Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 143. How’s Christine?

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

On the podcast this week Chris and Rosie get nostalgic over renting movies and discuss parenting in the 21st Century… are they bringing up posh kids? There’s a throwback beef and some brilliant QFTP including a car key itch and a wild weekend in Watford.   Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag and Marlon Oid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and me other half from his ma, Chris Ramsey. Is that instead of like brother from another mother? I've said that before. Me other half from his ma. Running out of things to say. Right.

Done a lot of these. Not surprised, not surprised at all. I'm going to get straight to it here. We've been sitting ready to record this. I've been sitting with this stuff ready for quite a while now. And you were just like clicking away on your laptop so I thought

oh she's obviously sorting out the questions from the public or something and out of nowhere as I'm sitting waiting with my finger on the record button out of nowhere

you went I want a wallpaper this room but I don't know what I want and I leant over and you weren't looking at questions

from the public you were looking at fucking wallpaper for this room what the hell's the matter with you just so creative like that. It's not creative.

And in my defence there's shit loads of wallpaper to choose from. Yeah. It's all I think about. Wallpaper. It consumes me

daily thoughts. There's so many so many different wallpapers and I don't want to make a bad decision. You're like an old woman on a bank holiday Monday

wandering around home base looking at paints and wallpapers. Hey, what happens in my head is nothing to do with you, alright? Right, good. Didn't deny it then. Excellent.

Listen, we've got a lot to get through today so let's crack straight on. Guys, it is episode 100... Go on. No, go on. 43. Yay! Well done.

Go fuck yourself. It's episode 143. I do listen. Good. And without further ado, when you're not looking at wallpaper, and without further ado, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. I can't wait.

This week's sponsor is... Yes? Slime. Oh, no. Hey, do you fucking hate someone? Then buy their kids some slime. Hey! Buy them a big bowl, millions,

or a big box of millions of pots of toxic, luminous shit. It gets fucking everywhere. It stains wooden tables. It dries hard on clothes. It ruins sofas. Slime.

Ten seconds of fun, three hours of cleaning up. Yeah. Yeah, it's rotten like innit I quite like it to everyone who bought Robin's slime for his birthday

go and fuck yourselves pricks no he's got he's got the one where you have to make it though which is even worse

it's even worse it's like 5ml of activator oh god stop buying kids slime and then you've got to put the glue in that it's rank like this everyone who buys my kids slime. And then you've got to put the glue in that. It's rank like this. Everyone who buys my kids slime, right, I'm going to buy your kids for their birthday

a puppy, kitten and a drum kit. So, fuck you. Yeah, okay. Yeah. And a bird. Nah, they're easy to look after. No, they're not. Actually, not just all this.

I'm getting the fucking fish tank there and I'm sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Oh, here he is. For two... Rosie, how do two

tiny little fish in that tank shit so much oh the rotten man the minging the shit so much absolutely minging I'm sorry

it's disgusting I will I've got I don't want anything to do with that fish tank it's absolutely disgusting um honestly

I'm regretting it big time fingers crossed I'm regretting it big time the days are numbered but the thing is if there were a couple of cod it's weird I want rid of them but I'm not gonna kill big time fingers crossed I'm regretting it big time the days are numbered but the thing is if there were a couple of cod it's weird I want rid of them

but I'm not going to kill them they're my responsibility now but if there were a couple of cod you can't do that but if I could eat them and I had them out of there by now but I can't eat them can I so there's nothing I can do

I'm sure you could eat them but it wouldn't basically if I if I killed them and ate them that would just be you know the circle of life but if I just kill them now

I'm just a fish murderer so I'm not going to do it I'm keeping them until they're old and grey and honestly watch check in 15 years time

they'll be me they'll be me the Guinness Book of Records looking gutted the man with the oldest fish in the world they'll last forever that's the thing actually

we had a rabbit called Jinxy who lasted for years right and then me mum lasted lived sorry

that's absolutely the coldest thing that is the coldest thing you've said about a pet i mean me me nana me nana me dada she lasted 70 years i mean lived a lovely full long life even though this is jinxie though who just hated people just literally hated. Anyone who says to me that rabbits love you and cuddly, you've drugged that rabbit. You're a liar. Well, anyway, at one point, my mum gave in and let me get two more. One of them, Toffee, who Kate, me and Kate sort of shared Jinxy,

so then Kate got Toffee. I got stuff with Jinxy, the prick. I just fucking hated this and always ran away. Then my brother, he got Snowy, right? Who was an albino with one ear and a heart problem oh my gosh and i was like i think my mom did that deliberately yeah so i imagine you saw it not last long that one i'm not having that one not last long it didn't either rip snowy good didn't last very long i have red eyes yeah i had a hamster with red eyes yeah yeah

terrifying thing i was possessed by the devil. Maybe it was. Maybe it was. Maybe it was a ghost in a hamster's. Bit like a motherfucker. Oh. It really did. Rafe's biting at the minute, isn't he?

Yeah. It's not nice. It's really not pleasurable. I think he knows. You go, ah, ah, and he sort of stops. Oh, shit. Robin never bit. Oh, he said ta today.

He did. He said ta. Said ta for the first time. Ta. He gave him a little spoon he went ta so I'll have you all know that my child has much better manners

than yours already and he's only 10 months and he knows his manners already say thank you ta and do you know what do you know what his ears really perk up

when we put classical FM on he loves classical FM he loves it yeah darling he loves it he doesn't watch the TV no only eats organic fruit and vegetables.

He's vegan. I literally gave him one of me pizza crusts earlier on, but that is vegan. I mean, he vomited the other night when we were at my auntie Karen and uncle Kevin's, and you weren't there, but we all put it down to a chip that he'd had at the soft plate.

Jesus Christ. What are you doing, man? Chips at the soft plate. The oil might have been you doing, man? Ships at the soft play. The oil might have been a bit off. Oh, man alive. Poor kid. Honestly. Gee whiz.

Get me back off tour so this kid can get fed properly. Drag it up. Honestly. Drag it up. Let's do this jingle. We've got plenty to get on. I've got loads to talk about.

Get that jingle on the go. Loads. Jingle time. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. Jingle time. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle.

Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bab. Jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed. It's always, always lovely to have you back and thank you so, so much and we genuinely mean it. We really do.

I just haven't said it for a while. Thank you. We love that you're still listening every week and yeah, thank you so much. And while we're on that actually, thank you all so much to everyone who voted for us in the long list of the national comedy votes. Because we've been shortlisted. We've been shortlisted shortlisted so we're up against some incredible other podcasts um yeah like literally like friends of mine on some of them which is just like you know it shows how good they're not my friends so if you all if

you're listening and you want to please vote for us don't i couldn't give a shit about them not my friends didn't say i gave them i know them. I know them professionally. Yeah. Not my mates. Yeah, probably not professionally. You know what it is? They'll probably distance themselves from me as well. So I fucking hate that. I'll fight more.

I'll fight every single one of them at the same time. Apart from there's a podcast of the... One of them I don't know any of the people. There's two other ones of comedians but one of them I don't know. The people I don't know

I'm not saying I'll fight you because I'm obviously just joking with them. I'm digging. I keep digging. Just stop it. I don't know why you're kidding. I don't know why I keep saying I'll fight everyone. I'll fight just joking I keep digging just stop it I don't know why I keep saying

I'll fight everyone I'll fight everyone I'm not scared can we just say it's pretty cool I remember watching the comedy awards back in day

over the moon never thought I know this I know it might sound ridiculous but you've been a comedian for a long time I've not been in this world

that long I never ever thought that I'd be shortlisted for a comedy award so I'm buzzing absolutely class over the moon so please vote you've got to vote again that voting wasn't it that was that I'd be shortlisted for a comedy award. Yeah, crazy. So I'm buzzing. So yeah. Absolutely class.

Over the moon. So please vote. You've got to vote again. That voting wasn't it? That was just to get us shortlisted. You've got to vote again. Just Google National Comedy Awards. Go to the podcast category.

I mean, you can vote for the rest of them if you want as well. I did. I did the full lot. I voted for OCS to do. Podcast one. That's pathetic. That's disgusting. Why? And send us the link.

Oh my God. Come and do it again. I wonder if I could do it again. Hey guys, if you want to do it a I wonder if I could do it again hey guys if you want to do it a few times through different email accounts

go for it yeah because obviously you're all amazing and we won the British comedy award sorry the British podcast award

listeners choice for years but now this is a proper real nominated for the best podcast it would be amazing if you could all vote thank you

in advance please vote and thank you again thank you we were in the Sunday Times as well la dee da nice picture Vote thank you in advance. Please vote and thank you again. Thank you. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. We were in the Sunday Times as well. La-dee-da. Nice picture.

Yeah, can I just say, yes, we were in the Sunday Times. I, you know, I've been in multiple papers over the years. Old hat for me. But you phoned me on Sunday and you said, sorry, I only say old hat for me because I'm getting to this next point. Right. It was pretty cool being in the Times, I'm joking. Right, okay.

But all I'm saying is, so I was in a hotel on tour and you phoned up and said, I'm in the house now. I'm not going to leave the house for the rest of the day. But I forgot to get a copy of the Times. Can you go and get one? So I had to go and get one. But you didn't say one, you said 10. Have you ever fucking seen the size of the Sunday Times?

Pretty thick. Unbelievable. Is that why? There's magazines and everything. That's why I only got five. You only got five. I couldn't carry 10. Yeah. have you ever fucking seen the size of the Sunday Times pretty thick unbelievable that way there's magazines that's why I only got five I couldn't carry ten and I bought them from the shop just round the corner

from the hotel and the woman behind the counter was like you're a paper boy and I was like buying them yeah I was like

buying them what do you think I'm buying them and then selling them for more that's the racket I've got going I'm going to

slap them around everyone's house honestly but thank you for getting them yeah i left them in the van by the way so they're not even in the house i haven't even seen the proper copy i just think it's good to have and i just think well my sister didn't get one my sister want one me mama want one me nana want one your mom and dad will want one we want a free in one I was like oh god well I'm sorry loser wow right okay then

what a loser alright then that's where we are what a loser right that's where we're at just let you all know as well that that is our library we are getting a lot better

with the books though we're only on that side yeah that's why we've got the photo taken of that wall the other shelves are bare apart from one shelf which is all Shagmongernoid books yeah it is which we've got the photo tape on that wall the other shelves are bare apart from one shelf which is all

shag monger annoyed books yeah it is which we give away to people who usually delivery men delivery men anyone doing work

on the house plumbers electricians they normally get a book signed yeah I mean we pay them as well we don't just go no that's how we pay them

how much is that it's 150 quid well we are interested in this book and a copy of the Times. Poor window cleaners. Got about 25 books.

Now what else? I want to get your opinion on something. Right. I'm always, you get to give me an opinion on anything. I want to know how you feel about when people say this, right?

Because I was in the supermarket earlier and I think there was a lady who worked at the supermarket, and she was on her day off, and she was shopping, and she was chatting to loads of the staff and stuff. Okay. And then I was near the bread department, which smelled unreal. So I've got an opinion for you just out there. Shops you can't help.

She can't help going in there on her day off. People who work in bars and go to that bar and sit at that bar on their day off and drink at that bar can fuck off oh no see i've done that before when i was younger pathetic i know anyway well i have i'm not gonna lie um so it's got nothing to do with the fact that you work there nothing like that so she was in the bread department and there was a woman behind the counter and this lady she was busy perusing the bread getting her bread and that and she went she looked she didn't look at the woman, she went, how's Christine? And I just want to know your opinion on that turn of phrase,

rather than, how are you, Christine? Or, how are you doing? Just, how's Christine? Yeah, I don't know. Do you like it or not? I'm not a fan of that. How's Rosie? Yeah, I don't know if I'm a fan of it either.

I feel like she doesn't like her. Oh, do you think? Do you think she's the one she doesn't like? Yeah fan of it either. I feel like she doesn't like her. Oh, do you think? Do you think she's the one she doesn't like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like she doesn't like her. How's Christine, you bitch? How's Christine? Still a whore?

Still a whore, Christine? Good. Yeah, go on. Slice your bread, you bitch. Yeah, you might be right, actually. How's Christine? Yeah, I don't like that at all. Through bated breath.

Oh. Did you mean through gritted teeth what did I say through baited breath is that wrong isn't that when you're excited or waiting for something

with baited breath maybe she's really excited to say how's Christine she might just love the bread aisle no I said the wrong thing we all love the bread aisle

babadoo babadoo babadoo so something interesting happened the other day I was reading a book at bedtime with our son he was reading I wasn't reading. Right, I was going to say.

Books. You're feeling irate. I'm kidding. I think you'll find I've got half a library downstairs. Can we just say, though, it's full of shite. It's either from... I think you'll find it's full of fantastic autobiographies and releases that our friends and colleagues have sent us.

Oh, well, them are, but I'm talking about the bags and shite that I've got from me bloody Auntie Kathleen's mates at work, me mum's friends from charity shops. A lot of them books are just from people who've died.

There's two books on Cockney Spaniels. Aye? Yeah. There's golf. There's loads of them. There's about six golf books. Yeah, yeah.

Shite. Well, a library, you know, it's got to have something for everyone. There's a lot of crap in there and if we delve even deeper, I think there'll be a lot of inappropriate

old-fashioned stuff to the point where there'll be someone comes to in there and if we delve even deeper I think there'll be a lot of inappropriate old fashioned stuff to the point where there'll be someone comes to our house and goes do you know you've got do you know you've got

Rolf Harris' autobiography put that in the fire put that in the fire I'm telling you there's some rotten stuff in there I just put them on the shelves I don't really look

what they are great Hitler's journal in there Mein Kampf yeah so the other night Robin's reading his school book And it was about the water cycle

Right Yeah And get this You know Rosie you're from South Shields You're from you know Salt of the Earth Yeah

Dragged up Right You know From you know From working class roots Never got a Never got caramel shortbread Yeah you never

I did once Went up in a rabbit world And banged up with your parents On three caramel shortbread? Yeah, you never got it. I did once. Went to Peter Rabbit World and banged up with your parents on three caramel shortbreads. Our child, obviously, and our children are going to have different lives to us. But I didn't think it would happen so quickly. Okay. What happened?

I don't know. Robin was reading a book on the water cycle. Yeah. The cycle of water reservoirs and all that stuff. And then in the book, someone turns on a tap and gets a glass of water out with a tap and robin went daddy can you can you drink water out of the tap shut up and i went what and i realized it's because we've got a water dispenser in the front of the fridge on the fridge oh god he's a posh little twat oh no he's a posh little twat. He couldn't believe that the...

Oh, shit, not a few hill. He couldn't believe that the genuine scumbags in the book, his words, not mine, were... I'm joking. Don't. Oh, this is bad. Right, okay. No, right.

Right, we need to... We need to walk him three miles from school. Yeah. In the cold. He needs to have... Back down to work. Dripping sandwich for tea. Gruel. Gruel. Yeah. In the cold. He needs to have a dripping sandwich for tea. Gruel. Gruel.

I'll get the gruel on the hob now. We'll get the gruel going. No, he did not say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, because we've got the posh fridge with the filled out water. Because we've got a fridge with water dispenser on the front. Oh, shit. You couldn't believe you can drink it.

Well, I'm not being funny, though. He does know that you can drink from the tap, because he often drinks from the bathroom tap like a dog. Right. I've seen him. Oh, well. So, he does know. I've seen him. Oh well. So he does know. He's moved on.

Alright well he just wanted to take that moment to probably show off that he had a water dispenser. Oh my god. Oh Rafe's gonna be worse. Oh god so much worse.

Rafe is gonna be awful. So much worse. We're not gonna like Rafe. Wow. No honestly he's gonna be a mummy. Mummy. Daddy.

Have you heard my brother's accent? Oh he's such a such a scammy. Ruffian. Oh, God, what have we done? Never should have moved. To the countryside. Did I tell you that my mum said something

that I could have cried when she said it? I might have mentioned this, but she said that she thinks that being a parent nowadays is so much harder than when she was a parent. Really? She actually said it. I couldn't, for instance, I nearly fainted. Wow.

Honestly, nearly fainted and cried all at the same time. Just because. This is like her believing that you're ill, but a million times better. I know, I know. Wow. Great, great, great, great. Wow.

So the fact that when we were younger, there was no iPads. Yeah. There was no like computers. There wasn't as much stuff like what you said. There was no trampoline parks. No, no. When we were kids.

Yeah. There was no trampolines in back gardens. Yeah, yeah. You got to do it once a year, a trampoline. Yeah. As I said, if one of the kids nearly does double backflip, we all stand there and fucking watch him all lesson. Nobody had scooters. It wasn't, there wasn't as much stuff as there is now and my mom

just sort of said that it must be a lot harder because we have to just constantly argue with robin on a daily basis because he's being exposed to these things yeah but he can't have it all the time yeah so every day because robin isn't allowed to have his Switch or his iPad after school like during the week when he's at school he's not allowed those things but he asks for them

yeah constantly and it's every night it's a battle of well you don't get them after school no you're not having it can I

no you're not I'm exhausted so come Friday night I mean he's on them from when he gets into school until midnight so that's when he goes I'm joking

are you remembering your childhood where it was like, Mum, can I go outside and whack this stick off the railings? Only on Saturdays you can whack your stick on the railings. You get that stick back in the stick cupboard. Derek, she's got a Saturday stick out again. Mum, can I throw this ball off the wall? Your Sunday ball? Put that back, you'll wear it out. Mum, can I throw this ball off the wall? Your Sunday ball? Put that

back, you'll wear it out. Mom, can I watch Channel 4? No, you'll watch 1, 2 or 3. And that's it. Remember when Channel 5 came about? Oh, okay. A movie every night. I know. Joking, aren't you? It was great, wasn't it? Little did we know there were going to be Channel 5 movies, but you know.

Do you remember the launch of it? It was the Spice Girls. Was it really? Honestly, I do remember it really vividly. I remember staying in it. Wasn't it Sunday night that they you remember the launch of it was the spice girls was it really honestly i do remember it really vividly i remember staying in it wasn't it sunday night that the launch i think it was 1997 i'm sure it was the that was the year we started i remember my mom going this new channel is gonna be a film on every a film on every night i was like the cinema in your house oh my god we'll have to buy popcorn every day i'm sorry but call is old fashioned i loved a bit of global and blockbuster video oh it was no better than great man absolutely great walking around them aimlessly yeah it's because it was exactly the same as flicking through netflix not knowing what to watch but you were burning calories and you had left the house

yeah you were you were in some way and then posting it back in the little letterbox getting the popcorn and that it was a Friday night ritual for me really good loved it good times loved it so there was a little

announcement last week as well of little Rosie and little Chris Ramsey have got a bloody BBC TV show haven't they I forgot to mention

that yeah so we got told we were announcing that on the one show but we'd already recorded last week's podcast so that's why the podcast

didn't mention it also sorry about that everyone thank you for all of your lovely support and lovely messages about it and it will be starting at some point next year probably in the first half of next year is about as about as sort of um much information as much information as i can give you as much information as we've got but it's gonna be really good fun we did a pilot pilot was awesome yes personally yeah i think they're doing a bit much you think i think they're doing a bit much. You think we're doing a bit much?

Yeah, I think they're doing a bit much. It's everywhere now. It's not as good. Them too. I used to like their podcast, but now they do other stuff. Yeah. And I see them and I don't like that.

And I just think if you want to be successful in a career or a job, you should just do the one thing. Do nothing. Don't do anything else. Don't take any opportunities given to you. Just stick to the one thing do nothing don't do anything else don't take any opportunities given to you just stick into that one thing so for those of you who are slightly confused rosie got a comment on instagram uh and as she normally does she says i'm not bothered about it but then she brings it up every fucking day um basically someone said that uh they enjoyed the

podcast but now we do too much stuff um and rosie said i think it was in the taxi on the way back from the one show to the hotel and Rosie said something along I'm paraphrasing but it was something along the lines of if I was in a normal job would I just

fucking deny promotions would I then go Rosie do you want to be team leader no I don't want to do too much something along those lines it was very fun to be there

I mean the taxi driver I didn't know what to look do you want an extra three grand on your wage every year I couldn't year? I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that, do you? No. No, I'll stick. I'll stay here for life. Anyway, we're really chuffed about it. We're very excited.

It's going to be good fun. It's going to be like the podcast because we are there, but it's not really... It's not a TV show. It's pretty different. It's going to be pretty different. The public will be involved and celebrities will be involved. And that's... Celebrities!

And that's about as much as we can say. Because... I've got a question for you. I've got a question for you. Yeah? Something I've been thinking about. What if we, what if we one week

get a celebrity on who might have been a crush of ours at one point in our life? What if that happens there? What are you going to do, Ramsey? Because I, personally, I'll die. I will eh? What are you going to do, Ramsey? Because I, personally, I'll die. I will die.

Who are you trying to have sex with? I'm not trying to have sex with anybody. What is this? You sound like you're propositioning some kind of horrible... Sex? I never even mentioned sex. Why are you trying to have sex with celebrities?

I'm not. Why are you lowering yourself? That's my next TV show. Rosie Ramsey cheats on her husband with celebrities who she's fancied throughout her life.

Oh, who's that? Zach from Saved by the Bell. Is that you? Leonardo DiCaprio. Live on STD. I mean ITV. That's my new channel. STD.

They've got their own channel now. They're everywhere. Oh, Saturated. Like an STD. That can be what the programme's called. Saturated. Saturated with Chris and Rosie Ramsey. No, I don't want to be involved in something like that.

On STD. Sounds like a wet bed sheet. I don't like that at all. Saturated. Speaking of wet bed sheets, I've got some great questions from the public. Wet bed sheets? Wet bed sheets.

Oh, that's something. Try and say that public. Wet bed sheets? Wet bed sheets. Oh, that's something. Try and say that quick. Wet bed sheets. Wet bed sheets. Wet bed sheets. Piece of piss. Really easy. Wet bed sheets.

Wet bed sheets. Wet bed sheets. Really easy. Wet bed sheets. Wet bed sheets. Wet bed sheets. Wet bed sheets. It's really easy.

All right then. Try and say, Peter Piper, pick a pick a pick. No, no, no. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Yes, that one's also easy. You've done it. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Yes, that one's also easy. You've done it. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I had to concentrate, though. Oh, do you not concentrate when you're speaking? Actually, no. We've all heard the podcast.

We know what you fucking don't. Hope you're all looking forward to Saturated with me, Rosie Ramsey, and all of my old celebrity crushes throughout my life. Live on STD. Live on STD. STD plus one, but sweatier.

At 9.01pm. Take it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? Beef. Beef. Beef, beef, beef.

I'm a bit hungry. Speaking of beef. Brilliant. A little bit peckish. Just say beef and be hungry. Come on then. My beef with you this week is we did an interview with jamie thexton and amanda holden yes on heart radio yeah i don't know if it's been out yet i'm not sure we did an interview with them and they

said is there anything in the podcast that you said that you know was really bad and you think oh my goodness what was that yeah you proceeded yeah to tell the tampon on top of the toilet story. And honestly, Chris, I don't know why, because I know that people have listened to it. I know that the listeners right now, you've listened to it. I was mortified. I was absolutely wanted to die. Amanda Holden didn't know what to put herself.

No, and she's flipping stunning her. She's got no right being that glamorous at that time in the morning. Oh, I know. I've known nothing like it. Gorgeous. Jamie Thexton looked mortified. Yeah, yeah, her. She's got no right to be in that glamorous at that time in the morning. Oh, I know. I've known nothing like it. Gorgeous. Jamie Theakston looked mortified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mortified.

And I wanted the ground to swallow us up. Again, well, one, stop doing it. And two, you were the one who let us put in the podcast. I know. But the podcast is a safe space. Yeah. This is our safe space. Nearly 100 million downloads, but that's fine.

I don't think about that. Right. We've never said it out loud to people. Yeah amanda holden jamie thexton we've never said it out loud and honestly i didn't like it at all so i'll be honest with you as i started saying it the producer made a look as if to go this is not made it in all right okay so it's okay i think you're all right i'll be very very surprised if they talk about you putting the tampons on top of the toilet on hot breakfast radio. Right, okay.

I'd be very surprised. Fair enough, fair enough. I mean, they're wrapped up. They are always wrapped up. In toilet roll. In toilet roll. It's disgusting. It's like a dead mouse.

It's like someone's little hamster's died and they're left on top of the toilet. I'm sorry. Everybody does it. I don't know why I do it. It's horrible.

Because you're a lazy, lazy... No, there was like one time I forgot to put it in the bin. Because I always put them in the bin. It's so often. It's so often. And what I don't think we pointed out, we've got fans, extractor fans above our showers. And they've got wireless buttons to turn the fan on.

And the buttons are on top of the toilet, right next to where you leave the thing, the bloody used thing. Oh, you monkey. Oh, it's not, man. Monkey. It's really not. Monkey.

Anyway. Monkey. Sorry, Amanda and Jamie. Yeah, they will. They will. Yeah, we's not, man. Monkey. It's really not. Monkey. Anyway. Monkey. Sorry, Amanda and Jamie. Yeah, they will. We'll not be on there again. No. No chance. Okay, my beef with you is,

obviously I'm on tour at the moment. Don't I know it. Yeah, and I'm away for a few days at a time. Don't I bloody know it. Yeah, and I come back, right, and everything has moved and everything has changed and because? And everything is moved, and everything is changed, and because I don't know this,

because my fucking telepathy hasn't kicked in, you kick off. What do you mean? I'll go, where's Rafe's bibs? And you go, ah, God, how do you not know? And I go, I've been away for five days. And you go, ah, the normal place. They've not moved.

Yeah, right. They haven't moved, have they not? No. So the other day I went to get them from the normal place and you said the words, oh, no, me mum's put them all upstairs. There's always been some upstairs. They're all over the place.

There used to be some downstairs as well. There used to be some downstairs as well. And they've all been moved. And Rafe, he changes. He's weaning. Everything changes. And I go, oh, what's he now? He's weak and hefe, he changes. He's weaning. Everything changes. And I go, oh, what's he eating now? He's a wee thing.

He's 10 months old. He's weaning. He's fully on solids. Well, yeah, well, whatever you call it. He's still having a bottle, isn't he? I thought that was a crack. Well, yeah, but he's got a... Oh, sorry, can the bear not have a drink?

Jesus. Oh, no, sorry. When you're a baby and you start eating foods, you just don't hydrate yourself. Did you not know? Did you not know carrot and pars start eating foods, you just don't hydrate yourself. Did you not know? Did you not know carrot and parsnips got 80% water? Probably has to be fair. Carrots are quite watery.

Listen, no, but you expect me to just know straight away. And then when I don't, you kick off. And then sometimes you have to admit that you were wrong anyway. No, get over yourself. I don't expect you to know. Stuff moves fast. It doesn't move. It doesn't change. I'm off my game.

I'm out of practice. Right? You're a lazy little bastard. That's what you are. That's not fair. No, you are. That'll be my beef next week, don't you worry. Do you want me to address it now?

If you want. Do you want me to address it now? If you want. The fact that Mr. Little Just Holidays, eh? When your mum and dad were here looking after... I was working. Yeah. Your mum and dad were here looking after Rafe.

You had a lovely little jolly little day off while you know no children and then and then when robin got home from school and it was bedtime you you thought oh i'm i'm my rosie i'm gonna go on the peloton you can fucking absolutely swivel you're not going well bedtime oh i'll just do it by myself again yeah not a chance not on your nelly you listen you got this girl've got this, girl. You've got this. Piss off. I'm so selfish. It's so selfish. I don't get any downtime.

I'm either working or have the kids. There's no other part of my life. Do you understand? Right. Right? Do you understand that? I feel like this is backfiring. I'm getting a full bonnet.

You just seem to come home and bed bedtime it's bath and bedtime I'm just gonna half an hour 45 minutes exercise

no no you're not you can either go like you could have went all day when your mum and dad had rave and you had fuck all to do right

or you can wait till they go to bed like I do but I never do because I can't be arsed right and I did wait till they go to bed and I went on I never do because I can't be arsed right and I did wait till they go to bed

and I went on well done great nobody died did they except my love for you wow

wow babadoo babadoo babadoo bah you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary

behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret.

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Who said that? The first omen. The Impeders Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason

game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com it's time for questions from the public as always guys if you want to get in touch shag mind annoyed at gmail.com i'm very much looking forward to all of these this week i just i always look forward to them but i'm just looking forward even more this week i don't know why come on go. No, I've got some good ones. I'll tell you what I've got. I've got loads of Facebook Marketplace stories. Oh, yes!

But I'm going to do one. I'm going to think of a jingle for next week. Brilliant. I nearly did one. Right, okay. But I didn't have time to finish it, so I'm going to do a jingle for next week. And I think it's going to become a little regular segment

of Facebook Marketplace. Because there's some great stories. Fantastic. Have a listen to this one, right? Okay. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I listen to your podcast with The Crow, Facebook Marketplace because there's some yeah some great stories have a listen to this one right okay hi Chris and Rosie I listen to your podcast with the crow Facebook Marketplace story

which reminded me just stop there hi I listen to your podcast with a crow the crow doesn't like it as much as I do but it still listens the crow feels that

you're actually oversaturating yourself now you're on everything the crow says you're everywhere and it remembers your face yeah reminded me of a story of my own

so months back I purchased a microwave from Facebook marketplace yeah what what

that's a weird thing to buy second hand is it a microwave yeah am I being a snob yes

I feel like that's a weird thing to buy second hand no it's not why is it you don't want people being doing it we've all seen a work

communal I was going to say but do you not use it well yeah you still use it well then there you go I just feel like a microwave's really hot

it would kind of blitz everything anyway I know but there's still sometimes look like people have fucking you know exploded inside them

carry on have I ever told you my friend Zita has never had a microwave? Never had a microwave? Blew my mind, that. She doesn't trust them. She doesn't trust them? No.

Crazy. What? What do you mean she doesn't trust them? I don't know. She grew up in, like, the rural countryside, and she used to have water on her porridge with salt, and that always freaked us out. And then she just, she's never had a microwave,

because I went and stayed at her house a few years ago, and I was like, where's your microwave? She's like, I haven't got one. I was like, yeah. Sorry, what? Where'd you heat your beans? So where does she do her rice and stuff?

In a pan? Aye. Probably old school. How does she defrost stuff? Just gets it out at a good time. What the hell's going on? The night before. Who's got that kind of time on their hands i don't know she might now she's got two kids she doesn't trust a microwave you don't know i feel like if he wants something that hot you have to wait i think it was like the atoms or something is that a thing i don't know anyway it always always interested

is right that's so weird non Non-microwave living. I'm going to have to have a stern word with her next time I say her about that. We'll see if she's got one now. That's a ridiculous way to live your life. Brilliant. Come on then. Anyway, so she's purchased a microwave. Someone's purchased one.

Second hand off Facebook marketplace. Yes. As a non-driver, I organised for the bloke to deliver it to me, which he did. Whilst he was here waiting for payment to load on PayPal, he called his wife to ask for their PayPal details. Fast forward, a week later, he messaged me saying he wanted to give me some free jewellery. Very strange, I thought, so I politely declined, to which he asked if he could come over for a drink. What the hell? To which I told him, no, my children have explosive diarrhoea. Nice.

Could have been from the new microwave. Who knows? Probably. Anyway, things got weirder. He then proceeded to tell me him and his wife were looking for a threesome. Oh, no. I promptly blocked him on Facebook. You're going to love this.

Right. A few days later, I got a notification from PayPal. He had sent me a pound and put a note which read threesome. Then it says, I no longer use Facebook Marketplace. So.

Come on. Come on. Just like. So he's asked asked for jewellery said jewellery said he'd give her jewellery

I think he just wants to start a conversation I feel like he went in too hard with jewellery I feel like he went full on

Richard Gere pretty woman straight in there with jewellery really high end and then just like no then he's like alright then

well can I come on for a drink which is terrible made me wife looking for a reason blocked how can I contact her probably just pay a palreesome blocked how can I contact her

probably just pay a pal right do you know what I know she's blocked her she doesn't seem like she's

up for it but I reckon I'll sweeten this deal with a sweet sweet pound and I love that the note

just said threesome question mark not like more of a not more of an explanation no I'm contacting

you on here because I've seen your blog it's on facebook but would we just a pound a pound a note

one pound honestly oh I mean like I don't know I imagined I thought you were going to see

he sent her the money for the microwave back and I was like just a quid I think he's just wanted to get in touch with her again and thought well I'm not

I'm not going to put a fiver in her bank just to send her a note right he thought I'll just send a quid. I think he's just wanted to get in touch with her again and thought, well, I'm not going to put a fiver in her bank just to send her a note. He thought, I'll just send a quid to get a note to her. Wow. What a maniac. So she's never used it since. I mean, yeah, I mean, let's not, let's not, I mean, you know, let's not tar everyone on Facebook marketplace with that brush,

but yeah. Yeah. Oh, they get everywhere. Creeps, creeps ruin everything oh they get everywhere creeps creeps ruin everything they get everywhere and they ruin everything I've got a funny feeling

if she was up at the threesome she'd turn up and the wife wouldn't even be there oh absolutely I don't even think he's got a wife yeah probably not I think he was ringing his ma

brilliant babadoo babadoo babadoo hi both I was listening to the podcast where Rosie said we were all crying in Peter Rabbit world yeah

about the millionaire shortbread and no one liked it and it was a lot of money I have a similar story from when I was young and went to a place called Pennywell Farm where Rosie said, we were all crying in Peter Rabbit World about the millionaire shortbread, and no one liked it, and it was a lot of money. I have a similar story from when I was young and went to a place called Pennywell Farm. It still makes me cringe now. I don't think it's the Pennywell near us, because it's P-E-N-N-I, so I don't know where it is.

And I don't think there is a farm in Pennywell. I don't know if Pennywell or someone's got a farm, I'm not sure. Who knows? Anyway, growing up, my parents didn't have much money, and we only went on caravan holidays. Bit of a fun fact, I actually featured in Caravan Life magazine. Wow. We had a family photo where my dad won an awning in a competition.

Won an awning. It is. That is some 90s bullseye shit right there. There's more. We also featured again with a photo when our caravan got broken into and it was stolen. Wow. Just the awning left. At wow my just the awning left at the left the

awning my dad kept both copies like some kind of claim to fame trophy wow i love that so much we all sorry it's just a lovely lovely lesson for your kids see this kids the highs and lows of life sometimes you're on top of the world look can i show you this there's me when i won an order look at how happy i am look just four issues later caravan nicked look how good i am gotta be careful kids life can build you up and it can knock you down one day you've got a free sweet sweet oil and the next day you've just got an on and no car had to put it on. It's not. Oh, fun.

Right, okay. We all had a great day at the farm and me, five at the time, my older sister got tret to a cafe lunch. Nice. This was a real treat. Back in the day, we never went to cafes very often, so it was a proper treat. And she said, I got a jack of potato.

Pointless. I love jack of potatoes, so don't. In my enthusiasm and excitement for the cafe, I sprinkled salt on the potato, using the shaker on the table, and feeling all grown up. To mine and my parents' horror, it wasn't salt.

It was sugar. Oh. I cried as my mum said I had to eat it, because it was expensive. Oh. I cried as my mum said I had to eat it because it was expensive. Jesus. That's so bad. It's true. I refused to eat the sugary potato combination

so to make sure they got their money's worth they covered it in my favourite condiment, tomato ketchup. Oh. I then had to suffer through being force fed a sugary ketchup potato. Serves you right for ordering a jacket potato. Oh, no, it's got nothing to do with a jacket potato.

My mum was mortified as I screamed the place down, while my sister smugly ate her normal tasty jacket. Wow. The potato is a terrible, gross memory, but the main reason I cringe at the mention of Pennywell Farm is the other story my sister loves to remind me of. This is wonderful, right?

Okay. When you are there at Pennywell Farm you gather activity stickers on a pamphlet like a treasure hunt. One of the activities I really enjoyed

was the wool spinning. Right. Where you make a little bracelet. I enjoyed it so much that the next day I asked my parents if I could call the wool lady. My parents obliged and let me call the number on the pamphlet

for the farm reception using my dad's work mobile. This was before mobile phones were the norm and probably cost more than the potato, but he would have charged it to his work. Right. I called... Well, note his name because that's business. That's for that. Terrible, terrible. He's going down. Yeah. I called... Well, note his name because that's business. That's fraud.

Terrible. He's going down. Yeah. Just like you. I called and left five long messages asking this lady in question if I could see her again soon. Who's letting a kid...

Who's letting a kid ring a random wool lady? Can I see you again soon? Oh, my gosh. Hello. Imagine that wool lady. Can I see you again soon? Oh my gosh. Hello. Imagine that wool lady getting the messages. It's a five-year-old. Every time I think about the person on the other end listening to these messages,

I die a little bit inside. Oh, wow. My sister loves to bring this up to embarrass me now, and it does. It's one of those horrible embarrassing thoughts that pops in my head when I can't sleep, and I sometimes wonder how this lady is and horrible embarrassing thoughts that pops in my head when I can't sleep and I sometimes wonder how this lady is and if she ever got to hear my messages. Oh man.

Hello, I love your sheep and I love that wool. I've still got my bracelet on and I want to make more for my friends. When can I see you again? But I'm not being funny, right? Boop. Hi, me again. You didn't reply to me last message. Just want to say again that I did love all the stuff we did together.

I feel like we really shared a good time with making the bracelet and I want to see you again. All right, bye. Dude, bar, bar, black sheep. Have you any wool? Boop. Me again. Look, two messages now.

I think you're just being rude. Like I said, yeah, I'm the five-year-old who was there the other day. Really, I've told my mates now about the bracelets. So they're expecting them, you know,

and they've told them I've got a job lot to do. So if you can stop fucking us about, love, and get back to us. This is on my dad's work mobile, by the way. it's cost a fortune and while you're at it tell the people in the canteen to fucking label their salt and their sugar

properly bye hi me again sorry for getting angry get off the phone take the piss now five messages five she left

I've five what did she say I don't know I mean we both spoke to Robin when Robin's just gone six but a five year old

on a phone is painful it's actually painful but right okay so we are we can actually answer this because if Robin

said to me oh like let's just he went to summer camp right and he got on with the lads that enjoyed his company if he came home and said

can I ring the guy who runs the summer camp I'd go no you can't yeah why no absolutely not unless I was

unless I had all them work phone minutes for free that I could charge back and ring whoever you want hey what you wanna ring hey son you wanna ring babe station ah do it on the boss's dime I've got a funny feeling for free. They're like a charge back and you can ring whoever you want. Hey, what, you want to ring? Hey, son, you want to ring Babe Station?

Ah, do it on the boss's dime. I've got a funny feeling. I've got a funny feeling that they never rang. I feel like it was just, I feel like she was just handed the phone and told I'll leave her a message.

Oh, do you think? Right. So I think the sister's going to be devastated because I think the sister's been taking the piss out of her for something that didn't actually happen.

Right, okay. There's no fucking way you would let your five-year-old phone up some woman who made a bracelet for her and leave her not one not two

but five messages like she's been like a childhood stalker she's absolutely been done there she's thinking she's leaving messages

she was on the phone at the talking fucking clock or something aye yes phone probably wasn't even turned on yeah at the third stroke

the time sponsored by activist will be... Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap! Dear Chris and Rosie, dogs are weird, but I think that my family dog takes it one step further than most. Okay, yeah. We have a male basset hound who has very

short legs, which means that his dick and balls are very low to the ground. Didn't we have something like this in the past of someone vaseline in their dog's dick because it touched the floor? Oh, yes. I thought we had that. Oh, my word.

Did that make it to the podcast? I think so, yeah. Did it? Possibly. If it didn't, sorry, everyone. It did, and then somebody used the Vaseline. It was the dog's dick Vaseline. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Great. God, I love this podcast. I sort of are. It's beautiful. So, his dick and balls hang very low yeah, yeah. Great. God, I love this podcast. So do I. It's beautiful. So, his dick and balls hang very low to the ground.

Brilliant. About a year ago, I was sat on the couch with my feet sticking off the end as I'm quite short. When our dog walks over to me, spins round, reverses, and carefully rests his dick and balls on my feet. I mean, talk about a power move. It is, isn't it? He has continued to try and use my feet and my feet only as a genital shelf

on a daily basis ever since. Genital shelf? I don't know whether to take this as a compliment or why he doesn't do it to anyone else in the family. I don't think anyone else would let them. That's why. Why should they let me have it? Why should... Like, literally, no. else in the family. I don't think anyone else would let them. That's why. Why is she letting it happen? Like, literally. No.

Does she have socks on? I don't know. Sounds like she's got bare feet. But that's like, that's like Robin always tries to put his arse in my face. All the time. No, he does though. Like, being rude. As if I'm just going to be like, alright. Go on then.

No, I'm like, get your bum away from me. Dear Chris and Rosie, so I've been sitting on this story for some time now. Great. Debating whether to send it in. But, after disclosing the antics to 99% of our friendship group

and a trusted few colleagues, we may as well tell the nation. I mean, that is a step. I don't even nation. I mean, that is a step. I don't even know. I mean, I feel like we're blooming sloppy seconds here. I don't want your fucking, I don't want your Facebook marketplace third-hand story. Stick with what we are, and I do really tell us.

Despite this, please keep me anonymous, as a love of pot brownies and a career in schools do not mix. Wow. Okay. Bear with, it's quite long. After a particularly stressful week my partner my part partner my partner and i were looking forward to a fun weekend in london culminating in a trip to harry potter studios we were keen to unwind and put our cares to one side and managed to acquire

three rather potent reeses i thought i'd add the flavour as they were delicious flavoured pot brownies sorry so they've went to London they're going to Harry Potter World not in London not in London Watford

fucking a train ride outside of London that's how they get you keep telling you it's in London it's not it's fucking New India right

they're going for a nice weekend away to get full of cannabis food yes cannabis edibles and then gone to Harry Potter World. She's made some weed brownies.

And peanut butter flavour. Yes. Okay. When we arrived at our hotel which was creepy as fuck and seemed to be hosting a strange convention with a bunch of middle aged people

dressed in old timey clothes and calling each other old bean etc. After saying this we opted for room service with a dessert of our illicit brownies. Great. That made me think, just while we're doing that,

that's obviously people's hobbies. Yeah. Dressing up as master and calling each other old bean. Like dressing up in olden time Victorian clothes or whatever. Yeah. Do you think we'll do anything like that? I hate fancy dress, so absolutely not. But do you think we'll have any hobbies that uh i hate fancy dress so absolutely not but

do you think we'll have any hobbies like that uh i hope not i'll be very sad we're quite theatrical people we might you know don't rule it out no i am not i'm not doing any reenactments of war in 20 years time do you not want to absolutely not well we might you don't know no we'll see when i did um when i did that time crusher show for channel 4 we had to go and live in this castle and it was like the whole thing was set up they were volunteers

weren't they well yeah the whole thing was set up like a big movie set and it was you know everyone all the all the staff were like

playing roles as if we were back in time and there was loads of them and they filled this hall on the night and they had this

massive big thing and they were all like and they were like and then yeah I was like oh these are all actors and someone like after we'd done that one it was finished and you can drop the facade I was like are these all actors they're all like and they're like and then yeah i was like oh these all act there's

and someone like after we'd done that one it was finished and you can drop the facade i was like are these all that i was like oh no it's like reenactment like they do it as their hobby and they just i was like you fucking bunch of dicks no i mean it was so weird they'll enjoy it though you can't see that fortunes on their stuff as well you know yeah yeah yeah yeah they see them in their tunics and that and like one them, the guy who was supposed to be like the main guy got so fucking hammered. He got hammered and he couldn't,

he was supposed to do a scene, he was supposed to do something at night and he couldn't, he just had to go to bed. Well, there you go. But I had to do his bed

for him. Respect. Bed pan and that. I respect that though. Hobby, just get like, dress up like Henry VIII and get sloshed. Yeah, he was,

yeah. That's it, that's it. He definitely got into character over the time. I like that. I like that though. I would do that. Anyway, he was, he definitely got into character over the time. I like that. I like that though. I would do that. Anyway, watch this space.

I'll be there. I just say now, I'll be knowing you. I'll be with my next husband. Great. Well, sounds like a gimp. Oh, he will be. No prospects.

So they're getting room service. They're going to have the brownies. Room service took ages. So we decided to have dessert for They're going to have the brownies. Room service took ages so we decided to have dessert for starters and indulge in our naughty treat. We got particularly carried away and were very peckish so we ate a full brownie each. Mistake number one.

I couldn't think of anything worse. Panicky. Ugh. Yeah. Horrible. The brownies hit my partner first. I was particularly cocky thinking he was a complete lightweight. As he got stuck to the bed, saying his body was heavy, he turned to me with a look of pure panic on his face and asked me what was in the brownies, fully believing I had spiked him.

I decided to make it up to him by initiating some sexy antics, which culminated... While he was stuck to the bed? Yeah, this is crazy. Chris, all of this, I'm sorry, while they're off their face, stuck to the bed, Yeah, this is crazy. Chris, all of this, I'm sorry, while they're off their face, stuck to the bed, waiting for their food to come.

When does Harry Potter World come into this fucking masquerade mess of a story? I don't even know. I think Harry Potter World comes tomorrow. Oh, God. If you, if you tried to initiate any sort of sexual contact with me while we were waiting for room service to come,

I'd be like, I'd be like, my life wouldn't be worth living. Someone's going to knock on the door. Absolutely not. I don't want... Sorry, sorry. I'm not 19, Chris. No. You know, tell.

I've got me food pyjama pants on. Go slack the oar. No, but that's just... Me carb pyjamas. What if you're going for it and then the food comes and you're just like... slack they are no but that's that's me carb me carb jamas what if you're going for it

and then the food comes and you're just like I mean yeah I mean I don't know what these I mean these people what they do

they're having they're having weed brownies in a hotel room yeah the sound yeah they're not

I don't think we'd get on I don't think I'd get on with these people I mean the fact that they've absolutely slated

the people in the old time I mean they're slating me I'm more on board with the old time people I want to be I want get on with these people. I mean, the fact that they've absolutely slated the people in the old time. I mean, they're slating me. I'm more on board with the old time people now. I want to be with them. Listen, old bean, right? Oh, come on, old bean.

I'm not having any of this shit. Come on. I want a hog roast with the old folk. I decided to make it up to him by initiating some sexy antics, which culminated in us trying some anal play. Haddon, wasn't there three people? Eh, no, it was just two of them. Oh, right, I thought there was another person.

Why? I didn't know I thought there was another person. No, it was just them two. Just sitting on the end of the bed. Yeah. Right, okay. One of the biggest components in anal experimentation would arguably be lubrication.

Great. Right? In our worse-for-waste state, we decided that whilst we didn't actually have any, we had the next best thing, which was in fact, bio-freeze. What the hell is bio-freeze? This was mistake number two. Bio-freeze, for those who are unaware, is the absolute opposite of deep heat. It is used on sore areas of the body. It freezes them and then creates a warming sensation. Delightful on a sore back or leg, for example.

Not delightful on one's arsehole. Why in the name of the Lord? I have no idea. I mean, they're stupid. They're all stupid. They're just stupid. The warming sensation can only then be described as a burning I can only imagine you experience when entering in the fiery pits of hell.

Oh my God, that is the worst thing I've ever heard. Whilst it started as the most intense tingling lube you could find, it ended with me on all fours on the bed as my partner sprayed my bum hole with the LucasAid sports bottle full of cold water. What the hell? This is the worst weekend.

It's awful, isn't it? This is the worst weekend ever. It's like the fucking hangover. Flattering nor necessary? Yes. My partner weekend away ever it's like the fucking hangover flattering no necessary yes my partner fell swiftly asleep after this leaving me to go on the world's longest and trippiest of trips and a spicy bum home i kept debating waking him to ask if we should ring an ambulance as i was unable to stop my leg shaking i then convinced myself it would look terrible if we died and a headline read that i worked in a school and we had been

high at the time so I swore off ringing the paramedics. I then decided that the group dressed like they worked at Beamish and calling each other old sport were in fact a cult and every time I heard a door slam along our corridor it was them coming to kill us in our sleep. This person's the worst. Right, who

in their right mind goes to the hotel or does room service? Where the fuck's room service by the way? I'm sorry. Right, who in their right mind goes to the hotel, orders room service... Where the fuck's room service, by the way? Still hasn't come. Chris, I'm sorry. Oh, hey, listen. Well, lasagna's on the way, but do you fancy a bit of bum sex before...

Oh, first let's get stoned. No, fancy a little bit of bum sex for the first time ever. Yeah, with whatever lube I can find in the room. Just, hey. I hate these people. I hate both of these people. They're stupid, they're unorganised, and they're dickheads.

And they're on drugs. I hate them. Honestly, I'd rather be having a mulled wine and a turkey leg with the folks downstairs. I hope you didn't make it to Harry Potter Studios. What does it say? Needless to say, the high eventually wore off, but we ruined the Harry Potter Studios experience for ourselves. You don't deserve to it to Harry Potter Studios. What does it say? Needless to say, the high eventually wore off, but we ruined the Harry Potter Studios experience

for ourselves. You don't deserve to go to Harry Potter. It says, and I genuinely believe I left a piece of my soul in that hotel room that night. It sounds horrible, but I like to think that

while he was spraying that Lucasade up my arse, he was going, Expelliarmus! God. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bab. Hello, Chris and Rosie. Hope you're both well

Are you well? I am Oh good Are you well? I'm great Great let's crack on I really am We've got Hello Fresh for tea tonight

Yay And I am very much looking forward to it Good Loves it Loves it I'm sorry this is not an ad There might be on this episode I'm not sure

You never know Very big part of our life I love it I've been debating whether To share this story for a while But it felt too gross so i let us be the judge now i have decided to bite the bullet and share the tale a few years ago me and my ex decided to go out for a meal it was our anniversary so we wanted to go somewhere nice we arrived half an hour early at the restaurant as we expected traffic to be worse than it was and neither of us wanted to go in too early

so we sat in the car. Whilst we were sitting there, my ex was complaining of an itchy ear. I didn't really think anything of it until he did what he did next. Within seconds of saying this, he removed his car key from the ignition and used the key to itch inside of his ear.

That's really, really horrible. He then pulled the key out of his ear wiped it on his jeans and popped the key in his pocket like this was a perfectly normal thing to do i was too grossed out to question him but i completely lost my appetite and proceeded to only have a starter for dinner much to my ex's confusion i mean that's i'm taking things a bit too far like that's ridiculous every time putting food to our mouth that's oh god we split up not long after this not because of this accident but i still quiver at the thought even to this day some of my friends have said they would have ended the relationship on the spot if this happened to them on the spot intense so my question to you is,

what would you have done in this scenario? If I was him, while itching my ear with the key, I'd have been going, brrm, brrm. Jesus. As I was turning it in my ear. Awful.

I think that would have made me feel better. Do you think? Wet floor sign over here. Yeah. I can't believe he then wiped it on his jeans and just put it in his butt. That to me says that that's a regular thing yeah that's yeah that's what he does i've had i have i never said anything about this before because i've had a few i've had a few cues from the pews of people itching it inside of their ear with car keys this isn't a one-off thing

a lot of people do this as well you're not even meant to use the actual um things you know the cotton buds oh they're not supposed to go in your ear yeah that's a total yeah they're not supposed to at all so what are they for they're not for putting in your fucking ear tell you why do you then i don't know you know how else you meant to clean your ear you see what you can do now there's a thing where you can buy it it's like a little tiny camera that goes on the end of your mobile phone you hold the phone and you put the little camera in the end and you can literally clean your own ear out with like a camera inside but that's but you're not meant to put anything in there well it's a tiny little camera to get it to scoop it all out with all i'm saying is can you get them off for christmas oh jesus love on me has cleaned you're

not meant to put anything in your yeah you've told me you've told me this i'm gonna stop you right there yeah yeah you've told me this before it's fucking horrible it's a really irritating thing that you've said you've said it before your court was putting an earbud in and you went you're not supposed to put anything in your ear bigger than smaller than your elbow and i was like what and you're like as if it was the cleverest thing you've ever said and it's actually just stupid it's stuck with me for life no it's one of the only phrases in your ear that's the smaller than your elbow right take smaller than your elbow off smaller take smaller than your elbow off and it still works littler

littler take the whole lot off okay you're not supposed to put anything in your ear tinier no that's it than your elbow

no that's it you're not supposed to put anything in your ear that's all it means shorter this is this is painful my new ear

this is painful painful acute no that's bending over you've got it on your head anyway Mind you, yeah. This is painful. Painful. Acute? No, that's bending over. You've got it on your head. Anyway, you can't lick your elbow, you know. It's impossible.

I know. And also, the skin on there is dead. So if you really squeeze it... Are you alright? Are you on... Sometimes. Someone put too much money in your back and you'll just keep going now. I bloody wish.

Threesome? As always, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. It is indeed. Thank you so much for listening, you wonderful people, and we'll Married Annoyed, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. It is indeed. Thank you so much for listening, you wonderful people, and we'll be back in your ears next week.

Yes. Bye. Bye. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks

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