Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 161. How long you staying?

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

On the podcast this week Chris and Rosie have some serious Cocomelon beef and land line issues. They discuss Team leaders, keyholders and why people should mind their own business when it comes to luggage! QFTP's cover hired Kilts, auto correct gone wrong and some unsavoury behaviour with a Dorito dip. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed and this is for all the

Coco Melon fans out there what are you thankful for what are you thankful for what are you thankful for come on what are you thankful for what are you thankful for what are you thankful for

do you know what I'm thankful for? What? Every time I'm watching Cocoa Melon and the dad gets in the pool and takes his top off. Yeah? Quite nice. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

You are fancying an animated dad on Cocoa Melon. A little bit. Brilliant. You're so good with the kids. Such a good dad. Do you know what I'm thankful for? What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful that you stopped singing. Listen, I've got a fucking issue with Cocoa Melon, actually. Oh, you have a goal. There was one the other day. Have you not noticed how self-sufficient that baby is on Cocoa Melon? Oh, how old is he? He's in a onesie and he's celebrating his first day of school the next day. And his mum gives him a

notepad and a pencil I'm like yeah motherfucker you're still sleeping a cot yeah you're sleeping a cot you wear a onesie what are you writing yeah

you sleep in a cot you wear a onesie you fall asleep on your mum's knee yeah you're going to fucking nine the one that really the one that really

fucks us off right the dad's in the kitchen it's I think it's like it comes up on the calendar it's like father Sunday or daddy Sunday oh they love a bit of that yeah the mom and the little girl go off

and the little girls go to football yeah so they go off to do football or something like that and then the dad's in the kitchen and he's like it's father sunday and the kid wakes up like the older one the older boy wakes up and the baby wakes up it's fucking light outside they wake up in their beds on their own get themselves dressed and then go and meet the dad in the kitchen what kind of fucking alternate universe do they live in where their baby gets up sorts himself out and goes hey morning dad i'm late until fucking 11 o'clock yeah no problem son i've just been up waiting for father sunday don't be mental don't be mental if you've never seen cocoa melon uh don't buy that but the kids love it the kids love the songs it's amazing Coco Melon

just one more thing about Coco Melon though there's one song I love all the songs to be fair right and it's very sweet because Robin obviously stopped

watching all of that but since we've had Wraith he loves it he actually goes to watch it on his own he wants to watch it he loves it he loves the songs

there's one song that I can't get away with because rhythmically I mean I'm not a musician right but rhythmically it makes no sense theically, I mean, I'm not a musician, right? But rhythmically, it makes no sense. The compost bin one.

You can sing. The compost, I'm saying it like an American. Compost. Yeah, compost. Listen, if you're a Coco Melon mom or dad or grandma, whatever,

have a listen to the song about the compost bin. Right. Because it's infuriating. Okay. It doesn't make, rhythmically, it makes no sense. It's like, you can't put apples in the compost bin.

And I'm like, guys. It's more about the lyrics, Rosie. I know. It's more about teaching the children. But skidding, marinky dinky dee and all that. They are lovely. Makes sense. You can sing them.

The compost bin one. Right. It's insane. Right. Someone was off their face when they wrote that might have been all the compost fumes must have been

right good well cocoa melon just been dealt with anyway if you work on cocoa melon I hope you're crying I hope you're crying over your animation

it's really good we actually love it so yeah there we go and anyone who doesn't listen to cocoa melon kids heads are too big the kids heads

are bigger than their parents heads they carry them up to bed and you're like, Jesus, why is a kid's head so large? It's like you're carrying a fucking hot air balloon up to bed. Very strange. Anyway. Well, anyway, if you don't watch Cocoa Melon,

I imagine this last little couple of minutes of ranting has been painful, confusing and shit. But welcome to the show. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for listening, you wonderful people. Thank you so much for coming back.

Rosie, it's episode 1611 it's never episode 161 161 do you know if you didn't remember us every week God honestly I wouldn't have a clue sorry if I didn't remember you every week what did I say you said if I didn't you said if I didn't remember us every week

you said you said there do you know if you didn't remind remember us will you will you remember me what episode it is please

remember me oh yeah spoiler it is, please. Remember me. I'll learn you how to do that later. I'll learn you how to do that. Listen, listen. Let's crack straight on. Cork and melon's being dealt with. There's loads of things to get dealt with this week.

What else can we deal with? I'll tell you what we're going to deal with. This week's sponsor. This week's sponsor. It's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Yeah. sponsor. It's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is the absolute compulsion that people have to tell you you've brought too many

bags or packed too many things when you arrive somewhere. Oh my god. What do you mean specifically? Go somewhere for the weekend. Or go and get a taxi to the airport. How many bags you got? How much you packed? How long you stayed?

A month? Did I ask you to fucking carry them? Did I ask you to fucking carry them? No, I'm carrying them. I'm getting on with it, right? I bring choices of clothes. Oh. Yeah.

Oh. I know, well, that's just people having, I've said this about when you go to the supermarket and you do a really big shop because nowadays you can get everything at the supermarket. So I'm like, right, I'm going to buy the kids clothes i'm gonna buy a bloody a flipping pan i'm gonna buy some candles and it comes to bloody 150 200 quid and the person on the checkout goes how much you're spending you go sorry sorry is it coming out of our shared bank account myra i don't think

so yeah i remember let me work and let me earn my money and spend it on all the shite in your supermarket, okay? Well, the reason I, right,

every single time I go, if I ever go, if I ever take the kids to my mum and dad's house and I take loads of bags and my mum always goes, how long we staying? Fucking hell.

Oh, it's probably your mum and dad's generation. Mum, I haven't, I haven't gave you these bags and said, go and walk a fucking mile

with these bags for us. I've dropped them in the house and guess what? I'm going to come, all you got to do is bring them to your front door. I'll put dropped them in the house and guess what I'm going to come all you've got to do is bring them to your front door I'll put them back in the car I'll deal with them

the other day we went in an Airbnb we were in an Airbnb in South Shields we went in someone in the street was like how long are you staying

oh my god this has got nothing to do with you is that what he brought I didn't know someone did that people do when I check in the hotels

and I've got obviously when I check in the hotels I've got all me fucking paraphernalia basically I do move in for the time but I'll check in for three nights and I'll have two obviously when I check hotels I've got all me fucking paraphernalia. Basically, I do move in for the time but I'll check in for three nights

and I'll have two suitcases being like, oh, you're only staying three nights. Oh, look here, look here. One,

they're my bags. Fucking stop being so nosy. Two, you're not, I'm not making your fellas carry them up and if they do, they've got the trolley things.

Chris, Chris, people are dicks. Yeah, people are dicks. Yeah. How long are you staying for too fucking long

are you actually get me out of here dickheads so there we go that's them dealt with yeah how long are you staying for how long are you staying for

how long are you staying for wait listen I feel like we're a bit too jolly this week. I feel like we need to get the jingle on. Well, I feel like that was actually really passive-aggressive, what we just said. Yeah, but it was really cathartic, and I'm quite happy that I got to shout and stuff.

But yeah, there you go. There you go. Put the jingle on. Let's get the jingle on, and it's getting miserable again. Come on. Let's do it. Let's do it.

We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. Yes, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. You know what I haven't said for a while? What?

Make sure you continue to like, rate and subscribe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah? I don't know if like, rate and subscribe is just a thing off YouTube or whatever, but your little four star, they've slowed down. I think we've got about 40,000 five star reviews. You know what?

Is that not enough? The power's gone up my head. I want more. Dickhead, that's enough. That's well enough. There's loads of people listening to this. You know, we're on 100 million downloads. Just click on the little stars.

Nobody does that. Guys, I don't mind. I have not liked, rated, subscribed anything in my life. I mind. I mind. To be fair,

I do subscribe because then you get, because sometimes, right, the podcast, no, but you have to subscribe because you listen to a good podcast and you're like,

I can't wait to listen to the next one and then you forget the name of it and it disappears and then you're like, I can't wait to listen to the next one. And then you forget the name of it and it disappears. And then you're like, well, that was nice. So always subscribe, actually. That's a good thing.

I just can't deal with the pressure of it. I can't. Honestly, I can't keep up. Do you know what? Outlander is already back on and we haven't even watched a new episode. It's not. Yeah, it came out on the 6th of March.

Yeah. Shut up. My ma's thundering along on our Amazon Prime account. Well, should we just let her finish? Because we talked about this because obviously, you know, we all share accounts

with everybody and no one's got their hands on, you know, my sister's on my Netflix, your man Darrell on the Prime, everyone shares everything.

Let her watch it. Two seconds, two seconds. Stop the podcast right there. Lads, come in, we've got her. Lads,

we've got her again. Come on, it's a shakedown. Whole podcast has been a lie. Davey Netflix or whoever the boss of that's called and Jeff Bezos' underlings. Come on, lads. Cuff her. Cuff her, lads.

Oh, you can take the 40 and quit on me, bud. I'm so sorry, everyone. I'm so sorry. Honestly, I'm so sorry that you all have to listen to me present a podcast with a criminal. A multiple time criminal. Spin-off podcast.

I'll do it for myself. Welcome to Wondery. This week on the podcast. From inside the prison walls. The password share. Do you accept this call from Durham prison? One woman,

several passwords, multiple users, one crime. Listen on wherever you listen to your podcast. So there we go. But yeah, I just, I can't, I can't handle the stress

if there's a new one out. I get a message on mine. Obviously, I subscribe to our podcast because I'm a, you know, I'm a narcissist and I get a message every Friday. It's not that narcissistic. I get a message every Friday going, it's a new one out. I'm like, oh God. Oh no, it's mine.

I don't need to listen to that. So yeah. What I was saying before I got rudely interrupted. Oh, what, by your crimes? Yeah, for your crimes. Let your mom finish it because if she's busy watching it and we click on and it goes to

half way through an episode she's watching you know oh they'll be hell on they'll be absolute hell on let her finish it and then we'll watch it yeah

I put it on Chris I put it on and it said previously on but we haven't seen that but then I went back I went back and it said

I'd watched it so me and your dad we just turned the telly off and turned the lights off and we sat in the dark all night and cried did I tell you about

the new phone I got them no fuck me honestly oh my god what a saga so every time I ring the house phone

the house phone first of all me mum's got I think she's got a BT landline so it goes to BT answer phone every time right so when me mum and dad used to have a phone,

a landline phone in their bedroom, right? But they took it out because people would phone early morning or late at night and wake them up. And they used to, you know what they're like. My mum, the phone would ring and my mum would be like, who's died? And she wouldn't get back to sleep, right? Right, okay.

So they've only got the one downstairs and they've got like the answer machine service on it. The amount of times I ring my mum, right? I'll ring her and it goes to the answer machine and I hang up and then she rings us back and she goes, you didn't give us a chance to answer? And I go, no, your answer machine cut us off. Yeah.

I didn't put the phone down. Your answer machine cut us off. So there's that. But then I start ringing and they go, the phone's knackered, we can't work it. So I ordered them a new landline phone and she said, make it simple, make it a dead simple one.

And I did. No fucking touchscreen, none of that shit. They're like you when it comes to stuff like that I ordered a dead simple landline got to the point where I kept ringing the house I couldn't get through and I rang the mobile

so I went yeah the landline you got you're gonna have to come through and set it up we can't do it I was like are you serious why didn't you just get them an old school like

dialy phone well that would have been I didn't Rosie I don't know what the want okay so then what happened I went through right and the whole thing's plugged in and everything.

They've got it plugged in. They've got it all going. And it just won't. There's no dial tone. It's not working, right? And the first thing it said, the first thing it said on the instructions was, make sure you only use the wires provided, right?

Right. I went, right. I went, use the wires provided. They went, well, it was the same as the wire that was already there. I went, right. So I sat for an hour trying to get it to work. And then I went,

can you just go and get us the wires that came with it? And my dad was like, I can't find them. They were in the fucking biscuit tin. No idea why. I went, I literally went for a biscuit

and found them accidentally. Plugged it in with the wire it was thingied with. Worked immediately. Worked immediately. I was there for an hour. I was like, this is,

you are absolutely a massive pain in the arse. I'm fucking IT. IT tech support comes with everything I get them. It's crazy. Yeah. Oh, my God. A landline.

The first thing it said, use these codes. Use these codes. Nah. There's an hour of my day gone. Well. Oh, God. And now I ring them and my number's not saved. So they're answering the phone to a hostage who's just took their kids.

Okay, well, that used to freak me out, though i used to ring and i'd ring the house phone they'd be like hello rosie i'd be like how do you know it's me yeah but obviously they came up but now they do that thing that older people do where you ring and they go hello like like it's the middle of the night and they're in scream six yeah hello i go hi mom you all right is that you chris no no it's your other only child fuck me see i'm not like your mom and dad are stuck in a weird generation but my nana is in her 80s and she got rid of her landline she was like this is pointless got me mobile yeah yeah well they my mom and dad don't get signal in their house oh yeah they don't and

to be fair landlines i think sometimes they're pretty they're pretty good anyway anyway how are you i'm all right i'm actually Anyway. Anyway. How are you? I'm alright. I'm actually quite chipper today. How are you? Do you know what it is? I feel good. Chipper as fuck.

I feel good. Chipper as fuck. What's been going on? You've just cracked me back. Lovely. What has been going on? Not much really, to be honest with you. I've had a little bit of, dare I say, time off.

Quite enjoying myself. Easy. Easy. Just before the old TV show starts which is going to be Manic in the old Ramsey household very excited very excited

also really terrified I'm really nervous about it shout out to all the everyone who's got in touch with things for It Goes Arago there's some amazing ones coming through

they couldn't believe the amount of emails that they got you're all incredible we've said it before we'll say it again you're all amazing if there's anything

that you it's on our Instagrams if you want to have a look at the thing if you want say it again you're all amazing if there's anything that you it's on our Instagrams if you want to have a look at the thing if you want to be involved in the TV show and there's anything that your partner has

that really fucks you off it could be anything they have around the house an ornament a picture something to use something that really

oppresses you and pisses you off get your chance to get your own by getting in touch with the show some of the ones that have been sent in

I can't give anything away we've had a sneaky peek haven't we we've had a sneaky peek of some of them we had a sneaky peek of uh some of the time in the office going through them all it's amazing yeah very exciting again you're all fantastic thank you for all your input got a bit housekeeping to do a bit housekeeping is that what that's what they usually say isn't it at uh at agms and that meetings housekeeping depends i know new it might not be housekeeping at all,

but go on. Okay, I've had a couple of emails just to correct, not correct us on some stuff, but just to give us a little bit more insight. So obviously, the toilet attendance slang from around the UK,

where we are, it's freshen up for the poo nanny. Right. Yeah. In another part of the UK, they didn't actually say where they were, but it was no splash, no gash. I've also heard no splash, no gash.

Oh, right, okay. I've not heard that. And there was also no spray, no lay. No spray, no lay is a very good one. Also quite family-friendly, that one, I'll be honest with you. No spray, no lay. No spray, no lay, it's a bit, you know.

You could say that round Robin. Yeah, yeah. My teacher mid-fist. You could say that in the toilet at Brewer's Fair, for example. Toby Carvery. Charlie Chokes. What's it called, that soft play? Charlie Chokes. It used to be Charlie Chokes. Remember Charlie Chalks what's it called

that soft play Charlie Chalks it used to be Charlie Chalks remember Charlie Chalks soft plays where have they gone I think this is

really what it boldened anyway remember Charlie Chalk Charlie Chalk that was a good programme so just to let you

know that great thanks for that another one here it's time for Rosie's TV shows from the 90s reviews Rosie taken away Charlie Chalk

that was a good programme thanks Rosie next week the magic roundabout, that was a good programme. Thanks, Rosie. Next week, The Magic Roundabout. That was also a good programme. Great. Somebody sent this in.

I'm still in the intro of today's episode and I just feel I have to tell you both. The receptionist at my lovely, reopened, post-COVID office

are not receptionists. They are client experience executives. Fan-fucking-tastic. Fantastic. Brilliant that, innit? That's, no, I'm sorry. Vile. Wow. Client experience executives fantastic brilliant that innit that's

no I'm sorry vile client experience executives yeah it's mad I'll just get one of the client experience executives to get you a cup of tea

or coffee what would you like I must have thought about it before I feel like I'm allowed to say that as an ex-receptionist because I'm sorry

if somebody said can you can you can you get the client experience executive to photocopy 12 copies of that for the

oh man you know what it is it might be a mind game thing you throw executive into someone's job title they really step their fucking game up some dickheads do

yeah dickheads well it's again self-entitled like no it's the same as making someone team leader they go your team leader

and you go oh great have I had a pay rise no but they love it I just got a bit of power yeah it's great give somebody

right this is from a retail world yeah give somebody the key right yeah they've got the key to the stock room

yeah yeah yeah they'll not speak to you again I'm key holder key holder I'm key holder and there's another one retail world key holder

and what's it called man when they do the tills at the end of the day oh yeah cashing up cas one retail world key holder and what's it called man when they do the tills at the end of the day oh yeah cashing up cashing up and key holder dickhead

off my Christmas list not a thief by the way I'm not a thief I'm trusted by the management by the way yeah totally trustworthy cash up

I must have talked about it man when I phoned up the doctors when I phoned up the doctors in South Shields and it was a please hold one of our

care navigators will be with you shortly vile care navigators so doctors receptionist doctors receptionist

yeah yeah yeah care navigator what was so bad about that is there something really massively offensive excuse me

which way is the care care navigator it's due north fantastic thank you due north to the care fucking nutters yeah it's due north fantastic thank you due north to the K fucking nutters yeah it's great

I love something like that though I hate it I really hate it if it's not broke if it's not broke don't fix it I imagine them all sitting around the office

going what can we call them look we can't call them that anymore what can we what do they do what do they do they tell you where to go don't they

you go to the desk they tell you where so what's that what is that they sort of navigate they're navigating they're navigating they tell you where to go, don't they? You go to the desk, they tell you where to go. So what's that? What is that? They're so, navigate. They're navigating. They're navigating. They tell you what doctor to go to, they are navigating you to the care. Oh, care navigator.

Get the rest of the day off. Fantastic. Bob, here's the keys. You'll open up tomorrow and further foreseeable. So I'm care holder and key navigator. Oh, God. Care holder, key navigator. Oh, God. Key navigator. Back in the office.

Back to the drawing board, everyone. We'll fuck this. It was too much. We'll fuck this. It was too much. He's a care holder, key navigator. He's a pathfinder, navigator, key navigator. Oh, Jesus.

He's a care opener a care locker no don't lock the care where's the care in the locker oh I've got a nosebleed I'm going to have to redo my CV babadoo babadoo babadoo

speaking of people emailing in as well by the way big shout out to the lady who tweeted me this week saying you and Rosie have got me exhausted

you and Rosie have got me exhausted you are talking so fast on this week's podcast and before you ask yes I have checked that I haven't got it on double speed end of tweet another tweet off the same person literally five seconds later oh no sorry

no I do have it on double speed as you were great thanks for that did she not just delete the tweet? well no I quite like that she owned it I quite like that I got the thing back because she could have just left that and felt silly, but she actually went, oh, no, I have got it on one and a half speed. I apologise.

And I was like, yeah, I think I was just like, wow. But yeah. Funny. Great work. Another one here, right? Ooh. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Just listening to your podcast on the bus on my way to work,

I got to the bit where Gotham City came up and thought I'd say it is a real place. It's in Nottingham. There's a Gotham City came up and thought I'd say, it is a real place. It's in Nottingham. There's a Gotham City in Nottingham. In Nottingham City Centre? No. Nottinghamshire. Nottinghamshire.

Genuinely. Did you just make that up? Did I? No, it says, yeah. Gotham. Gotham. Nottinghamshire. Has a reputation for madness that led to to its adult adoption by batman writers

there's a place in gotham there's a place in nottinghamshire sorry called gotham right i'm not letting him off on a technicality on the fact that there's a place called gotham's no it was kind of right i don't like that at all i'm not apologizing we're meeting fuck off i got in the car with him the other day to go to Aberdeen and he literally sat down and he went, thanks by the way. I went, what?

He went, Gotham City and I can't remember the other thing I slagged him off for but everyone just tweets him when I slag him off for something. Oh, do they? It's fantastic, yeah. And the tour manager was like,

you can tell you've been touring too much when your podcast content is why you talk about budgeons. I was like, yeah, yeah. I've lost my mind. I've been touring far too long now. So there you go. Ready for you to be done now like

talking about the tour though Dunstable if you listen to this on Friday stop pedalling Dunstable on Saturday well no because the fucking some unbelievable reason

people go the people who run it they go oh I've even sold out I go oh brilliant then they go I've released some extra tickets why didn't you release them before you told us it was sold out

what a silly thing to do what a silly thing to do so how many have they released that's like me going oh I've cleaned your car your car's cleaned oh hold on the back end of it's covered in shit

oh yeah well I'll get that off now stop telling us guys I'm talking to venues I'm talking to people who boot me to us stop fucking telling us it's sold out

and then me telling the whole world it's sold out and everyone going well there's no bother and then going oh we've released some extra tickets where were they why were you holding them back

how many is there how many are we talking like three no no like a lot so what's weird is so Aberdeen did this the other night the people at Aberdeen went there's 30 year tickets by the way Why were you holding them back? How many is there? How many are we talking? Like three? No, no. Like a lot. So what's weird is, so Aberdeen did this the other night.

The people at Aberdeen went, there's 30-year tickets, by the way, haven't been sold if you want to tweet about it. I went, all right, I tweeted. Carl went on the seating plan. They were all single seats. I went, well, that's fine. No one's going to come and sit on their own an hour before the gig.

No one's going to rock up on their own. I mean, they may have, and that's fair enough. I respect people hugely who come to gigs on their own. I've been to gigs on my own. I've been to gigs on my own too, right? I did Edinburgh Fringe. I go rock up on their own. I mean, they may have, and that's fair enough. I respect people hugely who come to gigs on their own. I've been to gigs on my own. I've been to gigs on my own too, right? Edinburgh Fringe, I go to everything on my own. But yeah, so Dunstable, there's some tickets being released for the late show,

or I think it might be the early show. I'm not sure. I'm doing two shows in Dunstable on Saturday. If you listen to this after that Saturday, it doesn't matter. Great. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef?

What is your beef with me? Beef, beef, beef. Dick Beef? What's your beef? What is your beef with me? What's your beef? Yeah, this is where the beef came from. You just putting a silly voice on and getting really excited. Right. Do you want to go first or shall I go first?

You go first. Okay. So, you... I bit my tongue when this happened and I just wrote it down on my phone was this last night? no what did you do last night? you bit your tongue last night

didn't you? when? sorry what? when did you bit your tongue recently? I can't stop I can't guys can you believe what's just happened right no no I caught, I caught, stop, stop, stop, stop, I caught. Guys, can you believe what's just happened? Right, right, no, no, you need to be quiet here.

You didn't mean physically bit your tongue. No, no, no, I meant the phrase, I meant the phrase if I didn't talk. But Rosie's talking about this morning, I was eating a Tonics caramel wafer, I was eating a Tonics caramel wafer and I bit the side of my mouth. And I popped the finger in my mouth and I showed Rosie the blood. So you don't mean then that is you are another sometimes do you know what it is it's really strange because you're a successful woman and

you're incredible and you're a mother and you're phenomenal in so many ways but sometimes when you don't switch that brain on you bit no so you bit your tongue and you didn't switch that brain on, you bit, no, I was just about to say. So you bit your tongue and you didn't see it. It was, right, okay. I thought you meant, I'd done something,

you'd bit your tongue, and then you just wrote something straight on your phone. Why? Why? I don't know, Chris. I don't know. My brain works differently than yours. Don't take the piss out of us.

It's just different. Got a different thought process. This begs the question that one day if we're talking about you know maybe buying something or having two things that we're going to buy

or maybe keep something and that I will go Rosie man listen just think about it a bird and a hand's worth two in the bush and you'll go

okay so look then and I'll go what and you'll go the bird in your hand is it not going to right sorry don't hold it in your hand it might hurt it

in my defence is it not going to poo on the floor? I thought... You bit your tongue not long ago, so I thought it was then. I bit the side of your mouth. I can't, we'll just carry on. Right, you bit when this happened. I don't know if I can.

I don't know if I can. This is like... I hate to use the analogy again. You took as long getting your make-up done as him, and this is like talking like Drax the Destroyer from Guardians of the of the galaxy who takes everything literally it'll go over your head nothing will go over my head i'm too fast i will catch it you can't get it okay we get it i love you you big silly sausage you bit your tongue when this happened a bit me tongue when this happened not literally because i didn't want a massive argument okay happen. I thought I'll let it cool down and I'll bring it up on the podcast because we can't stop.

It was just one of the maddest things that's ever happened to us in the terms of the way you go on. So the other day, I had to go to Dundee on the night and I had the morning off just to sort of get packed and get ready to go to Dundee. You'd been away, i think we'd been away in london for a couple of nights yeah because i did nottingham and then we're in london for a couple of days yeah podcast we did the photo shoot for the tv show yeah you decided on the morning um that you missed rafe and you didn't want to send rafe into nursery because you wanted to see

him um you kept rave in the house uh for a while and then you said oh I don't know whether I taped my nursery or not I don't know whether I taped it or not I do miss him a bit then he fell asleep and then you said actually I'm going to go out for a walk with my mum and I was left

to look after Rafe who you kept off nursery because you missed him but you went for a walk with your mum it was absolutely mental he was asleep it was mental

and then and then you both went oh just tape my nursery when he wakes up. Just feed him. Feed him, then take him to nursery. So I sat with my cup of tea in silence, looking at the pram, waiting for him to wake up,

thinking, she's fucking kept him off because she missed him. It just fucked off. How will I, ma'am? And I sat there trapped, going, what the hell's my life?

Don't you make it sound really horrible? No, no. It was just, it was just crazy. You just didn't go to sleep at the right time i miss him i miss that ben i hardly see him so you've got him for the day chris i i miss him also do you not miss him like you just said this morning that you missed him yeah but not on that day but not on that day yeah but not on that day i didn't miss him on that day specifically what you did that is like me going Rosie don't phone the painter

and decorator I'll do it and then you phone the painter and decorator going yeah mate we don't need you and me going yeah no bother handing you a paintbrush and fucking off out

it's not the same it's exactly the same it's not the same I'll have him bye Chris me and my mum are going for a walk feed him when he wakes up sorry I thought you

I thought you yeah I've kept him off because I miss him but I'm going out. All right, So why didn't you say anything at the time? Because it would have been

thrown back in my face. It had to be left for a moment because it would have been. Probably would have. I picked him up early from nursery anyway. Yeah, yeah.

Honestly, give us a break. Yeah. Well, this kind of coincides with my beef, but kind of not. Okay,

wonderful. This is from a while ago. So at the minute, we are, well, you're on tour, but when you are home, we end up in separate beds because kids. o'r un oedd yn ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod yst a structured, routine life where it was nine to five, we would have been able to sort something by now. But the fact that people have to stay here and look after kids and everything's all over the place, it's just one of those things.

Well, kids, they've got a mental enough life already. Yeah, they've got a crazy, weird little life. And, you know, there's people out there, you should never let your kids be weird. Well, yeah,

but, you know, we can't be bothered to go through that fucking 25 nights of madness. I used to be like that. I used to be like that. But honestly, and I'm a bit upset

with the way that I was not upset with the way I went on because that's it was very much how I lived right then but I didn't work yeah but again so I know but I had all of the you know I didn't have to get a full night's sleep to be on for work does that make sense yeah whereas now we've got work very very lazy no it's not lazy I'll tell you I'll tell you now being a full time mum it's harder than any job I've ever had in the world but even

what about care navigators customer experience I've never been a care navigator I've got to say but I just yeah I just

sleep's more important at the minute anyway but I like as well can I just say as well I like having a little cuddle with my kids in bed

because I'm away a lot and they're not going to be little tiny kids forever like I've said I said it in my stand-up once you know they're really not when they're 18 they're not gonna want to lie in bed and watch a telly with us i'll have a little cuddle you know they're gonna be like that's really weird dad you know yeah they're totally not put some pajamas on it's gonna be really sad oh yeah you know what i mean though like um so my beef is do you remember the night when

Rafe was teething really badly that could be any night but yeah yeah he's always got he's always got a fucking tooth coming in and he just drools

all the time bless him I can't wait till all his teeth come in and he's just not teething I know so Rafe was teething which results in him

waking up really really quickly and just screaming at the top of his lungs. And I've said it, like he's just been given some terrible news. Yeah. Yeah.

Horrible. Like when you see a war movie set in sort of World War II or something and you see the major going in there giving a folded flag to the wife or the mother and they just drop it on their knees and scream in grief.

That's what he's like. He literally wakes up and straight away so we had a night of that and he was really hard to settle he just wasn't settling at all and now he was just screaming

bless him I had to give him some calvabar I think it took a while to you know kick in kick in and I was just kind of walking around the room

like shushing and all this kind of stuff but he cried for a long long time and then eventually went back off to sleep the next morning when you got up you said to me at one point he was

crying and not settling and I thought that you might have died do you remember saying that yeah thought I might have died you were lying awake thinking he's not settling is she alright because usually he's settled by now

didn't come to check if I wasn't dead just yeah carried on sleeping yeah

so in my defence yeah he was screaming he was really screaming and nothing was happening and I was like has he

my thought was has he fallen off the bed and hurt himself and are you in such a deep sleep? But then I thought, you would never not hear him. I do not sleep deep anymore.

You would never not hear him cry. You would always hear him. And I did think, yeah, she somehow, yeah. I mean, I always think that people are dead

when I don't get, I always go, because I'm a disaster. Do you always go to a thing, I go to the possible worst thing. I don't answer the phone. I phone someone, no answer,

they're dead. Oh, you rang the fucking gardener the other day. That was so weird. I rang the gardener to come and check on you, yeah. The electricity went off. Yeah.

Chris thought that, like, with the electricity going off, that I would just, that we would all just drop down dead. So I rang the gardener to check that we were okay. Well, I get on very well with the gardener. Can I just tell you, I was so embarrassed by that, by the way. Well, you know. So weird. He was like, are you all right?

Chris has rang. I was like, why you alright? Chris has rang. I was like, why has he rang you? To check that the electricity's gone off? Like, that's it? Right. Well, so, this is where my brain goes, right?

My brain goes to, Rosie phones the electricity go off, and then I say, go and have a look at the switchboard, and you pulled a chair up, and then you went quiet. So in my head, you'd touched the switchboard,

you'd got an electric shock, the electricity had went through your body, killed you instantly also zapped your phone right uh and then uh rave is currently like in the other room choking on something right and robin something's happened to him as well so i need to get the gardener going like it's not fun living in this head i've been like when i've been on tv shows i've been doing tv shows during the day obviously i don't take my phone on stage if i'm doing a gig but i've been when i used to do my tv shows and stuff if i got a phone call off you when i wasn't there i would be like i would tell the whole team i would like look no matter what we're doing the rule is i have to answer the phone because i always imagine something

fucking terrible is happening it's a really strange way to live it's exhausting you ask me you ask us why i can eat whatever i want all the time you say why i can eat whatever i want i have pizzas every night curries on tour and i don't put your weight on i worry it off no like nervous energy yeah we know this we know this yeah and the peloton and that just tops that up but yeah so uh yeah but but that night in my defense i thought maybe you died and he was screaming crying because it's in the bedroom so yeah yeah but there was a part thinking well you know if she is i'll leave him a bit and if he just quiets down, then that's that, you know,

I will need that crying down kind of thing for when I'm a single dad. What? So I'd already started off by it. Yeah, if I can get him to settle himself next to her corpse,

you know, maybe I'll have... Oh, really? I'm joking, I'm joking. It's horrible. I'm joking, he was crying and then I heard him shush and I heard your footsteps

and I thought no she's not dead I mean me brain always goes to everyone's dead look any of me friends there if I ever ring you and there's no answer

I assume you've died yeah I just it's just you know you're never disappointed I'm never disappointed I'm always chuffed

I'm always buzzing I'm like oh hey you're not dead it must make you realise that you like them more yeah everyone's always not dead it's a great

great way to live and when they are dead i go knew it i'm always right you can't lose you can't lose they're really exhausting but really really fulfilling way to live you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca.

That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on Saturday, April 13th. When the Toronto rock hosts the Rochester night Hawks at first Ontario center in Hamilton at 7 30 PM. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every post-season game.

And you'll only pay as we play, come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba it is shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com keep them coming we'll love them hello Rosie and Chris I am super excited after 160 episodes

to finally have a story that connects to one featured on the podcast come on this connects to the skid mark wedding dress love it from last week

yeah debacle from 100 episode 167 yeah catch up for anyone who doesn't know it was a lady at a wedding her husband had her husband to be,

or husband who just got married to her, had a kilt on and he traditionally didn't wear any underpants, as is the way. And he sat in a wedding dress and he left a lovely little brown present on her wedding dress. I'm hoping I can provide some insight into the world of the kilt and the skid mark. This is not like a meteor shower being once in a blue

moon this is a fairly regular feature unfortunately for those in the kilt hire business what a sentence yeah what a sentence i could say hello um my name is keep me anonymous but i actually have a phd in kilts and skid marks uh from edinburgh university it's the only place to do it. So, at the tender age of 16, I took up my first job working Saturdays in a kilt hire shop. Wow. It was the perfect scenario.

I got paid to measure and dress men up all day, 80% being somewhat attractive specimens, 20% being somewhat potentially unwashed. Fantastic. Not so attractive specimens. Not a bad, either she's got really low standards or a lot of good looking people came in there must be if she fancied 80 of her customers

she's either a low standard pervert or you know you're in a you're in a good-looking part of town with all the scots oh yeah good well yeah i imagine most people rent and kilts aren't scottish but carry on oh yeah well there. Well, some bit of Scottish. Oh, one of them. Do you not know? We know. No, no, no. I am not.

My great, great, great, great, great, great, great nana's gardener was Scottish. So we're all wearing kilts. So me and all of me mates are wearing kilts at me wedding. Okay. Good for you. I think the kts i think the kilts are fucking great look i think it's incredible i think it's it's it's it's it's a masculine skirt it's phenomenal it's amazing it's wonderful um but yeah when people go for a tenuous link to do it yeah well i'm wearing a kilt at my wedding because we we met at the fringe that no

i'm not i'm sorry i'm not on board with that. Sorry and all that. But we could though, because my, well, you couldn't, I suppose, but my nana was Scottish.

Right, okay. Yeah, me nana's mum. Oh, here we go, there we go. Me great nana.

Oh, look at that, that's how people do it. It went, in the space of about six words, it went one more generation up. That's pretty close. That's close, though.

Listen. And we live quite close to Scotland, so come on. Do you know what it is, right? I can hear the bagpipes now. I've just done a shitload of gigs in Scotland, right? And I am... I fucking love Scotland.

I always tell them how fucking jealous I am. Because Scotland have got national pride that hasn't been ruined by racists. To the point of where, I was in Aberdeen the other night, and someone... I've got them downstairs. Someone said a big thank you to the person who gave us the little gift bag by the way obviously

there was iron brew in it do you know you can get iron brew in scotland and mcdonald's shut up yeah mcdonald's in scotland you get iron brew beautiful fucking incredible i got one the other night now they get these things i think they were called butteries they're downstairs and they're basically like a flat croissant i saw that apparently you gotta toast it and put toast it and put butter on right and this guy was telling us about them right it was the most scottish thing i've ever heard right he was like oh it's basically a heart attack it's a heart attack on a plate it's lovely that's what he said right and then he went little tip for you he went toasted butter it when you toasted it mate put a load of holes in it so the butter really sinks in i was like

just make it worse and then he he went, he went proper Scottish then and he looked his dead in the eye and he went, you'll knock at them south of Dundee. Fuck it. Dundee's like, we live in North,

Dundee's four hours north of us. Poor Berwick. It's just so, so, Not getting any of the, not getting any of the delights of Scotland. Berwick's in England.

Is it? Yeah. It's Scotland. It's Scotland. Berwick-upon-Tweed. It's in England. Is it? Yeah. It's Scotland. Berwick-upon-Tweed. It's in England. Is it? Yeah. Alright, okay. I thought it was Scotland. I thought it was the border.

I suppose it might be one of them things where Shrewsbury's the same way. Some people say Shrewsbury's in Wales and some people say it's not. I thought Berwick-upon-Tweed was the... That's where Scotland starts. We've probably opened a whole can of worms here. I'm so sorry because I am not the person to be asking about geography at all. Also, just as I mentioned Shrewsbury, I'm there this week, sold out probably, so don't worry.

But there's half of the crowd in Shrewsbury get really angry when you say Shrewsbury, because half of them pronounce it Shrewsbury. It's a really strange gig. Ah, Shrewsbury. A really strange gig to do. It's one of the only gigs where you can go out and say the name of the town and say it right,

what you're saying is right, and you can lose half the crowd wow because you know if you walked out in South Shields and went hello Newcastle

everyone would be like what the fuck but if you go hello Shrewsbury half of them will go it's pronounced Shrew could you go Shrewsbury

I normally say both of them I normally say both of them and then I go ahead to tell the people who say Shrewsbury are technically wrong because you know no one's ever said

that they really enjoyed that Shakespeare play Taming of the Shrew well done are technically wrong because you know no one's ever said that they really enjoy that Shakespeare play Taming of the Shrew well done was that to do with Shrewsbury the Taming of the no it's just spelled the same

you lost us so back to our friend working in the Kiltire shop Kiltire shop 80% fitties 80% not so much 80% fitties 20% not so much 20% Oh sorry 80% fitties 20% not so much No no no In her opinion

There'll be no correcting of that Daisy keep that in Alright Mr 80% and 80% Oh It's not 100% actually Keep all my things in Keep yours in

Yeah yeah no you can Stick you in Just Rosie It was just a slip of the tongue And by that I don't mean I fell over On me fucking tongue I mean It was just a slip of the tongue And by that I don't mean I fell over On me fucking tongue I mean

It was just a slip of the tongue Right listen During the summer holidays I went full time In the kill tire shop Full time Key holder That lot

Key holder Team leader Every Every role possible Tommy used to work In the kill shop You turn. He's down on his kill strip turf.

Ooh. And so I was just in the kill shop. We're far too happy this week. I don't think anyone's. There's probably only three people working in the kill shop. Yeah. Full time. Working back of house during the week.

One of the tasks on a Monday was to unpack all of the outfits that were returned from the weekend before. Oh, from the weddings. Oh, my God. This just got really good. This was character building to say the least. What a lovely way to put it. A little bit like when I worked at a certain ice cream parlor

and on a certain day when we were in a certain kiosk, on a certain sea front, when the aeroplanes were in the sky, I got blisters on me hands because I made that many flipping ice creams. Wow. Yeah. Character building, Chris.

Yeah. Blistered hands from ice cream, Megan. It's good that you can just put them straight in the freezer to cool them down. That is true, yeah. So, the plus side, this is the plus side gents generally stash their sparrings with everything they need for a night out and then generally forget to empty them before return the outfit so we amassed an amount of money that

supported a few staff gatherings during the year so they're stealing from the sparrings yeah so they're putting all the money in the sporans. Yeah, and not just small change but notes that got stuck in creases of the Sporan that didn't fall out if you shook it. There was the obligatory condom every so often.

Thankfully, it was unused. Plus lighters, hip flasks, sunglasses, generally nothing to untoward. All right then, okay. I take it back then.

I'm sorry. The downside of my summer holidays moonlighting back of house, the cleaning of the returned kil moonlighting back of house the cleaning of the returned kilts and they were steam cleaned of course they were the waft of someone

steaming off human shit from a wool kilt wafting through the back area is something I will never ever forget I'm sorry

is there a more pleasing sentence a more pleasing revolting sentence that we've had on this podcast then the read again the waft of someone so the waft of someone steaming off human shit from a wool kilt wow that's all it's almost musical and it is it's and it wasn't once in a while. I would say at least 50%, if not more, were in a not very sanitary state. Oh, bless you. On a number of occasions, a call had to be made to the customer to let them know their deposit would not be returned because they had neglected to wipe their arse.

And we now had to deal with the consequences. What a phone call that is consequences what a what a phone call that is wow what a phone call that hello sorry I'm just in a meeting

can you keep this quick yep what yep oh thanks very much yeah sorry what was that Dave

nothing nothing no no just about there nothing oh Dave you're still coming on that night out next week we'll need you £50 now cash is a bit tight at the minute was that Nothing. Oh, Dave, you're still coming on that night out next week.

We'll need your £50 now. Cash is a bit tight at the minute. Was that a phone call? Long story short, a shot I killed. Long story short, a couple of nights in this week, I think. No takeaways for me. It's going to be a slow Christmas in the Dave household. Should I wipe your arse, Dave?

You dirty bastard Tell you what What a phone call, I guess Horrible, innit Hi, sorry, I'm just driving You're on speaker Yeah, hi, yeah You're chatting, you're Sorry, I'm going to have to go

I'm going through a tunnel That is from Zoe She didn't want to be kept anonymous Zoe, originally from West Coast of Scotland Now living in the beautiful Wine region of the Barossa Valley, South Australia.

Wow. Doesn't that sound nice? And she said, in brackets, Rosie, where wine time always begins before 4pm. Oh, shit. Definitely bad. Challenge accepted. That's great, that line.

Thank you, Zoe. So, yeah, everyone, public service announcement. Didn't think we'd have to do this. Stop shitting your kilts, man. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Long-time listener, first-time emailer. The start of this one is a bit sad.

Please bear with it. Promise it's worth it. Oh, okay. So it's a bit sad, okay? Okay. A few weeks ago, my grandad died. Oh, sorry. And we were out the house a lot,

helping my grandma with things. My parents, my mum's name is Dawn, relevantly her own, decided to text the neighbour they are quite pally saying what has happened and asking if he could

deal with the post and take the bins in usual boring neighbour shite so they've messaged their neighbour saying that

her dad's died can you just look after the house while we're sorting everything out I don't want to ruin this but if this ends with the punchline

up at the crack of dawn, I'm going to be raging. It doesn't. Okay. About five minutes later, we got a reply from the neighbour being very emotional. We were all a bit shocked as we didn't think he had ever actually met my grandad. Okay. We brushed

it off and got on with the evening. About 15 minutes later, he turns up at the door looking pretty distraught. I answered it and called my dad. He came back about 10 minutes later, and it transpired that my dad had intended to text my neighbour saying, Dawn's dad passed away. But he actually texted the neighbour saying,

Dawn's died, passed away. What? Dawn's died, passed away Dawn's died, passed away Like the double, like another Like just Definitely Dawn's died, brackets passed away Not had a bad gig

Somewhere doing stand up Like Dawn's died. Just to really, really hammer this home, passed away. Passed away. Dawn's died. Passed away. Perished.

Life has ended. Finito. In the ground. Gone. Deep. Deed. Is no more. Fucking hell.

Oh, bless the neighbour understandably the neighbour was quite upset and surprised by my mother's untimely demise obviously the hilarity ensued made better by the fact my dad gaslit the neighbour and said that he read the message wrong when it actually was his lazy proofreading

in the 15 minutes the neighbors thought my mum was dead she had called the other neighbors and they were arranging sympathy cards getting dished out to send to my newly widowed father wow to make it better mum was doing the dishes in the kitchen the whole time so all the neighbors could have actually spotted her alive and well if they had just looked out the window he honestly i honestly, I can't believe it. I could have sworn I saw her tonight. She's still there. I saw her washing the dishes. E.

All in all, a sad night which ended in possibly the most I've laughed in my life. Mum was buzzing how upset the neighbours were. Oh, that is your... Rosie, that's exactly the kind of thing you would do. You'd be like, E, honestly. E, did you see how upset they were ears and that lovely a card roundup for little me do you know well do

you know you genuinely said like what a common what you did the other day you said something and i laughed at you and you left back and you looked at me dead serious and went e you'd be gutted if i died i've said that a lot yeah i wrote it in my phone yeah i think it would yeah it's but there you go as funny as this is there's that moment there's that really weird moment where I've said that loads. Yeah, I wrote it in my phone. You would? I think you would. Yeah. But there you go, as funny as this is, there's that moment, there's that really weird moment where you've got to go,

I'm so, the neighbour's going, I'm so sorry for your loss, it's terrible. And you go, what? Oh God, yeah,

yeah, he got you, how did she die? Who? How did Dawn die? Dawn? Oh no, Dawn's not dead.

Oh right, Dawn's not dead. No, no, it's just the granddad's dead. Oh, fuck, fuck.

Oh, sorry. Yeah yeah sorry about that it's life it's just finished it off saying obviously the man was buzzing and she got out of getting up to get more wine from the fridge that night as she reminded my dad that she was actually recently deceased oh i dined out on that for a while. I love it. Oh, very good. Very good. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Listening to episode 160 regarding the dunking of the dick into a Crunch Corner yoghurt.

There we go. Prompted me to write in. Again, lovely to hear them back like that. Great. What? It's just always lovely to hear them back. I'm even in regarding this. Yeah, because we say it at the time and don't really think much of it.

But then when somebody reminds us of what we said, I go, oh, we talked about someone dunking their penis in yogurt. But again, we're the victims here. We're not making these up and giving them, going, aren't these great? We're going, aren't these disgusting? Let's all point forward.

It's not my dick. I didn't dunk my dick in anything. And you shouldn't have to. No. You shouldn't have to. And when you do, you can keep it a secret. I won't tell anyone. Thank you so much. There shouldn't have to. And when you do, you can keep it a secret. I won't tell anyone. Thank you so much.

There you go. Right. To set the scene. A few years ago, me and my girlfriend were still living at my parents' house, along with my younger teenage brother, who at the time either had no boundaries or was one of the most innocent 17-year-olds around. Okay.

He would often walk up to our room when we were mid-sex, try and walk in, and then act completely oblivious while we were all flustered, pretending we were just playing WWE on the bed. Wow. Innocent or a perv? Mid-sex is hilarious.

It's a great set. We were mid-sex. Excuse me, I think you'll find I'm mid-sex. Hi, can I call you back? I'm mid-sex. Yeah, no problem. Mid-sex. That's quite nice, isn't it?

Hi, it's Dave. If you're ringing about the shat kilt just don't it's been resolved please don't leave a message but I will ring you back because I'm probably mid-sex at the moment

well there is a mid-sex because there is a beginning the middle and then there is the end there is a conclusion to sex usually I just find mid-sex

is just very very funny I get it get it not to be confused with the place middle-sex oh sorry oh I bet they get that all the time.

Hi, I'm in Middlesex. Hi, I'm in Middlesex. You're in Middlesex? What are you doing down there? No, no, I'm busy. Fucking, I'll ring you back. Okay. Could have just let it ring out.

I don't like the... I'm polite. I don't want to miss anything. God. Okay, so. We started to lock the door, although this in itself seemed suspicious. However, we would still try and open it and then proceed to... He would still try and open it and then proceed to knock

and wait until one of us would answer. Jesus, tell him to fuck off. Oh, I get it, though. Like, you know... No, he's 17. Oh, sorry, I thought he was 13. No, 17. That. Oh, sorry. I thought he was 13. No. Okay, yeah.

17. If my 17-year-old brother was trying to get into my locked bedroom door, he'd get a shoe through off him. Right, yeah. Fair enough. Do you know what I mean though? Yeah. 17 is, yeah.

17? Yeah. Kevin! Mum! Mum! Will you tell him he's keeping that man at my door? And I'm lit! Kevin, stop knocking when you know she's mid-sex.

Pre-sex or post-sex, not mid-sex. I'll tell you what pre and post means. Come on, I'll explain. That is genuinely how I used to shout at my mum. I can imagine. Awful. Fish wife. Disgusting.

I got a fright. Apologies to everyone out here. That brings back so many memories of being young and shouting at your mum when you were telling off your brother and sister. Wow. Wouldn't know. So you've never ever shouted at your mum and dad like that?

Angry and wanting someone else to get it wrong? Have you not? No. Why would I? I didn't have anyone to tell off. Oh, that's... Never done it. Wow.

That's how... Genuinely, that's how I used to shout. Look forward to hearing it from our boys. Dad! Mummy's back! Yeah? Yeah. Gosh, memories.

Anyway. One occasion, we were feeling particularly adventurous after a few drinks and thought we would do some food play. Oh, fucking stop it. I'm sorry. Stop.

I think it's because I don't like mess. Yeah, you would hate food. Are you hungry or are you horny? I just don't feel like you can be both. I don't feel like you can be both. Now, I do love food and I do, you know, occasionally enjoy a little bit of sex. Oh, there's the doorbell. There's the sex bell.

Speaking of sex. There's the sex bell. Here's me sex for the day. Do you want to go get it? I won't get it. Yeah, go get the doorbell speaking of sex there's the sex yeah it's me sex for the day do you want to go get it yeah go get the door tell them that we're mid-sex just a delivery driver knocking while one mid-pod mid-pod oh that's even worse than mid-sex so they're wanting to do a bit of food play. Horrible. We were already up in our room for the night and we were too lazy to pop downstairs to get the conventional items

such as strawberries and chocolate, you know, the nice stuff that you do associate with it. Oh, what are they? Youse fucking leftover pizza or something. We decided to work with what we had in the bedroom already. In this instance, it was Doritos and the nacho cheese Dorito drink. Oh, fuck off.

Oh, God. Oh, Doritos. What, that notoriously leave a fucking orange stain on you? Yeah. Oh, my God. We were walking the next morning to my brother,

casually walking into our room, where he spotted the crisps and dip on the side table. Oh, no. he immediately picked them up and started shoveling heaped nacho cheese doritos into his mouth as we looked across in horror in an impossible situation we couldn't tell him to stop eating the crisps as there would be no reasonable justification as to why he shouldn't however filthy hor we were fully aware, that the cheesy dip, he was happily tucking into,

was just used to dip my dick in, only a few hours beforehand, when I was getting a very cheesy blowjob. That, that, what, God. Honestly.

There's a worse, there's a worse flavour in the world. Chris, you know what he's just mentioned there? Two of my least favourite things in the world. Cheese and dicks. Cheese and blowjobs? A cheesy blowjob? Are you?

I can't get my head around why you would use them things. One, who's using cheese dip with already cheese flavoured Doritos? And which cheese do you want? It's a lot of cheese. What in the name of God are you doing? Two, cheese Doritos, although I love cheese Doritos, tangyoured Doritos. How much cheese do you want? It's a lot of cheese. What in the name of God are you doing? Right?

Two, cheese Doritos, although I love cheese Doritos, tangy cheese Doritos, fucking one of my favourite flavours of crisp, they leave an orange stain on you, and let's be honest, they smell like fucking feet.

Yeah, I have the chilli heatwave every day of the week. Chilli heatwave is amazing. I love them both. Yeah. But seriously, so your double cheese,

you know what the worst thing in the world is? A cheesy knob. A dirty knob that hasn't been washed that smells cheesy. That smells like cheese. Let's... They're dipping it in the cheese. That is madness. Awful.

What a... That... Oh, God! Cheese, bloody... Not enough. Honestly, that's what... I don't want to be too crude here, but that's one step. What do they do the next night?

How you load a fucking mackerel up, Fanny? Your turn now. I do quite like mackerel, though. Here's a question. Right, because I'm obviously... Because listeners probably know that I really don't like cheese. So that would...

That's... I'd probably die, right? That's something worth putting cheese all over your feet listeners probably know that I really don't like cheese. So that would, that's, that's, I'd probably die, right? That's something worth putting cheese all over your feet and letting someone lick cheese off your feet. Horrible.

Horrendous. Would I do it if it was salsa? I wouldn't let you put salsa on your dick. Oh. What are you trying to do with this? It's nice and salsa.

Listen, stop being selfish. Let's not just talk about your dick. Oh, sorry. Is salsa a bit more acceptable? Is it a salmistic stop

right stop it no one message him I'm sick of this stop honestly Chris if we the day

honestly the day we might meet him I know right that's right babadoo babadoo ba babadoo babadoo babadoo ba hi Chris and Rosie.

Following your discussion about ics in last week's episode... Yes. Do you know how to explain ics to me, Mum? Mm, yeah. That was a hard conversation. I can fully support Chris that ics are real, although I do feel slightly bad that I agree. Mm-hmm.

I came across one on the train the other day. Okay. A guy joined his friends on the train and said the following words, quite loud, should I agree. I came across one on the train the other day. Okay. A guy joined his friends on the train and said the following words quite loud, should I add. Oi, oi, oi!

Yes! Oh! Can one of you boys move seats so I can face forward as I get travel sick? That's great. What's so lovely is...

So the ick was, I think it was the gear shift change from annoying lad behaviour to publicly declaring how delicate his stomach is. I was just about to say that. So good. It's the juxtaposition between the beginning of that greeting and the end of it.

Oi, oi, lads on tour, who's up for a fucking mad one? Can I face forward? Because I do get motion sickness and can no one eat any nuts on the table because I'm allergic thank you so much

for listening to this week's episode of Snag, Marriage and Annoyed which is part of the ACAS creator network sorry everyone that was Shag, Married

and Annoyed just in case you didn't know that that's what you've been listening to it's Shagged, Married and Annoyed watch the beer podcast

comes out called Snag, Marriage and Annoyed good luck with way a podcast comes out called Shagged Married Shmash Shmash Annoyed. Ah, good luck with them. Guys, thank you so much for listening. As always, if you want to get in touch, shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. They were a little weird.

God, they were weird. Oh, no one's got time for that bullshit. It's one fucking click. No, subscribe. That's all they need to do is subscribe. Subscribe as well. Don't bother about leaving a comment or anything like that.

We know you're busy. Don't worry. We don't need... Why do you need... We don't read the comments. I don't read about leaving a comment. We know you're busy. Don't worry. We don't need... Why do you need... We don't read the comments. I don't read the comments anymore because one in every bloody 50 says that I'm a dickhead

and I'm alright for knowing that I'm a dickhead. And I've told you, I'll stop writing that. No, no, it is. Now and then. She's a dickhead. Take her kids off her.

All she does is she's fat and she just dances around in the kitchen. And all. Like, I don't need you to tell us so again I will delete all of my accounts that keep writing that just stop pissing us off in the house and I'll stop doing it

so there you go goodnight, good week and cheesy blowjobs to all bye rock city you're the best fans in the league Bye guys. Love you. Bye. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30 p.m.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com