Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 19. Out of Office Reply

Episode Date: June 21, 2019

Rosie and Chris are on their holidays so on this week's podcast they share some questions from the public that didn't make it in the first time round. They discuss how often they change their sheets, plucking in public and pineapple on pizza. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental

Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag, Married, Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Chris Ramsey. Now, we've got something a little bit different for you this week

because we are currently on... I thought we were going to say it together. Oh, we're going to say it together, sorry. I'm so on holiday, I didn't even know I was going to speak. Guys, I'm lying here on my sun lounge. It's bloody lovely, isn't it? We're having a lovely time. Rosie, pass us that cocktail over there that you've got.

Here you go. Oh, bloody lovely. Oh, spilled some on myself. Doesn't matter, it'll dry up because it's so bloody sunny. Yeah, thanks for that image. Yes, we are on our holidays this week. But you know what? We love you guys so much.

And we love that you love this podcast. So this week but you know what we love you guys so much and we love that you love this podcast so we thought you know what let's still put one out this week so what we've done is we have compiled is that the right word that's definitely the word all of our unused questions because every week we record around about like an hour and a half's worth of podcasting gets edited down and there's loads of good stuff some of the really good stuff goes sometimes because it's too rude sometimes because there was just too much

so you might get some rude stuff here you might just get some genuine bloody banter that we missed out on so enjoy this is the the left out stuff this left out episode obviously has a sponsor so let's

we did not agree let's no why don't you have a week off no can it hey money doesn't sleep

well a quick word from this week's sponsor this week's sponsor is going on holiday oh makes sense hey

is it pissing down go on holiday hey are you knackered get yourself on holiday nice huh you got a bit time off work don't want to stay in the country you're living in get yourself on holiday four weeks a year huh that's statutory holiday time okay i don't get that much. Get yourself on holiday. Are you wanting a normal job now? I've just told you you get four weeks a year. I might start to be a teacher.

I could lecture in sponsorships, look at our sponsorship deals. I don't think... You know what? Do what you want. Okay. I'll be supportive of you no matter what. That is the sound of a woman who's been worn down

so true oh my god oh you've broke us you've literally broke us do you know what you need Rosie what a holiday I need a holiday

from you that's what I need nope I'm coming with you and also guys apologies but we're having a week off the beefs

because we're on holiday. We just want to enjoy ourselves. Yeah. And, you know. Yeah, just, you know, good vibes. Just keeping good vibes. And I guarantee we'll have some holiday-related beefs for you next week. Oh, I can't wait.

I've got some already. Great. Just from past holidays. Brilliant, yeah. Backdating them. Lovely. Here's the jingle. We had a fight about the

jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Jingle!

Dear Rosie and Chris, a few weeks ago, my husband's apprentice at work admitted that he changes his bed sheets every three months. A few weeks prior to this, he also admitted he only washes two to three times a week. Oh my God! They're builders, so they are constantly dusty and dirty. So imagine his sheets!

Gross! I change our bedding every week or two weeks if i'm pushing it my sister-in-law says she does hers every week too and even the dog's bed gets changed weekly so how often do you change your sheets every week every three months or somewhere in the middle all the best emily That has made me want to be sick. It's bad to crack, isn't it? He changes his bedsheets every three months and he admitted he only washes two to three times a week and he's a builder.

Rosie, I put a little shed up earlier on tonight before dinner and I needed to have a bath because I was just sweating off the stress of it and that was just a little shed. I just hammered some nails, I screwed some screws in. It's not a shed, Chris. It was like a wood store you're really you're bigging it up too much there like that it's not a shed is it made of wood is it made of wood it's i said i said it was a little shed it's too small for robin to get in well that's bullshit because

he was in it um is it wood is it made of wood? Does it have four sides? Oh, sorry, we're still talking about this. Is it made of wood? Yes. Does it have four sides? Yes. Does it have a roof? Yes.

Does the roof have that felt kind of stuff on with the little bits of gravel on it? Yes. Yes. Is it smaller than an average shed? Yes. Does it look like a shed? No.

Yes, it does. Little shed. Bollocks. It does not. Bollocks. I'm not fine with you. Don't you shit on my shed? Shit.

A builder who only changes his bedsheets every three months and washes two to three times a week. He needs, someone needs to lock him in a room and get a Karcher pressure washer and give him a deep clean because he must be Stig of the Dump. He must, there must be, there must be lines coming off him in the air like them cartoons

you listen if you're listening you scruffy dirty sod your bed peeling the sheets back

on your bed must be like opening a cheese toasty you need locked up minging must be like

loads of grit in the bed can you imagine sleeping naked in there oh god oh how often do we like a surface pocket

oh how often do we change our sheets how often do I change our sheets sexist I'd say probably like three weeks

yeah two I'd say something like that yeah yeah I mean you need to change your pillow every day

because it's disgusting oh do you know what it is it's just fake tan my fake because it's disgusting. Oh, do you know what it is? It's just fake tan. My fake tan is disgusting on our bed. I need to do it tonight. Sorry. Yeah, I'd say wear it like every two,

wear it like two to three weeks. It depends. Two to three weeks. I just do it when my pillow starts smelling. Changing towels freaks me out. Why? Well, you're clean when you get out. Why does the towel get dirty?

Well, because it's just like wet and bits and that in it bits define bits bits bits vaginas and willies yeah but they're clean clean i clean them mine yeah clean age it's not your job stand up rosie get the undercarriage i like i clean dear listener i meant i clean mine not them not and i don't have a vagina cleans he cleans everyone is the house house bits doer can you imagine you all queue up and i've just got a rag on a stick can you imagine if i was in the back I've just got a rag on a stick. Can you imagine? Rag on a stick, haven't I? Can you imagine if I was in the back and you came in and you were like, right, come on, like I do with Robin.

Stand up, I'll wash your bum. You would love that. Don't even lie. You lazy bugger. You'd love it. You'd literally lie there and I'd like roll you over and you'd be buzzing with that. Tell the truth. You'd love that.

You lazy fucking. Right, let's try it. Oh, see, see. Oh, let's try it. See if I like it. You know you buzzing with that. Tell the truth. You'd love that. You're lazy fucking man. Right, let's try it. Oh, see, see. Oh, let's try it. See if I like it. You know you'd like it. Lazy sod. Right.

There's lazy and then there's someone just washing him. Bum. I get the culture. I'll get it. I'm not bothered. I'll go around this builder's house.

I'll do him. Then I'll do you. Rip it off. I'll culture you. I was just listening to your podcast and had to email you this story about things people do in public that just aren't okay.

I once witnessed a woman plugging her bikini line in the toilets of Reading train station. The worst thing was she wasn't even in a cubicle. She just had a leg up on the side where the sinks are. I'm sure you'll wasn't even in a cubicle. She just had her leg up on the side where the sinks are.

I'm sure you'll all agree that this is vile. What? So she's got her leg up on the public toilets in the train station which is train stations are cold, right?

Plucking her bikini line with tweezers? How desperately did you need it done and that hurts you know where were you on your way I know oh my

yeah where was she going oh god that's horrible isn't it why would you do that for the male listeners Rosie and in a way

for me what is a bikini line I haven't had one for years right I don't know no no

it's been... I had a theory in my head as to what it was, so I laughed, because I kind of got what you meant. A bikini line is just keeping your bikini tidy, and it's where pubic hair would escape from your knickers, I'm guessing. So there's no, yeah.

So it's no like creepy crawlies. Got you. Yeah. Wow. Pubic crawlies. So we're talking like a groin, the crease of a groin she was plucking. And if she's plucking, then she's doing like the short ones that have been shaved or waxed. So it's like just getting rid of them.

But this, I just, do you know what it is? It's not even the fact that it's a bit rank. Okay. Like you said, I desperately need to know where she was going, where she so desperately needed to pluck our pubic hairs. That's crazy. I'm sorry. Genuinely, I've actually never done it. No?

Never plucked? No. God! Can you imagine how much that would hurt? Oh, in a train toilet as well. Some people, honestly, like, you know, they're just animals. Like, foot up on the blooming sink. Terrific. Pull up and have pubes out. Maybe.

How dare you? Maybe she was like a model doing a bikini shoot. I'll be honest with you, it doesn't sound like it. Do you not think? No, I mean, what kind of model are we talking here? Like a Nick Gass model. No, I've got a theory. Yeah. What train station toilet was it?

Redden. She was probably going to the festival. Redden Festival. Redden Festival. In a bikini. Which tells me... I mean, get a tent. Oh, do you know what?

Get a tent and do it in your tent, you absolute horror. Maybe she was. Do people wear bikinis at Redden Festival? Oh, there were all kinds, I think. I don't know. All right, Grandad. I don't know. They're all bloody kids today with their bloody hula hoops and their yo-yos and their records

and their LPs and that listen if you are listening lady in Redden train station plucking your pebs can you email us shagmoudanoid

at gmail.com let us know why you were doing that at that specific time wash your hands before you send the email yeah just do it in the house in airports I don't like it sometimes in airports when I go to the toilets and there's men Wash your hands before you send the email, yeah? Just do it in the house. In airports. I don't like it sometimes in airports when I go to the toilets

and there's men having a full-on, like they've got their, they'll take their top off and they'll be washing their stomach, their pits, their chest, their face in the sink. I hate it. Do you not like that?

No, I hate it. When they've had a really long flight? No, they're always like hairy blokes and they're like lent over the thing and they're like I just want to run up and get a big red hander on their back

well I've got to disagree because personally I'd rather have that than sitting next to B.O. Joe you know what I mean fair enough

thank you listen I don't want listen I don't want B.O. Joe to email in that was not slander against you B.O. Joe we think you're great B.O. Joe you've got

the best personality going. You just stink. That's a fair point, actually. I'd rather see a man washing himself than have to sit next to someone stinking. Exactly. Exactly. All right, I'm going to completely change my angle on this. Can you all wash yourselves?

Don't pluck your pubes because I'm not that bothered about that, mate. Got a question. Fantastic. Chris and Rosie, what is your favourite accent in the UK? Ooh, favourite UK accent to listen to. I do love a Scottish accent. I do like a Scottish accent.

I like a Northern Irish accent as well. You do quite a good northern irish accent don't you don't do it i do yeah it's good basically there's a comedian uh called fergus craig who's a friend of mine i haven't seen him for some years but he used to do this routine and he basically teaches you how to do the perfect irish accent okay northern irish and all you have to say is get your knickers down right fucking night it it. That's a horrible face to look at. I'd have to say that mine,

I love a Bristolian accent. Can you do one? It's my favourite. I feel like I'm doing it right now actually. It's very good.

Yeah. It's like the West Country I think. Yeah. Down south. Yeah. Can't do it

for very long. It's good. No, I mean, can I just say as well, I remember watching Broadchurch with you was a joy. I love Broadchurch. I could have been on that Broadchurch

in a heartbeat. Every advert on Broadchurch, you stood up and went into the kitchen doing that freaking accent. It was torture. I was literally sitting there going, David Tennant, Olivia Colman, don't go because she'll do the accent. Please, stay forever. He was torture. I was literally sitting there going, David Tennant, Olivia Colman, don't go because she'll do the accent, please.

Stay forever. I loves it. A lot of people like Geordie accent. It is a good accent, don't get me wrong. It's a hard one to do. It is a hard one to do, actually. Can you boon to ball against the wall and not get back and bust it? I don't think you can, can you? That's nice. Thank you.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo thank you hi chris and rosie i was wondering if there are any sayings or quotes that really pee you off for me it's to be fair or to be honest or even worse when they are put like tbh or tbf in a text dear god the other I can't cope with is live, laugh, love. It's on everything and I'm sick of seeing it. Wow. That's from Hannah. Hannah, okay. You're very angry, Hannah.

To be fair, Hannah, I'm just going to start with saying that, to be honest, neither of those actually bother me. Didn't realize what you were doing there. I don't even get it at all. That was sly. That was really sly.

Thank you. It was really tough with that. I was just going to say to be fair. To be fair, Hannah. I use those sayings quite a lot. Yeah. But I'm probably one of them annoying people who do say those kind of things. Yeah.

But the live laugh, I never got on board with that. Live laugh love is awful, isn't it? Dance like no one's watching. Yeah, live laugh love. Yeah, the thing is, the massive, huge American comedian, Kevin Hart, always puts live laugh love on the thing is um the massive huge american comedian kevin hart always puts live laugh love on his posts on instagram and i don't think he realizes how like low rent that is in this country like do you know i mean you could buy it on a canvas from b&m for a quid and he's earning like 70 million quid a year and he's like oh live laugh love god damn it

oh mate you sound like you're in B&M bargains oh bless him don't get me wrong they thought yeah don't be slagging off B&M bloody love it

it's great isn't it I found a new one that I love yeah the range the range oh hey the mirrors

are so cheap I know we've got about 10 I know only spent 50 quid insane yeah what do I not like I'm spent 50 quid. Insane. What do I not like? I'm trying to think of something that I don't like.

Yeah. I don't like at the end of the day, that noises. At the end of the day. Yeah, these are all just things that I actually say though. That's very irritating. I'll put that down for next week's piece. I'll tell you what I don't like. Stop using stupid sayings. I'll tell you what I don't like, but it scenes I'll tell you what I don't like but it normally

it normally follows something else I don't like so like to be honest what she's written there doesn't bother us that much right depending on what they say afterwards

I don't like er I was just being honest oh no after seeing something really shitty er you're rebelling

yeah I hate I'm just look I'm just being honest why don't you just shut your mouth what about this one in my opinion oh yeah

in my opinion brackets that you didn't ask for in my opinion you should shut your face and keep your opinions to yourself to be fair

and to be honest TBH yeah that's what I can't stand in my opinion yeah it's my or somebody who's

just says something awful and then goes well it's just my opinion yeah it's my or somebody who's just says something awful and then goes well it's just my opinion yeah no you're a dick yeah you're a nasty piece of work have a social filter yeah yeah shouldn't be allowed you should get arrested actually yeah just my opinion keep you i'm not gonna swear my mom doesn't like you swearing but if my mom wasn't listening i'd say keep your fucking opinions to yourself your Your mam's definitely listening, but well done. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete

soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,

the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca.

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Hi both. I have a question for the podcast, mainly because I want to hear your point of view. Also, please keep me anonymous, as the person I'm talking about is mental. Like, smiling your face while stabbing you in the arse, mental. Wow. I'm getting married next year, and I have a number of bridesmaids.

My other half has a number of brothers. I don't say... Daint? I don't say... What is it? I don't say how many, I don't say. What is it? I don't say how many in case it gives it away. Anyway, one of the brother's partners asked me the other day, what colour are your bridesmaids wearing because I want to match them?

My questions to you both are, was anyone this off their rocker when you got married? And Rosie, what are your thoughts on asking this question? Why would, what? That is so strange. That's so weird. But you know what? I've met people like that.

Yeah. I wouldn't ever name them on the podcast, but I could name about four people who I've met in my life who would ask something like that. What are the brides wearing? Because I want to look slightly like... It's not a football team, mate. You don't have to all be wearing the same colours.

I know. Jesus. Do you know, actually, though, I sometimes have a little bit of a nightmare about going to weddings in that you're wearing the same as the bridesmaids. Yeah, I always do. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean. You think, oh my God, what if I turn up and I've got the same dress on as the bridesmaids? It's the same for groomsmen. I always think do you know what I mean yeah I know what you mean you think oh my god what if I turn up and I've got the same dress on as the bridesmaid it's the same for groomsmen I always think what if

because I normally go blue a blue suit and brown shoes but then you think what if I turn up and they've got exactly the same thing on normally they've got like a waistcoat

to counteract that but I do like a pretty waistcoat so sometimes I turn up you do like a waistcoat yeah but this crazy crazy ass move on bit American there

she wants to wear the same colour so she can sort of match but not prop a bunny boy like that prop a hand that rocks the cradle

I can't bear people like that I really can't I really can't and you know those kind of people do you know what they do they gravitate to me

oh hey yeah I don't know why. I attract, this is a different subject probably for another day, but I attract nutters. Well, we talk about that.

It's the kind of people who, it's the kind of people who go and meet up with people that don't like to chat. I know we don't get on at all, so let's meet up and chat about it. Guess what? Eight billion people in the world.

Let's fucking not. Let's just not be friends anymore yeah just call it a date it's not like we're listen it's not like we're bloody own separate floors in the same house and we've got to stay together you don't like me i don't like you let's call it a day isn't it really difficult to get rid of people in your life and it really hard yeah have you not noticed you can't just like it's really difficult to actively try and fall out of touch with someone you can't be asked with anymore you have to either be mates with them forever i have a massive i'll be awful yeah

there's no middle ground of should we just not bother again because because you blatantly don't really like me and i blatantly don't really like you yeah but we've known each other for a while and we just feel like we should keep being friends but actually when you when i'm around you i can't stand it and neither can you yeah we both slag each other off behind each other's backs yeah let's just call it a day i'm all for that life love that life there's plenty of other people in the world who actually will have stuff in common and get on you don't need but why is it got to be the anim i don't like animosity in my life i hate animosity i just kind of don't want to have to see them every day but just want to say hello in the street but no it has to turn into this whole big

thing of yeah we used to be best mates now we're not best mates that means we're enemies that doesn't it means your acquaintances it's weird you can't downgrade from sort of close mate or acquaintance you can't do it it has to go from close mate to hate them but do you know what I blame what social media

social media too many forms of communication yeah do you know once upon a time you could kind of break off from someone

because you'd be like oh I lost you I lost your phone number just don't answer the house phone yeah yeah lost it

sorry and then you could go five years without seeing them yeah but no not nowadays. Oh, but hang on.

I've seen you've got Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Yeah. LinkedIn. Email. Text. Phone calls. I've been going through your bins. Myspace.

Bebo. Tinder. Fuck off! Just fuck off. I've got one here. Hello, Chris and Rosie. When I was in year 11, me and my mates were in the school cafeteria goofing off.

Goofing off? Right. Is this Zach from Saved by the Bell? Don't know. We have got listeners from America, so you never know. Oh, well, goofing off. Wow.

Hey, guys, we're goofing. Do it in an American accent. Can I do one? When I was in... No, I no i'm just gonna go when i was in year 11 my cousin had decent breasts that's all i can do okay uh we're in the cafe in the school cafeteria goofing off and i while being chased by a rather pissed off friend jumped through a closed glass sliding door to try and get away i stuck the landing but got a huge cut in my leg and had to get four stitches. My question to you both is, what is the most hazardous way you have managed to hurt yourselves?

Hilarious way. Wow. Not hazardous. Hilarious. I can't read. What is the most? Oh. McFly.

McFly, get the English class and start goofing off in the cafeteria and you might be able to read the words. McFly! That's from Ebad. From Ebad. What's the most hilarious way you've managed to hurt yourselves?

Ooh. Do you know about the tube story? Right. I've never told this. Okay, come on then. was on i was on a joint hen and stag do in london wow i know it was actually really good fun yeah we all kind of went as couples and then the girls went out and the boys went out and it was it was it was really good fun actually it was it was good weekend um we were on the Tube, the London Underground.

Yeah. And we were on like a day out. We were drinking and stuff. But my friends didn't manage to get on in time. And the doors opened. And I struck my head out the doors. And I went, quick, get on now. And they shut on my face.

I've seen this. I've seen the photo. The doors literally closed on my face i've seen this i've seen the photo so the doors literally closed on my face thankfully there was like they were kind of like rubber so it didn't it didn't hurt that much but i'm not joking the initial shock right my friends on the other side hayley and mark were pissing themselves laughing right and then they opened again and i had to go in but i it really gave me a shock so i started crying and my friend angela had to give us a cuddle for about 10 minutes right because i was in pure shock but yeah so that that was quite funny and i've got a picture yeah where my face is just black just two massive black lines down your face. Absolutely hazardous indeed and hilarious. I know. Wow.

It was, yeah, a memory indeed. I've seen that photo. You're crying and the best bit about the photo is the tears are somehow, the tears are slightly washing the black off a little bit. I'm not joking. It was terrifying. It was absolutely terrifying. It must have felt like someone was smacking you. Well, yeah. Yeah. And then they had to like pull us in. Pull the door. And pull me.

It was like, hello, tourist. Yeah. Yeah. Go for it. Okay, another question here. Hello, Chris and Rosie. A bit of an old age question for you. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap. Okay, another question here. Hello, Chris and Rosie. A bit of an old age question for you.

If you'd have asked me eight months ago whether I agree with pineapple on pizza, I would have kicked off into a rant about how people who like pineapple on pizza are absolute fruit loops. However, I then got with my boyfriend who very early on in the relationship declared himself as a pineapple on pizza lover and thus encouraged slash brutally forced me into trying it.

Wow. Shockingly, I really enjoyed it. My whole belief system was then shooketh. Or as it was now, shooketh. I don't know. I don't know. Recently, following the theme of your podcast listeners, I decided to take a poll at work. Jesus. I tell't know. I don't know. Recently, following the theme of your podcast listeners, I decided to take a poll at work.

Jesus. I'll tell you what. This podcast is single-handedly responsible for a colossal drop in productivity across the office working sector. Ego, isn't it? Hey, if you own a business and there's an office, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry. Your staff are a disgrace they're all listening to this i know they are they're all listening i've had the messages taking fucking polls and making if you walk past the printer if you're a boss or a team leader and you walk past the printer and there's a fucking pie chart of do you want to give up blowjobs or pizza sack everyone on the floor Jesus no don't listen to it yourself and tell us

so anyway back to the question did a ball at work of course it did interesting three out of four of us are pineapple on pizza people what do you guys think

pineapple on pizza or not and that's from Jess from Kent right now we're we're split aren't we yes

because you like pineapple on pizza i love pineapple on pizza yeah what i don't understand why it is such a thing that it's a horrible thing it's beautiful can i say first of all uh lucy who does our pr who listens to this uh she is pineapple on pizza without the ham i would from domino she just gets a pizza with pineapple on it same i get extra pineapple yeah well well can i pizza with just pineapple can i just say every time lucy tells us that you ordered one she doesn't wind us up i always live in the hope that the delivery guy just spat on her face as he gave her it because because she deserves it i lucy i think you're a lovely person and you enjoy that pizza. However, I told Lucy this once

and she hit the roof. I think you once, Rosie, gave me a slice of your ham and pineapple ristorante pizza and I picked the pineapple off and gave it to you. And can I say, the slight residue of pineapple

gave a lovely sweet antidote to the salty cheese and ham. And it was very nice. Delicious. Those pizzas are nice. However, the texture of pineapple in pizza is what I've got a problem with. It's the texture. It's a very fruity fruit to bite, to taste.

It's very, it's like a fucking apple. Like, you know you're eating it. You know what I mean? I quite like that. I don't like the texture. Sometimes, yeah, but it hasn't been cooked properly. Well, sloppiness as well those ristorante ones

are dead thin and they go quite hard and the pineapple goes a bit like bunt and crispy bunt means burnt for everyone burnt for everyone

not up oh sorry burnt not bunt forget what I am the pineapple residue was enough for me

a full bit of pineapple absolutely not but you know what if I was having a ham pizza, very salty, I would squeeze a little bit of pineapple juice on, which is probably weirder. That's why I don't have a ham pizza. That is really weird,

because I don't think you can really squeeze a pineapple. Also, while we're here, everyone getting bacon on pizzas. Fuck off. I've had bacon on pizza. Oh, sorry. I'll repeat it. Fuck off.

You can't hear us. My headphone's not working. Yeah? Ah! Where did that come from? Fuck off. Now here it is. My headphone's not working. Yeah. Ah! Where did that come from? Where did that... So far today, you have snorted

and hit your head while laughing. Winner winner chicken dinner for me. Like a pig. Like a pig? Like a little chocolate quill and shit pig.

There it is, guys. We've come full circle. Chocolate quill and shitit pig. There it is, guys. We've come full circle. Chocolate quill and chit pig with pineapple on top. Got a short one here. Hi, guys. If you had one day left to live on Earth, what would you do? That's from Samantha. Oh.

What do you do? That is a very short but very deep question. If I had one day left to live... Mine would involve food. Yeah. Probably just spend the whole day eating. Yeah. That's it.

With your family, with your friends, with me, with Robin, or just on your own? Just eating some kind of buffet of everything you've ever liked. But, like, if it's your last day on Earth, I don't know if I'd want to spend it with everyone because I'd just be sad that it was my last day on Earth. Why is it your last day as well? What's happening? I don't know.

Are you getting sent somewhere or is Earth going to blow up? What's happening? Is everyone going to die? I'd love to have... I mean, obviously, I'd miss everyone. I'd love to be the only person on earth. Why? I don't know, I think it would be great.

Just nosy, just going around. Where would you go? Just looking at stuff. It would be so lonely. Yeah, it would be alright for a couple of weeks. No, are you kidding? Mr. Needy, you wouldn't last ten minutes. I swear to God.

I'd be cuddling trees in that you would be you'd die you would die within 48 hours not of like any

you wouldn't kill yourself or anything you would just you'd burst because you'd be like I've got no one to talk to nobody

I need a cuddle you ask for me for cuddles all the time yeah and you say no. You say no to cuddles, which if I did it,

there'd be absolute hell on, love. There'd be hell on. Babe, I don't ask you every 40 minutes for a cuddle. Sometimes, you know, I'm an affectionate guy. You have pain in the arse. Genuinely, today, I was going to do it as my beef,

but you can have it now for free. We were on the stairs. You were sitting... I was asking you about something and I went, where are you? And you were We were on the stairs. You were sitting, I went, I said, I was asking you about something and I went, where are you? And you were just sitting on the stairs like a nutcase,

like you're on the naughty step. No, oh, we're work from home now. I'm just finding different places. So weird too. My brain can't be in one place. I was sitting on the little

middle landing thing and I came up and I was like, and I said, oh, can I have a cuddle? And you went, oh no. No,

sometimes I just say, and I think, oh, that's my lovely wife, I love you, I'll have a little cuddle. You were like, no,

I don't want a cuddle. And I went, right, okay. And then you went, what shall we do with this hallway? What colour shall we paint it? and I think, oh, that's my lovely wife. I love you. I'll have a little cuddle. You were like, no, I don't want a cuddle. And I went, right, okay. And then you went, what shall we do with this hallway? What colour shall we paint it? And I went, oh,

and I started walking away and you went, no, come back. And you said the words, look at you. You won't listen to me DIY ideas, but you always want a shitty cuddle. That sums the relationship up straight away.

That does. It's true. Oh, it doesn't mean I don't love you. I just didn't fancy a cuddle you I've got a black cold ice heart is what you've got and that's it unused questions arama

agogo agaduju shake it all about in out hokey kokey we are talking shit good stuff thanks very much for listening guys

we will be back next week with a proper podcast Are we going to call this one episode 19 Or is this 18.5 It's episode 19 It's still stuff we've said It's still stuff we've said So that was episode 19 As always get in touch

ShagmireUnannoyed at gmail.com Maybe what must be nice about this is Maybe someone someone emailed a while ago, and they thought, my question's never been answered. And boom, they've just got it now. Enjoy! And yeah, anyone, shagmarrydenoid at gmail.com, please rate, please like, please subscribe. Bye-bye. Bye.

Pass us the wine. Oh, I can't pick it up, my hands are covered in sun cream, it's slipping off me! Get the dustpan and brush. The beans fell in the pool. He's been in there for ages. This guy's life jacket on is fine. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishikesh Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series.

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