Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 163. Good Friday plonkcast

Episode Date: April 15, 2022

Happy Good Friday! It's a plonkcast, Rosie's got pre-beef, Chris remembers a story that's been on his mind, Barry has a word and one listener wants relationship advice.  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother

mother of what is the most terrifying 666 is the mark of the devil movie of the year it's not real it's not real who said that

the first omen in theaters Friday gets it gets now hello you're listening to Shag Maroninoid with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband Christopher Christopher Ramsey.

Let's raise a glass. Let's raise a glass. If you are loud in all the right ways. What? I think that's the word. If you're loud in all the right ways. So raise a glass if you are. Was it a song?

Yeah. What were you trying to do there? Wrong in all the right ways. Wrong or loud. It sounds like it would be wrong. I don't know what song this is it's pink but just off my head

off the top of my head yeah wrong and all wrong and all the right ways sounds like something she would say it's quite a clever little play on words wrong and all right okay

anyway or is it loud or wrong I don't know I don't know why fuck me I'm sorry skip to the end

we are doing a plonk cast there it is cheers cheers everyone have a drink a little plonk cast there it is cheers cheers everyone have a drink little plonk cast here we are plonky plonky

plonk plonk 25 past 3 Tuesday afternoon yes it is currently 25 past 3 Tuesday afternoon but as you listen to this it'll be good Friday

but hey happy good here's wishing you a great Friday happy good Friday do you remember going out on good Friday holy shit

all day session wasn't it rough good friday holy shit all day session wasn't it rough as a bad day session i remember uh a visa rest in peace in south shields fantastic club in south shields yeah it's now a restaurant called mambo's or look look still just a lovely place lovely place all i'm saying is i miss a visa am i too old to go now absolutely yeah uh time machine wise i'd jump into it but if they changed it back from mambo's to a visa i'd be disappointed because mambo's is a very nice restaurant. It is very nice. Anyway,

that used to open all day on Good Friday. All day. From 10 o'clock in the morning it was fucking bumping and you could go in. It was crazy. I do remember that,

but I also, I remember further back because we grew up in a seaside town and there's a fairground in South Shields, Ocean Beach Pleasure Park. Oi, oi.

Pleasure Park. Steady on, love. It's genuine what it's called. Oi, oi. Pleasure Park. Steady on, love. It's genuinely what it's called. Full park of it. All the pleasure. Got to pay for the parking, unfortunately. You do have to pay for the parking. So, I remember,

Easter weekend, I wasn't allowed to go to the fair. Why? My mum wouldn't let me. She wouldn't let you go on Easter weekend? It was always fights. Oh, yeah, it was college. Good Friday,

I was talking to my mate, I was talking to Stevie Bone. We were sat outside the fair with our kids. Yeah. And I was like, how different is this? Well, it's nice now, it's civilised. No, but just the fact that we were sat there with our kids, having hot chocolates and all that kind of stuff outside the fair. And I was like, do you remember Good Friday?

I was like, I wasn't allowed to go. And he was like, oh. And his memory was, him and his brother Billy got 20 quid in a new tracksuit and they go down the front. 20 quid in a new tracksuit. And I was like, happy fucking Easter! 20 quid in a new tracksuit.

He's got poppers, ripped them off. Capas la huerman. Can you remember the joy when you realised that someone came out to play in the street who had the poppers that went all the way up? So if you had the Adidas you realised that someone came out to play in the street who had the pop-ass that went all the way up?

So if you had the Adidas ones that just went sort of up to sort of the top of the thigh, it was like, well, hey! But then you're like walking around with like big massive flares on. But sometimes some lunatic, some dreamer, some renegade would come out with like Nike USA ones on that popped all the way up the side. You'd rip them off like you're Chippendales. It was incredible. You'd spend your whole day chasing them around

it was non-stop fun a lot of non-uniform days at school yeah were consistent just pop my pants yeah

just popping everyone's pop my pants rip although they are coming back the Kangol hat remember the hats the bucket hats they're all back

the Kevin and Perry hats they are back I feel like our childhood fashion is just coming back fashion just comes around in circles it's all it does personally waiting for a night suit of suit of armor to come back looking forward to that you asked if we could get a suit of armor for the hallway the other day i thought it'd be really cool was that a piss take uh no it's half a piss

take it was one of them things where i'm gonna say this now i'm gonna ask if we can get a suit of armor to stand in the hall um and then if she says like oh that'll be great i'll be like yeah i'm really good at interior design and then if if you said no, I'll be like, well, I'm obviously joking. But I mean, the main reason I wanted it was so I could hide in it. Right. I don't think you actually can. I don't think you can buy them. Of course you can.

Can you? Yeah. I don't want one anymore. Don't you challenge me to that. I'll have one delivered tomorrow. Do you know what I do want to get? I remember my friend Ozine when I was growing up. She lived in a big house.

And I used to love going there. It was just class. Like just, you know, how the other half live okay can you tell them all the main reason you like to go what because you went down the basement and they had loads of suites because they went to costco well yeah creative pop and her uncle um owned a takeaway yeah so they used to get pizza and kebabs on friday night and they'd all sit and i'd be like guys can i just sorry can i just categorically state it was nothing to do with interiors or how nice the house was or that there was more space or that it was big and grand it was all to do with the fact that they shopped at costco and macro and they had loads and loads of sweets on tap yeah and every weekend our uncle would send them some pizzas and

stuff from the table all food related carry on absolutely class carry on and and obviously she was my best friend and you know i enjoyed spending time with her class and her family very strange that you chose her to be your best friend just so you I can just see you walking around school

on the first day with a clipboard alright hi I'm Rosie just currently currently filling some applications for best friends just what do your

parents do okay working the shop do they get a discount in that shop no okay look it's been lovely chatting to you well I've got to say

hi I'm Rosie where do your parents work pet shop oh god no no no not a fan not a fan you alright

where do you oh where did the shop okay good uncle owns a kabat hi can we be friends when I first met her

her dad her mum and dad owned a takeaway on Fowler Street. Do you remember TMOs back in the day? TMOs, big shout out. But it wasn't TMOs.

I can't remember what it was called. They owned that and they lived above it for a long time before they moved and I used to go around after school and I'd be like,

fuck me, your house smells like pizza. Like what? Like all the time. It was absolutely mouth-watering. You'd walk up the stairs to the apartment

which was massive upstairs mam rosie's licking the walls again i just wanted to live rosie's sucking the curtains mam tell her honestly you're greedy you're greedy little twat yeah rosie's walking around with an open tub and we're trying to capture the smell so we can take it home and bop it in our bed. Mum! Rosie's bottling wet air again! It was class.

It was just, it was dead exciting. Like, obviously to her. It was a kid, different. Well then, but then,

here's another story. So then our mum and dad, years later, bought the restaurant over the road. Yes. And we used to go, she used to get the keys, man. We're only like 11, right? And then she used to get the keys and would go when it was shut

and they'd have massive tubs of ice cream and would go and would use the karaoke machine, would sing loads of songs and would just eat ice cream in this restaurant. Straight from the tub? Yeah. Well, no, we'd put it in a bowl. Well, no, we'd put it in a bowl. Food, no. We'd put it in a bowl.

Food hygiene are going to be all... Stop. Stop the podcast right there. Lads. Lads, just do it again. We've got to. Come on in, lads. Come on in.

We've got to. Take the stars off them. It was a lush restaurant. Yeah. Of course. Another one you mean. Yeah, you go upstairs. It was lovely.

Yeah. What was it called? Doesn't matter. No one cares. No, I do. Well, yeah what was it called doesn't matter no one cares no I do well yeah we're having no time no time

anyway top of our last treat there we go big shout out it turned into Casa Rosa but it wasn't called that before that it was lovely

had noodles all over the wall no one still cares asking mum knows anyway great I'm not phoning any of your family to ask no

this wine's gone to my head already listen guys it is episode 163 thank you so much for coming back. Please do continue to like, rate, and subscribe and all that bullshit that people say. But mainly just thanks for coming back. Settle in.

Again, hope you're having not a good Friday, a bloody great Friday. Brilliant Friday. Happy Easter. The best Friday. Happy Easter, bitches. Happy Easter and all that crap.

And yeah, without any further ado, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Yeah. This week's sponsor is yeah beginning to record a video on your phone

in portrait then swapping it to landscape while it's still filming as if it's gonna swap it round but it doesn't swap it round does it I just have to sit and watch it tilt me head from side to side

like a fucking confused dog so is this because stop doing it my mum's just sent my mum's got the kids so many people have done it recently I'm sick of it sent me a video

because they're on the train we talk about South Shield so much love South Shield they're on the train at the Marine Park and my mum's videoing them and she's turned the phone

all over the place got motion sickness starts in portrait turns it sideways and you've just got to sit sort of half the side but if you fully turn it but if you fully turn your phone

it then then flips it oh god grown ups don't know honestly that that's a thing yeah so there'll be people listening to this now of an older generation yeah who who don't know now they know but they'll still do it that's the thing you know it is a full-on it is a massive skill like genuinely when uh obviously i can talk about now because taskmaster was announced yeah it

starts this week it would be on been on last night, actually. Holy shit. As it goes, yeah. Very exciting. Probably the most fun I've ever had on a TV show. It's the only TV show you've ever enjoyed. Yeah. I mean, well, I enjoyed Strictly,

but it was massively difficult. Don't lie. Taskmaster, don't lie. Don't lie to our fans. God, there was parts of Strictly I absolutely hated. I was in agony. It was so frustrating.

I was taught about it on me too. I like turning up to the dance room on a monday and karen shown as a video of her and our incredible professional dancer friends going that's the dance we're doing this week and me going not a fucking chance you enjoy i think you enjoyed the saturday night and the doing the show yeah that was everything else yeah but literally looking at it and going not a chance a bit to do that and then spending all day monday trying to do it can't do it all day tuesday still can't do it. Wednesday, a little bit better. Mad. Head fuck.

Taskmaster, just fun. Just a fuck about. So good. I can't wait for you to see it Rose. I'm so excited to watch it. But at one point we went to this place, like it was like an old reenactment place somewhere down in the south. What do you mean? It's like, all I'm saying is you can tell when someone who is really

skilled in sort of videography or photography takes a photo or a video on a phone it really does make a difference so me and alex horn and the director andy were standing and there was this massive tree it's on my instagram right just scroll back you'll be able to see it's a photo of me in front of a tree nobody's gonna i handed the phone alex horn and i went take a photo in front of this tree and he went and he literally handed the phone straight and he went i think we'll hand it to the professional director and not me. And I thought, oh, all right, a bit weird.

And then he took it and I was like, holy fucking shit. Did he get the full train? He got the full train. He's lying on the floor. He got some sun coming over the top. It's a great picture. But that's the thing. So someone like that would look at a video from your mum,

he'd probably be sick everywhere. Yeah. But amazing. So yeah, Taskmaster starts this week. It's sort of on the back end of that. So just putting the subjects together. It's my radio background that I don't have. Should we do a segue?

Or segue, as it's spelled. Fucking jingle, yeah. Are we having... This is the introduction? Yeah. I'm not married to it. I'm not married to it. Fuck it.

Tink, tink. Cheers. You're getting through this faster than me. I'm necking this like... We can't be drunk. It's dangerous. We'll have a question for the public. Weink tink. Cheers. You're getting through this faster than me. I'm necking this like. We can't be drunk. It's dangerous. We'll have a question for the public we read out last. Honestly, you're getting fucking both Ramsey barrels down you

because I'll be fucking steaming by then. I'll fight you. I'll fight yous all. Line up. Get in. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle.

Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Marinoid. Good Friday. Good Friday. Great Friday. Brilliant Friday. Brackets, red wine makes me feel fine. It does, it really does. Makes makes us feel fine what's been going on what has been going on

it's Easter this weekend yeah good you just said to me before we started you were like I haven't got much to talk about but I've got some stuff

wrote down of what's happened that we can talk about oh gosh what's happened well I had a beef but I'm gonna I'm just gonna do it now because I think

you're not gonna save it for the beef section I've got other ones really so I'm gonna get pre-beefed that's good i've pre-beefed you in the past no it's not even it's just i'm i just want to chat about this and then it'll lead on the next thing oh god do you know what i mean okay so we got uh we stayed in south shields at the weekend empty mums yes because she was away so we had a little night there which was

lovely we got a chinese because um i've just we haven't had one since we've moved away for so long um takeaway took absolutely forever one hour and 45 minutes it took i was past myself raging past myself but it was still delicious we're not going to give you a shout out because your uh your delivery service was atrocious yeah so you're not getting shouted out so yeah that's you dealt with yeah random chinese place yeah chinese takeaway place in in shields yeah um me beef was actually but i think i've done it before this is why i'm just very Oh yeah, that's you dealt with. Yeah. Random Chinese place. Yeah. Chinese takeaway place in Shields. Yeah. Me beef was actually, but I think I've done it before.

This is why I'm just very quickly. Cold. My beef was cold. It's been living now on 45 minutes. Well done. Thank you. Well done. Quick.

You always, whenever we get a takeaway, you're like, get the knives and forks out. Get them ready. Get the plates ready. Yeah. Like it's going to take us three hours because you don't have to see it until it comes and then I'll go to the kitchen, you know,

a couple of seconds before you and get it out then. Right. So stop telling us to get them out early. Anyway. Okay, I'll do that. I phoned you once to ask you this. Remember,

I was on my way back picking one up from Ocean Road and I phoned you and I was like, get the plates and the cutlery ready and you just put the phone down on us. Yeah. I didn't do that

when I hear you come through the door. So shut your face. No, you'll probably not remember this put the phone down on us. Yeah. I do that when I hear you come through the door. So shut your face. No, you'll probably not remember this, but I found it really funny. Okay. You mentioned that it was a kid that came to the door. A child delivered it, yeah. To get the money.

A child. Yeah, they're trying to play on me heartstrings by getting a child to deliver it, so I'll give them a tip. You didn't give a tip and you said the child. Not one fucking penny. The child looked back really sad

he looked good aye yeah and I just thought I just wanted to mention that and yeah because I was I found it really funny that they've

done the delivery late they probably went and picked that kid up they probably got that kid out of bed it was half past nine they've gone right

you're going to have to get out you're going to have to get Scott out of bed because we've got a late delivery we forgot about it you're gonna have to get Scott out of bed because we've got a late delivery we forgot about it we've rushed it through get him out of bed right

wet your eyes wet your eyes in the sink get in this car now doesn't matter if you've got your pajamas on put your jacket on doesn't matter and they've got him

to drop it off so that he'll feel bad but you didn't succumb to it did you oh no I stood I'll be honest with you right

I stood there for a painful amount of time while he got me changed out of a little bag oh no a painful amount of time while he got me changed out of a little bag a painful amount of time waiting for that 60 pence did he count it out oh yeah yeah

20 pences 320 pences yeah yeah you can't I'm not being funny you can't be leaving a tip if it's an hour and 45 an hour and 45

and it's no chance I got a ring three times I'm sorry like you know what it is if I could have if somehow I could have give that kid money and went

that's just your money you keep that but I feel like at that time of night a child at my front door giving them money and going that's just yours

that's our little secret I feel like that would have been a little bit weird so I feel like I couldn't I just yeah it was painful but I thought I'm all for tipping

you know if I get a couple of drinks at his I will I'm ridiculous at tipping I get carried away I think it's you know because I used to work I've worked at tipping. I get carried away. I think it's, you know, because I used to work,

I've worked all kinds of service jobs and I fucking... I think it's nice. If you've had good service, I think it's nice. Oh, God. I've wrote, I taught about in the book

that time when they're fucking, that time when all these lads, I think I sent all the lads in a box at Sunderland, gave us five quid each and I counted it up and I was just like buzzing the whole day because it was like,

oh, it was nearly 50 quid, I think I ended up getting. Wow. It was amazing. Nice. Crazy. So, yeah. But, yeah, I did feel bad afterwards because he was just a child and it wasn't his fault it was probably the kitchen's fault but you know child or not you're the face of that company

child or not how old were they because i didn't see couldn't have been older than 11 but you know what he learned he learned a valuable lesson that cold night you know as he shiver valuable lesson that cold night you know as he shivered as he was his little hands were shivering as he took his 20 pence out of that bag

and I just thought yeah punctuality son punctuality never be late again you'll never be late again yeah you know what

he's probably been stood at the blooming chain dad man away people are waiting you're not going to make us feel bad about this I don't I don't feel bad Dad, man, I'm waiting. People are waiting. You're not going to make us feel bad about this. I don't. No, I don't feel bad.

No, I wouldn't. I mean, you know, I'm a bit annoyed that they sent the kid. They've done that deliberately. They knew what they were doing, man. They knew what they were doing. They know what they're doing. Well done, you.

Because I'd have probably succumbed, I'm not going to lie. Yeah, nah, no chance. No chance. Something interesting happened the other day That we feel like You should all know Oh do we

Have we discussed this Oh no sorry Well you know You'll know in a minute When I say it Because we have discussed it I just feel like we should But we haven't discussed it

With everybody else I feel like I should know What you're about to say So I'm not blindsided That's not how this works What Every week is us being Blindsided by each other

That's the whole point There is no It's unprofessional There's no Everyone knows this We don't talk about What we're going to talk about Before we do the podcast Every week is us being blindsided by each other. That's the whole point. It's unprofessional. There's no... Everyone knows this. We don't talk about what we're going to talk about before we do the podcast. Do people know that?

Yeah. I think we do. You guys know that. Can you imagine we don't have time to script this shit? No, none of it is. Sometimes it's a fluke. If something sort of links in together. I don't know.

Maybe. Other ones might be. Well, anyway. Ours is not. Well, God. You can probably tell because you wouldn't fucking waste time writing this drivel how are you what are you gonna say so we had um one of robin's little friends over the other day to play ah yes yes and it was in that

moment that he was here a lovely little kid and we were just ourselves to be honest with you and when i saw the kid's face i thought he was appalled we're really weird as a family yeah yeah so we see our child in in situations with like christmas parties or whatever or birthday parties and he's the only one running around shouting his head off and we just think god man what's the matter with him and then why is he so loud and an extrovert and then when i saw that child's face as robin literally went i think it's some robin it was the song robin went money money money money money which is what i so when we're playing luigi's mansion three yeah you hoover up money out of things you find money and you hoover it up so like a year ago two years ago when we started

playing and we go money money money money money and he there's 10 pence or something on the table a pound on the table and robin went money money, money, money, money, money. And then I did it, and then you did it, and then all three were doing it. And this poor fucking kid's just sitting there eating a nice lolly, looking at us, thinking, what is this family?

And I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'd have loved it, personally. If I'd have gone to my friend's house when I was a kid, and the family were singing, I'd have been like,

adopt me. Yeah. Please, adopt me now please unless they didn't own some kind of takeaway in which case he would have just made you excuses and left

yeah possibly I love your singing and everything great it's really gone really gone well on your form

it's really a big tick in that box do you buy your popper by the bottle or the slab it is it was a slab of Pepsi

it's by the bottle I'm not bothered I'd say Matt get me mum and pick us up and she had cable she had Nickelodeon cable I remember cable

everything cable and the internet she had the internet before me she had the internet before you they were well off Chris basically they were quite well off

didn't you see her mum had little tellies in the back of the seats well what did I say it's so embarrassing because I don't I don't think Ozzy listens but she might find out

through the grape line when we went to the to the what the grape line that is is that what the old internet was called

the grape line we've got cable we've got cable and we've got the grape line the what internet grape line the grape vine

yeah I went to get a new car recently and they said what kind of car do you want I went I want the same as Mrs. King. Yeah.

So I don't know if I've talked about this on the podcast, but we were looking at, without being disgusting and talking about how expensive things are, we were looking at new cars and we all know a new car is more expensive than a secondhand car.

And you were looking at the new car and you weren't completely sold on the new car. And as we were leaving the forecourt, there was a three year old second hand car and you went that's the one I want because it was the same as Arsene's man I was fucking buzzing

the people in the shop couldn't believe what was happening it was a third of the price of the one I was best day of my life I just remember being a kid and being picked up in Carol's car and thinking this is the life. This is what I want.

This is what I want. And now, you know. This is all this fuck. I couldn't believe my life. You know, we're doing all right. Wonderful. I've worked hard and I could afford it and I was buzzing and I said, I want Mrs. King. He's got me very much.

Listen to me right now, right? Yes. I'm telling you now, reality check coming at you. Everyone bear witness to this, right? You might have the podcast, right? I'm getting you now reality check coming at you everyone bear witness to this right you might have the podcast right I'm getting adverts and stuff

and sponsors on the podcast got the TV show and the tours but if you ever think we're buying pop by the slab you've got another thing coming because that

is fucking thrown money away that is that's craziness who's buying cans of coke by the slab well we haven't been to Costco for a while danger

you don't need that much you don't need that much mayonnaise. I know. Mate. I do not need four bottles of mayonnaise sellotaped together. Thank you very much. But you do need three giant bottles of lean pears. It's so crazy.

No, listen. You need 20 chicken breasts. Yeah. Would you? Excuse me. Do you sell Oxo cubes? Yeah. By the bucket.

Do you remember when we got our Costco cards? Fucking crazy. I think we went three times in one week. Absolutely crazy. Buying all kinds. It was ridiculous. We haven't been for ages. Because I just want...

Oh, hang on. What are you going for, ma'am? A cucumber. You can only buy nine. I don't want nine cucumbers. I just need one cucumber. I don't even like them that much. Nine cucumbers?

That's a bloody... that's an orgy why you gotta make it sexy why are you saying cucumbers then what because cucumbers cucumbers are sexy as hell how dare you oh god

nine of them as well be it you're horrible it's alright the lubes buy the fucking drum you can't buy can you buy a lube by the lubes buy the fucking drum you can't buy can you buy a lube

at Costco buy the drum yeah what oil drums come in yeah yeah honestly you don't even

have to get it out you just dip your arse in just sit over the edge dip your arse in and then all nine cucumbers

you'll probably be able to get massive tubs of vaseline yeah I imagine so yeah or four sellotaped together

like a super soaker another vivid Costco memory I've got or four sellotaped together like a super soaker another vivid Costco memory I've got vivid Costco memory he throws he throws his vivid Costco memory

do you remember when I'm a bit pissed to be honest with you I know me too do you remember we didn't have our Costco card yet right

but Angela's mum's got one the dark days no the dark days the dark days before the Costco Angela's mum's got one yeah and do you the top before the Costco Angela's mum's got one

yeah and do you remember when she'd been to Costco and I think you said can you get us some Liadama oh my god the cheese

the cheese no I didn't even say can you get us some Liadama that was the weirdest bit so why did she post like the biggest packet

what happened what was that story I don't know why you're getting this so wrong right i'm sorry i'm glad to randomly i don't know why but randomly your friend angela went to costco or mac or something one day and we came back to the one story glory the bungalow rest in peace when i used to live in the one story glory um and because it didn't fit through the letterbox there was literally a fucking palette of cheese slices on the doorstep.

It was Leodama cheese. And it was, I think there was about 50 slices in one pack. Why did she give it? You must have said that you liked it or something. I don't fucking know. I like it that much. Christ alive. I could have built a fucking fort with it.

Still got some. But that was the minute when I went, what is this place? Yeah, yeah. Why haven't we got a card? I remember my mate and his mum and dad went to Macro back in the day see I've never

been to Macro well all I know about it or remember was I think it's apparently the same thing but all it was was fucking drums literally drums

of Haribo yeah yeah yeah couldn't believe it well that's what I seen his mum and dad couldn't believe it you go in the kitchen right in the larder

bit because obviously they have that lovely bloody kitchen really nice and there was like you know in the shops and you bit because obviously i had a lovely lovely bloody kitchen really nice and there was like you know in the shops how that and you'd be like can i have a quarter of bonbons yeah she had all the big tubs of it jesus so i mean my teeth were rotten wow after i'd been there you really looked out with your best friend at school there didn't you wow you know my best

mate and we're genuinely my best mate in common you know my best mate from school? And we genuinely had a lot in common. You know my best mate from school? Yeah. In prison now. No. Is he actually? No, I'm joking. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Right. Literally just there as the babadoo bar happened and I paused it. I've basically been meaning to tell you something for months now. Oh, I love this.

Right, okay. Carl Hutchinson told me this on one of the first days of the tour. There he is. Name drop. There he is. On one of the first days of the carl hutchinson told me this on one of the first days there he is right there he is on one of the first days the two are carl hutchinson told me this he's on his own tour now by the way have a look on his website and i keep trying to remember and i've been i almost said to you rosie can you remind us to tell you this right but then i couldn't there was no way of me giving you a because you would go remind i had about i would have to give some of the information away because it's such a simplistic, weird little thing.

And you know I would not remember that. Do you know I've got to set reminders in my phone to email people back? Brilliant. I've got a problem. Just flag your emails as unread. When Carl's mate was at uni, he was at Liverpool Uni.

Yeah. He worked in a bar. And he said he had a very small interaction with possibly the worst person he's ever met in his entire life. Okay. It was a a man i'm just repeating what the man said here right i'm not bearing i'm not putting opinion on this in any way i'm not uh you know i'm just repeating what he said just in case anyone gets upset i don't think the world has said worse things on the podcast but just it's out there anyway i'm scared so he's like it's not that bad

i'm just you know right he was working at the bar come on and uh it's not that bad. I'm just, you know, he's at the bar, right? He was working at the bar. Come on. And it's not a nightclub, it's just a bar. And a bloke came up to him, right? And he was like, you all right, mate? And he went, yeah, yeah. And he went, listen, where can I... This is the exact words. He went, listen, mate, where can I go tonight to find, like... And I'm going to pause it.

I'm going to space it out and pause it exactly the time that he left in between each word. Excuse me, mate. Tonight, right? Where can I go tonight to find like... Like... Old... Slags?

Slags? That's horrendous old slags what do you say flares old slags wonderful just to say it like that to someone you don't know

like not even excuse me do you, do you know Do you know where the ladies frequent? Maybe I would find some single ladies Of maybe a more mature Vintage Old slugs Just awful

What did he say? Awful, I tell them Oh great, yeah You're invited to an immersive Yeah. in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together

and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca.

This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all.

No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.

Who said that? The First Stowman. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. It's time for What's Your Beef? Hello, Chris. Hello. Hello. Wrong one. it's me barry oh it's barry now are it are you are it okay so belinda came on for a second there yeah man you realize you got the voice wrong and now it's barry yes it's barry hello barry sorry i haven't been in touch for a while uh just probably chocker block at the hospital like busy busy busy bombarded but yeah you've got a new TV show coming out soon mate

yes mate yeah on the Bravo Bravo Charlie aye Bravo Bravo Charlie yeah it's at BBC yeah

very good gotta use the phonetics in the hospital do you know what I mean right that seems like it would confuse things but okay just gotta be

on the I know the phonetic alphabet got you on the the radios and that. Radio things in the hospital. Yes. Okay, great.

Anyway, just wanted to say good luck, mate, basically. Right. Can't wait to tune in. Okay. And just keep my mother's name out your fucking mouth. it turns my surprise very good very good cheers

cheers cheers good luck best luck never put you down as a red wine drinker by and by yeah yeah yeah

dial tone even though I just cheersed him fucking just honestly sort your narrative out will you fucking hell

anyway right very good yes we've got a show starting soon on the BBC yes very excited can we actually tell everyone what the first night that it's on

I don't know if we're allowed oh Chris I don't know anymore okay I don't know what's happening we've had so many meetings about it

that I'm just like is this still is it happening can we talk about the fact that everyone crashed the website by the way brilliant fucking twice guys you're amazing like wow class

like we literally put the thing out link for tickets just crashed the website we got told the next day that do it again because there's a lot more staff working at the place for that night flattened it again in the in the part of the tv program where we do have the public involved we've had so many response. So many response. Sorry, I should not drink doing this. Don't worry about it. We've had so much response.

I'm still not really right. What? How? So much response. It just doesn't... So much response doesn't sound right to me. So many responses? So what the... What is it? Yeah, just so...

We've had so much response I don't think that's it I don't know why that sounds weird Chris I don't know why that sounds weird I don't know why

it sounds weird I'm sorry so many people have got in touch we've had a massive response it's been an incredible response alright dickhead sorry

thank you I'm trying to help you I'm trying to meet a better person I think it's just great it's just great knowing that part of the show is going to be okay guys we're looking forward knowing that part of the show is going to be okay

guys we're looking forward to that part of the show so again just to recap if you are coming to the show if you're actually coming to one of the recordings if you had a beef

it would be incredible if you had a beef with someone there we're going to go in the crowd and do that similar to what we did on the tour that's going to be

an amazing part of the show we're not going to know anything about it we're not going to know any of them it's going to go in totally dry and then

it goes or I go for the end that's going to be good fun it's going to be guys a recap if you don't know what it is it's going to go in totally dry and then it goes or I go for the end that's going to be good fun a recap if you don't know what it is it's basically if you've got something or your partner has if you've got something, a physical possession that your partner can't bear to have around the house

or your partner's got a physical possession that they can't bear you to have around the house get in touch some of them have been incredible get in touch and we can sort out that that item based beef on our show get in touch we'll travel you down to london we'll put you up we can come on the show it'll be fantastic and obviously the main body of the show is we're going to be chatting to uh celebrity guests who are honestly don't give a shit about the celebrity guests at this point a relationship with some description

at this point i don't give a shit about the celebrity guests I'm just looking for the public nah all about the public great you can't say that honestly fuck them off

leave them in their dressing room stop it leave them leave those spoiled celebs in the dressing room and just chat

to the real people right you are one of them so don't even I am to be fair I'm a massive deal no it's gonna be good I'm joking

oh it's beefs it's beefs yeah so do you wanna go first or shall I go first what is the beefs you yeah. So do you want to go first or shall I go first? What is the beefs? Yeah, I'm a bit, Chris, I'm a bit drunk. You go first.

Okay, good. It's hit me. That wine has hit me like a ton of little bricks. Like a ton of little bricks. So stones? Mmm. A ton of stones.

My beef with you. You are an incredible, strong, beautiful, independent woman. Thank you. All my ladies who are independent Jesus Christ. Throw your hands up at me

All my honeys who are making money Throw your hands up at me, baby Okay. Great. Spontaneous songs aside. I miss Destiny's Child. Fucking shut up. Who in the world

has ever looked at the sky there longingly and said like the way you did I miss Destiny's Child I do just honestly get back together girls

get back together they're probably Kelly Rowland is probably trying to get that back band together by hook or by crook she's trying every single day sending messages

but as we all know she tries to do it on fucking Microsoft Excel none of them are getting through. To Nelly. To Nelly. I don't think anyone's going to get that.

You need to explain that. No, everyone's going to get that joke. No one's going to get that joke. My mum is not going to get that joke. Oh my god, the podcast's not kidding. What's your fucking mum? I've talked to her enough. Sandra, that wasn't for you.

That was for people who understand, you know, 90s and early noughties culture. In the music video in Kelly's song she's on the phone and she's writing it in Excel

everyone knows man we get it it's a meme listen my beef with you you're an incredible incredible awesome

independent woman but listen sometimes sometimes sometimes you're just a dick right end of beef I'm joking that's that imagine that's the end

no because we were at your mom's house on saturday night yeah uh it was a little bit cold um so we're cranking heating up full pelt just to you know just don't tell us your child's birth honestly your next bill's gonna be massive it's It's hilarious. No, I'm joking. We all sat around naked, sweating. Kid's got a temperature to give him Calpol. Give him Calpol. Turn that thermostat up and get up the Calpol intake.

There's nothing wrong with him and that booty is just hot. This is a schvitz. This is how you have a schvitz. That's what they call a sauna on the Sopranos. That's what they call a sauna on the Sopranos. That's what they call a sauna on the Sopranos. I don't even know what it means. It might be offensive.

Don't know. Listen. We were... How am I a dick? I'll tell you how you're a dick. So you're sitting for a good five minutes trying to get a fire on. Can you remember this?

She's got an electric fire heater. Yeah. Yeah, the penny's dropped. You were sitting for a good five minutes trying to get the fire heater on. It's like an electric fire thing. She's just got it. She's just got it.

You opened the door on the front. It's like a log burner. It looks like a log burner stove, but it's electric. Brilliant bit of kit. You opened it and you pressed it and there was a thing that said light and there was a thing that said red and a thing that said said blue so you can put the red and the blue one that made

like flames at the back it looks like standby there was a standby button um and you were going how to get it how do i get the heater on how do i get the heater on how do i get the heat and i went can i have a turn and you went oh oh oh because you do it all the time though no you know you do it all the time you're always like i'll do it i'm like chris just get you're gonna spend the same amount of time looking at it as i'm gonna spend looking at it just let me know but this time maybe yeah didn't know did i i didn't know did i because you were standing fighting on with it for five minutes right and i went can i just have it oh a chris man oh uh uh independent woman. I pay my bills. I pay my automobile bills.

I pay my telephone bills. Baby, maybe next to you. All that. I don't need you to look at the fire. I can do it myself. But you couldn't, could you? Right? You couldn't.

And as usual, you made it a gender thing. And you'd tell us, every time I'd try and do something like that, you'd call us a mansplainer and tell us I'm gaslighting you. And I'm fed up the back teeth of it, right? So then, I got down, I literally, guys,

I literally got down on the floor and I looked, right? And there was a fucking massive button in the middle that said heater and I pressed it and the heater came on

and I went, done. It took us less than a second and she went, have you done that? I went, there's a massive fucking button there, Rosie,

next to the red and next to the blue that says heater you will not believe what she said back do you remember this bit she turned to us and she went oh i thought it said heather heather and i went what i went why the fuck would it say heather i mean why in the fuck would it say Heather? I went, why in the world would it say Heather? And he went, well, red, blue, Heather. I thought they were the colours of the flames. Fucking idiot. I know, I thought it was like an effect. Like, you know, like, sepia.

On an Instagram photo. Heather. Fucking Heather. thought it was like an effect like you know like sapia on an instagram follow up honestly i was genuinely thought it was heather i didn't even press it because i thought it's heather and that was the thing you're like yeah i'll just you you're coming down and you what are you gonna do differently you're turning on i can't turn on, you're like, I'll just, you're coming down, what are you going to do differently? You're turning on, I can't turn on, what are you going to do differently? I'm going to read it to someone with a level of reading higher than a five-year-old

is what I'm going to do, and realise that that doesn't say fucking Heather, it says Peter. Oh, God. Heather. He was sweating, wasn't he? Don't tell her. Sandra, honestly, Sandra, I would give you some money for your bill, right, but let's just take it off the fucking time tunnel fines don't tell her honestly Sandra

I would give you some money for your bill right but let's just take it off the fucking time tunnel fines you keep getting sent to me door got another one the other day you're funny

so my beef with you Christopher I made you a crumpet the other day I had an amazing way to start an argument. You think an argument, in the history of the world, you think an argument is I've been started with the phrase,

I made you a crumpet the other day. No, well, okay. I made you a crumpet. I made Robin a crumpet and I made Rafe a crumpet, right? And I had a bit of race. Snowed under you were. Snowed under. So busy.

So I made them and then you ate your crumpet yeah and instead of just taking it gratefully and going thank you yeah

thank you for that crumpet that you've put the effort in oh sorry you got it out of the cup right no alright alright take it

there you go ungrateful little arsehole that you are already already chatting back chit chatting back

wind your neck in right okay okay you said to me okay on some kind of butter rationing yeah

do you remember I do yeah right next time you can make your fucking self yeah alright okay

don't need remarks like that when I'm getting off my arse making everyone a lovely healthy honestly it was the driest crumb I've ever had in my life I don't know why I just honestly I thought I didn't put much butter on but I wouldn't have been surprised just eat it man no I wouldn't have been you've always got a snarky little shitty little cup no it's always like

rather than just getting some more butter I'll go go, there's not much butter. Oh, butter rationing now, are we? Fuck off! Honestly, Rosie, it was like you would like, it was like you'd got the butter out of the fridge and put the crumpet next to the butter and just let them have a conversation. But never actually let them touch each other. It was like, it was like the butter

was visiting the crumpet in prison and it was behind that glass talking to it through the phone. So it never got to touch it. It was like you explained the concept of butter to the crumpets. Alright, man. Alright.

I just really want to hammer this point home that it was like eating a fucking hot sponge. Great. Awful. Awful. Great. Awful. Great.

It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. Public. Guys, as always, hold your horses Bring it up For God's sake

Right she's kicking off Because in the interlude Just there I did say to her In your defence Heater Slash Heather Was written sideways

But still I was It was side So they were all The buttons were at the top And then the writing Was horizontal Is that right

Like down below Vertical Vertical Oh for God's sake Fucking hell writing was um horizontal is that right like down below vertical the right was vertical so you had to turn your head 90 degrees to the left to see it but again so it did look like heather no it looked nothing either and again in my in my defense again and in you know another kicking you while you're down oh great thank you thank you husband and mate honestly no problem

listen I love you you were on I was basically on the left of you to the side of it so from where I was looking it was actually upside down

and on the side so still you were awful kicking as well I'm telling you it's entertaining it's entertaining guys as always

you want to get in touch at shag maridanoid shag maridanoid at g shaggedmarydanoid at gmail.com Please continue to send us all your stories, all your regrets,

all of your, you know, would you rathers, all of them kind of things. Please keep sending them in. We bloody love it and honestly, we just can't thank you enough

and we can't believe that they keep coming in and thank you, thank you, thank you a million times. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. It always,

even as I'm saying it myself, I'm like, that that doesn't sound genuine it sounds like i'm about to start taking the piss but i'm not we genuinely are like cheers it's great the stuff you're sending thank you i can't wait it's my favorite part of the podcast i just get it you know what it is i'm gonna have a bloody top up while you tell this go for it quickie chair here my computer's gone off no it's not about everything has it been in the top corner doing a countdown? I don't know. Maybe. It's just trying to do an update.

Honestly, guys, of all the ridiculously stupid things that Rosie has done, while we've been recording this podcast, there's been a countdown in the top right-hand corner of our laptop saying it's going to do an update. It's only a minute remaining. Brilliant. So it's been a countdown saying it's going to restart in a minute and do an update, and you've completely fucking ignored it.

And now we've got to sit and wait for your laptop to update so we can read the questions. God almighty. Honestly. Oh, man. Again, again. When you beat me in an argument at home in the house and I have to apologise or concede

and you can't even operate your life. I feel worthless. I told you there's something going your life. I feel worthless. I told you there's something going on with me at the minute. We talk about this a lot because I'm just like, I kind of, I don't know, I've got no organisational skills. You're a lazy scatterbrain. I'm not lazy. I just can't do things at the time that I'm meant to do them

and I put them off. And you also get genuinely furious if I do something in the moment straight away. And you also get genuinely furious if I do something in the moment straight away. You'd go berserk. Yeah. So for example, you're like,

I've got to pay this thing or this fine or this bill or whatever, I'll quickly do it now. You're like, why are you doing it now? Well, I'm doing it now because if I don't do it now,

I'm going to end up sitting there like a fucking prick waiting for my laptop to update, not knowing what the hell's going on, not knowing what data is, not knowing how to read Heather or Heater. I'm a doer, love. I'm a doer. No. I'm struggling to reply the hell's going on. I don't know what day it is. I don't know how to read Heather or Heater. I'm a doer, love.

I'm a doer. No. I'm struggling to reply to people at the minute. I just can't keep up. Communication's really fucked you off. Largely. There's too many forms of communication and I really don't like it.

I'm going to, one day, I'm going to go off the grid a bit and I'm literally going to just have like a brick phone and just go, if you really need it, ring us.

If it's desperate. Do an Ed Sheeran. Ed Sheeran's got a little iPad. He's got email, hasn't he? He's just got an email address. It's all you can get him on. That's what I might do. Because it's just,

I kind of do it. It's too much. I don't think you're an Ed Sheeran level. I don't think I'm at that level. No one would email me. Im high. Im high. Im high.

Do you remember half an hour ago when I said I love questions from the public? It's my favourite bit yeah I'm a little bit fucking pissed off now to be fair sorry no but we're back

we're back it's all good and honestly my laptop looking mad fun yeah great they've changed the little buttons in the

corner it's quite nice it's all installed it's all delete something halfway through come on no it's new right

great congratulations on your new laptop thank you Jesus hi Rosie and Chris I'm currently re-listening the podcast and on episode No, it's new. Right. Great. Congratulations on your new laptop. Thank you. Jesus. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I'm currently re-listening the podcast on episode 133 about the lady who used to drink a guinea pig's water bottle

as a refreshing midnight drink. Phenomenal. Do you remember that? I do remember that. That was beautiful. Absolutely phenomenal. And it brought me back to one night when I was about 5 or 6. Right.

So, just got to say quickly, you know, when I was younger, I had to share a room with my sister for all my life. And then at random times, I had to share with my brother as well because I think my sister kicked off because she was the oldest. So I got lumped in with Kev. But we were still at an all right sharing age. So I've never had my own room ever until I moved out.

So I just wanted to let you all know that. Yeah. But I thought I had it quite bad. Where did you move to by the way when you moved out? Pontons. Who did you live with in Pontons? I had my own room but I lived with Sarah Badger. Sarah Badger from Wolverhampton.

That's her actual surname by the way. That's not a character. Pontons. Oh no Sarah Badger. Always had the big Badger costume on. No I had my own room though I was buzzing So this makes me feel a little less Bad about me having to share a room

Because I think people People had it worse This girl had it worse My bedroom used to be the closest to the front door And at the end of the hallway Leaving my bedroom at night was a big no no As I was scared of the dark and we didn't have a nightlight, etc.

Our flat was quite small and our kitchen didn't allow room for a fridge freezer. So we had a single fridge in the kitchen and a small chest freezer that was kept in my bedroom. I don't know why I'm laughing at that. I don't know why. The poor bugger's got the freezer in her room. That's amazing.

She's got the freezer in her bedroom. Imagine. Bless her heart. I know, but I'm not being funny. Like, come on. Yeah. Mom! Do you have to put the freezer in me room?

Yeah. And they're noisy as well. If she gets something out of there for a late night snack and then shuts it, like if the mom comes in and, you know, if she's just having a couple of wines or whatever and she has a pizza you open it you let a bit of the cold out you shut it that's got a cold back

yeah well look my brother lives in a flat with his partner and his son there's not a freezer in his son's room not a freezer

in anyone's room apart from the kitchen I think everyone's situation is different but yeah I get that but they obviously

I'm seeing it as some sort of massive chest freezer in a bedroom does it say chest freezer it doesn I'm seeing it as some sort of massive chest freezer in a bedroom does it say chest freezer it doesn't say chest freezer it says oh not a small

chest freezer chest freezer that was kept in my bedroom yeah great great debt doubles as a desk put your telly put your telly on there

yeah until I need to get some chips out and your telly's going on the fucking floor your dad wants a pie for tea you need to move the telly off there it would fucking floor. Your dad wants a pie for tea. You need to move the telly up there.

It would be like a dressing table. Great. All right, okay, okay. Actually, right, okay. I take that. No, not okay. No, I can see it. No, it's functional now.

You can't get your fucking legs in there. No, it's got a function. It's got a function. Just about. Jesus. Back to the story. One summer's night, I woke up parched.

I got out of bed and opened my bedroom door looking across to the kitchen. It was pitch black at the end of the parched. I got out of bed and opened my bedroom door, looking across to the kitchen. It was pitch black at the end of the hall, and all I could think of is what might be hiding in the darkness. So I closed my door and ran and jumped on my bed before getting my ankles grabbed by whoever may be under the bed.

Got you. Because that's the rest of the bed. Then I had a great idea. I could open the freezer and just hydrate myself by licking the bed. Then I had a great idea. I could open the freezer and just hydrate myself by licking the frost. Genius, I thought. I at least thought she was going to be like an ice pop or a lolly to just going to lick the frost.

Oh, God. Little did I know that when my tongue touches that frost, I will become part of the freezer. Oh, my God, of course. Yeah. There in my vest and knickers, I will become part of the freezer. Oh my God, of course. Yeah. There in my vest and knickers, I stood in my bedroom screaming for my mum with my tongue stuck to the inside of the freezer. Again, it's not a part of screaming, was it?

It's, Mum! Wow. Like a nightmare. Luckily, my mum came running in and saw the funny side whilst pouring some water over my tongue. Warm water.

Wow. I never did that again. But did the freezer stay in the room? That's what I want. You don't deserve it. You've spiked yourself. You don't get the freezer in your room anymore. It's gone in your brother's room. Where he'll appreciate it.

Darren! Darren, have you been spunking in this freezer? Right! It's gone back In your sister's room They shared our own room I suppose To be fair like You had to

You had to share with siblings She only had to Share with the kitchen appliance Listen If I could go back in time And if my mum and dad said Look right Two options

Yeah Own room With a freezer in Yeah Or share with the sibling I'd have took the freezer Fucking right you would You'd be having a magnum a night

your midnight magnums Hi Chris and Rosie long time podcast listener and I had to write in for your advice regarding a strange new revelation I have made. Okay we're always willing to give advice we used to give like more serious

advice do you remember? We've never given serious advice no sort of serious back in the day honestly I think a couple of times we've given serious advice. Do you remember? We've never given serious advice. No, sort of serious. Back in the day, we... Honestly, I think a couple of times we've given serious advice and I think our producers edited it out because we can't be... We can't be sort of... What's the word? To blame for anyone's terrible mistakes.

No, I think when we started the podcast, I think like... Jeez, three years ago? Two years ago? How long have we been doing it? All I know is episode number. So 163 episodes. Right, so back in the beginning,

I used to kind of do funny ones but then also a little bit I was like you've got to give some advice yeah and then they went they fell by the wayside I mean we also had a section

called let's talk about shit baby so let's not oh yeah we did yeah yeah yeah anyway bit of advice still going to come back by the way it's always there

it's always lingering it's always lingering like a bad smell like a little turtle head poking out it's always there just read your things read your always lingering like a bad smell like a little turtle head poking out it's always there stop it just read your things read your things

before your fucking laptop updates again here's something which you need to stop doing what right so obviously we've got Rafe who's a baby

wears nappies still shitting his nappies honestly so untrained he's awful you sometimes instead because I'll go

has he had a poo and I'll smell right because I'll just sniff his bum you like feel for a poo? Yeah, yeah, you can feel it. That's horrible. How's that horrible that you can feel it? Oh, you sticking your fucking snack up his arse.

I don't. Sniffing his crack, becoming one with his arsehole. I just feel it and I'm going, I think there's something in there. No, but I don't know why I find that awful. Because you're like, yeah, there it is. You're like, grabbing it like, there it is. But you're sticking your nose into his arse that's much worse

I have learned with two kids right this is my thing if you can smell shit they've had a shit I've never not I've never gone that's a live laugh love innit that's a live laugh love, isn't it? That's a live laugh love. Go to B&M next week. They'll have them up on the wall. You can get them. Get stencils for your wall. If you can smell shit, Nevada shit,

Rosie Ramsey 2022. Thing I've learned with kids is if you can smell shit, Nevada shit. I need to remember. Good night, everyone. I might write that down. Thank you for coming to the parenting seminar.

For the next sort of like, mummy podcast that I'm on. If they're like, what's your mother in law advice? I'm going to say, if you can smell shit, the value of shit. So Rosie,

what's your best mother in law, what advice can you give to our listeners about mothering? Smell, listen, I'll tell you what, three things right now, right? Three things I'll tell you right now for free, right? If you smell shit, they've had a shit. If you smell piss, they've had a piss.

If you smell sick, they've had a sick. And if you can't smell, you're fucked. You can't smell anything, you've got COVID. Because I'm telling you, they've always done a piss of shit or a sick. Right? Bin stinks as well, by the way, while I'm here. And if you can smell sick on you, then the bin's sick on you. Don't chance it, if you can smell it.

Do your next question for God's sake. Sick of you. This chair is so, I'm so sorry. I know, but you stop moving, for the love of God. I can for God's sake I'm sick of you this chair I'm so sorry I know but you stop moving for the love of God I can't not move I'm doing a podcast

so squeaky enjoy yourself right I've been with my boyfriend for nearly four years we are in our mid-twenties and we met at uni meaning our families

live in different cities to us okay it's always awkward isn't it not a good place to really meet people yeah

everyone's scattered all over the place and then someone has to move doesn't it yeah someone always has to move one of yeah everyone's scattered all over the place and then someone has to move doesn't they yeah someone always has to move one of us has to give in normally the man

yeah it is see this is why we're quite lucky we're from the same place aren't we yeah love you have you just worked that out

no but I'm just saying it's nice because normally people in our industry are from all over the not end but we're from the same little little seaside town

why are you giving us the wide eye honestly I have sobered up due to how pissed you are I've actually sobered up because I feel like I need to get you home even though we're in my house

I'm worried about you it's really weird I've like sobered up because I'm like I need to make sure she's alright you pissed trying to read emails

is one of the most painful things I've ever fucking seen in my life honestly I could cry. This is just awful. Do you want a break? No. What are you going to do? Update your fucking laptop again?

I'm sorry. Okay, listen. Come on. Be professional. Come on. Howie, Diary of a CEO doesn't do this. Brexitcast don't do this. I'd love it if they did. Right.

He comes from a strict religious family. And so over the years, when we have stayed as his parents, I have slept in a sleeping bag in the living room on my own and he has gone up to his room. Okay? Right. Weird. Why is he not?

I know. Why is he not letting her sleep in his room? Brilliant. And he's sleeping on the sofa? Arsehole. I'd have dumped him then. Sorry, it's my religion. Bye.

Can't be uncomfortable. Can't sleep on air. Sit room floors. That's horrible, isn't it? I imagine he would give her the bed. But it might be something about, I don't know, they don't want a woman in his bed or something. I don't know.

No, I can understand. Personally, right? Okay, personally, this is just my life experience. I don't want a woman in his bed or something i don't know you might get it no i can understand personally right okay personally this is just my life experience i don't know about you i've never been in a relationship where parents have been like that right my mom and dad were always quite cool just whatever like because if it was if it was one if you are bringing back a one-night stand at 17 i think they'd be like who the fuck is yeah but i was in relationships downstairs yeah yeah get in the one-night sleeping bag. Here it is. Here's your one night stand toothbrush.

Scratch the crust off it. There you go. There's the communal one night stand toothbrush. Yeah, it's worn down. Yeah, look, all the blue's gone off it. Look, she has a fucking right one. Yeah. Honestly, you'll realise in the morning.

I'll leave the door open so you can make a quick exit, son. Jesus. I've never been, have you? I've never been in a relationship where parents have been like, you get on this sofa. No. No, I've never. But, no.

No? I feel like it would be, yeah. No, I don't think I have. No. Not in any way I remember it. I don't know what we'll be like with our lads but we'll cross that bridge

when we're comfortable I guess but I just don't think I don't think I'll be like right you're old enough to drive a car but you can't have somebody sleep in your room

what the fuck like I find it really odd I know what you mean but they're religious I suppose but you know it might be a full marriage thing

I've known people over the years who've nothing who've not been religious at all and their dads have just been like not a boy in my house

and you go well your daughter shags people in the cemetery so what are you doing? What are you doing? That may have just overtook your mum works at McDonald's

for the best insult ever. Your daughter shags people in the cemetery. Yeah but do you know what I mean? So you're not that may have just overtook your mum works at McDonald's for the best insult ever your daughter your daughter shags people in the cemetery yeah but do you know what I mean so you're not so okay then

she can't have a boyfriend round but she'll just go book them in the cemetery so get your priorities right Dave I just I love that it says more about you

than anyone else that the fact that it went straight she's going to shag people in the cemetery it's true that's a true story other night time

sexual adventure spots are available. Yeah, of course. You know, Child's Swing at the Park, we've discussed before. Bus stop.

Top. Behind a bus stop. Top of the bus. Top of the bus, at the back. At the back. There's a mirror that we'll see,

the guy sees up, there's a mirror, it's like a little thing. They're like that, they can be seen. I have to admit, I did always think that this was quite funny as we live in a they're like that they can't be seen I have to admit I did always think that this was quite funny

as we live in a one bed flat and they can't honestly think I sleep on the sofa at home so they they fucking live together anyway sorry so they live together

in a one oh my god they live together right they live together in a one bed flat but then when they go to his parents

she has to sleep downstairs on the floor and they have to sleep that's just because the parents they just don't want them shouting in the house you do not want to be

woken up at night by your son's bollocks slapping against his lasses undercarriage which is fair enough but at the same time come on but I respect

the not under my roof theory and move on so she's fine with it it's fine whatever I would just say no you can't I would just go

keep it down if you know they're shagging if you know they're shagging you go look do us a favour if you can justagging if you know they're shagging you go look do us a favour if you can just don't fucking you know the first

don't say anything let them sleep in the same room and the first time you hear a fucking scream and a shout and a slap and all kinds of fluids you know

all kinds of stuff scrambled eggs just go scrambled eggs have you ever made scrambled eggs yes oh it sounds like sex

it's awful how are you no it does not sound like... Sweaty sex. It does, next time you do it. I'll let you know. Yeah. Literally, just...

The first time you hear the noise, just the next moment, you go, look, fucking, how are you, man? I don't want to hear that. And that's it. Well, okay. In their defence, right?

Not even in their defence. They live together. Why are they going to go with their man, right? Not even in their defence. They live together. Why are they going to go with their ma and dads and shag? Yeah. Awful. Exactly. Horrendous. Anyway.

This week, we went for the weekend and his mum was excited to tell us that they have had a long talk and decided that they are happy for me to no longer sleep on the sofa. Hooray! Hooray! And instead stay in my partner's room.

Got you. I was shocked and honoured by this. However, when it came to bedtime, this treat was no longer a treat. My partner was tucked into bed with no linen. You know how the bed looks on laundry day? Yeah? Do you know when you strip the bed?

Yes? Right. I asked him where the sheets were and told him off for being lazy. And he told me his parents don't do bedding. Sorry? Don't do bedding. So it's a bare mattress and a bare quilt?

I could not believe what I was hearing. On inspection, the bare mattress pillows and duvet were that horrible taste-tained brown. No! And appeared filthy. Well, any risk of sneakily getting frisky were quickly put down by the stains I was surrounded by. Oh, God. The next day, I had to inspect if this was genuinely the case or if he was just being lazy.

So I snuck around, peering into the other rooms, and he was right. All four bedrooms showed no bedding on the beds what is wrong with people i hear chris saying now yeah yeah yeah yeah what the to add context to this this is a family that won't go to a restaurant without looking up the food hygiene rating and ensuring it's a four or higher dirty fucking scruffy hypocrites they've got got food standards. Four or higher. Just go to a five. Who's going... What? I'm sorry.

Who's going four? That'll do. Just don't go. No, can I just tell you though? I've worked in establishments. Do you know what you can get knocked down by? Right.

Just nail varnish. I don't care. So sometimes four's alright because they might have just had... They might have got to get the nail varnish off their face. There's options out there. There's options out there. There's options out there.

There's options out there. I'm sorry, I never check it. I never check it. I mean, don't get us wrong, if I go somewhere and I have some food and the next day I'm shiking through the eye of a needle, I'll go, oh, I wonder what, and I'll go, oh, it was a three and a half. Oh, fair enough, that'll be it. But if you're strictly checking, why are you going, yeah, four's alright.

If you're, if you're you're sorry if you're priding yourself on checking the food how do you never place why are you then going yeah yeah bit of piss bit of piss on someone's hand fine yeah there should be i'm sorry there should be five shouldn't there you should all be five you should be shut down yeah it's as simple as that you should all be fine who's but you've got to put the poster outside so the day they give you a two when you go oh that's a rough day sticking that on the door in it that's a rough day but you've got to put the poster outside so the day they give you a two and you go that's a rough day sticking that on the door isn't it

that's a rough day putting that on the door but you know they have to put them in the window I've walked past places with three and I've gone fuck

you've got to put them on proudly wearing your runners up medal participation certificate fucking hell so she's got a question here my question is chris asked you hello what would you have done if you found out the winter household didn't have or use bedding and there's some options yeah okay so would you a so winter household is my household so i come and stay at your house for some reason yeah would you a bring your own right b grin and bear the 20 year old mattress duvet and pillow and ensure a good shower in the morning no

chance or c find any excuse not to stay again i went back downstairs so what was she sleeping downstairs so she was sleeping so fast i went back downstairs sleeping bag i said can i bring my sleeping bag up please because at least i know. I mean, what fucking religion is this? What religion is this? They wear against all clean fucking linen. You know, soak your fucking essence into a mattress

and duvet and pillows forever religion. Horrendous. See, I can sleep without a sheet in that on. It's horrible. It's horrible.

It makes me want to cry. Chris, maybe if I'm pissed for one night. A pillow, can I just say now, a pillow without a pillowcase on is one of the fucking saddest things

you will ever see. It's honestly one of the worst things in the world. It smells nice though, doesn't it? No, it doesn't smell nice! A lot of memories. I've got a fucking slaver and a bit of fucking water down toothpaste.

What you do is you soak your pillow in one part toothpaste, three parts saliva. I see something. One thing I've noticed, our kids love our pillows though. My pillows, especially.

Robin's even talked about before. You know, me old monkey pillow that I had to get rid of because it was, it was, it was a biohazard. Walking itself to the door. Yeah, it was a biohazard.

Yeah. It was glowing, glowing in the dark. Could have started COVID. Could have started COVID. Yeah. He used to say, I love that pillow.

And I'd be like, why? And be like, because it smells nice. I'd be like because it smells nice I'd be like it smells like my son that's me that's my juice

that is my life that's one of the worst things I've ever said I'm astounded by how that's my son that's my juice go on

go to school go to school tell everyone you smell your mammy's juice go on say how long it takes for a phone call from the head

not be long smell your mammy's juice go on say how long it takes for a phone call from the head not be long smell your mammy's juice thank you for listening and apologies that we've been a little bit tipsy

no I'm not even apologising it's been a while it's a plonk cast it's been a while you know what you signed up for guys

it's just because people listen to this at different times of the day someone could be listening to this at 7 o'clock in the morning on the way to work and we are

drunk well sorry but that's fine sorry not sorry is all I can say fair enough we love you as always and our podcast

Shaggy Married and Annoyed is part of the podcast sorry can you just growl that again because I think contractually we have to say it properly and not growl it

down the microphone like a little pissed fucking poodle our podcast Shag Maradonoid is part of the ACAST creation network

that was just painful that was painful guys thank you so much as always if you want to get in touch shagmaradonoid

at gmail.com and we will be back in your ears sober as bloody judges may I add maybe brackets maybe no we will no next week

yeah we will be no we will be yeah yeah yeah TV show starts soon yeah see you soon big love bye

cheers cheers indeed Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- missable evening features her way and Toronto symphony orchestra, music director, Gustavo Jimeno in conversation together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's the right of spring followed by a complete soul stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece symphony exploder April 5th at Roy Thompson hall for tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock city. You're the best fans in the league bar.

None tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on Saturday, April 13th, Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.