Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 193. BeanFest

Episode Date: November 11, 2022

On this week's podcast Rosie tells all about her trip to London to see The Backstreet Boys. Chris has been busy at home, or has he? The beefs include arguments of car boots and general couple rage. There's a couple of icks and of course some QFTP' which this week involve a terrible Best Man, baby feeding and a worrying foam party. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and

Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca.

Hello, you're listening to Shag Mardenoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, the liar! Christopher Ramsey. The liar? The liar. You told me you were ready to start this podcast. You've done all your work. You've done everything.

I've been sat here for 10 minutes while you've been doing your notes. You're a piece of shit. Wow. I've been away for two days. Oh, she's been away again, guys. Guys, she's been away again guys guys she's been away again no you've had two days you got rid of the kids because you had work one of them went to school what have you done what have you been doing what i've been doing is i put all this desk

office desk equipment you're sitting at in this brand new studio i put all this together well right it's an ikea desk it's no bigger than any other normal desk. It took you 20 minutes to put this together. Yeah, and then all of the shit I had to take out of this room and put in another room. There was a lot going on. I did a lot of children in need, my voiceovers for children in need. Took you a couple of hours.

I had a couple of meetings with children in need as well. You know that charity thing I do? That charity thing I do every year for the children. I was doing that, Rosie. Oh, sorry. I was doing that, Rosie. For the children? Yeah, for the children in need.

Is it also one of the biggest TV programmes on the telly? It's for the children. I do it no fee. I give my own time for the children. Hey, listen, guys. It's episode 193. Jokes aside, though, if you want to tune in, 18th of November, Children in Need.

I'm not saying it's a great programme. It's a phenomenal programme. Amazing cause. And how you don't bawl your eyes out whilst you're presenting it do you watch the VTs while it's happening

before I have a I have what I call me heavy heart day in the office I sit in the office at the centre of the mall and I sit and watch

them all on my laptop like a week before so you've seen them all I have to have seen them before and I can't watch them on the night either yeah or I'll just be like

next we have Joe Wicks as the nation's favourite you know it's yeah it's fucking

I've never asked you that actually because it is because sometimes when I'm watching it I think you heartless bastards what because we're not

because we're not yeah you and Alex stood up there and I think wow they haven't shed this is

what's amazing is this is the first time I'm doing it without any distancing and stuff. So I can literally get in. There's going to be a crowd there again, a proper crowd. I can get in the crowd and chat to people.

Me and Alex and Addy, who are presenting the first bit, we're going to actually be next to each other, not fucking miles away. Nice. So yeah, very exciting. Oh, that'll be good. So tune in on the 18th, 18th of November, BBC One, seven o'clock, I think it is.

Are you doing the first bit or the second bit? First bit. Me, Alex and Addy, first bit, and then Mel and Jason. So yes, guys, it is episode 193. Thank you for listening

if you're out there. If you are, well, you are out there if you're listening. If you're not out there, you're not getting these words in your ears. Who are you talking about?

I don't know. You're all right. We're in a new room. I'm excited. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. Thank you for coming to the podcast.

Thank you for, if you're here from the start well done well done mate there's people listening to this over three times and I'm like

what the hell I don't respect that at all I'm joking thank you so much guys without further ado it's time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor bit worried about this week's

sponsor from our sweet Rosie why? bit worried that people out there might find it sexist but it's just something I find really really quite jarring not that you've never been sexist in your life I don't think I might find it sexist but it's just something I find really really quite jarring not that you've never

been sexist in your life I don't think I would ever be sexist and I honestly I don't when slags say I'm being sexist I find that just

you know probably just on their period or something I I'm joking that was a joke literally that was a joke

in the same section as we're talking about the horse and children how you got that job I don't know obviously never listened to this but it's gears I've got different gears do you know what i mean but anyway look this week's sponsor is prepare yourselves right this week's sponsor is

that little monkey sticker that little monkey plastic sticker that you get on the crotch of girls underwears in women's underwears in shops yes i'm? I'm sorry. You were trying something on in your bedroom the other day. What was it? I don't know what it was, but I saw you stop. You went to put it on and then you take it off. It was a bodysuit. And you peeled the little sticker off the crotch.

And honestly, there's something wrong with the world. There is something fundamentally wrong with the world when shops have to go, put a little smegma sticker on there, they're going to fucking snail trail all these things up when they try them on. Come on! Do you know what I've never understood?

Come on, just agree! I'm not a woman, so I don't know, and alright, it must be a discharge or whatever, right? But, I don't know, discharge or whatever, I don't know why I said that. Just discharge, that's all it's called. The fact that we've had to go,

oh, everyone put stickers on there because the will just try them on with their fannies out. But do you know what I don't understand? What? What's the sticker doing? Because everyone's just hoeing the juice on the sticker.

Well, yeah, but then that's not going on the garment. It's not going on the clothes. So the clothes isn't getting tainted. Also, the final buyer gets to fresh a fresh vag is that the thing is it but you've still got to try it on you want this material

this silk woven gusset to touch your vaginal flaps you have to buy it otherwise the the sticker's in the way mate yes I know everyone else is smegs

on that sticker you still have to try it on with the sticker yeah it actually makes no sense because anything that's got the sticker on you can't take them back

I don't think you're not allowed to take underway back right again yeah never so yeah but still my point is you know you don't want to be the fourth person in the shop to try it on and go why is this damp oh no there's a stick you know i mean oh no the the stick has gone i mean it is awful it's a horrible feeling having to take it off. It's just when I looked at you, I just looked at you peeling your little sticker off and I was like, oh God.

Did you? Like, aren't humans, not just women, aren't humans disgusting? I mean, the fact that your cheesy knobs don't have to have one is very upsetting.

I find that sexist. I find it, I find everything sexist to be honest with you. Honestly, you just look at me now, I think sexist. We're all sexist though pack it in

oh god I fucking hate men not the ones on stage that I went to see the other night though oh backstreet boys I loved them didn't you did you enjoy the gig

or did you just want a weekend away from the family again which one was it both yeah get one of them stickers stick it over your mouth stop talking shit

play the jingle oh yeah along with one of my massive sn stick it over your mouth, stop talking shit. Play the jingle. Oh yeah, yeah, along with one of my massive sniffs, there's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle jingle

So this is the jingle jingle We hope you like the jingle jingle Jingle Jingle Hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bab. Jingle. Hello and welcome back to Snagged, Married, Snusnoid. Lovely to have you back.

Hello, hello, hello, hello. Rosie's back. Rosie's back. I am back. She's in the house. Yes, she's back. You're in my house. You know what it is?

I booked these things in, this was last year. No, not last year. A good few months ago this was booked honestly it's just rolling rolling every week we talk about how you have just just shirked off

your family duties and just went gallivanting I'm just jealous you're just jealous I'm massively jealous I'm fucking sick had a bloody lovely time good

it was great was it good Backstreet Lads Bang On Backstreet Blokes weirdly I've been meaning to tell you this I was saving it

for this conversation funny thing happened actually watching the Backstreet Lads it was the point in my life Weirdly, I've been meaning to tell you this. I was saving it for this conversation. Funny thing happened, actually, watching the Backstreet Lads. It was the point in my life where I thought, you know, when I was younger, they were very unattainable. Yeah. Watching them on that stage... Yeah. ..probably got a chance with them.

Really? Yeah. That's cute that you think that. Just because they're older. I imagine they would disagree strongly. Probably. Oh, man, I'm not that bad I just

when you look at them you go oh actually no we could probably meet if they weren't one of the Backstreet Boys oh right if they were just a person

if they were just normal blokes you'd go you'd meet them if you weren't in a supermarket yeah and if you meet them in a bar you'd probably

you wouldn't say that about anyone couldn't you though what do you mean no I just feel like when they were younger, they were like lush and young. Right, out of your league.

And out of my league. Right, I understand, okay. But now, possibly in my league. Great, wow. And I've totally changed who my favourite is. Is it Howie? Nah. I mean, Howie aged very well.

Really? Sang like a dream. Kevin. Really? Oh my God. Hi. Kevin. Jesus.

Dark horse. Wow. Lush, absolutely lush. Nick Carter. Oh my God. Aye. Kevin. Jesus. Dark horse. Wow. Lush. Absolutely lush. Nick Carter. Oh, Chris. Horrible out like.

Horrible news. Well, his brother, if you don't know, his brother Aaron Carter passed away the night before the gig. He cried all the way through. Of course he did. Amazing for still doing the gig like. I know. Good on him.

It was really sad. And then everybody was crying. I was crying my eyes out. Oh, man. It was quite upsetting. And then everybody was crying. I was crying my eyes out. It was quite upsetting. Yeah. Oh, God. But it was just brilliant. It was just such a good show.

So good at singing. I imagine that was an amazing moment, to be fair, though. Like, not trying to, you know, him on stage being so emotional and the whole room in such a sort of emotional moment. I imagine it was quite cool to be part of. Not cool. Do you know what I mean? I know exactly what I thought the same. Awful circumstances. imagine it was quite cool to be part of. Not cool, do you know what I mean? I know exactly what, I thought the same. Awful circumstances.

Be like, what a fucking crazy moment to be in. But I thought, I'll remember this forever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. God, I mean, I've done gigs in some, you know, not emotional states, but that's the thing. It's that whole thing of this business. The show must go on.

Me and Carl Hutchinson once, I'm sure I've told you this story. Me and Carl, we went, we got a burger during the day on tour. We got these burgers in this pub and we're like, oh, it's amazing,

like home-cooked burger. Yeah. Couple hours later, both ends. And I remember being, it was Milton Keynes, the stables was the venue. Carl was in one cubicle,

I was in the other. Both coming out our arse, shitting out our arse, just water and being sick in the little sink in the cubicle at the same time

and the tour manager Rhys opened the door and was like five minutes guys and we were like okay mate and then we both went on and did the game

yeah don't get a sick day well my Kate couldn't believe it Kate was like he can't do it surely he can't do it his brother

I was like great he's got it it was that thing when we did he's got no chances there's five of them in the band. Yeah, when we did the O2 and obviously we're doing Wembley next year

and a load of other arenas, when you do, you know people have got babysitters. They've booked trains. They've booked hotels. It's hard, man. Yeah. Crazy job.

Crazy job. But yeah, God. He did so well. He did so, so well. And I've got... Ridiculous. I've got so... They all did. I've got so much more respect for them. I mean, they're the Backstreet Boys.

They're absolute professionals. But they deserve it. I know this sounds ridiculous. You know, some boy bands and girl bands come and go. And a lot of them aren't that talented. They're very much part of the furniture, aren't they? They're very much. Yeah.

Honestly. They're stable. They were really good. Dancing amazing. Singing superb yeah much better than i thought they'd be and just they'd kept it up and they just kept good and i was like i deserve to be on there lads and even though i moaned about the ticket price i was happy to have paid it right okay it was shit though right was it because i just well probably not i was down

on the floor but then everyone stands up and I'm five foot one. Right, okay, there you go. And it's like, I can't see a thing, so I need to be up on the sides. But I very much- Take a little crocker with you. Take one of them little Ikea crockers. I should have took my little crocker with me.

But I very much just bought, I was like just refreshing the page because they sold out really quickly. Wow. Paid through the fucking nose for them. Sandra enjoyed it, even though she had no idea who they were. That video. Oh my God. Oh my God, them. Sandra enjoyed it, even though she had no idea who they were. That video.

Oh my God. Oh my God, Chris. Before they started, do you know what she asked Kate? What? Are these English or American? Oh my God. I had a literally,

did anyone hear that? What? Did anyone hear that, her say that? No. Right. Thankfully, no. Imagine that.

Are these English or American? Floor seats. Fucking floor seats. Do you know how much they were? Floor seats are amazing. Do you know how much they were? They were a fortune, weren't they? £300 each.

You are joking. I'm not. That's mad. I didn't know. Sorry. Sorry. I didn't know. Okay, this.

Galavanting, leaving your family and pissing money up the wall to what? Five old cunts. How many is there? Five of them? Four of them. Where they from? Sweden? America?

America? England? America? American. I'm joking. Five old fucking codgers. That's why I didn't cancel it. Five old codgers

shaking their old wrinkly balls around one stage. How much would they have made that night? I know they don't get it all but how much how much are our tickets 30 quid

we deliberately keep our tickets yeah well I know if there were three we'd probably sell about two baby Matt are these American or English

are these American or English do you want to hear some of Sandra's best things from the trip 100% I love it when you go away with your mum because she just comes out

with nuggets of gold yeah so a couple of things crossing a road with Sandra from the trip? 100%. I love it when you go away with your man because she just comes out with nuggets of gold. Yeah. So a couple of things. Crossing a road with Sandra is hellish. Yes. Have you noticed so now in London

they've got similar things to in America. So on the crossings they've got the countdown. Oh God. So it's obviously you've got the green man and then you've got

a little countdown where it goes 10, 9, 8. Takes about three seconds to cross the street. so it's obviously you've got the green man and then you've got a little countdown where it goes 10 9 8 takes about 3 seconds to cross the street Sandra

time I don't know what happens to time in Sandra's world because she grabs your hand and she goes 10 9 8

7 6 5 8 1 whilst making you run across the road so I just go across the road

she grabs your hand and does a countdown. She goes, oh, it's count 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4. I'm just running. Like it's just going to go. Like it's just going to go. Like a waterfall. Like that doesn't run on the same second system that we have.

But also, my point I'm taking from this is, but my point I'm taking from this is, like she thinks when it gets to zero, those cars are just going to fucking plough you. Yeah, but she also thinks that 10 seconds is now three seconds, the way that she counted down. Literally, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Oh, God. Horrible. Awful, right? Grabs your hand. Non-Londoners. And she's so, I don't know whether it's a mother thing, but she was telling Kate and I

how to cross the street. Still, watch, careful, stop, cars. 36, man. The second thing that I wanted to actually kick off, but I didn't, I held it in really well. Congrats. We walked for ages because sometimes it's just a nightmare getting the tube and carbs to take.

It's just quicker to walk sometimes. So we just walked. And we were going back to the hotel and i put it on my maps on my phone but it's really hard to work out sometimes in london because there's not just like a roundabout there's like a fork that goes off in six different directions and it's just complicated anyway my mom i'll do it i've got it better got a great app on mine i've got a great app so this on my've got a great app. So this, on my app, it said 35 minute walk. My mum got it up and she just, 23 minutes walk.

And I went, I don't think that's right. Anyway. Well, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you at the end. So yeah, yeah. You know exactly why. So Sandra hadn't actually put it on walk and it was on driving. Right.

So we took the longest route, third exit, all of that shit. We were going round and round about. We were going round and round about like we were a car. Because she had it set to the wrong setting. And it wasn't until we had, it was one way that I was like, Mom, this is wrong. We'd missed bridges and everything. It was ridiculous.

So anyway, she's very arrogant though about it yeah yeah yeah I thought you were going to say with the time I thought you were going to say

that she had some kind of app that was set to how much of a fast little fucking walker she is well that is true so it's like

on my app it's 23 because it knows I fucking sprint everywhere no it's a 35 minute walk 23 minute drive because London's mad crazy

one last thing that she said on the train me and create were having a little drink and um sandra got our words mixed up but it made us laugh a lot and sandra said um don't involve me in your fucking bean fest she actually meant booze fest and couldn't understand why main kid 90s kids were laughing my head off bean fest and couldn't understand why me and Kate, 90s kids, were laughing our heads off. Oh, bean fest.

Yeah, don't involve me in your bean fest. Bean fest sounds like some kind of female masturbating class. That's exactly what we thought it would be. Bean fest. Flicking your bean. Welcome to bean fest. So that was funny. But other than that, we had a lovely time.

Or a seminar for men of how to find the clitoris bean fest bean fest welcome to bean fest yeah it's good fun

good fun yeah babadoo babadoo babadoo bah so you just said to me she'll go out the beef so have you got something else to say

but I was just gonna say no this isn't a bad thing I was just gonna say we've got another tour coming up next year the arena tour yes big love to everyone who comes to see us because i find nothing more stressful than leaving an arena gig oh god yeah like we ran for a taxi yeah it's madness it's just horrible getting out of a gig isn't it because you're like you'll be standing in a queue for years or you can we missed the last kind of we missed the encore so i was like i would rather miss the encore than have to stand that's why you're not a true fan that's why you're not a

true backstreet boys fan you're not one one third of your group didn't even know what continent the guys were from yeah and then you leave before the encore you're a disgrace i know you know the people in the nosebleeds who would have died for the seats you had and you're whinging about your seats and you're leaving before the honestly do you know i've seen the backstreet boys you know i saw them live before you when dubai years ago did you yeah i went over dubai to support al murray and how do you say dubai dubai dubai what you mean dubai before i've got to say dubai dubai dubai dubai i say dubai dubai dubai sounds ridiculous does it we say loads of stuff different sorry anyway i say dubai but you also you also say yoghurt so my yes but you've seen the battery boys in dubai dubai

yeah what does that sound weird? Who else says Dubai? You just say things weird. Dubai. Tell your mom. Take your mom. Your mom says things weird. Oh, God.

So, yeah. Sandwich. Sandwich. Grease. I've said before, I still can't get my head around why she says sandwich. I don't know where that J comes from.

No. I'm just going to have a sandwich. Why? Why? Why is that? But she really does it as if... Oh, I know. She does it as if everyone else is pronouncing it wrong.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's trying to make a point. It's like, guys, you know there's a fucking J in this. Sandwich. I'm having a sandwich. When I first heard her say greasy. Yeah. Like, greasy.

Yeah, careful now. Oh, the potatoes are really greasy. Are you? Are you? Are you having a strong... it's a man of it I'll tell you what I'll tell you what I bloody love

I bloody love a greasy sandwich in Dubai it's bloody fantastic anyway I saw them years before you're a real fan hashtag real fan

hashtag Howie's hose so there you go there you go Howie was fit to be fair they all fit does anyone let themselves go

honestly all still lush. Still would, every single one of them. I mean, there's an order, but absolutely, would still shag them all.

Form a queue, lads. There's an order. It's not just a fucking, go on, yeah, everyone take a number. Jesus. There's an order. Disgusting.

And by the way, they're still out of your fucking league. All right, okay. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, back. What are you doing all right i just i pressed record there i pressed record just as rosie was having a go at this because um just before we started this rosie claimed she wanted a new laptop she hasn't had a laptop very long but it looks older and shitter than mine because she doesn't look after stuff

right um there's screws on the desk here dear listener there's screws on the desk where i've it's like an ikea unit and you attach a you attach a desk to it and there there's screws on the desk where i've it's like an ikea unit and you attach a you attach a desk to it and there's just screws on the top of the desk you've just got to be careful it's not shoddy workmanship don't say it is uh three or four times now rosie skidded her laptop across the screws and just scratching the bottom of the laptop i just said well guys you won't believe what you said i'd said oh there stop doing that you're scratching the bottom your laptop and she said i shit you not, it adds character, like a wood floor.

No, it fucking doesn't. Scratching the fuck out of your MacBook. Start putting stickers on it and that. And then she's like, I don't know how you can be honest, keeping stuff nice, because I just, I like having nice stuff.

The fact that you looked at my laptop and said that mine's better than yours, mine isn't better than yours, yours is better than mine, but yours is fucked. Your desktop is a disgrace. Can we just clarify though

right all of my laptops have just been your old laptops not this one yes it is no it's bloody not I got you that

brand new for Christmas how dare you oh right you did there we go you don't even know where was that you don't even know

what year December 25th last year was I pregnant what do you mean did we have Chris sometimes yes

when we had children this year just gone right I had a one year old right he's a bit of slack here what was he doing he's fucking accounts

on the laptop what's he doing on the laptop I just wasn't with it I wasn't with it do you know that I only aw aw right then

what was me about me kids come on I love them so much and I'm a man and I'm brilliant but I'm going to whinge about everything that happened from the moment I was pregnant Do you know that I only... Yeah, we'll go. Oh, right then. What was me about me kids? Come on. No. I love them so much and I'm a man and I'm brilliant, but I'm going to whinge about everything that happened from the moment I was pregnant to the fucking second I left the house this morning. Come on.

I was just going to say that this is the first time in my life that I actually feel like me again. Oh, really? Yeah. Right. So thanks for shitting on that. No, any time.

Right. No, honestly takes it takes ages oh who did i say that to i said it to someone a man the other day and uh i said oh it's the first time i feel like me and me my youngest is nearly two and he was like really that long i was dickhead such a such a bloke I love it a bloke without kid response I love it when people

try to put an opinion on something that they've got no clue about do you know what I mean like something like I go I don't know I'm writing a new tour show or whatever

and someone will go how long does it take to write a show I go a few months few months aye what's your frame of reference you didn't fucking know

you didn't know so you asked us and I've told you the answer and now you do it all the time I can't think of something off the top of my head why can't I get a break

this episode something you'd be like I don't know something like I'm putting this furniture together or something and I'll go I'm gonna go and do that

and you go how long are you gonna be and I'll go a couple hours couple hours aye that's how long this takes it takes as long as it takes although to be fair

lead times on stuff at the minute start to do me nothing what do you mean sofas, blinds 14 weeks fuck me i know stuff takes a long time but then again i mean i've just done what i said i hate it oh god what have you done i've got no frame of reference i don't know how long it takes to make a sofa what the hell am i who am i who might i have a go at the guys i don't feel like it takes 16 weeks i think they're taking the piss i honestly think they're taking the piss like weeks. I think they're taking the piss. I honestly think they're taking the piss.

Like, I do. I think they're taking the piss. Fair enough. Honestly. You think they're taking the piss? Say it again. I think they're taking the piss. 16 weeks to make.

So I think it's ridiculous. What are you doing? Where are you getting this stuff from? Well, I always want to go, well, I'll have this one. I'll have this one in the shop then. I'm just sat on it. I'm sat on it.

I'm literally sat on it. Why can't I have this one? How long does food deliver? Five weeks. Why? Why? I live over there. I'll take it. in the shop then. I'm just sat on it. I'm sat on it. I'm literally sat on it. Why can't I have this one? How long did Free delivered? Five weeks. Why? Why? I live over there. I'll take it.

Making this shit up. Me and you fucking wheel up the street. I'll put it on top of your car, Mr. Bean. Come on, let's go. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking

Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director The visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca.

This Friday... You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth... Bad times will start now. Evil things. Of evil. It's all girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no,

don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. The Impeders Friday. Get tickets now.

It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? What? Beef, beef, beef. What? Go on, beef with me. Beef. Beef. Whenever we do that, it's really aggressive and just reminds us of fighting.

There was a fight in London. We witnessed a fight. Oh, gosh. And do you remember? Sorry, did you go to London? With you? It was with you? Oh, I saw a fight.

Me and you? Where? When the taxi hit the bike, the guy. Oh, shit, yeah. And then, well, the funniest thing is, right? This is just human nature. When the bin lorry went in front

and we were devastated. Oh, we were furious. Yeah. We were standing watching from a distance and then a bin lorry got in the way and we were like,

fuck's sake! How am I? That was crazy, that. Love watching a fight. Now I'm better. Taxis and cyclists hate each other so much. I've told you before,

I've been in a taxi before and a cyclist's gone past and the taxi cut the cyclist up and the cyclist just fucking booted the front of the taxi from his bike didn't stop just leant over i just kicked the fuck out of the side of the cat and then just kept going and i was just sitting going oh my god i've opened my door once in a taxi and hit a bike yeah it was in shoreditch in london i was going to i was i was going to a lego exhibit um and i got the taxi i didn't realize and i opened the door

and the bike just hit and i was i've never felt so ridiculous and i made sure he was to be fair they were both absolutely fine about it but i was just i was an idiot i was really excited to go to the legwigs i can imagine i've actually got a beef by the way oh have you yeah yeah but you can go first right okay yeah all right i'll go first so you have given me shit on this podcast before. Yeah. About your electronic boot. Yeah. On your car.

Yeah. It was a while ago. It was probably years ago. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Remember? Remember? Remember you were like, you and your mom don't know how to shut a boot.

Yeah. My car, right? Mm-hmm. My car that has come out of my money, right? None of this bullshit you don't you're not the main earner anymore right

50 50 right my money I want money hard it no my money

that's my car that I paid for my money if we ever split up that's my car right check who's name is registered in is it in your name

damn fucking right it's in my name why is it in your name so you can't leave so you can never leave is it in your it's in my name it's my car it's in my name what the actual what why is it in your name somebody do them we're getting it it's something i don't know oh this is this is actually my fault yeah have i just said i think you were like just get it in your name it doesn't matter yeah yeah why am i so stupid what's the matter with this why have I done this

so anyway you're talking about my car my boot do you know what it is I need to actually ring a solicitor you know because you're going to hear all about this now

because we've chatted before and I'm too trusting right and I've said like I've said well everything I've said to Chris I'm like

it's 50-50 and you always just say yes if you are lying to me If you are lying to me, if you are lying to me and if something happens and I get an out, I'll honestly, I'll probably be able to do an out

because... Okay. Look. Tell me the truth right now. You were talking about my car. Your car. Tell me the truth. Rosie!

Why are we talking about our finances on a podcast? Because I watch your housewives they do it all the time happen nothing's gonna promise yes put your little sticker back on your mouth right i don't trust you i'm gonna have to get a solicitor right have we got a lawyer i'll sort that out for you we're all laughing but if you're

going to read the mirror in ten years time and I'm going to be fucked oh ten years you're joking oh wait quicker than that fucking pull your finger out

another ten years of this anyway come on right we'll give you beefers basically my car my booth I'm gonna get

the doc where's the doc I don't fucking can't be asked to look

for a second you were gonna get the documents I was gonna no I can't be asked um so

my beef is my electronic boot it's a bit broke at the minute because during storm whatever its fucking face

was a car a tree landed on my car and my boot's a bit knackered. So you have to like press the button, obviously electronic, and then you just have to push it after it's done. You. Right. You. Right. Ragging my boot down.

Right. Like it's just a 1994 Volvo fucking boot that you just used to rag down. Me dad's old Skoda. Right. Me ma's old Mazda. Yep. You're ragging it.

Yep. And it's not. It's electronic so you press the button like yours. Right. If I did that on your car we would never have heard

the end of it. Why do you think it's okay to do it on mine? It's the only way it closes. It's not because I did it yesterday. You press the little button now and then. It picks and chooses.

You press the little button and you get in the car and the boot's clearly shut and the dashboard's like, your boot's open! All you've got to do is while it's shut, push it. Well, I didn't know that. Don't rag it down from the high heavens. Right, well, you can still... No, no.

I'll do it on yours next time. Do it, I'll do it on mine another time. I've never seen you do it on yours. Well, listen,'ll do it on mine I can't wait I've never seen you do it on yours well listen when I'm going to the tip right which is what I love doing

if I've got quite a lot of cardboard in the back you don't go to the tip in your car I went to the tip in my car yesterday what did you have in cardboard

dry dry cardboard cardboard yeah what do you mean what do you think oh no you've got to take rubbish from the garden

to the tip who's car oh yours yeah yeah anything smelly goes in yours. You're a piece of shit. That time I missed the bin men and chased them down the street, all them bin bags went in your car.

They're not going in my car. You're kidding me. I hate you. Boot works in my car. Yeah. What am I talking about? They're both in my car. Now...

Oh! My beef... Blink once for yes help my beef with you is right you are always

just up for a row you're always just like let's fucking do it like always just up for a row we've talked about this before yeah it's really irritating

I've got I've got two siblings yeah you're just always up for it you did it today I was on the I was on the treadmill today and you and your mum walked down.

Oh, when you nearly killed the bane. When your mum nearly killed the bane. No, I'm sorry. No, to do with me. Your mum just stood there and let the bane walk towards the treadmill and I'm looking and I'm going, I can't go Sandra,

get the bane because that's rude. I'll get told off for being rude. So he like went towards it and I like jumped off the treadmill and then she grabbed him and then as you're on your way out, nothing happened.

Nothing was wrong. But as you're on your way out and I'm running on the treadmill you went you should have said you should have pressed stop there by the way just so you know chris you should have pressed the stop button whereas so let's just fucking let's just let's just let's just deconstruct this whole scenario the scenario has changed right the scenario has changed, it's my mum and me and the baby coming through that room while you're on the treadmill. There's a few things I'm going to get bollocked for here.

One, bringing my mum in while you're on the treadmill. Why'd you bring your mum in? I was on the treadmill. Why'd you bring your mum in? I was on the treadmill. Why are you and the band and your mum coming in? I was on the treadmill. There's one thing I get bollocked for. Second thing, your mum let the band run towards the treadmill. Fucking what's your mum doing? Oh, but I can't say Sandra the bane run towards the treadmill, fucking what's your mum doing?

Oh, but I can't say Sandra let the bane run towards the treadmill, because oh, heaven's above. You just did. Oh yeah,

I didn't say it at the time though, did I? And then, why did you let the bane near the treadmill when I was on the treadmill?

You should have grabbed him. And if I'd have went, you should have pressed stop by the way, you'd have went,

oh my god! Do as I say, not as I do, always up for a row, and I'm sick of it. It's like living in a dictatorship.

No wonder I'm weaseling away all the cards and all the forms and mortgages I have from you. Leave you a fucking knout. You tyrant. Sick of you. You beat what you sow. Dick. Do you think the other marital podcasts

actually fight? I don't know if everyone else does. I feel like we're like Dublin. Do you know what's really weird though, right? These are genuine arguments that we have. Yeah, but it actually helps. I very rarely like to give out advice, but I like you now as a person more than when we started the podcast because we've had

like today at the beginning of this record right i was still a bit fucked off with you all right okay but now i thought you meant in general from like years ago oh no no no do you remember when we call me hand no don't remember when we first met and we were a bit obsessed with each other yeah it's died hasn't it yeah of course it does but listen what it's anyone just talk right anyone any problems in your marriage anything

talk argue take the piss out of each other because this is how I now again to let people be on the curtain here I now can look at you

in the eye better and I love you more now than I did at the beginning of this podcast recording I don't know if it sounds a little bit icy at the beginning but would add a little row

because I'm trying to do my notes and you're going, this should have been done. What have you been doing? I have to say, I have to say, I did feel like a bit of a dick when I left

and went, you should have pressed this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you really? So I'm on the treadmill and you walked out because I was on it and you went,

you should have pressed it. Twice you said it. Just flexing on the way out. Flexing like, it's like when you see a film and someone's like pushing a kid on the shoulder. What are you going to do, huh? What are you going to do?

And they're pushing them. Tough guy. I was bullying you. Yeah, you were. Basically, I was bullying you. You bully me all the time, so we're even. No, I don't.

You fucking do. I do not. You do? Take it back now. I was getting you. Come here. It's time for Questions from the Public

I'm very shouty today I'm so sorry We both are actually Guys as always if you want to get in touch Shagmountedauditgmail.com Continue to send everything in We bloody love it Really quick one here

and really ridiculous love it don't agree with this at all okay is it a man about a woman I think it's a woman no it's a woman about a man

I can't remember I might be completely wrong sorry hi Chris and Rosie long time listener first time MLR nice

read on the internet that people had ics about people going to work because it looks like they're desperate for money i kind of get it though what how ridiculous is that that's fucking stupid so on the internet some probably young daft twat has said my ick is somebody who goes to work because it looks like you're desperate for money. So some young rich fucker with rich parents has written that. Wow, what an amazing ick. What a horrible world. Oh, look at him.

Oh, look at you, going to work because you need money. Sad. Disgusting. Look at you, drinking that water to live. What a loser. Look at you, eating. Look at you. Look at you, he's eating. Look at you. Look at you,

breathing. Stupid, isn't it? Idiot. Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. And the person who says he kind of get it, you're an idiot as well.

Yeah, it's stupid. Hey, Rosie and Chris. This could maybe be a Rosie's Mysteries. Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. Mainly because I'm dying to hear Mysteries, all Mysteries, Mysteries, Mysteries at any opportunity. I've even taken to muttering it in my sleep,

which cracks my partner up. That's weird. That's fantastic. Nice. I miss the theme tunes. I know, it's a shame, isn't it? It's so sad. Yeah.

Can't do it, man. What are you going to do? Wind your butt with? I hate this world. Yep. Rosie's Mysteries. Roses. Mysteries. Mysteries. E.

Well, I never knew that. You didn't do that. You're kidding. I'm not. I heard this story from a friend whose colleague witnessed the event. So this could be a legend, old wives tales,

but it's too good not to share. I googled this right and nothing came up oh they did their research right okay well no no sorry i did oh you googled it okay i googled this okay because we've had a lot of like urban legends and that sent in someone sent in a storyline from scrubs once that annoyed us when i saw that tweet oh really that irritated us hang on the electric blanket's gone off. Oh, wow. There we go. Wow. Why is that going down?

Did I turn that down? Sitting with our electric blanket around, it's just ridiculous. I'm in a T-shirt and I'm fine. Our body temperatures are not on the same page and it's really bad. If you think I'm putting the fucking heating on, you can think again. Yeah, I know.

Same. So I did Google it and nothing, nothing glaringly it wasn't on the first page of google so I thought right this could be true so

the friend's colleague was at a wedding which was a beautiful ceremony with around 300 friends and family in tow 300 holy shit 300

that's massive who knows that many people what are you doing I don't everyone from the bride and groom's childhood best friends to distant great great aunts and uncles the outdoor part of the ceremony was

adorned with bouquets of exotic flowers caterers floating around with trays of champagne and a flower arch ready for those insta perfect pictures this must have cost a fortune yeah after the priest had married the bride and groom outdoors, the whole wedding party headed indoors to enjoy a generous three-course meal. Towards dessert, it was time for the speeches. The father of the bride stood up to shakily express his love for the couple between tears and to welcome the groom to the family. Next was the groom, whose speech was an adequate mix of sweet anecdotes There we go, well done.

Thank you. and promises for the future. Finally, it was the best man's turn. He stood up, took a big swig of wine and began. His speech contained the expected cliches, never thought you'd end up with such a stunner and typical laddish banter,

blah, blah, blah. Okay. Which caused ripples of laughter to erupt from select groups sitting within the wedding party. Then it came to the grand finale of his speech. Okay.

Chris, what did he do? Oh. What do you think he's done? The grand finale. The grand finale. So he's got a set piece. Yes. Right.

Oh, God, that's an open-ended question. What do you think happened? What would he be about to do? I mean, is it weird that my brain immediately, I don't know why he would, but my brain immediately went to get his cock out. I don't know why he got his cock out.

Oh, go with that. But in my head I'm like, got his cock out. If that's what you think. But I don't know, I don't think that's enough. Did he bring in all the guys' exes and do some kind of quiz? Like, yeah, you're the, is it you're the one? What's that program we love? Oh, I don't know.

The one where people are booking each other. Yeah. I don't know what it is. It's one of many. It's a cool, yeah. Well, it might be are you the one. I think it's are you the one. And are booking each other in the villa? I don't know what it is. It's one of many. Yeah, well, it might be Are You The One. I think it's Are You The One. And they bring all the exes in. It is Are You The One.

It's mint. Did he do... Cock out? I don't know. Okay. I'm going to go with cock out and got the exes in. Got the exes in while his cock was out. All right, okay.

Yeah. Right, great. I never mentioned the fact that he goes cock out. Right, okay. Got the X's in while his cock was out. Oh, right, okay. Yeah, and never mentioned the fact that he got his cock out. Right, okay.

He proceeded to stand on his chair and rip his shirt off, Superman style. Beneath that, he was wearing a T-shirt containing a photo of the groom getting a blowjob from a stripper on the stag do. No fucking way! Oh! The once smiling and jovial wedding party was stunned to silence. The first person to react was the bride who shouted, we're through!

And ran out of the room in floods of tears, promptly followed by the bridesmaids and her mother. The marriage was quickly annulled. What the fuck? Yeah. Wow. Did I... I must have told you that I sang at a wedding once. I sang at a wedding and the couple broke up the next day. I've told you this, haven't I?

Tough gig? No, I mean, yeah. They thought the singing was so shit they couldn't possibly have the rest of the marriage after that. The next day. The next day. Yeah.

That's horrific though, isn't it? So he rips off his shirt. Do you think he's in love with the bride? Look, we've all had bad gigs. We've all misjudged jokes.

I've said things in rooms and I've silenced rooms. I've said things on telly and been kicked off TV shows. You all sometimes go too far. Is this guy doing the best man speech? Has he took it too far

accidentally? Yes, but there's a hell of a lot of premeditation to put a t-shirt, to put a photo. The fact that no one along the way has gone this is a bad idea. Not great. Now I don't think he took that photo, that t-shirt. I think he's a dickhead. I think he's like, he'll be the Uncle

Nobhead. Yeah. Now I don't think he's took that photo and the t-shirt to a shop and got it done properly because i feel like the people in the printers would go so why is that why am i putting a pornographic image on here i don't think they'd care i think they just want your money he's eind it on at home on his own oh do you think he's eind it on at home on his own and he's kept it a full secret and all the rest of the lads have gone you got anything planned he's gone fucking ends gonna be amazing right tell we're tell we're and he's gone, no. The minute he'd have went, someone had went, what? Don't fucking do that.

Do not do that. So, yeah, you're living, lad. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo,

bah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I was listening to episode 182, the drunk girl who communally kissed everyone at the restaurant by eating all the previously eaten chicken wings. Yeah, love that.

Sorry for reminding you, Chris. Yeah. Anyway, it reminded me of something I've always known about my nan and just accepted it as something she does it never bothered me until i saw it firsthand oh jesus i was in my nan's house and my cousin was there with her children one was only a baby going on to solids my nan made a lovely roast dinner she was feeding my cousin's baby who was about six months old at the time. My nan

put every spoonful in her mouth to chew up the food then spat it back on the spoon and popped it into the baby's mouth. I wanted to gag. I knew you were going to say that. I couldn't say anything because everyone was there. Everyone else there thought

it was okay with it. That's fucking horrible. Right. Hang on, can I just finish this? Sorry. My dad told me she did this to all of us as babies and he told me

with the look of disgust on his face, can't blame him, I had the same face on me when she was feeding my cousin's baby. I love my nan, she is the best

but my kids have never been fed by her as babies. Sorry, I just had to finish that bit. What were you going to say? That's babies. Sorry, I just had to finish that bit. What were you going to say? That's good. So, I think the main problem I've got

with this is it's happening at the dinner table. The main problem I've got with it is her spitting it back out onto a spoon at the dinner table. The concept of it, because she's from a different generation, probably that didn't have ready like a blender readily available yeah or you know mash the food up or something maybe easiest way to do it time's constraint you know i haven't got a masher i haven't got time for your own kids fair enough for your grandkids bit removed it's the

fact that everyone's sitting eating their dinner and she's like, okay, I'll just feed the baby. Two seconds. There you go. I just, honestly, I feel... Like a fucking bird. Well, I was going to say every day is a school day, but I didn't know penguins could type. I had no idea. It is pretty rat-like. Horrible, that one.

I think I've seen my mum do it eight years ago, but only very briefly only version i do of it is uh i used to bite chunks off an apple and hand it to robin yeah yeah yeah that's the only version but i'd bite the chunk off and i'd hand him the chunk oh god oh no and that's mainly because he doesn't have two front teeth yeah that's true babadoo babadoo babadoo hiya guys all the chat about foam parties reminded me of a girl's holiday at the tenerife when we were in year 12 we're now nearing our 40s so i can't remember when we talked about pool parties oh yeah it was a little while

ago wasn't it and she said we're now heading to our 40s this was when they were in year 12 think matching polo shirts with nicknames on the back and our crew name Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players

Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players

Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players

Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players

Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players

Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players

Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players

Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players Tenerife Players T Hi everyone Hi Okay give us a scenario And some characters And we'll do a scene for you

You're trapped on a bus It's raining outside You're a pregnant woman And you're a junior doctor Go You're taking the piss right But I used to go to a drama group Yeah

Right And we used to play park bench Yeah Have you ever played park bench No It's a drama thing So you've got to be sat on a park bench and someone else comes along and you've got a role play you've got to be like chris i loved it

absolutely in the element to the point where every week we went i was like please come and play a park bench oh of course you would of course you would that's you you and all your mate you and all your mates sitting cross-legged on the floor in the community center and some twats got an acoustic guitar and you're all doing musical park bench get in the fucking bin that's the thing you know being a stand-up comic you get a proper snobbery from stuff for stuff like that drama students and stuff when you first start stand-up and then you see you know like there's a i don't know there's a comedy like a comedy competition and you get someone gets up and immediately start talking you go drama student and you just know they're a drama student it's funny you say that though

because a lot of comedians go into acting don't they yeah because they're fucking mint at it all go into acting and then all become part of this world inhabit this world

this is the point I'm getting at when I don't think I've told you this when I was doing Hebbin right when we were doing the first series of Hebbin

we were rehearsing all the scenes in this sort of big room right for ages and ages we're rehearsing them all weeks and then what we did was the maid would do a sort of exercise where we all had to sit around in character and just chat in character like park bench it was horrendous wanted to die. It was the worst thing ever. But you're not, you hate all that shit.

I wanted to crawl inside my own arsehole. It was horrendous. I love that. We were all at the talk and I was calling Vic Reeves' dad and we had a mock argument and oh God.

Everyone was great at it and I was just like, my name's Jack and I don't like this at all. He's never done any acting since. Never done any acting since. Mainly because I don't like standing around. Hear He's never done any acting since. Never done any acting since. Mainly because I don't like standing round. Hear about the phone party.

Ready? All right then. One night, we all piled into a coach to go to a phone party. Bangin' night was had by all from what I can remember and we returned back to the hotel. That fucking coach must have stank on the way back. Of what foam? Damp, sweaty dancers.

Yeah, but when it's hot, it dries really quickly. I don't ever, when I lived in Rhodes, I don't ever remember being wet for very long. But you could blame that on me big boyfriend, I don't know. When I lived in Rhodes, I don't ever remember being wet. Rosie, what about when you were in the swimming pool?

Were you wet then? Oh, yeah, we were wet then. Honestly, 20 minutes in the sun, I was born dry. Great. When I was in Rhodes, I don't remember being wet very long. It wasn't? Do you know what I used to do? We had no air conditioning, I've told you.

In the middle of the night, I would have a freezing cold shower, hair wet, everything. I'd get back on my bed with the fan on, and I'd do that three times a night because I would just dry that's how hot it was and you whinge when the kids wake you up

in the night now you've always been having an under-up sleep I know it's horrible anyway so these lasses being the phone party wake up around lunchtime the next day

and one of our players is crying but won't tell us why I couldn't be arsed I'm not aware of players' upset I'm just so upset players assemble you're't be arsed I'm not aware of players as upset which is so upset players

assemble well you're saying it is that I'm saying it's like players yeah yeah but I just think a bit like

in the in between they're the pussy players or something they were pussy patrol they were pussy patrol yeah fucking amazing

this last I couldn't be arsed with this shit and no could others of us and we went to the pool because one of them was crying for no reason

so one of them's crying for no reason and the rest of the players just leave her. They can't be arsed with it. What's the matter? Are you okay? Oh,

because you wouldn't tell them what it was. I don't know. You're on your holiday you're not allowed to cry. Oh, yeah, don't come on holiday with me.

I've got no sympathy for you. Jesus. You've got no responsibilities. Excuse me, this is the holiday. There's no crying. This is the no crying zone. Can you go to the crying pool?

If you're going to cry, can you just go underwater in the pool so I can't tell that you're crying? Oh, lasses who cry on a night out. Get out me face.

Right, okay. Like, I love a little bit of a whinge, right? Right. But there's some women, possibly blokes as well, I don't know because I have never hung around with blokes thatinge right but there's some women possibly possibly blokes as well i don't know because i have never hung around with that intensely but there's some lasses

every time they're pissed cry yeah and it's like fuck off yeah what time you're gonna be crying by yeah yeah but that's just how that's how people handle their drinking i'm not a crier when i'm drunk no no but yeah but a lot of people are and it's very irritating. Anyway, such a bitch. So, whilst others stayed with her, they've got in the pool. Finally, the others come down minus the girl. When we asked what the deal was, turns out the girl was petrified she'd got pregnant at the pool party. Confused, we asked how this could be.

She wasn't a slaggy type and wouldn't have had a quickie in the foam party. No, came the reply. She's worried somebody had a wank in the foam and now she's pregnant. Fuck off. Fuck off. No. That, what an idiot.

Safe to say she didn't get pregnant, but that didn't stop her being a misery pants all holiday worrying she was, despite us trying to explain conception to her. Worryingly, this girl was doing A-level biology. I wanted to go when I was pregnant. Oh, and the baby's on its way out now, madam. It's coming out.

Push. I can see its head. Oh, it's got a lovely head of white curly hair. Hold on. That's form. It's a form, baby. Run. It's made of form.

He's got headphones. It's the DJ's baby. It's the DJ's spunky form, baby. Quick. Quick. Get him up. Can you imagine, though? Headphones a mop can you imagine though

headphones on can you imagine what's the sorry what's the DJ doing having a wank in the form

he's at work he's there all the time what's he wanking in the form for the pervert gets his bits off

oh my god what were you going to say I can't remember oh no just imagine that last being dead upset and trying

to explain to her you're not pregnant it it's physically impossible. But what if somebody had... Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what if... Go back on your plane and go away. I can only assume that she was, and she hasn't admitted this to her friends,

she was actively trying to smuggle form out of that party in her vagina. Sounds like that, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's getting scoopfuls of it. Bloody hell. I want a water baby hi rosie and chris just a quick story about the only time i've experienced the ick it's a bit of an ick story but i think the ick is uh it bleeds into beefs and all sorts of stuff doesn't it yeah

i've said before i'm fascinated about it the little moments where people can be just completely switched off for you i've told you the moment and i've said it before loads of times it was when i was at school and apparently a friend of mine a girl who's my friend years later told us that on the first day of school all the girls in the class fancied me and i ruined it by saying out loud to everyone i can't wait to get some chewing gum and stick it under the desk that's what i said i've mentioned it loads of times but it's a fascinating moment but my if i hadn't said that my school life could have been so different right i could have been like the popular guy who goes out with all the girls but you said that but i said that yeah and i'll be honest i did enjoy sticking chewing gum

under the desk it was fun but yeah my life you know. Isn't that funny? You know those guys at school and girls at school who were always going out with each other. It's almost like they fucking swapped. You must have had it in your year. It was almost like such and such was going out with them and it was the fit guys

and the fit girls and they all went out with each other. I was on the peripheral. I was in the group but I was on the peripheral. Nobody wanted to shock me. Well, I think you were. Did you just hold their coats?

I think so. Hold their coats while you were kissing the bus stop. I did yeah I did I blossomed a bit later you kept the look out didn't you while people were

getting fingered in sheds I mean people wanted the fingers didn't want to go out with didn't want to have a conversation with us

didn't want to hold my hand in public I that's really sad no but like but that's the thing though that's what's fascinating about attraction

it's not just physically what you look like it's yeah how you act and you can just bang switch someone off in a second

and that's why I love the ick so much yeah it's interesting just a quick story oh sorry I've already said that you have yeah read it again

god stupid I was seeing a typical bad boy in brackets. Motorbike, loads of tattoos, ex-drug dealer. Jesus Christ. Murderer. Hashtag criminal. Murderer, carries a victim's head around with him.

Bad boys, just love them. Regularly carrying a chainsaw. Needle hanging out of his arm. Christ. Very self-centered. That's one of his arms. He had a full sleeve of tattoos dedicated to criminals and gangsters

like the Kray Twins. That's a fucking wanker. Which he loved. Right. So he's got this full tattoo sleeve dedicated to criminals and gangsters like the Kray Twins, which he loved.

I was singing him for about three weeks then one night we were laying in bed chatting I was saying something as he was staring down at his tattoos when he interrupted

the conversation to say my arm is magnificent I know what I've got to say it I didn't like him before I quite like him now I quite like him now

nothing wrong with a bit of self love it's fucking on you for life isn't it you might as well love it my arm is magnificent. What a wally. I love that. I went silent for a bit, then carried on what I was saying, but I couldn't get it out of my head.

That's the best bit, the interruption of that. I just don't know what I do want to do. I don't want to go to uni. I don't want to, you know, maybe get a job, get some experience, because sometimes you come all the way out of uni and my arm is magnificent

oh yeah so like I say sometimes they need workplace experience or you know degree doesn't mean you can't get your foot in the door to come

I've gone off guys before I used to go out with a guy who was quite muscly yeah I've told you but I went off him because he didn't eat many

carbs in that and I was like I can't this is not a relationship I'll tell you, but I went off him because he didn't eat many carbs in that and I was like, I can't, this is not a relationship I can sustain. You are a carb-o-rama. I sometimes caught him looking in the mirror

at his abs in that and it made us feel physically sick. Wow. Just because he was just like being, like looking at himself lushly

and I was like, Longingly staring at his own reflection. And I was like, got you. Proper, proper put us off. While they were gone.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Is this a bad time to, is this a bad time to sort of announce that I am a gym guy again? Yes, no,

I think it's great looking after yourself and honestly, once you get buff in that, I'll love it. But if I catch you staring in the mirror at yourself, up and down. You better take the mirrors down,

because... I'll be sick. You can't keep your eyes off this. I'll be sick. Is this a bad time to explain to you that I have, during the record, been listening out for the door because I have got a box of protein bars getting delivered?

Yeah. What? Yeah. What kind? I thought that it came halfway through. Just protein bars. 20 grams of protein, 1.5 grams of sugar. Is that a lot of sugar?

I don't know. But my thought is, I've got a sweet tooth, right? I'm always eating Twix's and Snickers and stuff. But I genuinely really like protein bars. I think they taste amazing, the ones I've picked as well. So I just thought I'd be a protein bar guy now. Take them places with this. The shake, you are bordering on the ache with the shake.

I'd do a protein shake now. Protein bars as well now. Probably take them places with us, I reckon. Offer them to people when they come round. Are you going to cut mayonnaise out of your diet? Because if you do, I don't think this marriage will sustain. I will never. Good.

Ever cut mayonnaise. Promise me that. I'm not cutting anything out of my diet. Let's shake it. I'll shake it. That's the point. I don't go, the only reason I do Peloton and the gym and stuff

is so I can eat and drink like an animal. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair enough. That's it, when people come round now, as soon as someone comes in the house,

I'm going to be like, do you want a protein bar? That's going to be my thing. I'm going to take them places. Are you going to take a chicken breast out into the clubs? Yeah, in foil, yeah.

Chicken breast in foil in my pocket and whenever anyone gets like an ice cream, they're like, oh, there's an ice cream van in the park or whatever breast in foil in my pocket and whenever anyone gets like an ice cream there's like oh there's an ice cream van in the park or whatever on a bangkali monday i'll be like i'm okay i've got my protein bar it's gonna be my thing now we're protein bar guy i might just like go like go to the ice cream guy and go look can i just have like a corner like just a cone and can you just put this protein bar in the cone and just put some some monkey's blood on the protein bar. What flavour is it?

Cookie dough. Oh, is it nice? You're not allowed any. Eh? You're not allowed any. Can I not have any proat? No, these are my protein bars. Don't you shorten it to proat, right?

There's enough time in the day. There is more than enough time in the day to say protein. No, honestly, I'm so busy. I'm so busy working out, I can't see. That might be good, to be fair. Proat bar. Someone knocks at the door. Guy comes to check the gas meter. All right, might be good, to be fair. Proat bar. Someone knocks at the door. Guy comes to check the gas meter.

All right, bro. Yeah, do you want a proat bar? Bro. Oh, God. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Please Google leg bag. Right? Right.

My boyfriend owns one and every time he mentions it, I feel physically sick. Okay. Sometimes he talks about it in the morning. We're going on holiday and I'm pretty sure

it ruins the whole day. Maybe the whole once in a lifetime trip. It would make any woman dry up even on her period. Dry as a bone. I just googled it.

It's horrific. I just googled it. It's so Oh my god. I googled it when I read this. We're going to describe it. It is a bag

with buckles that goes around your hips and your thighs laura croft yes it's a laura croft thigh bag awful fucking amazing and he takes it on a holiday takes on holiday oh my god oh there's a photo guys everyone stop listening and google it now there's some photos there's blokes wearing jeans and they've got them on with jeans oh my god he's got one of these listen he never had a proper girlfriend before me and he's nearly 30 There's some photos, there's blokes wearing jeans and they've got them on with jeans. Oh my God, why would you wear that? Listen, he never had a proper girlfriend before me

and he's nearly 30. I think it was because of the leg bag. Please intervene, I can't handle it anymore. You know those braces old men wear for their socks to keep them up? It's like that, but less functional than its alternative, a rucksack, because everything is stored on your thigh. Why? I need a bucket

of wine to help me i'm on a plane and our luggage hasn't been loaded i'm hoping it never does get to us the leg bag is in it wow so that was just somebody so on holiday instead of a bum bag fanny pack for our american listeners or i've got one of them little man bags that i take on holiday i've got like a little, it just goes over your shoulder but it's not like... Can I... I hate that.

You hate that bag? Mm-hmm. Wow. Wow. Well, this is the first time I've heard this. But, I hate it but you have to have it because you need to carry your shit.

Well, it's really helpful. And you always ask me, you carry my phone and my wallet. If I've got loads of stuff to carry, it's perfect. You can put your wallet, your phone, your passport, you know, a little, I don't know,

a little thing of hand sanitiser or a little thing of, what's it called? Suncream or something in it. And it just hangs over your shoulder. Sunglasses as well you can put in. But this, I'm looking at this now, this fucking thing, I might get one of these. Please don't.

Because this is, honestly, I'm sold on this. It's for the same kind of blokes who wear combat pants, isn't it? Yes, but if you've got the leg bag on, you can't get into your side leg pocket on your combat trousers.

Awful. It's a Lara Croft, oh, I might get one of these, you know. Look at that. Oh, you can get army ones.

Please don't, you dare, you dare get one of them. Oh, look, you can get ones that come with a military thigh tip outdoor pack. No. You can get ones that. Please don't. You dare. You dare get one of them. Oh, look. You can get ones that come with a military thigh hip outdoor pack. You can get ones that come with a little bottle of water. I don't think they'd be comfortable.

Why not put a backpack on like what she said? I don't know. Just wear a backpack. Honestly, I'm trying to wind you up. I don't know why anyone would wear one of these. Neither do I. Fucking hilarious. Oh, I love it.

Oh, my God. Oh, you can get one where it goes around your thigh and then it just clips onto your belt. Oh, yeah. Oh, awful. Oh, leg bags. I can't believe this. Leg bags. Oh.

It's too far down to reach. You'd have to half bend over. Oh, one on each leg. That's the dream, isn't it? Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Maridonoid which is part of the Acast

creator network yes thank you very much hope you enjoyed it it's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me this one I was honestly a little bit pissed off at the beginning with how fast you were

trying to make us get going and then the arguing and the shouting at each other has really sort of cleansed the air weirdly I love you I love you too as a friend and

colleague um kind of way colleagues i respect you as a colleague right i tolerate you as a co-host and we'll be back in your ears next week thank you very much guys bye you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30 p.m. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.