Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 182. A little bit sexy

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

The Ramsey's return and yes it's still the summer holidays! Chris and Rosie talk funfairs and the law according to American movies. Rosie almost brings her acting skills to the beefs and the icks have their very own designated spot. QFTP's involve cling film, chicken wings and great balls of...something. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Lloyd with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. The hydrated Christopher Ramsey. Oh, don't. I've just heard, just before we press play on this, ladies and gentlemen, and everyone else, Rosie said, I took a drink of my bottle of water that I bring up, you know, to wet my whistle while I'm talking to you wonderful people out there.

And Rosie just said, I hate how much you drink during this podcast. I don't see you drinking much during the day, right? I don't, as a rule. You're weird. You drink loads during the night. Right. Not much during the day, but then whenever we do the podcast, pot just falls. It's really weird.

I'm a performer. I do stand up. I talk for hours and I realise that my throat hurts if I don't. How come I don't need a drink? I don't know. Let's talk more than you. Maybe you're not putting as much effort in maybe you talk

more in day to day life so you're used to it whereas when I do stand up when I do this it's an intense

this is the most I will talk the entire day by a fucking mile do not bullshit us you never fucking shut up

Rosie I'm a monk I don't speak for the rest of the day I don't honestly and I'm not allowed water because of my

new monkness welcome to this week's podcast hope you're all okay hope you're all well out there having a lovely little time I hate to go on about it but it's still

the god damn fucking summer holidays still oh my word how long left two weeks oh god Robin had longer didn't he

because we stupidly took him on holiday sick of it sick of it hope you're all good out there so there we go. It's episode 182. Nice. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative

lucrative sponsor. Now, a bit of a controversial one this week, so strap in, okay? This week's lucrative lucrative sponsor is hitting your kids. Hey. Hey. No. No. Hey. Don't you dare. You being giving your kids a good crack, eh? Don't. Is it You being giving your kids a good crack, eh?

Don't. Is it not quite giving the same ring it used to? Why not try hitting them with a Dyson Hoover? Don't. Stop. Is your child, is your child, listen. Hey, hey. Is your child running around the hallway downstairs,

minding his own business, having a lovely time? Well, why not fucking lace him in the face with a Dyson hoover and knock him right onto his back oh don't eh oh it's a

yeah this is it if anyone needs to see behind the curtain you can't work out what's going on yet this morning Rosie was hoovering quite vigorously

and Rave ran up behind her and basically got almost like hitting someone with a pool cue like you pulled your hand back didn't you? And just wellied him in the head.

It's a cordless one. It's a cordless hoover. And it was on a really smooth, it wasn't on a carpet, so it was on like wood floor. You were gliding. So I was gliding. You were gliding.

And I ragged it back, the connection. Did you hear that noise? I heard it hit his head. I heard his head at the floor. I heard the screaming. It shook the house. Honestly. Do you know what's really bad though?

He's fine. though he's fine he's absolutely fine he is it was fucking hilarious yeah that's the annoying thing it was absolutely it was like something off you being framed

at once well yeah so it's the classic it's the classic haha oh yeah that's it

your immediate reaction is haha and your conscience kicks in and you go oh actually that's quite bad the way that he like just he went off the ground yeah yeah yeah he didn't just fall backwards he like Conscience kicks in and you go, oh, actually, that's quite bad. The way that he just... He went off the ground.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't just fall backwards. He, like, flew. Oh, my word. How has that never happened before, though? I don't know. I don't think it'll ever happen again, I tell you that. Well, he might stop running to us now.

Wow. Oh, so it was deliberate. I knew it. The truth's coming out. The truth is coming out. God love Ralph, but he's so clingy. He's very's coming out. The truth is coming out. God love Rafe, but he's so clingy. He's very clingy.

And he just runs towards us like, ha! You were screaming, he was screaming. It was, yeah, it was an intense little moment. Oh, wow.

I was just looking up from downstairs. I was looking down from upstairs, sorry, and I was just like, what is going on here? Oh, gosh. We just sat on the stairs embracing one another through the trauma.

He was fine after it straight away. And then he was playing with a hoover for ages. He's going to have a belter of a bruise, though. Yeah, it's going to be bad. I've got a feeling when your mum comes to drop them off later, we're going to see a right shiner on his forehead. Then he bossed his lip. What happened there?

Your mum took the hoover off him and he just headbutted the floor in rage. Great. And burst his lip. Great. What's the matter with him? It's a disaster area. It's an absolute disaster area honestly when we went to the fair the other day more about the fair later on but when we went to the fair the other day i was looking so our friends got a little is he is he too kid yeah yeah yeah and him and rafe walk around like i don't know

i was kind of looking i was thinking about i was like if i was that size i would be terrified of everything but they walk around like they're fucking all the place kids got such a swagger And I was thinking about it. I was like, if I was that size, I would be terrified of everything. But they walk around like they fucking own the place. Kate's got such a swagger on him. And he's just like strutting. He's gorgeous. And he's pointing at stuff. He's like shouting.

And he's just walking around like he owns the place. And I'm like, you two, you two little children should be fucking scared of you and Shadow. Who the fuck do you think you are? But somehow you think you're the hardest people at the fair. Honestly. Now what's going on? I don't think I had that confidence as a kid. I don't know if I did.

I think it's a new thing. Just like, what's it? We're going over there. Who's that move? I want that. Confidence on them. Fucking hell.

Should we do the jingle? Yeah, well, side note. Just a legal disclaimer. Dyson are not involved in the sponsor in any way shape or form they don't want to be affiliated with hitting their products

off children's heads of course yeah but if you do want to come into contact with a burglar or you know somebody getting in your

house do do do them with a hoover hit them with a Dyson it was belter hit them with a Dyson

happy days so there you go yeah side note you actually get legally I think you get away with it easier if you hit them with something that's lying around your house have we talked about that before Hwyl iawn. Felly dyna chi. Yn ddibyn, yn ddiogel, rwy'n credu y gallwch chi ddod yn fwy ag efallai os ydych yn eu cwrdd â rhywbeth sy'n ar y llawr o'ch tŷ. Ydych wedi siarad am hynny o'r blaen? Rwy'n siŵr y gwnaethom hyn. Rydych wedi ddweud hyn i mi o'r blaen.

Felly os bydd y gwaith ymlaen ac ydych yn mynd ato'r gwaith â'r bat bwc sydd wedi'i wneud sydd â llwyth o gnaithau a llwythoedd yn ymwneud â'r gwaith, byddwch yn cael eu cyflawni yn union. Ond os ydych yn eu cwrdd â rhywbeth sy'n ymwneud â'r gwaith, fel ysgafn neu ffyn rolau, llyfn, rydych yn iawn. Rwyf wedi meddwl bod... Rydych yn iawn, ond mae'n fwy, sori, mae'n fwy, mae'n llai o'r premeditio. But if you hit them with something that was close at hand, like a hoover or a rolling pin or a lamp, you're all right. I've always thought that if somebody... You're not all right, but there's more. Sorry, it's more. It's less premeditated.

I've always thought that if somebody did come in the house, and this is just from when I was younger, and now, thinking of it now, I think, well, that's really shit. I always thought I'd grab a can of hairspray. Spray it on them. And spray it on them. Hairspray and a lighter. Oh, well, now we're talking.

Flamethrower. There we go. Get out. You nearly knocked your coffee over your laptop I made a full laptop yeah yeah excellent

I'm on edge great great yeah great dice on with death fantastic thank you we'll probably end the podcast there

have you been waiting to say that for ages I think we'll peak too early right I don't think we can so there's going to be a jingle and then an hour of silence this is because we'll be in the fringe yeah we'll be in the fringe

I'm all fringed oh well done I'm all fringed. Oh well done, I'm all fringed. Thank you. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap. Jingle! Jingle, jingle, babadoo babadoo babadoo bab, jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed. Lush Tavi is back. Yes it is, lovely to be back. Welcome back. I've just realised, you know that thing I said about a knife on a baseball bat and a hoover and all that.

I may have even dreamt that. Please don't ever take anything I say on this podcast as real. Oh no they will, they are. Yeah no, don't be like in the court going like I beat real. Oh no, they will. They are. Yeah, no. Don't be like in the court going like, I beat him to death with a fucking dice and air blade. Chris Ramsey said. Chris Ramsey said it was fine.

Get him in here. When Eminem gets blamed for loads of violence and things that people do because he said it in his raps or whatever. Oh. Look, I'm not, I'm probably wrong here. So don't be, you know, don't be tooling up with Hoover.

What a pussy! No, I'm sorry. I just got a kid scared. I got a kid scared really quickly. Sorry. Oh, man. Can't help it. God own up to it, man.

Can't help it. So, but that is the thing though, isn't it? Because in America, having people like invaded their homes and they've shot them and then they got done for murder. Yes, I think. Or are you...

I don't know. And having them being in court and people are like, they tried to shoot me and you are robbing their house. Well, that's the sort of grey area, isn't it? Yeah, massive grey area. I always just think about Liar Liar when he says that his secretary or his assistants

leaving him and just like, people like you are the worst. A burglar was on my friend's roof and he fell through the skylight and cut his leg on a knife that was on a kitchen counter and he got a and he got five thousand dollars my friend had to pay

the burglar five thousand dollars is that justice and Jim Carrey goes no I'd have got him turned it's fucking unreal I always think of that I love that film

most of my legal knowledge is based on lie a lie so don't take anything I say most of weirdly most of my legal knowledge is based on like 90s movies yeah yeah yeah as we knowledge is based on like 90s movies Yeah, yeah, yeah

As we said last week corrupted by 90s movies they all lived in mansions and they all didn't give a fuck Yep Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah What's been going on? So yesterday I went to Tesco

Oh Went to the local Tesco Well done, yeah In South Shields We've been in South Shields a lot during the summer holidays so I went to the local Tesco with Rafe and the buggy

There was three lads outside it was about four o'clock having a joint and I just thought got you just thought that's a bit of a waste isn't it why

just don't I don't really understand I thought back in my day having a joint was a bit of a social sort of like right okay

cool thing sitting sitting in a with candles on and that and just not outside of fucking Tesco Express sitting in a way just in a house you're going to see a shed well outside of fucking Tesco Express. Sitting in a way.

Just in a house. You're going to see a shed. Well, mate, that was for the bongs. Right. No. Bongs and sheds. No, it just seemed really... I could smell it straight away. Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, what? And then they were just outside waiting for the mate to come out and I was like, are you just having a spliff outside of Tesco Express? Probably just having a spliff and then just going to walk around

and talk shit all afternoon. Rosie, some people can function on... The amount of times I'm just walking down the street and I just smell weed and then just gonna walk around and talk shit all afternoon Rosie some people can function on the amount of times I'm just walking down the street and I just smell weed and I'm like if I had a joint in the middle of the street I'd be

comatose for the next six hours but people can just function I just found it I just wanted to say is that a bit of a way not I'm not condoning drugs here at all absolutely sounds like

you're actually saying save them for a special occasion don't touch them it sounds like you're saying touch them drugs are for mugs sounds like you're saying save them drugs are for mugs yeah

I just wanted to be like yes is that is this how are you man lads how are you get the house get FIFA on

I know get pizza orders we're not getting high while I'm here I've come I've come with a big shop yeah I know what you mean

it is weird it is weird it's dead weird yeah almost akin to someone being me doing it outside of a leisure centre or something going this doesn't work just a really shit place I know what you mean it is weird it is weird it's dead weird yeah almost akin to someone being me doing it outside of a leisure centre or something

going this doesn't work just a really shit place I know what you mean yeah but again it just fits into people's lives it's not like do you know what I mean

it might be in the third one of the day third? joking by four o'clock tenth even more oh they'll be up their eyes in it I'd die

I would die I'd actually die honestly tried it makes us feel sick I had one when I was really boring there'd actually die. Honestly, tried it, makes us feel sick. I had one when I was... Sound really boring there. Makes us,

I know loads of people love it, makes us feel sick. Yeah, that wasn't a big fan. Something traumatic happened actually when I was doing the old reefer. You sound like a fucking,

an under, you sound like an undercover cop in an American movie trying to catch some kids and they all go go you're a cop aren't you and you go no i'm just looking for somewhere to um light the old cannabinoids so does anyone know of any uh guys who might be selling the drug within the local area that i could go and buy the drug from you fucking square well i don't do drugs that's why but anyway there's one time I did

there's one time at band camp we were in a chalet at Ponton's and my friend Sarah Badger the fire started

yeah have I done a set of fire starters no there was a fire in the grill because we put toast in the grill and you weren't

meant to put it in the grill so I had a fire and then I've said this before I don't think you have and then well the fire was there

we had to save it and then sorry fire was there, we had to save it and then, sorry, the fire was there, we had to save it. The fire was in the grill. Are you stoned now? I feel like I am.

The fire was in the grill because the smoke, we didn't notice because it was pitch black because obviously we were doing it the right way. Right, sorry,

right, no, hold on. Watching the telly. Right, I've got it at the bottom of this here. Right, you're angry

at those three lads who are out in the fresh air in the sunshine having a joint putting it into their everyday life having a little spliff right doing what they want

you're annoyed that they're not in a chalet at Ponton's with a grill on fire in the dark are you fucking you are stoned now no anyway

the fire we had to save the fire so then we went in the bathroom and they'd left the bath full so we got the dressing gown dipped the dressing gown in the bathroom and they'd left the bath full. So we got the dressing gown, dipped the dressing gown in the bath and then put the dressing gown over the grill. Wow.

Okay. God. All stoned. You live to tell that tale. And I'm still alive now. Whose dressing gown? It was Sarah's. Right.

Okay. Good. Or her boyfriend's. I can't remember. Wow. Okay. Good. Wow.

Okay. I'm sure I've told that story before. I don't think I've ever heard that story. Oh, okay. Well, there you go. I'm just sort of trying to unpack it now and you know what Chris what

never touched a drug ever since never touched a drug ever since I've never done any drugs you know this I love that well I love the idea that you know there's lots of stories out there

you know drugs obviously have massive downsides there are bad points there's lives ruined you know lives taken but you learnt your lesson when a

when a dressing gown the hard way Chris I learnt my lesson the hard way nearly died lesson when a when a dressing gown was destroyed I learnt my lesson when I nearly died in a fire when a dressing gown was destroyed in Pontons

you know how much I love dressing gowns you do love dressing gowns nooooo I'll never touch this shit again travelling round the schools

travelling round the schools doing doing talks at the assemblies you see this kids this is a burnt dressing gown

and this could be your future was I wearing the dressing gown no I wasn't that dressing gown was innocently just sitting on the bed

and I had to dip it in a bath of second hand pontons and here's another thing kids don't empty your bath water

until you go to bed don't always leave a body of water in the bath with human remnants in it so you can dip a straight dressing gown in when you need to save the day

fucking hell just having a drink of me water there just keeping hydrated are we started ever yeah yeah started recording so everyone can hear us

have me water awful ick ick oh oh I've got an ick actually had someone told me the idea I'll have you yeah we'll have that later do you know Yeah, yeah. I started recording so everyone could hear us have me water. Awful. Ick. Ick. Oh, I've got an ick. Actually, someone told me the idea. Oh, have you?

Yeah, we'll have that later. Do you know what? I feel like I like ick in a Scouse accent. Ick. Ick. Ick. Ick. We went to the Edinburgh Fringe last week.

We did. It was fantastic. It was... Oh, God, Chris. Seriously. How much did we just not argue at all? Not once. Not one crossword, Chris, seriously, how much did we just not argue at all? Not once. Not one crossword, Chris. My catchphrase for the entire time, everyone would bump into the set of Here, Wogan, and

I would say, no, this is actually the first time me and Rosie have been away on a trip without the children, not for work, since 2018, which is true. Yeah. And we realised that we need to do that more often. Yeah. Because it was fucking fantastic. It was really. Not one argument.

No. Not one crossed word. There's one crossed word. When? When you took us the wrong way, so we nearly missed a show. Oh, I did. Mr. I Know Edinburgh Inside Out.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I've done so many years. Yeah, blahdy, blahdy, blah. Yeah, it's been eight years. I forgot. I went the wrong way. Anyway. I've got lost a couple of times

on that street to be fair that's me it's me it's me kryptonite of Edinburgh that street but yeah it was phenomenal we saw some amazing shows

yeah it was a really really good time it was just class and I just think it's sometimes really healthy to get away from your kids and remember why you got together in the first place yeah

remember what it was like when before you were just parents sharing the job of raising children it's really easy to forget because you just you got together in the first place. Yeah, remember what it was like when before you were just parents sharing the job of raising children. It's really easy to forget because you just argue all the time

because there's a stress of the kids. Like, just to the point of like, so the other day, oh, as soon as we got back, we'd been blissful.

We were holding hands in the street. Holding hands in the street. What the hell? We haven't done that for years. We got back and Chris stupidly

gave Robin his tea before Rafe. So Rafe went mental, obviously. And I was like, how do you not know that this isn't what you do? Straight away, as soon as we got back, we were just fighting again. Immediately.

Just immediately fighting. What about last night? Last night we ordered a Nando's delivery room and the wrong Nando's came yeah and it was all really spicy stuff that the kids couldn't eat but the kids were both starving so i'm standing trying to work out why this is the wrong thing and trying to phone delivery and phone nando's and i didn't try to phone delivery i don't know if you can phone delivery i'm phone nando's and the kids are screaming and i'm trying to describe to you what it is and everything is like salted peri-peri chips

extra hot chips it was like there's fucking nothing what can give you poor what was his I don't want to say his surname but his first name was Richard

right and his tea never arrived yeah Richard big shout out Richard somewhere in South Shields you were waiting for the spiciest Nando's in the world and it never came dude

and I'm really sorry sorry mate yeah sorry about that it did it it had to be no I actually ate quite a bit of it I took the so basically the kids

got two teas because I did steal some of the chicken thighs from Richard's tea and cut off the skin so it was just plain chicken dusted off some of the peri peri stuff

and Rafe had a few of them I did realise that once I went and picked the actual food up from Nando's and came back the one that was there was mainly gone

yeah I'd kind of gone big shout out to Nando's they give us a free bit was there was mainly gone yeah I'd kind of gone big shout out to Nando's they gave us a free bit of cheesecake as well for me troubles it's nice of them which I just ate before this

fucking way around yeah very nice I do love a Nando's another thing we did the other day yes we went to the fair yeah we did

we've been spending a lot of time at South Shields Fair invaluable place kids love it fantastic didn't enjoy it hungover no Didn't enjoy it hungover. No.

Didn't enjoy it hungover. One of the worst feelings I think I've ever had in my life. You looked like the saddest person in the world sat on them dodgums. Well, this is what I want to talk about. It was one of the worst,

most pathetic, saddest moments of my life, right? So we were queuing for the dodgums. So what you do is you wait for everyone to get off the dodgums. Everyone gets off and then you show your little card

and you get on but what I didn't realise was you then wait they don't just let you start going on the dodgems you go in and you sit in your little dodgem car

and you wait for them to fill up I was sat there for about 25 minutes it's a ridiculous system no one was coming on we're right next to the speaker it was fucking blaring

and I'm just sitting why is it so loud it's so loud and we're just sitting in a dodgem just sitting in a dodgem just sitting in a dodgem waiting for more people to walk past to go

I'll have a turn on the dodgem Rosie what if no one had shown up Chris I don't know I'd have been sat on a static dodgem for hours I don't know what the system is

it was crazy why couldn't they have just gone it was crazy money I don't know because obviously you can't get someone to jump on the dodgems

while they're going because that would be carnage all has to start at the same time all has to stop at the same time it's one of the maddest things it could be electricity. But do you know what? I was sitting there, right?

And I was looking around the fair as I was sitting in the little dodge and looking at the little sort of my little 180 degree angle of the fair that I could see. Do you know what really upsets me about all fairgrounds? What?

It is the blatant disregard for the way that they mix DC and Marvel. It's like some spider thing where it spins them around in the air. Oh, the Hulk! Oh, great, the Hulk's on there! Oh, look!

Oh, Iron Man's on there! Oh, Wonder Woman! Superman! DC and Marvel! Wouldn't happen. Yeah, okay. Furious. Okay.

I can't imagine the people who do it might not be fans like you are. Just... I'm just angry about it yeah I can see where you're coming from

but you've got to you've got to appreciate the actual skill of the drones they are good I mean the unofficial drones yeah the people who do the copyright

for Disney and all that if they went down there they'd die oh yeah their heads would explode but there's always a good pair of tits what? on a woman on the side of the thing yeah there's always a good pair of tits. What? On a woman.

On the side of the thing? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's always some tits flying about. I feel like those kind of, the people who do that kind of, you know, sort of 80s looking sort of meatloaf album cover

graffiti stuff that they do, I feel like they perfect the tits first and then work the rest of the body around it. And do the rest of it. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Ball and Alley's always

pretty spot on as well. Ball and Alley. Mint tits on the Ball and Alley graffiti art. Crack and pay. Eh? Oh, pins. No, it's legs, isn't it? Fuck.

It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Ladies first? Yeah, go on then. Go on then. My beef with you currently is you

have taken up a habit of oh I don't like it when I hear a new habit it's not a habit per se okay she's backing down

you I'm not backing down at all mister you started to fall asleep on the sofa of an evening

yes literally like how dare I no I don't mind I don't mind that per se but it's like I'm just

I can't keep oh this is your favourite oh what what have I missed oh how much have I missed oh fuck off if you're that tired

you'd have fell asleep and you wouldn't have woke up tit it's the fear oh no it's just oh fuck off the fear literally

what have I how much have I how long was I... I've fallen asleep here, Rosie. I'm falling asleep. Right, great. Okay, then. Well, I tell you what, let's go to bed

because I am also very tired but I do this stupid thing of making myself more tired because I just like to have time by myself without anyone asking us anything, right? So, stupidly, I go to bed too late but anyway, that's a different story. We'll go to bed. That's fine anyway, that's a different story. We'll go to bed.

That's fine. You're tired. Get yourself to sleep. What's that? What's that you've got? Reading a little book? Yeah. Reading a little bit of your Kindle, are you?

Climbing to bed and reading a little book. Hang on a minute. Thought you were tired. Well. Thought you couldn't keep your eyes open. Well, I couldn't. Thought you'd missed half of the film because you were so tired. Well, yes.

Time to read a little book. But let's be honest here. The rigmarole of having to get up and then scrounge through whatever fucking state the kitchen is in to get a bottle of water or whatever to take to bed, right? And then going upstairs, brushing my teeth, wakes us up a little bit.

So I climb into bed and to load myself back up, instead of watching my phone, which is bad for you you Blue light and all that I read my little Kindle No Right If you were really that tired You'd have felt

Head would have hit that pillar Sleep Gestapo here What's going on here It's just the noises Because we We watch the same stuff together Yeah And you're home a lot more

At the minute So we're watching things And I want to watch the thing And you're like Oh can't keep me eyes open Right you went to bed Early last night we weren't watching any

oh we were boom but did I go straight to sleep yes I did I don't know didn't even look on my phone I don't know

didn't even look on my phone you went up on your own I don't know so you're full of it double fucking standards look here man who do you think you are

sleep when I sleep when I say sleep when I tell you it's not that it's just the fact that you're like I'm too say. Sleep when I tell you. It's not that. It's just the fact that you're like, I'm too tired. It's the way that you do it. Last night, I didn't say I was falling asleep. I just went, I'm knackered.

I'm going to go to bed. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. It's the dramatics on the sofa. You're literally, this is you. This is you. Oh, oh. What have I missed?

Oh, God. I'm so so I can't I just can't keep my I can't keep my eyes open I'm gonna I'm gonna have to go to bed I'm gonna go to bed

oh chapter 7 what's happening here you prick I wouldn't mind if you went I'm gonna go upstairs to read my book

it's the dramatics that comes with it that's what tips us over the edge you can no i'm right listen case closed listen to your dramatics last night we'll put we'll put house of the dragon on and you were literally as it started you were like oh i don't know if i'm gonna make it through this i knew i was like someone in a movie who's been injured and they're on their way back to camp because i go on without me okay maybe this all falls down onto the fact that at the minute we're still in separate beds

because we can't be asked to do any sort of sleep training. Yeah. I am with Rafe. Yeah. Who sleeps horrifically all night, disturbed. You are with Robin. Yeah. Nothing.

Okay. Nada. So we'll go... He doesn't move. He doesn't move. He's fucking Al. He took my pillow last night. What it comes down

to is you don't think I should be allowed to be tired agreed there we go there it is there it is

not a quarter past nine you don't think I should be tired not a quarter past nine listen not a quarter past nine you shouldn't be giving it you shouldn't be giving it

I can't stay awake a quarter past nine if I'm still awake and I've been up since half five you shouldn't be giving it then you're a disgrace sorry have you hurt yourself you're a disgrace do you want me to repeat myself I can't stay awake at quarter past nine. If I'm still awake and I've been up since half five, you shouldn't be giving it them.

You're a disgrace. Sorry. Have you heard yourself? You're a disgrace. Do you want me to repeat myself? Historians are going to look back on this and say that was her. That was the sleep tyrant of the 2020s. Honestly, I'll buy a cap with it on.

Honestly, horrible. What's yours? You don't suit caps. You've got a tiny little fucking head. You are a fucking bastard! you've got a tiny little fucking head. You are a fucking bastard! I love caps and I look horrific in them! You don't sue caps. Okay.

I hear you. I actually hear you. I hear you. My beef with you. Oh, hold on. My throat's a bit dry. Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, gosh. my throat's a bit dry I'm just going to oh god oh gosh it's a swallow and you've got such a big gullet you big gullet and gimp that you are Robin saw my Adam's apple for the first time the other day and he didn't know what was going on

it was incredible you're just like what's that I might tell him you're a robot right okay yeah good not his real dad

robots would be allowed to power off at about nine o'clock wouldn't they but I got forced to stay up listen my beef with you is yes

so the other day you came down out the shower and you came and sat in the sitting room and I was in the sitting room as well I think the kids

had gone to bed I think they were already in bed was I just was I not ready I think I might have had a bath or something anyway you sat down

and you're like I'm just going to chill for a bit just in my towel or whatever i was like right okay or to dry yeah and you were gonna go and get us there was a cake there was some cake in the kitchen right uh and i was like is there still some cake and you're like yeah i think you'd said you something like you were sort of half up so you're gonna get us the cake and i remember that's all a bit blurry but what i do remember is me going well will you go and get me the cake i think i'd put both the beans to bed so i was like will you go and get me a cake and you came back with one of the most pathetic ridiculous excuses as to why you couldn't get

the cake you turned around and you said i can't go and get your cake because i've just had a shower and i'm still wet and i might slip fucking pathetic it was pathetic it's still written down it's written in my notes i wrote it straight down you were like that was it you went do you still want to go and get you that cake and i went yes please and you went oh but i've just had a shower i'm wet i might slip and fall and i went you are joking aren't you like you've just walked around the house with the towel on you've been soaking wet i might slip and fall yeah and then do you know what i did i got up and got the cake because i know that if you'd given in and went you would have deliberately pretended to fall you would have deliberately pretended to fall. You would have deliberately pretended to fall and I would have came through.

I would have heard a bang and I would have known it was bollocks, but I would have had to come through like 20 minutes later because you'd still be on the floor committing to your fake fall. You tosser. Horrible.

So true. Oh, that was a good excuse though. I was very chuffed with that. It came very quickly. I could feel your smile. I could sense the smile on your face as I walked into the kitchen to get me one bit of cake. Yeah, ref. Honestly.

I kind of wish I had gone in and got it because I would have done the fall. I know you would have done the amateur dramatics fall. Horrible. I might slip. Look how chuffed you are with yourself lazy fucking pig

wasn't even that wet then no you weren't no you'd been out the shower for ages you're a tosser absolute tosser alright man Jesus all right man jesus

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disgusting Ick I thought it was I hate you so much right now No change your mind No you've changed it It's too long

Oh that's a good one then Ew you're so disgusting Ick So it's the Ick section Yes Lovely Ick Can I start with mine Yeah of course you can

So we were in the Edinburgh Fringe the other day Is it me What Is it me? What? Is it me? Oh, God, no, no, no, no. Everything you do is amazing. It's so sexy.

So much, very, very sexy. Much, much sex. I don't think you've ever called me sexy. No, no, no. I'm a little bit sexy. Maybe once upon a time. No. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm a little bit sexy maybe once upon a time now I'm joking

I'm joking I'm joking listen am I a bit sexy sometimes listen how much have I had to drink in this scenario

depends on how much I've had to drink really oh what if I'm sexy probably sexy yeah so sexy great yeah good so how is it

we were in the Edinburgh Fringe and we're sitting we're sitting down the back of the Pleasance Courtyard bit. That'll mean anything to people who are in Edinburgh.

People who aren't there won't get what it means but just a little bar bit, a little outside bar area. And when the flyer and team from our management company actually came up and she went and gave

her a flyer for a friend of ours, Jade Adams. Yes. We've actually got tickets to her postponed tour which is going to happen after she's done Strictly. Good luck Jade on Strictly

by the way. Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba. Yeah, way yeah yeah yeah all of that uh don't because i get flashbacks when that music comes on i feel like i've got to get up and make a dick of myself um get shouted at by karen so the flyer came up and i said oh yeah we're with avalon she went oh and she was going to give a flyer then she didn't and she just ended up standing and having a chat with her and uh she said i'll listen to your podcast and she went i've got an ick and i went right so the flyer and team it's almost like they're on a little sort of summer camp thing they're always young young teenagers and they come up you know early 20s late teens and they come up in the

flyer loads yeah she said that she fancied someone else on the flyer and team and wanted to sort of you know get something going with them until she found out that he did an Edinburgh silent disco walking tour. Ooh. What's that? It was for the headphones on and it's like a silent disco but it's a walking tour and you walk around

you know when you see the people around and one of them's got a fucking umbrella and the headphones follow them and they've all got headphones on and there's a silent disco

walking tour and she went yeah I found out he went on a silent disco walking tour two nights ago and I'm just like oh no.

She fancied him for like she fancied him for like a fortnight and then he does one thing gone I would have loved that

was that on when we were there I'm not going on a walking tour I would have done that so basic mate so basic no chance

I've got loads of icks come on then there's so so many of them here's one my husband waves at me when he walks into a room. I love him. I instantly love him.

Usually in the morning when he wakes up and comes downstairs, but other times too. It's a proper fingers apart, childlike wave. It gives me the ick and I've just told him, morning, morning. Oh, I'm going to start doing that. No, don't, don't. It's something you would do.'s oh i love him already i saw him i saw him in my anxiety when you said it he looks like you he's my best mate he looks like you yeah of course another one guy yeah my ex used to cough so

much he would throw up every time he went outside in cold weather do you know what fair enough like fair enough I can't really defend that ick well if this isn't an ick I don't know what is yeah

he was shagging other people the whole time we were together so please don't feel sorry for his shitty lungs yeah no I don't feel sorry for him at all I mean I feel a bit sorry for him

but I don't normally with the icks I'm like that's pathetic you can't say you know what I mean picking up you know picking up something or falling over it's not people's fault but

i suppose that is do you know what i feel like this is this is people's beefs it's kind of gone from ix to people of the public's beef isn't it what i'm trying to say is i can't defend i can't go no you will still find this man attractive if he's just vomiting every time he's in the cold. I can't defend that. Can you imagine? Darling, the Christmas market's on. Shall we go ice skating? Me and you on a date. Yeah, definitely. Ice rink's closed again everyone He's back

Oh god It's time for questions from the public Questions from the public. Public. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. You go too loud there. You give yourself a fright. Like a dog farting itself awake.

Or farting itself awake. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, it's shaggedwoudynoid at gmail.com. Send your ick, send your stories, send all of them things that you've always sent because the class will love you for it. Thank you. Love it.

Hi, Rosie and bike guy. Thank you. Still bike guy thank you still bike guy I was on the electric bike yesterday oh were you I'm a bike

as someone put on thing I'm a bike guy I'm a golf guy fish guy bit sick of the fish what else am I I think that's it

I mean no no no that's not your chance to just insult me but okay no no I'm trying to be

a golf guy golf just takes so long like my mate said the other day he was like do. But, okay. No, no. I'm trying to be a golf guy. Shit guy. Golf just takes so long. Like, my mate said the other day, he was like, do you want to come play golf on Sunday afternoon? I'm like, well, that's five hours, mate.

Like, I don't know if I can swing that. It's a social, I'm sorry. I'm not going off doing four or five hours of social things. So if you think you are, you can fuck off. Guys, listeners, are you surprised I'm not allowed to go on? I'm not even allowed to fall asleep of an evening on my own sofa.

I'm not being funny. Golf is not a sport. You're a fucking tyrant. No, it's not a sport or hobby when you've got a one-year-old. Right. I don't care. Right. No.

Great. When Rafe gets older, Robin's age. Yeah, you'll find something else for us to do. No, that'll be fine, but not with a one-year-old. Absolutely not. I need all the help I can get. Great. I've been binging the podcast over the last couple of weeks

and have almost got up to date. Just listening to episode 168, where you told the story of the guy who used a shower cap as a condom. Brilliant. Loved him. He was a nice fella. I used to work with someone who once took a girl home, realised he had no condom,

so used the only thing he could find to do the job. Right. Oh, God. Do you want to guess? Mystery. The only thing he could find to do the job. Right. Oh, God. Do you want to guess? Mistress. The only thing he could find to do the job. So the thing that the joke

that people used to say was like a Snickers wrapper. People used to always say a Snickers wrapper in an elastic band was that one joke that people used to say back in the day.

Why? I don't know. I just don't know. But that was the thing. Snickers duo, more like. Am I right? Oh, yeah. Ding dong. Guys. Baby's arm. Long and thin. but that was the thing um Snickers duo more like am I right oh yeah

ding dong guys baby's arm long and thin yeah um chocolatey and stop it

stop it uh cling film bada bing bada boom have I nailed it you've nailed it cling film

cling film yes he wrapped the cling film round and round his dick until it was all covered, did the deed, but then it came off inside the girl. So he retrieved it, but his spunk was not contained by it. Surprise, surprise.

Fucking hell, what a... Of course. Horrendous. What girl, talk about the ick, what girl is there while you're cling filming your knob going, yeah, definitely still in the mood. This is the one, yeah. Definitely still in the mood for this.

I mean... Cling film... I mean, how hard is it to get cling film in your knob going yeah definitely still this is the one yeah definitely still in the mood for this i mean i mean how hard is it to get cling film off if you're gonna cling film up some bacon or something it's a difficult thing to do yeah i mean it's not the easiest and most maneuverable kitchen implement to sort of it's a nightmare it's a nightmare it folds itself in on itself it doesn't rip sometimes it won't come off the wheel you can't find the end no awful i can't can't promise i would have did the deed. How much do you fancy someone when they are cling filming their knob and you're going, yeah, we're definitely still having sex. Must be quite a lot. It's got to be a lot, hasn't it?

Could you still keep an erection? I think it would go down. With cling film. Just I think it would go down with the thought of it, maybe. You might love cling film. I'm thinking which way do you do it? Because if you wrap it side on, then of course you're just making a tunnel. What you needed to do was, I can't believe I'm actually which way did he do it because if he wrapped it side on then of course you're just making a tunnel what he needed to do was

I can't believe I'm actually going through this what he needed to do was pull quite a large sheet of it out and put it on the end of his knob like a long hat right pull it to a cone shape and maybe put the so you get the cone shape

so there's space in the top and then once the cone shape is on get another bit of cling film and wrap that around holding the cone shape on. Yes, of course, of course. Do you want me to ring Dragon's Den today

or first thing tomorrow? Get them today. Today. Right. No time at the present. Okay, okay. End the podcast and ring them now. Right.

Ring them now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Just rang them there. They're not interested. Right. Ring them now. Yep, yep, yep. Good. Just rang them there. They're not interested. Said it was too risky. Or done before. Can't remember which one.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. To Chris and Rosie. You don't need to keep me anonymous. I've met Chris. Brackets. I was the guy who wrote a letter in both Leeds and Sheffield. Ah, yes. James or something he's called?

Yes, James. James, James, James. And that is still one of the highlights of my year, so that's good. Oh, that's nice. So this is James. Okay. I was having a piss last night at a public urinal and an incident occurred and my first thought was, I need to tell

Chris and Rosie about this. Okay. Sorry, James might be the person I've had the most correspondence of in my life over the past year. I don't think I've had more than two letters and one email off someone ever if it's not about work oh well there you go nice guy

whilst having a piss a guy next to me was also pissing for context it was a metal one with no separator Chris should know the type I mean yeah yeah big trough we had one at school terrifying

big metal trough awful things disgusting we had one at school terrifying awful big metal trough awful things disgusting disgusting yeah I don't know why men have to stand in a massive big trough next to each other

and piss there's gotta be a better way but then again that is why there's never a queue at the blokes I know because we can just go in shoulder to shoulder

and just piss yeah you don't have to that's the main thing I missed during Covid you know not being able to piss right next to a stranger really

no not at all I'm joking so you know which one being able to piss right next to a stranger. Really? No, not at all. I'm joking. So you know which one he means? I know exactly the kind of urine he means, yeah. Whilst he was pissing, it was spraying back onto my leg. Oh, yeah. That does happen. Does it?

That can happen, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that can happen, yeah. It says, yes, that's right. Whilst I was pissing, the other guy's piss was splashing back onto my leg. To make matters worse, I was wearing shorts. Oh, I was going to say it's bad. My next sentence there was going to be jeans or whatever. Unless you touch your leg, you don't really know what's happened.

But imagine it in shorts. I didn't know this was a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It says, my mind was racing. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't move. I couldn't ask him to stop. I just had to feel my leg getting wetter and wetter

by this guy's piss oh mate I had to give my leg a little wash in the sink afterwards this gave me a question for Chris have you ever had a bad or dodgy experience at a urinal

cheers James Seahill thanks James oh god I I thought I knew quite a lot of stuff through this podcast and I thought you know when you think I know through this podcast. And I thought, you know, when you think,

I know all there is to know now. Yeah. Didn't know that there's the possibility of a stranger's piss splashing back at you at a urinal. 100%. That is the saddest and grimmest thing I've ever heard in my life.

So, yes. Oh, God. It is, yeah. Welcome to the world of the men's urinals. Oh, it's not a world I want to be in. It's a disgusting... Please don't welcome me in, because once you welcome me in, I'm...

It's a lawless wasteland. Horrible. It's a disgusting, perverted, horrible, vile place. So, do you... You've probably pissed on someone's leg. I don't tend to get that close. If there's not that much space, I will wait. Normally, if there's loads of people in the toilet,

I'll wait for the cubicle. I don't like we and when men are standing around extras i'm a bit weird like a little willy yes tiny yeah yeah i need to get all my equipment out like my magnifying glass and me you know me light um so yeah so if someone next year if there's a gentleman with a healthy stream next year and it's bouncing off the thing it can um i have seen people uh this is worse rosie so when they've when you've had them in toilets of bars and clubs i have seen people uh this is worse rosie so when they've when you've had them in toilets of bars and clubs i've seen people put their drink down next to their feet oh no and piss has gone in well they're pissing on the thing and someone else is pissing on the thing and their drinks next to their feet and i'm thinking well everyone's piss is going in your drink mate like

everyone's piss is going in your drink and then they pick it up yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's but do you know what's weirder do you know what's weirder though um him being pissed on on his leg um no one will ever know that that other guy pissed on his leg and he'll just get away with it scot-free not being a weirdo who pisses on people's legs anyone who walks in that toilet while james is washing his fucking legs in the sink he's the weirdo now you imagine walking in the toilet while a man's a man with shorts on is washing his knees and shins

in the sink but he's got it though come on dogs will be sniffing his knees in the street but just like why like

honestly baby wipes that's why having children you know amongst the great things about you know loving them

and all that crap having baby wipes with you all the time is one of the best things in the know loving them and all that crap having baby wipes with you all the time is one of the best things in the world literally someone's pissed on my leg gone

when they're too old for baby wipes what are we going to do I've always had since Robin was a kid in between having Robin and Rafe I still had

baby wipes in my car I've always got baby wipes in my car baby wipe guy baby wipe guy baby wipe guy fifth one there we go

there's another one. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Dear Chris and Rosie, no need to keep us anonymous. What's going on? My brother's partner kept finding what she believed to be mouse droppings on her bathroom for some time.

Oh, God. So believing... On her bathroom? On her bathroom, like, floor. Right. It's weird, that, innit? On her bathroom. We know what you're saying, like... on her bathroom but you know what she said

in her bathroom right okay it was me I said it wrong I'm sorry I'm sorry Chris okay so are you on a plane

or are you in a plane you're on a plane are you on a train or are you in a train you're on a train are you on a car or are you in a car you're in a car

we had an it language are you on the bus are you in the bus you're're in a car. Yeah, isn't it? Mm. Language. Are you on the bus or are you in the bus? You're on the bus. Oh. But the car's yours. It might be ownership,

yeah. I think it is. So I suppose, yeah, if you were on a plane but it was your plane, you'd be in your plane. You wouldn't be like,

sorry, I'm just on me plane. You'd be going, I'm in me plane. I'm in me plane. You've solved it. Thank you. It's ownership.

Wow. Wow. I got an A in English, you know. Nah. I did. I'm sorry, I just You've solved it. Thank you. It's ownership. Wow. I got an A in English, you know. Nah. I did. I'm sorry, I just don't believe it. I did? Yeah, you can't find the words to fight against us saying that,

so I believe you in less now. Great. What have I said of mice and men? Okay, yeah, no, you've already got it. To kill a mockingbird. Oh, God. It's not Easter. One more.

I didn't know you knew two books. Super Califragilisticexpialidocious. No, you just got back down to B. My brother's partner kept finding what she believed to be mouse droppings in her bathroom for some time. So believing they had a problem with mice, or worse, rats, as they had issues with it in the past, she contacted pest control. Do you want to say all that again? Why? No, I can't be bothered.

I'm so sorry that I said contacted. I think I ran out of breath. You sound like fucking Jim Carrey. Right, go on. She was given a time for someone to call to look and take care of any pest problems it required. However, when the gentleman arrived, she showed him to the bathroom where he started to investigate the issue. He then proceeded to inform her that what she thought was mouse or rat poo and had been picking it up repeatedly for some time was in fact little balls of human shit.

Oh, what? as you can imagine she was mortified to find this out and didn't know what to say embarrassed she let the gentleman out and then began to wonder how this was happening sorry how did he know he must know the smell he must be soft doesn't mouse unw rat poo go hard, like droppings? Poor blokes come in thinking it's... Because obviously, mouse droppings and rat droppings, that's his job. Human shit is not his job.

So that poor guy's had to go, oh, no, this is actually human shit. Can I leave, please? I doubt it'll probably be the first time. So what's happened then? Well, if you would let me finish. Oh God, I think I know

but I don't want to spoil it. Go on. She asked her partner if he knew how this could have happened and he said he had no idea. Oh, he does. He does.

It later became apparent that my brother wipes his arse in a weird way, standing almost upright and giving it a good old scrub, hence causing

little balls of shite to fly all over get in the shower all of you all of you get in the shower i will stand by this till the day i die get in the shower if you've had a shit i'm serious so she had in fact been picking up his dirty little shit balls that's horrendous that's she then caught him by using the face soap which her and her son had been using for some time to clean his balls on a daily basis. What? Where did that come from? That came from nowhere. My thing is, how long have you got to have

what you think are mouse droppings before you ring pest control? Months. Months. Months, Chris. That's horrible, that. That's just horrible. Great balls of shit.

Right, have you ever seen... I apologise to anyone who's eaten It's horrible that like That's just horrible Great bottles of shit Like Right Have you ever seen I apologise to anyone Who's eaten during this Already People don't eat During this podcast Have you ever seen

How hippos shit When they spray Yeah their little tail Goes back and forward And the shit They basically stick The top half of their body Out of the water

And their arse is on the waterline Yeah yeah yeah And they go And it just fucking He's basically doing that with a bit of toilet roll basically yeah he's standing up

turning around obviously and he's just and there's just bum nuggets just flying all over the room what a little horror we need to show Robin a video of a hippo having a shit

he would love that he would love that to be fair I'm gonna write it down you're gonna write that that's our life now that's our life now everyone that's our life

there's a little insight in your life did you ever think you'd be sitting doing you know dare i say it quite a successful podcast with your wife and uh your wife just quickly says as a side note i'm gonna have to make a note in my phone to tell our six-year-old to show my video of a hippo having a shit because he'll like it he will love it whatever it's just whatever you can do to keep me entertained in the summer holidays chris i'll show him the video and then i'll say let's draw a picture of what we've just seen and then maybe after that we'll make a cake i'm gonna i'm going on my bike i'm going on my bike dear rosie and chris hope you both well we are thank

you for asking good today actually um long time listener first time emailer yes i'm currently listening to episode 181. Okay. Is that last week's? Yes. Where you talk about the ick about seeing your partner in a bath with no bubbles. Yeah. I decided to write in as I have a similar ick with my boyfriend in the bath.

Okay. For context, I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years. Congratulations. Okay. All goes downhill after then. About seven years, you'll be fucked. Fantastic. We met at school and then both went

off to uni so we've never lived together oh after graduating uni my boyfriend moved into a shared house for his first job in brackets i was still living at home okay i would often go and stay at his for the week in the shared house there was only one bathroom slash toilet one time i was staying it was just us in the house and my boyfriend decided he wanted to have a bath he went off to run the bath and i needed the toilet so i came downstairs thinking he's only just gone down so i'll have a quick wee before he gets in his bath okay do you know i mean he's literally gone i'm gonna go in the bath see in a minute and she thought oh i'm gonna have a wee before you get in side note uh people who have baths uh when they're

in shared houses pieces of shit. Why? Just using all the hot water, aren't you? Just, oh, oh, you're all going to wash your dishes in cold water

and good luck having a shower. I'm going to lie in bath, like in warm water like a fucking hippo for three hours because I'm a selfish twat. Carry on. Wow,

this is coming from someone I feel who's shade a house. Carl Hutchinson, he used to have a bath all the time. All the time. My brother loves a bath. I love a house. Carl Hutchinson used to have a bath all the time. All the time. My brother loves a bath. I love a bath. I can't.

It's so fucking... The water would go ice cold after he had a bath and he would come downstairs in a stupid big fucking white robe that he'd nicked from a hotel. These big fucking red face. Did he have a robe? Did he have one on his hair? No, he didn't have a towel on his hair.

He always had his bathrobe on. Coming down. Oh, lovely bath that. I fucking... it was a lovely bath mate because i've just been washing me dishes after the bolognese in cold water that was the time the one time he used to do it when he did it really badly he would have he would go upstairs for a bath while he was cooking his mackerel downstairs it was like a double like a double pronged attack no hot water and by the way the whole place stinks of mackerel and he would do it in november when all the washing was on the radiators

because we couldn't hang it outside I had to literally chisel him into a real human being how long did you live with him for like a year and a bit

fucking horrific it was horrific I keep forgetting you've lived with each other god it was awful so anyway fuck you if you're having a bath in a house

here fuck you carry on absolutely not they pay their money they've got the shelf on the fridge yeah they've got the shelf on the fridge and they're paying but if you have a bath you should pay

more they should work out exactly how much a bath is for the heating cost the gas for the water and sorry for the gas for the heating it and for the extra bit of water if you want to meet her you should literally have a chart that says if you want a fucking bath you give us two pound fifty well listen pay for this bath soon i think are going to be a thing of the past. Yeah. Because everyone's raging. Yeah, yeah. Rightly so. My family WhatsApp group. Like, me mum's bought an electric blanket.

Yeah. There's a protest happening, apparently. Yeah. Then they're all going on this protest for the heating bills. Rightly so. Fuel prices, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's mental, isn't it? Yeah, cost 11.

Horrendous. Absolutely horrendous. Anyway, back to this. Yeah. Bath. It was upon entering the bathroom that I discovered something that gave me the worst ick.

My boyfriend was sat in brackets, naked, in a mostly empty bath letting the water fill up around him. Fantastic. I asked him

what he was doing. I'm not a bath person but to me, you run the bath and then get in it, not get in whilst it's running. Yeah.

He replied that he always gets in and then turns the it not get in whilst it's running yeah he replied that he always gets in and then turns the tap on as he can then judge the temperature as it fills up awful

to me this is very bizarre and I have discussed this with friends who also agree that it is strange is this as weird as I think it is yeah it's awful

I sometimes like to get in a tepid bath what and then put the scalding hot water on and let it fill up around us.

But there's already water in there. A little bit. But he got into an empty bath. I've also done that before. Horrible. The only problem with doing that... Horrible. No, I think it's enjoyable,

but the only downside is you sit in the empty bath looking at your naked body, hating yourself. Sometimes it's better just to have the bath full strip off get in you can't see that's what I

that's come to the conclusion that I don't like doing that anymore it just I'm sure I'm sure the film I'm sure it's Demolition Man

where he gets frozen to go you know he gets like jailed but being jailed isn't being jailed it's being frozen in time

and then he's lying I've seen it yeah so he's lying in like an empty thing and it fills up with water around him and then he gets frozen. That's what it reminds us of.

Reminds us of Demolition Man or whatever the film is. Do you not think it's quite clever though? No. Because then you've got the right temperature. No. But there's nothing worse... Just monitor it, monitor it as you're filming it.

When... Oh, you ran me a bath not recently, which I was very grateful of before you whinge. It was too cold. Right. You'd put the cold on. Uh-huh. Whereas,

because you don't have baths very often, or you do, I normally run them. You're more hot, you need more hot in this house. Great, well, sorry for running your bath, I'll never do that again.

Oh, well, I said, before I said it, I said I'm very grateful, I'm not having a go. I'm just done. I just feel like, you know,

like someone just sitting, like a bloke as well, just sitting curled up in his bath waiting for the water to fill up I just think of like Gollum from Lord of the Rings

just perched on a rock horrendous weird as out horrendous well so I sometimes this is how I've gone from

sitting in an empty bath I sometimes go in after the kids and they have really shitty like lukewarm baths so then you've got your base

do you know what I mean they warm it up while they're in there yeah there's loads of piss isn't there yeah yeah yeah they both piss you don't notice

both of our kids you put them in the bath they're like they're living their life they're being loud they're talking they're chatting they're gurgling away

you put them in the bath and there is like a good 30 seconds where they're just sitting silent staring at space and I go you're both pissing here

aren't you oh god I forgot about that anyway so I've got in their bath and then I let the I let the hot water just fill up around us sit in silence, stare into space and I go, you're both pissing here, aren't you? Oh God. I forgot about that. Anyway, so I've got in their bath and then I let the hot water just fill up around us. Yeah.

You're trying to make it sound luxurious but we just, we both know there's piss. Two, maybe three different pisses in that bath. Who else is?

Who else? Yours. Oh, why I? Hi Rosie and Chris. Love the podcast. Keep it coming. Nah.

Not going anywhere Last one Just because you want it We keep coming Fucking tell me what to do Tell me what to do Shut up Thank you Thank you for your custom

Thank you for listening Yeah I've been babada So What was that? I don't know I was going to say I was going to say

Recently Sorry I've been saying I've been babada Bing babada boom loads and i don't know why i just really like it i said it like me made step through the night she was just saying i went about a bing bada boom i think she was like are you are you all right so anyway stop doing it right great so i'm still a little bit behind just listen to 141 where you read the

story about the gran who was sucking on the edamame bean shells from the discarded bowl. And it reminded me of a story you might appreciate. Okay. When I was 17 slash 18 years old, a friend, Nicky and I, went to a nightclub and had a great night. Because they were good back then. Yep. Remember? Oh, I.

Remember when they were mint? Yeah, yeah. Now they're shit. We headed back to her house early hours of the morning with a few too many drinks under our belts. We were starving when we got back. She'd been drinking them, by the way, and not put them under your belt. Walk around like a bloomin'.

Oh, Jesus. She'd been drinking them, not sticking them down your bloody pants. Eh? Would I have had a better night? Dad. Eh? Dad.

Stop. Eh? We headed back to her house, bloody rather hungry. We were starving when we got back, so started rummaging for food. Her parents had been out for dinner that evening and in the fridge

was a large takeaway box of chicken bones some still with plenty of chicken on them. That's fucking... So my friend dug right in sucking off all the

leftover chicken and barbecue sauce before heading to bed. I love chicken wings so much but that's another story. I hate them. Later that morning,

when we were slightly more rested and sipping coffee in the kitchen, her mum came in and was asking us how our night went. When she saw the takeaway box with chicken bones on the counter, she asked if we'd eaten it. After Nicky confirmed she had,

her mum burst out laughing and explained that those bones... I know what you're going to say. Can I guess it? Yeah. Dog. dog for the dog the dog half ate them or something no all right she explained that those bones were all the leftovers from the whole restaurant she had asked their waiter for them so they could give them to the dog oh my god so i thought it was gonna be like the dogs ate a bit of them and then we'll put them in there so they got their leftover chicken wings from the whole from the entire restaurant so every single person who'd been to the restaurant that night yeah yeah oh god i made Yeah. Yeah. Oh God, it made me so nearly sick doing that. Oh,

so she just communally kissed every single person who'd been in the entire restaurant. Yeah, yeah. But what, I still, I don't know. Oh, hang on a minute.

Would I eat? Nah. So, I could be, honestly, I could throw up. I could throw up. Would you eat leftover chicken

from a chicken wing in the fridge? No, I don't eat fresh chicken wings. Remember the other day when I didn't realize I would eat like a leg, a chicken leg. Chicken wings are a, I don't eat fresh chicken wings. Remember the other day when I didn't realize I would have eaten like a leg, a chicken leg. Chicken wings are a little bit

more intrusive, isn't it? Oh, people, oh, she's got the left over. It's so sad, isn't it? So people like me who take the juicy main bit off and then I'm scared of all the rest of it

because I don't like what I call the bouncy bits that make your teeth bounce together. Oh, everyone in the shop. I hope she heated them up. Oh, that,

no, that's made me feel. Is it really upsetting? That's, like, I feel really bad. I feel, if I had to describe

how I feel now, I feel grey. Yeah. I feel like you've sucked all the colour out of me. Because you know what'll have happened, right?

So that woman'll have said, I'll have chicken wings and you know the chicken wings, if you've got any left over, can I have them for, right? So that woman will have said, I'll have chicken wings. And you know the chicken wings. If you've got any left over, can I have them for the dog? So when the waiters are clearing away the stuff, there'll be a little bag and they'll go,

put all the chicken wings in there because someone's taken them for the dog. And it'll just be everyone's chicken wings. But they're on the special board. Oh, God. Sad times. I feel sad. Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry to make you all feel sad. Sorry, God. Sad times. I feel sad. Okay, I'm sorry.

Sorry to make us all feel sad. Sorry, everyone. I reckon that'll be a tipping point for people. Do you think? Really? Yeah, I like what the spit was as well. Okay, okay, we'll see. Eating strangers left over chicken wings. Fuck, that's really ruined my day, that.

Chicken wings for lunch? Never again. Oh, God. my idea that sorry chicken wings for lunch never again to everybody we're very very sorry very sorry for all of that make me feel great absolutely awful you've been listening to

Shag Married Annoyed which is part of the Acast creator network I don't know how but I can taste blood in my mouth if you want to get in touch it is shagmarriedannoyed

at gmail.com please continue to send us as much as that story was horrific and all the rest of them are horrific. We do enjoy them. There's a very, very large portion of me that would be so sad if no more came in. No, I love them.

I'm fine. I could have chicken wings now. No, no, no, no, no. Stop saying it. If I see chicken wings tonight in our house, there's going to be hell on. There's going to be absolute hell on. So guys, shagmoudanoid at gmail.com if you want to get in touch

and shagmrnode.com for next year's tour, which is on sale now. See you there. Chicken wings in the interval. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hot dog and bologna. Chicken and macaroni.

Chilling with my homies. Bye. Bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.