Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 152. Do Buy

Episode Date: January 28, 2022

There is a sleep war brewing in the Ramsey household! The pair discuss tupperware, sneezing and baby bathwater. Belinda is back and the beefs get shouty. QFTP's cover a kids birthday party, an unlucky sister and a different kind of rate and review system. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every post-season game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City

at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shag My Ordinoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello. Hiya, darling. How's it going? Very good, actually. I'm in a lovely mood today. Well, I can tell there was a different inflection on your hello.

Oh, right, okay. And I feel like a lot of people will be upset by that. It's changing. People don't like change. Enough's changed. What? Do it again. Hello. The one you normally do. Hello.

Hello. That one? No, that's different. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. It's a bit better. Hello. That's more like it. Hello. That one? No, that's different. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

It's a bit better. You've lost it. Hello. That's more like it. Hello. Yeah. That's me miserable. Hello.

Yeah, that's you pretending to be a happy one. But you actually got a happy one there. I'm all right with you. So there we go. Hello. You're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with us. Hope he's all right. Still married.

Really shagged. Very annoyed. Oh. What? Hey. What? It's the truth. It married. Really shagged. Very annoyed. Oh! What? Hey! What? It's the truth. It's why the people love it.

It's very true. Exactly the same. Exactly the same as everyone else out there. Hey guys, we hope you're all good out there. We hope you're having a lovely little time, whatever you're up to. It's episode 152. It's episode 152. 152.

And at the point of recording this, it is still January. Still January. Fuck me. Do you know is still January still January fuck me do you know what's really starting to fuck me off what going to bed in the dark and waking up in the dark

I know I'm fully fucking sick of it now well it's because once Christmas is done I'm like is it summer now yeah yeah yeah it's not

it's really grim isn't it holiday first of January I know what you mean yeah you're like it's spring now and it's not it's still

yeah I mean we get we're fucking we get we're snow after Christmas now which is ridiculous holiday! 1st of January. I know what you mean. Yeah, you're like, it's spring now and it's not, it's still, yeah. I mean, we get we get with snow after Christmas now, which is ridiculous. But yeah, there's only one thing, well, there's two,

we've got two options here to rid myself of this going to bed in the dark and waking up in the dark. You can either allow me to lie in until it's light.

What, like half nine? No, half eight. I was thinking more ten. Just be safe, just so it's nice and light. Wow. Because sometimes it's cloudy in it around here. What, like half nine? No, half eight? I was thinking more ten. Just be safe, just so it's nice and light. Wow. Because sometimes it's cloudy in it around here.

Yeah, right. Or I can go to bed at like three in the afternoon and then get up. Okay. Right. Both options. Yeah.

Absolutely never going to happen. Do you see the kind of, see what I live with, guys? You just suck up that seasonal affective disorder. I think that's what I've got, seasonal affective disorder. Yeah, me too.

Sad. Sad. I also, I'll tell you one thing. I've got a little beef with you. It's a pre-beef because I can't put it in the actual beef because you'll actually keep it. In the introduction?

Yeah, in the introduction. Are you? Are you? Because with sleep, when it comes to sleep, you do sometimes just wake me up and claim I've had enough sleep. It's really irritating, actually.

It's even when you've got us nothing to do. Right. Like, you come in, you go, it's nine o'clock and we've got nothing to do and I'll just be lying in. You'll go, it's nine. And I'll us nothing to do like you come in you go it's nine o'clock and we've got nothing to do and I'll just be lying in you'll go it's nine and I'll go right

and you go well you've had enough sleep like well look the rule of thumb is if I'm still fucking asleep then I probably haven't had enough sleep you're such a bellend

this is because I woke you up at six this morning and said could you go down with Rafe well the worst bit was he woke us up at six he handed us Rafe

you went back to bed you came down an hour later and then you were like he slept really well last night I was like fuck you're coming

and giving me the 6 o'clock coming and giving me the 6 o'clock's for when you've been slumbering all night and he bothered oh sorry

when you bloody because we're still playing musical bed so you were in Robin's bed alone alone

having actual what's it called REM sleep deep sleep like deep sleep I'm being touched not in a nice way all night

not in a nice way like I'm having me hair pulled me and me pulls your hair so no I'm sorry I didn't have that he slept okay

but at the same time it was gash pure gash sleep right okay like you know I've got to make sure he doesn't crawl out of the bloody bed

in that man it's ridiculous that's a lie it's because I make a pillow I've got to make sure he doesn't crawl out of the bloody bed in that man. It's ridiculous. That's a lie because I make a pillow fort or Robin was there so he can't crawl out of the bed. I've got,

he wakes Robin up, he pulls Robin's hair. Right, okay. So don't give me this shit. You, no, no, no, all right, all right, no, no, because you,

Mr. Man, you go to bed, close your eyes and you know that you're just going to sleep. No, I'll go through and get,

when they surprise, I'll go through and get him. I'll go to bed. Oh, eyes, and you know that you're just going to sleep. No, I'll go through and get... Fuck off, fuck off. I'll go through and get him. I'll go to bed. Oh, sorry. Did you the night before last when you didn't hear? Is he on it there? No, I slept right through that.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't hear. The monitor. Yes. Tit. Tit. Wow. Okay, okay.

Listen, calm yourself down. Calm yourself down. It's just, it's just, yeah, it's just bullshit, isn't it? Right, I apologise. Listen, I apologise. Sleep wars is a real thing in marriages. I'm sick of it, right? I apologise. I think I'm just a little bit, a little bit on edge down calm yourself down it's just it's just yeah it's just bullshit i apologize listen i apologize sleep wars is a real thing in marriages i'm not sick of it right i apologize i think i'm just a little bit um a little bit on edge because of a little bit sort of sensitive a little bit grumpy

because of this week's sponsor right do you know something that's really gonna piss you off well i was actually wide awake at 25 by six and i sat on my phone for a bit the truth comes out you were wide awake at 25 past 6 you sat on your phone till 7 till then you came downstairs so I'm downstairs

holding fort you that's honestly I've never Rosie honestly I'd rather you shag someone else this level of betrayal I've never felt betrayal like you know I'm downstairs grafting away making tidying up Rosie, honestly, I'd rather you shag someone else. This level of betrayal.

I've never felt betrayal. I'm downstairs, grafting away, tidying up, filling the dishwasher. Or making porridge. Filling the dishwasher and cleaning up because you insist on leaving dirty fucking dishes all over. Rosie is allergic to doing the dishwasher before she goes to bed. It's horrible. I was in a really nice mood. I'm still in a good mood. I do love you.

Right, and I tolerate you. I'm still in a good mood. I do love you. Right, and I... I was having some quality time. I tolerate you as a housemate. I was having some quality time with me oldest son. He was asleep. Robin slept till seven and you lay there for fucking 45 minutes on your phone. 35. Oh, sorry.

There's a little 10 minutes gone. Oh, all is forgiven then. Honestly, as they see, you've added on. So this week's sponsor is already upsetting us. Right, what is it? This week's sponsor is... Yeah. Honestly, as they see, you've added on to this week's sponsor has already upset us. Right, what is it? This week's sponsor is spots in your nostril. Oh.

Hey, where's that spot? Up me nostril. I'm well annoyed. I've got a spot inside me nose. Right. It's honestly,

it's killing us. This makes sense for my beef that's coming up later on. Right, okay, good, good. There's some, honestly, there's a spot in me nose. Obviously, Robin, I told Robin last night robin wanted to see it and then robin was like it

might be connected to one of your hairs if you pull a hair out your nose it'll pull the spot out i was like you're not a doctor um but you're not you're not a dermatologist i don't i think it might be an ingrown i used one of them little nose trimmers last week and i think it might be a little ingrown nose hair but it's honestly it's so it's just like a massive lump on the end the thing with spots is you can squeeze a spot a spot is the worst thing ever I had loads when I was a teenager

big love to anyone with acne it is the fucking pits I suffered for years with it and you can at least you can squeeze them at least you get that fucking release but this is just

it's insane there's nothing I can do can I have a look you haven't told me this it's in here oh actually no I don't want to can you say it

can you say it I don't want to come and have a look come on come and sit on your uncle Chris's knee and have a look at his nose spot yw hwn yn yma oh mewn gwirionedd na dwi ddim yn iawn um gallwch chi ddweud i mi ddim yn iawn cwm a chael edrych cwm a chael edrych ar y llawr o Chris a chael edrych ar ei llawr oh I'm going to get sucked off. Okay. We'll be back after I get sucked off, guys. Play the jingle.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry. Oh, she's not. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle.

Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed. Welcome back. And yes, I know what you're all thinking. I know you're all thinking, wow, a spot with a nose isn't that nice.

But a cut is worse. So there you go a cut in the nose a cut inside your nose yeah oh yeah but that's self-inflicted that's off picking isn't it

the spot's just picked no the spot's just picked me cuts usually if you've got like dry sort of you know whatever and then

if you because it's probably it's probably worse because I've got like a nose twitch oh it's always worse for you it's always worse

it's either when you said it's probably worse it was either when you said it's probably worse it was either going to be it's probably worse because I'm a woman or probably worse because I've got a nose twitch

oh god listen change the record right like I said before I'm going to go on Amazon and I'm going to get you one of them little nose torches

that the doctors use so that whenever I've got anything wrong with my nose you can stick your nose torch on and you can have a good look up and my ears you can have a good look at my ears as well

I've always got to bother with my ears I produce too much wax Rosie oh Jesus I'm just I'm such a given guy you're so full of shit

you're so full of shit it's got to find other ways to come out I might go and get my

ears hoovered out soon I've never ever done that it's the best it freaks us out it's awful at

the time but when you come out you're like pins dropping miles away do you know you're not meant to clean ears with the earbuds

yeah because it pushes it in but I don't do that I go and do the hoover proper hoover again to add to the list I haven't never bought a nose camera

or a nose little torch thing off Amazon but I would but I also saw a thing I haven't never are you alright I'm saying I haven't

bought one of them but I nearly did buy I nearly bought a little camera that you plugged, never. Are you all right? I'm saying I haven't bought one of them, but I nearly did buy, I nearly bought a little camera that you plugged into your phone and you can put it in your ear and you can have a look at all your earwax. I did genuinely buy one of them once, but I didn't buy it

because I feel like I'd get addicted to it. I feel like every morning I'd be like, is it a bean? Oh, you would. Oh, you actually would. It's a bean! And then you'd want to check all of ours and it would just be awful.

You can watch videos of it online, you know. I do like watching earwax videos. Yeah. Very, very soothing. Yeah do like watching Eowax videos. Yeah. Very, very soothing. Yeah, but I genuinely do have stuffy ears and I want them cleaned out, so I'm going to get them done. Okay. Look forward to the update about that in a few weeks time. Can't wait. Hashtag content. Yes. What's going on?

So something ridiculous happened this morning. I haven't had a chance to tell you about it. Okay. I'm a little bit embarrassed about it, but at the same time, I've said some ridiculous things on here, so I thought, F it,

and I'll just tell you. Right. So this morning, after me lovely sleep. I was going to say, was this while you were sleeping, when you woke up, or when you blatantly

and with disregard for your entire family and life, lay on your phone in bed for 35 minutes? Was it before or after that? It was after the laying on the phone. Brilliant. It was after I'd ironed all of Robin's uniform and packed

Rafe's bag, which you didn't do in the time you were supposed to. I leave the hobbies that you enjoy to you. If you get up after you have 45 minutes on your phone, 55 minutes on your phone, after you're an hour and a half on your phone and I've done the ironing and the thing, I'll get it in the neck. You say,

hey, what are you doing my hobbies for? They're my past time. Stop taking me enjoyment away from us, Christopher. No, so. Get away from that sink, Chris. That's mine. Sorry, Rosie. Sorry, 1950s Rosie.

This morning, you went up for a shower and Rafe was playing yeah he's got one of them things where he stands up on it

yeah and you can it's got the stuff on the top little child's activity table I think probably is the best thing I can think

to call it yes well it's got a little piano on it yes and it's got this piano's got four buttons

right keys keys sorry sorry you're not a muso like me we call them keys on the piano like a door but it's not no but just really embarrassing about that my like my best friend plays the piano and i am actually involved i used to be in music quite a lot and i've just called them buttons which is awful so can you play the

buttons on that long keyboard? What letter is this? God. What a casual. What a casual, guys. What a noob. I'm really embarrassed about that, actually. So the keys. Buttons! It's gone.

You ever, honestly, have you ever heard them songs on, like, classic FM and that of, like, Mozart pressing all them buttons? So good. Honestly, he presses some of the buttons at the same time. Well, listen, what I'm about to tell you. And it's got foot buttons. You're seeing they've got foot buttons as well. Fucking dickhead.

Come on. You're going to find this even worse. So Rafe was stood up and he was playing with this. And then Robin went over. Yeah. And then I was sat there. I was just having me coffee and I was just watching them and then robin started pressing the keys right and he was pressing them yeah and it was playing the tune perfectly of bobby bingo right

that one b-i-n-g-o yeah people will call that people will call that different things but yeah loads of different things right and robin was was his name-o. And Robin was just pressing the keys, right? And I genuinely was like, how the fuck does he know this tune? Right. It plays it automatically, no matter what key you press. It plays it automatically.

But I, for a good solid 10 seconds, I was like, he's a fucking genius. Yeah, brilliant. Yeah. Well, can I just say my brain went to he's been doing that music club right

after school that one music club he went to that he refuses to go to again yeah yeah yeah brilliant and I was like right this is it

yeah this is it this is it and then I realised that no matter what key you press it plays a little section of the song so no matter which

key you press it just plays a section of the song yeah so each one of the keys doesn't have its own note assigned to it right song so each one of the keys doesn't have it's own note assigned to it

so each one of the keys doesn't have it's own note assigned to it therefore I'm going to be honest with you you're probably

okay to call it a button probably okay to call it a button so there you go well done glad we got the bottom of that

babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo speaking of our son being a genius I haven't told you this

I was driving along in the car we don't tell each other anything well it's one of son being a genius I haven't told you this I was driving along in the car We don't tell each other anything Well it's one of them things Where I was like I'll save it I was driving along with Robin in the car And we play on a game on the Switch Called Luigi's Mansion Where Luigi of Mario and Luigi fame

Goes hunting ghosts In a massive hotel He wants a Luigi's Mansion Birthday party theme next year Next October. Not happening. It'll probably change about nine times before then. Of course it will.

I mean, we've finished Luigi's Mansion like three times. I don't know why he's still... Anyway, we're driving along and he said, I said, oh, I think we went past a hotel or something and we started talking about hotels and we were talking about Luigi's Mansion. He said, is there any hotels like Luigi's Mansion? I said, well, you know, Luigi's Mansion's got,

there's a museum floor. They're all, all you know they'd never fit in the hotel it's all different levels of the game and one of the floors has got shops on i don't know why i picked this but he went imagine daddy there was a hotel like luigi's mansion with shops and i went well there is some some hotels in the world i've got shops some have got little like little shops in when you're on holiday and stuff but there's actually a place called dubai that me and mammy have been to where the hotels have got like full-on massive shops in yeah restaurants and stuff but you know he hadn't asked that so why would i say that rosie i said they've got full-on massive shops in where you can go shopping inside the hotel and he sat for a second and he went oh is that why they call it dubai

and i went what do you mean he went, you can do stuff and you can buy stuff. Oh, wow. Oh, the word snake. And I was like, mate. I started laughing. I went, yeah, yeah, maybe. That's really good. And he went, yeah.

And I was like, wow. And again, I thought, wow, you're a genius. But then last night he came over and he went, daddy, I want to cuddle. And he turned around and put his back in daddy I want to cuddle and he turned round and like put his back in it was to cuddle him so I was like spooning him he farted on us

then shouted wow I need a poo and ran up the toilet because he almost chatted on us so you know you've got to take the rough with the smooth

you've got to take the rough with the smooth he's a complex little guy Dubai nah it's actually it's not really a selling point

but I was never going to go in the front of the car like well yeah well it's spelt wrong I'll write it down for you and show you how that joke doesn't work

prick like I was proud of him it was a lovely little joke he did very well he did very well it's very cool so there you go

babadoo babadoo babadoo do you want to hear something interesting always okay as the listeners know we have got a library that has not many books in.

So it's got, so friends and family still keep bringing more books. My dad brought a massive selection of golf books. Also, there's a couple of books in there. One's called The Crunch, which is about getting a flat stomach.

Right. It's very 80s. Okay. It's basically just people doing sit-ups. Yeah. But it's a book about it. Well, yeah. So my dad bought a big box of golf books off his mate.

They don't fit on any of the shelves because they're massive. They're like A3, these huge books. Yeah. But they don't fit on the shelves? No. They fit on one of the shelves. It's weird because my dad brings books around, and your mum's done it in the past as well.

They bring them around like the internet isn't a thing. He brought the books around and he went, it's golf books there in case the boys want to play golf one day. That'll be good. And I'm like,

lessons on YouTube? Like, what the fuck? And then another one he was like, book there, avocado recipes, recipes for avocado. He told me about that book

four times. Crazy. So one of the books that I found in the box yesterday, in the box of shit books from i found in the box yesterday in the in the book of the box of shit books from shields yeah yeah um is 365 reasons to look on the bright side because every cloud has a silver lining so what's what's weird is that's one of them books that's trying

to make you be happier and be more positive yeah and i saw that that was on the kitchen bench this morning and i read that title and i just got annoyed by the title so that didn't work no i know well that's your kind of thing though isn't it but what it is is that I've read a couple of them so every day there's a different thing a different

it's basically just facts actually but they're quite funny facts so I thought I might tell you what the day is this is the book where you decide it's designed that you only read a page a day

yeah no it's not even a page my kind of book it's a paragraph every day my kind of book okay my kind of book yeah

keep so it's a 20 we're recording this on the 25th Okay. My kind of book. Yeah. Keep, come on. So, it's a 20, we're recording this on the 25th of January, so I'm going to read the 25th of January one, if that's okay. Today, in 1905, a South African miner found the 3,106 carat cullion, the world's largest, the world's largest diamond, right? the world's largest diamond, right? The Transvaal colony decided to give it to Edward, what's V-I-I?

Fucking hell, the seventh. Right. I should have proofread this with you first, shouldn't I? What? What? What's the matter? Oh, God almighty! I can't! I can't, I can't, I can't.

Why? What's the meaning? To give to Edward. What's the V-I-I? Oh, sorry, I don't know the bloomin numerals but just the way it's like I'm honestly surprised that you didn't

they decided to give it to Edward V fuck off Jesus Christ right no so they've decided this colony's decided to give it to Edward

the 7th right 7th but have you seen all the Rocky films because they go numerals oh right okay I don't know numerals. Oh, right, okay. I don't know numerals.

But how to get it safely back to Britain, right? Right, so sorry, okay. So they gave it to Edward V.I.I. Yeah. V.I.N.G.O. V.I.N.G.O. And Edward was his name-o. Armed soldiers carried a package aboard a steamer,

locked it in the captain's safe, and set up a 24-hour guard, asking for trouble, you might think. Wow. So there you go. Wow, I don't even... If I put a tenner in a birthday card, I'll not post it. That's amazing. Isn't that interesting?

Yeah. So you'll be having another one next week? Right, okay. Well, I tell you what this podcast goes on Friday the 28th so why don't you give them one for the

day that they listen to the podcast okay okay okay 28th of January hanging around a baby headed oh

cheerful bad news for Henry the fuck off fuck off Henry the 8th Henry the 8th V-I-I-I-T-H. Fuck off! Fuck off! Henry VIII. Henry VIII.

Which is one more I than seven. V-I-I-I. Why don't they just write the eighth? Because it's just not... Henry the... We're not living in that time. We don't use numerals anymore. Why don't they just write...

We know who Henry VIII is. Write bad news for Henry VIII is. Yeah. Write bad news for Henry VIII today. Right. This is ridiculous. Hey, this book's working. Bright side. Cheerful.

This is good. Just fucking raging. God, I was annoyed. Oh, oh, hang on. Bad news for Henry VIII today in 1547. He died. Right, okay. He died today in 1547. Okay, good.

Rip. Rip. Rest in peace. Rest in peace. However, this was an excellent turn of events for the Duke of Norfolk. He was at that very moment banged up in the Tower of London and scheduled to be executed in the morning. Wow. On hearing of the king's death, the lieutenant deferred obeying the warrant and the standing powers thought it best not to kick off a new reign by executing one of

the realm's greatest noblemen. Right. Norfolk was later released and pardoned. Wow. So because the king died, he got off dying. Doesn't make much sense. But that's nice news, isn't it? Well, it is nice. What the fuck is this book? I think it's quite a good book. It's a nice, I suppose, look on the bright side.

I mean... Look on the bright side? The king dies, you're not going to get beheaded. Well, yeah, it's a good little turn of events for him imagine sitting waiting to be beheaded by I mean I think we can all agree he was a fucking arsehole

Henry VIII I mean I look forward to the email I look forward to the email of someone taking offence at that and I wouldn't be fucking surprised in this day and age and episode 152

you said Henry VIII was an arse I'm a great great great great just shut up man I think it's widely... I mean, he killed fucking most of his wives. He was... He's awful, yeah.

He changed the whole religion of the country so he could get fucking divorced. So, because he wanted to get divorced, yeah. Because he was a top shagger! Yeah. So, yeah, imagine... That's amazing. Imagine waiting around to be beheaded

and then the guy who's sorted it out has died and they're like, aye, you can just go on. So, I don't understand why they let him off, though. We all thought he was a cunt as well by the way why'd they let him off because they didn't want to start a new reign

by beheading the Duke of Norfolk bloody lovely place oh and do you think it was because the king wanted him beheaded and now that he's died they're just like oh well yeah

I mean he probably wanted everyone beheaded Christ imagine he was alive now there'd be no Amazon drivers left he'd have them all

chopped off they'd be like this isn't his address you knock the baby up the guy'll be dead every delivery DHL, Amazon you wouldn't be long for this earth

none of you I get annoyed at you and I can't behead anyone Jesus so are you looking forward to the one next week? we're not doing this again but yeah

oh do you want to do it again? well maybe not now well we'll see learning fucking Roman numerals and then we'll think about it absolutely not

come on well I know 8 and 7 now so there you go okay what's IV? Maybe not now. Well, we'll see. Learning fucking Roman numerals and then we'll think about it. Absolutely not. Come on. Well, I know eight and seven now, so there you go. Okay, what's IV? Five? No. I don't, Chris.

What's IIV? I don't even know if IIV is a one, but IV is four, because it's one. If the I is the other side of the V, you take it away from the five. Right. So it's the four. And if it's on the other side,

so it's VI, that's... Do you know what's funny? This is what I've... Oh, God! Do you know anything to do with numbers or math? I did not... I zoned out then. I absolutely zoned out

and I used to do that at school and this is why I don't know. But there's a clock downstairs with them on and I'll look at that what's x 10 well done right what's xii 12 yeah all right okay yeah yeah very good well done ask us x again what what you can get it right because you just said it yeah no what's i What's I-X? Nine. Yay! Oh, fuck. Right, okay.

Well done. See, it's easy. It's all coming back. It's all coming back to me now. The moments of golden power. What, as if you were Roman? Just school. Great.

School. Well done. Jesus. It's time for What's Your Beef? Hello, Chris. Oh, wow, wow, wow. Oh, I couldn't stay long. Hello. Jesus. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for What's Your Beef? Hello, Chris. Oh, wow, wow, wow. Oh, can it stay long? Hello.

Good. So, I'm just here to add quickly. Apparently, Rosie's mom was a little bit upset that I call her a cunt. Right, okay, yeah. So, she's not. She's not one of them. Okay, okay, okay. She's a very lovely lady.

Right. A bit too skinny. Right. Okay. So, I just wanted to apologize and say sorry, Sandra. bit too skinny right okay so just I just wanted to apologise and say sorry Sandra

you're not you're just a little bit of a cunt not a full fully blown one okay just a little bit and I'm happy

happy to be back right okay well try you know yeah try try living with her she lives with us three days a week

she's lovely helpful to the point of where it's too much. Right. Stuff gets thrown out that I don't realise. She gets rid of stuff. That had a mark on it. I threw it out.

I wasn't bothered about a mark. Well, I threw it out anyway. I did hear about the bathwater incident. Yes. Did you know about that? The bathwater. I know what's a bathwater incident. So apparently Rosie was telling us that her mum was a little bit upset

and complaining because her mum bathed the baby, Rafe. So her mum was bathing the baby and apparently Rafe was drinking the bath water. Right, yes. And apparently Sandra was very upset because he's thirsty and do you not give him a drink? She said, Rosie, she went, do you not give that man any water? He's drinking the bath any water he's drinking the bath water yeah yeah he's drinking the poor bath water you've got cups you've got a bloody

got a bloody water you got nice hoosen he's drinking the bloody but you need to give him a drink and rosie was a bit perplexed because he does drink but obviously just fancy the bath not only that the day if we talk about this the The day that Sandra had Rafe in the bath and came downstairs and made a big thing about the burn, the poor burn was so thirsty, he was drinking the bath. She'd had him all day. She had actually, yes. She'd been watching him all day. So his lack of water intake was fully on Sandra's head.

It's funny actually though, because I remember, Rosie told me as well, when Rosie was little, she would go in the bath and her brother, her brother would actually piss on her. And it's just weird because they were Sandra's kids. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny that you should judge

other people's kids when her kids were pissing on each other. Yeah, yeah. And I, yeah, every time. Apparently, the first time you pissed on her

that day at school she'd learned all her Roman numerals and she was so scarred she forgot them all. Oh, must have been, must have been. Anyway,

so I just wanted to clear that up, alright? Yes, yes. You alright, son? Yes, Bob. Yes, good. Go on,

go on, fuck off now. I'll catch you later. Okay, bye. Alright, bye. Can we just for a moment talk about how scared you are of your mum that you would only slag her off in a character? You're pathetic.

You're pathetic. Just ridiculous. Genuinely pathetic. Yeah, so for anyone who didn't sort of catch that, one day Sandra Bathrafe came downstairs and made a... Oh, the pain. He was drinking the bathwater. Oh, so thirsty. She'd had the bath water. Oh, so thirsty.

She'd had him all day. It was her responsibility all that day. We'd been working. Yeah, nutter. Fucking nutter. I live with two of them. It's crazy. Rosie is a little Sandra and I live with them,

but it's horrible. You've got to love her, though, don't you? Absolutely horrible. Listen, my beef with you, right? Oh, shit, no. I've talked about a version of this in my stand-up, in my stand-up show, Approval Needed, on Amazon Prime, which has

also been on Comedy Central, I think. Listen, you have started again hollering of me in the house. Just hollering, wherever I am, just screaming me name, no matter what I'm doing. I could be putting the baby to bed

I could be on a phone call anything could be happening you will just scream my name to get my attention and I don't know how busy you are I don't know what's happening in your life I don't know what's going on but the time that you give me

to reply is almost zero seconds so it used to be it used to be Chris! Chris! Chris! seconds so it used to be it used to be chris chris chris now it's chris chris chris chris chris chris chris chris right i'm sorry this is going to be awful i'm so sorry it's horrific barking down the bloody podcast it's so painful there. There's no time. And I'm thinking, I'm in one of the rooms,

I'm like round a corner, I'm behind a cupboard door, I'll walk into the corridor so we're not screaming at each other like lunatics. And by the time I walk the corridor, I get five or six more crickets. Am I in some sort of danger?

Well, it always, that's the thing. It always sounds like you are and it's always something fucking nothing. It's always a nothing. It's a non-entity thing. Well, I know that when I do that, your will go to what's happened yeah and you use it against us you use it against us you do you might as well shout fire you might as well shout fire

maybe i will start like oh god it's awful i ate all them chocolate yogurts in two days isn't that bad good way to change the subject. It's great. My beef with you. Actually, are we talking about these chocolate yoghurts, these chocolate mousse things that you get from the supermarket?

I actually saw you the other day. You opened the fridge. One fell out onto the floor and you went, okay, then, well, I'll eat it then. Because it fell out of the fridge. That was an interesting little moment. Opened the fridge.

It fell out. I don't know what you were going in for. You were going in for something else. And chocolate yogurt fell out and you're like go on then i was like put it back you nutter what the hell's about calling us landing at my feet like eat me oh it is lovely though um so my beef with you is at the minute it's hard it's it's really hard to describe and i wish that i wish that they could see it but so you've got this spot of your nose which explains a lot right because you keep fucking sneezing all the time but when you sneeze you look at the sun you do

a horrible light a horrible little weird little fucking never-ending story dog face right you look like him looking at the sky like this, and you're waiting to sneeze. And then I go to talk to you, and you put your hand up in my face, and like, I'm going to sneeze. It's happening about 12 times a day, and it's absolutely driving me fucking potty

to the point where now, even Robin, I went to talk to you the other day, and you went like that, and you went, Mom, he's going to sneeze. And I was like, oh, God. Yeah. Stop it, man. Listen.

Why do you take your sneezes so seriously? It's ridiculous. I like to sneeze. If I miss a sneeze, my day is ruined. You sneeze more than anyone I know. You might be allergic to something, you know. Well, I wish I could find what it is. Oh, no.

It's because you keep picking your nose hair to sneeze. Yeah, I can. So find what it is. Oh, no. It's because you keep picking your nose hair. Listen. To sneeze. Yeah, I can. So, yeah, right. So, first of all, if I'm allergic to something, find out what it is and let me literally hold it in a bag or a jar in front of my face all day

and let me just sneeze all day because sneezing is the greatest gift that God has bestowed upon us. It's like orgasms, you know. It's incredible. Maybe you need to wank more. Right, impossible. I don't have sex, but I'm so busy.

Listen, impossible for me to wank more, i can't squeeze anymore in i'm wall to wall i've got my diarrhea's chocolate block right there is no way i can squeeze any more wanks into my life right need chance you blink i wank now fall off man now listen em you blink I'll work em

the I've talked about it in my stand up and I don't know if I've talked about it in the podcast before but one day I remember one beautiful

weekend in my life I found a nose hair and I found a nose hair and I just gave it a little tug and I sneezed instantly how old were you even oh we had Robin but one weekend in my life I found a nose hair and I found a nose hair and I just gave it a little tug and I sneezed instantly how old were you even oh we had Robin

but one week in my life I found a nose hair and I tugged it and I sneezed instantly it was like in the magic spot and I had one of the best weekends of my life

just sitting watching the telly just tug wah tug wah tug wah it was amazing

on the Sunday night I tugged and it came out and I nearly cried because that was the last that was the end of it oh so it was a little magic hair I've never found a perfectly placed nose hair like that since but yeah so my my sneezes evade me if sneeze leaves i i'm i'm i'm so sad when a sneeze goes i'm so sad it's like my kids have moved out right um so yeah so i i do i have to i have to you know there'll

be people out there you got i hear if i hear people sneeze do five in a row i'm genuinely jealous genuinely jealous i remember when i worked in all if I hear people sneeze do five in a row I'm genuinely jealous genuinely jealous I remember when I worked in all sports someone did 11 sneezes in a row while I was talking

they were trying shoes on and they went two seconds and they moved away from us she did 11 sneezes in a row I was like oh my god I'm so jealous that's fucking amazing

11 I was like I've never done more than two I don't like sneezing that much mate right can I have your is there some way

I can have your sneezes I love sneezing so much it's the best they get on my nerves have you ever have you ever had something in your mouth and sneezed it just oh god yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah she's like oh shit i'm gonna sneeze i can't swallow i sneezed i sneezed once while driving back from hull when i was first started standing i was driving an m62 back from hull and i sneezed with a snickers in my mouth and a peanut came up my nose and hit the windscreen and I was on focus. Yeah, yeah,

it was like bits of caramel and nougat on the fucking steering wheel. Nougat? We're not doing that again. We're not doing that again. We're not doing that again. We're not doing that again.

We've done it. We've done it. Look at you. Who's doing your... That's what it's called. It is nougat. We've done that. We've done that.

I know I have, but you still... It's not nougat. I literally, I get up on Google again. I got up on Google, I pressed play and it was saying nougat.

You know it was. It's not nougat. That's a google again I got up on google I pressed play and it was saying nougat you know it was it's not nugget that's a ridiculous thing to say but listen I Robin started doing it as well Robin started kicking off with us when I try and sneeze

yeah because he says you sneeze too loud we snagged the car the other day and he said daddy he went you're the worst at sneezing and I said what and he went you're the worst at sneezing and he went you go

wahoo he goes you sound like Mario on Mario Odyssey when you do a long jump he goes wahoo and he basically did like a stand up bit slagging his knees

well we had my dad's life when we were younger because my dad used to do and I still remember what we called it now piss chow piss chow

piss chow piss chow so he would sneeze and he'd go piss chow and I'd be like oh here he is with these fucking

piss chows not realising piss is actually not a very nice word but piss chow and then we'd do karate moves every time he sneezed so I'd be like, oh, here he is with these fucking piss chows. Not realising piss is actually not a very nice word, but piss chow. And then we'd do karate moves every time he sneezed, so we were like, piss chow!

Wow. And we'd do each other like, piss chow! Oh, your childhood was sad. Oh, it was great. So fun. Very sad. So fun.

Very sad. Full of actual piss in the bath and sneezing and the like. Great. Well, that's nice. You've made everyone sad. Life before computers. Yeah, basically, yeah. You've made everyone sad. Life before computers. Yeah, basically, yeah.

Dad sneezes, you make a dance about it. Well, good times. Good times. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series.

This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall For tickets, visit TSO.ca This Friday You must be very careful, Margaret It's a girl Witness the birth

Bad things will start to happen Evil things Of evil It's all You know, don't The first omen I believe the girl is to be the mother Mother of what?

Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now

to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for questions from the public. Public. Guys, as always.

Stop singing Don't Talk About Bruno. I don't even know why it's off and it's doing me head in. Listen, guys, as always, thank you so... Shut up.

I'm obsessed. Right, well, stop. I know you keep hearing you're doing it around the house and again and you just shout. Throw it to another. Oh, my God. Stop it. Okay, sorry. Guys, well, stop. I know I keep hearing you doing it around the house again and you just shout. Throw to another. Oh, my God.

Stop it. Okay, sorry. Guys, as always, thank you so much for sending in all of your wonderful, wonderful stories and dilemmas and questions. I mean, we rarely get questions, but, you know, all the stuff is very much appreciated. Thank you so much.

You might still be sitting there thinking, I've never sent anything in. Send it in. Send it in. We love it. Shagmodeandaudord at gmail.com thank you in advance to all the ones we're about to dive into today as well hi guys please keep me anonymous as a father of a three-year-old that loves to do all the fun things and never the

taking him to parties to speak to other parents about random shit for an hour or two i agree this job is usually what my wife does right so that yeah yeah you don't like taking them to the parties to yeah yeah i don't like you don't do the parties i don't like doing the parties. Right, so you don't like taking them to the parties. You don't do the parties. I don't like doing the parties, no, I don't. I don't know why. It's weird. It's almost like a strange performance you have to do. You have to kind of walk around being like,

you alright? You got a kid as well? I went to a Nerf one the other day. A Nerf party you did, didn't you? I was hung over to shit and then the guy was like, Moms and Dads, get involved. And I was like, do you want to? No. Wow. It was awful.

Who picked up all the bullets at the end? The kids. Right. So I saw one of the dads had loads of bullets in his pocket. Right. So I was like, that's a good idea. So I went round for like 10 minutes just picking up loads of bullets and had them there and I just stood and refilled it.

Got you. I only hit Robin though. I was like, I can't hit the other kids so absolute absolute novice behaviour a lot of the dads didn't actually follow that rule

yeah no get everyone yeah gosh of course wow what kind of protective gear did the kids have on just glasses just glasses

yeah no groinal area protection no oh I tell you what I'd have had them all screaming what you'd have done it all in the tiddlers

bang bang bang tiddler shots bang bang bang bang bang bang this isiddler shots. Bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang. This is horrible. Welcome to the real world. Bang, bang, bang. Like shit, get your sweat back.

Bang, bang, bang. Right. Awful. Anyway, so he doesn't like to go. One weekend, my wife was busy and laid out the day's plan for me. I would like to add, while she was telling me the plan, I was listening but also not listening because rugby was on the telly. Brilliant. I heard party at midday and collect

baking tray from her mother's at two. Collect a baking tray? Yeah. What kind of crack's that? It's just a little job. It's just collecting. Her mother must have a baking tray that she needs. Right. Do you understand? Yeah, sort of.

Well, it's just like, go and pick me secateurs up from your mom's house or go and pick the bloody the burns grow bag from somewhere like i have to say no if you told me to go and pick your secateurs up from i'd say absolutely no unless you're going to cut all the heads off them lilies i remember in which case yes you know what i mean you do jobs all the time part of your everyday little tootling about okay it just seems a bit excessive to leave the house and go somewhere in a car spending money on fuel

to collect an empty bacon tray she made something in this bacon tray grace it's an errand of the day errand

errand I don't know anyway so that's the jobs I proceeded with the morning and took my son to the birthday party

at midday me being a dad walked into the leisure centre and I saw the kids and took my son to the birthday party at midday. Me being a dad, walked into the leisure centre, I saw the kids and set my son free to play. We had the present already wrapped, which I placed on the table with the other gifts. My son mounted around playing and I made small talk with some parents. My son had fun, ran around with the other kids and even sat and had some party food in a party bag at the end left.

Perfect, I thought. We left the party and i then went the in-laws to collect the bacon tray nobody was home weird as she said to go for two anyway i had a call from my wife at about 2 15 and she said hi i'm doing the hairdressers so i can come and meet you at the party now i said we've been at the party it It was at 12. She said, no, it was at 2. I said, we went to a party at the leisure centre at 12. She then paused, double checked her messages to confirm the party he was meant to attend was in fact at 2.

Wow. So we went to another party. Gave them a gift, ate their food and made convo with people I didn't need to. Brilliant. I love it brilliant I love it aren't kids brilliant he didn't go this isn't mine he just went

it's from Dave party three year old he just thought I'm at the soft play at the leisure meanwhile he should have got

the bacon tray at 12. Her mum is livid. She's got an extra bacon tray in her house, doesn't know what to do. Can it move for this bacon tray that specifically needs to be taken at midday? Jesus. Midday, collect the bacon tray. No later, no earlier. I think it's because she was in.

Do you know what I mean? Was this some kind of gold plated? Can we just talk about stuff like that? This brings us onto a subject which has pissed me off for years, right? Some people love their Tupperware back. Like some people, do you know what I mean?

Some people are like, can I have that Tupperware back that I gave you that such and such right and you're right okay so just on the flip side you're like no i'm keeping this now no no i just don't i don't give a shit if somebody takes it away from my house that i give them i don't go and ask for it back or a plate i wouldn't ask for a plate back but some people are like there's your plate back or can i have my my plate back? Right, okay, listen, listen. So you're annoyed by someone giving you a plate back,

and you're annoyed by someone asking for their plate back. Yeah. Why? What's wrong with you? Just annoys us. I mean, I'd be annoyed if it was a specific time. But this is before, like, you know, even when I had an out, right?

When I didn't have a fucking bacon tray to rub together, right? A bacon tray to rub together. I wouldn't have wanted the bacon tray back. When I didn't have a bath for my brother to piss in. I wouldn't have wanted it back.

And another person who doesn't really ask for it back is me nana. And I think I respect that. Right. My nana would make soup, right? Pea soup. When I used to work,

well, I mean, I still work. But she would make bait. Like, she was lush and like, I mean, she still is lush. But she doesn't make soup as much. Right. But she would make she would make bait like she would she was lush and like I mean she still is lush but she doesn't make soup as much but she would make everyone soup but she'd put it in

Nana if you're listening where's the pain soup gone pain am soup eh you lazy bitch I love that so much but Nana was lush

well she is lush but you know she doesn't make soup as much anymore so you know trip advisor lost a star not as much soup as I would like she would use old like um butter big butter sort of tubs or ice cream tubs yeah we've had soup before in a butter container yeah yeah your nana gave it at

our old house and i remember opening said butter container with some hot toast and with my knife and shit in my pants when green fucking liquid came out of it. So that was fun. Do you know what I might start doing? But you never asked for it back though. Do you know what I think would be really good?

What? To give someone like to go and take someone some soup round in a tupperware and wait to get it back and be like you're going to have to eat that now. I need that.

I need that tupperware. I'd like that. Yeah. But that's what this bacon tray sounds like. Cars running. You need it that quick because I've got to go and pick a bacon tray up. Very important bacon tray up in five minutes. But that's what it sounds like. I. Cars running. You need to get there quick because I've got to go and pick a bacon tree up.

Very important, bacon tree up in five minutes. But that's what it sounds like. I mean, who's only got one bacon tree? Thank you. I'm annoyed. I do get it.

I'm annoyed that in that day of a diary of a Saturday, there was a specific time on the hour to go and collect a bacon tree. What are you doing? You know what, Chris? I think I'm annoyed as well. Thank you.

You shut me down at the beginning. I know because I thought, well, it's just part of picking up something, but you're right. A baking tray is not a going out of your way job to pick up. You've got another baking tray. It's if your mum comes back round and goes,

there's that baking tray. Why are you going specifically picking up? Yeah, I agree. You better go... Gary, make sure you go round to me mam's and get that bacon tray because you know

what she's left with an everend bacon tray you know what she gets up to right she'll be sledging on it she'll be snorting coke off it yeah she'll not put any

greaseproof paper down on roast veg and it'll be knackered she'll be outside banging it for the NHS at 8 o'clock you'd never stop that and then that'll be knackered

aye people still doing that nobody's doing that no no no, no. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hope you're both well.

Thank you very much. We are, actually. We're in a nice mood. I'm all right. Do we love each other today? Yes. I don't know. We'll see.

Deep-rooted love. Comfort love. Not on the surface love. Just too much admin to stop it. Love. No, don't. I'm joking don't because we

watched just like that last night and it was the episode was this going to do spoilers don't give it away but I was gutted I was gutted

people who have been married for a long time they were talking about how they just sit on the sofa don't hold hands and it's just comfortable and I get an element

of that but at the same time I don't ever want to live that but then what was really depressing is we were watching that going oh and that's that but then what was really depressing is we were watching that going oh and that's that and we were on separate sofas

we were yeah because that's how you live no but we still hold hands if you held my hand in the street I wouldn't be like we don't hold hands I'd be like oh

right okay who's got the pain hey we're going to London do you want to hold hands? No. No. Stop it. Would you pack it in?

Oh, do you know what it is? You're fucking, you're full of shit, you. Comes on in, you act all macho and you come off the end, you'll be all hours. All hours. Like a slag's draz. What's the saying? I don't know. We don't know sayings.

No. No, I'll hold your hand in London if you want to hold me hand. Come on then. I want to hold your hand in London if you want to hold my hand come on then I want to hold your hand in London right huge fan of the podcast

been listening since day one and always tell my friends and family blah blah blah and we also came to the live show at Wembley blah blah blah

lovely blah blah blah I am writing this on the 24th of January and I've just listened to episode 151 so the one just gone about the neighbour

who still has their Christmas tree up right we have a similar situation where our neighbours across the street in the episode 151, so the one just gone, about the neighbour who still has their Christmas tree up, right? We have a similar situation where our neighbours across the street, you're going to hate this, our neighbours across the street

haven't tidied up after their New Year's Eve party. Go and fuck off. What do you mean? So, What do you mean? So, through their window

you can see a Happy New Year sign attached to the wall and right next to the window there's a table with loads of half-drunk bottles of wine slash Prosecco slash mixer. Chris, it gets worse. There's even an open jar of olives and cut-up lemons on the table. Right, one, you're a nosy cunt. How can you say all that?

And when I got me bigger pair of binoculars out, the sell-by date on the lemon jar was actually last year so I can't believe that you I mean you're you're an audience fuck but that is madness

but my thing was right olives quite middle class cut up lemons in drinks quite middle class when I was there was no cut up lemons

at parties when I was growing up I'm sorry I'm not being funny our millennial millennium bloody party that was near cut up lemons what'm not being funny our millennial millennium bloody party that was near cut up lemons

what millennium party not millennial party we weren't celebrating the younger generation is that your beef with this no all I'm saying is hey

look at this you didn't know we had whole lemons at my parties we ate them like apples all I'm saying is this it sounds a bit

of a middle class party. Yeah. Olives and, I mean, they've left it all around. But you would think that they might, well, I don't know.

It's just, how long is acceptable to not tidy up after a party? That's so bad. Not, not 24 days. So do they have some kind of house party space? Is that some kind of party room with maybe a jukebox in it? Is this a,

is this a massive house? Yeah. And has it got like, you know, is that some kind of party room that they just jukebox in it is this a massive house yeah and has it got like you know is that some kind of party room that they just haven't been back in the west wing that they have the parties in

yeah well then they wouldn't have a neighbour that they would be able to see but it says most of the wood big houses are next to each other depending where you work I suppose yeah

it says yeah every morning my partner and I say day 23 day 24 etc in the voice from big brother we know someone must be there as although we haven't seen any lights on or movement we do occasionally see a clothes horse with clothes drying appear and disappear from the window

wow we've got clean clothes we've got a house i can't believe they're still there i can't i could i could forgive a few days and I go you haven't got round to that yet this might be I've just had a thought here this might be a standoff this might be a

you know we can't have another drink or you know it's a bit late we need to stop the party no listen come on we'll have another drink we've got to tidy up in the morning

look I'll tidy up okay and then the next one you said you'd tidy up well you said you and it might just be a fucking stand fucking 24 days of that it might be a massive standoff we you know we could do that kind of thing when you put a bacon tray you know one of our many many many bacon trays into the um when you do roast veg worst day of my life whenever you when you do roast veg because there's all bits of tomato and red onion stuck you say you'll clean it and

what your idea of cleaning it is is moving everything out of the sink and putting a bit of water on the baking tray and then leaving it until I get annoyed and have to clean it myself. Yeah, so it might be this kind of thing although on a full house scale. We're also on another kind of standoff, aren't we?

Are we? Well, just of an evening I've noticed that when Rafe cries we look at each other for at least 30 seconds That's awful and go Sick of it He was going up to tears

Even though I've put him and Robin to bed mostly Aw I'll make the tea and do all the other stuff Your dirty bacon craze is what you do So don't eat

I'll put them to bed you can make the tea We'll swap roles Are you looking forward to your cereal tonight? Are you looking forward to your bacon sandwich. That's all you can do.

I'll clean the pan straight after, though. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Hi, Rosie and Chris. I wanted to tell you a little tale about my sister. Please keep me anonymous as she would be mortified if anyone found out about this.

I've wanted to write in to you for ages and last week she didn't actually say no. So I'm getting in quick before she can change her mind she is the member of our family

that everything just happens to do you know that there's always somebody in your life that you just go what is your life how do

I think I might be that person oh shit am I that person you might be I think I am you know yeah because Uh-huh. Oh shit, am I that person? You might be. I think I am, you know. Yeah?

Because most responses from people when I tell them stuff is, eh, no. Eh, am I that person? Fucking hell, she's having an existential crisis. Right. This is painful. I might be, I don't know. Do you mean someone like, you know...

Like funny stuff. Right. Or like disastrous stuff, like they'll crash their car and then the bus will break down and then the da-da-da-da-da. Well, let's listen and then you can work out whether I'm that person or not. Oh, God.

Right. Hours of entertainment for the rest of us, it says. Okay. For example, someone once threw a bucket of water onto her out of an upstairs window as she was walking along the road. What, in Victorian London? I don't know what you mean. Who's thrown buckets of water out of windows in this day and age? I don't know, but i mean it landed on her

at the time when they were doing it so she was on her way to a suffrage meeting the local woman's institute fucking hell um then there was the time she was on an escalator in a shopping center and she yawned as she was holding back she couldn't cover her mouth and somebody traveling on the escalator going in the opposite direction stuck a finger in her mouth this comes up on many family occasions on the way down and she was on the way up on the other side. And she just went, boink. Oh, that is bold.

That is bold. The following story, however, is not known by the whole family. Okay. My sister was on a training course for work with people she didn't know and happened to have her period that day. Oh, gosh. Got it.

By lunchtime, she was really relieved to get to go to the toilet so that she could change her pad. Unfortunately, she managed to pick a cubicle with no disposal bins for pads, etc. Got you. Yeah. So she put the used one on the floor while she sorted herself out. Oh, she's done a bad job.

Intending to pick it up and dispose of it properly. However, just at that moment, someone turned on the hand dryer next to her cubicle. Unfortunately, it was pretty strong and it blew the sanitary... blew the used sanitary towel across the floor and into the next

occupied cubicle. Oh my God! My sister had to wait in a mild state of panic for all the other people to leave the toilet before she could go and retrieve it. Can you imagine imagine sitting having a shit and a fucking used tampon used sanitary pad just just wind the blue present happy birthday oh my gosh i mean don't get me wrong as women i would like to think i could be sat there and go this is yours i would literally have to go the wind blew that under i'm so sorry can

you kick it back oh then again kick it back i keep i keep them all can you kick it back i keep them all it's very important for my collection oh could you be like you got a bit in there didn't have all about sticking in yours will you in yours please wow she then had to go back into the training course room knowing that someone had seen her use sanitary towel and that they had no doubt told several other people in the room that's amazing oh bless her that is so funny i know that's like something off a sitcom that is gorgeous i love that wow wow hello chris and rosie currently listening episode 149 and you mentioned how great it would be

to leave reviews after hooting up. Yes. Yes, we still don't know about this, but it says here, while Grander may not have it, there are some other sites that do. Oh. Fabguys.com is such a site

and it's sister site. Fab guys. Fab guys. Wow. So I think it's for gay men, homosexual men. Yeah, but just, I love that. Fab guys. Fab guys. Fab guys.

We're just a bunch of fab guys. Just all such fab guys. We're just fab guys. It's lovely. And its sister site, Fab Swingers. Wow. It does as well. So these, you can leave reviews.

Right. So it does exist. So that's very much like, you know, your other ones. I mean, not so much Grind earth from what i've heard but your other ones do sort of allude to you'll find the love of your life but these are like yeah this bit you know you're gonna pass each other around here just raise your review you're not gonna you know i mean no one's settling down just there's the history says what it does does what it says on does fuck me christ what's wrong with me yeah does what it says on the tin. Does, fuck me. Christ, I'm lying. Hey, what's wrong with me? Yeah, right. Does what it says on the tin.

Again, again, rappers, ties in circles and arguments and you can't have strength when you say this again and you don't know your Roman numerals. It's, it's, it's honestly. I only know important stuff, that's all it is.

Pathetic, right. So, as the names might give away, one is for gay and bi guys and the other straight or bi singles and couples. Got you. I've been on fab guys for just over two years and still haven't gotten around the idea of the reviewing completely crazy that like each review is called a verification and its intended use is to let others know a particular

profile isn't fake oh that's quite cool yeah yeah it's like yeah definitely right uh correct hair color you know this was a recent photo yeah that kind of thing yeah isn't 13 inches long like stated in profile uh it's intended to let others know a particular profile isn't fake by either a meeting in person or via webcam in brackets this one became more popular june court right i've got you i've seen this person i've seen that this is real yeah some take this idea and run with it when verifying profiles like this young bloke who likes older men nothing wrong with that i thought until i saw some of what he wrote right right so this is a young so the guy who's wrote in i think has become a little bit obsessed about watching this guy's profile because he's just interested in it.

Right, okay, so the person who's wrote in is talking about a profile of a guy who always goes out with older blokes. And he reviews them, right. We're going to hear some of these reviews now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, that's fantastic. One of the reviews was, Sweet lad, great holes, we'll be back soon.

Fucking hell. Great holes. Fucking reviewing a golf course great holes great holes yeah par 5 dog leg was a bit tricky but uh

you know a bogey did I mean I don't know there might be some gay men listening to this right now who is that the terminology

sorry holes well like your mouth oh I forgot my mouth I forgot Oh, I forgot my mouth. I forgot my mouth. I forgot my mouth. Ears. Ears.

You want to get them cleaned. So, that's one of them. Next one. Came round to mine for tea and a chat. Shagged a few times before sending on his way. Hope to meet soon. How flossy. Tea and a chat

shag a few times see you after see you after wow next time bring cake yep while I was more

expecting something along the lines of he's a great guy and genuine every verification just spelt out what each of them did together

some filled the other than the others oh my gosh as I was invested in this bloke's sex life at this point I kept on reading what the others had wrote about him.

Right. So, sorry, that's what people have wrote about this lad. Oh, right. Sorry, sorry, sorry, right. That's what the older blokes have wrote about this young lad. Oh, right. Yeah, I thought nice lad. Yeah, nice lad, great horse.

That's the most horrific thing I've ever heard in my life. Great horse is one of the most filthy but also blase things. If somebody said, if somebody was talking about me in a pub, right, back in my days when I used to have sex and that, if somebody said, oh, I should canny, you know, nice tits, great holes. Yeah. I would be mortified. Yeah, I'd be confused.

Great holes. Standard at best. Standard. You know, okay. Sag, little bit sagged. Yeah, don't go in after a curry eats a lot of chocolate mousse one of the holes

wouldn't fucking shut up imagine though on a straight it would be like can't tell there's been a baby come out of there oh hey

you know what I mean yeah anyway so so this guy is invested in reading about this lad right I should add

there is a counter on profiles that can show how many verifications you have and from how many men right oh wow

he had 55 verifications fuck off from 40 men he had met on the site jesus adventurous for a 21 year old i thought then something i had noticed before came to my attention he had only been on the site for two months nearly every night oh my god someone's been fucking busy wow can i just say as well that's just the people oh my god someone someone's being fucking busy wow can I just say as well that's just the people

who've bothered to do a verification yeah yeah yeah unless as he's leaving you know like podcast like rate and subscribe as he's leaving he's like make sure

he leaves a verification maybe he is who knows anyway so this guy this guy is like what yeah yeah yeah I need to find out

about this so I looked at the days each one was left some days he met two blokes in the same day that's fair enough other days three or four then I saw one date that had quite a few of them

and I thought what sex rage weekend was this I asked Siri what day it fell on and it was indeed a Wednesday and I immediately remembered the foursome on a Wednesday you guys spoke about. I'm getting. Hey, hump day, middle of the week.

People need something to get themselves to the weekend. He clearly doesn't have a job. This fucking lad needs a hobby. He's got too much time on his hands. Wow. So there you go. Wow. Imagine though, like, yeah, genuinely like great holes.

Honestly, lovely lad. Really hope you're saying that. I cannot get over great holes honestly lovely lad really hope you see me i cannot get over great hole as always thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of shagmarinoid which is part of the acast creator network yes it is thank you so much for listening and obviously please continue to get in touch send us all your kinds of stories and things and guys, I'm back on tour next month, I go back on tour

on I think it's the 3rd of February starting off in London, going all over the UK with my stand up tour called the 2020 tour, obviously a dickhead but I will be on tour February, March and April so get on my website and I'll see you all there. If there is a chance to change the name, maybe even just online,

I'm just going to put this out there. Yeah. Great Holes. Great Holes. I'm going to call it the Great Holes Tour. The Great Holes Tour. Yeah. There we go.

Sorted. Bye everyone. Bye. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.