Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 179. Pokethon

Episode Date: August 5, 2022

This week the Ramsey's manage to record a podcast, despite the summer holiday madness! Chris has been getting competitive with a 6 year old, Rosie has a sci fi related ick and they both discuss Robin's latest practical joke. QFTP's cover a sibling shock, an unusual work break snack and a unfortunate incident on holiday. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret.

It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. You know, don't. The first omen.

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real.

Who said that? The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Maradonoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, who's going to be 37 next year, Christopher Ramsey. What? Yeah, but I'm not,

I'm 35. You hate it when you do this. So we're recording this. Hello, by the way. We're recording this on Tuesday, the 2nd of August and I'm 36 tomorrow.

Tomorrow? On the 3rd of August. But your thing is, yeah, you just like, you like jumping ahead to the next one. Well, didn't we just have a, we had a little moment

in the garden. The kids were playing and I just kind of stood there being like, we are not far off 40 now. Sorry, sorry. I'm going to stop you right there. It wasn't a little moment. I said it was my birthday tomorrow

and I was going to have a glass of wine tonight. And you said, we are nearly 40 now, aren't we? And I just walked away. So it was less than a moment. You did actually walk away. That is quite sad. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't actually

scare us ageing isn't scaring me but it's only yeah because I think it's meant like there's good things happen and you know

life's canny nothing you can do about it there's nothing you can do about it but then when you do you go 40 and it just does sound old no it doesn't it does

how am I it does there'll be people 50 and 60 listening to this thinking who are you talking to no I'm sure when they turn 40

they also thought fuck sounds old and I'll do the same when I turn 50 and then I'll do the same when I turn 60 right

when I went to watch the UFC in London the other week there was a went for a meal and on the table next to it in this booth

in this restaurant and there was a lady there celebrating her 41st or was it no was it her 61st oh look i don't know what it was it was one of the big numbers but it was the it was the one why so it was the you know like a 41

or a 51 and she was she was like the one before wasn't bad but the one like the 41 or the 51 this is like it's not like the big four zero the big five zero is like a celebration but this is just the one after she was like she was fuming like here's a question why is it that you celebrate

18 and then you celebrate like 30 40 50 60 they're the big ones why is 21 a big one

why is 20 not the big one I don't know why 21's always been a big one I don't understand it so why isn't it 41 I don't know is 21 is it an American drinking thing yeah probably but then why do we oh we take everything

from america don't we well maybe i don't know but i know like you know the oldest thing in the book is 21 again i'm 21 again it's always 21 that's just like yeah 21st can i use it in a kind of 90s kind of it's a it's a sexy age maybe? Maybe. 21's a bit of a cool, sexy age. Where were you in 20, what year was it in 20 when we were 21? Oh, fucking hell, maths. Oh, Jesus. I know. Can't even remember where I was.

Someone listening to this will have just worked that out in half a second because the fact that it's 2022 and I'm 36. They'll have literally went bang and they'll have got it. Well, that's, yeah. Got no idea what's going on. Oh, 50 years ago. 15, Jesus. 15 years ago, I'd have been 21. No. Yes? Yes. 15. Jesus. 15 years ago, I'd have been 21.

No. Yes? Yes, that's right. 15 years ago, I'd have been 21. So 50. Oh, my God. I feel like I've got... My nose is bleeding.

I don't know. I haven't even attempted. 22 minus 15. Let's not. Let's not. It'll come to a later. Seven. 2007.

2007. No. Is that right? Yes. Yes. I've done all my fingers. Can you see my fingers? We left school in 2000. This is going to be awful. This is horrible. 2007 2007 is that right yes yes I've done it on my fingers can you see my fingers we left school in 2008

this is going to be awful this is horrible for everybody so let's stop welcome to GCSE bite size my voice is going all croaky yeah

do they still do GCSE bite size I doubt it now you've got the internet haven't you remember you could sign you could send away from them and stuff we used to be on it

two o'clock in the morning and all the teachers used to record it and then just play it in the class, remember? Excellent. Cracking, cracking. That's why we can't

fucking count. That's why I don't know what fucking year it was. Didn't give a shit when we were in school. Bastard years ago. Didn't give a shit. Aye.

I don't know when it was. I don't know. Anyway, look. Doesn't matter. What was your question about being 21? Did it have any relevance? Just don't understand

why it's 21 and not 31 and 41 right okay honestly we have gone round the houses with this fucking hell

god almighty you alright though do you know yeah I'm good I'm just breaking in a pair of trainers right now that are giving us

full of busy then I'm being honest I'm a fucking snort under I honestly like honestly I I mean you've been with us every flipping day what do you think i'm doing well well honestly um i didn't know you're gonna say that and i and now it makes sense because you've been wearing them trainers around the house today yeah you've been wearing them all

day in the house we don't know we're trainers no no but i've been with you every day but i didn't know that you were doing that i wouldn't have put i would have bet i would have bet a lot of money against you saying that I'm busy breaking some trainers in it's upsetting it's not going well why do the some trainers that look nice just they're just not comfortable at all they're starting to hurt the back of my feet but part of it is like well this is why I'm doing this because if I'd have done this on a day out I'd have been very upset right okay so there's nothing worse than ballistas on your feet and wearing tights it's just so it really upsets us last two times we've gone on holiday last year and then this year i uh i made an error i bought new shoes off the internet uh honestly don't buy

trainers on the internet don't buy trainers or shoes on the internet it's a waste of time sofas beds why what do you mean don on the internet because you don't get a chance to try them on you do not get a chance to try but you can try them on and send them back you can't just you can't just

flat out slag off internet shopping I can I can well I don't agree because I love internet shopping go to the shop try your shoes on

go to the shop and try them on have a walk with your dad not everyone's got time who's got time for that who's got time to send them back a lot of people who are more organised than me

not you because there's a thousand boxes downstairs you dick yeah but a lot of people do right okay you know me because there's a thousand boxes downstairs you dick yeah but a lot of people do right okay you know well anyway listen don't buy trainers

online shoes don't buy sofas online because you don't get to sit on them and don't buy beds online

because you don't get to lie down okay maybe sofas I kind of agree with yeah yeah they're hard sofa beds

big no no big no no I bought a sofa bed online I've regretted it since hate it can't even sleep

I've got to pull the mattress out of it and put the mattress on the floor it's fucking horrible right okay this is the introduction no I'm got to pull the mattress out of it and put the mattress on the floor it's fucking horrible right okay this is the introduction

no I'm going to tell you right now it's like sleeping on a climbing frame with a quilt over the top of it I really don't think it's that bad I hate it I really hate it it's horrible I'm not going to call them out

but honestly don't buy sofa beds beds, sofas or shoes online anything else you shouldn't buy online children yeah I mean that obviously that goes without saying

yeah absolutely always go to a reputable child dealer for your children go to a store else you shouldn't buy online? Children. Yeah, I mean, obviously that goes without saying. Yeah, absolutely. Always go to a reputable child dealer for your children. Go to a store where you can see that the children are looked after, fed properly and all that. Fucking hell. Robin asked me where you buy dogs today. That was a weird question. Where you buy dogs? Yeah, I was

just like, well, from a reputable breeder. He was like, alright. You said reputable, I was a six-year-old. I did actually yeah what did he say just said all right great and then well i explained it a little bit further but i just said like people breed dogs like they have you know babies and then people buy the babies there's not like i said there's not a dog shop yeah puppies puppy dogs puppy dogs this is this is awful i'm so sorry we've got no direction today it's the summer holidays we have Puppies. Puppy dogs. Puppy dogs? Baby dogs. No, Dale.

This is awful. I'm so sorry. We've got no direction today. It's the summer holidays. We have lost all sort of touch with the world and just everything. I have missed the bins the past sort of three weeks. I haven't put the bins out because I don't know what day it is. I don't know what's going on. Set an alarm.

The kids are just here. Not a half to day. It's going to go off at eight o'clock. Thank God for that. And I'm going to, it's going to go off at eight o'clock. for that i'm gonna and i'm gonna what it's gonna go off at eight o'clock it's gonna say put the bins out i'm gonna mute the alarm and i'm gonna forget it and tomorrow morning you're gonna see he's running down the street let's fast forward to my beef yeah all right great okay now um robin the other day he has one robin the other day uh asked me i made the mistake of he was asking about electric cars and stuff and i made the mistake of... He was asking about electric cars and stuff, and I made the mistake of telling him that Tesla

have got the fastest production car for sale in the world. What does that mean? Model S Plaid. Well, you don't even know what it means. So it's the fastest non-racing or super or custom car. It's the fastest production car. It's the fastest car that you can buy off the production line. Do you know what I mean?

So you don't have to wait very long for it. Fuck me. No. Oh, so it doesn't take very long for them to make it? Oh my God, no. What the fuck? What are you talking about? It's the fastest car in the world

that you can buy through a dealership. Right, okay. God. Just say that. Right, well anyway. Why are you saying the fastest production line?

You're adding words that didn't need to be in there. No, I'm not. The fastest production line. No, that's literally the right way to say in there? No, I'm not. Fasteners production line? No, that's literally the right way to say it. Because normal people who aren't you and our six-year-old know what a fucking production car is. No, I don't. Who does know what a production car is? Jeremy Clarkson.

What a great... Paddy McGuinness. The people who deal with cars. Who host a talkie about cars. James May. Shut up and tell your story. Well, I made the mistake of telling him

that they do the fastest one so now every time he's going daddy is your car the fastest car in the world I'm going no no not mine mine's a middle middle of the road one

and he just keeps and I know he's going to be saying it to people why not lie to him because then he's going to say it to people oh my dad's got the fastest car yeah

it's so embarrassing I've got more stuff about how he's embarrassing me at the moment like he's doing my nut in, honestly. What a little sass bag. Anyway, it is episode 179. 179.

Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for coming back. Thank you so much for staying through this long and arduous and painful introduction. And without any further ado, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Makes no money at all.

This week's sponsor is... I feel like this week's sponsor is Tesla. No. But... Absolutely not. Because you've talked about it so much. And it will never be until they get in touch and get in touch for that sweet, sweet dollar.

As I've said before, I've got no opinion either way on those cars. I haven't got one. Bullshit. Who are you talking about? Come on, who's your... Who are you talking to who's your sponsor

what's all this this week's sponsor is taking your gym gear on holiday and never fucking using it oh god didn't we

tragic Rosie I laughed every time I thought about this the other day do you know I opened my case I finally unpacked my holiday case I opened it and I got the gym gear and I went

oh hey we were so full of hope fucking bullshit I took two tops man I took three that's the gym gear every time I walked past it in the room I laughed I pointed at it I went, oh, hey. We were so full of hope. Fucking bullshit. Chris, I took two tops, man. I took three, that's a gym gear. I did it. Every time I walked past it in the room, I laughed. I pointed at it and I went, ah, what are you doing here?

Stow away. Every time I went past the gym, the gym in that holiday complex was full for a bloody holiday gym. There was a lot, and I was just like, wankers. There was a lot of lush people around. Yeah, there was one of them, yeah. Something happened at that hotel, actually.

You know, I saw a lot of people with the same swimming costume on, right? And it was one of them yeah something happened at that hotel actually you know i saw a lot of people with the same swimming costume on right and it was quite a it was quite a nice hotel and i was like oh this swim but it'll be expensive be dead expensive i was like i love this swimming costume i had like lemons on and that and i was like oh it's absolutely lush so i googled like loads of swimming costumes with lemon because there's about four women had them on and they look but they look posh and i was like it'll be posh anyway with lemons on with lemons it was nice classy

and then I googled it okay Primark right and I was like well I'll get sell one of them so I'm gonna get one

wow just to let you know a lemon swimming costume and a fantastic anecdote huh you got a fantastic anecdote out of it as well

what's my anecdote you're taking the piss are you are you are you crack kryptonite today I don't what do you mean I was having a go I was dissing you

oh right I thought you meant something like you'll get more lemons or something like honey with lemons no is that what are you

what is guys am I am I dying is this an acid flashback am I dreaming do you know what this is do you know what's happening

with us currently what this is like I'm what's happening with us currently what this is like I'm being tortured by our youngest son yeah the hit

I think I might have mentioned it before so Rafe loves to like play with hair like long hair doesn't want nothing to do with Chris's hair

but he loves my hair and he like sorry can I just say though Chris Ramsey circa 2012 oh my god touring Chris Ramsey circa 2012. Oh my God. Turing Chris Ramsey, young whippersnapper

with his long old hair. He'd have loved your hair. He'd have been buzzing with it. Why didn't you grow it back? I've heard it doesn't already dust your hair. It sounds fucking horrendous. And I feel terrible.

So last night, he slept in his own cot until like half four in the morning, which is really good for him. Then he came in our bed and he was a bit sweaty and a bit clammy because usually when he plays with my hair it's not too bad but it's a bit i can't go back to sleep anyway and he just kind of hands because he got had clammy hands he was literally like

pulling my hair out and i was it's like he comes in like a sweaty builder oh god he does he comes in like a sweaty builder his hair's all over the place he's stinking and he's just like but I try to take it I try to get him to not do it and he screams and I'm just like I feel terrible but I know he's just using this

for me hair I'm gonna have to buy him a doll I did buy him yeah you bought dolls and wigs and extensions horrible they're not gonna work

he knows it's not gonna work he knows it's not your hair I'm just gonna have to try though it's not gonna work so sorry if I speak or if I slur not your hair. I'm just going to have to try though. It's not going to work. So sorry. If I speak or if I slur, I'm really tired. You're not making any sense.

I'm just not getting enough sleep. You're not making any sense. Yeah. God. Great. Great. Great. Looking forward to this.

Looking forward to this. Play the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. Jingle. We hope a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married and Annoyed. Lovely to have you all back. Hello, hello, hello. Whatever you're doing, hope he's all okay. I haven't asked if he's all okay. I hope he's all right.

It goes without saying that I always hope everyone listening to this is all right obviously apart from if there's any murderers listening or criminals

I hope you're having a bit of a tough day just only today stand on the odd club tomorrow you might be alright no no no until justice is served

but if you if you're currently I don't know what I'm talking served. But if you're currently served... I don't know what I'm talking about. If you're behind bars currently, you know, a listen's a listen. I've got to apologise for my throat. I'm telling you.

What's the matter with you? I feel a bit croaky. Do you know what it is? I think I've hit that age now. Because I went, again, to mention the UFC. I went to the UFC in London last week and it was a session.

It was a fucking session. I was just goosed all week and I still feel a bit goosed off it. Takes it out of you. Honestly, I can't do it anymore. I used to go on holiday with the lads back in the day. 14 nights, Faleraki. Two week?

Two week lads holiday? I used to go on two week lads holiday. Oh God, why? I went two weeks Faleraki, I went two weeks Magaluf and I went two weeks Ibiza once and then I went 12 weeks Ibiza oh when you worked there

why did you go for a full that's insane why did I don't know that's really did you get a good deal or something me live I didn't

but I used and I'd be fine and I'd be out every single night and I'd be buzzing and I know people say that when you're getting older you can't handle hangovers

and stuff honestly I wake up I don't get really bad hangovers now where I can't move or breathe or whatever. I feel a bit rough, but it hangs on us for 14 days. Yeah. It's crazy.

It's hanging on you all week. It hangs on us all week, honestly. And then I top myself up on Sunday to go and watch the Lionesses. Congratulations, the Lionesses. Yes! Absolutely wonderful. Woo! Didn't go to see it live, obviously.

I just went to the pub with the chaps. Go on, lasses. It was mint. Really, really good. Amazing, isn't it? Something really amazing about a load of pissed up blokes in a pub cheering on the women's football. I found it really, really, yeah, I thought about fucking time.

Buzzing. Yeah. Absolutely buzzing. Class. Absolutely class. I was bloody crying watching. Yeah. Well, I didn't actually watch it because I had the kids and it was just pointless trying to do anything like that.

But watching all of the sort of highlights and stuff like that, I got dead emotional. Phenomenal. Absolutely phenomenal. Well done, lasses. Trust the bloody women to just watch the men for years and go, look, give it here. Give it here, we'll do it.

Well, have I ever told you one of my favourite films? Oh, now I'm going to sound like a right toss-out because I forgot the name of it. Bang. Have I ever told you one of my favourite films? Mm-hmm. Oh, now I'm going to sound like a right toss-out because I forgot the name of it. Fantastic. Oh, my God, what's it called? You've got no brains. League of Their Own. Yeah, A League of Their Own.

Madonna's in it. Right. And Geena Davis and Tom Hanks is in it. And it's about when all the men went to war. Right. True story. When all the men went to war and the women took over the um baseball league oh

absolutely class wow it's such oh you would really like it okay watch it one day no why yeah i like i like shooting down when people say watch something that they love i just like don't do it to me i quite i just quite enjoy doing it oh well fuck you don't watch it it's a really good film and actually not watching it you'll miss out so oh no okay no you've you've reversed psychology does that i would reversed psychology I would like to say that League of the Aero 1992

two hours and eight minutes that's longer than I thought it was oh definitely not then it's really

honestly it's such a good film I grew up watching that and I used to watch it all the time absolutely

class nice gives you the feels and watching like all the highlights of the lasses when the football I

was like oh give us all them feels again. Just a little bubble in your tummy. That was awesome. Very well done, them. Now, I'm not a sporty guy, right? No.

Particularly. I'm kind of competitive, but not like, you know, only with stupid stuff. I think we all saw on Taskmaster, with stupid stuff, I'm competitive. Or stuff that you know you're good at. Or stuff that I believe I should be good at. Right. Like some kind of, if someone goes, oh, have you seen this little trick where you can stuff that you know you're good at uh or stuff that i believe i should be good at right like some kind of if someone goes oh have you seen this little trick where you can do you know i've decided i'm good at that so i need to do it do you know what i mean yeah yeah

um so i take robin to this uh inflatable place in north shields it's amazing it's like a big inflatable yeah inflator nation i think it's called it's a big inflatable place and you go through and uh is that where you've got a walk-in it's got this suction door yeah the whole place is basically so weird it's phenomenal yes pop when you go in but the whole whole big inflatable place and you go through is that where you've got to walk in it's got this suction door yeah the whole place is basically inflatable it's phenomenal it does pop when you go in but the whole place is inflatable

it's phenomenal imagine if that was just imagine if that was around when we were little we missed out on so much good stuff then again you say that but people in the north east

you'll know this to get there Royal Quays in the north east North Shields to get to this inflatable place you have to drive past the fucking shut down derelict wet and wild oh i mean that's it that's rest in peace wet and wild rip rip oh my god but um basically i have to robin like looked up we drove past wet and wild he

looked up and he was like dad what's that and i went that was a water park when i was a kid can we go and i was like absolutely not unless you've got a crowbar and a fucking couple of kilograms of butter is it fully shut down I think it was open for a couple of

it opened for a while I think then it shut down yeah someone's bought it and then apparently it's going to get sort of regenerated but I don't know

I hope so a lot of fingering being missed in that jacuzzi brilliant so yeah unless you've got a crowbar and some butter we can just break it

and butter ourselves up and slide down them bad boys because there's no water. But yeah, we went to this inflatable place, right? And it's got like a little assault course at the end where you just all run around. There's two sort of, two lanes. Yeah. And you can run, you can race each other

and get around the back. Okay. And I've done it with him loads. Smash him every time. Obviously he's five, he's six. You know, no fucking contest, love. I'm not showing off here, but absolutely destroy him. I mean, you kind of sound like... Destroy him. Like embarrass him. he's six, you know, no fucking contest love. I'm not showing off here but absolutely destroy him. I mean he's kind of sound like

it's weird. Embarrassing. It's weird for you. But, so he's been going to parkour, hasn't he? Yeah. He's been doing parkour lessons

and stuff. Parkour. I did a race with him. I went, come on then and I sort of took it easy like I always do, a little bit easy,

you know, so I can just kind of, you know, right at the end I'll beat him and like laugh and he beat us and I thought, right, okay. Like did, were you actually trying? just kind of right at the end I'll beat him and laugh and he beat us and I thought right okay

did what you actually tried at the beginning I let him have a little head start and I thought right but he beat us by quite a way and I thought okay then

gloves are off let's dance I was like come on we'll go again I tried my hardest he absolutely murdered us really like

beat us by probably about 10 seconds he was waiting at the end for us and I was blown out my arse. He's so nimble and agile, he just glided through the full thing and I'm like, like,

it was horrible. I mean, well, he's young though, he's got young legs, like, shouldn't be getting beaten by him off stuff yet? He's six.

I know. He wants to come jogging with me, doesn't he? Wants to go on a run with us and me, stupidly, I'm like, I just don't know if he'll do it.

I bet he'll do it. I bet he's better than me. He'll blitz you, aye? He'll absolutely blitz you. Well, he's not. I can't deal with that right now. It takes us enough to go for a run. Kind of good jogging with your kid.

Can you remember when he was babying with you? He had that jogging pram. I felt like a right dick with that jogging pram. Hey, I bloody... I used to use that. I lost quite a bit of weight. I went on one jog with a jogging pram and I felt really stupid.

Why? I don't know. It was just weird he's terrified it's like bouncing up and down it's like shit in his pants oh no he was fine and I looked shell shocked

when I was doing it oh Jesus yeah he didn't look happy well I liked it actually to the point I'll probably get that back actually yeah it doesn't fit the new thing I've bought it anyway

new fitment anyway it's how they get you it's how they get you so just want to sort of flag this up rosie in case uh you get a call from the police or anything one day right uh in case the joke goes a little bit too far yeah so another thing our son robin has been doing our six-year-old i don't know if anyone else else's kids out there uh have a weird sense of humor and have sort of started doing stuff like

this um it's hilarious at first until other people started looking over. He started, when we were in the supermarket, quite loudly, claiming he doesn't know us and that I'm a stranger. Shut up. Yeah. No, he hasn't.

He did it in Asda the other day. We're walking around. Why have you not told me this? And he went and looked at something and I went up and I went, how are you? Let's go. And he went,

I don't know you. Oh, shut up. He went, who are you? And I went, what? He went, you're a stranger. Right. I'm not going with you stranger this is youtube kids i went robin for like that's very well done hilarious but honestly the police will come and take daddy if that's like yeah you can't say that and then when went outside i went and i can't wait at the car and i went and put the trolley away and i came back over and he went again, he did the same again.

He went, I don't know you. I'm not getting in this car with you, stranger. And I was like, Robin, again, great, very funny,

but don't. Oh my God. So if you get a call from the police and that's what it is. That's YouTube kids. Yeah. He watches all these families, man. And some of the kids,

I've watched it with him and they do pranks on each other and stuff and they'll do stupid things like that yeah well there we go oh fucking hell you better not do it to me

I'll go oh sorry my mistake bye leave him in the car park see you later see you I'll have an hour in the manager's office

teach you a lesson just going to say as well disclaimer there if you do happen to see me bundling a screaming kid who's claiming he isn't mine into a car

he's just trying to be funny he is mine nothing to see here nothing to worry about babadoo babadoo babadoo it's time for what's your beef what's your beef

what's your beef you little shit she's back she's back she's back right yes me first or you first well you

oh do you know what no me first what nah you know what I can't hold it any longer I can't hold it any longer me first you use

more screen wash in your car than anyone on the fucking planet seriously I don't know if I've mentioned this before but you've done it again

you are rattling through screen wash like nothing ever. Sorry. How clean, how clean does that windscreen need to be? I really don't like stuff on the windscreen. Every time I get in your car, it's empty.

Every single time I get in your car, it's empty. And you borrowed my car the other day for, I'm not kidding, one journey. Empty when I got it back. It was not empty.

What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm watching the windscreen you know when the fucking Formula One driver opens a bottle of champagne and just sprays it everywhere is that you

you get in the car you start diving just press the button and you're like honestly I I can't believe this it's ridiculous

how dare you try to monitor my screen wash it's ridiculous it's ridiculous it's not what do you want your fucking

windscreen made out of crystal sapphire I'd bloody imagine honestly I just like it clean

we live in the countryside there's bugs and flies everywhere and bloody nearly ran a flipping what they're called peacock over the

other day shit me pants do you mean pheasant pheasant a peacock not a peacock you'd fucking

imagine running a peacock over you'd be like hitting a washing line you'd imagine running a peacock over you'd be like hitting a washing line you fucking picnic umbrella a peacock it was a pheasant

and they do not fly fast pheasants they take ages to get in the air pheasants fucking love getting ran over I know they love getting ran over

it's so grim there's so many of them on the side of the road and I was like I've never hit one yet. And then the other day, I was close to it, and then it took off in flight. And I was like, okay.

But it took so fucking long. It like skimmed off the front of the bonnet. And I was like, ah, God, horrible. Oh, you feel terrible, don't you? So I just like a lot of screen wash, so I can see where I'm going. And I honestly don't think it's got anything to do with you, how much screen wash that I use.

It's ridiculous. You don't have to buy it. I buy it. I pay for it out of my bank. I fill it up, though. When was the last time you filled up your own screen wash that I use it's ridiculous you don't have to buy it I buy it I pay for it out of my bank I fill it up though when was the last time you filled up your own screen wash who asked you to fill it up

I didn't every time I get in there's none so I have to fill it up well stop using me car then eh and mine heathen

and mine you do it in my car I'd never use your car you do like here driving your car pack it in anyway pack it in

my beef with you and you sort of mentioned it earlier on in the really long introduction. Brilliant. You've got one job. You've got one job that needs, that has like a time limit.

Does that make sense? So your jobs in this house are the bins, right? Yes. Empty the bin and take the wheelie bin out. It's your only job. And you're slacking. You're really fucking slacking.

Rosie, I don't know what day it is. I don't know what day it is most of the week. Set an alarm on your phone. When that alarm goes off, go and do it. Straight away. Go and put it off. Right, but then you and your mam normally have done some more you know, cooking or something or changed a shitty nappy and there's more

bin bags and I have to come back in and get it. So I like to wait until the last minute until I just go into bed to put the bins out that's not how life works anymore, you're not living in bloody student days Ramsey on his own, who can just idly put a bin out at the end of the night

no I'm not because my fucking recycling bin is full of screen wash bottles so, well actually why can't you just do it at the end of the night, why can't you just go and do it? I forget. Well, set an alarm. Write a note.

I don't know what time the end of the night's going to be. Oh, my God. This is the worst excuse for putting a bin out I've ever heard. Well, let's swap. I blame our bin men. Let's swap a job. I blame our bin men. You can't blame the bin men. They come too early.

They do come very early. Lads, lads, what are you trying to prove? You had it made at the last house. They didn't come until about 11 o'clock in the morning. Do you remember? Unbelievable. It was class. Yeah. Best bin route ever. Yeah. But here, yeah last house they didn't come until about 11 o'clock in the morning do you remember unbelievable it was class best bin route ever but here

yeah you're not good half six they're here this morning it's crazy do you want to swap a job what do you have to offer right let's have a think

what's my least favourite jobs well no no no because I quite like doing the bins you've got to give us a good job right okay let's have a think No, no, no, because I quite like doing the bins. You've got to give us a good job. Right, okay.

Let's have a think. You're realising that you don't actually have that many jobs. Oh, no, no, putting the washing away. No. You put all the washing away. I don't want that one. I'll do the bins. Don't want that one.

Cooking the teas. Don't want that one. Doing the washing in general. Nope. Not leaving things at the bottom of the stairs. Not interested. I know, what other job do you want? Next one. Next one. Do you things at the bottom of the stairs? Not interested. What other job do you want? Next one!

Next one. Do you want to do all of the appointments? Nah. Dentists? Nah. Doctors? Nah. Do you want to cut the kids toenails and fingernails? Yes. Is that right? Right? I'll swap your bins for... Actually no. No and I feel like brushing teeth falls in that same category. I do brush teeth. I brush

Robin's teeth all the time. The reason he's got pearly whites is all down to me. Just on night time. Come on, let's swap. No, I don't want to swap bins. I'll put the bins out. I'll do, I'll be better. I quite like the free time outside.

Right. Then please just do it. I quite like going outside and having a little moment to myself. Well, take 20 minutes. Isn't that sad that in life now, standing next to the stinking bins on my own in silence is, you know, a little pleasure. Oh, yeah. Do you know, I've've taught i must have mentioned it loads of time my dad at the end of the night used to go around the garden watering all the plants and the trees with a bottle of beer yeah and he

looked so happy and i just remember always thinking it was around i used to be like out the bathroom in my pajamas and just watching him especially in the summer and he'd just be so happy and i'd be like I don't understand how he's getting any sort of joy out of that like how boring is that were you not were you not slightly suspicious

when he was doing it in the pissing down rain yeah I'm like mum I think he's just avoiding us it's weird beer bottles filling up with rain water

he's like I don't want to go back in I can't go back in I get it though I totally get it yeah all my plants have died you know right I don't want to go back in. Can it? Go back in. I get it though. I totally get it.

Yeah. All my plants have died, you know. Right. Yeah. But Rafe's still alive, so. You can't have it all. No, okay. I could only keep one thing alive.

It'd be really, really weird if you picked the plants over Rafe. Oh God, it'd be awful. Yeah, it'd be really weird. But yeah, so. You made the right choice. Congratulations. I'm a bit gutted about them because you know they were quite expensive when I bought them right plants

with the hydrangeas there were hydrangeas I know honestly like it's not an ick obviously but it's like I go off people so quickly

when they tell us a plant name yeah or when they ask us a plant name like if someone comes around or whatever

and they're like oh is that a hydrangea I'm like oh my god I don't know I don't know and I don't care stop stop talking about plants it's your mam's favourite thing oh yeah but then they're like oh is that a hydrangea I'm like oh my god I don't know I don't know and I don't care stop stop talking about plants

it's your mum's favourite thing oh yeah but then they're like your mum has texted me you know later on she's like I can't remember the name of it

give us it it'll come to us and then she's texted us like the next day going it's a such and I'm like honestly didn't get it

people who talk about plants man the gardener he's like oh I'm gonna put such and such I'm like mate stop stop I don't care

like what I'm like you know stop I don't care like what I'm like you know people who don't know about cars they're like I saw a nice car and he like was it

they're like it was green I'm like that were flowers they're the red ones I know roses I know tulips and I know daffodils

I think it comes to you a bit later on in life though you know nah it'll never come to me it's just watch this space

I can't get my head around it Chris has been going to golf you know guys yeah grass lawn love a lawn uh block paving get plants away get flowers away i'm not i can't be bothered i love flowers i can't be bothered with them now listen i love flowers and i love like i love um hanging baskets oh my god wide but i cannot get away with houseplants

i can't get away with that. Why? Like, you know when people have loads of houseplants and loads of... and you've got to spray them with water but not too much? Orchids? Fuck off. I can't keep anything.

I can't... Everyone says to me that orchids thrive on neglect. Yeah. And well, mine died. Tell you what, I will over-neglect that fucker until it is... It honestly looks like tobacco.

It looks like a straw with bits of tobacco hanging off it. I can't. I can't do it. But can we talk about basil plants for a moment? Basil plant from the supermarket.

You buy it, right? You take your basil off like you need it. You water it. You keep it. It never grows back. You might as well just buy the bag of basil.

I have never had a basil plant that lasts, that reproduces more basil, ever. And when it does, it tastes like shit.

It doesn't taste like basil. Is there a time you have to leave it? I don't know, Chris. Probably we're leaving it in the wrong place. I kept that basil plant that we've got

because they're good at getting rid of it. I've seen on an Instagram thing that they're good for getting rid of flies. It's a foot tall and it's in the middle of the kitchen

it's going to do nothing there's a lot of flies in our kitchen god damn you Instagram Instagram lying the amount of things that I see on there

that I think are the gospel truth utter bullshit everyone's kicking off with Instagram at the minute why because they just want to be TikTok

yeah they're just doing loads of videos and reels whereas Instagram started as pictures. Photos, yeah. Photos. It was a location thing first, I think, wasn't it?

It wasn't, I can't remember what it was. No, it was just pictures? Yeah, but when it was first invented, it wasn't to do with photos, it was to do with something else, and then it accidentally became photos. I can't remember what it was. No, I don't know.

Yeah. But it's just turning into videos, and you just end up scrolling forever. And then, and then the algorithm is a person who's got a, like quite a big platform on Instagram. Yeah. If you're not doing what they want you to do,

the algorithm, no one, no one says your stuff. It's mental. It's very strange. I still can't get over the fact that you speak and it, here's what you've said. Oh yeah.

It's really crazy. Crazy. Really, really strange. We were talking about, again, on the way to the UFC, we were talking about the universe and like Brian Cox and that and different stuff. I don't know how I got onto it.

And one of them started getting loads of adverts for Brian Cox stuff. What? Books and that, yeah. Bricks me out, that. Mad. Don't like it.

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Just wondering, is your new friend going to submit a question? Wow. From your forehead. So, Rosie is very cleverly pointing out a visual gag on an audio medium. Oh, how dare I? Like a dick. So, it's my birthday tomorrow tomorrow and we're going out for a lovely meal on the night um and i currently have uh festering and brewing and growing one of the

largest spots i've ever had in my life bang in the middle of my forehead it's fucking huge i thought you banged your head yeah it looks like a bee sting or a massive lift your forehead up lift your fringe i've currently got my fringe down i I've looked at it. Look at when the light catches it. You look like you've really banged it. It's massive, innit? It's massive. No head, sadly.

Don't know what that, yeah. Blind spot. Don't know what that's going to look like tomorrow. So I may end up, I may end up that dickhead tomorrow in a fancy restaurant with a cap on. Absolutely not.

You're not wearing a cap. Bandana? Cowboy hat. Yeah, rather old then. Tennis sweatband? You can't, it's a geek posh restaurant. You can't wear a cap. Bandana? Cowboy hat. Yeah, rather old. Tennis sweatband? It's a geek posh restaurant. You can't wear a cap. Tennis sweatband?

I, yeah. I mean, it's fine. It's not that bad. It's fucking huge. I'm going to have to frown all day. If I do that, I'm doing sort of almost like a half people's elbow, Dwayne Johnson, The Rock,

like a raised eyebrow. But it's weird. It's one of them where concealer won't even... No, because it casts a shadow. From your head won't even it's protruding no because it casts a shadow from your head yeah you can't conceal it

because it casts a shadow does it hurt it looks painful yeah it's like fuck I hate them painful ones that you get I get them on my jawline yeah

I haven't got a jawline I get them here yeah on that chiseled jawline of yours do you along the contours of that cliff edge oh I'd love to have a jawline of yours, do you? Along the contours of that cliff edge. Oh, I'd love to have a jawline.

Imagine. Imagine, jawlines. Sorry, darling. I'm sorry, that was harsh. But you slagged me off, so fuck you. Yeah, I'll get them there and they really hurt.

So it looks quite painful. Tell you what hurts. Spot in the ear and a spot in the nose. Oh, a cut in the nose. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, Jesus. Around the outsides

of the lips as well. Spot around the outside of the lips. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had them all, son. Come on, yeah. jesus around the outside of the lips as well spot around the outside of the lips oh yeah yeah yeah I've had them all son come on

yeah go on round the campfire let grandad Chris tell you about all the spots I've had of me time

I've had mine everywhere I've had them arsehole everywhere elbow had one on my elbow

once did you really had a spot on my elbow squeezed it was it nice well you could fucking go at it

because there's no feeling there of course not so I just fucking went at it yeah it was really strange once it was really strange

once it was once yeah really weird strange thing to wish but okay so you had a time machine you wouldn't go back and find

lottery numbers and stuff you would go back to me squeezing the spot on my elbow it would be my third one third one

three time machines like a genie like three time machines yeah like three time machines cool grab a set the rules out

there yeah yeah mint do you want to hear an ick oh always the amount of icks I'm getting sent. I love icks.

I love them. I know. I love them so much. I've got one here. Oh, actually, I've got my own. Do you want to hear my own first? Yes. My own ick is you got some new keys cut for the house.

You got some keys cut. And you brought it to me, my key. And it's Star Wars key. And you got, we're matching star wars keys honestly uh uh they weren't matching how dare you one was stormtroopers one was darth vader oh god i am not using that key you've wasted your money well i am not using a star wars key you're gonna have to use that star wars key or you better hope you can use the force to open the door because you're not getting in otherwise guys I'm horrified why did you get me that

there's no way you could have been stood there and you couldn't have thought she'll be buzzing with this I just thought

you know what you'll always know what that key's for you will always know what that key's for now always I really don't want to use it

I'm not going to use it well what was upsetting was I got them for you I thought you'd be buzzing you weren't very upsetting you literally said

ick to me face yeah and the way that you are so chuffed about it of course I was it was the most rankest thing look I didn't know

you'd get Star Wars keys I was over the fucking moon I was loving it right so did you not go with the plan to get the Star Wars key no I was not

hanging up on the thing I went into the plate of cobblers and I went can I get some keys and he went three normal keys I went what do you mean

normal and he went well and he pointed at this rack of all his key there was minions there was everything and i went oh two star wars kids left like and i was like oh oh do you know what it is like 10 years ago i was all over stuff like that like monkey phone cases and i would have had it i don't think i did ever have one of them keys but it's something definitely like I used to have the hanging dice and that from the car

like I was in you had the hanging dice yeah yeah I was in all that yeah I was in all that shit right and the jellyfoot like smelly stuff

and all that I was really into all that kind of stuff but now it was the biggest ick in turn off I've ever known in my life you

now knowing that you're just going around with your Star Wars key yeah to our house well when I'm going to open the door you just hear

mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

it's great man one storm the best bit was Robin I picked Robin up from his little summer club and he was sitting in the car behind us

I went Robin I've got a new key and he went right and I literally handed him it and all I heard was him go that's amazing and I was him go that's amazing and I was like yes

that's the correct response when your dad hands you a Darth Vader key I'm just a bit gutted that he's too young to have his own key you might be let's give him it

no he can have it we'll give him an uncut one I'll just give him one with no thing on the guy was very surprised at how excited I was in the shop

as he was cutting them yeah they'd sold out of Yoda so I'm going to go back and get a Yoda one when he gets them back and stuff we don't need any more keys we've already got too many you're always gonna get

two you always need a key listen this is dear chris and rosie in 2016 i separated from my husband and met a more mature man i was 32 and he was 50 we got on really well it was like we had known each other forever and i genuinely fell so hard and so fast for him, as I believe he did me. We were only together for about nine months, but it was a proper whirlwind romance. Okay. We made plans for the future, discussed our future home together,

went on holiday, and I thought that this was it. Okay. Then one faithful day in 2017... Is it faithful or faithful? Is it what? Is it faithful or faithful? I don't know. But do you know what faithful? Is it what? Is it fateful or faithful? I don't know.

But, do you know what I discovered the other day? What? Do you know what dull is dishwater? Uh-huh. It's ditch water. Oh, shit. It's not dull as dishwater. It's dull as ditch water.

Oh, fuck. I've been saying the wrong thing. And on the same page of the same book, you know if you do something off your own back? Yeah. It's bat. So do it off your own back? Do it off my's bat so do it off your own bat done it off my own bat what

my whole life changed I've been saying the wrong thing my whole life changed in one page of a book one page wow ditch water where did you read that

not ditch water in a Lee Child Jack Reacher book is it true though is it right I think you'll find that one of those books is sold every 10 seconds somewhere in the world

so whether it's right or not he's got the numbers on one. Yeah. Oh shit. So we've got to change the way we say it. Ditch. It's dull as ditch water.

I say that all the time. And off your own bat not back. Oh God. Isn't that crazy? I look forward to people tweeting and saying I'm wrong

but you know they do it every week about something. Yeah. Oh God yeah. The amount of feelings that we've hurt over the last three years.

Really strange things as well. Some things you say and you think, I'm really going to hurt someone's feelings here, and you don't. No. And then it's the way you said something else. Yeah, anyway. Really, really strange. Right.

Then one faithful, fateful, I don't know what it is, day. Faithful. Faithful. Is it faithful or faithful? I think it's faithful. Probably faithful, like where something happened. Rather than faithful. I don't know.

Anyway. All these things we could Google. Do you know that, especially right at the beginning when you asked us what year was it when anyway all these things we could google do you know that especially right at the beginning when you asked us what year was it when I was 21 we could have just paused it

this isn't a live show we could have just paused it but it doesn't work that way people's brains work differently faithful or faithful who cares but people will be hating this bit now

just say it fast enough one faithful day can I remember when we first started the podcast when we did the lucrative sponsors I didn't know if it was further ado or further ado, so I just said it really fast for the first 25 episodes until it bothered me arse to Google it.

I still don't know what it is. Listen, listen to what happened in 2017. On this fateful, fateful day. Yes. I got a bit teary over something. It's probably just the time of the month, Rosie knows. I do. And he, so she's got a bit

teary i got a bit teary over something she's 30 odd he's 50 yeah and he produced from his trouser pockets a monogrammed cotton hanky oh there it is oh there it is my ovaries closed and the sex was never the same again wow we split up a couple of weeks later wow that on it like i have even i remember when i was a child the first time i saw a cock a hanky someone's hanky that they carry around with them i've never ever been to get my head around i think it's disgusting it's utterly fucking vile not just that when it's monogrammed it's normally like um initials and stuff it's like i want everyone to know whose snots these are from afar I don't get them so do you use a corner

for each blow or something that's a really good point I don't know what's the system do you spread it out like a you know like a chess board

but then he's given her his yeah so has he used it or is it not used and does he have it in his pocket for when a

when a lady when a lady cries can you imagine looking over someone's fence and looking at a washing line and there's just loads of monogrammed hankies pegged up

by the corner you produced a monogrammed hanky and the sex was never the same the sex was never ever the same wow it's all it takes you know all it takes is something like that

so strange innit yeah or it might have been if there's that kind of age gap something like what's the word? Like, you know, when you get references.

Like, we're really lucky because all of our references from childhood are exactly, we were born, like, days apart. Yeah, yeah. So we... All our references are bang on when you remember the name

of the thing you're trying to talk about. Well, yeah, fair enough. But if they're not the same... Always slows it down a bit where you've got to ring Kate or Kevin halfway through the story. But yeah, yeah. But they always get it.

Always get it. So, oh, look how jealous you are. Oh, because I didn't have a brother or sister. Lonely. Oh, I showed up when I had stuff. You were so lonely. I had a bike that was me own.

Right? That's true. I didn't have to change the size of my bike next time I wanted to turn on it because someone else had been on it. I bet you always got a new blazer. My school didn't have blazers. Eh?

None of my schools had blazers. I didn't wear a blazer. You never had to wear a blazer. My school didn't have blazers. Eh? None of my schools had blazers. I didn't wear a blazer. You never had to wear a blazer? No, never. Never. I didn't wear a blazer. I don't know whether I like that or not. I quite like my blazer.

Prom was the first time I ever wore a blazer. Like a suit jacket? Yeah. Oh, I quite like me blazer. I used to keep the stuff in the pockets and that, like in the inside. You felt like a bit of a grown-up, actually. Yeah.

I was quite nice. Back in the time you went with your blazer and forgot to put your skirt on that was me jacket got you yeah we've talked about that haven't we

when I forgot my skirt slag slag slag oh I forgot my skirt oh no oh my god look at her back

babadoo babadoo babadoo bab hi Chris and Rosie listening to the latest podcast about people not featuring in their own profile pictures and i have to tell you my mum's whatsapp profile picture is a close-up of one of my son's eyes before that

before that it was a bench. What kind of bench? No idea. Like a park bench? A park bench. Wow. Aren't people strange? Why have they thought like, oh, I'll just, I'll stick that on as me bloody. So weird.

That is really weird. That is so strange. What's the weirdest one I've seen? I've got people on my WhatsApp and theirs is just food. Is it? A photo of a meal. Really? I've got people on my WhatsApp and theirs is just food. Is it? A photo of a meal. Really? I've got people on mine

and it's just a photo of a meal. It's the comedians trying to be quirky though. No, no, it's normal people. Oh, right, okay. Normal people. I think you'll find. Competer comedians,

everyone's normal. I was going to say. Hi Rosie and Chris, hope you're both well. Please keep me anonymous for reasons which will soon become very clear. Fantastic. Growing up, I was a keen rugby player and lucky enough to represent my country.

Ooh. County. So, that. I'm so sorry to whoever wrote that. Such a fucking... That was... such fucking that was I'm so sorry I'm so sorry do you know what

that is we've literally just so sorry like representing your county in rugby is incredible it's amazing I'm so sorry

do you know what you did do you know what you did you accidentally got them with a you know when you get something really cheap and you go to someone like yeah you've seen these new shoes you see guess how much they are and someone like

ruins it by going like 10 pence and you obviously weren't 10 pence for that like a realistic guess i'm so i really didn't mean that i just knew i spotted i'd said it wrong and i'm sorry but still for the county that's amazing yeah yeah it was yeah. It's amazing. For the county, it's amazing. Apart from if you skip back a bit, you'll hear how disappointed we both were when we realised you weren't an international rugby player. You were just an inter-county scumbag, weren't you? You're a try-harder.

Eh? What's the matter? No, I'm joking. That's fantastic. Oh, I feel bad. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Right.

Well, he's playing for the county, right? He's representing that big up, big up, big up the county. And it says here, which in turn allowed me to travel far and wide on various tours to the other counties. I stayed in this country. Didn't need to take your fucking passport, or do your dickhead.

E, how dare we how dare we do you know what I've been doing accidental diss we are very sorry I tried to play

for the county for netball do you guys did you yeah didn't get very well what do you mean you tried to play

for the county I was on the I had trials for the county for the county team I was alright actually but the trials were, yeah.

That's weird. It was really odd. So you were quite good at netball? Yeah. But you can't hit our laundry basket from two feet away. Yeah, weird, innit? I wasn't the goalie. What are they called?

I don't know. Goal attack or goal shoot? Never understood netball. Never understood netball. I was wing attack. Wing attack? Mm-hmm. Right.

So I would just, like, pass the ball from one place to another I wouldn't shoot the ball oh right okay that'll be why then explains the washing situation yeah these tours consisted of playing numerous games

and training sessions but also rather understandably involved copious amounts of drinking and general debauchery so rugby lads man

my when I used to go out drinking with my cousin back in the day he used to like idolise rugby players like he didn't like rugby in the day, he used to like idolize rugby players. Like he didn't like rugby as a sport, but he was just like, he just, he used to have a couple of drinks and he used to go on about it. Like it was his mantra.

It was so strange. He was just like, honestly, man, rugby players, they've just like got it sorted, man. Like it's a, it's a, it's a amazing sport. But they can eat what they want. And they're just like get on the pitch and just like have a bit of a scrap. And then they just got like a mint social life. They like get on the pitch and just like have a bit of a scrap and then they'd just got a mint social life, they'd just like drink like fish and just have like a class and I was like mate like it was ridiculous

how much he used to idolise them. Is it not as strict kind of fitness wise as football and stuff like that? I imagine it is. I would think it would still be quite strict. I mean they're top flight athletes but still like you know I think it's sort of definitely a county level. I imagine they just get pissed whenever they want one such tour was to the south of france in an area called toulon oh he did use his passport i did i oh there's what county is this jesus

big county at the time i was in my late teens or very early 20s in brackets the finer details have been blocked out unfortunately the major details have not wonderful being a typical holiday location and to help fund the trip many of the players myself included were accompanied by family and friends who would be able to enjoy a foreign holiday and support the team during games wonderful a few nights into the tour following a match earlier that day myself and some of the players had been out drinking in the local town and returned to our campsite in a rather merry state. Oh, camping. Upon arrival back to the site, we were greeted by a couple of other players who were laughing and joking beside a tent.

Oh, God. It then came to light that one of our teammates was inside the tent with a couple of girls. A couple of girls? Mm-hmm. It then transpired that he wasn't the first member of our squad to have visited the friendly venue that evening. Crikey. Apparently, the girls inside had took a shine to our group

and had set themselves a challenge to be fingered by as many players as possible during their stay. Ooh la la. Oi oi. Ooh la la, the south of France. Tell you what. How cultured. I remember, I remember when I was younger,

how many lads can you snog on a night out? Right. We were never in these sort of levels of how many lads can you get fingered by. I'd have won, probably. I'm not going to lie. Or me mate, Pocahontas. Do you know what girl I grew up with

used to get called Pocahontas? Yes, yes. We've discussed this numerous times. We've discussed it on my Facebook Live that led to this podcast called Pocahontas. Yes, yes. We've discussed this numerous times. We've discussed it on my Facebook Live. That led to this podcast. Pocahontas. Just honestly. Pocahontas.

Not wrong. Fingering is a dying art. It really is. Yes, so we've heard. Not wrong with a cheeky finger. Pocahontas. No one's getting hurt. Unless they're doing it wrong.

Can we just take a moment to digest? The girls in this tent had took a shine at our group and had set themselves a challenge to digest the girls in this tent who took a shine at our group and set themselves a challenge to be fingered by as many of them was this like broached to the team was it like

do you know what I mean were they like look there's a challenge has everyone got a mark on is it paper we're all sports folk we're gonna get a label we're gonna have a whip round

we're gonna get a a table we're going to have a whip round we're going to get a table we're going to get a table written up everyone take a token take a token, get a collection you don't know I'm so sorry right can you imagine how fast the police would be at that campsite

if two blokes had said to a female football team, we've took a shine here we're gonna see how many of you can wank off all night lock them up double standards this double standard it often is isn't it unbelievable this girl power bloody pokathon got a pokemon pokathon I want to be the very best To poke those girls tonight Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And I want to be poked by all The boys at sea inside

Pokemon Gotta catch them all the truth Poke-a-thon Oh, hey, well done It's you and me In the tent that we must get fingered in You've ruined it You've ruined it. You've ruined it.

You've ruined it. Honestly. Cut your nails. Don't come over here. Oh, God. Suzanne's got a nail file. Take it seriously. Right. take it seriously right in my drunken state

and being a hormonal young man on my first lads holiday I got in line and waited patiently for my turn they are taking it

so I love it I bet they had one of them little you know little ticket machines from a delicatessen when you just

ripped it off the number 43 but you know what always makes me laugh you know I talk about double standards and stuff like that like you're totally right

and because if lads did that you'd be like I as a woman would be like ugh disgusting the difference is but the lads would literally be like

oh get it yeah yeah yeah the blokes would be up for that is the difference the women know that they hold all the cards and the blokes would be up for it

yeah can you imagine how small that queue would be if it was two lads wanting to get one in that tent there'd be nobody

in the queue who would be in the queue actually think back to when you were younger and I exactly would be if it was two lads wanting to get one there'd be nobody in the queue who would be in the queue actually think back to when you were younger and i exactly would be in the queue it wouldn't be me i hate wanking honestly absolutely double standards you you're honestly hypocrite what not being poked hate wanking hate giving a wank and that is honestly I never thought I would have your headstone words

sorted so early in your life but you're not even you're 36 next month and I've already got here lies Rosie Ramsey loves a poke

hates wanking beloved mother and wife selfish girl got her first puberty on Holy Island rest in peace And wife. Selfish girl. Got a first pubertal in the island. Rest in peace. Died in this queue.

Within a few minutes, my friend emerged with a huge grin on his face and I took my opportunity to enter the tent. This is disgraceful. I poked my head through the entrance to the tent and saw an attractive blonde girl looking rather flush and smiling at me seductively.

My gaze then took in the surroundings of the rather spacious family tent until I saw in the corner of the tent, under a bright red sleeping bag, in the dim light of a small camping tent, my sister with a look of absolute horror on her face. Mortified, I left the tent as quickly as possible, soon followed by my ashamed yet satisfied sister. Imagine, I'm going gonna get fingered

fingered tonight oh what's my brother doing here that's that's astounding yeah that's so the sister was just

in there watching it happen no she's getting she's part of the crew man so all of them are getting fingered blasted they've they've set out

to be the one to get fingered the most. Well, she's going to be one down already if it's her brother. She's not going to want that. She's going to lose. It says here, we returned our accommodation. In brackets, we had a large shared lodge for our family and friends group. And straight to our rooms, not uttering a word or even looking at one another.

The incident was never spoken about. And luckily, none of the players ever seemed to find out that one of the girls was my big sister. Needless to say, I travelled alone on future tours. Mum! I was just getting fingered by all the mates! Tell her to bang it in! She ruined this trip for me! No, listen Anthony, it's her holiday as well. Hi Rosie and Chris Please keep me anonymous Hello and always I used to work

As a shop assistant At Ann Summers Remember Ann Summers Is it still around Ann Summers Don't know Must be Haven't seen one In a high street for a while

Nearly 30 Nearly 40 Married with two kids I don't know It's not on my remit It probably still exists But I probably can't see it I probably actually can't see it

I probably see a boarded up shop In my eyes My old eyes Yeah It's probably completely boarded up shop in my eyes my old eyes yeah it's probably completely boarded up but other people are going in

but I feel like they're just disappearing it's dead aim yeah yeah I used to get so embarrassed going in on summers when I was younger

like mortifyingly embarrassed honestly I like I didn't enjoy it actually hated it but anyway me and my friends

used to go in quite a lot my so she used to work there great my mom and stepdad once popped by the shop to visit because they thought it was funny oh brilliant while they were there they asked if they could use my staff discount to buy some nice pajamas

as we'd had some new lipsy ones come in right i was getting ready to go home so didn't see what they actually bought the next time i was, my manager gleefully told me she had helped them pick out a butt plug. Oh, helped them pick out. Helped? Helped them pick out? I know, can you imagine? Helped?

So how small is your anus? Could you fit this up there? I don't know, never tried. You know how in clocks, you put your feet in that machine and it measures you they've got like a butt plug communal butt plug so i'm just gonna measure your butt don't worry it's all safe covid safe disinfect and sanitize the the arse measurer but if you just sit on this chair it'll go up into your arse you'll hardly feel it it's nothing but then it it gets bigger in your arse when you

feel it press this button when you feel it press this button and we'll go one size above that just so you're going to enjoy it yeah but it's behind a curtain so you can't see them like the cloakroom just see their head imagine that

you'd get pervs in all the time oh Roger you've had a butt plug try we've got your name on file we know your size it's been four days Roger your arse hasn't grown in four days

you're 42 man you don't grow anymore you're a grown man oh please please We've got your name on file. We know your size. It's been four days, Roger. Your arse hasn't grown in four days. You're 42, man. You don't grow anymore. You're a grown man. Oh, please. Please, just let one try. One little try. And I want Sharon to do it.

No, Sharon's off today, Roger. You dirty bastard. Oh, very good funny there's also a little bit of information here at the bottom it says also with all the lube talk

we were talking about lube a few weeks ago we used to eat the flavoured lube testers when we had a long shift to get a sugar boost it's the fucking horriblest thing

I've ever heard in my life go and get some fucking haribo go and oh my god go and buy a bottle of lucasade what's wrong with you a cup of tea with a couple of sugars in it fucking horriblest thing I've ever heard in my life. Go and get some fucking Harry Ball. Go and... Oh my God. Go and buy a bottle of Lucasade. What's wrong with you?

You have a cup of tea with a couple of sugars in it. Have a chocolate bar. What are you doing? What the hell's going on? You didn't answer my cell suites and stuff anyway. And stuff you can get off people in there.

They used to sell candy thongs. Why are you... I mean, they were quite expensive though. Just knock the lube back. Like a little Calpol pouch. You know, the Calpol package. Like tennis players in between sets. They sit down and have a little cow poll pouch you know the cow poll back in like a like

the tennis players in between sets with a sit down of a little pouch yeah it says here everyone had a favorite flavor mine was the very fancy creme brulee premium lube oh i rosie it says lube does expire and it goes off after about a year thank you thank you jesus check me check me lube before i stick it in the bottom is yeah thank you Jesus check me check me lube I'll check the cupboards I'll check the cupboards before I stick it in the bottom of this thank you for listening to this week's episode

of Shag Maradonoid which is part of the Acast Creator Network yes thank you very much and as always if you want to get in touch with anything for questions from the public

any stories any would you rathers any of that stuff any icks oh I haven't had a would you any of that stuff yeah any rosie's mysteries any let's talk about shit whatever you want please send it to shaggedmarinoid at gmail.com i might come up with a new little segment you know okay i've got a bit of time yeah that's what the creative juices when you've got time they do start to flow chris bye When you've got time, the deuce on the floor, Chris. Don't say deuce, it's disgusting. Bye. Bye. Bye. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation.

Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.