Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 181. The glove

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

This week it's roasting hot and Rosie's loving it. Chris took Robin on a mini break, and the Ramsey's went to the beach. There's garlic bread beef and it's a specials week for questions from the public.  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Gits and Gits Now. Hello, you're listening to Shagged, Married, Annoyed with me, Rosie Wyn... Oh my God. Oh my God. Are you serious? Was that on purpose or was that a joke?

Absolutely, 100%. Did you just... Not on purpose. Did you just unmarried name yourself? Just maiden named myself? Did you just divorce me in the opening sentence to this podcast? Wow. Wow.

I got shocked there. Rosie Ramsey. Yeah, that's Chris Ramsey my husband what yeah I haven't done oh no I might be

Chris Winter doesn't suit you what would I pick I'm so sorry about that can't hurt although am I like as if I just have to shed my name

like my whole life and you'll be thankful for the name I've given you yeah shoot your face yeah I kind of do I'm not very good at doing the mock the mock I've given you. Yeah? Shoot your face. Yeah? I kind of do. I'm not very good at doing the mock sexism.

No, you're very bad at it. Yeah. I kind of upset myself halfway through. And, you know, like, get back in the kitchen! I kind of do it. No, it doesn't suit you. I kind of do it. Although I do enjoy it when you're in the kitchen,

because it normally means you're making something very nice. It does, doesn't it? But also making a big fucking mess. Obviously. Obviously. No, I really didn't mean to do that Rosie Ramsey here and Christopher Ramsey

I do do you have any idea how many listeners we lost there when well this is you know you're listening to

Shagman Rosie and they went it's not them and they've unsubscribed they're gone they've all gone we've lost everyone

you know that the rule is if the video is longer than six seconds you've lost them on the internet yeah yeah we got told that once didn't we you were doing an ad for something and it was like you had to do video is longer than six seconds you've lost them on the internet yeah yeah we got told that once didn't we

you were doing an ad for something and it was like you had to do loads of stuff in six seconds I remember that was a pretty horrible day

to be in this house I didn't enjoy that at all horrible day is that true though is that how short our attention span is well that's why Instagram's turning

into TikTok now because it's that thing of like people just are scrolling what here's a question what are we scrolling for? What we're looking for?

Because you just constantly go past. You go a bit of that. It's a norm. What is the thing? One day are we going to find the thing that we're looking for and go, that was it. And then just turn my phones off forever. No, I don't think there is anything that we're looking for.

It's just stuff. I don't know. And if you watch that program on Netflix, what's it called the social dilemma yeah that's very interesting you haven't watched it obviously i just i feel like it'll make us i don't need more anxiety on stuff everyday things that i do it's really interesting yeah but i've already got a load of anxiety on everyday things i don't want anymore i've said it before i've actually mentioned on the podcast it makes you realize what you're doing yeah because they're just sending you stuff that you like that's why you scroll

and scroll and scroll because they watch what you watch for longer amounts of time social media goes oh they love shit like that like I like watching soaps get cut up

so Instagram's like right send us some soaps getting cut up bars of soap not like the cast of Coronation Street oh no no

no humans involved not murdering people bars of soap ah yeah so the whole coronation street oh no no no humans involved not murdering people bars of soap ah yeah so the whole algorithm on instagram i fell victim to this because i bought my dad a putting mat for christmas right obviously it knew i'd gone on the internet and bought a putting mat i'll search for a putting mat then suddenly a golf video popped up one day on my instagram and i didn't realize and i went who the fuck's this and i'm watching i'm going where i don't follow this why is this

and I watched the full golf video and I was like that was weird more and more and more what's happened now I play golf oh my god

that happened since Christmas 8 months you've been brainwashed 8 months in the making you've been brainwashed honestly 8 months in the making and now I'm out

bloody playing golf now what's going on shit I know what we are looking for you know when you keep scrolling have you ever had you scroll through instagram and you look at stuff and everything's yeah yeah you know your dog's doing backflips oh yeah great they're all wearing bars of soap getting cut up you know trick shots in pool blah blah blah that one video that won't load you go to watch it and it won't load and it freezes you then want to watch that

more than anything in the world yeah more than anything it'll go eagle the first it'll stay on the bottom watch to the end and the first six seconds ago and then it freezes. You then want to watch that more than anything in the world. Yeah. More than anything. It'll go, it'll go the first, it'll stay on the bottom, watch to the end, and the first six seconds will go, and then it freezes, and you go,

and you refresh it. I can't, can't rest. And then, that is all I need in me life. Crazy, isn't it? I hate it.

Don't it always seem to go, don't know what you got to live on. Until it freezes. So there we go. So anyway, thank you very much. So there's some, I need to finish it.

Put up a parking lot. You need to finish it put up a parking lot you need to finish it cool so fucking hell you've got problems so guys thank you very welcome

welcome to the podcast with Rosie Winter apparently and Chris Ramsey her husband and it is episode 181 and without further ado it is time for this week's

lucrative lucrative sponsor can't wait it's still the summer it's getting it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Can't wait. It's still summer. It's getting hot out there, guys. This week's sponsor is... Paddling Pools. Yes!

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Paddling pools. Oh, it's the end of the day. Make sure you put it away so it can get nice and mouldy for the next time you never fucking use it. Paddling pools. They're great, in theory. You're such a humbug. What never fucking use it paddling pools they're great in theory you're such a humbug what's wrong with a paddling pool everything i just said you want to say it again no i really actually really don't i love a paddling pool oh no the idea of a paddling pool is brilliant and the minute you do it you go the minute you get out the box you go this was an

error this is a massive error i disagree i think paddling pools are a staple in every child's life. Yeah. They're rubbish. I mean, no, they're not, though. They cool you down. They cool your feet down. You've got to fill a lot of kettles annoyingly. I'm too hard paddling pool.

Water's too cold. Pick one. Pick one. The problem with paddling pools is, right? Oh, hey. Oh, I hope it doesn't take too long to blow up. Oh, it won't. It'll be fucking tiny. Oh, we'll get a bigger one then. Well, it'll take all long to blow up oh it won't it'll be fucking tiny

oh we'll get a bigger one then well it'll take all day to blow up so there you go honestly shit dad alert yeah yeah all you do is whinge

about everything Paddle and Pools consider yourselves dealt with fair enough didn't we get one we got one the other day in the superimposed

that you bought I sent you to the shop to buy one like a fool this was on holiday oh yeah it was on holiday wasn't it yeah and you went to get it you went I'll go to the shop and get the stuff you got a Paddle and oh yeah it was on holiday wasn't it yeah and you went to get it

you went I'll go to the shop and get the stuff you got a paddling pool for a reef on the side well we got a paddling pool for a reef because he kept trying to kill himself

in the actual big pool and I was like mate this is not working get him a paddling pool for on the side of the pool so the minute you came in and you got off the bottom

of the pram and you went I've got a paddling pool and you showed us the box and straight away I went that kid's not in there and you I was like that kid

that is superimposed so they took a photo of a child separately on green screen the box and straight away i went that kid's not in there i knew i was like that kid is not that is that is superimposed so they took a photo of a child separately on green screen that shrunk it down and then they photoshopped them into this paddling pool it was i've had bigger pizzas i swear to god i've had bigger pizzas why how how did they get away with that how did they because i was like oh that kid looks about Rafe's age. Yeah. Rafe will love that. He'll be on the same side.

Kid was fucking, honestly. Bullshit. Might as well have been Stuart Little sitting in there. I was so done. You've been ahead. And because I was on holiday, I couldn't be honest to take it back.

No word of a lie. You know when you're on holiday and you walk past like a Spanish restaurant and people are having the paellas and it takes like two waiters to carry the paella smaller than that paella oh yeah it was tiny

fucking miles smaller it was absolutely tiny yeah to the point it was that little like we fill it up with pool water and you could just

you could carry it you could just dip it in yeah you could yeah you could literally just hold it dip it into the pool and then walk it to where you want it

and drop it and you put Rafe in it and you go well I'm getting out of this because this is just this little fucking inflatable puddle like you've bought here

utterly shit paddling pools lies they're all lies lies and mould and grass and flies but when you were a kid

you loved them I remember loving a paddling pool when I was younger but probably my mum and dad hated them so yeah yeah yeah rubbish rubbish

dealt with anyway get that jingle on. Here's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. We hope you like the jingle.

Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Jingle! Jingle, jingle, babadoo babadoo babadoo ba, jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Snag Marriage Tonight. With who? With who? With, um, the me. Yeah.

And you. Good, yes, good. Got your name right there. The me. I miss me old name sometimes. You miss your old name? I do love my new name. Right. But I sometimes miss me old name. Been eight years. It's not called a new name. What is my new name, but I sometimes miss my old name. Been eight years, it's not to call it a new name.

What is my new name? I had my old name longer. I had my old name for 29 years. Yeah, but it's all relative, isn't it? You can't put it against the old one. It might be, it's your newer name, but you've had it for,

you should be used to it now. Sort of. I had it at the wrong age then. How old were we when we got married? Don't, don't, don't, don't, because this is just painful. And I know that everyone listening thinks when you ask us what it is, guys it would be so easy when Rosie goes how old were we

then? I could just pause it, we've got an editor, I could just pause it but I never do I pause it and pretend I'm and that's why I get a lot of stuff wrong that's why sometimes I get stuff wrong I've got to tweet saying the A1 and the M1 apparently aren't the same road and stuff that people pick up on, I get it wrong

because I just go with my gut opinion on here and I forget it's going out to fucking hundreds of thousands of people and there's loads of people listening and I just think, oh, it's just me and you having a chat and then, you know, I put my O in and I...

But it's all right though. I mean, I listen to a lot of other podcasts where they also get things wrong and I'm literally listening... Do you immediately tweet them and tell them they're wrong? I don't do that, but I do... but i do because i thought that's just what everyone did no no no no okay i haven't done that i've never done that weirdly i mean it's odd isn't

it because it's i thought it was all the norm but honestly i haven't done that i haven't got time but i do listen and go you're a fucking idiot yeah yeah you're a fucking idiot it's this so that's weird because when i hear you in the room shouting fucking idiot i always assume you're talking yourself do you right looking in the mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I was going to say is... Doing that thing, putting your lipstick on, but like going right up your cheek near your eye and that, just shouting fucking idiot.

Yeah. Yeah. Good for you. I do miss Rosie Winter, like the season, because that's what I used to always say. You used to say Rosie Winter like the season. I've told you that before. Yeah, yeah. Now what do you say?

Rosie Ramsey like the comedian. No, like the chef. I have said that Ramsey like the chef yeah yeah now what do you say Rosie Ramsey like the comedian no I have said the chef I have said that Ramsey like the chef spelt different but spelt with an E it's not got the ring

Rosie Winter like the season Rosie Ramsey like the chef but you know yeah go on but EY not EY yeah like neighbours as well but again spelt differently now Aaron Ramsey

from Arsenal the Arsenal player he might still play I don't know who the fuck he plays for now are we spelt different to Ramsey the Arsenal player he might still play I don't know who the fuck he plays for now are we spelt different to Ramsey Street yeah

Ramsey Street oh yeah Neighbours is finished yeah I haven't watched it for possibly 20 years no I didn't know

it was still on people were having goodbye parties for Neighbours I was like goodbye party for Neighbours how much time you got on your fucking hands I know imagine having

that kind of life I'd love that kind of life Australian stuff and everything do you know most of this podcast is just us being angry at people for having hobbies for having time on their hands because we're in the thick of it with an 18 month old and a six in a six-year-old and it's the summer holidays and most of it is just us being like fucking look at him enjoying his life twat i know do you know what i'm looking forward to what when Rafe gets a bit bigger I'm just looking forward to like

watering my pants pants watering your pants just do whatever you want just pissing myself all the time looking forward to getting older

and racing myself to the toilet and just watering me pants and watering me plants do you know what I'll be getting in that Stannis stairlift

and I'll press up and it'll be too late and I'll just water me pants what a know what I'll be getting in that stand I stay lifting I'll press up and it'll be too late and I'll just water me pants what a nice way of saying pissing yourself watering me pants I've just watered

my pants excuse me wait can we get the check please I've just watered me pants excuse me

watered me pants what I've just pissed myself so I'd like to leave now thank you watered me pants I'm a I am tired today myself so I'd like to leave now thank you I'm a I am tired today

I know I said this last week and I'm so sorry you say it every week you say it every week because because my child gets up at half past five in the morning

half five and that it's not this is not a good time to be getting what's he doing it's bad what's he

what's he playing at Chris it's almost like he's one and a half and he's got no concept of time Rosie I don't know like he's one and a half and he's got no concept of time, Rosie. I don't know. No, it's fucking me off. Half five.

And he, like, stirs at five. So it's basically five because I'm not going back to sleep. Right, okay. And I've started now. I just go downstairs and I put the telly on and I get the blanket and that

and I just fall asleep. But only, but not fully asleep because obviously I've got to keep an eye on him. So asleep a dose yeah but not even doors really because i've got to if he's not on my knee i have to have my eyes open yeah but if he's on my knee and he's there i'm like right that's fine see dozing dozing to me in the entire concept of dozing i just i just find it like torture you're not a dozer no i'll find i'll just i'll just sit here i'll just rest me out. No, I'm awake or I'm full sleep.

Right. I love a dozer. When I hit like three o'clock in the afternoon, when I hit that moment where I'm just like goosed and I just get knackered. Yeah. I have to be up and about. I can't be sitting down.

I can't be like, well, let's just have a sit. I'm like, no, I have to either let us go to bed or let us go and do a marathon. Like there's no in between. I know I'm really fucking weird. But yeah, when your kid wakes up half five, five o'clock anything before CBeebies

is on its regular rotation hell on earth hell on earth I know it's hell I mean it was nice when you came down this morning at seven o'clock in the morning

27 rubbing your eye no because it was seven o'clock it was not 27 five to seven it was not ten to seven maybe five to

there was definitely a 6 on my phone. Right. Okay. 6.59. Yeah. Well, Robin woke up at about half past 6 and coughed loudly sitting next to us until I woke up. And at some points coughed directly in my face.

And I said, so you didn't want to wake me up. And he said, no. And I thought, you fucking are. Yeah. Just to let you know, we're still in separate beds. Still in separate beds. Still in separate beds. The dream is alive.

We're still in separate beds. And Rosie is now Referring to herself Accidentally As a maiden name So Watch this fucking space Totally coincidental

And you took Robin away By yourself I did I took Robin on a little holiday This week You did Which was great But actually

Do you know what's weird When I told people Because I was like Chris has took Robin to Chester. He went to Chester Zoo. And people were like, has he? Yeah. I was like, yeah.

I have genuinely, I think, in the back of my mind, I was like, do people think that was split up? Do you know what I mean, though? I was like, do people genuinely think that was split up? The only reason we've done it is because we have learned, i'm i'm not getting sucked into this bullshit anymore of when you see pictures on instagram and they've got a one-year-old and and other kids and they look like they're having the best day ever and you go oh my god we should do that fuck no i'm not doing it anymore i'm not doing it anymore he's one and a half he hates the zoo he hates a farm he enjoys it for 30 seconds and then he's tired and

you've got to spend an hour getting him asleep in his pram and it's just it's a nightmare right so i'm not doing it anymore and so so chris took robin away and i stayed at home she's awake now by the way guys um yeah i did i've just fallen in the trap oh i love it oh rave i love no he won't he's one and a half he doesn't't like anything other than eating and sleeping and messing with Robin's toys. Yeah, that's the thing, though, because you've got to fucking pack a million and one things. You've got to take all the nappies, all the different foods for the day.

Is he too hot? Is he too cold? Has he got cream on? He rubs it in his fucking eyes. Rosie, Chester Zoo was amazing. Big shout out to Chester Zoo. It was phenomenal. It was the hottest thing ever.

I mean, it was one of the hottest days of the year the lions were inside well yeah the humans were walking around going where's the lines and the lines are going fucking idiots on in here it was mental it was so hot and robin did that thing of like after it hadn't even been there an hour and he went dad i'm too hot i'm tired come and go back the hotel and i literally was like i wanted to do that thing of oh yeah bloody when i was your age i used to just look at ducks in the pond. You know how lucky you are. I was like, I can't do that because I want to go back to the hotel as well. So I had to just ply in with fucking ice lollies and fine shaded bits

and went on a little boat ride. God almighty, it was hot. It was hot. Well, me and Ray have had a lovely time. And we went to things that he enjoyed. Well, that's the thing. You were dragging both, yeah. Did you sit us over and watch

Real Housewives? Because I've heard he fucking loves that. Might have happened a couple of times. No, we went tumble tots and stuff like that and seen other kids his age and yeah. So I actually think we did a good thing then. Yeah, it's good. And don't get me wrong, well next year you'll be that little bit bigger and I think we'll very much enjoy them.

So don't tweet we're saying that we're the worst parents in the world because somebody will don't read them anymore listen though do not complain about this heat right

because it's wonderful it's glorious Rosie I can't wait for the winter genuinely don't what are you doing you can't

Rosie I'm sick of being clammy I'm sorry I'm sick of being clammy I'm sick of it oh for the love of god I'm sick of being clammy right I'm too clammy

it's people like you Rosie me whinging about it won't change the world at all I would sick of being clammy Right I'm too clammy It's people like you Rosie Me whinging about It won't change the world at all I would love this summer Like this every year Nah I wouldn't go abroad

I've had enough I've had enough Couple of days of it Honestly The other day As I'm bending my elbows My arm was sticking to itself And then my knees

The backs of my knees Were sticking to themselves Honestly Would you rather Six weeks holidays off school All the kids are off Yeah You know

People are taking holidays Would you rather it was raining? No. Isn't it, Em? No. So what do you want? 25 degrees. No, you can't have that.

I want exactly 25 degrees, no more. 33. 33? In England? That was a pure northerner, that, though, because 25 degrees isn't actually that hot. But anything above 20, we get so excited. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, there's people with tops off in the street.

25 degrees in London, they'd be yeah yeah oh yeah there's people with tops off in the street 25 degree in London they'd be like did you not notice the other week when I was on the weather app and it was literally 36 degrees everywhere on that really hot day

we had London I went on what's the temperature in London 36 it just said 36 in the north east

when I went on the north east bit of the weather app it was like weather warning watch out in London it was like yeah you've had it before you'll be fine

I mean the world's fucked oh yeah yeah completely yeah yeah yeah we're here to take people's minds off that yeah okay let's not talk about that they're the big wigs they're the ones doing it well you know the eggheads let them let you know someone will sort it out someone will sort it out okay you know just keep recycling etc we do i wasn't talking to you is that what is that the reason oh look I can't get into this. I can't get into Global Warming. There's a fucking podcast about it. Go listen to them.

You got praise from, who was it? One of the QI elves. Yes. I did. It was the best day of my life. About how you explained, what were you explaining about again?

Oh, Jesus, this is embarrassing. I can't remember what it was. What were you explaining? It was something to do with the world. The Big Bang. Oh, the Big Bang. The Big Bang. I was explaining the Big Bang and he was like, yeah. embarrassing. What were you explaining? It was something to do with the world. The Big Bang. Oh, the Big Bang. I was explaining the Big Bang

and he was like, yeah. He said you were bang on. He said it was a really good explanation off the top of your head. I was really happy with that tweet. I was over the moon.

I'm going to get it framed. Ew. Speaking of it being hot, on Sunday, just because, you know, I didn't want to keep Rafe out in the sort of blistering sunshine

it is a lot for him, so I took him to a soft play. And obviously it was a bit warm in the soft play. Because it's always warm in the soft play. You've got to keep your socks on, obviously. I had my shorts. I had a t-shirt on. It was a little bit warm.

I had a bottle of water. Where was that? I was at the beach. We were just literally separating. It was the best way to do it. There's too much of an age gap. Yeah. And basically, I saw something I've never seen before in my life.

And I couldn't believe it. No word of a lie, in the soft play, there was a man, playing with these kids. Great dad, running around with these kids, playing with these kids.

Life and soul of the party. Top off. Oh. I just found it weird. At the soft play? Top off at the soft play. I've seen children get told off and get told to put their tops back on. And man was walking around running around sweating his beard off top

off was his top tucked into his trousers top was nowhere to be seen i don't want to be under top top was gone had he gone without a top don't know top off shorts on socks on fair enough he had socks on bare feet as well would have really upset us unbelievable i try at one point i tried to get a photo of him right i tried to get a photo but i then realized because i was covertly trying to take a photo and i was like i don't want anyone else in here to see me covertly taking photo in a place where it's mainly kids okay do you know what i mean because someone be like excuse me can i you know please turn up excuse me can i say your phone so i think you'll be taking photos of kids no i was taking photos of this toxic man because I genuinely don't think my wife will believe this.

Him, him over there, the guy with the tattoos of the top. I was trying to avoid him because I don't think my wife... Did anyone say anything? Everyone was silently furious. Were they? And no one said a thing to him.

Silently furious. You could feel it. You could feel it in the room. Why is it mangy? I don't know why. It was just weird. Yeah. It was just weird yeah it was just weird

top off diving all over the place mint dad fucking great but I wanted to go how are you man and I wanted to go I wanted to go

to the other dads I wanted to go sorry have we are we overdressed should we but I just thought what if they're like his best mate

or something like you know who was he with was he just with these kids two kids and wife or partner or whatever did she have a top on she did have a top on yes Rosie he with was he just with these kids uh two kids and and and wife or partner or whatever yeah did

she have a top one she did have a top one yes yes uh he was rosie he was the only one in the whole place with a top off and i couldn't stop staring at him did he have a nice body no no god no god no don't even know if that would have made it better i mean maybe i don't know why is it realistic honestly if you actually... If you break it down, it's not the end of the world. You just go your top off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You go to the swimming pool, people have got their tops off. You've seen it before. But why is it so weird? I don't know. Just because he was rubbing on stuff. He was in the balls and that. Oh, God!

Like, you know. He was shiny. He had a sheen to him. Oh, a sweatshirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I can't get away with? What? Which is ridiculous, right?

We were at the beach yesterday, South Shields Beach, big up, best in the UK. Beautiful beach. It was 20 odd degrees. Yeah. Really hot. Yeah. I was fully clothed. Yeah.

I couldn't put on a swimming costume. Did you see the woman with the thong on? I did see the woman with the thong bikini. Full thong bikini, South Shields Beach. Yeah yeah i don't think they were from there they had southern accents i think they were on the holidays right i kind of thought well that's fair enough then but i just couldn't i totally understand i don't understand thong bikini personally but that's just because i've got a flat horse maybe if i not fat chris flat i've got a flat mom saggy horse and it's Not fat, Chris. Flat. I've got a flat,

mom, saggy arse. And it's actually, I was talking about it with the girls the other day. I used to have quite a nice bum because I used to do squats and that and burpees and shit. But now,

oh, it's flat as fuck. Right. It is so flat. It's really upsetting. I need to do something about it because it's like, I don't know. It's just not good.

But I mean, I did look at her bum and it was bloody beautiful. Not a spot in sight. Honestly. Because that's the bravery of wearing a thong. Bikini. What have you got, a spot on your arse? Yeah. I mean, I don't think anyone was close enough to see that. I did have a good old look.

There was a few people in full bikinis. Well, no, there should have been because it was boiling. I was the stupid one, but I just was like, I can't wear a swimming costume. I grew up there. It's how she is. I don't know why. I couldn't be in my shorts with the top off because I was like, well, I live here.

I've walked down here in my wellies. Yeah, yeah. In a bobble hat. I've been down here in the piss and down rain. Did I ever tell you about the best day, one of the best days in my life ever when I was younger? Was it when you met me? No. Oh, God, no.

It was like I started hanging around with another bunch of mates who I hadn't hung around with for a while, and we all went down to the beach one day. Yeah. And it was like Carl Hutchinson was there and loads of other people. Of course he was. Of course he was. And it was almost like American Pie 2.

We were all just at the beach all day loads of work and it was great someone buried someone's trainers and they lost him he lost the trainers he had to walk from bed footed loads of went in the sea and one of the lads like up to his neck in the sea took his swimming shorts off and started swinging them around go away so we all jumped on him and nicked these shorts and ran up the beach rosie stayed in the water for probably 45 minutes and we're like, we're not bringing your shorts back

and he had to walk all the beach fully naked. It was amazing. What a carry on. Oh, what a day. Yeah. God, hey,

class, you're not impressed, are you? No, I'm really tired doing it at Borders. Wow, okay. Wow. Wow.

Well, babadoo babadoo ba. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef, eh? Beef, beef, beef, beef. Hey, what's your beef? What's your fucking beef? Hey, what's your, Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babado babadoo babado babado recent beef like today oh within probably 15 hours ago oh within 15

is it because I asked you guys the juice no no that was 15 minutes ago speaking of juice just really quickly

this has got nothing to do with the beef so I'm sorry we'll do this all day you missed a section it shouldn't be in the other section sorry I have to feed it

oh okay it's not enough for this section right no of course it can oh I've seen a TikTok video where some bloke

was slagging off like juice because I drink squash all the time it's not for this section. Right. No, of course it can't go on. Oh, I've seen a TikTok video where some bloke was slagging off juice because I drink squash all the time. Juice, whatever. Squash, diluted juice. Just slagging it off. Just full on. It's got all this in it. This is really bad for you.

And you're like, just fuck off. Yeah, yeah. Like, seriously. We're not on the board. There's nothing you can have. Yeah, no, no. There's nothing.

There's nothing? Yeah, no, nothing. Nothing? Nothing. It's crazy, isn't it? Anything you think is good to eat, there will be a video somewhere of someone online telling you why it's shit.

Oh, it really upsets. I was like, that's the one thing that I really do enjoy. Yeah. Like, I probably should give it, I probably would lose a bit of claim if I gave it up. Right. Because it's like sugar. It is.

But like, you talk about other stuff that's in it, like toxins and stuff, and you know, and you're just like, oh, mate. It's my vice. My thing is is it's like when people go like your mcdonald's or you get a curry or you get a pizza and they're like oh do you know what's in that i go yes i know i'm not i'm not trying to make weight for a ufc fight i understand that this isn't great that's why i haven't had four of them today i'll do it in moderation yeah like but can you remember when you uh when rave was bored and you went online and told everyone that you're drinking juice during the night and why had you never been doing it before and it was the best thing ever oh and then i got told that my teeth

are gonna fall out and that i you know and then you had to get one pulled out for the but that had nothing to do with that that was an abscess it was an abscess it wasn't toxins and oh that was so that was so annoying and so bad for your teeth you know I was like oh yeah honestly I'm just right Again I don't know if I spoke about this on here But I've spoken about this recently I tried to get vanilla coke the other day

And you can only get it with sugar free You can only get it with sugar free You can't get vanilla coke or cherry coke Or the coke with lime in it Any of the flavoured cokes You can't get any of the flavoured cokes on normal coke it has to be on the sugar free right why i don't know does it matter well it's something about having too much sugar in it all right okay but sure like what why why why am i being stopped out when literally if

i wanted to buy them and then go and buy a fucking kilogram of sugar and pour it all into the drink and dissolve it and drink that like a syrup I don't know I don't understand but then aren't they just trying to be well it's that thing isn't it

because not everyone can have stuff in moderation okay so let's talk about right okay I didn't mean this to turn into a conversation no but I'm saying no but it is interesting

because what so I can't have the full sugar thing let's say five guys right I'm standing there I go I want vanilla coke oh I can't have have vanilla coke i'll have it on the sugar free okay it's not as nice okay okay and next what do you like uh can i have 15 burgers please who for just for me can i have 15 yes here's your 15 burgers double burger fucking yes double

burgers may put today i have 30 patties in 15 buns please but thank fuck thank god you gave me that no added sugar vanilla coke fuck that could have been rough for a second I could have put a couple of pounder fucking hell man some stuff just doesn't make sense well hello hello the universe welcome it's shit nothing makes sense

do you mean the world not the universe I don't know isn't the universe the same thing no the world's the universe I don't know isn't the universe the same thing no welcome the world's our world right well welcome yeah listen

welcome it's bullshit anyway listen what's your beef I'll tell you what my fucking beef is tell us then that was beefs

with the world dealt with my beef with you is again it's one of these beefs that I've got that comes from it comes from you doing something brilliant

and fantastic and I'm so lucky to have so it always feels bad but you know it's a podcast so I like you in general this sounds like you're going to be awful Lewis

so last night don't judge me dickhead I didn't think I'd get away with that so last night was that a little did you just fart

no it's the chair I didn't I promise you last night you made me a lovely dinner lovely dinner absolutely lovely dinner like I said I've said it again many times I you made me a lovely dinner lovely dinner absolutely lovely dinner like I said

I've said it again many times I feel bad when it's whinging about the dinner prawn pasta prawn tagliatelle phenomenal

white wine sauce oh from scratch you're amazing you're amazing you should go on one of them cooking shows absolutely not when they're bothered

to ask you and wow I'm joking I have been asked actually I know I was joking so basically it was lovely can't can't follow it phenomenal um you remembered to put the garlic bread in i did

which you never used to do i've had it before hold back such a dick so you remember guys guys guys she remembered to put the garlic bread in she put four bits of garlic bread in for me i was buzzing right uh I even pushed me look and I said Rosie I went can you do us a massive favour and you went yeah and I went can you

put some cheese on the garlic bread and you went yeah so you got some and I looked in the oven and I was like oh garlic bread came out

and because they were like the little baguette things the ciabatta sorry not the baguette and the garlic bread

came out and there were four bits of garlic bread and three with cheese on one without cheese and I looked

and I thought okay then she's obviously having herself a bit which is absolutely fine and there's

my three bits of cheese happy days I sat down I think I went upstairs to put me off the bed I sought something

out and I just went upstairs to get something for you and then I sat down and there the

was half and half eaten cheese one and then there was a half eaten cheese one and a non-cheese one with one bite out of it and I looked down and I went what's happening here then and you said well I put one without cheese on for me because I don't like cheese

but then I had a bite of that and then I had a bite of your cheese one and the cheese one's much nicer so I'm going to have this cheese one and the cheese one's much nicer so I'm gonna have this cheese one and you can have this non-cheese one that already has a bite

taken out of it so I got instead of three cheese bits of garlic bread I got two cheese bits of garlic bread and one minus one bite

non-cheesed bit of garlic bread because you because you scare quotes, don't like fucking cheese. It just went, I don't know what happened,

it went really nice and it was like, like proper, just on the cusp of being burnt. Like brown on the top. And it was, oh.

It was great. The two I had, I could, to be honest with you, I could have fancied another. Um. Oh. It's the, I don't care, I don't care that you do it. I don't care that you do it in my defense no i have got i don't care

that you do it i don't care that you do it you're gonna have it you you cook the meat you could have fucking ate them all if you wanted oh well then shut your face no no it's the fact that you claim again and again and again and not like cheese i don't like cheese you're a fucking liar you're a fucking liar yeah yeah I like mozzarella cheese grated on garlic bread what are you going to do about it

although I didn't know I did until last night it's absolutely looked to the point you mentioned it I want it again honestly you and your mum

don't like don't like pizza wouldn't thank you for pizza you got any slice of pizza going Chris all the like pizza wouldn't thank you for pizza you got any slice of pizza going Chris all the pizza you wouldn't

thank us for fucking barriers man my beef with you so you read your little kindle on a night time yes

very canny lovely I love that you end up reading it's dead sweet hell of an invention yeah yeah yeah stop leaving them

on the floor right because Rafe picks it up yeah and he skips ahead about six pages so then I have to skip back you skip back

I have to oh that's fine I don't even realise no alright well I'm not going to do it anymore put it up a height because if Rafe touches it he will skip your page

and you're not going to find it again stop putting it on the floor I've told you put it up a height well don't let him in move it you move it for me no he can roam

that kid is free to roam wherever he wants. Free range? Free rave. Free range rave? Okay. Yeah, no, I do. I spilled water on my phone this morning.

I left it on the floor on the side of the bed. Because we currently don't have bedside tables, so everything's on the floor. Okay. Fair enough. All right, then. You could just move it for us, though. You could just put it up height when you finish with it.

Listen, you don't like cheese. I don't like moving stuff. Great. Potato, potato. I win. I win. I win. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix

series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit tso.ca. Thank you. May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre

in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public.

Public. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, marinoid at gmail.com. Now, before we do questions for the public we've got what

go on remember you didn't go for X go on go on oh I hate you so much right now I hate you so much right now

very good I hate you so much right now I totally forgot about that did you enjoy it well done remembering it yeah I love X X are just,

they're just such a beautiful little window into people's likes and dislikes and what turns people on and off. I love it. I've got so many of them as well. Wow. Right, ready for this one? Yeah.

Are you ready for this? Hi, Rosie and Chris. I want to share with you my ic and I think you will both find this funny and agree with me on this. Okay, bold, bold statement. Come on then. My ic is when you see your partner

this only applies to men sitting in the bath without bubbles they just sat there in plain hot water and their body is magnified under the water and their willy is just floating around exposed because there's no bubble back there to hide anything yeah it is monkey like why is that horrible it's a i'm very when you come to the bathroom and the bubbles have gone I'm very self-conscious yeah yeah

I'm very self-conscious it floats to the top it's very odd really really strange and it just doesn't it doesn't look nice yeah really really strange

I don't know how it floats I agree with that really weird yeah why does it no idea why a penis floats no idea they're not very heavy are they

depends depends cold you know it's cold yeah No idea. They're not very heavy, are they? Well, it depends. It depends what they're called. It's cold, you know. It's cold. Yeah. That whole thing, that always makes me laugh when people talk. When people talk about the size of a willy,

just because it means nothing, doesn't it? I think porn... I don't want to talk about past experiences, but growing on a shore and all that kind of stuff. Like, I've seen some willies grow. Like... Do you know what I mean, though? It's like a fucking...

Oh, my fucking Alice in Wonderland. Eat me, I will grow me let it grow let it grow wow do you know what i mean though yeah yeah you must know this is a man like you know yeah well i mean yeah grow up yeah i know you're right so you meet you mean like what it looks like flaccid is literally it doesn't make any difference to anything at all is that what you're trying to say yeah not always yeah yeah i've been quite surprised sometimes oh where did that come from anyway you know that's the thing though whenever someone has got like whenever it's like sort of reported when you're younger and we're at school or your college or whatever it's like reported that a lad's got a big knob he's always got a mate with him he was like the guy who always tells people that this guy's got a knob big knob it's like his he's like he's

hype man he's always just like hey you're all right i'm such and such i'm his mate and he's got a big knob you're like all right well that's that's your that's your future map out for you then is it congratulations i do kind of know what you mean. Welcome to school careers guidance. Do you have any idea what you want to be? I just want to tell people about me, mate. Big knob. Okay, good.

There's your megaphone and your fucking bell. Always, anytime you found out that someone had a big knob at school or at college or whatever, it was always because their fucking weird, scrotty mate randomly just told you that they had a big knob for no reason at all or whatever, it was always because their fucking weird scrotum mate randomly just told you that they had a big knob for no reason at all. They must hire them. It must be

like, I don't know, put them on a retainer. Alright, mate, I don't know if you're aware, but I've got quite a big knob. Would you like to do a walk around telling everyone I've got a big knob? Yeah, yeah, definitely. I'll do that, yeah. Do I get dental and insurance? How many holidays do I get, yeah? 20 days holiday. Fantastic. Bank holidays off?

I bank holidays off. Oh Jesus, he's still going. Hey Rosie and Chris, just listening to the latest episode and the pork-a-thon made me think of

a few stories. Yeah, that was, someone, I saw a tweet, I do read the tweets really. I saw a tweet and it was someone said

you know you've been listening to Shagmire too much when I knew halfway through the story that his sister was going to be in the tent. Oh really? Did someone guess it someone said, you know you've been listening to Shagmire Noid too much when I knew halfway through the story that his sister was going to be in the tent. Oh, really? Did someone guess it?

Someone said, you know you've been listening too much when I knew halfway through the story that his sister was going to be in the tent. Brilliant. I had no fucking clue. I didn't when I read it the first time. I'm still so naive. There's a couple of stories here about porking.

Brilliant. My friend was fingered by a boy whose nails were quite sharp and they cut inside her. Oh, my God. Why are you sending it? why am I getting told that? Oh God, I don't even have a vagina and I feel sick. Cut your nails, cut your nails, lads.

She went home, told her mum and was subsequently grounded for a month. Imagine that. That's a bit fucking harsh, isn't it? That's like, you're grounded until you're healed from the inside out. Oh my God. Isn't that bad? I mean, one, he didn't know he was having long nails because women

pleasure themselves with long nails. He didn't know what he was doing. A bit rough. I don't think women put their fingers inside when they pleasure themselves personally. I think that might be a porn thing. I might be wrong. Maybe they do. We've gone a bit dirty this episode.

I know. We've gone lucky. We've gone a bit real, haven't we? We've gone lucky. Maybe it's just me that doesn't... Am I missing out? Ain't nobody got time for that. There's another one here.

This is... I love this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My other friend was fingered by all five boys in our friendship group over the course of our time at uni, and she is now called the glove that was fucking phenomenal I've got nothing I've got nothing to add to that

that's just aren't people hilarious that's fucking beautiful that is I love right couple of things I love about this

love that it was just fingering love that it was just like fingered next one move on love that everyone in the friendship group knows about it love that I wish I was there the day they worked out that there was five guys and she'd been was it on on four were they like right now gary you have to finger her now because i've got a

fucking mint mint idea for a nickname so you're gonna have to put some graft in here mate because i have got the most belted nickname here oh my god that's lovely the day she fingered everyone it wasn't like you know when someone's like the millionth customer in a shop glove status oh man fun

the glove fucking great on the subject of fingering I feel like we might be the only podcast that talks about fingering so much

I think you are I think you are underestimating how many podcasts there are out there do you think there's ones that talk about fingering as much as we do

there's probably ones specifically about fingering do you think probably the finger pod the finger hi welcome to the finger pod yeah right well

we had a meeting with Acast recently and didn't they say something absolutely mental like they have like 50,000 podcasts there is a lot of podcasts there's fucking loads

everyone has got a podcast yeah although in reality, there's only one. It's ours. Oh. So. Right, that's right.

You keep telling yourself that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I felt the need to write to you following last week's fingering in a tent story. For God's sake. It reminded me of a time

I got fingered and subsequently got a horrendous nickname from the lad that did the deed. What? He gave the nickname? Well. That's not fair. My new nickname following the lad that did the deed. What? He gave the nickname? Well. That's not fair.

My new nickname following the fingering was Kit Kat. Two fingers. Why, I hear Chris ask. Well, it's because the lad said I took four fingers. This absolutely wasn't true, but the nickname stuck. Oh, that's not fair. Every time I hit a Kit Kat now, it takes me back to being a 16-year-old

getting fingered by the technology block. Four fingers! Next to the technology block, not by the technology block. She wasn't fingered by a building. No, she was fingered by the, like she was near by. Right, but sorry,

I don't use the word by for near, so fingered by the technology block, to me, sounds like a full building fingered her. Wow. No wonder it was four fingers. No, that's disgusting. And now she's making documentaries about marrying Bridges. She might just...

Oh, my God. Isn't there a woman who married the Berlin Wall? I fucking hope not. They knocked it down. I think, no, I think that's why she was good. Fucking hell. That's why she was good. I think she was... No, that's why she was good I think she was no

that's my husband fucking hell his pain is my pain no genuinely when did the Berlin Wall get knocked down oh don't just don't

just don't I've read that in a magazine let's not go heavy politics. People marry really, really mental shit. In America, people marry cars and that. Yeah. Yeah, crazy. Someone married themselves.

Right, yeah. I can get behind that. I'd marry me. Totally get behind that. Wasn't there a film back in the day about a kid who divorced his parents? Probably. But I remember being a kid

and divorcing your parents was just a really big topic. Yeah. I think it was a new thing when we were kids. I think it was a film. Was it? It was around the sort of

Beethoven, look who's talking, they're kind of, oh my God, can we tell everyone about the, you, right, the other day,

you started watching Beethoven 2, Beethoven the second or whatever it's called. And, I mean, it is fucking madness because when you look back they live in mansions oh like so guys i walked into the sitting room and just sitting watching beethoven with rave rave's not really paying attention he's looking the corner and you looked over at me and you went you seen this and i looked

and we're just in this massive house and frosy went no wonder our whole generation's fucked up because we just watched people living in fucking massive mansions on american movies yeah basically yeah you made a hell of a point home alone the house on that fucker father of the bride madness all of them live on millionaire's rule yeah they all live in massive mansions but then in beethoven doesn't she she lives in a massive mansion and she kidnaps the dog and wants like 10 grand or something but she lives it in a fucking like a house is easily five million yeah and she's like i need that ten thousand dollars or you'll never see the dog again you're like fucking really and and then no the couple so this that was it as well so the couple who own the dog yeah they're

in debt of like 50 grand yeah and for the company and they're like it's gonna cost 50 grand they're like oh my god we haven't got i'm like you live in a 10 bedroom detached house sell a fucking sell an acre of your garden fucking hell first world problems and realistic but yeah this is why we're all fucked yeah because we watch them and we're like that's what that's that's what life is it's not like it doesn't exist really doesn't exist not here anyway it was the it was the the fucking the frustration as a kid of trying to set up the same kind of home alone traps in your own house and going i don't have a top banister to swing these paint cans off where am i gonna swing these off there's no way to to tell. I don't have...

I can't do a zip line from my back window to the tree at the bottom of my garden because there's no fucking tree. Mum! Why have we not got sash windows? Matt, Dad! Can you dig a basement out so I can have some high drinks

with some burglars, please? No, I'm not sleeping in the loft. The loft, it's not even insulated. All right, then. Oh, have we ever talked about our loft in my old house, in my family house? No. Because we had a loft that got done out,

but it got done out wrong, and they spent loads of money on it, and they didn't complain, and my mum was really annoyed at my dad. Right. Because the bloke who did it out did it wrong, and he made an absolute arse end. What do you mean?

How did he do it wrong? How did you do a loft wrong a loft just did it wrong he boarded the loft out apparently i think my dad used to sit up there sometimes in a little sad little chair that's absolutely your dad's crack like sitting on a deck chair in the dark on a half-boarded loft next to a fucking christmas tree a wrapped up boxed up christmas tree well i think because basically the guy who did it put the window in wonky and it used to leak i mean my mom was like next to a fucking Christmas tree. A wrapped up, boxed up Christmas tree. Well, I think because basically the guy who did it put the window in wonky and it used to leak. And my mum was like,

what the fuck? Oh, so you put a window, like a Velux window thing. I think there was a window in it, but it wasn't a room. You couldn't use it. I don't know what, like we never, I don't know.

I always find them loft conversions weird where you go, hey, I've turned it into a room where you can stand up right in the centre. Nothing else. And you go, okay. And it's still got all of the stuff in. have turned it into a room where you can stand up right in the centre nothing else and you go okay and it's still got all of the stuff in

turned it into a room where you can walk in without bending down in a straight line for two metres then turn around and walk straight back out

but anyway it was not good I just remember my mum even this day she's still annoyed about that of course she is

like really annoyed excellent they're the things that keep you awake at night aren't they babadoo babadoo babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please keep me anonymous.

Always. I've just been listening to episode 179, Pokerthon. It was a really popular episode with the poking where you talk about the girls competing to get fingered

by as many of the rugby players as possible. It is so true that if that was lad, it would be horrific, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. It'd be awful, yeah.

Former Q ladies, there's a wankathon going on. Tumbleweeds. Police cars. It's crazy. I remember a similar uni game that the girls netball team used to do on a sports tour. Sorry, can I just say as well, that's not me kicking off going, double standards this, I put a bloody wank install out and I got no customers. That's me just, I'm just pointing it out.

I'm not like raging that my wankerthon that I set up didn't get much traffic. It's fine. Oh God, a wankerthon. I can't remember any words.

No, it didn't get any bloody walk up. No boogers, no walk up. Do you know, I got an Instagram comment this week.

I forgot to tell you about this. I got an Instagram comment, right? It was a picture of me and you having a McDonald's in my car and I was lent a bit forward and my boobs looked quite nice. Some man commented,

I think it was a man, saying, oh, your tits look great. I'd love to come on them. I was like, I couldn't think of anything worse. Listen, a compliment's a compliment. Why are you...

All the nasty things people say on the internet and you're all blooming, turning your nose up at a pretty good compliment no compliment's a compliment why are you all the nasty things people say on the internet and you're all blooming turning your nose up with a pretty good compliment that's a

hey what a what a gentleman that is honestly you just I thought she was dead

but yeah you know there he is there he is spouting Shakespeare on your Instagram I actually don't think it was

come I think it was spunk I'd love to spunk on it oh even better that's a bit nicer isn't it I mean for

fuck's sake who's writing that I know oh did you block. I'd love to spunk on you. Oh, even better. That's a bit nicer, isn't it? I mean, for fuck's sake, who's writing that? I know. Ugh. Did you block them? Did you delete the comment? Or are you meeting up with them next week?

I'm just coming round in about an hour. You going, bike ride, yeah? Yeah, I'll park my bike, yeah, yeah, yeah. At the door, I only do it at the door.

Oh, great. I'm not letting me in. Go on, I'm not mental. I'm not letting me in. Glad I've got that porch camera before I watch that later. Who's writing that on the internet? Was it a real account

or was it like a bot or like a spam or like a, was it, you know, a photo of a football bat? Oh no, it was like a troll that followed no one. Just imagine that.

Imagine setting up an account with no followers, following no one to just go on accounts and saying, I'd love to spunk on your tit. Again, I bring it back to,

imagine having that kind of time on your hands. Jealous. I'd love to have the kind of time. I just want to know where the sort of release or the gain is from that. The gain? What point? Is it when they press send us? When they're writing it out? Because, you know, they're not getting replies, I don't think. So what is the...

Where's the end game to that? You probably don't even check if there's a reply probably just do they just type it and go much like he spunk much like he spunk just drops it out there and moves on

yeah just spaffs it down and moves on well listen yeah still got it yeah oh great wow

these old these old puppies yeah that's the thing you'll hear good luck mate you'll have to fucking brush

the hash brown crumbs off them first oh this is a bit watery oh no that's bacon

grease from me bacon roll actually funny right okay remember a similar uni game that the girls netball team used to do on a sports Oh no, that's bacon grease from me bacon roll, actually. Eh, funny. Right, okay. Remember a similar uni game that the girls in our ball team

used to do on a sports tour? Sorry, can I just... Is every single story on this episode going to be about fingering? I feel like it is. I didn't go that far back. Jesus Christ.

This is a fingering episode. This is a finger special. Fingering Friday. We're actually... Yeah, we're recording on Sunday because we're actually going to the Edinburgh Fringe this week, aren't we? Yes.

So if you listen to this on Friday, we'll have been at the Edinburgh Fringe this week Yes So if you listen to this on Friday We'll have been at the Edinburgh Fringe this week We're not performing We're just going up To have a jolly old time And watch some comedy Can't wait Very exciting

We used to have To bring Tour items Right It was things Like socks and sandals For the entire week Right

A random vegetable That we had to keep on us At all times For the end of the week What Why They're just like games Oh it was a game Right okay Fucking hell Right. A random vegetable that we had to keep on us at all times for the end of the week. What? Why? They're just like games.

Oh, it was a game, right? Okay, fucking hell. A learner's driving sign, shot glass necklace and a shag band. Fuck's sake. Okay. The shag band would have to have the word shag written on it visibly and would start off around your ankle. Okay. Every time you shagged anyone while on tour this includes during the 30 odd

hour long coach journeys to italy slash croatia the band had to move up your body but right ej angled a knee to thigh to wrist to my arm and then finally the head like a crown of slagginess proudly or embarrassingly quite a few girls on the team managed it each year personally mine never made it all the way to my head but fair play at the girls that did wow fair fucking play getting their shag on my main question here is um is the band adjustable because i can't imagine something fitting snugly on my ankle but also fitting on my head it's either going to be baggy hanging around your ankle and it's going to fall off or by the time you got it on your head you're going to be in fucking agony because it's like putting a

oh yeah I never thought of that maybe double double wrap it around your leg or something oh okay okay I just like clarification on that that's all

okay I just thought it was quite fun very fun yeah slags babadoo babadoo babadoo hi Chris and Rosie please keep me anonymous

yep this is a story from 2011 with my husband at the time ooh the before times we were serving soldiers and we loved a party and a drink or two Yep. This is a story from 2011 with my husband at the time. Ooh, the before times. We were serving soldiers and we loved a party and a drink or two.

On this occasion, we decided to have a party back at our flat with quite a few friends. Got you. Beers were flowing. The women did the norm of standing and gathering in the kitchen, having a natter, and the men were all in the living room having a good old laugh by the noises that were drifting through to the kitchen. Okay. My husband was a stocky bloke, but some would call him a gentle giant okay i could hear some rather strange noises coming from the living room so me and my friends went to go and investigate as it had gotten rather rowdy on walking into the living room i was greeted by a

rather odd sight one of the lads had his trousers halfway around his ankles and my husband stood behind him with a grin on his face. It was only a moment later that the lad with his pants around his ankles face changed rather quickly to a grimace. Something had been placed inside this man's bum hole. In the living room?

Yes. Now the way this story unfolds, it gets worse. What had happened was they had placed a bet that they couldn't get a tangerine upset friend's anus. Wait, how did the conversation get to that? I've got no idea. And why is the fruit bowl in the living room?

What's wrong with that? I find it strange that the tangerines are in the living room. I find it weird. Why? Don't know. She'll be in the kitchen. So no one had to go through and get them. My mum's fruit bowl is in her living room.

Well, she's living in a lawless wasteland then. I don't agree with that. I do. Do you? Especially tangerines. Messy them fellas. Tangerines and oranges. Messy.

I think if you haven't got kids, you can have a fruit bowl any way you want. Fair enough. Because for instance, kids just take like a little bite. Ray started doing that. He just takes a bite out of an apple and then you see it and you go to have an apple and then on the other side it's got like a monkey little brown little bite taken out.

Okay. As well, can I just say a side note? If I went into our living room at any point and one of my friends had their cock bollocks and arse out, I would have to move house. Don't get your cock bollocks and arse

out of my living room. But they're all together though. The blokes are all together. I'm moving house. Okay. Well, do you want to hear the rest of the story? A hundred percent. Right.

Okay. They placed a bet that they couldn't get a tangerine up said friend's anus, but my husband was adamant that it could fit. I mean, fucking hell. So they put this to the test and with an almighty shove, he got the tangerine up his bum hole.

Jesus Christ. And it was stuck for some time as could not get the fruit out. Oh, it also tore. It also tore his bumhole too. Oh my God. Just throw that in as a fucking second thought. But it gets worse still.

After some rummaging around in this man's cavity. Rummaging. Cavity, Chris. Cavity. We had managed to free the citrus fruit. So they're all around there. So this guy now has got his arse out and everyone's trying to get a tangerine out of his arse. Apparently.

Even the people who won the bet have lost. Rummaging. That's a really hard word. Rummaging. Rubber. What? Rummaging. Rummaging.

Around in this man's cavity. Yeah. They got it out, okay. Great. But wait. Part of the bet that I had not been made aware of was he had to eat the fruit. I knew you were going to say that.

I knew. What? Why is he up for this? The husband. I've got no idea. Oh, so the husband's got to eat the fruit i knew you're gonna say that i knew what why is he up for this the husband i've got no idea oh so the husband's got to eat it it's the husband who bet him so the husband was like i bet you can't get a tangerine up your ass the bloke was like no i don't i don't know anyway sorry the amount of money you would have to be thrown around i don't think there's any money involved in this well that's not a bet then so anyway he had to eat the fruit did he peel it I hear you ask did he fuck

he stuck the tangerine into his mouth and probably still warmed to the touch from being freshly removed from his friend's arse we did not stay married very long after this is the worst party I have ever... Weird, isn't it?

Yes. We've got really boring friends. No, I'm really glad that... You're not forgetting that party in a hurry, are you? Were you at Simon's party? Which one was Simon's party? You know, man,

when he's flat, man. When he's flat and the lasses were in the kitchen and we were thinking no i don't remember you remember man it was um after new year no no everyone was busy new year so i had it after you know uh gary got a tangerine it was like yes yes i was there yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah skin on is it weird that i find skin on weirder than the fact that it was in an arse the skin on bit is rotten. I kind of could forgive the skin off,

because you think, well, it's been safe. I'm more disgusted. If you gave me the two scenarios separately and said, this guy had a tangerine up his arse, and then you say, oh, but this other guy ate a tangerine with the skin on, completely, I'd go, murderer, prison. Get that one. The guy with his tangerine

in his arse do you know what all I can say you've been sensitised yeah to items of people's arses I have haven't you

because that should have been more horrific really yeah no not at all we had that in it yeah we have said tangerine skin before

has he really well I had to stop him obviously but like yeah oh god Chris that's a bad sign that it's terrible isn't it you're so desensitised

wow wow god sorry everyone can I stick a tangerine up your arse again no bet

no bet in the world would matter how much money millions really crazy amount a tangerine

up my arse I'd do it why for money give us a number Really? Crazy amount. Tangerine up my arse? I'd do it. Why? For money. Give us a number. For financial gain. Give me a number.

He has a question. 20 grand. He has a question. 10 probably. Yeah? Maybe five. I don't know. The plot of Beethoven 2 would have been a lot more different if this was it. You can't have the dog back

until you get that tangerine up your ass for $10,000. Until that dog sucks a tangerine out of your ass. Last, I'd do it for five. Honestly, I would. I don't think they're that big. I could get it for five good honestly I would I don't think they're that big

I could get it up there easily that's just awful once you've had kids you didn't give a shit oh horrible no chance you're not getting it

mine's an outhaul the thing is as well what I worry about is what I wonder about with this story like if you're at that party and you are not up for the tangerine up the arse thing

you're stuck imagine like you're like that party and you are not up for the tangerine up the arse thing you're stuck imagine like you're like look I've got no I've got no interest in this I think this is disgusting I do not want to see tangerine up his arse

I don't want to get a tangerine up his arse but you know he's my lift home you'd know you'd stay and watch he's my lift I'm sorry Chris

it would be the best party ever no fucking chance if people are going around right for bets and you're not like you don't have to stick anything about your arse right

right I'd be eating oh my god do it no I'd be stood there going Gary Gary Gary

Gary Gary I would be like did the newbie's arse I doubt it it doesn't sound like it but I'd be watching and then consoling

Gary's missus yeah Gary's missus is there he does this all the time Gary's missus in the kitchen he does it all the time. Gary's missus in the kitchen. He does it all the time. Susan, he's a nutter. We all know he's a nutter,

but you're married to him, love. Yeah, but the worst one is that fella just eating it. Well, he's a nutter and all. Oh, hey, everyone. I bet you can't get it. Why do you always do this? Derek, why do you always...

Not Derek. That's your dad's name. Stop it, man. Steve, why every party do you try and get tangerine up people's arses and then you eat the tangerine? You've done it every... Stop it.

Stop doing it. Can we just buy grapes from now on? Fuck me. We're supposed to be playing Twister. Why does this happen? You bring that fruit bowl with you from your house. What's wrong with you? Thank you for listening to this week's episode

of Shagged, Married, Annoyed, all about fingering. Fingering special. Which is part of the Acast creator network. I'm sorry, Acast are so, so proud to have us on their creator network, creating, you know, doing creative things, inspiring people. With the fingering special, honestly, what the hell's going on? Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch,

shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com, send in all your stories. Maybe hold off on the fingering ones for a couple of months. No! No, just for a couple of months, just hold hell's going on? Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, shagmire.nauditgmail.com, send in all your stories. Maybe hold off on the finger ones for a couple of months. No! No, just a couple of months. Just hold off on the finger ones, because I think, you know, we've scorched the earth with finger and stories. Listen, next week, fisting.

Oh, my God, no. That's what we're doing. No, no, no, no, don't send them in. Do not send them in. I'm going to search the inbox. Anything with fisting is getting deleted immediately. Don't. Don't. Absolutely not.

Don't. Don't you dare. Bye. Bye. Bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe-Hirwe, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

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