Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 167. Killer extensions

Episode Date: May 13, 2022

On the podcast this week (and much to Chris’ dismay) the couple discuss Rosie’s hair extensions and why she used to call psychic hotlines. There’s some observations and an update on the TV show. Beefs get medical and QFTP’s cover an eventful French exchange, a unfortunate cab journey and frozen prawns. PLUS the pair get to the bottom of who their Disney crush was.  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Get tickets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Mountain Oid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my Hewsman, Christopher Ramsey.

Hello, hello, hello. Hey, everyone, Rosie's got hair extensions. Is this what? Fucking sick of hearing about these. I'm going straight in. What do you mean? This is honestly all I have heard about the entire, everything. Rosie's got hair extensions for the TV show, everyone.

Have you seen on Instagram? Aye. Your pastor in the street, She'll tell you about them. God. God. It's a big deal. Chris. Fucking damn my life.

This is a big deal of me. Yeah. God. Ask us if I like them. Do you like them? Nah, I hate them. Guys, she's not a girly girl. I absolutely hate them.

She's not a girly girl at all. Horrible. Oh, Nat. Disgusting. Disgusting. Whose hair is this? That I'm sleeping with my kids with, right? It's a stranger's hair on my head.

Rosie, what if it's cursed? What if it's haunted? Oh, well, don't. What if it's from a killer? What if they took the kids from a set and then they went on a massive murder spree and killed everyone? Don't, because you know I'm funny about stuff like that.

Bad, bad karma. Bad juju. Bad juju, that like. I do feel a bit funny at the minute. Do you reckon? Do you feel killy? You feel like you're going to go do some killing because of your hair.

Murder hair. Would I get away with that in trial? What was it, Rosie? It was the extensions, Your Honour. Your Honour, the hair extensions were cursed and haunted by the bad juju of a murderer. I do. Since I've had them in, I'm not going to lie, I do feel weird and I'm not enjoying it,

so I think I'm going to get them taken out. Yeah, right, good. Just not me, just like... Just a headline there. You went in for the day to the place. The hairdressers. Yeah, whatever, the fucking, yeah, the extension factory. You were there for

an extended amount of time yeah let's say here yeah 12 hours or something you sat there I wasn't in no

14 hours about 6 6 hours not that long I had my hair done as well yeah that was horrible that is your hair done

oh no I wasn't in I was in for about 4 hours 4 or 5 hair and nails and all the you know all the stuff oh god you're acting like I enjoyed it.

I hated every second of it. Oh, yeah. I hate these things. I was bloody again. Again, guys, honestly, there's a pattern here. I was in the house looking after the kids. She's out gallivanting, hair and nails done. But that's what I don't like about this world,

because we've got the TV show next week, and I'm beautifying myself. And actually, I don't like it, because it's not really me, if that makes sense. I know what you mean. So... Honestly, you do have the face for an audio medium. That mean... No.

I'm joking. But I have decided, I've decided that I am, right, I am night out look good, right? I'm not telly look good. Right, OK. And that's fine with me. I look bang on at night, I do. I do scrub up well

I think you should have been on Geordie Shore I think you've missed your boat here Because that is a night out But it's on the telly So killing two birds with one stone Yeah, you've missed your boat here No, it's just I don't Honestly, if we went to the studio on Wednesday

Because we're recording Yeah This is Monday We're going to record on Wednesday You're listening on Friday So this is awful Oh God, yeah So it's Monday now We'll record on Wednesday you're listening on Friday so this is awful to listen to oh god yeah so it's Monday now

we'll record on Wednesday you're listening to this on Friday or after that and the first show comes out on Monday the 16th oh shit and we're in London

at the minute recording in the studio it's all off so I've just got back from Cardiff and you're here now you and your the hair of a killer

if I went on Wednesday and they went Rosie right you can have minimal make up hair, hair, whatever, out the shower hair, and just put on a nice top and jeans and boots, and you'll be fine. I'd be buzzing, but no. It's all the glam in it.

It's all the glam that's involved in it. Which I understand. Nobody wants to turn on the telly and see... A bag of shit. A bag of shit, but it's just a lot of work. I'll be there flying the bag of shit but it's just a lot it's a lot i'll be there flying the bag of flag for everyone because uh while everyone's doing rosie's hair and makeup i just get thrown a t-shirt in a packet and i've got to take it out and iron it myself i did i did offer to do mist tan on you like the face mist and you said no so if you look

going to a shit everyone knows i haven't been a holiday. I'm busy. Where have I got a tan? Why am I sitting on the telly with a face full of lies? I've got two weeks in the bloody Caribbean tan every week, me. Awful. Absolutely awful. Anyway, I don't want to sound negative about it because I've done it now. I'll curl my hair, it'll look lovely and it'll be great

and we'll have a really good time. But at the minute, I don't like the admin. Too much admin involved. Got you. How do these people do it at the minute, I'm just... Hopefully you won't murder anyone. I don't like the admin. Yeah. Too much admin involved. Got you. How these people do it all the time. I couldn't, honestly. Yeah. Couldn't give a shit.

Heard a story the other day that one of the Kardashians got engaged recently. Right. And when she got engaged... Sorry. Everything I fucking know about these people is against me, Will. Can I just say that?

Right, OK. Right. Come on, then. Don't say it like that, because at the end of the day, they might not be your cup of tea, but, like, the Kardashians have made shitloads of money, and they do what they do, and they do it well,

and let them crack on. All I'm saying is, it's Teddy going right, because, good. Good on them, good on them. Aye, good on them, to be fair. They've got an audience, you know? They've got a massive audience. They have. So, she got engaged, and her mum,

her mum, who's the manager, Chris Jenner, had organised like a glam squad to do her up so that she wouldn't look shit in the pictures. Wow. It's like a surprise. And I just was like, holy shit. So before getting proposed to, she went through a rigorous hair and makeup

which I didn't know why. She got proposed to. Right. And then just after, a man was like, your glam squad's here so they can make you look like what you don't usually look like. And then you can do pictures and that. Fucking hell.

What a life. Fair enough. It's too much, man. I would hate it, man. Yeah. Anyway, that's just my opinion. Yeah. Again, it's just so much easier for blokes.

It really is. Your glam squad's here. Sorry, I just went to your mate. He's brought you a tub of hair wax. Oh, cheers, again, it's just so much easier for blokes. It really is. Glam's gone, see ya. Oh, it's not, sorry, I just went to your mate. He's brought you a tub of hair wax. Oh, cheers, Gary. Thanks. Sorted. Well, I've had me cap on.

Just wet your hair and get the lines out the back. There you go, and you'll be arried. Thanks, Gary. Hey, I love Gary, me. Good on. Glam Gary. Oh, Gigi. Gigi's always there to save the scene.

Oh, guys, thank you so much for tuning in, if that's what you call it, or listening, or coming back, or downloading, or clicking, or liking, Gigi. Gigi's always there to save the scene. Oh, guys, thank you so much for tuning in, if that's what you call it, or listening, or coming back, or downloading, or clicking, or liking, or subscribing, whatever it is the fuck that you're doing. Thank you so much. It's episode 167. Wow.

Shag Mary Noid, episode 167. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative, lucrative sponsor. I expect it to be good because we are in the capital of England. Yeah. Shithot place. Yeah, London. Shithot indeed.

We've had a fucking boiling down here. This is where all the deals happen. This is where it's all going on. Business. Business. Right. Okay.

Okay. I feel like you've bigged it up a little bit too much. Okay. What London? No one would like me as a sponsor. Sorry.

This week's sponsor is... This week's sponsor is... This week's sponsor is... Asking for a taste of someone's meal when they're on to their last bit. Listen. If you wanted a taste of this, right? Yeah, you've had a whole meal. I've been sitting here with this thing

that you've never had before. I saved this little bit for last. There's correct portions of everything on it. Don't be coming over now and saying you want to taste it now because it's my last little bit because I've saved this. This isn't me. Beef. There's correct portions of everything on it. Don't be coming over now and saying you want to taste it now because it's my last little bit because I've saved this. What? This isn't me.

Beef. What's happened? You've done it sometimes. That happens. Chris. But it's just a general thing. I would never, ever wait

until the end of somebody's meal that asked them for it. No, I haven't. Yeah, but I suppose I do it to you as well though. But I just, yeah. It's a thing that people do

that I don't like. Okay. There you go. Alright. What else do you want? What do you mean what else do I don't like okay there you go alright what else do you want what do you mean what else do I want what else do you want

from us apart from the last bit of me I do that I save all the best bits till last yeah it's a thing I don't eat the good bits

first I save them until the end I think me and Carl were talking about on tour when you go like I've got the last little bit and you go I'll keep a little bit

of chicken there a little bit of sauce a little bit of the rice is there that's my last little it's all of the elements on one forkful. And then, you know, people have, you know, some people have been known to go,

oh, can I have a taste? No, of this fucking bit, you can't. I know. This is the last remnants, and it's earmarked, and it's gone. That was weird what happened in the office just before, wasn't it?

What happened in the office? When I offered, if anybody wanted... Oh, God, guys. I don't have food. Honestly, right? We just got to the office, right? We went into the Chris and Rosie Ramsey show office with our lovely team working in there.

They're so lovely. They all ordered us some sushi, so we could have something to eat before the podcast. Rosie got a little bowl of miso aubergine. Lovely. Pipe and hot. Pipe and hot. Ate a few little chunks of it

and then stood up and announced the entire office. Some of the people in there we've only met once. And Rosie said, does anyone want any of this Michel Aubergine that I don't want? And everyone just went silent and looked at her. And I said, oh, sorry, guys. Everyone, what she's doing is she's offering you all her leftovers.

Does anyone want her leftovers? And they all went, no, it's fine. Ungrateful. Fucking unbelievable, that, like, unbelievable. Is that pandemic or is it we don't want your leftover food Yeah it's offensive that you offered the team

How's it offensive? They're already in an office with your name on the door You think they're going to have your table scraps You get one set of extensions in No no no Who the fuck do you think you are It's genuinely gone to my head It's literally gone to your head

I never thought about it like that I just thought it was wrong Who the fuck do you think you are? It's genuinely gone to my head. It's literally gone to your head. No, I never thought about it like that. I just thought it was wrong. Shocking. I offer everything. Well, isn't that normal? Honestly. Before you throw something away,

to say, do you want the rest of this if I don't need it? I do that with everyone I know. Yeah. People do that with me. The problem is you don't really know the people in the office. Some of them, you've only worked with them a couple of times. Some of them, you'd only been introduced to them today. Hiya, what was the name again?

Do you want this leftover? Yes, I've put the chopsticks in my mouth and then I've put them back into this bowl of Mr. War Machine. What was the name again? Would you like this? Sorry, am I being rude? I've got the hair extensions of a bastard in. That'll be it. Bastard with no manners.

And I'll kill you. Do you know as well, imagine, right, if this hair, because I think it is real hair apparently, right, do you think, if it's from a few different people,

that would be good, wouldn't it? No. I mean, honestly, any personality you can now manifest where the main topic of conversation isn't fucking hair extensions, get them out of here now

get them out of here now to the podcast because I am utterly fucking sick of hearing about these hair extensions I can't believe it are you loving how every single person

is going for a feel of them everyone wants to know everyone's coming for a feel of them everyone's talking and I hear the same thing well yeah stop it you're just getting them done in their little hoops

and they go in like that and when they pull them out and I said when they're going to pull them out no one got the joke in the office but I said when they pull them out you're going to look like one of no one got the joke in the office, but I said, when they pull them out, you're going to look like one of them parrots

whose owner has died and the parrot just fucking eats itself. Pulls all its own feathers out, the poor little bugger. What if they're going to ruin me, hey? Yeah. I'm going to get them taken out sooner rather than later.

Fucking shut up, man. What an absolute waste of money. Sick of me life. Why do I do these? Do you know what it is? I have to stop myself from getting angry at myself because I'm currently really annoyed at myself because I don't know why I do these? Do you know what it is? I have to stop myself from getting angry at myself because I'm currently really annoyed

at myself because I don't know why I do these things. Why? Why? Why, Rosie? Did you wait till the week you're going to be on telly to get something in your hair that you've never had before in your life? We've done it before, man. Why do I do these things? We've done it before. I haven't talked about it in the podcast

where we're doing a TV show and you went in to get your hair done and it was the first time you had hair and make-up and you came out and you looked like Snoop Dogg. We've talked about that, haven't we? You let her braid your hair and put it down. And I went, what the actual fuck is that? You looked like you'd been sitting down on the promenade

at the Costa del Sol. I went, why have you braided it? You look like a female UFC fighter about to go in go in and i went why have you done that you know i've just something about me here done so i just got it's like you were getting your money's worth for something you weren't even paying for the tv coming up here for it you're an idiot you're an absolute idiot absolute idiot what's wrong with you i don't know why i did these things why do i do it why i hate myself i actually hate my personality i hate i hate this part of me life it's like the hair version of like going into this you know say there's like someone who's gonna go i'll sort you some dresses out for the show and going in and coming out in fancy dress.

That's me. You're going to wear a couple of blouses and some trousers and some pantsuits or whatever and you come out fucking just like Gene Simmons from Kiss and McFake Tongue. I did it with my wedding dress. Got my wedding dress and I was like, oh, this is what I think I like. And got it and bought it. He didn't like it. He thought, this is not me at all.

I've done this. Too late. I had a nice day, though. Oh, great. I didn't even know that. So you didn't even like your wedding dress? No, I don't think I did. What?

You don't think you did? No, I didn't, actually. I just didn't feel... I didn't fucking do that. You need to have some courage in your convictions, you, mate. I know. Gee whiz. I just don't know.

It's the same and I'm questioning myself. Fucking shut up about your hair. you, mate. I know. Gee whiz. I just don't know. It's got this hair, man. I'm questioning myself. Fucking shut up about your hair. Play the jingle. Jingle. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, go. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle.

Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle!

Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Do You Like Your Hair? Or Do You Not? Do you like your hair? Wish I'd never done it. Next question. You just, just told me, and I never knew this, you just told me and our producer Daisy, who was just in the room setting us all up,

that you used to phone psychic hotlines. Right. And I didn't know this. I am like 99.9% that we have talked about this on the podcast. I would have known that. You phoned them. So I thought you went to them, but you used to phone them off the back of the paper

and you just told me that you phoned them and your mate would phone them. Step. And then you'd write everything down, but you used to phone them off the back of the paper, and you've just told me that you phoned them, and your mate would phone them, and then you'd write everything down, and then you'd phone each other up and go, how did she say it to you? How did she say this? She said this to me, and I'm gonna find love. So am I. Oh, I'm so happy for you, Steph. Oh, congratulations,

Rosie. Oh, God. Yeah, true story. It's a pity she couldn't have warned you. Misery loves company. It's a pity she couldn't have warned you about the fucking extensions. Could have avoided this entire mess. Never mentioned them. So, you used to ring the psychic hotlines? Mm-hmm.

Now, does it go through to, like, a proper thing, or is it literally just like, hello? Like, some woman picking the phone up? It's just somebody's house. Wow. Yeah, sometimes I think there might have been a foreign dial tone. Right. So, money, money, money.

I don't know how much that was costing a foreign dial tone. Right. Money, money, money. I don't know how much that was costing. International dial tone. Ouch. But yeah, so it was like 40 quid, I think, for a reading. Sorry. Sorry. 40 quid. You would phone up.

And when was this? So this was probably, oh, gosh, about 10 years ago. 10? 40 quid? 10 years ago? We were together 10 years ago. Well, longer ten years ago. Ten? Forty quid? Ten years ago? We were together ten years ago. Well, longer than that then. That's scary.

Fifteen years ago. I was about 23. Wow. Wow, okay. Was that longer? Yeah, it's just like, yeah. Wow. Yeah, bad times.

You were phoned up and how did you pay? I don't remember. Oh, back then, do you remember? It wasn't online banking and stuff. It was like you had to ring and give your card number and stuff. I don't know. Hello, psychic hotline. Hi, are you all right?

Can I have a reading? Yeah, can I have your card number? You should fucking know me card number, shouldn't you, you psychic? You tell me me card number. You bullshitter. I think that's how you did it. I can't fully remember. You fucking hell,

phoning up a psyche got light and giving them your card details. I got told some good stuff. Of course you did. Yeah, they could have told you good stuff if they wanted you to hear. I used to write it all down. I haven't got it anymore.

I should have kept it. I used to write it all down and look over it got it anymore. I should have kept it. I used to write it all down and look over it all the time. Right. I don't know. Yeah. I would only ring when I was sad, though. Yeah.

I'd never ring when I was happy. I think that's the main clientele. Yeah. No one's ever won the lottery then phoned the psychic hotline. It's going to happen to us. It's so true. Oh, Jesus.

Bad times. There's a chapter in the, that was our time. Was it that or the bad times? The dog days. The dog days. Me and Steph went through just really dog days. I love the idea of you falling asleep. You got like then.

Falling, Steph. Falling as a devil. What did they say to you? Oh, yeah. Same, same. It's exactly. E, the same again. E, definitely.

We once did it. We once did it and I'm sure we were in. So I think one of us just went out the room and had it and then came back. God fucking damn it.

And then we both, and then we had like a meeting about it but I'm sure we were crying. Crying your eyes out. Oh, wow. Going through it crying. Wow.

Oh, bad days. We were, they were bad. Wow. Bad times. Yeah. They were bad. Wow. Bad times. Yeah. But also, some of the best days of my life, so there you go. Well, there you go.

There you go. Some of the best days of your life. Happy days. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Okay, so it's time for Rosie's observations. Would you like the jingle? Yes, I love it. You know I love a jingle, since we can't use bloody real songs.

Come on. Well, you know me jingles aren't a jingle. You know it's me movie voice now. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I'm going to do... Do the heartbeat, I love the heartbeat. I don't know if this microphone will pick it up in the studio, but I'm just going to do it on the phone. Let's try it. Ready?

The helicopter. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit. Yeah. No, it's good. No, it's good. No, it's good. One woman. Many hair extensions. Yes.

The hair of a thousand individuals all converging on the scalp of one indecisive piece of shit. But she has observations for days. This spring, it is Rosie's Observations. Go on, then. What's your observation? What's this week's observation?

I don't know if this is a... It's not really a modern-day observation. Brilliant. So it's good. Right. So an observation being something you've noticed, you know, observed. This is something you've observed from the past, is it? Maybe. Observed.

Maybe I need to concentrate more on this section next week. Okay, okay. So I genuinely thought that as a grownup, parking tickets in the glove compartment of my car would be a lot more prevalent than they are due to American movies. See, the joke, the side gag of American movies like Liar Liar, where they open the... There's always loads of unpaid parking tickets.

I've never had one yet. An unpaid one? An unpaid one. Because you're paid straight away. They'll come through the post. But when you were younger and you watched them films, I've never had one yet. An unpaid one. An unpaid one. It's because you're paid straight away. They'll come through the post. But when you were younger and you watched them films, you'd be like, wow, you must get loads.

Right. Did you never think that? I always assumed it was the... Did you never think growing up you would just get loads of parking tickets? Like, it was part of what's going to happen. Right. No? No. Is that an observation?

No, it's not. I mean, it's honestly probably one of the most horseshit things you've ever said. It's not an observation. It's stupid. And everything's online now, so it doesn't matter. Fair enough. I do have, like, a train observation. Right. As well as an ick. Can I just say

along the lines of stuff that I thought would be more prevalent in my life, I don't know if I've ever said this on the podcast, but stuff that I was younger that I thought would be a lot more prevalent in my adult lifesand oh i've never seen it yet never been stuck in it once is it even real i think so but i don't know but quicksand every five minutes you watch something when you're a kid someone's getting stuck in quicksand well don't you feel see this is quicksand is the olden day equivalent of the little talky microphones in the ear is the olden day equivalent of the little talky microphones in the ear.

Quicksand for a lot of the 90s was just to get rid of baddies. Nice. Just to fucking fuck them off in the quicksand. Do you know what I mean? The audience will never, ever question the quicksand. And we didn't. We didn't. Until now.

We've cracked the case. Come on, what's your train observation before we bore everyone to death? Some people in this world take their jobs really, really fucking seriously. Yes. More seriously than any job I've ever took. Okay. And some people will work for an entire train journey. Right.

And I am bamboozled by this. Bamboozled. Great, you said the word bamboozled. Thank you. Because I did a bit of work on the train, but I also watched two episodes of The Ultimate Girls Trip

on Hear You intermittently and I had something to eat. Still really angry that I pay for Hear You twice by the way. Yeah well we'll talk about that later.

You've got a separate one and I've got one through my Amazon because you wanted to watch it on a different telly. Really hurts that I pay for that twice. It's £4.99

I'll give you the £4.99 It's the principal. When they're doing stuff like The Ultimate Girls Trip and all of the housewives I think It's brilliant there's a new one coming up. twice it's 499 I'll give you the 499 it's the principal when they're doing stuff like the ultimate girls trip and all of the housewives I think it's brilliant twice

there's a new one coming up I got a train ick do you want to hear it yes so a train ick is a man on the phone

talking business yeah and the train and the line keeps cutting off so he stops dead hangs up waits till the call's back

and then he apologises profusely it's awful yeah so yeah be your first and not sorry James I went under a tunnel yeah we'll get in the office you sent me a photo from the train today of the man in front of your desktop. Oh, yeah, that was quite bad. Was it on here that I was slagging you off for having loads of mess on your desktop? There's loads of files everywhere.

Of course it was on here. But you sent me one. Oh, my fucking God. Horrible. Guys, she sent us a photo of a guy with his laptop open. I've never seen so many icons on a desktop in my life. I wonder what they were. Honestly, I felt sick.

Did you zoom in? I felt sick, yeah. I looked at it for ages. I showed me to a life. I wonder what they were. Honestly, I felt sick. Did you zoom in? I felt sick, yeah. I looked at it for ages. I showed me tour manager. I couldn't believe it. I was like, that is a serial killer. I was like, that person is a serial killer. But then me tour manager annoyingly made a really good point.

He went, mate, because the search function on a Mac is so good, you don't need to put anything anywhere. You just dump it on the laptop, on the desktop, and then when you want to find it, you just type in search and you just find it. It wasn't a Mac. Oh, well. It was an old-school laptop.

Oh, right, well, there we go. Well, that's bollocks then. Okay, I didn't know. I wasn't even looking at the thing it was on. I was just looking at the fucking... Yeah. Never seen so many icons in my life. I didn't know there was that many programmes.

And for me to spot it as well. Yeah, really bad. Yeah, so that's me, terrain observation, and my ick all in one. Good, okay. Well, you know, I'll give you i'll give you and yeah i'll give you 50 hit rate on that i'll get a better observation i'll get that was um i fucked up don't hold your breath everyone i've fucked up that thing about parking tickets was i mean

i was bamboozled because it was gobbledygook there's two good words for you i'm sweating i haven't told you this right i always love something I haven't been told. So this happened the other day. You weren't in the room. I don't know where you were. Robin. Sorry, that sounds like a... It just sounds, you know, like I'm made up. You know when someone's lying when they're a kid?

No, you weren't there. I was with my cousin. I was with my cousin. They go to a different school. Oh, I love the cousin from a different school. Oh, my cousin went to my school. No, Robin was getting himself a little drink of water. Yeah.

He got a cup out of the cupboard to get his water. And the cup had, you know when he gets something out of the dishwasher and it's got like dried food on? Yes. Right. I don't think he'd ever seen this. Right. And he got the cup and he like saw it and he went to me,

he went, what is this? I've never felt so small in my life. That's fantastic! Chris, you know his face, you know it better than anyone. Yeah, he's disgusted in you. He was literally just like, what is this? Wow. And I was like, I said to him, I went,

it's a bit of dried food from the dishwasher, and he was like, what is this? And I was like, I said to him, I went, it's a bit of dried food from the dishwasher. And he was like, oh. Little tosser. Right, well, that's so good. So now he's also on your back about not being able to stack the dishwasher properly. Oh, yeah, blate. That would not have been from me stacking, because I stack so that would never happen.

And also that would not be from me emptying, because when I empty something out, I check it. If it's got food on it, I'll quickly it yeah so you've been away haven't you so yeah yeah i just thought it was funny and i thought like he's now getting to an age where he's noticing stuff because he would never there's gonna be so much he would never notice so much more that happening he's honestly cutting yeah yeah what is this yeah honestly like i said first day first day he started smelling me farts and seeing they were disgusting. Heartbroken. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. So, just a little reminder that the TV show starts on the 16th, guys.

Yeah, next Monday, isn't it? Monday the 16th, 9pm, BBC2 is the official start time. Very excited. We could tell you what guests we've got lined up, but we don't want to jinx anything because people cancel shit left, right and centre because of all kinds of things these days. So, whoever we've got you'll see on the night yeah i'm not jinxing anything i am excited i'm really excited but i have also lost a lot of sleep because i've made it a much bigger deal in my head than it is it is a big

deal i know it is a big deal i know it's a big deal like i know it is i know it is but i'm normally quite all right with stuff that are a big deal like we did the tour we've done this part like i'm you i'm quite good i am over height right and and then you know put on top of that that i got the hair extensions don't fucking mention the hair extensions again but add on top of that the fact that i lost a little bit of weight but then i got so stressed about the tv show that all i've done is eat right so i've probably put on the weight so i'm not the size that i want to be. Right. So this is just another thing.

How much does the hair weigh as well? Is that not adding a couple of pounds? Who knows? And then everyone's like... Because any time I say anything, they're like, well, the camera head's 10 pounds. And I'm like, that does not help. Oh.

I don't think that's true, though. I shouldn't be worried about that. It is true. I think it's an urban myth. It must be. Who specifically measured 10 pounds? I keep telling you you look fantastic, and stop it. It's starting to get...

I'm getting annoyed now. Because you're beautiful, you look amazing, you're going to look great. The woman who did my nails, she said... And I don't know whether this is, like, a term, an industry term, because I never heard it, because she said, like, two tans takes away 10 pounds. Well, honestly, you'll be proud of us all

because this was whilst I was getting my hair extensions in and I wanted to say to her, like, this is already a gamble, I'm not tanning twice. Like, I can't do that. Did you count Mrs Sibberley? Come on, look like Morph. Be like, Chris has got a new girlfriend. Chris has put some life into a mahogany coffee table.

It's sitting next to him with hair extensions on, talking shit. Brilliant. So I'm just having a moment. Stop it, it's going to be great. Tune in, guys. We can't wait for you to see it. Genuinely.

It'll be good fun. It'll be great fun. Yeah. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe-Hirwe. good fun. It'll be great fun. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret.

It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The First Omen is the most terrifying movie of the year. The First Omen, in theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca.

That's sunrisechallenge.ca. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Ladies first or gentlemen first? Do you know what? You go first. Okay.

Come on. Come at me. So, I started stand-up, right? I'm going to take you back before I take you forward, before I bring you back here. I started stand-up, you know, started making a name for myself. We got together.

I realised you were a very funny person. But for a while, I was a little bit frightened to let you into the limelight because I wanted to protect you. I was scared. I didn't want people being nasty to you. I've seen all the things people said to me. I've mentioned this a very funny person. But for a while, I was a little bit frightened to let you into the limelight because I wanted to protect you. I was scared. I didn't want people being nasty to you. I've seen all the things people said to me. I've mentioned this before on the podcast.

Well, it came from a moment when I briefly was on your Instagram Live. Yes. And a lad said, I thought your wife would be fitter. So that was a bit cutting. Do you remember that? Yeah, I do remember that, yeah. Still a touch mean him.

And a great lad. Thought your wife would be fitter. Says it like it is. So that was nice. Yeah, I do remember that, yeah. Still a touch mean, him. And, er, great lad. Thought your wife would be bitter. Says it like it is. So that was nice. Yeah, awful prick. But, stuff like that, yeah. So then, and then it's weird, because then, obviously, we now do stuff together,

which is great. And something that's never, ever, ever, ever bothered us is when people go, oh, your wife's funnier than you. OK. Never bothers us. Do you feel like it might have? No, never does, because comedy's subjective, and it doesn't matter what okay never bothers us and feel like it might have no never does because comedy's subjective and it doesn't matter what people are finding funny and stuff

like that and people oh if your wife gets more success than you doesn't bother us at all but last week what i finally finally got annoyed that you are famous as well why finally got annoyed because i had diarrhea right and then because of the diarrhea i then got like slightly sort of internal piles and i had to go and get some uh anusol suppositories yeah now back in the day when i was going in to buy something like that if the horrific moment where i can't find that on the shelf what i would do is when you were a lovely little unknown and no one knew who you were I'd whip my phone out and I'd go excuse me

do you have and then I'd pretend to open a text and I'd go and your soul it's from your wife she's written and your soul

is that right oh right okay and they would go oh yeah okay there they are now I can't do that right

and I'm really fucked off about it I mean you could do you know what I bought the other day I was only popping to the shop to get I asked you what we needed right

I had to go to the shop to get anisole all I was buying in Asda was anisole and I text you saying do we need anything from the shops do you have any idea

what was in that basket with the anisole what gherkins carrots it was a bag of carrots and a box of anisole. I look like a fucking maniac.

That is not a good combination. It looked like I was taking the suppositories and then the carrots were just to get them up a bit further. And I couldn't blame any of it on you because everyone knows who you are now. Oh, sorry. Yeah, so that's me beef. Listen, now you've taught me a you are now oh sorry yeah so that's me listen I would

now you've taught me a really good trick and I'll do that I'll do that with you no I'm too right I'm going to do that I used to do that

all the time what's that what her husband said what's he asked for that husband of mine what's she asked for that husband my husband

have you seen children in need yeah he's did that a couple of times that's him what is it oh lube

it says a lot about you like you had to read that out what that a couple of times. That's him. What is it? Oh, lube. Says a lot about you that you had to read that out. What? Lube. And with them, what's your beef? So my beef with you, I'm not sure

if I've done this before because it's something that really knocks and you've done it for years. Every time you bathe the kids, Right. you ask me which one's their towel. And honestly, Chris, I don't give a shit.

Wow. As long as a towel, because this is the kids, right? We don't share towels because, you know, we've got enough towels. For the kids, like, I don't care. As long as they smell cleanish and they are dry and they fit their bodies, use that. Don't start asking me exactly which towel it is, what colour it is,

whereabouts it is. Like... Wow. It gets... It really gets on my nerves. One of our children's got verrucas at the minute. Don't use it on their feet.

All right, OK. So just let them walk around with wet feet sitting on the tiles. And I'm not being funny. I caught all of my brother and sister's stuff. All right, so because

you lived in Squalor... It's a given. ..and shared towels and dug them on each other's arseholes, then eyeballs, we should do the same, should we? No, it's a given. No? Have you got time to separate the towels and that? Very easy, very easy.

Because what I do is, if I've bathed them the night before, I will dry Rafe, then I'll put his towel on the back of his door, and then I'll put Robin's towel on the back of his door, so I know where they are. But when it's time when you've bathed them the day before and I've then got to bath them, thus begin the towel treasure hunt. Where could it be?

What colour is it? You've got them on the back of the kitchen chairs, they're on the downstairs radiators, they're in that basket halfway up the stairs. It's carnage. It's like a fucking Easter egg hunt for towels. Just put them back on the back of their doors. What's the matter with you? What are they going to weigh? I get them ready downstairs. They're going, don't they? They wear towels.

No, but when they put their pyjamas on, they go downstairs in their towel, take their pyjamas down, they have a bowl of cereal before bed, and Robin can't actually go to bed without a bowl of cereal. It's a problem. It's really weird. Anyway. Sorry, so once you take the towel downstairs, that's it. It just disappears. You can just take

it back upstairs and hang it on the door, that's what I do. Oh, no. Wow, wow. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Wow. It'll live on the downstairs really, eh, then? You really don't go and get anything, do you? I hate it.

That's what I'm like, you don't go and get or go and put stuff anywhere. No, the difference is, I feel like that's all I ever do. No, I've never seen you do it. Your home is very rare compared to me. I despise taking stuff up them stairs and taking stuff down wow i loathe it that's why we've got we've got the give up basket haven't we i don't mention this we've got a basket guys it's just it's it's the fucking it's the give up basket it's so sad this basket is literally it's very attractive basket it's a nice basket it's like the shape of a stairs like a wicker basket

it's like halfway up the stairs for stuff you can't be arsed to take up the stairs so tragic you go that needs to go upstairs you know when you do the shopping

and you go and get all your like food shopping stuff but then there's like randomly I don't know a bottle of Domestos and a roll on deodorant in there and you go I can't be arsed

to take it upstairs so it just goes in this fucking halfway house basket this stop gap basket halfway up the stairs you never take them upstairs though the towels I do

no everything in there why have I got to take everything upstairs you don't have to take everything upstairs but I end up you don't you do not do

other than the tiny little jobs that you do you don't do any other jobs that's a really that's a bold statement other than the tiny little jobs I do I don't do any other jobs? That's a really, that's a bold statement. Other than the tiny little jobs I do, I don't do any jobs.

I? What do you mean? Exactly what I said. Well, what jobs do I do? You take the bins out. Oh, I'm quite good at that. That's it? You don't ever carry things upstairs?

I do. You don't ever take things downstairs? You don't ever do the washing? You don't really, very rarely hang the washing up? Only when I ask you. Listen, I hang the washing up for you all the time. Fuck off. She loves it.

She loves it when I say I've done something for her. No. But that's been a beef before. I need a dishwasher for you. Oh. But that basket. I've done this for you. That basket's like a little game of buckaroo.

We fill that basket up and then when it's full, the person who puts the last thing on that's full, like won't fit in anymore. They have to take all the stuff upstairs. I'm in an awkward position with that basket up and then when it's full the person who puts the last thing on that's full like won't fit in anymore they have to take all the stuff up to this I'm in an awkward position with that basket now because there's two

so I bought the boys some summer shoes right so they've got matching little crocs which are very cute right right nice and then Robin's got a pair

of like Marvel flip flops and that for holiday right so they're not I don't need them desperately nobody needs them so they're going to be in there for a while oh they're in there now they're in... I don't need them desperately. Nobody needs them. So they're going to be in there for a while. Oh, they're in there now? They're in there now.

Oh, for fuck's sake, I've got that little photo when I get home. Yeah, there's a coat hanger in there, which is random. There's a pair of jeans that I was actually going to send back, but because I've lost a little bit of weight,

I'm going to keep them. Right. So that's quite positive. Yay, mate. Aspirational jeans. Aspirational jeans. Well done. But actually, they're very skin colourish

that's why I didn't like them, I'm going to send them back they're like the same colour as my skin which is not great is it post tan or pre tan I don't know well like a caramelly colour

so probably a couple of layers sometimes I have to really think about post and pray. You didn't understand post and pray. I was wondering why you went dead quiet there.

I was like, why are you being secretive about your jeans? So post is after, pray is before. Yes. So these are post tan. Right.

It really throws us off the post and pray. It always has. Wow. I really have to take a minute to think about it. Yeah. Every time I've ever

you're sweating even more now no I know any time anyone's ever gone it's that poster I'm like oh let me

let me get back to that one Jez it's time for questions from the public questions from the public public public

guys that's all there's one in getting touch it's shagged marionoy.gmail.com Public. Question from the public. Public. Public. Guys, that's all there is to it. Get in touch at sharkmountainhoy.gmail.com. Rosie, what we got? Would you like a story about shit? Always. Are we allowed to do that? No, we're allowed to sing it.

We're just not allowed to play anything. Okay. Let's talk about shit, baby. Let's talk about poo and wee. Let's talk about all the good Let's talk about poo and wee Let's talk about all the good shits And the bad shits that have been Let's talk about shit Let's talk about shit With a little bit of shit

Let's talk about shit Shag, marion and shit I forgot, I forgot about my little bit there. Oh, come on. Very exciting. Come on then, this is good. Hello, Rosie and Chris. I was at a hen party over the Easter bank holiday weekend and we got on to a conversation about how everyone has shit themselves stories.

Yep, been here, been right there. Hand up me hands high in the air. Yeah. We all began to reveal our stories to each other and I thought that mine was very fitting for your podcast. Ooh. When I was in sixth form, in brackets, 16 years old, I decided to do French for A-level

so I could go on a French exchange trip, in brackets, to meet some lovely French boys. Oh, goodness me. That's bold at 16, isn't it? Just, I want to go and meet some French lads. Well, yeah, I suppose, but when do you want to do it in your 30s? It may be bold, but it's also the only time that opportunity is presented to anyone, Rosie. Spoil that, innit?

Wait till you're 50, love. Get a bit of life experience behind you. No idea. I just thought it might have been more, you know, experience the French culture. No, so she's going to go. Okay. This involves staying with a French culture. No, so she's going to go. Okay. This involves staying with a French family. I ended up with sunstroke

and combined with questionable hooking from my host family, I really needed a shit on the bus back from a day trip. Oh, God. I told my French teacher that I was in agony and needed to go. She said I would have to wait.

Oh, no. Le wait. No. It's an English teacher, isn't it. Oh, no. Le wait. No. It's an English teacher, isn't it? No, she's the French... She's French, but she's not French, but she's an English teacher. Le wait.

That would be interesting. Le wait. Le wait. How lazy was that? Le wait. Oh, God. What are you going to say, though? What are you going to say? I? What are you going to say?

I'll see you in a minute when we get to the next bit. OK. Ten minutes later, I returned to her and told her I needed a go and that I was about to have an accident. She took me off the bus and I started to shit myself. I said, oh, it's funny. That'll have been the stairs that did that, you know. That'll have been the stairs down off the bus.

Yeah, yeah. That'll have been jiggling the old bum cheeks up and down. She told the bus to go on as we couldn't get back on it. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Just leave, we're here. She's covered. Just go on without us, please.

Le covered. Le go on. Le without us. Ha ha ha! You've got to stick an E in there. And. Le save yourselves. Fucking hell. This is the most ignorant pigeon French ever.

Come on. Oh, hey. Oh, that's great. Oh, yeah. OK. I was now left in the French countryside with my French teacher. It gets worse.

She took me into someone's garden and handed me a plastic bag and told me to shit into it. I wonder what part of our PGCE covered this. Oh, God. And now, in this day, we're going to cover when a student needs to shit themselves. In the French countryside. In the French countryside.

No, don't just do it in the countryside. No, make sure you climb into someone's garden so that when they look out of their le window, they see a le shitting child at the bottom of their le garden. It says here I did. Wow. But ended up covered in my own shit

in 30 degree weather. I was now crying. My French teacher crossed the road as a woman came out of a house. She explained to the woman what was happening and the random woman invited us into her house where I could That's bull. No chance. No chance. Would you not?

Oh, I look out my window and there's someone shitting in a carrier bag. A 16-year-old girl. A 16-year-old girl. Absolutely not. OK. Shitting in a... Oh, yeah, come on in.

Why I? Why not? No way. Which is that? At the least, I would say, look, if you walk round the back, I? No way. Which is that? At the least, I would say, look, if you walk round the back, I'll hose you down in the garden.

Wow. I'll hose you. It's 30 degrees, you'll be fine. I would let them in. I'll hose you down. You can hose yourself down. You are no chance. Are you coming in my house, covered in your own shite,

with a carrier bag with your own shite in, which I guarantee you've missed it. It's on the outside of the carrier bag as well. 30 degree heat. Oh, God. No way. No way. I don't care how good your French is.

Well, I was going to say, as a student, it would be interesting to see how good your French teacher actually was at speaking French. Oh, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, this has got to be...

Oh, testorama. You can tell it's A-level French and not GCSE. I think GCSE, they wouldn't have got away with this, but this is sixth form. This is A-level French. Oh, you think that?

She knows it. She's vendetta will come in. So, she's gone to the toilet, this French lady. She then burst in while I was on said toilet and turned the shower on and started shouting at me in French to get in and give me a spare change of clothes. There we go. Yeah. I showered myself off in this random woman's house

and she took my shit-covered clothes with her, probably for incineration. One of the host teachers from the trip Wow. And it says, That's amazing, to be fair. I know. She's really got away with that. Wow. It says,

I am now 28 and a secondary school teacher myself, so please keep me anonymous. Wow. I love that. After that, I would... If I'd found out about that, I would very subtly, very subtly just call her the cat. Oh, shitting in a bag in the garden.

No, because isn't cat in France, chat? I don't know. Maybe. I'm sure she ends dog and I'm sure cat's shat. Oh, well, that's clever. I just call her the cat. That's clever. Yeah, it was lost on you when I had to explain it. I mean, horrendous.

The best ones you've got to explain. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Been binge listening for a few months now and I'm finally caught up. So thought I'd share this short and not so sweet tale from my 12 years as a taxi driver in Sunderland. Oh, get in. This'll be great. This'll be great. One fairly standard Saturday night at work, I picked up a lady from one of the ranks in the town, and she asked to be taken to an address maybe 15 minutes away.

OK. She sat in the front next to me, and the journey was going easily enough, with a standard conversation in flow, when suddenly, about halfway through the trip she stops talking, looks over at me and I glance long enough to see her face was green before I had a chance to pull over she whipped open her handbag and

spewed a good amount of alcohol and whatever else she had consumed that night into it. Oh handbag hooray, hooray I've never done that it says here phew I I thought. No mess in the taxi. And despite the smell, I was happy to continue the journey as planned.

How big was her handbag? It might have been pretty big. Taxi drivers go through a lot, don't they? Honestly, shout out to the taxi drivers. Awful. I don't think they get enough appreciation. Saturday night taxi drivers. Grim.

Yeah. Grim. So she's vomiting in her handbag and he's happy to go on. Mm-hm. She assured me she was OK. Fair enough. Until we pulled up at her address and I asked for the taxi fare. GASP

SHE GASPS She went into her vomit-filled handbag... ..and pulled out a slimy £20 note... God! ..and tried to hand it to me, looking ashamed of herself. Oh, my God, I didn't even think of that i told her it was fine to pay me next time in brackets i never saw her again question is would you have accepted the money or let it go oh this was 12 years ago right no was

it i don't know they are are waterproof now, aren't they? They're plastic now, aren't they? Yeah. But what, I mean what are you going to do though? What have you got, unless you've got one of them little Ziploc Ikea bags and you're going to put it in there like evidence. Yeah, no, and then you can wash it when you get home. Oh, nah. This is, so, when I was younger, you know when you used to put money in your mouth?

Yeah. Do you ever put money in your mouth? Coins and that. Yeah, my mum would go off it. Get shouted at, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she'd literally tell me, like, that could have been down someone's knickers. I've always remembered her saying that. That could have been down someone's knickers. But the horrible thing is, you touch a note and you touch money,

like, where have they been? Because she will have washed that and used it again. I don't know if she'll have even washed it. I think she'll have probably just dabbed it with a kitchen roll. Yeah, yeah, probably let it dry out. Oh, no, see, I don't think she's that disgusting. I think she's just being caught out and vomiting in her handbag. Oh, see, the lady was sick in her handbag.

We've all been in states, Christopher. I know, but... Don't you, Dave? No, I... We were hospitalised once. I've been sick loads of places, but all I'm saying is, being sick in the handbag,

it feels like a calculated thing I've just done a few times. Oh, it happened again. Bang, handbag. No, sometimes you can't... She didn't open the door, she didn't go out the window. You can't get there

quick enough have you never when you I haven't done this for years but I remember being younger in a taxi

and you're in the back and you're like swallowing and swallowing just the thought of it there I got a little flashback I feel like crying I've done it

in the back you're swallowing and you're going I'm going to be alright no I'm going to make it I'm going to be alright I'm going to be alright and you are

and then you manage to get through the pain and you go thank you thank you and you get out and then you get home and you just vomit oh man she didn't make it see i'm sure there's a fine there's a fine for being sick in a taxi and then there's a slightly less fine for being sick out of the window of a taxi and then there's a less fine for being sick out the door i'm sure the tear to them in self-shields for being sick out the door i think if you open the door and you're sick out of the door i'm sure there T had them in self-shields. You get fined for being sick out the door? I think if you open the door and you're sick out the door, I'm sure there's still a bit of a fine. And there's a fine for being sick out the window

because they've got a clean sick off the side of the car. But the thing is, if you're sick inside of the taxi, you've got to... The guy's out of commission for the full night. He's going to lose a fortune. I understand that. It makes sense. I've never done that. No?

Touch wood. I've never been sick inside of the car. Have I? I don't know. Probably. I didn't know. Probably. I didn't know you then, this time, but my brother-in-law, Michael, which you wouldn't expect this, actually, because he's not a big drinker. Right.

Kate picked him up once from a work stew. Work stew's always the worst ones. Always the worst ones. He was sick out the back of the car, but some of it went into the back of the car. Her car was lifting. That's bad. For months afterwards, it was horrible. She must have been going fast. She just went out the window. Her car was lifting. That's bad. For months afterwards. It was horrible.

She must have been going fast. She just blew out the window and just blew back in. Vile. Nope. Hi, Rosie and Chris. After hearing about Chris's friend eating salad from a bag,

the man eating an Easter egg on the train, I remember the worst thing I ever saw eaten in public. Being eaten in public. Exciting. I was on a bus opposite a lad who was having a snack out of the shopping bag he was carrying. Okay.

He'd been to a freezer shop, Iceland, a farm foods type place. Right. And in the ten minutes he was on the bus, he ate a full bag, in brackets, like the size you'd usually make four or five meals with, of... Are you ready? Fine. Frozen prawns.

Fuck off. Like they were crisps. No way. In massive letters. He'd be dead now. He must be dead. Oh, I don't know. And she said, I don't remember if they were cooked or raw, but most definitely still frozen. Oh!

They were the shitty little tiny pointless prawns that disappear in a paella. Wow, all right, man. Jesus. And he was scooping them in. Oh! She says the most awful, ick part of it was the prawny, icy, wet dribbles running down his wrists and chin as he swallowed the prawns into his mush.

I can still see it. Oh. How do you say paella? Paella. Or paella. It's exactly how you're supposed to, but I find it when people do stuff like that. It's awful that, isn't it? I don't think that's it. I feel like you're showing off.

So it's similar. It's similar, but it probably isn't. But it's like people who eat raw eggs. Sorry, I thought you were still talking about how to say stuff. Oh, no, sorry, I was talking about... I didn't mean someone was showing off by having the prawns. No, he's not showing off. No, no, he's showing himself off.

He's not showing off. Who eats raw eggs? Gaston. You're giving me a protein thing. Like I have a rock in that. What was he eggs? Gaston. You mean like a protein thing? Like I have a rock in there? What was he doing? The rock. Does he? You mean bodybuilders and people who are fit? Yeah. I don't even know if raw eggs are still a thing. I'm really not sure. Used to be, didn't it? I did. I think so, back in the day but no, no, no, no looks like that's not no one

something that's not no one and I well you backed out that quick yeah the line you're looking for

is when I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs and we wanted to have a big and large now that I've run eight five

dozen eggs and I'm roughly the size of a barge guys did you hear that mumbling and murmuring along that she

did as she pretended to know the words do you know what it is? I've got a problem with that song Guys, did you hear that mumbling and murmuring along that she did as she pretended to know the words? Do you know what it is? I've got a problem with that song. That song. No matter how many times I've listened to that song and watched Beauty, I cannot learn the words to Gaston. It's a complicated song.

No one. No, no, no. The first line, it slips from the conversation into the song. Yeah, the guy, the little guy. Yeah, and it's like, yeah, I hate to see you down and all this, and then it sort of turns into this thing of being, best line in that song, it says something about spitting, and then he says, I'm especially good at expectorating,

which is like the scientific word for spitting. See, I've never remembered that. Oh, there's something about that song. Controversial thought here. The whole song is trying to big them up because Belle doesn't really want anything to do with them. Three wenches in the pub. Much fitter than Belle.

And there's three of them. What's he doing? He wants the one that he can't have. But they're much fitter. You've seen them. On Disney. They're nearly pornographic, them. They shouldn't be allowed in Disney. Three blonde wands. He picks them up with one chair. He's wasting his time with that fucking bookworm.

Is he mental? Fucking bookworm with a nutter dad. Knocking around with big beasts. There's three blooming ready-made wenches for you there, man. What are you doing? I know. What are you doing, Gaz? You always want what you can't have, don't you?

Honestly, even as a child, the first time I saw that, I thought, I don't know, he's wasting his time with her four. Look at them three. Who, which Disney princess do you fancy the most? Them three. Them three? Yeah, yeah. Okay, good choice.

Blows all of them out of the water. Good choice. Yeah. I was always Eric for a long time. Who's Eric? Eric, Little Mermaid. Why do I have to bring him? Prince Eric Oh, right, okay, right

And then, I always had a soft spot for in Mulan Right The guy who's, what's his name, man? The, the Be your man, you must be swift as a corpse I've never seen it What? I've never seen Little Mermaid either, but I know who Eric is

What? I've never seen it all the way through I feel like Little Mermaid peaks, but I know who Eric is. What? I've never seen it all the way through. I feel like Little Mermaid peaks far too early. What do you mean? Sebastian, under the sea, peak. It peaks ten minutes in and then it's... But then you've got Kiss the Girl. No.

It peaks too early. I love Little Mermaid. Another controversial Disney thought. Yes? When the Beast turns back into a bloke, beasts fit on that bloke. Yeah, massively. Massively. Wouldn't give that bloke, beasts fit on that bloke. Yeah, massively. Massively.

Wouldn't give that bloke a second look, honestly. Yeah, you wouldn't. I fancy the beast a little bit. He's a very nice beast. Can you imagine if you looked at him and went, oh, can you turn back? Can you turn back? You're a bit soft and weird.

I like the ruggedness. I like the horns and the dog feet. Yeah, I agree. It's really funny. I do agree. And they did manage to make, weirdly make, the candlestick,

like, sexy. The guy, the candlestick. Is this just because you love lamps? Possibly. Or has he got Lumiere? Isn't this Lumiere? This is where your love

of mood lightens comes from. Maybe it is. It's nothing to do with lamps. It's because you fancy Lumiere. Wow. Green. Pull up a chair. Sit down.

Petsy butch. God. I love Lumiere. See, you do know French, putting yourself down. Got another prawn story. Another prawn story? Yeah, I know. You're serious?

Yeah. Sorry, we completely just went, glossed over and went on a tangent. That man eating frozen prawns, what's he doing? Was he trying to make himself I reckon, he may have been trying to make himself ill. I feel like they told him at work that day that tomorrow

was his big evaluation and it's not looking good or whatever and he's thought, right, fuck this, straight to food, eating frozen prawns on the bus. He'd be shitting through the eye of a needle the next day. Remember my mate's friend who'd lick the chicken so she could fit into her dress? Again, yes, please, all listeners, never do that. You will die.

Yeah, don't do that. Yeah, madness. Who knows, who knows? Maybe it's just... Some people survive things like that. I told you that documentary I watched where the lass was addicted to drinking nail varnish. And then another lass used to change our kids' nappies

and suck the nappy after. I know. So awful. That one genuinely made us feel like, don't ever... I'm just thinking of, like, Rafe's... I watched a full video, yeah. I'm just thinking of Rafe's morning nappy

where it's, like, yellow. Hanging off him. You take it off and you drop it and it's like, whomp, the's like yellow. Hanging off him. You take it off and you drop it and it's like, the tiles are cracking. Nah, move on. I do not want to hear about that anymore. Fucking hell.

I watched a full documentary. I can't remember what it was called. Oh, that one. Sorry, I thought you were just claiming that you've watched a full documentary and you're proud. He's like, I watched a full documentary and I read a book.

Beginning to end. Oh, and then another prawn story. Another prawn story. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Recent listener, big fan. I couldn't wait to send the story in about a family camping trip. Got you. My parents have a newfound love after buying their camper van,

so much so they asked me to meet them in the Peak District for a night. The campsite we were in was gorgeous and had a picturesque small river running through it. The river was at the bottom of our pitch. When I arrived, my dad was proudly cooking a meal using his newly installed van gadgets. It was pasta for me, as I'm a veggie,

and they were having a prawn salad. OK. My dad noticed the pack of Marks and Spencer's sweet chilli pre-cooked prawns they had brought for dinner were out of date and smelt a bit funny. Oh, Lord. My dad, being the nutter that he is, chucked them into the small river for the ducks to eat

instead of wasting them. Chilli? With chilli? Chilli, yeah. Mate. I know. We thought nothing of the fact there were no ducks there. Brilliant. Just put them in there.

Yeah. Later on, as we were eating and looking out and mitering the river, a family came along with two young children to play in the river, carrying fishing nets. I knew it. I fucking knew it. I knew this was going to happen. Soon after, their two young children became very excited and started shouting for their dad to come and take a look at what they had caught. Wild prawns, they were shouting. Cooked wild prawns, Dad. How hot's this river? Look!

My mum's face dropped as the dad of the family came over looking gobsmacked. It got worse. We heard the dad say, Wow, how did you catch those? I didn't know prawns were native to the Peak District. As he proudly started taking photos of the floating prawns his children had caught. Their kids were ecstatic and the whole family believed that these floating, shell-less, head-less, pink, sweet chilli cooked prawns

were wild native prawns that lived in the Peak District rivers. Look, look what I've got further downstream. Look, some vegetarian pasta. Native to the Peak District. Look, wow. Ridiculous. By this point, both me and my parents were keeled over laughing. Mum very embarrassed.

Incredible. Trying not to make it obvious that they were in fact Marks and Spencer's prones my dad had thrown in. Brilliant. Then we heard the dad ask his friends, who he had called over proudly, if it was worth catching more and having them on the barbecue for their tea. Oh, my God. We never told the family they were our prones,

but they did not end up taking them out of the river for the barbecue. How thick? They think they look like that? I know. Well, if you'd thrown a bat-eyed cod in from the fish and chip shop, would you go, oh, look, a cod? the barbecue. How thick? They think they look like that? I don't. Well, if he'd thrown a bat-eyed cod in from the fish and chip shop, would he go, oh, look, a cod.

Chris, some people have never seen food in a raw state. Right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but he's knocking out sentences like, I didn't know the one

needed to the Peak District. He sounds like an idiot. Maybe he was just saying it for his kids. Maybe he knew. Probably, yeah. Like, I'm not being funny. He probably was like, I've seen them in Marks knew. Probably, yeah. Like, I'm not being funny. He probably was like, I've seen them in Marksies.

Right, yeah. They are covered in sweet chilli. Nah, yeah, you do that for your kids. You're like, wow, you've caught them. Ah, yeah, OK, I'll give them that. Fair enough. Do you know what? Do you know what?

I thought he was an idiot. He's just a bloody good parent. Just a good dad. And I apologise. I apologise. He's just a good dad. I love him. I would have an affair with him.

Good. Great. I'll take that over that's your extensions talking so you've got the extensions of a killer and a hussy hussy wow

slag thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed which is part of the Acast creator network thank you very much guys we really really love that you're still tuning in, still enjoying our absolute inane, mindless babbling. And we'll be inanely, mindlessly babbling at you again next week.

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