Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 18. Fetch the bang pillow!

Episode Date: June 14, 2019

This week Chris and Rosie discuss loud yawners, towel sharing and living together, separately. Rosie also recalls her eventful journey home from The Spice Girls – brace yourselves! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married and Oid with me, Rosie Ramsey,sey and my husband Christopher Ramsey who still is absolutely buzzing off his Apple Watch and I've just had to watch him talk into it doing a text message even though it took just as long as what I can imagine writing a text message would take because you've got to wait for it to like download it and you just look like an arsehole yeah well i did look like an arsehole but i also had a chicken wrap in one hand so i was winning chicken wrap in the right hand watch on the left sending texts just you know do that with a phone chris you can't i can't i can't text my left hand i can't text me left

but that's my rap eating hand i can't eat a wrap text from left hand. Then put the wrap in. Then put the wrap in. But that's my wrap-eating hand. I can't eat a wrap with my left hand. I'm sorry. You are the most stupidest thing I've ever heard. Look. No. I cannot eat wraps. I can't enjoy probably a few times. Stop talking into your wrist for text.

Good man. Anyway. You're a moron. You're a moron. Stop being jealous just because you live in the past. And just because you talk like a fish wife and your Apple Watch can't understand what you're saying. Text mom.

You want some ham? Episode 18. 18, yeah. Thank you very much for listening, guys. Before we continue, a word from this week's sponsor. Great. This week's sponsor is Stayin' In. Stayin' is staying in hey you sick of going out staying in i love staying yes hey all your friends going out but you don't want to go

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Love you. Always. Bye. Oh, here's the jingle. Oh, shit. I got so excited about Stayin' In. You sit with a massive smile on your face and I'm like Rosie

sorry here's the jingle we had a fight about the jingle jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle jingle so this is the jingle jingle we hope you like the jingle

jingle jingle hello here we go again We hope you like the jingle Jingle Jingle Hello, here we go again Episode 18 Mofos, thank you for coming back Never say that again No, I'm sorry Very happy to have you here

Thank you for all your lovely comments Please rate, subscribe And all that other stuff And also if you want to get in touch It's shagmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. For later on the podcast, we'll be answering your little sweet, sweet questions. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Sweet, sweet. Sweet as the day is long. What have you been up to? We, both of us, went to our good friend's wedding at the weekend, didn't we? Yeah, we did. But I, Chris Ramsey,

fulfilled a lifelong ambition of being someone's best man. You did. It was very nice. I mean, you didn't see yourself as best man from, like, an outsider's point of view. Oh, God. Am I going to get a bad gig with you? No, no, no, not at all.

Like, you did a great job. Thank you. You were very attentive. Was I now? Yeah, a bit stressed when there was not enough chairs. Oh, well, do you know what it is, right? Yeah. The families were all sitting, a bit stressed when there was not enough chairs. Well, do you know what it is, right? Yeah.

The families were all sitting, the parents were all sitting on the front rows, on the right and the left, and I'm like, I know it's your kid getting married, but guess what? You don't get front row. Yeah.

But you can't say that to them. And they'd already, I don't know, tensions were high, man. I didn't want to shout at them. It was very funny at one point when I was just watching you and people were coming in, before they'd even set foot into the venue,

got a drink or whatever, you were taking the cards and presents off them. Absolutely. My job. My job. That's what I did. It's like you'd been given a job. Yeah.

You know kids at school have got to collect pencils in. They go around taking them out of other kids' hands. That was you. It was very funny to watch well do you know what happened right when I was at school

I was never a milk monitor I was never a prefect I was never on the football team and I never got to go on any trips so that was all fulfilled for me

on Friday I'm so glad you had a lovely time and you did a nice speech and I made a fortune on all the money I took out them cards and presents as well so well off my heads um yeah no you are good you are very good well done thank

you it's a lovely day i did enjoy it it was very nice and congratulations again to carl and sophie because i know you listen congrats love you congrats especially on how hammered you managed to get by the end of the day bloody well done it. It's a very drunken wedding, guys. Lots of fun. Oh, class. What have you been up to? I also fulfilled a lifelong dream. Oh, aye.

And I went to see the Spice Girls. Oh, God. Live in concert. Oh, God. Yeah, we're good. It was great. Really good night. I haven't actually spoken to you about this.

I've spoken to you about the concert, but I haven't mentioned this bit. So the Spice Girls concert was great. It was filled with women my age yeah who clearly you know married work have kids i'm not saying every one of them but most of them right well the generation the generation who enjoyed it exactly it was just a free-for-all of a crazy hot mess and i was one of them like how many was there of us i think it was six or one of them. Like, there was,

how many was there of us? I think there was six or seven of us went. I can't remember, I'm not going to count it. We were running round just shouting at each other, just calling each other slags.

The whole night. I don't know why because we were just like, whoa, slags, way, slags. Because there was so many women there, we were like, look at all the slags. It was just, do you know when you're like, we are professional women,

like all got, most of us got kids and we just went crazy. We were running around, we were drinking wine from the bottle. Like it was just a free for all. But everybody else was exactly the same. You just regressed. Everybody just regressed everybody just regressed and you know for a fact the next day you could have i could have went in the bank and seen someone working who had who had literally been like high-fiving next to us calling a slag calling

a slag i think the name badge in the bank would have said slag just mrs slag i say in the nicest way possible right so you reappropriated the. Yeah, it was just loads of slags in one place. That's great. So we were just showing each other. Right, okay. So just to sort of dissect this, in the offensive term of the word slag, doing slaggy things,

you weren't actually doing slaggy things. People weren't randomly getting sucked off and cheated on. Well, not that I know of, but it was just a bunch of slags in one place all loving the spice girls that is so weird it was really weird but i had the best time ever and everyone just let loose you know when you're a young lad right you'll not know this well you know when you're a young lad rosie no you know when you're a young lad you often think like when the girls have a sleepover and when the girls are in the changing room at pay year you often think like, I wonder what goes on there.

I bet it's amazing because girls are these incredible creatures that you know nothing about. I didn't know you just ran around calling each other slags. Yeah, that's it. It was disgusting.

We just get drunk, sing. I mean, when they did, do you remember Mama, I love you? We all cried.

Everyone was crying. Cuddling. All the slags, crying. It was shocking. Cuddling. All the slags. Crying. It was shocking. Bunch of bloody soppy slags. Soppy. I can't believe I'm getting away with saying slag so much as a man.

I know. But it was great. So you had a lovely time at the Spice Girls. Amazing time. Great. It was really good. How did you get home? Oh.

Just, you know. Just for everyone who follows Rosie on Instagram, you may have seen she documented it. Probably going to be looking for an award for that little documentary she made. I think I'd call it One Wet Shoe.

Do you want to explain to people what you did, Rosie? I walked home yep because the metro queue was ridiculous yeah

if you're not from the north east the metro is like the tube or it's just a train basically anyway the queue was huge

and I was just fed up I had my trainers on because we're war trainers because we're cool and we walked home and I needed the toilet.

Yep. So me and my friend, Rachel, she's getting named. Brilliant. We decided to go, there was a concrete bush shelter. It was late at night,

there wasn't many cars and there was long grass. So we thought, you know what, let's have a wee because listen, right? Yep. Girls and boys wee. And I know, will know what? Let's have a wee. Because, listen, right? Girls and boys wee. And I know, will I get arrested if I say I'm going to have a wee?

No. Okay. I mean, they might send you an £80 fine, but... £80? It's a business expense because we're talking about it on the podcast. You can write it off. Okay, well, for the purposes of the police, this is all fictional.

I look forward to that meeting with the accountant. Never happened. So there was long grass and we were like, well, for the purposes of the police, this is all fictional. I look forward to that meeting with the accountant. Never happened. So there was long grass and we were like, right, let's go have a wee here because I was desperate. And at the end of the day, there was no toilet and I needed a wee. You know what I mean? I had a big baby. It was coming out anyway.

I actually already wet myself three times in the concert anyway. Wow, this is new information. I did not tell you that. I can't jump up and down. Bit of wee comes out. I'm sorry. Chris, I can't. He was nearly 11 pounds.

Like, I am wrecked down below. So anyway, I'd done it a little bit, because I'd been drinking a lot of wine. So, walking home, had a little wee behind the bus stop, and I was like, because there was nettles and stuff, so I kind of went on my honkers I started it was a much bigger wee than I anticipated and I kind of

felt it trickling down my leg I was a bit drunk and it went on my foot just one foot but I couldn't stop because if I'd stopped I would have like fell backwards

and yeah and I'd started and I fell backwards in the nettle so it was like do you want to get stung by a nettle or do you want to have a wet shoe so I went for the fell backwards and yeah and I'd started I'd have fell backwards in the nettle so it was like do you want to get stung by a nettle or do you want to have a wet shoe so I went for the wet shoe brilliant

and then I yeah I Instagrammed it when I got home do you know what it is you owned it you owned it you Instagrammed it and you owned it

you didn't eat do I didn't eat I was very drunk didn't eat do hashtag oversharing I ate a pack of ham as well full pack of ham full pack of ham

pack of ham yeah it was a it was an interesting thing to wake up to. And where did we go that day? We went somewhere that day. To the wedding. Oh, yeah, it was to the wedding, wasn't it? Yeah, because I lost count of how many people said to me,

has your wife got her trainers on? I know. Everyone had seen it. Well, by the time I woke up, it had 85 85 000 views or something like that and i was like oh it's out there now but the story it's gone now it's gone it's forever yeah yeah yeah so was the shoe no i washed it no i burnt them no you didn't they were sketches they were posh expensive them so anyway the moral of the story is

South China Sea Council can you please put more public toilets everywhere there should be I'll be honest with you whenever I need a wee in public I'm always devastated that there's not more places

but at least you've got a todge a todge a chucky a chucky I don't like that name at least you've got one of them it's a lot easier for both

it's a lot easier and the problem is a woman weeing in public looks worse because it's got all the physical language of a shit. Yeah, exactly. You have to squat as if you're having a poo, but you're not. You're just weeing.

But you can't aim it. You can get them little things. You know, they're called she-wees. It's like a little funnel. Well, I am. I am going to get one. Yeah? Genuinely going to get one.

I'm going to have it at my home, babe. Really? Yeah. Well, you could get one of them she-wees, right, and then put like a tube on it and just cut out the middle man and just have going to have it at my home. Really? Yeah. Well you could get one of them shiwis right and then put like a tube on it and just cut out the middle man and

just have the tube go straight into your trainer. Fill it up. Great. Another pint of the yellow stuff landlord.

Also just quickly another couple of things. Yes. Just a bit of admin. A bit of housekeeping.

A bit of housekeeping been going through the emails and going through Instagram and all that kind of stuff not one person has been offended

by muggle so that's so you're stupid again I think if I'd said it it would have been hell on but I think you got away with that

because you are half muggle and half slag no full slag half muggle slug blood Half muggle. And half slag. And half slag. No, full slag, half muggle. Slug blood. And muddy slag.

Slaggle. Sluggle. Oh, God. Sluggle, I like that. And another one, just because recently, you know, I've really gotten into my running i'm a runner now i wave at runners and that when i'm running oh i just do that i do like a casual 5k every time i go got you do you mean i just wanted to give a little shout out us to give a little shout out to everyone who is listening to us while you're running oh yeah because people do we get i get a lot of messages saying, you know, doing whatever, running great.

I just want to say, guys, keep going. You're doing a really good job. You're probably absolutely wrecking your knees, but that's fine. No, you're not wrecking your knees. I'll tell you right now. Guys, I said this to Steve Cram. I did an interview, and Sir Steve Cram was an Olympian on a radio show with me. And I said, I don't run because it knackers your knees.

And he said, absolutely not. He said I don't run because it knackers your knees and he said absolutely not he said football and things like that knack your knees because you've got to move and swerve and dodge and change direction

but running just going forward your knee bending in and out like a piston the way it was designed to cannot hurt your knees well there you go so there you go

so keep on running keep on running motivation if you're running keep going guys go on pick this bit watch out for the dog shit

oh you're studding it going, guys. Go on. Pick this bit. Watch out for the dog shit. Oh, you're studying it. Go home. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Beef time. What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef?

That is the first time you've ever actually harmonized with me. Did I harmonize? Correctly. That was good. Well done. Do I get a badge? No. Gold sticker?

No, you don't get anything. Gold shower? You can have one of them anytime. What do you want me to go first? You go first. Okay. My beef with you, recently,

it's been going on for a while, it's hitting a peak at the minute. I am living with two people. There is Rosie, with all our good intentions, love them both dearly, but there is Rosie with all her good intentions. Love them both dearly, but there is Rosie with all her good intentions.

Right. And then there is the Rosie who is a victim of that Rosie's good intentions. And I get bollocked from both of them. Example. This makes no sense.

Example. It will. Example. Rosie with good intentions. Chris, will you make me go on a run tomorrow? No problem, sweetheart. The next day, I don you make me go on a run tomorrow? No problem, sweetheart.

The next day. I don't want to go on a run. Come on, go on a run. Why are you making us go on a run? Why are you such a pig? You're such a dick. Why? Sorry, darling, you just said.

No! It's not fair! Okay, sorry about that. Next one. Don't buy any sweets or chocolate, Chris. Don't buy them. Do not buy them. All right, no problems.

Rosie, later that evening, finishes her dinner. Is there any sweets or chocolate? You're told there's not... Oh, my God! Why are you such a dick? God! Can't you such a dick? God! Can't I have anything? It is unbearable.

It's unbearable. Okay, all right. Listen. You can have that. First time ever. That is, yeah, you've got it there. Can't help it. I know I know

because I've actually heard when I've said I know I've said to you it's unbelievable tell us don't let us eat that or tell us to do this or blah de blah

like don't let us have nine bags of crisps just tell us off at five yeah and then when you do it I'm like fuck yeah

fuck you it's craziness and you know what I've even thought of, right? I've even thought of getting you to video a thing of yourself, like 51st date. Like getting you to video a little message going,

Rosie, Chris is playing this to you now because I know you're asking for a bar of chocolate and you know you don't really want it. Do you know what would happen? I would show you that and you would go,

why are you showing us that? You're such a dick! I can't help it. I've got problems. Do you know what I need? I just need my jaw wired shut. That's what I need. I think you can release a single.

That's what I've got Kanye big. Well, there you go. To the wire. I'm going to need it. Imagine this podcast. Rosie, why have you got chocolate minced through the wire in your thing? Rosie, why has the blender got melted chocolate in it? Why is there a syringe over there with cocoa pot milk in it?

What do you keep crumbling cake for? Anyway, yeah. Sorry about that. Slam dunk. Boom. Sorry. I'll try. I mean, I'll try and stop. anyway yeah slam dunk boom sorry I'll try I mean I'll try and stop what's your beef

okay my beef this week can we just can we just we just quickly want to put out there that you asked me have I got a beef

can I just yeah I've got so many that was really yeah I thought we'd run out well I said to you I was across the kitchen and I said, have you got a beef this week?

And you went, oh, sweetheart, I've got loads. I thought, I genuinely thought we'd run out, but I've got loads. I've got some really good ones. So I've just had to pick from a list of a few. Well, I've got some on the back burner, but you keep doing something new that just goes to the top of the list. Great.

It's always there. In this week, number one, you go straight to the top of the charts with something you do just before the podcast get in um okay my beef with you this week um but this is just a forever beef great okay this is like a slow roasted beef tenderloin. You, Christopher Ramsey, you cannot go to bed on an argument. And that upsets me. Because I could quite happily have a row, shout it out, you know,

screaming, throwing stuff maybe. Then I could just, like, I could just go to sleep. Wow. But you can't. Okay. Well, may I flag up psychopath behaviour? I heard once that you should never go to bed angry, right? Yeah, that's when you first get together.

No, I think we should try and keep it going forever because I'm a sensitive soul, right? Honestly, you can handle... I tried to do a bit of this in stand-up and I had to drop it because I just sounded pathetic and the crowd just felt bad for us. Because there's two kinds of people in a relationship, in my opinion.

There's the person like you who can scream and shout and go crazy and, like, pull a knife on the other one and then go about your day like nothing's happened. You can literally be screaming and shouting. and go crazy and like pull a knife on the other one and then go out and go about your day like nothing's happened you can literally be screaming and shouting you know what i hear you i wish you never met ding dong your mates at the door oh hi you look gorgeous pop out like just switches it and then there's me it was literally like i take every argument and i build up my head and i think

it's the worst thing that's ever happened and i need to be friends with you straight away but you're literally like you know chris you forgot to put me my shirt in the wash and i'm like right who's having robin then in the divorce me obviously what weekends will i get him don't get ahead of yourself um no like yeah but that's because we're different people and weirdly because even though i can argue and whatever i am crazy laid back you know i am like i can just be like right okay forget about it and go to sleep whereas you i can see in your eyes you're like yeah i can't have like a little what's it called when you come i kind of do it honestly bless you so you're so so let's just let's just get this into perspective here. Your beef with me this week, Rosie,

is that I care too much. No, I just, I want to have a row and I want to not speak to you for like five days. Right, well, stop hiding me passport and I'll just fuck off for five days. That would be amazing. Do you know what the problem is at the minute? What? You're not on tour.

It is, innit? I'm not on tour. We've seen too much of each other. Yeah. And then we do this. Sick to death. I'm going to York tonight for a gig, so... Good.

So we've had What's Your Beef? But I think we can now go to what we can all agree is the real meat. The real meat. I've shagged married annoyed. Meaty, meaty. It is your question is... Questions from the public. Public, public, public, public, public, public.

Still haven't done another jingle. No. As always, if you want to get in touch, shagmarriedannoyed at gmail.com and rate and subscribe and like and all of that stuff. Yes. Rosie, what have the public been saying?

There's some great questions this week, Chris. First question here. Okay. Hi, Chris and Rosie. What are your thoughts on really loud yawners it's one of the things that annoys me the most i mean no one wants to hear how tired someone is or see the contents of their mouths thanks lisa what's your thoughts on loud yawners i i was thinking this the other day now Now, I'm not, but like,

I don't know who she's talking about here. Rosie, if you yawn loudly, it doesn't bother us. If a friend or someone I'm with yawns loudly. Yeah. If someone who is with another group of people yawns loudly and I'm not with them,

again, doesn't bother us that much. It's people who do it on their own in public. Yeah. The amount of times I've got on the train and someone gets it happened the other day with me and you're on the train after saturday kitchen and someone gets on and they sit down and they go yeah so weird and then at the end they go that's clacking of the mouth and i'm like who the fuck was that for you on your own you didn't need to do that you arrogant bastard there's no need for the noise i wonder if it's a nervous thing maybe maybe when they get to one're on your own. You didn't need to do that, you arrogant bastard. There's no need for the noise. I wonder if it's a nervous thing, maybe.

Maybe when they get into one place on their own. I don't know. Maybe it's... Rosie, don't make next use for them. They're dickheads. It's not cool. And they're stretching. But here's the one.

I cannot stand people who sneeze really loud. Yeah. Loud sneezers. You don't need. There's no need yeah but then again but then i hate people who sneeze really quietly who try and hold it in so i'm like can you hit just a middle ground this i had in my new stand-up show that's getting recorded this month i had a routine that i've just dropped about sneezing really you didn't know about this routine

and you've literally said, see, now and then you say that we're very different people in the heat of an argument when I'm crying, right? And you say that we're very... Can you stop making me sound awful? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Put the knife down.

I didn't mean it. Stop it. No. Stop it. It's not as you say we're very different people. When you say something like that, it makes us just love you even more, right?

There's two moments when I love you more than anything. And one is like that, right? Yes. The other one's when you leave the house for a bit. I'm joking. The other one is

if we're watching a Marvel film or something together and you get excited. I'm like, just a little boy like me, this is class. A bit of Marvel jazz comes in. The sneezing is so weird

because someone who screams sneeze, screams sneezing is terrifying, just in public. Horrible. In a train station, you're like, Jesus Christ. It's given me

it's really given me shocks before yeah like not nice but the worst even worse than that is and you go you really yeah you want to go up and go give me that sneeze next time because you didn't deserve it and enjoy that you wasted that fucking But it's the build. They go... And you go, fuck off. That is madness. Awful behaviour. I think mine's like...

That's the perfect one. Normal. Again, that's the perfect one. The perfect noise of a sneeze. And I've thought about this a lot. You know when you finish pumping your tyres up at the garage? And the little bit of air comes out. When you take it off and it goes... That's what you're allowed. Perfect. No screaming. No, I know this about this a lot. You know when you finish pumping your tyres up at the garage? And the little bit of air comes out. When you take it off and it goes,

that's what you're allowed. Perfect. No screaming, no, I know this is shot and set, I want everyone to look at me! None of that. I know this is your wedding, but turn around and look at me!

Dickheads. We just got a bit of your stand-up routine there. Full on, yeah. And do you know what it is? I'm all about recycling. I enjoyed that. I enjoyed it a lot. Maybe we can keep it for... I'm thinking I shouldn't have cut it from the show i know it was good it might still be in we'll see

this friday you must be very careful margaret it's a girl witness the birth of evil it's know, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league,

bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game. And you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Okay. You are going to lose your shit. Get in. in this question always always nice to hear it's one of them questions where you go there people are different people are different you ready yeah

quick question rosie and chris do you share towels as a family? I live with my husband and a two-year-old, and we have always shared towels. We both grew up with our families sharing towels as well. But I found out that my friend and her husband have their own separate towels with, like, quirky designs on them, e.g. Batman, so they know whose belong to who. Are we weird?

She thinks sharing is unhygienic, but us, we are a family and I don't see the issue. Anonymous, thank the Lord, because... Jesus. No, from the scruffy bastards. From those people who smell like damp washing all the time. From the thrush family. With a side of threadworms. Oh, God.

No, no. Jesus. You don't need to share towels. You need three, literally three towels. Three towels. Right. Now, hold on, because I don't think this is clear, right? First of all, the people who she said,

I love that she was like, we know people who don't share, they have their own towels, lardy fucking dog. In Buckingham palace everyone rosie's just led back laughing and hit her head off the wall ouch it's them getting his back scrubby bastards take that you bitch um yeah um so first of all right, those people who share towels, the fact that he's got a bat, e.g. Batman, so in the house, the guy is using a Batman beach towel in his bathroom.

No, no, no, no, no, no. What you're saying is, this person is saying that their friends have separate towels. Right. So, and they've got like Batman, I'm guessing the kids or whatever have got Batman on. Okay. And they know what towels are what, you know? Right.

Like normal people. Yeah, but right, right, no, see, there's three ways here that she's uncovered and I don't know, I'm assuming she is literally, there's a towel, that's the bathroom towel, use it if you've had a bath. Everyone uses that towel. Oh God. Which is minging. Because if your husband, I'm assuming she is literally, there's a towel, that's the bathroom towel, use it if you've had a bath. Everyone uses that towel, which is minging. I'm sorry, if your husband's properly dried his arse crack, then you're drying your face.

You're going to end up with conjunctivitis. How are these people not dead yet? I'm sorry, you can't be sharing towels as adults. But there's that, right? So there's that, which is what I think they do, right? towels as adults but there's that right so there's that which is what i think they do right then there is what we do which is i will know that the navy blue towel is mine until it goes in the wash and then i'll get the next towel out and i'll know that's mine and i'll know where i hang it and blah blah blah because we don't yeah you can use the navy blue towel once it's been washed absolutely right and then there's the third level which is the people that she's talked about who have their own specific towels who even

if it's been washed the other person can't use it you know that that at least that kind of can make sense i'm okay with all but the first option yeah everything but don't share your towels no way i am not i am not drying my inner ear with something my son has dried his bum on there is no chance i mean i've've used Robin's towel before. Right. If I've been in the bath. Right. And it's been there.

Yeah. But he's a three-year-old boy, and I know... Well, you wash him, so you know he's clean. I wash him in the bath. I literally wash his bum, so I know that his bum is always clean.

Uh-huh. So it's just there's a dry towel, and then I'll put it in the washer after I've used it. I won't give him it again. But, right, towels aren't that expensive no i would understand if it was like something really crazy expensive you could literally go to wilkinson's or any other shop and get a pack of towels for not that crazy amount of money or if you're like a comedian

you tour a lot just nicking from hotels i've got loads of jobs i couldn't got loads from hotels yeah i take one from every hotel i mean hotels. Yeah. I take one from every hotel. I mean, stop doing that. Sometimes I take one from a hotel, I take it to the gig on the night, then I'll use it at the gig on the night, and then I'll stay in the same hotel chain the next night and I'll replace it. The hotel chain I haven't lost out, they've still got their towel, it's just at a different

site. That's a lie. It's not? It is a lie, because why have I got so many hotel towels in? Because on the last day I've got nowhere to put it. So I bring it home. Great. One day I might turn up at a hotel divan and I might just dump them all in and go,

surprise motherfuckers. There you go. Supplies motherfuckers. One each bitches. Yeah. What do you think they do? Do you think when they go to a hotel, they're like,

a towel each guys. It's like Christmas. There's three towels in the bathroom. That's one each. Oh, my God. It's like being the queen. Look at us. Oh, Mama, Dad.

I'm so happy we don't have to share towels tonight. I'm so glad I brought the selfie stick. Look, I'll take a photo of us with a towel each. Look. We're normally all behind one towel. Look at us, living like kings why is it as well that i can just imagine that it's like i'm sure they've probably got a few towels at the joshay yeah but why can i only imagine one little towel why can i imagine um the the the man getting dried with a towel and the woman standing next to him, naked, dripping wet, freezing,

waiting for him to be finished with the towel. Hurry up, Steve. Me nipples could cut glass. Or if one of them's got like a big occasion, they'll be like, can I use the towel first tonight? I did the dishwasher. You can use,

I'll use the towel first you can wait oh what i feel like i'm gonna find that email we are back and be like can i give you some of me towels we are unearthing a layer of society that i didn't know existed here we've got so far rosie since we've been doing this podcast we have learned about people who don't have a specific side of the bed they're just climbing whatever side. Like it's a fucking sleepover. Like it's the 60s and you're at Woodstock, right?

And now people who just fucking, what's that? Tea towel or arse towel? Doesn't matter. It's all ours. It's our towel is what it is. Don't forget the foursome on a Wednesday. Foursome on a,

I mean, that was a... Do you know what I mean? Goodness me. You people are cray. Do you know what? Oh, we're people are cray do you know what oh what bloody love is i mean i'm loving it but keep it coming oh man alive weird right rosie next question here as if by magic right if you thought towel sharing was weird get a load of this okay dear rosie and chris uh love the podcast it's my favorite thing thank you very much. Thank you.

I live in the same house as my boyfriend. Show off. However, we own different floors. What? This is amazing as we live together and have separate space at the same time. I know it sounds weird, but believe me, it's the dream.

It does sound weird. It sounds really fucking weird. Is there more to this? Yeah, there's another bit, but let's just it's the dream. It does sound weird. It sounds really fucking weird. Is there more to this? Yeah, there's another bit, but let's just dissect this for now. They live in one house and they own different floors. Different floors.

How is that possible? I don't know. Is it like when they got the house, did they run in, like, in prison and go, Bagsy Top Punk? Top Punk's mine. and go, Bagsy Top Punk. Top Punk's mine.

Oh, the top floor and myself. That's so weird. Right, okay. If it's an up and down house, the kitchen's usually on the bottom floor, the bathroom's on the top. So one of you is, so you'd be like,

would you rather have the kitchen? That's so strange. Do you want to get murdered first? Yeah. Or do you want the bathroom and be a little bit safer upstairs?, would you rather have the kitchen? That's so strange. Do you want to get murdered first? Yeah. Or do you want the bathroom and be a little bit safer upstairs? What would you pick? Why do you always think a murderer's coming in? Why do you always think as well that a murderer's motive is whoever's the closest? Because that's what murderers do.

Brilliant. I mean, is it a three-floor house and on one floor you've got the living area? No, let's just go from... Well, let's imagine this is our house. Okay. It's our house. Which floor would you've got the living area no let's just go from well let's imagine this is our house okay it's our house right which floor would you pick downstairs would you because we've got dutch bungalow and there's a bedroom downstairs so it's the love of it's it's the it's perfect isn't it and i'd also get office kitchen do they sleep in the same bed well i'm we need this is this is far too big we need to know more on this. If the girlfriend and boyfriend, I'm assuming...

Is it girlfriend? Hang on. Yeah. Who's wrote it? Who's it by? Katie Joy. So we don't know if it's girls. Girl, girl, boy, boy.

It might be girl, girl and they might share a name. Katie slash Joy. No, it's boyfriend, I think. Yeah, I live in the same house. Oh, no, I live in the same house as my boyfriend. I live in the same house

as my boyfriend, however we have different floors. Right, it's a boy and a girl. Not that it makes any difference, but I just like to know in my mind. This is amazing, as we live together and have separate space at the same time.

I know it sounds weird, but believe me, it's the dream. That's so, it must be, no, it must be like a three-floor flat where downstairs is a living room and kitchen and utility room and all that, and then the next floor is a bedroom and a bathroom, and the next floor is a bedroom and a bathroom and the next floor is a bedroom and a bathroom do you think but then where do you sleep on the fucking landing together to me it makes no sense do you know what do you know all i can think of when i read this right me and my sister growing up shared a room yeah right

we used to put a bit of string in the middle of the room to be like that's your half this is my half right it's literally a bit of string it was like don't put any of your stuff on my half of the room have you moved the string you've moved the string mom she's moved the string again and that's all i can think with this like did they stand at the top of the stairs one of them stand at the top of the stairs going i don't want you in my room today i don't want you in my room today. I don't want you in my house today. It's the decorating really different. Like, what if he's a goth and she's not?

And like his floor's just black, black and sort of like pictures of the devil and that. And her floor's like flowers and sunshine. Was there more to this question? Yeah, there was. So it says, my question is, I mean, I was so flabbergasted by the first bit, I don't even give a shit about your question,

but here's the question. My question is, oh no, sorry. However, he owns a pair of large speakers which can easily be heard from the moon my question is is it okay

to call the police with a noise complaint if it's your neighbour and other half so what they really live set what this is genuinely true

they live and he's got a pair of large speakers are they brother and sister maybe it was a flat you know how stop trying to dissect that this is ok and it's the way that the house

is divided this is weird this is so weird if you're in a relationship either have different houses you can't have different floors because it just makes no sense it's i'm sorry this is ridiculous yeah i don't think you should be together at the page i don't think you should bother what's the point i live separately do you know what i mean the belates they belates live in london and they're just trying to shave. Well, a fucking floor each, you're joking, aren't you?

If you're lucky to get one floor in London. They'd be doing the string in the room. Doing the string across the bed. So what was the question? Can't you phone the police with a noise complaint? Absolutely, yes. If people are making a lot of noise,

ring the police, get that shit turned down. Then the police will get there and they'll go, right, and you'll go, well, this is my floor that I live on and my neighbour upstairs, who's also my husband, bear with us. He lives on his floor and he's got some speakers.

And I bought the speakers. So technically one of the speakers is mine. Lock you both up and goodnight. Throw away the key, you couple of fucking maniacs. Officer, while you're still there, could you ask him what he wants for his tea? Because this is my floor. But I said I'd make dinner the night because it's a Thursday and every Thursday we're cooked dinner for each other.

That's my turn this week but can you just tell him to turn the noise down because I can't hear him. I don't like it on Wednesdays because on Wednesdays we're cooked dinner on his floor and he hasn't got a kitchen so we just have pot noodles out of his kettle in the bedroom and I'm not going to ask him what he wants

because last time he'd done us for trespassing. Could you also please empty this bucket of shit because I haven't got a toilet on my floor and I don't want to disturb him because we're both weird as fuck right I've got a question here this is amazing wow Rosie and Chris Right, I've got a question here. Yeah. This is amazing.

Okay. Wow. Rosie and Chris, we'd just like to let you know that we are your biggest Canadian fans. Oh, yay! Thank you very much. Love Canada. You know what I love about Canadians? Very polite people.

They are. They're lovely. Very polite. Can you remember, Rosie, just before I read this question, when we were on our honeymoon in Santorini? Yes. And we're walking, we're parked in a car park and we walk around the cliff to a little special secret beach that everyone said was amazing. And we're walking in line with lots of other people.

Yeah. And I sneezed and a man literally 10 meters away went, bless you. And I laughed and went, oh, I bet you're Canadian. He was Canadian. Of course he was. That's how polite they are. He literally sped up to say bless you. Cripplingly polite.

So bless you, our Canadian fans. You're lovely, lovely people. Lovely to say bless you. Cripplingly polite. So bless you, our Canadian fans, you lovely, lovely people. Lovely to have you here. They say here, one of our favourite episodes was when you were talking about how much sex people have in a week. We were around once a week and thought maybe that wasn't enough. So we did it four times in 24 hours. Wowza.

Jesus, what was it, a bank holiday? Not a good idea. We were so sore. Oh. A bit too much. So now we've bought, get this Rosie, a bang pillow. A bang pillow? Bang.

B-A-N-G, bang. A bang pillow, I'll tell you. Is that a put on the bits? Cushion, cushion on the put. Cushion. A tiny pillow that says bang on it. Okay. And when one of us is feeling like a hump brilliant lovely

how romantic it's feeling like a hump we leave it in a place for the other one to find oh my god there are some rules that go with the pillow but it has made our sex life more random and less routine we were wondering how you guys initiate your sex is it random or routine from and wait for this name yeah barnaby and louise well isn't that just lovely childless barnaby and louise barnaby would like a hump view the pillow look at the pillow humpeth is sooneth how do we initiate sex well first of all

she said there's some rules that go with a pillow and she hasn't said what the rules are which is really annoying I'm assuming it's the lady who's written this but

I don't know why you haven't told us what the rules are for the pillow because I've got my head's going crazy now what is it the way their pillow's angled is going to tell you which position they're going to do

upside down is it what room the pillow is in that's where you're going to have sexual intercourse or maybe if you have to do if you find the pillow on the floor you've just got to bend over and put your head on the pillow and then the one just runs up on my oh god like wild animals i don't like the sound of the bang pillow. That's not my cup of tea. Don't be getting any ideas on that, because I'm not up for that. Personally, right, I don't think my morale and my self-confidence

could take having a bang pillow thrown into me face and you shouting, fuck off. Not a day. And get that out of me face as well. Who cares, we don't. You'd need a calendar. You get that out of me face as well. Who kissed me, Todd? You'd need a calendar. You'd need a special calendar to know when I'm due on, when I'm on, when I'm just coming off and it's rank.

I know when you're due on and when you're on. Do you? Oh, yeah, there's subtle hints. There's subtle hints, don't you worry. Stabby hints. Yeah, there's subtle hints. So what do we do to initiate sex? Because I've actually thought of this.

Right. The way that we currently initiate sex with a three-and-a-half-year-old in a bit of a stressful life is we kind of just calculate when the last time we had sex was and go, it's been ages. We should probably have sex.

Have we started reverting to handshakes rather than hugs around the house? Probably time to have sex again. Did she say I love you and did I high-five her? I think I did. Probably time for sex again. It's so true. Stop headbutting the microphone.

I'm sorry. It's tragically true. But do you know what? Not even ashamed of that because I've got friends who are in exactly the same position. Oh, God, everyone's in the same position, man. It's only a short time in our life, Chris.

We will get our sex life back on track to at least twice a month. When we're old. Great. No. Like, once Robin's a bit older. You know what I mean? Hey, I'm not bothered.

We're going to have to cut this bit out because it's going to get weird. I'm happy with it. Leave the joke in, Daisy. It's getting a bit weird. Get off the internet. Stop buying bang pillows. I'll crochet you one.

And it'll say, not today, love. That's it. That's what they need. They need the bang pillow. Then they need another one. You need a, I'm not in the mood blanket. That they need the bang pillow then they need another one you need a uh you need a i'm not in the mood blanket that goes over the bang pillow yes i've got a headache i

think i've got a headache blanket that's what you need goes over the bank pillow it could be a pillow as well the bang pillow either side oh my god one side says bang and the other side says fuck off basically just fuck off no all right so one side says bang and then if they turn it over and it's no but what you need to know that they've seen it but then that's so weird so they leave the bang pillow and then they'll just sit and wait and then one of them are walking in the room and then they'll come back in and go go on then it's like why is why the pillow why is the pillow involved you're fucking weird right then there might not be weird we don't know how old they are like remember when remember when you were 19, 20?

Yeah. I'd have loved a bang pillow. A bang pillow. Come on. Back in the days, man. Back in the day when we were reckless, fun, full of jizz. Yeah, full of jizz. Young, dumb and full of cum.

Yeah. That's you. Thanks. You know, they're probably young and they've got more spirit than we have i can't i can't picture someone called barnaby being under 50 i can't i think he was born 50 he came out yeah he came out 50 year old and he had a bang pillow under his arm and he went hump time commence and he went off to find someone with a bang pillow there's no way he was ever 19 no chance And he went, hump time, commence. And he went off to find someone with a bang pillow.

There's no way he was ever 19. No chance. Thanks, Barnaby and Louise. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please make this anonymous as my partner listens to this podcast and I don't want him to get upset. Oh, yes. But we do. Stop it. don't want him to get upset oh yes but we do do you think that spontaneous romantic gestures black brackets such as buying flowers going on dates etc are vital to a successful and happy relationship i have been with my partner for

four years background oh yeah some background here oh yeah Do you want me to do a background music? Do you want to do a little? Yeah, I'll do one. Okay, are you ready? Yeah, go. Okay. I have been with my partner for four years. No, I don't like it. I think I'll cry.

Listen, right? This is serious. Come on. I have been with my partner for four years and we have lived together for most of this time. I can't remember the last time my boyfriend bought me flowers or took me out on a date night without first being prompted for some reason. Him doing something that has upset me

or me blatantly saying I'd really like some flowers. Oh god, I'm gonna cry. I thought for a long time that this was okay and I'd learnt to live with not being that lovey-dovey. Since he works away from home a lot, like Chris, but then when I see my friends and colleagues having flowers delivered to work and being tainted on spontaneous thoughtful date nights or simply just hearing stories of how their partners have done something dead sweet for

them that doesn't involve materialistic things it makes me really really sad that we don't have that we are both still in our early 20s and don't have children and i somehow feel like we are acting like a married couple with kids who ain't got time for spontaneity. Brackets, no offence meant by this. Not taken. Sorry to be a huge downer with this question. I'd love to know your thoughts. Aww. Aww.

My first thoughts are... I know what your thoughts are. Ditch him or her right now. Can I just say now, reading this, it's definitely a man and a woman. That is definitely a straight bloke. That's definitely a straight bloke for getting.

No, honestly, not to sort of stereotype heterosexual men here, but I think that's a straight man who just thinks everything's fine and sorted. And guess what, dude? It's not. It never is. It's true, though. thinks everything's fine and sorted and guess what dude it's not no it never is you know it's true though you don't need

materialistic things absolutely but I definitely think you need romantic gestures 100% yeah 100% like just like even even if you go on a date

or whatever or you go out you don't have to pay just making the actual effort to go yeah you know and flowers and chocolates aren't they aren't expensive you sometimes go to the shop and get me a bar of dairy milk and i am cock a hoop it's cost you like 80 pence yeah well i just did that today didn't i yeah i got you i gave you a tight handed you a tiny little dairy milk yeah i said there you go

i said you're having a coffee you said yes i gave you a little dairy milk. Yep. I said, there you go. I said, are you having a coffee? You said, yes, I gave you a little dairy milk. Yeah. And it was a multi-pack dairy milk, wasn't it? And I've hid the multi-pack. There's more? Well, I'm looking forward to the phone call later on when I'm at my gig. Where's the pack, Chris? You shouldn't have told us that there was more.

Did you not know? No. Oh, shit. I didn't even realise. Oh, yeah. I think there was 10. Shut up. I'm taking them with us to the gig. Oh, don't.

Listen, anonymous lady yeah listen you're listening here right truth bombs dropped on you no I didn't mean that to sound so weird listen I think you've got to ask yourself truth time here serious time you've got to ask yourself have you got a boyfriend or a roommate exactly

that's what you've got to think now this is blatantly the same person who's living on a different floor have you got a boyfriend or a roommate exactly that's what you that's what you've got to think now erm maybe this is blatantly the same person who's living on a different floor yeah

no it's not it is no it's not well I I think the fact that she is even messaging in

mhm speaks volumes but she doesn't want to get upset and there might still there might be humping like bunny rabbits we don't know that but

sex isn't everything yeah but what I'm saying is you know there's definitely not a roommate you know you've got a boyfriend and not a roommate if they're shagging all the time right

what do you mean well I just said there if you've got a boyfriend or if you've got a roommate right but there might be just because they're not going on little date nights

and doing stuff like that he's never getting her any flowers and he's not doing anything nice I bet he's never even made her a cup of tea or coffee in bed do you mean it's little things like that he's clearly shit ditch him wow no i'm sorry but early 20s don't be getting don't have kids with them or anything oh yeah actually you know what early 20s can i just say you will turn around in your 30s when you've got kids and you will go why wasn't i not out every single

fucking night in my 20s why and even when i'm in why was not in drinking wine all night staying up until all i was watching blooming netflix and that totally honestly like and not just that like short yeah and not yeah basically life is short and i always think do you know when you're in your 20s you see people in the relationships and you're like why are you with this person they're with them for years and you're like are you going to marry that person do you want to spend

the rest of your life with them no then what are you doing why bother but that's just the clarity that comes with later on in life innit you can look

it's always easy to look back and see that at this moment she doesn't know that but hopefully this has helped a little bit I mean I don't think ditch

is the thing but maybe speak to him well maybe speak with maybe say look i shouldn't have to prompt you for these things we're in my 20s we're young here no no oh god d-i-t-c-h yeah is that is that spit on them on the way out that's great yeah hey it got all this quite serious there didn't it quick finder find a quest find one about oh god pop and boom

babadoo babadoo babadoo bab it's time for the celebrity question of the week and this week is from the lovely

example who I'm yet to meet actually sorry Chris knows him I don't very passive aggressive introduction

there here's another one of your celebrity men's mates that you've never introduced us to are passive aggressive introduction there here's another one of your celebrity mates that you've never introduced us to are you ashamed of us here's the question I just mean that

you've known him for years and I've never met him but he lives in Australia slash London anyway I'm going to his house in a couple of weeks

oh lovely I'm not inviting him no you're not invited he said he he doesn't want to be close with me anymore. He just wants to say hi when he passes you in the street. So you've got to deal with that without being a psycho.

Do you know what? That's my exact cup of tea. So me and him would get on like I was on fire from other sides of the road. Other sides of the world. Here it is. Exactly. Hello there. It's Example, a.k.a.iot um my mom calls me elliot um chris has been asking me to

do a question for this stupid fucking podcast um i think you've asked me about four or five times now um and you've just asked me again twat um i'm just watching that tv show chernobyl or as um thick people call it chernobyl um and yeah it got me thinking there's a scene where there's a very radioactive guy. He's extremely radioactive. He was a fireman at the nuclear power plant. And he is so fucking radioactive. His skin's falling off. And his wife turns up.

And the doctor, the nurse, the nurse says, please don't hug him. He's really radioactive. Don't touch him. And she does anyway. So my question to you guys is a would you hug each other if the other one was radioactive knowing you were gonna definitely die very soon afterwards even though they were gonna die and um do you think people should hug

their partners you know however much you love them or should you just leave them alone and be like sorry mate you're radioactive you know all right anyway love you bye example there keeping it light i think my name would get on like a house on fire to be honest he's genuinely as much as he is a genuine knob he's also a brilliant guy love it grim as out um amazing question great question would i hug you if you were radioactive no not in a million years you don't hug me when i haven't brushed my teeth exactly exactly that's there you go there's the answer. You, right, this is probably a beef, but this is just an opinion of mine.

You love hugging. So much. And I just, I'm not. I am, but you know what's so weird? I'm a hugger. Yeah. I love hugging. Yeah.

You just really, you really fucking love hugging and it's just you i don't i'm not i don't hug random people i just hope you well i wish you would i wish i'd get it out of your system you love hugging so much you've stopped burping when the hug is much that's good yeah yeah so if anything's coming from this podcast it's that thank you are you just practicing all the time now with all the hugs now seeing if you can just keep doing it

well I've got a I've got a punch bag hanging up in the shed and when I need to burp I run out and I hug it and I squeeze it and I squeeze all my burps out and then I run back in

that shed's fucking stinking we should burn it down wouldn't shock us that that's radioactive that shed would you hug yeah you would hug me probably yeah

I think I'd probably hug you if you were radioactive yeah if you were dying you were radioactive like i think you would i think i'd probably hug you if you're radioactive yeah if you were dying you were radioactive like what about robin one of us gotta look after robin he'd be all right no but that that's the difference isn't it i'd be like don't hug us i'm radioactive yeah whereas i'll be like please please hug us i'm radioactive as well just did you hear that he went he did chernobyl in an australian accent yeah but it's chernobyl and i said it correctly and i'm buzzing with that yeah it's good show there was no spoilers there i mean if you didn't know that that happened then i mean apparently a lot of people didn't really it was trending for a while and people were like this story's amazing

it's like actually happened guys It's a bit of history. So that's great. Good Lord. There's probably the same people who listen to this and messaged in, so that's fun. Can I just say as well from his question, I love the phrase, he was so fucking radioactive. I enjoyed that a lot.

He was, honestly, guys, he was so fucking radioactive at the eulogy and he died because he was just so fucking radioactive at the eulogy and he died because he was just so fucking radioactive Jesus me as well just on the back of that still after celebrity questions yeah

you know we don't know that many more no do we I'm gonna have to start I'm just gonna have to do a group message yeah

on my Instagram you're gonna have to do it you're gonna have all the Insta moms yeah I'm gonna get all yeah I'll get all of have to do it. You're going to have all the Insta moms. Yeah. I'm going to get all, yeah, I'll get all of them to do one.

Can't wait. How are we going to end this? I don't know how to end it. No idea. When we end up a big laugh. Just, why don't we have a hug? You know,

you're desperate for one. I, oh, this talk of hugging, oh, this talk of hugging has made us broody for a hug. Do you want a little hug? Yeah,

I want a little hug. Come on then. Ugh. Ah! Ah! Shut up! Oh my God, that's amazing. just broody for a hug do you want a little hug yeah I want a little hug come on then bye guys and that's it another episode done that was episode 18 thank you so much

I am off to dry my hair because I stupidly did a podcast with wet hair and I'm freezing I thought it looked weird yeah long story but I don't know why I've done that.

You can swim. I'm thinking I live in a foreign country or something. It's freezing. Don't you dare touch that thermostat. You're not putting the heating on. I'm glad to see you've got a jumper on as well. Because I'm so cold. Guys, as always, thank you so much.

If you want to get in touch, it's shagmoundinode at gmail.com and on Rosie's Instagram, not on mine. I don't read them. Rate and subscribe. Bye! Bye! The visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation.

Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.