Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 166. Hip hip...

Episode Date: May 6, 2022

On this week's podcast Rosie delivers some more observations and even has some audio evidence to prove it! Chris has been feeling ill after catching the kids germs and shares his stomach bug woes from the tour. There's the weekly beefs and QFTP's that cover service stations, eating in supermarkets and manscaping. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Maridanoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello! dot ca but you're still eating an Easter egg. Because the kids got loads. It's literally, it's been like your default setting. Your default setting since Easter has been eating an Easter egg somewhere.

Unbelievable. But in a better way. Got to say though, Easter egg in the fridge, no better. Oh my God. I'm sorry. Oh.

It pure snaps as you bite it. It pure cracks, doesn't it? I'm telling you now, I'm just having them on now. They've made them thicker. Have they? Well, this is, well, actually,

this is quite a big one, a Whisper one. Right. Cadbury's Whisper one that they got off next door. Oh, it's thick. Wow. It's nice. Just portion that up there.

Just snip that out. That could have been audio from a porn shoot. Oh. Oh, it's thick. I'm just going to finish that. Are you really honestly continuing to eat it? I'm not one of them people. Who can just leave it?

Who can leave it? I've told you about it when I went to school with you. Our poor listeners haven't listened to you clag your way through the last end of a fucking Easter egg. They don't mind. Shocking, they do mind. I'm offended on everyone's behalf. What were you saying?

Someone at school who what? Used to leave like a half a chocolate bar. Oh yeah, I think we've mentioned that before. Someone who can just put, I'll have a little bite. I'll wrap it back up. I'll keep the rest. I'll keep it for later.

That is fucking psychotic, mate. That is willpower. Yeah, it's actually pretty good. We do not have that. We open a bottle of wine. We finish that bottle of wine. Oh, God, yeah. We open an Easter egg.

We finish that Easter egg. I got, just before Christmas, I bought these two special, not just one, actually. I bought two for a friend of mine. But I bought these wine decanters. But they're like special ones. And you put the wine in it it's quite good it's like yeah but you've thought if you only want a couple of glasses out of the bottle and then you pour it into this decanter and you sort of push the plunger down almost like it's a cafeteria yeah

and it gets all the air out and apparently you can keep the wine in the fridge but never fucking you like honestly i get it out every time i go get that decanter all i'm doing is changing the i'm pouring the wine out into the glass and then I'm pouring it into this decanter thing and going, I'll put you in the fridge. It's never seen the fucking fridge. It has never seen the fridge in its life. It doesn't know we've got a fridge.

No, I know. That thing doesn't know. But listen, I'm enjoying it. Sorry, I just had a little... A little burp as well. A little burp. Apologies. Brilliant.

So you're clagging, you're chewing, you're phlegmy and you're burping all over this. It's all good. Honestly, welcome to the farm yard podcast I know and not that it's farm yard but I am due on so I'm very

I'm very hormonal today we're discussing this morning ladies and gentlemen just to let you behind the curtain here I'm considering putting it in my diary just a few days beforehand

just a big sort of a bit just it's a roundabout blocking out blocking out two weeks of my diary going honestly mate don't even try and fight

your corner because it's not worth it might not be a bad shout do you know you right here you go he has a bit of insight for you you went and took

Robin to school this morning and you took Rafe in the buggy because he needed a nap I went upstairs and screamed into my pillow wow yeah

okay yeah wow I did I feel like screaming into a pillow was a sponsor on the podcast

it was once upon a time see see they're coming back we're earning honestly we're earning money while we're sleeping I feel like screaming at a pillow was a sponsor on the podcast it was once upon a time see see they're coming back we're earning honestly we're earning money

while we're sleeping royalties royalties there we go it was four quid if you screamed at a pillow it was definitely

your pillow so you actually genuinely did because I just it's like a mist man it comes over you and you can't describe it

I just want to I want it like I want to punch a wall right okay do you know do you know how like blokes get all testosterone-y and like I can't describe it. I just want to... I want to punch a wall. I don't care. Do you know how blokes get all testosterone-y and they're pissed and they're just... One of my ex-boyfriends punched a bin. I had to take him to hospital.

He was a fucking bellend. Punched a bin? Punched a bin. A kind of bin? A black council bin. Oh, a biffa bin. No. A metal biffa bin.

You know in the middle, like when you're out on a night out? Oh, black. The black metal ones that have got... On the top, you put your tabs out and you punched a metal punched a metal bin what a moron yeah he was i mean come on guys come on we've all been there you think it through you don't you start you're standing in front of a bit of stone a bit of metal or a bit of plaster and you use the temper and you lose your temper come on lads let's be honest we're all punching

the plaster or the door No, the hollow door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that an Ikea door or is that an old country manor door? Because I'm not punching the country manor door because I'm going to break

my arms like Kill Bill. Put it straight through. I'm going straight through that composite cardboard interior door. Yeah. 100% Yeah.

Okay, I'm just going to put it down. So what we are now as we record, it's the third. I actually know. Yeah, from the third I'm just going to block them.

But it changes all the time okay so maybe maybe two weeks please don't I'm just going to block them just abandon all hope and logic do not look her in the eyes

for one week set reminder cool here we go that's my life yeah fantastic stuff there you go

guys thank you so so much for tuning back in. Tuning back in. Oh, hello, radio dad. Oh, who do you think you are? Thank you so much for coming back. Thank you so much for listening. Welcome to episode 166 of Shag My Dinoid.

Now, without further ado, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Hope it's a good one. Now, listen, listen. Radio DJ, DJ. Listen, a long time ago, right near the beginning of the podcast, we had a sponsor.

I hope we're not still in a contract with this sponsor because I am contradicting it with today's sponsor. Right, oh, right. Are you sure you want to do that? Yeah, I am. And honestly, I've got the legal team ready. I've got the legal team ready just in case. If you're listening, the one I'm going to contradict, you know, honestly, if you want to take the call,

we can go there, lawyer up. I've got a really quick question yeah sorry I don't want to put you off your your thing that you're doing there's not much preparation right

have we talked about do we have a lawyer er no right just that very suspicious question to ask us

sorry sorry can we just can we just take a moment to see how suspicious that is for my wife who is my 50-50% business partner to to randomly ask if I've got a lawyer? No, just when people go, I'm going to call my lawyer. And I'm like, I haven't got whoever I'm in.

Google, closest lawyer to me. I think that's people who it's not their first rodeo. Okay, that's good. Like proper business people. Or I think that's just something that people say in films and stuff. Carry on. I feel like if you're phoning your lawyer, you're either constantly suing people or you think that's just something that people say people say in films and stuff carry on I feel like if you're phoning your lawyer

you're either constantly suing people or you're a fucking wrong one I know but you know what the older we get we've got an accountant yeah haven't we

yes yeah what else we've got we've got a dentist did you just ask if we had an accountant you do fucking no paperwork

for this company have we got an yes we've got an accountant you've never met him we're getting more and more as we get older one day we're gonna have a accountant? Yes, we've got an accountant. You've never met him. We're getting more and more as we get older. One day, we're going to have a lawyer.

And then did you say we've got a dentist? Everyone's got a dentist. No, but when you're older, it's like you're... I'm just trying to say it's our responsibility when you get older

and your parents and that. What are you planning that makes you think you're going to need a lawyer? What have you got in the pipeline? I was just thinking about it. Today you're screaming into pillows,

tomorrow what are you doing? What are you doing? Smashing bus stops up. I'm leaving you. This is actually it. Right, good. Here he is. Good.

My new man. Thank God for that. Oh, he's a lawyer. Oh, God. Listen. Listen. Right. Right, sorry.

Okay. This week's sponsor is cold hard bread. Hey. Hey. Remember that sponsor? Way, way, way back when? Hot bread. Hot bread.

Toast. I've gone against it cold hard bread and then put the butter on I've slagged your mum off thank you I'm telling you what I've slagged your mum off

for years and when the trains used to do toast for a breakfast used to bring the thing around on toast I used to go what the fuck's the point

of bringing the toast around it's cold when the time comes to you honestly cold toast I've completely turned yes I know you're sitting out there

thinking oh yeah lovely bit of toast with melted butter on yes that's okay no it is nice it's not horrible it's nice but honestly

just do us a favour once just let your toast cool down can we not not freezing though not freezing not freezing

but just so the butter doesn't fully melt look warm you can taste I know this sounds ridiculous you can taste the butter more honestly change me life

it's the best thing in the world it's the best thing since sliced bread no don't try don't try and put slogans this is my fucking part this is my fucking part

this is my part Chris it matched the product it contradicts it it doesn't make sense the best thing since sliced bread someone else owns that someone else owns that

I think you've actually I hope your new fella's a lawyer because we're in the shit you keep saying stuff like that I used to work for Warburton so yeah you did actually I know him personally

cold hard bread get it in you get the book on you try it try it just once cold hard bread and you'll never look back fuck me right here

what a couple of boring twats here's a jingle cold hard bread we had a fight about the jingle jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle jingle so this about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. Oh, that sounds like we had an even bigger row in the thing, but we didn't. We're actually all good. We haven't had a row at all. I've been away. That's why we haven't had a row.

You've not been here. Oh, it's been a week. Tell you what, shout out Manchester. We're fantastic. Two nights in Manchester, then I did Hull, then I did Harrogate, then I did Birmingham. Absolutely fantastic. You had a nice time. Yes and no.

Our kids' sickness bug that we mentioned last week, that hit me on Wednesday night. So I felt like dog shit for the gig on Wednesday night and then I was up all night. Your talent, are you? Oh yeah, I taught them all on stage. I'll happily tell everyone. So everyone listening now,

just think in your head of how old were you the last time you shat yourself because i was last thursday years old like so fully blown yeah oh yeah yeah followed through yeah oh my god yeah so i so i i went out on the wednesdays i haven't even told you this is that so i felt ill all day the wedding i mean you definitely told us that you shit yourself yeah but haven't even told you this so I felt ill all day the Wednesday I mean you definitely told us that you shit yourself

yeah but I haven't told you this so I've held this bit back right so just because I know you're going to blame us here because it is my own fault so I felt bad all day Wednesday because your mum stayed hours

and she was sick and Robin had been sick and Ruth had been sick just the ones though it was so odd so I just had this feeling all day but you think oh it's in your head

you're convincing yourself so I'm on the way down to Manchester and I feel rotten and I do the gig and I feel amazing after the gig because obviously you're endorphins and your adrenaline hits you. Adrenaline. Went for a curry, didn't I?

Well, oh. That's a bit I haven't told you. Oh, I'm sorry. You kept saying a meal. Yeah. We went for a meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would you do that?

Oh, do you know what it is? Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, we're good. You've hit the'm sorry you've hit no you've hit the nerve you have hit you little twat

yeah you were texting me and speaking to me all day and messaging me going I feel terrible when's it gonna hit us yeah I don't know if I can do the gig

literally and you went for an Indian yeah after yeah yeah the spiciest no I didn't go spicy

richest yeah maybe that food you could choose i thought i was okay i thought i'd got away you little moron that is that's so you yeah yeah halfway through the meal i was like i shouldn't have done this yeah so i get back to the hotel i go to sleep i lie in bed i wake up at four in the morning i'm in agony right agony my stomach is killing us uh i start letting out honestly may i just say some of the loudest most incredible thoughts i've ever done in my entire life honestly i'm so glad i wasn't there rattling the adjoining door in that room i'm doing i did nothing adjoining room and uh i'm going i'm just knocking them out and i'm like this is great and

then the fourth or fifth one i was like emergency and i had to run to the toilet oh my god yeah i don't know if you should have told people this this is horrendous i told everyone on stage i was like emergency and i had to run the toilet god yeah i don't know if you should have told people this this is horrendous i told everyone on stage i was on stage i got on stage right i can't i don't think i can tell this next bit if you're saying you don't think i should tell people i don't think i'm telling this i mean you've started now well have you not told me this uh so i took my underpants off and i just put them in the corner of the room because they were you know they had you know they were soiled. At the night time

when you shit yourself? Yeah so I you were telling us to throw them away but I didn't I didn't throw them away straight away so I put them

in the hotel sink to steep and I forgot about them and as I left I asked if the maids could change the room and I realised as I was on stage

I was like oh my god my shitty kegs are in the same terrible in it so that was my that was my week not listen just next time you say oh you want to a chris having a lovely bloody time not always not always why right. Why? Right, I'm sorry, right. Why did you want to keep them

probably already 25 years old boxers? They're nice underpants. Oh, you are horrible. They're poor people who've had to clean your room. They didn't touch them, to be fair. I mean, I sent a complaint letter about that. How dare you? You're too good to touch me shiny kegs, like. You think you are? Oh, God. I mean, I sent a complaint letter about that. How dare... Too good to touch me shiny kegs, like.

You think you are? Oh, God, that is so disgusting. Yeah. You're literally like people who send stuff into this. Look, I just want to let everyone know, look, we all have our moments. We all have our moments, but I nearly pulled the gig,

but because of COVID and everything, we'd rescheduled stuff so many times, I was like, I can't do it. I was like, I had a sick bucket at the side of the stage, just in case. I didn't tell them that, but I soldiered through the gig, because I was like, I can't do it. I was like, I had a sick bucket at the side of the stage, just in case. I didn't tell them that, but I soldiered through the gig because I was like, I can't.

I nearly pulled it, but I saw people saying, just arrived in Manchester. And I'm like, oh, fucking hell, where have you travelled from? So I just soldiered on and did it. Oh my God. Why did you put them in the sink to steep?

I'll tell you exactly why. I didn't have a carrier bag and there wasn't a carrier bag in the bin and I didn't just want to put them in the hotel bin because that bin's got to be used by other people. There wasn't a carrier bag in it. and I didn't just want to put them in the hotel bin because that bin's got to be used by other people. There wasn't a carrier bag. The sink's got to be used

by other people. You can bleach a sink. Oh, I'm sorry, but do you know what it is? Why do we stay in hotels? I swear to God. Yeah, you don't know what people have done before you.

Oh my. And you, you're very clean and usually quite respectable. That's, I'm a little bit ashamed at you of that. Well, I was ashamed of myself.

Because that's horrendous. The worst bit was I didn't have a late checkout on the friday before going to the hole for the next gig and me to a manager was like oh look we've got checkouts till three um so you can use our room if you want um like there's some calls and they said oh but he said oh someone's coming in your room at three o'clock so you need to be out at one and i literally left the room and i thought some poor fuck i was checking in here for a lovely weekend away and I've literally lay here shiting myself for 24 hours my god

terrible so yeah horrendous I hope you get a bill from the hotel honestly I feel like they had to get me out at one o'clock

I don't even think anyone was checking in I think they just had to get a priest in the cleaner's probably been in to bless the room the cleaner's probably

been in and went the man in number whatever clearly just snuck in shit himself he's a nutter oh speaking of nutters listen to this so first night in manchester car goes on stage there's a lady front and center right might have had a couple of two cup for you too many to drink possibly right just sitting there with a fella whooping and cheering and hollering at absolutely everything that comes out of carl's mouth okay so happy that's great that's just happy but you know there's a off-putting it's a little bit off-putting right so i can hear it i can hear it from the side of stage and i'm like oh god so the tour manager comes in he says look

right what we're going to do is it's completely sold out but there is some seats a bit further back where someone hasn't turned up so we're just going to move them a bit further back because you know they're clearly excited to be at the gig they're happy to be there we don't want them to have to go so we're just going to move them yeah and i was like oh god i was like come on i'll just leave them he's like yeah but we don't want to do a junior thing it's this whole thing right so i'll go look i'll leave it to you guys just make sure you don't you know don't upset them so basically were they pissed yeah hammered right so i go out on stage well the problem is i'm not

that bothered i can talk when no one's listening i don't care the whole room could be booming i could do me full set i don't give a shit i'm very egotistical right i can do it to a wall no but it puts everyone else off around them it is irritating yeah so it comes out for my bit right expect to look down and see two empty seats at the front right there's only one empty seat and i looked down and i went okay i went i think someone got a bit too excited and we've had to have them moved and the whole crowd like sort of clapped and like away you know what i mean like in on the joke and about 10 rows back i see this lady's arms waving so i can see where she's been moved to and i look down and i go sorry are you with her and he went yeah my husband and i went

have you not moved with her he went i went, yeah, I'm her husband. And I went, have you not moved with her? He went, I waited two years for this. Fuck her. And was he all right? He just enjoyed it? He sat and enjoyed it at the front of the move turn. He didn't go with her. Aren't, right,

I'm sorry, right, aren't some people's relationships absolutely berserk? Incredible. Like, so he's just basically married to somebody who he's like, she just gets leery so he's just basically married to somebody

who he's like she just gets Larry and she's just aye move her what what is that that's what I said

so literally he came up and said you're gonna have to move and he literally went you're on your own love see you in the taxi and she stayed was she alright

she was about 10 it was about waving her arms and he what what goes on it's fucking amazing it was incredible the whole like like i very very really am i lost for words on stage and i just sort of sat down and i just started laughing so

uncontrollably it was incredible so weird incredible was she any of the way or was she just like whatever she just every now and then i saw her wave her hand she didn't make a noise i just saw her waving her arms now and then. Wow. Crazy. And then halfway through, I did get the idea that she either fell asleep or she'd left. Live comedy, man. It's fucking crazy. It's crazy.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. So I've made some observations this week. Yes, Rosie's observations. I'm very much enjoying Rosie's observations. I just, whenever I say something, I write it down. Should we have a jingle?

Observations. observations I just whenever I say something I write it down should we have a jingle erm observations can I do it can I go can I go like all like sort of cinematic and Marvel movie yeah

oh absolutely yeah ok is that a heartbeat one woman one brain many observations Is that a heartbeat? One woman. One brain. Many observations. It's just... Get down!

Notice observations. Instant mess now. Genuinely a little bit wet that was that was really impressive shut up man that was really good oh thank you to the point of like

honestly this all goes to shit you could do that you could do that from the house yeah I can do from I can do from this mic that was them sound effects is that alright they were really good

did you get the heartbeat the heartbeat was the best bit the face you were doing at the time, not so nice. Oh, well, it's an audio medium, man. I know, okay, fair enough. But yeah, that was really good. Right, okay. Did you see, did he have a helicopter and the guns?

Chris? Someone was screaming. Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much, everyone. Thank you. You're so talented. Is that guy going to sue? Is that Red Pepper guy?

Is he going to do me for that? I mean, he's much better. Oh, of course. And you're just mimicking his voice. Yeah, that's all I am. Yeah, yeah. I'm not trying to steal or anything. No.

I think we should get a lawyer, to be fair. The more this episode goes on, I feel like we need a lawyer up. Do you want to hear my observation? Absolute fucking looting. Right, so here's the first one. Right. Do you know,

it might not be as obvious for you, but it's more for women, right? Okay. When you're in a long queue to go to the public toilet, right, you're absolutely raging. Right. Okay, it's awful. It's the worst thing in the world and to the point where you're like, what queue to go to the public toilet, right, you're absolutely raging, okay? It's awful.

It's the worst thing in the world and to the point where you're like, what's everybody doing? Like in your chat, you mentioned like, there's only two toilets and there's about 30 people. This is ridiculous. Why is there only two toilets? Blah, blah, blah.

Takes so long, right? The minute you're in that cubicle, you could not give a fuck about anyone in that queue. With the book out. Like, literally, I'm like, oh, just pull my pants down. Take your time. anyone in that queue with the book out like literally I'm like oh just pull my pants down

take my little and there's the problem that's why it's a massive queue yeah that is true everyone else does the same

so that's my little first observation this is an observation and also something that I've had to do recently and it's I don't know

maybe you're this friend or maybe you're my friends, right? I've been to a couple of birthday parties, kids' birthday parties recently, right? And two of my good friends have been the mams of the kids. When it comes to bringing the cake out and having to sing happy birthday,

they take so long and I can see them and they're going hey well right hey should i start singing and so i just literally can see them from like 20 foot away and i go happy birth and then everyone starts singing because i'm like i can't watch you you always start that yeah that i know exactly we meet the hovering there with a birthday cake yeah so i wasn't at the party that you did you must have done that at a party yesterday steph's but yeah could not bring out and steph is a singer steph is a professional singer my best friend steph she's got the best voice of anyone i've ever met in my life yeah she could not bring herself to start singing happy birthday between being a professional singer and a

professional gobshite like yourself true but yeah the one we went to uh in in shields a few weeks ago was my mates and yeah his wife was just standing there looking about. They were both sitting there. And you went, happy, and she turned around and said, thank you. So her first word was, thank you, not happy birthday. She went, thank you, happy birthday. Yeah, very good. I do. Very, very good.

So that's my new job at parties. Love it. Just to start off the happy birthday. You start that, yeah. You're like the master of ceremonies. You're not at a wedding, but at a party. I don't know if it's a generational thing, right? But people don't finish off their hip-hip-a-ray,

isn't it really, really upsetting? Oh, hip-hip-a-ray is gone. Honestly, it's been phased out. I don't know. I did two yesterday. Nobody replied the second one, so I went, fuck it, I'm not doing the third one. So I went, hip-hip, everyone went, hooray.

I went, hip-hip. No one replied. I went, I'm not doing the last one. Abort! Abort! Stop. Abort the hip-hips! I actually, hang on, get me a phone. Really?

I think it's... Wait a second. Careful, careful. Just wait one second. Because I think I might have recorded it and I just, I end up, I just stop singing because nobody joins in. Hang on.

Hold on. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Nancy. Happy birthday to you Hip hip hooray Hip hip hooray Oh fucking hell I think you were on the end of it It's that tail off It's that tail off That's so good Fuck me now oh fucking hell so I just I think here on the end I went oh no but I do

it's that tail off it's that tail off that's so good oh yeah fuck me now I'll go fuck myself shall I wow

that was great I know the really awkward but you've got to finish then you've got to do three see because obviously everyone listening everyone listening knows your voice as well

so you say hip hip and then everyone says hooray and then you say hip hip then there's a slightly bigger gap hip hip and then everyone says hooray and then you say hip hip and then there's a slightly bigger gap and just you just you go hooray

and then you did your hip hip again and went nah they literally thought that should fucking hooray's herself that's great so I'm not doing

any more hip hip that's outstanding oh god do you know what it is that's my that's my ick when you shout hip hip and no one shouts hooray

never fancied you less. Top of my list of icks. So embarrassed. When she shouts hip hip and no one shouts her ear, so she shouts it herself, then doesn't even commit to all three hip hips. Me dick just shrivels away. Oh, fun.

Carla Jensen came up with a good ick, by the way, this week. Oh my, can you tell you've been spending a lot of time with your bra? I've got three Carl things to tell you this week. Oh my word. Strap in, strap in. So we've been on tour. First of all, obviously, a little shout out. My tour pauses while we do the TV show next month

and then I go back out on tour end of June. I've got Carlisle, Poole, Leamington Spa and Blackburn and two Glasgow dates with a few tickets left. Stop snoring.

With a few tickets left if anyone fancies them. Just fell asleep. And then as I'm about to relentlessly take the piss out of him and put private conversations on here, Carl's on tour as well. Check his website.

Now, so he came up with a good ick which I'd never thought of before and he didn't know about icks. He just turned to us randomly and just went, do you do what really does my head and what i just think's really embarrassing that blokes do sometimes so he doesn't know about it okay right okay doesn't listen he just has to he just checks twitter every friday and people tweet him with something that he's done i imagine they're gonna absolutely have his life this week okay after i've told you

these things right so he just randomly turned it was and do you know what's horrible what blokes do on trains I saw a bloke doing this on a train I was so embarrassed for him he was listening to music on his headphones air drumming oh

it's bad isn't it on the train on the train oh that's so David Brent that's vile that's great isn't it yeah awful so we were then

we were all sitting chatting about different films and different stuff and uh our tour manager paul told us to see told to watch the rescue on disney plus last night which was phenomenal oh my god um carl told us to watch a couple of things and i said to carl i said you still haven't watched game of thrones have you and he doesn't he won't ever watch game of thrones or any anything of the ilk. Do you know what his reason is for not watching anything like Game of Thrones

or Lord of the Rings and stuff like that? Do you know what kind of thing he doesn't like? It's because it's like mythical and stuff. Right, so that was my, I've always thought it was because it was mythical and dragons and he doesn't like it. Do you know what his actual reason is? I don't know.

And I was irritated because it makes sense. He just went, oh, no, mate, no, I'm never going to watch any of all that stuff. I don't know, it's dragons and mythical and stuff and all that warlocks and swords and that. And he went, no, no. He went, I just don't like stuff that's outside. And I went, what do you mean?

He went, it's just all outside. They're always just outside walking to a castle or something for ages. And whenever you watch it, they're outside. And I just don't like stuff where they're outside. I'm sorry. No, I'm not. I can't have that. That's ridiculous.

Carl, that is. I don't like stuff. I don't like stuff that's outside. Where they're outside. That's troll mother. What's happened to him? What's happened to him when he's a kid? He just doesn't like stuff they're outside. That's Trollmother. What's happened to him? What's happened to him when he's a kid? He just doesn't like stuff that's outside.

So anything... But then, like, it doesn't even have to be set in there or mythical or anything. If it's outside, like some war... He won't watch war films and some war films because they're outside. So at least he sticks to it, right? He doesn't like it when everyone's outside.

So what films are inside? Loads of films are inside it turns out he just doesn't like it when they're outside but there is a lot of scenes when they're outside

yeah but I think he just thinks I imagine you know like if it's on like the DVD cover and they're walking over a hill

he's like I'm not gonna watch that he's a fucking lunatic he's got a genre oh he's got a genre a bad bitch genre yeah unbelievable

okay I'm about to tell you the worst, most psychotic thing he's ever done in his entire life. Right, so we're doing a full little section of call. I mean, I do, I have a lot of love for a call.

Of course, it was unbelievable, right? So, I didn't know about this. Right. We stayed in a Manchester hotel on Thursday night, Wednesday and Thursday night. I don't know which night it was that he did this.

I believe it was Wednesday. He didn't tell me about it until Sunday. He went, look, I did something really fucking weird and I need to come clean. It's a long time for him not to tell you yeah he needed to come clean with us so i was sitting having a drink on sunday night and he came clean with us so he had an adjoining door his room was adjoined to another room by a door a stranger yeah oh it was thursday and i

actually could because uh 7 45 thursday morning the first night we stayed there he was woken up by the man in the adjoining room who was having a business phone call. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, send it over. Just having an obnoxious business phone call. Carl obviously got woken up by this. He was very upset. Did he knock on the guy's door?

Did he say, please don't do that? Anything like that? No. What Carl opted to do, which was, it is one of the mentalist things he's ever done he got back that night after we'd done the gig and been out and stuff he must it must have been about one o'clock in the morning on midnight so this is the night of the night morning yes the night after the morning the guy had woken up carl got his phone right and went stood right next to the

adjoining door for this guy's room right put a ring on his phone and then stopped the ring so it was like someone was ringing him and went like i like started started this phone call and he's going he's well listen listen i'm gonna fucking kill you i'm gonna kill you right i'm gonna honestly i'm gonna when i see you i'm gonna kill you but i love you i love you right i love you but i'm gonna kill you i will kill you honestly i honestly you ever do that again i'll kill you but i love you and it went on for ages and i went call i went why why and he went oh just like so he thinks there's like a nutter in the room next to him and i was like well there is a fucking nutter in the room next to him because he did that and i went call i went you know how horrible and aggressive that sounds it

sounds like you're like having like a horrible phone call with like your wife or your girlfriend is that he went what what i went it sounds like a domestic abuse that he went no no i went what were you trying to make it sound like he went i was trying to sound like a mafia boss. I went, what do you mean a mafia boss? He went, oh, so like he loves the guy because he's been in the family for a while. Like he loves him, but he's going to kill him. See what the problem is? He's not seen enough of the films.

Because they're all outside. Very good. Doesn't have enough ref. That's ridiculous mania full mania kind of I could get the whole

ringing doing the ring sounding weird maybe just waking him up a bit yeah but yeah the aggressive sort of

unbelievable mafia boss he's never grown up has he when I said it sounds like a domestic abuse thing he was really shocked and devastated and he went

no mafia boss and then he said believe it or not oh I'll probably owe that guy an apology Jesus Christ he's fucking lost

he's lost his mind he's lost his mind incredible he's on tour now yeah go go say him he's alright

babadoo babadoo babadoo bah you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bop. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,

the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.

So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisech Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real.

Who said that? The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Gets it gets now. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef. Ladies first?

Yes, please. Come on then. So at the minute, whenever we have an argument and you know that you are wrong, but you've started. Brilliant. And I retaliate and I answer back. You then say to me, not in front of the kids. Have you noticed that?

You go, Rosie, no, not in front of the kids. But actually, if you knew that you were right and the argument was going to go somewhere and you were going to be right, you don't give a shit about the kids. You only choose to care about arguing in front of the kids when you are in the wrong and I think you're out of order

and I think it's not on and I've noticed it so pack it in right okay in my defense i don't barrel and think it's going to be an argument i say something without thinking and don't realize you're going to take massive offense to it and then while you're busy taking offense to it i try and quickly go look all right i'm sorry i'm sorry just don't like bollockers in front of the kids like last night yes when i made your tea yes and you had chicken on your plate and you turned to me while you're eating your chicken going there's bones in this and honestly chris what i could establish with that bone make it yourself so ungrateful and so which dad which

i said back that's so ungrateful i've literally made you tea and then you went you went you went no you didn't say sorry you didn't say sorry. You didn't say sorry. You went, Rosie, no, not in front of the kids. Same thing. You prick.

You honestly, you prick. Not in front of the kids because I've started something, you've retaliated and now I'm saying not in front of the kids. Not in front of the kids

is an apology and you have to take it. It's not an apology. I'm joking. I'm very sorry. It was very, very thoughtless, rude,

and ungrateful of us and I do apologise and it turns out it was the nicest bloody bone I've ever chewed on in my entire life good I'm glad right what do you have for me

sorry my beef with you is you came to watch me this weekend I did in Harrogate yeah it was great it was really good

thoroughly enjoyed it and then you came you stayed in my hotel my hotel room I always say my hotel room it was our hotel room but I'd been there the night before as well that uh you stayed in my hotel my hotel room um i always say my hotel room it was our hotel room but i've been there the night before as well that's the only reason i said my hotel room it's not got anything to do with the story my hotel room is your hotel room sweetheart right i mean i don't it was your hotel room i came and stayed with you

you came and stayed with me what's this got to do with anything the next morning uh i woke up about half past seven it's quite warm warm in that room i uh i went to the toilet quiet as a mouse uh i woke up about half past seven it's quite warm warm in that room i uh i went to the toilet quiet as a mouse uh i came back and i lay there and i thought oh christ body clock with the kids and stuff i was like i think i'm up now oh god i'm up i eventually nodded back off to sleep nice and silent you didn't do anything didn't wake you up nothing like that um i woke up at half eight half eight you woke up you must have been on your phone for a little while someone like that you must be on your phone for something or whatever. Because then at about nine o'clock, quarter past nine.

Half nine. Half nine. You obviously wanted me up. And you just opted to go. And I went, what? Shit. And I woke up and I went, what? And you went, I just wanted you to wake up.

And it was evil. Evil. You could have just. Half nine. You could have just gave us a little tap and said, Chris, it's half nine you could have just half nine you could have just gave us a little tap and said Chris it's half nine we might miss breakfast

not oh so it was the way in which you got woke up not the time that you got woke up yes it was I fucking jumped out of bed I thought you were being attacked alright I'll not do that again

you're a fucking lunatic she's trying to be a bit fun keep you on your toes it was horrible alright fair enough it was horrible and I'd half forgot it you know i'd half forgot it because i was so half asleep and i was like oh are you all right love you all

right you went yeah i just wanted you up and i was like that's weird and then later on in the day i feel like i coughed though i didn't do that no no you literally were like it was horrible honestly woke you up though didn't i oh woke us up all right i was fucking bounced out of bed half nine ready for action that's bloody late again just give us a nudge just give us a nudge

it's half nine love we'll make miss breakfast it's half nine you don't want to sleep too long I mean I did want to sleep too long

I was on tour I was not going to have been shite myself two days ago I had to go home I had to go back and get the kids could you not

just left us a note fair enough I will next time next time I know that I like the idea that I'd wake up That I'd wake up And I'd open the note And the note would just say

Hey Babadoo babadoo babadoo Back It's time for Questions from the public Questions from the public Public Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

Public Guys as always If you want to get in touch Shag by the doi At gmail dot com Rosie Take it away Oh yes

Thank you very much Chris Lovely to hear from you. Dear Chris and Rosie, long-time listener and first-time emailer. Always lush. I just want to say, if you're a long-time listener and you haven't even emailed in yet,

but you think you might have something, why not? Why not? What have you got to lose? Nothing. Keep me anonymous. No one needs to know. Anonymous is out there.

Honestly, you can shit yourself and tell them and no one's going to know. Hey, look, I'll send you a T-shirt. You can be in my club. The Shitty Pants Club. My club. I've recently got my boyfriend to start listening and we are both totally obsessed with the recent ick section.

Yes, fantastic. I really love the ick section. Love the ick. I've got an ick about the girls. Okay, come on then. Girls who just take 25 million selfies and pout. Can't bear it. And just stand in the middle of like

a social situation yeah and they'll just take selfies and you're just like what? I feel so embarrassed taking a selfie do you not feel as well

when they're standing doing it and there's like stuff going on and they're just standing doing it loads and loads do you not feel like you can sort of hear them going me me

me look at me me me you're like alright right man forget you look fantastic fucking hell yeah i'm talking i love a selfie but i just find it it's just a bit much there's a level in there there's a level my boyfriend and i have been together for three years and lived together for a year and i can safely say he's the most strange and disgusting person i've ever met sounds like a keeper great loving to bits but he's fucking weird. Yep.

Aren't we all? Okay. I felt I needed to email in today to share the newest ick I have discovered. So this is about a boyfriend. Oh, excellent. So this is weird because it's usually somebody who you don't know yet and you're just like, blech. Wow.

I generally tend to get up first and have a shower as he refuses to get up until I have. Very annoying. Weird. Oh. Do you think it's because he's got a stiffy? What? Oh. When does morning glory not become embarrassing?

Unless you're having sex in the morning. I don't know. It's very... The odd morning, you don't have it and you're like, I'm broke, what's going on? Oh, do you not? Yeah, the odd morning. Is that because you're getting older? Hey, hey, hey. No, it is though, isn'm broke, what's going on? Oh, do you not? Yeah, the odd morning. Is that because you're getting older?

Hey, hey, hey. No, it is though, isn't it? Now, hey. It is, isn't it? Nah. Oh, this is totally off topic, but Kate messaged us, my Kate. She was listening to the podcast last week. Oh.

Right. Right. So, you can't sneak off and have a vasectomy because I've got a sign coming. I knew it was going to be about vasectomies. Say that again. I've got to sign something. You've got to sign something. I've got to sign something when you get a vasectomy. Apparently she had to sign something because we're married. It's like a contract.

So you can't just, no, you can't just sneak off and have a vasectomy and then, because you never know, right? Some blokes might get married but never want kids but then say to the woman, I'm desperate for children. It's all I've ever dreamed of and she's like, oh, and then the and he's got had goes and have a vasectomy wow and they can't get pregnant actually yeah okay well i'm i'm not telling you now sex with maids in hotels this has happened so then i think what's happened is they've brought in this law where the wife has to sign something to be like right okay i'm okay with this wow half my sperm anyway yeah i mean i definitely need a lawyer up by the sounds of this listen you got one of my ovaries right i've got one of your ball

sacks that's how it works she's a doctor she is a doctor half everything okay as long as you don't ever collect then that's fine um okay so you have to come with us apparently so so now i mean i can't be asked i don't likesed I don't like the idea of it you right okay you aren't worried about getting the actual procedure no

you just don't want to sit in the waiting room I don't want to sit in the waiting room with all the other sad men who are just about it their lives are about to be over and I do not want you

keeping track of my wanking I'm not going to keep track of your wanking you will you laugh your head off about it you'll be like outside the room

going what are you doing in there I'm on the toilet oh you know I bet you have one of your wanks You will You laugh your head off about it You'll be like Outside the room going What are you doing in there I'm on the toilet Oh you know I bet you have one of your wanks How many is that now Bloody what have I got I have 23 wanks

Or something in three weeks Listen I'm not lowering My wank amount Right Listen yes and no You're saying that But at the same time I'll be like

Oh once he's finished Them wanks Oh god Game on I'll be devastated I'll be putting you Off them if anything I'll be devastated. I'll be putting you off them, if anything. I'll be like, oh, save yourself.

Sorry. Don't. I need to research it, because I find the whole thing terrifying, from start to finish. Well, I've got to just hurry up, because I'm not taking the pill again, and I'm not getting a coil.

You don't have to. I've done it my whole life. Right. Hormonal stuff. Honestly, I know we're open. Look at this, hormonal stuff I want to be honestly I know we're open look at this I'm free I'm clean I know we're open

but I feel like this is a conversation to be had once we press stop Rosie fair enough fair enough and definitely not when Holly Willoughby or any other TV personalities

are within fucking earshot right honestly yeah then Holly when did my when did my balls become public property that's what I want to know.

I'll be like, Holly, then he has to get a condom, but the condoms aren't in the room, so he has to go and get them from the bathroom. Is that your ick? And then his little arse wobbles when he goes in the bathroom, and then, oh, it's disgusting. That's offensive. That's offensive.

Like him out of Sex and the City, the old... Oh, don't you dare. The guy with the big fucking saggy arse. You take that back now. I don't get offended by many things. You take that back. I've got get offended by many things you take that back I've got a lovely bum I've got a lovely

perc bicycle bum that is such a good scene it's an incredible scene such a good scene the maid's waiting outside no no the maid's waiting outside for all the stuff

she literally runs out and the maid just hands her her shoes because she's been waiting because she knows everyone's going to run out it's great and the maid loves him

doesn't she the maid doesn't want anyone to shag him I can't remember look spoilers oh how am I? It's a 25-year-old. I'm joking, right?

Oh, it's so good. Anyway, okay. He won't go in the shower until she's been in. Okay. So I showered and then continued to go about my morning routine. He then got in the shower and I heard a strange buzzing. I went to investigate and saw him mauling his flaccid penis around, shaving off all of his pubes.

Wow. He was pulling his ball bag out like a piece of stretchy rubber and neatly and methodically trimming his hairs off he then rinsed his puby electric razor in the shower head above him and got covered in pubes Jesus Christ How long was she there? Well it's too long Although quite a simple act It was honestly the most upsetting and sickening thing I've ever seen I think it's because he looked so pleased with himself Please keep me anonymous

As I am a secondary school teacher And I don't want the kids to take the piss out of me for having such a weird boyfriend oh god but do you she's right she's right

the shower heads are above him so he holds it up like he's like he's looking at something in the sun yeah and then he's just

got covered in fumes I think what's made I feel a bit ill is the batwing I can see him he's gonna be his shoulders are gonna be over and he the bat wing I can see him he's going to be his shoulders are going to be over

and he's pulling out his skin and then he's doing it and looking at it he's pulling the bat wing out she should have walked out the room there's certain things you don't want to see she was there for a while

wasn't she she was proper I took it all in there's a PS here it's raining pubes oh hallelujah it's raining pubes

yeah yeah every colour yeah black ginger blonde and grey I love singing. It's his PS. I've just read this to him and he told me to get rid of the fact he got covered in pubes

and told me to, and I quote, make it nicer. What, are you made mate, a fucking editor? Didn't say don't send it in. It's like when we were writing our book with Penguin. Just make that bit nicer. Make it, please.

Hello, I've just stopped at the Strensham. Strensham? Strensham Services. I've never ever heard of Strensham. Okay. Don't know where it is. I think I know where it is. It's on the M5.

All right then. On the way to see friends in rugby. Yeah. Yeah, rugby. And want your opinion on something I've just witnessed. Okay. Services are my absolute stomp and ground, so let's do it. Okay.

Right, okay. You're going to be very opinionated about this. I was doing away in one of the cubicles, and as I came out, so did the man in the cubicle next to me. Uh-huh. I noticed he was holding a McFlurry, which he put down on top of the sink after taking a big spoonful and washing his hands oh my god the more i think about it the more it is bothering me he was 100 having a shit in the cubicle next to me if fucking stanky's put whilst holding and potentially eating a McFlurry. Idiot.

Is it clean slash safe slash normal? Eat food in the cubicle whilst dumping. Utterly disgusting. It's utterly disgusting. So in the past I have took a cup of tea or coffee to the toilet in our own house. A service station. Have you? I never took anything.

We've talked about it on here before. Possibly. I'm sure we have. But now and then I don't really do it that here before possibly I'm sure we have but now and then I don't really do it that much anymore because I don't really take that long to go to the toilet but can't wait for me

I'll probably take a flask of coffee up when I get me vasectomy wanks on the go anyway that's by the by a service station toilet

is one of the worst most putrid fucking disgusting places you could ever be in I went I mean can I name and shame here? Because I honestly feel like they need to kick up the backside because it was rotten.

Which one? Weatherby. Weatherby services, your toilets are the worst. Not the ones in the actual place. I mean, they're pretty bad. No, they're all right. But they're temporary at the moment. The ones, oh yeah, they've still got the cute little.

Yeah, the ones in the forecourt. The ones in the, yeah, in the petrol station. I was stood in the queue buying some Mentos, Fruity Mentos, right? And it was the Greggs bit. Yeah, there's a Greggs bit right next to the toilet door. Oh my, I could have vomited. Yeah.

I could have vomited. And then, annoyingly, I needed the toilet and I was like, I'm going to have to go in there. It's the worst. Vile. It's the absolute worst. Horrible. And another story, when I was sat in the loo,

I haven't told you this, I thought someone was having sex in the cubicle next door. Right. Genuinely, I was like, this is interesting. Right. I wasn't disgusted. I was like, I want to hear this. Instead, I was like, what's going on?

Oh, service station cubicle sex. I know, horrible. All I could hear was some girl. She was like this. Right, like that. And I was like, what the hell is going on? So then I went out and I was washing my hands and then she came out she was just absolutely mortal all right she was drunk i thought you're gonna say she was eating a pasty no no no do you know when you do you know when you're mortal drunk

and you just make a noise make noises because you're just mortal and you're just like yeah you're breathing your breathing takes on sort of yeah a form of its own that really turned a corner anyway yeah Weatherby love Weatherby stations in general

I think the actual big ones great Weatherby is the busiest services on the planet yes but it's good come rain or shine any time of the day it's fucking heaving

like Alton Towers car park back to this guy can I just say though it's the men's toilet it's always the bloke's toilet yeah yeah yeah of course that absolutely

are lifted it's never the women's the women's aren't that bad it's the men what do you do just piss everywhere oh god it's vile yeah fucking troughs and yeah oh every bloke's toilet in every pub in i've stopped eating in some places you know because you can smell the toilet yeah some nice places that i've thought, this is nice food. I like the ambience in here. Hang on, someone's just opened the men's toilet. Not coming back here. Totally agree.

I totally agree. So what have they got to do to get rid of it? I don't know. I don't know. All I can say is, this guy eating his McFlurry in the service station toilet, the piss and shit particles of every single person who has visited that toilet in that week will be in your McFlurry in the service station toilet, the piss and shit particles of every single person who has visited that toilet in that week

will be in your McFlurry. You dirty, dirty lunatic. I'm all for sitting, wanting to eat your McFlurry, having a little relaxing shite. You should have had your shite, washed your hands, then went and got your McFlurry. That is absolutely mental. I went into the services the other day.

I haven't told you this. One of the strangest things I've seen, and I don't know why, bloke standing at the urinal, having a a wee one hand he's got his dick other hand holding his toddler really strange it was really straight i walked in and it was just like a guy pissing i could see his back and over his shoulder looking at me was a toddler oh because he had the toddler holding him and he's left oh sorry he wasn't stood so no no no he had him yeah but and i totally get it because as soon as you put him down the toddler holding him and he's left handed and he's pissing. Oh, sorry, he wasn't stood, so he was actually... No, no, no, he had him... Yeah, but... And I totally get it because as soon as you put him down,

the toddler tried to touch things. And I remember when I took Robin into the public toilets once, he just grabbed a hold of the bottom of the urinal. Oh, he didn't. He grabbed a hold of the urinal like it was the bottom of a slide or something and I went, fucking put your hands in the air like a surgeon and we're going to wash your hands now. Did you scrub his hands?

Of course I did, yeah. Oh, God, I'm not going to touch his hands for a little while. It was so strange. The guy's just holding this kid and he's pissing. i just looked and i looked at me too i managed i went why is that weird he went i don't know but because he'll not been with these if the i don't know yeah he'll be on his own yeah and again if you put the touch everything the touch the walls and the floor and stuff as well that could be a gay couple yeah exactly so they're both in the cubicle all the time yeah yeah yeah have they put more baby changing in men's toilets recently?

That's a good question. I don't know. Because they should shouldn't they really? Yeah but this isn't the platform. I know I'm just putting it out there. Hey look I got a free box of Werther's Originals. People are listening to this Chris. But just for stuff like Werther's Originals I don't think they're going to change any policies on our opinions.

Let's get some Lens. Although then again if your toilet's fucking do something about your toilet stinking man come on. know but hey i also had a good idea about uh the water fountains and soap remember june covid oh yeah the terrible idea you had about putting water fountains and soap on every street corner well i just think people need to wash their hands more stupid idea yeah don't you think people need to wash their hands 100 but i don't think that's going to do it all that's going to do is people are going to piss in it and they're going to steal the soap. That's that. Oh, God.

You can't have an out. No, you can't have anything. Especially not a water fountain on a street corner. No. Oh, that's a shame. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Hello, Rosie and Chris. Another little food one here.

I was listening to episode 164 while I was at the gym at 6am this morning. Yes, I know, I'm trying to be one of those people, but I'm too in love with wine. Wow. Had to tell, though, didn't you? Had to tell you were 6am at the gym at 6am this morning. Yes, I know. I'm trying to be one of those people. But I'm too in love with wine. Wow. Had to tell though, didn't you?

Had to tell you were 6am at the gym. Oh, yeah. Didn't need to put the time in there. But well done you. You smug twat. I've been going on the peloton quite a lot. I've been trying my best to go on nearly every day. It doesn't always happen.

I actually thought to myself, because we've got a busy day tomorrow, and I was like, right, we'll get Robin off to school. Rafe goes to nursery i was like i could rave gets up at half five and i was like you know what if you get up at like half six or whatever i could go on then yeah couldn't i just can't bring myself to do it it's horrible early morning early morning exercise it's like you're in a different body right i can't bear it i know people do it because you've got to sort of work a bit harder but yeah if you exercise in the evening, you've got all that.

I mean, I'm not a scientist here, but my opinion with my body, all I know is exercise in the evening, I can do it much easier because I've got all the energy and the sugars and food from during the day. Same, same. Morning, empty stomach, fucking hell. Hard. It's like running in a nightmare. No, but I can do it at nine o'clock, but half six is just something.

Yeah, it's early in it. Am I trying? Should I try it? No. No. Because definitely in that sentence you said I had to get up at half six and I'm not up yet.'s early, isn't it? Am I tried? Should I try it? Er, no. No? Because definitely in that sentence you said I had to get up at half six and I'm not up yet.

Yeah, alright, okay. Is that why? That's why I can't do it. Great. Great. You were talking about strange snacks to eat when you're out and about

and it reminded me of a recent trip to Asdaib Holden. Oh. Our old haunt. I popped in on the way home for an emergency wine. The sun was out

so I opted for a few bottles of rosé blush. Got you. She is loving giving us her life story. Fucking TMI, love. I'm joking, I enjoy the details. So do I. Anyway, whilst shopping the aisles in four-inch heels after a long day looking like a raging alcoholic on a mission,

I couldn't help but notice hearing this one family having a full-on domestic. I wasn't sure which aislele it was coming from, but they were not happy. Oh. Okay. As I turned the corner, I realised the full-blown argument was indeed

because each one of the four-person family had a full, large, cooked pizza in their hands munching their way through it while trying to do the food shop. Go and fuck off. The mum was furious because they'd run out of hands to hold the items she was desperate to purchase i can't get right i can't get on board with anyone buying a full pizza during the day i can't get on board with it i don't know why i know i was where was i the other day i was

manchester or somewhere and someone was walking along yeah i was in manchester on friday and someone was walking along it was about it was about one in the afternoon quarter past one the afternoon and then walking down the street with the pizza box with the full pizza and something about this just went no i want to take it off them and go no evenings only and i know i know what you mean i know i'm totally i mean people have a sunday dinner in an afternoon i know it's not because i don't know what it is about it but i wanted to go absolutely not i kind of get where you're coming from sun needs to be going down and then you can have your first bite i'll keep this fire it's a takeaway isn't it it's a takeaway dinner i don't know what

it is i don't know what it is well would you eat a curry for lunch no again i wouldn't but i don't know if that's just my personal would you eat it would you eat like a full takeaway chinese for lunch i would never get a full takeaway chinese anyway but no i definitely wouldn't eat one for lunch definitely wouldn't eat one for lunch this might just be us but i totally get away i don't know what it is again it's just them daft rules that you impose on your life but pizza full pizza at lunchtime not you would go to pizza ah no yeah yeah i would go to pizza 100 i would also make pizza on the pizza oven so pizza in a box bought from a place that sells pizzas in boxes evenings only evenings only why do i sort of agree with you which is so annoying yeah we would go to pizza hut or pizza

hut express and we would get a full pizza for lunch and nothing anything of it but you're absolutely right i'm so annoyed at that so annoyed that I agree with you yeah or take it off them right walk up on the street hi you don't know me

I'm Chris Ramsey I've decided you only can have this on an evening unless you put it on a plate now and get yourself a knife and fork and only have a couple of slices at a time eat the full thing

but just not out of the box oh god I don't know what you mean but yeah so they were walking around a supermarket with a full pizza reach. Well,

Asda Bolden, it's one of the big Asdas and you can buy like full cooked chickens. So now, I haven't been for a while. I know that they do their own toppings,

the pizza toppings, which are quite... I don't think they cook the pizzas there though. I think they might now. You never know. I genuinely think they might. Or they might have got it.

There is a pizza hut around the corner. They're eating full. All the family of four are eating full pizzas each I respect it this Laza said I was dumbfounded

like literally couldn't believe it I had no idea that you could get a cooked pizza at a takeaway slash and or eat whilst in store

in Asda is this a new thing on almost being Asda is this a northeast thing and it says I'm originally from southwest but moved to Horton five years

ago I mean a few people were looking but mostly people just cracked on with their shopping like this was totally normal what the fuck would love to hear your thoughts so i feel like if you've got one of them trolleys that at the bottom of the trolley like the third the opposite end of the handles they've got that little section where i don't know what that section's for i think well personally apple fruit and veg in there right well i've got absolutely no idea i don't know i don't know if that's right i. I think, well, personally, I'll put fruit and veg in there. Right, well, I've got absolutely no idea what that section's for. I don't know if that's right, but that's what I do. I feel like you could balance the pizza on that.

I feel like you could balance a pizza on that. And what? And eat it while you're going round? Just push a trolley round and then one of you can use your hands. Because they're all standing with a pizza. But then, yeah, who's... Well, one person has to put their pizza on there and push a trolley. But then when you want a slice, you've got to stop the trolley, walk all the way around the trolley and get one essentially off the bonnet.

Chris, I don't even think they've got a trolley or a basket they've just got i think they just all got a pizza each whether it's in a box or not i don't know i can just see them holding the probably pizza and all eating it like like not even sliced just eating it whole kicking a box of cornflakes along the floor to the till the man's got a bistro gravy under her arm come on kids dad's got some bananas on his

shoulder just the grimmest thing ever like I'm all for eating a pizza but sit down sit down

I absolutely love it do you know what I haven't done for a while what I haven't done it for ages

actually I did this so much with Robin but I didn't work when I had Robin, so he used to come to the shops with us all the time. Just when you walk around with a French stick,

like a baguette, and give it to a bane. Yeah. Oh, my God! Rafe hasn't done that much. I haven't told you this. What? I was in the supermarket

the other day. Yeah? So I'd done some exercise. I'd had quite a healthy lunch, I think, with you, and I went out to go shopping, and I was walking around, and I had such a hankering for something sweet.

Oh my god, what have you done? And I pushed all the way around and I got right at the end and I got to the bakery and they had Belgian chocolate cookies, white sorry, white chocolate, white Belgian chocolate I think, cookies individually wrapped and I'd already scanned it on me little scan and go thing, boop! Oh yeah. So I thought, I can probably just eat that. So I'm walking around eating this cookie and I walk past two of the ladies who were standing at the self-scan tills.

And one of them was like, hello. And I went, hiya. And the other one like looked at us and looked at the cookie. And I panicked and I went, I've already scanned it. I'm not doing anything wrong. And I shoved it in my mouth. I don't, I won't, I won't, I won't do anything wrong. There's nothing you can do.

And I hoisted it in my face. There's not, I mean,, I won't, I won't do anything wrong. There's nothing you can do. And I hoisted every fist. There's not. I mean, you're cementing yourself there. There's nothing you can do. How guilty did that sound? Well, I hate it though. Because every time the kids are open, like a multi-pack of Quavers

and they have a pack of Quavers. And then when I'm going through, I'm like, they ate some. Sorry. They were absolutely starving. As you stink in a Quavers, breathing all over a woman. They. They were absolutely starving. As you stink in a quaver as breathing all over a woman. They ate some.

Absolutely starving, a.k.a. I didn't pack anything and I'm a terrible mother. So please let me burn off with eating a pack of crisps. There's nothing you can do. But I've never done it for me, personally.

Awful cookie. I've only done it for the kids. Loved that cookie. That's quite, I don't think you're allowed to do that. Well, did it. And as I told them, there's nothing I can do.

And what did I do? Did I walk around confident no I walked around terrified for the next five minutes thinking she was going to come and stop us

and she never did so I got away with it got away with it thank you for listening to this week's episode of Shag Mardenoid which is part of the Acast Creator Network

yes thank you so much as always if you want to get in touch it's shagmardenoid at gmail.com and we'll be back in your ears all over your face

oh down your top and that as well and just a tiny bit into your trousers next week why are we I don't know

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