Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 178. Oh wow

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

The Ramsey’s have had a busy week (separately!). Chris has been at the UFC and Rosie has been singing at Ladies Day. It’s a plonkcast so the beefs are pretty rich. QFTP’s cover icks, a questionable spag bowl, an unusual breakfast and some peeling skin... oh wow! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Get tickets now. Hello. You're listening to Shagmire Denied with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey.

Yes, and my wife, Rosie Ramsey, who just before we started recording said the words, I cannot stop farting. So it's so nice to be locked in a very small room with you. You know, no air con, no windows open because of the sound. It's quite, you know, got to be quite airtight, soundproof. So I'm really looking forward to the next hour or so. It's been a few days. I don't know what I've done. I don't know whether I've eaten something Anyway, I can't stop trumping But they're really, like

Hot They're really hot, she said Welcome to the show, guys I mean, just Honestly, I mean, we do, we hit the bottom of the barrel We hit the bottom of the barrel quite often You know, but I mean, this week specifically Particularly, we are starting Under the barrel and clawing our way back We'll hopefully get to the top of the barrel quite often, you know. But, I mean, this week specifically, particularly,

we are starting under the barrel and clawing our way back up. We'll hopefully get to the top of the barrel maybe, you know, in 30 minutes or so. Everybody does it. Yeah, great. Everybody does it. All right. Better out than in. And we celebrate it. Smell the air.

Celebrate it. My boff is there. Welcome back to the show. Lovely to have you back. Welcome back. Hello. Hello. Nice to be in your ears.

It's episode 178 shall we crack straight in let's do that because there's been some long intros recently let's crack straight in okay fair enough okay without further ado

it's time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor oh that's cracking in yes indeed this week's sponsor is water bombs hey

hey want to have some fun for about 10 seconds always oh yeah for about 10 seconds yeah want that fun to take about 20 minutes seconds oh yeah for about 10 seconds yeah want that fun to take

about 20 minutes to set up and about 15 minutes to clean up after then you need some water bombs hey throw them at your kids some of them don't burst

they leave bruises it's literally like you've thrown a bit of fruit at them has he bruised fuck me I threw one at him so me and Robin I seen one ricochet

off the back of his neck literally threw one at his back and it was like I was throwing a fucking pay at him like it just clonked him on the back I mean I was really happy with it it back. Yeah. And it was like I was throwing a fucking pay at him. Oh, shit. Like, it just clonked him on the back.

I mean, I was really happy with it. It was a hell of a shot. It was about 20 yards away. I was buzzing. I could play baseball. But, yeah, it was fine. It was fine. But, oh, my God.

Like, it just... Have... Hey! Have hours of fun picking up the bits for days and days. Yeah, that's awful. Sometimes, it's not even a water bomb. Yo, it's a flower petal. Oh, I thought that was a water bomb. Give it a sniff. Oh, no, it's a water it's not even a water bomb yo it's a flower petal oh I thought that was a water

bomb give it a sniff oh no it's a water bomb it is a water bomb because you can't leave them around because animals can choke on them or you

know I've been all around the garden and our child yeah I've been all around the garden trying to get them yeah water it's time for the

slogan water bombs fun for some of the family a pain in the arse for most of the family absolutely and bad for the environment because I can guarantee Robin

didn't help don't buy them again no he didn't he literally said i'm gonna leave you to clear them up but he ran in the house don't buy them again don't buy them again fucking hate did i buy them yes i don't feel like i bought them to be fair it might have been i feel that that was a grandparent it feels like a grandparent purchase yeah it wasn't me because i've had them before honestly and i had to pick all the shit up because you were away and i vowed never again. Someone bought them them. It must have been a month ago

and he's been picking them up every couple of days and going, can we do these? And I've been coming up with a new reason not to and he caught us off guard today. What made you do it?

I thought you had said, go and do them. He sort of brought them and he was like, we're doing these. The way he said it, he was like, we're doing these.

I was like, right, okay. So someone said, do them. So I'm not going to get, I'm not going to be the guy who goes, no, we can't do them. So I was like, fuck, doing these. The way he said it, he was like, we're doing these. I was like, right, okay, so someone said do them, so I'm not going to get, I'm not going to be the guy who goes, no, we can't do them. So I was like, fuck, I've been, I thought you'd okayed it. I thought you'd okayed it.

I didn't want to argue with you. I thought you'd okayed it. I knew what I'd do with the podcast later on. So, yeah. I don't think I did okay. Maybe my mum did. My mum does not tell them kids off.

She does not tell them off. Do you know, Rafe started biting, this is a completely other story, Rafe's been biting, bit me yesterday, bit Robin the day before, laughs his head off. And I'm like, I don't know what to do. Robin never bit. He hasn't bit you yet? He hasn't bit me yet. Well, he tried to bite my mum. He's going to get a shock when he does because I'm loud. Well, he tried to bite my mum and she was like, no. And I was like, no, thank you, Ralph. I was like, I don't know what to do. I've

forgotten what to do. So I was like, no, thank what to do I've forgotten what to do so I was like no thank you he was laughing his head off and I'm just like and then he got and then and then right so I told him no thank you

and I was like ignore him mum and then he tripped over and he started crying and I was like oh for fuck's sake I can't leave you to cry you pushed him over

I didn't push him over but then it sounds like it obviously Sandra was like pick him up I was like who are you who is this woman

who is Chris I don't recognise her I'm the same I do not recognise her I'm the same with my parents don't recognise them it's awful and again I was like, who are you? Who is this woman? Who is... Chris, I don't recognise her. I'm the same. I do not recognise her. I'm the same with my parents. I don't recognise them. It's awful.

And again, it's that drive-by fuck-you present that the grandparents drop off. Oh, here's some water bombs. Have fun. Here's a drum kit. Bye. Fucking dicks.

Dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks. Pack it in. Let's crack on. Let's crack on. That was the intro. Well done, that was it. That was shorter than usual. Oh, by the way, guys,

it's a plonk cast plonky plinky plonk plonk plonk cast time I mean what time is it four minutes past six in the morning no it's the evening

it's the evening we're recording on an evening it is the summer holidays this is a long time we haven't recorded on an evening for a long long time let's see how this goes we've just had meetings

in that the day haven't we we've just been busy and then we just thought we'll get it done boring shit you've changed you've changed play that jingle and I'll tell you how much you've changed here's day, haven't we? We've just been busy and then we just thought we'll get it done. Boring shit. You've changed. You've changed. Play that jingle and I'll tell you how much you've changed.

Here's a joke, can't we? Here's a joke. Stay at you. What do you think you are? You've changed. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle.

Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba, jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag My Royce. Sorry, I was just checking an email. You know when you get an email and it's like when you've been buying, because I constantly put stuff in baskets, right? And then don't buy them. I don't know why, I just can't be arsed. Filling in all of your shit online. Poor bloody online shelf stackers who've got to get that back out of your basket

and put it back on the shelf. Because someone will actually think that's what happened. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, probably, yeah. Sorry, can I just interject here before you say that? Just there, so I control the computer, guys. So when I said to Rosie there just before the intro, I was like, you've changed. Drinking red wine, look at the state you've changed

and I pressed stop and she looked back at us in the most South Shields voice ever and went er not even joking she went er I've been drinking red wine

since I was 14 thank you very much like the worst brag that is like the worst one of the worst things anyone's ever said we're like oh oh I stand corrected

sorry child drinker I genuinely have I start like quite that's quite hard isn't it to go in on red wine you wouldn't Oh, I stand corrected. Sorry, child drinker. I genuinely have. Fucking hell. I start, like, quite, that's quite hard, isn't it? To go in on red wine. So I don't know why you and your mum drink red wine. Why?

Because, literally, wouldn't you? You're currently having a glass? Yes, I can drink it because I go to the toilet and look in the mirror after three, four glasses and smile and my teeth are a normal colour. You and your mum look like you've fucking sucked off Bertie Bassett. I mean, it's worth things to suck off.

Not that I like licorice. Yeah, you look ridiculous. You've got black teeth and black lips and tongue and that. Alright, I've got quite porous gob. Honestly, porous gob. Is it happening already? A lot of shite as well. Oh, is it?

Anyway, what were you saying about the online show so I was just saying when you get an email and they're like oh did you did you forget did you forget something

yeah corks you back oh yeah yeah but Netflix and all that are the same Netflix you half watch something or you half watch a series and they email you

like don't forget to finish this oh how about you let me live my fucking life eh do you know how hard it was for me to drag myself away from that show? And you're emailing us, dragging us back.

I'm trying to be productive. Go fuck yourselves. No, it's clever though because, listen, I'm a sucker. Because I saw that email and I was like, I will go back and buy them. Brilliant. Oh, well, great. Thanks to whoever sent that. Dick.

Dickhead. Well done. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. So we had a lovely weekend just gone. Oh my God. Didn't we separately that was the best bit

that was the best bit I don't care where I was I was away from you and the kids you were away from me and the kids the grandparents had the kids great best weekend ever you were at UFC

it was incredible who were we talking to who kept calling it something else and I was getting really annoyed really was it your dad I don't know someone kept calling it

the MMA or something? It is MMA. Oh, is it? Mixed martial arts. Fair enough. Oh, you've just made a dick of yourself. I'm the cheb then. Ring them and apologise right now.

Honestly, I've got to say, kid at Christmas, shout out to UFC Europe, Claire who showed around, who looked after her that night, all the other guys who looked after her. Me and my mates had the best fucking night ever

you were on the telly and yeah right so there's the thing right people keep tweeting us going like photos of us going look you're on the telly they're watching the UFC

and I'm in the background they're going look you're on the telly and you're Texaners and me friends are Texaners and I'm going what I I'm on the telly

regularly for other why are you all so excited what like the way you just said it there you were on the, like I've never been on, okay,

right, well, fair enough. In our defense, with, you know, things like that, usually it's like,

proper A-list celebrities. Oh, wow, here we go. No, I'm, I'm, no disrespect.

I knew this was coming. I knew this was coming. Day at best, Chris. Day at best, in the world of the UFC. Do you know what I mean, though?

Like, usually, how are you, UFC, who goes to watch that isn't it like Chris Pratt or in America there's loads of people

yeah Gordon Ramsay and all them are sitting there yeah turns out in London not many celebs up for it Stormzy was there Stormzy was there Stormzy said hello

at the end of the night that was very nice I didn't think he would know who I was and he did I was very excited very nice man Stormzy

so he said hello to me I was walking down the corridor right so what was amazing was first of all all the people looking after were it was just fantastic my mates summed it up

my mates turned round were there for half an hour and my mates turned round to me and they went we have never seen you this excited and my mate was like he went are you alright

one of them was like are you alright I've never seen you this excited I was so excited I met Bruce Buffer the guy it's time shook his hand

is he the one who's got the brother who does the shook his hand he was like the one who's got the brother who does the other thing what's his brother's one let's get ready to rumble brothers can you believe that fucking amazing what a family what what a lungs what lungs in that family i know anyway so um the uh yeah so we're walking around like seeing everyone meeting loads of different people loads of the fighters are coming past even like i'm fangirling over like the referees and that yeah yeah like the referees who i say all the time i was like i'm like buzzing like mark goddard herb d and i'm like oh my god like buzzing storms he was doing exactly the same thing which i loved because he's like he's like huge huge star and he was just buzzing i was like oh that makes me feel a bit better because i feel

like i'm pathetic i could wean myself i'm that excited. He made someone up. He was like, this is like, you're like a kid meeting Santa, but here, everyone's Santa. And I was like, you're totally right. Would I have hated being around you? You would have hated me. You would have hated everything about it.

Yeah. God, it was so good. Well, I'm glad you had it. I'm glad you had a good time. I also had a good time. Good. What did you do? I had a singing job.

Singing job. Singing gig at the Newcastle Gosforth Racecourse for Ladies' Day, which I also like to call Slags Day. All the slags were out and all the best slags were out. I was very surprised it was actually called Ladies' Day

because you'd said Slags Day that much. I thought that was just... I did call them slags on stage. Fantastic. Slags Day. Man, I feel like slags. Slags, slags. Get in.

That was absolutely class the family all went which was good fun Angela and Steph were doing back and Masayuki big up to them

they were brilliant if Masayuki the band are anywhere near you go see them such a good laugh so for people

who don't know what that is basically what is it it's there on stage and it's like it's mass karaoke they do it and everyone joins in.

They've got the screens up. What an idea. All good songs. What an idea. Don't think it would go as well with the UFC, that. Wouldn't fancy that. Don't think it would.

Karaoke UFC. Go to the crowd, get the fucking shit punched out of you. I don't think I'd enjoy that as much. No, I don't think so. All the family were there. Thoroughly enjoyed it. All the lasses, all the slags.

Do you know me mum? Yeah. So Sandra got up on, I think she got on Kate's shoulders at one point, right? It was all carnage. You can't take them anywhere, like. She got wrong off the police, right?

Sorry, your 60-odd-year-old mum got wrong by the police. So the police officer was like, you need to get down. And apparently, me mum's raging because there was loads,

and there was, in her defence, there was loads of other people on other people's shoulders. On your videos, I didn't see people on other people's shoulders on your videos I didn't see people on your shoulders so my mum was like that's ageist

oh wow she's obviously in her 60s she pulled the ageist card on the copper well I think the copper was like get her down brittle bones do you know what I mean

she lands there with a thud not realising Sandra's fit as a lock the lass whose bloody shoulder she's on she's gonna slip there's worth that's fallen out of her pocket

they're all out of the place that was absolutely class I loved it loved it The lass whose bloody shoulder she's on, she's going to slip. There's word that's fallen out of her pocket. They're all out of the place. Crikey. That was absolutely classic. I loved it. Loved it. So on the way down to the UFC, I was talking to my mates on the train, right? And I realised, now this is tragic, right?

This is going to sound so sad to anyone listening. Right. But I haven't had a weekend away with my mates or like a full-on thing away with my mates for probably a decade right oh that's a bit that's a stretch you've definitely had some stag do's in between a couple more than a couple chris they're including mine three yeah yeah brilliant handful um so but you've you're always on tour not my problem yeah but that's not you know that's just me and Carl I literally talked to one person in the tour manager

your best friend so this was yeah well fine yeah yeah I know look first world problems and all that right but it was lovely and we're on the train

on the way down and I just realised I'm sitting right as me mates are saying stuff I'm writing stuff on my phone because I'm like this is things I've never talked about before

so first of all the story starts a few nights ago and this you know I slagged it off for saying ooh you're on telly but it is weird the things you get excited about me and Robin were watching The story starts a few nights ago. And this, you know, I slagged it off for saying, ooh, you're on telly.

But it is weird the things you get excited about. Me and Robin were watching You Being Framed the other night. Yeah. And Haven Point swimming baths from South Shields popped up on You Being Framed. Oh, yeah. And me and Robin both lost our minds. I came and got you. You came and showed me.

I came and got you. It's Haven Point? And we were all like, it's Haven Point? It's a maths and telly. So excited. And like, we're regularly on the telly. But it's's just what you get excited about and i'm sorry there's never i don't know anyone who's ever been on you being framed and i've never seen any way that i recognize yeah yeah so yeah i was absolutely buzzing what was robin like he was i went robin

it's haven point and he went oh it's even point he went we might be in it are we there i was like no i'm not there and uh basically i told my mates that i went oh yeah and i got the photo i took a photo of the screen i was so excited and was sitting on the train on the way down i went mate i went seen that where's that and like two of them went oh yeah haven point and me other mate right he was a respectable south shields businessman let's just say right he turned round and he said oh oh i've never been in there. I've never been in Haven Point, which is the swimming baths in South Shields. Right?

Right. I went, right. And he went, yeah, yeah. He went, I've never been in any swimming baths. What? And I went, right. And he went, couldn't think of it. I've never been swimming in the UK.

What? I went, sorry, mate. He went, yeah. And I went, I've never ever been swimming in the UK. Yes. And I went, sorry mate. He went, yeah, he went, I've never ever been swimming. Can he swim? Yes. And I went, well, when do you swim? He went, on holiday. I went, well, how often do you go on holiday? And I know he works quite a lot. He goes on holiday once a year. I know exactly who you're talking about. Yeah. And he's going, yeah, I've never. And I went, and I'm naming it, I'm going, Rosie, I even went wet and wild back in the

day. He went, no, I never went. What? I went, what about at school? He went, I always made sure I wasn't well or said something was wrong and I back in the day he went no I never went what I went what about at school he went I always made sure I wasn't well or said something was wrong and I never did the swimming at school because I was a bit overweight I didn't like swimming didn't like water he's never been

swimming apart from his bath he's never been fully submerged in water in the UK in the UK it's one I couldn't

fucking believe it wow I couldn't believe it then he said I've been in the sea a couple of times which was hilarious. Well, there you go. Never been swimming.

Natural swimming. Never been to a swim bath. I can't. It's such a strange thing. Some people really don't like swimming. Yeah. I kind of get it. See, I used to swim.

I used to swim for South Tyneside. Oh, God. Actually, it was one of my main things. Did the butterfly. Oh, hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. No. No, no, no, no.

I thought you'd forgot about this. On holiday, I did the butterfly oh hang on a minute hang on a minute no no no no I thought you'd forgot about this on holiday I did the butterfly and you and my mum were dead impressed weren't you even my mum like honestly

because obviously my mum you know doesn't get impressed by much she was like that was really good and I was like yeah not bad yeah so everyone

Rosie put her book down right made all watch said everyone I'm doing the butterfly and got in the pool and made all of work Robin wasn't allowed

in the pool Rafe wasn't allowed in the pool we all had to stand on the side on holiday and watch Rosie do her butterfly

did you make me film it you filmed it yeah you made me film it wasn't he brilliant I had Robin's flippers on yeah it was brilliant it was like a gig

Sandra was on my shoulders we had a great time old couch better get done everyone do it so I taught my friend a bit more, right? Yeah, okay. I taught him more,

the guy who's never been swimming. Yeah. Then, I don't know how I got onto this, right? But I had my sunglasses in my T-shirt and me other mate had them in. He then got onto the point of he has never worn or owned a pair of sunglasses. I'm sorry, what?

Never. Never. Never owned or worn a pair of sunglasses in your life. You went, I've never worn sunglasses. I went, what do you do when you're driving? How does he drive? Thank you. I went, what do you do when you're driving?

He went, I pull the visor down. They didn't work? They don't work at all. What's he talking about? I was like, you must just be squinting your way. You're going to kill someone. Mania. I live in sunglasses, you know.

Same. Even, I actually noticed, I got caught in the rain yesterday. We were in shields. I got caught in the rain. I still had them on got caught in the rain i still had them on yeah yeah i flip and love sunglasses just a little windscreen wipers on my glasses i was literally blowing the wind blowing the rain drops off me so he never ever had a pair of sunglasses but he did make a very good point and i feel like this is a massive point i feel like it's something that needs to be changed in the fabric of society what you've been framed it's been 250 quid for about 20 years. Well, do you think

it should be up? I feel like inflation should have pushed that up. Don't you feel like that's quite a lot though? I think it's massively a lot. Don't you think it's... 250 quid,

a hell of a lot of money. But that's... I feel like that started off at loads. But I feel like in the 90s people are getting the 250 quid and even now you're still getting your 250 quid.

What the hell's going on? You'd be framed if you're listening. Come on, man. I'm sorry. Give the people what they're worth. I know, but what? They call Michelle now 450 quid the hell's going on you've been framed if you're listening come on man i'm sorry give the people what they're worth i know but what they call michelle now 455 come on man people are breaking their fucking backs on there man you see some of them some of them they put the candle after and i think who put the candle after over that that person's died i can't one we talk about you being framed so much i cannot watch it i love it it makes us feel physically sick i love it me oh someone someone landing on their back on a fence.

Oh, no. Makes my night. Absolutely not. Makes my night. We had a great one. And I don't know if we ever sent it in. Because we always used to joke about sending it in when my dad ran into the washing line.

Hilarious. On my Auntie Joanne's camcorder. Explain it. What was he doing? So I had a birthday. And I think it was my sixth birthday. Or maybe six or eight. Right, it was one of them.

I can't remember. Why? Why is it six or eight? Because I was little, but I didn't know how old I was. Right. But normally someone would say six or seven or five or six or seven or eight. Because it was between. Why six or eight?

Right. Because it was six or seven or eight or possibly nine. No, I was younger than nine. I didn't know how old I was, Chris. Sorry. I don't remember. Yeah. Sorry.

All I'm saying is it's just a weird way to phrase it. Six or eight. Right. What time have you gone out at night? Oh, seven or ten. What? Do you know what I mean? What time do you want lunch?

Oh, twelve or three. What are you doing? You're adding an extra hour? Oh, no, you're not. That's right. No, no, no. No, I am. I'm exaggerating.

Okay, fair enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, well, I can't remember what age I was, but anyway, I had a birthday party in the back garden because my birthday

is in August so it was you remember when it was hot when you were kids even though I mean it's flipping scorching now

but anyway that made no sense that sentence summers were summers when we were kids back in my day summers were summers they were

summers were summers winters were winters autumns were autumns so apparently I got somebody said actually because I said that once, and then people were like, no, all you're doing is remembering the nice days. Yeah, of course. So actually, I'm like, the six weeks, every day was lush,

and they're like, no, it was probably about 12 of them days, so you're just remembering them. Anyway, I had a nice birthday. It was a bank holiday. We had a garden party, and it turned into a water fight. And honestly, it was absolutely class. So my dad got the hose out thinking he was mint

splashing on my mum everyone was splashing it was frolicking it was good fun and my dad ran into the washing line like literally neck

like strangled by the washing line and so he went and ended up on his arse yeah yeah yeah fully blown like that's where clothesline and wrestling

comes from because it's a clothesline it's a washing line fully blown and we got it on video somewhere and we always got it on video somewhere and we always said for years

we said for years that would put that on your opinion they never did and I don't know why they didn't because because I don't want

to do 250 quid that's my point so you've missed your boat now I know 250 quid in the 90s it's about fucking 600 quid now

I know you're totally right honestly don't know why they did you've been free but actually hang on a minute though maybe they did but maybe there was

so many people sending stuff in that it didn't, it was pure hair day then man. They kind of repeat stuff now. They do repeat

stuff yeah, you see stuff done on the camcorders but it's like 1987 date in the bottom and you go ah okay then. A lot of them

are American as well. You're using this one are you? Back in the 90s it was all British stuff. I don't even think

my dads would have got in. They'd be like oh another one of them. Oh god. Seen it before. What's this a birthday party? Who's that girl? How old's she?

Six or eight. Get this off. You've got far too many six or eight year olds on here. There's a stupid dad's file an hour. Okay, now. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Rosie, will you get off your phone? Seriously, get off your phone.

Right, guys. Guys. I get it. I get there's a lot going on. So, guys, to let you be off your phone? Seriously, get off your phone. Right, guys. Guys. I get it. I get there's a lot going on. So guys, to let you be on the fourth wall here, we are currently trying to book all of us, us and our friends, I think 20 of all together, including kids. Possibly, yeah.

Or 18, sorry. 18 together. Are trying to book a big group holiday for next summer. And oh my God. Oh my God. My management company have booked fucking nationwide tours quicker and easier

than this has been done. A lot of opinions in that group. Oh, man alive. Man alive. Well, I feel, so I now feel a little bit of pressure because we've got our lovely holiday Lizzie.

I'll give her a shout out. Lizzie from Travel Counsellors. Lizzie Adamson-Brown who books our holidays. She's absolutely class. That sounds quite posh, by the way. It's not like we pay extra to get her. She just, that's her job.

She's a travel agent. She just happens to work just for us. It's not like we've got a personal travel agent. No, no, no. She's a travel agent. She can do for anyone. She's absolutely class and she's done all of our holidays

and it's just meant. So I was like, I'll get Lizzie to have a look at the ones that, so I had a meeting the other night. Yeah. Oh God, we literally went to a,

like we went to a mate's houses and for a laugh, we went in and was like, right, everyone's going to do, one of the lads didn't come, he was painting his house or something and he's currently in the WhatsApp

asking what the hell's going on and he's like, doesn't even know what's going on. Said he'd rather paint than come to the meeting. Said he'd rather paint, I tell you what, honestly,

halfway through, I'd have picked up a paintbrush and went, for a laugh i was like for a laugh we went in all the couples went into a friend's house and i went oh we've got a whiteboard they had a flip chart i saw the flip they're like they're like giggled and then there was a flip chart and we brought the notes back no i ended up writing it it was only one bit of paper it was massive it was like we took a fucking two hour post out

well we all had to go with three options yeah you didn't have it you haven't even looked I won't I will not I will not put my opinion

on that I'm sorry I'm not doing it I'm not going yeah this place will be great and then four days in having everyone go

oh well there's not many sun loungers around the pool and why is there no shaded area for the children and instead

there was a ten minute walk to the beach but I timed it yesterday and it's twelve and a half minutes well around the pool and why is there no shaded area for the children and it said there was a 10 minute walk to the beach but I timed it yesterday and it's 12 and a half minutes well fucking walk faster and stop whinging then so what I like to do is I like to not put any opinions in

and then you will do all of that oh yeah four days in that'll be like I'll have a scroll me you think you've got a flip chart I'll have a fucking flip chart it's something it gets stressful

really stressful but when we're there it'll be nice it'll be lovely as long as the kids are you know out of our face sorry

entertained kids club anyone god aye Robin will not go to a kids club he likes to go for one day to give her hope

and we'll go how was that and he goes great and the next day he goes do you want to go again and he goes

nah no don't want to go fucking had his on didn't I what so you can have a holiday shut up

well last time you went to a kids' club, you said that the Spanish lady just kept shouting at them in Spanish. Well, yeah, she kept... Draw the minion! Oh, draw the minion! Draw the minion!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Draw the minion! Just kept saying draw the minion. She had a picture of a minion and they had a colour in the minion. I think the only word she'd learned, bless her, was draw the minion. So you didn't have a nice time,

were you joking? Honestly, but then he said, I'm going to draw the minion. What an ungrateful little twat. Anyway, that group chat's getting nice and spicy. It's horrible. Every day. Easily 100 notifications a day in that group chat. Absolutely horrible.

But Lizzie's coming up trumps. Poor Lizzie. Yeah. And then we'll ring her halfway through when everyone's kicking off. Oh, God. Honestly. Fuck it now. So you might have seen announced this week that we have started Smar Plus on Acast Plus. Very exciting stuff, isn't it?

Yeah, we have. Yeah, it's great. Basically, it's a subscription service for our podcast if you want a little bit extra smar in your life. You listen to this now, you can continue to listen to this. Every single week, this podcast will drop into whatever podcast app you listen to for free. Wherever you get your podcast free wherever you get your

podcast wherever you get your podcast um for free it will drop into your into your podcast whatever it is in your pocket onto your phone on your device every single week nothing will change you'll get ads you listen to the ads you live your life nothing will change however if like a lot of people you don't like listening to the ads and you don't like you know you might skip the ads or whatever you can subscribe to smart plus through a cast plus so there's two levels there is lucrative sponsor and there is lucrative lucrative sponsor look let's see what i did lucrative sponsor three pound a month no ads past present future episodes no ads whatever you listen to it on there will be no ads you will never have to skip an ad again. Boom. Now, for £3.50, 50 pence extra,

you will get an extra episode every fortnight. A feature that we're calling... Extra, extra, read all about it! There we go. So it's not going to be a full episode. It'll be sort of, you know, a long segment, kind of 20 minutes, half an hour,

of extra content that you will get. And you will also get the ad-free whole shebang with that as well. So that's the two levels, Loot Responsor and Loot Responsor. It's on our website. All the information's on there.

Sign up if you want. So yeah, thank you to everyone who signed up already. If you'd like to sign up, you just go to shagmarinoi.com and all the information's there.

And if you don't, then we'll see you next week. Exactly. If you do, we'll see you next week. And if you don't, we'll still see you next week. Yeah.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday... You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth... Bad things will start to happen. Evil things.

Of evil. It's... girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start out. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride

and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef, eh? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Ladies first or gentlemen first? I'm starting to slur. I'm starting to goddamn bloody fucking slur.

We're two glasses in. We have very large wine glasses. Yeah. I think we're posh on that, but... Yeah. They just get you drunk quick. I like a large wine glass, half full, so I can't spill the wine.

And hang on, danger, we've had no tea. Oh, fuck, we haven't had any tea. We've had no tea. That'll be why I feel terrible. Yeah, we've had all the... What have I had? I had a crisp sandwich for dinner today? You did have a crisp sandwich, yeah. And I just don't know why I'm not losing any weight.

I said that. Oh God, I don't know why I'm telling you this. What? I said that to the gardener today. What did you say to the gardener? Oh, here I go. I don't know why I've said this. So the gardener, lovely bloke,

he came and he was talking with us today and he went oh sandra went to get him a cup of tea it was weird we were in the house and i ran in to get a gardener cup of tea like i'll get the gardener cup of tea like freaking out i was like should do anything not look after them kids when i was like what's he done pulled a gun on her like and then i went out to see him he was like oh and he had a bag from the bakers and he opened it up and he had um raspberry and white chocolate flapjacks in it and he went look at these he went i've got one for you as well i've got one for Rosie but I think Sandra

might be stealing yours mate because she's got to make us a cup of tea I thought right that explains the haste she ran in with fucking fire coming off her feet to make a cup of tea

for a flapjack so we're standing out there and I was like oh well I had one and then Sandra had one and he was like oh what about Rosie I was like

oh there's half of mine left I went there's half of mine left you want we'll go and give it to Rosie then I went I should probably not have it mate he went why like you should not like

stuff like that you should not like flapjacks I love flapjacks I went well nah and I don't know of mine left. You went, well, go and give it to Rosie then. I went, ah, she'll probably not have it, mate. You went, well, I like that she's not like stuff like that. She's not like flapjacks. I love flapjacks. I went, well, nah. And I don't know why I said it. I went, ah, she'll probably not have it. She'll claim she's being good, so she's not going to have it. And then later on at night, she'll have seven bags of crisps. Wow. Wow. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That's what I do. Yeah. In my spare time, I slag you off with the gardener wow that's noted

noted I don't know why did I tell you that why did I tell you that what are you doing that for why have I told you that we haven't even got any crisps in

so that's so that's that's what's stopping you from doing it not the willpower not that I'm talking shit

the fact that there's no crisps left well no because that the crisp sandwich I had today it was actually only half a slice of bread okay yeah

but that was just the end do you mean one slice of bread do you mean one slice of bread one slice of bread fold over that was

just half the end of a pack yeah we haven't got a big bag in seven bags shit the bed I forgot to get bread

today and I went out just for bread oh fuck you I've got everything but bread I've just realized I forgot to get bread you didn't put it on the list you didn't put it on the list.

You didn't put bread on the list. It's basic. It's basic. Nah, nah. I blame your list. And again, your list today, by the way, fucking hell. Honestly.

Like, spirograph. Oh, I know. I didn't go around the shop. I didn't visualise it. Honestly, sick of that. Can I do me beef? Yeah, but that's not my beef. I've got another one.

Come on. What's your beef? Right, okay. My beef with you is, right, we have a little a little dog and a little rabbit right

that keep the doors open what they're called door stops door stops little dog one little dog and little rabbit I actually don't really like them they just seem to keep following

they're awful aren't they so one time your brother in the old house your brother came to the house and it was half cut in the afternoon he'd been to the match or something and he came around to have a couple of drinks with me,

and we had them sitting either side of the fireplace. And he looked up and he went, they're freaking me out, them two. And I laughed about it. And then the other day I came down the stairs, and someone had moved the rabbit to the middle of the door, and it was looking at us, the weird stare. Yeah, I don't like them at all. They're like tart and everything.

Well, anyway, on a night time, obviously, we'll have to keep the door open to hear the monitor yeah so you keep putting the door stop like in the middle of the door to stop the door so i can't but i just walk and trip over the door right well how do you open so you need to open the door more i can't open the door more because then the sound of the tell you'll bleed upstairs and wake the child up the The child? Oh, excuse me. A little burp there she did. The child? The child. The rave.

You mean rave? Yeah. A little burp again. That's a burp. It's like a fucking farm in here. Gassy, gassy gilly. Right. Well, I've tripped over it so many times

so please stop doing that. So your beef with me is you are so stupid you can't step over a fucking little tiny door. No, my beef with you is that you just keep putting the... Well, I don't put the door stop there. Well, how do you leave the door open? I open over a fucking little tiny door. No, my beef with you is that you just keep putting the... I don't put the door stop there.

Well, how do you leave the door open? I open the door a little bit more. No. And it never bleeds upstairs, actually. Of course it does, man. He's hours winding up because now he's hearing something.

Honestly, kind of watching out with him. But I mean, that's my beef. I know it's not that aggressive but we need to get rid of them, actually. The door stop. Let's call it to quit. You just spilled some wine,

you fucking animal. Oh, sorry, I was swilling it. Oh, mighty. God almighty. My beef with you, listen to this. Right, come on. My beef with you is, right, yes, you are. let's call it let's call it you've just spilled some wine you fucking asshole oh sorry I was swilling it almighty god almighty my beef with you listen to this my beef with you is right

yes you are you're a massive hypocrite right on many occasions I know I know but here's another one for you

here's another reason I've told you as well my opinion changes all the time yeah it's ridiculous yeah fucking yo-yo now

you always have a go at me for like half doing something half arsing a job or like going nah nah I'm not going

that'll be our eating you're like Chris man do you know what I mean you always have a go at us for like half doing something half arsing a job or like going ah no i'm not gonna that'll be our eating you're like chris man do you know i mean you always have a go at us for something right like you also you say that i'm like surface clean i don't properly clean a house you don't i don't i just i i want stuff i'm tight i'm a tidy i'm not a cleaner yeah however on robin's last day of school robin had a water fight in the morning at school i had to take water pistols in, all the big water fighting stuff on the last day. Great fun, right? On the night, I said, is it time to put Robin in the bath?

And you turned to me and went, oh no, he had that water fight this morning at school. As if you're mentioning this! That's like a bath, innit? Deadly, guys, deadly fucking serious. Shall we bath our child at the end of the day before bed. No, he had a water fight this morning.

That's a bath. Yesterday I took him swimming as well and you made us take some shower gel. I had to wash him in the baths. Not in the pool. I had to wash him in the showers afterwards. I've never seen anyone do that for ages. As I was doing it, I felt weird.

Oh, I don't... Anything to get out of bath time. Communal showers. Are you... Like, in my defence, right, there's some people... I've never seen anyone do that for ages as I was doing it I felt weird anything to get out of bath time communal showers are you like in my defence right there's some people you had a water fight this morning

that your exact words that's like a bath in it no I just sometimes don't feel like they need a bath every single night wow Rafe maybe

because obviously he is covered in his own piss for the majority of the day like it's literally wrapped around his genitals right sorry she's talking about nappies we don't just like we don't keep him in a pool in his own piss for the majority of the day. It's literally wrapped around his genitals. Sorry, she's talking about nappies. We don't keep him in a pool of his own piss all day. But Robin, sometimes I'm like, he never smells.

He can go a day without a bath. And in my defence, I was like, well, he's kind of touched water today. He's touched water today? He's fine. I can't believe you're mentioning that. That was weeks ago. You have lulled me into a false sense of security i've kept it you're a clip you're an absolute clip but yesterday just

to just to touch on that like yesterday when i went to the swimming pool the haven point you might see that you've been framed um when i went there he was uh yeah like you were like take take some shower gel and wash them in the showers and i was like okay problem with that felt weird why felt weird so i got the shower so i stood in the shows i did as well i stood in the showers and I was like okay felt weird why? felt weird so I got the so I stood in the showers I did as well I stood in the showers swim trunks on obviously but literally the face

and the pool everyone can see you and I got the shampoo and I did his hair and then I did mine and I turned and I rinsed the shampoo off my hair

and I looked and I was like I'm showering in public here this is fucking really weird is it? yeah it felt really strange to the point where

I felt like the guy would come up and go sorry you're not allowed to use soap here this is just for like rinsing it felt really weird it's very much a 90s thing right okay well fair enough maybe i'm thinking when when we went to the shop when we i remember going swimming as a kid and my mom would take it was in the 90s yeah my mom would take fully blown shampoo conditioner shower gel and we would do the full... A bucket to take some water home. Probably, yeah.

We would do the full shebang. Like, it would... Every time we went we'd take shampoo and conditioner. A lot of years like the fucking clamp it. A lot of years in a row washing, bringing in washing from home,

cleaning it with travel wash. To be fair, you went at like half four yesterday. That's why I said... But that's why I said to take the shower gel because you can't come in from swimming and go in the bath. You can't. I'm not doing it again.

It was really fucking strange. Who are you? Who are off the fucking splash? Who are off the splash? The mermaid. Daryl Hannah. Aye. God almighty. I can't get the reference right. I hate you. We need to get the talking bit where I read stuff because I'm going to be gone soon. Oh, your reading's going to be great.

Let's get on with that. Let's go. It's time for questions from the public. Public. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, shagmardenoid at gmail.com. Please continue to send us your wonderful, wonderful content. Hashtag content. I'm going to start off with an ick. And I personally think this is the worst ick we've ever had.

Okay, can I do what I normally do where I kind of jump in and give you a couple of mine because mine are never as good as these. Oh, you've got some icks. I've got two icks this week. Who, sent in or just from you? Just from life. I've been trying to look for them in life.

Are they female or male? One of them is very specific to one person on earth who I met and one is and one is general for male and female okay oh yeah

okay then go on number one yes people who wear their watches on the inside of their wrist is that a thing yeah do you know when you see someone

and they check the time and they go what and they put their and they put the palm of their hand out and the watch is basically you know where you check for your pulse

oh I've never the face for the watch is there never yeah known that. I'm wearing a watch now. Do people actually, is that how they wear them? I've seen a lot of people wear watches like that. Oh god, that's awful. I fucking can't bear it.

Now that you've done it. Oh yeah, I've just thought they've been too big and they've been on the wrong way. No, no, people who genuinely do them the wrong way around. Now I know, before anyone gets upset, I know there's a military, there's a reason people in the military do them

and it's something to do with when you're holding the gun or something and you can see the time. You can see the time. I think. So, don't have a go. How often are they holding the gun, though? Don't come and shoot us.

You know, God knows the way the world is these days. Probably all the fucking time. But when a normal person in everyday life has their watch their way and it's like it's so look look the way the movement bump to check my watch just there but to do it the other way it's so fucking it's like yeah it's like they're going yeah okay i don't know it's just weird i get you now the other rick yes you will fucking love this

right yesterday uh i'm not going to name and shame the company, but it's not even anything wrong with the company. The company were absolutely fantastic. Right. Amazing. Amazing company that deliver electricals. Phenomenal service.

Phenomenal price. Everything was brilliant about it. Fast delivery, the lot. Delivery guys, cannot fault them. Phenomenal, professional, amazing,

quick, took all the packaging away, all of that stuff. This is what, you're going to slag them off. However, no, I'm not going to slag them off.

So I got a text saying, how were the delivery guys? We ate them from one to five. Five. Amazing. Perfect. And it was like, do you have any comments?

And I nearly text this comment, but I didn't, because I just didn't ever want the guy to get told off, and I don't know if they would have got the joke. Okay. He installed, set up,

plugged in, unpacked our fridge freezer. Oh yeah, yeah. Our new fridge freezer and he multiple times referred to it as she or her the fridge yeah so i went i went all right mate i went is this um so back in the day i was like i was like because you've been because i thought you know i know some weird stuff about weird things so back in the the day, if you got a fridge, a new fridge or something, you couldn't turn it on for a while.

You had to let it settle for three hours. Yeah, you couldn't turn it on. So I went, do I have to let this settle now or can we turn it on already? He went, oh, no, no, she's up and running now. Oh, no, he didn't. No, he didn't. She's up and running. And I thought, did he? and i thought i thought did he did he say that and he went no no yeah she's there she's up and running there

for you now she's all she's all ready to go like three she's in one sentence and i thought nuts that like so i talked about something else that says when i was pulling the they've got all the plastic on it and i was like can i pull the plastic off he was like our customers like to pull the plastic off you know because it's like a therapeutic thing i'm pulling all the plastic off having a lovely time and he's putting it in a bin we have a little bit of crack on and then i went yeah so and i was like i thought i'm gonna check again and i went so just to check i went i can i can put stuff in he went yeah yeah yeah she's all ready to get loaded up there you can load up you can. You can get your beers, get your wines,

get them all chilled. You can load her up now. Get her loaded up. And I was just like, have you fucked this fridge? Again, lovely bloke. Perfect service. Cannot fault it.

That's awful. So funny. Do you think it's because they work with these items so much I know exactly I know the company I was there

why haven't you told me this you were in the room you were upstairs because it came really early and you weren't ready so you went upstairs and hid so have you kept this

for the podcast yeah yeah yeah do you think it's because he works with them so much that he's had to give them like I've got no idea rules in his life

and genders and whatever it's just it was like an American like you know this baby you know this baby will take me

across America and you know such and such miles to the gallon this is my car call her you know Delilah or whatever

it was kind of like it was really fucking weird really weird as well as another point as well so I just said there the guys come to deliver because you weren't ready in the morning you know i just had a quick shower i might even have my pajamas

i'm not sure but i'll let guys in because i'm not bothered it is a really weird thing as a married man that sometimes when someone comes to the house your wife will go and hide like she shouldn't be there i do that it's a really weird thing you're like oh it's the garden i can't close all the curtains i'm gonna go have a shit in the dark. In case he somehow sees us shitting through the window. Oh, who's here now? Is the decorator here? I'm going to go sit in the loft because I haven't done me tan.

Weird as out. I hate anyone coming out. But on the flip side, I'm the most social person in the world. I don't know what it is. Yeah, I think that's every... I don't know whether that's a female bit. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I can't see how to deliver the fridge. I'm not ready....whose name were knocked on the door.

I'm obviously... I have to deliver the fridge. I'm not ready. He fancies the fridge. He'll not fancy me. I'm not ready. Personally, I'm quite glad I didn't have that interaction because I would have went, are you...

Are you gender in this fridge? It's really strange. Are you assuming this fridge is gender, actually? She was all ready to go. It was incredible. I need to tell you this, Ick. Come on, then. I think this is the worst one we've ever had.

Right, okay. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Please keep me anonymous. Oh, I will. I will. Last week, whilst out with my significant other, we noticed a lady passed out. I went over whilst my other half stayed at our seat.

Lady came round, so I sat back down. The lady then passed out again but this time she wasn't breathing. Bloody hell, where the fuck were I? It's intense. My partner and I, plus a few others got the said lady to the floor. Someone was on the phone to the ambulance. They asked to start

CPR. Right? Right, okay, got you. Okay. My partner started chest compressions. Ick, ick, fucking ick. What? Every time I think about it, I shudder from the ick. I should say, the lady was fine and taking her hospital for observations.

I haven't told my partner about my ick and probably never will. So this woman has got the ick from her husband doing CPR. That is so... Nah, I'm not having that life. I'm not having that. So that's what you meant by the worst one. It's not a terrible thing that's been done. It is the worst possible ick of...

Oh my God. Who do you think you are? She's got the ick from her fella. Saving someone's life. And then he was there and he resuscitated this woman and I wanted to fucking vomit. Who do you think you are?

That's, that is the, that's the worst, yeah, that's the worst ick we've ever had. But you know what though, that's how she feels.

She got the ick seeing him back in the chest compression. One, two, three, four,

five. That's fucking, got the ick from him trying to save someone's life. You, you, and I don't mind saying this, you picky bitch. You know what it is. Takes all sorts of ick.

Fucking amazing that line. The ick can always just take on, it's really strange times. Well, sorry for calling you a bitch. You call me a bitch? No, that woman. Oh. Picky bitch.

I think it was warranted, but I'm still going to apologise. It's always a bit hard when you call someone a bitch. You called me a bitch? No, that woman. Oh. Pick your bitch. I think it was warranted. I'm still going to apologise. It's always a bit hard when you call someone a bitch, isn't it? It felt a bit hard when I said it. I felt really bad. But then again, no, I'm sticking up for our fella

because she hasn't told him either. She's emailed us. No, she can't tell him. She's in the house. She can't tell him. I mean, I love her. I'd have a good night out with her. You know when you saved a life?

I was revolted. I was revolted. So there you go. So do you know do you know where do you know who stopped that woman from dying my vagina died who do you think you are genuinely who do you think you are how dare you have a naked man i'm furious i'm furious nah i'm furious on behalf of everyone i think it's great well it's probably because right no i don't want to blow my own horn here right but i did my first aid course at when i swim for south tineside right twice in this episode i'll get it in i will get it in right so i actually know how to do compressions yeah he obviously doesn't that might be with it he could have been fucking slap on our on the chest

he probably didn't know what to do his head was going up and down yeah he's probably doing it i just say as well can you please check your privilege because you are banging on about swimming for south townside and i'll have you know that some uh eminent members of the south townside business haven't even been in water in south townside so check your privilege yeah check my privilege banging on about south townside some people haven't even been swimming were you there this brings me to another comment that sandra made on holiday right were you there when after i'd done the butterfly when i said to you and i said no i said to robin i said oh mommy used to swim when she was a child because i because i did bloody in five o'clock in the morning everything and sandra piped up and i was like oh yeah i used to swim i love that she went he mean your dad were over the

moon when you wanted to quit that was so fucking funny when i heard i say. That was so fucking funny. When I heard her say that, that was so hilarious. What was it that she exactly said? Her exact words were, yeah, you used to quit. She went, yeah. Sorry, she went, yeah, you used to swim, yeah. You used to swim for a sad time.

She said, yeah. Every morning at the pool, weekends at swimming galas and all that stuff, yeah. Me and your dad were over the moon when you packed me in. I'm just like, Sandra,

fucking hell. Yep, thanks, Sandra. Absolutely. These people who want their kids to keep that club, they want it.

You never hear a version of that when someone's interviewing the parents of someone who's won an Olympic medal. Do you know what I mean? He, yeah, yeah, yeah, we were, I mean,

we were devastated when he didn't want to pack it in, but, you know, we're here now. It's been a nice weekend. It's been lovely. The way over the moon, to, yeah. We were devastated when he didn't want to pack it in. But, you know, we're here now. It's been a nice weekend. It's been lovely. The way over the moon, to be fair.

I mean, you would be. I think they used to car share with me, mate. I was in. It got to the point where it was like 5 o'clock in the morning. Imagine if one of the boys wants to do something like that. I'd be absolutely devastated. I'd be saying, no, you've got to take up running now because you're running to the pool. I'm not taking you. See you later get your bus pass out no chance

save on time though because they wouldn't have to have a bath when they get in that is true hi rosie and chris my story that's how it starts my story it's a fucking radio 4 so i'm a happily married man having met my now husband on Grindr. Got you. Wow. One of the few. I know.

About five years ago. But my story is from my single dating days. I had arranged a first date with a guy from Transylvania, which I found... Why are you laughing? Sorry. You cannot have a go at me for laughing when he's led with that. What do you laughing? Sorry, you cannot have a go at me for laughing

when he's led with that. What do you mean? A guy from Transylvania. Don't lead with that and expect me not to laugh. Which I found very cool. Although I had to try very hard not to make any obvious Dracula-slash-sucking jokes. My brain did all of them immediately.

Or probably do the offensive voice of the count from Sesame Street. Don't get the garlic bread. Yeah. Anyway. The guy arrived having just finished work in some fancy London department store and said he had a gift for me. Having been on many first dates without a single gift, I found this really sweet,

even when he said it was something that had been given away at his work. Okay. It was a bottle of fragrance, admittedly from a brand I'd never heard of, but the gesture was sweet, and we all love a freebie, right? Okay. So he handed it over, saying, It's per hom. Great, I thought, and busted it open for a sniff.

As I was opening it, he said it again, in more emphasis, It's per hom. Okay, I thought, does this guy think i'm stupid and don't know what that per hom means for men i had a quick sniff and gave myself a generous spritzing with it to show that i appreciate the gift he then got a weird look on his face and said again with even more emphasis it's per hom at this point i was getting actually i was actually getting really annoyed i know what per hom means it's for men i'm a man so why is this guy repeating it with a weird look on his face he then put his hand on the bottle to stop me spraying myself with any more of it and he said

it again in a very slow and clearly pronounced way it's only at this point, after a very generous dousing, that I realised his Transylvanian accent meant I was hearing, it's per hom, but he was actually saying, it's for the home. I just doused myself with a fancy bottle of air freshener and had to sit through the rest of the day

smelling like a nana's soft drawer. Oh, you'll love this bit. You'll love this. Luckily... Fucking Febreze just sat in our room in the armpits. Oh, thank you. Luckily, I didn't really fancy him. So we only slept together twice and then called it a date.

Fucking hell, man. That's it. Fucking hell. People who are dating. Amazing. Wow. Oh, God. He's put a question here. Okay. He's put a question here okay he's put a question at the end so thank you for that oh we don't really get questions often so this is nice as doting parents i'd love to know what you think of people that put pictures of their kids as their profile picture on things like whatsapp hate it is this something you would do it drives me crazy

when the person whose account it is doesn't feature in their own profile pic yeah have your kids or your partner or your cat but you with you but not on their own as my contact list looks like all my friends are prepubescent which is just weird yeah especially on whatsapp when i'm like telling one of me has to fuck off and stop being a bell end and it's like i'm talking with three-year-old here why do people do that i don't know why they just put the kids on have photos of your kids have them everywhere celebrate it amazing

but not on something that is supposed to represent you yeah not of just them yeah photos right here we go photos of kids

on your whatsapp or your facebook or your profile your twitter or whatever photos of kids a football badge or a car stop it

all trolls stop it yeah I will I will allow a dog I will allow a dog A football badge or a car. Stop it. All trolls. Stop it. Yeah. I will allow a dog. I will allow a dog. What? You don't? Why?

I don't know. I'm just like, look at the dogs. I will allow a dog. All trolls. My first thing is I block them because I go, you're a troll. Yeah, yeah. Don't know who that kid is. Don't know where you stole that from.

Moira, you're a fucking troll. So you can be blocked blocked wow babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo hi just listened to the story from last week's episode

about the wanking biohazard who hasn't washed his metal bowl after each meal that was a couple of weeks ago yeah yeah yeah walking biohazard oh I said

what did I say wanking you said wanking because I then had to go what part of that story was about wanking and then I realised none i say you said wanking because i then had to go what part of that story was about wanking and then i realized none of it was about wanking but you just read walking as wanking but you know what if there's ever a forage instead it would be had on this podcast that's the one yeah yeah i'm so sorry i'm a little bit tipsy if you're on your run keep going yeah

go on you're doing really well seven o'clock in the morning you're doing really well really honestly so proud of you. When you get home, you can have a banana. Ceremonic. Couch of 5K. It's the best one. Absolutely classic. Big shout out to Ceremonic.

Love it, love it, love it. So anyway, so the bowl. Ew. It reminded me of a story my mum told me from her time as a nurse. Oh God. There was a patient who came in with some mystery illness and they couldn't quite figure out the cause.

They'd asked about his diet, to which he'd answered that it was pretty standard. Porridge in the morning, sandwich at lunch and meat and veg for dinner.

It sounded fairly standard until they asked how he made his porridge. Oh, for God's sake. No, no. Okay. It might not be

what you think. Once a month, he would make a massive portion of porridge, pour it into a kitchen drawer and leave it to cool into a solid block. In a drawer? In a drawer. Sorry! That!

No! Every day for the next month, or however long it lasted, he would cut a slice from the block and that was his breakfast. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If you can cut your porridge you're doing something wrong.

That is... Sorry. You have balled into that so quick. I know. I'm trying to play catch up here. Yeah. So you make a massive porridge.

First of all, how busy are you? How busy are you that you need to fucking batch cook your porridge? Mate. I heard overnight oats. What the busy are you? How busy are you that you need to fucking batch cook your porridge? Mate. I heard of overnight oats.

What the hell are you doing? So he makes, how big's his pan? Just makes a massive load of porridge. It must take days. Or is it in a kitchen, this poor kitchen drawer? A kitchen drawer. So it's like a... So he's doing like a tray bake.

Like a tray bake. But in the drawer. I'm imagining a pan drawer. The bottom drawer, probably. So it says every day for the next month, cut the slice off. Inevitably, mould would start growing on it, but he'd just scrape it off and carry on

with his kitchen drawer petri dish of a breakfast. No, right, okay. First of all, a public service announcement. Don't just scrape the mould off, because that's the flour. That's the flour of the mould. The green stuff is the flour. The roots of the mould are already well within your food.

Yes, don't just scrape the mould off because the roots are inside. Oh, my grandad scraped the mould off for years. Right, well, too late to tell him. So, wow. He'd be doing this for years before he ended up in hospital. Fucking hell, man. Yeah. Years? Yeah. Like, years yeah have you not spoke to someone have you not like in life have you not at any point have

you not been gone oh yeah yeah well how was your morning yeah yeah great yeah i had a slice of porridge sorry stop what rewind you had a sorry mate did you say slice of pie yeah slice of porridge yeah right why like why has no one gone? Not everyone's like you. Can you imagine, Rosie, someone saying to me, I had a slice of porridge? Well, I mean, you would have dissected it. I would have stopped everything.

To within an inch of its life. If I'm on a train, sitting next to a stranger, and he says I had a slice of porridge, I'm pressing that emergency stop button, and that train is coming up with stop, and I'm letting the whole carriage know that this man's eating slices of porridge. Yeah, out of his bowl.

Or he doesn't know how to use words. What the f... A slice of porridge or he doesn't know how to use words. What the slice of porridge. People are odd Chris. Filthy nutcase. It's like we'll take a flapjack though innit? In a drawer though he's not even putting it in a container and how long, it takes minutes to make

porridge, it's so simple it takes two minutes. Well listen, each to their own fucking nutter hi rosie and chris just listening to the arse hair in the pasta story oh that oh yes yes i remember that one yes and it reminded me of the time i was a watch leader in brackets group leader on a charity boat oh god we were sailing through the bay of biscay in a force eight storm and 15 inexperienced homesick inner city kids and about eight staff who were all cold wet and hungry right i don't know what they're doing there they're obviously

some sort of might be a summer camp or something like that. Sounds dangerous. Something like that. Anyway. We went down to cook a huge spag bol to warm everyone up, including a pan of veggie alternative. Fuck me. What? Hey, the boat's rocking from side to side. People might get seasick. What do we do? Get a spag bol on.

A massive bowl of it. No, because they're hungry. Right. They're wet and hungry. And they need warming up with a bit of spag bol right it's not gonna

I'm telling you it's not gonna end well we had to wedge ourselves in the tiny galley kitchen as the boat was bouncing up and down on each wave and throwing us about

horrible dinner was almost ready and we congratulated ourselves on managing to prepare a fab meal in such dreadful conditions okay just before we dished dish

just before we dished up the boat lurched and the child stirring the bolognese vomited into the pan motherfucker i didn't i knew it wasn't gonna end well but i didn't see it going that badly there seemed to be a lull in the weather and we all stared into the pan where a handful of chunder sat neatly on top of the meaty sauce. Don't dare. Don't you fucking dare say they did what I think they're going to do.

What could we do? Everyone was cold and hungry. So we looked at each other. I nodded silently and the child stirred it in. I thought you were going to say they're child stirred it in. I thought you were going to say they scooped it out. Scooping it out would have been terrible.

Why didn't they scoop it out? They stirred it in. Needless to say, my watch all ate the vegetarian option that evening. And we have never spoken of it since. You know what? I'm certainly vegetarian. Honestly, I know we don't do trigger warnings and that, but I know there's going to be people in a bad way after that because that made me...

My mouth got full of saliva when I thought about that. Stirring that in. Why? I tell you what, you're like, Parmesan cheese? No, it's already got a vibe of that. No, thanks. It's...

Yeah. These carrots are well cooked. Fucking vile. Why'd they, just scoop, take a bit of the bolognese with it. I'm sorry, throw it overboard.

I'm really sorry. No, I wouldn't waste it. I would honestly, no, I would scoop it out. I'd take a bit, you'd lose a bit of bolognese. You'd sacrifice a bit of bolognese. But I would take it out.

Rosie, you've seen yourself. You've been sick in the toilet. Stuff goes in the bottom, but all up around the rim, around your face, it comes out horizontally. Why is it stringy? Is that phlegm? Stop that. Is it though?

That's disgusting. I don't know if it's stringy. I don't know. Maybe phlegm. I'm not sure. There is no way on this earth... I would have thrown everything overboard. The pan would have went overboard.

They were starving. Everything. They were starving. No one's ever that no one is that hungry no one's that hungry they never spoke of it again yep

there you are you're welcome dry spaghetti I would have literally gone right get the butter we're having buttered dry spaghetti

you're all having buttered dry spaghetti no one's having oh I'd be fair they could have had that couldn't they yeah no one's having

barf and naes aww aww yeah you're annoyed at that No one's having... Oh, to be fair, they could have had that, couldn't they? Yeah. No one's having barf-a-naise. Aww. Aww. Yeah. You were annoyed at that. That was quite good, weren't you? Sick ball. No.

Aww. Barf-a-naise. You've done it. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.

Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hope you enjoy this story. Please keep me anonymous. Will do. Always do. After a drunken night out with the girls, I met a lad who I went to school with and decided I was taking him home for casual sex.

Whey! Lads, lads, lads, lads. Love it. We got back to mine and as we were kissing, he started muttering the words, Oh, wow. I shrugged it off as I thought, Well, I am a good kisser and carried on.

But while kissing, he's going like, Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. God almighty. But while kissing he's going like, oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow. God almighty. But he kept repeating it after everything I did. We started having sex

and literally with every thrust he'd say oh wow. Oh wow. It was very off-putting. It was dark. I mean everyone likes a compliment but not continuously. No. It was dark so I couldn't say much. And as I ran my hand over his chest, it felt all scaly.

He said, oh, I've just come back from me holiday and I've started peeling. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. Fair enough, I thought. Then, whilst... Scaly. Awful. Can you imagine that? That's horrible, that, like...

That's horrible. I know that people get disgusted by different things yeah you've put your head in your hands yeah you because I just right if you're peeling

I know you yeah I love you I'm married to you fair enough you don't want your one night stand a one night stand shedding their skin

whilst inside of us aww I'm sorry that is too much aww even sorry. That is too much. Even for me. Too much. Like,

no. So he's saying oh wow all the time and he's shedding his skin. Yeah. Then, again, while still inside of me, he proceeded to pull

a long bit of his flaky skin off and hold it in the air. He then asked, what shall I do with it? Why is he peeling it? Horrific. Are you not busy enough?

Awful. Why is his peely skin taking over? It doesn't sound boring because he keeps saying oh wow. Why is he saying oh wow all the time? I hate him. Before I could answer, he rolled it between his fingers into a bowl and placed it on my bedside cabinet. Oh, not even a flick. And continued to have sex. Oh.

Push him off. This is gross. That's horrendous. Continued to have sex, oh wowing at every moment. After we finished, I did the obligatory waddle to the bathroom hoping oh god you'd let this man come inside of you

oh my oh my god he's got ah unprotected scaly sex I'm sorry there's two

all she needs is a shit sample and she's got all of it she's got the full she's got it all she's DNA'd up to the max saliva saliva skin

she'll probably have hair on her she literally just needs a piss in a shit sample and she's got the full to the man's saliva saliva skin she'll probably have hair on her she'll literally just need to piss in her shit Samuel and just got the full lot maybe a fingernail don't be letting that's horrible

that's horrible girls condoms that's horrible anyway oh Jesus she did the work at the bathroom

this is no shame no shame come on we've all done it no no shame I'm shaming you he's peeling it off he's flicking it he's holding up

with a light man you can see through it tracing paper is this my DNA fucking silence of the lambs you know how he wears that bloke's face leather face

no Texas Chainsaw Massacre different film what does he do runs around with a chainsaw why is he called leather face because he's got a leather mask on oh okay

well it's like it's like a deformed kind of face thing but the other one wears the skin I always get mixed up so this is just a leather face because he's got a leather mask on oh okay well it's like it's like a deformed kind of face thing but the other one wears the skin I always get mixed up

so this is just a bit there's a bit in there's a bit in in Sands of the Land where he escapes spoiler alert he escapes from a place by pretending to be

a dead security guard who's been mauled but he's actually it's actually Hannibal Lecter with the security guard's face on his face very good didn't get it the first

three times I watched it can't remember can't remember I've only seen it once Clarice yeah yeah yeah stop that stop that

so he hasn't left thought he'd be dressed by the time I got back but no he had tucked himself into bed whispered goodnight

and fell asleep he's made of salmon oh he's dropping bits of his skin everywhere he must be so tired of shedding his skin

I must have nodded off but woke about an hour later I turned over He's dropping bits of his skin everywhere. He must be so tired of shedding his skin. I must have nodded off, but woke about an hour later. I turned over and saw the big ball of skin on my cabinet and got major ick. I woke him up and told him he had to go as I didn't feel well, but not before I'd already rang him a taxi, so there would be no waiting around. I practically pushed him out the door. As he was leaving, he tried to kiss me and said,

Oh, wow, what an amazing night. He he is now known as oh wow amongst my girlfriends oh wow why does he keep saying oh wow i can't bear it why does he why does he keep saying it what's wrong with him he's awful oh my god he's awful oh Brick. Oh my God. He's awful. Oh wow. Who goes on the pull? Who goes on the pull when they're peeling? Oh wow. Oh wow.

Oh wow. Oh wow. Pulled a bit too much skin. Oh ow. Oh ow. Oh ow. Sunburn. Oh ow.

Kissing. Oh wow. Bed. Go home. Oh now. It's the middle of the night. sunburn oh ow kissing oh wow bed go home oh now it's middle of the night oh yes okay kiss

oh no oh wow bye now bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of

Married and Annoyed Robin has come in the room so we can't say the full Oh he's dabbing He's standing in the corner dabbing Getting his dab on We can't say the full name of the podcast Robin you know this isn't video don't you Now he's flossing

Oh he's flossing now You know this isn't video No no it's just No it's not video He's underpants and a t-shirt dabbing and, it's just... No, it's not video. It's in his underpants and a T-shirt, dabbing and flossing, just so everyone knows,

but it's not video. But yes, thank you for listening. We are part of the Acast Creator Network. We are part of, proudly part of the Acast Creator Network. Thank you so much for listening. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch... Top's not on.

He tried to bottle flip me top. Oh, stop. Would you stop bottle flipping me? Dabbing, bottle flipping. You would bottle flip your own brother. you stop bottle flipping dabbing bottle flipping you would bottle flip your own brother you would do you know that

what year is it guys as always if you want to get in touch it is marionoid at gmail.com and yeah ACAS plus

all the information is on our website which is marionoid.com this is crazy now and goodbye from Robin say goodbye say bye goodbye goodbye from me goodbye from me and goodbye from Robin. Say goodbye. Say bye.

Goodbye. Goodbye from me. And goodbye from me. Thanks very much, guys. Can I just tell them a secret what you should do when you're a goalie in football? When you're a goalie in football? When you're a goalie,

you should always stand still with your arms out and it just hits you in the leg. Oh, that is actually... That's a good trick oh yes mama hi mama we'll let him in we're just doing the out roll

longest out roll we've ever done we'll see you next week bye Bye. Bye. the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are

on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.