Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 194. Preekend

Episode Date: November 18, 2022

On the podcast this week Chris and Rosie wish Kate a Happy Birthday and they discuss preekends and the protocol when taking a sick day. The beefs have taken a healthy turn, protein bars and treadmill etiquette are both on the table. QFTP's involve a messy dream, a make believe squirrel and a wonderful Rosie's Mystery! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Maridanoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Chris Ramsey. dot ca fucking end it here now i've got nothing oh god what i honestly what a what a snide what a snide thing to do why did you tell us just before we started why are you telling us what episode it is it's my thing i always tell you listen i tell you what episode it is and i tell you i love you and then we'll do the show yeah honestly anyway oh hi hi hi everyone i've got no new no new

information to tell you do your your little script, go on. Do your little script. Nah, nah, I refuse. I don't want to put you off. Nah, I refuse. You've already put us in a bad mood, because before we started, you said, can I phone in sick for this?

That was irritating. So unprofessional. I've got a bit of a bad chest. Yeah? Yeah. I just feel a bit lethargic. Yeah. Just don't get no sick days.

No sick days allowed. No sick days allowed in this job. And it is a Monday or any job actually what do you mean well because any job when you're ringing sick

you feel terrible there's always a raised eyebrow there's always a raised eyebrow it's shocking really isn't it it's absolutely shocking it is to be fair it's always like

hmm right yeah not well even to the extent of I remember ringing in sick for places and then not being able to text anyone I worked with that day. Yeah.

Because, I mean, God forbid you text. Yeah. Because that, you know, oh, she's texting. She can move her fucking thumbs, can't she? She can move her thumbs. Get her in here now, the lazy cow. I know exactly what you mean. Oh, well enough to text, are you?

My mum was terrible, man. I've told you before, whenever I tell you I'm not well, I've got to lay it on thick because my mam never believed us and I remember like my mam if I had a day off school which to be fair

I don't know I kind of don't blame her because every we've talked about before every Friday when I knew she was off I would pretend I was at school

so I would go I hated school so much right because I wasn't challenged because I was actually really intelligent but I wasn't challenged enough but the thought was just stupid no that's generally true

I was actually too intelligent and I wasn't challenged and I was doing like just stupid no that's generally true I was actually too intelligent and I wasn't challenged and I was doing like reading comprehension and copying stuff off the board and I was like oh god I'm going to go to school now

I think you're not meant to say it what do you mean I just think you're not meant to say it who's told you that it's because I'm so intelligent I just say it

who's told you that I think that was the crack because when I got onto the comp it was hard so nobody's told you that you've just assessed I've assumed

I've assumed now listen I me mam, basically, if I was watching like the telly or something, right,

if I was ill on the morning, I remember once I, oh, this is a vivid memory, I shat me pyjamas on the morning. I was just, I think I was just farting

as you do, having breakfast and I shat me pyjamas and it was like pure like runs and she was like, oh, you can't go in, you've got the runs

and then about, honestly, it must be like halfway through the day I was watching something on the telly sitting on the you know you'd get on the sofa with your duvet and i remember i laughed at something on the telly i was like haha she was like are you better are you and i was like no i'm laughing it's an involuntary response if you can laugh you can walk to school in the snow. It's so true. I remember not being able to play with my brother and sister when I'd been off school.

It was genuinely like, you've had my life today. I've had to ring and stick to work and you're playing with your barbies. Smiling, smiling at your siblings. Yeah, crazy. That's the thing as well with employers as well, because you've got to lay it on so fucking thick to get a day off

you lay it on so so thick and that like you're dying and then the next day you roll in like nothing happened of course they're not going to believe you but it's because the first day you were bad but you've had to lay it on even more

for them to believe you then you roll in the second day like a fucking miracle's happened and they're like well you are full of bollocks I know but you've got to go to work and still pretend you're ill even when you're not

I've done that so many times oh god yeah I'm just oh I shouldn't really be here today I've just honestly I've just forced myself because I know but you've got to go to work and still pretend you're ill even when you're not I've done that so many times oh god yeah I'm just oh I shouldn't really be here I've just honestly I've just forced myself because I know I've got that stock intake

and I know there's just so much to do I couldn't let you down such a team player I'm just honestly you cut me and I will bleed Dorothy Perkins

that's the one that's the one can I not be on shoes today because I don't think I can handle the stairs honestly I've just I'll just do the till. Honestly, I'll just do the till. I'll stand at the front and say hello to everyone.

So I know someone, I know a comedian. You don't know them, but I know a story. But I'm going to be very careful here. I don't want to get anyone in trouble. Who, when they were still at work, to get some days off so they could do some gigs back in the day, pretended they'd been hit by a car.

Shut up. While on their bike. No. Yeah. And then took the day off and then wanted the next couple of days off as well. So went in one morning and started just basically forgetting people's names

and forgetting stuff. And someone walked in the office and went, you're trying to be brave, aren't you? You shouldn't be here, mate. Get yourself home. And went home. And went home. Tie on backwards and that.

Shoes on the wrong feet. What? Yeah, yeah. And he hadn't been, he obviously hadn't been hit at all. No, no, no. He'd been at a gig. Shit. He'd been at a gig with me.

That's brilliant. Who is it? No, no, no. You need to tell, do I know them or do I not know them at all? I don't think you know them. You may have met them, but yeah. Okay.

Anyway, moving on. Tell me after. It is episode, it is episode Natalini. I'll take it to me, I'll take it to me grave. I'll take it to me grave. I've got one more thing to say on tell me after it is episode it is episode Natalini I'll take it to me I'll take it to me grave I'll take it to me grave I've got one more thing

to say about being poorly though in work just one more thing you sound fine by the way can I just say you sound absolutely fine oh brilliant okay well I don't feel it

alright full of shit what was I going to say yeah I remember being poorly but you weren't allowed to ring a sick

still don't like that word by the way I still don't like poorly I'm not a fan it's a word I'm poorly it explains the word me poopo's

me anyway feeling poopo feeling poorly horrible but you can't ring in sick to work because you're out that night

and you want to go out and back in the day I'd go out poorly because I just thought well fuck it do you know what I mean I couldn't taste my drinks on out

it was shit but I was desperate to be out so you couldn't taste my drinks on out. It was shit, but I was desperate to be out. So you couldn't bring in sick to work even though you were genuinely too ill to be there, coughing and spluttering on anyone. But then you went out that night because you were like,

if I bring in sick to work, I can't go out. I can't go out on a night race. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, got to do it. I remember once, while we're telling these stories, I remember when I was at the junior school,

I had a pair of Nike Air Maxes on. Oh, posh get. No, hey, hey, hey. I'd stuck pins in the air bubbles and everything, like we used to do, like hard kids. No, I never had any. Never had any air bubbles. I had...

Look at you. Hi, Tex. Look at you, you've got no air bubbles. Hi, Tex, all the way. So I was opening one of the doors. It was this big green metal door, and I was opening it. I left my foot in the way,

and the door like smashed into me little toe and like took all the skin off the top of my little toe through the nightgown because they were like canvassy on the top these were quite soft

and I was like hobbling I was like crying I had to go to the hospital and stuff and my mum had to come off work and just sat in the hospital with us and they were trying to put

they were trying to put a tubie grip on me little toe which is obviously impossible but I was like shouting and screaming and i was like hobbling like leaning on one side and the nurse was like you know that your little toe doesn't really do anything for your balance that you should be able to walk and i was like no no i was like yeah but it's touching the floor though when i took when i walk it touches the floor and it hurts and she was like all right okay got home hobbled up the stairs and stuff this must have been on like a thursday hobbled up the stairs and everything and i must have been on like a Thursday. Hobbled up the stairs and everything. And I remember my mum going,

well, we're going to have to cancel Wet n' Wild on Saturday then if you've got a bad foot. Fine. Foot was fine. I would have hated you in school. Immediately fine. Shook it off immediately. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was walking up the stairs of my mum and dad's house. The spare bedroom door was open and the sun was beating in and the sun was in my eyes. And I turned around and my mum said, you won't be able to go to Wet and why because your foot's bad and i walked the last four steps like a miracle had occurred rocky yeah just just you twat little bastard robin tried to get off school this morning did he now well i think he tried he basically i did i do think he actually hurt himself he hit himself in the eyeball with his zip off his jumper. Was he swinging the jumper around?

Yeah, of course he was. Good. Told him to stop doing that loads of times. Good. And he got the little Peppa Pig ice pack thing. Yeah, yeah. Put that on. I was wondering why the Peppa Pig ice pack was out.

Felt sorry for himself. I just didn't look him in the eyes. Right. Because the Peppa Pig ice pack was in the way. No, I just didn't look him in the eyes. Because if I'd looked him in the eyes, he would have done a little thing look and asked to stay off school.

So I didn't look at him. I was like, bye, bye, bye, bye. I would have marched him to that school. No chance. I'd have strapped that Peppa Pig eye patch on with some kind of bandage. Do you not... To look like a pirate.

Do you know what's really hard? In everybody out there, right, who parented through lockdown and COVID. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, once upon a time, I wouldn't have minded if Robin was off sick, because I'd think, you know what? He's not very well.

Let him stay at school it's just one day after we had to do all of that we're all tainted by it oh I can't bear him in the house no they can't bear him oh please

oh no well you know me I have to have stuff done I have to have stuff planned I have to leave and go places when you're all like let's have a lazy day

and I'm like I've fucking two years of lazy days in I know good in me head too much no chance should we crack on

well listen yeah we hope you're all alright we hope you're not we hope you're not poorly oh god of lazy days in. I know. Good in me head. Too much. No chance. No chance. Should we crack on? Well, listen, yeah, we hope you're all all right out there. We hope you're not poorly. Oh, God. Pathetic. We hope you're not poorly.

We hope you're all all right out there. Thank you so much for listening. It is episode 194. Oh, God. And without further ado, it's time for this week's

lucrative, lucrative bank splitting wallet busting sponsor. This week's sponsor is that little announcement voice that comes on during the hold music

when you're on hold to tell you that your call will be answered soon but every single time it does you think it's them answering your call. It is the yellow one. Every time.

Who have you been ringing? Every time. I was on the phone at the bank the other day. What for? 40 minutes on the bank. What are you on the phone Just moving some phones around.

Just moving some phones around. Just to let you all know I still haven't rang anyone. Was that left in the other day I was 40 minutes on the bank what were you on the phone moving some phones around just moving some phones around just to let you all know I still haven't rang anyone was that left in the podcast I don't know might not have been I can't remember just moving some phones around what about the car

no yeah it was left oh was it just the fact that I don't trust you you got all the money what were you ringing the bank for what were you ringing the bank for

off shore sending some money to some females just are you a sugar daddy not I wish I imagine being a sugar daddy yeah what... I wish. I, er...

You imagine being a sugar daddy? Yeah. What do you mean? Just what a crock of shit. Oh, just... Yeah. Just giving people money for just buying them shit?

Like, give it a charity? Oh, I've said this before. Well, yeah, but charities don't suck your dick. Is a charity going to drain these balls? I'm sorry. I will donate to your charity, but do you send dirty kegs in the balls?

No. My money's better spent elsewhere. Back to the Insta models. Where's them Amazon wish lists? Go on. Now listen. Amazon wish lists? We've talked about this before,

Amazon wish lists. Oh my God, it just fascinates us. Hello, here's me in a bra. This is me wish list. Send us some bags. Thank you. Crazy. Oh my God, it just fascinates me. Hello, here's me in a bra. This is me wish list. Send us some bags. Thank you. Crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

Anyway, look, I was on the phone in the bank and it's literally like... Moment of silence. You go, I'm about to talk to them all. We know you're waiting. Your call is important. Be answered soon. We know you're...

Fucking Christ, man! Let's listen to the music! Do you know what's really fucking me off recently, right? What? The fact that we just live in a messed up world, right? Where technology's brilliant, you can do loads of stuff, click of a button, you pay for things just by your phone and that. It's mental, right?

Crazy. Trying to ring and speak to somebody. Oh. What? What? Why? Crazy. And then they're like, please say after the tone, you say it, trying to ring and speak to somebody oh what what why stop and then they're like

please say after the tour you say it and they're like sorry I didn't understand I'm like oh my fucking you're a machine

of course you didn't understand what I'm saying let me just speak to a person who has a heartbeat and a voice I just I just want

I want the old fashioned days back of, oh, I'm not happy with this or whatever. I'm gonna ring somebody and speak to them and then hopefully it'll get sorted. No, dial this number. What number is this? Is it a scam?

Tell me your postcode. Can I tell you my postcode? I just don't like it anymore. Well, I told you what happened the other day. What happened the other day? I tried to pay the tax, my tax bill, our tax bill, thank you, right? I tried to pay that,

couldn't do it online, phoned up, couldn't do it on the phone. They went, you're going to have to go to the branch. I went to the branch and I paid it. A day later, the phone was up and they went,

yeah, we've blocked your card, there was a suspicious transaction at the bank. I went, you fucking told us to go in? Yeah, I do remember that. You told, you literally,

so I couldn't do it online, I couldn't do it on the phone, you made us go in and did it in the shop and then you rang us and went, what are you doing, why are you going in? So face to face, face to face now, it's more I couldn't do it on phone. Your mate has gone in and did it in the shop and then you rang us and went, what are you doing? Why are you going in? So face-to-face,

face-to-face now is more suspicious than just paying with your phone. It was fucking me. Check the cameras. It was me. Oh God. It's ridiculous.

I hate it, Chris. Do you know what we need to start doing? I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it 20 minutes of fucking garbage here without would you start the podcast? Are you scrapping the intro? She would scrap the intro and just start with the jingle and then start talking after that because what the hell's going on? Probably. Oh God. Oh God, are we spicing things up? Should we change it around? Should we wait till the 200th

episode's going to freak us out? I'm not speaking. Oh, that's going to... Now we've done 200. Guys, for the big milestone, we're just going to move the intro 12 minutes earlier. Enjoy. Don't say we're treating you. We can do it. We can do what we want. It's our podcast. Everyone will get upset. I don't know. People don't like the intro 12 minutes earlier. Enjoy. Don't say we're on treatise. We can do it. We can do what we want.

It's our podcast. Everyone will get upset. People don't like change. Listen. Listen, I've blocked my DMs on Instagram. No one can tell me now. They're just shouting it into the ether.

Ether. Ether. And that's just because a few people ruin it for the rest of you. Yeah. Here's your jingle. I used to love talking

to people on Instagram with some horrible I'd like to block you in this conversation. Here's your jingle. I'd like to talking to people on Instagram with some horrible I'd like to bop you in this conversation. Here's your jingle. I'd like to fucking punch you

in the face but I don't do it. That is not nice. I might. Jingle. We had a fight about the jingle

jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle jingle So this is the jingle jingle

We hope you like the jingle jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba, jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed. It is Monday, we are recording this on Monday the 14th of November. Yes, yes, yes. It's my big sister's birthday today. Friend of the podcast, Kate. Kate, so I'm going to give her a little call to wish her happy birthday.

She listens to the podcast every week. She still listens. I can't believe it. Amazing. So let's give her a little ring. She's a big fan. She's a supporter of mine.

Yeah. Hello. Hello. Happy birthday, stupid old bitch. Yay! Yay! Thank you. Yay! Yay!

Thank you. Yay! How's it feel to be stupid and old, you bitch? Horrible. Don't tell everyone how old you are. 39. 39. Do you know what that means next year?

40. 40. Shit. Shit. Shit. When are you what that means next year? 40. 40. Shit. Shit. Shit. When are you getting your tits done? Hey, I don't need them done. I know, you're beautiful inside and out.

Happy birthday, love you. We're doing the podcast, so I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. All right. Love you. Love you, bye. What an old bitch. Wow.

So, as you said, we're recording this on Monday yeah look I hate to be that guy but I'm going to have to add it to the list we are recording this on Monday because Rosie's got some stuff to do I've got children in need

later in the week and then you've got you're starting something this week which is another in the long list of irritating things that we can't tell anyone what they are

it's horrible there's currently one two three four there's four things that we can't tell anyone what they are. It's a horrible world and habit. There's currently one, two, three, four. There's four things that we're not allowed to say. It's an awful way to live,

isn't it? I'm fucking sick. I know. Honestly, anyone, if you get annoyed by it, I'm not doing it to annoy you, I really do apologise. If you spot us on a night out

and I'm a couple of drinks in, come and ask us what they are and I'll tell you on a night out. Just don't film us. I can't say it on the air. Well, it's because we live in a world where obviously, sorry to ruin it for you air well it's because we live in a world where obviously

sorry to ruin it for you all but stuff's like recorded months in advance yeah yeah yeah you're watching it thinking oh wow they look canny and this is nice yeah they're probably dead now

because it's been recorded six months ago do you know what I mean well that's the thing as well and TV have got this weird thing where they go don't mention it now in November

don't tell us don't mention it in November because it's not until January and if you mention it in November everyone where they go don't mention it now in November don't mention it in November because it's not until January and if you mention it in November everyone will get excited and then forget it and they're going forget it

anyway look so there's just stuff going on that we can't tell you and then it's all going to actually most of it's actually in January but we're actually starting so where are we starting

so in January we're busy as fuck it looks like it'll be doing out though it'll be that thing where people see you and they go why are you out

hey you were just on telly five minutes ago why are you out now and then I'll get Instagram comments going I never see your kids are you on the telly where people see you and they go why are you out hey you were just on telly five minutes ago why are you out now and then I'll get Instagram comments going I never see your kids are you on the telly every night in January

and I go I promise I'll stop doing that but you know you have been away a lot it's like I say it's Monday so we've started our work week here

so I almost feel like when you turn I've talked about before when you turn the radio on and the DJ's like oh it's Monday again everyone you've got a real

distaste for radio DJ's talking about days in a week. Radio DJs acting like every single person in the world is a 9 to 5. It does me tits in. But. Well, as an ex-radio DJ, can I just tell you now? Yeah. A lot of time to film.

Right, okay. A lot of time to talk. Okay. You know what I mean? And I work for Capital where you can only talk for about 13 seconds. A lot of time. Just something to say. Got you.

Don't blame them. Can I just say. Don't hate the player hate the game uh hate both so can i just say um i heard a thing last week which is one of the worst things and most irritatingly annoying things i've ever heard in my life so i don't like this i hate it when they're like as i say when the dj is like it's wednesday we're nearly at the weekend guys as if like there's only two days of your life a week that are good um so kind of true i heard i heard a dj last week on the radio refer to thursday as the pre-end oh like pre-weekend pre-end it's thursday guys it's the pre-end i nearly what station was it i nearly i can't remember i nearly smashed my car into a lamppost in fury shit pre-end i was what station was it I nearly I can't remember I nearly smashed my car

into a lamppost in fury shit the pre-end I was like I'm dry and I literally oh fuck off kids are in the back

he's such an old man I was just I was oh fuck hey everyone it's the pre-end Friday the morning oh my god

listen I can't I can't say that I wouldn't have said that on capital yeah you probably would have and to be fair to that DJ, he probably hasn't got two kids who are in the house all day,

Saturday and Sunday. Saturday and Sunday, for me, that's work. This isn't work. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Are you bringing up the fact that, I wasn't going to bring this up on the podcast because we had a genuine

sort of disagreement about it. Did we really? Because the beefs, obviously the beefs we do every week, they're a genuine thing that happened, but it's not, you know, divorce-worthy stuff. This was a little bit divorce worthy.

Wow, a bit divorce worthy. Well, what you said to me, do you remember last week? What did I say? You basically told us you hate Saturdays. And I was like, oh, the only day of the week where we are a family of four. When we've got stuff planned, Sunday as well.

When we've got stuff planned. Honestly, it's COVID. Take that smirk off your face. No, it's my default look. It's COVID. Honestly, it's made us, I can't just sit around in yn ffynnu. Yn onest, mae'n Covid. Rwy'n mynd i ddweud hynny i fyny o'ch wyneb. Nid yw, mae'n fy modd. Yn onest, mae'n cael ei wneud i ni. Ni allaf i ddod o hyd yn oed yn y tŷ gyda'r plant. Mae'n ein gwneud yn ddrwg iawn iawn iawn. Mae'n ddrwg iawn iawn iawn. Ond hyd yn oed pan dydyn ni ddim yn eistedd, nid ydych chi'n hoffi bod gyda'ch plant. Wel, mae hynny'n ddrwg hefyd. Ond, nid wyf yn ei wneud. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd.

Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweithio'n anodd. Maen nhw'n gweith they're hard graft they are hard graft in a perfect world I'd be in one room playing on Playstation and you would be with the kids in the next room

and every now and then they'd come in and go daddy look what I drew and I'd go it's amazing get out well we just

split them up now didn't we yeah you've got to we said so bad because we're going to look back they're older they'll look back

at pictures and go why was I never with my brother outside of the house oh because you were a fucking nightmare they'd be showing their partners family photos ago oh did your mom and dad split up and did you have like separated custody no no no they just did separate stuff with because we fucking

wound each other and them up there's only two of them you know when you never see these people walking five dogs and you go how how how are you not? Dogs though. But still though, there's a lot going on. You can put a dog on a lead. Yeah, right.

That'd be funny. I wish. I bloody wish. No, it's the four and five kids that I had that makes me want to die. Mad. Don't get it. Yeah.

Fair play to you as well. I just think you've got to be relaxed. I think you've got to be dead. Not me. Chill. Not you at all. Not me.

No. Me half, but still. You like to think you're chill, but you're not. You're just be dead. Not me. Chill. Not you at all. Not me. Me half, but still, yeah. I think you're chill, but you're not. You're just as highly strong as me. Pain in the arse. You've changed us. Oh, yeah. Winding you up nice and tight.

You've got that heart attack coming in the post. A few years earlier than planned. Thanks to me. Same age deal. It's time for What's Your Beef? F. What is your beef with me? I'll fucking tell you

what my beef is with you. Honestly, is that a threat? I'll tell you what my beef is with you. No, it's a promise. You looking at me? You're chewing a brick. Either way, you're going to lose some teeth.

Well, look, it's got two heads and it's staring back. Two eyes, sorry, not heads. I made a fool of myself. I said that in the playground. It's got two heads and it's staring back. No, it's got two eyes and it's staring back. It's, sorry, not heads. I made a fool of myself. I said that in the playground. It's got two heads

and it's staring back. It's not. It's got two eyes and it's staring back. It's so embarrassing. Listen, do you want to go first or do you want me to go first? Yes.

That's not an answer. In regards to your first question, Quizmaster, I'd like to go first. You would like to go first? Come on then, let's dance. Stop offering me protein

knew this was gonna I knew this was gonna work I knew it was gonna work I didn't think stop offering us protein bars which you bought in bulk yeah yeah yeah embarrassingly

protein guy now stop offering us protein shakes I don't want any protein honestly please my shits are intimidating now like intimidating

oh do they make your poop worse nah not really kind of I had one the other day that changed me religion I uh it nearly came back all the toilet My shits are intimidating now. Intimidating. Oh, do they make your poop worse? No, not really. I don't know. Kind of. I had one the other day that changed my religion. It nearly came back all the toilet. It was just...

Awful. Chris has started taking protein just all the time. Huge. He's doing weights. Absolutely massive. He asks us,

flexes his muscles every day and asks us if he looks different. Not even flexing. Not even flexing, that's the best bit. Just, you know, just swole. Just makes us want to pack my bags and leave.

Right, okay. Every day. Well, when you need a hand taking them heavy bags to the car, you know who to ask. It's awful. So I did plan. I was like, my new thing is I'm just going to offer her protein bars all the time. So it started now and then.

And then, yeah. And then I've just, yeah. This morning, I mean, it was... You know when you... Guys, you know when you... It was 8 o'clock in the morning. Well, yeah. Well, I had one because, you know. Did you have one at 8 o'clock?

Yeah. I'm committed. Have they got sugar in? Yeah. God, yeah. Yeah. But the thing is, right, I would have a Twix. So I know people...

Like, some people are against protein bars. Oh, here he goes. He's trying to... This is him trying to stick to himself. Yeah, I am. Because some people are against, like, protein bars and stuff. And I'm doing a bit trying to, this is him trying to stick to himself. Yeah, I am, because some people are against like protein bars and stuff and I'm doing a bit of weights, right?

So I'm thinking, okay, I might as well, you know, I don't have a high protein diet. You know, just have an egg. I don't want an egg. I want a fucking, it's cookies. If you were like Gaston,

if you were like Gaston, seriously, where's your sign over here? Watch this space, right? I will if you stop fucking gaslighting about me protein bars. No, I would have, that me protein bars no I would have that's the thing

I would have some people go like you know the sugar and that and go well you know if I wasn't eating a protein bar it would be a fucking quick king size so I'm just trying to

meet myself halfway here and try to get something decent in this because I am I eat like a child every day I would have pizza every single day I would have pizza or a curry

every single fucking day cake crazy the fact that I haven't had anything done on my teeth yet blows my mind same touch wood not a single anything done on my teeth yet blows my mind. Same. Touch wood.

Not a single thing done to me teeth and I eat like a fucking child. I know you do. Crazy. I only started eating vegetables when we got married. Honestly, I've never touched. Oh yeah, you look like shit. Thanks, mate.

It's always nice to hear. You did. You had a bit of just a fucking grey colour on you all the time. It's just so nice how we build each other up. Now listen. My beef with you is, so we have started on the, oh God,

I'm talking about gyms and that, but listen, we've started going on, I sometimes go on the exercise bike and you go on the treadmill. We try and look after ourselves because we're getting older. Well, again,

I think it was just like, I've had two kids and I've got that weird pouch thing, which, you know, it's nice, but. You're beautiful, stop it. Now, it's like, like, I don't know, it's nice, but... You're beautiful, stop it. Now, it's like, I don't know,

if I hold Rafe for quite a while, it starts to hurt. And the other day, Robin was like, carry us up to bed, Dad, and I was like, you're fucking heavy as fuck, mate. So I'm trying to just be a bit, you know, more physical for my kids. I want to have more energy.

I want to be able to run around with them on fields and stuff. I don't want to be like... Because comedians are very lazy people, right? comedians we're very lazy men um have you seen joel domic well he breaks the mold doesn't he because he's beautiful and he's fit as fuck right but that's you know that's that's that's his cross to bear so we do the treadmill and the bike i sit there on the bike you're on the treadmill and uh you watch it you watch your films first of all you are the most nervous person on the treadmill ever it's ridiculous like if I go anywhere so my weight's on the other treadmill

if I bend down to get away you're like what are you doing you think I'm going to go near the treadmill and somehow hurt you right the other day

I was on the bike Mo he's quite good looking Mo Gilligan really good looking lad are you even listening to me or are you just no I am I'm trying to think

of good looking sorry wow sorry okay no I am. I'm trying to think of good luck comedians. Sorry. Wow. Sorry. Okay. No, I am listening. Jesus. Right, okay. I'm nervous on the treadmill. I am. You're nervous on the treadmill. The other day, there's a pile of little gym towels behind you.

Yeah. You were just walking on the treadmill and I couldn't reach it. And I went, will you pass this little gym towel? And you went, I can't. I'll fall off. Yeah, no, I will. Right? Ridiculous. And not just that, you watch your action films, you react like, you know when a new film comes out and they show shots of the audience and they're like,

it's a comedy and it's a whole room going, and then they're going like, you react like that while on the treadmill watching these films. So I'm just on the bike, I'm just in the room doing something

and you're running and I hear like, and I'm like, it just fell and you're not, I hear like and I'm like just fail and you're not you're like reacting to the fucking film like a child

oh watch out don't go in there what are you doing man because I'm watching really intense stuff if you honestly

if it was an actual gym you'd be banned you'd be barred from the gym just being a fucking menace no I would just be that weird woman they'd let anyone in the gym man are you kidding me I'd bar you clean out there's been some right weirdos at gyms that I woman. They'd let anyone in the gym, man. Are you kidding me?

I'd bar you clean out. There's been some right weirdos at gyms that I go to. I'd bar you clean out. Pack it in. You'd bar us out, wasn't it? I'd bar you out of the gym. What are you talking about? I'd bar you out of the gym. Oh, you'd bar us.

Protein bar talk. No, I'd bar you. I'd ban you. Banners. What have you got to say for yourself? I'm just, I'm like an expressive person that's all I can say thank you for all the recommendations by the way

I watched The Grey Man the other day which was really good was that not just me when you met us The Grey Man aka Chris picture of me after a 45 day tour I'm still trying to think of good looking comedians great they're not ugly there's lots of attractive comedians

but there's not like movie star comedians is there apart from Joel and Mo I would say maybe yeah yeah so there you go

this Friday you must be very careful Margaret it's a girl witness the birth bad things will start to happen evil things of evil it's you know don't the first omen Witness the birth of evil.

The first omen is the most terrifying movie of the year. The first omen. Liam Peters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care.

From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. It's time for questions from the public. sunrisechallenge.ca gmail.com if you're a first time listener go on send something in why not don't know why we call it questions from the public it's stupid because

stories from the public so we named it that first right and then the government stole it and we're doubling down on it and we will never change it even though we literally

haven't had a question for months although we do now and then we get a question but yeah we'll try and get some more celebrity questions nah I can't be arsed

I don't like asking people to do stuff. I know. I fucking hate it. I hate it. Hiya, mate. You alright? Long time no see.

Hope you're doing well. Listen, can you record another... I hate it when people do it to me. I don't like doing it to people. Fair enough. Fair enough. Right, okay. You ready?

Yeah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. A few weeks ago, and it's night number four at home after having our third boy. Right, okay. So I'm guessing had a baby a few weeks ago. Yeah. And they're on night number four. A few weeks ago at home after having our third boy. Right, okay. So I'm guessing had a baby a few weeks ago. Yeah. And they're on night number four. It's night number four at home after having our third boy.

Third boy. God. Just trying for that girl, is. God love you. Give it up. Give it up. I'm up feeding every hour post C-section.

Ouch. Ouch. Being there, done that. Yeah. And turn at one point to see my snoring 33-year-old husband awake at the side of the bed.

Cleaning up because he'd had a wet dream oh how livid must she feel right now so oh i'm sorry. She said snoring, so he's usually snoring, I'm guessing, which is pretty bad considering, you know,

well, not bad, but she must be lying there doing feed, C-section, she's in agony. Yeah, yeah. He's normally just snoring. He's normally just snoring his head off like you were.

He's cleaning. He's wide awake. Because he's spunked in his pants from his wet dream. Wow. Chris, that would hold up in court, I reckon wet dream wow I mean Chris that's

that would hold up in court I reckon yeah talking about not having a leg to stand on yeah that I mean I'm up here

I'm here scar on me stomach and barely move four days out from having a kid knackered sleep deprived and you're over there booking someone in your dreams

probably not even her no definitely definitely not being her you heard the state of her. I just can't, she's had an asleep. Shut up. Shut up.

No, that's, oh my God. It's sad that isn't it. Dude, like. It says, also a beef that is brought up frequently is that he managed to actually be asleep long enough to have a wet dream.

Right, yeah. He's, I mean, honestly, I can't even, I've got, I can't even back him up. There's nothing I can do to pull him out of the shit here. Horrendous.

He is. I think the worst thing is, right, as a woman who's had two children, the horniness. These were like, no disrespect, right? Ladies out there. Normally, guys, just let it be on the curtain here. When Rosie says no disrespect,

she always then says something, which is actually massive disrespect. Right, well, okay then. Difference of opinion, right? these women who are having sex pretty soon after babies yeah yeah what's the matter with you what's the matter yeah oh six weeks and i was just gagging for it i was just are you fucking off your face? Six weeks. Do not come near me. I'm still bleeding profusely. Still using them manky horrible rank pads.

Had three of them in once. Awful. Six weeks. I don't understand it. No. Do not touch me at all. My boobs are leaking in the hurt. Yeah.

You think you're coming to for a shag? Yeah. But then, then, excuse me? Devils have a card hole, poor lad has a wet dream, he gets bollocked for that and all, you cannot win.

Oh, because if I'm not shagging, you're not shagging. Thank you very much. And there it is. I do know what you mean, though. These, yeah, like, I don't know. How long were we? We were months.

No, you were in agony. You could barely move. You're all bruised up. You've got, yeah, you've got fucking, you know. I mean, I haven't had a How long were we? We were months. No, you were in agony. You could barely move. You're all bruised up. You've got, yeah, you've got fucking, you know. I mean, I haven't had a vaginal birth, to be fair. Listen, it's just not our cup of tea.

We're two kids now and we just waited a little while. But, you know, I get it if you're desperate. If you're desperate for a shag, I kind of get it. But nobody's that desperate for a shag. So, no, I don't get it, actually.

I don't get it. I'm going to say it. I don't get it. Don't get it. And fuck off. If you're hankering, blokes there, hankering for a shag fuck off go out go in the car and have a wank in the car you're disgusting i've got another room what are you living in a one going in another

what you're living in a caravan i don't know what's it going in the car for getting arrested you got arrested you told us you specifically told us to go and have a wank in the car. Officer, officer, she told me, look at Stata, she told me to go and have a wank in the car.

There's nothing I can do. I hate that. But then again, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's the genuine yub for it because, you know, good power to them, but no.

But can I, well, everyone's sex drives and everyone's lads are different, that's fair enough, but can I just, I just can't get the image out of my head. In my head, she's caught him on, she's sitting feeding, right?

And in my head, she's thought, there's a noise at the other side of the bed and she's got her camera phone out and she's got the flashlight and she just went, and he's just caught, half turned round. Wet wipes. Wet wiping the blanket

and just with a big spunky stain on his grey boxer shorts and he's just gone, alright love. Do you know what it is? I bet it's not even the wet wipes because usually for the first couple of weeks

you just use cotton wool and water. So I bet he's using the cotton wool and the lukewarm water. Pass her some cotton wool and water man. I've spunked that

out of the finish sheet. You should be ashamed of yourself. He's got, he has not got a leg to stand on that lad nah I hope she chops his leg off

wow babadoo babadoo babadoo bah dear Rosie and Chris please keep me anonymous always I've been listening back to your podcast

from November 2021 and just heard the story about the man cheating on his girlfriend when he was scratched by a girl and to hide this he got his mate

to beat him up do you remember that yeah that was the one when he gave his girlfriend the clap and he tried to put antibiotics in her food

do you remember that yeah Mr Gaslight himself the Gaslight Anthem awful it reminded me they were a brilliant band then by the way

look them up Gaslight Anthem who the Gaslight Anthem awesome band are they actually a band yeah genuinely amazing band alright

big show it reminded me of a story about my now fiancé that when he had just started seeing his ex-girlfriend, he went on a lads weekend away and kissed a girl. Oh. In practice, yeah, I do knock on door cheating. Yeah. This girl ended up giving him a hickey.

Oh, that's knee good. Like, oh my God. Oh. When he got home from the weekend away, he told his girlfriend at the time that it wasn't a hickey and that he fell asleep on a bench all night and a squirrel bit him. And then in Malaga, they've got squirrels.

It's mental. They're like green. Honestly, the squirrels are so horny. They just come and give you hickeys. That's a squirrel bitters. She believed him. Really? She believed him.

And still to this day, it's a running joke amongst his friends. That's a five-year-old's lie. That is amazing. One, if you told me that you fell asleep pissed and like you were outside, that would probably be enough for me to finish you. Wow. I'm not even joking

wow because really in the early days you mean yes I mean now we're marrying that now there's more to

but if you were if we were like a year yeah and you got so pissed that you fell asleep outside and you had came home with a love

bite that you said you got off his squirrel I'd be like I'm alright for this yeah yeah yeah because red flag red flag

red flag I'm alright with you falling asleep on park benches and no, thank you. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Absolutely not.

Who's doing that? What kind of, I don't know, like, they're cheating on that, of course, but like, who's like,

giving a love bite? Just going, ah, just in case and let you remember me. What are you doing? Maybe she was employed by that company that traps people.

Maybe. Isn't there a company where they pay men and women to flirt with people and to see what happens? And maybe it's just like, there's your stamp. Oh, like an entrapment thing. Dummy job, yeah, yeah, yeah. Honey bee, trap us or something. Really?

There's a company that does it? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Wow. I've watched it on a documentary. Could I do a little bit of part time work for them do you reckon oh yeah

of course you could aye let's go and see if people flirt with us in there that'd be good bit of part timing bit of moonlighting

alright love they'll know who you are well even better although not everyone alright love do it with that last woman from the chippy

I've got no idea who you are how are you like yeah yeah the ones who loudly shout the don't know who I am

they're the ones right in there get them squirrel bite babadoo babadoo babadoo bah hi Chris and Rosie just a quick one

I've just listened to episode 188 where you were discussing people who don't pick up the dog poo yep fucking hate them

yep and it reminded me of a fun fact about my granny. She is 88, short and large. Fucking hell. What the hell? What are you doing? And the sweetest old lady you'll ever meet.

Oh, yeah, well, just lead with that, then. I don't need a... She sounds like a fucking cartoon character. It's how I think I'll be. Straight away, all I'm saying is, Tweety Pies, Nana. Read that again. She's 88, short and large,

and the sweetest old lady you'll ever meet. I hope this person is in charge of... God forbid when a Nana passes away, I hope this person isn't in charge of the writing on the gravestone. Here lies Nana, 83, short and large, sweet though mind your step like short and large what are you doing that's just that's how she says that nana that's so offensive well let's hear about her anyway after one too many instances of finding

dog poo left outside her house she now keeps a roll of poo bags by her front door. She likes to sit by the front window having a cup of tea and if she spots someone not picking up their dog poo, she grabs a bag, picks it up and follows them down the street. Fantastic. When she catches up to them, not sure how she manages this, maybe she shouts them down, she says, I think you forgot something

and hands them the bag of poo. She says the look on their face is priceless and absolutely hilarious. Wonderful. So she bags it up. Bags it up and chases them down. Yeah. Think you forgot this? Eh?

Wow. Honestly, if you're not picking up your dog shit, I just know that I hate you. Yeah. I hate you. Because the amount of times I've had dog shit on the pram wheels or on the Ben's shoes, I swear to God, it's...

Oh! I hate you. I hate you. If you're listening now, on the pram wheels or on the Ben's shoes, I swear to God, it's... Oh! I hate you. I hate you. If you're listening now, I hate you. I don't know whether I tell you this or not. I actually hate you. I don't know whether I tell you this or not,

what I did the other day. I haven't told you this. We haven't got a dog. Yeah. Sherlock, well done. Right. Me and the boys were going down the street, walking to the shop.

Don't tell me you let them walk in the leaves. No. That's where it's hidden. Rafe did walk in some dog shit. He stood in some dog shit. Which shoes? It's fine. I've cleaned them.

But to get the bulk of it off, I picked them up in one arm, because I drink protein bars now, and I took one of his shoes off the shoe that had the shit on it, and I kind of whacked it on the curb, because it was a proper chod of it. And I whacked it on the curb, and the sort of thick of his shoes off the shoe that had the shit on it and I kind of whacked it on the curb because it was a proper chod of it. And I whacked it on the curb and the sort of thick of it came off. And then, in the spirit of irony,

the bits that were in the grooves, I scraped it out on the metal pick-up-your-dog-shit sign that was on the lamppost. That's grim. But did it work? Yeah, I got it all out, but as I was doing it, I was thinking, is this bad? I don't know.

Are you the bad one for that? The pick up your dog shit sign in that particular street now has dog shit on the corners of it because I scraped dog shit out. I mean, the rain hopefully might get that away. Maybe, it hasn't really rained since. Maybe someone might touch that, which is quite bad. Why are you touching it?

Why are you touching that, though? A kid might by accident. It's higher than a kid's height. Oh, fair enough. Listen, it's not your fault. You bad but pick up why are you touching it why are you touching that though a kid might by accident it's higher than a kid's height oh fair enough listen it's not your fault you didn't pick up

I thought I was going to get bollocked for that but fair enough pick up pick it up just pick it up please please people do

there's people who walk around with three bags full most of them pick it up you know what I mean some of them come back they've been shopping for dog shit exactly they've been to the dog shit

grocers but good for them half a pound of dog shit, please. Responsible owners, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the people who aren't, I just honestly hope that one day you get dog shit in your face. In your mouth, your nose. Mouth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Following on from the dog poo, just dead quickly. I forgot I had this. Dear Rosie and Chris, got a quick ick for you. Lovely. Yesterday, my boyfriend said he likes taking

the dog for a walk in the winter because the poo is quite nice and warm when he picks it up in the bag yeah he says it warms

his hands up that's a massive ick that's awful we may have mentioned that on the podcast before have I? we may have mentioned

the idea of warming your hands with the dog poo I'm sure we have well this is the evidence of it because he genuinely he's like oh no love no love you sit by the fire and rest I'll take the dog poo I'm sure we have well this is the evidence of it because he genuinely he's like oh no love

no love you sit by the fire and rest I'll take the dog for a walk today oh hope he does two shits because I'm sick of

coming home with one cold hand oh buy a little you know them hand warmer things buy one of them very happy with us

by the way just this is totally nothing to do with it very happy with us that our child just this is totally nothing to do with it very happy with us that our child currently at activity age and like hobbies age none of them are outside

high five high five well done us all the stuff he does is indoors booyah yeah not intentionally just he's not that

into football he wasn't bothered about rugby and he's just doing stuff indoors and it's mint fucking brilliant and you can leave them there for an hour.

You can. And you go drop them off and then pick them up after. Fantastic. I do watch for 10 minutes because he gets a bit... Sucker. Did you watch?

Mug. I go, yeah, I watch you. Great. Watched the whole thing. You were brilliant. What bit did you like best? Oh, what bit did you like best? Oh, yeah, me too.

You're shit, Dad. So this is embarrassing Okay Okay And I'll tell you why after Hi Ramses I've got an ick about older people 50 plus Right

When they tell you their email address And feel the need to specify That it's all in lower case Like it makes a blind bit of difference It really puts me off the older generation In every way You do that I didn't know You didn't know It really puts me off the older generation in every way. You do that.

I didn't know. You didn't know. Could you write it all in capitals and it would still come? Yeah, it's still about the same place. Shut up. Yeah, yeah. Capitals don't really matter. That's embarrassing.

I feel like that's a bit of an ageistic. I said that just the other day to somebody. Someone took my email address and I went, it's all in lowercase. Well, yeah, of course it is. But I don't know. Right. I'm so embarrassed about it. What an ick to have

about it it's really upset this person wow and I find that very because I'm 36 and I didn't know that well I told you on your Instagram

this morning that I downloaded an app I'm not bothered about age at all it never bothers us I never get I'm getting older I've got mates as I've said before

I get mates I've got mates it's my birthday I'm old fucking shut up man you're a day older than you were yesterday shut up I think it gets, I'm old. And you're like, oh, fucking shut up, man. You're a day older than you were yesterday.

Shut up. I think it gets better. I'm not bothered by age. You care about less stuff. Yeah, but my point is, I was slightly bothered this morning because I was telling you on Instagram, I downloaded a little game and it had like age,

there was six age brackets to choose from and I was in the second last age bracket. That's grim. Yeah, it was like, then 60 plus was the one after. I was like, for fuck's sake. But I'll find myself doing stuff like that did i not tell you about my mom and dad the other day no what so again not having a massive quote they don't know no i was i was i popped my mom and dad's house for a cup of tea and i was like hey what did you do last night i

was like i just stayed in like we were sitting in the house me and your dad last night sobbing watching the telly sobbing our hearts out e, sobbing, watching the telly, sobbing our hearts out. God, sobbing. I went, what were you watching? He went, watching the Brit Awards. Sobbing my heart out at the Brit Awards. Why? Why? What happened with the Brit Awards?

You know, like all the children and that. I went, the Pride of Britain Awards. Oh, Jesus. Jesus Christ. Well, fucking what? Has Adele got a new Heart Heart wrenching song Out that you've got I didn't know that

One I didn't know The Brit Awards was on That's fake Well you do You say it Do you know what I mean You do Yeah

That's your mind Oh completely I Completely The funny thing is They'll tell me the same story And they'll still say The Brit Awards

Yeah that sounds And I'll just have to Pretend that I know I'll just For the sake of I can't be bothered I say it I'm at that point in my life

now, you know, and so you correct people all the time, I can't be arsed someone says my name wrong, if someone says something wrong, I just let them because I go, I can't be arsed you cannot let people say something wrong. Honestly it digs at us, it blows a balloon up in my brain and it gets bigger

and bigger and bigger until I just tell them you've got that wrong by the way and I know I'm an arsehole and I know it's the worst thing in the world to do, but I can't help it. I just can't help it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to anyone who I ever do it to, but I can't,

I can't not do it. Same as, I said it before, if you meet us and I've known you five seconds, if you've got a snot hanging out your nose, I'm telling you. Oh, no.

It's a person, it's a service. It's a service I provide. It's not, it's embarrassing. Is that a good mate? No, you don't do it. It's horrible.

I have to. No, because then they go to someone else. No, because people have done that to me before and then, you know, when I leave that person, I go, I fucking can't bear them. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Is that a good mate? No, you don't do it. It's horrible. I have to. No, because then they go to someone else. No, because people have done that to me before and then you know when I leave that person, I go, I fucking can't bear them. Oh yeah, yeah, right. Or then again though, they knew it was there

and then you meet 20 other people that day and you go, that fucking prick should have told me. No, I don't. I don't. I don't because it's really rude and if they'd have told us, I'd hate them for the rest of my life. I hold a grudge.

So there you go. Good, all I'm doing is just shortening my Christmas card list every year. We don't send Christmas cards. No, I mean the ones I receive. Oh, yeah. Saving the trees. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.

Okay, I think you're going to enjoy this one. Okay. It's interesting. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I thought my unfortunate sexual escapades might be a good candidate for Rosie's Mysteries. Get in. The year was 2021. Things were finally getting back to normal

and office parties were returning. No more shitty quizzes over Zoom. Thank God for that. Yep. I had just broken up with my long-term boyfriend and was feeling spicy. Spicy. I also knew I would be leaving my job soon,

so why not use the office party to go out with a bang? Love it. Good for you, love. Fast forward a few hours, I'm three bottles of wine deep and a silver fox catches my eye. Nice. We talk for the whole day

and the more I drink, the fitter he becomes. Happens a lot. Sorry, where is she? She's at the office party. The whole day? Must be a daytime affair. Christ alive, okay.

Some places are quite cool to work and have day parties. Right. I make my move and decide I'm going home with him. Wow. I let him know anything is on the table

as long as he stays away from my chocolate starfish. It's our also one. Yeah, I know. I'm just thinking, what a classy lady. Yeah, literally. All right, mate.

I think you're quite fit. I'm not going to work here anymore. Just love you, boyfriend. Anything's fine. Just nod up the arse. Brilliant. What's your name? nod up the arse. Brilliant. What's your name? What a conversation to have.

Where do you work? Oh, actually, I don't work here. Just letting you know, mate. Yeah, not going to be working here

for much longer. Every other drink I've had, you've found, I've just found you much, much fitter. Yeah, anything's on the table tonight.

You're coming home with me, apart from the bumming. What you got to say about that? Love, I just wanted to know where I was dropping me off in this taxi. Meet us on in love. Right, okay. So here we go.

Ready? We get back to his and the red flags start to emerge. This man was 20 years my senior. I was 25, all legal here. So he's obviously 45. get in but he slept on a mattress on the floor and to my horror had a family-sized bottle of olive oil by said mattress which he obviously used for a cheeky wank olive oil all over my lady garden so the man

sleeps on a mattress on the floor and he's got a bottle of olive oil by the side of his bed which is now on her vagina who loops up with olive oil the fucking dolmio family you know the little dolmio i know who they are i mean they'd love it all them them off the, you're not olive oil. I mean, they'd love it. Oh, them off the advert. You know, the olive oil butter. The nanas and grandas. What's it called? Olivia.

Olivia. They love olive oil. No, I'm not having. I am not having wanking with olive oil. I'm not having it. It's on her vag now. It's here, right? So now it's by the side of the bed

and now it's on a vagina so sorry the smell took me back to my days working in McDonald's why are you going full Italian because it's olive oil

I know but you fry in olive oil like it's not just it's not just stop bugging button top brain brandish I can't think of the word my point is my point is to love olive oil that much Like, it's not just... It's not just... Stop bugging... Stop bringing...

My point is... Brandish... I can't think of the word. My point is, to love olive oil that much, to rub it all over your knob and vagina, I imagine you have to be of an Italian heritage

to love it that much. Okay, but maybe she is. That's the joke I'm going for, yeah. Maybe she is Italian. You would use baby oil, wouldn't you? Why would you use olive oil? That can't be good for you. Ironically,

bend over, love. Ironically, this is extra virgin right there's more he wipes a bit of fucking bruschetta across our arse at the end

when he's done he's a bit balsamic vinegar on and some nice bit of soda bread rubs a few salad leaves from the inside of our crotch get that on there again Alzheimer's vinegar on. Nice bit of soda bread. Rubs a few salad leaves from the inside of her crotch. Get that on there again.

Fucking hell, man. Oliver, I'm not having it. I'm not, I can't get me, a family size bottle of Oliver's. So I thought it must have looked like a fucking Coke bottle. Like the Costco one. Oh, I'm not having it.

You ready for the rest? I'd do it now if I am. She's got, she's honestly, she's like, getting spicy. He brings the anal beads out, they're just balls of buffalo mozzarella. Squidgey. I should have left.

I'm surprised. It's the speed at which it ends up all over her vagina. How's it got to this? Couple of red flags, mattress on the floor, massive bottle of olive oil, that are you obviously wangsmith, now it's on my vagina. How does it got to there? Couple of red flags, mattress on the floor, massive bottle of olive oil, that is obviously Wangsmith.

Now it's on my vagina. What, did you fall? It's like when they go to hospital and they've got a cucumber up their ass. Yeah, yeah, it's exactly that. It's exactly that. Fell, me skirt fell off,

me knickers came down and I landed on a puddle of olive oil. Bellissimo! Fuck, it's going on here. Come on, keep going. This is one of the strangest. It's great though, right?

Are you ready? Might as well stick it up our arse now. Jesus. Should have left. But the man lived in our train ride away. Train ride. I can't speak. The man what?

But the man lived in our train ride away and I was drunk and frisky. He asked me if i would be into some kinky play i agreed he led me downstairs blindfolded me and handcuffed me to his pull-up bar it was actually going pretty well he obviously had some experience and a lot of toys my nipples so she's blindfolded at this point right yeah My nipples were clamped and he whipped me with a variety of items. I won't lie. Sorry, sorry.

This is a one night stand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She said everything except up the arse. Christ alive. If you put that on the table he's probably gone to the, to the lab.

To the bat cave. Da-da-da-da-da. To the sex cave. I won't lie, I was actually dead into it until the excitement was over and the blindfold came off i discovered he didn't actually have the plethora of sex toys i had imagined but he was actually

using mysteries mysteries mysteries i can tell you right now i can tell you right now i already know what's going on there's a chin there's a chin up on between his kitchen and his lounge or his kitchen in his utility room she's handcuffed yeah the pull up bar she's handcuffed to that he's gonna have a nightmare by the way trying to

do chin ups on that tomorrow when it's covered in fucking olive oil he's gonna deeze back in when he lands on the floor I'm telling you right now I will I will bet my life

on he has got on her nipples clothes pegs and he's whipping her with a washing line and that's my final answer or a dog lead or fucking pasta spaghetti

cooked spaghetti and he's just whipping her listen listen okay ready on my nipples have been two different coloured

incredibly old clothes pegs clothes pegs which were tied together with some old washing lines clothes pegs and washing lines Spank. Which were tied together with some old washing line. What?

It's like a fucking art attack. Listen. Listen. And the spanking I had so enjoyed was from a wooden spoon that was dyed red from spank. wooden spoon that was dyed red from spag bol. Oh my God, Chris, there's more.

A wooden spoon that was dyed red from Spagbol. There's two things that can really dye a wooden spoon. One of them is Spagbol. What's the other one? You must know what the other one is. Mexican yellow. Soup and noodles? Yeah, chicken soup and noodles.

That is so... There's more. This gets worse. I would also like to mention that this man burped into my vagina whilst going down on me. Burped into my vagina. You can kill someone doing that.

What? Blowing air into someone's vagina and you can kill them. Can it? Yes. Oh, well, there you go. He's also... Jesus.

Not just... Not is he just a kinky bastard, he's a murderer. He likes to live on the edge. I'm not surprised he's burping all the fucking olive oil and spag bolis in. He's probably got reflux. It says, love the podcast.

Can't wait to see you in Cardiff next November. She's going to be in Cardiff next November for the tour. We need to make a note of this. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's just... How gutted would you be if you're literally like having a one night stand, right?

Because big up one night stands, as long as you're being safe they're fucking mint right and you're like yes this is clamp me nipples I'm never going to see you again

whippers with her and then takes it off and it's just the shittest variety of stuff I'd be so upset I'd be so upset she was expecting

that blindfold to come off and her being in the fucking room 50 shades of grey the special room oh my god yeah and she's actually in a galley kitchen

slash utility room pull up bar it's a trolley it's his ma's old servant trolley that was a washing line that pull up bar was a washing line

oh you'd be so upset oh jesus old pegs old pegs on each nipple with some washing line what a wasted orgasm you'd literally be like

that was do you know what no use your imagination he's no I'm sorry he's given her a night to

she must have thought that cost thousands of pounds all that gear he's honestly it's like a ready steady cook it's like they've

given him a fiver and he's quickly made a bondage night for a fiver with some shit he's found around the house he's like a fucking he's like a jumble sailor he's like a recycler what's it up up up selling up what's it called up cycling up cycling and these old pegs can be nipple clamps as long as

you give someone a blindfold what was the blindfold a fucking sock didn't ever didn't say it might be in a problem that that spoon would have stunk yeah yeah that's them spoons stink we've got spoons like that that just stink oh god I'd be so sad I feel so sorry for her absolutely incredible

brilliant thank you for sending that in she got the hour train ride home with a vagina full of olive oil little red marks on her arse was he hit you hard no that's where the

bolognese spoon stained me arse that bit of crusty onion really really took a bit of crusty onion really really took a bit of skin off you have been listening to Shag Marinoid

which is part of the Acast Create Network and thank you from me for listening yes it is I never get to say thank you do you not well it's ungrateful

I'm glad you finally you've only got 200 nearly 200 thanks you used to put in there now yes thank you very much for listening guys as always if you want to get in touch

shagmarinoid at gmail.com the tour the arena tour is on sale for next year we've just started doing some meetings and stuff for that we are

we are ahead of schedule miles ahead compared to last time and really looking forward to it because we'll be in a much better headspace than we were last year

great stuff planned Rosie will take it to the stage with all of her teeth hopefully fingers crossed I might have a new tooth in by then yeah well no no no I'm tightening my

belt I'm not getting your new teeth left right and centre I want a gold tooth have I told you that no that's not happening I genuinely do

I was thinking about the other day you're a fucking rapper or a burglar both brilliant okay then

good look forward to that stop it bye everyone bye Or a burglar. Both. Brilliant. Okay then. Good. Look forward to that. Stop it. Bye everyone. Bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking

Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, This evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.