Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 125. Return of the toenails

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

Chris is in the dog house after some technical problems but that doesn't stop the pair delivering another cracking episode for all the smas and das! This week they discuss cereal, manual labour and getting ready for a night out. The beefs are fresh and minty and the QFTP's cover a horrible nail chewing habit and some dirty sheets. All of this plus a surprise call from Rosie's brother. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marinoid. With me, Rosie Ramsey. And my husband, Chris Ramsey, who... I think before you even explain that you're annoyed with us, I think they can tell,

because I'd put money on that people got a fright when they heard that, because you weren't your normal upbeat self. Yeah, Chris Ramsey, who didn't do a soundcheck properly. No, he did do a soundcheck, and then he let his computer go to sleep, and then the computer erased the sound check.

Listen. And then we... No, I need to finish. We recorded two hours. Two hours of a podcast and the sound quality was dreadful. So here we are. Here we are on the same day,

four hours on, recording it again. Well, Rosie's... Right. First of all, I don't know why you're bringing up the past. Right. I'm living there Chris it was this morning

living in the past listen right in 125 episodes hey it's episode 125 hi everyone in 125 episodes it was 126 it's 125

I have only fucked this up twice to be fair no three times now nah three times

nah come on because the first take two it wasn't a fuck up. I just couldn't set it up and we argued too much beforehand and had to go at each other. So I had to redo it because of the pattern. Fair enough. The other one was the one I lost the other week.

And now this twice in 125 episodes for a man who admittedly has no fucking idea how to use this software. Oh, clearly. Clearly. I'm going to explain about what happened, right? But I mean, to the point of where last week we were recording the jingle for a tv show and we tried to record it on this and we literally got like a composer who's done all of my he's done all of my stuff he's called sam

he's done all he's done like my dvd songs uh soundtracks he did me my tv shows and he was trying to talk us through how to do it on this on logic and uh i wouldn't change any settings but uh and he was you could tell he's getting really fucked off and i was like look i'm not changing settings because it'll come to doing the podcast and i'll not be able to do it and i'll have to ring you on a sunday and it'll be really fucking embarrassing kind of happened but anyway yes let's carry on i'm not gonna hold on to it i was quite positive before this and then i've remembered that you fucked it up so much and i'm a bit annoyed so i need to have so basically we did a massive recording this morning guys to try and get it out of the way right because we've got such a busy week

and then it fucked up and then we've basically had I've been to the pub Rosie's been like you know just milling about we've basically just went our separate ways well went our separate ways

really haven't we how's work Christopher alright well we went our separate ways for the day and now we're back in the evening and we're going to record again great

so there we go so guys it is episode god I'm scared it is episode 125 guys as always thank you so much for listening and sticking with what and being there um we'll love you to bits thank you for being here for 125 episodes and without further ado it's time for this week's lucrative yes i'm still doing it don't look at us like that don't look at us like that right christopher the funny thing is i can't even look at you. Brilliant. I can't look at you. Good, look at that wall over there. Now listen, this week's

look at our sponsor is people who don't pick up their dog shit they just bag it up and leave the bag there. Oh, horrible. Wow. Horrible. Isn't it? I mean, I saw one outside and it just it's, leaving dog shit's bad enough putting it in the bag, you've

done the hard bit. Yeah. You've picked it up, just carry it to the next bin you fucking knob you knob mine though there's something really awful about walking past someone holding a bit of dog shit in a bag

yeah because we all know what it is we're going to stop and have a chat with you I know what you mean I know what you mean some people get their dogs to carry them

which is quite cool you can tie it around the dog's how? I think you can tie it around the dog's collar oh that's not fair it's the dog's shit i'm sorry right would you like to bag up your shit and have it hung around your necklace oh come on was he no that's disgusting

if you i'm telling you right now if you go deep enough in our emails there will be someone who's got human shit on their necklace i will guarantee it oh no i have no i don't want to see a dog with a poo bag around its neck I think I'm sure they can carry that no I'm sorry don't email in and kick off

I feel it's one of them things where you're half remembered but I feel like I might be dreaming it nobody's doing that Chris I'm sure you can just get them the whole

but I'm not sure right well I'm sorry but ring the RSPCA if you see a dog with a bag of shit the poor little dog look I'm not even you know

a massive dog lover but you wouldn't put a bag of shit around their necks dog. Look, I'm not even, you know, a massive dog lover, but you wouldn't put a bag of shit around their necks. That's their shit, man. They're not bothered. Yes, they are. They're not, man. They eat their own shit. They eat their own sick.

No, they don't. Dogs eat their own sick. Oh, what? Do you not know this? Dogs eat their own sick. They're like, I feel bad. What's that? I'm sorry. Do you not know dogs eat their own sick i heard that cats sometimes do oh dogs do as well yeah yeah oh hey animals man listen animals i knew a person whose dog

used to just wipe its ass out of the carpet and i just thought yeah i'm angry right can i just say right yes it is you know if your dog's if your dog's doing that thing where it's dragging its arse across the carpet, it probably needs to go and get something, get the vet to look at it or whatever. I think it's worms. As a man who regularly gets an itchy arse, right, I would love to be able to do that. I mean, I've got it nailed. If I had the dexterity, there is no better way. Drag your arse on the carpet.

Medium pile carpet, legs round your ears oh I know but come on imagine if your dog just wiped its arse all over the carpet I'm alright for that like

I won't say it I won't I should probably say this do you remember my mum told me when she went to that to that guest house I just went to an me when she went to that guest house? Oh, she went to an Airbnb?

She went to an Airbnb and she was going to sleep on the sofa but she couldn't sleep because all she could smell was a dog's ass on the pillow. Your mum would have made a right fuss about that. There's been a dog just sat on that pillow. She would have made a right fuss about that.

I'm just, I'm alright for it honestly i'm all right but do you know what it is the funny thing is i do genuinely like dogs and i think we will get one one day i know i'll be talked into it and i know that i'll love it because um my ex my ex's parents got a dog and uh they were all at work during the day i've told you this before yeah you used to look and i used to look after him. And I used to look after them. And honestly, I loved them so much. Like a baby. The thing is, before they visit me, I've got, you know...

Oh, shit. So unprofessional. I'm sorry, I didn't... It's my brother. So unprofessional. It's Barry Beef and my brother. Hang on. Kevin?

Sister, are you all right? I'm just doing the podcast. So, I can't speak. Everything okay? Aye, it was just a quick one. I'm calling in a fever. A I can't speak. Everything okay? It was just a quick one. I'm calling in a favour. Right, is it desperate? Do you need an answer now?

What is it? No, I want an order of this. What's the favour? It was just your printing company who does your T-shirts and that. Uh-huh. Could you ask them? I'll send you the money. I want to have the lads looking smart.

I need a printed T-shirt. Right, okay. Is this for your plastering? You're the main right user during the podcast. I'm sorry. Kevin, have you got internet? You know, Google? You want us to contact the people who print our T-shirts

to do some T-shirts for your plastering company? I've got the embroidered email. You know, the size of the actual print and that. All right. Okay. How many do you need? Chris, I do that. print and that all right okay how many do you need chris i do that how many how many do you need how many do you need uh well there's three for now four for us sorry right okay we'll be five for the week so what's four times five

five ten fifteen twenty you're gonna 20 tops i'm an extra large sadly but Steve's a large and then there's the younger lads that are smaller but no it was just a favour because I've ran into a few guys and they're just messing with the boat look we need a favour off you what's that he's got a patch of sovereignty no no no plaster

and we just need permission to play this phone call on the podcast because we've recorded it all and it's fucking hilarious. You're right! Famous, aye? You're hired straight on. Give your plastering company a shout-out. If you get some discount off your good people that you know with the printing of the top down...

Give your company a shout-out, man. Redhead plastering. Redhead plastering. This is Kevin Wintour's beef for the week. Absolutely the wrong phrase, but that's fine. What, right. No, I'm not a big fan, you know.

He tells me, he tells me regularly that he listens to Joe Rogan, which hurts. Oh, and I doesn't listen to this. Yeah, he listens to Joe Rogan and Peter Crouch. Chris, I hope he's bought you

a new microphone. Right. I'm getting scared. Okay, go on. Love you. Love you. Love you, mate. Bye. Right, okay. microphone right I keep scared I love you love you love you mate bye

if you could look into it right okay no bother love you bye bye cheer me up

bye I love you why why don't you buy your new microphone I take that what he's talking

about why can't he just go on google and find a company that makes tops why has he

got to go through our merch company in London? So guys, don't be surprised if some wires get crossed and redhead plastered t-shirts appear on our website for a couple of days until we manage to get them moved. I'm so confused. Honestly, when...

Kevin, you didn't even listen to this. When am I going to stop looking after me little brother? Honestly. Fucking hell. Of all the people... Why is he rang me to ask about that? Can I just say as well? you didn't even listen to this when am I going to stop looking after me little brother honestly fucking hell of all the people why is he rang me to ask about that can I just say as well

comedy gold comedy gold he didn't ring this morning it's a bloody good job I fucked up because we'd have missed that I know we would have yeah and I didn't put my phone

on airplane mode I'm so bloody wise doesn't he sound like Barry Beef sounds exactly like Barry Beef he is I think that's where

I got it from probably Kevin Beef how about then let's explain how I fucked up this morning let's get this jingle

right let's do the jingle do we have to talk about it again it's a nine minute intro good god here we go we had a fight about the jingle

jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle jingle so this is the jingle jingle we hope you is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.

Jingle! Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Denied. No, you've done that bit. That's the same. You've done that bit. Sorry, welcome back. It's because you had it in you and you did the first one so miserable that you wanted to do that one. Maybe it is.

My brother's really put us off about bloody t-shirts. Why did he ring me? Just, you know, a favour. He wants a favour. I'll get the email and I'll just print them out. I'll just print them out on that special paper and I'll just iron them onto some t-shirts. Right eye. And all I was thinking is, why has he not got a washing machine?

Why does he need five t-shirts for the week? Well, there's four of them and they need one for each day of the week. Could they not wash them? On a night and then take them on the next day? Well, no. Like, Robin has got like three jumpers for school. Because I have them on a rotation. Rosie, Robin's not a plasterer.

Robin's not going to school and plastering walls, you dick. Fair enough. You see how dirty he gets? He comes back and he looks like a ghost. He does get absolutely scruffy. Yeah, plastering's crazy. Shout enough you see how dirty he gets he comes back man he looks like a ghost he does get absolutely scruffy yeah plastering's crazy

shout out all the plasterers out there really really skilled job really difficult to do when you get absolutely hacked you've got to get

changed in your garden have I told you about the time when he was doing our old house and he was doing the front living room plastering

and he was I must have mentioned this on the podcast because it's haunted me for years and he was on the ladder and the ladder broke and he fell and he was, I must have mentioned this on the podcast because it's haunted me for years and he was on the ladder and the ladder broke and he fell down

but he just stood there and he just went with the ladder and they get taught it in Plaster School. Plaster School. Like in college. You've just got to go with the fall and put your trowel, tie your trowel away,

whatever it's called and he just went with, he didn't panic, nothing. He just went with the ladder and onto the floor and i was like ah well didn't you see like he'd look maintained eye contact with you just as he fell to the floor remember fell forward yeah like a penguin yeah yeah yeah i remember you were crying your eyes out yeah so it's so if your mind's eye dear listener it was it was a step ladder triangle and yeah and it was like a flat flattened of a pyramid yeah and he just went didn't he and he was like i'm a reed man kid and you were crying your eyes out i remember that

so anyway um the reason we had to record this again and it's a it's a hell of a convoluted one basically um i came up to set the equipment up this morning and next door we're getting a tree cut down and they had a wood chipper outside of the windows we should probably tell our neighbors when we are recording this podcast well we never know it always changes we either do monday or tuesday or wednesday you can't get neighbors to block out three days and that's how hard it is to get a tree surgeon booked in the months in advance that's true oh sorry you can't come for half the week because me neighbors are dicks and they're doing a shitty podcast all right sorry well i thought we might just be able to stick to a day but you know never not in this life um but yeah like i say so i had to go out

and say to the guy and i have to you know me whatever like manly men are doing jobs like your kid i get on i get on with care really well he's plasterer but like when i'm on like when we're renovating the last house i had the builders there or whenever i'm getting any work done the builders are there i go over and above to prove to them that i'm not just like you know i feel like i feel like a student yeah but i feel like i'm just like sort of wandering about the house like not really having a job not really any way to go until i go to the gigs and i always try and impress them because i never feel manly do you know what I mean I always I do I put like a show on for them didn't I

like a full on pattern with them and make them cups of tea you go more Geordie you make cups of tea you sway more I spit

I spit when I'm outside I stand no listen here's one of the rules as well just so they know that I know what the crack is I stand outside

with my tea with them and I drink my tea and then I leave a tiny bit of tea in the bottom and I flick it onto the grass like what they all do

that's what they all do they'll flick the last bit of tea away like that um so that's really sad because we know so many builders yeah i know why do you feel the need to do that i don't know what it is i get intimidated um but this morning this morning having to go out in my pajamas nonetheless uh to the man who was like loading huge bits of tree into woodchip quite hench as well chipper he was quite hench as well yeah yeah he was quite hench and he brought a manly

and I had to go out and go excuse me that's quite noisy and I'm doing a podcast did you see that window there I do a podcast and I'm with my wife and we're going to start

the podcast soon so your wood chipper is actually really noisy and the microphones are picking up is there any way you can not and he just fucking looked

at us he was just like what and I was like did he say what's a podcast no no thankfully he knew he was a youngish lad but he knew what was going on

he knew what a podcast and he was actually really nice he went look tell us when you're starting and I he went I can stop he went how long does it take I was like I don't know

about an hour and a half and he went yeah okay and he stopped and he just piled it all up and then the best that was he stopped for the podcast and then when we'd finished

to calm down because I knew I'd fucked the whole thing up I went outside and I just watched him chip all the wood. Did he let you have a turn? No he didn't Did he not? And I'd be dead. I'd be dead Why? Because it's dangerous as fuck I'd get sucked in. You can't get sucked

in. Look I'm not going anywhere near it. But have you ever had like a proper a proper proper job? Like a labourist job is that the word? Like a labour like using me hands or work and what you call a hard day's work. Honestly, stadium, I liked probably the one that I used to move, and I was still a waiter.

But I used to do the set-up, so I used to roll big, massive round tables. You know big round tables of ten that you set up? I used to roll them all the way around the stadium and carry stuff and kegs. I used to move the kegs around at one point. I used to paint railings with my dad. Other than that, no. You're not labouring in that.

It's hard graft like. Crazy graft. Yeah, crazy. Big up all the labourers. Big up all the labourers. But yeah, so there we go. So basically, we had to get the podcast out of the way because there was a guy woodchipping

and I fucked it up because I was in such a hurry because he was woodchipping. I know. And this is what happens when you move to the country. That's what happens. I mean. First world country problems. Isn't it just?

Turn that woodchipper down. i'm recording an audio medium oh that is the most middle class thing ever yeah oh darling we can't do the podcast today because the tree surgeon is next door chipping the wood oh that what what we've changed yeah but we have just had your brother on the phone so you know it balances out yes again he's brought her back to her, hasn't he? With a bang. Love you, Kev. Love you, Kev. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.

Just while we're talking about me brother and, like, family members, Sandra's here at the minute. Yep. Looking after the kids whilst we do this. For the second time. She wasn't meant to be looking after them this long, but here we are.

So, she went to the shops today and bought some stuff or whatever. Groceries and stuff. Groceries. she went to the shops today and bought some stuff or whatever. Just groceries she went to the shops for because she's good like that. She bought Robin some crunchy nut cornflakes. And honestly, Chris, I am... I can't believe it. You're fuming, aren't you? I'm absolutely livid.

Yeah. So, first... Yeah, come on then. Come on. I just want everyone to hear what you said, but I'll set it up, tell them the cracker, then I'll... I can't remember what I said exactly.

I'll remember exactly what you said to her. Well, my brain just goes to, right, I'm not being funny, Robin's five. When I was five, we... No, no, no. We were never allowed sugary cereal, ever. We had Rice Krispies and Corn Flakes and porridge,

and that was it. Absolutely. No sweets. No sugar on, no nothing. Crunchy dot Corn Flakes? They've got 11 grams of sugar? Guys, guys. Sandra just went to Robin before we came upstairs.

Robin, do you want a bowl of Crunchy Dot Corn Flakes? And Rosie just stopped everything she was doing and just turned around and went sorry crunching of cornflakes ma'am we haven't got crunching of cornflakes

and I went yes we have I bought some at the shop Rosie went who are you because you are not the mother I grew up with I fucking nearly died

it's so true I kind of believe it because she would never have let us have crunchy nut cornflakes. Not in a million years. I don't recognise her. She's my mom now, man.

She's cool. She's got it. She's like Nana. It doesn't matter. She's just whatever. That's what happens. Who gives a shit about your kids' teeth?

Do you know what I mean? He'd be alright. No, I know he'll be fine. And to be honest, I think it was a money thing when we were younger yeah she always says

she always says it was like teeth and oh you can't eat sweets and that you can't have crisps it's because we couldn't afford it that's genuinely what I think

yeah she's now squandering our weekly shopping budget oh you'll spend my money on it though won't you she went she went

it's probably got the same sugar in as Cheerios and then we went and checked and it's like's probably got the same sugar in his Cheerios and then we went and checked and it's like three times the amount

of some shit 5.3 and 11 grams yeah yeah twice as much I'm a fan and then she went just sort of

backtrack and Sandra went he bought himself some new toothpaste today and I went you fucking need it that's why

he did were you giving money what did you give him money for because we were going away. I said you can get some sweets for when we're away. Would you just pack it in? Man, shut up, will you?

Just because you're not cool. Just because you're boring. I'm just trying to look after me kids. It's fine. Teeth, waistline, all of the rest. Listen, I took him to the pub for a sticky toffee pudding today as well. So what are you going to do about it? You had a sticky toffee pudding at the pub and went down

and walked down to the pub. Are you kidding me? Just to sort myself out. I had to have a pint to calm down after the woodchipping incident in the podcast this morning. Sticky toffee pudding? Aye.

Crunchy nut cornflakes? Child's portion. I'll tell you what. Child's portion. Just have a bloody cup of golden syrup before bed and it'll be fine.

Just have some bloody drugs. Why don't you give him some drugs, Christopher? Give him a bloody tab, dipped in poppers. That's such a specific, gummy reference. Because I was talking about it the other day. Who was I talking about? Who was I talking to poppers about during my poppers?

I remember back, scum. Absolutely fucking scum. Well, at least not eating bloody crunchy nut cornflakes. Brilliant, is that all it is? That's libelous. Kellogg's are going to be all over us for that. Don't, because I actually do love crunchy nut cornflakes. Do. Is that how late is it? That's libelous. Kellogg's are going to be all over us for that. Don't, because I actually do love crunchy nut cornflakes. Do you know what I'm having for my tea?

What are you having? Crunchy nut cornflakes. I'm going straight down and having them after this. You're joking, aren't you? Good luck. I'm out of the moon. I'm out of the moon. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.

It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Okay, ladies first. What's your beef? My beef with you, Christopher, this week. This was actually last week, but I've had it wrote on my phone for a little while.

We were going to bed and you said to me, oh, me feet are proper dirty today. And then you proceeded, instead of going to wash your feet, perhaps, you rubbed them on the cream carpet before you got into bed. Yes. You rubbed the dirt off your feet onto the cream carpet before you got into bed. Yes. You rubbed the dirt off your feet under the cream carpet before you got into bed.

Yes, I did. That is hacky monkey. I don't know what I was thinking. Why did you do that? I don't know. I don't know why I did it. I've got no idea. I've got absolutely no idea why I did it.

Because it's a bit warmer, I'm walking around the house with no shoes on and no socks on. Because it's an old house, it gets a bit warmer I'm walking around the house with no shoes on and no socks on and because it's like an old house it gets a bit dustier the floors are manky my socks are manky at the end of the day

it's a bit embarrassing I had the same thing when I used to go to Edinburgh Fringe I used to stay in rented houses but they were all really old

like townhouses and stuff and I used to put a little towel next to my bed to wipe my feet on before going to bed because my feet were just black by the end of the day it was manky

but yeah I don't know why I just wiped them on the floor. What? You are just, you're so canny. Yeah. You're so canny.

Well, I mean, I was probably the only comedian, like comedian, head of my friends, rock and roll, drinking every night, partying.

I'd put my little towel next to my bed because this is for wiping me tootsies before I get in. Did you give yourself a little turndown, a little turndown service?

Yeah, before I went to do me gig, I would turn down, I would put a lamp on, I'd put a little sweet on there, a little lozenge for me throat because I was doing me gigs.

Yeah, yeah. That's posh, isn't it? A turndown service. Turndowns, yeah. I love that. In posh hotels, yeah. Yeah, I stayed in a posh hotel once.

They do a turndown service and then they'd put the slippers before at the side of the bed. Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, what's going on? Well, in Dubai, they put the slippers down and then they put a white, yeah once they do a turndown service and then they put the slippers before at like the side of the bed yeah yeah I was like well in Dubai they put the slippers down

and then that was where it was yeah they put a white little cloth down as well for wiping your feet that's where I got the idea me oh well there you go

so there you go so I did eventually give myself a little turndown yeah but I'm sorry I don't know why I wiped an hour floor please don't do it again as I did it

but it was like that walk I walked and I like rotated my feet at the same time as I was walking I'll not do it again they're very cream

and we didn't put these carpets in but they look pricey yeah so I don't fancy I don't fancy having to get them again I apologise I'll not do it again

thank you so much very rarely do I just completely bow down on a beef but I will completely bow down on that I'm very sorry thank you so there you go

now speaking of posh hotels my beef with you this week is world's opening up again we're working again yeah back and forth to london which weirdly i used to absolutely hate being back and forth to london all the time i'm counting me blessings that i'm able to do it again thank you right loving it even better we're doing you know we've done the pilot for a tv show and stuff we're doing all that i have been able to do it with you which is really lovely i'm looking

forward to the tour because we're going to be like hotels together and I get to experience, you know, a nice little part of me life that I enjoy, me job. You're going to be doing it as well, which is lovely. However, my beef with you this week is... I mean, it sounded blissful until now.

My beef with you is, when I'm getting ready in a hotel, if you get ready before me and start to pack, I cannot finish getting ready properly because you will snaffle away all of the toiletries in the bathroom for Sandra's fucking stash.

Do you know exactly what I'm talking about? The other day, the mouthwash, it's the mouthwash. So we were in a hotel for two nights and there was a little

free bottle of mouthwash. I used half of it, a tiny one, like it was about the size of if you imagine a nail polish, a little bottle of nail polish, about that big. I took a little mouthful the first day, half of it. A tiny one. It was about the size of, if you imagine, a nail polish, a little bottle of nail polish. About that big.

I took a little mouthful the first day. Half of it. Spattered out. Brilliant. Second day, I got out of the shower. I got ready to do it. Where's it gone?

I thought, had you used it, had you hide it away? No. You'd stolen a half-used bottle of mouthwash for Sandra. Well, they wouldn't have put it back out,

would they? Well, I needed it, though. I needed it. I didn't know that what's she doing with half a bottle of mouthwash she has them in the car

what why does she have them in the car she's got mouthwash in the car why just adding that just has a little

before she goes and I walk where's she spitting that just probably on the ground she probably killed a few birds we're at Rosecar Park morning morning morning

god fucking how much saliva she got fucking baby elephant she's spitting blue spit there's something wrong with her smells quite nice your ma probably does? Your ma probably leans her head out the window, spits it on the windscreen,

and then turns her wipers on to save on washer fluid. I can see her doing that. Dirty. Dirty. Put her breath on nip and clean. Absolutely horrible. Stop doing it. You take everything.

Stop it. If you think I'm ever gonna stop taking the little treats from hotel rooms then you've honestly got another thing coming i'll wait until you've used it from now on it's good well this gets this leads me on to a just little ps beef right right ps beef fucking hurry up getting ready what you take so long to get ready why am i always ready before you talk about this before right you get ready you take as long to get ready why am i always ready before you've talked about this before right you get ready you take as long as you like to get ready and then you leave an allocated amount of time for me to get ready which sometimes isn't enough then i start getting ready and you have

an arbitrary amount of time set in your head to how long you think it should take me to get ready when that time's up you just start going berserk absolutely not even not even observed we need to leave the hotel or wherever or the house at a certain time. I'm ready for that certain time. You, Mr. Ramsey, you are not ready for that certain time. No, you take ages and that makes me start getting ready later. You've got your iPad on,

you've got them in true crime podcasts, you're having a bloody whale of a time. You're phoning people, you're loving it and I've just got to like proper scurry round at the end with the half fucking toiletries that you've left us. Why don't you hurry up?

Why don't you take, why don't you do all of that because what have a little what a bloody hen night watching me watching you're always watching something like yo you i'm gonna go and get ready and takes you ages but you don't actually take that long to get physically ready but you've got the ipad on you're watching handmaid's tale you've got i don't i can't watch handmaid's tale when i'm getting ready the it's too intense. The amount of times you're doing your make-up and I can hear you chatting away and you're FaceTiming

one of your mates and you're just nattering on. Sick of it. Oh, sorry. Like you're at the fucking Mac counter in Fouser Fraser

and I'm standing waiting holding all the bags like a twat. Big up all the blokes who have to stand there by the way. Sick of that. Why is this turned into this?

I haven't even got that much Mac make-up. Well, you know, whatever. I that much matte make up well you know I literally use a lipstick but you know what I mean you know the blokes have to just stand while the women

are getting their full face of clad on no you never do that we do man the stand full of clad honestly get in the bin

dickhead no you do not mac purgatory I call it where we all stand in the corner just gutted waiting for all the women to get their faces done

well this must be your other wife because I didn't do that one of them oh I can't wish imagine do you know what I really don't

I really don't I know do you watch that programme on Netflix narrow it down when he's got Jesus well obviously

he's got like three wives oh hey they are they hate it forget it they hate it absolutely forget it well there's one of them there's one of hey, they hate it. Forget it. They hate it. Absolutely forget it. I've never understood them.

Well, there's one of them that love it, and they're like really happy, and it's nice. But then there's another one where I'd get with them. I would marry into that one where they were all fucking miserable. Is this the, what's it called, man? When they live in the cave? Sister wives or whatever. No, it's not sister wives.

They're all right. It's another one. They live in the rocks. Right, there's houses built into the rocks. They don't live in a cave. Yeah. No, all right. It's another one. They live in a rock, like in the rocks. Right, this house is built into the rocks. They don't live in a cave. Yeah.

No, this house is built into the rock. The kids are running around playing. It looks meant to be fair, but the wives are miserable as sin.

It's really, it's quite sad actually. Yeah. Maybe don't watch it if you want something a bit over the top. I'm all right for more than one wife.

Thanks very much. Cheers. Cheers, but I'm out. I'm out. Tapping out. I'm out. Good. Babadoo, much Cheers Cheers but I'm out I'm out Tapping out I'm out Good

Babadoo babadoo babadoo Bah You're invited To an immersive listening party Led by Rishi Keshe Herway The visionary Behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast

And Netflix series This unmissable evening Features Herway And Toronto Symphony Orchestra Music director Gustavo Jimeno In conversation Together They dissect the mesmerizing layers Of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring Unmissable Evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together

and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game

and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the pews. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Oh, that was nice. Oh, public. Sorry, I did the wrong one.

Cues from the pews. No, you didn't. Cues from the pews. Yeah, it is questions from the pews. Cues from the pews. Yeah. But it was just the way you went, cues from the pews.

It ended and I'm pu-pu-pu-puppin' away, but it actually sounded really nice. Well, there you go. Well, okay, more succinct next time. Bit of communication. Bit of communication. We'll be on the same level. All right?

One day. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, it's shagmaridanoid at gmail.com. Please continue to send us all of your stories and insights and would-you-rathers and questions and confessions and everything. You make the podcast. We love you.

Thank you so much. shagmaridanoid at gmail.com. There's still so many as well. Loads. It's insane. I always think they're going to run out and they just don't. They're sat there and I'm like...

And as we get more listeners, people go, oh, this will, you know, this isn't... I've got this story in me back burner. This will be up their street. Perfect. Please keep doing it.

A lot of people in the country. In the world, Rosie. In the world. It's international. Oh my God. Don't tell us that. Wow. Right.

I didn't think we could get any more toenail stories, right? Shut up. Honestly. It's been a while. It has been a while. But I just didn't think we could get any more toenail stories, right? Shut up. Honestly. It's been a while. It has been a while. But I just didn't think there'd be more people who keep the toenails for later times in the day.

It is a thing, Chris. It's not a thing. No, it is. I know, but look, I can't get on board with people who can have like half a Snickers and put the rest in the fridge for later. No, me neither.

Wrap it up and go, I'll save that. No, no, no. There's something wrong with him. So saving a toenail I can't get on board with it it's a genuine thing okay

so there's another guy here brilliant and this is his wife who's wrote in hi Rosie and Chris my husband is gross it's not his name I don't think

just the best intro oh my god fantastic it's like it's stating a fact isn't it Yeah I just imagine them Walking around a posh party

You know like a sort of Like a Fueru Washi advert Where they're walking around And they're going This is the ambassador of Chile And oh good day And this is the new head Of stocks and shares

And this is my husband He is gross Oh fantastic Hello How gross are you? How gross can you go? How gross can you go? How gross can you go? My husband is gross.

Okay, then. He is. Let us be the judge of that, but okay, let's go. I've already judged him. He's a monkey. Okay. I don't need you guys to tell me this. I already know and just thought you'd want to know exactly why I've come to this conclusion.

Okay. There's two reasons here. Yeah. Okay. A few years ago, he went to a gig in a nightclub. So as you know, sometimes at these events, they give you a good pat-down search before you enter. Right, okay.

My other half is Chris. My other half. My other half. I think we're kidding. I think we are. My other half got asked. I think we did. I think we are. My other half got asked by the bouncer, who had at this point just put his hands in his pockets. What, he got an A mate?

Obviously thinking it was some form of contraband. Yeah. Toe nails was his response. So the doorman puts his hand into the pockets while he's searching him. Obviously feels something and goes, what is that? What is that?

Toenails. Monkey. He chomped his own toenails off and put them in his back pocket to chew on at the date. Chopped or chomped? Chomped. So he bites the toenails off anyway. He must be very flexible.

Fucking hell, he could scratch his arse on the floor like a dog. He's halfway there. Exactly, yeah. Probably give himself a blowy no look you bastard no wonder there's a pandemic i've said this so many times not only does he keep them for later he puts rosie there he's going out jeans oh they're in the pocket of his going out jeans awful i'm sorry this man doesn't have going out jeans right so don't be kidding yourself so either he's been wearing them

he's got his toenails off right either with clip or with his teeth and he's took them off and he's put them in the pockets

of the pants he was wearing and he's the kind of person who just wears the pants all day and then goes out in them pants

we've all seen them I've been in a nightclub and seen someone and thought you haven't been changed today you picked the brains up

in those pants you did the big shot this afternoon in them you fucking screw and seen someone and thought, you haven't been changed today. You picked the beans up in those pants. You did the big shot this afternoon in them, you fucking screw up. You've been at the bank in them pants, haven't you? You were in B&Q buying nails with them pants this morning. I saw you. I saw you.

So now, so he's either, I kept them in his pocket all day for later, or he's this and this. Transferred. Yeah, he's transferred them them in his pocket all day for later or he's this and this yeah he's transferred them so this is my favourite he's done them for toenails

right he's put them somewhere and then he's put his cord on pants and he's put a bit of aftershave on you know and he's stood there and he's put a bit of gel

on his hand he's got them all ready right right wallet phone keys where's me toenails back pocket

full of I've got them how shit are this band I know I was going to say that how bad are the band that you've got to take your own

toenails to keep you occupied like don't go don't bother just saying I do like them I'm just going to take

just a handful of my favourite toenails to chomp on just in case they do any new tracks do you know what I mean listen when I go to a gig i want the greatest hits i want the greatest hits on my favorite album track don't throw a new track in there i'm not ready for it

oh fuck what yeah what you drinking the night steve um just on my nails i'm on a diet horrible absolutely fucking horrible sorry but to end up there, Rosie, but also, the middle of a gig is packed. People are there, you're shoulder to shoulder

and he's just like, just chewing a... So weird. Filthy. It's a thing. Rotten. It's a thing. I can get on...

I can't get on board, but I can understand the process of just sitting and watching the telly chewing it. YouTube, it's a plastic sometimes when you're sitting and watching the telly in your own house. Yeah, I love a good chew. I eat the skin on the side of me hands. telly chewing it you chew bits of plastic sometimes when you're sitting watching the telly yeah I love a good chew

I eat the skin on the side of me hands yeah it's horrendous sometimes your nails are pissing of blood and you keep doing it it's horrible you're doing it now

stop doing it it's a problem I can understand if you're a chewer and you go I'll chew this nail disgusting but I get it in the house

taking it out it's a booking them in I know you got in a taxi with them you're gonna hate this there's more there's more

oh god so she's also wrote I have also fallen victim to his rogue toenails oh where was it why she's still married to this bloke I don't know

so listen to this on a car journey home from a festival, I decided to have a puff on his vape. Something sharp hit the back of my throat. No! I'd inhaled one of his

big toenails. Chris, he'd apparently been looking for it. Ah! I'm not going to cry. He'd apparently been looking for it. Imagine if she'd... Choking. Don't swallow it. It's my favourite one.

Don't swallow it. I'll be looking all over for that. You... So, right. So he's put the vape in his pocket, obviously. And they've got a round bit on the end, haven't they? It's like a hollow tube. Yeah.

And the toenail's gone in. Imagine if she died on that. Imagine if she died at the hand of his big toenail. They're sharp as well. Don't keep your vape and your toenails in the same pocket. As if I'm having to say that. As if that's a sentence I've just... As if that's a bit of public service announcement

that's just had to fall out of my mouth. But don't take advice from us. Oh, but no... Oh, my God. So she's gone like, oh, I love above this. And it's gone to the back of her... Yeah.

Oh! Yeah. Oh, no. Mm-hmm. Oh. Horrible, isn't it? Divorce. Divorce him.

Divorce him. Honestly, I don't know if I could stay with you if that happened. That's disgusting. Do you know what I mean? Ghosting It's pretty rad How do you have sex with that?

Well yeah exactly Come on Exactly Maybe he is trying to kill her Can you just imagine though Like in the throes of passion You know what I mean They're drunk one night

And they didn't forget And they get back to the room And they're taking each other's clothes off And she just whips his jeans off And she just flicks them away And you just hear a load of fucking toenails hit the mirror. Nah.

Like a shrapnel. Nah. Absolutely. And he turns the lights, stop! He turns the lights on and collects them back up because he needs them.

Oh, absolutely not. My preciouses. Oh. I hate him. Horrible. Horrible. Dude, whoever you are, I hate you.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hi. Please can you help with what can only be described as a sweaty, unexplainable situation? Oh, God. How does a sweaty bum on the chair not leave a sweat slash wet patch on your skirt or trousers? It makes no sense. The bum sweat is real, but the clothes are dry.

Please help. Right. It's true's true though isn't it sort of yeah if you're sitting there if you're sitting on a leather chair or something like that right not too long for well it's really hot yeah you leave a sweaty bum mark on the chair but you but your pants aren't sopping wet so where's the wet coming from? It's the condensation. It's the heat of the arse touching the colder thing. Right. Right. If the seat and the bum

are the same temperature, this wouldn't happen. Yeah. But it's like condensation you get on a window when you've had a shower. It's the coldness of the seat, the hot bums touching it,

and the condensation gathers on the colder thing. Right. And that's it. But if you sat there for ages, your pants would then soak up that condensation like a towel. Well done.

I don't know if that's right, but that's my educated guess. Also, what a fucking weird email. It is, but it's really weird. Interesting though. Who sat with a sweaty arse that went, I'm going to email this in? I'm glad of it.

I wish I had that kind of time on my hands. I'm so jealous. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Got one here. This might be one of the best written emails we've ever had. Right. Just listen to where he sets his story here. Okay.

It's amazing, right? A few years back, my girlfriend and I visited my parents. It was Christmas time. The log burner was roaring and the two Jack Russells moved from lap to lap seeking ear scratches. Cute. Isn't that just... How well has he written that? Doesn't it just... And the two

Jack Russells moved from lap to lap seeking ear scratches. I mean, it's... I can see the place. Chris, you're a Sunday Times bestseller. Yeah. I mean, come on. He's wrote in an email that Shagmarian annoyed. A very wh bestseller. Yeah. I mean, come on. He's wrote in an email that Shagmar annoyed. A very wholesome scene indeed.

Right, right. He has set the scene. I can see it. I can see the little Jack Russells. They wouldn't be sitting on my lap. Got you. I'm not scratching their ears. Great.

I'm married. After much food and wine, my dad proceeded to show both of us some holiday snaps from the south of France. He showed us the vineyard that they visited and we reveled in the beautiful scenery. Snaps of dried chilli flakes? I don't know, but it sounds awful. I hate when people get the holiday pictures out.

Do you? Oh. Do you enjoy looking at people's holiday pictures? That's why I got rid of Facebook. Such and such has added to the album Paris, 35 photos. Right, great. Great. I say enough of the Eiffel Tower when I watch Real Housewives.

I don't need to see it on your Facebook. Wow. How am I? Yeah, no. Why do you want to look at people's holiday pictures? Yeah, holiday pictures. A couple, nice, but the full album,

like a full-on album. Yeah, I suppose. I'm all right for it. All right. Like what? Chili flakes. They're looking at pictures of chili flakes. Well, it says here,

it says, Dad flicked along discussing at length the snaps of dried chilli flakes. Then it says, a gift of said chilli flakes was exchanged. My girlfriend and I leaned in close

at the dad's phone eager to absorb the scene. I don't know what he's talking about, about chilli flakes. Well, they're obviously looking at a picture of chilli flakes.

That's really fucking boring. Yes. So is the vineyards. Right. And they'll probably be on his phone or his iPad. Well, they're on his phone, so yeah. Well, they're on his phone, so...

Oh, they're on his phone. Yeah, they leaned into the phone. You're going to absorb the scene. Don't worry, it gets better. Right. Then Dad swiped onto a fort over a beach, looking up at Mum to tell us more about the dunes and the sea. What he failed to notice, though,

was that the image in question was one of his dick pics. Oh! Yeah, you're interested in the holiday pics now, aren't you, you little pervert? He's wrote here, thankfully flaccid, which I don't I don't know if that's thankful, I don't know. A laying down POV point of view with the seaside

in the background greeted us, and admittedly a well-manscaped penis centred nicely. Right. His dad is lying on a beach and he's took a photo of his dick with the sea in the background why i imagine it was a nudist beach south of france in it there's a lot of that goes on is there yeah france has got the nudist beaches have they this it says i'm home alone what are you talking about when to take that home alone is it true that buzz says is it true

that french babes don't shave their pits And then he goes Some don't And then Buzz goes But they got nude beaches And then the other kid goes Not in the winter He does Is it true that French babes Don't shave their pits

Some don't But they got nude beaches Not in the winter I don't That's a conversation That's before they see the guy Outside with a shovel Home Alone 1.

Right, I don't remember that bit. Do you know I watched that this Christmas and I still thought Buzz was older than us. Yeah. I still looked at Buzz and thought,

oh, he's a bigger boy. Yeah, he is a bigger boy. He's fucking like 10. Yeah. But as I was watching it, I was like, he'd take me in a fight and I'm 34.

It's always been a bit scary. So, right, I don't remember that. I didn't know there was nudist beaches in the South of France. Not in the winter. No, clearly not

I've been we've talked about this before I've been horrible so anyway why has his dad took a picture of that don't know but he's lying on the beach

his dick is well manscaped and centred nicely in the photo nice his dick's there you can see the scene in the background oh god exclaimed my girlfriend not believing her eyes

what's happened asked mum oh that one she finally realised she knew it was there the filthy cow so he's probably sent she finally realised she knew it was there the filthy cow so he's probably

sent it to her she knew it was there are we boring no I'm alright for showing me kids a picture of me dick

I'm alright for you sending me a picture of your dick that's what I mean that's a bit upset no I just decided it's a present

it's a gift you got I don't want a picture of your flaccid penis with a beach in the background well what about just the beach

yes what about just the penis absolutely not what could I put in the background of the penis photo to make you want the penis photo

chocolate or one of them you know them Chinese the boxes that you can get with all the different stuff in? Oh, you get away from the Chinese takeaway?

It's a box with all of the beer. The picnic box? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. Right. Your penis flaccid on that. On it? Bit of prawn toast on the top.

No. That would be nice. But I don't understand the married couple sending dick pics, because I see... Yes, I've seen that. Well, I see it every day when you're in the shower. Just the hello, morning. There it is.

Like, why are you going to clog up me inbox with pictures of that? Clog up me inbox? No, but do you know what I mean? She was there. Yeah. She was there. Chris, Chris, Chris, stop sending dick pics, man.

Me iCloud storage is full. It's costing me £3.99 a month, this. Are you kidding us? It's all your dick. He's rounded this email off quite nicely because he's wrote, after the most embarrassing evening of my life so far, my girlfriend and I climbed into bed

where she told me that she could see the family resemblance. Oh, go ahead. Well done, dude. That's from Tom. Nice one. I'm dreading dicks when we're older, you know. What? Just we've got two boys.

I know what boys are like. It's going to be wank socks everywhere. Oh, no. It's going to stink. I was never like that. I was very clean. I was never that. Wank sock is the most disgusting thing.

I was a very clean teenager. Very clean. Okay, well, hopefully ours will be. No, because they've got a bit of me. They'll be minging. I was minging. So they're going to be a bit scruffy. At least half scruffy.

There's just going to be dicks everywhere. Robin already laughs about it now. Yeah. He loves it. It's his new favourite phrase. He's like, Mom, how many tiddlers you got? Living with you.

And I'm like, three. And he goes, three tiddlers! Yep. Three tiddlers. Babadoo,lers babadoo babadoo babadoo bah hello i've listened to your podcast from the start and have encouraged my family members to join also now fully fledged smars fantastic and it's only now i've decided it's time to email in oh okay it says here last episode you spoke about bedsheets and I knew it was time. I can't remember when we spoke about them. Honestly, again,

like I had trouble back in the day remembering what I'd said on panel shows and then sometimes remembering what I'd said in early stand-up shows. The amount of shit we have talked on this and put out into the world. I've got no idea. To no idea i worry sometimes because i am so indecisive and my opinions on things change yeah so quickly but i but i'm very like because

we're just talking husband and wife i'm really opinionated because i forget everyone's listening but i could have a different opinion next week on the same subject well me and you so i worry that i've said something really i'm like that never gonna and then i'm like well actually yeah well me and you are the same and i always feel bad about this but i see you quoted on the internet quite a lot and memed up like it's absolutely fine to change your opinion when presented with new evidence yeah that's absolutely true and i live on that because yeah basically because of the amount of times i'm wrong yeah well of course that's that's me all over yeah i do change my opinion a lot if If I'm totally, I'll go, right, okay, well, maybe I might have been wrong. Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, she's heard about the bedsheets and she's felt compelled to email it. I can't remember what it was. But anyway, I live with my fiance and my worst thing ever is clean bedsheets. Sorry? I know. What? That's like the best thing ever in the world. It's the best feeling in the world, clean bed sheets.

Yeah. I... Hey, sorry. A bath, then clean bed sheets. Oh. That is nice. That's nice, isn't it? Bottle that up.

I know. Inject that straight into me eyes. No, I'll add one more. Okay. Bath. Yeah. Clean pyjamas. Oh, hey.

Clean bed sheets. Oh, hey, man. Stop it. And a sleep mask. This isn't, man. Stop it. And a sleep mask. This isn't pornographic. Stop it. I know. Silky.

Oh, gosh. Okay, then. But then most nights, it's monkey old pyjamas. Oh, yeah. Most nights, it's... Not have a shower. Yeah. Most nights, it's...

Scrub it. Has Morph melted and died on this bed? Oh, no. Rosie's had a tan on. Has there been a Watson explosion in this bed? Oh, no. Rosie's had a tan on. Yeah. Yeah. Tan has in this bed? Oh no, Rosie's had a tan on. Yeah.

Yeah. Tan is the bane of my life. It is here though. This is gross. I don't, how does, so she, right, so she hates clean bed sheets. She hates clean bed sheets. That's the maddest thing I've ever heard. I happily go three months without changing them. You fucking pig.

She's explaining it to you, okay, right? Right. I love the smell and how comfy they are. Sorry, what smell? What are you talking about? There is a certain smell about your bed. It's like pheromones. Do you know what I mean? Not your own. You can't smell your own pheromones. I don't know, but there is a smell about

it. Three months. You're going to be getting up on yourselves and walking to the washing machine. You did. It says here as well. I suck my thumb. It's just put in brackets. Yes, I am 28 years old. Who are these people?

And when I suck my thumb, I smell things at the same time. So when in bed, I smell the corner of my bed sheet. It smells so, so good and washing it takes this away from me. You are a giant baby and you need help.

It's a comfort. I kind of get it. Oh my help it's a comfort i kind of get it oh my god i do i kind of get it i wouldn't have right but if anything you know if anything would drive it to suck in your thumb 2020 the year we've had i'm not surprised everyone isn't sucking their fucking thumb okay okay i'll cut you some slack there's there's more oh right and and when my nappy gets full I like to empty it and rub it on my bed sheet and sniff my bed

it's not that bad my fiance hates the fact I don't change them but he doesn't really go out of his way to change them himself so he can't complain also Mr Scruff. Yeah.

Right. As I'm writing this I may as well tell you about my dressing gown. Brilliant. They've done that thing where they leave the good thing till the end.

Kind of. Great. All right then. It doesn't need much describing. I've had it for 10 years. Right. And it's been washed

once. Fuck me. What? No, they're disgusting. My uni friends washed it once to annoy me when I went home one weekend. But it's the same thing. When I suck my thumb, I smell the tie around the waist and it just isn't the same if it's clean.

What's wrong with you? Why do you need these things? I did get my friend to smell it and she was surprised that it didn't smell as disgusting as she thought it might. I mean, she might be a clean person, but it doesn't sound like it. Well, it's just thought I'd let you know. P.S. Anonymous, please, as I'm a

teacher and I don't want any parents knowing my dirty habits. Teaching our children. Teaching the future of this country. Sucking your thumb and sniffing whiteboard markers. You f... Do you know what it is? I can kind of... Hey, it's non-uniform, dear miss, or you're coming in in your

grotty, crusty fucking dressing gown again. Imagine when she does Children of Need and you wear your jarmas and your dressing gown for work. She'll be lifting. She'll have them lines coming off her like cartoon, like Snoopy.

You know, the lines that come up in the air if Charlie Brown when he hasn't had a wash. I know. Mind, I don't know how often I wash my dressing gown

now thinking about it. Not as often as I probably should. I don't sit and sniff it though, but... I don't know where my dressing gown is. Oh, I've got a smile one.

I only use it when I go to the hot tub. Yeah, but they are quite intense to wash. Dressing gowns? Yeah. They take up a lot of air and space it's like

washing a blanket yeah i mean there's no excuse for this dirty pig 10 years is a bit extreme i just it's the weird like i like the smell i need to sniff this smell of the time it's really strange i mean you're weird with smells but that's really i love smells but i don't think i would like that that's a t-shirt i love smells i do love smell nice think I would like that. That's a T-shirt. I love smells. I do love smells. Nice smells. Not bad. I hate bad smells.

There's something going on here today with cows, and it's absolutely grotesque. To the point where I'm like, have we moved to the countryside next to loads of cow poo? Because that'll upset us. Is this cow poo season? Have I not told you there's loads of cows? I told you I was worried about that. There's loads of cows around here. I know, I've seen them all.

I'm not talking about mine and Robin's joke, but when there's loads of cows in the field. Oh, yes. Guys, he's ready for this, guys. This is a joke me and Robin came up with. I think you have said it before. Have I said it on here? Possibly. Even if I haven't. There's loads of cows in the field. There's not hundreds. There's not thousands. There's millions.

That's me clapping myself there you just gotta get the kids you just gotta lower the level for the kids he's gonna grow up one day and learn what a stand-up comedian is and he's gonna be like my dad's not one of them what are you talking about my dad no you know we've got the same one for sheep as well what is that there's loads of sheep in the field there's not hundreds there's not thousands there's not millions there's billions

wow I may clap for myself again oh god I've got a lot of time on me hands it's just really nice that people listening aren't in the car

when you do it but I am so there you go babadoo babadoo babadoo bah thank you so much once again for listening and aren't in the call when you do it, but I am. So there you go. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Thank you so much once again for listening to our little podcast, Shagbound and Audit. Cheeky little podcast!

Cheeky little podcast! We love you. Thanks so much. Is it part of any network at all, Rosie? I was getting... Sounds like you forgot. Sounds like you forgot. It's part of the Acast Creator Network.

Just checking it still is. Here's our bill. Just checking it still is. Guys, thank you so much. As always, if you want to get in touch at shagboundinauditgmail.com The December dates for the Arena Tour are on sale. It's happening. Everything's open up. We will be on tour in December. Very

exciting times. We will see you then. And we'll be back in your ears next week. Bye. Bye, guys. Bye, guys. I'll be watching that video. Bye. Bye, guys. Bye, guys. I'll be watching that video so much. Bye, guys. Bye, guys. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night

on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com