Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 191. Gilet Incorporated

Episode Date: October 28, 2022

On the podcast this week Chris names himself head of gilets and Rosie isn’t happy about it! There’s some bowl licking, a car related ick, and some dancefloor shenanigans. All of this PLUS a member of the Beef family return with a Barry update. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every post-season game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City

at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Denied with me, Rugsy, and him, Chrissy. Oh, that's awful. Yes, you are listening to Shagmire Denied with Rosie Ramsey and Chris Ramsey. Or if you are Riff, Daddy, you are listening to Daddy with Daddy and Daddy. Daddy! Because I was excited. I don't know, parents out there, I don't know how excited you are. Obviously the kid says Dad first because it's easier to say apparently

maybe because dads are better. Jury's out. I think it is a known thing that dada is the first kind of word just because it's easier. Well, women always say that. It's probably just because dads are better. Possibly.

But I was excited when he first said daddy and then I quickly realised that everything, like everything, inanimate objects and every person is now daddy yeah it's really took the fucking shine off it yeah it really has took i know his toys are daddy and her daddy daddy robin comes in the room daddy the painter who's here today painter daddy i mean that could be true you're a bit of a slag now honestly not wrong with the tradesman said that all entire life or woman get a trade of a slag. Now. Honestly, not wrong with a tradesman. Said that to me all entire life.

Or woman. Get a trade. Get a trade, guys. Get a trade. Checkatrade.com. Now listen, everyone all right? You good?

Oh, do you know what? Well, listen. You've got a cold in the post. I've got a cold coming on. Can you hear it? I'm a bit... No, she's putting it on.

I'm not. It's coming. It's in the post. So today, I'm just going to holload the Baroque down my mouth. Excellent. Because I'm going to be out on Saturday. Yeah. Don't want to miss it. Oh, she's just going to hoi loads of barocca down my mouth. Excellent.

Because I'm going to be out on Saturday. Yeah. Don't want to miss it. Oh, she's going out again, guys. Leaving her family. Do you know what it is? Honestly. Leaving her family.

No. You need to pack this in. Just fend for ourselves. I'll let you into a little secret here, right? I don't organise a night out, right? My friends organise a night out. They go, Rosie, do you want to come? And I go, do you know what?

I'll check. I'll say what we're doing, blah, blah, blah. I'll say to Chris, I'm going to go out on that night and then chris goes right no worries and i think i think all right that means you're gonna have the kids no then chris decides that he's gonna palm the kids off to a kid to her mams and dads yeah even though the mams and dads have had them during the week because we've been to london yeah and so my guilt on my dad just racks up and i'm like they're not gonna be in their own beds again why do you have to organize a night out when i'm having a night out right organize a separate one couple of reasons uh why would i want to be with the kids on my own i've got nothing in common right um secondly that

guilt ommeter just do what i do go and get it i got mine removed i got my guilt ommeter taken out no guilt it's all i feel i'd leave them in the garden on their own and i'd go out i'm joking no sometimes you know the only time i can try and I'd go out. I'm joking. No, sometimes, the only time I can try and squeeze a night out in, well, that's the thing. I have to squeeze nights out in when you're having nights out

because you're always having nights out. I've got no choice. Anytime I pick to have a night out, you'll probably be having a night out there as well. I'm really not, you know.

If you're not gallivanting off to Portugal. Oh, do you know what it is? Every five minutes. I wish I'd never gone. I wish you'd never gone as well. The amount of times you've thrown that back in my face.

Tell you what, honestly, I was bloody offended for myself around here. Oh, seriously. You need to pack that in because it's really going to fester that. You need to stop biting. You need to stop biting because once you stop biting,

I'll stop doing it. But you bite every single time so it's just going to happen constantly. So what are you going to do? A little fishy on the hook? Hook, hook, a little fishy. Well, listen, it's brunch on Saturday so we're going out at 2 o'clock

oh fantastic so I'll probably stumble home about 9 that's great that's alright great news don't completely miss the kids bedtime

yeah that's it you'll be sitting on the drive with a bottle a bottle of gin in a brown paper bag like they did

at Prohibition in America you know when someone a wino on the street drinks it in a brown paper bag why would I do that yeah because

you miss the kids bedtime so you realise that you're back and they'll still be awake, a wino on the street drinks it in a brown paper bag. Why would I do that? Yeah, because you miss the kids' bedtime. So you realise that you're back and they'll still be awake and you'll be on the doorstep just sitting gin in the pissing down rain. If I can hear

a young voice. You'll see me, you'll see me come back down the stairs and you'll go, oh, I've just got it off, I missed them,

oh no. Oh don't, I feel terrible. Aye, do you now? No, I do, but it's been planned.

Your schedule doesn't reflect that. You feel terrible, planned your schedule doesn't reflect that you feel terrible but your schedule does not reflect that anything other than that is just work I've got to pay them bills I've got to make that money money so listen whatever

listen if you're wherever you are if you're like me wife you're probably in a taxi on the way to your night out now listening to this I'm in the airport on the way to Portugal again oh don't want to drag this on but can I just say if you're like me wife you're probably in a taxi on the way to your night out now listening to this I don't want to I'm in the airport on the way to Portugal again oh don't

do you know if I said I'm going to stay in Chris listen I'm going to stay in you would go out of course I would fucking 100% honestly I'm so excited for you

to be too ill to go out on Saturday and me to go out instead don't don't I'll be buzzing me can't wait what day is it today

Wednesday it's Wednesday today if I do get poorly if it happens today I could be buzzing, me. Can't wait. What day is it today? Wednesday? It's Wednesday today. If I do get poorly, if it happens today, I could be better by Saturday. No, no, no. Best not there. Best not.

You'll go back over. Best to rest up all weekend. There's nothing worse than going out on the drink when you're ill. Yeah. Have you ever done it? Having a cold and stuff

and just going out anyway. It's just not fun. I just don't bother anymore because it's like, you can't taste it. We're old funny doddies, man. You know what I mean? But I used to,

when I was younger, I used to go out when you had a bit of a cold, you'd be like, oh, I'll go out. Yeah. But it was just always horrendous and you'd just sit there going,

oh. It's like, oh, I've got the hangover before the night out started. This is great. Not worth it. Well, there we go. You'll still go out though

because you just avoid your family. Now, guys, it is episode 191. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for coming back. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for joining us. If it's your first time, this is Shag Marinoid. Welcome.

I'm me. She's her. Let's carry on. It is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is... Having a good scratch of your head and hitting a spot. Ooh. Has that a good scratch?

Oh, you haven't scratched. Has that a good scratch? Has that a good scratch? Ooh, what was that? A little lump. Don't know what that was. Ooh, delayed pain. Why is it still hurting?

I stopped scratching 20 seconds ago. Yeah. So you got a spot on your head, have you? Oh, I did it yesterday on the train. I yelped a little bit. You didn't realise because you had your... No, I thought you were listening to UFC. Is that what that yelp was? One of the yelps, yeah. I had a little spot on your head, have you? Oh, I did it yesterday on the train. I yelped a little bit. You didn't realise because you had your... No, I thought you were listening to UFC. Is that what that yelp was?

I did that as well. One of the yelps, yeah. I had a little spot on the side. I had a good scratch on my head like that. And you hit it and it's that delayed reaction. You go, glunk, and you go, that felt amazing. Fuck me, that felt like the worst thing ever. Oh, spots on the scalp.

I've got a sore one coming up on my forehead. You know when they hurt before they come up and you're like, oh, that's going to be... Be all them nights out you're having probably. A beast. Be all the dirt and grime and alcohol. Right right stop it now because genuinely i don't have nights out you make it sound like i do it's not it's work clagging on your face when you're being going out of all that the last night out i had was bingo bongo bingo bongo bingo yeah yeah and that was

last that was a month and a half ago five minutes ago you've you've just walked in from that now you've just got in from that night out now. You went from Portugal, you went from the airport straight to Bongo Bingo and you came straight here. Yeah, it's Portugal. Wish I never went. There we go. So, have you got a jingle for us? Yeah, let's go. Let's crack on.

Let's jingle this. See what I did on I'm in a night out. Oh yeah. We had a fight about the jingle jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, so this is the jingle, we hope you like the jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. Hiya! We have just got, we got back from London yesterday. We were there filming something and had like 7 million meetings

because obviously we don't live down south so every time we go down south our management are like, right, we're going to meet everybody. Yeah, everyone wants to talk to you. It was crazy. We sat in a room and people just came in one by one for the meetings. Like it was a job interview. It was very intense. And there was a big thing

of chocolates on the table. I had so many chocolates. They were beautiful. I ate the grapes as well. I did try a bit of both. I didn't have a banana. Well done. But yeah, oh God.

Just want to tell everybody about what happened on the train on the way down. Yeah. There was a young lad and his mam in front of us

going for a little half-term jolly to London. We spotted, we said hello when we got on and all that kind of stuff we spotted that the young lad was watching your stand-up on amazon on amazon yeah approval needed on amazon prime still available if you haven't seen it yeah no he was watching that and i i realized he was watching it for about half an hour and then i turned to you and i went you know he hasn't laughed once i've never felt such anxiety not not even a little titter right so let's set the scene here right so i get on and they say hello and i was like hello and then she was like he's just about to watch your thing and he just started on amazon prime

as i got on which was really strange uh but i was we were right behind them so it was on them seats where it's two seats and a table and then they're two seats. Almost like we're doing exams as couples. Like it was that. And I could see through the gap. I couldn't put myself in any position where I couldn't see his phone screen. So I could see him watching me.

It was like being on my fucking driving test. I've never been so nervous. I could only see through the window. I was like, is he going to turn it off? No, I could see the full thing. And window I was like is he going to turn it off no I could see the full thing and I'm like is he going to I'm going to go out on a limb and say he might have been

a quiet laugher because he did nothing listen I didn't have my headphones in so I was doing work no no no he was like muttly like a

no he was not he was a quiet laugher quiet pissed himself or maybe he was doing one of them laughs you know when you go like you laugh

and as you're taking your air and you're quiet for ages maybe it was one big hour long laugh that he was doing one of them laughs you know when you go like you laugh and then you and as you're taking your air and you're quiet for ages maybe it was one big like hour long laugh that he was doing I imagine that I don't did he watch the full thing? so I was watching him

and I'm waiting for him to turn it off and I know this is obviously for people listening if you know if you haven't got a stand-up special that you've watched someone watch it might not be very relatable but just listen to this right he put the phone down at one point

flat down and I thought oh he's done he was eating he was eating some breakfast. He got some breakfast. He was sitting eating his little waffles. And then he picked it back up and he started watching it again. And I was so buzzing.

I was like, oh my God, he's paused it for eating and then he's watching it again. I looked away. I looked again a couple minutes later. He was still watching it. He had the phone standing up, still watching it,

but he was also playing on his Nintendo Switch. So the stand-up wasn't enough for the guy. His mom. He was playing on his Nintendo Switch so the stand up wasn't enough for the guy he was playing on his Nintendo Switch his mum will have said

you can't turn it off he sat behind you don't turn that off you can't turn it off yeah yeah yeah so that was nice I mean I did expect

him at one point I'd be looking up and he would be watching another comedian special he's just swapped but he stuck with it bless him did he

till the end of the credits he soldiered on I saw the end I saw the final the final bit yeah yeah i saw the final bit um so yeah so if you want to be uh whelmed then uh my amazon special approval needed this uh it's still on there it's actually still on there it's still on the course it's still there where do you think you got it unless you illegally downloaded it in which case i remember his face i'm gonna come and report him yeah report him to the police he was just at Bain something I've noticed which is really

starting to piss me off wow taxis yeah why do they think that cherry is a nice smell ah okay

yeah what is happening is there some sort of we got in a car the other day it's all the time I knew you were I knew you were

going to have an issue with this they've all got the same air freshener, which is like a cherry, it makes us want to vomit. Never mind car sickness. Nah, you're bad with smells. But why do the ball...

Some people might like that smell. Some people might like that smell. No. Personally, I don't like it. Right, well, there you go. And you're not bothered about smells. Yeah. So there's two out of

68 million I don't understand why when you go and get your car washed at the car wash they go there's outside your car we've done that

and you go to pay and they go here's a little bit of cardboard hang from your mirror that's going to make your entire car smell like bubble gum

for three days I'm alright honestly they look so upset when you say you don't want the air freshener. Do you not take the air freshener? Do I fuck take the air freshener?

Because I know you're going to get me congo. What's that? Oh, it stinks. Oh, the windows. Oh, I've got a headache. Oh, it's making me feel ill. Oh no, I take the air freshener. I never take the air freshener.

And they look, they literally, they look as if to go like, I imagine they're about to go, but my mother made this the day before she died. Like it's, it's so like,

it's like I'm pretty turned down on fucking family heirloom. It's crazy. But yeah, I don't know. I'm against air fresheners in cars fully. It's too,

it's too overpowering. It stinks. I always find it, I totally agree. It's just a too small a space to have an air freshener. Yeah, 100%.

I used to have a Febreze one that was on the, in the old Ford Fiesta, like in the, you know, when you clip it on the air vent thing. You had one of the clip-on Febreze ones? Mm-hmm.

They're a few quid, them. Mm-hmm. That car was a piece of shit. That probably was worth more than the car by the end. No, they were about four quid. And that's exactly how bad that car was. It's such a bad car.

Let's not forget, this is the car that you had to climb in the passenger door and climb over. And you had a four pound air freshener in that piece of shit car. Like cotton linen or something? I bet you when they scrapped it, I bet you they were about to crush it and someone looked in the window and went, Whoa, whoa, whoa, it's an air freshener in here. Oh, she's got a Febreze. Oh, shit.

She didn't have her priorities in order, did she? Oh, hey, man. And what a piece of shit that car was but i'll tell you what bloody loved it and and i know people listening now right so anyone who loves a car air freshener right they're gonna say oh because the way you're supposed to do them you know if you get like them trees you're not meant to open the packet fully well yeah but that's stupid it's fucking it looks it looks horrendous i'll hang this tree off there oh it fucking stinks oh well what you're supposed to do is

open the packet a tiny bit and slide it down slide it down is that what you meant to do all the time yeah you're supposed to open it and slide it down day by day

like you're slowly taking a condom off oh god it's like you know when someone's walking the dog and they're walking back with the bag of dog poo

it's like a bag of dog poo hanging off your thing that's awful yeah I'm alright for that like oh turn this corner sharply oh you're hitting the face

with a fucking carrier bag. Do you know... Oh, it smells amazing, but oh, God, it's sharp. The corners are sharp. It's got us in the eye. Do you know what makes me laugh? What?

When you get your car washed. There's a hand wash near us that we go to. Yeah. And the lads, they're dead canny and they do a great job. But then they open the car doors and they clean the inside

of the footwells it's really weird but when they open mine like stuff falls out of course it does because your car's a fucking bin and I'm like mate

you're fighting a losing battle like honestly I stop the main I'm like look it's really canny that you think doing that's going to make any difference

but don't you're wasting your time the bears are going to kick off there's shit there's going to be happy meal rabbis coming out the car just packing it does i'll be honest with you i do not like getting my car washed i feel i like having a clean car but i hate sitting there while the guys are doing it it feels so awkward and then when they open yeah when they open it and you're just like sitting there like you're on the toilet and they're just down like wiping the door sill the door shut they're just like you're just like sitting there like you're on the toilet and they're just down like wiping the door sill the door shut they're just like

you alright? you're like hiya it's so strange it is horrible it is a really really strange thing and you all get warm and if it's like a cold day

you're like I just feel terrible I know I know but I mean job's a job innit yeah well no absolutely

but it just feels weird it just feels really strange it is very strange but um I don't know I'd rather give them the money than the big corporations. The bubble gloves,

whatever the call. I don't know what they call it. But yeah, long live the hand car wash. It's actually better, I think. And they always have a sign that says best hand job in town. Love that.

Great jokes. Love that. You know, you're laughing before you've got in. I know, yeah. It's great. It's time for What's Your, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for What's Your Beef?

Oh, Chris. Oh, no way. Hello, you all right, sunshine? I didn't know this was going to happen. Hello. It's lovely to see you. Is that Belinda? It's Belinda, yeah.

I haven't rang for ages. We've been having a terrible time. Who have? Us, the beefs. The beefs. The beefs. Honestly, Chris, I don't know where to start.

What's been up? So, since the TV show, Yeah. What, Barry? Yeah. Setting them off the rails. I shouldn't laugh,

I'm sorry. Honestly, he got recognised in the one stop. Right. And since then, he's not stopped, Chris. Honestly,

he's in thousands of pounds of debt. He bought a new car. Right. Said he has to have all of the top gear now that he's been on the BBC. Right, Jesus. He's a walking monster, Chris. It's the worst thing that ever happened to me, Chris. Really?

Honestly, he's chugging left, right and centre. Good for him. Good for him. Has he been safe? I don't know, Chris. Am I going to be grandma again, Chris? I haven't got time. I imagine you're a grandma a few times over, but yeah.

So I just wanted to tell you, don't get him on the next series. Right, okay. Honestly, his head will explode, Chris. Too much for her. Too much. What else is he doing? Well, he has gone to Hollywood.

Really? Yeah, I know he's been doing the pilot season. He's got a couple of little bits. He's got a bit in Grey's Anatomy. It's on Series 19, you know. Oh, yeah, still fucking... Fucking Series 19. Still rolling out, aye. I clocked out at Series 10.

I've got to say, it got a little bit ridiculous, actually. I personally... They all fucking died. They all died. I was like, who's getting a job at this hospital? Because then you fucking walk through them revolving doors, you're going to die. Right.

It's just the most dangerous workplace I've ever had in my life. Well, I couldn't watch Grey's Anatomy, Belinda, because I felt like I had all of the ailments. Ah, yes, I had. I always had strange ailments. I felt like I got them. Oh, nothing. Ah, yes. I always had strange ailments. I felt like I got them. Oh, nothing like you would make it about yourself. Is it?

Funny that. So you don't want Barry on the next season? He can't, Chris. He can't. It'll kill him. He's near death now. Okay, okay. So this is fully for Barry's own safety that you're doing this?

Yeah, honestly, he's been drinking, he's been smoking, and I went, what are you doing, Barry? You don't do what you're doing. You went's been drinking he's been smoking and I went what you doing Barry you don't what you're doing you don't do you went all the best actors do this

right really I said no you don't have to be an alcoholic to be in the business right and he said well I thought

you did you just thought that's what you had to do to be a good actor right okay crazy man right okay he's gone a bit

grand old gone a bit right oh yeah proper method right proper method so just

so this is all for his safety that you see in this oh he's me Ben Chris he's me Ben he's me Ben I'll cry so this is not

so Barry's gone you're the one Barry so this is so there's a gap in the new series so this is so who would possibly what

this is sad this is sad Belinda this is sad get out get out get out I've got to go he's on the phone

he's zooming us from LA from LA right good see you later bye bye bye

bye just just just painful that like just painful that like just painful right I feel a bit guilty about that

if I'm honest really well we got him on the show do you know what I mean it was us that was our idea it wasn't my idea so

what's your beef my beef with you currently yeah is the new Gilead that you bought whoa the new Gilead

that you bought whoa no no gilet that you bought whoa no no no let me finish maybe no this is fun this is fun comedy podcast right and I like

you've said a lot of things right and I've took water off a duck's back right ironically water does glide off that gilet as well

stay coated but listen don't be dissing the gilet I'm not I think it's beautiful right but every time you put it on you ask us how you look Listen, don't be dissing the gilet. I'm not dissing, I think it's beautiful, right?

But every time you put it on, you ask us how you look. And all you do is talk about your gilet. And to the point where we were sat yesterday, we had a meeting, a lunch meeting with ACAS. One of the guys hung his gilet up. Chris, mate. Same gilet. I was like, oh, look at me.

Great guy. It's got to the point where you're literally comparing gilets with people. I'm a gilet is that your shit I was like oh fuck me great guy it's quite to the point where you're literally comparing gilets I'm a gilet guy now a gilet guy I'm a gilet guy what can you do I just

it's the perfect bit of clothing there's no better bit of clothing than a gilet remember the other day when we went to London and Chris didn't take a coat

because he's a fucking knob but he had a jumper on and he had his gilet on and I was like what are you not taking a coat for he's like I've got I've gotilet on and I was like what are you not taking a cold for he's like I've got my gilet

I was like what if it rains it doesn't matter your arms are going to be wet yeah my arms get wet but all I do is I spin them around like a windmill dead fast

and the water flies off them as that's happening the water's gliding off my gilet got a cap on as well honestly gilet best bit of clothing ever invented

absolutely incredible oh hey is it freezing cold? Yeah? Get yourself a T-shirt on, then get yourself maybe a shirt, then a nice thick jumper, then have your gilet on as well.

You've got all of the warmth and pattern of a puffer jacket with so much maneuverability in your arms. Right? All your arms are still there. You've not got big puffy sleeves on your arms. You've got, you can, wah, wah, wah,

you can karate, right? And then, oh God, it's got a bit too hot. Oh, take that gilet off. Don't take the gilet off, mate. Take the jumper and the shirt off. Right, exactly. And have the t-shirt with the gilet.

And the gilet. God forbid you not wear the gilet. Yeah, keep the gilet on. The arms with just t-shirt on cool you down. Nice. The gilet keeps your core warm. Yeah, of course, yeah. Honestly.

Yeah. Unbelievable. What's that? It's got hotter again. Take that gilet off. No, take the t-shirt from under the gilet off. We're just the gilet on its own. Oh, don't you dare.

Just the gilet on its own. That's where I draw the line. Oh, it's got warmer again. Unzip that gilet. We're just the gilet open. Like a lifeguard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Like you're about to go on the banana on holiday. Like you're about to go on the banana on holiday and the man hasn to go on the banana but on holiday and the man hasn't clipped it yet for you or you think you're minting you don't clip it you get away with not clipping it no do you know what it's not i love this really i think it suits you it's just the way that you bang on when you get something new what is it with that i don't get it it's it's carl is in the same as well carl does it worse than me and i see it what's when me and carl get a new thing we become basically the ceo of that company like you start selling it to other people and it's i've never known and i'm normally really late to the game as well like so late to the games people like tell us to watch people told

us to watch breaking bad for fucking months and i never did and then as soon as i started watching it i was the ceo of the breaking bad marketing campaign and i'm like everyone us to watch Breaking Bad for fucking months and I never did. And then as soon as I started watching it, I was the CEO of the Breaking Bad marketing campaign. And I'm like, everyone needs to watch this. I do it with everything. I know you do. Chris. No, Chris. I know you do.

Everyone listening knows what I do. Bikes. Gilets. Fish. Yeah, but then they all disappear. What was the other one? How long's a gilet gonna last? I'll give it a year tops.

Nah, I'm done about that. Like I'm a gilet. I'm just a gilet guy now. That's what I do. Gym guy. I'm a gilet I'm just a gilet guy now that's what I do gym guy I was a gym guy bike guy nah

what's your beef with me my beef with you other than your absolute fragrant disregard for the amazingness of a gilet do you want I don't have a gilet

I was just about to say do you want a gilet would you like a gilet I can't Chris I can't get away with gilets why tits too big my tits are too big Would you like a gilet? I can't get away with gilets. Why? Tits.

Too big. My tits are too big. I look like a little pork loin. Wrapped up nice and tight. If you had a big puffy gilet on, zipped up, your arms would look so little. That's what I mean. People would be like,

is it two threads hanging from the gilet? Oh, that's her arms. Can't get away with them. I've tried. Imagine how little your head will look. Tiny little pea head popping out of a jean. Yeah. Like a little caterpillar.

I don't know. Honestly, I've tried them over the years. I really have. Get you a couple of jeaners. No, I'm better with a puffer jacket because then it's spread out. I'll have a word. No, I don't want one.

I'll have a word with the guys at Geely Incorporated. I don't want one. I'm CEO now. I'm CEO of Geely. Because I'd have to wear my nun done and it just looks da word. No, I don't want one. I love a word with the guys at Gigli Incorporated. I don't want one. I'm CEO now. I'm CEO of Gigli. Because I'd have to wear mine undone and it just looks daft. No.

Don't want one. Okay. Thank you. Well, listen, my beef with you is one of, it was one of the, this happened recently

and it was one of the moments in my life where I'm like, what is my life? Like, what is, like, how do I find this person attractive? How do I have sex with this person? What? We were in the kitchen.

Why? We were in the kitchen the other day and we had some guys doing some stuff in the garden, right? And basically, there was a few people outside of the house, workmen, doing things,

right? And you just finished your lunch and you finish your lunch yeah yeah yeah guys strap in right strap in she just finished her lunch that she'd made herself right something with some kind of sauce on and uh there's guys outside and she stood in front of the dishwasher with her dish and she turned and she looked and she went, can they see me? Do you think they can see me? And I went, why? And she went, because I'm going to lick me ball. And then

guys, I couldn't believe what I heard next. She said to me, I swear to God, she went, Chris, keep a lookout while I lick me ball. And I had to stand God. I had to I had to stand guard I had to stand guard

like you were pissing in the street and I was looking for the police but I was actually at my own house making sure the gardeners the guys doing the landscaping couldn't see you licking a fucking plate before you put it in the dishwasher it was horrendous.

It was just such a weird moment. I was standing looking at them and they looked at us and I like waved at them and I was like, yeah, no, they can't see you, but you know, I can see me future and it's dark. Do you know what it is? I don't like waste. And I just, I always feel like,

who made it up that it's bad manners to lick your plate? I know what you mean. Who made that up? Some people don't like mopping a plate up or anything. Honestly, I just, it was so nice. What was it again? It was a, I think it might have been. It was that cabbage thing you do, I think.

Yeah, I do. Oh yes, it was. I make like, I do, I steam a cabbage and then I, so I fry it, steam it and then I add like. Sorry, I can't even begin to imagine how many people clocked out. I can't even begin to imagine how many people clocked out. I can't even begin to imagine how many people clocked out

when you started that recipe with a steamer cabbage. So many people just switched off. I won't have a bad word said against cabbage. I do love a cabbage. What if I got you a gilet made out of cabbage? No, to eat, not to weigh. I don't know. Not raw.

I'm just trying to get you... Fuck off about your gilet. I'm trying to get you on gilets by any means necessary. Absolutely not. I just love looking at my plate. And yeah, it was... Nid ro. Rwy'n ceisio gael eich gylchau i fyny ar unrhyw ffordd o'r angen. Rwy'n hoffi edrych ar fy plâth. Yn ystod y peth, roeddwn i'n dweud, mae'n dda i mi. Felly pan fyddwch chi'n gweld rhywun yn ddynol iawn sy'n bwyso, neu rhywun sydd wedi dysgu'r ffordd o bwyso,

ddim oed yn bwyso, nid oed yn gael ei ddynu ar y tîm, ac mae'n rhaid i'r ffwrdd i'w gwblhau, ac yr holl sgwrs o'r ffwrdd pwynt. Maen nhw'n gadael llawer o sgwt. Maen nhw ddim yn sgrifio'r holl stwff ar y knaith. Maen nhw ddim yn sgrifio'r holl sgwrs ar y knaith. pointless fucking bullshit. They leave so much shit because they don't, they never like scrape all the stuff off the knife. They never like proper suck the lick the knife and they never like

scrape everything around. There's so much waste. It's a proper fucking working class, you know, get a bit of bread and get all them drips up. I mean,

I wasn't brought up, I wasn't allowed to lick me. Like, if I'd licked me plate, I think my mum would have went, Rosie. No. But I did.

My mum used to kick it off when I licked my knife but fuck I want the whole I don't always why can't you lick your knife though you lick your fork I lick my knife in public mate

I lick my knife in posh restaurants mate I don't give a fuck I know you do and if anyone ever says anything I would lick I've planned it I've planned it in my head so many times if I lick my knife

and I hear someone tut or look I go don't fucking look at people while they're eating that's ruder and then I won't take my eyes off them for the rest of my meal I'll be like

putting stuff in my mouth and I'll be glaring at them. You've really thought that through? I've thought about that so many times. Wow. I've thought about it. Some posh twat on a table. Cutting at us for licking my knife.

Honestly. You're so right though. Where's them rules come from? How ridiculous. Absolute bullshit. Bollocks. Yeah. Oh, listen.

Still though. Fuck them. Fuck everyone. I'm still on a licking plate. Well, you can lick your plate as much as you want, but be your own fucking lookout, right? I'm not being your lookout. Like fucking, like still. I'm a licking plate. Well, you can lick your plate as much as you want, but be your own fucking lookout, right? I'm not being your lookout. Like fucking, like the wire. Like a young kid

looking out for the police while a drug deal was going on, but it was a million times less exciting than that. Oh, God. Fun. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.

So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen.

Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying.

Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday.

Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock city at torontorock.com oh yeah so disgusting

gets worse every week that by the way i know yeah gets worse mine sound exactly the same what's your beef question from the public i do the same inclination inflection sorry everything that you're just growling it out every week. Well, it's called progression of a title. Wow. Hi, my boyfriend's handwriting is too nice. He always tries to be the one to write greeting cards. Vile. Jealous.

She is jealous. Vile. He always tries, though. That's what makes us laugh. Vile. I'll write it. I'll write it. That's you?

I've got the better writing yeah actually I'm not talking about my handwriting but yeah I hate my handwriting I've got another Robin's is better than mine

but yeah carry on I've got another one catch his eye in the driver's seat drive past in a carrier bag it's stuck to the front of his car

ick sorry what? catch his eye so someone went past so it's okay so the story here is a man went past in a car she caught his eye he looked at her she looked at him and thought ooh he's nice and then she realised

when the rest of his car was revealed that there was a carrier bag stuck in the front and she didn't fancy him anymore that might be the best one that might be the best one we've ever had I think they're gonna die alone I think that is the best one. That might be the best one I've ever had. I think they're going to die alone. I think that is the best one we have ever... You cannot control if a carrier bag has hit the front of your car. It is really frustrating.

It's turned her stomach. That is one of the fucking best ones. Is it weird that I kind of get it? I weirdly get it as well. It's really annoying. It's the car equivalent of having a little snot hanging from your nose. Oh God god it is oh having something

at the side of your mouth or something in your teeth a bit of herb in your teeth I think I think the snot trumps all of them yeah but I would

you can understand the snot so if someone wrote in and went oh my ick is when I'm talking to someone they've got snot hanging from their nose you probably wouldn't even read it out because it's so base level and so

route one everyone would agree but she saw him she looked over the car the whole day. He's like, hey, sexy lady. She's like, oh, I hope he picks me.

I'm about to go for a ride. Hold on a second. Is that a carrier bag on the front grill? Virgin! You're a virgin! Fucking wonderful. Oh, God, wonderful. It's time for questions from the public.

Questions from the public. Public. Public. Doing that always reminds us of the government. Great. And then the government at the minute is just utterly knackered in it. Oh, I mean, let's not even talk about what's going on there. What a pile of old shit.

Yeah, yeah. Lord of fucking wankers. Although you've just called old shit. He is the youngest prime minister in 200 years. So old shit is literally wrong. Is he? I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, well, I don't mean,

I just mean the whole situation is a pile of old shit. And they're all a bunch of morons. Yeah, we know how you feel. What you have essentially is absolutely pure hatred with no sort of way of fixing it. You just have pure hatred for them, don't you? They're just rich, entitled little pricks, all of them. And I don't think they have any idea,

especially the current one, of how anybody lives. How's he going to know what it's like going around a supermarket and having to count what your mum and my mum used to do? But that's what I find terrifying though. That's what I find really scary because you can't, you can't know, you can't understand.

Do you know what I mean? Don't get me wrong. I think there's, they're always going to be of a different ilk, politics and MPs and whoever's prime minister. They're always going to have been

middle class or upper class. Currently, it class currently it's it's another level he's a billionaire why is he bothering that's my main thing that was my thing with Trump as well

that was my thing with Trump as well if someone's a bit right can you imagine a billionaire turned up at your house imagine a billionaire

turned up at your house and you knocked on the door and they went hi I'm that billionaire and you're oh yeah you're that billionaire and they went can I do your garden

once a week you'd go no that's really fucking weird you're that billionaire and they went can I do your garden once a week you'd go no that's really fucking weird you're a billionaire well yeah I just want to do your garden why

why do you want to do me garden I could weirdly understand that more because maybe he's a bit bored maybe he's whatever but one of the

hardest jobs in the country and he wants to do it I suppose it is the hardest job and it's a lot harder than gardening yeah it's a lot

harder that was a terrible terrible example alright then fair enough. Oh, I am that billionaire. Every time your baby is a shit, can I change your baby's nappy?

Weird. Actually, I'd be able to let them do that as well. I can't find, all right, I can't find anything that I wouldn't let someone do for free that I can't be asked to do myself.

Oh, hi, I'm a billionaire. Can I come and work 50 hours in your shop a week? I'd still be like, I don't know where I am with this. Neither do I.

Anyway, I think it's just a bit silly and it's just sheer narcissism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Narcissism. Narcissism. What is that?

Narcissism. Is it not narcissism? Have you been saying narcissism? Fuck. Who have you said narcissism to recently? You've been saying

narcissism before. I've said it loads. You are. What is it narcissism narcissism narcissistic shit wow something like that happened the other day when i was chatting to him our manager do you see what happens when we're trying to talk about serious stuff you make a fucking fool of yourself sorry anyway narcissism not narcissism so rosie's learned a new word this episode so this is did I say the other day?

Is it waves of life or ways of life? It's ways, isn't it? Yes. Right, because I said waves of life and our manager

in the next sentence said, repeated something in the thing and said ways of life and I went, oh, is it waves? No. Why?

I felt very small in that moment he was honestly props to him though because you know Richard Alan Turner comedy manager

he's got he's got funny bones yeah yeah didn't correct us no and he just went oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

I was like oh fuck he's yeah he's heard worse from you I think is the point Jesus anyway right waves of life

what in the name why did you think it was waves of life I think I the point. Jesus. Waves of life. What in the name? Why did you think it was waves of life? I think I've just always said waves of life. That's like that woman with the glove department. Glove compartment. Yeah, but she said glove department. I think I've just always said different waves of life. Jesus Christ.

Anyway. Listen, as always, if you want to get in touch, it's shagmoudinoid at gmail.com if you want to maybe you know send in your political opinions don't if you maybe want to send in

some new words for Rosie to learn maybe do she can fucking use it I just need corrected on the ones that I've just constantly used and think that I'm clever

using them in a sentence and I'm completely wrong anyway so stupid hi Chris and Rosie quick one would you rather have a job

love one of these love these oh this is exciting Quick one. Would you rather have a job... Love one of these. Love these. Oh, this is exciting. Come on then. Would you rather have a job of testing nine-volt batteries with your tongue one after the other or testing pieces of tinfoil

to see if it's genuine tinfoil by chewing it and having it react to your metal fillings? Second one, because I've got no fillings. No, it says in brackets, Chris has a metal fillin in this scenario. Oh who the fuck's this?

Someone who knows us very well. Oh my god. Oh there's more. It's an eight hour shift Monday to Friday but you get paid ten grand a

week. Can I do both and get twenty grand a week? I mean you're not what would you rather do? I think I'd rather

do the batteries. I think I'd have to do the batteries. I think the foil would make us nothing worse. I think the foil would make us... There's nothing worse than that. The foil would make us... Even just the idea of chewing foil without fillings would really upset us.

No, have you never had it when it... I haven't got a filling. So does it not happen if you don't have fillings? No, I don't think so. Oh, God. What does it do? Does it clink off them? Is there a spark or something?

I can't describe what it feels. It just really... It's like one of them where you kind of like... Like a nerve, like it's hitting a nerve. Yes, like it's hitting a nerve. Like if you've got really sensitive teeth and you're just really, it's like one of them where you're kind of like. Like a nerve, like it's hitting a nerve. Yes, like it's hitting a nerve. Like if you've got really sensitive teeth and you drink something cold, that's what it's like. I reckon after a while, the batteries, you wouldn't even feel it. Yeah, I think you'd probably quite like it after a while, wouldn't you?

Maybe. Sitting there with a little stiffy. Oh, get me that new battery. What's that? How big's the nine volt? Sorry, do you not know what they're talking about? Is it quite a thick one? Is it with the two things?

Yeah, the ones that if you put them on the tongue, you get a little shock. It happens with all of them? No, it doesn't. Are you sure? Yes. Oh. It only happens with the nine volts

because it's got the positive and the negative next to each other and your tongue forms a circuit between them. I thought it was with every single one. That's why I've never done it. Right. No, it's just the nine volts. What's really annoying now is someone's got...

Right, two seconds. There's an Xbox controller over there with a normal battery in it. Just a double A. Are you going to try it? Yeah. Here we go. Pray for us.

Do it on your tongue. I'm scared. Just do it. No? Nothing. Right, great. Do the other side. I'm joking.

You're such a child. Right, well, listen now. The kids can play with batteries. Get them away from me for years oh god as if as if i thought as if i just went and licked a battery because someone was going to tweet us going in his old batteries you see what you people do to me i love you so i can't help it dear rosie and chris love the podcast and always listen on my long drives long drives yeah fortunately the last time I listened,

I was on my way back from dinner at my nana's. We had been reminiscing about the past and this gem of a story re-edited. I just had to send it in. Ooh. And it's a, Mmm, let's talk about shit, baby. Let's talk about poo and wee.

Let's talk about all the good shits and the bad shits that have been. Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about poo and wee. Let's talk about all the good shits and the bad shits that have been. Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit. With a little bit of shits. Let's talk about shit. Shag married and shit. My family are farmers and work a lot of land. Some of the fields are quite. No. Stop now. Some of the fields are quite far from any toilets so when nature calls, dikes provide privacy and drainage. That's a little...

Is it a little pond? It's like a little trench thing. Oh, okay. On one summer morning, my uncle needed to relieve himself. Right. He hopped out of his tractor and went down to the dike, unzipped his boiler suit, pulled it down to his ankles and did his business. I couldnped out of his tractor and went down to the dike unzipped his boiler suit pulled it down to his ankles and did his business i couldn't think of driving past and seeing

anything worse i'm sorry here i'm not i'm not hating on farmers but a farmer climbing out of a tractor unzipping a boiler suit which must be a hell of a sight and then squatting down and having a shit if i was driving he's in the middle of a field no one's gonna imagine looking out your caravan window you're just doing a baking sarnie on the hob and you just you open the blind and there's just a farmer

with his boiler suit trailing on the floor in front of him like a fucking like Peter Pan's shadow right he's done his business after redressing

he got back into the tractor and carried on with his day a while passed and he started to feel a moist sensation on his back, so pulled over to investigate. To his surprise, there was shit all over his vest. The poor bloke hadn't pulled his suit down far enough, so when he pooed, it landed in the material.

Oh my God! And was then slathered all over him when he pulled it back up. He shat in his own boiler suit and then pulled it back on. He shat in the boiler suit and then pulled it back up his back. That. That. Is horrendous. You know how people

say I'd rather shit in my hands and clap? I reckon the new one could be I'd rather shit in my boiler suit and put it back on. And now you're back on. It gets worse.

That's awful. The Muggy Bugger. Can I just say he should have a gilet but carry on. He wouldn't have this problem with a gilet if he had a gilet on. The Mug Bugger... Can I just say he should have a gilet, but carry on. They wouldn't have this problem with a gilet if he had a gilet on. The Mucky Bugger continued to work

the rest of the day and my poor aunt had to clean him up when he got home hours later. Oh, that's loving it when your farmer wife hosing shit off your back. Just take them where you wash the horses or the cows or whatever

and just hose them down. Just hose them down. Agreed. He worked the rest of the day. He just carried on. He was just... The amount of cow shit in that farmers Agreed. He worked the rest of the day. He just carried on. He was just, the amount of cow shit in that, farmers must smell.

He mustn't do anything. Who are you getting a text off? How unprofessional. Sorry. Yeah, I suppose he just, the whole place, you know, I was just about to say, I'm so worried about people

getting offended by stuff. I was literally about to say, no offence to farmers, but farms smell of shit. But they do smell of shit. They do smell of shit? They literally smell of shit. That's what they work with. They do smell of shit? They literally smell of shit. That's what they work with.

I could not work, I could not live or work on a farm. No chance. When everyone's like, I'd love to have animals, and I'd love to, I'm like, absolutely not. Absolutely fucking no chance.

No. No. Rosie, do you want a pony? No. Why? Everyone wants a pony when you're a little girl. Have I got to shovel it?

Shit. It's part of it. No. I'm alright, thanks. Yeah, you had two children. I know. Hi Rosie and Chris, just a quick one. I used to be a bouncer slash door woman at... in Newcastle.

Okay. I don't want to mention the nightclub. Alright, okay. I don't think it matters, but I'm just, you know. Whatever. Like tip tap. Okay. You'll guess.

Right, okay. As your local-ish, I'm sure you can imagine the clientele of this establishment oh yes i always thought it was ari actually i was quite quite a posh one ish i think i'm not sure it was always round i only went in about four times it was round i think i've only been once this one time i had the pleasure of interrupting a couple getting too frisky on the dance floor. I tapped the guy on the shoulder to ask them to leave or at least calm down and he proceeded to pull his finger from out of his date's skirt and wipe it on my arm. Oh no. Oh God.

That is one of the most passive aggressive. Horrible that, isn't it? Disgusting. What a little wanker. Not that night. No. I kicked them out of the club so fast. And I've not been able to get clean since.

Not enough showers in the world. Why? This is where it's worse. Sorry, that is so offensive to everyone involved. Isn't it disgraceful? That is so offensive. I mean, how would she have felt? A girl who was...

Or the girl who was getting fingered on the dance floor. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm sure our expectations of life are extremely fucking high. That would be fair enough, but yeah. No, I'm sorry. But imagine though... We've all done... Yeah, but we've all been drunk.

We've all been in the throes of passion. We've all been horny. Do you know what I mean? For her to be like, oh, this is great. Chris, no, I'm sorry. You didn't get fingered on the dance floor like no i love being fingered but save it save it sorry no nah i'll not have it if you're listening and you're a young a young girl and you don't just have a word right just have just be get strong you might be lush you might be thinking oh I want to take this

and that don't do it on the dance floor because it's a monkey how are you dancing anyway well how would you on your tiptoes oh horrendous

that like it's awful but then again each to their own if that's your thing but no I mean I think again

it's one of them things I think we can happily judge that we can judge that quite happily but still as I say how are you feeling are you kissing away oh god it makes me feel amazing I've got to go back and have a great night I'm dancing I'm having a great time I think we can happily judge that. We can judge that quite happily. But still, as I say, how are you feeling? Are you kissing away?

Oh, God, it makes me feel amazing. I'm going to go back and have a great night. I'm dancing. I'm having a great time. Oh, he's just wiped me on that doorman's arm. Doorwoman's arm. Yuck. After that, I started to wear long sleeves.

She didn't have sleeves? Oh, my God. I thought she had sleeves on! Hold on, is this an anti-Gilet story? Because I feel like she may have had some kind of Gilet vest on there and I feel like

this is doing them down. Right? But this is, it's almost, this is like a negative story about Gilet so we might have to take this out. Oh right, sorry, yeah.

Yeah, because... It wasn't the sponsor. Right, no, but still I don't want anything bad done about Giglias this episode. No, I don't think she's had a Giglias. Yeah. It says nothing quite prepares you for that. Love the podcast.

Your local friendly door woman. On a bare arm. Honestly, the person who sent that in, I'm sorry. On behalf of everyone everywhere. I'm sorry. Would you rather be spat on

or have a stranger's lady juice wiped on you? With a spitting on us. The same place. On the arm. Spit. Oh, God, I'd rather have juice. Well, yeah, because you're a disgusting lady. No, because I've got juice myself.

Got some juice! Actually, I don't know. Such a horrible scenario. Everything about it's awful. But I imagine but I imagine I imagine let's just be honest the happy ending here is

I imagine she the door woman bounced his fucking head off every wall and door on the way out and quite right I hope he took his fingers out

about that quite okay imagine we're together no one will go home like this carrying out like a ball and ball on his way to the alley

oh girls don't do it honestly not on the dance floor singing on the dance floor you better not kill the groove baby gonna wipe your juice on the tall woman's arm singing on the dance floor you better not wipe your juice on the tall woman's arm Bring it on the dance floor You better not wipe my juice

Oh yeah Keep my juice right where I can't see it Gonna get kicked out the club right now Babadoo babadoo babadoo Hi Chris and Rosie Don't need to keep me anonymous As an A&E sister I don't tend to be easily embarrassed

But this was a bit much to ignore Even As an A&E sister, I don't tend to be easily embarrassed, but this was a bit much to ignore, even for me. A&E sister? Like someone who works in A&E, accident and emergency? Yeah. Right, okay. She's the sister,

so which is the highest level of nurse, I think. Okay, wow. I'm sorry if I'm wrong there, but I think sister's pretty top dog. Yeah, okay. Due to COVID, our wedding in France

had been cancelled twice. So ready for it to finally go ahead no details went unnoticed this commenced with the usual bride preparations of getting my hair eyelashes and eyebrows done and of course a whole load of waxing got you it was one of the hottest days of the year in tune 2020 not ideal for hollywood wax the beauty therapist said that the air conditioner wasn't working and that she may have to leave the door open a little. Again, not ideal when you're naked from the waist down

and could end up beaving the entire beauty salon. Beaving. That's wonderful. That's a lush name. I've never heard of that. Beaving. So it's like mooning, but showing your fanny is beaving. That.

That's, all right. It's lush, isn't it? I didn't know that was a thing that's my new favourite yeah same write it down I'm having a great day sadly I'm really annoyed

I can't ever use that oh I can I'm going to beave all over the place I'm going to accuse people of beaving which is good enough wait till you next walk in

and me on the toilet I'll see how you stop beaving out of this room I'll see beavers and butthead in here she waxed my legs and then moved north to sort out my nether region when after a few minutes of waxing

she paused and said oh goodness sweaty lips I could have died as a person who isn't naturally very sweaty and had come out of the shower immediately prior to attending the appointment I was devastatingly embarrassed. I replied, dying,

Oh, fuck, I'm so sorry. Could you please pass me something to dab myself dry? She looked perplexed, then said, No, love, I was on about mine. She took out a tissue and patted her lips and face dry. We continued with the appointment in silence and I never booked into that salon again oh my goodness again again right again bless you um the idea that someone would say that is awful bless that you thought it was like immediately that she must be

so nervous and embarrassed and you immediately thought it was her but guys some people out there you're too nice you're too nice if i was getting waxed my genitalia waxed and someone said is it okay if i leave the door open a bit i'd say absolutely fucking not like why are you so nice you would allow someone to do as well you've both had a horrible time yeah i know i'm an idiot't, like, don't eat shit sandwiches off people left, right and centre, please. Although then again, do,

because we get the stories and it's quite good. In fact, do, yeah, keep doing it, keep doing it. Yeah, I do all the time. I should have done that and I'd be like, yeah, of course.

No fucking chance. No chance. I'd say you get this air con fixed now or I'm leaving. Oh, I wish I had that sort of power. It's not power, it's just not letting people shit all over you.

True. Can I? Oh, get your, hey, get your fanny out. I'll just crack this door. Fucking hell. We've all seen it round here. But still. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.

Hi, Rosie and Chris. Please keep me anonymous as my friend will be mortified. Great. I don't think it's that bad. I love a mortified friend. My friend plays with her hair when she concentrates. She twiddles it in her fingers and will tickle her face with the ends of her hair. Seen people do it.

Very annoying. Yeah. This, I think, I think I do that. You do it. I do it. I put my hair in my ear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I poke it in my ear.

Oh, God, it's fucking much. This, I think, is fairly normal. However, what she does in private is quite frankly grim. Oh, God. I was at her house and needed a wee after a few wines. Her husband was in the downstairs loo, so she said to use

the upstairs bathroom. I went upstairs and sat myself down. Looking around the room, I spotted something furry on the sink. Oh, no. On closer inspection,

I realised it was a large ball of hair, but this only raised more questions. I questioned the hairball with my friend and she replied, it's just my hair mouse.

Sorry. To which I replied, it's just my hair mouse. Sorry. To which I replied, I'm sorry. She explained, she likes to collect the hair out of her hairbrushes and roll it into a ball to rub on her face as it's better and more relaxing than using the hair attached to her head. That is disgusting. Do you think? Yes.

I've got something about hairballs, something about hair upsets us when i go i think i've told you before when i go in a hotel and as if there's a hair in the bed yeah and it's not mine i'm so upset once i once i unfolded a towel a hand towel in a hotel and there was a hair folded up in the towel and i literally i think i just put the towel at the bottom of the little thing and just left it why is it so disgusting i don't know what it is about hair i don't know what it is about hair. I don't know what it is about hair. I remember Ed Sheeran once back in the day got a... It was in the news and everything. A fan made him a cake and he cut the cake and he pulled a slice out

and it was all hair inside the cake. Shut up. Do you not know about this? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. What? Right, explain again.

So someone had baked him a cake but they'd baked a load of their own hair into the cake no so that if he ate the cake he would be eating the hair

like a psycho thing like no it's part of me he's inside you shut up yeah yeah yeah yeah

that's horrendous because I remember next time I was backstage at a gig I was like I'm not fucking eating any of that by the way because there was

the spread on obviously and I was like I'm not having any any of that by the way because there was the spread on obviously and I was like I'm not having any of that you dirty sod that's awful I bet he never takes anything off people no one ever does

no no I think when you get to that level you never do I mean I do if you want to make us a cake make us a fucking cake that would be buzzing me

loads of pubes I remember sorry I'll have a pube pasty like no you won't you'll die that reminds me of Graham Norton

Graham Norton on Father Ted was it Graham Norton. Graham Norton on Father Ted. Was it Graham Norton? Yeah, he was on Father Ted back in the day, yeah. Was it his character? Who? No, it might not. I can't remember.

Anyway, one of the characters on there, he was like famous and all of the women baked him a cake with a jumper inside. Oh, right, okay. Do you remember when he was like, why is there a jumper in here? Because he loved jumpers.ers yeah they put all the stuff together that he loved yeah i do remember that was amazing that was um yeah apologies i don't know what it's got to do

with graham norton he probably wasn't in that scene i don't know he's in the in the series um but something about hair something about hair just makes us really uncomfortable and when i see a little hairball blowing around and yeah a brush your brushes i packed your bag yesterday in the hotel because you went off to a meeting and you're you've got two brushes and i've got loads of hair in them and i know it's your hair but it just makes us really sad really yeah actually hair in a plug hole burn the house down burn the house down no hi chris and rosie i'm a student nurse and as you can imagine that involves a lot of bending moving moving and lifting. Okay. I didn't realise that. Honestly, not

the first thing we bring went to but fair enough. No but you're completely right because you've got to lift people out of bed and everything. They've got the double lift haven't they? Your mum was telling me about, oh well I used to work in a care home so I had to do it. You had to like with somebody else get them underneath the arm and then proper pull them up.

It takes a lot of strength amazing just amazing that people do the job phenomenal hats off to you in march this year i hurt my back so badly it turned out i'd extremely badly slipped a disc in my lower back ouch being only 29 this was quite shocking as slipped discs generally happen to people who are older yeah fast forward to june when I was still in excruciating pain. The slipped disc got so bad and I ended up going in for emergency surgery. Bloody hell. As you can imagine, lots of thoughts and terror entered my mind,

including, shit, I'm going to have a scar down my back. I came home the next day following surgery and recovery was going well. That was until I saw my scar. Unfortunately for me me where the disc slipped my new and unattractive scar was half a centimeter above the top of my arse crack oh my boyfriend began making jokes about my scar and told my son mummy didn't have a back operation she's had her arse crack extended why i mean why you would say arse crack but why you would tell a kid that extended why

I mean why you would say arse crack but why you would tell a kid that why would that be a thing why would you why in the name of god would an arse crack extension be a thing I just love my arse crack so much I just don't want it to end

arse crack extension it it's the one at the end. Arse crack extension. It's like a chocolate fire guard. It's like a thing you would diss someone with. Bloody, you love going to hospital. You'd be going for a bloody arse extension if you could. Arse crack extension.

It's really tickled you, isn't it? Oh, it's just such a funny thing to think about. It's just the most pointless operation in the world we can we offer

we can do your boob job we can lift the boobs up we can give you rhinoplasty we can sort your nose out

tummy tuck and if you want your arse cracked a couple of inches longer we can get that bad lad extended right up your back

if you want your insurance does not cover arse cracked extension I'm afraid Mrs Ramsey I bet I bet you Mrs Ramsey I bet I bet you I bet you

if Kim Kardashian came out and got an ass crack extension I bet you everyone would start getting them do you think I bet you

and then she wore like normal jeans but then you could see her ass crack like an extended builder's bum where you go like look you can have

a builder's bum while you're standing up with your pants at the right height do you want it never say never telling you it could be a thing. An horse crack extension could be...

If the Kardashians start getting horse crack extensions, everyone will start getting them. Oh, Jesus. Copyright Chris Ramsey, 2002. 2002? 2022. I've aged!

I've lost 20 years! Who are you? Mom? This isn't my bedroom. Shut up. What are you doing, man? I'm excited man I'm excited I'm excited

so anyway so the guy the boyfriend said she's had her ass crack extended why do I find it funny again hats off to him that's one of the best

insults ever right listen all in good humour I thought until I collected my son from school one day. I collected my son from school one day and was approached by his teacher,

expecting the usual he's bumped his head today or something of that nature. I was given a very strange and concerning look, asking me if I was okay and healing well. Yes, I replied, assuming my son had mentioned the back up. It's just that your son has been telling his friends and myself that mummy had an operation to extend her it says here yes oscar so he's actually saying oscar dad said oscar and crack. So he's actually saying arse crack. Dad said arse crack. And then he said, he's directly quoting it. And then the teachers have directly quoted back. Mortified, I explained to her I had just had back surgery as my lower disc had been removed.

Safe to say, I spoke to my son about this and told him not to listen to daddy. He's just winding mummy up. But my son is still adamant I've asked him to have my ass crack extended and i'm assuming his friends have told their parents oh god oh yeah she comes look at her There she is Mrs Plastic Surgery Hey Is there a woman On that arse crack

I meant for that thing Hey So I'm going to Turkey Get me arse crack done Go to Turkey Three day visit Tits teeth and arse crack Oh hey To the husband Heathen arse crack.

Hey, to the husband. To the husband who came up with that. Hats off, sir. Hats off to you, sir. That was absolutely a bit of fantastic marriage-related banter there. Love it. Yeah, I tell you what, Claire, that arse crack's took years off you. Do you know what, Megan? I think I've got it too long.

I might go and get it reduced. Oh, no, honestly, just get tattooed over. Get your ass crack tattooed on. Thanks so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Round and Oid. Might not be here next week

because I've got a consultation booked in for my ass crack extension. Do you know what would look really, really good with an ass crack extension, by the way? Right, what? Gigli. Might not be here next week because I've got a consultation booked in for my Arse Crack extension. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what would look really, really good with an Arse Crack extension, by the way? Right, what?

Gile. Set it off really lovely. Sleeves out, Arse Crack up, Gile on, hit the town. Hit the town. Excellent stuff.

Guys, thank you so much for listening. Did you say we're part of the Acast Creator Network? Oh, maybe I didn't. We're part of the Acast Creator. We are part of the Acast Creator. Very happy and proud

to be part of the Acast Creator Network. Thank you very much for listening if you want to get in touch as always it is shagmoudanoid at gmail.com you wonderful people

amazing stories this week from the public thank you so so much and we're back in your ears next week bye bye You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series.

This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock

hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.