Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 196. Centrifugal Force

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

On this week's podcast Chris and Rosie discuss centrifugal force and what life would be like as a worm... all the big topics! They also catch up on Rosie's excitement over Strictly and Sewing Bee and what she is enjoying most about the Football. QFTP's involve a tanning salon, a brace journey and some swapsies in a car park. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying... 666 is the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Gits and Gits Now.

Hello, you're listening to Shag, Marianoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello. Hello. Hello. Good to have you back. Cheers. It's lovely to be back. Always lovely to be here. How are you? You're drinking a can of water.

Excuse me, I'm good. Started buying cans of water, like, we're posh. But every time we open them, I feel like we're having a can of beer. It's a very odd sensation. Yeah, but it's good. Better for the planet. Constantly recycle. They recycle forever. Do you know what I mean? Plastic bottles, we've been using them far too much, I believe. It's a very odd sensation. Yeah, but it's good. Better for the planet. Constantly recycle. They recycle forever. Do you know what I mean?

Plastic bottles. We've been using them far too much, I believe. But yeah, Rosie's all ready for the podcast. She's got a can of water. She just took some chewing gum out and put it on the desk.

Put it on the lamp. Oh, sorry. You put it on the lamp. Sacred. Your favourite things ever. Couldn't find any paper. And I got you some paper so you've wrapped it up.

I can see it over there. It's upsetting as the paper's half open I can see the chewing gum poking out so that's nice but yeah other than being a massive slob

how are you you good I'm good I'm really really good good good so am I I feel like weight's been lifted

why's that because we can now tell people about a couple of the things two things that I'm doing I can now talk about yes can you please tell them now I just want it out of the way I'm absolutely sick

so I'm doing I'm going to be on the way. I'm absolutely sick. So I'm doing, I'm going to be on the telly at Christmas twice. Twice at Christmas. I'm doing the So and Be Christmas special which I filmed ages ago

to the point where it was boiling and it was Christmassy and we had to wear Christmas like clothes, winter clothes. It was sweating. Really weird.

That was good fun. When you say I look at all cold and blowing smoke blowing steam out of her mouth that's her she was vaping she was actually vaping it was 35 degrees and i am also doing the strictly come dancing christmas special little twinkle very excited about that although i did how annoying is it though that i was allowed to announce them both two days just straight after each other so now everyone's like

eee aren't you on the telly all Christmas I'm like two shows just straight after each other that I've had announced it I feel like also

you got too excited there and you overtook us when I was actually saying what is a very clever insult and play on words that I don't think you heard oh what did you say twinkle trotters

twinkle trotters instead of twinkle toes you think oh because chocolate quillet shit pig chocolate quillet strictly pig I like that actually

I like that better I feel like a pig oh god I don't even know what I'm wearing yet oh god I'll be alright Christmas hog

don't you do you want to do you want to know the first thing my mum said when I told her I was doing strictly Christmas special

I hope you're getting a good bra. So that was nice. Then she said it again, because I videoed one of the dancers that I'd been rehearsing. I videoed it and I showed her. She went, it's brilliant, but are you going to get a better bra?

Brilliant. Brilliant stuff. I was like, oh my God, I have bought two new sports bras, but they're just shit. I just think if you've got big boobs and you're bouncing they're gonna move you can't stop them from moving have you ever considered a shakespeare in love kind of vibe just like like masquite yeah like blank what's it called bandages just bandaging them right flat down your chest and then but then they'll squidge out some way they'll be popping

out of your nose what if they spread somewhere else oh yeah just like coming up coming out of your top under your neck and that

even more chins there'll be even more of them you look like Eddie Murphy in the clumps oh yeah clumped up

have them on your back on that I'm really looking forward to it dancing with Neil Neil Jones Who's gorgeous bless him He's been so patient

Are you allowed to announce that yet? Yeah Yeah? Yeah Have they told you? I said it on Morning Live this morning man Oh they were cool I wasn't watching was I?

No I've announced man Do you know what I was doing While you were on Morning Live Banging on about your dancing I was with the kids Oh yeah I was getting the kids ready For school

Yeah what's it feel like eh? Yeah well Well When you When I did Strictly Sorry, you had one kid to look after. Piece of piss, mate. I've got two. Massive age gap.

One of them's not even two yet. Muggins here. Muggins here. Holding court, sticking broom up my arse and I'll sweep the floor while I'm at it. Oh, it did happen. Galavantin. If you're not in fucking Portugal eh

will you meet you're in London will you man your sister are you fucking dancing you're honestly absent mother or so are I you're a bloody

left right and set don't you dare you can mend the Baines uniforms and that now so I am fully on board with the song don't you dare with the absent mother

everyone's like do the main show do you honestly think I could ever leave Chris for that long nah you'd break I wouldn't you Chris for that long? Nah. You'd break?

I wouldn't. You would actually break? Yeah, there's no chance. No chance. How many weeks? I mean, obviously you wouldn't stay in as long as me because you're not an athlete and you're not as lovely. Do you honestly? I'd hope I wouldn't.

Nah. How long were you in? 14 weeks? 14. So that's a big old chunk of your year. So, well, that was the thing. When I went out in the semis, I was like, oh, brilliant. I get next week off.

They were like, oh, no, you come and watch the final. I was like, motherfucker. I was there every week. Every week I had to be there, even though I didn't do the whole... Oh, man. But you know what, though? I've been watching loads of your dances back.

Yeah. Just to remind myself. How shabby I was. No, you were really good. And it was a lush experience. I'm genuinely buzzing. Do you know what it is? I threw myself into it.

But the thing is... Oh, listen, we're not talking about your experience. No, I was... We're talking about lush experience. I'm genuinely buzzing. Do you know what it is? I threw myself into it. But the thing is... Listen, we're not talking about your experience. No, I was... We're talking about your experience. It's okay. I was just literally about to go into a segue into a compliment for you, but if you don't want to...

Oh, no, go on then. I'll have it. I'll have it. No, I'll have it. I wasn't good at it, but you will also... I think you'll be good at it. I think you've got a lot more rhythm than me.

No, I deny. This is the problem. So Neil, I think, has got a little bit too than me. No, I deny. This is the problem. So Neil, I think he's got a little bit too excited. Big for his boots. And he's like, oh, you can dance.

And the dance that we're doing, we're doing, I don't know if I'm allowed to say it. I better not say it just in case. He's made it really hard. Okay. I'll say the opposite

of what you did. Just to throw everyone off the scent, I'll say, they're doing rumba to Silent Night. Geet sexy rumba to Silent Night. Get sexy rumba to Silent Night. Nah, chicka, chicka.

Do you reckon anyone's ever done a rumba to Silent Night? I don't know. Get moody. Get candles everywhere. Just, I reckon you could do it. Probably some way. I reckon I could be doing it. Speaking of Christmas songs,

this is totally different. I've got a favourite Christmas song is it the new three lions because that's mine oh no no no did they hang on did they just put jingles over it because

no they've rewritten it some of the lyrics are amazing we found out about this a while ago because we've got the same management as Frank and David and then our manager

Richard he did the first one didn't he yeah yeah way back when yeah yeah and then we got found out about that and I was like oh they're just gonna put jingle bells over the old song our manager, Richard, he did the first one, didn't he? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Way back when. Yeah, yeah. And then we got phoned up and I was like, oh, they're just going to put

jingle bells over the old song. You said that in a call with seven people in a big people carrier. You went, they're just putting jingle bells over it like, and he went, well, yeah.

Well, yeah, basically. But it's great though. It's really like- But they've rewritten their words. Yeah, they mention the lionesses and stuff. It's mint song. Oh, amazing.

Yeah, it's really good. It's really like self-referential in that and they're really, they're taking the piss out of themselves, the fact that it's the corniest things in the world of football songs and Christmas songs, and they've done both. I love it.

It's fucking great. But that's not your favourite. No. So Robin's doing it in his nativity. Yeah. And all the angels sang for him. Yeah. The bells of heaven rang for him.

For a boy was born. Who could swim faster than a shark Why have you done that twice now? Because a boy was born who could swim faster than a shark Jesus No What are you talking about? It's a reference to the office

Which one? British office Why don't I remember that? You've done that twice now Yeah, you've never noticed any of them Because when Tim goes to Gareth when Gareth goes to Tim

what am I thinking then and Tim goes oh you're thinking and he says something and then Gareth goes no actually I was actually thinking will there ever be a boy

born who can swim faster than a shark what's that got to do with my favourite Christmas song because it says a boy was born so then you just say

who could swim faster than a shark your brain your brain awful what are the real words for a boy was born sexist than a show your brain your brain awful what are the real words for a boy was born sexist

king of all the world oh very sexist wow and the doing sign and no pressure boy was born king of all the world the world

not just England he's got the whole world in his hands he's got the whole wide world on his hands he's got the whole world in his hands. He's got the whole wide world in his hands. He's got the whole world. That's enough. That's enough. He's got the whole world in his hands.

I can't finish this. Excellent stuff. Listen, guys, it is episode 196. And as we are getting a little bit Christmassy now, we're cracking on. It's into December. Have you got your tree up yet? Yeah, good stuff.

Oh, did you put it up in November? You're a tosser. This week's sponsor. We can't say that because we did one year. tosser. This week's sponsor. We can't say that because we did one, yeah. No disrespect. This week's sponsor. We did. We put ours up on the November 30th once.

We did? Yeah. Well, that's fair enough. It was our first Christmas together. We were buzzing. You were working in it. Yeah, anyway. Because we're talking about Christmas and stuff.

This week's sponsor is, this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor is the passive aggression of parents at the kids' nativity. Oh. Oh, we're going to the nativity. Are we all going there? Yeah, let's go to the nativity. Oh, what time does it start? Oh, great.

We'll get there four hours early to get parked and get a good seat. There we are. Right at the front because our little darlings. And it's your little darling nativity as well. Yeah, we don't care about them. We only care about our kid. We're not looking at your kid. Oh, what's that?

Oh, lean your head to see your child and hear the tutting from behind because you've blocked someone's view. Oh, tut yourself and the people in front of you fucking stand up

like their kid's the only one in the bastard fucking thing. Oh, oh, that kid fumbled the lines. Oh, wouldn't want to be their parent. Oh, ah, well, that was good, wasn't it? Weren't they all great

but mainly mine? Wow. Nativities. Is this so our oh ah well that was good wasn't it weren't they all great but mainly mine wow nativities is this so our our that's what everyone's thinking that's what everyone's thinking we've had a few nativities I've been to loads of nativities

and that sums everyone's thoughts up all the time yeah well why you don't care about anyone as a kid oh you brought your grandparents as well

four tickets we only just we heard you could only have two but you you brought the grandparents as well that's nice that's nice that is nice yeah i'm standing in the back because you brought the fucking grandparents that's nice what about what about this passive aggressive oh where's your

husband at work couldn't get it off oh doesn't care enough no it's worse when it's a mom isn't it oh where's where's his mom at work? I don't care enough. I had a really important meeting. Actually, Moira. She's a doctor, you bitch. She's a doctor. Right? She's saving lives.

Fuck yourself. So many politics. Oh, God. Do you know this is the last one Robin's going to be doing? Really? He's going into year three next year. And they get, you know, from year three, if my memory serves me right of my

school years and when i used to work in schools they get very full uniform just singing carols okay well that's not like carols is good yeah but it's not cute anymore it's not like you know lines and that and and little kids and you know but we've got rave got another one that's why you have to double the memories that's good that's how old are we now we have nearly two so his is gonna be how many years time until his first one like two years he's he'll probably do one in two or three years i don't know yeah i might just quick nip off and get parked up now get a good seat i'll be too we've never been as well. We're all going to be there. Toss us.

We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Jingle. Jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married and Annoyed. Yay! Hello. Hello. Hello. We've got overall work site news. Yeah. No, also, England, as we record this now, oh, and this will come out on Friday. Yeah.

So England are through, they've won their group. Congratulations. Very well done. I'm a football guy now, so I'm obviously all across on top of this. Oh, God. This England are through. They've won their group. Congratulations. Very well done. I'm a football guy now so I'm obviously all across on top of this. We'll be playing Senegal on Sunday. Very excited. Well done England.

Commiserations Wales. Commiserations. But they did very well. But there we go. Yeah. I don't mind that you're watching the England matches. All the matches.

All of them. I'm really not okay with this. Football guy. Part of my attraction to you was that you didn't like football. You knew who you married. Yeah, I didn't marry this. I've always been football.

I don't know why you're lying. I have always bled football. You have slagged off football. I have always bled football. I am football guy. I don't know why you're fibbing and lying and making yourself look stupid on the podcast. Ask us what happened at breakfast.

What did you have for breakfast? Bowl of footballs. Toasted tea footballss toasted toasted tea footballs two toasted tea footballs which I'm on do you know what I am enjoying about the football what

Jack Grealish oh you're loving him aren't you did you see him yesterday say best things in sliced veg yes yeah yeah yeah bless his heart

Rosie if anything him saying best things in sliced veg that means he's probably your soul mate because the amount of times you've got fucking sayings wrong on here. Are you kidding me?

I'm a little bit in love with him. A little bit obsessed with him. I am. What in the match was it when he lifted his top up and the camera stayed on him for a bit and he lifted his top for a while. He's on the subs bench. I was like, he's done that deliberately.

But listen. Pinned the bills with that. I've enjoyed it. Fucking washboard stomach. Have you seen his thighs? Have you seen his thighs I haven't seen his thighs

no should I be looking after his thighs look at his thighs one extra thing to look forward to for the Senegal match on Sunday

I'm going to be the only one in the pub going look at his thighs lads my lads tell us about his thighs look at the thighs on him man

what no they're all class well done lads two lads from Sunderland yes which we tell Robin every single time we watch it yeah from the North East

and there was a lad from who was he playing for who did we play the other night when us three watched it what America yes yeah

he was originally he was born in Sunderland he was born in Sunderland yeah there's a lot of North East pata going on there's three players from the North East anyway we are very much

enjoying it very well done hope everyone's enjoying it I quite like that it's on at Christmas I don't know everyone's whinging that they're not in beer gardens

and stuff but I like going to the pub at Christmas well as a non well you'll know if you go in the summer whether you like it better or not

well no because I used to come home from stand up when I lived away I used to come home at Christmas so it reminds me of coming home

and seeing everyone but also the football's on I really love it do you try and tell me that you were coming home there it is speaking of coming home and seeing everyone, but also the football's on. I really love it. Just try and tell me that you were coming home. Yeah, there it is. You're coming home. There it is.

Speaking of football and the North East, congratulations to Jill Scott, who won the Jungle. Yes. I'm a celeb. Yes, there we go. She's from Sunderland. No way. Radiel.

Fucking well played. Well done, her. We didn't watch it, sadly, but great programme and well done. There we go. What's-his-fucking-face came third, which is ludicrous. I fucking told you. I called it. watch it sadly but great programme and well done there we go and er what's his fucking face came third which is I fucking told you

I called it I fucking called it I said that everyone would go he's a oh look he ate that camobolic I like him now

well forget about all that shit you're all fucking nuts everyone who voted you're mad at oh I went to my mum's house she was like

he's doing really well I was like you woman oh dead to me god I knew I called it

I called it straight away but every time every time anyone asked him about breaking the rules which he kicked off about any time anyone asked me

he went well what happened was I fell in love and he kept saying fell in love and I was like right your PR person has sat you down Matt

and said tell them you fell in love and he wrote he fucking rattled that line out so many times I imagine the PR person was watching thinking dial it back mate it's your fucking catchphrase now like dial it back we didn't watch it so we can't really say when he came i saw the clip when he came out

though she came running up for a kiss he grabbed a big handful of her arse again like he did on that footage oh god all about the booty that fella all about it so is he with her now i think he is with her okay or it was someone whoever it was he was at her with her arse great yeah there we go anyway no comment

no I mean not there is comment not we have commented lots of comments but anyway whatever but anyway all good

sometimes well done well done Sean Walsh as well oh yeah congrats Sean well done banging sometimes it's nice

that people don't hold a grudge I don't know I suppose there's something to be said about it whatever fucking hell Christ he's gone away with it quick though but yeah there we go life's too short well yeah that people don't hold a grudge. I don't know. There's something to be said about it. Whatever. Fucking hell, Christ. He's gone away with it quick, though.

But yeah, here we go. Life's too short to worry about it. And maybe if I'd watched it, I might like them. But then again, no. So you've been doing your little sewing bees and you're going to be doing your little fox trotting. Yeah, trotting. Your trotters.

Whatever dancing I'm doing. I'm not doing the fox trot. You're doing your... Ooh, you're going to be doing your little fox trotting or fox yeah trotting your trotters whatever dancing up doing you're doing your trotters you're doing your well yeah oh you're not supposed to tell we now know you're not doing a rumba or rumba or a fox trot oh my god whittling them down how many's left i've been busy as well i still can't announce the some of the things that i've done which is annoying um so annoying that we've made it into a bigger thing than we should have which is well it's just because stuff happens and i want to tell the listeners are my friends yeah i can't let them as my friends and i want to tell... The listeners are my friends. Yeah. I count them as my friends and I want to tell my friends what I've been up to

and I'm not allowed. Although, did I tell you, when I came to see you and your mates singing the other night in Destiny's Mare, when I came to see... Oh, yeah, yeah, Destiny's Mare.

Atomic Slides. That's one we've gone with, by the way. The girls listen to the podcast and that's one that we'd like to go with. Destiny's Mare, fantastic. Is it because it was

the least offensive? And we like Destiny's Child, so... Okay, Destiny's Mare. I was standing. Can you remember on the podcast a while ago, I was saying I'm annoyed that we can't tell anyone anything. And I was like, look, for a laugh, I went, look, if you see us out, just come and ask us and I'll tell you.

Some woman came and cashed it in. Oh, really? I was standing waiting for you guys to come on stage in the interval. Pissed, you were pissed. Oh, I was hammered. And she came up and she got a selfie and stuff and she was chatting and she just went, listen then did you mean what you said on the podcast and i went watch when that um if someone asks you on a night out all of the

stuff that you're not allowed to announce that you'll just tell us i went fucking hell fair play and i just told her everything made it sound a lot more exciting well she knew that she knew you were doing christmas specials strictly fucking a couple of weeks ago because she was like it shells out yes i didn't tell anyone but yeah class class class could have been a journalist or anything

I poured my bloody soul out to her honestly but I did I did the final episode of Celebrity Juice the other night oh you did

that'll be on I think it's on on the 8th of December that was so good it was back in the day that always got us on when I was first starting out

my first sort of regular bit of telly was Juice I've been on Juice 30 odd times you know that that's mental madness but it's brilliant do you remember it was such a good show silliness first starting out my first sort of regular bit of telly was Juice I've been on Juice 30 odd times you know that that's mental madness

but it's brilliant do you remember it was such a good show silliness silliness it's brilliant raucous it was amazing

it's a shame to say it goes to the end of an era I loved him in Bo Selector I've been a huge fan of him for ages it was only recently I stopped getting starstruck when I was talking to him

Bo Selector man I could fucking quote the whole thing it was amazing anyway it is juice to sum up celebrity juice in a beautiful farewell moment i would say it is the only show you will ever do where the next morning i get a text message of holly willoughby saying uh i still feel really

bad about wedging you last night right hope you're okay yeah so that was that that sums it up for me that sums it up for me yeah so it was up for me. It's celebrity juice. Yeah. It was her, and it was either Will Mellor or Joe Swash. I don't know which one it was. She started the wedgie. You'll have to watch it to see. She started the wedgie. And one of those two pricks, possibly both of them,

grabbed me underpants and slid us across the floor like that fucking game in the Winter Olympics where they slide that thing down the ice. It hurt. Did it? But all in the name of comedy. Always. And I haven't been wedgied since the comprehensive school. I've Did it? But all in the name of comedy. Always. And I haven't been wedged since the comprehensive school.

I've never been wedged, I don't think. Well, watch this space. Can't wait. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Don't think I've mentioned this, but you know when we did

that gig the other night, the other week? Destiny's Ma, yeah. Destiny's Ma. And Groove Train. Do you know Steph's husband, Jonathan, I asked him to get us a drink.

Well, he said, do you want a drink from the bar? And I was like, oh yeah. Because I did football in that gig. It was mint. I was just singing with my best mates.

I just did back and it was class, right? Yeah. Perfect. And I was like, do you know what? I'm drinking cosmopolitan and I'll have a cosmopolitan

on stage. Why not? Who the fuck do you think you are? Well, do you know what he handed us? What? A pint of cosmopolitan. Did you see that? He's from Hart? What? A pint of Cosmopolitan. Did you see that?

He's from Harlepool. A pint of Cosmopolitan. It was vile? I was like, this is not how it's supposed to be drunk. And another thing, how much was this? It was about 15 quid.

How much would that have cost? Chris, not a dinner, like a cocktail. How much is a cocktail now? About a tenner. They're expensive like. Holy shit. I was like,

Jonathan, I can't drink a pint of Cosmopolitan. For me, that sums Destiny's Mar up. When Destiny's Mar release their album, Cosmopolitan, it'll be in a pint glass on the front.

It'll be in a pint glass. There'll be a half-smoked cigarette next to it, an open condom wrapper, what do you call it? Some HRT pills. Oh God, we'll all be on the HRT. Yeah man, I would be on that now if I could. Are you kidding it? Some HRT pills. Oh God, we'll all be on the HRT.

Yeah man, I would be on that now if I could. Are you kidding me? Speaking of pills, you know what I'm doing this month, didn't you?

Oh God, are you telling everyone this? I don't know, should I? Yeah. I sometimes think, why do I tell everyone every aspect of my life

and then I think, oh, don't give a shit. So I'm skipping my period for strictly. No blood. No blood. don't give a shit so I'm skipping my period for strictly no blood no blood so got some

got some tablets from the internet had to had to speak to a doctor but I didn't speak to anybody I just filled in

the questionnaire and yeah so I've just got to take them oh it's just tell us now take the second pill I can't snooze that

because I'll forget oh shit it's all going to go tit the second pill i can't snooze that because i'll forget oh shit it's all gonna go tits up isn't it i'm gonna come on during during a step kick um i've never ever done it before but it's a pill that just delays your period and i'm buzzing but i find i might get addicted to it to the point where i'll be like hey i've got a night out in three months time let's get them pills so you take it and it stops it happening

you know you're going to get messages off people saying don't it comes out your nose it'll push back up inside yourself I did think that I was going to say what's the side effects going to be

but I don't care did you google the side effects I am not yeah well no no I didn't fuck it but I am not being on my period

I'm not I was on my period for a straight i'm not i was on my period for sewing bee and i was flustered hot bloated the fuck and sick of my life was that just because he can't sew partly that but also just i just no i don't who like do you know you don't think of that when you're watching the telly though did you panic when you're doing sewing bee because do you know like i know you're gonna wonder where but it's not called wonder where b you actually have to sew stuff because it was hot it was dressed a bit and then i got there and all them were like so what's your sewing experience i was like well i've tried it and they were like yeah well i'll do it quite i was

brilliant but it was it was it was meant it was good fun i'm looking forward to how they edited it together because there was one point where i just stood looking at thread going I don't know a pair of scissors in my hand like it's time for what's your beef what's your beef beef beef beef

what's your beef right dancing right oh god man I can't stop thinking about it are you excited yeah yeah

anyway I have more of an ick with you this week than a beef. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. Would you like to hear it? I just, I don't know if my confidence can take any more knocks, but yes. What do you mean? Oh, it's just constant, isn't it?

What's wrong with you? Every five minutes you tell us stuff I do is like unattractive. That's so unattractive. Oh, sorry. Literally, you've just been calling me trotters. Fox trotters. But that's your name. Are you sh literally you've just been calling me trotters fox trotters but that's your name are you shitting me that's a description wow wow didn't give it but you can't take it i'm fine i'm not bothered come on come on you don't you look bothered listen i do all me crying in the shower so no one can tell yeah same actually so my ick with you this week was

remember remember remember remember when we were having, what were we eating? Oh, great. I can't remember. This is well prepared. Salad. We were having a salad. Right. And we were down to the last bit of salad cream in the tube.

Do you remember? No. Do you remember what you did? I'm not having this being an ick or a beef. I am not having this being an ick or a beef. Guys, everyone listening, right? I have discovered a way that I saw on the internet

on a meme of how to get the last bit of sauce out of a sauce bottle. And you, honestly, one, you're not grateful

for us getting all of the sauce out and two, I feel like it's a very manly, sexy thing that I do and it's impressive. It's not. Do you want me to explain it? Yeah, yeah.

So Chris got the tube and he was like, I'll sort this, I'll sort this. Yeah, because you were banging out on the table like a fucking judge trying to get order in a rowdy courtroom fair enough yeah right uh chris got it and took a stood took a stand back put his little arm out to us and went watch out yeah he got it in his arm and he just started swinging his arm around like i can't even think what it looked like it was just awful one like a one-armed backstroke

yes but fast but really fast really fast you tell them how fast it was it was really it was really fast it was horrible listen centrifugal force right you you fucking stupid stupid person who wasted the time at school smoking cigarettes and chasing after boys who didn't fancy them right you're pathetic right science bitch? In the words of Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad, science, bitch. You step back, guys. Instead of banging your blooming sauce, what is it, your bloody ketchup, or your

salad cream or mayonnaise or whatever, your barbecue sauce, instead of banging it on the counter like a lunatic, hold it in your arm. Put your arm straight down, right arm, or left if you're left-handed, straight down by your side, right? Bottle held in the arm with the the bottom of the bottle

the opening of the bottle the lid of the bottle facing the floor facing the floor legs apart like a boxer balance yourself and then just spin

one arm spin it spin it round as fast as you can from the ceiling to the floor from the window to the wall right till the sweat drops down your balls

right all of next thing you know, honestly, you'll take that lid off. It's like the bottle's full again. There was so much wasted, wasted sauce on the sides of them bottles. Centrifugal force right at the bottom.

Your face when you were doing it. It was just a bit icky, that's all I'm saying. Concentration. It was just a bit icky. Power, speed, concentration. Right, what's your beef with me? What my first beef is, you don't respect the absolute...

Centrifugal force, you've said it enough times don't respect the centrifugal force you've said it the absolute athleticism involved in getting that much salad cream out of a bottle I feel needs to be commended I might get dizzy to edit your beef out because it's just offensive one beef this week just mine

my beef with you honestly I've definitely mentioned it before but I don't think it was on the podcast because I think when Robin was this

at this age we weren't doing the podcast I've mentioned it somewhere I don't think it's been a beef but even if it has I'm going to revisit it I am currently fucking demented

in this house demented in the kitchen specifically demented because we have got floor to ceiling cupboards in the kitchen along demented in the kitchen specifically. Why? Demented. Because we have got floor-to-ceiling cupboards in the kitchen, along the wall in the kitchen, all the cupboards.

I currently am living in a world where I can't put anything above the second shelf up in the cupboard because you're too fucking tiny to get anything out of the top. Okay? The top two, absolutely redundant. Right? Also,

because Rafe's a little bastard and he pulls things out the cupboards now, the bottom two are completely redundant. So they only, there's, every cupboard can only be utilised by a third.

Every single cupboard. So you open one of our cupboards, bottom three dockets, empty. Top three dockets empty top three dockets empty middle two all of the shit all of the shit

alright well bottom two empty top two empty middle two all of the shit for the entire it's madness it's mad

it's like you know when you used to have wallpaper when you were a kid or your mum and dad had wallpaper where there was top wallpaper bottom wallpaper and then the border went across the middle

it's like that we've just got all of the stuff in the kitchen crammed into the middle third of all of the cupboards it is a bit ridiculous

I'm sick of it get a little ladder or something or wear some platform shoes or some little stilts that you wear around the house

I did have a crocket I don't know where it went it's in the back room but we'll have to hide that as well because he climbs on that he's the problem not me

I don't know why I'm getting slagged off you should have given us all that bloody smoking when you were a kid you stunted your growth It's in the back room, but we'll have to hide that as well because he climbs on that. Because he climbs on that. He's the problem, not me. You're the problem. I don't know why I'm getting slagged off. You should have given us all that bloody smoking when you were a kid. Stunted your growth. Smoking at school, thinking you're class. He is, oh God. He keeps grabbing me hand and just taking us to the kitchen. It's unbelievable, isn't he?

Oh, it's horrible. Yeah. But I can't put anything at the top either. And the amount of times... You could. You just put the stuff that we don't use that much at the top no you find it

the other night you went to get something you were on the sofa we had a 15 minute conversation about who should stand up and go to the kitchen and then you went

and then you got there and you were like I can't reach them like pull a fucking chair up or something you lazy fuck and I can't you come and get them

you know you know that after seven o'clock I die every night honestly after seven o'clock you lose

you lose the power of movement. It's absolutely embarrassing. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. If you think I'm doing anything after 7 o'clock, other than sitting on my lazy, lardy, fat arse, watching the telly. These people don't watch telly.

What do you do? That's all I do. I love it, mate. We know. We know. people don't want to tell you. What do you do? That's all I do.

I love it, man. We know. We know. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe-Hirwe, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast

and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Hirwe and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together,

they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets visit TSO.ca This Friday. You must be very careful

Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The first omen. In theaters sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game. And you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for questions from the public. As always, if you want to get in touch, It's time for Questions from the Public Questions from the Public Public Public

Public Pubes As always If you want to get in touch ShaggedMaridinoid At gmail.com Send us anything You fucking want mate

Just go for it We're not bothered We love it Do you want to hear A pube story Yeah we've got no Icks this week Straight into pube stories

I can do an ick If you'd like I mean It's not a pube story You've made it More than it is You just said It was a pube story you've made it more than it is you just said it was a pube story yeah I'm listening

to a true crime podcast at the minute and somebody got caught a true crime pube cast well kind of somebody got caught for the murder because on the gun

there was some of his pubes oh how has he done that I think he's had it down his pants probably got trapped wow imagine that though wow

if you'd have kept your bowels under control, you might have got away with this crime. Trimmed your fucking knackers, mate. If you'd have trimmed your knackers, you wouldn't be in the clink. Wow. Pure bush. Wow.

That's gross, that, isn't it? When you can see your man's pubes, ovaries like pants. Oh, yeah. Disgusting. Yeah. Disgusting. Yeah, that's horrible, that. Anyway, I just thought

you might know, what is the podcast called? Is it strange that, right now, obviously, I mean, I imagine being shot is awful. I imagine it's one of the worst things

that could possibly happen. Yes, obviously. Is it weird that if I got shot, I would be even more upset if I found out there was a pube on the gun that was shot?

Like, I'd be in that. You're the only person in the world who would be upset by that. I'd be in the hospital bed and the detective would come in and be like, good news Mr Ramsey, we've arrested someone, we think we found the perpetrator. How did you find them? That's fantastic. How did you find them? That's amazing. Well, you'll never believe, it's a little bit funny actually,

the weapon he shot you with, he actually had it down his pants in there some of his pubic hair was on the gun oh god where's me morphine nurse nurse get the psychiatric doctor in I need to talk to someone

it just got worse detective do you think there's any chance that there could have been some pube at the end of the gun and the bullet could have carried it to me and there could be some of these pubes inside us? Get us a priest. Yes, ten years later, Chris Ramsey is growing the man inside of his body

from his pube. That's a film. Copyright Shagmire and Enoi 2022. I'm going to make that. Yeah,

I totally like that one. Right, here we go. Morning Ramseys, just listening to episode 195 about Chris now being a

football guy. Football guy. Hate ya. Reminded me of my husband being an even bigger twat about bloody football stickers.

Okay. Well, right, picture this, right? World Cup 2018. Excellent. He was 38 years old decided to collect the panini stickers with our son very very quickly they're called panini

stickers because one of the blokes who owns it his surname's panini great so we'll let him off great it's a big fat loaf of bread and he owns the sticker company so apologies for any disrespect if you listen to this oh my got it yeah great he's listening fuming you never know so he's so he'd have been listening it would be a rollercoaster of emotions

he'd been listening he'd been so happy A because he's a massive fan he now knows I'm into football so he's buzzing and then he gets a name check and then he knows that I'm buying the stickers

I'm advertising the stickers on here and then you start immediately slagging him off and calling him a toasted sandwich he had a horrible day when he's listening to this I'm sorry

sorry Mr Panini so okay he's 38 years old it's World Cup 2018 he's decided to collect the Panini stickers with his son okay

how lovely and nostalgic I thought yeah one morning he was up unusually early about 7am on a dark winter's morning

okay where are you going I ask meeting someone he mumbled. So like, meeting someone? I don't know what a mumble is. Oh, fair enough.

I'm just trying to tell the story. Okay, well do the mumble first time then. Okay then. Meeting someone, he mumbled. Turns out, he had arranged to meet a stranger in a car park to swap panini stickers for the kids. Thankfully, the other guy was a genuine football guy too.

Stickers were exchanged and nobody was killed. In a car park! Where is this car park? Can I go? You know they've met on Facebook. Yeah, definitely, yeah. No idea. Following year, my son started collecting Pokemon cards. Got you.

One day, a box of 1,000 cards turned up at the door, which my husband had spent 150 quid on whilst drunk. Investment. I'm not having that. That is an investment. Although, then again, who were they from? Where did they get 1,000 from? Someone's already been through them.

I don't know. It's not an investment. Probably Mr. Hot Grass Bun. Rosie, some of them sell for millions. Really? Millions and millions.

How? I've told you this, man. I'm sure, I think Logan Paul went to... Oh, he's got one round his neck, hasn't he?

Yeah, when he did his WWE, one round his neck that he paid 1.5 million for. Crazy. Ick. I was talking about that.

I was talking about it, yeah. I'm sorry. Rosie, they're worth millions. Honestly, would I shag Jack Grealish if he had a Pokemon card around his neck?

Tell you what, you could buy one. You could buy one, I guarantee. I love this. I love it when people just put in their head, would I shag that person

who wouldn't look at me, who wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. Excuse me. Excuse me. Jack Grealish is going to be watching Strictly on Christmas Day and when you turn on,

he's going to turn it off. You're horrible just waiting till me and Jack run away but I'm having no more kids oh god anyway sorry Jack if you do listen he doesn't listen do you want a poo story always

the reason why this kind of made us laugh, it is funny, but good afternoon Rosie and Chris. Please, please, please keep me anonymous. Oh, three pleases. My son is 25 and has listened to your podcast since day one. He tells me I must listen to it, but I'm not keen on the toilet

humour, in brackets, shit stories. But I love all the rest. What the hell? I've now been listening for about six months but the hilarious thing about this they come to the tour in London thank you so much

we shall see you there sorry no hang on they don't like the shit stories this is their shit story that they are sending what the fuck they don't

sorry they don't listen because they don't like the toilet humour but they're emailing their toilet story no they've been listening but she doesn't really like the toilet humour but this're emailing her a toilet story. No, they've been listening but she doesn't really like

the toilet humour but this is about her shitting herself. And this is talking about eh, but you're adding to the toilet humour and you're coming to the live show.

What the hell, man? No, what you need to understand is we live in a world where people have had it ingrained in them for so long that talking about shit

and that's awful and it's disgusting and it makes you a lesser person and it makes you stupid and thick and whatever. That's just what people think but actually, it's awful. And it's disgusting. And it makes you a lesser person. And it makes you like stupid and thick and whatever. That's just what people think. But actually, it's the best humour in the world. Yeah, of course it is.

Secretly, everyone still laughs at it. Well, look at my, like me mum. Yeah, I don't like it when you talk, when you talk all rude and when you swear. Yes, you do. Yeah, you all do. So many years ago, when travelling home from work, I decided to stop at the local solarium,

which is the tanning beds. Oh, right. Christ, I didn't know. And have a sunbed. Right. I did not know what that meant. Well, it's hard for us because our local solarium was also the bookies. Remember?

The amusements. It's the amusements. It was at the back of the amusements. You used to go there, didn't you? No, I went the one round the corner that you didn't have to walk through and amusements to go to. Oh, did you? What was that called?

I can't remember. it was next to. Quick Tan. Something like that, yeah. But I stopped it. I immediately stopped when I realised they could kill you. Yes. But people still go. Which is insane.

I don't understand. I used to hammer them, like. Yeah. Yeah, anyway. Probably why I've got age spots. Probably why you're so little. Do they stunt you grow as well, do they? They shrunk you like a little microwave.

Do you remember going on after work though and they'd just be like sweating if you went on the end of the day it was painful like yeah yeah yeah I used to go in the heat there'd be a queue

yeah there's a queue in my defence I only used to go on to sort my acne out because if you've got a bit sun to your skin it sort of calmed them down

a bit flare ups yeah so I'm having it's just having a solarium the sunbed shop is quite swanky you have to you have to have an account with them and pay up front for your sessions what So I'm just having a solarium. The sunbed shop is quite swanky.

You have to have an account with them and pay up front for your sessions. What? That's not swanky. That just means people have been tanning and fucking running away. That's not swanky at all. It's dead swanky. There's all gold chains

chaining the tanning beds down. And all the cups are plastic see-through, not glass, because people were hitting each other with them. swanky, there's all gold chains chaining the tanning beds down. And all the cups are plastic see-through, not glass, because people were hitting each other with them. It's dead posh. Dead posh is a cigarette machine. I used to have a session on the card. I used to go to the one at Lega as well. I was a member

of quite a few, if I'm not mistaken. Brilliant. Spread it out, did you? Yeah. Gotta support your local tanning salon. So it says here, I had 12 sessions booked booked and this was my fourth the tan was coming along nicely very good rosie will know when i say uh these are stand-up tanning boots so you go into the cubicle it's a tiny little space you can barely turn around i do remember it used to stink to undress and then you step in the tanning booth naked awful when you think about it because loads of clumpers have been on the floor horrendous i think covid's actually made we're all a little bit more aware of just how vile everything is you put your hands in the air hold on the

little leather straps and she only goes in for seven minutes got you pussy seven minutes noob i was 12 and me tits off um but not anymore not anymore. She doesn't go in anymore. Okay. About two minutes of tanning, I got a rumbling in me tummy. Oh God. Not a hunger one. The one that tells you you need to find a toilet.

Now. I knew I wouldn't have time to get dressed and get to the bathroom before it came out and I started to panic. There was literally no way to have a poo.

Improvise, I tell myself. Fucking improvise. The only thing I had in my bag was a shallow tupperware tub that i had used for my lunch i came out of the booth and into the tiny cubicle please it was locked and i proceeded to have a dump in the tupperware tub oh my god it was red hot i don't know whether she means the poo or the tannin booth i think she means the tannin booth i just think she's the best thing about this she's an Italian

little cubicle she's got a big tannin cubicle a booth thing open half way so there's this purple light it's almost artistic

she's squatting down on the floor sweating shitting her tup away and there's just purple light cresting across the back of her

but the top of them are open usually they were open weren't they oh yeah it's like office cubicles she's having a dump it was red hot I was shitting like I never shit before But the top of them are open. Usually they were open, weren't they? Oh, yeah. It's like office cubicles. Oh, my God.

She's having a dump. It was red hot. I was shitting like I'd never shit before. And I was sweating. Sweating. Told you she was sweating. Told you she was sweating. The shit just kept coming.

And I knew without looking it was coming over the top of the box. Oh, my God. This is awful. This is someone who hates the poo stories. Honestly. Of course, after the semi-solid poo had finished, then came the watery splatter. Oh, my God. What have you been doing?

I don't know. Eventually, I finished. I was terrified my seven minutes were going to be up and the girl in the office was going to wonder why I hadn't come out. Excuse me, love. Excuse. I finished. Your light's off.

You've got to buy more tokens if you want to have a shit in there, like. You finished? Your lights off? You've got to buy more tokens if you want to have a shit in there, like. I forced the lid on top of the tub. Oh, for God's sake, man. I was coming over the side. Well, if I remember rightly, they did have a load of blue roll.

And was horrified to see the splatter had gone up the walls. What the hell? I used my knickers to clean up as best as I could and then wrapped the tube of poo in my t-shirt. And walked to the car naked? This is horrendous. The place absolutely stank of shit and sweat. I sprayed my perfume around to

try and disguise the smell. I think it just made it worse. That is... I can see it. I can smell it. I feel like I'm there. It's very well written. I got dressed and left the cubicle

hoping that I could just get out and no one would speak to me. Wrong. The girl at the counter asked me if I would like to update my personal details on the system. Did I fuck?

That's great. Can we just have your correct address in case my suspicions are right and you've just took a massive wet shit in that cubicle? Can I just have an address and phone number for you, please? In fact, can you stand in front of this camera and look up at it?

Because I'm 99% sure from what I can see, hear and smell that you have just cackled up the walls in there and I am going to have to phone the police. I can't do it. and all the smell of tannin oil love and that was not tannin oil you have shut up your back in there oh my god i know it's not wearing a t-shirt anymore and all your tupperware is now full they were on her do you think they knew of course I will update your details can we have can we have an address

to send the cleaning bill to please when someone has to go in and fucking fumigate this whole place oh god I bet it's happened loads I bet people have took a dump in the middle of their

tanning booth honestly touch wood here as a man who's very rarely caught short I don't understand how people just keep shitting themselves

left right and centre so yes we've talked on the podcast about how I shat myself in the hotel bed so you do understand I don't understand how people just keep shitting themselves left right and centre so yes we've talked on the podcast about how I shat myself in the hotel bed so you do understand I wasn't well right

I wasn't well I knew I had the runs and sickness if you're not well and you know you've got a bit of dating gun I'm not in the tanning booth not in the tanning booth

playing Russian roulette with me farts Jesus hell's wrong with everyone I just don't really like the poo stories. And it was all up the wall. I don't like the poo stories.

They're disgusting. But as I'm forcing the lid on me shite-filled tupperware and judging you for talking about it, honestly, how dare you? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. My dad at the old age, old age, gosh, of 54 decided to sort... That's not old.

It's not that old. You don't know how old they are. I remember thinking 54 was pretty old at one point. But now we're nearer and 40, I think it's your most fun. Yeah. He decided to sort his teeth out and get braces. Unfortunately, this has given my mum the ick. The idea of adult braces alone is icky enough but he calls it his brace

journey the amount of equipment he has bought for the caring of his braces is ridiculous when i had braces i had an extra brush and that's it not my dad he's got a water floss a normal flosser extra toothbrushes anything you can find in the dentist's office he's got a water flosser, normal flosser, extra toothbrushes, anything you can find in a dentist office, he's got it. He carries his wax around in a little tub with him and the mere sight of it makes my mum want to vomit. He's waxed? He's waxed, it must be for the braces, he must put it on. Oh, wax them. Not only this, but his teeth are still sensitive and he mashes his food up and or cuts it into bite-sized pieces like a toddler.

The run-up to getting braces involved him watching a lot of youtube videos researching the braces why he's also joined facebook pages with other adult brace users like a fucking support group it's been one month so far out of 24 out of 24 if that facebook page isn't called brace book i going to be furious. Very good. I always thought my parents' marriage was strong, but this is really testing my mum's loyalty to him. She's now banned him from talking about his teeth to her.

And to be honest, I think it's for the best. Please keep me anonymous. Although he listens to this podcast, he will definitely know it's about him. Dude, I'm on your side. I can't imagine any other 54-year-old men out there are dragging anybody everyone around on a brace journey

with them my uncle's just got a brace see I wasn't going to mention that because I didn't know if your uncle wanted to mention

that he's got a brace is this from one of my cousins no because they wouldn't have wrote mum oh yeah fair enough

listen I am dude I am fully on board with you do you know what it is he wants his teeth fixed they've annoyed him his whole life he wants his teeth

straightened up. I get it. He's thoroughly researched it. He's immersed himself in it. He's doing it properly. Not like he's going to turn up the dentist in a few weeks or wherever he goes and they're going to go,

oh, you haven't done this properly. You weren't listening. He's absolutely doing it. Tell the letter. It's a few quid to get braces. Yeah, yeah. And do you know what? This woman, she's not supporting him.

He's not allowed to talk about it. I think she should be ashamed of herself. And when he's got these massive, lush, pearly whites, right, she's going to be gutted. Because everyone's going to be giving him the eye. Right? And they're going to go, oh, your teeth are nice. Yeah, but then you'll just start telling them about your brace journey.

I was just about to say, yeah, then he's going to start telling them about his brace journey. And they're going to go, actually, no, I'm fine. I'm busy. I need to go over there for something completely unrelated. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I once went out with a boy and we went to get snacks after our date because he was staying over.

He got stopped by the Tesco Express security guard for nicking a curly whirly. I had to wait for him while he got photographed and banned. Kicked him out before midnight. In Chris's words, lads, we got him. Can you imagine that? that was just a little story by the way

that social right to unpack this that was kind of like an ick but the icks are turning they're not icks anymore no but that is a heck of an ick

they're just like beefs but that is a heck of an ick imagine the ick that is a heck of an ick yeah someone falling over by the way is the biggest ick in the world

someone falling over and even even if they don't hurt themselves someone falling over the sexiest person in the world. Yeah. Someone falling over. And even if they don't hurt themselves, just someone falling over. The sexiest person in the world can fall over and you go, oh God,

I'll stay in that. Yeah. It's amazing. Unless you're with them already. You can't get the ick really. Yeah, I suppose. You've got to allow for that thing. Well, you care about them then.

I mean, just someone who you think you're gorgeous and then they fall over and you go, oh God, that was embarrassing. I totally agree. I am so much fitter than you now

for this split second while you're lying on the floor. But to dissect this. That's amazing. We've gone to Tesco Express for some snacks. Some snacks before she went back. And he stole a Curly Whirly.

Stole a Curly Whirly. I mean, what? That's a long thing to steal. No wonder he got caught. It's not discreet, is it? What are you going to steal? The longest chocolate bar there is. Yeah.

Come on, man. Start with a Freddo. Work your way up. That's like, I've said this before. Yeah. Come on, man. Start with a Freddo, work your way up. That's like, I've said this before, your stand-up, my favourite bit of your stand-up

that you've ever done was when you worked at All Sports and you were talking about the lads who stole snooker cues and they stuck them in the air,

stuck them down the pants of the walk-out going. Like the fucking Tin Man. Nothing to say, yeah. Absolutely fine. My favourite bit of your stand-up. Yeah, it's a very long thing to steal a Curly Whirly.

And he got caught in front of her and she had to wait outside when he got photographed. I would not be waiting for him. Nah, you'd have just gone. If that happened, I'd be like, mate, I'll see you later. Well, duh.

She said they'd kicked him out before midnight so she actually went back with him. Yeah, man. I think... He got all of that Curly Whirly up her... Oh, God. Is that what it was for? I think so got all of that curly whirly up oh god is that what it was for I think so yeah stolen goods

I think when you say girls love a bad boy I think it's from bigger stuff than stealing curly whirly well I think it's from you've got to start somewhere and I think it's from

not getting caught stealing the curly whirly yeah but then again he's banned from Tesco he's outside next time he's outside that Tesco

and an adult's walking past someone else walking past he goes excuse me mate he goes look son I'm not going to go in and buy a whole no he's just going Tesco and an adult's walking past, someone else walking past, he goes, excuse me, mate. He goes, look, son, I'm not going to go in and buy a whole gnolly, just go in and buy

a curly willy I got banned. Oh, you little pathetic man. Monkey. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Dear Rosie and Chris, would you still love your other half if they were a worm?

A worm? Like an actual worm? Yes. And, right. Can you talk? Are you like a cartoon worm? Like. Like an actual worm? Yes. And, right. Can you talk? Are you like a cartoon worm? Like Earthworm Jim. So you're in a suit, but you're a worm.

I'm a worm. Would you still want to be married to me if I was a worm? Right. The size of a worm. Right. So let's get the ground rules down here. Are we talking, right? You've just turned into a garden worm.

Just lying there a worm can you talk let's say yes because if not then are you the I've got my face so the worm

is my face honestly and I can lift my head up I've already stamped on you I've already stamped on you it's freaking us out I don't like it so you wouldn't share your bed

we wouldn't have me in your bed little worm you'd be dead I'd have to flatten you the magpie outside would take you away you're going to murder me

I would just say please come on I'll go look it should turn into a worm and I got a fright and I stamped on her but for the kids what use are you

to our kids as a fucking worm I could sit with them while you go and do stuff play with them how could you play with the kids as a worm with your face who can just lift their head up

what are you playing pass they pass to you when you just sit there I'll nudge it back how big's the ball just a little one you know kids like playing with worms in the garden that could be nice

I could pop up from the mud going beep boop nah but then what if a bird came down and took you I'd have to get

an air rifle or something that's the risk isn't it yeah would you still love your other half if they were a worm no I would consider you dead

fair enough would you love me if I was a worm yes bollocks I would honestly absolute bollocks i love you more where would i sleep i don't don't care come worms claim stairs take ages oh god it'd be horrible it'd be like it'd be seven o'clock in the morning i go oh

what would you do if you woke up tomorrow and you were a worm what would i do if you woke up tomorrow morning you are just in you're a worm you You can move, but you can't do anything. You can't talk, but you're a worm. I'd be devastated. Yeah. What would you do? How would your day start? Well, it probably takes a few days to get used to it.

Right. By which time you'd be dead. Because you wouldn't know how to eat or drink or do anything as a worm. Well, I'd probably have to go to the garden first, wouldn't I? To get used to it. How would you get to the garden? Just put us in a tub away with a bit of mud and some leaves. Put us in front of the garden. Just put us in a tub away with a bit of mud and some leaves. Put us in front of the telly.

Let us get, let us, I'm quite strong-willed, I would get used to it. Put us in a tub away with some leaves. Do you know what I mean though? I would get used to it.

Alright, alright. I would get used to it. It takes a little while but I would get used to it. I'd adapt. I'm an adaptable person. Well, you know what it is. Then I'd start a worm group. You know I'd get right into it. It'd adapt. I'm an adaptable person. Well, you know what it is. Then I'd start a worm group.

You know I'd get right into it. It is nice to plan ahead. So we now have a contingency plan for if you're a wake-up and you're a worm. We're cracking on through life. We're adult stuff prepared. Yeah, very mature of us. For the future.

Hi, Chris and Rosie. I was listening to the podcast the other day and remembered something my friend said some years ago. I have a question and Rosie. I was listening to the podcast the other day and remembered something my friend said some years ago. I have a question for Rosie. Me and two of my friends were feeling a bit down for various reasons, so we decided to wag work the next day and go to the pub for lunch instead.

Get in. Wag, love that. It means staying off for non-northerners. Truancy. My two friends were single at the time and about three hours into the lunch slash sesh, after copious amounts of wine and gin had been enjoyed, we were discussing the merits of the blokes in our social circle.

We talked about one or two of them and I said that I thought Jim, in brackets not his real name, was a lovely bloke, but I'd noticed that his hands were always a bit grubby looking, possibly even sweaty. I said that as much as I liked him, I couldn't be doing with him furtling, furtling? Yorkshire word. I don't know, furtling?

Around in my knickers with those hands. Right. I don't know how to say it. F-U-R-T-L-E-I-N-G. Let's just say rummaging around. Rummaging around in our knickers because he's got grubby hands. That's awful. My friend piped up.

Oh, I could, but I couldn't have a crisp off him. He's got grubby hands. Get them straight in your knickers, but you will not let him hand you some monster munch. Absolutely not. Wow. I wouldn't have a crisp off him if his hands had been in the bag, but you'd let let him hand you some monster munch. Absolutely not. Wow. I wouldn't have a crisp off him if his hands had been in the bag

but you'd let him put his hands down, yeah. Fantastic. Brilliant, isn't it? Absolutely fantastic. Rosie, would you A. Let him B. Have a crisp off him

C. Both or D. Neither? You'd rather have the crisp, wouldn't you? I would probably have a crisp off him I don't

you've got to have clean fingers to be touching down below I've got a really sensitive vagina we've talked about this before I'd be canistered up for months oh I'm married oh that's the second bit oh that's the afterthought sorry mate no finger in a day.

Just give us one of those discos. Thank you very much. Oh, lovely and solely. Bye. Thank you so, so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag My Annoyed, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. It is indeed. Thank you very, very much.

And as always, if you want to get in touch, remember, it's shagmyannoyid at gmail.com. And we'll be back in a year's next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation.

Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.

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