Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 122. Hack Guy

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

On this week’s podcast Robin has a new name for Chris which isn’t going down well and Rosie is feeling on the tired side. The pair discuss Love Island, crisp facts and why Rosie wouldn’t do the Masked Singer. As well as this, paramedic Jess returns and Robin makes a cameo, enjoy!  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, you're listening to Shag, Marry, Denoy. Not to be confused with Snog, Marry, Avoid Got you which was on the telly a while back Oh, I thought it was coming back for a second there I got excited I would have loved if it came back it was a great programme

but a lot of people say I listen to your Snog, Marry, Avoid and I go, I disagree and I go, yes, thank you I disagree Oh, I hope you say that Oh no, sorry did I not say I disagree? No, no, no Did I say I disagree? Yeah, thank you. I disagree. Oh, I hope you say that. Oh, no, sorry. Did I not say I just agree?

No, no, no. Did I say I disagree? Yeah, but I get that. All right. No, I just agree with them usually. Well, yeah, because if someone's shouting, I listen to your snog, marry, avoid, then you can disagree

because they don't listen to your snog, marry, avoid because that isn't the thing. Yes. Like I've said before, the amount of people who still see it in me and watch your podcast. I know. Do they think that your Instagram is our podcast? Because I'm not. not i'm not featuring much in that i don't know i don't know

chris but a lot of people see i watch a podcast and i go well i don't think you do got you actually yeah got you got you because um yeah i i don't know i can't even think of anything to you can watch podcasts joe rogan does the whole video one you know you can watch them but not ours so I think they're lying but I don't

think I'll do that I'll listen to your darts match do you know what I mean darts would be bad on the radio darts would be

terrible on the radio so would snooker snooker would be bad although no because you could commentate

I suppose everything would be I suppose but come on snooker on a black and white telly that's bad oh yeah i uh did i ever tell you about uh someone i knew at college their dad uh he was a newcastle fan and watch a newcastle match and if newcastle were on the telly he'd get really buzzing that they were on the telly because he

didn't have skies so they're regularly on tv then he'd sit and watch them on the telly and he'd get too nervous and he'd have to go upstairs and listen to on the the radio. And I'd be like, what are you doing? And he'd be like, oh, I get it. He was a lovely bloke. You guys were on the football team. Football, yeah. But he was like, oh, I can't. He was like, when it's on the telly, I can't.

I get too jumped up and hyped up about it. So he had to go upstairs. And it's not on the radio, even if it was on the telly. Wow, football, it's a bento, isn't it? Crazy, isn't it? But it was just that degree of separation, I think, where if he's not watching it with his eyes, he can listen to it and be lying down and be like,

fucking breathing exercises or something. Crazy. Well, it with his eyes, he can listen to it and be lying down and be like, fucking breathing exercises or something. Crazy. Well, it's like when, well, it's like podcasts. I remember when I used to go

to like a little singing lesson or like a little drama club, my dad would take us and he'd sit in the car and listen to talk radio. Right. Like the sports ones. Yeah.

Talk sport. Talk sport. Is that the name of it? Yes. Right, that's the one. He'd listen to that in the car. Why are you so suspicious? I just didn't. is that the name of it yes right that's the one you'd listen to that in the car so suspicious is that the name of it it's final answer that's the one and i never understood that he would sit in the car for an hour with not with nothing other than just listening

people to talk about sports but then you know I sit in the car for hours on end listening to people talk all time that's also because you were a kid and you thought an hour was a long time yeah

and I thought just listening to people talking was shite yeah have you ever noticed how fast time goes when you look at the clock and you go

I've got to pick him up from school in an hour the time differential that hour becomes minutes yeah it is you've got to be there it really is yeah

days are short Chris days are short but the years no the years days are long but the years oh I can't remember someone told us a there it really is yeah days are short chris days are short but the no the years are days are long but the oh i can't remember someone told us a good thing the days are long but the years are short but the days are only long when the kids are with you when the kids aren't with you the days are short as fuck actually at school when the when he is at school our day is like it's on fast forward yeah it's absolutely but when he's with you you're like that must be three hours of activities oh my god it's still half six in the morning oh don't even don't even get us started about like half six in the morning that would be nice yeah haven't seen that for a while so if

you're not familiar with rosie's instagram um if you don't if you don't watch her on the instagram um then basically uh i'm doing the night feeds at the moment. Night feed. Night feed. He's down to one feed. And it's actually really close to when we go to bed. No, last night it was one o'clock in the morning. One o'clock and a quarter past two he took us. Was it actually?

I need to check this. I feel like you could just be spinning a yawn. Well, no, but you can't check it, right? Because then what you're going to do is you're going, well, I was up as well, checking you. So you've got to get up early. You don't get the line. So Rosie's basically on the get-ups. And now then rave will throw a massive big rave shaped spanner in the work and get himself up at half five yeah and baby wake his brother up at the same time

robin's just like no concept of time no you could tell you could tell robin it was you know 70 past you know 11 and he'd be like okay good what does that mean he'd be like it just means go back to sleep but he won't go back to sleep because he's a child. Anyway, we have rambled on. It is episode 122. Guys, thank you so much for coming back. Thank you so much for listening. Rosie is tired but she's going to perk up and we're going to have a lovely little time

aren't we? How do you suggest that I perk up? Dunno. Just cheer your fies up. Cheer your bracket up. I've had three coffees and a chocolate mousse. That's it. And I feel low as a dog. Why have you lumped a chocolate mousse in with your caffeine there?

Because it's like sugar. Spiky. Spike of sugar. Spike of sugar, yeah. Oh, good. Good. Look forward to that sugar dump. That'll be excellent.

Listen, you know what? This week's sponsor, Rosie, is right up your street. Is it this week's sponsor Rosie is right up your street is it this week's sponsor is right up your street what is it are you feeling a bit down a line of coke

wow I'm only joking I don't touch drugs as someone who's never touched drugs in her entire life Rosie Ramsey that was a joke coming from nowhere

I know what the drugs do you've been watching the adult films again you've been watching Johnny Depp Scarface or Blow or something have you been watching some naughty stuff no but I know what the drugs do. You'd be watching the adult films again. You'd be watching Johnny Depp or Scarface or Blow or something if you'd be watching some naughty stuff.

No, but I know what the drugs do. I know that the coke takes you up and the heroin brings you down. I couldn't think of anything worse than listening to a podcast of someone who just took some coke. It would be horrendous. Would it? It would be the worst thing in the world. It's the most self-indulgent rant that you will go on,

just talking about yourself. Well, you know that loads of people thought I had a really bad coke habit not long ago didn't you because i've got a twitch where i sniff oh and so yeah i used to go to parties people people would be like are you on coke i feel like no i've just got us like no that's so rude i've got a twitch and now you've made it now you've made me twitch worse so actually i'm gonna have to go home because everyone thinks i'm off me fucking face where i've just got a facial twitch. I've been at a party before just buzzing, just chatting away and excited. And someone said,

How are you, man? Like, share it out. And I've gone, what? And they're like, yeah, give some. And I'm like, what? And they're like, some coke for that. I'm like, no, I'm just buzzing, man. Like, this is just me.

I'm just excited. That is genuinely just you. You're just having to be on a night out. But listen, Rosie, listen, right? Listen. Come on. This week's sponsor. Oh, yeah.

It always takes it back to this sponsor. It's Taylor Mayfield. You know, pay the bills. It's Taylor May he always takes it back to this sponsor you know pay the bills take it back now y'all am i allowed to sing still uh i don't know i know i can't play music but can i still sing i don't know i mean you know what you know as much as i love your singing you know um probably don't just to be legally just to keep legally safe all right so probably don't do it there were days when the wind was so cold. Okay, I'm done. It was just like in my brain.

Okay, this week's sponsor is right up your street. Listen, listen. This week's sponsor is Wishing You Were a Cow in a Field. Hey, hey, life getting a bit much? Society and human interaction getting a bit stressful? Absolutely. We've got too many emails piling up? Don't you just

wish you were a cow in a field honestly no stress no you're already making the noises i'm morphing i'm morphing it's better let me sell this idea to you right no stress no worries just eating stuff that you're standing shit on just standing on your dinner do you not find it weird that cows and sheep just stand on the dinner and then they just eat off the floor that's like our house

being made of crisps do you know what I mean what flavour not a care in the world just standing just standing on the stuff that you're shit on and that you eat

not a care in the world and hey hey if you're lucky if you're one of them type of cows every now and then someone will come round and have a little play

with your tits won't they nice couple of questions okay shoot shoot If you're one of them type of cows, every now and then, someone will come round and have a little play with your tits. Won't they? Ooh, nice. Cow in a field. A couple of questions. Okay. Shoot, shoot. Is the field north or south facing?

Oh, south facing. Beautiful. Yeah. West would have been better. Nice. Why didn't you give us that option? I don't know. You're a fucking nautical fucking captain.

Why am I being asked where the field's facing? Listen, do you want to be a cow in a field or not? I do. I've got one more question. All right, what's the next question? Is it on a motorway? Is the field on a motorway? Because I feel like that would ruin the whole experience of being a cow in a field.

It's landlocked in by other fields. Sign me up. Your honour. Sign me up. I was cycling today and I looked at a cow and I was jealous of the cow. Oh yeah. I was like, fucking,

you're a lovely fucking piece of shit. Yeah. I'd probably rather be a horse. Look, stop it. Right? Horses and Fields

is a completely different company. We're going to get in trouble. They live longer and they probably, you know, they're a bit healthier, a bit fitter. How dare you?

Fat shaming cows? Are you fat shaming cows? Are you fat shaming cows? Can you tell we live in the country now because of our frame of reference as cows? Can we just say that's probably a thing? Fat shaming of cows. Trigger warning. Trigger warning.

I fat shamed a cow. Cancel them. Get that fucking jingle on so I can slag something else off. Come on. I'm not scared. Yes, the jingle. The jingle. We had a fight about the jingle.

Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle So this is the jingle, jingle We hope you like the jingle, jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married and Annoyed. We're so glad to have you back, as always. As always.

We love having you back. I feel like we need to calm down because we did go a little bit silly there in the intro. I think we got carried away. I just got really happy at the thought of being a cow in a field. Told you. I told you. What a lovely life. Just too much going on now. It's weird because the whole, like, people are like, when stuff started getting back to normal,

I saw, like, posts going, like, if you've got anxiety about it getting back to normal. And part of us was like, no, man, like, when stuff started getting back to normal, I saw like posts going like, if you've got anxiety about it getting back to normal. And part of us was like, no man, come on, let's get back to normal. But I do get it. Like as more work's flying in and stuff. But I was on the train the other day. I'm currently, guys, I'm so sorry.

I hate it when I have to do this, but I'm currently filming something that I can't fucking tell you what it is. Didn't have to tell me. That's the, well, I was on my way back from filming it. All right, I don't hate it. I like doing it I like showing off right

and everyone listening fuck you right I like leaving you in the dark I'm joking I no I'm just saying it would have came out sooner or later

that I'm doing a thing I'm not allowed to say can I just tell them what please let me just tell them alright come on then what are you going to make up that I'm doing

Love Island Chris is in Love Island this year I would give my fucking right knacker I would give my right knacker to be a a, a paid holiday when every other fucker's got a quarantine

get me in that villa right now get me in that villa, I've already been doing I've been on the bike and that, I'll not look as fat and horrible as I would normally look against all them guys you'd fit right in this year what always confuses me about Love Island is where they cut to them doing weights in the garden in the sun, and I go, that's not a holiday.

No. What you's doing, man? But that's how they keep it up, isn't it? Nah. Then they wear white pants on a night, and I go, come on, this... Come on, lads. One of yours is going to shit yourself.

Come on. White pants. Are we going to watch it this year? Might as well. Although then again, seeing people on holiday, I think I'll cry my eyes out. I will get jealous. The only reason I haven't watched it

for the last few years is the sheer keeping up with it. It's on every night. Yeah, I mean, you get your money's worth when it comes to Love Island. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, but we've got two kids.

It's not aimed at us, Rosie. It's not aimed at people with two kids who can't even get five minutes Used to be, didn't it? Yeah, back in the day. Anyway, so what I was saying was massively top secret show that I'm doing

that I'm far too important to tell any of you fuckers about. Wow. Basically, I was on was massively top secret show that I'm doing that I thought it was important to tell any of you fuckers about. Basically, I was on there from joking. So I didn't tell you this. I wrote this in my phone and I saw it today. I think people have, I think we've already mentioned this,

that people have kind of forgot how to function in society because of, you know, when the first lockdown was lifted and everyone on the road was driving like a total tit. Yes. Because people hadn't driven for ages.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I notice it in shops and stuff i noticed like some customer service seems to have gone up the shit every bit because people's just everyone's just used to shouting at people for not being distant and not having masks on i agree a guy the other day on my train back from london loudly on the phone sent a voice note to an employee informing them that they didn't get the promotion that they'd applied for really in the middle of the fucking train

oh no it was mortifying so what like was it a man or a woman it was a man of course it was a man he was sitting there he was just like

yeah hi Louise yeah just wanted to send you this just so you hear it before you hear it from the grapevine or anyone else we loved your interview we think you're a great part of the team no you didn't but you hear it from the great fan on anyone else we loved your interview we think you're a great

part of the team no you didn't but you know this was the worst bit we can't you know we're just not we don't think you're right

for the promotion at this time I'm paraphrasing this bit but then he was like we have given it to Gary so Gary has got it so I wanted to tell you

before you hear it from Gary and I was just like I was looking and another bloke was looking across and he was looking at me and a woman behind the guy and we were all like it felt like a trigger happy tv like hello yeah he was fucking loudly letting everyone on the train hear the basics the smackdown of this poor lady not getting i couldn't believe it i couldn't look at him for

the rest of it i was mortifiedified. I hate when they say that. Like, we loved you, well, obviously not. Yeah, yeah. Not enough, though, did you? Look, we're massive fans, but we fucking hate you. Yeah. That's such a... Poor Louise.

Louise might listen to this. I'm paraphrasing. It might not be her name, but it was... Honestly, it was mortifying. Imagine finding that out by a voice note. Like, just email us. I just... Or send us a text.

Like, I do quite like voice notes because I hate speaking on the phone but at the same time I actually this is something that I need to find out I could probably just google it

and I don't know why I'm saying it on here but I want to get that thing where you can just talk and it'll write a text out for you your phone already has that oh does it

are you actually crazy I thought it was an app does my phone have that what is it called it's called messenger what do you mean it's in your messenger

Jesus no but I don't want a voice note I don't want it to be my voice I want it to like dictate I'm going to send you one now right

okay right I've got airplay mode on right okay I'll turn it off see that little microphone there yes yeah ready

yeah yeah yeah go on Rosie your phone can type out text as long as you talk proper. Right, okay. Has that done it for you? Oh, my... What? Oh, my...

That's mental. That's... You are everyone's nana. You never knew that. Oh, my... No, I didn't know that. I didn't... Oh, I've wanted that for years. Yes!. No, I didn't know that. I didn't.

Oh, I've wanted that for years. I swear. I've just never, ever done it. They all do it on Real Housewives and I've thought, I need that. They all do it on Real. Of course they do. Of course they do. Oh, that will make my life.

Get ready for some texts. Oh, I can't wait. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Love Island, you've got a text. I've got a text. It's Rosie text it's rosy she hasn't said it properly it says the wrong word it doesn't make any sense can you remember what was the thing the other day i text you text me asking for something and i text you and you just replied pervert but you're meant to say perfect look for more of that do you not find that with a voice

note if i see that i've got a text message and it's a WhatsApp or whatever, and it's a voice note, and it's like a two minute voice note, I'm like, I can't, it's going to be a couple of days before I listen to that. I can't,

I cannot commit to sitting down and listen to your fucking monologue. I am terrible. I am so bad at replying to texts at the moment. I just have to apologise again to everybody who I know that I'm just, I'll be back in a few years,

but right now I haven't got... A few years? What, with the tool I've just given you today? You'll be texting people all over the shop, man. Actually, actually, you're okay. Right. You want to apologise for pissing everyone off? What does that thing on the other side do then?

What does that face do? The face. So if that... They're emojis. I knew that. I did not know that. Brilliant. Oh, sometimes... The amount of time you spend on your phone and you didn't know that. Yeah, I know. You didn't know the face on the left was emojis and you didn I did not know that brilliant oh sometimes the amount of time

you spend on your phone and you didn't know yeah I know you didn't know the face on the left was emojis and you didn't know no I knew that was emojis

I use emojis come on I'm Mrs Emoji I love emojis but I didn't I don't know hello Chris enabled dictation

yes I don't know why are you everyone's auntie at the minute? Why do you not know how to use phones? What's happened? I don't like technology. I really don't. Everyone says, it's like Instagram.

Like, I liked Instagram when I used to ploddy plod my way through, right? And just have a laugh. And now it's really technical and I don't like it because I don't know what to do. And there's a lot of people who are much better at it than me and the video quality and the reels

and that have got so good whereas I'm like I am lost here and I can't keep up and I'm really sorry if you do follow me on there it's shit

I'm really shit I'm not the right person to follow like I can recommend I can lead you to some really good people who have a lot of good content.

Everyone, she's woke up at half five one day and she's folded. She's folded. If life is a fucking poker game, Rosie's just put on her cards in the middle and went, I don't want to play anymore. Cash me out. You've gotten out, love. Well, that sums

it up. Cheer your bracket up will you we're gonna have a babadoo bar and you're gonna come back with a new a new attitude

right I'm gonna text you something I'm alright do I sound really bad you're alright you've just apologised to everyone in the world for being shit

and everything of course I've got like 800,000 followers on Instagram and I don't know why they follow me because the page is shit those shitheads

can leave anytime they want right that's true so there you go i mean please don't what you're so needy have a fucking nap this is painful this jesus christ right let's come back okay here we go right what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna give you a little fact i know you like little facts and little bits of trivia I do like, yes I do I accidentally, when we did your crisp quiz the other day I accidentally left out this little fact that someone told me About crisps

Yeah, and then I googled it and it's right Do you know, I know you like little things like this Do you know that all walkers crisps Go out of date on a Saturday? I didn't know that Look at your little face i didn't know that why is that something to do with their production run their production run goes in week cycles and it starts on a sunday so even if if it's made if that pat of crisps is made sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday saturday it will go out of date that saturday so every single out of date

don't last that long the dates on crisps like you've ever been close to your crisps going out of date no genuinely they don't the crisp dates in real life of all crisps they don't last that long I've always found

sometimes you open them and they're a bit stale really I can't you must have found them at the back of the cupboard that must have been a packet that I've

I think it was at somebody else's house I think they might have offered me a bag of crisps and I thought oh yes please and I ate them and thought these are out of date, you you weirdo

Is that a fucking easter egg in the back of your cupboard? It's November you monster! Oh, I've fallen out well not like actually physically fallen out with people, but I've thought a lot less of people who have easter eggs like after July What's the matter with you?

What is the matter with you? What is the matter with you? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Should we let everyone in Robin's new nickname for you? That he's heard from YouTube. He watches this family on YouTube. I have to keep checking on it but they seem quite innocent.

It's called like the Hobby... The Hobby Family. No, is that what they're called? The Hobby Family. And they're like, Hobby Spies. He loves them. Hobby Dad, Hobby Mom, Hobby Kids. And there's three brothers, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I think so. the hobby the hobby family no is that what they're called the hobby family and they're like hobby spies right he loves them hobby dad hobby mom

hobby kids and there's three three brothers isn't it yeah yeah I think so probably loves them and I don't know whether the day

Robin started calling Chris hack guy hack guy like H-A-C-K right and I don't know I'm guessing it's come from there

but I don't think I don't think Robin realises that hack in the comedy world yeah yeah it's not not very nice so i think it's either from them or it's either from some youtubers that he watches who play on like minecraft and stuff because he copies them and makes it on minecraft swimming pools and all that and yeah hack guy it might be someone who uses cheats like hacks on computer games i don't know i'm probably wrong here i'm probably sounding like you with the phone like not knowing like how do i turn the front camera on like but it's but he just yeah he doesn't realize that to call a comedian hack is really like it's saying that

you're like shit you go for the easiest jokes you see really old jokes off like years ago and you go like route one so yeah he's accidentally calling us the worst possible thing. I enjoyed it a lot. And I enjoyed watching your face when he first called you. I was fuming. It's like having a fucking, it's like having a little guardian reviewer

in the house just following us around slamming us for everything I say. Hack guy. Hey, hack guy. Hey, hack dad.

I loved it, to be honest. Oh God. Got more of that to come though. Years more of that. What, from Robin or from people in general? Just fucking nice. Just from kids.

Just from your children. They just think, after a while, you know, I'm very aware, I'm trying to prepare myself, that you're their hero for a while when you're their dad. You're their hero. Daddy, you're my superhero, blah, blah, blah. Daddy, help us with this and help us with that. And then soon it'll be, fuck off.

Do you think? Dad, man, fuck. I told you, didn't I? Have I told you about it on here? The fact that he thinks my farts stink now? and then soon it'll be fuck off do you think dad man fuck I told you didn't have I told you about it on here the fact that he thinks my fart stinks now oh your fart stinks I know he thinks

your breath stinks but now he thinks your fart stinks never used to I'd get up in the morning with him and I would just I'd walk around that kitchen just fucking

just expelling air from me anus fart away and he wouldn't even bat an eyelid now he's like he runs to the other side of the room

he's like dad I'm like you to the other side of the room, he's like, Dad! You're supposed to think my pumps are cool. I remember my dad, I used to throw wobblers with my dad and I would go there, I would be sitting eating my cereal and my dad would come down and he would just like sit and just like knock out farts. So it was almost like he was

farting into my cereal bowl and I'm like with every spoonful of my open mouth of cereal, I'm like shoveling his fart from the air into my mouth. And I'd be like every spoonful of my open mouth of cereal I'm like shoveling his fart from the air into my mouth and I'd be like dad man and now it's the same

and I'm like Rafe hasn't got a clue I haven't farted as much as I want when I've got Rafe oh you could shower you could not shower for a week

and Rafe would still cuddle you like he doesn't know it's class it's a bit depressing it's just downhill isn't it you've got this

it's weird because you look at parenting and you've got this excitement of a baby and it's a baby and it's amazing and I't it you've got this excitement it's weird because you look at parenting and you've got this excitement of a baby and it's a baby and it's amazing and I love it so much and yes

and it depends on us and then that slowly just sort of stops and then they depend on you financially and then you know they just piss off but then if an emergency happens

you've still got to be there to help out it's just a fucking jip the whole thing's a jip just enjoy it now while they're five and that and you know not even five when they're four and below guys out there parents dads particular enjoy it while they don't think your fart stink and it's all how about you just don't fart poor

babe he's a person you know he's got thoughts and feelings and a sense of smell better out than in i'll get a bad tummy you won't get a bad tummy i't mind. He farts all the time. Exactly. How dare he? How dare he? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. So I know you all like hearing about Sandra. She's here today. We just, we filmed, we filmed. I'm like that. I'm watching on your podcast.

We recorded the sponsors and then we went down and got a little drink of juice or whatever. Went down, Rafe was asleep. My mum has been on the internet and just like Rosie Rosie found my next holiday right found my next holiday and I thought alright okay mum

oh what's this oh lovely oh a little lovely little three star where we're going Caledon no did you know

where she found I heard something about 15 minutes from Mykonos so it's a private Greek island Jesus Christ it sleeps 30, this villa.

What the hell? I got dinner. Honestly, I was like, Sandra, rein yourself in. Jesus. One, I don't know 30 people. Definitely not 30 people I'd want to go on holiday with. A private island. Oh, wind your neck in down there, will you?

She's getting above our station. I'm blocking her laptop from the fucking Wi-Fi. The hell's going on here? Found our next holiday. How dare she her laptop from the fucking Wi-Fi. The hell's going on here? Found our next holiday. How dare she? Cheeky little cow. I mean, we can go and leave her here with the kids.

That'll be good. Well, the kids will have to come. Oh, that. See, you're weak, man. You're weak, man. Why would I bring the kids on holiday when I can't fart in peace? I'm not going on holiday and holding me farts in. How dare you?

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers

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and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge. challenge.ca rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center

in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. What is your beef? What is my beef?

I'll tell you what my beef is. All right, okay. We're going to go straight in, aren't we? Come on. My beef for this week and for a while now is that you and your mother are hell-bent on only cooking porridge in pans that don't have non-stick. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Fucking sick of it, mate. We've got loads of non-stick pans and you and your mum every morning, I don't know why, is it because you think they look better? Is it because it's aesthetically pleasing? You put the porridge oats and the milk in one of them-stick pans and you and your mum every morning, I don't know why, is it because you think they look better? Is it because it's aesthetically pleasing? You put the porridge oats and the milk in one of them stainless steel pans and it's like a fucking flan made of

concrete. Scrape that off. Sometimes I don't go on the exercise bike because I've done that much cardio scraping off your manky, dirty, burnt on porridge. Sick of it. Nobody's asking you to clean that pan. Oh, well, I have to, or it'll just stay there.

No, absolutely not. Or it'll get up. Seep in. It'll get up. It wasn't even seeping today. It was on the hob, you liar. It was on the hob. It was just sitting on the hob.

I had two kids. Two kids to look after. I've been up at half five. Oh, you're at half five. That doesn't affect your mood at all. Now, stop it, right? Stop it. Okay, fair enough.

She does it as well. She's even worse. She goes, you just... She goes, you just do the... It burns all in that pot. You just put cold water straight in it. It, fair enough. She does it as well. She's even worse. She goes, you just, she goes, you just do the, it burns all in that, but you just put cold water straight in,

it lifts it off. You just use the non-stick pan, which is next to the one you just fucking picked up. They still don't work. They do work. Non-stick pans,

they don't. They do. That is the consumer bullshit. No way. Non-stick pans do not exist. How dare you? They don't. Yes, they do.

I've never seen a good one yet we've got a good one do you scramble egg in a blimmin' stainless steel one then do you scramble egg in the other one we're going to have to

show us which one it is is it the black one what colour is it what colour is it the black one what the hell's the matter of course it's the black one it's the one with teflon

inside the black non-stick listen are they paying for a sponsor I don't think they are free advertising isn't it tefal yeah I didn't even say the product name. Teflon's the material, you dick.

Oh, hey, man. Get me out of here. I'm a love islander. Get me out of here. Get me in that Sterling. Whitmore. Get me in that fucking villa. I'll be your cameraman.

I'll be your cameraman for the holidays right just stick us in a box like a big brother behind a mirror stick the aircon on and let me film them figuring each other you could go and be the dj do you know they get every they have a party and they get a dj mark right did it on you yeah mark right's an actual dj imagine i turned could we as a pair as a duo could we go and do a live podcast for them I'm just putting out listen ITV I'm just putting out there imagine the young go-getters

on Love Island how devastated they would be if me and you turned up I mean just me DJing would be bad it would leave me going right you're getting the Guardians of the Galaxy

soundtrack on repeat all night no shagging listen and I'll tell you what part of the film that they come on

this one Mr Blue Sky this is the beginning of Guardians 2. Oh, God. Where they're fighting a big monster. Well, I'll put Agadir on. Rubber Band Man, right? Rubber Band Man, like you're listening to now, this is in Avengers Infinity War when you first see the Guardians. It's playing Rubber Band Man.

Come on. I'd be off. I'd be gone. I'd be throwing the lilos at us and that. They wouldn't have a clue who we are. Can we talk about this dead quick? No. We've been interviewed we've been interviewed

loads by magazines and like newspapers and that and they've all asked if I'd go on Masked Singer haven't they yeah

and I'm like no why would I go on a program that when I take my head off no fuckers gonna know who I am they would man you're selling yourself no we're on a podcast

it is a hearing thing you don't know who these are do There would, man. You're selling yourself. No, we're on a podcast. It is a hearing thing. You don't know who these are? Do you mean audio medium when you say hearing thing? I'm so tired. I am so tired. Oh, God, I love it. I can't even talk.

I can't even talk. It just made us laugh. I could just see you in a taxi. Just say, oh, yeah, what are you doing there, love? I've just been working the oh, hello, yeah, what are you doing there, lover? I've just been working the day. Oh, yeah, what do you do? Oh, I do a podcast.

Oh, a podcast, what's that? It's like a hearing thing. It's a what? It's a hearing thing? It's a hearing thing. Like a hearing aid. No, it's, oh, I don't. Come on, right, be honest.

I'm sorry I don't know where. But listen, be honest, right? Total, like, cards on the table here, right? Think of the radio shows you used to listen to. I never knew what none of them looked like. I always wanted to know what Tony Horn in the Morning or Radio on BBC. Fucking hell, I'm saying them all wrong.

On Metro, it looked like. Alan Robson. I'd met Alan Robson once off Night Owls on Metro. But before Google, and some people aren't that savvy, there'll be people who are listening to this podcast who have no idea what me or you look like our picture is on the tile for the podcast you lunatic how do they what do they do do they open the podcast app shut their eyes and just press on the chart of course you've got an answer for everything, haven't you? For God's sake, why can't you just... Sorry, can we just...

Why can't I... Sorry, what? Right, let's deconstruct this for a moment. You are now kicking off at me because I am sticking up for the fact that people would know who you were if you did maths. Guys, do you see what I live with? They wouldn't know.

It's this fucking inception. I'm entangled in an argument that I can't get out of. It's like that fucking stairway that goes in on itself. Listen, all I'm saying is I don't want to go to the villa because they won't know who I am and they'll be like, where's Mark Wright? Well, they might not because they're young kids at Love Island. They are young. And I say young kids.

I don't want to sound patronising, but they are young kids. I watched the England match the other day. Honestly, they're all like 20 and I thought, I am at the age now. Did I not tell you I was watching the Italy match and the the captain of Italy

hurt his hamstring and he got himself corded off and the like he got himself not corded off he got himself substituted he was the captain

he was the captain he was the manager and he was like get us off and I'm like oh yeah that's the captain of Italy there yeah he's been with him

a long time yeah he's over the hill he looks like he's touched his hamstring there he's been with them a long time he's over the hill he looks like he's touched his hamstring he's been around a load he's an old player for the game 36 he was 36 that's all though in football land

UFC's the same they watch the guy he's over the hill 34 his best years are behind him and I'm watching it fat with pizza going when are my best years going to be behind me? I heard something a bit sad actually. So people who

were born in this generation now they look upon people who were born in our generation the same as we look upon the 60s. Does that make sense? So if you were born in the 90s you look upon the 60s and people born now look upon people who are born in the 90s 80s is the same way that we look in the 60s which i

found really really sad yeah i'd say i'm not normally bothered about age and stuff it doesn't be bothersome i've got mates who are like oh it's my birthday i'm a year old i'm like oh grow up man you're a year older every day but you're not a year older every day well you are if you go from a year previous

just a day older usually not really like because if you go my point is if you go from the year previous every day is your birthday if you count every year silly point to be honest

well good take your mask off man who the fuck are you no one knows who you are just think no they wouldn't it would be so embarrassing honestly

Davina knows Davina listens she'd know Mo Gilligan he knows who you are Joel Dommett would be like hi Rosie alright

fair enough okay alright okay fair enough I'd be in the crowd going who's that who's she

boo this show's gone down boo but I'd have a the crowd going, who's that? Who's she? Boo! This show's gone down. Boo! But I'd have a mask on so people didn't know it was me. I just, I don't ever want to be on one of them programmes

where the public go, nah, never heard of her. Or it happens all the time. I don't, yes, but I don't want it to happen to me. So listen,

give us 20 years, right, once I've really touched every soul on this planet, then I'll go and do it and everyone be like oh it's her all right thanos now listen you always get it you always get it every single year the jungle's on every single year strictly's on every who are these these aren't celebrities who are these well they're in the fucking jungle aren't they so they must be you prick well i always

grabbed a random person from the fucking supermarket do you you knob i always get personally offended when you know somebody really well in the public eye and you're telling somebody else and they're like, never heard them. And I'm like, what? Do you live under a fucking rock? I know.

Like, that upsets me a little bit. So, okay. Everyone has different experiences and has different things going on. Yeah. Some people have got no idea. Most YouTubers, I don't know who most YouTubers are.

Yeah, that's true. Yet they could buy my house and knock it down for a laugh. Yeah, absolutely. With the money down the back of their sofa. So good on them and please don't do that. No, thank you. What's your beef? Oh, gosh.

My beef with you this week is sometimes you burp in my face when you're talking to us. You've noticed that, have you? Yeah. It's horrible okay yeah sorry stop it

a bit embarrassing that one gross sometimes when I'm talking I will just you'll just have a burp up and it's it's it's absolutely yeah

disgusting see I slagged someone off in one of my stand-up specials for doing that a bloke sat next to me who was on a plane once was burping and blowing his hair

that was the worst story I've ever heard you tell yeah yeah yeah horrible but now I've become that so it's getting older

but you didn't brush your teeth yesterday and you sat and did an interview with us for like 25 minutes so that was on Zoom yeah but I wasn't on Zoom was I?

I was fucking sat next to you oh fair enough sometimes when you don't brush your teeth first thing in the morning your day really gets carried away without brushing your teeth so true honestly because I had dropped Robin off at school the other day and I didn't but it was this day I didn't brush my teeth yeah and then I hadn't had a coffee so I came back and I was like well I can't brush my teeth before I have a coffee

so I had a coffee and I had a little bit of breakfast and then I was like well and it just and then we had a meeting and then I had a drink and then

and then it was through two o'clock in the afternoon and I was like I should really take this time to brush my teeth yeah you do horrible

you go I can't do it I haven't done it first thing I'll have a little bite to eat I can't do it before then but now I want a little coffee oh I can't oh now I want something done it first thing I'll have a little bite to eat I can't do it before then but now I want a little coffee oh now I want something a little bit sweet okay

oh I should brush them oh but it's nearly lunchtime and yeah you're right the whole day you chase it yeah but the good thing is if I don't brush my teeth

until afternoon like I did this a lot in lockdown you do realise I do feel really disgusted with myself and that's a good thing but there is people

in this world who just never brush their teeth. Like, ever. I feel like sometimes if I leave it late, I have a proper, I go in and I give them a spa. Yeah. Like, I'll flush, I'll mouthwash, I'll do the full two minutes on the electric toothbrush, which I never do.

You never do that. Oh, right. That was one of me beefs, and I haven't wrote it down. Great. You do that all the time because at the minute at the minute ladies and gentlemen

I'm getting double beefed double beefed we are why are you using my toothbrush because I'm currently living in and out of a bag going down to London filming a very specific

special show that I can't tell anyone about right so you're taking it so we don't share a toothbrush we've said this before it's an electric toothbrush but we swap heads

but for some reason, Chris has decided to use mine. So the charge runs out really quickly and he never does it for the full two minutes. So I start brushing my teeth and then it goes... Yeah, you get my extra time, don't you? And I'm like...

So then I have to do mine again. Okay, if we're double beefing up, you have not even opened that brand new electric toothbrush that I bought you for Christmas that could solve all these problems. Yeah, the black one. It is nice.

It does look very sleek. Slam dunk. I know, but I'm just too busy. Is it weird that I am too busy to open that toothbrush and charge it up? Really? Yeah. Are you scared in case it's too technological for you and you need to send texts from your teeth and shit?

It's not touchscreen, is it? Honestly. Why do people... Oh, let's enter a world where we just have to touch everything. I like to press a button. Why don't... That really pisses me off. I can just see you on a march with a big placard.

Bring back buttons. Bring back buttons. Just, you don't ever know fully. Screens are for looking at, not for touching. You don't know if it worked? I know why you don't ever know screens screens are for looking at not for touching you don't know if it worked I know why you don't like touchscreen

because you've always got food on your fingers I just find them irritating I'm watching Million Dollar Listen at the

minute Los Angeles mint program don't know where it's been all my life I'm loving it and they go into houses and like

oh this is all touchscreen and when you clap and they just I'm like that does not impress us it's my dream

it's my dream. That's my dream. Oh, see, we totally differ on that. My dream is Wi-Fi, a Wi-Fi sort of... See, Wi-Fi fucks me off. Just, it's just ridiculous. Oh, I can't get through this wall. It doesn't reach to this room. Okay, what I was about to say was Wi-Fi hardwired all the way through

with a Wi-Fi sort of... Hardwired, that's what I want. Yeah, but with a Wi-Fi, what, like a hub in each room. I just want to plug stuff in. Yeah, yeah, what I want yeah but with a wifi what like a a hub in each room I just know I want to plug stuff in yeah yeah

but I want them as well right and I want everything on my phone I want windows is it oh you've left the bathroom window open

cheers close it I want clapping lights no I want heating on me I want the lot I'd love a smart house I'd fucking love a smart house because it would break

it would break and then you'd go how do I shut this window it's pissing down outside you'd go oh hang on where's your controller it does that is that broke right okay well the scent it's not going to work because you and also what am i going to do you're going to have to sleep all night with the window open and the rain's coming in but that's where my child sleeps really sorry but

the uh the smart system's broke well this is a piece of shit why can't you just shut the window like a normal window in what world would the window not have a physical in a smart house world it wouldn't because they'd go it's around the aesthetic of the window and we just like it and we sneak and pop it Rosie got so angry there when she shouted in a smart

house world she went past the microphone and shouted in me face I don't know if the microphone picked up that you said in a smart house world but you actually went past the microphone and shouted in me face i don't know if the microphone picked up that you said in a smart house world but you actually went past the mic and like at us like what in a pub and you were fighting because i just i don't see the appeal i love it i do not see the appeal in everything on and i oh god give it 20 years time they would look gash yes i absolutely reckon. Give me a lovely little

brass little bolt or a lovely little handle and I'm just like, oh, yes, get in. Give me a little brass bolt. No, but you know what I mean? None of this. Do it from a tablet.

Oh, put your tablet up your arse. I hate stuff like that. Wow. Walk past that section in all of the department stores what the tablet VR section all of the tablets and all of the tellies

and all of the digital oh do you want one of these remote controls to you know have a shit for you absolutely not I'll do it the old fashioned way thank you very much

babadoo babadoo babadoo bap you join us back on Shag Mary Noid and Rosie's going to have a little minute she's just got her headphones in. She's just listening to a little bit of rakey,

calming music there because of how angry she was about technology. The irony being that she is listening to it on an iPhone, which is touchscreen, and the headphones are wireless. I am a hypocrite. Massive hypocrite. Anyway, it's time for...

It's time for... It's time for questions from the public! Public! P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-public! Guys, as always, thank you so much for... Stop it. Thank you so much for always sending awesome stuff to shagmaridanoid at gmail.com

and if you want to send anything, it's shagmaridanoid at gmail.com. Please send us your stories, send us your woes, send us your tragedies please send us your stories send us your wars send us your tragedies send us your championships I don't know what the opposite of tragedy is

just send us whatever you want man we'll love it thank you so much and yeah I have got some wonderful news you got some wonderful news

you don't know this because I think people think that we talk about the podcast and stuff all the time but a lot of what happens on this podcast, Chris and I never discuss in real life.

Okay. Guess who's back? No. Guess who is back? Jess. Jess is back. Yes! Yes, Jess.

Yes, Jess. She's back. Jess, Jess, Jess. Yes, Jess. Amazing. How do you know? Because she emailed us. How did you find it?

Because Faye, who does our emails Yes, Jess. Amazing. How do you know? Because she emailed us. How did you find it? Because Fay, who does our emails, is amazing. Amazing. So Jess, if you don't know who Jess is, Jess is the paramedic who got in touch with us, gosh, last year. Easily, yeah, before the pandemic. Before the pandemic, used to send us some stories. And she went off the radar for a little while, and I've been worried about her.

We worried she'd been sacked for telling all the secrets. Yes, but she hasn't. so do you want to hear? Fuck yeah. Okay. Hi Rosie and Chris, it's Paramedic Jess. Yeah! I heard a mention last week and can only apologise for not being in touch. It has been quite the busy year with

Covid and unfortunately my ridiculous tails fell by the wayside. Hey, don't worry, we've all been busy, love. Do not worry, Jess. However, I've got a little one for you if you want it. Always. God, I'm excited. Just a heads up, this is a bit squeamy. Okay. Happy days. Bring it on.

Bring it on. You are especially going to scream your tits off. I like it though. I like screaming myself. I feel like I deserve it. Right. Good for him. I'm just going to take my pants off. Not so screaming myself. I feel like I deserve it. Right. Good for him. I'm just going to take my pants off. Not so long ago, we got called to a man for mouth pain.

Now, arguably, this isn't a life threatening emergency, but we turned up anyway. Aw. Aren't the ambulance services wonderful? Mouth pain? Mouth pain. Just got a bit of mouth pain. That sounds like a lie you would tell to a teacher. Nurse, I need to go to the nurse. Why? Mouth pain. Mouth pain. Just got a bit of mouth pain. That sounds like a lie you would tell to a teacher. Nurse, I need to go to the nurse.

Why? Mouth pain. Mouth pain. Mouth pain. Arm pain. Mouth pain. Mouth pain. Eye pain.

Mouth pain. Sorry, it's just so sad. I've never heard anyone say mouth pain. Well, when you hear the story, you'll understand why. Okay, okay. How would you explain this over the phone? Okay. We picked him up from the side of the road.

He jumped into our ambulance, pretty sharpish, made us close the door so nobody could see, and sat there clutching his mouth. Oh. When asked what had occurred, he mumbled that he had lost his wisdom tooth in a rather unfortunate way and it was causing him a lot of pain. Mouth pain.

Mouth pain. Naturally, I needed to know how he had done it. After some prying, we found out that our patient had met with a guy off a well-known gay dating app. Got you. Probably rhymes with Schminder. Got you. Okay. Could have just said Minder, but okay.

Oh, that would have been... That would have been a lie. Or Finder. He literally said Minder, but he put a Schmur at the beginning of it for no reason at all. Probably rhymes with schminder. Minder then. Fucking. Okay.

So here we go. They had been hooking up and all had been going well. Okay. Unfortunately though, whilst performing oral sex, the other guy's Prince Albert piercing had somehow become wedged around his wisdom tooth oh my lord i knew you'd scream oh my legs have gone numb he states that there was quite the awkward moment when they both realized what had happened before panic set in due to said panic the precarious situation and the awkward moment where you realize you have a stranger's penis wedged in your teeth, the gentleman, Mr Albert, pulled back pretty sharpish.

Unfortunately, this motion caused the Prince Albert to rip clean out of the guy's penis, remaining entirely wedged in the mouth of our patient. Oh. My. Lord. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's the Pearson's got trapped around his guy's wisdom tooth. Oh my lord. And then the guy, obviously, you know, the guy doing said oral job has gone,

ah! And you would, wouldn't you? You'd just pull out straight away. Right, what I'm slightly concerned about here is that some people out there might not, although I am quite a prude, quite a shy, retiring wallflower in some things that I will do and won't do, I do know what a Prince Albert is.

Now, there might be people out there who don't know what a Prince Albert is. Is it the round one? A Prince Albert goes in the end and then out of the side of the penis. Oh, that's not, okay. That's a Prince Albert. Like a straight one.

It's curved, almost like a banana shape, maybe a bit more like a U. And it goes into the end and then, doesn't make a hole, just goes into the opening that's already there,

down, and then out through the wall of the side. And then a ball on the top and a ball on the side. Horrific. Anyone who's got that done, get in the sea.

Well, it's stuck in this bloke's tooth right horrendous so it's ripped out of his stop yeah just continue the story sorry where was the other bloke what's this fucking dick ringing up for

for mouth pain what about cock pain well yeah you'll find out the patient apparently tried multiple ways to get it out but unfortunately managed to pull his entire wisdom tooth out in the process Bloody crap, what's it made of? Fucking adamantium

But how strong you got a bait to rip your tooth out A wisdom tooth as well? The root's like an inch long Like, oh Crikey He then rang us and abandoned the house pretty quickly Leaving Mr Albert in the bathroom sorting out his bleeding penis Never in a million years We never did meet or hear leaving Mr Albert in the bathroom sorting out his bleeding penis. Never in a million...

We never did meet or hear from Mr Albert, but I can only hope he is well and genuinely don't know who came off worse. Yeah, the dick guy. Next question. Which I guess leads to a horrific would you rather. Would you rather.

Which one would you guys rather be? Mr Albert or the patient pull my wisdom tooth out any day of the week please yeah yeah rip it out it actually causes us a lot of bother whenever i have a burger like i have a burger from five guys and it's got the um the little seeds on top of the bun or a big mac and it's got the seeds on the bun it'll end up in me it'll end up in the wisdom tooth i've got i've got four wisdom teeth yeah and none of them came out and there's a little gum flap and I always end up with food stuck in it and it gets

it gets what's it called infected now and then so you'd rather pull out the piercing no pull me fucking tooth out right

Jesus do you understand the piercing got stuck in his tooth around his wisdom tooth yeah but what I'm saying is do I want you to rag a piercing out of my penis

essentially splitting it in half or do I want you to rag a person out of my penis essentially splitting it in half or do i want you to pull me tooth out pull me tooth out right okay pull them all out they do me head in put us on them drugs that you say on youtube people in america i love that that looks great yeah they do look amazing you've got some good drugs um yeah i think i don't know because i'm really weird with teeth and you don't have a penis i don't have a penis i don't know what i would feel like but I can imagine it would hurt. Absolutely horrendous. I just, you know what

I find really sad about this. This is like a one night stand. Just imagine that happening on a one night that would be so awful. Disaster. Really embarrassing as well. Oh God.

Ouch. Guys. Guys. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Dear Rosie and Chris, after hearing this story I had to write in and share it with the podcast. Please keep me anonymous as a friend told me this.

My friend, let's call him Steve, went round a friend of his once restrictions had started to ease. This friend had two teenagers. What, children or hostages? Like, their own. Just really weird. This friend had two teenagers. In his basement.

In his H-I-G-A-S. No, I think it's a mom to two teenagers. Got you. On the wall, he saw a list of lockdown rules that the kids had to abide by. Lots relating to screen time, homeschooling, etc. But there was one that stood out you must use the

toilet. Right. On saying this Steve had to ask what's all that about? To which he got the response don't ask. Wow. He left it a while but curiosity got the better of him. You'd have to. And he said no come on

what does that mean? It turns out the friend's teenage son had been playing a lot of video games during lockdown and spent the majority of this time in his room this is when i thought oh gross he's been pissing in a glass and leaving it in his room. Right. No. Worst. Right. Right. I'm so excited about this. He had been standing up to play

his games and rather than pausing them, he had taken a shit on his chair, scooped it up and thrown it out his bedroom window. No way! You... You disgust me!

How important's your high score? The mother had been finding these in the garden. Oh my God! these in the garden and thought there was a problem with the local cat or a fox. My God. But if that was the case wondered how it had gotten down the outside

wall. Oh for God you disgusting how ashamed would you be? Oh, horrible. Absolutely horrible. Honestly, that is... That's grotesque.

I'm sorry. I know lockdown's been really hard and I genuinely feel for teenagers, but go to the toilet to have a shit. I'm sorry. The fact that it happened so many times it ended up as a rule on the wall. The fact it was written down.

What was it? I've told you. I've told you 10 times and it's going on the wall. I've written it on the wall. You must use the toilet. You must use the toilet. That is phenomenal. Horrible.

I'm sorry. That is horrible. Is it weird that there's part of me that respects... No, I'm sorry. I respect the commitment to the game. What game was it? Was it Call of Duty? Was it Fortnite?

Yeah, that's an addiction. That's so bad. Right. If I'm on Call of Duty, right, and we're playing an old-school version of the game, if I'm on Team Deathmatch and we want our team to win and I'm in a clan, you know, and we're playing, you know, like an old school version of the game. If I'm on Team Deathmatch and we want our team to win and I'm in a clan, you know,

and we've all got, you know, internet points and stuff and there's one guy left on our team and there's one guy left on their team and our guy on our team wins the game for us because rather than leave and go to the toilet, he's shat in his chair

and flicked out the window. High five after he's washed his hands. Can you not pause it then? Can everybody not pause it at the same time? Can't pause it online. No, because you can't pause someone else's life, can you? You can just, you basically, Rosie, if you try and pause it on an online game,

you're AFK. You're just AFK. What's that mean? Away from keyboard. Oh, right, okay. Yeah. Kick inker, kick inker. Yeah.

KK. KK. That's okay. Oh, I like okay. KKK. BRB.ikinka. Yeah. KK. KK. That's okay. Oh, I like okay. KKK. BRB. BRB. Oh. SOW.

SOW. Shut out a window. Shut out a window. Okay, here's a bit of a fun one. And I hope this makes sense, right? Hi, Chris and Rosie. This was a bit of a fun one, and I hope this makes sense, right? Hi, Chris and Rosie. This was a bit of banter at the pub before, and I thought you guys would find it funny too.

So, you have 24 hours, and you have to do all four things. One of them six times, one 12 times, one 18 times, and one 24 times. Right. The things are run miles. Right. Eat donuts. Right. Have wanks. Right. The things are run miles. Right. Eat donuts. Right. Have wanks.

Right. And drink pints. Jesus. What order would you choose? What's the numbers? So, that again, you've got to run miles,

eat donut, have wanks, and drink pints. Donuts. Six times, 12 times, 18 times, and 24 times.

And how long have I got to do all this? 24 hours. I'm going to run 4 mile right I thought it was 6 no oh right ok sorry yes oh fuck me you've already you've already thrown the towel in

I can only run 5k never mind 6 miles right well I've already lost okay right okay

if I could run a 6 mile right right okay I'd run 6 miles okay 12 wanks how do you as a female

that's like that would be awful right horrible but that would have to be my next one. Right, hold on. Okay, 12 wanks.

And then I'd have 18 pints and 24 donuts. 6, 12, 18, 24. Right, and you've got to do... I'm just typing these down. So 6, 12, 18, 24. Right. I would have... Oh, no, do you know what it is?

I'd have 12 pints. No. Wow. I'd run the 24 miles what no you couldn't you could not run 24 miles listen to this right listen if sport relief are listening right i have i've thought of my challenge i'm going to do for you is right that's going to make a massive household name like john bishop right john bishop when davina did that yes yeah yeah people watching them crying and everything right yeah greg james is it as well greg james did an amazing one as well yeah on his bike i am going to do i'm going to run the 24 miles right right wouldn't happen

but listen i've got 24 hours right okay oh 20 in 24 hours you're gonna run 24 miles yeah yeah right so i'm gonna run one mile an hour okay Okay. Right? And then I'm going to stop, right, at each place that I stop. I'm going to have 18 donuts. So not at every stop. Right. At every stop bar six, I'm going to have a donut. Okay. Yep, yep, yep.

So there'll be 24 stops after each mile. Yep. Right? At half of these stops, I will have a wank. So every two mile, I'll stop for a quick wank. Right? Where are you going gonna have your wang sport release you might have to blur some stuff out well don't like don't you know that people like clapping on the sides of the road i'll just be like can i use your toilet and i've just got to quickly run in and honestly horrible um and at the end i just next six pints right okay

no you've nailed it like There we go. Yeah, honestly. Guys, get in touch. Can you imagine the complaints? The voiceover. They're always voiceovered by someone like a really big actor normally does the voiceover. And you're like Benedict Cumberbatch. And Chris is popping into

house number six for wank number six. That's horrible. I'm just thinking Sport Relief might not be interested in this so I will do it on my own YouTube channel.

Right, okay. Okay, cool. Great. Ew. If you are running 24 miles in one day could you have the energy to have 6 wanks

I think I would die I think this whole thing would kill us it wouldn't it wouldn't work would it you'd be so out of breath yeah

that'd be a horrible wank that's right innit 24 miles 18 doughnuts 12 wanks 6 pints do you know what 12 wanks

oh yeah it's 12 wanks actually half of the places I'd be stopping at yeah yeah yeah I might swap the pints and the wanks actually yeah I's 12 wanks actually yeah half of the places i'll be stopping at them yeah yeah yeah yeah i might swap the pints and the wanks actually yeah i might have a pint that's a good idea i mean it's just an awful horrible isn't it i have got right you know just just just looking at this plan right i've got indigestion right my legs are hurting and i've got a sore titular

you're empty, yet full. You'd have to have the pints at the end as well, otherwise them wanks are never happening. Oh, no. And you'd fall over and break your ankles. Oh, God. Who said this? That's horrible, isn't it?

I'm furious. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Please keep me anonymous. I was listening to last week's episode last night and Rosie's rant about drugs, in brackets, I feel the same, by the way. Got you.

Thank you. And waking up this morning with one very bloodshot eye because of my hay fever reminded me of a funny situation that happened to me at the very beginning of my relationship. Okay. My boyfriend and I had met at work, working together in the hospitality industry. Remember that?

Oh, I know. Oh, God. For the first six months of our situationship. Situationship, nice. We managed to keep our enjoyment of each other. Fuck me. Stop it. I'm joking, Chris.

A secret from our co-workers. I'm honestly not sure how. We never made a conscious effort to hide it. They were just so clueless. After this situation in particular, plus many shifts leaving together and arriving together, I really don't know how we lasted that long incognito. One day before an evening shift,

we got a little frisky just before we had to leave. After finishing off a BG I looked up in awe as his ejaculation shot into the air so high it almost hit the ceiling.

Vom. That was a big... I looked up in awe. Awe. Do these people exist? I do. Like, I'm sorry. I love you and that,

but honestly, part of a relationship. Just part of it. Part of life. I've never looked in awe at anything. Don't lie on the podcast. Come on. No, I'm sorry.

I looked up in awe at his youngin' it. Who are you? Vom. Vom. I think she might be slightly sarcastic because she's just saying it went high in the air, but still.

Well, he should probably go to the doctors about that. Anyway, so high it almost hit the ceiling. Like, where do you work? The borrower's house. You know what I mean? Where do you work? That corridor in B and John Malkovich. I work in a really, really old hovel.

That was a big mistake. As what comes up must come down. And with me face upwards, it landed straight in my right eye. Oh my goodness. Monkey. Absolutely monkey. As you would imagine, my eye became instantly red and no amount of rinsing had helped. As I tend to get red eyes from my hay fever, I thought it wouldn't be that big a deal and I could easily pass it off as that when i got to work okay however about 30 minutes into my

shift i was called into the manager's office and grilled by my supervisor about turning up to work under the influence of drugs oh right so they think she's stoned yeah amazing while i did tell you i'm of the same mindset as Rosie when it comes to drugs what I didn't tell you was that I'm a terrible liar and my boss was not convinced by my hay fever fib. As I couldn't bring myself

to tell him I had in fact got spunk in my eye he continued to believe I was high. One of the many reasons he was a shit supervisor I kept my job and received no punishment at all.

Wow. There's a would you rather. Would you rather your boss thinks that you're stoned or you've got spunk in your eye? Me personally? No. Spunk in my eye. You guys, Rosie, spunk in her eye.

I've seen worse. I wasn't going to run from the cop but I got spunk in my eye I was gonna pull right over and stop but I got spunk in my eye now I've messed up my whole damn life and I know why

I got spunk in my eye spunk in my eye spunk in my eye spunk in my eye Spug in my eye Get in Hi Rosie and Chris I know you have discussed farting in front of each other But where do you stand on touching underwear?

Sorry? I am married and have very few boundaries with my husband In brackets we are very open Okay But some work colleagues are horrified by the fact my husband would do an underwear wash and touch my pants they wouldn't allow their partners to wash their underwear or hang it up to dry what yeah what do you think obviously we did an office pool pretty evenly split i think they're crazy and vice versa yeah Yeah. It's an evenly split... So I didn't realise that in this world,

there are some couples where they will not wash each other's underwear in a wash. That's mad. There must be carnage in that. I mean, let's just let everyone in. We wash each other's underwear. If you're putting a wash in, which is very rare, by the way,

you will put my underwear in. And if I'm doing a wash, I'll put your underwear in. Yeah, it's dark. I can't imagine not. That's so strange. Aren't some people strange? by the way you will put my underwear in and if I'm doing a wash I'll put your underwear in yeah it's dark I can't imagine not that's so strange aren't some people strange but are we strange

no no I lived how are you man eh that's so strange I know I can hear Robin

he's back from school he's back isn't he oh god he's back from school shall we get him do you want to get him I don't know what he's doing shall we get him to come say hi?

Yes, come say hi. Why not? Robin! Come here! Hey, mister. Hey! Hello. Robin's just got in from school.

We're busy doing the podcast. Do you want to come and say hello? Or not? Come say hi. It's just in the microphone. Do you want to put the headphones on? There's no one here. Right, ready?

So on, come on. I know you're dead interested in it. I'll do a quick interview with Robin. Say hello. Hello. Into the microphone. Hello. Hi mate. Did you have a good day at school?

Yeah. Yeah? What did you do? Nothing. Brilliant. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Did you eat all your dinner?

What was for dinner? What was for lunch? Lasagna. Lasagna. Look at it. Oh, nice. Nice. You never normally remember. Is there anything you want to say? all your dinner. What was for dinner? What was for lunch? Lasagna. Lasagna. Oh, nice. You never normally remember. Is there anything you want to say to our listeners of the podcast?

Do you want to tell them anything? Have a lovely holiday. Oh, that is so nice. That's nice. Aren't you nice? I thought no one was really going on holiday at the minute, Ron, but that's lovely of you to say. That's just an email that I've got so you can say bye everyone

say bye bye oh god I got a right fright there that was so loud what's daddy at the minute what am I hot guy

you're a hot guy you're a hot guy cheers mate not too loud or a pro or a pro or a no loud or a pro or a pro or a noob or a noob

ah it's about games it's about games ah what's a noob so a noob is someone who's brand new who doesn't know what to do and a pro is someone who's really good

and a hack guy is someone who uses cheats am I right right okay that makes sense yes it's too loud man can you say

you've been listening to my mummy podcast thanks for listening you've been listening to my mummy podcast thanks for listening you've been listening to babadoo babadoo babadoo there we go

that'll do babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo thank you once again for listening to this week's episode of I can't say the full name

because Robin is in the room podcast which is now part of the Acast creator network it is indeed Robin do you want to say bye bye okay good lad good lad guys as always Do you want to say bye? Bye.

Okay, good lad. Good lad. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, you know the email address. I can't say it now. And the two ads on sale on the website that I also can't say now because problems with them

and we didn't think this through. Guys, thank you so much. We'll be all over your ears next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do. You're invited to an immersive listening party

led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder.

April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play.

Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.