Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 121. One ring to rule them all

Episode Date: June 18, 2021

This week on the podcast Rosie has had some bad news and is improvising with a new instrument, Chris helped push a car up a hill and they both bring some bed time beefs. QFTP's involve food minesweeping, medical students and an unexpected situation involving a fireman, batman and a damsel in distress. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marginoid with me, Sean Connery. Oh. What was that? That was... Oh. One. One. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marginoid with me, Sean Connery. Oh!

What was that? That was... One, it wasn't the normal opening. Two, that was the worst impression of Sean Connery in the history of the world. And three, you have just had a conversation with me about making the beginning slick and professional and getting straight into it. And the exact thing that you fucking said was have Chris just have an idea

of what you want to say don't go erm and do something stupid like just get into it and then you came with that absolute horse shit hello you're listening to

Shagmarianoid with me Rosie Ramsey and I don't want my name on it arse face yeah yeah I'll go by arse face today Christopher Ramsey

I don't want that nah I don't want my name on this episode because that yeah yeah I'll go by arse face today Christopher Ramsey I don't want that nah I don't want my name on this episode because that was whatever honest can we get the Guinness Book of Records right because

is there a worse impression than what she just did shag mariner noise horrendous shag shag mariner noise no you're doing an American accent I am not

I can't do a Sean Connery impression he has gone a bit American though so guess what he's gone a bit dead but guess what is he dead yes did you not know Sean Connery impression. He has gone a bit American though. He's gone a bit dead. But guess what? Is he dead? Yes. Did you not know Sean Connery was dead?

When did he die? Are you serious? I mean, it's been a busy year. But yeah, he died a couple of months ago. When did he die? What, this year? I think it was this year, yeah. Rest in peace, Sean Connery, legend.

Best James Bond ever. He's dead. Oh. Oh, I'm all sad. Did you really know no I didn't know Chris fucking hell big loved anyone else

who didn't know sorry wow oh I hate it when that happens wow oh well this is starting oh well I feel bad doing the impression now

right well I mean you didn't know am I gonna get cancelled probably I mean I said I said he's gone a bit dead that's quite insensitive that was insensitive

well because I thought you knew I didn't know wow hey you want to start this is guys talk about not knowing what to say okay what a cluster this is a disaster go to the sponsors the sponsors always save to be fair the sponsors do always say well guys it is episode one we're keeping we're keeping it in it is episode 121 hey have they lost the love for the pod? Can you remember when they used to fuck it up

and they used to start again? I do remember that. Yeah, do they still do that? Do they fuck it? We didn't know. We had time then. They just sold her on. When we used to do it for free, do you remember?

We had all the time in the world. Just living, oh, hey, now it was a bother. Lark, wasn't it? It was a lark. We're busy now. Guys, it's episode 121. One to one. Wasn't that a phone company? One to one. It-to-one wasn't that a phone company one-to-one it was what wasn't that a phone company back in the day one two one yeah yeah and you'd ring

if you wanted to speak to someone about your phone being shit you'd ring one two one very clever would you really uh yeah i had a one two one sorry which one's the what number's the one that's the other nine nine nine is that one one two that's one one one a or 111 is it one i don't know you know one one one you ring them when you like rave was a bit poorly around one one one yeah but then there's another one that's like there's another one that's kind of like emergency it's like 999 but it's not it's either 121 or 112 i think it might be 112 oh fuck chris i just remember because i rang it once from a phone box because someone said because it was back in the day when i was a kid and i played in the street and i didn't have 10 pence to put in the phone box

to ring 123, the talking clock, to find out what time it was to see what time I had to leave the beach. And someone said, ring, I think it was 112. And the answer, and it was like emergency services. Shit your pants. Well, I asked them what time it was and they were like, that's not this.

And I went, oh, sorry. And then they rang back and they were like, what's happening, where are you? If you've got an emergency, you little twat. Yeah, I was only little. So I put the phone down and just legged it because my mate was like, the police will turn up. I was like, If you've got an emergency, you little twat. Yeah, I was only little, so I put the phone down and just legged it because my mate was like,

the police will turn up. I was like, were you told us to ring them, you twat? Yeah. So, there we go. Honestly, do not ring emergency services

if you've got no emergency. People like you, dickheads. Oh, I was like 10. I was 10 and someone else told us the number. I've never done it. I was at the beach.

I've never done it. Oh yeah, but you've stole from Superdrug, haven't you? Yeah. Stop mentioning that criminal

that's dying welcome to Shagged Married Criminals Shagged and Married a Criminal now I'm annoyed Shagged Married locked up guys it's episode 121

as always we hope you're all okay out there we love yous for coming back thank you so much and without any further ado it is time for this week's sponsor oh god I've just checked. Rosie.

What? I hate it when they do this. What? Oh, what's happened? Come on. They've sent another jingle. What? They've sent a bloody jingle for us to do. Come on then. I can't even. I'm not in the mood. I had a mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm sausages sausages yeah yeah sausages have them a sandwich have them with mash what is actually in them never ever ask sausages sausages sausages have them with a cup of tea or coffee in a flask. But what is actually in them? Don't fucking ask. Sausages. Sausages. Sausages. Eat them in the morning.

Eat them in the night. Which part of the pig is this? It's all the leftover shite. Sausages. Sausages. Sausages. Sausages. Go on. Have a sausage, you fucking slug. That's the... That's the... sausages sausages go on

have a sausage you fucking slag that's the that's the can you believe that that's the slogan that sausages are golden

can you believe their new slogan is have a sausage you fucking slag honestly that's I'll have one I mean it makes

it's a shock factor I think it'll work well done I'll I've broke you haven't I and I absolutely love it do you remember when you you remember

like a year ago when you were too cool for school and you just hated stuff you're writing jingles now that was really good that was sent to me by sausages

sausages sausages so there you go what's in them never ever ask sausages I love it well done thank you thank you I think that makes up so there you go what's in them? never ever ask sausages I love it well done

thank you thank you I think that makes up for the clusterfuck of the beginning yeah sorry about that it also reminded me of did I ever tell you

about when I was at the Edinburgh we'll start properly we'll do the jingle nah it doesn't matter it's only a jingle did I ever tell you

when I was at the Edinburgh Festival and a mate of mine is an Australian comedian I'm not going to name him I know exactly who you mean yeah he went up to the uh there was there was a van there was like a van selling like food and like a food truck and they did like sausages and yeah and my mate was like obsessed with like you know like healthy eating and stuff like that and he went out of the guy he was one of the first he was on the train before everybody else

yeah he was one of the he was one of the first, he was on the train before everybody else. Yeah, he was one of the first to like stop drinking, he stopped drinking milk because dairy farms were bad and then he started drinking soy milk and then he found out that soy milk was deforestation,

was something to do with soy milk so then he went back to other milk, it was fucking exhausting but lovely guy and really fucking funny and he went up to the food truck,

I'll never forget it, he went to the food truck and went, alright mate, what's the pork content in your sausages? What's the pork content? And the bloke serving them was like, what? What do you mean? And he was like, what's the pork content?

What's the percentage? What's the pork content percentage? And so the guy went into the bin and got like the packet of like the sausages and like looked all across this packet. And he was like, 43%? And me mate went, that's fucking disgraceful and just walked off

oh hey pointed that's fucking disgraceful and just walked away oh it was great good times good times miss them days

miss them days indeed here's the jingle there it is there it's in your fucking sausages mate fucking disgraceful we had a fight's the jingle. There it is. Send your fucking sausages, mate. Fucking disgraceful. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle.

So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Jingle! Hello and welcome back you fuckers That was not good as well That was supposed to be Australian That actually went to kind of like New York gangster That went to like Prohibition

I'm so good at accents they all just amalgamate into one You're so shit at accents they all just amalgamate into one Welcome back thank you so much for coming back To this week's episode of Shagged, Married and Annoyed. We're so happy to have you here. We're always happy to have you here. We can't still believe you're fucking here, to be honest,

but we are buzzing about it. I'll second that. But yes, so... How are you diddly-daddly-doodling? I'm really good, man. Can't wait for June the 21st. Oh, wait a second! Oh, hey.

Can't wait for fucking God knows when. Fuck me. Gee whiz. You're anyway... Do you know what's interesting, right? I know we don't want to dwell on it too much, Oh, hey. Can't wait for fucking God knows when. Fuck me. Gee whiz. Yeah, anyway. Do you know what's interesting, right? I know we don't want to dwell on it too much. Guys, can I just say out there, by the way, if you're a bit fucking sick of it and you're like,

oh, God, when's this going to end? Don't feel bad that you're a bit sick of it because we're all fucking sick of it, right? And, you know, don't think you're the only person that's sick of it. No, everything's open and you can do stuff. Yeah, but it's not the same. It's not the same. It's not the same. It's not the same it's not the same

it's not the same but you know what I think is really interesting yeah the way the fucking the way they leak the information

before they say it so that when when he finally comes on the news and tells you you're fucking grounded you go yeah I knew

because who's leaking it they've got one like you fuckers are in charge of our national security how can't you keep a fucking secret? No, Chris, they're doing it to their money.

And you know what? They have us because I am numb to the core. I'm totally numb. They've done one. They've fucking done one. But anyway, I'm not dwelling on it. They're not getting any more of me. I'm just doing what I'm told and you know what? When it's done, they can

they're dead to me. That's a different, that's a different story. Look out for Rosie's, look out for Rosie's new book coming out soon, Political Satire, They're All Dead to Me.

Story of the government and Rosie Ramsey coming soon to, no bookshops near you. No, it'll be on Netflix. Yeah. It'll go straight to Netflix.

Just you shouting. Not the book, honestly, you're dead to me. I'll be outside number 10. You, you're dead to book honestly you're dead to me I'll be outside number 10 you you're dead to me you're dead to me all years

what box am I going to take fucker none of them none of them you're all dead to me anyway looking forward to the votes next year oh yes yes yes

all good let's not talk about that because it just it just winds me up so let's talk about lovely let's just what we're doing next

sorry in short, we just wanted to say we hope you're all alright out there. We hope you're not too frustrated. Big love to the catering and the service and the theatre industry who are continuing to be shafted, but hopefully...

It's hard, isn't it? Let's be honest, though. It's hard because, obviously, it's such an awful thing that's happened and people have lost their lives and I don't think we can ever forget that that's always

the forefront and then it's just the way that it's all been handled and then some certain industries are struggling more than others and it's just really difficult it's really hard

it's been an awful year and I think I personally just want that moment of yes and I think we thought we were getting it and we haven't got it,

but it'll come, I hope. Maybe England will win the Euros. That'll help. That'll be nice. That'll be lovely. It will be really lovely. So there you go. Good luck, England.

No pressure, lads. Oh, fucking hell. Can you imagine the pressure them poor fuckers must be feeling? What do you mean? Well, after the year everyone's had. Now, like, everyone's wanting to watch the football that got postponed.

Yeah. And now it's like, you know, come on, England it's like you know come on England is you know sort of the hope in the come on England chant now must be fucking a hundredfold I mean I'm not being funny I think they must feel it every time

yeah but it's a bit more now I mean we've felt the pressure to try and not be miserable as fuck every week on this podcast big love to all of the England footballers because this must be tough do your best lads yeah

I don't want to sound like your mum but just do your best and I'll be proud of you anyway exactly come on England babadoo babadoo babadoo

bah Sandra's here at the minute always she's been staying over yep she gives us a little night's rest

before the podcast she has a reef overnight which is amazing. So good. Do you know last night? Yeah. We had a couple of glasses of wine. Damn right we did.

People have seen my sexy dancing on Instagram. Yep, very nice. They haven't seen me sexy dancing. When I've had a couple of glasses of wine, I love my kids more. I really do. You get a bit emotional and you're like, oh, I'm so lucky I love my kids so much.

You look at videos of them and get emotional, don't you? Yeah, totally. even though they're in the next room it's ridiculous so rave it was in my mom's room in our house obviously yeah and i got the top of the stairs and i started walking with my mom to her room she went no and i went what she went you're not coming in and you're not saying good night i was like mom no you wake him up you wake him up and then I have to deal with him you do and I was like you honestly

how horrible is that so last night I didn't get to kiss my baby goodnight because Sandra wouldn't let it me's grandma wouldn't let it and he woke up this morning and everything was fine

you did it on Saturday you came in pissed on Saturday and it took me ages to get him to sleep he was full of hell on Saturday and you were coming and you were blooming you came in and you were blooming sm to get him to sleep, he was full of hell on Saturday and you were coming and you were blooming you came in and you were blooming, smooching him

and that in the blooming cot and we woke up there and I had to feed him dead early and I was knackered, you do man when it's not your thing, like so obviously he's with your mum on a night so you're like I'll just say night night, give me his night night pat, Ray, night night Ray, he's awake, how did that happen?

because you're fucking loud and even if you're quiet, it's because. How did that happen? Because you're fucking loud. Bye. And even if you're quiet, it's because you clomp into the room and you clomp out. Oh, for God's sake. For him, it must be like Jurassic Park. You know where the water moves in the car?

Just you fucking clomping through. And you do it when, because you don't do the night feeds, so you're happy to wake him up because you go, oh, well, someone else will deal with it. I'll just go to sleep. Can we just clarify?

Because everyone will think that I'm some sort of shit mom, and I'm not. I don't do the night feeds but I get up with both the kids at ridiculous early o'clock. Yeah, we all know. We all know.

It's on your Instagram. Yeah, we all know. I mean, listen, I feel very lucky to be able to do that. I do, genuinely. We've got a quiet cush day at the minute.

Yeah. If COVID's done one thing, it's made this situation quite nice. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because one of us is all, like, we're still knackered weirdly,

but I think that's just life and work and stuff. But we're a team. But we are a little tag team. High five. Tag teamer. Yeah. But no thank you, Sandra, for not letting us say goodnight to me baby.

Because that affected us for at least a minute. Then I went straight to sleep. Full of red wine. Teeth black. Tongue black. Straight to sleep. Fucking mess. No, no, you're not. You're not coming in. Tongue black. Straight asleep. Fucking mess. No.

No, you're not. You're not coming in. You're not saying goodnight. I'd have done the same. She's with her. But you know I agree with her on everything. I know you do. Honestly, I don't know why I'd have just married my mum.

Because then I'd have had to agree with you on everything and that wouldn't have worked. Fair enough. So there you go. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. I've got some really sad news. Okay. We got an email last week from our editor, Daisy. Is it editor?

Producer. Producer, editor. Director. Wrangler. Yeah. She puts out fires. Keeps us in order. Puts out fires.

I never know. She does everything for this podcast. Takes out stuff we've said that would definitely get cancelled. Yeah. I never know the title, but she genuinely is... Overlord. Yes. Podcast Overlord. Podcast Overlord, Daisy. Sent us an email and she said, yeah i never know i never know the title but she genuinely is overload yes podcast overload podcast overload daisy sent us an email and she said guys listen you're not allowed to play music anymore can't play music so i mean i i remember it i'm i'm i'm when i was told that you can no longer

pick up your laptop like a fucking violin and put it on your shoulder and play tinny laptop music into the microphone. I did do a victory lap round the goal. No, I'm devastated. I got an erection. I was so happy. They were the best bits of the podcast. Ask anybody.

How? Dig. I'm shocked. Ask anybody. Let's poll it. I'm going to poll it. Best bit. But anyway, listen,

I am an entrepreneur. I've come up with another idea. So this is Rosie's Mysteries, but just a little bit entrepreneur. Right. I've come up with another idea. So this is Rosie's Mysteries, but just a little bit different. Right. Okay, here we go. Sorry, is that a... I don't know what it's called. It's from Robin's Room.

As you say, it's from Robin's Room, but it's going to go back in the race room because it's a little bit baby. It's a baby toy. But listen, shush. You'll hear what it is when she starts fucking whacking it. Ready? Yeah.

It's time for... Rosie's Mysteries. Fucking hell. Oh, God. Rosie's Mysteries. That was shit. That was... Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm so shit. That was... Oh, fuck's sake.

I'm so upset about that. I'm so sorry, everyone. That was a... That was a child's glockenspiel that you just heard being murdered. Honestly, the listens are going to go down. Right.

This is going to go to shit. Yeah. Say goodbye to the top five. We're not going to be in that shit anymore. I feel like... No more music. Just give me the glockenspiel here. I feel like it would have been better if you didn't sing over it.

I feel like if you'd have just kept it as a little... Right, well, you... Okay. How did you get that straight away? What are you doing, that one? A, C, E, F. I'm just a musical guy. Well, then I'll do it.

Look, listen. It's time for Rosie's Mysteries. Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. This might actually be better than the last. Sorry, what the fuck am I doing? I've just realised, not only did I do a sausage fucking jingle, because you've broke us. Yeah. You're saying Rosie's Mysteries, which I genuinely still don't really like, while I'm playing

a fucking kids glockenspiel. What the fuck's going on? Welcome to my world. Won't you come on in? I might as well keep going. Yeah, go on. This week's Rosie's Mysteries is nice and short. And fuck for that.

Extremely informative and delicious all at the same time. So if you could just stop the music, please. Just slowly come to it. That was too nice. Oh, dude. So that's too nice. That's sunshine. Rain. It's getting bad. Oh, dude. So that's too nice. That's sunshine. Rain.

It's getting bad. Okay, right, here we go. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hello. I have a brief mystery for my favourite segment, Rosie's Mysteries. Favourite. Idiot.

Years ago, me and my husband-to-be were watching a movie after ordering a pizza. Okay. A couple of crazy kids it was a hot day and he was sat with his shirt off okay like all the dads yeah yeah yeah boiling suddenly he leapt from the sofa in a panic screaming that there was a slug in his belly button sure enough he was recreating the horror scene from the matrix and had a slimy gray lump wedged in his belly button.

Oh my God. I calmed him down and dug out the grey mass. But it was not a slug. It was... Is this the mystery? Mm-hmm. So, one, I don't understand people who just randomly find stuff in their belly button.

You're a filthy pig. Stop it. Absolutely horrific. So, you thought it was a slug yeah it wasn't a slug no well you know my mind goes too straight away which i'm sad about what was it dry spunk oh no when did when have they had spunkies when have they done this he's an absolute pig you might have right okay so you think he's had a little bit of a wank while he's having his pizza watching a movie no probably a couple of days before if he's had a little bit of a wank while he's having his pizza watching a movie? No, probably a couple of days before if he's the kind of person who finds stuff in his belly button.

Oh, right, okay. So you think it's an old, old scram. Dirty, horrible sod. Right. Okay, so it's not a slug. It's not spunk. It can't just be belly button fluff or this wouldn't be a mystery.

You've got... Can you just fucking guess? All right. One guess. All right. Was it a 1993 Ford... Sierra Cosworth? Was it a 1993 Ford Sierra Cosworth? Was it a 1993 Ford Sierra Cosworth?

It was not a 1993 Ford Fiesta Cosworth. Ford Sierra Cosworth. Is that a car? I think so. Great. It was not a slug. What was it? It was a piece of mushroom from his pizza.

You fucking dirty bastard. me his pizza right there you go okay fair enough okay yeah right I didn't see that

I forgot about the pizza see very good I thought you'd have guessed that I really didn't I thought that was going to be really shit why did he go on a slug

what's the matter with him I think he just shit his pants and all he'd done was drop a bit of pizza in his belly I think that was going to be really shit. Why did he go on a slug? What's the matter with him? I think he just shit his pants and all he'd done was drop a bit of pizza in his belly. I think he was pissed. You know, off his face. Oh, God. No, I'll give you that. That was very good.

I enjoyed that. I would say tune in next week for Rosie's Mysteries, but it might not be there. But... Mysteries. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef, you little shit! And you've joined us at a very tense moment

because Rosie has just been sitting, staring at the floor in silence after saying numerous times, Chris, I don't think I have a beef. I know. So that's, I mean, this is exciting. I know, but sometimes... Am I doing better? Have I, what do they call it?

Have I levelled up? Have I levelled up? No, just sometimes. Obviously, this is a very public podcast. And, you know, I don't want to say some of the stuff that really, if we really, really want to get in the nitty gritty of it. Don't. Like, do you know what I mean?

Don't, because they'll be asking for it in their droves. Don't go too, don't go too, you know, too far, too deep. That's what I'm saying. Don't. I don't want to go too deep. It's okay. I'm scared now. I was gloating and now I'm frightened.

No, I've stayed surface level. I was gloating and now I'm frightened. See, exactly. You don't want me to open you up. Oh, Jesus. But I will. Oh, goodness me. Goodness me.

I have got one, though. Okay. I can go first. If you like. Do you want me to go first? You go. Go on, then. If you've just thought of it, you can go first.

My beef with you this week, Christopher, is every night we go to sleep. I think it's been one of your beefs before. You always tell me off. Well, you just kind of annoyingly go, should you be on your phone? Do you not need to get some sleep? And I'm like, well, you're my dad. Do you know what I mean? Like when your dad used to come in your room and go, get your light off.

The thing that I find very irritating about this is that you will one night say it to me, but then for the next six nights you will sit on your phone yeah yeah do as I say not as I do hypocrite I don't have to follow

the rules that I set out because the rules that I set out are for you and the other people who live here Boris? is that you? by the way

I got married the other day and yeah lovely summit where I cuddled everyone that was great come on let's not. Flew to the climate one on a private jet.

I did because I'm a stupid fucking prick. Right. My beef with you, Rosie, is a few nights ago, in the vein of going to sleep, a few nights ago we were sitting on the sofa in the living room, having a lovely little night, finally watching the long waited and extremely incredible so far

Loki yeah on Disney Plus wonderful right love Tom Hiddleston love a bit of Loki great character

you halfway through the episode just as it was getting good erm claimed you couldn't keep your eyes open said I can't

Chris we're gonna have to go but I can't keep your eyes open I'm not gonna have to go I was falling asleep halfway through the eyes open. I'm knackered, we're going to have to go to bed. Halfway through the episode that I'd been waiting for ages to finally watch with you, right? And I'm obviously not going to watch on my own because we're Marvel teammates and we watch it, although you have just gave

us permission to watch Falcon and the Winter Soldier on my own on the train because you don't like it as much. I don't want to. Too late, can't take it back, I'm going to watch it on my own. You said you were, I can't keep my eyes open Chris I'm knackered I'm falling asleep

I can't keep them open so I turned the telly off I turned off Logie that I'd been waiting to watch for ages we stood up we walked outside into the corridor on my way to the kitchen

put a few dishes and things back in shut the door I went in the kitchen put a couple of glasses back in I heard the ripping of cardboard and sellotape uh i came out into the hallway to find you opening two parcels that had arrived uh one was a fucking tissue box and the other was two prints and you took the two prints out you went and put them in another room. You said, Chris, come and look at these. Aren't these lovely? Where do you think we should put them?

I can't keep me eyes open! I can't keep me eyes... I'm so tired! Where shall we put these prints that I've just ripped out of a cardboard box like a fucking bear, right? We then, right, we then went upstairs, right? We went upstairs.

You put your fucking fake tan on for 45 minutes. I had to slather it on your back right as well like I'm you know slather washing a seal

right oh so I had to do all that that is nasty shitty little mitt on I had to do that take that back that's cruel

seals are lovely no I've got baby weight take that back no I wasn't saying you're fat I was saying it was like seals are not a skinny nice animal seals are lovely fucking take it back you I wasn't saying you're fat I was saying it was like seals are not a skinny nice animal

seals are fucking take it back you're a horrible horrible piece of shit sea lion now then right

you then lay next to me in bed when you finally got into bed right started going on about fucking

god knows what probably the prince again or something right then when I wasn't chatting back and I had my eyes shut you had the audacity to say to me why aren't you talking to us let's have a chat

half a fucking loki's downstairs what i want to watch it man i just couldn't keep my eyes open for that i think it was too much to concentrate on awful oh but then you started doing a bloody changing rooms and then blimmin tanning your bloody tanning yourself up, getting ready for fucking as what. Honestly, honestly, can't keep me eyes open. Where should I put these prints? You've seen this box. I'll open these things. Hey, look at this tan. I'll just put this wax on, wax off, wax on, wax

off. What do you think happens when you die? Go to sleep! Fucking sick. Oh, yeah, man. I've got nothing. Yeah, that did happen. That totally happened. I don't know. Just couldn't watch,

couldn't keep my eyes open. Shut up, man. Shut up. It's time for questions from the public. From the public. Public. Public.

Oh, that was a good one. That was a good one, that. I enjoyed that. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, it is shadmoudanoid at gmail.com. Please continue to send all of your wonderful stories and all the rest of it, because we love them. Thank you, thank you, and thank you once more.

Thank you. Hello, Rosie and Chris. Hello. Rosie, are you pregnant? Winky face. No. Fuck you. Why?

Who had they say that dunno whoa I'm not whoa it's rude to ask danger question go back

go back in the womb come back out get brought up better fucking hell wow no I'm not staying back from this one just

overweight imagine asking somebody right emailing in to a complete stranger to an audio medium yeah realistically

if you take Instagram and that out of the equation they've emailed in essentially a radio show are you pregnant you sound fat just crazy you said you were on your period

last week I know I know but I had a baby five months ago yeah but I mean some people do

get pregnant very very quickly but just just a weird weird question I am 100% alright for there being

five months five what nine I'm alright for there being 5 months 5 what 9 I'm alright for there being 14 months between my kids Like fuck No I've seen it done I've seen it done I've witnessed it

Taught me a lot of lessons that Oh god no Taught me a lot of lessons So no I'm not pregnant Fully blown Just enjoying having a baby So what's the best of it That was it

That was it That was it That was the email That was the email Wow With a winky face With a winky face. With a winky face. Winky face.

Are you pregnant? Winky face. Punchy in your stupid winky face. It might be squinting because you've already poked them in the eye. Exactly. That might be it.

Got some other questions here. I should fucking hope so. Hello, Rosie and Chris. Chris, are you pregnant? Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Chris, are you... You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishikesh Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series.

This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health,

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Fantastic. That was fun. Blocked that out. I can barely remember having a broken ankle because I've blocked it out. Yeah, we said we'd laugh about it, and we're at that stage now. Yeah. I didn't think it would happen at the time, but I remember we were crying one night. Yeah.

Because I was obviously, section, new baby, your broken ankle, lockdown. I think I saw a lady break her ankle yesterday I told you about this didn't I I've noticed right I don't know if it's COVID I don't know what it is but people don't

go and help people in the street anymore and it's starting to really fuck us off so yesterday I was in I know what you mean though I do know what you mean

well I was in a little village near where we live and it was outside of the co-op there was a lady walking and she basically went over on her ankle and fell off the curb and I was busy putting Rafe-op there was a lady walking and she basically went over on our ankle and fell off the curb and I was busy

putting Rafe in the car so I wanted to go and help her but obviously the baby's my first priority so I finally got him in the car it took us

what 45 seconds a minute to get him in the car and in that time no one went over so I'm putting him in the car freaking out

so I put him in a lot of cars by the time I walked down the hill thankfully someone came over to help her and I felt bad because she was in agony and she was crying and i was doing that thing where i was asking her like fuck loads of questions and i was like why i was

like are you okay she'd been in shock not being able to talk well it was that thing of where you know when i hurt myself and you go chris what you're doing and i go shut up and then we end up having an argument i can't speak so thankfully she didn't tell us to shut up i hope she's all right whoever she is um but yeah no one really came over to help. And then, you know, the other day when we were going through, that was mad. We were in a traffic jam the other day going to Jesmond in Newcastle. And we realised when we got close at the traffic jam

that the traffic jam was caused by one bloke pushing his fucking car up a hill with his wife sitting in the back. And everyone was just, everyone was undertaking him. Traffic undertaking him. Nobody had stopped. And I don't know if it was a COVID thing, so obviously I got out,

and I helped him push the car up, and I was the only one, and I'm pushing the car, and I went to him, and I went, no, we're going to the gym today, are you?

And he couldn't actually speak, because he was that knackered, because it was up a hill. But I think it might be the COVID thing. I think people don't want to go near people anymore. Well, I'm not being funny. Live a year of your life,

being told not to even cuddle the people who are most precious to you in life it's gonna it's gonna mess you up a bit yeah it's gonna take everybody a little while to get back to just being oh god it's so sad big shout out to the guy who was pushing the car up the hill i mean i literally only helped for the last two minutes because that's the only time so on but fucking glutes are on fire after that like honestly right okay so she's talking the broken ankle yeah yeah shit sorry and there has been a lot of talk recently about mind sweeping we chatted about that a while ago didn't we yep about a month and a half ago when the pubs opened in sunny wales and before the absolute shite weather we had all throughout may i was in the

pub garden with my husband on our first date since god knows when lovely i was casually looking around soaking up the atmosphere and the new freedom following a tough winter whilst my husband went Lovely. Oh, no! and he was dressed quite smart. It's a posh area. Got up from his table, and mind-swept the table next to him that had just departed. Oh, no! Now? Even now? It says, doesn't sound too bad so far. We've all done it, and it's been a hard year. No, we haven't. I've never, never mind-swept someone's table.

Sorry, I have to interject here. It does sound so bad so far, considering the time we're in, it sounds the worst. Yeah, true, true. But you might be double jabbed. You never know. Oh, back then?

Maybe. You might have got one of the early ones. You might be one of the first ones. You might have been vulnerable. So, well, let me tell you this. The table had up until two minutes ago had about six kids at it, all of whom who had just had their tea. The disgusting man had mind swept their leftovers.

No, no. Looking rather pleased with himself, had their tea. The disgusting man had mind swept their leftovers. No! No! Looking rather pleased with himself he took a dirty plate, loaded some chips, nuggets, fish fingers and god knows what else. Kids are gross and I can say that as I have one. They really are. There'll be spit ups and all sorts on there. Then went back to his

table and shared this terrifying snack with his partner who looked equally as pleased and as happy with his haul the pigs the pigs yeah not exactly what you expect from people who usually go to nice little country pubs in a well-to-do area but it just goes to show being posh doesn't mean you aren't minging wow yeah wow so he got up he mind swept their drinks and then he got a plate and mind swept all of the food and sat down yeah fuck I don't know whether

it's genius or whether it's rank it's disgusting is it it's absolutely disgusting well I'm going to tell you something now I was once

at a it was a like a soft play right I think it was like a Charlie Chalk soft play or something and I was absolutely

clamming but I didn't have enough time to get any food it was a very very quick visit before I was going to do something else when robin was little right um and there was twin girls at the next table right the mom and dad ordered them food they didn't touch the food and then they left honestly i didn't eat it i really wanted right i was really i didn't eat it but i really i was like

they haven't touched that honestly honestly, honestly, I was really, I don't know how I would have reacted if you said that. Well, listen, would I admit it though? Oh, I'm a lion. Do you think I had a fish finger or not? No, I don't think you did. I think you would have admitted it. I think you'd tell us.

I think you'd tell us. Why are you looking at me like that? Don't, honestly, if you did, you can't tell us because I don't know if I'll admit it. Why? Okay. It would be like, it would be up there with telling us that you're a full-time smoker. Right, okay. I'd be really disappointed. I a full-time smoker. Right, okay.

I'd be really disappointed. I didn't have a fishing gear. Right, okay. Or did I have a thing? I don't know. You'll never know. I'll never tell you. But that guy who's done that,

who's mind-swept off that table. Yeah. I mean, like, it's not like he's a homeless guy or it's not like he's in a pub, beer garden, drinking.

It's not, do you know what I mean? I'm not saying, but fuck, what a dirty, and you're right, kids like, I've, drinking. Do you know what I mean? I'm not saying, but fuck, what a dirty, and you're right, kids like, I've seen Robin.

It's a kid's plate. Robin will put a chicken nugget in his mouth and then be like, I've changed my mind and just plonk it back on the plate. I can understand an adult's plate if you're going to mind swearing.

You can't, no. No, no. Why? I can't understand an adult's plate. It's just fucking disgusting taking people's leftovers. It's absolutely manky. You don't know their situation.

A mate of mine wanted to try and do it in a hotel once because um the the pizza place that we found it in what away i'm fucking it was carl um we were away somewhere and the pizza place in this area had stopped delivering but other people on the table had had pizzas and the hotel wasn't doing food anymore right and the people stood up and left and he went i'm gonna go and take a couple of slices of that pizza and i was like you can't we had a massive fucking row i was like you can't fucking take pizza i would have i would have but then he kicks off if someone coughs in a restaurant that is 20 fucking yards away maniac i mean i've always kids back to being kids how disgusting

kids are i've always said it kids birthday party if you if it's cupcakes i'll have one now before you put the candles in if it's a main cake cut my slice now before you put the candles in. If it's a main cake, cut my slice now before you put the candles in. Oh, everyone, we're going to cut the cake candles in. Happy birthday. Six four-year-olds. Who wants a slice? Fucking not me, thanks. Not me.

See, I'd hate it. Horrible. I'd just, yeah. Horrible. Maybe not after all this year, but I would have back then. Monkey. Monkey. Did I eat that fish finger

I can't no Chris I ate the fish finger did you really I did you ate a fish finger off someone's table

they didn't touch it you shut up man you did I did they didn't touch it they did not touch their food someone else's food

you stole someone else's food that's fucking horrible that this is worse than stealing from Superdrug this is awful they right They didn't touch it. They did not touch their food. Someone else's food. You stole someone else's food. That's fucking horrible, that. This is worse than stealing from Superdrug. This is awful. Get a Babaduba right now so we can flesh this out off of here.

Honestly, it was lovely. It was nice. They didn't eat it. They didn't touch it. I would have been fuming. Pig. Pig. Thief.

Pig. Disgusting. Greedy. Pig. Yeah. Thief. Pig. Disgusting. Greedy. Pig. Yeah. Babadoo babadoo bab. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bab. Dear Chris and Rosie,

in the very, very early stages of a relationship, my friend declared that her new boyfriend was 100% the one. So, she decided it would be best to prepare for the future. You're not going to believe this. What happened? Did he steal some food off someone's plate in a soft play and then she realised he's not the one. He's a pig. Is that what happened? Possibly.

She created an additional Instagram account using his last name so she can save the username for when they get married. Oh! Oh! Oh! Wow! A fucking nutter.

Listen. We all got the notification saying your Facebook friend is now on Instagram as dot dot dot. He blocked her and they haven't been in touch since. Oh. Oh, hey. oh hey tell you what do you not do you not think though do you that's plain hard to get for you do you remember when you had a boyfriend at school or if you had a crush i don't i don't

remember when i had a girlfriend okay fair enough okay a girlfriend maybe you didn't do this this might be a female thing i don't know when i had boyfriends at school or whatever i would sign my name with their last name right everybody did it i don't i put my hands up i don't care right eight fucking pinch fingers of kids plates and i used to sign my ex-boyfriend's name so i think this is the modern day version of that right okay okay it sounds worse but I don't know if it is. I don't know. So did she, let's just get this straight.

She got the Instagram account so that no one else could get it. Right. Yeah. So she, so she got it like to go like, like getting a car, like a private car reg,

like I'll get that so no one else gets it. Fucking psycho. She should have done it and she kept it secret. Yeah. But obviously she didn't realize that everyone gets a notification

absolutely fantastic wow wow what was the and he ran a mile well I well it was the Instagram account

with his surname and her first name and the image was just her in a wedding dress we've been going out a week and I've got your surname and I want to eat your poo

Hey Babadoo babadoo babadoo Hi Rosie and Chris I'm a midwife Yes So please keep me anonymous Listening to this week's episode With the naked dad in the birthing pool

Reminded me of something I heard once at work Oh Pretty The baby had been born with the naked dad in the birthing pool reminded me of something I heard once at work. Oh! Brittle, brittle. Love it. The baby had been born and I was getting ready to do the mum's stitches. I was explaining to her what I was going to do and told her that she had a small tear in her perineum.

Oh, God. Fucking freaks me out when people tear when they have babies. I've said this before. Like, to the point of... Because I haven't had a natural, I had labour but I didn't get to the pushing part but I totally understand because labour was horrific and

to me just the fact that somebody goes just cut cut my vagina open because it hurts that much My arms have all gone tingly. It's insane isn't it Honestly, we're amazing. I'm so proud to be a woman.

Anyway, this is very a girl power podcast. I didn't mean it to be, but it's just incredible what women go through. We'll have a sausage jingle. You've done well as well. We'll always have that, lads. We'll always have that for you. Well done. A perineum bee in the gooch, by the way. So she tore a gooch.

Well, listen. Just listen to this, okay? She clearly wasn't quite sure what I was talking about, so I said, that's the bit of skin between your vagina and your bottom. Yes, the gooch. She still looked a bit confused, and she glanced at her partner who, before I had a chance to explain any further, said, you know, love, the chin rest.

The twits. That's gross, isn't it? Great. Recognition and understanding flooded her face and she was happy for me to carry on. Oh, the chin rest. Why didn't you see? Is that what I've told

absolutely great very funny this goes on as well this is another one where they leave the actually the best bit to the end

just skirt past it so chin rest is the story that they thought to tell and now there's something else and then it says

PS I nearly wrote in a few weeks ago too when you were discussing sex flannels etc I was at a home birth once years ago and the bathroom including the only toilet I nearly wrote in a few weeks ago too when you were discussing sex flannels etc. I was at a home birth once years ago and the bathroom, including the only toilet, was at the top of the stairs. There was no door on the bathroom but it was just the mum and dad, me and another midwife in the house.

And the mum was planning to birth in the living room downstairs so that wasn't too much of a big deal. Sorry to interrupt here but... What? which is a big deal. Sorry to interrupt you, but... What? Working from home this past year has took the shine off a bit, relaxing in your own house. Uh-huh.

I could not fucking enjoy my living room if that had happened in my living room. And you could see that. It would totally take the shine. Honestly, I'd have to watch Telly in the Shed. It would just take the shine off me. Do you know what I mean? Do you get what I mean,

guys listening, right? Oh, this is where you nearly died. You can't relax. You can't relax as much in your house when you've been working here all day. Sometimes, you know,

if you're working from home, you've got to go for maybe a walk and decompress and then, you know, work in just one room of your house. You know,

some people don't have that luxury and it takes the shine off where you work and where you're like, fucking, oh, do you want to sit down and watch Loki? Oh, yeah, do you want to sit in the seat where i ripped the chin rest or

shall i sit in it well it's usually in the pool listen it's not my cup of tea but i can totally understand why people do it yeah some people are really anxious about hospitals some people just want to have it really not some people are very laid back you're not a laid-back person so that's not your cup of tea but you've got to be understanding what people want and people love it you never know it could happen and you might be like this has been amazing you know but it's not my cup of tea personally i don't like having people around for how much i've got to tidy up yeah i don't like having a barbecue because i can't i can't relax because i know how much tidying up there is yeah yeah oh jesus anyway anyway that

aside right okay each to their own. So it was just them in the house. My colleague nipped up to the loo. After she had been there for a minute or so, the dad called up out to her, oh, there's no loo roll up there. We'll just use that towel that's on the side of the bath. Fuck off.

Needless to say, I made sure I had tissues in my pocket when I needed to go myself we just would just use that towel like we live in the 1920s

there being no loo roll is a really easily rectifiable thing but you know you just go and get some loo roll

or you just get some from the shop or you just put some there or you get some tissue or whatever but there's no loo roll we haven't bought any more

we haven't stored any more we've just given in and we just use that towel on full display on the side we we communally

use that towel what's he using so he's wiping his arse with it I just think if he'd on the side of the... We, we communally use that towel. What's he using it for? So he's wiping his arse with it. I just think if you'd run out of the loo roll and obviously his partner's given birth. They've got other things on their mind.

You'd be like, well, having to use that towel. I'm so sorry. Like it's rank, but whatever. No, it's the we use that. We just use. No, there's no just.

There's no just. Yeah. Oh no, it is sorry. We just use. Take the word we off. There's's no just. There's no just. Yeah. Oh, no, it is, sorry. We just use. Take the word we off. There's no toilet roll. There's no loo roll. Just use that towel on the side of the bath.

Still minging. Yeah. We just... Hey, be one of us. Join the gang and wipe your crack with that towel that's touched all of our cracks. Oh, it'll be absolutely stinking.

Imagine. Why is there no door on the toilet? What the fuck's going on with these people? Chris, they wiped their arse with a towel. Of course there's no fucking door on the toilet. They don't give a shit. There was a door, but I wiped my arse with it so much it corroded. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Hi Rosie and Chris.

Only started listening a couple of months back, but I'm now up to episode 50 as I can't stop listening every time i get the chance this is quite this is from a while back okay jess's medical stories have prompted me to send you this i know i love them jess i think i think jess got a bit worried about getting in trouble at work she became too famous on the podcast yeah i understand it do you know what i mean she's got to save her job like she would have got found out because those were epic stories and people would be like i was there jess yeah you're called jess it's jess so anyway i am a firefighter in the

south of england and i have a story from an incident i attended in my first year of service which had me crying with laughter and when talked about in the station still makes us all chuckle cool please keep this anonymous due to confidentiality thank you for your service by Cool. Thank you for your service, by the way, Mr. Feynman. Good on you. Thank you, Mr. Feynman. Oh. spoke to the neighbour who said they could hear the female of the property shouting for help but couldn't raise her in the telephone and couldn't get in the house. We tried to access the door but all locked

just double checking. All windows were shut with curtains closed. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. So completely closed, sealed off box. Yes. We shouted through the letterbox but the female just kept shouting, help I am upstairs. Not knowing what the problem was we

decided to break entry through her lower panel of the front door and make our way upstairs what we were greeted to was not expected the female was like tying to the bed completely naked and looked somewhat embarrassed so we covered her over and started untying her as we did she said can you help my husband? Not seeing or hearing the husband we wondered where he was. When asked the female states he was in the wardrobe. This puzzled us as we looked at the bottom of the bed the wardrobe was lying against the foot of the bed at an angle. As we approached we could see there was a hole in the top and looked in to see a pair of feet and a pair of hands.

What? With the doors pinned shut by the bed due to where it came to rest, we lifted the wardrobe upright and as we did, the husband fell out of the doors, semi-conscious. Sorry. We checked him over and he started to come round Everybody saving well although very embarrassed What I have not yet mentioned

Is that the husband Was dressed as Batman It looked like the husband in Batman had fallen through the top of the wardrobe as he was about to jump off. I thought he was hiding in it and it fell over. He fell over. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Help! Fucking wonder. He was going to jump off the top to rescue the naked damsel in distress but ended up crumpled up

in a u-shape at the bottom of the wardrobe so he fell so that's why they could see his feet and his hands

because he fell in like a like a like a hogtied yeah yeah yeah he fell through he was trying to jump off the wardrobe like Robin does.

Off his drawers and that. This is my thing, okay? We're married, Chris. We're married. Got kids and that. We're going to be together hopefully for the rest of our lives. Sex life at some point might... As long as you stop stealing fish fingers or people's plates.

Well, there you go. I'll try. Sex life might become stale at one point as long as you stop stealing fish fingers or people's plates well there you go I'll try sex life might become stale at one point okay what leads people to do this I'm absolutely alright for that like honestly

I'd rather never have sex again than dress as Batman and jump off the wardrobe onto the bed and save me tied up I'd rather chop me dick off

absolutely ridiculous absolutely fucking ridiculous what are you doing I don't know how people get to this point how fucking boring do you get like sex is good on it's own like it's really good what are you doing i don't know how people get to this point boring do you get like sex is good on its own like it's really good what are you doing like if you're sick i mean again i hate to be judging people but for fuck's sake if the firemen have to be called to rescue you from one of your sexual antics maybe fucking dial it back a bit

yeah a bit maybe get some stepladders if you want to be Batman and jump off high stuff. A table. A fucking wardrobe, you idiot. I'm a bit disappointed that she wasn't dressed as Catwoman. I mean,

she might have been, but he might have took all the clothes off first. You don't know. But she could have been, I mean, don't just pick Cat, she could have been Poison Ivy,

she could have been anyone. There's a lot of, there's a lot, she could have been Harley Quinn, you know, let's not typecast her as Catwoman here. I don't get the tying up thing don't get it

I'm arried for that I'm absolutely fine for that yeah yeah Chris you don't know give her 20 more years why are you getting tied up

because you want to knock the hand away if the you know start hurting I don't know maybe people like her I don't understand oh Chris

all I know is you know the dark knight didn't rise that night did he he didn't very that night, did he? He didn't. Very embarrassing. He didn't.

He crumbled into the wardrobe instead. Fucking hell, what an idiot. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Dear Rosie and Chris, long-time listener, first-time emailer. Love that. Please keep me anonymous as I am a doctor, so wouldn't want my patients knowing

what embarrassing situations I had to go through to get to that position. Yes. I know, I just, I love it. I hope you all enjoy it as well. Like, it's just, this is really interesting. You know the eight o'clock clapping for the NHS that we used to do? Yeah. Mine was nothing to do with the pandemic.

Mine was to thank them all for all the things they've said into this podcast. That's what mine's for. Thank you, please keep writing. Yeah, my clap was for every medical professional who has, who has bent the rules a bit and sent in disgusting stories for this podcast. You keep on going, was. Thank you. Please keep writing. Yeah, my answer was for every medical professional who has bent the rules a bit and sent in disgusting stories for this podcast. You keep on going, we'll love you. I love it.

So, during medical school, we had a wide mixture of different teaching sessions, most of which ranged from the extremely boring biochemistry slash general science lectures, yawn, to slightly more fun anatomy and pathology teaching. Wow. However, the highlight of every week was our clinical skills session. In these

sessions we are taught how to do the essential skills needed to be a doctor, such as how to take blood samples, how to stitch up wounds and what you would have, what would have been Rosie's favourite, how to insert male and female catheters. However, one week in our second year we were invited to a slightly different session a session to teach us how to do breast examinations this involved going into a room with four other students and learning the technique of performing breast examinations for lumps and bumps a very important skill yes and you don't realize like doctors they have to learn well

because we did the act you know how they have actors to do stuff yeah they also have people that they do the examinations on to learn how to do it right wow you get paid for a day to go and get your book handled so listen to this these sessions were run by expert tutors who were not only experts in how to make sure you didn't miss anything unusual but were in fact the patients themselves right and so had their own breast examined by the whole medical school year an unusual job title but hey you know it's necessary they need to know what to do it's you don't know these little things exist i love that this is so interesting yeah the following I know how to weigh boobs weigh I'm ashamed of you sorry you're meant to be doing the Hammersmith Apollo

for your first kickback that was fucking horrific honestly no wonder they've never had you on QI well I think after hearing that they'll be making a call the following year we were invited to a different session which was a bit more intimate the title of the session was gynecological

examination and smear testing you guessed it the very same tutors entered the room and proceeded without being too graphic to allow each one of us to examine them whilst being watched by other members of our year group and giving pointers during the examination regarding things like how much pressure to use etc a very strange experience and one that is made even more awkward by being the only male in the room it's just so interesting i just think it's like imagine if that was your job yeah i teach people how to do these things just by on me on me like that's insane i love it it's great whilst this may seem strange it is actually a very common occurrence in medical school and is something that happens all across the country with different expert

patients teaching in different medical schools without this teaching it would make it much more daunting doing it for the first time so hats off pardon the pun to the tutors absolutely however there is a rumor going around the medical school that there is a similar expert tutor who does exactly the same role however this is a male patient who runs the pr exam session which involves putting a finger up the bum into his rectum to feel the prostate and the rumor is that there was only one teacher who runs a session for the whole of the uk fuck off touring all the different schools jesus this is not quite the rolling stones to it not quite the rolling stones our medical school luckily provided us with plastic models to protect to practice this particular examination so i can't confirm or deny

if it's true sorry Sorry, sorry, sorry. There's a rumour going around that there's one bloke who goes round and teaches everyone how to do the prostate. There's a rumour that there's one man in the country who goes around... One man. ..and every single medical student in the UK... Is that the finger up his...

..puts the finger up his arse. I mean... I don't think it's true. in the UK, puts the finger up his arse. I mean... I don't think it's true. I think medical school, right, it's still... I think it's a little rumour that's going around.

I don't think it's true. I'm going to say now I think it's bullshit. I feel like, if there was one, I feel like it'd have been on Celebrity Big Brother or something by now

do you think I'm the medical student but surely they need to know how to do that as well though yep I just love that they've turned it into

this one blog that goes around I mean I'm not gonna have to have my two imagine how he fucking feels it's not yeah oh god

hey they were a bit rough right where's the next one where's the next one Carlisle how many hours in the car four oh fuck It's not. Yeah. Oh, God. Hey, they were a bit rough. Right, where's the next one? Where's the next one? Carlisle. How many hours in the car? Four. Oh, fuck.

Go slowly over the speed bumps. He won't be able to sit down, will he? You can't be doing that as a job. That can't be your job. There's absolutely no way. There's one. Like, if there's does no one look at the staff sheet and go shouldn't we hire another guy no no he's up for it he's fine

he does all his travelling he hasn't got a family he likes living on the road all he asks for is a bag of ice at each location no way that's true yes a little half an hour before we start I love rumours like that

so there was a rumour in my school again I've always heard it but it's never happened when I first went to the comprehensive school there was two rumours

well two things that I used to talk three things that I used to talk about all the time I said your BCG when you got your BCG injection

everyone would punch you in the arm and it would hurt and it was like the worst pain in the world getting this injection and people would punch you in the arm and it would hurt and it was like the worst pain in the world getting this injection and they would punch you in the arm and people had massive big purple fucking scarves.

The other thing was saying that they would flush your head down the toilet. Bullies would flush your head down the toilet. It never happened. And the other one was saying that because you were going into the comp you had to get a medical and you had to get naked

and they would hold your bollocks and you had to cough. That's for the army, isn't it? But they used to say that I had to do that's for the army isn't it but they used to say that i had to do it at school and i remember being terrified because i used to walk to school with the lads who were two years older than me i think they're having you but it was like yeah they grab your balls and they make you cough but i i've heard it sort of rumored but it's never ever happened i don't think they'd be allowed to do that no why did they do that anyway i don't

think they do that anymore but why did they do that i don't know they used to do it sounds like a wind-up no but there'll be there'll be a reason for it but anyway there was a question at the end of this right all right my question is if you had to get a part of your body examined every day by hundreds of medical students for your job what would it be it wouldn't be me i'll tell you that right now honestly if I had to do a list if I had to do a list arsehole and holding the end of the tiddler

would be right at the bottom of the list they wouldn't be on the list at the bottom of the list it would say PT and on the other side of the page they'd be on there

yeah fucking no what would I have oh like me hand yeah hand would be quite good something

like there's no way there's one person there's no i can't stress enough there is no way that there is one person it's a salacious rumor it was the communal arsehole for the entire country there's no look everyone's got a bum so come on give the lad a day off there's no way i can't have i won't have it i will not have it fucking lord of the rings what lord of the ring one ring to rule them all one ring to find them one ring to bring them all in the darkness bind them i tell you what though he must be proud of himself though it's not real he's doing a great service it's not real there's no way I feel like I would have

known about him by now I feel like he'd be semi-famous Chris I didn't know about that I feel like you'll have a book out did you know that that happened in medical school did you know that

they came in and taught them what to do I didn't know that I suppose that is interesting but yeah there's no one ring to rule them all

there's no fucking way there's no way oh bless him thank you once again for listening to this week's episode of Shagmode Annoyed which is now part of

the Acast Creator Network we'll probably take the now out I think we're just part of the Acast Creator Network we're here we're here to stay

we're not gone anyway we are part of the Acast Creator Network guys as always if you want to get in touch at shagmodeannoyed at gmail.com

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