Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 173. Hot Potato

Episode Date: June 24, 2022

This week on the podcast the couple discuss urban myths, street names and Kids TV. As well as serving up some beef Chris is also busy eating some carb based humble pie! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and

Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marginoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Chris Ramsey.

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. How are you? Do you know what? I was just going to ask you the same. I'm alright. No, no, no. Ask first. Stop copying. Oh, God's sake. Stop copying. No, I'm good. I'm feeling good. I'm a bit tired. Oh, I'm always just a bit tired.

You're always just a bit tired. I just walked past the bedroom before and I was like, I could just get in there and just be there all day and not speak to anybody wow okay great mood for the beginning

of a podcast of a spoken audio medium just a fantastic just really good vibe just good vibe in the studio you know they don't come here

good energy they don't come here I'm in for me I'm in for me good vibes and energy no coming here for negativity realism

and it'd be hitting the face off a negativity yeah realism yeah and it'd be hitting the face with a couple of f-bombs and truth bombs and f-bombs and truth bombs all kinds of bombs but not real bombs so yeah there we go but you're not you're not due on today which is great no i'm not no no you've got a good you've probably got a good solid like 15 days before that is that there is no chance you've ever had 15 days of not banging on about being on or being due no I think I do half a month no chance

I get a week right you've got six days tops yeah there we go that's gone and I'm away for five and you're not yet yay

well at least I won't shout at the kids that's great that's good that's very very good yeah I'm away I go back on as you listen to this

I'll only have I think three two dates left there's Blackburn there's two in Glasgow they're sold out Blackburn on the Saturday I don't know what date it is fancy coming to that

not sold out is it not two in Blackburn we did one and I was like that's a big venue where exactly is Blackburn don't listen

why are you you don't know no it's north west it's north westish I think it's north west north east south west yeah okay not Yelfon Square water I think it's sort of that's-ish I think it's northwest north east south west yeah

okay no the elephant's great water I think it's sort of that's the thing I've done loads of gigs in sort of that area in Manchester and all those

you know a couple of nights there and all that area I think I'm sorry if it's not fuck me I'll have to google it oh my god do you know what though I want to learn

after we did the tour and bearing in mind that I once upon a time was in a band that toured the UK I am shit with knowing where places are

and we should know we really should know yeah 100% yeah I was right there we go yeah it's just next to Preston oh nice

okay it's just north of Manchester I knew I was right well done I've done loads of gigs around there so that's that's what happens

you get excited you get cocky you get cocky you sell one out and you go come on and then it's fine it's full it's just the little back row that's just irritating okay but there we go there saturday night that would be good saturday night in black but the last one was amazing so

all the it's just and i it's it's tiring and that but it's so nice to be back out in front of crowds i was in carlisle last night and it's so nice to be back out oh yeah you're loving live live audience didn't you bloody love it bloody, bloody love it. Speaking of audiences and all that stuff, we've finished the TV show. Yes. This is the intro, you know? So fuck. Alright. Oh god, someone's changed his tune. Alright, no, no, okay then. You normally tell me.

No, you know what, actually, because this week's sponsor's a very important sponsor, to be fair. I really need to give them a leg up, because you've shat all over this sponsor for years and years now, and I really need to give them a leg up, right? We'll talk about the TV show in the next bit. Put a flag in that so pin it so put a pin put a pin in that yeah it's episode 173 as always thank you so much for coming back thank you so much for listening new listeners welcome come on in hello hello come on in soak up the negativity and the whinging um there's more to come now this week's sponsor I want to give these guys

a leg up because you've shat on them for years and years unfairly if I'm honest with you and I've always flown the flag for this sponsor I've always been a massive

champion of this sponsor really really behind it I've got no idea what you're talking about this week's sponsor is Jack of Potatoes oh you hey

oh heathen oh you listen honestly for years if you listen to the podcast you've always known I've been a massive

massive fan massive fan of Jack Potatoes myself Rosie has slagged them off non-stop unfairly viciously and awful

are you going to apologise are you going to apologise to Jack Potatoes to any new listeners Christopher has slagged off Jack Potatoes for years

since I've known him will not ever have one I've asked him. Yeah. Will not ever have one. I've asked him multiple times to try one. Which is a weird thing. Can we just point out whether or not I've turned, and we'll get into that in a second, but it is a weird thing to constantly just offer someone a Jack of Potato. Only because it's my favourite food.

Yeah. And I find it upsetting, and I didn't ever really want to be in a relationship where my partner, who I've spent the rest of my life with, doesn't like my favourite food. Do you understand? That's upsetting.

Right, well, I do now. Right. You do now, which is fantastic. As we all know, right, it takes a noble, courageous, incredibly intelligent, good-looking man to admit that he's wrong. It's got nothing to do with looks.

It's got all this stuff to do with that. It's because I haven't had potatoes my whole life. You know what? Rosie has done me a jacket potato with, what was it? Cheese on and then tuna mayonnaise.

Cheese and then tuna, yeah. And then tuna mayonnaise and then salad cream on top of that. Yeah. Honestly, I apologise to that specific jacket potato. Beans on a potato

can still fuck off because it's loads of Beans on a potato can still fuck off because it's loads of little potatoes on a potato. That's the texture. But it takes about... I can see where you're coming from. I apologise. I still think cheese toasties are better. I would still always have a cheese toasty over it any day.

No. But I apologise to the potato people out there. Thank you. My tour manager, Rhys, he couldn't believe it. Did, yeah. Mr Baked Potato, he couldn't believe it. He was like, I said last night, I told him, I went, guess who's eating humble pie

and jacket potatoes? And he went, what? And he like, because obviously this is the last time I'm going to tour for a while, so I'm not saying for a while. And he was just like,

well, I didn't expect this narrative twist towards the end. I mean, I'm buzzing. I'm buzzing. You're actually not even angry, are you?

Do you know what it is? Easy tea. Yeah. Easy tea. I still stand by the fact that you do have to cover it in stuff. You have to lather it. There has to be butter all over it. Easy tea. I still stand by the fact that you do have to cover it in stuff. You have to lather it. But there has to be butter all over it.

Of course. Cheese all over it. The filling all over it because the potato itself is boring and shit. But, right, you're saying that if you make a bolognese or something like that you have to put loads of ingredients into that. So what's wrong with that?

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You're talking about just having dry pasta? Well, what are you talking about? You're talking about just having a potato. hot potato hot potato hot potato yeah yeah hot potato hot potato all right fair enough fair enough listen okay look i accept your apology rosie and you know it's okay i forgive you now i forgive i genuinely accept your apology and you know what it is i'm not even mad because i'm just glad that you like them now and i knew, this is what pissed me off,

I knew you would because if you, like no, no, shut up, no, no, because like I do with the kids,

I say it to Robin, he's like, I don't like shepherd's pie, I'm like, do you like mince? He goes, yeah, and I said,

do you like peas? And he goes, yeah, and I said, do you like carrots? He goes, yeah, but no,

cook the prick, but then I'm like, do you like mashed potato? Yeah, do you like cheese on top? Yeah, you like everything in there so you do like it

apart from plain potato but again again so I love beans and cheese beans and cheese on toast is one of the best things you can have right I'm so sorry

no no no listen no no listen guys see who agrees with me here beans and cheese on toast one of the best things you can have incredible beans on toast

with cheese on oh god so I was like okay beans on toast beans with cheese on a potato that'll be amazing horrendous worst texture in the world it's like you're eating a sponge it's the worst beans on a jack potato isn't great okay right however you're turning around going tuna on a

jack potato is amazing i blame tuna for looking so shit tuna looks like if you didn't tell someone what it was it looks like you just emptied your hoover onto a plate yeah tuna is a repulsive looking thing it's not hugely advertised horrible and after two days in the fridge it does smell a bit yeah comes in a tin you've got to drain its fucking juices off yeah it's it's i do love tuna well i quite like tuna as well now you do yeah since you've met the tuna tuna queen you've heard yourself as the tunauna Queen? Yes. Oh. Tuna Titan. That's how naughty rumours start. Here comes the Tuna Queen. Yeah, she is.

Oh, which way is the wind going? You're bringing, that's trauma. We're living in some trauma here. You're nine. Oh, no, really? No, I'm joking. The Tuna Queen. No, no, you said it now.

No, it's not called the Tuna Queen. Everyone, Tuna the Tuna Queen. No, okay. Get lost. Get that jingle on. Let's talk about this week. What the Tuna Queen? Get lost. Get that jingle on. Tuna Tube. Let's talk about this week. What's been going on?

Come on. Get the jingle on. Here's the jingle. Hey. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle.

So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, jingle, jingle, babadoo babadoo babadoo bab, jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed, lovely to have you back. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. You're the one that I want. We're nominated for some British Podcast Awards this year. I know we are.

We talked about that yesterday, isn't that exciting? I don't think we've ever been nominated for some british podcast awards this year i know we are yesterday isn't that exciting we've ever been nominated for one i don't think we've been properly nominated they always they always stick one listener's choice because they know the smiles are uh our beasts every podcast on the listener's choice if you want we're not that bothered but if you want to we'll vote we'll vote at once if you want to vote for that's absolutely fine but we've asked you to vote for loads of things so please don't bother yourselves i know it's nice we're nominated for moment of the year yeah i don't know what that is a lot of people on twitter saying it might be the hamster with the magnet in his cheek which i would i would absolutely take that oh by

the way somebody tweeted saying that it was a story from something someone always but then i did notice that a girl tweeted them and said no it's me wow it was the girl who said no it's me yeah there's loads of that going on i mean that's the thing if it's a if it's a story that's cropped up somewhere else before that's absolutely fine if people haven't heard it I hadn't heard it so I was buzzing but that time

when someone tweeted we're in the fucking one of the storylines from Scrubs I was like that's a bit shit oh I know who's got time for that

what are you getting out of that I know it's so weird like right sitting at home going I read my story but it was from Scrubs oh well you're an arsehole why have you done that

and so they just wrote that out isn't it very odd worse than comedians stealing other people's material that shocking

my thing is though some so like you know like urban legends and things like that I think we've said this before if you've never heard it it's actually genuinely

really interesting yeah it's had to start somewhere yeah that is true yeah back in the day I think Jason Manford did a show at the Edinburgh Festival

all about urban legends because i remember when i first started stand up i was going to the edinburgh fringe and i was obsessed with urban legends and i started writing a show about urban legends right and my mate was like you know jason manford got nominated for the edinburgh comedy award for that show and i was gutted for two reasons one because i couldn't do that show and two because i was never going to get to see his show about it because apparently it was really, really good. Ah, okay. I love an urban legend.

What's your favourite urban legend? Ooh. So I don't know the ins and outs of it and I'm not very good at selling it to people, but when it was once told to me, it was really good. So it was basically, my urban legend that I love is there's a babysitter at someone's house and she's looking after the kids

and it's a brand new house and she hasn't been there. And she's like putting the kids to bed and stuff and i'm gonna kind of ruin it because i'm kind of just splurging the whole punch the whole story at one bit so like the parents phone halfway through the night and say like how's the you know how are the kids how was everything and she's like yeah yeah they're absolutely fine um i've had to put a um i've had to put a sheet over that creepy clown statue in your hallway because it was really freaking us out. And they were like,

we don't have a creepy clown statue in the hallway. It's probably better if you build it up properly. I do believe that one was in Jason Manford's show because I did hear that another comedian I know was in the front row when he told it and apparently really loudly went, freak the fuck out I think my favourite one is

probably about the girl who masturbated with a crab and then had loads of baby crabs crawling out of her inside. I think that's just one of your family stories

Was it my kids last holiday to the seaside? That's the bit with the crap. I won't believe that though. No, that's an urban legend. Did you never get told that story at school? Well, no, because I imagine that's a girl one. Or what about the woman who had sex with the horse and then broke her back because the horse bucked backwards.

Right, Right. I mean, again, these are... Not true. Right, again, but yeah, these are... Is that not an urban legend? I don't know, but for me, an urban... I mean, great, well done, but for me, an urban legend is like

something that could happen to anyone. Like, there could be a creepy clown killer standing in your hallway and you put a thing over your... I mean, like, sort of, but this is like, hey, find crabs sexy, careful. No, i thought urban

legends were just stories that you've been told all your life from being a kid but and you go that's not true yeah but it might be hold on so i've just had a quick look right because i couldn't remember any off the top of my head so i've just had a quick look on google and this is one i've heard loads right right this one this is from the guardian right it's a top 10 urban legends and this one i have heard um the spider bite possibly one of the top 10 urban legends and this one I have heard. The Spider Bite. Possibly one of the most believed urban myths, this is the one that tells the tale of a young person, often a traveller to a far-flung location, who's

bitten by a spider and or ant. On returning home, the victim experiences a hatching where parasitic baby spiders and or ants burst out from under the skin. You must have heard that one. Your cousin, he got bit by a spider and then it like got really, really swollen and then loads of baby spiders came out.

I know, you say that though, but that... Oh, is it? Yeah, it says it on the card. You were just about to say it's bad and that's what makes an urban legend. Right, only because... Believable bollocks. So the crab story is not believable?

The lady booking a horse is not believable. Honestly, 173 episodes ago before we'd done this podcast, I would have not believed that someone would masturbate with a crab. Now, I imagine there's some kind of club

where people do it weekly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, like a book club but the crab thing. Yeah, 100%. Mingaz? I've just got a very vivid memory of,

have I told you this before? When I was younger and I'd read in a magazine and somebody had been to a far-flung country. Right. Did you just use far-flung because I just read it there two seconds ago? Did you? Oh, my God.

You weren't really listening, but you picked it up. What? That's clever. That's an intelligent trait. It's not an intelligent trait. What? Not listening to what I said and then picking it up. So, like, you know how people can skim, like, what's a skim read?

Oh, you can skim listen. I'm skim listening. Just called being rude as fuck. No, no, I wasn't off listening. It's just called being rude as fuck. No, well, someone got a maggot or something, or like a lice, underneath their skull. Right. And then they put a bit of bacon and cling film on their head.

Ah, yeah, that bollocks. Yeah, yeah, that was bollocks. No, it's true, it was in a magazine. I saw a picture bollocks. No, it's true. It was in a magazine. I saw a picture of it in a magazine. It's true. It was in a magazine. I'm sure it's bollocks, that one. I'm sure.

Let's check. Do you remember back in the day when there wasn't like loads of videos and you weren't kind of just constantly bombarded with shit that you used to have to just look at pictures of things and use your imagination? I miss them days. Oh my God. Bacon therapy is what some doctors use to get rid of an insect larvae that has burrowed beneath your skin. Oh thank you very much. And they're eating you from the inside.

Oh thank you very much. Bacon therapy? Bacon therapy. Sounds like my kind of Can I get that on the end of the chat? Hello I'm here for bacon therapy please. Sir please stop eating the bacon. I can't. It's raw you know. Raw bacon.

You're raw. You're raw. Now, we have had a very exciting morning. Have we? Oh, God. Yeah, so we decided at around about half past seven this morning. God, it's been awful. To sort out all of Rafe's toys. Because, well, I did that thing, which is a very good idea.

Okay, but I did it wrong. So we kept all of Robin's old toys which is great because they're all plastic and you just go this is just going to go in landfill and let's at least

get a good few I mean would it not landfill would it put them in charity anyway but yeah we kept them but you know eventually I just think

keep them you know when you were having another boy so we're like and they've come in handy but I love to do a toy rotation so I keep the toys out for a couple of months

and then I swap them with other ones in the garage and then I do it again and do it again. Ah, you swap them. Right, there's the problem. So I just bring the garage ones in. Right. Well, there you go. Well, I did that as well.

So I brought the garage ones in and I didn't actually swap them. So we've just basically been living in Smiths and it's been awful. And to the point where we don't ever put anything away together we just hide it all in a box yeah

I just I kick stuff across the floor into the corner oh it was really getting made was it getting you down no I just didn't look at it no yeah my

I'm sort of selective on stuff like that yeah I could just kick them into the corner and just not be arsed that's so not you yeah with some stuff I can it's weird

wow with some things I can well like the bed because you don't make the bed don't make the bed kids toys not my but then when you so I had a full on moment

this morning when you were like sort these out and there was so many bits of different toys from different places I'm fucking exhausted but normally you're really

good with stuff like that it depends if I want to do it or not oh well exactly see it's all bollocks it's a front it's a front it's if I want to do

something I will but there's loads of little different bits from different stuff I was like oh for god's sake we've done it we've sorted it we've sorted it all out

and I feel so much better. I feel lighter, Chris. And then your mum and dad came to look after the kids. My mum and dad turned up while I was still busy sorting stuff out and I left them. They went, can I help? And I was like, yeah, can you just sort all the wooden toys? Can you just put all the wooden bits in this box

and I'll sort them later. I came upstairs to see you. I went back down. My mum and dad were sitting, putting all the farmyard shapes into the thing. Unreal. Like some kind of like, I don't know, elderly person's dementia test. I was just like, the fucking state of you two.

They loved it. But your mum is just like you. Exactly the same. Oh my God, there was a snake missing from a jigsaw, and I thought she was going to cry. And then we got the sofa, we pulled the sofa out, and it was there. I've never seen her that happy in my life.

Yeah, I'm exactly the same. You're exactly the same. Robin it was there. I've never seen her that happy in my life. Yeah, I'm exactly the same. You're exactly the same. Robin's off school. Been sick. He was sick again on his Sunday night. Like, what? I genuinely think

it was something that he ate. I don't think it's a bug. No. But he was sick a few times during the night which was, you know, harrowing. And then there's

a 48 hour policy so he can't go back to school. He can't go back to school for 48 hours. It's no matter when they're there. He's absolutely fine eating out of the house and home getting on with tits

didn't even help with the toys no of course he didn't help with the toys absolutely furious sat and watched flipping YouTube I hate YouTube kids do you? well I it's alright

why is it? yeah it's okay he watches people making stuff and building stuff then he copies off Lego and he copies off stuff on Minecraft it's quite creative

and you know it's better than just watching something passively. I suppose. We watched loads of telly as kids, didn't we? Fucking loads. I always feel bad about it, but yeah, you're right. Loads. I remember just literally getting in from school every day. And I didn't really do anything after school.

I'd just watch telly. Oh, honestly. Chippendale? Mm. The Raccoons? The Raccoons. Oh, I still sneer. Yeah.

The Hurricanes, the football one. Did you ever watch that? Don't remember that. Yeah. Loadsaccoons. The Raccoons. Oh, Serial Sneer. Yeah. The Hurricanes, the football one. Did you ever watch that? Don't remember that. Yeah. Loads of things. Transformers,

Ghostbusters. Oh, hell on, man. Turtles. Oh, Turtles. Oh, Turtles.

That's it, we're just listening to fucking TV shows now. Goosebumps. That was scary. That was a bit, that was scary. Goosebumps, right,

was frightening. And then when I used to go to my mate's house who had Nickelodeon, Are You Afraid of the Dark That was terrifying I am once I fucking watched this mate Yeah, Ozzy had that on her

Oh my god What about Round the Twist That was a bit scary Depressed me that Yeah A mate of mine he had the ringtone

years later at our reunion I was like turn that off I feel sick Made us feel sick when I heard it Triggered

I'm very triggered by the Round the Twist theme tune so if everyone can remove it from their phones I was like, turn that off, I feel sick. It made us feel sick when I heard it. Triggered. Triggered, yeah. I'm very triggered by the Round the Twist theme tune, so if everyone can remove it from their phones, that would be really good. Thank you for understanding. Right, what were you going to say about the TV show then? Well, we just said we were going to talk about it, so we'll just say it was just great fun.

Thank you everyone for watching, if you watched. Yeah, I'm just a bit annoyed at you, because last night I was gigging when the TV show was on. So I was quite busy. Yeah. And I got back, I got in the van coming back from Carlisle and I looked on Twitter,

I looked on Instagram and you'd put a really long soppy thank you to everyone. Right. All the team and everything. Is that bad? One, I didn't get a thank you.

Two, I didn't get a heads up of like, I'm going to put this big soppy thing on. So then if I'd put one on after, it would have just like, look, I was copying. And then if I literally copied and pasted yours, that would look bad. So I didn't get a heads up of like i'm gonna put this big soppy thing on so then if i'd put one on after it would have just like looked i was copying and then if i literally copied and pasted yours that would look bad so i didn't even put one on but you put a big brown nose and oh team are great and everyone will work with but honestly you've got rosie if you want to talk me rosie if

you want to go far in this business you've got to be a bastard to everyone no you really don't to everyone you really don't right you don't someone hands you a coffee you take a drink too cold spit it in their face I'm serious these people don't deserve your respect

you catch more bees you're a star Rosie you're a star I'm joking yeah no it was lovely and I just want to echo thank you to everyone who came on the show

thank you to everyone who watched it and obviously the team were amazing dead good fun it was class yeah I thought you were

being serious then I was joking man I was doing me jokes no for fuck's sake. Yeah. Keep them for your shitty not sold out shows would you?

Just in Blackburn. Everyone else is sold out. Thank you very much. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. So speaking of my tours right. I was in the van with

a friend of the podcast Carl Hutchinson and let's say I might as well call him friend of the podcast Paul to our manager last night. Oh yeah Phil. And he was driving up

yeah he told me a story in the van last night yeah Phil and he was driving up he told me a story in the van last night right so he was driving up yesterday to come and pick me and Carl up so he's driving along

he's from Wales isn't he well yeah but I think he had to pick the van up from London or something so he's driving up the A1 or the M1 or whatever right so he's driving up

two totally different roads are they even next to each other A1 and M1 one of them turns into the other one dickhead so it's the same road alright just add some more lanes and turns into the other one. Right. Dickhead. So it's the same road. All right.

Just add some more lanes and turns into the other. I tried to be cocky and I didn't really know. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I think they might split up when they get down south.

Anyway, listen. So he's driving along the motorway. Mm-hmm. And he comes to the sort of a bridge going over. Not a footbridge. It's a road going over the motorway. A road. Yeah.

Right. And you know, we've said this before. It always freaks me out when someone's standing just looking at the road at the traffic i feel like they're going to jump down in front of the car yeah well this car's part there you think it's the speed coppers with speeding cameras don't you oh yeah so he's driving along and he he looks up and he sees he must be sort of in it must be going quite slow it must be a 50 mile an hour zone or something so he sees this bunch of kids and they're all trying to get the lorries to honk their horns.

And when the lorry's going past honking their horns, they're buzzing. And one kid's got his feet dangling over the edge. Oh God. And he looked and he's like, oh God. Then a lorry didn't honk through a stone at the lorry.

Oh, twat. So he was like, oh shit. He was like, right, I better phone up and report this. He's amazing, incredible driver,

really by the book. So he's like, I'll phone up and I'll report this because it's worrying, right? So he chopped like, oh shit. He was like, right, I better phone up and report this. He's amazing, like incredible driver, really by the book. So he's like, I'll phone up and I'll report this because it's worrying, right? Yeah. So he chopped me quick. Yeah, because that could smash someone's windscreen. It could cause a massive accident. It's terrible.

And put them on, yeah, of course. So he phones up the police. Yeah. He takes a... Grass. Yeah, grass. He takes a screen grab, scum. He takes a screen grab of where he was at the moment

so he can tell them the name of the road that goes across. Clever, clever. Very clever. So he takes a screen grab. And he's at the moment so he can tell them the name of the road that goes across very clever and he's talking to the police and he's like right okay there's these guys there's these kids they're doing this and i'm on the a1 or whatever and they're throwing them off this bridge the guy was like is it a footbridge or is it a road they went it's a road going across yeah and the guy on the phone said what is the name of the road going across and he zoomed into his screen grab and you will not fucking believe what the road was called. Gravel Lane or something, I don't know.

He had to tell the policeman, the guy from the police on the phone, he had to tell him, and you know Paul, he gets very embarrassed very easily. He's phoning up to report this. Yeah. The name of the road going across the A1

was Butthole Lane. No, it's not. No, it's not. Swear to God. What? was Butthole Lane. No, it's not. No, it's not. Swear to God. What? Why is it called Butthole Lane? I don't know. He sent us a screen camera this morning.

It's called Butthole Lane. Holy. Butthole Lane. Whereabouts is that? I don't know, but it goes across the A1. And he's reporting it, dead, you know what I mean, by the boot. He goes, it's called Butthole Lane. And the guy was like

okay is it now and he just wouldn't have it and he completely thought he was bullshitting and then as he was talking to Paul he got a couple more messages

he got a couple more reports through about the same kids and he went oh sorry I've just seen there's some reports with the same road yeah yeah

I believe you now Butthole Lane oh yeah his place yeah Butthole Lane there's a hilarious. Butthole Lane. Butthole Lane. Oh, yeah, his place? Yeah. Butthole Lane. There's a street named Butthole Lane in England?

Yeah. Yeah. Why? Why would you do that? Doncaster? Yeah. Over the year one. Butthole Lane.

Telling you. Take a stroll down Butthole Lane and other rude streets. Can you imagine having to tell the cop I was at? Everyone's got pictures with it. All the Google images are just blogs stood pointing at the photo game. Of course there are. Yeah. I mean, I'm a few when he didn't get out

and get a photo himself, but he probably got some stones thrown at him by the ruffians. There's one here called Funny Hands Lane. Yeah, yeah. Eh? Where are these places? Butthole Road?

Oh my gosh. She's now just sitting looking at a list of funny place names how brilliant well there's a place near us which we always laughed at

oh dick place dick place we always Minge Lane fucking hell she's gone she's gone Beefhead Close

great Comewell Lane no that is not real this is painful. Shitterton. Yeah, Shitterton, yeah. No. Fucking hell.

I'm sorry. This is the most self-indulgent thing you've ever done. Just headbutt the microphone there laughing. Rimswell. Rimswell. Okay, I'll give you're laughing Rimswell Rimswell okay I'll give you that Rimswell's really good Rimswell's fantastic no so

the one the one next to us that we always laughed at as kids was Pity Me in Durham Pity Me oh really

I know it's not rude you headlined that whole bit with Pity Me I know it's not rude do Pity Me at the beginning and then do Rimswell at the end fucking hell get a babadoop I've got to teach you about fucking performing comedy here this is painful alright okay You headlined that whole bit with pity me. It's not rude. Do pity me at the beginning and then do Rimswell at the end. Fucking hell.

Get a Babaduba. I've got to teach you about fucking performing comedy here. This is painful. All right, okay. Number one, don't laugh at your own jokes. I do that all the time. Yeah, of course you do. I always do.

Babaduba, Babaduba, Babaduba. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe-Hirwe, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental

Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things.

Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Ladies first. Yes.

My beef with you this week is you keep leaving the baby gates open and you're going to kill Rafe. And yesterday you did it. Before you went to your gig, I had the kids upstairs and I're going to kill Rafe. And yesterday you did it. Before you went to your gig, I had the kids upstairs and I was going to put them in the bath. And whenever we're upstairs, it has to be shut.

It has to... Chris, look at me. Look at me in the eyes. Oh, gosh. No, look at this. It has to be closed because it would take half a second for him to just run

and fall down the stairs to his death. All right, man. Right? What you've done is you've picked a really serious one here and I and fall down the stairs to his death. All right, man. Right? What you've done is you've picked a really serious one here and I haven't got a leg

to stand on and I'm sorry. Right, okay, well, it turned out quite funny but last night I was running the bath and me and Rob were in the

bathroom and then I couldn't hear Rafe because he's normally quite loud and he bumbles about and all that. So I ran out of the bathroom and I looked down the hallway

and I was like, Rafe! It doesn't answer back to his name but anyway I was shouting at him and then I saw that the gate was open shit my pants, ran down the stairs thinking he was going to be at the bottom of the stairs he wasn't there, ran back upstairs he was actually in the bathroom behind us and

he walked out laughing and then Robin was pissing himself laughing he's behind you ma but yeah for a split second that was very scary so your beef with me is that I provided you

with a lovely family memory and a couple of minutes of entertainment it was not a lovely family memory your beef with me is that I made our children laugh oh wow unbelievable

please just shut the baby gate that's all I'm asking. I'm sorry, man. Jesus, I'm sorry. And I remember you did this with Robin as well. I had to really be on your case with this as well. Okay. Really serious.

Okay, I'm sorry. To the point, if you want, just climb over it. I jump over the one at the bottom like I'm Mask of Zorro. I really do enjoy that. Oh, sexy. Yeah.

Just keep them shut and jump over. I would prefer you did that because you can't... I don't think I'd jump over the one at the top I think I'd break my legs if I jumped over the one at the top one at the bottom straight over

every time brilliant what's your beef with me? my beef with you this week is when I ask you to quickly look at something

Rosie can you just quickly have a look at this can you just quickly have a look at this something about work you know is this train time okay or is this I ask you to quickly look at something you refuse to look at this can you just quickly have a look at this something about work you know is this train time okay or is this i ask you to quickly look at something you refuse to look at it

stating that you're far too busy to look at it but you explain that you are too busy yeah and argue with me yeah for much fucking longer than it would have took to just look at the thing like so much longer so literally literally, I'd be like, Rosie, like, Rosie, Chris, I can't. I can't look at that. I've got literally no time at all. I can't.

Why do you always ask us to look at things when I'm busy? Because I can't. Because I couldn't look at it by now. Couldn't look at it six fucking times by now. Eh? Too busy? You're never too busy for a row, though.

Are you, love? No. Eh? You're always ready for a lovely little row. Love a row. Honestly. I just haven't,

just can't, Chris, I just, I don't like doing things that I don't want to do. No. And I don't have. Lovely row. Honestly. I just haven't, just can't, Chris, I just, I don't like doing things that I don't want to do. No. And I don't have time for them. Right. And I put things off a lot.

You know this about me. Yes. I put everything off. Yeah. And then, I do them and I go, oh, I should have done that.

I put them off seven this morning when you decided it would be a good idea to rearrange all the toys. Yeah. And I also, Against my will. Did an online shop. This morning. I was quite, I was quite, what was quite what's the word well no you weren't actually because at one point this morning i was

starting all the toys out and you said i've just got to quit i've got to take this phone call someone phoned you and now you are about 20 minutes i went outside to see where you were you were sitting on a chair in the hallway in silence on your own on your phone doing the online shop i saw your screen that was not not on fucking instagram it wasn't an online shop you're lying why right why nobody tells you this right when you have kids it's like a job yeah we i know we're colleagues in other ways like we've got the podcast and the tv show and blah blah blah right but also we are colleagues in our marriage it's mad it is mad isn't it yeah it is like a job i've said before you're literally

annoyed at me because i wasn't in the room with the kids yeah and you were you do the same so you honestly right we were in our own house i was in my pajamas you thought i was skiving you were skiving because i went outside in the hallway and you were sitting on your own on your phone in silence i've got to take this call i bet it was fucking talking clock was it honestly and then you just sat on the hallway on your own and I'm in there on the bloody

in the trenches on the front line hell on toys everywhere fucking all kinds going on it's so shit innit it's not it's brilliant

but it's hard work it's shit no I'm joking it's hard work you're totally right though because if you did that I'd be furious yeah yeah you do

yeah I mean again I've said it before one of the moments when I realised that parenting and being in a marriage having kids was really difficult

and not what you know not what I thought it was cracked up to be was that time when I said I needed to go for shit and you said can you go later and I was like

I need to go for shit and you were like oh do you have to now I was like well that's kind of the way shit's worth honestly your other favourite thing is you'll go like you got the bane have you got the bane I have to now. I was like, well, that's kind of the way shit's worth. Honestly,

your other favourite thing is you'll go like, you got the bin? Have you got the bin? And I'm like, no, like you've got, like I'm doing something else. If you got them,

I'm going to go do something else. You're always doing something else. You're always doing something else. You're always, you've always got something else to do. I'm busy, I'm a busy guy. Oh,

take the recycling out. The recycling does not have an alarm. It doesn't need to be taken out yeah but sometimes that bin is overflowing so much it's literally falling out

if he opens that cupboard he's going to get covered in like sharp cans and stuff get over yourself they are sharp tuna you are not taking out tuna

we're going through tuna now you are not taking out the recycling for the kids safety everything I do is for the kids safety shut the fucking gates then oh god

I came back around to bite this didn't I fuck take your ages to do I'm going to watch you next time you do that recycling you already you already do

you're doing something you already do do you smoke now I might start oh my god would we get cigarette breaks genuinely might start smoking you would start smoking

if you could get a cigarette break from being a parent if there could be like a good four fifteen minutes lost a day of having a tab outside away from you

and the kids I might take it off I'm in that as well am I wow don't you be coming out on my fag breaks you better not I'll go into the carport

and stand there. Oh, God. I used to hate people who had smoking breaks at work. Unfair, wasn't it? Oh, massively. But it was just as if it was okay. Yeah.

Like, oh, so you're just going outside for a break and I'm not. Yeah, I'm jealous. Obviously, I don't want to start smoking. I'm not promoting smoking in any way, but I am jealous.

I've said it before. I'm jealous of the fact that they can stand any way they want. It doesn't look weird what do you mean because they're doing something because they're smoking they just stand and you go

why is that guy standing oh he's smoking if I was just standing staring oh yeah they're just standing staring at stuff yeah

but you can't do that normally do you know what I mean I mean you could yeah and everyone would be like what the fuck is he doing standing against that wall just looking at that car park why is he there

is he smoking oh no he's just a weirdo standing there calling the police actually I've never thought of it like that car park. Why is he there? Is he smoking? Oh no, he's just a weirdo standing there phoning the police. Actually, I've never thought of it like that. Oh no,

it's fine, he's killing himself with a cigarette. That's it, he can stay there as long as he wants. What if you're having a drink? Dunno.

You don't have to do it there, What if you're on your phone? The phone is a new thing, isn't it? The phone's a new one, but sometimes I don't want to look at my fucking phone. I'm sick of looking at my phone.

I'm sick of you looking at your phone. You say you're sick of looking at it, but you'll still nip into the corridor and have a little look at it, wouldn't you? I was ordering an online shop. You weren't, you looking at your phone. You say you're sick of looking at it but you're still nipping at the corridor and have a little look at it,

weren't you? I was ordering an online shop. You weren't, man. You weren't. Christopher! I was on the front lines.

There was all kinds going on in there and you're outside. Honestly, coward. If this was war, you'd have been up against the wall

and shot for hiding when we were all battling in your hiding. You'd have been given a white feather. Yeah, white feather you. I'll white feather you

to next Tuesday. Coward. It's time feather you to next Tuesday. Coward. It's time for questions from the public. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, shaggedmardinoid at gmail.com. Go on, send it. You've been waiting to send it. Go on, send it. Why not? Oh, you pressed send. Oh, you're worried. But you're worried now. Anonymous.

We do get quite a lot of emails though where they're like, I've changed my mind, don't read it. Why not? Oh, you press send. Oh, you're worried. But you're worried now. Anonymous. We do get quite a lot of emails, though, where they're like, I've changed my mind. Don't read it. And I'm like, okay, don't worry about that. Right. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Love listening to you both, and I'm probably older than Sandra. My mom, I'm guessing. Okay.

This is the only podcast my kids have set me up with. So as you say, this is the only podcast. There are no other podcasts. Yeah, correct. Correct. Welcome to the only podcast my kids have set me up with. So as you say, this is the only podcast. There are no other podcasts. Yes, you're correct. Correct. Welcome to the only. It's really weird being the only podcast in the world, but you know, we're flying the flag.

We are not the only podcast in the world. We are the only podcast in the world. Please stop making podcasts. It's just us. Currently listening to a really good one. No. I'm not. I work in a primary school office,

and along with all other primary schools, we facilitate administration of the nasal flu vaccine in schools. Yes. Yeah. Up the schnoz. Up the schnoz. A team of nurses arrive at our school and we're given the form signed by parents,

all the children with permission to have the vaccine. The children then send class by class to the nurses. On checking that the nurses were ready for the next class, as year one were finishing, my colleague found the nurses in stitches. When she asked if everything was okay, one of the nurses explained that when they asked one little boy for his mum's name to verify they had the correct child, his little face grimaced, his hand went to his chin, and a little frown appeared on his forehead. grimaced his hand went to his chin and a little frown appeared on his forehead eventually he said hmm I can't remember mommy's name but my dad's name is Paul

and he calls a sugar the nurses couldn't stop laughing and neither could we. Oh, bless his little heart. Very sweet. Sugar tits. I can't remember. My dad's name's Paul and my mom's name is Sugar Tits. It's mad, isn't it? When you were younger, the stuff that you would say. Obviously, that kid accidentally told everyone that his dad calls his mom Sugar Tits,

which is hilarious and brilliant. But I remember when I was was younger when my mom was ill in bed with a hangover on sunday yeah i would run out and tell everyone in the street like i'll be like don't knock i'll be like shouting i'll be like don't knock on the door my mom's got a hangover but she didn't have a hangover i think she was going through the change bless her and she used to have like these mad like migraines and because she would go out she would literally go out your mom doesn't she's not a big drinker no she would go out she would literally go out and have like a shandy

And then the next day She would be in bed all day Like couldn't move and that And she'd be like Why I only had like a shandy What the hell's going on Honestly Not a big drinker at all

Dreading the change I'm dreading you Going for the change I'm dreading it myself It's going to be horrible So much Honestly I tell you right now

When you go through the change You can go and sit out In the hallway on your phone As much as you want Can I Because you'd be fucking Unbearable to be around I tell you that

We'll have grown up kids alright then we'll probably have separate houses mint I remember once as well we had mice in the back garden

and I went and told the kids in the studio that there was mice and my mum bollocked us I just tell everyone everything God knows what I must have told the teachers

God knows oh they'll have got everything out of you Robin's like that Robin is the same yeah he's me what were we laughing at

the other day with Robin? What had he said? What were we watching? Are we watching Pirates of the Caribbean? Oh my God. Well, yeah, we're watching the first

Pirates of the Caribbean. Well, it's a 12 though, so we ended up actually having to turn it off because it was quite scary. When all the pirates attacked, it was like really intense. There was kids crying.

He got really upset because there was a baby crying. We were watching, it's where Jack Sparrow and Orlando Bloom are fighting. And they're in the sword shop and they're fighting with all the swords. And Jack Sparrow goes, who makes all these? And Orlando Bloom's character goes, I make them. And I practice with them four hours every day.

And he went, you need to find yourself a girl, mate. That's what he said. Jack Sparrow went, you need to find yourself a girl, mate. And Robin went, you need to find yourself a girl mate and robin went you need to find yourself a girl mate i don't know what that means hilarious i don't know what that means he totally had no idea did he he had no idea he admitted it straight away it was so funny. But yeah,

but he got, well, I had to turn it off because he got upset later on because as all the pirates attacked the harbour. I thought it was really tame. Yeah,

no, it's not. The pirates all come up, they put the pillager in the harbour and there's this kid like, it's a really harrowing shot of like a child who weirdly looks a bit like Rafe

screaming, crying, going, mommy. And the mom gets him and he was heartbroken. Well, didn't he go up to bed and then came down crying? Yeah, he went up, and he was heartbroken but didn't he go up to bed

and then came down crying yeah he went up and stopped thinking about that little boy that might have half been a ploy to stay up but

aye I was thinking that I was like are these real tears or but I think he was a bit traumatised Jesus he can turn them on if not

but I remember he's exactly the same as me but I got more upset by a much more ridiculous thing so when I was I mean it is pretty harsh made me die I'd watch Dumb and Dumb

I won Friday night and it's the bit where they leave their flat to go in the car and go on the road trip to Aspen to find Mary Swanson and they're going over

what they sold Jim Carrey's character is like I sold a few things and he goes I sold this I sold baseball cards, Petey.

And then Harry goes, Petey? My dead parakeet? Yeah. His head fell off. And he's like, I figured out, you sold my dead parakeet

to a blind kid? And it cuts to the blind kid. And he's got this, this like budgie thing. And it's got gaffer tape around its neck. And he's going, pretty bird.

I was fucking, I was heartbroken. Oh no, really? Cried me eyes and he's going, pretty bird. I was fucking, I was heartbroken. Oh, no, really? I cried my eyes out. I cried my eyes out. I was like, my dad was like, what's the matter with you? And I was like, well, he's bought that and he thinks it's a real bird and it's not.

And he's blind and they've sold him it and he loves it and he thinks it's real and that. And I was... You were robbing his literally you. Crying my eyes out. Well, I turned it off. Well, I turned it off. Yeah.

None of the violence yeah none of the violence none of the swearing the silliness the rudeness that that I turned off and I went to bed and I came down

I felt sick yeah but I've told you what used to make me cry what when my mum would sink to her on an A-tank

stop stop it oh boo she's not a great singer no the songs the window was fucking shattering have I

I must have mentioned this on the podcast I don't know if you have the songs are the most depressing songs please don't sing this to the people should I just sing it no one of them's about a blind kid that's the one that used to get

a blind how funny you oh my gosh you were upset about the blind boy and this is about should I sing it oh god it's so depressing

I actually sang it to Robin and he tells us not to sing it. Yeah, because it's the saddest song in the world. I'll sing it now. Are you ready? Go on then. Everyone, are you ready for the saddest song on earth? This is how Rosie used to be put to bed at night

and this is how she tries to put our children to bed. As I was slowly passing an orphan's home one day I stopped there for a moment just to watch the children play alone a boy was standing and when i asked him why he turned with eyes that could not see and he began to cry this is the bit that gets you oh no not another bit but yeah nobody's child i'm nobody's child i'm like a flower just growing wild no mummy's kisses and no daddy's smile. You ready for it? It's so fucking sad. Nobody wants me. I'm nobody's child. Oh, every night, every night I was crying. Fucking hell.

And what happened to the little boy, mummy? It's so sad. Don't even know if he got anyone. Got a problem with the lyrics. I mean, one, that's the only thing you know the lyrics to, which is incredible. I know down in the valley so he's in an orphanage yeah

and he's nobody's child and he says he's like a flower just grown wild yeah no he's like a flower in a garden centre

that hasn't been bought because he's not grown wild he's in he's not been adopted so he's there he's in the place where all the other flowers are not grown wild he's like he's in the place where all the other flowers are not grown wild

he's like he's the last flower in the to be picked yeah in the garden centre he's like

I don't know why you're picking this apart they've put something on him they've dropped something on him they've put it maybe they've moved him the wrong bit he's where the fish are or something

that's if you could just fix that next time it's really strange though because whenever I was a kid I pictured my schoolyard and the little boy in the schoolyard

every time I listened to that song I mean we've really dragged the fucking tone down here this is horrible do you want to hear a happier song

I don't know what is it barefoot days when you and I were kids barefoot days oh the fun we had. Hey, we'd go down to a shady nook, come on, with a bed pin for a hoop. And we'd fish all day, we'd fish all night, but the bloody old fish, they wouldn't bite.

What we'd do, then we'd slide down some old cellar door. Slide and slide until the pants were torn. What do you got to do then? You got to go home. Hey, straight a door. Slide and slide until the pants were torn. What do you got to do then? You got to go home. Hey, straight to bed. Well, mama got busy with the needle and thread. Oh, joy. What joy we had in barefoot days.

Sandbags, windbags, hammers were a hump. Stop it. Fat girls, thin girls, summer labor plump. Barefoot, sliding down cellar doors good old days oh christ right can't wait till that goal

gets edited out fucking mess babadoo babadoo babadoo hello my fiance and I were listening to your podcast and heard the weird story about a man

eating frozen prawns on the bus yep it's affected a lot of people that story yeah yeah it is awful it is horrendous

makes us want to cry something about frozen fish that makes us really sad when the person is awful it is horrendous makes us want to cry something about frozen fish that makes us really sad when the person had them in their gin it makes us sad yeah oh god yeah we've had a lot of frozen fish

I had a prawn on the train the other day and it still had the shell on and it was really it was awful actually yeah it's the worst it's not a nice experience prawns as well

I mean you can see they're shite up their back ah well brilliant if you that's well this is my thing with all, if you're going to eat animals

or shell food, just have to be alright with the fact that they've got bits of shit and veins and stuff. Brilliant. Anyway, after hearing the story,

I told Lauren about a weird eating habit someone had at college. Upon hearing this, Lauren said I needed to tell you about it. Firstly, it is important to state

I love chicken wings. This is from the person writing this in. I also love chicken wings. Okay, great. Yeah, I think they're very overrated. I know, but they're not, you know. It's not a meal. It's an endurance test.

It's a bush tucker trial. There is so much on a chicken wing that you can't eat. Yeah. And again, I don't know if I might be in the minority here, but it's just, you're all over, you need to have a shower afterwards. You've got to pull it,

you can just, again, listen, you eat them, they're just fucking amazing. Oh, I love them. I've actually ordered them on the shop because you're away,

so they're like my treat. Yeah. I did watch your TikTok video, actually, of a woman the other day eating some, because in America, they do them better in America.

They're always just like deep fried and bread crumbed and then mixed in the sauce and look amazing. She like pushed all of the meat down off the bone and then stuck the whole thing in our mouth

and sucked it off. Yeah, but she'll still get all that gristle stuff at the top. All that bits of knuckle and that. Ugh, gnat. So this guy loves chicken wings. When I was at college, I used to go to the deli counter

at Asda and have them for my dinner. Okay. Good choice. I know a lad who used to go to the deli counter at Asda and have them for my dinner. Good choice. I know a lad who used to get a full chicken every day. Rotisserie? Full rotisserie chicken every day. Lunatic. Wow. And eat the full thing? Oh aye. Nutter. Great. We as a class

would generally eat together in the classroom. It was a fine art class so it was all rather relaxed. God, taking fucking chicken wings to a communal classroom to eat, you dirty pig. Why? It's food. Actually, speaking of dirty pigs, I have not... This was going to be a beef, but it's not anymore because the time's passed. Every single week when we went down to do the Chris and Rosie Ramsey show,

you got an egg salad from Marks and Spencer's. Yeah. It smelled like you'd shat your pants on the train every morning. No, it didn't. It fucking stank. Did it? Yeah. Horrible.

I'm glad I ate it at half ten in the morning. Honestly, be better. Be better. Was it really smelly? You'd only had eight egg cut up. It smelt like cold shit. It smelt like cold shit, yeah. No, it did not.

I'm telling you right now, it smelt like cold shit, but I know better than to tell you anything like that in the moment because I know you'll kick off. But it smelt like cold shit. Well, I did not. I'm telling you right now, it smelled like cold shit, but I know better than to tell you anything in the moment because I know you'll kick off. But it smelled like cold shit. Well, I enjoyed it. And I just remember looking around, just in my head, apologising to all the passengers going, I'm so sorry for my wife who's eaten fucking...

Chris, I had that six-week solid. Why didn't you tell us? Because it wasn't that bad. There was enough stress going on, Rosie. There was enough stress going on. This fella in my class saw me eating the chicken wings and the next day wanted to join me Brilliant

We both bought about six chicken wings And took them back to class It was after the guy had finished eating the meat of the chicken wings That things got a bit weird Oh no, don't, please, don't tell us Once he had finished eating the meat He moved on to then eat the bones of the chicken wings No, no, no, no.

Why? How? He did this not by snapping the bone, but by placing the whole bone in his mouth and forcing it down with his fingers. No, no. Like he's a bin. This was clearly not his first time doing this. He did it with ease. Everyone in the class panicked and asked him what he was doing.

He explained he didn't want to have any waste left over. So he ate the bones of every chicken wing. We were too disgusted to ask what his shit looked like after eating the box of six chicken wings. Oh my God, it must have looked like a pack of stickle bricks. I can't imagine that being very good coming out. It must have come out like a sea urchin. What if it was...

Like a sea urchin. Yeah, what if it was the wrong way around? Oh. Ew. I mean, would your stomach acid break it down and stuff? I imagine it might. No, I don't think it would. How is he not dead?

Chris, bones live in the ground for, like, centuries. Yeah, but there's no acid in... Well, I mean, there might be a bit of acid, but there's not... You know. He did this every time he got chicken wings. He also did it with chicken drumsticks. Although he did almost choke on one. Dirty horribles.

Bones are in fact... I've just Googled, can you eat bones? Bones are in fact living tissues, much like the meat that we eat, and are therefore rich in vital micronutrients for our bodies. Bone is full of minerals, mostly calcium and phosphorus, along with sodium,

magnesium and other traits. Okay, what happens if I eat bones? This is not an educational podcast. Although generally, the ingested bones are digested or uneventfully passed through the gastrointestinal tract within one week.

Complications such as, so complications can occur, but rarely. Apparently you can eat bones. Eh? That fucking guy, man, that meathead on Instagram eats bones, doesn't he? He is so interesting.

What's his name again? The Liver King. The Liver King. He looks like he's constantly just got out of the gym. Now I don't know if he gets himself pumped up

before the camera goes on. I imagine he does. He might, yeah. He might. He's constantly tanned buff. He's fascinating. And what do they... So him and his wife and their two kids

just all eat raw meat constantly. Mad, yeah. Just live off bone marrow and all that shit. Yeah, like he slags off bread, so I don't think we'd get on. He doesn't, does he? I don't think... He doesn't eat anything like that, does he?

No. He slagged off microwave pizza the other day and I was like, oh, student Chris Ramsey would not like you, mate. Oh, I'm actually really hungry. Yeah, I'm starving. I could eat chicken wings and a microwave pizza. I couldn't eat fucking bones, I tell you that, though. No.

Jesus. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I'm a hairdresser and I think my job is hilarious. Yeah. In brackets it says, when you break it down and think about it, we play with the stuff that grows out of your head to make you look good well i mean they've thought about that a lot i

know yeah yeah happiest job god voted that happiest job hairdresser oh really did it yeah loads of times it gets voted the happiest job i can imagine being a bit stressful me and i could think it would hurt your arms i mean as a semi-professional hairdresser myself specialising in the removal of extensions I can say it's stressful as fuck and I hate it we're still we are still removing the extensions

by the way we've done it a few it takes Chris a very long time it's so fucking stressful Rosie it's so stressful so I promised I would do it

last week and then we haven't done it yet I've got to do it tonight after this you've got to get them all out tonight there's so many of them there's so so many of them it's

like grass there's no they just i find more every time don't say that because i'm literally like what is my what did my hair look like before i had them i can't remember honestly i think you were fucking bald by the way this is going on i'm worried and i've got to basically pull i've got to get me the way my pliers i've got to like squeeze it the other way so it opens slightly but sometimes it doesn't open it just closes from the other end. But we've learned that it's better when it's wet. You know like most things so we'll do that.

Better than that. Yeah. Really really stressful. Really hate it. You move your head all over the place by the way and then you put them down the side. I pull the sort of extension out then and the little metal thing slides off. Honestly I'm just not looking forward to how much you're going to bollock us for how raggy and shit.

Have you been pulling loads of hair out? It's attached. Does it hurt when I'm doing it? Right, well, no, I'm probably not pulling that much hair out. But then again, I don't know. I hear a lot of snapping. Oh, gee, I should have just went to hairdressers. Yeah, you should have done. Why are you getting me to do it? I've got no idea. Just because it's easier. It's not easier. It's not easier. It's much harder.

It's not. I'm hating it. It's so stressful. Well, listen, you've started now, so you've got to finish. Right? It's the rules. So, you think the job is hilarious.

Being exposed to the general public all day every day leads to some interesting and at times embarrassing situations. I thought I would share one of my favourite tales from behind the chair. Okay. I used to have a male client who visited every month for a trim and tidy up. He was a similar age to me and we always got on very well and had a good laugh during his appointments.

One day, we had a particularly giggly haircut as he had come in early on a Saturday morning still drunk from the night before. Ah, okay. At the end of the appointment, he stood up and opened his arms out wide. I hesitated for a moment, as hugging at the end of the appointment certainly wasn't usual practice, but I didn't want to leave him hanging, so after a second, I leaned in

and embraced him. Another second later, I realised he wasn't hugging me back, so I pulled away slightly and looked up at him questioning questioningly only to find him looking back down at me frowning. For some reason this alone wasn't enough to make me stop hugging him and he simply said what are you doing? Now turning redder by the second I stuttered and said I thought you wanted a hug and he said I was trying to make it easier for you to

take my gown off that is mortifying that is mortifying needless to say i died an absolute death on the spot swiftly whipped off his gown and rushed him out of the salon. Funnily enough, he stopped coming back after that. Yeah. And I can imagine. That's amazing. I was the butt of a few jokes in his circle for a while. That's up there.

That's up there with, have you ever waved at someone who's waving at the person behind you? Oh, it happened at the christening on Sunday. Yeah. In the church, because you were Godfather. You, by the way, got a good 45 minutes not sat with your two kids while I was in the church with them. Honestly, anyone listening, if you want to be Godfather to your kids, if I can get away from your kids for 45 minutes and sit them in a church while Rosie's fighting on.

It was awful. It was awful. Bloody grief. Honestly, more nervous than doing a gig, that, because I had to stand up at the front of the church and not see anything. I just had to stand there there and everyone was looking at us and I wasn't allowed to see or do anything

it was I was sweating I was standing in front of a crowd and not performing is one of and it sounds so weird it's one of the hardest things

I've ever had to do and I had to light the candle off the thing I didn't think you were going to reach that candle bloody block the two families getting the christen

at the same time were having to know the other one as well to be fair and that godfather was fucking six foot nine he know the other one as well to be fair and that godfather was fucking six foot nine he did it he had to reach

to be fair yeah and I was like well I was just watching thinking there's no way there's no way he tried to make me feel better because he stood up

and he looked like he turned to me and he went your suit's a bit tight and he was like laughing and I thought your suit's a bit tight I need a fucking yellow page

is he a mate and I could hear there was a very low but very distinct ooooh because I was like he's not going to do this and I could hear there was a very low but very distinct ooooh because I was like he's not going to do this and I loved it

if I couldn't do it and I had to stand on a little crocodile or something that I loved it. God. But yeah, got away from you

and the kids. Had a lovely little day. It was a nice day. Lovely little day. You got pissed when you were drinking shandies but how many shandies

did you have and as well and as well did you see how full the shandies were? Yeah. They were not, so shandies but so how many shandies did you have and as well and as well did you see how full the shandies were yeah they were not so shandy to me half and half yeah they weren't half and half you had a log at top so yeah how many did you have lots so the problem was loads so my problem was i was like i don't know over 10 jesus me me problem was i was like i'll go on the shandies i'll be clever here i'll go on the shandies i'll be clever here i'll go on the shandies i'll be very careful all it meant was i was drinking them much faster and they were

going down like pop yeah and i was yeah everyone else was getting one pint and i was getting one of the stupidest things i felt fucking horrendous yesterday so yeah i know and then you did that really irritating thing because we stayed at my mom's and you put robin to bed and you fell asleep and I went in and said, once Robin had fell asleep, I was like, are you getting up?

And you were like, no. So I left you and you had an hour and a half sleep and then you woke up but I was going to bed at that point

and then you couldn't get to sleep. And I was like, I did try to wake you up. So it's your own stupid fault. Didn't try hard enough. Didn't try hard enough. Listen, what were you thinking letting me drink all your own stupid fault. Didn't try hard enough. Didn't try hard enough. Listen,

what were you thinking letting me drink all of that drink? Oh, you can piss off. We're actually going to have to have serious words, you know, because every time we go somewhere like that, you just get carried away now. It's ridiculous. It's because I never go out. I've got no fucking social life, so in the moments when we do, I just go absolutely ballistic. Well, you need to stop because it's just irritating. Never. Don't tell us how to live my life.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hello, Chris, Rosie and Extended Family. So it's just irritating. Never. Don't tell us how to live my life. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap. Hello Chris, Rosie and Extended Family. So here's my tale. Could be a Rosie's Mysteries. Oh, okay. Please keep me anonymous as I'm a nurse and this story is about a patient I saw a few years back in the operating theatre. Oh, love it. I was working in the

emergency theatre for the afternoon. It was usually very boring cases like appendicitomies? Is that a one? Appendicitis, I think. Okay. But it's the posh word. It's the medical word.

Okay. Right. Right. Does it say appendicectomies? Appendice... That. Is that... Yeah, taking an appendix out.

Right. Right. Appendicitis is the problem and an appendicectomy is taking the... I didn't know that. I love that you just assumed she got it wrong. No, I didn't. That's probably a posh word for it.

No, I said that. No, but that's what I meant. It's a medical term. I didn't know that. And bum abscesses. That's usually what she does. Okay, she's gone from really, really highbrow to just bum abscesses,

which is something I would say. Bum abscesses. This particular afternoon, I looked at the emergency list and the next case was removal of foreign body. Oh, here we go. Always intriguing to find out what the person has put away. Brilliant. I still can't believe

how often this happens. So often. It's just like... People are bored and horny, man. Oh, yeah. Bored and horny and they don't have sex toys and scared to buy sex toys oh buy a sex toy

a lady in her late 40s arrived and looked incredibly embarrassed and also in a lot of pain I checked her details and went to speak

with the surgeon to let him know the patient had arrived curious to find out what object had been inserted into which orifice I asked what

the story was her and her husband do you want to do you want to guess on that no so am i gonna i've got to guess the orifice um yeah if you want yeah right can you give us the point for i'll guess the orifice and if i get the orifice right i can go on what the thing is right okay i'm guessing bum no oh my god how boring how pg all right so they've gone okay so they've gone up the front bum um i've got i don't i would just be stabbed in the dark i've got no idea her and her husband i don't know screwdriver garden she has i don't know oh the handle first handles crab is it a crab no it's not a crab okay her husband had tried to recreate a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey.

Right, now I've never seen this, so I don't know what it would be. As they couldn't find a dildo, they decided to improvise. Couldn't find? Couldn't find, oh yeah. What do you mean you couldn't? Just couldn't put my hands on the dildo. Just couldn't find it? I don't know where it is. Oh, I tell you what, there's no, you know what it is, right?

There's no, later on when I'm not looking for it, I'll find it. I'll find three of them. Do you know what it is though? If you can't find the dildo, don't know where it is. Oh, I tell you what, there's no... You know what it is, right? There's no... Later on, when I'm not looking for it, I'll find it. I'll find three of them. Do you know what it is, though? If you can't find the dildo, don't do the deed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't DIY a dildo, please. Oh, Christ.

As they couldn't find a dildo, they decided to revise with a Lucas-Aid bottle. Oh, you've... What? In their passion and vigour, he squeezed the bottle whilst it was inside her.

Rosie's Myster mysteries. What happened next? Did she just get loads of energy? Did she go and do a run? It's got electrolytes! Did she do the London Marathon in an incredibly short time? Got rid of her cold. Oh, I'm guessing the lid came off. Oh no! Was the lid

not on? Oh, you're not supposed to put air up it. As he let go of the bottle, the laws of physics took over. Air was pulled in through the sports cap at the same time that he was pulling the bottle out of her lady parts. Unfortunately, her clitoris was sucked through the drinking water

and expanded on the other side. As the clitoris fills with blood when excited, it says here in brackets, I'm a fully fledged gay, but did pass my biology modules. And it was being clamped shut by the bottle lid. It wouldn't go back through.

They tried for a while to get it off themselves. I don't even have a clitoris now. But eventually had to unscrew the bottle from the lid and she waddled her way to A&E. With it, so it's gone through. So, yeah, so when you put the air out. but eventually had to unscrew the bottle from the lid and she waddled her way to A&E with it so it's gone so yeah so when you put the air out

don't don't don't we get it we all oh my god it's that little oh Christ almighty like when you push a dirty nappy

into the nappy bin just through the thing and it can't go the other way and then you twist oh my god that's horrendous it's just it's made a full recovery y bin nappy, a ddim yn gallu mynd y llwyth arall. Yn hytrach. O, mae hynny'n rhyfeddol. Mae'n cael ei adfer yn llawn i gyd, i'w gwybod. Mae'n dda. Pwys, peidiwch â defnyddio botwl Lucas Aid.

Pwy sydd wedi'i ddefnyddio? Pwy sydd wedi'i ddefnyddio? Mae'r rhai fwyaf yn gallu cael I mean most people can't most men can't find the cutlery he's trapped it he bottled it bottle these or sell these once again thank you so much for listening to this week's episode

of Shagged Married Annoyed which is part of the Acast creator yes the award nominated Shagged Married Annoyed

thank you so much for listening guys genuinely you don't need to go and vote or anything we're not genuinely asking you to doagged married annoyed thank you so much for listening guys genuinely you don't need to go and vote or anything we're not genuinely asking you to do that at all

just thank you for the support and thank you for listening and we're looking forward to not winning either of them things that we're nominated for the categories that we're in

I do have listened to some of the other podcasts they are good yeah we're fucked we're fucked but it's nice to be nominated it's always nice to be nominated as usual we'll turn up

and if we don't win we'll make a scene so you've always got that on the phone can't wait we've never done that we won't do that and I'm joking

yeah bye bye you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary

behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series this unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll