Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 177. Summer holiday special

Episode Date: July 22, 2022

The Ramsey's are back from holiday and they're more knackered than when they left. Chris has been reading tips on how to stay cool this summer and Rosie's been deep diving into TikTok. Plus there's some holiday special questions from the public. To subscribe to ad free episodes and bonus content visit shaggedmarriedannoyed.com Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game

and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com Hello, you're listening to Shag Marinoid with Christopher Ramsey and his long-suffering wife, Rosie Ramsey. Wow, we're the way around, wow, the other way around.

Welcome to the podcast this week. Well, I'm glad we're changing it up. I mean, it was definitely an insult, but I'm glad we're changing up the stale and tired format of the intro that you've been fucking troping out for 177 episodes. It's episode 177. Oh my word, it's crazy. It is indeed. And we had a little holiday last week.

We are back from holiday. Back from holiday. Thank you all for We had a little holiday last week. We are back from holiday. Back from holiday. Thank you all for listening to the Out of Office replies. It's frightening when I get tweets going relating to stuff that we said that hadn't even been in there. I mean, I forget the stuff that gets put out, let alone the stuff that gets shelved and kept for when we're on holiday.

How long were they from? I don't even remember. No idea. No idea. But some of the stuff that people refer to, I get a tweet and I'm like, at first I just think it's just either someone losing their mind

or just an outright insult and then I have to really dredge back in my memory and think right they're talking about something we talked about that

yeah yeah but yeah how are you feeling refreshed after you had a day you would think wouldn't you

you would wouldn't you honestly you'd think that you'd come back and you'd be just full of life skipping no honestly I'm more tired

than when we went. Yeah, two kids. A one and a half year old and a six year old on holiday. It's just not a fucking holiday. I've said it before, but I mean it even more now. I know that we're not having any more kids. God, no. We've made that decision.

You'll know that. If we genuinely were going to have another child, I wouldn't go on holiday with a child under like three. Nah, no way. No chance. Deal? Although we might be going away next year with all our friends,

but how old are you going to be? No, you'll be two and a half. We've got two options. You'll be two and a half. Honestly, I know maths isn't your strong point, but that is under three. And that is the worst age. Honestly, disclaimer,

we absolutely love our kids. We would literally die if anything happened to them we absolutely love our kids we would literally die if anything happened to them we're loving kids no we do we do but fuck me i mean oh my god like it's just it's just relentless on holiday it's like oh are they standing out in the sun oh that can hurt them are they near the pool oh that can kill them oh are they what they're eating oh is that an insect next to them oh are they asleep they need more sleep what have they ate have they brushed their teeth? Oh.

It's intense. Anyway, she would get the intro done and then we'll go into the main section and we'll slag them off again. Fantastic. Yeah. Do you promise? Yeah, massively.

Excellent. Okay, guys, it is episode... Well, Robin's downstairs actually, isn't he? Because Robin's off. Robin is off. Robin's off. Robin's downstairs. Well, this is the thing.

I've got to beef with the world, right? So Robin, our six-year-old, is on summer holidays. Yeah. No child, got nothing to do, no way to go. Rafe, is that nursery? Yeah. Because that doesn't shut. Yeah.

And he's one. Yeah. I feel like, yeah. Something doesn't add up. I feel like the nursery should be like, do you want me to take your other kid as well? Yeah. Take them for them days, yeah.

Yeah, they get on. They know each other. Yeah. Robin would help. Yeah. I think with the kid. Probably not. Not very much. Probably not. Listen, guys. Yeah, they get on. They know each other. Yeah, Robin would help, I think, with the kids. Probably not. Not very much.

Probably not. Listen, guys, it's episode 177. Thank you so much for listening and coming back and welcome if this is your first time. You've got a shitload to catch up on. But without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is, and I tell you what,

they came into another level on holiday, and you'll know why, nappy bags. Oh, yeah. Hey, hey. Yeah. Hey. Yes. Want to stop why nappy bags oh yeah hey hey yeah hey

yes wanna stop that nappy from smelling better think again because they don't fucking work mate I'm telling you right now whoever invented

nappy bags back to the drawing board back to the drawing board no I tell you what I think once upon a time they did work but because of everything

recycling and all that kind of stuff they've made them really thin. Yeah. So I genuinely think they don't work. They're not as good as when Robin was a baby. Madness. I don't know what happened, right?

So a nappy bag on its own smells perfumed. Literally, if you blindfolded me and put a packet of nappy bags in a room, I'd be able to smell them. Yeah, yeah. I've got a certain sort of smell. Yeah, I'd be able to find them. Although now I just associate it with shit. But, oh my God. Oh my God you go hey what's that shitty nap you

gotta put it in that bag tie it tight so it's airtight is it airtight doesn't matter mate does not matter you can put them in 20 you could put it in 20 bags and put it in that bin and in two minutes that kitchen bin is going to smell like a farm i know oh i don't know how it happens on the hot days and that was the thing on holiday on as well. And on the hot days, nappy bags. Oh, man. Well, that villa we stayed in, there was no air conditioning in the kitchen. Yeah, it was the only room that you spent most of the time in. And I was like, I don't understand.

And the room where the hot stuff is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the oven and the grill and the hob. I was like, why is there no air conditioning in here? This doesn't work. And things like fridges that just pump out hot air out the back of the mechanisms. Yeah. Yeah.

So strange. Amazing. Yeah, nappy bags. it nappy bags listen do you want everything to smell of shit then put it in a nappy bag yeah you might as well use a fishing net rubbish absolutely rubbish that's why all my neighbor doesn't see me constantly walk to the wheelie bin with nappies i see what my mom started doing what with rave snappies what so every time he has a poo. She did it on holiday it was one of the, I heard her say, right sorry to interrupt you, I heard her say it

I heard her go, give us that nappy Al and I just thought, I must have imagined whatever she's just said there, because that's one of the worst things I've ever heard in my life. Why? I think it makes sense. So sorry, just to let you know, my mum has started, whenever Rafe has a poo, she takes his nappy and she actually puts,

opens it up, puts the poo down the toilet and flushes the chain. And so there's not like just a massive stinging turd in the bin. Yeah. And I get it.

Why not? I was like, she's a mad woman. I was like, she's eating that in there. I bet she's eating that. I bet she is. I bet she takes a little spoon

and she takes one, you know, the little wooden little chip shop. I mean, she does look very good for her age do you think she eats kids shit is that what it is

how does your mum look so young like a spell like a spell honestly they'd never the government and the big pharmaceutical

corporations they'd never tell you but honestly nappy full of baby shit morning noon and night you'll not be a wrinkle in sight no salt no salt

or don't season it no additives brilliant diet oh the kids ate absolute shit on holiday oh they did Rafe was constipated for three days

and I was like mum was like because he's living on brioche like bread and cheese bread and cheese and nothing we're giving him some prunes of the welcome we've got like this welcome packet thing and cheese and nothing we ended up we gave him some prunes

of the welcome we got like this welcome packet thing and it had prunes on and my mum was like that'll and it did it worked

do you see him when he had I'm so sorry we just keep talking about it with stupid kids he had his first rogue poo and realised

because he didn't have a nappy on most of the time and he had a poo on the floor and he was like what the fuck is that? yeah yeah yeah

that's what we deal with every day mate it was quite interesting actually I was like that's your poo but obviously he had to do the whole well I don't want him to be terrified of his own shit so he was like oh clever boy well done

shitting everywhere had to keep your mam out of sight with a spoon standing in the wings running in oh look it's been heated up on that tile it's like teppanyaki been heated up on that tile. It's like teppanyaki. It's been heated up on that Portuguese tile. Oh, look, it's a sizzle.

I lit it in the curry house. Oh, God, aye. A couple of onions on that. Oh, it's horrendous. Sandra, Sandra, Sandra, honestly, I love you, but stop eating my baby shit. It's weird. Play that jingle.

We had a fight about the jingle Jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle Jingle So this is the jingle Jingle We hope you like the jingle Jingle Jingle

Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed Lovely to have you all back. Look, let's try and leave the kids slagging in the intro. Let's try. We'll leave it for now. We like you say, we do love them, but just not advisable. Anyone who's not getting on hold, because there's a few of my friends who haven't managed to get away this year.

Yeah. And I was chatting to them the other day and they were like, oh, I feel terrible that they're not taking their kids abroad and we've got kids the same age. honestly I was like don't just don't don't feel bad it's not the age to take kids on holiday Robin loved it and I'm really glad that he because it's hard because we've got such a big age gap I don't want to not do things because Robin is at the age where he would love it do you know what I mean but if you're feeling a bit guilty because obviously the government

have just made everything ridiculously expensive. People can't even afford to flip and put food on the table, never mind thinking about holidays. So don't, I just wouldn't worry about it. That's what I was going to say. We're very much aware that this is, you know, first world problems.

We managed to get on a holiday, yeah. But you know, hey, it's bloody 30 odd degrees here, man. Just get a yourself in your garden or whatever I don't want to mention it loads because everyone's

talking about it but that was a flipping ridiculous the other day I couldn't get my head around it when I walked outside on that

day where it was like 37 earlier this week and I walked into the garden and the wind so I was in the kitchen

I looked out and I could see a tree moving in the wind and I was like oh it's nice and windy and I went out

and the wind was hot hot breath was hot not warm hot I don't know I've see a tree moving in the wind. And I was like, oh, it's nice and windy. And I went up and the wind was hot. Hot? Breath was hot? Not warm. Yeah. Hot? I don't know.

I've never known it to be that hot, ever. It's the hottest. It's the hottest of the earth. Yes, that day, apparently, was the hottest the earth has ever been in the history of the earth. Oh, holy shit. Well, in the history of humans, recorded history. What? Obviously, it was when there was fire and brimstone.

For real? Yeah. Hotter than that summer of 70 whatever 76 go on about yeah yeah yeah them six weeks hottest day hottest recorded day in England

was that day but yeah I mean hang on we've got a little hello Rob hello mister what are you doing Robin's just here what's the matter

are you okay what do you want a pick and mix you want a pick and mix listen right can I trust you to do it yourself I'm gonna have to veto this is this is this recording yeah you can come in it's a podcast A pick and mix? You want a pick and mix? Listen, right, can I trust you to do it yourself?

I'm going to have to veto this. Is this recording? Yeah, you can come in. Say hello to everyone. Hi. Hi, guys. I did not know this was recording. It's just a recording now. I'm going to trust you to make your own pick and mix.

Oh, this is marvellous. Okay. Right, can I tell you now? This is crazy. You can have... Giving the prisoners the keys to the jail. You can have eight items. Yeah, right?

Yeah? Eight, so eight sweet, just eight things, right? Eight things. Go and do it and then come back and show us. Right. Oh, a roly-poly out the door. Before I roll out of the room. Of course he was.

Good lad. Did a roly-poly the other day in front of Rafe, right? And Rafe was like, oh, that looks class. I'll try it. Face plant. It's like watching a seal on a rock. It's horrific. Right.

What do you want to say? Where's the bubble gum? No, you can't have bubble gum. Not while we're not there. I need bubble gum. Oh, holy shit. You took that quite well. I did, didn't I?

You just said okay, right? You just said okay. Oh, shit. Well, because he just said he can do his own pick. It makes you a kid in this. I mean Rosie where are you going to go to this

we're knocking up lines of court on the bench and that that's carnage do you know when do any kids like do what you say yeah

it's fucking amazing it is weird it's like what the I feel honestly I could I could cry now because he didn't want

to have a bubble gum well just because he went can I have some bubble gum and I went no and he went yeah okay and I went I was like shit

I just expect I have some bubble gum? And I went, no. And he went, yeah, okay. And I was like, shit. I just expect. I have the power. I just expect. Please, please, please, please. Why are you so horrible? Why are you so horrible to me? You're so horrible to me.

Holy shit. That was nice. Well done. Well done. Look at that. Put the kids aside. Sick of talking about them. Yeah. Little twat. Yeah. Something has happened today at that. Put the kids aside. Sick of talking about them. Little twat.

Something has happened today which has really just upset us. We're going to have to have a moment now. I'm going to have to go and just hear him shouting for pick and mix. He just shouts all the time. I am not going to be able... I know that the pick and mix

is literally in the same cupboard as the wine glasses. I am not going to be able... I think you need to trust him. I think you need to trust him. I'm not going to be on form for the next... He's really good at climbing on the benches. Brilliant.

Are you not seeing him? It's a great sentence. Robin! Are you okay? Good lad. He's fine. Okay. Come on then.

There's a little test for you. Chris's anxiety is literally through the roof. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it. I just... Leave them alone, man. You're on top of them kids constantly you're weirdly you're on top of them kids all the time but at the same time very vacant in their life

it's an odd thing when you are here you're stifling i like to nag from afar that's what i like to do i like to nag from from a good safe distance i want to tell you what i had to do today which has just cemented me into kind of like I know we're not middle aged what are we? what are we now? just getting into that older shag married and annoyed is what we are

I think we summed it up perfectly by age I'm 36 in August so it's just I don't know weirdly it's the prime of your life it's the prime of male life I don't know what females is

because I only care about me 35 is like your prime this is don't get me wrong I enjoy my life I've got a lovely life brilliant but this is not

the prime of my life I'm fucked yeah it's because you haven't looked after yourself but this is if you were a fighter this would be the prime

of your life really prime of your the last prime years of your life and then it's all down there for me what is the worst years

of a man's life I don't think you have any bad years how dare you sexist yeah I'll be sexist till the day I die. Still sexist if it's common. You've got it easy.

I don't think so, like. Are you joking? Are you aware of the couple of years where I was the only one in my PE class without pubes? They were a couple of hard years. Hard times. Hard times. They were some very hard years, they were. Well, you know my pubes came quite early.

Yeah, Holy Island. No, today, let me tell you what now is part of my routine. What? very hard as they were well you know my pubes came quite early yeah holy hell no today let me tell you what now is part of my routine what pumice in my foot the heel of my foot with a pumice

I'd love to have that kind of time on my hands love I'd love to have the kind of time on my hands to sit and pumice stone

me foot pumice here he is hello right let me count these come here please a bowl would have came in handy

right so you've got well that's a half a packet of Frutella how many are in there four right really let me count

I think four come in the microphone everyone wants to hear your guilt your guilty voice oh hang on one two three right fair enough

four two little mini cookies fair enough and two pieces and a little haribo ring and a that is eight things well done

that is eight things well done, you can count everybody Well done, son Put them in a bowl or something, will you, or a little cup Go on Okay, in your mouth then, good lad Try your best not to choke Bye Don't pretend to choke

Because that would be how you choked Love you Love I did say it back did he now oh god honestly I'm so elated now yeah

so now I just pumice my feet where are you finding the time to do this beauty regime every morning getting up and

pumicing ridiculous I just noticed them when we were on holiday and I was stood around and I was like looking at my feet and I was like

oh my god I've got me mum's heels like just no offence mum but she always had dry like remember when I was lying in bed once with me mum and her heel went on me leg and I was like just dry as sticks why is that a normal sentence but if I said I remember

when I was lying in bed with my mum and her heel went on me leg you'd be like what the hell's going on here no I mean as a kid it was the same as like well my mum used to have spiky legs now I've got spiky legs right okay spiky legs

yeah yeah I mean I can't think of anything that I do now as an adult I mean nose hair seems to be a problem these days

I'm not a very hairy guy at all no you're not nose hair do you see some men who've got nose hair right and then they've got

a wife or whatever or like a son or a daughter and i'm like why are you not telling that man yeah i remember ages ago we were in a restaurant right i'm not gonna say where it is or when it was because i don't want to name and shame anyone but i met a man i knew an older gentleman yeah clean shaved yeah yeah right okay clean shaved like chin top lip baby's bum okay nose Tarzan's house why madness so what do you think he just

nose blind one of them was curling up out of the nose and touching like the top of the nose no and I wanted to go to his wife sorry love have you got eyes

have you looked at this man this morning what have you let ear hair as well ear hair that's pretty bad can you imagine someone with loads of ear hair going excuse me can I borrow your ear pods

excuse me can you I'll die I'll literally die pods? Excuse me, can you? I'll die. I'll literally die. I'll be telling you when you get yours. I'll get you one of them things for Christmas, a little nose hair thing. If you knew anything about me, you'd know I already have one of them nose hair things.

Do you have one already? Yes, a stylist gave us it on, I think it was when I was doing I'm a Celeb Extra Camp in Australia. I was literally like, oh, so I used a shaver that I had and I used to basically pull my nose open and like do a shave and she was like do you know all those things and I was like yeah but if I buy one of them

I'm like an old man and she was like you can have this one so now do you use that do you actually do yeah I use it quite regularly that's interesting do I need to do mine

100% yeah 100% yes everywhere you need it I've got quite a hairy face in a certain light not dark skin but just quite like

fair dark hair you mean yeah and I've got a couple I've always had an eyebrow hair that's really long and then I've got a little freckle on my chin

which gets a really why are you showing off on this podcast the other day as well because obviously I shaved my armpits I would love laser hair remover but I haven't

I haven't got time to get it done I shaved my armpits right but then I was looking in the mirror and I lifted my arm up because I've got a little Coco Pop mole that gets here so I have to pluck

them out. I had like a line of really long hair on my armpit where my razor must just be like blunt on one and I was going, how long have I had that? So I had to like pluck. You gave your arm strip, your armpit a Brazilian. Basically, yeah. I had to pluck the long hairs out.

Just, anyway. Here's a question. I was thinking about this the other day. You know how it's really hot at the minute, obviously. strip your armpit a brazilian basically yeah i had to pluck the long hairs out just anyway here's a question yeah i was thinking about this the other day you know how it's really hot at the minute obviously hey right sorry is it hot it's pretty no one's mentioned it baking like basking wow hey right body hair yeah is that to help with the heat what do you mean so obviously when man and women bloody the human race was whatever

let's not get into that because you were going to say invented weren't you I don't know what the word is right Robin asked us about the big bang the other day

and I wanted to vomit in my mouth why didn't you just pass him on why is he learning about the big bang why didn't you just pass him on to me you're too young for that why didn't you just pass him on to me you weren't here and I said

so it's a fantastic show E4 now sitting watching a couple of episodes I said something about Adam and Eve, yeah. And I said, so it's a fantastic show. E4, now. We'll watch a couple of episodes. I said something about Adam and Eve. Because that's all I know. Oh, that's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry.

What's up? You want to know about the scientific, the Big Bang? Oh, well, can I just tell you some bullshit first? And then we'll move on to that. So how did humans come about then? Evolved.

We have a common ancestry with apes. Right. So, but how did the apes come about? Well, they evolved as well. But we... So what was first? So the dinosaurs were first? No, the dinosaurs and then full reset.

And then we came about. Right. But was that the Big Bang? No. So the Big Bang is what created the entire universe, which is like off the top of my head, nearly knocking on 14 billion years, I think, 13 point something billion years ago.

Yes. But then the Earth is only like 4 billion years old or something like that. I don't know the exact numbers, but it's... Oh, because actually I'm getting a little bit of, what's the word? Like trauma brought up by them questions. You'll find out when my episode of a certain program comes on.

Oh! Yeah, yeah, oh yeah I remember this yeah and we've only been around for about 150,000 years anything that would even resemble a human

but dinosaurs were millions and millions of years ago but then basically it wasn't a full reset but dinosaurs all died off but some still lived

in the sea and then they reckon that some of them turned into birds but we will have this is all total layman's I'm sure someone on like the QI podcast

would rinse me to bits here, but what I know... They'll not be listening to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Far too busy doing intelligent stuff. But yeah, so, yeah, we basically evolved, it's that thing in it, what came first, the chicken or the egg, but we basically evolved from an ape-like creature.

But they reckon there's a missing link somewhere that they've never discovered, which is where we sort of are linked to it's just really it's just really hard because I went to a catholic school loved my school

I've worked in catholic schools I think the ethos is fantastic I'm a catholic very loosely currently you're a catholic

when you're a bit hungry on a Sunday morning you want a little bit of bread no I'm a catholic when I'm a catholic oh I'll have one of them yeah I'm a catholic when somebody dies or when somebody needs something yeah i'm a catholic because then i do a little bit anyway so we

were taught obviously that you know adam and eve created everything but then also adam and eve didn't create everything well just adam and eve were there and then there's a snake and there's an apple somewhere and then they made... I'm starting to think you didn't really pay much attention, yeah? Absolutely not. Got a D in RA actually.

Brilliant, I got an A. What the fuck? You got an A in RA? I got an A and I didn't do any work for the first hour of the exam because I was asleep because the Japan

Korea World Cup was on and I was up really, really early watching one of the matches and then I had my RA exam. So how did you get... You got an A? It's a piece of piss.

Just easy. It's common sense. It's like religious and social did you get you got an E it's a piece of piss it's just easy it's common sense it's like religious and social studies isn't it it's just a piece of piss well that's exactly what it is religious education yeah yeah

but I was at my school it wasn't as bible bashy as yours it was more sort of societal don't say bible bashers why that's trauma

because I used to get called a bible basher on the bus all the time shouldn't be bashing that bible at the end of the bible basher! Anyway...

So, this is where it becomes really tricky, because we obviously learn about that, but then later on, in science, we learn about evolution and stuff like that, so I'm like, what's going on here? These don't pair up. Yeah, but that's the thing, you can believe a religion if you want.

The facts are there for the science and stuff, but you can choose not to believe it if you don't want to, but you can choose to follow a religion if you want to. It's very for the science and stuff, but you can choose not to believe it if you don't want to, but you can choose to follow a religion if you want to. It's very tricky. I'm currently a little bit

uneasy about my religion at the minute. Right, okay. Since I met you, basically. Since I met you and you put us on this path of...

Sorry, this entire thing started because you asked what hair was for. Oh, yeah, right, yeah. It's just... I don't know what... Am I don't know, I'm, am I alone? No, Rosie, I'm sitting in the room with you. No, do you understand?

Am I alone in not understanding everything? Yes, no one understands everything. I mean, I understand it to an extent, but when I tried to verbalise it to you there, it was an absolute mess. It's hard, isn't it? Yeah. Like, when someone goes to you

this is like doing a podcast Robin might as well still be in the room because you've turned into a six year old in the last five minutes you've asked us what Adam and Eve were

what the Big Bang was when dinosaurs were what hair's for for a long time I didn't what happens when you die for a long time I didn't think dinosaurs

were real so we don't want to go back on that that was a revelation on the podcast when I had to tell you that dinosaurs did actually exist and it was real Chris I just find it all a bit of a minefield and I don't think dinosaurs were real so we don't want to go back on that. That was a revelation on the podcast when I had to tell you that dinosaurs did actually exist and it

was real. Chris I just find it all a bit of a minefield and I don't know whether I paid enough attention or whether it just totally

passes by and it's one of them things that I've never took the time as an adult to really learn about which I probably should because annoyingly

we've got, Robin's quite clever. He is clever. Rafe, like I said, thick as shit. Couldn't even do a roly poly. No honestly I'm buzzing. I've got the inf no honestly I'm buzzing Chris do you know what else

sorry that's my boy thank you so much for coming Rafe Ramsey and Charles Stevenson these are the last

two places at Cambridge University for the PhD looking at both of your applications here, you have identical, identical qualifications and exam results and reports. Oh, well done.

So it's going to have to come down to the classic old Cambridge tradition. Who can do a roly-poly? Charles, fantastic. Charles, wonderful. Well done, Charles. Rafe Ramsey, fucking belly flop. Get back to Newcastle. Come on, Rafe.

You wouldn't like it anyway, son. Stick out like a sore thumb. Get yourself back in. I couldn't do a roly-poly. Oh, it's so tragic watching him, bless him. Oh, Jesus. What an amazing put-down. Fucking lucky you, man.

You can't even do your rooney pony we're gonna have to teach him when he gets back from nursery I might bring nursery and go if you've got

anything to do with this I can teach you how to do your rooney pony that honestly this is my new diss now

it's my new diss now I cut someone up in traffic they wind the window down where are you learning to drive oh shut up

you can't even do your rooney pony put down gone Ramsey wins that argument. Very good. Right, Rosie. Yes?

I'm going to get all political here. Oh, why? Because I am. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this government telling us what to do. I'm absolutely fed up with it, to be fair. What do you mean? The government, the media, the mainstream media

telling us all what to do, treating us like children. It's hot. And I saw a thing in the paper the other day that someone sent us government warning people to not put ice lollies up their fanny

to cool themselves down Rosie I'm sick of it I'm sick of them telling us how to live our lives when are we just going to be able to do what we want viva la revolution where honestly

maybe not a fab you'll get stuff melted in a little bit to get caught up there but honestly any kind of lolly you want put up your

you know if that's what you want to do... Attica! Eh? I agree. Viva la revolution! I agree. Honestly, let's storm the houses apart.

I'm sick of it. Bastards. Sick of it. Selfish, horrible, wicked crows that they are. Listen, if you want to stick a rocket lolly... That's a good choice. Straight up your fanny. You cool yourself down, right?

Why not go the whole way? Why not, you know, a Fr free go foot remember the free go foot the squishy ones that's like ice cream you can't be sticking magnum get a proper frozen magnum final i would say i feel like a suppository listen get a mini milk down the end of your knob you enjoy yourself right it's your summer what one would you choose what would you choose i'd probably go with just one of the plain old like a cider lolly or like a lemonade.

Oh, that's going to fizz. That's going to fizz and sting. I would go with, I think, and you know what? If you had a vagina. Say that, well, let's just go with the bum.

Oh, I'd stick it up your bum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stick it up your bum. Probably a mini milk. It would be easy, quite nice and supple, but it's going to stink in it. It's creamy.

Yeah, a bit creamy. Honestly, a Calippo. I honestly a calippo I would take it off I would take it fully out so that it starts thin eases us in try and get the full thing up

nice good day yeah that's a good shout hey don't have to go to the hospital either people sticking

watermelons and stuff up their bums and having 350,000 a year on the NHS jump in a hot bath yeah just melt that bastard out don't say the problem stop telling me how to live our lives Watermelons and stuff up their bums and having 350,000 a year on the NHS. Jump in a hot bath.

Yeah, just melt that bastard out. Don't say the problem. Stop telling them how to live their lives. Hate them. Hate them. You know my contempt for the government. As a note, probably got to put this on anyway.

That was all done in irony. Do not stick ice lollies up your fanny. You will end up in hospital. Not from an ice lolly. Stop it. Stop it. I disagree. It melts.

She disagrees? I do not. Sue her, not me me something interesting here maybe for our younger listeners of the pod okay um obviously you've just made them all turn off by saying that sorry you moved your head as well the way you moved your head there that was like a dinner lady at school going so i hear uh yo-yos are a thing now, guys? Dudes? Anyone pogging anymore? Anyone got any shiny Premier League stickers? Hey, hey, hey! Do you prefer pogs or tazos?

Which one? Oh, yeah. I tried to teach Robin. CC my playmate, CC my playmate. Come on and play with me. Under the... I don't know what that is. No?

I don't know what that is. And you're moving your hands around. The hand thing where you get... Oh, watch this. You tried it on the plane. Like a piece of shit on his shoe. me under the I don't know what that is and you're moving your hands the hand thing where you get and then you do the oh watch this you tried it on the plane like a piece of shit on his shoe

yeah it was I didn't know what it was it was awful so anyway being on TikTok it's very addictive it's horrible don't get it

because you'll just you'll lose hours of your life I never will something at the minute which young ladies sorry you've got more chance of me putting a mini milk down the end of mine

than getting it on TikTok I'll tell you that right now great just so you all know that you wouldn't fit a mini milk down the end of my knoll than getting it on TikTok I'll tell you that right now great just so you all know that you wouldn't fit a mini milk down the end of your knoll how dare you how dare you

oh god listen with a bit of time and effort a man can achieve many things yeah can't can't book yourself in for a bloody what's it called

a snip oh well this might do the job this might do the job you might actually there's going to be carnage down there freeze them young ladies

are doing something at the minute called vabbing. Vabbing. Can you guess what vabbing is? Vab, vab, vab. Okay, it's got to be two words. So vagina must be the first one. Oh, well, okay, well done. Didn't think you'd get there that quickly.

Just two words, you know, like vajazzle, like vagina. All right, okay, yeah. So vabbing. Vab, b, vab, b. What's the b? Vab, ab. Is it some kind of exercise, a vaginal exercise? Vabbing. No.. Buh. Vab. Buh. What's the buh? Vab. Ab. Is it some kind of exercise, a vaginal exercise?

Vabbing? No. Something about abs? No. A noise? No. Is it like a dab, but you do it with your vagina? Oh. Yeah?

You're close. Okay. So ladies, we've been vabbing. Basically, you wear your vaginal fluids as perfume. You put your fingers you put your fingers inside yourself you dab your juice on your wrists neck, behind the ears, wherever you'd normally put perfume.

Sorry, I'm going to have to go and say what that is. What's he doing? Robin! invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday.

You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't.

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What story? Who said that? The first omen. The Impeders Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock

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Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock city at torontorock.com so i had to just like pause the recording there because it was a gigantic noise downstairs um it's uh robin has uh discovered bottle flipping yeah like three years late loser don't worry rosie i wedged him while i was down there good um yeah yeah well what was really cool about it to be fair but one uh when i put rave to bed last night uh robin was downstairs and he did a bottle flip so loud it woke rave up i had to go back and

get him go don't bottle flip your brother awake which is a sentence i never thought i'd have to say one of the coolest moments of my life he was bottle flipping in the kitchen he's trying to do it loads he's going was trying to do it loads he was going dad I'll do it look he's like you know that thing when you were a kid and you go

watch I'll do it look and you didn't do it and you're like this time this time I went give it a go Rob he went you can't do it I went watch

I did five in a row oh god the coolest I've ever felt in my life he was just looking at us with his mouth open he was like how I was like

because your daddy's cool no just ka-pumf ka-pumf ka-pumf ka-pumf your daddy's just had lots of time in his life and probably sits on two at practice and that anyway back to vabbing of course why not why not but i'm a little bit annoyed that we got sort of um cut off halfway there so please describe without your song what vabbing is again so vabbing is just using your um discharge basically as perfume and it's apparently very

good at attracting a sexual partner by the pheromones and the smells but if you're a little bit smelly down there don't think you'll be too nice you'd have to do it sorry so why right am i you you started by saying that you've seen this on TikTok, right? Somebody sent us it. But isn't TikTok for dancing and stuff and little daft dancers and things? Oh, my. There's a lot of stuff that goes on on TikTok. I've actually been thinking about starting my own. So, have you heard of ASMR?

Where it's like all the noises? The whispering and that, yeah. Oh, my God. It's the weirdest, most fascinating thing ever. So, people do lives, right? And they just sit there and they just go thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

and then they're talking to people on the live and they're like hello how are you good to see you thank you thank you it's so fucking weird and then they get sent things and they're like thank you for sending me thank you for sending me this and then

so say they've been sent, like to us, you've just given me one of these Haribo like gummies things. So they'll get it and they'll go. I'll just give you the Haribo gummy there. Thank you for them.

And then they'll eat it and they'll go. You sound like a fucking hamster. It's absolutely horrendous. Honestly, I think I could make a fucking fortune. You're already doing alright doing podcasts. No, I want to branch off. Let's not branch off into sexual noises. I'll be on at 3am. Honestly, I think I could make a fucking fortune. You're already doing all right doing podcasts. No, I want to branch off.

Let's not branch off into sexual noises. I'll be on at 3am. Honestly, right? Listen, I remember the first time I ever heard about this. There was a lady who worked for a comedy club. She was like an assistant to the promoter kind of thing, did a load of the kind of booking and stuff. She said that she did it years and years ago. And she was like oh yeah i do this and my mate was like oh yeah she does all

this on youtube she makes a fortune so it was like whispering and stuff and it was something else and then it was um she blokes would buy her shoes like anonymous guys on youtube would buy like a converse that she'd had on for three years for like a grand and like mad stuff and i remember i made such you because you know how sometimes my brain works quicker than my mouth and mouth can't catch up and then something just comes out so literally she was explaining this whole thing about how blokes get off on it and all this kind of stuff and i literally was so confused by it and couldn't get my head around it i was literally like so what's your page called and it just in front of everyone looked like i wanted to get on it so you made this i thought

you were just talking about no i know i know and she was talking like that and she was like do this yeah and so you know i do them all and all the lads were like oh yeah she did the blokes man she earns fortunes off these pervs doing this and i literally like my brain didn't kick i just went so what page is that how do i find this how do i find this uh this particular material on the internet um how old are your shoes? May I take them home? I was like, fuck's sake. It's the lass who sells her farts, which I honestly, what an aspiration. Have we talked about that? I don't know.

This is news to me. My ears just pricked from a little dog. You don't know about the lass who sells her farts? There's a lass who sells her farts. Oh my, right, okay. I'm sure she was making something ridiculous like 30 odd grand a week by selling her farts but she was making herself ill at the same time hello madam, see you again

yes, vindaloo again tonight this is seven nights in a row madam, you're going to die I got lost on her page for a while and so she'll be there's one of her lying on her bed hey Jamie, can you get that up? so Jamie's going to get that up for her there's one of her lying on her bed in sort of like a red dress.

And she's like, oh, it's coming. And then she farts. And I dress like Ruffles. Oh, my God. So funny. Good for her. So hold on. So she sells, right?

Let's get this right here. She either just farts online for money, like OnlyFans, or she sells her farts. Which would make make do you know what like took my way remember when I said when we tried

me Kate and Kevin used to try and took my way with farts she's making a killing what's her name I didn't mrsfart.org I didn't

Stephanie Stephanie used to work on TikTok she farted some lines What's her name? What's her name? MrsFart.org, isn't it? Stephanie, I've just found Stephanie. Oh, Stephanie. Stephanie used to work on TikTok. She found some land for money. She shits in her pants. It's true. So that's a little... Okay, so this...

Anyone who's heard this, I apologise, but I've never heard this song. Yeah, everyone will have heard this. I'm about to have a lovely little time here. A woman who was... This is from Ladbible. A woman who was hospitalised after selling farts is'm about to have a lovely little time here. A woman who was, this is from Ladbible, a woman who was hospitalized after selling farts is on track to become a millionaire.

From Connecticut, USA, she's living total proof that the American dream is alive. Summarizing this point succinctly, she said, I managed to make 200 grand out of my ass. So yeah, so she's been eating loads of, 31-year-old has been eating loads of 31 year old has been eating loads of beans

eggs and protein shakes in order to ensure she could keep up with demand and she's made herself ill she's farted

herself into hospital look at it if there's anyone out there getting offended by me laughing at a woman being hospitalised

for farting too much you can go and fuck off because if someone's selling the farts online I am allowed good for her for making money by me laughing at a woman being hospitalised for farting too much, you can go and fuck off. Why would it? Because if someone's selling their farts online, I am allowed good for her for making money the way however way she wants, but I reserve

the right to laugh my head off at anything like this. But that is absolutely amazing. I think it's amazing. I think good. I'd love to do that. I want to fart, I'll hold in. The amount of money you've wasted, have you fart around this house? Honestly, next time I hear you fart, I'm going to The amount of money you've wasted, don't you fart around this house. Honestly, next time I hear you fart,

I'm going to go, get that stuff back in your arse and get on that computer now. I'm going to do that. Honestly, don't be selling your fart. You'll be blowing out people's speakers. I'll add a cheeky little fart every now and again. They'll go, was that you? And I'll go, that was me.

That was me. I've smelled it absolutely disgusting it's time for what's your beef what's your beef beef beef beef beef I think we should

leave them short and sweet I think we should we've been round the houses this is what happens when we have a week off we've literally got so much to talk about I've learned so much

vabbing selling farts online ASMR look up on my page I already knew you got ASMR you're not doing it i uh i'll do i will eat online as well happily yeah look hey if you can make money whispering exactly exactly um we're gonna keep it short and sweet because obviously we just got back

from holiday um i did tell everyone on my instagram so i might as well tell you guys as well we were in the airport coming home we had a fight and my mom actually told us to leave it until we got home which i was mortified about and uh very much felt at that moment that i had turned in to my mom and dad yep yep so we can't do anything man stress stress holiday kids holiday stress we can't do anything too full-on because i feel like if my tip were into another argument yes so we already had to postpone the podcast for one day this week because we argued yesterday as well. It's just the tail end of the holiday arguments. But there we go.

It's normal. It's normal. It is normal. It is normal. Okay. What's your beef with me? Just very quickly. Take it back now, y'all.

This is something I saw you do that I was horrified by. Not really. It didn't affect me in any way. Okay. But I just thought, what have you become? Was it pumice in me feet? was horrified by um not really didn't affect me in any way okay um but it was just i just i just thought what have you become uh and was it promising me feet no much worse than that um so you before i went a whole day you know the good old days when we were mates and we got on fancied each other and we're in love um you in fact this might be the moment that stopped

fancying you oh you'll listen I've put makeup on the day. Yeah, not enough. You, I'm joking. You, I'm joking, you look like a prostitute. Is that right? Did I readdress the balance there? Yeah, that was bang on. Perfect.

I'm good with the old compliments. Love me hookah makeup. It's my favourite look. Come on. come on you cleaned a load of lasagna off rave's high chair table uh with a big bit of kitchen roll yeah uh you scooped it all up scraped it all around the table with a bit of kitchen roll uh so it was basically in your hand like the kitchen roll sort of coming out almost like a like the the paper on a bouquet of flowers and then if you imagine the flowers all inside all these little bits of lasagna um you then got a fork and proceeded to consume the mangled mushed up half chewed spat out of our baby's mouth rubbed all around

his high chair let us finished with a fork like it was some kind of street food. It made me want to die. No. Okay. He didn't eat much of it. He didn't eat much. He hardly touched it. Picture the scene. He hardly touched it.

Honestly, back to Sandra, it looked like you were holding a nabby full of lasagna in your hand. I don't think it was lasagna, you know. I'm telling you now it was lasagna. You might be in cottage burn. I'm telling you right now it was lasagna. Well, if it was that Annabelle, that Annabelle it was lasagna it might be in cottage I'm telling you right now it was lasagna well if it was that

Annabelle Annabelle what's her face Carmel or whatever don't be giving anyone look we need all the advertising revenue we get don't be giving anyone

free ads on here those ones that you can get that are in the fridge that go out of date the baby meals that go out of date right that you go oh right this isn't

just full of adverts lush absolutely delicious like I would buy them for me tea I personally don't have an opinion on them

either way yet until I see some sweet sweet dollar so you know they can fuck off for all I care you think they're nice though are they nicer

from a plate or from a wadded up bit of kitchen roll in your hand after they've been rubbed all around and half chewed and slathered on by a baby

no shame I was starving one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life I was absolutely starving you were a disgrace it'd be in his mouth he'd sneezed on it he'd rub it all over and half-chewed and slathered on by a baby. No shame. I was starving. One of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. I was absolutely starving. You're a disgrace. It'd be in his mouth, he'd sneezed on it, he'd rub it all over the place.

He hadn't. It's one of the worst things I've ever seen. It's horrendous. You know what? I never normally say this, but you're better than that. Am I though?

Am I though? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Howie, then watch your beef with me and please be nice because I think you've had a lot of beefs over the past couple of weeks so basically

we've come to the realisation that Chris and I can't go on holiday anymore together we can't because Chris is not a good holiday person and I know why you're not a good holiday person either

I'm alright I'm better than you I know why you're not a good holiday person come on then you haven't adjusted to the fact that your life is different now that you've got kids

yes I would agree you still live in the old Chris Ramsey life where you're like, why can't I just read for seven hours a day? Oh, okay. I was going to bring that up. Who finished two books?

Me, but on a night time when the kids were in bed. That's when I was reading. No, that's the problem. You just still think that your life is just the same and it's not. I know. I mourn my old life sometimes I mourn it

but yeah that's not getting into it too much because we will have a row okay I just know I just do

I just mourn my old life sometimes and I feel like you know what I'm not a horrible person it's not that I don't love my kids I'm sure a lot of people

out there with kids are the same you know you think oh we used to be able to stay up and watch like films and stuff on a night you know you can have

a couple of beers and think oh I know I don't have to be up at 5 o'clock tomorrow morning. I can sit around the pool and not have to watch out for a little child who's going to die. So many ways to die on holiday. If they stay in the sun too long or go in the thing at all. And I do apologise

for that. The main part of my own life, I remember my old life. My old life, what I used to love, my partner used to eat lasagne from a fucking plate. Who the fuck was she? What a boring bitch. She was proper stuck up.

You wouldn't like her. She was dead posh. She was dead. She was friends with me cousin. She went to a different school. You wouldn't like her. Not an L.A. year. It's time for

questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. Public. Guys, as always if you want to get in touch shagdmoudenoid at gmail.com

or now and then Rosie will do a little thing on Instagram which I believe you did yesterday to try and get people to put stuff in oh yeah I got some really good stuff

thank you so shagmoudenoid at gmail.com or you know there's always Instagram there's always I get thank you for sending

loads of little different things on Twitter you know like ice lolly vaginal based bits of medical advice. Always goes down well. Yep, yep, yep.

Shine one in on a gmail.com. Thank you. Seeing as we've been talking about our holiday quite a lot, I have done some sort of holiday-based research. Fantastic. From our lovely, lovely listeners. I've got some holiday icks. Fantastic.

Which I've very much enjoyed. I've wrote down a couple of icks. I've got one holiday ic. About me? No, no, God, no. Just before you go into the holiday ics, which would be brilliant. Because I always find it really hard. I find, I don't know, I feel like as a man, seeing ics.

You're trying to find ics about women, aren't you? Yeah, like a personal ic for me. I find it weird. But I did see two blokes do two things recently that I was like, okay, I understand okay that's an i understand that that's an right come on then it's really i know i know i know like we're sort of like level pegging on this podcast and we'll slag each other off and stuff but i do just feel you've got you've got your genders back i've got my genders back and i think it's just i don't

know what it is i just feel weird going on when a woman does this isn't it i know what you mean it's it's strange as a man to do it i don't know if anyone feels the same but anyway listen this one is this one is just for me and i've got of course you want to do um we'll walk around the hotel the hotel had a golf course yes and on holiday yeah and the man in front of us was walking along i was sort of walking along behind at the back because i was walking with robin but then he ran ahead and what were you so i was behind this bloke and the bloke didn't know i was behind him and he stopped so he could sort of see down the fairway and for all golfers the fairway's the main bit

where you're supposed to hit the ball but I never do because I'm shit no idea and he stopped it's the main patch of grass you're supposed to hit

the ball up that goes towards the green where the hole is and he just stopped and looked apropos of nothing and just did an imaginary golf swing

and went as he did it and men doing I like golf don't get wrong i'm trying to get back into it and go the driving range and that but men who practice their golf swing anyway without a golf club nowhere near a golf get in the fucking sea get in the sea it's like fake punching isn't it fake punching's bad as well yeah and shadow boxing yeah many many shadow box in the train station but yeah blokesbox in the train station but yeah

blokes like on the train station or somewhere who just like just stand and wait in some way in a queue and they'll just

practice they've got to fuck off I'm so glad I didn't say that come on dude I'm so glad that I didn't say that

but I've got one for men and women okay and I don't know if I'm going to upset anyone here I'm not sure everything upsets

everyone these days someone will get upset whatever people who take photos of other people's cars. Yeah. Get in the sea. Right.

Get in the sea. Look, I know it might be your interest in stuff. I've done it before though. Back when I was very, very, very, very, very young and I was on holiday,

there was this car with speakers. It was like a spaceship. Yeah. I took a photo with a digital camera because it was ridiculous. The photo didn't come out,

it was a shit camera. But I'm talking about the ones, you know, they walk around a posh bit of London and they'll see a Ferrari and they get their because it was ridiculous. The photo didn't come out, it was a shit camera. But I'm talking about like the ones, you know, they walk around a posh bit of London and they'll see like a Ferrari and they get their phones out and they get their photo taken. Howare, man.

Howare, man. I can kind of... No, but at the end of the day, you don't see those kind of cars all the time. Like the super duper cars, do you? Google it. Google it. Download a photo of it.

It'd be much better than the one you've just took on your phone. I think getting a picture in front of it's a bit weird I've seen I remember when we stayed When we stayed in Dubai For the first time And there was like

Cars outside Like that In the car park Every five minutes And there was like Families getting Getting a picture But not just that

The knob who drives it No he's got a full on Stiffy Five people got a photo Taking me car to do Oh me Me That's not even it,

Cor. Horrible. Well, here are some icks for you. Come on then. Sorry, that was my attempt at icks. I hope I did well. No, I get it. I get it.

I get it. Hi, Chris and Rosie. My ick. When they post pictures of a holiday on social media and caption as if they are a rock star talking to a stadium full of fans, my yoga, you've been unreal fantastic absolutely that's that is fantastic love that one i like that one a lot um i've got

an ache someone said watching your boyfriend slash husband slash fiancee weighing the suitcases before you go on holiday and then watching him move belongings from bag to bag to get the correct weights yuck yuck yuck yuck all up the wedding like it's not anyone doing that you know the average it out across your bags you know that don't you i didn't know that until you told me that yeah so if you're allowed 10 kilograms each for example and one of yours is 15 and one's five yeah as long as they're not as long as you're not dealing with the biggest asshole in the world who's had the worst day ever the good that your allowance is across the two case they're gonna average that out like but if you've got 10 kilograms each in your bags 20 each you're

gonna have a problem yeah yeah yeah i've never seen that you know when people like when there's on online it's like someone wearing all their clothes in the airport because the allowance was over or whatever. I've never seen that happen for years. I've never seen people emptying their bags and stuff. No, I don't think I have for a long time. Or do people, or do the airlines just not enforce it anymore?

Maybe, maybe. It's since, I think a lot of it was like, you know when you could get cheap booze and fags? Everyone was just buying all of that and having to wear all of their clothes. Do you know what I mean? That was nuts.

But it's not, you can't really do that anymore. That was one thing actually when we were on holiday and we're on the plane on the way back and they're like, we're coming around with the duty free trolley. They might as well have not bothered.

I know, I don't understand that. I wanted to go, sorry, do you know what year it is? Yeah. Do you know, we've all got the internet and stuff. Still a thing. Do you know my dad used to go to Calais once a year?

Right. Have I told you this? Right, no. Him and his mate used to go to Calais for wine and beer. Les Cabris-Fingres? What's that mean? It's the Phoenix Knights, the two doorman go to Calais. Oh, yeah, like Calais.

They get Cabris-Fingres and call Les Cabris-Fingres. They used to do it once a year? Yeah. My dad and call Les Cadbury's Fingers they used to do it once a year yeah my dad and his mate your dad and his mate used to do a wine run a wine with a trailer on the back of the car

wow was that illegal was that illegal no not illegal is it boys come on in we've got her again lads

get her in hello he's my dad it wasn't me I'll fast store my dad's house as well store my dad's house we've got her guys

we've got her we've got them both you'll never find them you drank some of that wine though didn't you accessory receiving stolen goods take her down lads

she's also selling farts illegally on it and not paying tax on it there'll be tax on your farts tax on your farts vaps on your vat on your vaps I reckon I reckon

I reckon force would be taxed you could argue that it's from myself it's my own

product do you want to hear another holiday absolutely hello Rosie and Chris I'm currently

on holiday with my husband and two beautiful daughters I consider myself really lucky yeah you are

lucky daughters on holiday they sit and do fuck all daughters. I consider myself really lucky. Daughters, yeah, you are lucky. Daughters on holiday are like, they sit and do fuck all. Little girls are amazing. Little girls are amazing. Not when they turn 15, apparently. That's when it all

goes a bit downhill. Or younger, who knows. We'll cross that bridge when we're coming to it. I guarantee we'll probably have horrific toddler years, horrific,

like, pre-pubescent and then there'll be awful teenagers. There'll be studies written about, like, pre-pubescent. And then there'll be awful teenagers. There'll be studies written about our children, the ones that broke the mould. I consider myself really lucky to still fancy the pants of my husband of five years.

That was until last night. Get in. We were all getting ready after a lush day around the pool. The girls were showered and distracted by toys. My husband and I were showering up, getting ready for the evening antics. I'm doing my makeup whilst my husband was in the shower. As we're talking, I turn to look at him,

and there it was, the thing that made my vagina curl up and seal itself shut. Fantastic. The classic hotel material shower curtain was stuck to the arse of my husband like a giant bit of soggy cling film. And he didn't move it out of the way. When I protested its grossness, film. And he didn't move it out of the way. When I protested its grossness, he said, I don't mind it.

It's like getting a wet hug whilst you shower. Cling filmed himself into the shower. I'm now sat here wondering if, like clingy shower curtains, is a good enough reason to cite on our divorce papers. Wow. I tell you what though, if he'd managed to time a little thought,

that would be amazing. He could have blown it off himself himself I know exactly what kind of that's just reminded me as well did you see that selfie that selfie that went viral that girl took a selfie of herself oh and her boyfriend's arse was in the shower

she took a photo of herself in the mirror and she was like I was so obsessed with taking a selfie that I didn't react and I didn't see it at first and you can just see him

in like a round portal make him run he's arse being wiped is just framed beautifully in this mirror beautifully I love stuff like that

honestly if I was if I was a rapper or a musician when I saw stuff like that I would buy the rights to it I mean next album cover would be that

yeah do you not remember the photo that when when the woman was selling the mirror and she's got any pants on in the mirror and she's just like selling this mirror and she's all fannies out yeah it was so it was a whole it was a whole vibe for a while people selling mirrors you can google it there's pages and pages yeah because people selling mirrors because no one knows where to stand when they take the photo right so people said there's like loads of buzz

feeds loads of articles about it like reams and reams oh it's mint honestly good when anyone listening when you get a second just google oh yeah people trying to sell mirrors with the photos it's one of my favorite things in the world unbelievable unbelievable ever now my lovely instagram followers um sent me some gorgeous gorgeous horrific stuff yesterday gorgeous Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Ever. Now, my lovely Instagram followers sent me some gorgeous, gorgeous, horrific stuff yesterday. Gorgeous, horrific stuff? Gorgeous, horrific.

So I was just chatting about our holiday and how ugly shit it was. And first of all, problems. And I said to my Instagram followers, let me know your worst things that have happened on holiday. Okay. Just never disappoint.

A lot of it was shit based. Right, not gonna lie. A lot of it was shit based right not gonna lie a lot of it was shit myself but anyway i'm just gonna read some of them out these are my favorite ones um i'm gonna keep them all anonymous because yeah of course so this one short and sweet i shat myself going down a slide at a water park some kids slid through my shit after me um threw myself onto the double bed on the first night turned out it was two singles pushed slid through my shit after mine. Threw myself onto the double bed on the first night. Turned out it was

two singles pushed together. Straight through the middle wrapped in a duvet. Wonderful. Like a little taco. I was nearly kidnapped in Turkey when I was five. Genuinely,

a man picked me up and ran off. I mean, wow. Wow. Yeah. Well, what happened? Well, I don't know.

We'll never find out. Are you kidding me? You've let someone get away with sending you that and not explain anything else? Yeah. Well, what happened? Well, I don't know. We'll never find out. Are you kidding me? You've let someone get away with sending you that and not explaining anything else? Yeah, well, that's the mystery, mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. Another one. Sorry. I feel ill.

Whoever you are. But they're still all right. It was written in English. It was written in really good English. It wasn't written in blood. Right. The Portuguese police caught me giving someone a street wank. A street wank.

A street wank. Street wank. Street wank. It's the only wank I know. Street wank. If you're stupid or a ho, street wank. That's hilarious. Oh my God.

Right. My dad got food poisoning when I was a kid in New York and shit himself in the pool. In the pool. In the pool. First solo parenting holiday. Three-year-old had worms.

Seven-year-old got an ear infection and I got thrush. Hey. Wow. God, where were you staying? A skip. Interrupted our room being broken into. They made off with the safe in our suitcase.

Wow. I got chased around the pool by a jealous older drunk lady after a barman danced on my chair. What? Sorry, Rosie, we need you. There's no explanation. Yeah, but we can still discuss them. We can still discuss them.

That's fine so a barman who the woman like came and danced on her chair or danced on her and a jealous older drunk woman was like I'll have

you and chased her around like he's mine yeah wow I love that Benidorm I guarantee I will give you 500 pound if that

wasn't Benidorm probably dislocated my toe by slipping on the tiles walking into a shop to buy G&T to take her out of the hotel dislocated the toe oh there was a lot slipping on tiles tiles Walking into a shop To buy G&T To take her out of the hotel

Dislocated the toes Oh there was a lot Slipping on tiles Makes me want to die There was lots of broken toes And broken arms And broken everything My mate

When I went to Falaraki back in the day My mate got so drunk First of all He drank a full bottle of schnapps Right Peachy Peachy

Yeah Went down like pop Came out like a volcano and we caught him he sat he was sitting on the toilet right when we got back just drunk and asleep on the toilet so uh we sprayed a load of shaving foam on him and like uh cracked a load of doritos on his head have i told you this story on the podcast i think so have i told you it maybe not on the podcast well maybe in life doritos and he said, well, he woke up half asleep. Well, first of all,

the lads next door had a camcorder. That's how old it was. There was no video phones. I was 16. A camcorder? Yeah, they had a camcorder. So they videoed him. Months later, one of the lads rang me mom's house

and said, turn on channel three. And it was on like a you being framed kind of thing. Him sitting on the toilet, a clip of it. He like couldn't believe his look. But when he woke up,

when he was sitting on the toilet asleep and he had all the shaving foam and all the stuff, he must have thought it was eggs that would hit him with like he put on his head and he woke up i can't believe i haven't told you this he woke up and he was mortal and he was going right right and we'll go mate your drunk just go up and he's like i'm not listen listen right which which one of you hit me on the head? Wegg. And we went, what? And he went, which one of you hit me on the head?

Wegg. And we went, I went Wegg. And he went, I? Wegg? With an egg? We just like, we crumbled, right? Like dying laughing. and he was so angry he ran over and he punched the balcony window through

and he had to go to hospital oh my word yeah yeah do you want tell us who this is after this I will tell you this is after this yeah and if he's listening he definitely knows who he is

but it was Weg who hit me on the head Weg unbelievable Weg you never

I didn't know that took him honestly five minutes to separate the words with an egg. That's what schnapps will do to you. Incredible. That's schnapps. Childhood pooed in the kids pool.

My child picked it up and put it in my crock. I really hope she put her foot into it because then it will come out the little holes like Play-Doh. Oh, God. Oh, man. In Crete, I drove a moped straight through a shop taking out the little holes like play-doh oh god oh man in crete i drove a moped straight through a shop taking out the veg display on the way go get your five somehow when you're on holiday me and my pals got pepper sprayed by security in my galuff

um this i think this might be my favorite i drank bleach that the cleaners left in the hotel room in a normal water bottle oh that is horrendous sorry who's storing their bleach in a water bottle i could no i can see where that's coming from i've talked about my irrational fear of water bottles haven't i absolutely not i definitely have i watched it i'm sure people of the podcast will have heard this. I watched a, like a, you know, a disasters down under kind of thing and someone in a fridge in a lifeguard hut had tentacles

from a really, really venomous jellyfish in like an Evian bottle in the water and the person drank it and it went down the throat and stung all the inside of his throat

and he had to get rushed off. So you now think that there's going to be jellyfish in all your water? Well, I'm bleached now. Thanks. Great. Well, that's like going to be jellyfish in all your water? And bleach now. Thanks.

Well that's like, I watched a wildlife programme when I was younger of rats coming up from the toilet. Animals in general. Of course they can. Snakes around the under the rim. That was it, I think it was that. Was that, we probably both watched it. Was it like Strange But True or something? No, no, it was the

least, it was the less successful sequel to the Samuel L. Jackson movie, Snakes on a Plane. It was called Snakes on the Rim. Snakes on the Rim. Snakes on the Rim. You just flush the toilet and the snakes came out

and you went, Snakes on a Plane. Is it bad to say that I quite enjoyed it? Never seen it. You've never seen Snakes on a Plane? I understand it's tongue in cheek. Yeah, I'll never watch it again, but it wasn't too bad.

I might watch it once. You should. Another one here. The plane stank of piss the second we boarded for a 10-hour flight and the air hostess put a bag of coffee

behind our seats to mask the smell. A bag of coffee. Oh, no. Splitting up with an ex second last day and having to travel home in total silence

like strangers. Oh, that is minging. They wouldn't hold it too soon oh this is funny i got a tattoo of a heart from a man who claimed he was peter andre's tattoo artist if that's not true that's an incredible brag that That is grim. I'm a Peter and Andrea's tattoo artist. I'm also Joey Essex's hairdresser. Oh, God. Big love to both of those men, by the way. What's this?

My ex-husband got pissed in Portugal, broke a fence on a building site and took a digger out. Jesus. That's amazing. I was late on the plane, so I ran, broke my ankle, had to hide it, otherwise I couldn't fly. Wow, that is a style out.

That's grim, isn't it? How fast are you running from a plane that you break your ankle? Getting up the steps must have been a nightmare. Can we all just talk about the armpit bus, by the way? Have I mentioned this before? The armpit bus of in between. It's the, like, oh, hello, hottest place you're going to be this year. Step off the aeroplane and into this bus with everyone else who is now sweating

how do you hold on? directly above your head welcome to the armpit display vehicle hey where's your armpit? right here mate it is awful where are all the children?

crotch height big tin box of armpits crotches and farts through what could easily be walked 200 yards of hell. Rafe had a lovely time on the armpit bus. On the armpit bus. He was pulling a man's leg here for a good five minutes. I saw that.

And the man was very, very sweet and just let him do it. Now, I think it was very much like, I've got grandkids. And I was like, I'm really sorry. I don't know how to tell me one- old to not pull on your leg here because he does that to his dad he took it very well on some people lovely i mean some people are utter pricks but you know the majority are nice yeah do you want a couple more of these absolutely these are great it's fast fast so this is like a fast fire questions from the public holiday special. I love it.

I got tons of light this while in Spain and had to sit around the pool all day in a puffer coat. Sorry. Why a puffer coat? Why did that have anything to do with it? Probably just like had a temperature. I don't know what it is. I hope it was when Kevin and Perry go large came out.

So you just looked like you were trying to be on trend. I was swimming underwater in the outdoor pool and thought I saw one of the kids drop a toy to the bottom of the pool i dove down to pick it up and give it to her it was of course it was of course it was shagging my boyfriend and the bed snapped spent 35 minutes bollock naked and trying to fix it fantastic oh oh this oh my brother shagged my girlfriend while we were all away together. That was pretty shit, weren't I? Oh, no, that's just tragic. Forgetting... Oh, I'm sorry.

What brother's doing that to their brother? I mean, I know it happens a lot more than you think, but come on. Sibling rival me, it must be. You've never had a sibling. Ugh. You didn't give a shit about them in real life. And they'll always love you, weirdly. Okay.

That's really sad. I know. Okay. We'll have to give our boys the chat. Oh, God. Let's not be doing that, lads. Forgetting which car park we left the rental car at Universal Studios. Took two hours to find it.

Two hours. That would be some fights. Imagine. That's your queue, isn't it? That's your queue for your rides. And then the queue for your car on the way back. You've got queue for everything, haven't you? Absolutely not.

My friend had a threesome on holiday with a couple who happened to be in the room next door that is awful yeah awful a couple as well just what's the both out on the pull for the threesomes yeah going for the threesomes my 14 month old got chicken pox three days in and we weren't allowed to fly home oh bad oh last one here this is a nice one lost my anal virginity to a pedalo and he's never sent a postcard since i fell on the stick that you used to steer it went up the bum hospital it says it doesn't even say went up the but it is fell on the stick that you used to steer it went a bum hospital full stop hospital full stop wow thank you everybody thanks everyone who sent them yeah normal service for the uh questions from the public will resume

next week but that was just a little quick fire holiday special questions and nicks from the public aren't people funny like aren't people hilarious i'm so glad we get to give people less out of platform on here i mean they all have to be kept anonymous but you know you know it's you you know it's you thank you so much for listening to this week's holiday special episode of shag my annoyed which is part of the acast creator network yes thank you very much everyone if you want to get in touch shag my annoyed at gmail.com The tour is on sale for next year, the Smart Arena Tour. Oh, yeah.

That's all. You know what? I did my normal thing of checking all the seating plans today. Yes. Oh, my gosh, it's flying out. Is it actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know you really worry about it again. Oh, yeah, all right. I genuinely think my mum and dad are going to be sat there. Yeah, yeah. That's about it. No, no, it's going to be great. So, yeah, tickets for that are available.

And thank you very much for listening. And we'll be back with you guys next week. Bye. And if you are going on holiday... I said bye. No, go on now. I'm joking. Are you still on holiday?

I'm joking. No, go on, go on. You're such a duster. If you are going on holiday, genuinely have a nice time. Don't listen to us negative normers. Yes. And if you're not going on holiday,

don't worry. A holiday isn't the be-all and end-all. You know, just... Genuinely is not the be-all and end-all. And to be fair, if you are going on holiday, everyone will tell you that it's not the be-all and end-all and to be fair if you are born on a holiday everyone will tell you that it's going to be hot

out here anyway so if you're bothered oh brilliant I'll just cancel it then I'll just cancel it chela unbelievable love yous

take care love yous bye bye you're invited Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

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