Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 195. Glib, Glab, Glob

Episode Date: November 25, 2022

This week on the podcast Chris & Rosie discuss sleeping arrangements, phone updates and the down side to bubble gum ice cream. Rosie gets annoyed about Chris’ sticker addiction and Chris has some possible names for Rosie’s band. QFTP’s include sleepwear, a skater boy and a bad bikini wax experience.   Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Get tickets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed. With me, Rosie Ramsey. What an instant fuck Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey.

What an instant fuck up. And my husband, Chris Ramsey. That's me, that's me, I'm here. I'm a husband, I'm a supportive? No, because when you fuck up, I will just pounce on it straight away. Oh God, yeah. You very rarely fuck up on the intro to the podcast, so that's exciting. I'm happy with that.

It's my radio days. Yeah, radio training, thinking you're all that. How are you doing? Thinking you're all that. I'm alright, how are you? I you're all that. I'm all right. How are you? I'm all right, actually. I'm a bit tired.

A bit tired. Yeah, the sleep monster's being at his tricks again. Awful. As usual. Awful how much that kid pulls your hair. I know.

Even more bad for me as the victim of both of you because Rafe pulls your hair in the night and all I have to hear non-stop is, not mummy's hair. Not mummy's hair.

And I'm lying there trying to guess it. Not mummy's hair. Not mummy's hair. And I'm lying there trying to guess it. Not mammy's hair. Not mammy's hair. Because I'm trying... I'm like, well, you two, fuck off. Well, I went through a period of time, if you don't know this,

Rafe, our youngest, he's nearly... He's going to be two in January. He comes in our bed in the middle of the night and we just both can't be arsed to put him back, so he sleeps in our bed. And then... You'd think that was the easy option.

You'd think letting him in was the easy option but it's actually not no so then what he does is all night he rags on me hair and I'm not talking a little tickle

he pulls my hair it's horrendous and it's like being tortured but it's because he's my child I love him obviously I can't I can't be mad at him

but anyway you definitely growled last night I do try well I've got to tell him off a little bit so and then thank god Robin came in and was like daddy and I was like I'll come in bed Anyway... You definitely growled last night. I do try... Well, I've got to tell him off a little bit, so... And then, thank God, Robin came in and was like,

Daddy... And I was like, I'll come in bed with you, son. Bye! Yeah, Chris just fucks it off. Oh, yeah. Fucking horrible. Horrible. Anyway, no, so a while ago, I did try to get him to stop it,

and he kind of did, but then I gave in because I was so tired, and I just thought, I don't care. And I've told you, swimming cap. He would rag it off, Chris. He would literally... No, I'm talking like when you're at school, swim in cap pulls your whole face back like you've had a facial in Hollywood.

All right, all right, aye. Have you ever tried sleeping in one? No, but you'll get used to it. Seriously? But then again, I'd hear his hands on the rubber. It would be awful, and you know what he'd do? He's that much of a dick. He'd get up, he'd turn the lamp on, right?

He knows how to turn the lamp on. He'd just be like, off, off. He does just point and shout about stuff. He's so fucking lazy. Is anyone else out there? I think it might be a second kid thing. Just can't be bothered to get his words.

He's just worked out that if he points at something and goes, ah, after a while I go, see you real? And he goes, yeah. Fucking lazy little twat. I've noticed, yeah. Fucking lazy little twat. I've noticed as well. Lazy little twat. What he started doing with me, right?

You know if you're carrying him and you're chatting to someone like another adult, if you don't listen to him, because I just sometimes ignore them, I go, no thanks, I'm just talking. Because I hate people

who stop conversations to talk to the kids. That pisses us off. I know what you mean. It's like, can you just let them wait for like 30 seconds while we're finished with conversation? Yes, my darling. Yes, what you mean. It's like, can you just let them wait for like 30 seconds while we finish the conversation? What's up, darling?

Yes, my darling. Yes, what's up? Oh, sorry. I mean, I hate being ignored at the best of times, you know. I am me. So something, when I was younger, my mum was like, kids should be seen and not heard. And it's, yeah, anyway.

Anyway, he's now, now if I'm chatting to someone, he will grab my face and move it to him. That's because he see me doing it shut up you see me when you're out somewhere

and you start talking to the waiter and I go look at me look at me just had an alert on my laptop get my hair done

tomorrow oh god there we go three hours I'll never get my life back six hours I know

horrible why does it take so long because your hair's shit. Because it gets pulled out by a toddler. Listen. It is not getting my hair like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's pulling bits out. Swimming cap. Bit of talc, swimming cap. Slap it on. Go to bed. Fantastic. No, I'm not. Think of it as a condom for your head.

I might as well just leave him in the bed with you. He'll be safe. No, he doesn't bother me, to be fair. But if he knows you're there, he's just hell on. Listen, anyway. Enough about our horrendous sleeping arrangement, which never seems to get better. It is episode 195. We hope you're all right out there.

Thank you so much for coming in. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here. And if you just joined us for the first time, welcome. None of that made sense. You probably turned off by now. Hang on a minute, though. Prior reading is involved.

Can I add something? Because I know you just want to carry on, but I just have to add that if you are parents at the minute and you've got a little kid, it does get better. Yeah, it does. Because we live in a world where we've seen it get better.

Oh, Robin's unreal. It gets loads better. We just got our life back. We just got our life back when Robin was five and then we went and had another one. Five. Five's the age, isn't it?

It's when they start school and you go, oh, yes. It's not even that. It's when they wipe their own you go, oh, yes. It's not even that. It's when they wipe their own arse. I mean, I still don't trust him, to be fair. He go, I've wiped my arse. And I go, OK, don't sit on anything.

If he tries to sit on our new cream set A one more time with his kegs off, I'm going to lose my rag. Well, he got a skid mark on my bed. He got a skid on the bed. Took his trousers off and sat on the bed. I was like, get in the bath. Oh, brilliant. There's a skiddy on the bed. Fucking his trousers off and sat on the bed. I was like, get in the bath. Oh, brilliant. There's a skinny on the bed.

Jesus. You thought it was hilarious. Fucking hell. Where did you learn to wipe your arse? On a ship in a storm. Are we going to talk about that bubblegum ice cream? Yeah, I'm going to talk about that.

Okay. I'm definitely going to talk about that. Guys, it's episode 100 and we've just teased that. We've teased the bubblegum ice cream. Oh, come back for the bubblegum ice cream story. I guarantee you about 40%

of the listeners have already guessed what the outcome of that story is. But guys, it is episode 195. Thank you so much. Now, without further ado, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is... iPhone updates. Hey.

Oh, yeah. Hey, you enjoying your phone? You like the way your phone looks and works? I love it. Yes, it's great. Don't get hooked on it, mate! No. iPhone update.

We've changed it all. It's all changed. The clock now, for some reason on the main screen, makes us want to vomit. Yeah. I don't know why. It's minging. Hey, do you like it, though? Are you getting used to it?

Are you getting used to the way it's all working? I just can't be arsed to change it. Well, be careful, because we're going to change it all back in the next update! Yeah. iPhone update. It's literally like them coming round your house in the middle of the night and moving all your furniture. And you're going, what the fuck? And they're going, your furniture's there now.

The search thing's at the bottom now. All of my messages are at the bottom of the screen. This happened last time I had to change it. You can change the clock, by the way. You can change the clock to a different font. I've saved an Instagram post. The font at the minute is absolutely vile. Disgusting.

It might as well be, what do you call it? Comic Sans. Awful. Aren't they changing the chargers? That pisses me off. They're all getting changed to USB-C. Honestly, wonder why you're the richest company in the world. I just bought a fuck load of chargers because we lost a load of chargers.

I say we, you lost a load of chargers. That is untrue. We need to have a word about chargers actually. We need to have a word about chargers. Oh yes please. Come on. Just checking the agenda. Chargers, chargers that is we need to have a word about chargers actually we need to have a word about chargers oh yes please you come on just sorry to check the agenda what one i'm not right yeah chargers chargers you when you go away for work you take a communal charger with you you must have a little nest of fucking chargers somewhere you never take the one not look at me when i'm talking to you you never take the one away from your side of the bed and you never take no that you take them from kitchens living rooms i've just bought a couple of new charger leads and they're literally the

day i bought them the bastards announced that they're all going to be usbc from now on i mean that'll be when we get a new phone like but i don't leave chargers i would never do that there's somewhere in the house i just don't know where and and that that is more irritating than losing them there's somewhere in the house i just don't know where you did it you walked in the office where's my laptop and you walk back through where's my laptop. There's somewhere in the house, I just don't know where. You did it today, you walked in the office, you went, where's me laptop? And you walked back through, you went, where's me laptop? I went, it's in the office on the bed.

And you walked in again and you went, where? Where? And then I heard two footsteps and you went, oh, there. Oh, yeah, yeah. So what you do is you walk into the doorway of the room and if you can't see what you want from that vantage point of the doorway, where's me laptop it's slightly behind

something else if you just take two fucking big clumpy steps you lazy cow you do it as well you do it there was three insults there

right yeah the clumpy steps I'm sick of this I'm sick of you saying that I'm heavy footed it's unbelievable I'm light on my feet

you are you are literally fucking sluggish and loud and heavy do you want to hear something tragic right well i'm gonna get the staircase done because it's like an old house and uh it's a bit creaky in that so now chris and i literally we used to crawl up the stairs because we don't want to wake the kids when we go to bed but now we've found a little pot on the side of the staircase and you have to like cling on to the rails when we go to bed. It's like something else.

It's really sad, isn't it? It's like Stranger Things, you know, and they go to that house and they're just creeping up the stairs. It's so tragic. It's bad, isn't it? I quite enjoyed the crawling because although we are not a UFC fan, we did look slightly like, obviously, you know, absolutely less fit and white versions of

John Jones and Anderson Silva when they used to go in the ring oh yeah I remember that

they would go so fucking cool and animalistic they'd get down on all fours Israel Adesanya does it as well

yeah but you know it's not as well it's not because you've got a dummy in your hand and a little thing and I've got my

kindle in my fucking water bottle and I'm both going please welcome I do have a dressing gown on they don't go in a little thing and I've got my Kindle in my fucking water bottle and I'm both going Please, welcome I do have a dressing gown on They don't go in in gowns That's boxing

Oh god You don't like any stuff I like This is a fucking lie Why are we even here? The UFC They don't have Like

What do they have on? Hoodies in there Do they get buzzed up? That's all I want to know Listen to me Guys Guys You all know how much I love the UFC I've loved it for years Since before me and Rosie met I haven't missed an event isn't it? Do they get buzzed up? That's all I want to know. Listen to me. Guys, you all know how much I

love the UFC. I've loved it for years since before me and Rosie met. I haven't missed an event that's been televised for

years and you are just asking me now what They don't wear, well I mean they can if they want they can wear

daft stuff and some title fights they wear daft stuff but they all come down they've got a uniform, Reebok sponsored them,

they've got a Reebok sponsored uniform and they come down and just it used to be when it was all free for all and everyone's but I used to find it hilarious because they could have sponsors of anything at all and the hat that obviously was in the contract that I had to wait at the end when the ref raised their hand they'd have like a fucking 25 minute fight and they'd be pissing the blood and they were like am I gonna win or not and as they're like getting there the team will be running over putting caps and fucking t minute fight and they'd be pissing their blood and they were like am I going to win or not and as they're like getting there the team would be

running over putting caps and fucking t-shirts and on the men fucking hold this lolly hold this can put this t-shirt and they'd always

hold monster energy and it's always fucking empty because no top flight athlete would touch that Well it's the same as when the footballers finish and they used

to drink it Lucas Aiden and I'd be like you don't drink fucking Lucas Aiden sugar in there absolutely not I used to drink that it was a powerade Oh god Just before I used to drink that

it was a powerade oh god just before I used to drink coffee when I needed a burrs burrs kick I still can't get over when I see someone

walking along in the morning with one of them big cans of Monster oh chat about this at a glance it looks like lager yeah yeah yeah I go and it's weird

because I almost would accept that more eight in the morning he's drinking a can of lager oh no it's an energy drink almost will accept that more. Eight in the morning, he's drinking a can of lager. Oh, no, it's an energy drink. Oh, well, I was in the car. We had some cans of water. Do you remember?

I think I'm on a minton. I had some cans of water. And I was down in one whilst I was driving. There was a traffic light in the car. And this car went past us and we're like, you know, and someone stares at you. I was like, it's not beer. It's actually better than plastic bottles.

Don't judge me. Amazing stuff. Play the jingle? Yeah. Go on. Go on. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle.

We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap. Jingle, jingle, we hope you like the jingle, jingle, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap, jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Maradonoid. As always, you know what, it's bloody lovely to have you here.

It is, it is. Cheers, guys. Thank you so much, thank you. Now, listen, we teased you at the beginning about the bubblegum ice cream. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I imagine people just skipped straight to this bit. Yeah, I would. Through the jingle, pulling their hair out.

So Robin had, I mean, Robin had some bubblegum ice cream. Robin is our seven-year-old, by the way. Yes, Robin's our seven-year-old. He had bubblegum ice cream the other day at the fair at South Shields. And, I mean, it was was fucking it was glow in the dark it was awful it was bioluminescent it was crazy

wasn't it looked like the monster you know off Sesame Street the one that eats all the cookies yeah it was the exact

colour of the cookie monster yeah yeah like a dark maybe a bit greener than that but like a dark-ish and he's eating it it's all over it's all over his clothes

I was like this is the worst sitting next to him while he was eating that I was having a panic attack it was horrible then he had poo yesterday It's all over. It's all over his clothes. I was like, this is the worst. Sitting next to him while he was eating that, I was having a panic attack. It was horrible. Then he had poo yesterday and I spotted it first.

All right. I haven't actually asked you how you went about spotting it. So he was on the toilet. Yes. And he dove off the toilet. Before the bath. And he dove off the toilet to get in the bath.

And he literally dove off the toilet and I'm standing sort of over the toilet putting something on the little shelf behind it and I just glanced down I don't know I don't know who's not looking at their shit I look at my shit

I look at other people's shit you want to see what's going on right see what all the fuss was about back there you actually meant to I think you meant to check you know look at your poop in there

so my son I want to you know I want to see what his dad yeah you're a pooper look at your poop somebody call the authorities I've got a camera I've got a camera in the toilet bowl

of every public toilet in South Tyneside. You've took it two for. What? Dial it back. Four. Why do you have to do that? Photos, photos. Listen.

Oh, hang on, though. Just imagine having a camera in all of the portable toilets. Horrendous. Oh, that's not even sexy at all, is it? There can't be anything sexy about that. Oh, no. Well, it depends what you find sexy.

Well, that's what I'm saying, but that's horrendous. If you find D find dirty horrible monkey you build as poo sexy then get my tiddler out right now some people like getting shit yeah yeah yeah it's madness like you said there's something you can make something up there's something that everyone will be turned on by someone will find something sexy disgusting but yeah i was just joking but uh look down bright fucking blue shit you had bright blue shit and there was just this more just shut the toilet well i'll tell you this right okay well i wondered why i was sat downstairs um and i was waiting for you to get out of the bath and i was sat on the sofa and robin ran down with no clothes on going i need my dad's phone i need my dad's phone and i was like i don't what

i thought he's might put music on or something i was like i don't understand why you're so desperate for your dad's phone so anyway give him it um luckily he didn't sit on the sofa with his shitey blue ass but uh yeah so that was what it was and then he came downstairs and robin was like mom look at this and then the first thing i said was that was the deliver i was so proud of him he delivered it exactly the same way i delivered it so i saw it right and i shut the lid and I looked at him and I went Robin

and he went what and I went can you remember that bubblegum ice cream you had the other day and he went yeah and I just lifted

the toilet lid up and he looked at it and his face did he get it he was fighting he was fighting hard he was like you went

go take a photo for mum of course of course I'm going to take a photo for mum and so he obviously ran and got the

but then he delivered it the same as you he came down he got the photo ready and he looked at you and he went mum remember that bubble obviously ran and got the book and he delivered it the same as you. He came down and he got the photo ready and he looked at you and he went, mum, remember that bubblegum ice cream I had? Then he just turned the phone around and I was just like, so proud.

He delivered it exactly the same as me. Time and everything, perfect. It was so bad. What was in that? It was bizarre because you went, Robin, you are never having that again. And he went, okay. He actually got it.

He might have been a bit freaked out and he just shit with bright blue. he might have been a bit freaked out and he just shit with bright blue horrendous babadoo babadoo babadoo bab speaking of our son Robin

I had to tell him off the other day not tell him off but I had to I had to give him a dressing down right well okay from all of the women

ever from all of the women ever just he's learnt a new rhyme from school. Oh, God. Do you want to hear it? Oh, I don't know. Obviously, you know, me.

Just hear it. I was like, Robin, I don't think that's very cool. Are you ready? Right. Boys are strong, like King Kong. Girls are weak, chuck them in a creek. I was so offended I was like Robin that is

that's not I read like girls aren't weak he's like yeah but there some girls are I was like I was like

no no shite that innit and I shite girls are weak chuck them in a creek boys are strong like King Kong.

You know what it is? First time a girl kicks his arse he's going to shit his pants. Is that what I was like? Why? Where's he finding a creek

and why are they getting chucked in a creek just for being weak? Weak or not don't be throwing anyone male or female into a creek guys. Come on.

What year is it going to get better though? It's never going to get better is it? It's seven and eight. I know. Of course it is but I just thought it was funny did you teach him all about the

suffragettes nearly I nearly got a you know powerpoint now but I thought he got it in the end he did get it

do you know what I said I went what about Wonder Woman or I went what about your mum I've seen your mum pick you up and smack your bum

well pretend to smack your bum well pretend to smack your bum girls are weak chuck them in a cream good night everyone so the other day i uh i was i had a night off and you were working yes you're doing a gig your friend angela's in a fantastic band called groove train yes uh went and watched them at hoochie coochie in Newcastle. Guys, if you ever see Groove Train, about, ready to do it. If you ever see the name anyway, they're an amazing band.

I genuinely loved it. Thanks very much. You and Steph were guests. You made Steph friend of the podcast. You were guests. Backing singers. Guest backing vocals, yeah. Psy King from Hairy Bikers is on the bongos.

It was a star-studded night. I had a lovely time, right? I famously got far too pissed and then I met you in the interval and you said stop drinking

I don't know why you keep doing this on me holidays you're ridiculous on me holidays came back absolutely mortal really loud

the band were just chilling and you were on a completely different vibe I think you find they were loud for 45 minutes to the point the thing that

pissed me off about it was that if you were doing a gig bear in mind you then in the interval they're quiet. The thing that pissed me off about it was that if you were doing a gig, bear in mind you're in the same industry performing, if you were doing a gig and somebody came back the same level as pissed as you, you would lose your shit. That's why I don't have intervals.

You would lose your rag so much. However, I did stop drinking and I did sober up and I did enjoy the rest of the show. You did, yeah. And I had an epiphany. I stood there and I watched you and Angela and Steph. You've been friends for years, years and years and years,

met together singing, right? About, I think we've been friends about 16, 17 years. Incredible. Phenomenal singers, all three of you, right? Love watching you. And I thought you could form your own little band, a little trio, right? And I've come up with some names for you.

Oh God. Oh, what? So don't look at me screaming. All right. So I saw you singing with your two mates and I've got some names for you oh god oh what so don't let me scream all right so uh i saw you singing with your two mates i've got some names for you right because you know obviously you know you can't go in at that sort of little mix you know teen teen bobby market you've got to go a little bit no no no you've got kids and stuff you know you've got to go a bit a little bit so i've workshopped some names from your era of music and then I sort of try to put them great

adapt them accordingly it's going to be slagging it so instead of Atomic Kitten yeah yours could be

Atomic Cats brilliant because you're not kittens because you're old older older old

Destiny's Child yeah Destiny's Ma I quite like that because you're absolutely not Destiny's Child you are Destiny's Child Destiny's Ma I quite like that You're absolutely not Destiny's Child You are Destiny's Ma Maybe Destiny's Grandma And instead of

Bewitched Old Slags Please welcome to the stage The Old Slags Hello Welcome I wrote that down Please welcome to the stage, the old slag! Hello! Welcome! Sweet slag.

I wrote that down while drunk. Did you? I read it the next day and I was like, oh, Chris, you are great. Oh, God. My arm is magnificent. Hear you. Hear you. My arm is magnificent. It's time for what's your beef

okay so i uh i had a plethora of beefs for you this why have you always got loads and i struggle struggle struggle two seconds ago you went i don't think i've got a beef oh no i've got one it was that amount of time because you know what's hilarious right i always write oh sorry sorry about know it's hilarious right I always write oh sorry sorry about that I'm a professional I always write stuff

in my notes just about stuff that happens so we can talk about it but then often my notes I could just turn into an annoyance about you

and that's what I've done fantastic so that's okay so you've just quickly adapted something yeah yeah yeah on the fly okay happy days

so do you want to go first I will go first go on then World Cup started. Yeah. You have professed for years, don't like football. Yeah. Not that bothered.

You've decided you're going to get into it this year. Yeah. And as with everything that you've decided that you're going to get into, you're really getting into it. Was I? To the point of you watching all the matches, you're arranging nights out, which is fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You bought a sticker book for you and Robin to do.

Official Panini Qatar 2022 sticker album. Lovely, really chuffed. You know, spending quality time together. Yeah, yeah. Last night, when it was time to get the kids sorted, time for bed, what were you doing? Putting stickers in the album. Putting your little stickers in your album.

And this is you all over. This is Mr. I'm not bothered about this. Oh, it's shit. Oh, honestly. Oh, what's this? And then you'll just be into it forever and to the point of you forgetting about your family because you're filling in a sticker book. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, Rosie. Sorry, I've got one more thing.

Okay, yeah. Never, ever thought I'd have to hear shinies. Shinies? Ever again. Oh, we got a few shinies yesterday in the packs. Listen to us, bit of an ick. Really? Because all it reminds us of is like 12-year-old lad I used to go to school with swapping shinies. Yeah. And hearing you and got a few shinies yesterday in the packs. Listen to us, bit of a nick because all it reminds us of

is like 12 year old lad I used to go to school with swapping shinies and hearing you and Robin talk about shinies I was like, why is this in my, why am I a grown up

hearing my husband who I have to have sex with talking about swapping shinies? Have to have sex with. Apparently it's good for your relationship. Who I have to have sex with. That,

that might be the biggest insult I think I've ever received in my life i've read a book once and they said you have to have sex with my husband who i have to have sex with well i can't have sex with anybody else listen right first of all right first of all couple of things first of all i don't know how many times i've had to tell you this rosie but i'm a football guy now oh you're such've told you this so many times. Listen, cutters are bleed football. Wow.

Ask us what happened to breakfast yesterday. Football on toast. Right? What did you have for your lunch? A bowl of football with some bread to dip in it. What did you have for your tea? Football bolognese. What did you have for dessert?

A bowl of football and custard. A football and custard. A football and custard. I'm going to get a football cake. What? Get a football cake. Don't be ridiculous. Or some slices of orange. No, no, they don't work.

So, obviously, I'm a football guy now. Watch all the fixtures. Know all the teams. Know all the stuff. We got, me and Rob we got the Panini album we got very excited why is it called Panini

album oh sorry you're hungry making you think about a little cheese Panini every time I see it well that's a

tronk off to the fridge are you clomp clomp clomp sorry getting the getting the breville out right hang on how long have Panini's been about I don't know so this company thought oh we'll make sticker books clump. Sorry. Getting the breville out. Right, hang on.

How long have paninis been about? I don't know. So this company thought, oh, we'll make sticker books. Well, she would call themselves, oh, the sticker book

company. No, I tell you what, panini. We'll call ourselves panini. It's got nothing to do with anything that would, what a

stupid name. All right, yes, it is quite irritating, but I think panini. Is it spelled the same? Right, okay. I don't know if it's

spelled the same, man. I'm too busy looking at the shinies. Right, great. That pissed me right off that. Right, but I was collecting them when I was a kid in Is it spelled the same? Right, okay. I don't know if it's spelled the same, man. I'm too busy looking at the shinies. Right, great. That's pissed me right off, that. Right, but I was collecting them when I was a kid in the 90s, right? But I guarantee if you went into a cafe in the 90s

and asked for a panini, they'd hand you a tissue and say, bless you, right? Fair enough, it might have been around before. So, yeah. It may be in some countries, but not here. Anyway, right, we got number 00 yesterday,

which was, you opened the book, right? The one we were very excited about. It's shiny. It's number 00 yesterday, which was, you opened the book, right? The one we were very excited about. It's shiny. It's number 00. Who is it? It's the Panini logo in shiny with a man kicking, with Panini written on.

It's not a Panini. It's a man kicking a football. Is he kicking a Panini? He's kicking a ham and cheese Panini. Why is it called Panini? I don't know why it's called Panini. It's really annoying. I know, it's really annoying.

I'm trying to just get over it right it's like oh yes yes here's your new driving license what's the company

called it makes it croissant why is your driving license being made by a company called croissant

my brother was talking about driving license oh Jesus anyway so okay so right so you've got zero

it's not a football player it's just it's the first one it's the first one in the book. That's pretty good. Is that good? I think so.

I don't know. Or anything good. Someone told us... Now, this is going to upset you. Yeah. I wasn't going to tell you this. I don't even know why I'm telling this. Probably just for jokes.

For jokes. Right. Someone told us that. Because obviously you get them in swap and stuff. Right? You get the stickers in swaps. Is he allowed to take them to school? I don't know.

Everything got banned at my school. Do you remember? It's everything got banned. Every assembly. I remember that. People are swapping pogs. Banned. Tazos. Everything got banned at my school. Can you remember? It's everything got banned. Pogs got banned. Every assembly. People are swapping pogs. Banned. Tazzo's.

Just the same as pogs with lines in the side. Banned. Pogs. No, sorry. What were they called? Tamagotchis. Tamagotchis.

What was the other thing? Go-go's. Can you remember the little plastic things that were like little boglins in my pocket? Wrestlers in my pocket? Everything.

Pitch and toss. They banned everything. We couldn't do fuck all at school I know how shite wasn't it so I don't know what his school is like it might be a bit better now but em so you can get them in swap right

so there's every single world cup team is in the book right right and you get your I bought a few packs yesterday a few

tell them how many packs you bought fucking loads I panicked I bought so many packs ridiculous honestly I think I came home with 30 packs of stickers oh my

what is wrong with you I don't know why are you so excessive why are you so why couldn't you just bought two packs you're so excessive there's two things

I probably think two things I shouldn't tell you but I will for the for the listeners these two things I'm about to tell you will get us in trouble

but I'll tell you for the listeners because I know they'll get a kick out of it and I know this argument gives them joy great I hope you're always all happy

that we're marriage is collapsing because of these paninis tell us what are we so the first thing is so it's got all the panini sticker book has got all of the different

I know you can't take it seriously the world cup we'll call it the world cup sticker book it's got all the different teams in it all the different little history thing in the back so there's loads of stickers

if you could somehow orchestrate it so that you bought all of the correct stickers without getting any in swap it would cost about 750 quid apparently do not tell me that you've done that no but to fill it it to fill it without any swaps would be 750 quid right and i've i've started it now and you know how I work. So I'm going to have to finish it. And I know you said only buy a couple of things. Do you know when you go to the newsagents and

on the little counter there is the box with all of the stickers in. But you can buy the boxes on Amazon. It's on its way. You're fucking kidding me. Two of them. How much were they? Don't worry about it. What's on its way. You're fucking kidding me? Two of them. How much were they? Don't worry about it.

What's wrong with you? What's the matter with you? I don't know. You're 36 years old. Who do you know that you can do swapsies with? There'll be a website. You're going to have to go into some school and stand in the play yard. Are you... You you off your face?

Is that that guy who hosted children in a hoodie trying to do swapsies with the kids at the bottom of the school yard? Somebody call the police. Is it Chris Ramsey? Run! Robin, run! Don't forget your shinies. You've got on...

How much was it? Tell us. I'm joking, I didn't buy them. You're not joking. I'm not. I mean, I'm not. You can. It was a joke.

I haven't bought the two boxes. I've considered it. I don't believe you. I've considered it. Because I was talking to my mates in the pub about it yesterday and they know exactly what I'm like. They went, you're just going to buy

like hundreds of pounds with a stick as one in one. Go on. And I was like, well... And they were like, well, that's they went you're just going to buy like hundreds of pounds worth of stickers one in one go on you and I was like well and they were like well that's not how you do it they were like every time you pop to the shop

every time you get a big shop and get a couple of stickers and ebb it out like that so you come in and it'll shut the bin up for ten minutes you stick them in so that's how I'm going to do it

I had to fight every fibre of me being and not buy two big fucking boxes of them how much were they? I don't know I'm sure it was I'm sure it was like

something fucking crazy like 50 quid for a box of them it's mad please don't I don't know. I'm sure it was something fucking crazy like 50 quid for a box of them. It's mad. Please don't. I'm not going to. If I dare see them turn up at the door

I don't believe you. Well look I'm going to look totally unrelated I'm going to be making quite a few trips to and from the post box

over the next few days. Did you buy them? No I didn't. Tell us the truth. I didn't. I promise I didn't. I promise I didn't. Promise.

Sway down. I didn't. What was the other thing that was going to annoy promise I didn't. I promise I didn't. Promise. Sway down. I didn't. What was the other thing that was going to annoy us? Oh, that costs like hundreds of pounds to fill. All right. But someone told me that

after I'd already bought it and that was upsetting. I'd already bought it then. Bought what? The annual. The panini. The annual. Yeah.

So there we go. Listen, I've got a beef with you anyway, you fucking, holier than thou, who the fuck do you think you are? My beef with you, and this is horrible. You ruined it.

So once, everyone will be familiar with the time you made us a lovely stew or a soup or whatever and you left the bouquet garnier and I chewed it and I was nearly sick.

Oh yeah, I've never used bouquet garnier since. If you don't know what bouquet garnier is, it's like a tea bag with loads of herbs in. And she left it in a soup and I chewed it for about 20 minutes and I couldn't,

yeah, I was like, what's happening with this? Nice stew though. I left it, no it wasn't nice, it was awful. I was ho couldn't yeah I was like what's happening nice stew though no it wasn't nice it was awful I was hoeing up I felt like I was going to throw up

for like three days so last week you were popping off to do some work to do something in a rush earning some money for this house

in a rush out of the house right you were on your way out and you were like I'm getting ready can you just can you make something to eat

and I was like absolutely no problem I'll make you something to eat so I made you some chicken soup chicken soup and a little slice of bread remember you ate it upstairs while you were getting ready yeah Can you make something to eat? And I was like, absolutely no problem. I'll make you something to eat. So I made you some chicken soup. Chicken soup with a little slice of bread. Remember? You ate it upstairs while you were getting ready.

Yeah, it was awful actually. But yeah, you didn't make the soup from scratch. It was just not a very nice soup. Well, a couple of things. You dropped your phone in it. I did, yeah. Which annoyed us.

One, eating it in your bedroom like a teenager. Why did it annoy you? Well, eating it in your bedroom like a fucking teenager. That irritates us. Because I'm getting ready. I'm doing two things at once.

Irritating. Then you dropped your phone in it and I heard that two things at once irritating then you dropped your phone in it and I heard that happening you know drop your phone in it and I was like this fucking chicken splashed up the walls

and that chicken soup this is going to be great there was you said you tidied it up I went up afterwards there was it was everywhere still I tidied all that up

I went down you left I said bye I went and did something else I think I got a shower or something and I went back to the kitchen and you had left. You brought the bowl and the plate down,

which you never know me do. You brought the bowl and the plate down. In the bowl, half hanging out of the bowl. So there was half a bowl of soup that you hadn't ate. So I had to dispose of that. You can't just pour it down the sink. It's got bits of chicken in it. Were you putting it in the bin?

In, half in the bowl, half out of the bowl, was, do you want to tell everyone? You probably remember all of this. Do you want to tell everyone what it was? Is it dental floss? It was dental floss. Why is that bad? It was going in the bin. I thought, do you know what it is? Fucking disgusting. Why should I walk to the bin when I know this is going in the bin so I was putting it in? It was disgusting. Why? I literally had to

pick the dental floss out and it was like half of it was dipped and covered in soup and pulling bits of chicken out with it. Oh! And I was going to have soup for me lunch but all I could think of was dental floss

floating in soup and I couldn't eat soup. Oh, gutted. Oh! Sad for you. Honestly. No, I stand by that. I'd floss my teeth

because I'm not a scruff, right? I'm not a scruff. What are you doing flossing your teeth at the same place where you eat What kind of fucking monster No it was when I'd finished

I'll just hover over this empty Half empty bowl of soup Why does that bother you It's just the way you live your life There's no rules It didn't bother me I was watching my iPad So I flossed my teeth over my leftover chicken soup

Watching my iPad And then I thought hang on I could walk back to the bathroom and put this in the bathroom bin watching me iPad so I flossed me teeth over me leftover chicken soup watching me iPad and then I thought I thought hang on I could walk back to the bathroom and put this in the bathroom bin or this chicken soup

is going in the bin so I put it in there horrible I actually think I'm saving time nah nah oh wow

I can't believe that's a beef it made us it made us want to cry just oh well good I might have done it for that

brilliant gonna make it cry. Awful. Awful. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series.

This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

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That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real.

Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. It's time for questions from the public Questions from the public public Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Public guys as always if you would like

To get in touch it is shagged Married annoyed at gmail.com Send us your stories send us your questions Send us your icks Send us your would you rathers Send us all of that juicy juicy Send us your bitches or your tits Wow Wow Where did that come from Rathas send us all of that juicy juicy lovely stuff. Send us your bitches or your tits.

Wow. Wow. Where did that come from? I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes me brain. I've got a couple of like, like slash beefs here. Right.

Okay. Cool. Cool. So this is, this, I, I actually agree with this. Okay. Right. But I don't know whether it's because I'm quite a confident swimmer. Right. Okay.

I got that in, didn't you? It's the only thing I'm good at. Every couple of episodes, you mention how good you can swim. Chris, it's the only sport that I'm good at. When I was away with the girls in Portugal, I did the butterfly. Yeah.

And I actually caught a couple of them giving each other looks, as in like, what the fuck are you doing? No, yeah, yeah. Because the butterfly... I was like, yeah, it's the only thing I'm good at. It's what I'm going to do

and you're going to watch. The butterfly looks like you're being dragged along behind a pedalo. It's just a mess. It's a skillful... What's it called? A skillful... Stroke. Stroke.

A skillful stroke. Great. Hello. I don't know if I made this point before when we were talking about the butterfly, but it's just popped in my head. In no scenario ever has someone gone, oh my God, quick, that person out there is drowning. And someone's went, no problem.

Don't worry, she's going to go and save them. Oh God, she's doing the butterfly. Why would you pick that one? Oh, they've drowned? They've drowned because she did the butterfly for no other reason than to show off. That would be me. Okay, hello, Rosie and Chris.

My ick is people who hold their nose when they go under water. Yeah. Especially when they jump in. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Kids, absolutely fair enough. Like, that's fine.

Adults who... And then I kind of get a little bit annoyed by people who don't put their head under the water and I get it but I'm just getting people who don't want to get their hair wet

while swimming in the pool yeah look we can't promise that other users of the pool we can't promise that don't splash us you're in the pool

apart everything apart from your face and head yeah what do you mean don't splash you you're 95% soaked

submerged yeah me mum used to do that on holiday don't splash us your mum just stopped getting in the pool altogether

my mum and dad just stopped the lizards the lizards yeah they stopped getting in the pool altogether yeah we talked about that

years ago I feel like on holiday my mum and dad got in the pool they'd just flounder around and you'd have to get the big sort'd just flounder around and you'd have to get the

big sort of net you know the net that you get around the villa I think you'd have to get the net to get them out like a fucking

like a lizard who'd fell in like a wasp come on I'll get you back on the lounger that was horrible where's me kindle that was horrible

yeah I can't bear it we once went to France and my mum booked an apartment it was lovely but there was no pool and I was sunbathing and I was like I'm gonna die i need a dip need to dip in look at

other people's pools could you hear anyone else's pool that would be horrible no i couldn't actually that would that would really upset us i remember oh i remember once when i was on holiday with my mom and dad they used to make us go for massive war again first world problems i was lucky enough to have holidays when i was a kid but they used to make it I'd rather not I had mates because my mammy used to always go you've got friends who never go on holiday

I was like yeah they stay and they play on the computers and they play on the streets and they play football outside and they have a fucking mid time and I'm walking around Rhodes Old Town

with you two daft cunts no I've got your mum and dad back there that's so you entitled little shit I loved all my holidays nah look look look

I'm seven. Don't take us to the old town. I don't want to go. I don't want to walk Oh, when they take you around to all the shite, you'd be like... Oh, Chris, oh, Chris,

look at that old church. Oh my God, I don't care. There was a fucking, there was an arcade at the pool. So anyway, we once went on this massive fucking ridiculous walk, right?

They made us go on this huge walk. I love that you talk about roads as well, by the way. That made me funny flower a little bit. Oh, yeah, I bet you did put a fly in roads, did you? Pathetic. Now, we went on this massive walk right did you fart no all right we went on this massive walk right in in roads or somewhere like that right walked out left the

hotel for the day my mom and dad sick of being around the pool come on let's go and explore let's go and have a look around so i'm getting dragged along with them i'm like seven or eight or nine night getting dragged around and went around and we went to like a bar stopped at the bar got some lunch or whatever and this bar had this massive pool but because it was just a bar that had a pool

you had to pay to go in the pool but they wouldn't pay so I sat with them while they had a drink walking miles and miles and I just sat while other people

there was only two or three people in the pool, but I was like, can I go in the pool? It's a pool at the hotel, we're not paying for you to go in that one. And I just sat.

God, it was awful. I remember the bit, I've never wanted to jump in a pool so much in my life. Oh, bless you. Unbelievable. You were just on holiday with your mum and dad

and a piss up, weren't you? No, I was just, I was third wheel and my mum and dad's piss up for years and years and years until I didn't have to go anymore. Bless you. Only child.

Well, I didn't go abroad for five years. You're a lucky bitch. No, I was devastated. I'd have loved that. I'd have bloody loved that.

Swap you. Going to go around the old town. Oh, look at this old doorway. Oh, man. Yeah,

we used to hate that. I remember when we were kids and we'd go to the Lake District and stuff like that and my mum would be like, we're going to go, we're going to go see this and you'd be like, absolutely

not. Is there a park? Is there a river? Is there a stream we can play in? I couldn't think of anything worse than dragging Robin to something he didn't want to go to now and it's not because I want him to fully have a nice time, it's because I want to have a nice time. I'll sit on my phone while he's doing something he wants to do.

Christ, anyway, what's your next dick? Okay, so it's a dick but I think it's just a spy. I'll sit on my phone while he's doing something he wants to do. Christ. Anyway, what's your next dick? Okay, so it's a dick, but I think it's just a beef. I think these are just beefs in people's relationships. Okay. Hope you're both well. Hello, Rosie and Chris.

I've been with my partner for seven years and love him to bits, but the way he orders a pint of beer literally makes me want to vomit every time I hear it. Oh, that's exciting.

Any normal person would say, I'll have a pint of Peroni, please. However, my partner decides to be a massive knob and orders it as follows. I'll have a Peroni. Pint of. Why the fuck does he do this? Why does he put the quantity of the liquid he requires after the order?

Oh, that's great. I really love that. I'll have a wine, please. Glass of. Small glass of. I'll have a wine, please. Small glass of. I'll have a Peroni pint of.

I'll have a Moretti bottle of. I'll have a Strongbow half of. I'll have a Fruit Shoot bottle of. And I'll have a gin and ton of I'll have a fruit shoot bottle of and I'll have a gin and tonic shot of one shot of I could annoy

I can see how it's annoying but at the same time do you think it's a bit James Bond-y James Bond

Peroni pint of maybe it is maybe he's a bit like that yeah I love that Peroni please

pint of there's another ick here it says as I'm yeah. I love that. I have a pruney, please. Pint off. There's another ick here. It says, as I'm on a roll, another ick I have with him is how he dresses for bed. He wears a T-shirt and nothing else. I've heard about people who do this! Yeah.

I've heard about people who do this. Not a T-shirt and boxers, just a T-shirt with his limp dick and balls sticking out and flabbing somebody. Oh, my God! It turns my story. Have we not talked about this before? Oh, I feel like we've talked about this before. That's amazing.

No, I don't think we have. So he basically wears a small nightie. He looks like an oversized hairy Tommy from the Rugrats. I don't understand why you would do that. I've got no idea why you'd wear just a t-shirt. That's absolutely... It's disgusting. But why is it, though?

Why is it? Because you've got the worst bits on show. I want to be warm, but I want to be cool on my manky bits. He might really hate these nipples. Right. But you can do both. He might have a secret tattoo that she doesn't know about. Well, put some kegs on as well. No one's put a gun to your head when you can pick one. Listen, but you can do both. But you can do both. He might have a secret tattoo that she doesn't know about.

Well, put some kegs on as well. No one's put a gun to your head where you can pick one. Listen, fucker. You can pick one garment before you go to bed or I'm going to murder you. Okay, I can't sleep naked.

Right. I can't sleep with my vagina out. I can't. I just physically can't. What's it the smell? It took us years to get used to not wearing knickers. Seriously?

The smell, the fumes. No, it's not. Where your eyes water. It's not got no i just can't i don't know why it's weird isn't it people sleep differently yeah i've only just stopped wearing knickers to bed right because my mom was like you're gonna get an infection what i did that she was just constantly like you're gonna breathe you're not letting anything breathe i swear like you and your mum have such a strange relationship.

I can't remember the last time my dad or my mum commented on how much air needs to get to my cock and bollocks. Honestly, I tell you, I tell you, I can't remember. This was years ago. I can't remember. It was never. It was never. All right, then.

Well, vaginas are a very... I keep saying vaginas. Vaginas. It's I keep saying vaginas vaginas oval vaginas oh Robin's got a talk at the school I forgot to tell you

have you been you don't get the emails you dick what a segue this is he's got a talk at the school about private parts and stuff

so I've got to have a word with him about the proper names for stuff right he's got a talk at the school about it

yeah no it actually sounds amazing. There's these women going and they're working. Oh my God, I thought you meant he was doing it. What?

I thought you meant he had to stand up and fucking hell, I was panning it. No. You said he's got to talk at the school so I've got to tell him

the proper names for it. I was like, fucking hell, he's winging it. No. Oh, right. There's a company. I've nearly pulled him out of the school there. No, it's a really good idea. There's a company that've nearly pulled him out of the school there no it's a really good idea there's a company that's going into

the school and they talk to the children about appropriate sort of interactions and it's really I watched a video about it it sounds brilliant and I just think it's really important anyway so but I need to tell him because on the video it's that age old thing in the age old discussion

of do you call private parts, sorry, by the real names or like, you know, because we say tiddler and that,

but he also, he does know that it's a penis and he does, but you know, we call front bums, but he does also know that it's called vagina.

Right. So I feel like we're kind of balancing both, but I'm going to have a chat with him and say, do you know what that's called? And anyway. So that's right.

Okay. So he's going to go and they're going to come and do that special talk that's called? So that's right, okay, so he's going to go in and they're going to come and do that special talk. I don't want him to get wrong. I don't want them to go, what does everyone call the bits and he'll be like,

Chucky! Tiddler! Peas and mash! Do you know what I mean? Peas and mash. I did, I made that one up. But they can't,

yeah, so they, right, they can't tell him off though. It's just, you know, they're there to teach them stuff and they're going to do it

and I think that's a really good idea. Let them, you know, get them to know about, you know, private parts and stuff. That basically nobody else can touch you. Private parts. You don't touch other people's private parts.

A special company comes in, does all that. And look, if he wants to get up and add to it, he can. I mean, he probably will. Eat and chub up and put a bit in. Yeah. Open mic.

Yeah. I hope he does his poem. Be a perfect opportunity for his poem, actually. Boys have willies because they're silly. Girls have fannies. Kick them down an alley. Stop. Honestly.

Good night, everyone. Good night. Yeah. Six after everyone. Goodnight. Six after he's done. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Further to the beaver out slash door open slash waxing story the other day, I thought you might like mine. Remember a while

ago we talked about waxing, somebody getting a wax and the door was open. Yes. Remember? Yeah. For the air because it was too hot in the room. Yes. Ridiculous. For the air, because it was too hot in the room. Yes. Ridiculous. When I'd not long since had my second baby, and Brackett's he's 15 now, I thought I'd try and feel a bit better and treat myself to a bikini wax.

Okay. Absolutely never crossed my mind ever. Crazy that, yeah, yeah. I'm feeling a bit tired and down. What shall I do? Oh, I'll go and get someone to rip a load of hairs out of me fanny. That'll be a good little afternoon.

Jesus. Crazy. Sit down and a good little afternoon. Jesus. Crazy. Sit down and watch a telly. Yeah, we could. Crazy. Anyway, whatever floaty boat. Didn't start off well when she got the scissors out to trim off the excess before she started.

Heavens to Betty. I'd explained I'd recently had a baby who was waiting outside the room with my sister, screaming. So relaxing, but still, I felt like a minger. She started the waxing my sister screaming so relaxing but still i felt like a minger she started the waxing all normal so far when she accidentally let the wax stick slick out slip out of her hand whether this was anything to do with my massive bush i don't know flinging hot wax towards me and hitting me in the face the wooden stick thing sticking in my hair she kept

getting the wax paper stuck and trying to heat it up and try to get at my hair. Not very successfully. It's not going well. A hit on her head? Yes. She just flicked, she just somehow flicked the stick at it. What was she doing? A fucking handstand? How's it gone from a groin area to a head and face? I've got no idea.

But it obviously was an accident. She's slathering it on. It's just flicked up or something but it's in her hair it's good that's a nightmare that's a nightmare yeah um baby still screaming outside brilliant me laying there covered in wax and not knowing where to put myself she says we're finished now i shuffle out the room to where the till and waiting areas to retrieve my baby and pay the beautician girl then shouts loudly over to the till overgrown bikini so it's £13 instead of the usual

£9. Mortified. Imagine that. Imagine that. Oh god. It's like when you go to the car wash and it's like normal cars in 4x4's

£7 brackets £10 if they're really dirty Aye Aye Basically £9.13 if you've got a

fucking load of pubes out your dirty piece Fucking hairy as fuck Took us 20 minutes more than usual Pawn star special 70s pawn star special

going in the tail Vera But that's the thing actually because I've never had I've only had oh no I have had I've only had one wax and then me and Kate

did it once at home and that was horrendous your family was so strange your mum's gone on about your fanny needs to breathe at night and you and your sister

are having blimmin sibling fanny waxing parties well because she was older than me and she bought the strips things so I had a shot

it was horrible yeah it was awful we had little baby pubes Well, because she was older than me and she bought the strips, things. So I had a shot. It was horrible. Yeah. It was awful. Me and my little baby pubes. I was only about 15. I'll go back to Holy Island and grow the rest of them back out. Yeah, me, I was shock mortified.

And then I think I'm allergic to veet. Right. As I came out in a rash once. Right, okay. I might try that again, actually. It's been a long time. I'm a lot rougher down there. I know I keep hitting the mic.

I'm sorry. What are you going to do? God. Fucking put a beat in your eyes. We need to address this once and for all. Okay. Right. And then we need to just sort this out because it's getting too much. That sounds serious.

I don't know. It's getting too much. Right. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Myself, female, and my partner, male, have been long-time listeners and finally caught up with all the podcasts we have recently had a dilemma which is perfect for this podcast please keep me anonymous as i have family that listen wow we've recently stopped using condoms and as you can imagine it can make a bit of a mess right okay yeah the drip from the first time we came up with the idea of grabbing a top

from the dirty washing basket and using it to catch any mess to keep the bed dry however it always just ends up that we use one of my partner's tops partly because his really make it to the wash rather just the floor at the side of the bed however tonight he has said we should start using my tops instead i argued that it is his mess so should be his tops it's never needed this when we use condoms so whose top should we use if any why why is everyone using tops don't know why everyone's using why can't people what what is wrong with toilet roll i don't know what's wrong with toilet roll i don't know are we are we posh i don't know why i don't know why they're using i understand if you're not prepared and you couldn't use a top

no I've never Chris I'm sorry I've never done that I don't think in my entire life I've never mopped up

somebody's spunk with one of me tops or an item of clothing I just love the fact that they do it that often that it's now like oh we won't no we've used my tops

too many times let's swap to your tops oh god not even let's bring a towel in and then put the towel in many times let's swap to your tops oh god not even let's bring a towel in and then put the towel in the washer let's do some toilet roll

and put the towel like what is going on this is the one time when I think flannels are like use a flannel just have a flannel you know how I feel about flannels

I know Chris but at the same time you're going to meet someone right you're going to be on a night out and there's going to be a lovely lad there and he's going to go oh you're Chris Ramsey nice to meet you can i get a photo and you

get a photo you shake his hand you might touch his top it's probably how they spunk on them yeah spunk all over the shoulders like everyone's just wearing just wearing cummy cummy clothes well not just that they're putting them clothes then into the wash with all the other clothes with the with the kids clothes yeah you're washing all of your entire family's clothes in diluted spunk and oh it's so wrong and I'm a scruff I'm sorry I'm getting angry

I keep moving the thing I'm a proper scruff you know I am like literally your beef this week was that I left floss right I am I don't agree

with just wiping your bits up with clothes yeah I mean what's next a curtain probably the floor

the bottom of the blind aye you're right just go to the toilet right get your phone let it drip out get your phone sit on your phone on the top for five minutes let it you know the old-fashioned way glib glab glob and they'll just come out let gravity do its work there's the title this week guys glib glab glob i just don't understand i just use toilet roll guys glib glab glob glab glob i just don't understand i just use toilet roll toilet roll i don't well right so i can only imagine first of all she says it's his mess it's both of your mess you helped create the mess it's more his mess yeah but it wouldn't come out

if she wasn't involved do you understand what i'm saying hmm do you understand what i'm saying it's his mess yeah it's not his mess. She has extracted the mess. Right? Nah. You don't squeeze someone's spot and then go, now tidy all that up, you dirty sod. You squeezed the spot.

No, I would... No, I'd say that's their responsibility. Nah. Okay then, so you've opened someone's birthday presents, but you've opened it and you've left the paper all over the floor and then they have to pick the paper up.

I wasn't listening. What did you say? Fucking hell. What did you say? What hell. What did you say? What were you thinking about? Spunk. You're always thinking about spunk. I was thinking about

whose responsibility it is and I just don't understand why no one can use toilet roll anymore. How big's your house? How far away are you from a bathroom? Lazy bastards.

Yeah. Oh, don't want to get the bed wet. Change your shit. I can only imagine we're talking about the guys pulling out and, you know, fucking fireworks, spraying all over the place here. That's why the top must be used. I can imagine. But then sometimes, right?

Okay, we're going to get really filthy here. But, you know, we all shit. We all have sex. Blah, blah, blah. You shit. Some more than others. Right. Spray and pray pray do it somewhere

you know on a part of the body and then you just wash that part of the body it's actually better right yeah I don't know what's going on but I don't know why

I don't know why clothing seems to be we've had so many emails about people just using their chops do you know what everyone should get do you know when you go to

like a public toilet and it's got a baby changing facility and sometimes they've got that big long about people just using their tops. Do you know what everyone should get? Do you know when you go to a public toilet and it's got a baby changing facility and sometimes they've got that big, long, white roll of paper stuff and you pull it out and you cut it and you put it on the baby changer and you put your baby on,

you should all have one of them above your headboard, your dirty, horrible, spunky slag bags. Just pull it down like that. Like when you go to the doctor's and you've got to sit on the bed and then you get off the bed and then they take the paper away and they're pulling you one down. Slag bags. Just pull it down like that. Like when you go to the doctor's and you've got to sit on the bed and then you get off the bed and then they take the paper away and they're pulling

you one down. There you go. You're all thinking that's fucking dirty. Get one of them on. Yeah. Stop using people's t-shirts and shirts.

I just don't get it. You're putting them shirts and clothes in the washer with your family stuff, man. Your kids are going to school with your spunk on them.

You'll get them taken off you. Smell all spicy at school. It's so wrong. Is it weird that I find that just so disgusting?

Like why? He's just using, he's a grown adult. I can understand a couple of times. I can understand a couple of times it's the planning of it.

It's like, let's always use a top. Let's not always use a top. Your washing machine is not that good. It's not that good. Oh yeah, putting Calgon

keeping Calgon in business babadoo babadoo babadoo hi Chris and Rosie please keep me anonymous long time listener first time emailer always always always and thank you

I'm from the UK and live a very normal and rather innocent life so didn't think I'd ever have a story to send well that's till last week when I flew to Vietnam completely solo

for my first proper backpacking adventure. Oh, here we go. The first night of the trip, me and another girl from the hostel went for a night out in... There's the magic word! Yeah, there it is! Hostel! Hanoi? Hanoi. Hanoi, is that... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It started with free beer in

the hostel. Yes, this is the thing. In all hostels from 7 to 8, you get free beer. Whoa hostel yes this is the thing in all hostels from 7 to 8 you get free beer woah but as you can imagine it's pure piss shit ah yeah it's not gonna be nice

nah nah nah the night then escalated into cocktails and shots pretty quickly and soon ended up in the clubs of Hanoi ok as solo female travellers

you constantly you're constantly socialising meeting new people and I got to know quite a few lads very quickly after kissing one and him quickly disappearing uh in brackets haha heartbroken i swiftly found someone else and yes kissed him too jeez jeez crazy around 1am i lost the second it was just the the fork in the road in my head she was like being female travelers i thought

she's gonna go god be very careful you know i've kissed why he doesn't be chasing him i kissed him he fucked up i gotta keep a hold of him. Someone told me, the travel agent told me that I'd be booking every night. Go back, yes, you see the sights, but you'll be booking every night. Mind you, take some trackers,

take some small electronic trackers to stick them in your case because they will just fuck off. Jesus. What you been doing? I don't know. Just clearly, I don't even want to say it.

Right. So, me and my friend... Hold on, hold on. Do you think she's one of them persons who's like, kisses once and then is like, so what we're doing tomorrow? Oh, we're moving in together. Oh, we're getting married.

I love you. You don't know. You don't know. She might be just a really shit kisser. Right, yeah, yeah. Teeth smasher. No, I don't want to say that. I feel awful about that. I do. You're a teeth smasher. I don't want to say that I feel awful about that

I do you're a teeth smasher I know I've seen your type smashing your teeth off my teeth get your teeth off my teeth man will you oh stop it no I think she's I think she's lovely

yes so I don't think she is but carry on the second guy lost the second guy so me and my no but this happened

I've kissed people before oh yeah yeah yeah and then I've never I've lost them the one kiss that I will never my friend Steph will never let me forget

was when I kissed a guy in a club. And then I was like, yeah, I've just kissed that guy. And she was like, oh my God, I've just kissed that guy. Like, you know, blah, blah, blah. Half an hour later, Stephanie, laughing her head off, saw the guy kissing another man. And said, weren't you just kissing him? And I went, oh yes.

So I was. One kiss with Rosie Winter can turn you gay. Careful, guys. Was he bisexual or was he just so disgusted by me? I think he was always, always curious and then he kissed you once and went, nah. If that's, absolutely not. Get me, get some tiddlers over here for me

because that woman was revolting. Honestly, do you know what's hilarious? That was a really bad point in my life when I was very... I can't imagine it being good. I just split up with my longtime boyfriend and I was like on the bull and he was fit as well.

And yeah, just as well and yeah, just turned around and she was laughing her head off. Wow. Anyway, so lost him. He wouldn't kiss us again. I'm never doing that again.

Macho, macho man. Listen, she's lost the second guy. So, they've left the club and started making their way back to the hostel. The minute we walked out, I clocked eyes with a guy sat outside with a skateboard.

It's serious. Sorry. Fucking Bart Simpson. Listen, when in Hanoi, when in Hanoi when in Hanoi all your standards fly out the window the boy with the skateboard

he was half way through his paper round but I knew the route so I couldn't lose him it's in brackets here it says fuck me I promise I'm not normally a slag you've not done anything

don't worry where were we talking he smiled but my friend kept walking so I went with her. She shortly stopped to talk to someone and said, the guy with the skateboard called me over and we got talking. Fast forward about an hour.

Both me and my friend end up in his hotel and have a threesome with him. Fucking hell. Yeah. Jesus. She didn't lose this one, did she? I thought she was going to say. Fast forward off an hour. Me and my friend are in a car chasing the guy on the

skateboard. He's trying to get away but I won't let the third one get away. We accidentally ran him over.

Got put in prison. It was a Wednesday night as well. Never did I think I'd be the one having a

threesome on a Wednesday. So skateboard guy, she sees skateboard guy, half an hour later, she's talking to him and her mate are having a threesome on a Wednesday. Wow. So skateboard guy, she sees skateboard guy, half an hour later, she's talking to him, half an hour later, her and her mate are having a threesome with skateboard guy. Yeah.

Her mate who she just met there. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Gee, crikey. So this is not the worst bit. Okay.

You can have a threesome if you want, as long as everyone's, you know, up for it and involved. We're not judging for threesomes. As long as he's not standing on the skateboard, it's dangerous. Might go over on his ankle. That's so true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The morning after, we had to complete the walk of shame,

Vietnam style. On a skateboard. Skate of shame. Taxis on motorbikes out here. So I was the back of grab motorbike taxi, like an Uber, still in my very short dresses at 8. in the morning through central hanoi fantastic the story gets worse as we quickly realized that he was completely sober sat outside the club with

a bottle of water in an only fans t-shirt waiting for girls to give him attention yes we were the girls that fell for it two days later i just about recovered and then he followed me on instagram are you ready for the biggest ick ever yes his instagram bio states accredited lover boy yes we had a threesome with an online fan star who sells himself online and is as an accredited lover boy and she sent us a screenshot of him actually extra section so i wrote this a couple of days ago but have not yet fy bwy. Mae hi wedi ysgrifennu i ni sgrinio arno mewn gwirionedd. Ystafell arall. Felly, fe wnes i ysgrifennu hyn ychydig o ddiwrnod yn ôl ond ddim yn ymlaen i ddod i'r senni a nawr mae'r wythnos wedi'i ddod yn ddiwedd a byddwn ni wedi dod i fyny yn yr un ystafell fel hwn yn gwneud yr un tour ar gyfer y tair dydd nesaf. Beth yw hyn? Mae hynny'n ddiweddaraf. Ie. Nid yw'r stân un nos

rydych chi eisiau ei weld eto, os ydw i'n onest. Mae'n cael ei ddynnu unwaith ar un o'r fanion eraill ac rydym ni wedi bod yn gwybod, mae'n cael ei gynhyrchu'n ei gynhyrchu ar y bus ysleipydd yn ymwneud â phwysigwyr eraill been informed he's just been editing his content on the sleeper bus whilst explaining to other passengers what he is doing chris is this good on him or absolutely vile i feel like anyone who is traveling southeast asia is going to come across him and know exactly who he is right but i thought for a moment you're going to say that he filmed them but thankfully he hasn't done that no she's just i think basically right i think she's mortified because i think she's had her first threesome yeah with a guy on a skateboard,

completely sober outside of a club with an OnlyFans t-shirt who clearly thinks he's a lover boy. Look, threesomes, tricky. A lot of admin, I've said this before, if you're going to have a threesome for the first time, it might as well be with a professional. That is true.

It might as well be a certified lover boy. That is true. So, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's a bit awful though if you see them and you're like oh my god

I've had a threesome with you because a threesome is quite a big deal if you're going to have a threesome you want it to be with someone who's lush right who you're never going to see again

well he's a certified lover boy what do you mean of course he's lush he sat out Chris he sat outside the nightclub strong cold sober waiting for lasses

because he's not about the drinking he's about the loving certifiably no I'm embarrassed for her yeah it's really bad it drinking, he's about the loving. Oh, God. Certifiably. No, I'm embarrassed for her. Yes, I'm joking. It's really bad. It's bad.

It's bad. It's really bad. It's really, really bad. Can you imagine? As soon as you said, there's a guy sitting with a skateboard. I keep walking, love. Keep walking.

Keep walking. There's a guy with a skateboard. He's not going to pull once. He's going to pull twice because we've had men running away from us all night. Did you say she sent a screen grab of him? Yeah, but I haven't got it yet.

I wouldn't mind saying that. It was all right, actually. It wasn't too bad. It wasn't too bad, looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not too bad, but a dick. Right. Okay, okay.

Honestly, I know I've said it before. I could not do a threesome. I would... You know exactly what I would do? You know how I would ruin a threesome? I would say something inappropriate. Like what? I would just say something stupid. I don't know what it would be, but I know

I would ruin it. Okay, give us an example. I can't think of something that I would say off the top of my head, but I know I would say something terrible. Do you know what I mean? I don't know, just something stupid that would make everyone, I would ick everyone involved. Yeah, I know, you would. You, I would ick everyone involved. Yeah, no, you would. You know I would.

You know I would. Yeah, massively. Yeah. Oh, bless you. That's what it would be. Performance-wise, I think I'd be able to do it, but I'd just,

I'd say something. I mean, that's awful. Well, I'd be eating protein bars and that. Performance-wise. I would say something weird. I would say something weird. would say something weird like that like performance wise

there we go I like that conversation yeah yeah yeah no you're right I actually I'd get nervous and try to make it more laugh and then after you finish

you'd go how was that performance wise I'd go how was that performance would you certify me as a lover boy can I just can you sign this form yeah horrible

thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Maridonoid. We love you. Which is part of the A-Cast. Ah, yeah, don't forget about that. The tagline. Yeah, exactly. It's a bloody slogan. Thank you so much, guys.

We absolutely love that you listen. We love that you laugh. We just love you coming back. Thank you so, so much. Look after yourselves. We'll be back in the airs next week. Bye. Bye.

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