Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 147. Find a happy place

Episode Date: December 17, 2021

The Ramsay's are buzzing from their tour but they're not talking to each other in January. Chris has a history lesson and Rosie takes part in a new game against her will.  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and

Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit me husband, Chris.

Oh, we're just first naming? Just first naming. No surnames? We're very close at the minute. It could be anyone. Don't tell them that. Rosie who? Who are you?

Rosie who? I'm Rosie Wintner. How dare you unmarry me in your name? Would you be really upset if I just started signing everything with my maiden name again well we've said it before haven't we you you it took you easily six months after marrying me to change it on your voicemail do you know my phone when you type in if you're buying stuff online i've been buying a lot of stuff online haven't been to a shop yet yeah sadly haven't had time for christmas when you go to put so whenever it says like first name i start typing rosie and it comes up rosie and i it. And then when it says surname, Winter comes up.

I don't know how to change it on my phone. Your phone. I know. Honestly, your phone is dead against this family. Hate you. Judas. Actually hate you. Get rid of that phone.

That's weird because it's quite... You've had multiple phones since you were called Winter, so I don't know why it's still... No, it's fully upgraded as well. Oh, the upgrade was shit, by the way. Oh, you were very upset, weren't you? If your iPhone's asking you to so i don't know why it's still no it's fully upgraded as well oh the upgrade was shit by the way oh you were very upset if your iphone's asking you upgrade don't do it there's nothing worse and then they go you got ufosecurity and you go all right and they go by the way we've changed everything and you go mother well you know the um the internet the safari i'm familiar with the internet yes well safari yeah the tab what's it called where you put the address in uh yeah this the thing where you write stuff in.

Yeah, it used to be at the top. It's at the bottom. It's at the bottom of the page. Horrible. It's really thrown us off. I bet that's why people with bigger phones. Because I've got the bigger phone for watching porn. Sports on the train. Good save, Chris.

And I can't, with my thumb, I can't reach the top with one hand. So I have to suffer because I've got a smaller Chris. Great. And I can't, with my thumb, I can't reach the top with one hand. So I have to suffer because I've got a smaller phone. Yeah, basically. It will be because of that. And I haven't even done the upgrade. It will be because of that.

That's upsetting. I get a bad wrist if I'm trying to reach the top. Yeah. That and all the wanging. Watching sports. Good save. What's happening? This is awful.

Why are we talking about wanking it's quarter to ten it's very early in the morning we're doing this almost as early as people start listening

to it because we're doing it today because as we record it it's Wednesday and we're on our way to Birmingham tonight yes we are

another massive shout out to everyone who's been to the live shows who remain and thank you so much we've got two left as the time

of this comes out we've got two left we've got Manchester and Leeds Eorino Eorino and Leeds Eorino Eorino and Leeds First Direct Arena

so it's been so much fun see you all there it's been amazing I'm flipping knackered like oh god yeah oh Rosie I love you

I'm fucking sick of you yeah I'm honestly I'm so tired and me throat's going a bit dodgy now I think we're both just a bit like hello

I don't think we're going to speak to each other in January fine by me deal shake on it. Shake on it. Deal. Deal.

Good. Good stuff. Oh, we've got the podcast. Oh, fuck. Listen, right, before we go any further, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is Remembering. Okay.

Hey, you know when something happens and then you've got to remember it? Keep it in your head so you don't forget. Here's an example. Always remember that they fucking partied while we were locked down. They fucking partied. Multiple parties.

They're denying it. There's photos of some of them. I don't want to get political, but they fucking partied. They gathered together and had a lovely, lovely, merry old time. Yeah. While we were losing our fucking minds because they told her to.

Never forget, guys. Never forget. Yeah. We stood. Never forget. In the garden with our loved ones while they dilly-dally. They had catering, you know. They're trying to make it fit.

Oh, the photo so a photo came out and it disappeared pretty quickly there was fucking chafing dishes in the background now obviously

I used to work at the stage of my life I was a self-service waiter I was a very good waiter chafing dishes in the background you've got to order them in haven't you

not many people have got fucking chafing dishes kicking about when they're coming I mean I know they're all middle class and upper class

but you know it's the big it's the big metal tree where you put like a candle underneath sort of a a paraffin fucking candle thing underneath yeah it was catered yeah the parties were fucking catered and they didn't look scared they looked they looked absolutely buzzing there's a guy you see they seen that look he fucked her to the right of the photo you can't see the face

it's just a hair oh yeah imagine being that prick yeah you'd be buzzing they must be fucking buzzing basically hope you're all okay. Hope you're all fine. Don't forget, because they want me to forget. Don't forget. Don't let them deflect it. I'm not going to forget.

Don't let them deflect it. Don't forget. Can I do a really quick little shout out? Oh God. What? Come on then. Why are you saying that? Oh no, I know what it is.

Sorry, I thought it was going to be something stupid. I know what this is. Go for it. I want to give a shout out to Lad Baby Mum, Rox and Mark and Lad Baby. They have brought out a Christmas single with Ed Sheeran and El and elton john amazing you can download it now um

he's had number ones three years in a row which is amazing so he's going for a fourth one and uh yeah and all of the money you're talking about lad baby not talking about elton john here we're talking about yeah they have had yeah the sausage roll songs been number one three years in a row yeah um and all of the proceeds go to Trussell Trust yes which is the food banks

big love to Ed and Elton John for getting on board with this so amazing if you fancy downloading it it's currently

available to download now go for that in fact that's the sponsor yeah let's make that the sponsor yeah

should we crack on because I don't want to get political I don't want to get political because I'm bogged down with it yeah is I'm bogged down with it. Is everyone else bogged down with it? Or is it just us?

I think everyone's just fucking sick. I think everyone's just sick. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's kind of just putting their head down. It's like front crawl at the minute. I think everyone's just putting their head down and just fucking holding their breath

and swimming as fast as they can to just try and get to Christmas. Well, listen, Christmas soon. And I'm very excited. We're going to be doing a Christmas special next week. Yeah. And let's crack on. Let's crack on. I've got some funny stories. got some funny stories let's do a beef let's crack

on never forget never forget never forget we had a fight about the jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle so this is the jingle we hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bab. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. Lovely to have you all back as always. Yes, lovely to have you back. Now guys, I haven't read my main feed of twitter for about two years now and it's brilliant

but what is so much better than that is i read me at replies so if you ever at me something if you ever speak to me on twitter i will see it don't be a dick um i will say it so that's fine i'm not that bothered um i will say it and people have been sending me what i love so much about this podcast is people see unbelievably ridiculous shit online and they send us it they go go, this would be good for the podcast and they send us things. So I've got some things that people have sent me that I want to run past you today that you might not be aware of. Right. You might be, you might not be.

Right. But I saw them, I thought, you know what, I'll keep these little tidbits, I'll save them in the phone and then I'll save them to Rosalie, I'll save the crackers. Okay. So big shout out to, it just sums the podcast up. Honestly, a hundred plus people must have sent me this link. Right. Last week. Well, I've probably seen it then, but what is it? just sums the podcast up honestly 100 plus people must have sent me this link right last week well

i've probably seen it then but what is it bomb squad called after doctors find world war ii shell stuck up man's backside yeah yeah i saw that absolutely unbelievable world war ii shell that's that's a bit of history it's gone into that but it is do you love history i do do you love it as much as me watch this like i mean question question was it live did it still work right so um also a shell no a shell is a no no a shell it was basically a missile it was a yeah so

but isn't a shell when it's been done like when it's been launched no so it's they call it artillery they call it a shell an artillery

so it's rather than a bullet rather than calling it a big bullet they call it a shell so are you thinking of the casing of a bullet think so right so

it's basically like a fucking, like a little missile thing. Yeah. Like a little missile that he's put up his arse. I mean, you know, respect anyone for picking something that is sort of phallic. The amount of things we find.

Yeah, it's a good shape. Yeah, I mean, God. What size is it? So it was, During centimetres, I know centimetres was 5 centimetres wide Right okay So that's I mean it's not pleasurable

I mean yeah 17 centimetre long and 6 centimetre armour piercing projectile That's right, that's what the ladies call it It was a type of shell fired from anti-tank guns in the second World War. Wow. So it could pierce

the armour of a tank. Jesus. Yeah, it literally go through like a fucking spear then explode inside the tank. That's what they did. And he put it up his bum. Although it says the unnamed man from Gloucestershire Royal Hospital said he slipped and fell on the

57mm piece of weaponry. However... Well, if it can PS a tank, it can PS a pair of fucking jeans, Rosie. So I don't know how dare you be shaming this man for... Rosie, you're victim blaming. It's a terrible accident he's had. He's in his house.

He said he had it on the floor. He said he had it on the floor. It's upright on the floor. Look, I don't know about you, I don't know about you, but when I'm cleaning all my World War II memorabilia, I like to sand all of them up on the floor,

take my trousers off, in case any dust or fibre particles from my trousers fall on them. I like to dust them. I like to, you know, sometimes I like to slather them in butter or something. Is that what he did?

No, I don't think he did, but he fell on it. He reckons he fell on it and it was up his arse. But the best bit is the fact that, you know, we've heard so many stories

about people who go to the hospital and stuff up their arse, but he went and they're like, right, we've got to phone the bomb squad. You can just imagine him face down in the fucking, in the bed going,

please, please don't ring anyone else. Honestly, it's not live. It's not live. We've got it, sir. We've got to phone the bomb squad just to check oh my god dirty you dirty pervert but he has he has he has a full team of fucking military professionals waste waste of time it's a thing that gets me it's the lion about it that gets me yeah it's the lion i'm sorry the shell had apparently been lying on the floor while the patient was clearing out his The thing that gets me, it's the lying about it that gets me. Yeah. It's the lying. I'm sorry.

Michelle had apparently been lying on the floor while the patient was clearing out his collection of military memorabilia. Oh, gosh. Tell you what, he's lucky it didn't go through his stomach. I'm actually glad it went up his arse. The chances of falling backwards and it landing right on your arsehole, you know. Do you know what happens to me? I fell back, my pants fell down and I sat on it.

It happens to me with donuts quite regularly. Yeah, mouth first. Just honestly, just like, they'll be on the bench and I'll trip and they'll just

in my mouth and I go, oh shit. I get where he's coming from. Yeah. Obviously as a side note, we've said this before for years.

Do you know that between, this is the official stat, right? Because we've said people are always getting stuff stuck up their arse, right? Right. Mainly men.

Nice one, lads. Flying the flag. Nice one, lads. Doctors and nurses have had to remove some 3,500 objects from people's arses between 2010 and 2019,

costing the NHS around 340,000 a year. Or three million. A year? A year. Three million in total in those nine years. Wow. Three million pound of taxpayers' money spent

on taking stuff out of dirty little perverts' bums. Oh. Do you know what it is, though? I'm all, stick stuff up your bum. Stick stuff up your bum. Just choose better. Well, I don't know, because I've learned... No, choose better, because...

No, because I've learned a little bit about history on this one if anything always put something with an interesting backstory up your bum then when i read the story i now know about armor pierce and shells from world war ii i've learned i've learned more from reading that than i learned in history wow wow so hey whoever you are only a man from gloucester thank you very much you know i'm gonna gonna go and watch Black Adder. Another one for you here, Rosie. Now, you being a huge animal lover, you're going to love this one. Right. Is that a joke? Eh? Is that a joke?

I do. I like animals. You just don't want to own one. Don't want to own one. Okay. Well, listen. Don't worry about owning one, right? You don't want to own one. You just need to have one for a little while to see if you're going to do what this lady was up to. Oh, is it going to be sad? It makes us sad.

Passenger on a flight from Syracuse to Atlanta was breastfeeding her hairless cat and refused to stop. What? On a flight in America. It's always in America. She had one of them hairless cats, like what Rachel gets in Friends.

You know the one that Rachel gets in Friends? We are Siamese, if you please gets in friends are they siamese cats no i don't know what they're called it's the one with the rachel gets one in front yeah yeah yeah it's like just some kind of snake right okay yes i do remember yeah she had one of them and she was uh breastfeeding it on a on a flight how and she refused to stop no i don't that's not real. Well, it's... Because I'm not being funny, you've got to get your tongue in a certain way to be able to breastfeed. Oh, sorry, no, it wasn't latching on. That was the next bit of the story. The cat wasn't latching on.

Apparently the cat was going fucking ballistic. So... She took it out with its little carrier. Because in America, in internal flights in America, you can take dogs and cats on the flight because it's not going over any boulders and America's fucking massive. So she took it out with its little case

and she wrapped it up in a towel apparently or a blanket so it looked like a really fucking ugly baby you could just you could just see it's head and she was trying to get it a tit in its mouth and the cat was having none of it apparently quite right what and then she refused so how but how did she have milk in her boobs well so she must have a kid but i mean i don't i'm so confused by all of this i think she was a fucking maniac let's be i don't think like you know sorry you're there you're clearly not lactating at the moment this is it's trying to breastfeed a cat rosie she's obviously not fucking all that at the pfa oh my word now it brings me on to my next little game what are they all a game yeah right just a

quick little game no it's not which animal would you breastfeed, is it? No, it's how can we get Rosie to breastfeed a cat. Breastfeed a cat. I'm not. Right. Because I couldn't even breastfeed me kid. How do you think I'm going to breastfeed a cat? Just a quick little quid pro quo, as they call it in America. Quid pro quo.

Listen. What's happened? Right, let's start here. Would you breastfeed a cat? Absolutely not. How much money would it cost for Would you breastfeed a cat? Absolutely not. How much money would it cost for you to breastfeed a cat? Give us a number. Right.

Million pound. Would you breastfeed a cat for a million pounds? No. I don't think I could. Right. So you don't think money. You don't think money. I don't.

I mean, that's a lot of money. It is a lot of money. You got breastfeeded for three times a day for a week. Oh, so... Oh, no, I thought it was once. I thought it was a one-time thing. Night feeds as well. Oh, absolutely.

Fuck that. Rosie, this is... They've got claws. Like when Robin and Rafe were crying, at least, you know, they couldn't claw you to death. Imagine trying to breastfeed a cat. And they wouldn't latch on. Oh, you'd be ripped to bits.

Yeah, it's bad. No. This is the worst game ever. This is a cat. This is a special cat. Rosie, the cat's going to die. Oh, don't. Rosie, you've got to breastfeed this cat.

Rosie, the cat. You're the last hope. Right, okay then. Well, then yes, I would. Wow, you fucking pervert. You would breastfeed a cat. If it was going to die. You heard it here first, everyone.

She would breastfeed a cat. I can't believe I do a podcast for you. Chris, if the cat was... If it was on... If I had milk in my breath, I would squeeze it in its mouth. Go and get some cat food. What's wrong with you?

Oh, is that an option? Well, you didn't ask. Right. You went straight to throwing your tit in its mouth like some kind of psycho. See? It's easy done, guys. Don't be judging the woman on the flight. It's easy done.

She just didn't realise cat food is... No, you've had my life here. Like, I thought we were the last people on Earth, me and this cat. I never said any of that. I never said any of that. What's wrong with you? Right. Well, you know, I don't want the cat to die.

You've got something wrong with you. But that's you know i don't want the cat to die you got something wrong with you but that's very admirable you can squirt it from quite a far way away stop no you can't it squirts really far milk from your boob so i would i would be like sit sit down sit it's not a dog it's not a dog you can cat's not say i doubt it i mean maybe well i'd purr purr and then i'd i'd squirt it like this and I'd go open your little mouth and they'd go and they'd probably go human milk

yuck can I interest you in a saucer just put it in a saucer what's wrong with you why are you going straight to the cat's mouth what's the matter with you oh for fuck's sake Chris I'm tired

I'm thinking about I'm tired. I'm thinking about all of this. It's really upsetting. I didn't like that game at all. You really lulled me into that game then. Well, if it makes you feel better, you lost that game. Spectacularly lost that game. Right, okay.

Well done. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef. Now, just as you were hearing a a babadoo bar there, guys, and it was a little bit silent for... Well, it was silent for us because it wasn't recording. I said, do you have a beef?

And then we realised that we've been on tour together for a month now. Of course we've got a beef. Yeah, we've got quite a few. We've got multiple beefs. We've got quite a few. Ladies first or gentlemen first? You can go first.

I can go first. Go on. Get us all riled up. My beef with you is, and you've accused me, in a comedic way, for comical effect, you accuse me of gaslighting you every five minutes

just to irritate us. I mean, jokingly. Yeah, you are jokingly. It's not. It's a serious thing. It is a serious thing, right? But listen, you're having a fucking pop at it in my direction recently, right?

For the entire time I've known you, you have always, always always always walked into a room uh sat down on the sofa or the chair then realized quite conveniently that you forgot something that you need and i've always been in the room so you've sat down and you've went oh i've just i forgot my laptop and you look at it and you go oh i've just sat down right which is fair enough i'm sure there's a lot of people out there whose partners male or female may do this thing you know we all live with lazy lazy twats right okay yep yep however it's took a new turn now you come in

you sit down you go i forgot my laptop i go oh god and you go oh it's upstairs and the other day and a few days after you've said it a couple of times now you went Chris go upstairs run upstairs and get me a laptop it'll be a great warm up for going on the peloton

evil fucker how's that evil just is it's true it's just proper trying to look after you just

it'll be go on you go on the peloton it'll be a lovely warm-up exercise. Be exercising. Right, okay. Well, it's funny. Go and get me a laptop.

I'm just looking at my, no, I'm just looking at my list here of my beefs. List? List? Yeah, list, mate. List. It's funny you should say that

because on my beefs, there's one here, you keep making me pass you all of your stuff when you're in the shower. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

On to, I've noticed this. So what happens is Chris gets in the shower, right? And then conveniently, Rosie! Yeah? Can you come here? Uh-huh. What is it?

Oh, can you pass us me? Can you pass us me face wash? Can you pass us me shower gel? Why didn't you get it before you got in the shower, Chris? Why didn't you get it before you got in the shower Chris why didn't you get it before you got oh well I forgot my laptop as well

well yeah yeah and that's fine but it's the I'm not going come and get it man get your steps in for the day do you know what I mean

you fucking have said stuff like that before actually I've just as I came up with my mouth I have said that before I have said that you're so you're so

you are literally you might have got that from me I think I have you're literally like do you're so you are literally you might have got that from me I think I have you're literally like do you want to go for a walk with that bitch

that's not I'll never say that I dare you it's in your eyes I can see it in your eyes I dare you well I'm thinking it but I wouldn't say it

without I'm joking I'm joking I'm joking but yeah okay I want to just okay we'll tell you what. We'll call that one a draw.

Right. No, actually, yeah, for the first time, stop asking me to get your shit in the shower and I'll stop asking you to get stuff for me. Right. But what have I forgot? What am I supposed to do? Climb out of the shower soaking wet?

Yes. It's a health and safety nightmare. Don't get it. What if I climb out, right, and then you come in to brush your teeth or something and the floor's still wet, I haven't had a chance, and you slip and hurt yourself on the floor? I don't brush my teeth.

Yes, you do. No. Never. That explains a lot. I don't stink. Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now

for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.

Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. It's time for Questions from the Public As always guys If you want to get in touch It's shagmaridanoid

At gmail.com Please continue to send Your wonderful questions Your input is always Great greatly appreciated thank you very much thank you this is this this starts off really nice to the amazing chris and rosie that's nice didn't put my surnames on could be anyone could be anyone same mistake you made at the beginning of the episode it might not be us all right well i mean it's very much... Stop. Let's assume. Let's assume it is then. Right.

But, you know, all I'm saying is... To assume makes an ass out of you and me. Great work. Thank you. Just sterling work. Yeah. I've just listened to the best episode, episode 100, and have laughed my head off at the Skidmog's pillow denial story.

Do you remember that? I do remember that. I think it was one night stand, they had a skiddy on the pillow. Yeah. Beautiful content. Just great content. Just one from the archives. Yeah.

Just good, wholesome family fun. How do we still do this? How is this a job? I love it. What the fuck? I love it. I love it too. I love everyone who's listening as well.

Thank you very much. Yeah. The denial element gave me a flashback to my dating self in my early 20s when I lived at home. Not wanting to tell my parents I was seeing an older guy, I ended up in an elaborate denial story. I was seeing this guy with major stubble. We had been snogging, in brackets, I'm a 90s child, for ages. This is just...

Major stubble i don't know it's just like it really dates the story snogging was amazing but also that he's an older guy how old is he he's got stubble he's got stubble like i imagine i in school or in college going to like lads in the year going here man he's the too mature man you don't even have stubble my boyfriend's got stubble and I snog him she's in her early twenties

oh you're tanned but then you're this isn't this isn't this isn't her early twenties we're college then literally

surrounded by pubescent boys in our college and this guy's got stubble not worse than bum fluff man not worse than

bum fluff oh did you get bum fluff I never got bum fluff no you're not that hairy are you no i've got like a beard now i've got stover but it's still quite soft my but it's always been this kind of soft like it's not really really rough do you know what i mean but like i

remember i mean i knew lads who had like like upper lip tashes like and it was just like eyelashes it was just like loads of eyelashes on the top lip just looked like another giant eye on their face i was like what the fuck you're doing man and they loved it as well you could see they're like trimmed it and that they're like standing like and it's like oh my god you literally look but it was really fashionable at one point when were you no it was never fashionable no i know i don't mean fashionable but i mean it was it was a habit like it was just a thing it It's just like the lads who could grow the beards at school, some of them

had stubble and the ones who couldn't do that just kept like a bum fluff tash. Really fluffy. And it was just awful. Wonder if our lads will get bum fluff. Aww. Aww. We'll see. Well, we'll see. I'll still love them. I couldn't let them leave the house with a bum fluff tash. Would you shave it off? I would just go

look at it, man. It looks like a fucking, it looks like Claudia Winkleman's fringe on your top lip. Nothing against Claudia Winkleman. My point is, she's got beautiful, soft, gossy hair. I'm thinking of a guy in my high school who just had like a full on...

I know, I can see. There was a few of mine. I can see them in my mind. You see them combing it, you know what I mean? Fucking amazing. I think I would veet it off the lads. Veet? Veet.

Just get them to shave it. If you shave it, it comes back thicker. Well, that's what they want. I think that's what happened. I think people got their first bit of bum fluff and went, right, this is it. Don't shave it, it might not come back. And they just kept this fucking quaffered,

fucking beautiful, conditioned. I'm dreading getting hairs when I'm older, you know. When you're older? Yeah, like you're getting like hairs and like little random hairs. When you're older? What do you mean when I'm older? I haven't got them now.

Have I? No, but... I've got one really long eyebrow. Did you know that? I've got one really long... Long eyebrow hair. One... I'm not even joking.

On my right eyebrow, I get one hair that grows three times the length of the others and you can know it's blonde you can only see it in the sun i have to pluck it out all the time every like four months i catch it in the mirror and it's just really i don't know what's going on how are you are you all right how are you what do you mean how are you coping with that it sounds awful it's been happening for years every four months you've got to play every four months gotta pluck this hair out are you all right i'm all right you must be knackered oh don't chris

looking for it's the worst thing where's the blood right so sorry this guy has got major stubble right he's got major stuff so we're back to the story he's got major stubble and she's snogging like there's no tomorrow yeah and it's given a major tash rash. Right, okay. Oh, God. As a result, my parents asked me what had happened to my chin. I said that they wouldn't believe it, but the day before,

I had eaten a shop sandwich out of those plastic triangle packaging and it had severely scratched my chin. Sorry. Sorry. The worst excuse ever. So, all right, okay. So now packages, okay.

So triangle sandwiches, when they get the sandwich and they cut it in the triangle, diagonal and they fold it in, at the moment in life, they're in cardboard with a little see-through thing. But I do remember when they were in a plastic thing and you could click it back shut.

So she's claimed that she's like half-edged it out of that and just ate it and she's just fucking scoffed down on it so much that the plastic has scratched her chin.

What a fantastic excuse. No, because it's so stupid. It's like someone wouldn't pick it because it's so stupid. I like it. Well, as the days went on my Tash Rash scabbed over. Oh, how fucking...

How much were these guys snogging? Just a lot, I think. A lot. My mum and dad said that I should contact the sandwich company as it was so bad. There's a claim in that.

There's a fucking claim in that, love. Look at that, man. It's drew blood. They plagued me with questions. What sandwich was it? How did it scratch you so badly you should sue i just had to make up answers and i've never told them the truth much love imagine terrible that love it what what company was it let me get where's the c facts let's see what this company's called. You know,

I bet you, amongst all of their friends, they were like, oh hey, by the way, don't get them sandwiches with the plastic on. Our daughter should cut all her chin on it.

But one of them things, when your mum comes up with a stupid fucking thing of our Moira's sister's daughter, this happened to her, so be careful. It'll all come from bollocks because someone's been

snogging their older boyfriend too much. I know. I stopped eating crisps forllocks because someone's been snogging their older boyfriend too much. I know. I stopped eating crisps for a while because I heard a few stories that people had found beetles in their crisps.

Brilliant. Put me off for a good week. I was going to say put us off in between packets. Also, back in the day there was a rumour and I don't want to slag them off

because I genuinely love them. I still sometimes buy a tube of them and you know this. Right. But there was a rumour that Smarties, the shells, were made out of crushed up beetles.

That's not true, is it? Are you asking me if that's not true? But I'm sure it was in the papers. Am I going mad? I think anything in the past couple of years that have taught us anything is that the papers are always full of bollocks. No, well, this was when I was a kid. Oh, when they were full of bollocks and we didn't even know it was bollocks?

Mm. When they were full of bollocks and we didn't even know it was bollocks. Are you... When they were full of bollocks but you couldn't just share it. As a 35-year-old woman, are you asking me if there's any truth in the rumour

that Smarty's shells are made of crushed up beetles? Are you asking me that now, seriously? Only because... You are sticking with this line of questioning. No, only because

certain things have whale fat in them. Right. And animal fat and things like that. So you never know. There might be blood from a beetle in Smarties. You think the people making Smarties decided that the best thing to make

out a coating of the chocolate out of would be crushed up beetles. And other things. And other things. And other things. What other things? Sugar. I'll tell you right now, take the beetles away

and it's sugar. Yeah. I do love, I love Smarties, me. Do you now? I especially love the, you know at Easter, when they bring out

The bunny. No, no, no. When they bring out the little eggs. Oh, right. Dare I say, I prefer them more than mini eggs. And you know I love capers.

Can you remember asteroids? Describe. Well, like little round Smarties but they had biscuit in the middle and chocolate on the outside. I don't like biscuits with chocolate. Oh, fuck you. No, honestly.

Oh, my God. You don't like biscuits with chocolate? No. What kind of sentence is that? Because they should be separate. Here's an interesting fact, by the way. You know, the sugar, not beetles,

outside of Smarties. Sometimes you can get ibuprofen that's got that sugar outside, on the outside. If there's no Smarties at the house, I sometimes just have a couple of ibuprofens. No, he doesn't. Don't listen to him.

It's the same thing. Right, okay okay I swallow them without water I get a bit of sugar just so you can get that buzz yeah if a tablet ever got the shiny

layer on the outside not the plastic where it's two things put together yeah where it looks like the inside of a fucking tiny little

kinder egg yeah yeah it's sugar have you ever opened them up before no I used to do it when I was a kid

did you open them up with a little tablets. Druggy. Snorted, did you? No, I did not. Disgusting. Dear Chris and Rosie,

after the heartbreak of me fucking up my Ticketmaster purchase for your show that I now can't go to by buying a single non-refundable ticket instead of two tickets for me and my partner because I'm a giant toddler and can't do anything on my own, Chris will understand the anxiety. Yes. That's a shame. There's been a few people coming to the show on their own and yeah yeah big respect to people coming on their own but i think she accidentally bought one i think she has and it's a single none

that's it that's annoying and the further disappointment of having to cancel my bastard holiday due to covid and the company refusing to give me my money back i thought what better way to cheer me up than to send my first ever email into my favourite podcast. Well, there we go. I'm glad we're reading it out for you. Yes. I was at A&A

a few weeks ago being seen by an out-of-hours doctor due to a bad chest infection in Bratwick, in Bratgetts, in Bratgetts. Yeah.

I'm asthmatic so I was told to go. I'm not just an NHS regular that goes for the hee-haw. Wow. The hee-haw. Hee. The hee-haw. Hee-haw. Did she have anything

stuck in her arse when she went there? I hope so. You hope so. But she hasn't said. Okay. After talking to the doctor about my various symptoms

I mentioned one last thing that was bothering me. Ear ache. Ear ache. She's got ear ache. Bless her. The doctor said to me do you have any ringing

in your ears slash itchiness etc i answered and then there was a small couple of minutes pause she then turned to me and asked do you have any discharge my stupid arse looked down at my jeans put my hand on my crotch as if i was feeling to see if i had been looked up sick man and I looked back up at the doctor dead stared them dead in the eye and with a stranger's face

I said I've always got discharged doctor oh my god oh gee whiz man mortified it was then I realised she was meaning discharged from my ears.

Yes, yes, yes. That's literally, like, I've got a bad ear. Is that even ringing? No. How's your fanny? Fine. Okay, back near the ear. Just checking.

Trying to catch out the quick fanny question there. Throws them right off. Think fast. Do you have any discharge? Is that normal? She's always got discharge. Is that a normal thing? Maybe not, actually.

You shouldn't really always have discharge. Always. Right, okay, good. So that was a little extra nugget for the doctor there. So maybe he's actually the doctor. I should probably go, right, well, I'll see you separately about that next week, but let's get your yes order for now, eh? Hi, Chris and Rosie.

I'm only on episode 34 of your podcast, so I have some catching up to do, but I'm loving it. Wow. We've got over 100 episodes to go. There's a bit of a rocky bit in the middle. Not going to lie, right? There's a lot that went on in the world. Something happens.

We're trying to keep it quite topical um so you might want to skip it might be somewhere it might be some recorded breakdowns uh so yeah look look for that the day oh my god imagine us listening back to this in like 20 years time no chance no fucking chance will i ever listen back to this no chance i might i haven't got time to listen to other podcasts. That is true. Other podcasts by other people I like. I'm not listening to my own. I'm actually listening to a really good one at the minute.

Nah, there's no others. None exist. Don't pick them up on here. We're the only podcast. It's mad that we're the only podcast. It's weird. Carry on. In the entire world.

In the whole world. No, it's true crime anyway. Yeah, of course it fucking is. Yeah. Yeah, I've mentioned before but I walk in the room and someone's always getting chopped up and I give you some toast

and then I have to leave again. I don't know how you... I don't know how you are such a level-headed person and such a normal person to be around because you're either watching rich women scream at each other

on the iPad or listening to gruesome details of murder. You've got fucking issues. Huge fucking issues. I know. It's so weird that they are your two

go to do you know I watched them relax yeah it was going to be one of my beefs because when we get

to a venue we're doing the arena tour now we'll get the arenas we'll go in we'll get dead excited we'll look at the venue we'll see all the seats we'll get really excited

and then we'll go backstage and I'll just sit either doing my Rubik's Cube or playing on my phone and you get your iPad out and just watch fucking women screaming at each other. Like fucking,

it gets me on edge before the show because they're just going, just fucking raging. I thought you were my friend. It's horrible. And now she said, and now you let me speak. Now you let me speak.

And I'm just in the corner just quickly clicking away on a Rubik's Cube. Find a happy place. Find a happy place. I don't know. Honestly, you're me speak. Now you let me speak. And I'm just in the corner just quickly clicking away on a Rubik's Cube. Find a happy place. Find a happy place. I don't know. Honestly, you're so right. Like,

it's really strange, but they relaxes. Well, I watch UFC to relax and that's men punching fuck out of each other and women. So,

yeah. Strong, we were. I don't know. Weird, isn't it? Well, we said before,

the fact that we just sit on that sofa and chat as if there's not 10,000 people in the room oh yeah there's a part of our brain missing something's missing

something's gone wrong but I like it I wouldn't change you know what I would change the only one thing I would change about the whole thing

put your fucking headphones in when you're watching your iPad fair enough fair enough I will I will

you've been talking about people hearing their neighbours having sex. Right, okay. In episode 34. Yes. Now, this isn't a hostile story, but it will probably make you cringe.

My ex-boyfriend used to share a room with his brother. They were both in their 20s with jobs and, quite frankly, should have moved out. Wow. Harsh. As a mother of boys, I don't ever want them to leave. Yeah, exactly. So they can stay here as long as they want. Okay. Robin wants to share a room with Rafe,

by the way. Have I told you that? Yeah, they do want to share a room. Well, when he's a bit older, they can, yeah. Yeah. But not at the minute. Jesus,

you've got a six-year-old in with a baby. Can you not? Well, it's just, you know, I thought he was cold, so I threw a duvet in. We've got to get that duvet out now. You can't just pile things on top of him. He's a baby.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're totally right, actually, yeah. Yeah. It would all come from love, but, you know now you can't just pile things on top of him he's a baby yeah you know what I mean yeah you're totally right actually yeah yeah it would all come from love but you know yeah

it's not a thing we can have yeah yeah he's essentially he'd be babysitting him all night I know

essentially mommy started crying so I give him me lego yeah no you're totally right I'll let him down

generally yeah yeah kind of told him he already could but I'll tell him you'll forget yeah one night his brother brought a girl he'd been seeing home.

Now he can imagine what happened next. I mean, honestly, I can't. Can you not? What am I... Well, they had sex. Is that what it... Well, listen. I had woken up in the...

Don't tell us to imagine and then cut us off. Kind of cracks this. Don't you us to imagine and then cut us off. Kind of cracks this. Don't you be getting an imagination now. Listen. Did I never tell you about the time Robin told us to imagine

something and then got really angry? No. It was ages ago. It's just popped in my head. Right. He said something and was like,

Daddy, he was like, Daddy, you know, I don't know, like imagine, it wasn't this, but something like,

you know, imagine if cars could fly or whatever. He's like, imagine if cars could fly and I was like, oh yeah, yeah. And he was like,

imagine? I was like, I am am like nothing fucking happens when i am like i am i'm doing it in my head what the hell what imagine now you imagine that he was really angry i was like nothing happens when i start imagining mate it's very intense did i tell you that well i've mentioned on here that you won't write the letter to santa haven't i told you he's telling santa what he wants for christmas in his brain right in his mind so he's telepathically gonna be doing his list all of the fun and games on christmas morning yeah i know you do know that he's also done it for reef right because i said i said to him to try and get him to do a letter i went would you write rave's letter to santa and he went no I'll tell him and I went oh will you

and he went hang on a minute is that like a fucking psychic and I went I went do you want to say it out loud

so he can really hear you and he went no I can't you can't hear oh god he's testing me he's having our lives

I know but then I did I got round it because I said I went I don't want to interrupt you, but can you tell him to get him

the train set that you used to have? Because he used to have this amazing, we lost all the bits of it and then I don't know where it went. But he had this sit on train thing that you put the little bricks in. I'll tell you exactly where it went. Well, we've ordered it.

Yeah, it was a sit on train thing where you put all the little bricks in the side and it did all the letters and you could sort of sit on it and you could walk with it. I know exactly where it went. It went the same place a lot of the toys went

when Robin was little. Where? You and your mum took them outside on a sunny day for the kid, for Robin, and then fucking left them there

in the pissing down rain. Don't know what you mean. You did. You both do it all the time. Don't know what you're talking about. Take this outside. The amount of toys that go outside

and just get left outside. It's unbelievable. They become outside toys. It outside and just get left outside. It's unbelievable. They become outside toys. It's fucking electric, you dick. Oh, sorry. Who are you? Flipping Woody? What's his fucking face?

Woody, what are you talking about? Woody Harrelson? No man from bloody Toy Story. Does Woody have a surname? Sheriff Woody. Sheriff Woody. Right. Yeah, you should look after the toys.

It's disgraceful. Right, anyway, we've all had Rafe a new one. Right, yeah. Great, yeah. Brilliant. But I said to Robin, can you tell Santa that Rafe would like that? And he did. Right.

So we know that one's sorted. Yeah. Yeah. Christ. Yeah. What a Christmas day. Bloody hell. Where's all the stuff I thought of?

Oh, fuck. He mustn't have been listening to you. He'd been really naughty. You're not as telepathic as you thought, sunshine. Who told him Santa could read his thoughts? Who told him that? Not me. Absolutely not me.

He's took that. The first time he did it. The first time he did it. Why didn't you just say, son, it doesn't work like that? You have to send a letter or he'll not know that's all you have to say because i because i never sent a letter to santa did you i never ever did yes i all there well i didn't it wasn't a letter i would just circle what i wanted in the catalog course you did post the full catalog to no i'm joking i'm joking no we honestly sandra never gave us a catalog i used

to go through the never let us get that far from honestly from october to december i used to just spend every morning in the catalog i'm not surprised i never got anything out of the catalog no i always wanted hot wheels and i never got hot wheels that's why i buy robin so many hot wheels that's telepathically he did say that the center hot wheels hot wheels so have we got many hot wheels uncle carl i will get him some. Right. Okay. Right, listen, we're really not getting into these stories. Right, sorry. Come on then. One night his brother brought a girl, he'd been

saying home now, and you can imagine what happened next. I had woken up the minute they had come into the room because I was a light sleeper. So she's in there. Oh, so she's in there with one brother and another one's calling. Oh, hanky panky. So they were getting it on and I was like, oh, shit. That's awful.

That's awful. I decided to just try my hardest to go back to sleep because it wasn't my house I was staying in. Ah, I couldn't. I'd still have to say something. The next morning I had brought it up, which ended up with a big debate with his family and I ended up being in the wrong for not turning the light on and making it known I had woken up. What? Like, oh, you shouldn't have been listening

and if you were awake, you should have turned the light on. Like, that's not cool. I am awake now. You may cease the shagging until I drift back off to slumber. I can't imagine anything worse than turning the light on

to see them having sex as the noises were bad enough. And it says here, my question is, would you have turned the light on in that situation? Please keep me anonymous. I wouldn't turn the light on

but I'd have said something. Right, what would you have said? I'd have said, pocket in, dirty chagas. Yeah, I'd have went, I'm awake by the way. That's all I'd have said. Yeah.

I'm awake by the way. See, there's a certain etiquette to it because me and my sister shared a room we had bunk beds yeah and you just don't do that boys are minging though aren't they true yeah i just don't know who's you know i got it when i used to take girls back to my mom and dad's house that was embarrassing enough because it's my mom and dad but i'm the only child. You couldn't take it back. There's another bloke in the room with their girlfriend. Yeah.

How big's this fucking room? Oh. Yeah, because we're in separate... I don't know, Chris. Oh, goodness gracious me. That is grim. Anyway. That is grim.

Hi, Rosie and Chris. This could either be a question from the public or of Rosie's mysteries. Do a mystery. Let's do it. Should we? It's been a while.

Eee. Well, I never knew that. I miss music. You're not allowed to do music anymore. God damn the world and all of the old sundry that live under it. Can I not do the doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-dood it's I don't think that's it whatever just do your rosy mysteries

okay go go it's time for rosy mysteries mysteries mysteries mysteries

well I never knew that you're kidding mysteries mysteries mysteries there we go that'll do. That was painful.

Sorry, everyone. I have been listening to your podcast for a while now whilst I work. It's utterly hilarious and keeps me going on the long days. That's nice. I work on a super yacht. Oh, shit. And love the fact that you both watch Below Deck. It isn't the most accurate representation of the industry,

but it's TV carnage and I love it someone's always getting fucking upset about something uh well as someone who works in the super yacht there's actually some factual inaccuracies on below deck well no man it's a tv show fucking hell oh god everyone's always banging their own fucking drum, right? Oh, it's just everything's got some... Caveat. Actually, that's... I'm sorry. Thanks for sending your thing in and I look forward to seeing what you're about to say, but, oh, God.

Chris really likes below deck. Yeah, me, I think that's it. I am really angry. Oh, God. Right, okay. Anyway. My friend is a chief stewardess and was setting...

Do you mean chief stew? Oh, always. Obviously hasn't been in the industry that long. Doesn't know the lingo. Doesn't know the lingo. So she's a chief stew, yeah. Yeah. And was setting things up in the pantry

for the day after serving breakfast. And was setting things up in the pantry for the day after serving breakfast. Got you. Fuck yourself. Fuck yourself. Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. when his wife came charging into the pantry, covering her mouth in shock and absolutely freaking out.

Oh, my God, oh, my God. Okay, okay. She was demanding to know which stewardess had cleaned her cabin that morning as something was missing. Oh. Flabbergasted, my friend said who it was that cleaned the cabin and asked what she could do to help. The wife said she had left a piece of tissue on the side of the sink and she needed it back immediately.

Uh-oh. Believing it had been thrown away, my friend started rummaging through the pantry bin, thinking that something incredibly valuable had been thrown away, like diamonds or something. Yeah, like if she took a ring off or something and put it in the tissue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is a super yacht. Meanwhile, the wife was also rummaging through a smaller bin that was in the housekeeping cupboard. Completely bizarre behaviour, it must be really precious. Aha!

My friend had found the crumpled tissue. She was totally intrigued as to what could be hidden in the tissue. So on her way to handing it to the panic-stricken lady, she had a quick peek. Oh, fuck. What was in the tissue? Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. Oh, okay.

So it can't be something... Right, okay. Oh, okay. So it can't be something... Right, okay. Uh... Is a diaphragm a thing? A diaphragm? Have I made that up? It's like a condom that you put inside.

Oh. Judging by... Okay, judging by your reaction, it's not that. Right, okay. Well, your diaphragm is something that you use for singing. It's in your body. Well, that's under your lung, isn't it? Yeah, but I mean, there's a thing.

There is something. There's a woman condom that you should... It's not a diagram. I didn't say a diagram. No, I know. You're a woman. You should know these things. No, that's not true.

You know what I mean? The she condom thing. Yes. They could put it up and apparently it was terrible. Okay, so it's not that then, right? I'm an idiot. I've just remembered that from the 90s. A tooth? The she condom thing. Yes. They could put it up and apparently, yeah, apparently it was terrible. Okay, so it's not that then, right? I'm an idiot. I've just remembered that from the 90s.

A tooth? Is it a gold tooth? Is it a coil? We've been talking about coils a lot. Is it a coil? What are you going with? You can't,

he does this all the time. He does this on the tour. You just guess it's about 20, right. It's a coil. Right, it's a coil right it's a coil

okay what was in the two shoe two shoe two shoe it was the wife's two front teeth a two front teeth

that's why she had a hand over her mouth da da da yeah absolutely fantastic work no wonder she had been

covering her mouth the whole time oh wow in what we in what we thought was shock it was a it was a teeth however fantastic work. No wonder she had been covering her mouth the whole time. Oh, wow. In what we thought was shock. It was her teeth. However... Two front teeth. Hilarious and I'll never forget it. So she... Sorry. So she went to breakfast without her two

front teeth? Possibly, yeah. Because the second stew and third stew cleaned the cabin. And it was in her tissue. So what's you doing at breakfast without a fucking what you having a smoothie beer well

an omelette scrambled eggs yeah you never know they might just be for for sure if any if our son has taught us anything

he's taught us that you do not need your two front teeth oh he can eat a fucking apple yeah yeah fair enough alright we keep chatting about when his teeth come in we're not going to recognise him I know it's like we keep chatting about when his teeth come in

we're not going to recognise him I know it's like we keep talking about it I'm like Robin I don't

think you understand you know when your two front teeth come in you can eat a baguette son from the front you're not going

to know yourself he's going to have the time of his life hi Rosie and Chris last week when Chris started to talk about his beef made me giggle because I can relate. Ooh, what beef is this? I don't know.

Fuck knows what week it was. Sorry. Maybe that's not helpful at all. One evening, I was working a late shift and because it was a late shift, I didn't get a chance to have my tea until eight o'clock. Northerner.

Eight p.m. She means dinner. Okay, dinner. I threw it in the microwave but put it in for longer than I was meant to so instead of letting it cool for a minute

I was too impatient and took a rather big mouthful which I instantly regretted. Oh God. It was far too hot and far too much to the point I gave myself the worst heartburn

that caused me to pass out. Shut the fuck up. I woke up on the floor on top of the bag of rubbish i had been filling and the chair i'd been sitting on was on top of me oh my god what's your what's your microwave that's not my that's a fucking nuclear reactor it is i obviously wasn't out for i obviously wasn't out of it for long as my lasagna was still hot right that was the next question what was the food so he or she

I'm guessing it's a she has thrown it in their mouth yeah and it's why are you guessing it's a she I don't know I think it's because

you're reading it and you've got a lady's voice right well it might not be well whoever this person is to be fair probably sounds like a bloke stupid thing to do

I think this is definitely a bloke thrown it in their mouth and instead of just spitting it out immediately they've just gone fuck this and swallowed it

my stomach will quell the heat of this that's mad I've told you the story haven't I where I ate some mashed potato that was farting hot and you burned the little

dangly things the dangler at the back of my throat is completely dead I can hold it with my fingers yeah and I told you I went out on the piss that night

and in the morning it was like twice the size and I was just being sick all day because I was hung over and it was like I had two fingers at the back of my throat the whole day it was the worst but I did the the size and I was just being sick all day because I was hung over and it was like I had two fingers at the back of my throat the whole day

it was the worst but I did the same thing but I'd spat it out I microwaved some mash and I threw the mash right at the back of my throat and it just like wrapped around the dangler

and I like coughed it out I wasn't stupid enough to go I'll just swallow this that'll get rid of the pain that much passed out passed out

and then just fuck he or she ended up going to A&E The next day After the bruise on my wrist Got worse to be told I had a badly sprained wrist To go along with

The bruised face And my knee Moral of the story Don't eat boiling hot lasagna Fucking hell Yeah I don't like Eat hot food

No Nah That's bizarre I like lukewarm food I hate cold food And I hate really hot food so if you ever think they're buying me

a present make sure it's not and the answer this week to guess which children's boot Rosie was talking about

is Goldilocks if you had Goldilocks you win five points fucking psycho did I ever tell you on the have I ever told you on the podcast

when I lived in Manchester and Carl Hutchinson came round to me flat and he brought a sausage roll and he asked us to heat it up and he microwaved it for five minutes. He put a bit of kitchen roll on top of it and he microwaved it for five minutes because he's a psychopath

who just wants food really hot and it set on fire. Yeah, of course it did. And I had to throw it out my window. Five minutes? Five minutes for an already cooked sausage roll. He put it it on with a inexplicably just threw a bit of kitchen roll on top of it like the fucking you know the adverts where they hired that sheet in the dryer oh yeah like in the 90s and that like sheet and it soaks up all the bad or whatever I don't know

soaks up all the bollock smell that he just like just threw the thing in and just put it on my fire and i was like and he was like oh i love it nice and hot i want five minutes five minutes for a greg sausage roll and it was that and the kitchen roll were both on fire so it smelled so bad and i was in a apartment block and it was going to set the smoke alarms off so i just opened the window and threw it into the car so uh i believe what i'm trying to say is if you were uh living in that apartment block in sale uh in uh sort of 2012 and a burnt sausage roll hit your car i'm sorry you might have genuinely answered a really big question for somebody yeah you never know stuff like that there's always things happening in your life and And you go, why is that glove there?

Yeah. Why is that there? Why is that shoe there? What's going on? And you've answered it to somebody who's like, how did that burnt sausage roll get in that car, Bob? They probably for years have thought that it fell from the sun. Maybe.

Yeah. Or was fired out with some kind of cannon. That's why it was on fire as well. Hey, mystery solved. It was just a stupid, impatient, Geordie wanker who needs all of his food piping hot for no other reason than he's just a bit of a pain in the arse.

Is that the same apartment that I went to? Yes. Right. God, I held a poo in for three days at that apartment. Holy shit. I mean, there's all kinds of stories about that apartment. People holding poos in. Fiery sausage.

It's a treasure trove. One day. One day we'll unlock it. Three days. Oh, three days of absolute agony. Holy shit. Basically, guys, it was an open plan, so the toilet was only ever one.

You couldn't escape. The toilet was only ever one doorway from any other room. It was absolutely... It was horrible. Horrible, I was so poorly after that Chris it was I held pumps in and I held a poo in for three days

she gets all the goodness out man you're welcome, she gets all the goodness out so bad, did I drive home or was it the train, I can't remember it wasn't the train pray for all the goodness out so bad i can't did i drive home i was at the train i can't remember it wasn't the train it might have been pray for all the rest of them passengers on that thank you for listening to this week's episode of shagged maridonoid which is part of the a-cast creator network yes thank you very much we'll be back in your ears next week with a christmas special yes what was that i thought it was gonna be bells ringing right i'm off you try to do bells with a Christmas special. Yes! Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun.

What was that supposed to be? I thought it was going to be bells ringing. Right. You try to do bells ringing with your voice. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. No, no, that just sounds like a doorbell. Christmas bells are ringing. No, no. Christmas bells are ringing.

Sometimes, do you mistake yourself for the man from Police Academy who can do all of the noises? Yeah. And in your head you think, I'll do bells because I sound exactly like bells. And it just sounded like... Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah, it sounded like a mad woman. That there sounded like the thing of the noises. Yeah. And in your head you think, I'll do bells, it doesn't sound exactly like bells, and it just sounded like, yeah, it sounded like a mad woman. That there sounded like the thing on the back of doors.

Boing, boing, boing, boing. Right, let's end this now. Guys, Christmas special next week. Rosie's going to go and have a lie down. We love you. Bye. Bye. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th

when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game. And you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.