Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 142. Classic Borisina

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

On the podcast this week the pair chat about Rosie’s trip to London, mistaken identity at Chris’ gig and the couple have some pretty exciting news! As well as this there’s some more crow chat, a business end experience and an early Christmas tree QFTP. Enjoy!  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Get tickets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marginoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my extremely tired, head up his backside, snapping at everybody inside,

husband, Christopher Ramsey. Do you know what? Do you know what? As far as introductions go, as nasty as it was, I can't knock the factual accuracy of it. Mr. Crocodile, snap, snap, snap. Fucking goose. I'm so tired. I know you are.

I'm just, I'm just, do you know what? It's just, it's the fact that the days off now from the tour aren't days off from the tour. It's come home and do a load of other shit, but you know, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's first world problems it's me diamond slippers are too tight because when we couldn't do stand up comedy live I was like oh my god I want to do stand up comedy so much I miss it and now

you're tired it's fucking two years worth of work in six months and do you know what I'm goosed and every I know what but do you know what

makes it amazing the crowds are loving it everyone's happy to be back out there the crowds are you know coming out in force and it's brilliant

do you know what always but do you know what will always make you feel better what when I put a photo of you on Instagram and people ask

have you been in a fight because you've got black eyes brilliant because people are really caring like that aren't they brilliant

that's lovely we put a Stitch Fix advert out the other day and someone was like oh I've dark circles under your eyes in fashion are they crisp

I couldn't even be arsed to fight back at them I went okay speaking of fighting back online, I beat someone. I beat someone the other day. Have I told you this?

What, you've been sparring with the trolls, have you? I wasn't even a troll. What happened? We did Hull City Hall the other night. Big shout out to everyone in Hull. It was a great gig. I put on Instagram, put a photo on. I said, great gig, everyone.

Thanks for coming. Some guy commented going, yeah, a bit frustrating though when the interval and the support act are longer than the main act i went okay so i went straight into the uh i spoke to a manager he went straight into the files on his computer that tell him how long everything is i got them i replied to the guy on instagram um support act 26 minutes interval 26 minutes added 76 minutes stop lying on the internet and he wrote underneath

yeah I can't argue with that fair point I went yeah thanks for coming time flies when you're having fun bitch oh my what

it was it was one of the most civil discussions I've ever seen on the internet oh Jesus he literally was like yeah these are the timings

and he went yeah okay sorry oh honestly what a bellend oh I'm actually very proud of you for that normally I'd be like don't rise to it oh honestly what a bellend oh I'm actually very proud of you for that normally I'd be like don't rise to it

don't engage don't feed the trolls he wasn't trolling he was just factually inaccurate I just can't be you know what I'm like I can't be bothered when someone's factually inaccurate

just how could you like how could you be arsed anyway listen loads of people loads of people underneath were like

it was a very civil argument people are running people are doing their ironing people are in the car on the way to work they don't want to hear about dickheads on Instagram well they kind of do

because all that we do is read the comments don't we we just read all the comments I've told you what I started doing what I mentioned this on my Instagram if I see somebody commenting

correcting an Instagrammer's grammar doing what i mentioned this on my instagram um if i see somebody commenting uh correcting an instagram as a grammar i will block them even if they don't follow us i do if i see somebody saying something if i'd seen that comment i would block him even though he doesn't follow me oh just just so that the con there's so many people can i just admit now freely there's so many people can I just admit now freely there's so many people out there in the ether who

don't know they've been muted by me on Twitter and I'm sure they still say stuff but they've all been muted and they're just shouting in the dark

it's fucking great it's normally when I go gig tonight and someone replies with the football's on I go and you can shout in the dark like Black Mirror

bye our message Chris Ronsie every week saying you should balance it's great in the football's on our message Chris Ronson every week saying football's on it's great in the football zone first world problems

this is great first world problems welcome back to passive aggressive Shagmar is annoyed it's not even passive actually it's just

it's just openly aggressive it's just openly aggressive but you know what my excuse is that I'm tired what's your excuse oh just I'm a bitch right okay I'm a bitch I excuse is that I'm tired what's your excuse oh just I'm a bitch right okay

I'm a bitch I'm a lover I'm a child I'm a mother is there anything you can't turn into a song do I know the words and I will not feel ashamed

I'm your that's enough that's enough no one wants to no one wants to listen while you plod through that song like someone looking

for a door in the dark in the house you feel like you know it's there but you can't find it and it's the wrong light switch and blah, blah, blah. It's a good song.

It's a very good song. Listen, my laptop is telling me there's an update available. It tells us all the time and you can remind us tomorrow and tomorrow I'll do the same. Tell you what. Fuck off.

Watch out, Apple. Think you're going to upgrade this girl? Think again, girlfriend. Do not need upgrading. Thank you very much. Rosie's somehow running Windows 95 on this Mac. What are you going to do about it? Listen, guys, thank you so much for tuning in.

We're sorry we're whinge. Sorry. I'll try not to whinge too much this week. Okay, are you starting it? I'll try not to whinge. You did because you told them I was tired. I was going to put a brave face on. But once you tell people I'm tired,

I'm like, yes, I am tired. The looks I get on the school run in the morning, I must look like a reanimated fucking corpse. Honestly. Disgraceful. I just walk around.

The parents look at us thinking, what does he do? Is he a vampire? I'm a clip. Well, I didn't want to say it, but... Brilliant. So, guys, thank you so much for listening. It's episode 142, and without any further ado,

it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is... Body Clock. Hey. You tired? Yeah. Go and go to sleep? Nah, can't.

Why? Because you haven't been asleep this time for the past few days, so you're going to be awake, even though you're fucking knackered. Not many people are going to be able to resonate with this. You've lost everyone. All right, ever been on holiday to somewhere with a different time zone and come back and try to get to sleep at the right time and you can't? Same fucking thing.

Jet lag. Yeah, I've got entertainer's jet lag. I climb into bed, I try to get a nice early night at half nine, right, and I think, time for bed, and my body goes, no, you're normally on stage now, and I lie there. And do you know what I do, Rosie? I worry about the past. I remember embarrassing things I've done off years ago,

and I nearly make myself sick. What are you going to do about it? That's called anxiety, Chris. It is, and I've got it by the fucking bucket load. You're riddled with it. God, so... Sorry, just as somebody who doesn't suffer from anxiety, it's really hard to understand. Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I only get it at certain times. I get when I'm tired. I get when I'm tired. But I lay in bed last night worrying about, remember when Robin knocked his teeth out? Yeah. I literally lay in bed playing it through my head again.

Why? I couldn't stop it. Have you ever had a song in your head and you can't stop the lyrics? Sometimes you get a thought and you can't stop the thought and it just keeps coming at you and you go like... If you weren't there, I've done it... I don't know why I'm admitting this, but I've done it in a hotel before. Right, oh my word.

I've shouted to get a thought out of my head. What do you mean? I've lay in bed and shouted. I've lay in bed and went... And then it goes. But I can't do that when you and Ria are in the room asleep because you'll think I'm being murdered. I don't know whether

you should have told me that I think there's some things in life you need to keep yourself you have to shout at your thoughts you've got to shout yeah

so if you ever hear a shout are you a secret murderer no secret because I had a routine about it I remember watching I dropped the routine

because I watched a Bill Burr special and Bill Burr did the same. But it was when you're in the shower and you remember an embarrassing thought and you literally have to go, just any tune just to get the thought out of your head,

the embarrassing thought. That doesn't happen to me. It's like a reaction. Yeah. I had to soak it all in me. There's not much going on up there. Do you know what? You're like a computer running no programs.

That's rude. There's a lot going on in my brain. But you know what? I embrace it all. If I was having that thought, you know what I'd have done? Role played. By yourself? That's worse than shouting.

Role played. You never had an argument in the shower. That's what I do. I have fights with people. Shampoo bottle. People I'm not getting along with at the time. I will have a fully blown fight with them in my mind. Okay.

I might have a little cry. Yeah. Crying in the shower is the best because no one can see. I do a lot of crying. I always them in my mind. Okay. I might have a little cry. Yeah. Yeah. Crying in the shower is the best because no one can see. I do a lot of cry. I always cry in the shower. It's always at someone's funeral. Yeah?

Mm. Wow. I didn't ever think about, we've talked about this before, when you think about people dying, have a little cry, and then you go, well, that was weird,

and then I cry every day. I'm going to be honest with you, these days when I'm thinking about people dying, it's normally a good thing. What do you mean? That's normally something I've had a falling out with and I'm thinking, oh, yeah, I've got a weird life.

Don't think someone, no. I'm joking, I'm joking. This is getting normally something I've had a falling out with and I'm thinking, oh, yeah, I got a wee late night. Don't think someone... No. I'm joking, I'm joking. This is getting deep. I don't mean someone I know. I mean, you know, someone who stuck their fingers about you on the motorway

or something. I don't mean... That's... What? Sorry, everybody. That's not... That's cracking. We'll do the jingle.

This is getting too much. Have we got a jingle? Yes, the jingle. Oh, God. I might go for a nap. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle for a nap. Hello and welcome back to Anxiety Workshop with Chris and Rosie Ramsey. Hi!

Happy to have you here. We're going to work through that anxiety. Bad news for you guys. I can't tell you to work through it, but I can tell you how to amplify your anxiety by thinking about certain things from your past that will trigger panic. Everyone find a comfortable space and then everyone close your eyes and think about the worst thing that's ever happened in your life. And we're off here we go

but yes it's all good I am really genuinely happy I'm just a little bit tired sometimes and I'm so glad that my job is back etc etc

so we've got a very exciting announcement haven't we we have indeed but you know I'm going to go as far as to say bucket list shit

yeah bucket list ticked it off bucket list shit so if you are listening to this uh on the 12th which is the day that this podcast comes out one week today friday the 19th me and the little chocolate chip pig although she did weirdly insist on being called rosie throughout which i found weird are doing doing... CBeebies Bedtime Stories. Yay! How class was it? It was absolutely mental.

We've been wanting to talk about it for so long. We did it ages ago. Yeah, we did. Oh, it was so good. It's one of those things, I think until you're a parent, you don't understand what a vital role that is going to be in your life.

And then from being the parent watching CBeebies with your child to then doing the bedtime stories pretty epic so cool very excited to see

how Robin and Rafe react probably not going to be asked at all which will be very upsetting well we were last night we were in the house and we randomly

turned the telly on and the one show came on and there was a little clip that we'd done on the one show and Robin I mean we were more surprised we turned around and we were like came on and there was a little clip that we'd done on the one show and Robin, I mean, we were more surprised. We turned around and we were like,

oh my God, we forgot we did this. This is on. How lovely. It was a lovely charity moment on the one show. Yeah, it was for Beth.

I think she listened to the podcast. Big love Beth. Big shout Beth. Yes. From St. Oswald's. St. Oswald's, yeah. And Robin,

not, he didn't bat an eyelid. He doesn't care. We both went, oh my God, look at this. And he went, yeah,

he's kind of sweet. He doesn't care because We both went, oh my God, look at this. And he went, yeah, he's clever sweet. He doesn't care because it's all he's known. He now probably thinks that everyone else's mum and dad does stuff on the telly. Yeah, yeah. But I hope he is a little bit excited about the bedtime story. He's got to be.

Well, we were going to keep it as a surprise. Yeah, but who told him? My mum. Your mum, yeah, Sandra. Can it hold a fucking water, can't she? She really can't. She actually can't. I mean, she gives Christmas presents before Christmas. Yeah. She tells you in November what she She really can't She actually can't Honestly I mean she gives Christmas presents

Before Christmas Yeah She tells you in November What she's bought you She's a nightmare She was on fire We went to London I went to

When I did Strictly It takes two London last week Yeah My mum and my sister Came along Because you know It's what they do

Well you know Much like a rapper You do take your entourage Yeah I really do But just the sad thing is they have lovely little days now I've got to go

to work it's really shit but she was on form she had me and Kate laughing like a lot and I haven't told you this so we got room service on the second night

because I was just I was knackered bloody room service I know what hey room service well the problem we went too hard

on the first night we went to the theatre we went out for Well, the problem, we went too hard on the first night. Right. We went to the theatre. Right. We went out for dinner. We drank too much. We went too hard. I hope you went downstairs

and got the room service. You didn't pay the £4 trade charge, did you? I paid the £4 trade charge. Fucking hey, man. What? Chris, this is gonna... Listen, right?

I don't want this to go in the pocket, but you phone me. You phone me and tell me when you're gonna apply a £4 trade charge to our... Right? Sorry, I'm back. I'm back.

That was... See what he's like behind the scenes. Don't you ever. You fucking, you shut your fucking mouth. Don't you ever do that again. You dare shout at me. It's half my money, you little prick. Fuck you. And welcome back to Shag Mind Annoyed.

Hi, guys. That was really weird. Anyway, so, Sandra. No, I've done that before. Did you say good or weird weird yeah weird i thought you said good reviewing your own little asides on the podcast well what from one thing great to more me like come on tell us about sandra i love a sandra story was on form right so um we got room service bear in mind she's just she's very generous but she's a bit of a cheapskate right um so we got room service bear in mind she's she's very generous but she's a bit of a cheapskate right so we got like

a full dinner and then she was desperate for a chocolate brownie right because she's one of them people where she has to have a dessert she can't like what

sorry you got the full dinner and then afterwards an auxiliary chocolate brownie was ordered back to the room yes an extra £5 two

two tray chargers. Two tray chargers. Two. Yes, but Sandra didn't know about the tray chargers. No, it gets better.

So honestly, so she ordered the chocolate brownie which they brought afterwards and by the time it came she didn't actually really want it and I was like, are you having a fucking laugh Sandra because you've charged out the room

and you'll eat it. You will eat that chocolate brownie and you'll drink that little tub of double cream that you've got with it as well you'll drink that Sandra because you asked for that

specifically you fat greedy cow anyway she then so obviously I didn't actually say that but she then went on to tell us

I'm sure it was implied it was very much implied in my eyes I told her with my eyes and then she went on to tell us a story that i didn't know about and isn't it funny as a kid you um you know we've got kids now and you worry you think oh we've argued and they've listened and he's gonna traumatize them and bloody around the house you mean yeah well no just in general life so my mom told me that when we

went to peter rabbit world in the lake district i think it's in windermere yes it's like i know exactly where you mean we've seen yeah it's yeah it's a three-story building that's where she wrote all the peter rabbit books isn't it yeah but in in windermere town center there's like a little peter rabbit yeah world where you go in and there's a cafe and all that right yeah so we went there and uh in my memory it was it was absolutely wonderful right had a brilliant day we were all holding hands and having the best day ever apparently not apparently

we, me mum and dad were at a stage in their life where they didn't have much money and it was when we couldn't go on holiday abroad so it was very much, I think we borrowed someone's caravan and we were going around around the lake district was this the caravan you were given? oh no that one you didn't have a car at the time anyway so um three kids to get

into peter rabbit world would have been expensive i am i mean i imagine your mom was up for doing like a classic peter rabbit mr mcgregor move and just climbing over the fence and running in i mean she would have if you could have great so underneath so apparently we got to the cafe begged to go to the cafe and my mum was very much like no no we're not going to the cafe

we've got you know we've got sandwiches and we're going to have a picnic and blah blah blah anyway apparently we begged so much that we went to the cafe

we all wanted a caramel shortcake what are they called yeah yeah a millionaire shortcake right we all wanted one my mumcake. Oh, no. What are they called? Yeah, yeah, a millionaire shortcake. A millionaire shortcake, right? We all wanted one. My mum went, you've never had them before.

I don't think that you're going to like them. Apparently, we were crying. Right. And we wanted them so badly. I think my dad went, Sandra, just get them. Just get them them. Right. And so my mum forked out for three millionaire shortcakes.

Oh. None of us liked them. We all left them. There was a lot more tears because my mom tried to force us to eat them. And we cried like, we don't like them. It tastes weird and she just reminded us of that story

and she said it was one of the worst days of our life one of the worst days of our life and I thought well you'll eat that chocolate brownie

Sandra that's weird because last time I saw an advert for Peter Rabbit World it did say on the poster one of the worst days of my life

Sandra Winter I thought it was weird that they'd written that did your mum at least eat all of the shortbreads herself? Well, she might, she'll have took them with her. Yeah, she'll have got them wrapped up. But I think she was just, it's that thing, isn't it,

when you tell a kid, like, you're not going to like that. You're not going to like that. It's going to be a weird, and if you haven't got, you know, if you haven't got money to waste, they would have been, they would have been about two pound each, something like that.

Children are so expensive, especially someone like that. Yeah, and so i think she was just it just it sparked a memory for her at how seething she was i was um this this is weird i was in a hotel the other day right and there's newly installed things on the bet on the benches in this hotel so you got the telly on like a bench and then next to the telly it looked like um imagine a whack-a-mole imagine if someone put a whack-a-mole in a room you know it was like like, imagine a whack-a-mole. Imagine if someone put a whack-a-mole in a room. What's a whack-a-mole? In a whack-a-mole.

Oh, where the thing pops out. And you hit them. So things pop out of the hammer and you hit them. So it was like a tiered shelf system, plastic tiered shelf system, with little grippers that looked almost like holes. Right. And I was like, what the fuck is this? And we all had them in our rooms.

And we met at breakfast. And I'm like, what the hell is that? Right. And me two-hour manager ended up going to the reception and going look what is that in the room because we couldn't work out what it was someone one of them i can't remember what to manage i said it one of them said a tie warmer i said you're drunk get back to bed tie tie warmer i don't know what he was thinking of right um it they've just installed them and it's to put they're not finished apparently and it's to put like the room service stuff on so like a Pringles tube

will go on and a Mars bar will go on and they'll go on these pressure plate things like Indiana Jones and if you take it off you get charged but

how fucking shit is that for someone who goes to that hotel with kids and the kids just run over and go look at all this dad 40 quid

well my mum also told Kate off because she got the wine out the fridge and she went they'll charge you for that and I said it's alright

it's when you move it it's when you move it you go to the hotel and you go they go checking out you go do you have anything out the minibar and you go no

and they go it says you had the wine now I picked it up you cunt that's bad that isn't it I picked it up and put it back go check

sorry wait here sir we're going to go and send someone to check the seal on the wine crikey although I mean, I have stayed at a hotel

and in that morning, so the ones that don't monitor it, I will eat the nuts just before I leave and they'll go, have you had anything on your burn? I'll go, I haven't, no. And I'm lying.

Stop me right there. Guys, guys, come in. We've got her again. Guys, we've got her again. This isn't a podcast. This is the third time now this is not a podcast. We've got her again. Guys've got her again this isn't a podcast at this third time now this is not a podcast we've got her again guys storm the bit smash through the window SWAT team we've got we've got the bitch we've got the bitch the nut stealer we've got her

your criminal enterprise is grows by every episode. This is... I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed. Listen, I'm doing it for the little people. These big corporations think they can take the piss out of me. You'll not be little if you keep stealing stuff from the minibar. You'll be fucking massive love.

And your ma. Oh, funny. Or the story is one day your ma is funny the story is one day your ma is going to fleece you in hotel bills I'm glad you know what

because you three didn't eat them shortbreads I'm glad she got that I'm glad she got it on a separate tray charge did you charge it on your card

didn't you you didn't charge it on me it's charged to you I'm so glad your ma did that that's great so glad

babadoo babadoo babadoo, babadoo, bah! So here's something that happened the other day. I know you like it when I'm sort of knocked off my pedestal and dragged back down to Earth. Right. What's happened? Don't try...

Sorry, I thought you were going to claim that you weren't, but you're actually so excited. Oh, no, I mean, I love a bit of this. Love a bit of Chris Ramsey in the real world. I mean, you know right at the minute you are to a wanker, Chris. Yeah. Yeah. Of course I am.

It's horrible. Very important. Thousands of people sit and listen to me and hang on me every word every night, Rosie. I'm so important. You are lucky I'm in here having a conversation with you right now. Oh. Because, in fact, can I have 25 quid for this? Wow.

I'm joking. So listen, I was at Stafford Gatehouse, right? Mm-hmm. Lovely theatre. I've done it for years. Carl was on stage, and it's one of them theatres where when you're standing backstage, you can't really hear them laughing. I knew Carl was doing well. I could tell by the way he was pacing his jokes out

that he was getting laughs. He wasn't just leaving gaps, but you can't really hear them. So I thought, right, I'll go and have a listen. So I walked from the backstage down into the little foyer at the side. There was a little bar that was closed. And I was down in the foyer and there was two doors. Foyer? Foyer?

Foyer. Oh, someone's changed. I told you I'm very important. Wow. Very famous, successful comedian. In the foyer? Anyway, fucking hell. Foyer.

Can I tell me a story, you massive tosser? Right? So I open the door, like just a couple of millimetres. And I'm looking through the door. So the crowd are on my left and I'm looking at the call yeah and he's doing brilliant I'm listening right and I felt a

presence behind us a theatre ghost gosh I knew I knew you were going to say that there she is I knew you were going to say that

okay Mrs Stafford so I turned and it was just a bloke and he like smiled and I smiled and he pointed at the bar and I thought oh he's

going to the bar okay so then I kept looking I kept watching Carl and then Carl got like a and I smiled and he pointed at the bar and I thought oh he's going to the bar okay so then I kept looking I kept watching Carl and then Carl got like a big round of applause so I shut the door and I thought

yeah the crowd sound great and I went and walked back up and the bloke went excuse me mate and I turned and he went are you serving on here or what fuck off

no he didn't and he did he went are you serving on here or what and I looked at him and I went no what exactly like that i went no and i walked backstage and i went i went too hard on you i fucking never believe what's happened

i went me first as a comic you never really know what to say when you first go out on stage it's a really hard thing unless you've got to open in line yeah and i like to keep it a bit loose and i went oh me opening bits sorted right right and i And I went to all the staff, I went, is there something else in here tonight? Because there's another room, there's a room downstairs, it's the staff I called the men. I went, is there another show on?

And they went, no, you're the only thing on tonight. And I went, some fucking bloke doesn't know what he's here to see. Who's he here to see? Oh, yeah, I was like, what? I mean, he hasn't paid to see Carl because he's at the fucking bar while Carl's on and he doesn't know who I am, so I don't know what he's doing it was a beautiful beautiful moment

okay you know when you see you see a husband and wife's relationship laid out for you i walked out on stage and i was like hello everyone and all crap was around the place for carl keep it going for carl you know all that and i went right where is he and the whole crowd laughed like a nervous laugh i went you don't know what you're laughing at yet but you will in a second i went where is he and the whole crowd laughed like a nervous laugh i went you don't know what you're laughing at yet but you will in a second i went where is he silence i went where is he and i heard a woman go he's here shut up so what so what it was his wife he told her she went he's here and i went there he is i went right mate and i explained what it was i explained what happened and everyone laughed and i went when did you realize i didn't work at the theater and there was a moment silence and he went about 30 seconds ago when you walked on stage oh he must have turned and told his wife while everyone was clapping

he must have turned and said to his wife oh shit i didn't know it was him i've just asked him to pause a pint so why did he come to see you? He obviously, he didn't put two and two together. He didn't think I'd be standing in the bar thing and he didn't recognise us for some reason.

I don't know if I look different. I'll tell you, I don't know what it is, but it was just this beautiful moment. Where is he? A woman's voice. He's here. He's here.

I've got him for you, Chris. He's here. That's beautiful. Gorgeous. I love stuff like that. Love it. That's hilarious. But I'm sorry.

That's, do you know what it is? There's no, like, because in that's hilarious but I'm sorry that's it was amazing do you know what it is there's no like because in it if you'd have said that if you'd have been

I don't know if you'd have gone and seen like a West End show and you were in the hallway and someone said are you serving you'd be like no I'm not

I don't work here blah blah blah but you have all right it's your show the people have paid the currency you he had a ticket

and he's popular with my name on it with your picture on it. Oh, hey, that's funny. That is funny. It's just nice to be pulled back down to earth now and then. It really is nice to remember that. Do you know what?

Someone can be at your own show where they've paid to see you and they can still ask you to pour them a pint from behind the bar. Oh, it's great. It's because you didn't have your Strictly clothes on. I don't wear Strictly clothes on stage. But you didn't have your Paso Doble.

I didn't have my hair done. I'll give him that, but still. Did you ever do the Paso Doble? How dare you? I did very well on the Paso Doble.

Did you? Run, boy, run. Oh, yeah. This world was not meant for you. I don't know the difference between all the dances. Yeah, it's, I remember when I used to do

Strictly and would sit with Claudia afterwards and they'd go, so next week you've got quicksnap, are you excited? And I'd go, I'll tell you on Thursday because I've got no fucking idea what it is. I don't know what it is. They would ask the other celebs and be like, yeah, well, you know, personally, I've always wanted to do a tango. And I'd be like, what?

The only thing I knew about the tango was the beginning of True Lies when he dances with Jamie Lee Curtis. That was the only thing I knew about the tango. Honest Watch, Negra and Deep, Jamie Lee Curtis. only thing I knew about the tango yeah honest watch Jimmy Lee Curtis only time I'd seen the tango everything else not a clue even as a watcher so I've been watching

Strictly for like for in and out for years yeah like some series I've really watched some series I haven't whatever

it depends what I've been doing in my life but when I had a research chat for when I went on Strictly it takes two the other night they were talking about all the dancers

like I was meant to differentiate them all and I was like I'm actually a viewer and when you go what did you think of their their chat

what do you think about their American Smooth I was like what song was it what were they wearing like I don't I don't know the difference

I know what you mean yeah but then they all talked like the oh yes the tango yeah I'm like

well you can tell how hard it is because how hard it is to see because even the judges who are like trained in dancing and have danced for years when the people like well you can tell how hard it is because how hard it is to see even the judges who are like trained in dancing and have danced

for years when the people are dancing you can see I know Bruno used to do it a lot he'd stand up and hold onto his desk

and be like looking as if he's like do you know what I mean as if he's hanging over the bow of a ship looking for someone drowning in the sea like properly staring

at their feet going like right what are their feet doing because it's like it's technical as fuck oh yeah yeah yeah I remember I messed up in one of my in a comic world it was the week oh yeah yeah yeah I remember I messed up in one of mine

I can't remember what it was it was the week I got booted out and I messed up a couple of steps and I was like they'll not notice Karen had a long dress on and Shirley was literally like well when you went round there

you got a few steps wrong and I was like fuck she's good how the fuck did she say that she is good it's almost like she's a professional lifelong dancer and judge

she's unreal she's an unreal dancer yeah god babadoo babadoo babadoo bah it's time for what's your beef what's your unreal dancer. Yeah. Yeah. Gosh. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef?

Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Guys, before we do the beefs, it is probably worth reminding you that when we go on tour, back on tour with the Shag Mountain Oid live podcast show, we will be again asking for your beefs, your local beefs, depending on what gig you're coming to.

So when your gig is approaching, keep an eye on our social medias mainly Rosie's Instagram because I'm fucking shit on it and get your beefs in with your partner and we will be reading out

beefs live on stage and in the first leg they were fantastic they were unbelievable I was just going to say that they were unbelievable better than we expected yeah much better

so please more of that again I hate to say it and I don't want to jinx it but all the listeners of this podcast do is prove the rules about audience interaction wrong the i've said it before people producers always say you can't or you can't rely on the audience to provide content well i think you'll find 142 fucking episodes in yes you can and it's still coming yes you can beautiful questions wonderful yeah so please

keep sending stuff in obviously your question but your beefs are very very important for the gig that you're going to and obviously the arena shows there's still some tickets available for some of them because the arenas they're massive there's always a seat or two so get involved shagman annoyed.com what's your beef my beef okay do you want shall i go first this time yes right my beef with you it's a weird one this week because I may well have imagined this because I am very tired and working extremely hard.

Very famous, important comedian. Jesus. Yes. So, for a while now, you have had prints around the house that you keep buying. You keep buying prints, pictures. Like framed artwork.

Framed artwork, if you want to call it that. That's exactly what it is. You say foyer, I say foyer. the house that you keep buying you keep buying prints pictures like framed artwork framed artwork if you want to call it that that's exactly what it is you say for you i say for you let's call the whole thing yeah um let's call the whole thing a room outside the venue now you've been buying they keep you i bought some more prints i bought some more pictures can you put them up curating a collection oh god actually poor me coming back from tour walking around the house with bloody memory keep on me hammering nails to be fair the walls are pretty good in this house you can put most things up with them you're gonna put a fucking tell you with a nail on these walls yeah so put things up and the other day you asked for the most

irritating thing to do which is can you put uh pictures up the stairs yeah now to put them up the stairs you've got to get the angles right you've got to measure the distance between them but also the distance from each step and measure them and it's a fucking nightmare to get it done, it took us ages yesterday, correct me if I'm wrong and I will apologise, you're smiling so I don't think you are I am 99.9%

sure and honestly you're laughing you're laughing has just pushed us over into 100% here I walked out of the living room yesterday and I heard the tail end of something you were saying and I'm 99.99999999 now 100% sure that the words that came out of your mouth were do you know what?

I haven't even noticed or looked at those pictures on the stairs since you put them up. And what was the rest of the sentence? What was the rest of the sentence? So you only heard that bit? Yeah, I was fucking raging. Okay, so... I went and looked at? Yeah I was fucking raging. Okay so. I went and looked

at them and I was like you dick. No basically I haven't noticed them because when they weren't there I couldn't help but think that wall

looks bare and now that they're there. You haven't even appreciated them. No I do appreciate them but I haven't gone that wall looks bare I've just thought

oh yes I haven't had to look and go oh because it's like nice. So actually it was appreciation. You didn't let us finish. You weren't had to look and go oh because it's like nice so actually it was it was appreciation you didn't let us finish appreciation weren't listening to the end of appreciation through not noticing or looking or acknowledging the hard work i did by putting them up no i do they look fantastic listen no they do look great but all i'm saying is i'm not now looking at the stairs going that looks awful i'm just they've just become part of the tomorrow

morning tomorrow morning i want you to get up i want on it go and get your coffee and i want you to spend a good half an hour on the stairs in front of each picture admiring it like you're in an art gallery because it was a fucking nightmare actually i've got an early train don't don't move the one at the top of the stairs because i'm not exaggerating when i say there's about nine holes behind it oh really because i couldn't get it up well that's what she said. Wow. So is that your beef? That's my beef, yeah.

That you said. Well, if you'd listened to the end. There you go. That's stupid. I'm still not... If you'd listened to what I'd said. I'm not accepting the end. It's true.

Oh, they're so brilliant, I don't notice them. Shut up, man. That's terrible. Well, it's true. Okay, my beef with you... Come on, then. ...this week, and actually you've been doing this for as long as we've had children.

Wow. Every time I ask you where one of the kids is, you answer. So I'll go, where's Robin? You go, who? Every time. It's gone past. It was quite funny

at first and I'd go oh every time so you did it with Rafe yesterday yeah because I said

because Rafe's crawling now so he just can crawl off and you're literally like where the hell has Rafe gone and I said to you because he was behind the kitchen island

on the floor and you were at the sink and I said where's Rafe like panic where's Rafe and you went who

and I was like Rafe classic dad joke classic dad joke it's and you went who and I was like Rafe you're like who classic dad joke classic dad joke it's infuriating actually because I was genuinely worried and then I heard him

so I was fine he was right the thing is he was literally a metre away from you you just couldn't see him I know but why honestly Chris you couldn't be arsed

drop it drop the comedian act when you get home it's not funny it's not becoming listen they started off them jokes and you laughed at them

and then we're on we're on the downwards we're on the downward slope now we're in a trough right all I've got to do is keep doing them and we'll come back

up the other end it's the comedy of repetitive resilience right I've just got to keep doing it keep

you've thrown off shit some sticks honestly six months time you'll be pissing yourself at them jokes again just Rosie

stick with it your mum still laughs at your dad's jokes, which I find unbelievable. Personally. Have you noticed that? Oh, she thinks he's great, yeah. Like, laughs them up. Fuck me.

Yeah, it's ridiculous. You've got a lovely marriage, your mum and dad. It's gross. Gross. Tell that, tell that story, tell that story tell that story and then fuck me I hope

I mean we're we're fucked already stopped laughing years ago you can stop it now

you didn't stop laughing years ago it's just the certain things that you don't laugh at but you do laugh but it is I'm saying it's nice

it's nice that they still laugh like your mum laughs at your dad well you know what can I say he's a funny guy no it's nice

it is nice it's nice. It is nice. It's nice. I hope we do the same. One day. One day. Just stick at it. Just do what she does. All the fake laughs now and then.

Absolutely. I think that all... Is she providing morale boosting? Maybe. Yeah. I didn't want to say, but that's where I've come out of it. Great.

I'm like, right, okay. So this is so she doesn't have to sleep with him anymore. And where are my mum and dad now? What do you mean? Where are they? Downstairs. Who with? Rave. Who?

Laughed. Oh, hey. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league. Bar none. Tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on Saturday, April 13th. When the Toronto rock hosts the Rochester night Hawks at first Ontario center in Hamilton at 7 30 PM. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every post-season game.

And you'll only pay as we play, come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com it's time for queasles from the peasles with measles beagles and seagulls oh quizzles from the peasles hey hey okay you know what it is when you've got a podcast

this successful going for this long you've got to mix it up you've got to mix the format up so questions from the public is now called quizzles from the peasles

just for one week only though yeah because we'll probably forget next week welcome back sleep deprivation talking now welcome back and all of that

there was only a babadoo bat there was only a babadoo bat I missed them bless you welcome back sleep deprivation talking now welcome back and all of that welcome back there was only a babadoo bat there was only a babadoo bat I missed them bless you as always guys

if you want to get in touch shagmarynauditgmail.com send them for the show send them for the that's a show I sound like fucking Carl Hutchinson refers to this podcast

as the show every night on stage and I'm sure the whole place what do you mean all right grander so I introduced him as friend of the podcast

because everyone knows who he is now yeah yeah and he goes oh yeah look he goes you know what everyone i don't listen to the show every week but my wife listens to the show every week and i'm like sure i'm sure the whole crowd are like sure who let who let everyone who let everyone's grander on stage spoken like a non-podcast listener exactly right what a noob um yeah send them for the podcast, send them for the live show. We'll love you. Let's get started off. Now, I haven't told you this yet.

Okay. But Idris Elba's management have been in touch. Shut up. I'm not even, no, I'm not joking. No? Yeah, they've been in touch. Are we in trouble? He's not best pleased.

No. With what was said. No, no. No, he wasn't very happy. I'm genuinely what was said. No? Oh, no. No, he wasn't very happy. I'm genuinely upset. Yeah. Why? It was a compliment.

Basically, he's been in touch and said he doesn't even use condoms. So, I'm totally joking. Oh, my God. You fucking arse. I was really worried there. Would now apologise again because now I'm worried that they might get in touch and say that he has. No, they've not been in touch.

Oh. I wish they'd been in touch. Imagine. Oh, can you imagine they got in touch? Yeah. No, they haven't been in touch. Oh.

I was really scared there because I reckon he would punch me to pieces. Oh, he'd have you like. He'd eat me. He'd eat me alive. Yeah, I agree. Oh, God.

I'd hide behind you. I wouldn't be scared. Well, I would, but I wouldn't be scared to hide behind you. Okay. Oh, my God. No, he agree. Oh, God. I'd hide behind you. I wouldn't be scared. Well, I would, but I wouldn't be scared to hide behind you. Okay. I'd look after you. Oh, my God. No, he hasn't been in the touch. That was horrible. That was, honestly... You got a sweat on? I'm too tired of you

doing stuff like... Don't do stuff like that. Don't hide, Sammy. Oh, God. Just practice some acting skills. I've got a shock there. I didn't like that at all. I don't know how many people... I'm sorry. I bet these people are devastated that I hadn't even got... Can you imagine a cease and desist from Idris Elba's management for saying that he throws, that we would like him to throw a hot

condom in our face. Someone really quite cleverly pointed out online that we, and I think it was a little bit dirty, so we didn't go down this avenue, because sometimes we actually try and stay away from really scruffy stuff. Yeah, someone said the more important thing is who's the condom being in? That was the more important bit. can i just say now i don't want to get

into that no let's not okay we've had enough of that we've had enough of that um just really quickly want to chat what the idea of yourself as management imagine working working in the management of a holly Hollywood A-lister and someone comes in and goes I need you to send an email a podcast said that he

that like a hot condom from Idris thrown in their face and Idris is furious yeah Idris has listened and he's not happy let's stop

because we're perpetuating we're perpetuating this leave it leave it sorry leave it oh god if I meet him again

what are you going to say I'm not going to I'm not going to say anything I'm going to Leave it, leave it. Sorry. Leave it. Oh, God. If I meet him again... What are you going to say? I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to make myself scarce, just in case. Don't say anything. Right. I had a couple of stories in about people in cruel experiences. Right.

I thought you might be interested, because last week, obviously, we spoke about the murder. A murder of crows, yes. A murder of crows. Yeah. It sparked a couple of people's... Some memories about this so um hey rosie and chris hope you're both well currently listening to your that's a crow episode and i just had to tell you this stupid crow story my boyfriend once told me so this is from my boyfriend okay a few years ago i bought a chest of drawers from someone on Facebook Marketplace. I mean, Facebook Marketplace is epic.

Have you ever been on? I don't have Facebook, but yeah. I mean, I've got a Facebook fan page thing, but I just, I curated through my Instagram. It's unreal. It's like eBay and all that. It's great. Sorry, can we not just talk for a second about the fact that my dad phoned us yesterday and went, you all right, son? And I went, yeah.

He went, are you aware someone's pretended to be you on Facebook? Oh, about that competition thing. And I went, what? And it was literally like, they were using my photo and they're messaging people saying, you know, you are in with a chance of winning the thousand dollars.

And it was written terribly in broken English. And I was like, if someone, if anyone falls for that, they deserve to lose their money. But it was called Chris Ramsey gift with like seven Fs. Fucking stupid. Yeah.

So I arrived at the address to pick them up and was greeted by a gentleman around the age of 30. He invited me in and unusually chatty for someone you just met. He was unusually chatty. That's... Okay. I don't like when people say stuff like that. What?

Unusually chatty. But just a nice guy. You might just be a nice guy. He's probably a southerner. Or the person sending the email is probably a southerner and the other one's probably a northerner. Possibly. There you go.

That makes sense. You know, the north-south divide. We will tell our life dreams and regrets and ambitions to a complete stranger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a 30-second pattern. Yeah. Okay.

We went down to the shed to grab the chest of drawers and he pointed towards a small living room table and said, do you want this for free too? I've never been one to turn down a freebie, so I politely accepted. Wow. We walked back up the garden and out of the gate, both carrying an item of second-hand furniture each. When he paused in front of me and said,

sorry mate, give us a second, I've got to go and chase that crow. that crow. I mean, wonderful. Carry on. I had no idea what he was going on about. But before I could see anything, he put the table down and sprinted towards this crow that was stood on the kerbside. The bird flew away and he returned. Apparently,

this crow wakes him up at 5am every single morning by pecking on his bedroom window. Strange behaviour. No. I also found it a bit strange how he could so confidently say it was that crow. I've never seen a crow and thought,

I've seen you before. It was an odd experience, experience but probably doesn't scratch the surface of facebook marketplace interactions wow that would be a nice little segment to have facebook marketplace yeah that would be good yeah if you've got any facebook marketplace interactions send them in two seconds mate i've got to go and chase that crow it's so imperative that he's got to chase it that he's got to tell someone he's with so he doesn't i mean would you if it was you and you felt like you had to chase the crow would you say i'm gonna go and chase a crow or would you just surprise him by putting the table

down and going and chasing the crow i'd probably see yeah because it would be a bit weird yeah i think it's quite telling that he's i don't think he's as weird as we imagine first off if you think about the fact that he's actually told him that he's as weird as we imagined first off if you think about the fact that he's actually told him that he's going to chase the crow but that's so weird and maybe

one how do you know it's the same crow two maybe it would stop pecking your window if you stopped chasing it maybe it's a game maybe he thinks

it's doing a game a game yeah yeah but they can't yeah they can they can't recognize people I've told you they can't recognize people

and they are apparently really really intelligent but that's mental but I'm wondering why it's picking on his bedroom window no might be something in there that I want in there oh it's come like picking you know like it not you don't hear but I'll pack his window

comes out give you a chase yeah that's the idea man he's kind of table he put it down and chased it way it doesn't work now that I can fly the fucking idiot pointless sometimes I run along on my feet for a little while and let them get close and I fly off and I'm like waka

charade ticket might be someone he hated who's been reincarnated as a crow oh I bet it is if I die and you hear a crow pecking on your window

Rosie it's me I've been reincarnated as a crow and I'm pecking you do you think no do you believe in reincarnation i believe in reincarnation more than i believe in ghosts but i still don't really

believe in reincarnation okay but i feel i feel that the numbers don't add up but then again if you added like ants in then it could kind of work i suppose but then what happens when an ant died like you know because that's my thing again i don't want to go into ghosts, but my thing is, if you die and you turn into a ghost, there would be fucking 50 ghosts in this room now. Talk about, oh, you think we're overpopulated, but living people. If ghosts were here as well,

you wouldn't be able to fucking move for ghosts. Right, I jam-packed. Yeah, because of how many millions and millions and billions of people have died. Yeah. A person dies like every second. But then, surely,

oh, then no I was just gonna say because a ghost might leave once like the people who they've known in life die as well

oh really with the end credits yeah so like right there's only one person left on this earth who I know

once they've gone I can now go imagine that imagine that why am I still kicking about oh you held a baby the day before you died

and that baby's now the oldest man in the world so you've just got to fucking knock about. Jesus, I want to be a crow, man. Let me go. Let me sleep. Let me crow. Let me crow. Let me crow.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I was listening to episode 141 about the premature Christmas chat. Yes. People are putting their trees up in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone I used to work with couldn't be bothered to take their Christmas tree down, so instead decided to decorate it based on the time of year.

Oh. Brackets, autumn decorations, red baubles, and glitter for Valentine's Day, Halloween, etc. That's horrific. I was wondering what your thoughts on this are. Personally, I'd rather watch paint dry than decorate a tree, let alone do it about 10 times a year. Yeah. Also, once all the decorations are down, surely packing up the tree is the easy bit,

so unsure why they couldn't be bothered to do that. Yeah, I mean, no one likes packing it all away because it's the same amount of work. I don't think it's the because it's it's it's the same amount of work i don't think it's the easy bit i think it's the same amount of work maybe even more work no it's easier putting it away than it is putting it out getting the lights off with all the baubles and that no chance fair enough um and well you're back down from that really easily there oh i'm oh chris don't ever take any of my opinions as solid i told you i changed my mind sometimes i'm very serious discussions that i flip-flop very quickly you literally taught me like i talked it down from that i could be a politician yeah no i could be the opposite of a politician yeah i changed my yeah no boris flip-flops on everything constantly. So yeah, you are Boris, yeah.

So... Borisina, you could call me. Great. Awful. Doris. Doris would have been good. Doris would have been much better. No, no, no. Borisina.

No, you're sticking with Borisina now. You're sticking with Borisina, which isn't a name. Oh, Doris would have been so much better. remember I can remember your name Borosina I can remember your name the same way I remembered

Romina's name from Why Change Borosina Borosina have you seen her have you seen Borosina oh hey tell you what

so first of all on the tree thing yeah so they don't take it they didn't want to take it down because they couldn't be arsed So, first of all, on the tree thing. Yeah. So they didn't want to take it down because they couldn't be arsed. First of all, sorry, taking it down is as much work as putting it up, but you don't have the excitement.

It's a very depressing thing, taking the tree down. Do you not think they're either lazy bastards? No, that's my point. No? Okay. So you're either lazy or you're not lazy. You either leave it up. Lazy isn't leaving it up and redecorating it for everything. Well, all I'm saying is I think they think it's quirky. Yeah, they're either lazy or you're not lazy you either leave it up lazy isn't leaving it up and redecorating it for everything well all I'm saying is

I think they think it's quirky yeah they're not lazy they think it's quirky yeah they think it's great the amount of times back in the day when beards first started

becoming a thing and you'd see someone with a massive beard and they'd go oh yeah I have a beard and they'd go oh I'm just lazy you can't be bothered to shave

fuck no you're lying you've deliberately grown that big well why is your neck shaved why is the tops of your cheeks shaved why has it got perfect lines on it you're lying you've deliberately grown that well why is your neck shaved why is the tops of your cheeks shaved why has it got

perfect lines on it you're not lazy you wanted to be just admit you wanted to be here there's nothing wrong with wanting to be here I'm saying this person just admit you want a tree up

all year long and the next line would be there's nothing wrong with it but no there is something wrong with it it's fucking weird it's weird as fuck a Christmas tree

with easter eggs round it and then skeletons on it and that idiot idiot so that's Chris's thoughts on weird as fuck. A Christmas tree with Easter eggs round it and then skeletons on it and that. Idiot. Idiot. So that's Chris's thoughts on the Halloween Christmas tree. Yeah. And now over to Borosina. What do you think? I couldn't

give a fuck. To be totally honest with you, ask us tomorrow. Classic Borosina. Have you seen her? Borosina. Boracina. Boracina. Jesus. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.

Hi, Rosie, Chris and the boys. Hope you're keeping well. Just wanted to say I'm a huge fan of the podcast. I'm a student midwife and listening to you both on my commute has seen me through many dark mornings. Oh, thank you. Anywho. We're glad. Sorry, we're very glad.

We're very glad. I want to share my own story with you. I was in labour with my fourth child. I know, we really need to update our Netflix subscription. So anyway, after three girls, my husband was really excited to finally welcome our son. Halfway through pushing, my overexcited and overtired husband

bent down to witness this miracle tears in his eyes he turned the midwife and said oh my god is that my son's head to which the midwife ever so professionally replied no your wife's doing a poo thankfully i wasn't aware of this until afterwards. Otherwise, I might have throttled him. Oh, God. Imagine, imagine. Look at all that thick brown hair. Look at that, guys.

Look at that. It's coming off. It's coming off in bits. How would you mistake a baby's head I think she added it I think she she explained it in the first bit

tired tired sleep deprived tears in his eyes the fact that he honestly honestly at the risk of getting

a load of shit from people here the fact that some men get themselves down business end some with a camera I mean he is fully business end

or he's business end he's not even on an angle just leaning in for a peek he's business class he's first class he's won the apprentice yeah yeah yeah

he is he's winning the apprentice he's standing down there hand in hand with Lord Sugar doing a bit of business absolutely again am I just squeamish

am I disgusting is it sexist to say I would never go business end someone out there probably might think it is

but I'm telling you right now never in the fucking world will you get me business end down there while that's

going on incredible miracle you're amazing creatures you're the most incredible amazing creatures

on the planet that you fire out children and keep the human race going salute you all you're amazing but do I want a fucking front row seat?

Do I want to go, what's that? Oh, it's a close-up shit that I'm looking at? Not on your life. And the blokes who stand down there with cameras, psychos, get them in prison. Is that your opinion on it, is it? Smile, love. No, the other.

Open wide. Oh. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Okay, let me give you a little bit of background, okay? I'm a newborn photographer, so I deal with fresh little babies all day, every day. And I've seen my fair share of boobs along the way,

so I'm no stranger to mums breastfeeding in front of me or sitting with their boobs out, for that matter. Got you. However, I can never, ever unsee what I saw this day and it has scarred me for life Now, I genuinely think this is true We chatted about similar things before There was a documentary on the TV recently about something similar I haven't watched it yet, but I want to watch it

I think someone sent me this, I think I know where this is going Go, go, go, go, go, go Okay, so to set the scene It was a lovely autumnal day The sun was shining the birds were tweeting and I was just starting my first newborn session

of the day the sun was shining the birds were tweeting the crows were attacking the crows were there my first set of parents came in I welcomed them in

and sat them down in the studio I always start by asking mum to feed the baby before we start this makes the baby lovely and sleepy so I can achieve

those lovely newborn shots you know when they're just like in a bucket like tiny like a little bean we never did that you mean like a basket because you just said bucket sometimes they're in a bucket right okay with a feather bow around them right okay then okay we never did you know why we never did those photos why because our babies came out fucking massive. That you are right there. Robin was 10 pound 11 and a half. Yeah, people would be going, why have you done a newborn shot with that four-year-old? Yeah, exactly.

Why is your six-month-old pretending to be newborn? Get him out, he looks horrific. So, we don't have any of them. As mum started breastfeeding, I offered the parents a broom. Mum just wanted water and dad wanted a black tea with one sugar. So off I went to make him a broom. When I came back into the studio, I popped his brew down on the table and went to grab my camera from the studio next door.

When I came back, and I cannot stress this enough, it got weird. As soon as I opened the door, I saw the dad with the baby and mum seemed to be expressing her milk. Oh God. As I got further towards them, I saw the dad with the baby, and mum seemed to be expressing her milk. Oh, God. As I got further towards them, I noticed the brew I had just made for dad was in mum's hand under her breast. Shut up. Yes.

Shut up. She was expressing into the black tea I had just made for the dad. I did not know where to look or what to see. Anyway, I brushed it off and thought, each to their own, and cringed every time I saw the dad take a sip from the mug. Christopher, it gets worse. No, how? Halfway through my session, I passed the baby back to mum for a quick feed

and I quickly left the room to grab myself a drink. When I came back into the room, I noticed dad was missing. I presumed he'd gone to the loo. I only wish he had gone to the loo because I cannot unsee what I saw. As I got closer, I saw the top of dad's head laying on mum's lap. Oh, bitch! Wow. Do you think that's true? I think it's true.

Another photographer finishing the session as well. That's a fucking burn, isn't it? I know. Sorry, I can't continue, you dirty pigs. She said, yeah, please keep me anonymous as I have to see them again in six months' time. So they'll be going for the... Wow.

Oh, man. I wonder if she's still feeding her lad. Well, not just that. I mean, either that or he's got to be on the blooming cow and gate. He's weaning. Little punks, little tubs. We're actually weaning, Stuart, now. He's an accountant, you know.

He has a pouch for breakfast. Slice of toast for his lunch. I will sit on the fence about many things. I'm not sitting on the fence about that. Look, maybe even, it's not even that weird if they did it in their own home. In the,

when the photographer's there. Keep it within your four walls. Can I just say, her dangling her bloody tit over a blooming cup of hot tea. She's fond of a treat, isn't she? I know. Your scald your nipples

going on like that. Do you know, I can forgive that though, but if, I can forgive that, I can forgive that if they're on a fucking camping holiday

and they kind of get to the shop. And there's no milk. Yeah. Aye, okay. Well, he might like it, he might like, look, right,

he might like milk in his tea. Everyone's different, you know, whatever. No. It's the straight from the source the photographers

I just find it I just know and that's a brand new that's a newborn session so I feel like if you're gonna if you're gonna suck from your wife's boob right

that's something that has to come over time of like maybe it's three months in you've watched and you go I would love I would love to try that not newborn that's probably only three days after Ash just had the bane and he's literally like move out the way son come on you've had enough my turn oh hey babadoo babadoo babadoo bah

okay as a little added bonus extra for all you extra read all about it I forgot I can't say extra around you or that just happens awful if as a little added there you go you can't show it again

as a little added bonus to all of you people out there who haven't dragged your arses along to the live shows yet here is an exclusive clip

of one of the live cues from the pews from a live show that we did on the last leg of the tour this is from Wembley Wembley Arena one the live cues from the pews from a live show that we did on the last leg of the tour. This is from Wembley? Wembley Arena, one of the cues from the pews from Wembley Arena. Now, I never know what Rosie's going to say

when she's going to ask us these questions, when she's going to read these questions out. It's different every night, so these are my genuine reactions. Just a shot as you guys were. Have a listen to this. Enjoy. And if you'd like to come and see us, there's tickets at chagmaradonoid.com

we'd love to see you there yeah dear Rosie and Chris I have a funny little story that I thought I'd share with you please keep me anonymous always

best ones always are several years ago when I was a fresher at university I had a friend let's call her Sarah the slag who had recently broken up with her boyfriend of two years.

We went to a party together where she asked me and another one of her friends, let's call her Nicole, to look out for her and to make sure she doesn't do anything she'd regret. Yes. Right. So she employed two cock blockers for the night. Yes. We've all been employed two cock blockers for the night. Yes. We've all been there.

Sarah also... Sorry. I just love... I love that. I love women on nights out. I love that idea of just like, now listen, girls, when we go to this party, you are aware I'm a big fat slut, aren't you?

You're aware I'm a massive slut. Can you please just... If you see me doing any sluttiness, can you please just swoop in and stop the sluttiness? Love it. I just love, I love it. It's just, blokes would never do that. We do it all the time.

Like, I have got a vivid... I've got a vivid memory of my best friend Steph going, Rosie's horrible! He's me and don't! And then they go, but I need a cuddle. And here I am tonight. Fuck you, Steph. Oh, hey, nice.

Right, okay, so listen. One night slacks. So look out for her. Sarah also explicitly told us she didn't want to hook up with anyone at the party. There we go. Because she didn't feel ready so soon after her breakup. A couple of hours later and a lot of drinks in, we saw Sarah being led away by a guy.

Nicole and I caught up with them and asked Sarah if she was all right and whether she wanted to go with him. Sarah reassured us that everything was fine and then left with the guy. About... Again, it's great. No, I'm fine. No, I've decided I'm a slug again. I've decided.

I've decided. I said stop being a slug, but I've changed my mind. I've changed my mind. Once a slug, always a slug. Code words. Oklahoma. Leave. Oklahoma.

Just go. Sweeping down the plain. leave Oklahoma just go any chance to fucking sing right sorry sorry and an hour later, I bumped into Sarah again, and she told me that things didn't go exactly as she'd expected. They went back to the guy's room where they started kissing on his bed. She was getting really into it when the guy suddenly stopped, pushed her off him with so much force that she nearly fell off the double bed, and told her that he was sorry but he couldn't do this because he's had sex too many times today.

Too many times. He's had sex that day too many times so you can't do it with Sarah Wow I'm torn what do you mean to work as like this part of us like the 15 year old Chris Ramsey in my galore for school but the rest of us want so many detail how many times there's too many well I've been like no no no no no listen listen I Wembley I'm not leaving here until you know I have never had sex more than once in one day so don't you dare with one person all right I cannot leave yet you think that about me like in a week maybe but like not in a day so this was a new girl this was a girl who

we just pulled and then just went no I can't love't. Love, it's red raw. Oh. It's red raw. And morally, morally, I cannot add another notch to the bedpost this evening. How many do you think? Because I would say, like, it's got, like, two or three. Four? Four?

I don't know. I don't know. Men are pigs. Yeah, I agree. Would he not be buzzing that you've notched another number? How dramatic as well, just like, no. Her mind's telling me no. I'm like, what the fuck?

I can't offend me other shags. I'm going to go with three. Do you think three? How many? Four? Right, listen. Two, give me a cheer. listen to give me a cheer three give me a cheer for Wow five were you all there I know why I know I know why he was upset right because by that time when you were jackily it's not there's not it's barely a present it ejaculate, it's barely a present.

It's barely a gift. It's barely a wedding favour. Oh my God! It's Santa? So there we go. So if you want to come and sit in the crowd while things like that of the ridiculous nature are happening, shagmarinoid.com for tickets for the December Arena Dates.

We shall see you there. Just want to warn you actually it's we we are a lot ruder on the tour yeah

didn't mean it to be that way yeah but we the reactions that we've had yeah you like the dirty stuff it's getting egged on you get egged on

you get egged on by the people that are there it's peer pressure everyone who's coming it's your fault we're the victims shame on you babadoo babadoo babadoo bah do do do once again thank you so much It's peer pressure. Everyone was coming. It's your fault. We're the victims. Shame on you.

Once again, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagbrown Annoyed, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. It is indeed. As we said, if you want to come to the tour, shagbrownannoyed.com

for tickets for the tour and please continue to send your wonderful, wonderful quibbles from the... I can't remember what I called it. Quibbles from the... Is that what I called it? I don't know.

God, see? I can't remember. What a useless twat. Questions from the public, please continue to send your wonderful things to shagmydenoid at gmail.com and we'll be back in your ears

next week, you bloody gorgeous bastards. Love you so much. Bye. Love you, man. Give us a kiss. Oh. Sorry. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester

Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City

at torontorock.com.