Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 171. Meet you in my dreams

Episode Date: June 10, 2022

As well as serving up some brilliant beefs and icks there is also dream analysis and a surprise gift from Sandra. QTFP's involve social etiquette, a not so nice desert bowl and a memory for Chris to revisit. Enjoy! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental

Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Denied with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband who spits little bits of skin on the floor with thinking that I don't notice.

Wow. But today he nearly spat it in my ice lolly. Wow. Christopher Ramsey. So you're not even keeping that for the beef? No. You're just doing that for now? Yes.

Right. So we're sitting, we're going to have to tell them what we're doing. Hi everyone, by the way. I didn't even get a chance to say hello before I got insulted. Yeah, a little bit of skin off the inside of my mouth and then I just went like... Oh, was it inside your mouth? Yeah. Yeah, it was by the way. I didn't even get a chance to say hello before I got insulted. Yeah, a little bit of skin off the inside of my mouth, and then I just went like... Oh, was it inside your mouth? Yeah, yeah, it was the good stuff.

It was the good stuff. It was nice in there. You were very aggressively, like, on the floor. Right, yeah. I didn't know you did that very often. Well, normally it's microscopic. Normally it's microscopic and you can't see it, but yeah, in your defence, it was...

I mean, I'm surprised there wasn't some wind coming off it. It was like a little parachute going down without someone... It went very close to me, ice lolly. Yeah? Well, maybe you shouldn't be eating ice lollies during the day indoors. What? A grown woman eating an ice lolly during the day indoors. A grown woman?

Is there an age limit on an ice lolly? I think not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Sitting eating fabs, which I'm honestly... Rubbish. Oh, don't even. Just a rubbish lolly. It's the best ice lolly

just a rubbish lolly and I know I know I'm in the minority here I know people are going to tweet it's kicking off but what is make your mind up fab

make your mind up what are you are you a fucking are you a cupcake are you a fucking are you a magnum are you a lolly are you some kind of ice cream

it's all of them and that's why I like it so much jack of all trades master or non I tell you what I could eat now I can't stop eating today I could eat a double chocolate can't stop eating today.

I could eat a double chocolate Magnum. Double chocolate Magnum. Caramel even, not chocolate. Double caramel. You know when they've got caramel in? Oh yeah, so it's like a normal Magnum and then it's like

they've dipped it in caramel and they've done the chocolate round it again. Yeah, it's like, do you want to be sick? Aye, I do.

And you from Magnum, the Magnum cavity. It's the cavity. Guys, as always thank you so so much for coming back short intro this time I think

hopefully fingers crossed although then again I've still got to do my nuclear response so that might spiral out into all kinds we don't know where

we'll end up but thank you so much for coming back and listening if it's your first time welcome to the party you've got a lot to catch up on because it's episode 171.

Shit, they're big. Got to listen to them all because they all will drop their little narrative points in all of them that will all make sense at the end. Was really thought through. In 10,000 episodes. We'll like that guy. It's all the narrative structure is going to be incredible. Who writes Game of Thrones? George. George R.R. Martin. We'll like him. We'll like him. Of the podcast.

Until the TV producers took over on the final series of Game of Thrones and it went there a little bit we had to think we'd all agree now listen

I know yeah just a bit now it's episode 171 without any further ado it is time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor this week's sponsor is

I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this this week's sponsor is people who don't lock the public toilet stall yet act like you are some kind of pervert when you accidentally open the door that they forgot to lock right fuck them what happened sick it was on the train the idea i didn't get a chance to tell you okay i went up there's literally right

and i love this word lozenge there's a little lozenge on the front of the door a little green lozenge is that what they're called you know like a little lozenge it's's a little lozenge on the front of the door, a little green lozenge. Is that what they're called? You know, like a little lozenge. It's either red or it's green. It's red or it's green. What the hell? A lozenge? Lozenge, isn't it?

Yeah, I'm sure that's the right word. Do you ever do your cats or your sats at school and you have to put a little lime through the lozenge? Oh, Chris. You're asking the right... A lozenge? I thought that was what you had when you had a sore throat we're going to have to

google this now lozenge I feel like you've just made that up how the hell am I going to spell lozenge it's not just

the colours lozenge tablet clever change change in the shape of a solid diamond a rhombus

or diamond shape a rhombus or a diamond shape that's not the toilet thing, though. Yeah, it is. It's a little thing on the front, isn't it? It's a little, yeah, it's a little rhombus shape thing, and it goes red or green with how you...

Okay, all right, then. Well, all right. Rosie, I just love the word. No, I'm happy with that. I've learned something new. I didn't know that that was called that. I thought it was a throat sweet. Well, it obviously talks about the shape.

I've Googled it. Well done. It's because I correct you so much. I'm just expecting loads of people to just go absolutely berserk. Lozenge. Photos of the train door going, technically not allowed. You know what?

It's a little fucking window. I know exactly what you mean. Oh, my God. Green or red. So it was green. Right. It was green. Okay, so that means it's open.

Green means go. Green means go. Yeah. No one in here. Yeah. I opened it. What are you doing? I'm opening the fucking door that was labeled open

because it was green on the front you twat was it a man yeah yeah whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa yourself pervert i'm not the attacker here i'm not in the wrong you are essentially pissing out in public yeah yeah sick of it might have done it deliberately you might might get his kicks well you didn't sound like he was getting his kicks he sounded absolutely fucking furious and then he comes out and gives like a dirty look

and I'm like shut up you didn't lock the door you didn't lock it the worst ones are them ones you know the revolving door on the train I don't go on them anymore

the revolving one I don't go in them I don't do not trust them when you get in it goes please lock the door and you click and it goes the door is now locked

and I always go is it is it though no is it though I don't think it is because I know you can open them with your hands

if you're rough enough. What can you do? Yeah, yeah. You can just rag it open. Just slide them. Just rag it open. Absolutely. Do you know what it is?

If I didn't get a urine infection through holding me and weeing for too long I wouldn't wee on the trains because I think they're vile. Got you. Absolutely vile. Got you.

Standing in piss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stinks. Yeah. I just hate it. Again on the train. I just don't like them. Two more things. To just hate like again on the train don't like them two more things toilet beefs on the train

right the other day one of them was about honestly it was about half an inch thick of piss and water on the floor and I came out

and I went to some guy I was like mate I was like is that just blokes pissing on the floor I don't know what is it but the point is

I was like mate I was like it's deep the floor is soaking yeah there's water or something all over the floor and he looked at us

as if to go hmm pissed on the floor did you and yeah, there's water or something all over the floor. And he looked at us as if to go, hmm, pissed on the floor, did you? And I'm like, look at how much is there. No, I'd be a fucking,

I'd be a cornflake. All me bodily fluids would be on that floor now. Do you know what it always just makes me think of? Do you know how some people don't take their shoes off in the house?

Oh God, yeah. I just always think of them train toilet floors. Yeah. And I think, my feet have been in that. That's why I take my shoes off at the front door.

Whenever I've been on that train, I make a massive point of taking my shoes off at the front door. Sometimes leaving them outside. Because I'm like, this is just stranger piss all around my house when my baby crawls. Oh, no. Another one, right? I was on the train years ago.

A kid posh bloke was next to us, right? We're both standing, waiting for the toilet, right? He fucking knew I was there. He knew I was there. Now, the person came out of the toilet and walked towards me. So I had to move and let them out of the little corridor. And then when I look up,

posh boy in his suit, he's walking in the toilet. And I stopped, I stopped him. I went, mate, sorry, I was here before. I was in the queue. And he was not fully in the toilet yet. Door's still open. And he went, oh, sorry, I didn't realise.

And I stared at him him and he stared at me and I went were you still going to go in first though were you and he went and he just shut the door and had his piss and I was like

you weren't even in there like I told him I went oh I didn't realise and there's this fucking stand off of like well I'm not going to

step out one step now oh it's raging hate to be one of them people right but you have just reminded me of a dream that I had the other night. Oh, for fuck's sake. Oh, no. Baba do ba.

Hey, here's the intro, everyone. Can I quickly tell you? No one wants to fucking hear your dreams. Can I quickly tell you? Because I don't know what it means. It means I'll ring Kate and ask her later on. Oh, she'll give you some bollocks, yeah. No.

Can I tell you my dream? Yeah, I can. But can I just say, listen, guys, just because I'm listening to my wife's dream now because I work with her and I live with her and I have to do it and she's been in a bad mood today so I have to kind of play a ball stop fucking tweeting us

when you've had a dream about us it's really weird I'm sick of reading them no I don't like I don't like hearing people's dreams so on the other day I had a dream I met Chris Ramsey

and he borrowed some shoes off oh my god I've just had to read that well listen you weren't in my dream, right? Oh, I didn't want to hear it then. In my dream, I was in a queue and everybody, like nobody saw us in the queue and everyone just kept walking in front of us.

Yeah. But it was like being in a video game, like, you know, when people don't see you, but they just keep walking and it was very strange. Nobody said what it means. It probably means something. God knows.

What am I insecure about? Cues? Welcome back to the award-winning, chart-topping Shagmaridanoid, in which Rosie will randomly tell you something about a dream she's had, guess what it means, and then,

you know what we should do? We should ring your sister, Kate, because she thinks she knows about dreams. No, fucking not in the intro. Play the jingle, and let's ring her after. No, well, let's, listen, Daisy can always take this out if she should. Okay, we're going to ring her now because Kate, Kate, dreams don't mean anything by the way. No, she's quite good.

Everyone who believes, if you believe that dreams mean something, you're full of shit. All right then, see what kind of classic thinking we're going to get here. Hello regular at the podcast Mrs Kate Gaff. All right, then. See what kind of classic thinking we're going to get here. Hello. Hello, regular at the podcast, Mrs Kate Gaff. Hello. Just quickly, right? I had a dream the other night. I was in a queue, but nobody could see us,

and they kept over-taking us in the queue, and I was getting dead frustrated. What does it mean? Oh. Am I worthless? Yes. No, it could mean that you feel a little bit overwhelmed Or invisible

There you go, I knew it was something like that I said insecure maybe Well possibly insecure but Or you could think of it as What are the fourth explanation now? You feel like you're too exposed Oh well they are, yeah And you would prefer to just kind of hide away for a little bit

Oh my god, I'm like I need a hibernate four possible meanings and counting I think you might be right okay thanks Kate next time I have one where my teeth have fallen out I'll give you a ring what does that one mean the teeth falling out I think that's insecurity isn't it or something

I think so yeah when the teeth have fallen out what does it mean you need to go to the dentist god why no it doesn't mean You need to go to the dentist? God, why? No, it doesn't mean you have to go to the dentist. Thank you very much. Okay, I love you. Bye.

See you in my dreams. Oh, God. Meet you on that bench. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. We did used to have when we shared... Four possible meanings

were had there. What were you going to say? Just when we shared a bedroom, I do remember sometimes we'd go to bed and we'd be like meeting my dreams right and i genuinely think we had actual conversations about like let's try and be in each other's dreams that's quite cool i do like that i really like that i think you invented inception before it actually came out maybe i did in your dream quick we're sleeping out same time we'll be in the same dream. So what am I?

What am I? What's going on with this? I don't know, she gave four contradictory... Four different things. I love that. I absolutely love that. It's like fucking cold reading, isn't it? Is there an A or a B or a C or a D or an E? Yeah, E, Ed.

Oh, yes, I thought it was. Fucking sure. I think the answer is, the answer is that it was... Do you remember the other day when we went to the taxi queue yeah and everyone was just cuban wrong and we were in a queue about three times and every i went in a different direction i was like why are you all making a different queue when we're in a queue that was really irritating actually guys we're

at king's cross in the massive big taxi rank the big snaked sort of airport taxi rank queue with king's cross and yeah we stood at the end of it and it was like yeah people just kept making new ones it was like imagine a tree branch falling off we stood and then

people were like oh no I'm going to go two in front of you and make this queue go off to the left now I think that's what it was it was insane I think it was that night

well there we go that's what it was fuck right there then no I'm overexposed I'm overwhelmed I'm doing too much I need to slow down I'm overwhelmed with the absolute shite coming out of your mouth is what I'm overexposed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm doing too much. I need to slow down. I'm overwhelmed with the absolute shite coming out of your mouth

is what I'm overwhelmed with. Play the jingle now and get back to reality. Yes, jingle. Okay, now, don't nod off during the jingle. God knows what you'll dream about. Probably jingles. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle.

So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married and Orded. Shagged Married and Orded, the only podcast on earth where you get a ten minute intro. Ten minutes. I don't know why you're so bothered about the intro it means nothing

I know I just remember when we first started doing this you'd done a bit of radio on Capital North East oh and I used to hurry up and you used to hurry up you're gonna get to it

you're gonna get to it they'll get bored come on quick yeah quick play Taylor Swift no no this is a podcast it's good to babble on

but you know not about dreams that's true sorry about that well listen I've got an ick for you you've got an ick already let's start the show off

let's ick it up on an ick right let's do it I'm loving icks at the minute although did I tell you about the one that got tweeted the other day what

someone I think sometimes people miss the point of the way we take the mick out of things and someone I'm not I'm not laughing at

what happened here I'm laughing at the fact that someone sent us it so please don't get offended right but someone sent us i think it was in manchester it was a screen grab of a news report or a tweet from the police right explaining that a 30 odd year old bloke on roller skates had been hit by a bus in manchester city center and she'd sent us it and i think was like oh i didn't know i had this ick but grown man on roller skates and i read it i read it expecting something funny and he he'd just been hit by a bus i was like fucking hell love like you know i like people send me

stories and i think all right what was what was the funny thing it was just it was just a really bad accident which was like oh he was wearing rollerblades. I was like, yeah, yeah, that just sums it up. Right, I can see the little bit of an ick about rollerblades, right? But the fact that, you know, it's a bad context. I mean, there's a time and a place. Yeah. Yeah. I do get it.

It was just the way it was. I was expecting something funny and it wasn't funny. It was just horrible. I kind of get it. But then at the same time, there's always a little bit in us that's kind of sometimes impressed by, like, skateboards and shit like that. I skateboards and shit like that you know you don't do a half pipe on rollerblades can you what is a half pipe doesn't matter is it on the the the skatey park yeah the thing where it's like a half pipe imagine a pipe yeah you're fucking joking me

do you get it I do now also referred to sometimes as Americans call them a mini ramp or a ramp but yeah

half pipe can you actually when was the last time you did one well 25 years ago no no I was

I'll have been 21 so how many years 14 14 years ago no no I was I'll have been 21 so how many years has that been 14 years ago you'll never be able to do one now well

challenge accepted guess who's going straight on Amazon and buying some rollerblades after this wait until when the TV show's done you can do it then

brilliant so you're not bothered if I break my leg or really hurt myself after the TV show no I couldn't give a shit wonderful that's just nice to know

are you ready for this I'm ready for this. No, I thought you had a part of Jingle for it. What? Oh, the jingle? Yeah. I'm due on.

I can't do jingles today. Can someone? Can someone out there? There's minimal effort going into this podcast today. Listen, you're going to get no gratification for this whatsoever. It's going to take so much of your time.

But can someone just go through and take an audio clip of every single time Rosie said she was due on and just put them all together and send us it. Thanks. No, don't even, right? Because I genuinely have some sort of medical problem. Don't.

Because it's bad. It's getting worse. she's on the edge but all I get would you like us to spit a little piece of skin just past your head to cheer you up no I wouldn't

that turned my stomach actually not much turns my stomach okay it's just I don't want to I feel like all I bang on is about periods

but it's just it's debilitating in my life yeah I'm not a nice person to be around and I fully understand that and I can't help it and honestly you at the minute if you look at us the wrong way i would like oh i'm fully away i could leave you today i'm fully away i could honestly i could pack a bag and i

could just go and live in the motor home for a couple of days wow and then weirdly you know what happened a couple of days were passing i'd be right i'd be fine again yeah we're all expected to just be fine again yeah but i'm not gonna apologize but i'm just gonna i'm aware of it as well all right okay okay i'm gonna apologize or change but i am aware i can't change i can't there's nothing i can do there's nothing i can do what can i do to stop it age that's all i can do right age you know with my mom my mom you know, I keep saying that they're nothing like when we were kids and that. It's because she doesn't have

any more periods anymore. Right. She was horrendous, my mum. Right, okay. Horrific. She's lush now. Yeah. She's like,

she's the mother I never had. Did you, oh my God. What? You haven't, I haven't got a chance to tell you, it's still down by the front door. What?

Should I tell you? Or should I? No. What? Right, okay guys, right. Pause the front door. What? Should I tell you? Or should I? No. Right, okay, guys. Right, pause the ick, right? So if you go down to the front door, go and see what your mom got out of her car today. She was putting the baby in the car to take him out,

and she turned to me, and she got this thing out of the car and went, hey, sorry, Chris. Robin wanted to buy these at the charity shop. What is it? Go and see what it is now. Pause right now. Go downstairs.

Come back. I'm just going down now to have a look. She just went, shut up, went downstairs. What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? Why? Why? Why? Why? Guys, do you want to explain? Do you want to tell everyone what it is?

So, so Think of a geat big carrier bag It's a bin liner Filled with little What are they called? Ball pit balls Ball pit plastic balls She's bought them? Ball pit balls. Ball pit plastic balls. What the actual? She's bought him a clear bin liner of ball pit plastic balls.

Why? I don't know. She just handed us them out of the car. She went, sorry, Robin wanted them from the charity shop. Oh, God. And I specifically remember when she went to the charity shop with Robin and Rafe, it was to get toys to have at her house because she said she'd had to throw a load of toys out. But he's bought that and she's gone, fuck keeping them in my house.

Why? And just brought them up here in a bin liner. I do not need plastic balls around my house. The best bit is, I said, do I need to give them a wipe? Or do you think the charity shop will have? She went, oh, no, they will have. They'll be fine. Look how fucking scruffy some of them are.

There's some black hair. I've seen some black hair. Oh, God. Oh, nah. That's manky, that. Oh, they're scruffy. Yeah, they're fucking scruffy. They've been in someone's garden

or something yeah oh for fuck's sake they are soft play ball pit balls a bin liner of them well we can put them in the bath

to wash them great that'll be fun I suppose this is not a responsibility that I needed in my life right now oh no they fell out stand them back up they've all fell out Standing back up

They've all fell out On the floor She bought him A pair of trainers She bought him a pair of trainers From the charity shop Which are lovely to be fair They were only 50 pence

And Robin loves them But they've got laces He can't tie his laces And you know when you're like Mum Like Why are you doing this to us Brilliant

They're really cool them trainers They're all really nice I don't know whether it's like a dig Whether she's like You shouldn't know Don't have to spend loads Don't have to spend No no not about that I thought really nice I don't know whether it's like a dig whether she's like you shouldn't know don't have to spend loads don't have to spend no no not about that

I thought you meant you don't have to spend loads to have fashionable stuff well she's she's bloody too she got split personality because on one hand she bought him a pair of

Skechers the other day which were like 50 odd quid and I was like Sandra why I don't spend that much money on the gear because they get

they play in the garden once and I'm like I can't what's the point and then she goes to the charity shop and buys a pair for 50 pence she's off your mom your mom is fully like this she's not is anyone else anyone listening there's anyone else's sort of parents or mother-in-laws like that you know in-laws like this so your mom i will like do myself a couple of slices of toast or you know a bowl of cereal and she went oh toast, oh, toast, oh, look at that.

White bread, oh, it's no good for you, that white bread. Or I'll do a bowl of cereal and she's like, oh, the sugar and that, you know, and I'm like,

what the fuck? Then she'll one day make me a bacon sandwich and I'll be putting a bit of butter on my bread and she goes, oh, don't butter it, man, dip it in the bacon fat.

And I'm like, who the, you fucking told me you were like trying to force feed as muesli the other day. She's literally a lord to herself. You're putting milk on your porridge.

Oh, you want water on that, man? Oh, yeah. Rub the bread in the pan. Look at her get the... I'm like, who the fuck is this? You know what we've got coming up soon? What? The best time ever.

Holiday time with Sandra. Oh, we're taking her on holiday again, aren't we? Holiday time. Can't wait for that. Where all during the day, Sandra, and your mum does this as well, gives it the, I just can't her on holiday again holiday time can't wait for that where all during the day Sandra and your mum does this as well gives it the I just can't eat on holiday I just can't eat in the sun

and then I'll be like well I can so see you later I'll go and make something or I'll go and get something from the lunchtime buffet come back

and she's like all over us like a dog in heat honestly nicking all my food I hate that be a big greedy bastard like me

and you'll never you'll never feel hunger hunger ever again it just pisses me off oh god couldn't possibly what is there

oh oh just get us just get us a cheese toast I didn't like eating on holiday it's what it's nothing to do with the heat it's when the cream's on us if I've got cream on us I don't want to do anything I don's nothing to do with the heat. It's when the cream's on us. If I've got cream on us,

I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do food or anything. That's my ick. I just don't know. There's loads of people who are like, can't eat on holiday. And I'm like, what? Did you take a special tablet

to close your stomach on the plane or something? Maybe the heat slows metabolism down. I don't know. I don't know. Love eating on holiday. Anyway, stop talking about eating on holiday. Can you shut the door, please? Why?

Because you've left it open. I left it open. What? Wow. What did you do? I've left it open Wow Wow I've left it open You left it open Wow I'll get it Oh no I'll get it

I will get it No look I've took my headphones off Go on then Hey do the sick I'll do the sick Sorry we've taken We've gone round the bloody houses Hello Rosie and Chris

I'm not sure if this makes me A horrible person or not But either way I feel you two Are the people to talk to. Wow. We really are. So, I'm 21 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. When we first started dating, I told him that the sound of his breathing in my ear

whilst we were having sex was a big turn on. Ugh. However, Ugh. Since I said this, his asthma has got much worse. In brackets here, it says maybe we could blame COVID. Now I'm having sex with the 25 year old who keeps wheezing in my ear during it. with the 25-year-old who keeps wheezing in my ear during it.

How do I tell him it's not sexy if he's wheezing without looking like a twat? Oh, my God. So that's her dick. Poor guy. So it used to be... Now it's... Is that... Is that a spot?

Is that nice? Are you enjoying it? It's fucking awful. I enjoy him. It's fucking horrible. Oh, God. You just got to tell him. You just got to say, do you remember when I said that the heavy breathing was nice?

I've changed my mind. You're allowed to change your mind about what you like during sex. And then the next couple of times you have sex, it's going to be awkward and horrible, but you will get over it. Yeah, you'll be fine.

Just tell him. Or he might be like you. Yeah. and if you dare say anything like slightly critical yeah you'll take it to the nth degree if you were doing that right and i said right the breathing thing chris it's not it's not happening for us anymore you would you'd probably go to the lens of putting some sort of bag over your face i'd probably just hold my breath all the way through sex until I passed out. Ironically, doing that, I'd have a brilliant time. Apparently you meant to hold your breath just before you climax. Don't be telling people to do that.

Well, I mean, I'm not telling people to do it, but I'm saying I've heard... Blood on your hands! You'll have blood on your hands! Can you imagine? Ah, listen to Shark your hands you'll have blood on your hands imagine ah listen to shark mario

all the things to get cancelled for she said don't breathe during sex or I haven't breathed

ever since no god no hey stay safe out there guys stay safe out there shaggers

keep breathing fuckers babadoo babadoo babadoo so interesting thing happened the other day so we were sitting in the guys. Stay safe out there, shaggers. Keep breathing, fuckers. So interesting thing happened the other day. So we were sitting in the kitchen. Well, you were sitting in the kitchen. I sort of came in just as this was happening. We were basically telling Robin off for saying something.

I walked in the room yesterday. I said, you go, no, Robin! Robin! Don't say that. That's a horrible thing. Don't say that. Do not say that that's a horrible thing don't say that do not say that that's horrible so obviously i'm like listening in and he was like what what's horrible what and you went don't don't say that again and i went yeah you went where you went where have you heard that where have you heard that and he went you've been framed and you went they say that on you've been framed they say throat slash on you've been framed harry hill says throat slash and robin went no he says forward slash as in send your clips to suchandsuchitv.com forward slash you've been framed.

So, in summary, our son said forward slash. To be fair, he was doing lots of arm movements and he was going forward slash, forward slash. Like that, right? Doing it over and over again. I thought he said I thought he was saying throat slash brilliant

so you he said forward slash like off like Harry Hill and you've been framed forward slash ITV and you said

don't say throat slash and do you want to tell everyone what he's running around saying now throat slash there's a little

there's a little novel crammed down into a couple of little minutes for you there guys honestly honestly I was so you know when you're like why is he saying

throat slash that's awful like what's he seeing what does he watch where someone has said throat slash and he was

doing it towards rave as well that's why i thought he was like trying to slash his throat oh anyway the problem is rosie you don't fucking listen well i know i just didn't hear him properly you don't listen you don't listen on us. is to be the mother mother of what? is the most terrifying 666 is the mark of the devil movie of the year it's not real it's not real it's not real who said that?

The First Omen in theaters Friday get tickets now will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? join the sunrise challenge to raise funds for CAMH

the center for addiction and mental health to support life-saving progress in mental health care from May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now

to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. What's your beef?

What's your beef? Do you want to know my beef? I don't know, you know, because you're so, like, due on and angry that I don't know what know because you're so like due on and angry that I don't know I feel like it might break it might be really horrible it's not actually a bad one

it's not that bad well it's just irritating so on a night time whenever we're watching a programme that phones haven't been invented if I I've been waiting

I knew this would be a beef I knew this would be a beef if I pick up my phone to just check a message or whatever Chris will grab my phone to just check a message or whatever, Chris will grab my phone, throw it away and say, they've not been invented yet. And it's fucking infuriating.

And you've kept it going a lot longer than I thought you would have. I'm not saying anything about it because I've just thought, if I don't give anything to this, you're going to stop and you haven't. It's been weeks. I'm telling you now, pack it in. I know I'm not on my own. I know people out there, your partner sits and looks at their phone. We were watching Stranger Things.

We're hammering through the new Stranger Things and Rosie's just getting her phone. And then, you know, it always happens. This isn't a male-female thing. It can be a man, it can be a woman, whatever. You're sitting on your phone and you look at your phone, you stop looking at the tell and you turn to your partner

and you go what's happening who's there rewind it yet rewind it rewind it so I have taken to

if we're watching something like Outlander or Stranger Things which is set before now my way to get you to put your phone down is just by telling you that you can't be on your phone

because they haven't been invented yet hence why I'm so bad at replying because I'll read a text you'll do that and then I forget Hawkins in the 80s

honestly you keep that phone out they're going to think you're a bloody witch they're going to think you're from the upside down they'll have you honestly

keep that phone hidden when we're at Hawkins in the 80s how annoying that it's in two parts Stranger Things why have they done that it was nearly

this week's sponsor it was nearly this week's sponsor better call Sol Stranger Things. Why have they done that? It was nearly this week's sponsor. It was nearly this week's sponsor. Better Call Saul, Stranger Things, someone else is doing it as well. The mid-season fucking gap. I know you filmed it all. Oh, so it's all done? Oh, they've fucking filmed the whole lot.

They just go, oh, yeah, it's four or five episodes. Oh, there's a gap, you have to wait. I've got no fucking clue. I hate it. It's an American thing. Something to do with their schedule in America. Oh, furious. I know you filmed it all I hate it it's an American thing something to do with the schedule in America oh furious I know you filmed it all

yeah that's irritating I didn't know that yeah yeah yeah mid season 3 so that is just sat somewhere ready

sat on someone's desk sat on someone's desk it'll be on Netflix it'll be there it'll be uploaded there ready for us to give it the okay oh honestly

and what we got to sit here just hankering for it like a little carrot dangling over her face. Twiddling my bloody thumbs. Jesus. Fucking hell.

Anyway, my beef with you is very recent, very fresh beef this. Just today? Or just today, all right. Don't,

you can't do one today. No, I'm going to. You, this morning, you put a full, unfolded,

unripped, uncrumpled shoebox in the recycling bin. I was mortified. Can I justify this? I don't think there's going to be any justification for you to try. In my defence, when I'm due on, I have no upper body strength at all. To the point where last night you had to

carry Rafe up to bed because I was worried I was going to drop him I'm limp I'm seriously I'm I'm not right can I

draw your attention I couldn't rip it you could have stood on it you could have at least took the lid off I didn't have any shoes on it was morning you're a lazy piece of shit

and I couldn't leave it I am you know so it's the recycle bin that goes under the counter in the kitchen right so there's not much space in it anyway

stop showing off and I had to I've got to recycle watch out get burgled yeah nice bin so it was

and I had to get it and I had to rip all the honestly you have got no respect for the space you don't crush the milk bottles I've seen you

you've got to crush the plastic milk bottles down. I've seen you not do that. I don't care. Do you know how much time I spend jumping up and down on the fucking recycling in that wheelie bin outside? The neighbours think I live in there, man. They've only seen us from the waist up. It's your little, it's your job.

I'm just keeping you busy. Oh, like I'm not busy enough? No. It's your one little job. Unbelievable. Pack it in. No. Honestly, I was mortified fucking hell

babadoo babadoo babadoo bah it's time for questions from the public kiss from the pews happy jubilee jubilee's over stop it

guys as always if you want to get in touch it is that jubilee yeah it was carnage wasn't it yeah it was carnage it was like a fucking festival I know

hey listen big shout out to the Bairns. Yeah. Not our Bairns. Kate and William's Bairns. Oh. They were, honestly. Held it together so well.

Those kids held it together so well. Well done, guys. God, our kids would have jumped off that balcony. What's the young one, Louis? Yeah. He wasn't there on the second night. He messed up. Did you see the clip of him?

When he had the... There's a little clip of him online I'll show you. Yeah. And he's literally like, Kate, what's her duchess duchess what's her name what's what do you call him yeah but what's her title i don't know anyway kate middleton um she was sitting next to him duchess of cambridge i think so i'm not sure i'd get mixed up oh you know which one we mean you know who i mean um pippa's sister. One with a nice arse. Ah, yeah, sister. Oh, God.

What's happened to her? So he was messing on, right? And he was like blowing raspberries in her face and he's doing all that with his finger and his nose and that. And she kept it together. Wow. Much better than I did.

Yeah. Next night, he wasn't there. Brilliant, brilliant. Honestly, I feel like they't there brilliant brilliant honestly I feel like they're missing a trick I feel like you know grabbing

him by his arm and dragging him out there and bollocking him outside like a man outside a supermarket I feel like that would

really win the public over I thought she was like keeping posh and like not like me at all but I saw a bollocking

a kid outside Iceland and I just feel a real affinity to her I kind of wanted to hear her go one more time and we're leaving. One more time. This is your last warning. Final warning. Yeah, but that's the thing though. I did want to rob him

the other day. I was like, do you want to go home? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, well, why not? We've done that a couple of times. We left our friend's house once. We've left parties. And I remind Robin a lot of that. I remember we left a garden party once years ago, a barbecue garden party, who am I?

We left a barbecue once, and I was carrying him up the street, and he was screaming. Oh, were you sure that was that? Like I had abducted him. Like I was kidnapping the kid, and he's screaming. How old was he?

Three, I think he was three. Three, yeah, knocking on four, and he was being a dick. Honestly. And it was like, we'll go, we won't, we'll go, we're going. That was the worst age. Genuinely. Three to four for Robin was horrible. Yeah. was being a dick and it was like we'll go we'll go we're going that was the worst age three genuinely

three to four for Robin was horrible yeah I don't have many parenting hacks I don't have many parenting hacks

sorry but the one I can give is follow through just twice you only have to take them off twice and they remember yeah they do

oh god yeah they do oh god yeah and you know what there is light at the end of the tunnel because Robin is six now and he's

I haven't told Robin off for months. He's the best. He's an absolute dream. He's been best man. Wipes his own arse, brushes his teeth. You've got to supervise him, obviously.

But he's just, he gets his job. Do you know when you, like now, can you believe that we have a kid that you go and get your pyjamas, I mean,

you've got to ask him 25 times, obviously. Yeah, yeah, of course. But you say, go and get your pyjamas on and he actually, he can do it. Yeah.

It's bizarre, isn't it? It's crazy. You've got to ask him 25 times to go and get his pyjamas on. If he he can do it yeah it's bizarre isn't it you've got to ask him it's crazy you've got to ask him 25 times to go and get his pyjamas on if he wants to play on the Nintendo Switch and you go

go and get the Nintendo Switch first time oh funny that first time you'll get that so weird first time you'll get the Nintendo Switch so weird

go and get the iPad boom go and get the Switch boom I hope and pray that Rafe is a bit more chill than Robin was I doubt it very much

really have you met us oh and he's got Robin if anything he'd be more because he's got Robin to G him up do you think

oh yeah yeah I don't know because I think a bit of Robin was a bit of boredom I don't know we'll see anyway fingers crossed

because three to four vile anyway guys shagmardinoid at gmail.com if you want to get in touch it's time for questions from the public

here we go here we go oh what this is the one thing I was actually going to say about the Platinum Jubilee the concert I watched on catch-up though,

it was really good. It was. Yeah, it was phenomenal. No, it was. It was mint. That light show and that, like that was good. The drones and that, yeah.

Would I have went and stood there for them hours and lined the street? I didn't see anyone with an alcoholic drink so definitely not. No one was drinking beer.

No chance. I don't think they were allowed. Watch on the telly. Well, didn't your mum see? Your mum went because they'd watched it and your mum watched it and she went

she went there was no fighting there was nothing I was like aye that's a proper north east mam thing to say

there was a massive crowd no one got punched no one got headbutted it was dead nice just couldn't believe it everyone just waved their little flags so well behaved

so well behaved right So well behaved. Right, this story here, this is something you would do. Oh, good. And I feel like you're going to recognise yourself. Fantastic. Hello, Rosie and Chris. Honestly creased when my husband told me this

in casual convo over Sunday dinner. I love a Sunday dinner. Oh, for fuck's sake. That's not the point. That's not the point of the email, but carry on. But any time someone mentions it, I can just smell it straight away. You mentioned pizza and I want one of me. Oh God, for fuck's sake. That's not the point. Anytime I'm at, anytime. It's not the point of the email, but carry on. But I can, anytime someone mentions it, I can just smell it straight away.

You mentioned pizza and I want one of me, oh God, I've done it, I want a pizza now. What's your favourite meat on a dinner, on a roast?

I don't care, I want a pizza. Pork for me. I do quite like pork. Yeah. He's a chef. Oh. Oh, for fuck's sake.

And was in work yesterday morning talking to the night porter. He saw a loose white thread on his shirt so said, oh, you've got a thread and pulled it. Right. That is 100% something I would do.

That is totally what you would do. That's 100% something I would do. Which leads me on to something else, which we might as well talk about it here, because why not? Any time that I have ever got anything on my face, right, or a snot up my nose, or something around my mouth, right, you will just get rid of it in front of everybody.

Yes, yes. Please stop doing that. I know exactly when you're referring to as well. Yeah, I know, yeah. Can stop doing that. I know exactly when you're referring to as well. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Can you just wait until nobody's there or do it more discreetly?

Please. Is it going to sound like showy offy if we tell them when it was? Yes, don't mention when it was. It was a really... I'm so sorry. I had to do a COVID test

for something. Yeah. And obviously, I'd stuck it up my nose and then when I took it out, took some friends with it and I must have had some other friends

on the inside left there and in front of everyone Chris went and leaned over and picked my nose in front of everyone I do people I don't know

if I just meet someone if I meet you if I meet you for the first time and you've got a snot hanging out your nose or you've got something on your teeth or something on your face

I'll tell you straight away and it's not a nasty thing I just feel like if I met someone and I was like I'm a nasty thing I just feel like if I met someone and I was like I'm sure I've talked about this before if I met someone I was like hello

and I was chatting to them for a while and then I went to the toilet and I had a fucking bogey hanging out my nose I go oh brilliant I've just met that bloke and he just thinks

I walk around with snots hanging out my nose non-stop no but there's ways to do it without doing it in front of everyone you could have waited 30 seconds

and took this to one side and went pick your nose no because I know you because I would go Rosie look at you. What? What?

What? What do you want? Bullshit. She's gone. She can't find it funny anymore. I can't find it funny. She's gone. She's gone.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I've got a story for you that I think you will find pretty disgusting. Especially Chris. I had a baby six months ago. Congratulations.

Oh, sorry. Is that another? That's not. It's not the disgusting Congratulations. Oh, sorry. Is that another? That's not the disgusting thing. Oh, God. And the little fucker won't sleep anywhere but on me or next to me. Right. Yes.

I know. I know how that feels. It's very similar. To the point where if I am anywhere in the house, he just will not relax, will he? Because he needs to be where he wants. If I'm out of the house, he just will not relax, will he? Because he needs to be where he wants. If I'm out of the house, he's fine. Yeah. If I put him to bed and he thinks you're not available, it's fine. He will settle for you.

Yeah, but if you put him to bed and then he cries in the night and I go to check on him, he's like, no. You're not what I ordered. He's such a drama, isn't he? He's such a drama draws. You put him to bed and obviously he's like, oh, I'm being cuddled by my mum. Then he falls's such a drama draws like you put him to bed and obviously he's

like oh I'm being cuddled by my mum then he falls asleep in your arms then you put him down on the cot and he wakes up and it's not like

it's just immediate like silence and then like carnage with Robin though he's got a dummy he used to be able to put Robin's dummy

in and he'd just kind of go oh no oh yeah Rafe's just like no I want a dummy he used to be able to put Robin's dummy in and he'd just kind of go oh no I'm back to sleep Rafe's like no I want a dummy and I want an audience with my mother now he just loves being

touched and hugged I'm not complaining he cuddles me all night in bed you know it's nice but no actually it's fucking much I love it anyway so he won't sleep, so they've got a little rave, basically. Okay.

This means I have to go to bed at 7pm every night. Look, you fucker. To be honest, it's quite good because I get to chill there watching Netflix on my phone while I give my husband a long list of household tasks to do. Sorted. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked, she said. Said husband has, for the last couple of months,

been bringing me up a dessert treat bowl every night. Right. It says in brackets, I have a majorly sweet tooth and I really love them. They usually include some sort of yoghurt, fruit and always have big chunks of dark chocolate sprinkled on top. Sorry, that's not a sweet tooth. You've just described the most shittest...

Yoghurt, fruit and dark chocolate. Yeah. Get all of those things in the bin right now. Well, this is a healthy person thinking that they're having something sweet. Yeah, newsflash, newsflash. You're having the saddest stuff ever. Oh, God. Dark chocolate and fruit and yoghurt.

Fuck off. I'll have some salted caramel, ice cream, marshmallows and biscuits. Grimble on dark. Honestly. Oh, God. Anyway, she enjoys it. What are you doing? This is her sweet thing.

Don't. I'll tell you what I'm doing. Don't be turning around and telling me you've got a majorly sweet tooth and then explaining the shittest fucking dessert ever. Honestly. I hate yoghurt. That's like going, oh, God, I made a right pig myself last night. I had half a pat of crisps.

Get out! Yeah, basically. Is this me mum? What is this? If it was your mum, she'd be eating fucking handfuls of sugar raw out of the bag, but she'd be writing that it was dark chocolate and fruit.

Probably. Well, there you go. Maybe she's just, anyway. But I like dark chocolate. You know, the posh one you get from Tesco. And I actually do know what the one she means I even said to him once

eee it's amazing how you managed to chop this up so lovely and fine the dark chocolate anyway he recently said to me

I've got something horrendous to admit to you it's a very dark secret that I've been wanting to tell you for a while but I can't bring myself to say it

oh god obviously my mind immediately springs to the worst. Cheating, gambling, leaving me. Oh, no. It's way worse. What have you been doing with this chocolate? It's the chocolate. What have you been doing with this chocolate?

Oh, fucking hell. He says, you know the treat bowls I bring you every night? Yes, I say. Well, I don't actually cut the dark chocolate up. What do you mean you don't cut it up? How does it end up in lovely little chunks? I actually chew it up inside of my mouth and then spit it back into the bowl.

No, how? Oh, my God. I mean, serves her right for having dark chocolate. I don't know. Oh, my God! I mean, it serves her right for having dark chocolate. Oh! It says, so yep, I have unknowingly been eating my husband's second-hand chewed-up chocolate in my spit-ridden dessert treat bowl every night for three months.

Oh! Absolutely rancid. Why does he just smash it up? I don't know. So he's nibbling bits off and just spitting them in? Like what you do with the skin from the inside of your mouth. Just like... Yeah, that's why, that's how I see it.

Fucking disgusting. Or is he putting the full thing in his mouth, chewing it round his mouth and then putting it in and mixing it with the yoghurt? Mixing it in. Oh, like a McFlurry. Mm-hmm. Oh.

Oh, just like a McFlurry. Oh, yeah. They've put the names. Yeah? Kind regards, Olivia from Newcastle. My husband's name is Mark. Please name and shame him. There we go, oh, yeah. They put the names. Yeah? Kind regards, Olivia from Newcastle. My husband's name is Mark. Please name and shame him. There we go, Mark.

Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame indeed. Wow. You know what happened? What? The first time you went to make one of the things,

you thought, oh, I'll have a little bit of this chocolate before I put it in a bowl. Bite. Oh, God, what the fuck's that? It's not real chocolate. Oh, shit, it went in the bowl by accident. She didn't notice. Done. Oh, this is an easy way to do it, isn't it? Yeah.

Let me just smash it up. Just smash it up and get a rolling pin. Back of a spoon. Little hammer. Snap it. Now, is he jealous that she's going to bed every night at seven? I mean, just spit and add food then. Don't. Let's not spit in each other's food.

I'm just saying if he wants to get back there in that kind of way he's spunking the yoghurt. There's the one. Well then again she'll be able to taste the salt immediately because there's no fucking sugar in that. I know, true. Dear Chris and Rosie please keep me anonymous. Always. Well I mean not sure how many people this has

happened to so I fear my friends may piece it together anyway. Brilliant. You'd be surprised, though. I often think that stuff's really, really obvious that I've done, and then people don't know. True. It's all good. But thought you needed to hear it.

Okay. I was reminded of this when you destroyed Lucy's 22-year-old blanket on the Chris and Rosie Ramsey show. I resonated with Lucy as I myself have a 22-year-old comfort blanket that has been with me since day one. Oh, God. When I say it goes everywhere with me, I mean everywhere. To work, on dates, to uni, it's always with me.

It's now shrunk and worn enough to fit in my pocket. That's horrendous. The incident happened on New Year's Eve of 2019. What incident? This is what I'm going to tell you. Oh, shit, okay. Sorry, there is an incident coming up. I didn't know.

Right, okay. Excited to see out the year with some friends, I was getting ready upstairs. And the blanket. Some friends and the blanket. The blanket wasn't with her. It's always with her. Wasn't right now.

Are you going to listen to the story? I don't know, I'm too excited. For some context, mum regularly looks after other people's dogs. So we quite often have new dogs in the house. Okay. Welcome to my nightmare. I like the sound of that. That's great. Over the new year, my mum had a particularly naughty dog.

Don't let the cute face fool you. She's put a picture on at the end. Who was renowned for pinching socks and not giving them back. Can I see the picture? Little tinker. It's on the email, sorry. Oh, God. I'll get it for you after.

Oh, God, this is the worst. It's like a black little, um, so, border terrier, maybe? All right, okay. Something like that. All right, okay, I guarantee it's not. Probably not. You're black border terrier.

Okay, we'll see. Oh, shit, I don't know. Brilliant, there we go. I do not know what kind of dog it was. Anyway, it is cute. It is cute. Might be a Westie. Wow. Small. Border terrier, shih tzu, Westie. oh shit i don't know i do not know what kind of dog it was anyway it is cute it is cute might be a westie wow small border terrier shih tzu westie wow they all look a bit similar no they don't

border terrier and westie may be very slightly thank you very much wow so as i was just finishing getting ready i hear my mum shouting at the dog i take a look out my window and see her chasing the dog up the garden dangling a piece of ham in exchange for whatever he'd pinched this time. She calls out in a panic for me to help. I thought this must be a sock she is particularly fond of. It was only when I got outside did I realise what he had pinched this time. There he was, with my precious blankie dangling out of his mouth. The following events are a bit

of a blur to me. I murdered the dog. Oh, do not. But they roughly involved chasing the little shit up and down the garden, under the trampoline, pinning him down and taking several nasty nips to the hand trying to retrieve

it. He eventually was tempted by the ham, but rather than dropping the blanket and eating the ham, both ham and blanket vanished down his throat. Fast forward 20 minutes, my mother... He's done her a favour. Sorry, he's done her a favour getting rid of that. Fast forward 20 minutes, my mother and I were frantically googling

how to make a dog throw up. Great. To no success. Happy New Year! Five, four, three, two, one. Happy New Year. May all acquaintance be for good. Still sat on the floor, sobbing, begging the dog to throw it back up and give it back to me. There's a knock on the door and all my mates are waiting in the taxi outside. My mum told them

without batting an eyelid, the dog's eating her blanket, I don't think she's coming tonight and closed the door. She's stealing it because the dog's eating her fucking blanket man. Fast forward another 20 minutes and we're sat in the emergency vets room with a very

sorry looking dog and even sorrier looking me in brackets obviously we were concerned that the dog had ingested something he shouldn't have

and wanted to make sure he was ok so in goes the dog I began to accept the blanket was lost and hope the dog was ok a few minutes later

out popped the vet dog in one hand and a plastic bag in the other the dog was ok they had given him something to make him sick and bring up anything that shouldn't A few minutes later, out popped the vet, dog in one hand and a plastic bag in the other. Right. The dog was okay. They had given him something to make him sick and bring up anything that shouldn't be in his stomach. The contents of this plastic bag, which the dog had just regurgitated, was as follows.

A penny, a small Christmas bauble, two socks and my blanket. There it was. And my blanket. Oh. There it was. Now, I obviously had to tell people this story as it was just hilarious, in brackets, after we knew the dog was okay. But in the face of disgust, I told people,

obviously, I threw it away after that. But no. You dirty, horrible, you pest, you vile pest. A of washers in the machine and I still couldn't part with it so I sit here now writing this email with my

blankie on my lap you vile human knowing it's been inside a dog you're gonna die alone you're gonna die

don't say this often to people right I don't think I'd be honest I don't think I've ever said before

but you're gonna die alone you're gonna die alone you should not be alone this blank'll not be alone. This blanket will be there. In the coffin with her.

She'll send pictures of the blanket. Right. But it was in a biohazard bag that came out from the doctors. And it's basically, it's not a blanket anymore. It's about 15 bits of string. Yeah.

Thick string. Same as the one from the show. Exactly the same. But this one's dark. It's like a black colour. Of course it is. It's got dog bile on Yeah. Thick string. Same as the one from the show. Exactly the same. Wow. But this one's dark. It's like a black colour. Of course it is. It's got dog bile on it. Horrific.

Rank that like. Like what? Fucking rank. What would it have to be to be vomited by a dog that you would keep? There's nothing I would keep. Jewelry.

Expensive jewelry. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. Yeah. That's the only thing I could do. Expensive jewelry on money. 50 quid note. Yes. Give it a wipe. They're plastic now. Yeah. okay, fair enough. Yeah. That's the only thing I could do, expensive jury on money. 50 quid note, yes. Give it a wipe.

They're plastic now. Yeah. Give it a wipe, give it a, yeah. I can't think anything else to be vomited up by a dog. You sometimes got to think about that with money, don't you? Money's been in so many places.

That's everywhere. When any of the kids put money in their mouth, I want to die. Yeah, that's true. I want to die. As we record this, the Marty McCutcheon and Jack Manis episode will go out. Mm-hmm. Such good fun, that show. I feel want to die. As we record this, the Marty McCutcheon and Jack Maness episode will go out.

Mm-hmm. Such good fun, that show. I feel like we have to give a shout to the It Goes or I Go winner slash loser. So funny, but yeah. Yeah, Wax. Vile. Vile. Unbelievable.

Awful. There was just a beautiful moment where you at one point go to him, I can't believe you've come on here with this. And I thought we overshared but this is this is another level but you know what though big respect to everybody who's come on our show all of them are so i like honestly and don't get me wrong some people will be mortified by some of the stuff but personally i think they're absolute legends everyone's got their weird little foibles and we tell everyone everything. Of course we have. Massive love to everyone who comes on for It Goes Or I Go and I think as well

Monday night's gone just gone underpants guy if he wasn't on the same night as earwax guy he would have been that would have gone

I agree. Straight against the wall. They've been too good that's why. They've been really good. He was really lucky to come on when something that weird

was on. Well done him he still have them manky hoody pants. Awesome. Loved him. Loved him. Series two maybe? You never know. Get him back on hi chris and rosie we are a bit behind your present

present day podcast we've just listened to episode 153 and one of the stories inspired me to write in with the story of my own okay for reference the story that inspired this apologies chris was the story where the writer's dad had used floss after eating steaks, put said floss into a lager can with dregs, which was then drank by the writer's husband. Oh, God, yes. Do you remember? Oh.

Right. I was drinking a can of lager the other night, and that came into my head, you know, and I was like, I couldn't enjoy it. My story begins in 2012 slash 2013, the year we sort of met, I think. 2013, wasn't it? It was the year we got together.

Yes, sorry. Not met, but got together. At university. I was at the University of Manchester and my new friends and I met at the campus bar every night for the nightly Freshers events before heading out to a club. These events varied between pub quizzes,

beach parties and sports viewings. Oh. Nice. Sports viewings. However, our favorite was the weekly comedy show hosted by a great comedian called steve yeah steve used to host the man i've played it a couple of times yeah he used to let his go turn up and do new material as well to the um disappointment of everyone there oh they've been very they've said he did a great job keeping the content fresh considering he was on weekly.

Even more impressive was the fact that few months, all the campuses would gather in the biggest venue, Fallowfield Owen Park, and he would do a totally fresh set before bringing on a massive headline act for the full student gathering. The weekly show following one of these massive shows, Steve came onto the stage, and rather than his usual giggly persona,

he brought out a bar stool and told a story of last week's big show. following one of these massive shows, Steve came onto the stage and rather than his usual giggly persona, he brought out a bar stool and told a story of last week's big show. Oh. He went into a bit of detail about the extra planning that he had to do to ensure that the headline act was properly looked after on top of ensuring he had fresh content. Everything had gone to plan and he delivered a great set. He then roused the crowd to welcome the headline and as he turned round, the comedian shook his hand and gave him a great set he then roused the crowd to welcome the headline and as he turned

around the comedian shook his hand and gave him a strongly long embrace in brackets this is something we'd all noticed from the crowd the week before so there's a comedian come on steve bejews like and this comedian has hugged steve bejews for ages why do i feel like i'm about to get stitched up here during the, the comedian informed Steve that he hadn't been able to find the toilet and as he had been quite desperate to go, had taken an empty can to a dark corner and had filled it up with piss

and had been wandering around with it backstage. He then took the opportunity to embrace on stage to ask Steve if he could dispose of it. Steve went behind the stage and sure enough, there was a warm, wet, pissy can that needed disposing of. Rosie Ramsey, can you guess which professional comedian made Steve pick up a can of his hot piss? That's right. It was Christopher Ramsey. yeah do you know what's so weird when you mentioned Steve Boucher in the Manchester Comedy Night the first thing

I nearly said was I had to piss in a can backstage at one of them so this is true this is true it's 100% true that poor bugger had to pick up a can of your piss yeah I'll be honest with you it wasn't even a can it was a bucket

and there was plaster I was busy doing work backstage and it was one of the workman's buckets. Oh, Chris. Yeah, it was a bucket. Yeah, I held him and I hugged him

and as I was hugging him I said to him, I was like, mate, I'm so sorry, I've just had to piss in a bucket back there. Oh my God. There was no fucking

toilets backstage, I had to piss in a bucket and he didn't have to get rid of it to be fair. I could have went and got it on the way out you know that's funny

but you know he's late to do the next week I'm not going to write he did quite rightly oh well done Bougier he's on tour now if anyone wants to

go and see him by the way I'm very surprised that you didn't tell the crowd though yeah I'm very surprised you didn't just say

off stage mate I pissed in a bucket backstage. It's not like you to be professional and be discreet. I love the idea of me not telling someone I've pissed in a bucket is my level of professionalism. Chris was very professional

tonight. Yes, he did piss in the bucket and or can, but he didn't tell the whole crowd about it. He just told the compa slash promoter sorry Steve I love that oh they're having a lovely little cuddle

aren't they enjoying seeing each other after such a long time I had a horrible feeling I was getting stitched up there I could see it you sat back in your chair yeah

I was like he knows well done well done well done well done well done well done once again thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed Well done, well done, well done. Ba-ba-doo, ba-ba-doo, ba-ba-doo-ba. Do-do-do-do-do-do.

Once again, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Maridonoid, which is part of the ACAS Creator Network. Sorry if I've been miserable. Yeah. I do apologise. No, you haven't. I think you've held it together. I'm aware of it.

It's been the bits in between the recordings where I stop it and, you know, the do-ba-ba-doo-ba and we have a little bit of a moment. That's where the real sort of venom and hate has been directed at me. I'm masking it. I'm trying to be professional. No, you kept it really professional for the thing and you know

I'll go and have a little cry later and we'll all be alright I'll join you together you know I want my own cry and you're not coming for my cries as well right

you're not coming you're not imposing yourself on my cries they're my time they're my time guys thank you so much for listening as always if you want

to get in touch it's shagmoudinordy at gmail.com and the tour's on sale now but it's not until next autumn so fucking you know just whatever you fancy buying a ticket I mean come and get it's shagmoudinordy at gmail.com and the tour's on sale now but it's not until next autumn so fucking you know just whatever you fancy buying the tickets I mean come and get them it's nearly payday

I don't like it when they're not sold well it's very it's very close to three quarters sold out and it's a year and a half away so you need to be quick I mean I feel like it's next week you need to be fucking quick guys genuinely I know people always say that but you really really do so yeah see you there bye Rock City you're the best fans in the league bar none I know people always say that, but you really, really do. So yeah, see you there. Bye.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com