that says search for podcast. Type in married, annoyed. Our little faces will pop up. Click on it. Put your name. Put your email.

And you'll have voted for us in the listener's choice. And you never know who might win the little award. And that would be lovely. But the main thing is that you're listening and enjoying it. So thanks very much, guys. But we'd like to win the award. But the main thing is that you're listening and enjoying it. thanks very much guys but we'd like to win the award but the main thing is that you're listening and enjoying it but it would be nice to win the award but the main thing i would like our fans to win the award enjoying it and the award okay

the award is important guys i can't help but think she's not going to handle this well listen there's an award on the line right Right. I'm happy with both. Okay. Thank you. Award. Right. Bye. Award. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Award. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece. Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.

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