Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 120. Low hanging fruit

Episode Date: June 11, 2021

The time has come for Rosie to take the Crisp quiz! SMA’s can play along to… Chris has had a comment on his breath from Robin, Rosie gets annoyed at Chris’s reaction after watching a crime drama and the QFTP’s involve some pretty disgusting sieving, a modern day love story and some naughty holiday snaps. Enjoy! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game

and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com Hello, you're listening to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. There we go.

With me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Yes, there we go. And this is take two because I just got told off. Don't tell everyone. I'm telling everyone. This is take two of this recording because I just got told off for talking around the houses. So here we go.

Here comes local radio Chris Ramsey straight at you because Rosie doesn't like a gentle conversation and a little ease in. She just wants it straight on. Like we're listening to some kind of local fucking radio where we've got to quickly get to the advert so we're paying the bills. So, guys, thank you very much for listening. It is episode 120. Thank you for tuning in.

As always, if you want to get in touch later on the show, we've got loads of stuff coming up. We've got Rosie's crisp quiz. We've possibly got a Rose of Misbys if she's bothered her fucking arse to do it. And we've got a question for the public and we've got some beefs, although the beefs are in fear of starting soon because this one is pissing me off already. Hey, without further ado,

a word from this week's sponsor. This week's sponsor is Kirby. Hey, remember playing Kirby when you were a kid? Throwing a ball across the road to hit the curb? It was brilliant to hit the curb. You caught it.

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Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap. Jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Maridanoid. This week I am joined by local radio host Christopher Rousey. You know when people say that sometimes... I'll tell you what. What? You did a bloody good job then. If this all goes shit, like shit, like creak, whatever it's called.

What's it called? Shits up? Honestly, how dare you have a go at me for taking me time to speak sometimes and you know making sure I map out where I want to go when you just you've got like

there's a junction in your brain and all of the words are just trying to get out at the same time and they're all fucking wrong up shits creek is what you're looking for

if this all goes up shits creek you will have a job in our local radio station yeah honestly well that's good and they'll probably give you

a bit more than everyone else because you are off the telly. Yeah, well, maybe. You never know. Hopefully, we'll see. We'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Thank you.

Some of them I can do. Yeah, yeah, we'll have to cross that tunnel when we come under it. You know, sometimes people put it on like one and a half speed by accident. Yes. I don't know what. Apologies to everyone

who had to try and listen to that. Oh, the complaints we're going to get. Yeah, crazy. Because people won't keep listening. They everyone who had to try and listen to that oh the complaints we're gonna get yeah because people won't keep listening they'll just listen that goes brook and they'll tweet we're going it's broke and then we'll get another one going oh hang on no it's not yeah and you go right great oh i love them love them i've i've told you haven't i when i put two updates out and i put like a thing when all of them got rescheduled i had them all rescheduled and someone wrote like a massive comment on my instagram it was like what about london and i like looked at the thing and i was like a massive comment on my Instagram it was like what about London and I like looked at the thing

and I was like oh my god they've missed London off the graphic designers have missed London and I looked and London was right in the middle and I was like

it's there and I went and replied to her and she deleted the comment yeah well that's fair enough yeah but you like look twice listen

I'll I forgive people at the minute because I've got no luckily we don't actually have any tickets like booked for anything but thank you to everyone who's booked tickets for hours

because it's a fucking nightmare yeah going on all these reschedules and just double and triple check especially if you've got Rosie some people bought tickets

to my 2022 I named it like a dickhead in 2019 before I did Strictly oh yeah and the tickets got delivered to them they have them

in their possession hopefully still I remember thinking they're going to lose these. Well, no, because they'll have the wrong dates on. Yeah, but they're transferable. They're transferable. So you could turn up with the...

Don't be saying stuff you don't know about. No, no, you can't. No, 100% you can. If you've got tickets to my 2022, which is happening in 21 and 22, just double, triple check your dates and get in touch with your ticket holders and all that stuff

that all the really professional comedians say that I don't really know how to word. Listen, speaking of tick wars. Tick wars um our tick wars are still available for our tour in december we haven't actually checked how they're selling have you checked recently i've stopped going on the uh the seating plans on the arena because it gets really addictive right it's really really addictive plus i say all the little full seats and i'm like oh my god you've got such an addictive personality that's weird isn't it how you aren't a drug addict or like an alcoholic

I don't ever know well there's time there is time I mean let's let's try not to go down that road but if last year

didn't push us down it I think I'm arid you've never smoked though have you never inhaled no never inhaled just put it in the mouth

try to look cool put it in the mouth I saw some kids in the park the other day smoking did you put it in the mouth and blown it out you know when they put it in the mouth to try to look cool put it in the mouth yeah I saw some kids in the park the other day smoking and they were putting it in the mouth and blowing it out you know when they put it

in the mouth and blow it out and it's like proper white deep smoke I'm like yeah so they're not inhaling oh yeah man

oh yeah what you not inhaling for like oh yeah man you'll get mouth cancer that's what I got told is that what Pete used to say to you well yeah and then I was like

alright well what's the alternative oh yeah lung cancer I was like well happy days it's you know why are we doing this god knows

you don't think you don't think about the dreaded c word when you're young and naive Robin asked what smoking was the other day did have I told you this

no did he out of nowhere oh my goodness what did he say he was just like daddy what's smoking and I was like smoking's a thing

that people do where it's like a little stick in the sort of smoke in the mouth i said it's really bad for you it's really dirty it stinks and you should never do it and he said someone someone at farm school told him about it apparently oh with the big kids i don't know what's going on there must be the big kids then he was like daddy is it like a brown thing with a white thing on the end is that what it is and i was like yep and then yeah really strange see apologies to all the smokers because i am an ex-smoker as well so i'm a total hypocrite but i will be telling them it's the worst thing in the world oh yeah absolutely yeah both of them my mom made that made that it didn't work because my brother smokes and i smoke so

sandra unfortunately it failed but um she made it like the worst thing in the world i'm thinking about hiring someone have i told you this no i'm thinking about hiring someone so like anything like that like smoking or like motorbikes or like drugs or anything that i don't want them to do yeah i'm thinking about hiring an actor to like walk along the road next to her and be like oh hi oh hey are you two having a good day what's your name my name's jim and i love cigarettes and then just have them die in front of you oh oh I hate your brain

I hate your brain like you actually like listeners you don't understand that in five years time there will be a man turns up at the door and he'll go

hi I'm on the actor Jim and I'll go Chris no I said no yeah but look he's gonna you know

he's gonna be versatile he's gonna be depends what he wants you know if Rob wants to go skydiving I will be paying him just to jump off my house

and land it in the middle of the garden with a big blood splat you know one of them blood packs and just like I wish I'd never I wish I'd always

listened to me dad and I go Robin looks like this guy should have listened to his dad I'll tell you the idea when he told us my breath was minging.

No, I love the bit. I was brushing his teeth the other day and he was like, he had his mouth open because I was brushing his teeth and he was going, and I went, what? And he went,

your breath, your breath. So I'd had like, to be fair, I'd had like, I'd had the holy trinity. I'd had like a full night's sleep, a coffee and a banana. Oh, banana.

Nah. It's fucking, it's maths teacher breath-a-rama isn't it well did i ever told you when my dad used to do me tie in the morning i'd be like every day like you just dunk a tea and i begin no offense to the maths teachers out there by the way i'm sure it's all teachers whose breath stank when you were a kid but maths was the one that i needed the help with the most so they properly lean in and be like so if you say x x is equal to the sum of the square the hypotenuse like but i didn't so i

breathed on him right i was brushing his teeth and he was like don't you breath and i went does my breath smell so and he went i went do you ever want people to think that you smell like this and he went no i went well you gotta brush your people to think that you smell like this? And he went, no. I went, well, you've got to brush your teeth every day. He's brushed them religiously since then. Is that why I did it? I phoned Jim. I said, mate, you don't have to come round. I've sorted it myself.

I had to pay him a cancellation fee. What were you going to get Jim to do? He was going to come round with a mouthful of Polos half chewed and spit them all on the floor in front of him. And say there was tea. This is what happens when you don't brush your teeth, kids. And then loads of blood.

And then he was going to fall over and die. Do you remember when they used to sell the middle of the polos? Polo holes. You could have gone and used them. Polo holes. It's just the way, please. Honestly, I know what you are like, though.

And you're in a world of actors and that and someone will turn up oh yeah 100% yeah yeah I'm going to get someone Neil Granger

it'll be Neil Granger Gervais from Heaven big shout out to Neil who played Gervais in Heaven well Neil's done loads he told me he used to do loads of like role play tell him about the doc

are we allowed to say that I don't know but he used to do like role play for doctors and stuff I think that's really interesting so I think actors so you know it's obviously a thing yeah so like actors sometimes will do role play in which like doctors someone who's going to be like a consultant like a you know with cancer patients and stuff or

people who've got to be broken terminal illnesses people have got to have basically people who've got to have horrible news broken to them by a doctor if you're going to be that doctor who's going to have to break horrible news to people there is a thing that can do where actors come in and they in your practice

breaking horrific news to these actors and they react and it teaches the doctors you know how to empathetically deal with those situations I think that's really interesting

what a fucking day at work though I mean imagine getting home after a full day of being told you've got a week to live like fucking hell

it's intense and he'd probably because it's like you know the NHS and that and i know they don't have loads of money they probably use the same actor for all the doctors but jim jim that's where i heard of him so you've gone around the whole blooming surgery blessing being told he's dead by 11 different doctors goodness me so grim really interesting that's a job though i can't believe when he said it but yeah big shout out uh neil granger who played your face in heaven i will be uh getting Goodness me. So grim. Really interesting that that's a job though. I couldn't believe it when he said it. But yeah,

big shout out Neil Granger who played Javis in Heaven. I will be getting you around because you're a very talented man. Don't know if you've got, you know. You'll go the extra mile

that's what upsets us because I know he's so method. Yeah, if you could come maybe carrying your head in a bicycle helmet under your arm a la like a Halloween thing.

Oh no, the motorbike one, I will never want the boys to have motorbikes ever so I'm all up for that like I'm not being funny though

right we're talking about smoking and stuff who wants nobody wants their kids to smoke surely is there somebody

sat out there who's like when he's nine he'll have his first tab like no nobody wants their kids to smoke I'd

what if we ask every single person in the world, gun to their head, I'd put my house on the bean, someone going, yeah, let them smoke. Really? I think, well, it takes all kinds. The world is the way it is.

Everyone's different. All right, then, well. I mean, I'll go on record now saying if you do want your kid to smoke, you're a fucking maniac. But, you know, I've heard weirder things. I've heard weirder things. Okay, fair enough.

But, yeah. Another thing that Robin's doing... They're going to try it, though. We're going to our things okay fair enough but yeah another thing we're gonna try it though we're gonna have to we're gonna have to come to the realization that they're gonna try it

I mean I think it's one of them things isn't it it's the hard drugs I'm worried about I've never ever ever touched any sort

of a-class drug yeah ever well I mean I had CBD earlier that during the during the first

lockdown to help with anxiety and you were treating us like I was Ewan McGregor from Trainspotting you were treating us like uh i was uh ewan mcgregor from train spot you were hiding the valuables because you thought i was going to go down to the go down go down sell them for me for me cbd money you fucking lunatic you are really

sheltered when it comes to that i know i know i just not just guys and then and then i broke my ankle and i got given some like ibuprofen from my ankle and some paracetamol and I had it with the CBD and you were like oh my god they'll react and you'll die yeah but I got on it though

once I had that little moment to my jaw start kicking off I got right on it it's lush weaned myself off now though kids alright yeah yeah yeah

you come out the other end of it did you I'm out the other end wait for a fucking tell all autobiography about a fucking week of CBD old guys

a week of CBD old addiction Fortnite. A week of CBD, old addiction. Fortnite, actually. Do you know, the funny thing with drugs though, right? I don't know whether I just got to a party late, right? Or was it a nightclub? Anyway, some people who I used to hang around with, because drugs, it wasn't like I didn't hang around drugs. They were always there.

They were always being offered about. But there was this one time when it was quite at the beginning. I must have been about 17. And the lads that i used to hang around with they had horse track you know ket yeah horse track realiser right oh god and i got there late because i think i must have been at work or something right and they were like do you want some of this and i was like no because steven's had some and he's hugging the stool like i'm all right little did he know little did you know how much your love for home furnitions would happen later in life you don't need horse tranquilizer to hug a fucking lamp

not at all yeah i know what you mean so then i was like i remember that yeah i'm all right for that some of this what is it horse tranquil you mean tranquil tranquilisers horses do I I'm alright for that thanks yeah do you want some of this what is it what's it MDMA what is that though

put it on plants fertiliser no man that's MCAT you're thinking of what's MDMA then that's the main ingredient in ecstasy

oh well don't be touching that listen honestly guys listen when she talks about drugs she sounds like someone's mum it's so good

oh no I just I don't like them I don't drugs are for mugs don't do it drugs are for mugs guys stay in school kids because well my thing is

as well I would I'd just get the one dodgy one yeah but I told you what I'm gonna do like what my mum used to do

yes this is interesting the newspaper cut out at the bottom of the bed every time there was any drug related illness or death or crime in your childhood, the newspaper was, I imagine, purchased three times,

chopped up and put at the bottom of each of your beds. Oh, yeah, I never thought about that. Maybe she just hide it around each of them. It always ended on my bed. She knew. She knew. Middle child, isn't it? It's dangerous.

Danger. Listen, what I was going to say as well about Robin, by the way. Sorry about that. I went on about drugs for a little while. Just get us a... Like a mug. Like a mug. What I was going to say as well about Robin, by the way. Sorry about that. I went on about drugs for a little while. Just gets us. Like a mug. Like a mug. What I was going to say about Robin was, Robin is now five years old.

He's got a bit of sass. He's very much a little dude. He has got, his level of reading, his reading's just gone incredible now. We have so much Shag Maradonoid merch around the house that wasn't an issue before yeah no we are gonna have to move it's it he's gonna come in and say daddy that says shag shag

like it's so close thankfully the pillow that i've got it's got asterisks on can't it mean tired not do a five-year-old who's going to school no the last thing you want they know what we do the last school know what we do yeah but the last thing you want is his teacher going, have you had a good day, Robert? And him going, well, I have, but I tell you what,

I'm absolutely shagged. Fuck. I'm not waiting for my bed tonight. Shag around around here. God. Rafe was so shagged last night.

You went bed at six. Horrible. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Okay, so, it's time. It's time to put your money where your mouth is. Okay. It's time to put your money Where your mouth is

Okay It's time to put the Your money where your crisps go Okay Alright You ready for your crisp quiz? I am I'm ready

Do you want to remind people What the crisp quiz is for From last week? So last week If you didn't hear last week's episode Shame on you Rosie You're getting sacked on that job

That local DJ job Can't even do the back track Rosie was Rosie was claiming That she wouldn't know what her special subject would be if she was on some kind of game show. Obviously, mine was Marvel superheroes. Plus, when I did Masterminds, it was Sopranos. And we came to the idea last week that yours should be crisps. So do you feel like you know a lot about crisps?

Yes, yes, I do. I've been eating them since I was young. I average, you know, like at the minute I'm trying to be good but usually i average at least four bags a week right four bags a week bold definitely favorite crisp it's got to be salt and vinegar walkers or prawn cocktail classic yeah classic yeah okay okay cool so those answers make me think that you should be nailing this crisp quiz guys feel free to play along at home or wherever the fuck you are, walking your dog or whatever the hell you people are doing at the minute. So, there are 25 points up for grabs.

Oh, long quiz. In these questions, yeah. Long little quiz. Plus six points in the bonus round. I don't fuck about. I don't fuck about. Why do you always do a bonus round? Oh, oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry. Did you not want more content? Oh, sorry. Did you not want more content? Eh? Oh, sorry. Did you not want more enjoyment? I mean, why did I sit yesterday for two hours getting questions from the public if we've got a crisp quiz to fill it all up? Because this might be shit and boring

and you might be rubbish at it and you might not make the edit. Right, fair enough. There's always that. There's always that. You've got to throw enough shit, haven't you? Come on, come on, come on. I'm excited.

Rosie's crisp quiz, here we go. I was going to do the thing where I go like question one question two but after like six I forget what number it is and it freaks me out

and I can't enjoy myself so here we go are you ready Gary Lineker is the face of Walker's crisps yeah

what was the football themed flavour that was released using his name come on oh was it pizza

or pepperoni how has that got his name in it oh oh shit right Gary Linegar Gary Linegar salt and vinegar

Gary Linegar salt and vinegar rosy salt and salt and vinegar fucking hell I am not helping you

and that was a free one I thought I thought it was a brand new flavour it was ages ago I'm not helping you like that again salt and vinegar. Fucking hell. Right, okay, no. I am not helping you. And that was a free one. I thought it was a brand new flavour. It was ages ago. I'm not helping you like that again. Salt and vinegar. That was painful. That's funny.

I don't remember that. Right. Sorry, I thought it was a new flavour. Horrible. Right, okay. Name two kinds of ridged crisp. What, McCoy's? Yes, there's one.

Bridger's. Yeah. And Frisps? Boom, that's it. Sorry, that was really close in the way. Well done. I would have also accepted Walker's Max, Walker's Deep Ridge,

or Ridgecut Kettle Chips. Yeah, Kettle Chips as well, yeah. Next question. Yes, come on. Name the three main flavours of Quavers. Prawn cocktail, cheese, and... Oh, gosh, is there any more?

Salt and vinegar? Boom. You're doing well. I love Quavers. Yeah, yeah. Come on. You got one, two... You got three out of three. Yeah, you got three out of three,

but I was counting the rest of them. You've got the more rights over. Okay, come on. Let's go. Name the three main flavours of monster munch pickled onion flaming hot

beef roast beef but I will accept beef roast beef thank you very well done thank you very well done

thank you so much also another one of my favourites name these get harder this is a tricky one name the three main flavours of knick knacks

nice and spicy. Shit. Nice and spicy. Give you a clue. They've all got a n. Nice and spicy. And there are others like that as well. Oh, shit.

Shit, shit, shit. Shit is not one of them. No, shit and shit. Although I probably still wouldn't. Shit and piss. Oh, what are they? And I love knick knacks i can't think clearly is it spicy something tex tex and mex no oh chris i'm gonna have to pass

pass boo right so um i would have accepted um ribbon sauce scampi and lemon right and uh there was actually a cream and cheese that was out for a while i would have accepted that as well sorry about that. Sorry, everyone. I do love knickknacks. Okay. Switch this question up a bit, okay? I say the flavour of the walk as crisp.

You give me the colour of the packet. Yes. Okay, come on. Are you ready? Yeah. Salt and vinegar. Green. Cheese and onion.

Blue. Prawn cocktail. Pink. Worcester sauce. Purple. Beef and onion. Brown. Marmite.

Black. Wow. Doncester sauce. Purple. Beef and onion. Brown. Marmite. Black. Wow. I don't mess about. I don't mess about. She's up. She's stood up. She's dancing. She's actually dancing around the room.

Yeah. I don't mess about. Come on. They get harder. They get harder. To crisps. Come on. International question now.

If I was to buy a packet of Walker's crisps. Please. Wow. Come on. I repeat the question for the listener. If I was to buy a packet of Walker's crisps in Spain, the packet would not say Walker's, it would say... Lays.

Very well done. Other than hula hoops, name another tube-shaped crisp. Ooh. Weedles. What they're called? I can't close, but I can't accept Weedles. Why? Because that's a fucking cereal. No, what they're called close but I can't accept Weet-O's why

because that's a fucking cereal no what they're called man um right tube shaped uh french fries

nope um I'm gonna have to pass wrong it's Wheat Crunchies you are so close that's what I meant well

it's only one of them didn't fucking say it um I would have also accepted Smith's Crispy Tubes. Right, no. Absolutely not. In the 90s and early 90s,

Doritos changed shape. What did they change to? What they are now? A triangle? No, they've always been that. They changed the shape momentarily. What did they change to? Come on.

I don't remember. Come on, you're going to kick yourself. No. I don't remember, Chris., you're going to kick yourself. No. I don't remember, Chris. A circle. They went 3D, Rosie. They went 3D? Don't read those when 3D.

They did go 3D. Shocking. I'm upset about that. You're handling that well. Thank you. I love to read those as well. Listen closely. Sorry.

I'm bubbly. I'm in a brown and white packet. I'm T-bone steak flavoured. What crisp brand am I? I can see the packet. It's not, is it McCoy's? No.

It's not. I'll give you one more guess. Gives a clue. Come on. No. No, gives a clue. No. What the cold, man.

They are very delicious. I can't, I'm going to have to pass. I can't think. You're going to kick yourself. They're not, no, go on. No.

Roysters. Roysters. Oh! Roysters. Stinker. Oh! Roysters. Stinker. Absolute stinker. Something I don't buy very often. You don't see them individually at the train station.

Some you do. I get very excited when I see them. Yeah, exactly. Name any Space Raiders flavour. Pickled onion. Boom. I didn't think you'd get that. Very well done.

Space Raiders. It's 10 pence from the local shop. Yeah, but I never knew what flavour it was myself. Had no idea. Genuine surprise when I saw that. Okay. The lighter, bigger, enlarged hula hoops are called? Hula hoop puffs.

Puffed. I will accept puffs though. Happy days. Very good. Okay. What colour is the bow tie on the Pringles man? Oh, yeah. Oh my word. What colour is the bow tie on the Pringles man? Oh, yeah. Oh, my word.

What colour is he? White? Green. It's red. It's red. It's red. It's red. Okay.

That's hard. That is the end of the main quiz. That's the end of the round. We've got the bonus round coming up. I'm just going to quickly tally your scores up here. 19 points out of 25. That's all right. Very good. You started

extremely strong and then you tailed it towards the end but they did get harder. I'm just desperate for a pack of crisps. Anyway, come on. You're about to get more desperate for a pack of crisps. Are you ready for bonus round? I am ready for the bonus round. Here comes the bonus round.

Now, I think what people realise is, I've actually I haven't stitched you up there. I was going to massively stitch you up this week. The whole thing was going to be a farce, but I thought I'd actually make it enjoyable and challenging and let people at home play along as well. I enjoyed it, yeah. This was going to be the whole quiz,

but there's only three questions here, okay? Right, okay. Are you ready for this? Yes. Okay, so the bonus round is, I'm going to play you the sound of me eating a crisp. You have to tell me what crisp and what flavour it is. No. No. of me eating a crisp you have to tell me what crisp and what flavor it is this no this is ridiculous well this podcast ridiculous are you ready

when did you eat these listen stop trying to work out stop trying to work out of this crisp in the house that's right come on. Concentrate, right? There might be a pack of crisps if you do well. Oh, yes. Okay, okay. Come on. Are you ready? I think. Here are the recordings done earlier today.

Okay, crisp number one. Mmm. That was crisp number one. Awful. That was crisp number one. That was crisp number one that was a big that was a big crunch that was a big i'm gonna just go by crisps that you like because i don't think you'd have bought them just for this quiz okay i think you'd have bought crisps that you like so i'm just gonna say the crisps that you like you might have found a flaw in your plan so i'm gonna say sensations So I'm going to say Sensations, the chilly ones. Two points. Absolutely fantastic.

Oh my God, you're so right. It was Walker's Thai Street Sensations. Oh my fucking God. Tragic. This is tragic. Yes, yes. Right, come on. I know the next one.

You're flying high. I know the next one. Let's do it. Do you now? How many is it? Three? Yep. Here we go.

Crisp number two. Mmm. That was crisp number two. Yeah. Salt and vinegar squares. Salt and vinegar squares. I'm sorry. You're wrong.

Am I? I'm sorry. You're wrong. That was a hula hoop. Salt and vinegar hula hoops. Do you not hear the crack? It cracked. It didn't you're wrong that was a hula hoop salt and vinegar hula hoops do you not hear the crack it cracked it didn't crunch

have we got a hula hoop listen shut up and concentrate on the pod we've still got a podcast to do after this right you can absolutely swivel

I'm having a pack of crisps in between this if there's crisps in this house I want them okay oh how am I here we go

apologies to all our listeners and finally crisp number three. Mmm. That's crisp number three. It's the worst. I'm going to go with cheesy quavers. Cheesy quavers?

Oh, hang on, no. You might have bought some for the bane. Mmm. Pombees? Salt and vinegar? No. You are close. You are close on the kind of texture.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, did you buy a monster munch? Is that pickled onion monster munch? We've got monster munch in the house. Sorry, that's three guesses. That was actually a red herring. That was a prawn cracker.

Oh, we've got prawn... I love prawn crackers. I thought you were going to be angry. I thought you were going to be angry. I thought you were going to be angry that it wasn't a crisp. But you're just excited that there's prawn crackers in the house. You're a fucking disgrace. I love prawn crackers. I've got a problem.

That was, out of 31, you got 23 points. Yeah. Very well done. Thank you. Thank you so much. Very well done.

Honestly, thank you. You know what? You can have a pat of crisp as a little prize. Can I? Well done you. Not the prawn crackers though because they're fucking massive.

Right, fair enough. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef beef and my main beef is Rosie's now eating a packet of salt and vinegar hold a hoops

so good there we go really enjoyed that quiz put them down please I'm just gonna have two more thank you so much the loudest crisp ever and there's already been

enough crunching apologies for the crunching guys but it was part of the part of the blooming quiz man part of the blooming quiz bonus round exactly listen if anyone from the chase

or any of them sort of big game shows is watching and they need someone to formulate questions specifically on crisps Gisabelle

Gisabelle because you know I only just scratched the surface of what I could have what I was capable of there so there we go

he's ready and solid I'm ready I'm awful what's your beef my beef this week with you Christopher is this morning

you came downstairs full of doom and gloom. Yeah. Thought your life was over. Yeah. You didn't get to sleep last night until 1.30am. Yes, yes.

Because, Oh, you're telling everyone. Listeners, last night we watched a prison drama called Time. Yeah. Last night. Amazing.

First two episodes. Sean Beam, Stephen Graham and Siobhan Finneran. Yeah. Amazing. Loved it. The whole cast was incredible. Everyone.

Acting was superb. Too good. Chris couldn't sleep last night at all because he now thinks that he and or our boys are going to get put in prison. Yeah. Why did you do this? I needed a panic attack.

It's like, so when we watched Making of a Murderer, I literally, weer yeah right I literally we finished that and I literally got my hotel door got kicked in and I got arrested I don't know if I've

talked about it on the podcast but I've said it in the book yeah we've talked about it yeah so the story's out there if you want to see it I got arrested momentarily and marched out of my hotel room

by mistake by mistake but it's fucking terrifying yeah I get it for nothing I'd done and it's like I don't know everyone's got a weird fear

and my fear used to be oh I'm going to get put in prison for something I've never done. And now my fear is, oh, my kids are going to get put in prison for either something they've done by accident or something. You know, they're not going to be hardened criminals. They're going to get thrown in. And you watch these prison dramas. It was too fucking good. Yeah. Sean Bean was just playing this amazing, like, I don't know, he was such a tragic figure.

He was like a teacher and he was like, I've never had a fight and all this and this guy was bullying him he was amazing in it Stephen Green was obviously phenomenal and all the like this is something I'm going to say all the like people who were playing the peripheral scrotes in the film were fucking so believable and terrifying and everyone

was believable and terrifying I'd say to you tonight what did I say I said watch the next episode without us because I can't put myself through it again I'll sit in the other room I'll play on Resident Evil well me beef is

this is your catastrophizing though because we're children one of them's five and one of them's five months yeah and in my head worry about I know but worry about it in the future

there's no point in worrying about it now what are you wasting time for worrying about something I don't know I can't help it I don't fucking know I've got serious problems I've got serious problems

you're not alone I think people will absolutely be able to I was in a right fucking state last night I lay in bed and my chest was pounding I was like I'm going to have a panic attack was it that bad it was so bad

I could tell it was bad because you went are you alright and I went yeah and normally you'd go you don't sound alright and you just went to sleep because you thought

I couldn't be arsed with this I noticed I lay there going no because I don't think that yeah I did was very fucking convincing you lay there

right like you were in that drama right you lay staring at the roof of my cell yeah head back on your pillow like just staring up at the ceiling and I cell yeah head back on your pillow like just

staring up at the ceiling and i thought i'm not getting into this it's weird because i woke up this morning and like in the and like i walked like i walked robin down to school and in the in the cold light of day i was like i'm a fucking idiot and it's like you know if you wake up in the middle of night and you think you've seen a ghost i heard a noise and you're like oh my god ghosts are real and then daylight you're like no i'm a fucking idiot yeah it was kind of like that i just it just if something like that. I just, it just, if something like that catches us at the wrong moment and it hits like me, like sort of me,

me little, I hate the word, but me little like trigger point for anxiety. And I go, that's me one thing that I worry about. And I was like, oh my God. And it's the, I don't want to give it, watch it, right? If you can deal with it. If you can't deal with it, don't watch it.

Cause it's too fucking good. It was like a documentary, but Louis Theroux wasn't there going, no, I'm from the BBC there was just people going fucking oh my

god which would make it less scary because it's not actually real I know I kept telling myself I'm going that's

Sean Bean this is why it's me beef right because I just find it exhausting that I've then got to wake up and deal with you

being in a horrific mood because you worried about something that might happen years down the line but you know when children have nightmares and you and you think you're like a bloke just can only apologize and yeah I am just gonna have to just teach them that drugs are bad and you gotta be good boy and you gotta stay away from buddies mm-hmm

you can't you just don't know what's gonna happen in the future but you can't you can't just sit and worry about it when they are like well I've told you this before I did it in one of my did I do it in my Amazon stand up special

I did it in something where I worry about Robin getting sent to prison but he's five but he's a five year old and he's in prison and I'm like oh my god

he's a bit right okay so you think of him in prison five five yeah yeah the same as when I thought of him

going to school when he was like two and I was like what if he gets bullied at school and you were like oh you think of him as a two. Five. Yeah, yeah. The same as when I thought of him going to school when he was like two. When I was like, what if he gets bullied at school? And you were like, oh, you think of him as two-year-old? You get,

because you were like, he can't even eat his own, can't even chop his own dinner. I was like, he's two. He's not going, he's not ready for school. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's exhausting.

You're exhausted, but try living it, Rosie. Fucking exhausting. I'm sorry, listen. It's exhausting. Genuinely, I know what you're like. I do know what you're like. I get it.

I do get it, but it's just, yeah. Tell you what I never did know what you're like I get it I do get it but it's just yeah tell you what I never did tell you what I never did Rosie what all me life never worried about a global pandemic happening

see look what's fucking happened see well I mean sorry everyone sorry give us the heads up I could have been worried

about that shit since I was 14 I could have cleared the whole fucking way for her but no no one told us and here we are selfish alright then what did you do for me I could have cleared the whole fucking way for her. But no. No one told us. And here we are. Selfish.

All right, then. What do you have for me? My beef with you is you and your mum, but mainly you. Great. Love that she's lumped in. I was lumped in. She's just another version of you. You and your mum have some kind of personal vendetta

against keeping the baby's bottle lids with the baby's bottle. Every time you are feeding Rafe, you finish feeding him, you put the bottle down with the teat on and the lid from that bottle

could be fucking anywhere. Anyway. Different rooms, outside, in the car. I've known nothing like it in my life. It's like you think the lids are disposable,

like a fucking Pringles lid. You take it off and you just go, no, well, fuck that. And you just sling it. No, right, come on. Listen, do not believe him for a second. It's like on the bench or something. It's miles away.

It's miles away. You take it off, you put the lid down and then you make a journey. You make a journey. Oh, I'm sorry. You are so anal. It's unbelievable. I've got to wash them it's miles away you take it off you put the lid down and then you make a journey you make a journey you pack your bags you are so anal it's unbelievable

I've got to wash them and I've got to put them all in the steriliser you know what's really irritating sterilising a bottle then realising you haven't done the lid as well then having to do the lid

and then thinking oh well is that still sterile now the teat because it's been in the air without the lid on it it's a disaster stop it keep them next to each other do you want us to put

a little hole in them and put a little thing on absolutely not you're totally overreacting here. This has happened like once or twice. You're being ridiculous. You do it all the time. Sorry, I'm not having this. This morning it happened. Last night it happened. It's always happening. It's always within a few

metres radius. You left one in the car once. Oh God, sorry. My baby was crying. So I had to open the bottle and I might have left the bottle lid somewhere else. You know what you need to get? A life. Oh.

That's what you need to get. Get a life. Oh, what's that? You freak. Oh, what's that? Insult straight from the noughties. Early noughties insult. Ouch.

You cut us deep. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece symphony exploder april 5th at roy thompson hall for tickets visit tso.ca rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none

tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in ham Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health

care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. It's time for questions from the public. Public, public, public. Public. Are they still happening, briefings?

Briefings, fuck knows. I haven't watched a news or a telly for a long time. Who knows? Not going to watch a telly again because I watched a telly last night and I watched the crime thing and I got scared and I didn't like it so I'll not or a telly for a long time Who knows Not gonna watch a telly again because I watched a telly last night and I watched the crime thing and I got scared and I didn't like it so I'll not be watching telly

for a long long time Long long time everyone Hey But genuinely watch time because it was really really good Guys As always if you want to get in touch

it is shaggedmaridanoid at gmail.com Please continue to send your wonderful wonderful things because we just love them and we love you so there you bloody go right First one here from a midwife Jackpot I know Jackpot to send your wonderful, wonderful things because we just love them and we love you. So there you bloody go, right?

First one here from a midwife. Jackpot. I know. Jackpot. Love it. Okay. Dear Chris and Rosie, I am a midwife and thought you might enjoy this story.

Okay. One day I was looking after a lady in the birthing pool. My shift finished and she hadn't had her baby yet. So I handed her over to a colleague and went home. The next week I ran into my colleague and she was really cross, saying, why didn't you warn me? I thought, shit, what did I forget to tell her? What I should tell you at this point

is that the lady's husband was also in the pool with her. He was also naked. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Why? Dunno. He decided... What's the next big year's is fucking centerpox he decided to hop in fully naked like really oh we're having a bath i'll have a bath as well but doesn't a load of

like scramming that come out and yeah i just don't understand right i i say no personally i can i don't think it's that bad that he got in i don't think that's bad why he couldn't have put a pair of swimming trunks on you know for the poor the the midwives and you know the doctors and that they don't want to see his fucking yeah you can't yeah you can't be like well she's naked like no i don't know she is having a baby sir it doesn't apply does it well she's got no oh I'll be sweating what are you talking about like

god do you know what all that says to me is what an arrogant prick yeah I mean you know what I mean

you know what do I yes no come on I respect the brashness no you don't I respect

I do in a really strange way I respect the stupidity the brashness and the pigheadedness of well you've gotten out on so i'm getting in when i do it no it's not you don't i have zero respect for him i'm sorry she's given birth yeah she well obviously not bothered she's obviously just like well

how big was this birthing pool aren't they quite they're not massive they're not like i don't think that i don't know i've never been in one but I can understand that he wanted to get in I think that's fine you know birth's totally natural and I think it's beautiful and he wanted to be a part of it

like I get it I know you wouldn't have got in in a million years I don't know why I'm sorry I'm just going to go out there now I don't know why people keep saying that birth is beautiful

it's a miracle yes it's incredible it's a scientific marvel it's phenomenal it's not fucking beautiful it's not beautiful it's like saying a car crash is beautiful it's fucking terrifying It's a scientific marvel. It's phenomenal. It's not fucking beautiful. It's not beautiful. It's like saying a car crash is beautiful. Well, I think it is.

It's fucking terrifying. It's harrowing. I think it's just like, it's amazing. It's amazing that women's bodies can do that. Use all of the adjectives you want. A sunset is beautiful, right? A baby's face is beautiful. A baby is beautiful, right?

A fucking majestic mountain, snow-capped peak is beautiful. Moon is beautiful yeah right a fucking majestic mountain snow peaked snow capped peak is beautiful moonlight glistening along a lake is beautiful

fucking is fucking harrowing harrowing and I don't care what anyone thinks but it's incredible there's a beef for you

you wouldn't take pictures of Rafe coming out of my section no of course I wouldn't I was a bit annoyed of course I wouldn't of course I wouldn't

the doctors did I might look back on them I didn't look at them properly I was off me tits I'm going to look at them the day something to look forward to this afternoon

can't wait get yourself a coffee sit somewhere in the house i want you to sit in one of your coffee chairs and have a little coffee and look at the life coming out of a wound inside your abdomen craziness right anyway listen this is what i had neglected to tell my colleague now sometimes when a lady is in the birthing pool you need a sieve to get rid of bits of blood and poo. You know, obviously. Beautiful. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Hey, have you got that beautiful sieve to get rid of these beautiful bits of shit and piss? Oh, it's beautiful. You're beautiful. Bang the sieve off the side of the thing there. There we go. It's like when I get leaves out of my hot tub, but horrifying

can someone pick a bit of shit and blood off the floor is that shit or blood it's black what's either shit or blood who cares eh beautiful you're beautiful right okay yes you've made a point well done right okay so she's put here not a big deal again and i've got to respect a i know like i know i'm whinging about this because i'm you know i'm pathetic i couldn't watch a prison drama you're a comedian like it's what you do midwives just like it's just so good like sometimes you need a shit a save for the shit and piss no big deal i mean yeah mine were utterly fantastic both times. So good.

So, in the low light, my colleague had scooped into the pool to get rid of what she thought was a poon. The lady's husband began to shift uncomfortably and eventually said, could you not do that? It was at this point my colleague realised she was in fact trying to sieve out

his low-hanging scrotum. And that's why men shouldn't get in the bathing pool with nothing on. Could you not do that? Imagine. I'd be like, could you not do that? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I knew you'd do that, actually? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I knew you'd like that.

Honestly, at first, I thought you were going to be like, he's naked in there, and he's like, hey, look at us, naked in there. And then she has a shit, and he's like, oh, come and shit in here, can't we? Oh, no. I thought you'd had a shit as well. That's even better.

Just whacking the sieve off his balls. I'm thinking it was a bit of poo. What a... I'm sorry. Put a pair of swimming trunks on. What a stupid man. I'm going to go out there and I'm going to say he's a stupid man. It's not your day,

mate. Put your clothes on. We're not here for you, actually. Fuck off. Get out. Get out. That's what I'd have said. Anyway, after much frantic apologising, they eventually laughed about it and a lovely baby boy was born soon after.

However, she has never totally forgiven me. So there you go. Babadoo babadoo babadoo Just a quick one. Please keep me anonymous. Listening to last week's screw punishment God, I don't know what that is. No's screw punishment prompted me to come clean about an evil passion of mine. Bloke made his kids count

the screws and organise his screws in his toolkit when they were naughty. Oh gosh, I do not, Chris, I don't remember that. Ages ago we recorded that, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Ages ago. Right, okay. Well I told you I'm getting all the... Take a back now. Getting all the back track, getting them on the back track on the emails, thank you Faye, you go through the emails. Thank you, Faye, who goes through the emails.

Thank you. Yep, yep, yep. This prompted me to come clean about an evil passion of mine. Evil passion. You will hate this lady. One of my favourite things to do when in the hardware section of the store is to always take one screw from one box and add it to another die die take great satisfaction that somebody might be there to buy a five millimeter screw but end up purchasing an

eight millimeter screw my boyfriend hates that i do this enjoy hell when you finally get there that's that's really awful person isn't that like that's the point of that that's but it's also it's all you don't you're not getting when when that like proper sinister? That's the point of that. It's also... You're not getting... When are you ever going to see the sort of... Pay off. Yeah, the pay off of that. But she just knows. And I think that's horrible.

Are they getting an extra screw or is she just swapping them? No, so she's just swapping them over. Oh, so it's not even an extra one you don't want. It's you lose one, you've got a massive one. Well, I think... I think the nightmare is

that if you're just up a ladder and you're picking screws out of the box and you pick one up and you go put it in, you've got a massive one. Well, I think the nightmare is that if you're just up a ladder and you're picking screws out the box and you pick one up and you go put it in, you're like, what? It's just that moment of... It's horrible, isn't it? That is evil. I don't even like that.

I don't agree with that. I'm not even here for that. Don't like it, actually. Some of the stuff we haven't been offended by on this podcast and we're massively offended by. I'm really upset by that. There's only three mil in that, so I don't know what actually some of the stuff we haven't been offended by on this podcast and we're massively i'm really upset there's only three mil in that so i don't know what she's doing there five millimeter eight five millimeter eight that's worse what is that though that can't be length because that's nothing so that's got is a diameter i don't know what the hell's going on i just find that's just that see because it's not even that much so that's

just no difference is it not that was putting one on oh it doesn't make any difference backfire bitch no difference my DIY husband said actually and he uses screws a lot I do you put them in my Lego and stuff

and sometimes I put them on floor and don't burgle as I stand on them yeah yeah oh I love you babadoo babadoo babadoo

bah hi Chris and Rosie please keep me anonymous this story's about a friend but I do not want to put my name to this. Happy days. Warning. This is 100% true and 100% horrific. Great.

A couple of weeks ago, my mate met up with a woman who he had been talking to on Tinder over the previous few weeks. Tinder schninder. My mate was quite nervous about meeting this girl as he hasn't been on a date for years. The day came and my mate set off for his date. They met at a local cafe for a coffee and went for a walk around a lake nearby. They were getting on really well,

having a good laugh, etc. As they returned to the car, they were sat talking in my mate's car. Right, so they returned to the car. Yeah, okay. Sometimes I think people are so desperately get out what they're saying that I think they don't write properly, but that's fine.

One thing led to another and they started kissing and touching and enjoying each other. So they've run on the first date, they've met on Tinder, first date, cafe, walk around a lake, back to the car, hanky panky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good grief. Yeah, 2021, now it is. Yeah? Yeah. She stopped and pulled away and said, I can't do anything as I'm on my period, but I'll give you a handjob.

Gee whiz. God, who are these women, man? Gee whiz. Do not be giving out handjobs. In a car. Willy nilly. In cars. Willy nilly.

Willy nilly is actually another name for a handjob. Come on, girls, come on. Wow. So, off she pops and starts bashing the bishop. Fucking hell. Who wrote this? I don't know. As he was getting towards the finishing line,

he grabbed the nearest thing to ejaculate into. This was a new disposable face mask. That is a love story for our times. Isn't it just? Honestly, there you go. Happy days. Good Lord. Happy days. God, Lord. Happy days, you may think.

Fast forward a few days. Shut up. And my mate was taking his mum to a nearby shopping centre. No. They parked the car. No. Grabbed their face masks out of the centre console of the car and proceeded to walk into the shop.

This is where it goes downhill. As they were in the shopping centre, my mate turned to look at his mum and realised she had not picked up her face mask, but the cum-covered face mask he had spread his seed into a couple of days previous. He said, The outside of my mum's face mask looked like a fucking plaster as radio. It's just the worst next one absolutely covered that

is horrendous my mate's mum was completely unaware that she had cum stains all over the front of her mask my mate did not know what to do he didn't know how or what to tell his mum so he just didn't see anything great they were out shopping for two hours. No! With my maid's mum walking around with cum, basically plastered all over her face. Just breathing in her son's spunk. Yeah.

This. Honestly, honestly. How would you be able to tell your mum? What would you say? How? That's a really good point. Do you know what it is? Until you've said that i was like well

just tell her you animal how can you go so you're telling me you would tell your mom no tell her that you can't have that mask but how would you you're right what would you say yeah why what's the matter with it oh it's dirty well let's just give it a white man it's fine yeah no mom it's dirty well how am i man it doesn't matter why i'm even popping in and out just try it on it's fine god no there's come on it mom come all over's fine. God. No. There's cum on it, ma'am. There's cum all over. There's my cum on the mask, ma'am. There's cum on it, ma'am,

but it wasn't my fault. It was an accident. I fell. It wasn't my cum, ma'am. Oh, gosh. This is something you want to tell us. No, man. Oh, God.

No, this is good. It was my friend. My friend came on it and then he made me keep it for him and it's his and you should tell his, ma'am. Simon, you're 34. I need you.

You shouldn't be doing things like that anymore babadoo babadoo babadoo bah hi chris and rosie please keep this story anonymous it happened 13 years ago and still makes me recoil in horror every time i think about it but it's quite funny i think or maybe just weird just weird. Either way, I'll take it. Funny or weird, I'll take it. My husband and I were in the exciting, starty bit of our relationship when we went away on a Greek island holiday for a week. Do you remember that bit? I do remember that bit.

The lovely, like, can't keep your hands off each other. Really exciting. Class. Our honeymoon. Yeah. That was nice. All right, man. I know, but do you remember?

It was lush. We'll take the piss. We don't compliment each other on here. What are you doing? No, come on. It was really weird. Like, man. I know, but do you remember? All right, man. We'll take the piss. We don't compliment each other on you. What are you doing? No, come on. It was really weird. We smiled all day. It was just lovely.

We did. We had a lovely honeymoon. Do you remember? Have we talked about this? How as we left Santorini, I told the people in the hotel that I'd be back in three years and I'd be able to speak fluent Greek.

So we've never went back. For you, Therian. Have we talked about this? No. So as we were leaving there. They're still waiting for you. We're at the Santa Rina. As we were leaving, I said, I'll be back for my 30th.

And I'll be able to speak fluent Greek. And I looked at it like I was a psycho. And I was like, three years is loads of time. I downloaded one one sort of CD of how to speak Greek I listened to a bit of it and I went I'm out for this thing now I can't go back tiny island I'd bump into the me know I know I'll be here if it yeah yeah I yeah I didn't say anything I think I went along with it I think I said the same because I can speak a little bit of Greek but you, I mean, obviously you just went above and beyond

I remember Katala Venete Katala Venete? What's that mean? I just remember Katala Venete, I don't know what it was See, I just say Katala Venete I don't know what Katala Venete means Something about what's your name or my name is or something like that I don't know, anyway My point is, I can't go back to Santorini

because someone there expects us to be able to speak fully Greek and I don't want to embarrass myself No, let's not. Garry's still. Right. We were pretty much pissed the whole week and spent a lot of time enjoying each other in our apartment, as you do. Sorry, I'm going to have to step in on the phrase enjoying each other. I don't like that at all.

What do you mean? That's an absolutely horrendous phrase. Oh, he's got his pure comedian hat on. No, no. We were enjoying each other, weren't we Marjorie? We enjoyed each other

in the bath and then we enjoyed each other on the bed and then it was night time and you know, you couldn't really

say how about it and you said we enjoyed each other on the bath. Oh George, stop it. Get in the seat. Joied each other.

It is rank actually. That's the worst phrase. No, it's horrible. I would rather they wrote Fuck each other's brains out Right That's more honest And less

Yeah Ugh Joined each other Well they did though They just enjoyed each other Stop it Rudy bits I don't like it

Okay alright We spent a lot of time Enjoying each other Stop it In our apartment As you do And you're still all new And exciting to each other

Don't ask me why But my husband decided It would be a good idea to make a special record of all our fun times by taking quite a few saucy snaps on my digital camera. Got you.

We probably got a bit too into it. There were pictures of things that nobody really wanted to see, including the point of climax, quite explicitly seen. Oh, heavens to Betsy she's put now it makes me feel sick

but that's 10 years of marriage for you oh no but you know what it is they're not doing like no harm they're taking

saucy pics of each other on her camera they're married like you know what I mean anyway okay no they're not married yet but they're enjoying

each other stop it so we returned home and I uploaded the snaps onto my laptop along with all our other holiday pics and then we forgot about them fast forward about five years and we are married and my laptop the same one starts playing up and we mention at dinner with my mom and dad that we're thinking of buying a new one oh no dad steps in to give you some background on dad he loves wires computers

and fixing anything techie sorry he loves wires so why should lead with that read the list again he loves wires computers and fixing anything techie so he's a bit of a techie nerd he just likes like specifically yeah dad my mouse is broken right okay cool where do you plug it in that's a wireless mouse fuck off love he just likes electrical stuff anyway Anyway. That's like saying, that's like saying, my dad is quite a foodie.

He loves cups, plates, and stuff that goes in them. Fucking weirdo. He's also a bit obsessional about things. In their kitchen, all the spices are in matching jars with labels made

on his computer label machine. And the jars are in alphabetical order. I love them. That's nice. I love them. That's fantastic. I would love that,

but I just can't be arsed. You couldn't keep that up? No, never. You couldn't keep that up? No. I promised myself when we moved into this house that they'd never be washing on the floor, like clean washing.

Fuck me. There's more. I know. It's shocking. Got no way to hide it. It's just, oh, oh,

it's disgusting. Anyway, in the wardrobe, he has a separate drawer for coloured, white and patterned T-shirts, It's shocking. Got no way to hide it. It's just... It's disgusting. Anyway. In the wardrobe, he has a separate drawer for coloured, white and patterned T-shirts also labelled with labels from the label machine.

So, you know, this is the bit, right? She skirts over this bit. I love her. We're going to get to the interesting bit but she really skirts over this bit

and this is part of the reason why I've read it because this is fucking weird. Right? He also tracks me and my sister with his iphone on frying friends a lot funny at first but now getting annoying right wow what what how old are they okay that's strange well yeah i mean i like logging into the cameras and telling you what you're doing no but that's fucking no no we'll get to that next week don't

you went out there but you went out there the day and uh i was i was out with boys but i got the thing on my phone saying that you were leaving and i was like have fun just texted like have fun and you were like fuck off horrible i like knowing what's going on nothing happens on here without me saying it awful but would you want your dad to know where you are all the time that's not cool i just can can we just go back to the point that this man has really got his money's worth with this label maker? Yes. Someone bought him that label maker

and they didn't see him for a fortnight. Yeah. They just heard... He was just labelling everything. They are very cool label makers. Bloody love them. So, Dad steps in about the laptop and says he thinks that it's probably just in a bit of a mess.

That there are lots of programmes on it that don't need to be running and would we like him to look at it we agreed having completely forgotten about previously mentioned photos anyway every week mom and dad spent a day hours looking after the kids so a few weeks later i returned home from work and dad proudly told me he'd given the computer a good sort out and that it was running much faster. I tried a few things and it was running great. I was chuffed and said thank you very much and that was that. Later that evening when they'd gone I was on my laptop again and went to save something. I noticed all folders looked a bit different with different names not that surprising knowing dad and his obsession with sorting pointless stuff oh my god i noticed next that he'd had a sort of my

photos too there was now a folder for each year then inside each year a subfolder for each month then in each month more folders such as 21st birthday or graduation oh my word i was having a look through thinking this is quite good i'd forgotten loads of these photos were even there i carried on browsing and clicked on 2007 then on august then i saw it the most horrific thing ever next to a folder labeled santorini that's funny there was another folder entitled Santorini dash private oh my god so not only had my dad been through all the holiday snaps and obviously looked at them in enough detail to know some of them were indeed private private and some were not he had also separated them into two separate and handily

labeled folders just to clarify the private folder included ejaculation shots of my husband's knob and many other equally mortifying close-up shots me and my husband both wanted to die and i've never spoken of it with my parents again i am blown away it's awful i'm blown i tell you i'm mainly blown away by what i'm blown away by the fact that this man is so like turned on by organizing and he's such an organizing guy he had to trawl through those disgusting to separate because they needed organizing hey no i'm not clapping that i'm clapping that i clapping that. That is a man who does a fucking job. That is, wow. That must be awful. And also, how difficult to get a photo mid-ejaculate.

Like, what the hell? That's like trying to catch a hummingbird's wing. Yeah, that is a bit strange, isn't it? So strange. They got very into it, obviously. Jesus. I know, I just think that's awful. Wow.

Awful. So he's organised all the photos, and he's put all the stuff in there. He's put them in the folder, he's given the laptop back yes do you think the next time that they pop round the house

they were having dinner and he just came up with his label maker and just stuck a little label on her that said slag slash daughter slag

slash daughter babadoo babadoo babadoo bah thank you once again for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Marriedried, Annoyed,

which is now part of the ACAS Creator Network. Is part of the ACAS Creator Network. Sorry, you were going to say something again there? I was just going to say, we hope you've enjoyed yourselves. Chris and I have enjoyed each other. Stop it! I don't know why that made... Honestly, it makes my stomach...

It makes us feel a little bit sick when I hear that. It makes us feel a little bit sick. Guys, thank you so much for listening. As always, if you want to get in touch, it's shagbrownnode at gmail.com my 2022 that is actually

happening in 2021 and 22 is still on sale and there are still some tickets left not many they're going fast for the December

dates of the shagged married annoyed arena tour which is something we never thought we'd say when we started this little podcast

from home and as always thank you so much and we'll be back all over your face and taking photos of it and showing my dads next week. See yous later. Bye. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishikesh Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

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