Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 185. Anchor Pants

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

It's a 'Questions from the Public' Special! Chris and Rosie catch up on some of your questions! There are icks, a revengeful DJ, a sad story about a goldfish and some unsavoury student accommodation. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishikesh Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag My Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. dot ca We could sort of fake it in a way and we could go like, oh, hey, as if people... Pretend that it's that weekend. What have you been up with this weekend?

Here's an anecdote of ages ago that I never told, but no, we're straight with you. Straight up. We're straight with you. We're straight up. We're busy as fuck this week. We recorded these last week.

Some questions from the public. Did a fuckload of them. We've got some icks. We've got some great stories coming at you. Do you know what, though? Anything bad, times money. Anything bad, quick, snappy. No.

Snappy. Don't you dare click your fingers at me ever again. I'll cut them off. Not on my roof. Wow. Sometimes I think it might be nice just to have the ones like this. Do you not think?

A little question from the public special. I know they are. It's nice to have an extended sort of interact, not an interaction, an extended catch up, if you will, with the people who make this podcast what it is. The sick perverts who send stuff in, it's nice

for them to get their own little episode now and then Do you know what, there's still so many emails and if you've got anything to tell us, shagmaridanoid.gmail.com keep them coming, absolutely Hope you enjoy this little episode Yeah, enjoy, bye Bye Bye. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle.

So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Jingle. Good day to you Chris and Rosie. Rosie and Chris.

No arguments on name order please. Great. I was listening to episode 23 or and Rosie. Rosie and Chris. No arguments on name order, please. Great. I was listening to episode 23 or 24. My God. Wow. Take it back now, y'all. The one with the guy who cleans his teeth with the drawstring of his hoodie.

Remember that one? Oh, I remember him. And carries around a Kirby grip to clean his ears with. Remember that one? Yeah, yeah. The fucking Swiss Army Dirty Sod. Swiss Army Dirty Sid. Imagine. Swiss Army Dirty Sid. Yeah.

Imagine if he was called Sid. I have a similar story. Please keep me anonymous because this story gives me the heebie-jeebies and I wouldn't want people to know this happened to me. When me and my husband were first going out, I would spend a lot of time in his parents' house as we lived nearby each other.

Okay. This meant I often stayed over. Mine and his parents had no issue with this, in brackets, as we were nearby each other this meant i often stayed over mine and his parents had no issue with this in brackets as we were 19 at the time well i should think not isn't it funny what what age people's parents are still annoyed by stuff what do you mean at 19 if our lads are like can i stay i'll be like get out of the house don't care where you are sleeping in the same room i always find it weird i don't know what we're going to be like as parents but my mom and dad as soon as i was like 15 they were like i

was like such and such a stain over my boyfriend at the time they're like yeah cool yeah it's probably why you're a big slag now or why i didn't why i wasn't as much of a slag honestly i think it's to do with hearing it i think it's to do with people going i do not want to hear you shagging i don't want to know what's happening so the whole not under my roof thing i don't think it's like you know you want to shag and get the fucking bus stop i feel like it's a i don't want there's nothing more oppressive than listening to people than being able to hear people shagging if you're in a hotel and you hear people fucking rattling each other in the next room and if it's your if it's your parents, I get that. And if it's your kids, oh God. But at the same time, I do think some parents were crazy strict. Yeah.

To the point where they were actually so strict that their daughter, mostly daughters, wasn't, well, that's from my, what's the word? Because I was obviously a girl, growing up with other girls. They were the worst. Yeah? They were the worst.

The ones with the strict parents slags pure slags and just and just lying through the skin and the teeth to the point where their parents thought that they were like perfect and you could see how judgy they were about other people oh well they let them i remember once um I was friends with somebody and I think the man found out that my boyfriend was allowed to sleep at my house. And she literally was like, I can't believe that your parents let your boyfriend stay over. Must have been 16, right?

And I was like, your daughter is an absolute slag. And you have no idea. And you know when you're just like are you for real imagine if you actually said it I think you'll find I think you'll find Mrs. whatever your daughter has got spunk in her hair so

look at that and I just had to sit there going yeah yeah anyway so they're 19 and they're at each other's house so at this time i would keep a lot of makeup and hair stuff at his parents house okay because i am a lazy fucker and didn't want to go back and forth is it laziness or efficiency i think it's a bit of both babe i think it's efficient i think it's very efficient good for you me too me too anyway one day i was getting ready to go into town in the family bathroom.

Time to do my hair. I'll grab a hair grip, I thought. I usually left these in a little pile on the shelf next to the sink. I put a few in, brackets two or three, and needed one more. So I picked one up and needed to turn it round and open it up. Now, I am an utter scruff, so to do this, I normally place the grip between my teeth, then sort of slide my fingernail in the middle to separate the prongs. Rosie, I hope you know what I'm talking about. Absolutely, it's not scruffy at all.

It's called being clever and multitasking. I'm preparing myself for what she's found in the middle of this. Anyway, I did this. Slid it out of my teeth and put it in my hair. I felt something in my tooth. Oh, God. It was sticky. It was tangy. Oh, sticky. It was tangy. Oh Jesus.

It was earwax. Oh! After gagging and questioning my life choices I immediately brushed my teeth and asked my boyfriend

why the fuck there was earwax on my hair grips to which he replied his dad regularly Dad! His dad!

Regularly used them to clean his ears with regularly and would just put them back in the pile why is it worse that it's the dads and not the boyfriends I don't know why it's dad earwax is something worse about it

old old monkey dad earwax less of the old slagging off dads please no it's true old monkey dad earwax I don't know how long this was going on for and how long my hair was riddled

with in with in-law earwax but I swiftly moved my hair grips into my makeup case and replaced them with cotton buds oh god

then again I've got to say though don't don't be leaving your ear your hair fucking grips all around other people's houses

and expect them not to either throw them away or use them for something oh come on oh fuck hair grips man I'm honestly I've mentioned it before but it's ridiculous fucking grips all around other people's houses and expect them not to either throw them away or use them for something. Oh, come on. Oh, fuck hair grips, man. Honestly, I've mentioned it before, but it's ridiculous how many,

there's so many in our house, just everywhere. And you find them and it's like you found a £20 note. You're like, oh, I meant the hair grip. Oh, yeah, there is one there, Rosie, because you just take them off and just fucking throw them around the house like confetti. It's mad. I mean, I don't do that. They just get everywhere.

I don't know why. Have a pot, take them out, put them in the pot, call it the pot that they go. It's mad. I mean, I don't do that. They just get everywhere. I don't know why. Have a pot. Take them out. Put them in the pot. Call it the pot that they go in and have it. Always take them out there

and always put them in there. Nah. Okay. Can't live like that. Good job. Sometimes, when I'm making tea, I get a bit of a headache

because my hair's been in too long. So I take them out and I put them on the side. Awful. What are you going to do about it? The horror. Do you know what's funny? I can just imagine

that dad being like, yeah, I'm on my roof, eh? Yeah, you too. I don't know what it is. Not again. I wouldn't blame him if he had a quick pick of the bum either. Good on him.

Good on the fella. My house, my rules. Right, okay. Well, no, because we've got two sons and if they've got girlfriends in years to come. Listen.

I would tell you off. If I caught you using one of one of our lads girlfriends yeah like hair grips i would absolutely bollock you just nah under my roof you bring that into my house i'm allowed to use it for whatever i want i want to pick my arse with your tongs are you excited to see it under my roof not under my roof I'm very excited I'm very excited to tell people to put a jumper on I'm very excited

to shout we're going to be this winter holy shit while you're born in a barn and slam the doors and under my roof

and my house my rules a lot of things I'm ready to I'm really really ready to put them into general rotation can't we

do you want to practice on me dead quick yeah how are you doing what are you doing over All right, okay. Whoa, what are you doing over there, the thermostat?

Oh, I'm just dying, man. It's freezing. I'm just turning the heat on. Eh, eh, eh, eh. Put a jumper on if you're cold. Oh, that felt good, that. Oh, that felt really nice, that. I go,

weirdly, I got all warm soon. What about this one? What about this one? Where? How long was that? Five minutes shower you just had up there? Eh? Five minutes shower? Not under my roof, minutes shower not under my roof sunshine but bath a fucking bath you'll have a shower

and i'll time you when you get your own house you can do what you want but while you live here my house my rules get a dog when you move out yeah i felt good as well i know i feel all alive fucking jackpot let's do it hi rosie and chris in this week's episode or the one just gone you were beefing with rosie about sneezing with a mouthful yep her response was to ask what else are you supposed to do in that situation well rosie i once went out for a meal with my new boyfriend and his family it was my first time meeting his parents halfway through dessert i felt a sneeze coming on i had a mouthful of chocolate cake and I knew I couldn't stop it. All I could

think to do was sneeze into my hand, leaving me with a handful of half-chewed cake and snot. Thankfully, nobody seemed to have heard the sneeze. And so, with my hand still over my mouth and in one swift motion, I discreetly popped my handful

of mushy, snotty chocolate cake back into my mouth and in one swift motion i discreetly popped my handful of mushy snotty chocolate cake back into my mouth and pretended like nothing had happened so there is your answer rosie uh i'm not doing that no no you would rather just sneeze all over the table in my drink and everything that was there well just because it was in front of you but actually maybe could you not have done it in the tissue could you not just put it in the tissue didn't have time it's obviously came straight on or the sneeze from the hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, but then she's going,

I'm wiping all this into the tissue and then it looks like she's literally wiping shit from her hand and everyone goes, what's that? So she just discreetly... It's always things like this that make me laugh because why do we do this around people? Why do we get so embarrassed about things when everybody does this?

Yeah. Everybody at one point in their life has sneezed with something in their mouth. Oh, yeah. We get so embarrassed about stuff, don't we? If you sneezed with something in their mouth we get so embarrassed about stuff if you ever sneeze with stuff in your mouth

and it's ended up in your nose and you've had to snuff it back down into your mouth and swallow it yeah yeah of course the other week

on that job I did do you know how many times I needed a pump Chris I'm not even joking at one point I live with you so I imagine at one point

we were getting photos taken by the professional photographer right I think I'm on one leg because I'm falling i swear to god and you know what you're like why am i everybody farts but obviously i can't fart and he was taking the picture and i'm holding a pump and i swear to god i think i'm gonna be like tilted holding one cheek or like i think at the time was that corn pump pump no I couldn't man you got it man honestly Marine Margolis

set a heaven knocked them out knocked them out like it was going out of fashion respect respect I don't think she gives a shit does she

legend nah she doesn't that's why it's cool as fuck if you did it it would be disgusting but when she does it it's really fucking cool babadoo babadoo babadoo

bah hello Chris and Rosie I've just been listening to the story where the child vomited in the bolognese yes good story classic that classic I agree that it was totally wrong and don't understand Hello Chris and Rosie I've just been listening to the story where the child vomited in the bolognese Yes Good story

Classic that Classic I agree that it was totally wrong and don't understand why they didn't scrape it off the off the layer

and said we'll never understand why they didn't just scrape it off the top Sturdy then Fuck anonymous Sturdy then

Anyway this reminded me of a story my grandad used to tell me about his childhood and thought it could be a good

Rosie's Mysteries When he was a child they had three goldfish and it was his job to clean's mysteries oh when he was a child they had three goldfish and it was his job to clean them out okay one time he was cleaning out the tank and the bucket he placed the fish in started to leak in a moment of panic the only thing he could think to put them in was oh uh a pan? Pan? Is that what you're going with? Where is he?

The sink. What are you going with? Pan or sink? Pan in the sink. No, the sink. In a moment of panic, the only thing he could think to put them in was a pan full of potatoes ready for dinner. Without realising, my great-grandma then put on the hob to cook and mash the poor goldfish into the potatoes for her shepherd's pie.

When my grandad realised, he told his mum, who then told him not to mention anyone and she would replace the goldfish in the morning. Needless to say, my grandad wasn't very hungry that night, but his dad said it was the best shepherd's pie she's ever made. That's horrendous. Isn't it? That's horrendous.

How did she not notice? But then again, if she's making dinner, if she's busy, you might not notice. It almost sounds like one of them ones that could be an urban myth, but I'm not bothered because it's a really good story and I enjoyed it.

Who knows? Maybe they've just, like, do you think they would have, like, melted? Melted? What's the word? Hot, really hot, boiled, and then mashed. That's fucked up. But it did add a nice sort of, like... I bet you should boil it

and then just pick the fish out. Who knows? Boil it and then pick the fish out. You must have. Believe what you want. Or, yeah, boil it and then, but told him, you know it and then pick the fish out. You must have. Believe what you want. Or, yeah, bald it and then, but told him,

you know, well, I had to mash them in. Like, you know, they used to wind kids up a lot more. You know what I mean? It was always like, someone will climb through the window and kill you.

It was where, like, eh, you'll be fine. Yeah, it was probably like that. You're not allowed to wind kids up anymore. No, you're not allowed to wind them up anymore, yes, it was probably more like that. It's so bad that I'm so mad that I'm going to be so upset. Yeah. That there will be, though. I can't be, I can't be, that's the thing, though, people used to wind kids up anymore. No, you're not going to wind them up anymore. Yes, it was probably more like that. It's mine. I'm going to be so upset.

Yeah. That there will be, though. I can't be. That's the thing, though. People used to wind kids up and tell ghost stories and all that. But then you've got to deal with the fallout of, I'm not going to sleep. I'm scared.

So why am I going to do that? I'm like, no, everything's fine. Go to sleep. No, you're right. I think sometimes it's just gone a bit too far the other way, hasn't it? What? You're not allowed to tell them that you've mashed up fish? No, I don't know.

God. What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? Robin got really upset at something when he was younger that I said, that my nana... So my nana Bridget used to always say, I'm going to like...

She'd be like... She'd tickle me and then grab my bum. And she'd be like, I'm going to slice that bum off and I'm going to have it in a sandwich between two bits of bread. And it was hilarious. It was funny. Oh, it sounds it.

But she'd be joking. And she'd be like, pretending'd be like pretending to slice your bum no no no right so i've heard i've heard i think we've all heard oh look at that little bum oh i could eat it oh you're so cute i could eat you i've never heard anyone describe the preparation method uh of how she was gonna slice your bum yeah yeah put it in my sandwich no no no just tell me right now you're cute you're cute you're bloody cute and you've got a lovely little bum

right and you're a gorgeous little grandchild and I don't just want to eat it I'm going to tell you exactly how I'm going to cook and prepare right I'm going to slice it off right

vigorously I'm going to slice it off and I'm going to cut it up right and I'm going to have it in a sandwich right white bread I'm going to have it with white bread

butter right mayonnaise salt and pepper like what the fuck's wrong with her right no it was lovely

it was a lovely moment I look back fondly on that sounds awful so you said it to Robin so I did that to Robin when he was about three he started crying

of course he did of course he did because you told me you were going to cut his arse off pathetic yeah ref haven't ever done it since

god honestly used to love that yeah nutter babadoo babadoo babadoo hi Rosie and Chris I've been listening to the podcast a while now

and decided it was my time to share some icks I've been around the block a few times in brackets or should I say around the cock so I have a bit of a list

brilliant enjoyed that a lot once I saw a man chase a bag for life around a Tesco car park I didn't know him but man it's just not worth it but it's for life Rosie it's for life worth it. But it's for life, Rosie.

It's for life. That is your bag for life. That's a commitment. You buy that bag, that is your bag for life. You can't let the wind just take it. This next one, this broke me when I read it. I had an ex-partner who was on the slimmer side, so to save money, he bought children's underwear.

No, no. If you didn't think that going down on a bloke and finding children's brief was bad enough, No! No! Ahoy there, matey! That's vile. Anger pants! That's so bad, I'm sorry. That's vile. Anger pants! That's so bad. I'm sorry. What are you doing?

What are you doing? How little are you? I don't know. I don't know. Honestly. We're trying to get kids' kegs. Buy small men's and get them taken in. You're kind of

be buying kids' kegs and getting sucked off whilst wearing kids' kegs. A little anger's on them. Vile. That's fucking minging. I was dating a guy for a while and it was going great.

Until he leant over the banister in the hallway to speak to my mum. Who was downstairs at the time. And his posture was so straight that his bum stuck out. Almost as if he was offering up to me like a cat in heat. I've never been drier. And let's just say I ushered him out of my home and we haven't spoke since that's the thing that's the thing right

look blokes if there's blokes out there if there's blokes out there who you thought was going really really well with a woman and then just went completely cold on you

for no reason it's something fucking weird like that why are we ridiculous it's something weird like you've you've had you've bent over

and you know how he sounds like he's got a bloody lovely bum by the sounds of things. He's got a lovely posture, sticks his little bum out. Oh no, I don't like that. Gone,

or you know, she doesn't like your little Spongebob square pants boxer shorts. Unbelievable. I know, I know. Unbelievable.

There's been loads of things when I've, like in the past when I've got, when I've been with someone I've just been like, oh God. Wow.

Yeah, fun. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hello Rosie and Chris Chris just listening to episode 183 with Chris describing his technique to stop the dick dribbles after oh Jesus what the fuck after peeing at the urinals oh thank god right okay Jesus when you shake it

right yeah yeah and it said in fact I've never said that before in my life just seemed appropriate to give it a name yeah happy days reminded me of a quick ick for you lovely my husband and I were on a country walk. I had to go for a pee. I squatted behind a tree and my husband called out, don't forget to shake the lettuce.

Fucking hell. What a grim phrase. And that's thanks from Bex in Surrey, naming and shaming her husband, Leon. That's disgusting. Don't forget to shake your lettuce. Lettuce. Oh, come on man

dear chris and rosie i am currently sitting on the tube facing and facing a man who is using a floss pick on his teeth inspecting the content eating some of it and wiping the remains of a tissue on his lap fucking pig dirty horrible. He seems to have no idea that this is strange. What the fuck is wrong with people? Eating it. Eating it's bad. Right. One. Flossing on the train. Get in the bin. I know. Get yourself in the bin right now.

Have you seen the video that went viral of the woman shaving a vagina on the train? On the tube? No. Have you not? Shaving her vagina on the tube on the tube no have you not shaving her vagina on the tube there was a there was a

there's a video tube or subway because this sounds like it's in America I don't know I couldn't tell sorry any Americans listening

I'm really sorry I'm really sorry for that swooping generalisation but come on do you know why you've done that generalisation because America's just so much bigger

that's why it seems like crazy America but there's just so many more people in America that's why that's why it seems like crazy America, but there's just so many more people in America. That's why. That's why. Yeah, so this woman is sat

like bending down, kind of stretching her skin and just like shaving the top part of her vagina. I've been tagged in it so many times.

Please stop tagging me. Because I've seen it now. On the train. Can't unsee it. Has she got a little cup of water that she's shaking it in you or something? No. No, no, no, no.

No. Where's she putting it? She's tapping it on the fucking, the bar. The video's not that long. She's just doing it and then it goes off. God.

Yeah, it's horrendous. I love that, you know, and then she'll look up and go, you filming me? That's disgusting. She'll go, what are you looking at? Really?

I know. Oh, God. Well, she's like full on undone her jeans and like, they're like pushed down and she's just doing the top. I mean, she's on, you can't see the actual

full on undone jeans. Obviously on a weird or hot date. Clearly. Obviously on a weird or hot date. Clearly. Must be a pretty, pretty important guy. Or,

she's like a swimwear model. Right, I mean, yeah. She's getting rid of them pokey pubes. I don't know what that's like. Something like that. Imagine that. Imagine,

imagine going to have sex with imagine imagine going to have sex with imagine going to have sex with a woman and you're about to take her pants off and she says just in your ear

just don't hug sorry it's it's not as neat as I normally like you to be I had to shave my fanny on the tube on the way here sorry

sorry sorry love just step back I thought for a second you just admitted to shaving your fanny on the tube oh you did you did

okay cool right well you can get the tube back home now, you fucking animal. You know, you know that most people would have still shagged. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation.

Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, in theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,

the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Answer today at sunrisechallenge.ca.

That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Dear Chris and Rosie, I've been binge listening to about 40 episodes recently. Holy fuck. I know. Please keep me anonymous as I am a DJ currently... DJ, DJ. Currently living and working in Manchester.

Manchester. And would rather any fans I have did not desert me as a result of this. Fantastic. Well, I mean, I hope you don't get your audio tracks mixed up because don't be dropping us at

a warehouse project, mate. You clear the fucking room. I don't get it. What are you talking about? If he goes to... Is that a club? Yeah, yeah. If he goes to swap from,

you know, what do they do? The mix between tracks and instead of it just goes, it's time for What's Your Beef? Boo!

I hate club music maybe I know that's an unpopular opinion because I know a lot of people love club music and dance music but honestly I'd rather go to flares

give me give me a three minute track with words I want I want three verses and I want choruses and I love a bridge

are we going to fit all that in a three minute sounds like you might have three and a half maybe about four just club music I'm just like I want three verses and I want choruses and I love a bridge. Are we going to fit all that in three minutes? Sounds like you might have three and a half here. Maybe about four. I just, club music, I'm just like, when does it end?

When do I enjoy this? Because I'm dancing and I'm not enjoying myself. Yeah. See, I had my era with it. I can't get on board with it now. I had my era. So when I was in Ibiza,

when I did a little bit of work in Ibiza back in the day so it was the um i remember the one that sticks in my head it was the one that was a put your hands up for detroit i love this city fucking banging sorry and all that yes okay well maybe i don't mean that because i quite like that one but what do you know what i mean i'd rather I would rather I'd rather be like what would what would excite me more than that it's raining

it's pouring my love life is boring me to tears what the hell is that after all these years what is that it's

tea what are you doing? Enough is enough is enough. I can't go on. I can't go on no more. Enough is enough is enough. I want him out. I want him out that door now.

Maybe your gay bar on Ibiza would probably play that. Oh my God, that's where I'd be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rather than that. Did I tell you the other day I was on... Although I did blow my whistle. All right, okay. Blow would probably play that. Oh my God, that's where I'd be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, rather than that. Did I tell you the other day I was on... Although I did like Blow My Whistle. All right, okay. Blow My Whistle, baby.

I was listening to music in my car the other day. Yeah. And it offers a little thing. It says you like new artists and stuff, new things that have new releases. And there's a thing they do called New Music Friday. Right. And I clicked on New Music Friday

and it might as well have been called Songs You Will Hate, You Old Twat. What? I just was like... I was literally... I turned into my dad i was just driving on what's this fucking noise oh because it's everything yeah i know the odd artist i knew um arty monkeys had released something new uh and but every everything else was just artists with names that look like hotmail addresses. Yeah. And just noise. And I just, I was like, I am out of touch. Same.

I'm old and I'm boring. Same. Crap. Happy to be. So do you want to hear about the DJ? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A few years ago, a friend and I were DJing at a smallish venue and would take turns either providing the music or controlling the lights.

Right. On the night in question, we took over from the previous warm-up DJ who had travelled up from London to play at the gig. Must be pretty big time, these DJs. Got you. Well, okay. I don't know how it sets up, but one of them's doing the lights

and one of them's doing the music. I don't know if they're massive. Okay, well, all I'm saying is I remember the DJs from when I was younger worked in a club. I think one of them worked in sports direct as well. Well. As well as DJing.

Holding down two jobs, legend. Well, I'm just saying, warm-up one of them worked in Sports Direct as well. Well. As well as DJing. Holding down two jobs, legend. Well, I'm just saying, it's warm-up DJ, then them. Like, how are you? It seems like a big gig. Okay. Right. Everything was going well, except for some reason, the smoke machine didn't seem to be having much effect

every time we pressed the button. Regardless, we kept on attempting to use it, but eventually decided that perhaps it needed a refill into its tank. Strangely though, the machine was still half full, so I decided to maybe empty it out and replace the smoke machine fluid. Smoke machine fluid? Yeah, it's a proper thing. Didn't know that was a thing.

Yeah. Upon further investigation, I discovered a note on top of it from the previous DJ, which read as follows. Hi, the manager of this club decided not to pay me what we agreed, so I decided to relieve my now empty bladder into this machine. Oh my god! Hope you all

enjoyed. Basically, we had been spraying our fans with a disgruntled DJ's piss for the best part of two hours. Disgruntled DJ's piss for the best part of two hours. Disgruntled DJ's piss! That's what that fucking, them songs I listen to

New Music Friday, it should have been called disgruntled DJ's piss. That's how much I enjoyed them. My question is, do you say anything to them? No. And I'm guessing you mean, what, the people getting sprayed with piss? Absolutely not. sorry everyone stop that new uh that new track by becky hill sorry everyone just to get your attention here uh i might know as a smoke machine wasn't

smoke machine wasn't very good smoke machine wasn't very good. Ooh, ooh. Smoke Machine wasn't very good there. Yeah, you've just been inhaling vaporized piss of the guy who played the songs before. What is it? So, yeah. Anyway, he has Shania Twain or someone, I don't know. Wouldn't be Shania Twain. Look at me. I said Becky Hill.

I'm so up to date. I don't know what that is. Becky Hill. She's got some mint songs out. Cool. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, out cool hi rosie and chris please keep me anonymous i work in student accommodation every september we welcome 2 000 students in our accommodation where they in brackets hopefully spend the best years of their life all right love you know selling selling it I'm not going to move in chill

come on guys we have a real mix of students living with us from students who have just turned 18 mature students international students etc

it's a right mixed bag I would hate to be a living mature student oh god I'd rather die right wow

you'd rather die just remember I never went to uni but i had a boyfriend who was at uni and for the first year he lived in the halls right which is fine because because we were 18 19 whatever didn't matter imagine going there now as a 36 year old and living there that's the thing though no way no way jose how mature are we talking here because i remember now i'm thinking back to the mature students who were when i was at uni and it was like there was there was mature students who lived there who lived in the in the halls and stuff and i was like oh mature student look at that old bloke he's probably 26 yeah yeah it's

probably 25 or 26 and i was like look at this fucking fossil look at him look at him he can barely stand up like yeah i know i could have done it at him. Look at him. He can barely stand up. Like, yeah. I know. I could have done it at 25, but really now I just couldn't do it. I could not imagine anything worse than currently now as a 36-year-old man living in student halls

with 19-year-olds. Nah. God, it would be awful. You would just feel... Fair play to mature students. Like, fair play for putting yourself out there and going back and trying to, you know... Yeah, my dad did it

fair for what a daunting horrible oh god oh I could do the I could do the like student bit

I just couldn't do the living in the halls I couldn't do I couldn't do any interaction at all I wouldn't know what would go on

it would be like it would be like visiting a fucking alien planet Chris honestly I know that I'm saying this out loud and I could happily never ever go clubbing ever again.

Yeah. I don't think I've been for about three years. Yeah, fuck clubbing. What are you doing? What are you doing? Two o'clock. Start early, end early. Let's all go out, two in the afternoon,

steaming, back in the house, seven o'clock, curry, bed for nine, wake up feeling fine. Brilliant. I'm on board. Before the students move in in it's my job to make sure that every room gets cleaned painted and looking brand new basically to make the room look like another tenant has never lived there but that's not always easy some of the tenants move out and leave so many belongings behind so as you can imagine we see some right sites

every year we place our bets on the weirdest or most gross things that we'll find left in a tenant's room. Quite often in the bottom drawer, under the bed or stuffed behind the sofa. Winners in previous years have been drawers of dildos, used condoms, once we had a freezer

that had been turned off and was full of rotten meat and maggots. You name it, we've found it. However, this year a tenant has topped them all. What? It's topped, used condoms and freezers full of maggots? Yes. Fuck, strap in. the floor was incredibly sticky.

Not unheard of, but it does make you wonder what else you might find. We carried on inspecting the room to find not one, not two, but three plastic vaginas. You have to excuse my lack of knowledge when it comes to male sex toys, but they were basically

a plastic foof with a hole in it to insert your penis. You get the gist. These weren't discreetly hidden in a drawer and forgotten about when the tenant moved out. Oh no, they were left on the kitchen worktop and desk for the world to see. Kitchen worktop. But it gets worse.

What? One of them, not clean may I add, was being stored on top of the tenant's clean kitchen way. Gosh. As I walked across to the desk and noticed two more plastic clean, may I add, was being stored on top of the tenant's clean kitchenware. Gosh. As I walked across to the desk and noticed two more plastic vaginas. Five! I found that they had been attached to plastic bottles.

What the fuck's going on? So is it a fleshlight? Well, I don't know. I can't... Because is it a fleshlight? Five of them. Why has he got five of them? I don't know. Why are they all over the place like there's been an orgy and they're asleep?

I don't know. Safe to say I swiftly exited the room and nearly vomited that has definitely won the award this year for weirdest thing you find can't wait to see you on your new tour five better night than you did this day five five plastic vaginas just left about the place on top of plates, sticky floor. What kind, like, who is this man? I don't know,

but this is, so we just said, there's not, why is it that I would assume that would be a dirty old bloke? This is a young lad. I feel like it makes it worse. So you're automatically assuming mature student?

I assume when I hear stories like that. I've got a picture of a bloke in my mind exactly who it is. Yeah, yeah. Who I've seen on some sort of BBC drama. Right, okay, yeah.

Yeah. Dirty old man. Insert dirty old man here. Is he carrying all of his belongings in a carrier bag? I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Old faded supermarket carrier bag. Yes, that's him. Oh, who is it five I can't get my head around they're expensive you know are they how much are they

I don't know but I imagine I am going to guess ballpark figure a plastic vagina is going to be 80 quid I've never googled

fleshlight brilliant you can get them on Amazon you can get them on Amazon are you searching Amazon for fleshlights?

No, fleshlight toy. Oh, Etsy. Etsy? Where I buy my console. Oh, God. What? I've never... I've never...

Blood. Masturbator men. I've never seen one of them plastic vaginas like that. If you've just tuned in to Shagwine Annoyed, Rosie has Googled fleshlight sex toys for the first time and her eyes are wider than I've ever seen them. Oh my gosh. Oh, they've done a nice vagina, to be fair.

Look at the lips on that. Oh my God. Look. Look at the lips. Jesus Christ. It's slightly raw chicken-like. That's... How much is it?

£39.54. Ah, that's a lot cheaper than I thought it was. Hey, hey, I tell you what. What a bloody bargain. Hey, hey. Handmade. I'll have five. Aye, handmade's a lot cheaper than I thought it was. Aye. Hey, I tell you what, what a bloody bargain. Hey, hey. Handmade. I'll have five. Aye, handmade in the UK.

Handmade. Here, there's not a bit of stubble in sight. Oh. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hello, Rosie, Chris and the boys. Hope you're all well. We recently listened to the episode where Sandra, a.k.a. Rosie's mum,

stole an item of Rosie's namely her phone charger cable we actually found out that she didn't she didn't Rosie just misplaced it because she was stupid I haven't apologised yet for that don't

are they outside the door they're outside the door fuck off don't know what they're doing oh it's bath time Malmo's put them in the bath Robin's bottle flipping but he's still bottle flipping

Jesus Christ what a nerd it's so it's so bath. Robin's bottle flipping. But he's still bottle flipping. Jesus Christ. What a nerd. It's so annoying. But he's filled it half with water, right? And it's going to spill. It hasn't yet. Do you know every time we go to the shops now, he asks for a bottle of water?

Oh, Jesus. I'm like, no. At least he's drinking water, I suppose. I don't get this. Leads us to our question to you both, right? If you were to steal any single item, not necessarily of value, from a stranger's or friend's house for the sole purpose of causing annoyance and inconvenience,

what would you steal? For example, we would steal the following. The glass plate from the microwave and the string light pole from the bathroom. And before you ask, Chris, yes, we have done this. Wow. At Sam and Andy. So what would you steal from your mate's house

or your mum and dad's house or something just to solely piss them off? I've got one that I think would be really irritating. Okay. The kettle. Kettle would be annoying.

I think the kettle. Hard to get that out of the house. Yeah. How are you going to get a kettle out of someone's house? That is true. Your pillow. Pillow would be annoying. Pillow a kettle out of someone's house? Bye then. That is true. Your pillow.

Pillow would be annoying. Pillow would be really annoying. Let me have a think. Your dog. I mean, that's just, no, that's just kidnapping a dog. Never done. It's not annoying. It's not annoying.

That's just awful. Have them go around the streets. Oh, do you know what? I'm going to raise your kettle thing. You know what I would take? What? You know the thing you put the kettle on? Oh kettle on oh that yes because you would get your kettle you'd fill it up you'd go back and you'd stand there and you'd go what the fuck do i do now not all of them have them well

if it didn't i'll just let you see have they just kind of that's an old school remember when you used to plug the the kettle plug oh my god, there's something. Do you remember going somewhere, and if your mum and dad had to take the kettle, like to the caravan or something like that, and then you couldn't find the kettle lead because it was a certain type of lead. Right, okay. And it was like, it was the three,

kind of like the rubber three-prong thing. I know exactly what you mean, yeah. And you'd be like, where's the kettle lead plug? And nobody could find it. And you couldn't use anything else. Wow. So you were just knackered. No.

Then you had to put the bloody water on the hob. Water on the hob. Like the olden days. Yeah. Serves you right for going caravanning. Don't you dare. Serves you right. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap.

Hi Chris and Rosie. I was just listening to episode 172 on my way in at work this morning and just had to share this with you. As Chris was discussing his sponsor of the week about the builders mugs you reminded me of my mum i don't think it's the your voice or anything i think it's just the story one weekend a few months ago i was home from uni and was having a takeaway with my parents and noticed that my mum was drinking from a new pint glass so i asked

her where she got it and she said from the pub. First of all, mum doesn't drink, so this seemed a little bit odd. Oh, right. My mum steals glasses all the time. Right. Like, she likes the big Pepsi glasses, and they're just the right size, apparently. Jesus. So also not really surprising.

Right. I then asked which one, as we have two in the village. She said the Greyhounds. This is when I got confused, as this pub has been closed since before lockdown. So I asked her how she got it since it was closed. She then responded

it was under the hedge at the front of the pub and had been for years so she decided to take it. She had seen it on her daily walks and just decided to pick it up. Oh my god! When I told her this was disgusting, she then took a big gulp of her drink from this glass and said,

it's fine, I put it through the dishwasher. Fucking hell. Even though this is gross, this is my mum to a T. She will bring anything home she finds that has been left for a few days, from footballs, jumpers, well, any clothing really, to apparently gross pine glasses from under hedges. That's ridiculous. Would you have ever took that? Well, no, really, to apparently gross, pint glasses from under hedges. That's ridiculous. Would you have ever took that?

Well, no, not from there. But I got a genuine, a genuine big fuck you to everyone who steals nice pint glasses from pubs because it means, you know, you go, so I went the other day,

I was drinking Heineken Silver. I was drinking, right? And it comes in a really cool glass, a new pint glass. And I was like, that's amazing. And then I finished it and I went up for another pint and they gave us my next one in like a fucking fucking stellar glass and i went excuse me and they went

oh we've run out of them i thought because pricks are nicking them so i took it back to the table and i poured it like a loser in the nice glass that i liked so yeah but that happens when you go when you go to a bar like um bag holiday monday down at the crabby remember the crab shack and you had to pay a pound to get in but then you'd end up drinking a glass of wine out of a Stella half a Stella glass

it was just the saddest thing in the world no rules whatsoever I know wine out of gin glasses a lawless waste gin glasses you get one gin

at the beginning of the night in a nice glass and then you just don't see it half glasses especially at the party you don't see it and you go oh that was nice

while it lasted like your first drink at the party, you don't see it. And you go, oh, that was nice while it lasted. Like your first drink at a party, in a function room at a party, it'll have all the berries in and that and it'll have nice stuff, all the ice in the big glass. And then after that...

Are you referring to the christener we went to a few weeks ago? Many others as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you never see that again. By the end of the night, you're like, can I get a double gin and tonic?

They're like, I cup your hands and they're just fucking spraying it into your hands. Open your mouth. We've ran out of glasses. Oh, Jesus Christ. Thanks for listening

to this week's episode of Shagged Moudanoid, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, say it properly, network. Network. Acast Creator network yes say it properly network Acast Creator Network have some bloody respect

for the boss eh the house where this is housed I think I've had something in my throat well it's very unprofessional

so yeah thank you so much guys shagmardenoid at gmail.com if you want to send anything in and we'll be back in your ears next week we'll be back next week properly

chuntering on about all the bullshit in my life yeah yeah we've had a week off as well. We might actually have something interesting to say. Oh, hey. Let's go and do something social. No, no, no. Don't get your hopes up. Don't get your hopes up. More, more. More, more. Bye. Bye.

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