Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 198. Strip Search

Episode Date: December 16, 2022

The Ramey's are getting festive and in particular Chris shares the joys of Christmas Markets. Rosie enjoys part two of the Countries quiz and she also shares some Strictly moments! Beefs are gassy and Chris is still going strong with the protein bars. QFTP's involve some unusual icks, trading cards and a solitary tomato. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Get tickets now. Hello, you're listening to Shagbound Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey,

and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Yes, hello. Hello, whatever you're listening to Shagbound Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Yes, hello. Hello, whatever you're up to. We've took a break from Rosie sitting, ordering Christmas presents, even though it's time to do the podcast, to do the podcast, haven't we? Chris, there's a royal mail strike. Swear to God, sit you in front of a laptop. I'm doing all of my shopping online. Sit you in front of a laptop to do anything, to do the podcast. You can do anything but the podcast.

Right. All right alright fair enough in my defence I don't get a lot of laptop time oh is that it kids man fucking kids you don't get a lot

of laptop time do you not I don't get a lot of laptop time oh no she doesn't get a lot of laptop time anyway

it's nearly Christmas it's nearly Christmas hey is everyone else's toddler ripping fucking stuff off their tree every five seconds because ours is

three glass baubles the little twat smashed. Three glass baubles. Sick of him. Sick of him. He smashes them. Drops them. Picks them up. Picks them up. If they're plastic he picks them up and leaves loose and they bounce and he goes oh these bounces are great. And if they're glass they bounce. Well if they're glass he

drops them. Which ones is he broke? The fucking ones that are in the recycling bin. I didn't know this. Yeah, so he just drops them, smashes them and looks at me as if to go, didn't bounce dickhead.

Well, the dead nice ones because I need to know because they need replaced. Yeah, there were dead nice ones, dead nice glass ones that you put at the bottom

even though they were glass which is a very silly thing to do when you've got a child, two year old child. Didn't think it through, did I? Very silly. But there we go,

so I hope everyone's enjoying that. Cats are apparently a nightmare for Christmas trees as well. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I saw a video online

of somebody who was like, right they hung the um christmas tree from the ceiling yes thinking the cat wouldn't get it and the cat just climbed up and enjoyed fantastic well if anything that's a fucking that's a challenge isn't it it's like look oh put up here for you enjoy merry christmas ninja warrior that's what it was like. Yeah. It's a lot easier than it is Ninja Warrior, isn't it? No, there's not one part of that that looks easy.

Oh, I watch it sometimes and I think, that's Harry. But then going to do it, I would just die. Dan, I'll tell you, Chris Kamara asked me to do the celebrity one once. No way, you've never told me that. I was just like, I love the show. I was like, I really enjoy it.

He was like, oh, come on, come and do the celebrity one. i was like i really enjoy it he was like oh come on come and do the celebrity one i was like absolutely not i was like i like watching it i don't like starting it and hurting myself who would have done that i think they did it i'm sure yeah exactly it's like who the hell to do that like unless it's like you know like celebrity mastermind where the questions are like much easier than the normal mastermind but it would be terrible imagine well imagine it was just imagine it wasn't they're like it's celebrity ninja warriors everyone excited and it's just like

a child's play area in place of that softly yeah it's just like softly and it's just like fucking I don't know me and Will Mellor

out of breath with a stitch speaking of Will Mellor loving Strictly on a Sunday Strictly on a Sunday felt weird that horrible I didn't know what was going on it's Monday now as we record this it's Monday I didn't know what the fuck was happening Speaking of Will Miller Loving Strictly on a Sunday Strictly on a Sunday I felt we had that I woke up that day

I didn't know what was going on It's Monday now As we record this It's Monday I didn't know what the fuck was happening Didn't know what the fuck was happening Are we We're going to give a shout out

To the lads To the lads The footy lads Yes Hardlines England The referee was a twat He's played very well He was unbelievable

They played so much better Than the other team And I'm not a football person At all As you can tell. Neither of us are football people, but you were getting... You think you are now. Well, obviously, I mean,

not only an athlete, you know, Ninja Warrior style, but also a football man, but a football guy. You were getting very angry in the house. Oh, you were screaming at that referee. He was ridiculous. He was absolutely ridiculous. So you're a bit like me with,

you know how I don't like, sometimes I don't want to watch Strictly because I claim I don't like it because I've been on it and I don't like, it's not relaxing for me sitting down and watching Strictly

because I get all the memories of how fucking hard it was. You're like, I don't know, you're not your football, oh God. Fucking come on then! I get,

well I've never lied about getting into it. I used to go to the match. You were showing more than me. I used to go to the match with my dad and my dad sits in the loud corner. So that's how I've been brought up getting into it. You were showing more than me. I used to go to the match with my dad and my dad sits in the loud corner. The loud corner.

That's how I've been brought up. The loud corner. Yeah, it is. At the Stadium of Light, my dad's a massive Sunderland fan. I think it's, is it the North? I might be wrong. Anyway, you always say,

I think he still sits in the loud bit. So I've been brought up in the loud bit. Listen, no offense to any Sunderland fans who go to the match. I'm sure you all think your bit's the loud bit, right? I don't. It doesn't sit there anymore. Do you know where he sits now?

The black cat bar? Posh fucking bastard. No. Old. Old and can't be arsed. Old and can't be arsed. Sits in the bar. Still there though, I guess.

Unbelievable. Listen, speaking of Strictly. Yes. You filmed your Christmas special. Yes. You filmed the Christmas special, Strictly. I went down and watched. Broke both my legs.

It was lovely to be back. Well, no, let's not joke. I'm joking. We filmed the Christmas special straight away. I went down and watched. Broke both my legs. It was lovely to be back. Well, no, let's not joke. I'm joking. We can't give too much away. It will be edited quite well on the telly but they did have to stop Rosie's dance halfway through

because she did soil herself. Soiled herself on the dance floor. Neil slipped in it. Tess and Claudia ran over to try and sort it out. They slipped in it as well. I got up. I ran over. I slipped in it. Everyone slipped in it. Tess and Claudia ran over to try and sort it out. They slipped in it as well. I got up, I ran over, I slipped in it.

Everyone slipped in it. Just human shit and celebrities rolling around. They'll edit it out. They'll misheard me on the night. You'll not even notice. It had to be filmed on a different day. She soiled herself so violently from exercise that

everyone just slipped in a shit but with the magic of telly you'll not know unless you go unless you go on that Strictly Spoiler website and they've got four they know that

about the shit the shit explosion I'm dreading watching it why? because when I went up to Claudia's bit the costume that I had on me tits look massive

massive I could see I could see myself on the screen and all I could see was a pair of fucking tits in my head

and I just thought do you know what it is? That's all I could see. She was talking to me and I just couldn't stop looking at myself in the reflection. Dancing the jive.

Neil Jones and Rosie Ramsey tits. Basically basically what it was. Big up to Neil oh yeah what a lovely guy

yeah honestly all the dancers on there lovely people it was nice to see everyone again was it everyone was so lovely

such a good team it's such a camaraderie camaraderie I did tell Stefania who books the show she books all the celebrities I did tell her

that as soon as I get paid she's getting blocked yeah she keeps trying to get you to do the main show wants to all the celebrities i did tell her that um as soon as i get paid she's getting blocked yeah because um keep trying to get you to do the main show and i honestly everyone was like why don't you do the main show why i was like i'm a lazy bitch you're saying a very small part of me here yeah and i'm already knackered i am a lazy lazy lazy bitch it's because you're not an athlete i'm obviously an athlete. Top flight athlete. Managed to do the full thing.

13 weeks. You are great. You are literally great. I thought I was going to die. You did one week. Soiled yourself. Made a fool of yourself. In fact, I'm not asking for your back.

I'm not going to get the stains out of that floor. Listen, it is episode 198. I didn't say that. You did. Are you soiling yourself with excitement for Christmas? Because we are. Is everyone excited? We're excited. It's time for this week's... I for this i'm kind of excited you didn't answer straight away

oh yeah yay so excited well it's episode 198 and it's time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor this week's sponsor is christmas markets oh hey let's go to the christmas market yeah that'll be nice yeah is it Course, it's fucking rammed. How much are the drinks? Fortunes! Absolute fortunes. And it's freezing out here, but the drinks are somehow warm. How is that possible?

The beer is warm, but not as warm as your face, which is fucking melting from this heater that everyone's fighting to get under. What's that on the floor? A puddle of mulled wine vomit. Feliz Navidad! Is that what we can smell? No, that's not the smell.

The smell you can smell is burnt sausages. Burnt, massive sausages that no one eats any other time of the year apart from now. You getting yours in a bun? Doesn't matter, mate. They don't fit the fucking bun, do they? Of course they don't all these years and they haven't even managed to make a bun that fits the fuckers in it. Right, we're all done you got your novelty soap from that stall excellent got your kilogram of gingerbread that

you'll never eat i have indeed got your decorations that are too late to put up now yes i have got ketchup all over your back of people walking past yes i have right we all done we are well that was that time to go home now we've got 12 months to forget how shit that was and we'll come back next year. Right. Let's unpack this. When did you go to a Christmas market? Have you been recently? No, but I'm just saying.

Did you walk past one? I walked past one the other day and I went, look at all you fucking knobs getting excited for this shit. Oh, I love a Christmas market. You don't, man. Have you not heard the sponsor?

You're such a prick. Why do you hate everything? I don't. You do? You actually do. I hate organized stuff like that the organized fun come on everyone yeah come on let's go yeah the thing i hate about organized fun right because i don't i love a bit of organized fun the thing i hate is that everybody

goes at the same time and that's what makes it sad it's not the actual thing it's the other people yeah yeah yeah i was in this morning there was what was there was an advert for lapland this morning and it was one family on a reindeer drone cart going to see santa on their yeah yeah i was saying this morning there was what was there was an advert for lapland this morning and it was one family on a re-india drone card going to see santa on their own and i was like yeah cool sticking our 6 000 people on this advert and that's close out of what it's gonna be like ridiculous i don't know how i feel about going to the actual lapland well you just said it was too cold this morning you can't wear mascara literally breaks yeah so there we go so uh our children will never go to Lapland because Rosie can't

put her fucking mascara no I mean I don't care about wearing mascara I just don't know if it would be good I think I imagine it would be amazing

I think about three hours of it it would be unbelievable you know when you meet Santa and that them three hours would be class the rest of it

hmm just a bit cold is that me I mean we need to try it we need to try it oh We need to try it. Oh, I was desperate to go as a kid. It didn't happen, obviously.

No. I actually think my mum one time told us it wasn't real. Wow. Wow. Imagine that. Oh, look, it's all lies, man. You're not going. But where's the well-off family in my class going?

Oh, they're not going there. I think they must be going to the lakes or something. But no, man, oh, they're going to that, they're going to see Santa. No, that doesn't exist. Santa's real, but that doesn't,

that place's not real. Listen, big shout out to Christmas Market, by the way. You know, I actually do think they're good. No, don't take it back now. You're a pillock.

I don't know what you say. You don't like stuff like that, that's fine, but other people do, so they're not going anywhere. They're not going to go under because you've said you don't like them. No, don't take it back now. You're a pillock. I don't know what you're saying. You don't like stuff like that? That's fine. But other people do, so they're not going anywhere. They're not going to go under because you've said you don't like them. No, they will.

All the Christmas markets will disappear because of the clout, the clout that I have on this podcast. I love a Christmas market, me. But I think you're right in the fact that they haven't really got any more adventurous. Yeah. About 10, 15 years ago,

they went, oh, this is quite like a German thing. German market. German market. And that's where the sausages came from. And then they've never really gone any further than that. Did I mention, have I mentioned on the podcast about the guy who had a sausage at a Christmas market and farted for five years?

It does ring a bell. You might have just told me that. Yeah. So there you go. Look it up, everyone. Man at a Christmas market sausage. Just watch what you're doing. I don't think we've got hygiene rating.

Farted for five. You had some kind of really bad gastro farted, like putrid farts for five years. You got a few hundred grand off them, I think. Gee, you got any claim, did you? Yeah, you got money off them. Yeah, yeah. Or he's claiming or something.

Do they have food hygiene ratings, Christmas markets? That's interesting. Oh, there's a restaurant. Quite a well-known restaurant. Got a flipping one. A one. Devastating, isn't it? It was.

Not be going back there. Not be all the egg people flicked off the ceiling. Oh, divined. Work that out if you can. Divined. Code, code. Play the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle.

We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle jingle so this is the jingle jingle we hope you like the jingle jingle babadoo babadoo

babadoo jingle good day morrows and morries welcome back to this week's podcast that's that morrows and morries

tomorrow and good morrow good morries. Tomorrow and... Good morrows, like today. Right, I've done it. You said good day, todays, and then you made a word up. I wanted to do the male and female equivalent. Of morrows and morries. Yes, and then I shouldn't forget about non-binary. But you've got morrows, it doesn't matter, you can't offend anyone because it was the wrong words.

Chee. Right. Oh, I don't know. Fucking hell. Anyway. Humans. Hello, humans. Something happened this week this week right i was in a tax so as we're recording this podcast it is what's the day monday is it tuesday monday see this is what happens when you put strictly on on sunday

oh god i'm all over the place right it's monday yeah monday the 12th of december yeah um it's snowing outside yes it's been snowing over the weekend. Everywhere in the UK, I think mostly everywhere has got a bit of snow. Am I right? Sort of. And there's blokes doing work in our garden who arrived this morning. Oh, I can't believe they came.

Well, they arrived looking devastated. And I went, lads, I'm so sorry. It's like an inch of snow outside. I went, I'm so sorry you're here. And then we're just like looking around going, wasn't snowing when we... It's not snowing where we live. I was like, that makes us feel much worse.

When they came, I was like, why are you here? It's there. Anyway. Landscaping work. Oh, God, I love them. I'm going to go and do them a coffee in a bit, again. I was in a taxi over the weekend, and I said the taxi driver,

he was an arrogant pig, as you can imagine. Okay. I said to the taxi driver, it's going to snow next week. And he went, no, no, it's not. You haven't told me this. Yeah, no, I've saved it for now. No, honestly, you know when men are just, sorry men, not all men.

I love, you know, there's lovely men who would never dream of doing this. But some men, right? Mansplainers, yes, we've talked about them before. So I was like, yeah, it's forecast to snow. It's going to be freezing. He went, no, it's not. I went, no, I think it is. He was like, yeah, it's forecast to snow. It's going to be freezing. He went, no, it's not. I went, no, I think it is. He was like, no, nah.

When that first snow drop came from that sky, I thought, fuck you. See? You arrogant twat. You are a bigger person than me because I, what company was it? Because I would have phoned the company and I would have said. It wasn't a company.

It was just, I just got in it. I would have said, can you, I would have found out. I would have literally, I'm so petty. I would have phoned the company and I would have said it wasn't a company it was just I just got in it I would have said can you I would have found out I would have literally I'm so petty I would have found the company out I would have said it was a taxi from this time

they said I'd left something or whatever and they found out who it was and I would have said actually can you just tell him I told him it was going to snow and he said it wasn't snowing and it's snowing

and it's snowing and there'd be a couple of moments of silence on the line while the lady or man went okay we'll pass that on no pass it no pass it on and I'd walk around pass it on thinking I was fucking great for the day.

Like, not even a, is it? Really? Just, no, it's not. That's great, that one. No. You know, I was sat in the back. If it had been you, I'd have been like, you fucking what? You what?

Eh? No, it's good. I was absolutely fuming. Yeah, I'd have got a fucking mouthful off you for that. That's great. Anyway, so fucking. Again, though, again, you know what? Is got a fucking mouthful off you for that that's great anyway so so fucking again though

again you know what is there a chance he was winding you up is there a chance that he passes his time by just shitting shitting with people

in the back maybe possibly I'd love that I'd love if I was a tax driver I'd like it for him just like yeah oh it's gonna snow next week

no it's not it was just so passive aggressive just knowing how much I'd have riled you up yeah anyway riled

riled just thought it was quite funny so as soon as it started snowing I was like, Hugh, Hugh Tosser. He's probably, Rosie, he's probably driving the streets of Newcastle now

looking for you frantically. Tears rolling down his face and freezing trying to apologise. I doubt it. I doubt it. But I hope he's knocked the front of his car.

Not hurt himself. You hope he's had a little fender bender in the snow. Maybe just a little one. Oh, you petty little. I didn't even think it was going to snow. I fucking told you it was going to snow.

You just need to be listening. I threw my snow tires in the bin. I literally threw them in the bin last week. Anyway, that's nasty. But I've been on the never-ending period, so... Oh, we know. Stop taking me pills. Oh, yeah, I've been living.

Yeah, yeah, I've been living. Yeah, you stop taking your... So your period pills that were supposed to stop your period should stop doing them. But I did say people are going to give you shit for this. There's probably a reason. And I found loads of articles that said

you probably shouldn't take these period pills. Really? Yeah, yeah. Did you? Yeah, but I just let you anyway. Oh, fair enough. It's just an experiment I'm doing. Anything to get out of a snip.

Still hasn't had it, by the way, but that's another thing. Busy. And basically, yeah, they were just horrible side effects. They had a horrible time. No, it that's another thing. Busy. And basically, yeah, you, they were just that horrible side effects. No, it wasn't that bad. We,

I just had a rehearsal with Neil for Strictly and I was really tired and I was like, I should be able to, it's a minute and a half of dancing. Like,

and then I Googled it and they make you tired, like fatigue and I thought, that's probably not the best time to take these. So I stopped taking them and I came on

of the day of the dance. The day of Strictly came on. The day of Strictly came on and I've only just stopped. It's been the never ending. Me body was like, yeah, yeah, you want to stop us, eh? Mother Nature,

you want to stop this blood flow? Then we are going to fuck you up. Thank you for tuning in for Rosie's monthly period update. Tune in next month for more period chat. I will never stop talking about periods. That's good. So if you don't like periods, I wouldn't bother listening to this.

Oh, just skip this bit. Oh, skip. Yeah, we value your listening. Ignore her. Ignore her. Ignore. Ignore. That's sad that you say it.

Ignore. I just noticed that. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. It's ignore. You went ignore. Ignore her.

It's ignore. Ignore. Did egg no ignore her it's ignore ignore did i say egg no you said i've got a little bit of a cold oh oh no i feel like that's what you see all the time i've only just noticed felice navidad egg no what's your favorite christmas song felice navidad is it by a mile what's yours it's either you're here like i said you would be okay or um mariah or the one off Home Alone. No, no, what's the one when they're running for the... No, it's like... It hasn't got a...

Run, run, Rudolph. Run, run, Rudolph. Is that what it's called? Yeah, I believe it or not. Probably. I don't know. Sometimes I'm coming to town. Okay.

That's one. Just for nostalgic purposes. Oh, happy days. Never hear of them. Christmas film? Favorite Christmas film? The Christmas Story. Ah.

Not a fan. Not a fan. You've not even seen it all the way through. I believe you had to watch it when you were younger. It's that thing, you can't watch someone else's nostalgia fresh later on in life and go, yeah, this is mint,

because it just doesn't work. Yeah. You just go, why is this fucking cack? Miles Teller liked it. Miles Teller did like like it but he watched it when he was a kid that's on the one show we're talking about and he said he'd like because but you know what i mean though it's the same as you try to make what robin watched bugsy malone the other day and i was like you're wasting your time you like this for like half an hour and then and then and then it's shit

because it is shit it is but you're a kid and you watched it and your standards were lower. Do you know what I mean? A lot lower. Stick Thundercats on now, I'd fucking hate it. I know, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I put K-Bez on for Robin when he was younger.

And I kind of was like, did I like this shit? It's literally like sitting him down. It's like sitting your kid down now and going, hey, guess what we've got today? We're going to do a special thing. On the telly, you've only got four channels. Can't pause, can't rewind anything,

and you don't know what's going to be on. Go. He's going to go, what the fuck's happening here? Well, the CBeebies Panto is coming on soon. Love the CBeebies Panto. So that's always a hit in our house. Yeah. So yeah, I'm looking forward to that.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Okay, so a little surprise for this week. Yes. Last week, we got you all tied up in knots, asking what the names of nationalities were, whether they were from different countries. Oh, yes. I've done a, we got you all tied up in knots asking what the names of nationalities were, whether they were from different countries.

Oh, yes. I've done a little quiz for you. Of that? Yes. Oh, right, okay. I've found 15 countries that I'm going to ask you, if you live in that country,

what are you called? So, for example, if it was Wales, you would be? Welsh. If it was England, you would be? English.

If it was Spain, you would be? Spanish. They were was England you would be? English. If it was Spain you would be? Spanish. They were gold. So three out of three. Yep but they're not the three. They're the easy ones. They're the three easy ones. Are you ready for the main ones? They're just places I've been. Yeah yeah that's just yeah. Have I ever been to Wales? Oh well this is exciting isn't it? Shit have I? Chris? Have I ever been to Wales? I don't think I've. Have I ever been to Wales? Is taunting in Wales? I don't think I've have I ever been to Wales? Is taunting in Wales? I don't think so I don't think I've ever been to Wales you know

never been to Wales this is tragic this is a TV show already no I've been to Cardiff yes that is in Wales I have been to Cardiff that's very much in Wales I have

thank God for that God I got really upset there thinking I hadn't been to Wales Rosie I had my bags packed I was about to leave you there if you'd never been to Wales just so you know right many things i'd put up with in this relationship but one you not not visiting the beautiful country of wales where's bristol mate it's not in wales

close stop southwest stop offending everyone from wales sorry we're coming to southwest for the tour next year we didn't get there last year. We're not doing Bristol, though. We couldn't get Bristol done. Where are we going? Well, we're going Bournemouth. Is that close? Which is quite south. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. We've branched it out a bit. Yeah. We couldn't get Bristol. We are actually going to Wales as well. Whereabouts? We're doing Cardiff.

Shit, we are. Are we doing two in one night? I think we're doing two nights in Cardiff. Right, yes. Well, brilliant. Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry. That was...

They send emails and I scan over them. That was fucking painful. I'm sorry. I've now got to go on the web... I've now got to go on our website to make sure because you've really freaked me out so much there. Your stupidity is catching. Do you know that?

Honestly. It's not stupidity, I don't think. I've just got a lot going on. Whole, whole. Bournemouth, Bournemouth, Cardiff, Cardiff, London, Leeds, Glasgow, Manchester, Nottingham, Sheffield, Birmingham, Liverpool, Newcastle, Newcastle. God fucking damn you.

Well, that's all I meant, though. All I meant was that we didn't get to do those places last year because nowhere was available. Yeah, like Wales and Bournemouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was just after COVID and we didn't get to do them and everyone... We still couldn't get Bristol, apologies, but yeah. Come to Wales or come to Bournemouth. See you there.

There we go. Right, anyway. Right, sorry. Okay, right. Where's the places? Okay. Yes, I'm ready. So, 15 of them. You ready? Yes. See you there. Right, anyway. Sorry, okay, right. Where's the places? Okay, so 15 of them. You ready? Yes.

Okay, just a bit of fun. Just a bit of fun. Please don't be offended. It's just a bit of fun. Yeah, don't be offended if you're from any of these places. Yeah, probably. I picked some quite tasty ones. Right, you ready?

Yeah. Okay, number one. Okay. What are you called if you are from Burma? Where's Burma? That's not the quiz. If you're from Burma, what Burma? That's not the quiz If you're from Burma What are you called?

Burmy Really close Burmore Bims No Bims? Where's Burma? Burmese

Where is Burma? Burmese. Oh, Burmese. Where is Burma? Easy but tricky. Next one. Can you tell me where Burma is? It's not part of the quiz. No, but I just would like to know. Fuck me, Google.

Oh, you don't even know where it is yourself? I think I know where it is, but I don't want to... Well, how the hell did you find this quiz? Because I do. Oh, it's in Asia. Burma. Right, okay. Right.

God almighty. Belgium. Oh. quiz because i do it's in asia burma right okay right god almighty belgium oh if you are from belgium what are you so you're from belgium but you're belgian correct i-a-n correct yep okay next one's a country in africa if you are from chad oh yeah we've got a friend called chad we've got a friend called Chad we've got a friend called Chad Richard so to Chad who owns Goldman's right

who owns the chip shop if you are from Chad what are you this is a good one I didn't know this one I like this one Chief Chief

Chief no you're not Chief right I don't know Chief what a guess why would you guess that?

Because they're always just sort of similar to it. Chadian. Chadian. Chadian. I've heard of that before. Of course you have. Chadian. I have.

If you're from Cambodia, what are you? Cambodian. Very good. Excellent stuff. Thank God for that, yes. If you're from Chile. Chilean. Very good.

Chilean, yeah. The miners. Cuba. Oh, yeah, that was easy. Cuba. Cuban. Very good. How about you, man? Costa Rica. Costa Rican. Very good. Very confident. You enjoying this? I am, yeah, yeah.

Denmark. Denmark. This is the one. On a little fucking roll there, weren't you, mate? Right, okay, so there's a little square footage of a place. on a little fucking roll there weren't you mate right okay so there's a little there's a little like there's a square footage of like a place

right in the Netherlands wrong country what the fuck like Holland Denmark and all that right Holland is the Netherlands this is what I got

this is what I got wrong Holland is the Netherlands and that is Dutch I think okay so you don't even know what was the question where are they from Denmark Denmark it know? I know what this one is. What was the question?

Where are they from? Denmark. Denmark. It's hard. It's hard, this one. Deutsch? What are you called if you're from Denmark? There's people screaming it now.

Screaming it. In parks. In the room with their dogs. I'm so sorry. I should know this. I don't know. It's a hard one. Dane. Dane. Right, okay. You're a Dane. I should know this. It's a hard one. Dane. Dane.

Right, okay. You're a Dane. Right. Fiji. Fijian? I'll give you that. Fijian. Fijian.

Iceland. Icelandic? Oh, Iceland. Icelandic. I reckon Icelandic. I reckon you can have that. Icelandic, I reckon so. Hungary.

Hungarian. Very good. Thank God. Jordan. Jordanian. I reckon Icelandic I reckon you can have that Icelandic I reckon so Hungary Hungarian Very good Thank god Jordan Jordanian Very close Jordanian I'll give you that

Kazakhstan If you could see her face If you could see her face Is that where Bora was from? Yes The fictional character Bora Kazakhstan? Kazakhstan? Is that what Iborra was from? Yes. The fictional character Iborra. Kazakhstan?

Kazakhstan? Kazakh. You're a Kazakh. Right. Nepal. If you're from Nepal. Napoleon. No. Fucking hell.

If you're from Nepal. Nepalese? Yeah. Is that right? fucking hell if you're from Nepal um Napoli's yeah is that right I did not expect when you went in when you barreled in head first with

Napoleon right final one yes Peru Peruvian Peruvian I'll give you that

oh yes very very well thank you very very well absolutely sweating no because we've heard of all of these places and I know

all of the places it's just sometimes a bit confusing favourite part of my week so far was when you were on that roll and I dropped

Denmark on you I wish your face I wish people could see your face I really need to brush up on that area do you know

what I mean Switzerland Amsterdam Holland all of them. Are they near each other? Amsterdam's in Holland. Are they all close? Yes. Proximity? Yes. Right.

So that's what upsets us. You get stuff wrong so much it actually freaks us out. But that's what upsets us because I don't know what anyone's called from there. Amsterdam's the capital of the Netherlands. Yes. But what are they all called from there? Or is it a bit like, you go right, you're British,

but you're Mancunian, or you're Geordie, or you're a Scouser. No, that's a different country, what you're talking about. So you get, you get, you're saying you get mixed up with Switzerland, Sweden, Netherlands, Denmark,

all of them lot. All of them. Right, okay. But they're all separate countries. So Switzerland, you're Swiss, Sweden, you're Swedish, Denmark is Dane, as we've said. And the Netherlands is Holland, annoyingly.

That's always annoyed us, that Netherlands is Holland and that Amsterdam is in the Netherlands. So there you go. That's the question that I didn't know they were separate countries. What? All of them. You didn't know all them four were separate countries? You thought they were all the same country?

Honestly, no. So that's, there you go. I know now. Thank you. There we go. Look at that. How ridiculous. Yeah. I did not pay attention at school. No, no. So that's, there you go. I know now. Thank you. There we go. Look at that. How ridiculous. Yeah, yeah.

I did not pay attention at school. No, no. At all. No, no, of course you didn't. I got an A for history. And I chose that as a subject. How bad is that? How did I get an A?

What did you get in geography? I didn't take geography. Ah, okay. That makes sense. That makes sense. There we go. As is what I got for drama. Um, I don't think I will.

No, go on. No, I'm not. No, I want to tell you. No, I'm not a bother. I don't think I will go on no go on no I no I won't tell you no I'm not a bother I don't think we're no I'm not a bother I got an A I got an A

apparently I'd have got an A star but my course work was shit of course it was so my actual my work my acting was great but my course work was dire

wow anyway what if what if I've always thought this right what if you asked you got asked for your coursework for drama for your drama class and everyone's handing their coursework in and you like came in like crying your eyes out and you were like you had like an urn and you were like this is me me nana's ashes i couldn't do the coursework

because this me nana died and you put it down and you like started crying your eyes out like comforting you like fake like a panic attack and stuff and then you stood down and you like started crying your eyes were like they had to like comfort you and you like fake like a panic attack and stuff and then you stood up and went unseen and then would you still have to not hand your

coursework in no because we're living in a stupid society where written work is still like stupidly important I think that would be they'd go B plus

yeah B plus not even as much as Rosie they'd go B plus and your nana's on the phone really upset yeah your nana's on the phone, really upset. Yeah, your nana's absolutely furious that you've used her. Go put that urn back, wherever you got that from.

What's that, soil? Terrible. I used to say that about my grandad, you know. What? It's just, I think death, you know, it depends how you deal with it as a family. Because, don't get me wrong, when people, it's horrible

when my grandad passed away it's awful and we miss him so much but we talk about him all the time but I remember when like years ago because he's how long has he been passed away now

I can't remember about 15 years or so and then I remember when I was going to go do X Factor and my nan was like to say about your grandad I was like

what do you mean she was like he wouldn't mind he was like is it a sob story? She was like, he wouldn't mind. He was like, is it a sob story? You were going to do X Factor? I've done X Factor. Have we told everyone this?

What do you mean? Oh, you did it with the Scarlet Street, didn't you? With the band? No, that was Britain's Got Talent. Oh, wow. And you've done X Factor? Actually, it wasn't that hugely long ago. I think we were together.

No. Yeah, I didn't mention that we were a couple. I wouldn't have okayed this no i swear to god i didn't mention it really yeah i didn't get far at all no no wow couldn't see me talent no no was it your coursework that let you down i think so or did they have it in wales and you just wouldn't go no because then i then i kicked myself i've never been there i kicked myself because i was like we were were we married no we weren't married i don't think and i was like i'm not mentioning chris it's like now i'm not gonna mention chris not and i didn't get through i was like fuck wish yeah you already you already get told that you're on your coattails anyway you can't be getting through the fucking x factor imagine would be nice though. I know.

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when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com it's time for what's your beef what's your beef beef beef beef beef how are they first go on right okay my beef with you is, last night, you were doing the most disgusting burps

I've ever heard in my entire life. Wow. They were coming from the pits of, I don't know where. Right. Horrible, right? I actually had to move away from you. It was that bad.

Do you remember what you said? What? What you said. This is us, married couple. Well, first of all, I felt really full, even though I hadn't anything to eat. I felt I had a lot of wind,

so I was just getting me burps up, because obviously my biggest talent is that I can burp on command. But your burps are horrible. Yeah. They're like... I was once in a hospital, right? What had happened to us, I can't remember. And I was sat opposite an alcoholic,

and his burps were like what yours were last night. Basically, right, what mine are is i bring i bring air in right i bring air in and then i blow a load of air out as a burp right the best way i'm describing it as it's like rinsing a jar out so if i feel like i've got like some wind inside and i'm like this isn't coming out but a trap wind i bring in more wind and then burp out and it sometimes carries that trapped wind out. I've just had out-of-body experience, really, as I'm actually describing this to people. It's so bad.

But it's like rinsing a jar out. So it's trying to get rid of the trapped wind. Anyway, I can't remember what I said. No, what was it? After you'd done it all and I said, Chris, this is really disgusting. I'm trying to watch Strictly. You're ruining me night.

You went, I'm just clearing myself out. Yeah, that's it. See? that's exactly what I mean horrible it was horrible I was just clearing myself out

I feel like I need to go back and apologise for saying opposite an alcoholic I don't know if he was an alcoholic right when I was in

hospital I was sat across from that bloke who just kept burping and going I'm so sorry so he was in for a drink I'm sorry he was pissed I was sat across from that bloke who just kept burping and going, I'm so sorry. Well, no, so he was in for a drink. I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah. I'll be the opposite guy who was in for a drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same thing. Just constantly saying sorry. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was in there. Was it you who was in and I was there?

No, no, this was before I got with you. This was when I was at college. When I was at college, I went and did some intense interval training for boxing on the night after a heavy session. I got a headache and I thought I'd burst a blood vessel in my brain, but it was just interval training for boxing on the night after a heavy session I got a headache and I thought I'd burst a blood vessel in my brain

but it was just a hangover but the headache lasted a few days and I ended up in the hospital I had a lumbar puncture and everything where they put a needle

and they take your spinal fluid out and stuff it just fucking hurt like shit but yeah again across from us there was a guy

and all night he just kept saying I'm so ashamed I'm so sorry all night and I had to go it's fine you're alright

just fucking shut up I don't think it was me who was in hospital I think it was when my dad went kept saying, I'm so ashamed, I'm so sorry, all night. And I had to go, it's fine. You're all right. Fucking shut up. I don't think it was me who was in hospital. I think it was when my dad went. Right, so you borrowed someone else's story. No, I was definitely there. I remember hearing it. My beef with you.

Oh, gosh, I haven't done yours. So yesterday, you were... Yesterday. So we do this thing, right? Wait, stop that. All my troubles seem so far away. Stop. So we do this thing, right? Wait, stop that. All my troubles seem so far away. Stop that. We do this thing as parents. Any parents listening who've got young kids,

you will understand this. You get angry at the kids, but you can't shout and scream at the kids. So let's be honest here. Mainly the lady will turn and snap at the man for something that wasn't really worth getting snapped at for, but the child is pissing them off

and they don't want to snap at the child because heaven forbid they'll snap at the child, so the husband will just get the brunt of it. I'm generalising, yes. What about same-sex couples? All right, the fucking Rosie. You know who these are? If you're in a same-sex couple,

the Rosie of your fucking group, right? The Rosie of your relationship, right, will snap, is what I'm saying. Right, I think that, I genuinely think that'll actually make quite a lot of sense to people. Fair enough, yeah. You know our personalities, right?

Now, you were trying to do some washing up, right? Which are very rare. And you, I'm joking, and you were, you shouted at us, really shouted at us out of nowhere, proper snap

for having the bottles too tight the lids too tight on the water bottles so i drink have a water bottle i've done it as a beef before so i drink on the water bottle the kids drink a water bottle right so you turn around and you went you keep doing this these water bottle lids are far too tight i can't get them off and i said rosie you have to put them on tight because they leak otherwise. And that's true. And you looked at us. You realized you had no leg to stand under the augment. Do you remember what you said?

I don't. You just said, you really know how to put me in a bad mood. You do. You do. Arsehole. They don't need to be on that tight. It's physically impossible to open them. Then Peloton bottles leak.

If not, then podium bottles, they leak. So all that happens is there's about five bottles. You put the Benz, bloody, you put the Benz bottle on really tight? Because it leaks. You see how much he throws his fucking bottle about like an arsehole when he's got that bottle. Oh, I hate it. I hate it. Right, well.

It really upsets us. Well, do you want water over the floor or do you just want... Do you know what you should do? Do you know what you should do? Eh? Get some fucking, get some backbone in you. Get a couple of protein bars down you. Lift a couple of weights and you bill open them.

You bill open them bottles. Swear to God. They're still there. How many did you buy? You eat about three a day. I've got a subscription. What? Spend and save? You've got to spend and save. I've got an Amazon subscription.

Is that what they're called? What? Spend and save? You've got to spend and save. I've got an Amazon subscription. Is that what they're called? Oh, God. Please stop. Nah. Are they not full of sugar?

Probably, but I like them better. Everyone's right. There will be people out there going, you shouldn't have them. I eat them rather than a Twix or something. So I'm getting... Gains. Gains.

Getting gains. And, you know, honestly, I would have. You know when you're in a pub and you know honestly I would have you know when you're in a pub and you finish your Sunday dinner and I like stick you off your pudding or cheesecake I'd be literally like I'd literally have a protein bar

the day you ask for a protein bar is the day I divorce you I'll take one with us so the day you take a protein bar with you and open it after Sunday lunch in a pub is the day I will pack the kids up

50-50 50-50 no no no no you've said it now you've said it now a pub is the date I will pack the kids up. 50-50. 50-50. No, no, no. No, you've said it now. No, you've said it now. You're dating the kids. I'll leave. You've said it.

You've said it. You're dating the kids. And you're leaving? Yeah, so I get the house and you leave with the kids. This is fucking great. Right, Sunday dinner. We'll book a lunch on Sunday.

Where's me protein bars? 50-50. No, no, no. You said it now. You said it now. You're dating the kids. No, 80-20 to you

it's time for questions from the public questions from the public public some may call it the backbone of the podcast thank you so much guys everyone who sends stuff in it is shagmardinoid at gmail.com if you want to send anything please continue to do so because as we say

every time and I can't downplay this at all we.com if you want to send anything please continue to do so because as we say every time and I can't downplay this at all we love it thank you thank you I've got more trading card stories oh fantastic

love it so many right hello Rosie and Chris hope you and your family are doing well thank you very much currently listening

to episode 196 and I've just heard the story of the husband meeting a stranger in a car park to trade panini cards and it reminded me of a story about my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years

and he is the biggest geek I know. I love him. Which is why I love him. That's why she loves him. See? Geeks get girls. Our friends have never understood our relationship because we have such different interests

but one thing we've always done together is played Pokemon Go. Oh! You know Pokemon Go? On the phones, yeah, yeah, yeah. People still play that? I think so. I used to love it.

I got strangely addicted to it. You did, yeah. I had to stop playing it. Oh God, that was ick. Yeah? Ick. Is there anything I do? The man I just married

who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with plays Pokemon Go around the streets of South Shields. There's fucking shit on the streets of south shields it's fucking shit on the streets of south shields get yourself around london there was loads of stuff but when i when i was playing it was hardly anyone playing it so there was hardly any that was horrible i did

walk the india i walked the end of your uncle street once to have a battle with the guy at the curry house that was good sorry what yeah and your uncle we went round i'm not totally this we weren't around there was a gym you haven't told me so there was a gym at the end of the street not a real life gym it was the curry house but it was the guy the pokemon made up gym it was the pokemon gym

awful and I walked down the street and had a battle with him and what so the guy who works at the curry house was also playing young lad standing outside on his phone

so what did you do a little battle what does the battle consist of we just put on the phone and we just made a little made a little

pokemon pokemon's battle and then we walked back it was fucking ages ago I can barely remember

but yeah this is did we have Robin yeah yeah oh god but he was pram age

he was taken out for a nap age it was when it first came out but I remember walking up on my

phone and I basically must have looked like I was like looking for directions and I looked around and the guy was like look and he was

on his phone and I looked at him and he looked at me and I was like are you on Pokemon and he was like

yeah yeah it's me so that's honestly was like, look, and he was on his phone and I looked at him and he looked at me and I was like, are you on Pokemon? And he was like, yeah, yeah, it's me. So, we had a little battle. honestly, dry. Born dry.

Nice guy. We'll keep in touch. Lush, lush cock. Sounds like it. Sounds like it. So, right, great. The app came out the month we met.

So all of our first dates consisted of playing the game. Wow. You're like the same thing. I'm with the wrong person. Oh, sorry, I said that out loud. Go give him a ring. Over the years, he started collecting, trading, and selling Pokemon cards.

Sorry, her, I meant. Why am I giving the guy a ring in this scenario? I meant the guy from the curry shop. Oh, right,, her I meant. Why am I giving the guy a ring in this scenario? I meant the guy from the curry shop. Oh right, sorry, I meant this woman. Are you going to get

with these people who you don't even know? I don't know, I'll see what happens. I'll see what level all the Pokemon are. They're too high. They'll be better than you.

Yeah, it's a point. I've been with him while he's gone to trade cards but one instance in particular always makes me giggle when I think about it. Right. He had been messaging a guy on Facebook to meet up with and was asked to meet at his house we didn't think anything weird of it since he had done this multiple times

however when we get to the neighborhood we see a few dozen kids in our way playing in the street again this seems pretty normal until one of the kids waves at us and we realise my boyfriend has been messaging a miner to meet up with to trade Pokemon cards. No, that's so bad. The kid had obviously

been using a fake profile on Facebook for a local Pokemon group. Nevertheless, my boyfriend continues to get out of the car to do this exchange and when he gets back in

he looks mortified. He's got to be 12 years old, Max, he tells me. I laugh at him as we leave the neighbourhood with a tonne of kids staring and waving at us. I've also realised at this point

it is the first time I've ever seen my boyfriend interact with a child. He's scared of them. Scared of them. My boyfriend still uses Facebook to meet up for trades, but does a much better job scoping out people's profiles. To this day, we'll never forget how uncomfortable it was seeing my 28-year-old boyfriend trade shiny cards with a 12-year-old with a street full of kids watching.

Desperate times. There's another one here. My dad's a secondary school teacher. He's one of those teachers that makes you do work until the last week. Very shit, I've argued with him about this many times. However, he soon becomes every student's favourite during the World Cup as any class he's teaching, especially those he's substituting,

he lets finish 15 minutes early so they can do swaps. Wow. He's saved himself a shit tonne of money and trades kids better cards for earlier lunch breaks. E.g. one Ray Shiny, leave class five minutes early. Works a charm. Fills his sticker book up that he does with my 26-year-old brother

who has a child. Massive ick. And doesn't have to teach kids about chemical reactions for an extra 15 minutes. Wow. Father and son doing their little panini sticker book. I need to know where this school is because I could just come in. I could just come in

for that last 15 minutes. Yeah. It'll be like, all right. On trade. Yeah, we've got a special guest. He'll be getting some good trades because all the kids are with him. Yeah, he's... He's well in.

Yeah, he's absolutely in. He's in the mainframe. Yeah, he's in the mainframe because this is perfect. Oh, cap of audience. I know. All the kids in the school, they'll be like, oh yeah, that teacher's got that one. He needs that one. Oh yeah, go and see him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, that teacher's got that one, he needs that one, oh yeah, go and see him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck's sake.

Nice, isn't it? Do you want to get a job as a teacher by the next World Cup? If you want. Right, okay, here we go then. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. You've got to search

for the items inside yourself. Search for the secrets you hide. Search for the secrets you had. Search for the items inside yourself. Stop wasting your doctor's time. Got a lovely little hospital story. I forgot about that.

I sorted it out. Since we're not allowed to play music anymore. Yeah, that's fine. You can sing that. That's all right, I think. Hi, Ramseys. I've been thinking about writing this in for yonks. Yonks.

Great use of yonks means ages in Geordie yeah my mom was an emergency nurse who worked night shifts for the NHS for over 50 years crikey she would regularly come home from work and tell us stories of the antics from the night before and some were so funny that I remember them to this day and had to share my favorite story was one where a young woman arrived in A&E in the early hours of the morning with an aerosol can lid, sorry, an aerosol can lid firmly stuck in the depths of her vagina. Depths.

The story goes that in the absence of a dildo, she had grabbed the cock-sized can from under the kitchen sink as an alternative. That's awful unfortunately as she got down to business the lid popped off the can and firmly wedged itself in her vag and the suction was so great that despite their best efforts the emergency team couldn't get it out as a last resort before taking her into surgery they searched the hospital and collected as many similar size spray cans as they could find. No, I was going to say that as a joke.

And proceeded to try them one by one in an attempt to find one that fitted the cap. Oh no, that's, oh! A bit like the glass slipper in Cinderella. Worst Cinderella parody ever.

It's like Quentin Tarantino's done Cinderella. Do you want to guess what it was? Oh, no, but that... Rosie, I was going to say that as a joke. I was going to say, oh, what they should have done was went and got them a... But I just... Is there not going to be, like...

Is there not going to, like, nip stuff inside? Could it look like nip it? Probably, but it's better than going to surgery. Oh, my God. Have a little guess at home what do you think it might be it was aerosol kind of under the kitchen sink yes for comedy value i think it was mr muscle all right okay or mr sheen right okay after several Okay. After several goes, a can of pledge was the winner and the lid was extracted.

They must have had to like pop it in and then angle it out. Oh, that is fucking rancid. What are you sticking pledge up your vag for? There's girth on a pledge like. Horrible. Serious girth. Horrible.

So they must have had to lube for days in that hospital because she's not going to be in the mood with that going on you know i mean you're not going to dim the lights and put some candles on and put some sexy music on to get a fucking pledge actual bottle of jesus they must have had to hose her down with lube just put porn on the on the big screen oh that's what i'm saying oh this is that honest oh god poor Satan oh fucking hell the lid that never left babadoo babadoo babadoo we don't give many warnings before stories

but I'm gonna give one now really because I read this and there's only certain things that make me feel ill and this made me feel

a bit ill so here's your warning right will I be will I need the warning will I be upset by this I don't know actually you might be alright

it's whatever it's again it's the thing the fishbowl thing with the spit in it didn't upset me at all I thought that was hilarious

but people were up in arms about that up in arms about that I was that was horrendous right hello Rosie and Chris please keep me anonymous

I was just listening to episode 189 with the story of the students drinking bin juice oh Jesus what is this I love, I literally love

our job like this is go back and tell 16 year old me that I'm going to be talking about lads drinking bin juice on a night out as my job do you not think that the way sometimes that the word is it's almost like I refer you to your previous episode of the bin juice and the students consuming said bin juice

it's fucking great it made me think of a story that i think is even worse oh god when i was younger and dating my ex a bunch of our friends used to hang out at our local pub one of the group was known for doing disgusting days for example he once drank beer from an ashtray with ash in it yeah you know the kind yeah but that's nothing compared to what he did one night oh jesus i don't know if i can again these people right don't be the person who does the days and stuff right because i've bought do you know what have you any idea how many times I tell Robin about that poor guy who ate that slug

and can't move now what's this there's a guy who ate a slug it was a family party and he ate a slug for a laugh there was a slug

and he ate it and he's like full on got like septic shock paralysis the guy's paralysed now what I always say like don't do the daft

fucking thing to try and make people laugh don't do it yeah so anyone listening don't be the guy what's a slug got in it I think you have told me that

some fucking weird it's like it have told me that some fucking weird it's like it was basically like having some fucking mad poison like horrible story Jesus awful awful awful story

it's just not worth it is it no it's not whilst in the pub we heard reports that someone had been sick in the men's toilet oh for fuck's sake and had vomited up

half a tomato which sat on the toilet rim no no no no Half a tomato which sat on the toilet rim. No. No. No. No.

So like some kind of fucking bat signal into the sky. So some bloke's been sick, right? Yeah. And what happened is he's sicked up half a tomato and left it on the side. And word has spread around the pub. And everyone's gone, have you seen that half a tomato that that bloke vomited up? Oh, no. Right. Like I was saying, like some kind of bat signal

for this fucking prick. Basically. So. To the men's bogs! Da-da-da-da-da! Nah. Some of our group thought it would be funny

to dare this particular friend to eat the tomato. Get some new friends. They're not your friends, mate. They're not your friends. They're not your friends. Get some new friends. Lo and behold,

after a few drinks, he made his way into the toilet. So it was there for a while then? Yeah, of course it was. Oh, sorry, who's moving the tomato? So you wouldn't have pissed that off there? Oh, it's on the rim. Is it on the seat or is it on the rim?

Hang on. Toilet rim. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's a legend. It's the tomato of the toilet. I wouldn't eat half a tomato that someone had walked into a toilet with. Let alone that had been sitting on a toilet rim.

Let alone that had been puked out of someone's body onto a toilet rim. This is absolutely fucking rotten. He made his way into the toilet and dangled the tomato into his mouth. He ate it like he'd just picked it up off a salad. The thought of this night still makes me heave to this day. That's horrendous.

It must have been warm. A lukewarm tomato. It'd have been soft. Oh, God. It's not even funny, is it? No, it's just sad. Although, do you know what? When you said that he got up and walked to the toilet,

can you imagine the excitement on that day? Oh, I mean, listen. Can you imagine? He stands up and goes, he's going to get it! He's going to get it! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I would have loved to see that.

Horrified. It's like Jackass, though, isn't it? I don't think I've ever told you this. I had a mate who used to drink piss on nights out. You've never told us that is he still a friend no he would drink piss put from the toilet

shut up if there was a half pint glass the one I remember it was at some kind of function room party so we weren't out in pubs and there was a half glass on the floor at the urinals It was some kind of function room party. So we weren't out in pubs. It was some kind of function party. And there was a half glass on the floor at the urinals.

And loads of people had weed in this half glass. So it was just a mixture of strangers, we. And we're dead in the drinking. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Horrible. And you drank it?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Naked it. Fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awful. And just to be like the legend of the night. Do you know what I mean? Like you drank that. and he drank it oh yeah yeah necked it fuck yeah yeah awful and it just to be like the legend of the night do you know what I mean

like he drank that was it enjoyable at the time what do you mean did he bring it out and do it in front of everyone everyone went in the toilet and he did it oh Jesus

yeah it was like loads of them in the toilet and he necked it and it was like yeah oh god pat him on the back

like he's raised money for charity well done crazy innit yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Pat him on the back like he's raised money for charity. Well done! Crazy, isn't it? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, he did it quite a lot. It was his thing.

Oh, imagine. Imagine marrying him. Imagine marrying him and then finding out later. Dave! Dave! Piss Dave! Dave who drinks all the piss from beside the table. Oh, yes! Well, congratulations. Got from beside the table. Oh, yes, aye.

Well, congratulations. Got two kids with him. Sucks them nappies dry. Put them back in the cupboard. He's not allowed to do bath time. Oh, that's horrendous. Honestly. But I know what you mean though

because at the time, I'd have loved that. I'd have loved that. Imagine. We would have got around the full pub, man. When stuff like that used to happen. Yeah. Brilliant.

But that tomorrow was worse. I do remember being at a house party. Oh my gosh. We were at a house party and we're having a sleepover. I must have only been about 15 or 16, right? And one of the lads ate a jar of like chili stuff. Right.

And I had to sit up with him. We had to take turns to sit up with him because he couldn't breathe. I'm not even joking. I honestly remember Ashley Little who listens to this she might remember this as well if she was there

right I'll get a text so it was a party and you all dared him to eat some chillies what was the stuff what was the jar I can't remember

it was something but it was something really spicy something really spicy and then he ate it and then he literally he needed to be chaperoned for the rest of the night

when it turns really bad and you go, oh, that probably wasn't a good idea. He's literally crying and he's like... The laughing stops and he's like... And I remember, I'm sure we took turns to kind of like lie awake with him.

Wow. Because he was... Fucked. What a night. I didn't reckon his mum and dad. What's the matter? Why do I need to come and get him? Is he drunk?

Has he made a fool of himself? He's ate loads of chillies and we don't want to sit up with him and want to go to Kip but he can't breathe. Hello Rosie and Chris. Chris talking about the sticker on the crotch of women's underwear

slash swimwear reminded me of something horrifying that happened to me about six years ago. Awesome. I was in a large department store of which has now closed down. Looking for new swimwear for my upcoming holiday. I chose a lovely pink one piece and purchased it to take home. Can we all assume that this is Debenhams? I think it probably is Debenhams.

Rip. Rip Debenhams. I loved a bit of Debenhams. It was a bit shit to be fair. No it wasn't. It was alright. A little bit shit. A little bit shit to be fair no it wasn't it was alright a little bit shit a little bit shit

you don't give a shit do you no because I've got a lot of memories attached to Debenhams right what were they the Red Cross sale brilliant

good times it was just a bit it looked mint you walked through it all the time you had to walk through it to get to places I just walked through it

and I go I don't know it was just a bit had nice drops alright man I I just walked through it and I go what I don't know it was just a bit had nice jobs alright man I'm just trying to it was like Jack of all trades

master of none it had lots of it was the same everyone fucking does this Woolworths when Woolworths went under everyone went oh no

oh whoa when was the last time you went when was the last time you went there and spent enough money to keep that place in business didn't I like ten years ago Woolworths

but Shields was pretty epic. Downstairs, the toy department downstairs. When was the last time you were in that toy department before it shut? You were fucking, you were probably 20 fucking three

when Woolworth shut. Possibly, yeah. Anyway. I was in my lunch hour so didn't have time to try it on there and then. Upon trying it on that evening I decided it just didn't suit me.

I took it back to the store the next day. I joined the queue at the returns desk and when it was my turn I handed the assistant the costume and told him I wanted to return it as it just didn't suit me. He looked it over and then to my absolute horror and disgust he sniffed the sticker on the crotch area. No! Actually sniffed it. I didn't know where to put my face, which even though I had tried the costume on with underwear, went bright red. He must have been satisfied,

as without saying anything to me, he just gave me my refund. I was so gobsmacked, I couldn't get a single word out. I can safely say I never bought a costume there again and wouldn't meet my friends in the cafe there again as it was on the same floor as the returns desk amidst Mr Sniffer Crotch Man

as he was known after that. Traumatised. That is so bad. That's him getting his rocks off. Looking at us, squaring their face, sniffing this crotch sticker. Always a job's worth. So, well, couple of things one

so what if it smelt that's what the sticker is there for to protect from the to not damage the garment I know I took the piss out of it but it does make sense I mean it is manky

but my thought immediately goes to what would have been the next step if he could have smelt a fanny on that yeah I don't know

we just went oh yeah no rips no tears two seconds sorry love there's a distinct order of vagina

on this I can only take the top back I don't who knows I didn't give you a credit note but I can't give you

cash it reminded me of when me Dory the Perkins days and River Island days when people used

to bring stuff back right I swear to god like don't get me wrong sometimes people might have just had cooking near their food

like near their clothes and you think that's just a house smell that's fair enough I swear to God there'd be times right some lasses would bring stuff back

I'd be like you've fucking been you've been on a weekend away in this yeah yeah yeah you have worn this there'd be makeup there'd be perfume

there'd be deodorant smells. I'd like sniff it. I'd take it around the back and sniff it and I'd be like, no, I'm sorry. Absolutely not. What sorry? I don't know what's worse here. Sniffing it in front of them

or squirreling it around the back and going for a little sniff in the back. Well, I'd just say I have. I've seen you sniff stuff. You fucking, you have a night out and you sniff stuff. You fucking rent it for the week, don't you? Well, I'd just say I have to talk to your manager

mine there was no better right this is this is one of the good things when I worked in shops and people would bring stuff back right and you knew they'd worn it

and you'd go to your manager and you'd be like they've fucking worn this no no no like no no fuck no absolutely not

I'm so sorry but I think you've worn this I haven't worn it I'm just gonna speak to my manager again she fucking says she hasn't worn it. I'm just going to speak to my manager again. She has worn it. She has worn it. Fucking stinks.

Look at that. That's makeup. I'm sorry. You don't get makeup like that if you're just trying it on. If you're just trying it on, that doesn't happen. That's a night out. Was the tag still on? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Leave the tags on for the night out. Yeah. Wow. It was getting exciting though. Wow. You're pathetic. No, no. You're pathetic.

But it was. I remember when i worked in all sports i couldn't be asked they'd be like they've won them trainers you can't give it and i'd be like look you've got you've won and they'd be like yeah i haven't and i'd be like look i don't care but i can't give you like they won't the manager won't let us give the money back and i will go to the manager you you're gonna have to deal with this because this person's shouting at us and i don't care it's not my money i'll give them the money back. That's why you never won the bottles of wine

at the end of the month for the best customer service. I'm joking. I didn't even get minimum wage, man. I didn't even get minimum wage. It's terrible. £2.75 an hour. I can't remember how much I got paid.

Pay yourself £2.75 and then wonder why your fucking shop goes under. Crikey. See you coming. That's why I pay you just above minimum wage for this podcast

you wish babadoo babadoo babadoo bah hi both should probs keep me anonymous due to my partner's job awesome I feel like this ick

it's a little bit of an ick is quite specific to if your partner is a police officer but here we go oh my partner of 8 years has recently become

sorry sorry 2 seconds what I don't know if we I don't know if I dreamt this, or I don't know if we've actually said it on here, but I got an ick the other night, just in general from people.

My ick, people in the crowd at the football matches who realise they're on the big screen. Oh, and then waving that. And then they look again, and they look, and they go, eh, eh, eh! And then the camera changes just as a notice noticed and I go, oh, yeah. Oh, no, how would you do that? You really embarrassed yourself there.

I don't think that's innate. No, I do. There's something about it that irritates us. That's the thing. These icks, we all know that they're a bit unreasonable, but there's something about it because they look. And some of them, they look and they go, ah, and they just shout down the camera and they're like, yeah.

But some of them look at the camera and they look at the screen and they look at the camera and they just shout down the camera and they're like yeah but some of them look at the camera and they look at the screen and they look at the camera and then they go to do something and it's gone and I go you know when the referee

the other night went over and looked at the screen I got a bit of a nick then yeah when he walks over he's in his little box on the floor

and I was like oh he's just stood watching I felt a bit sick yeah he runs over so he's in his ear and I think the officials are looking at it and it's like

it's like right no you're gonna have to come and look at this so he runs over to the little square on I think the officials are looking at it and it's like it's like right no you're gonna have to come and look at this so he runs over to the little square on the floor that no one else is allowed in

and looks at his little telly horrible yeah my partner of 8 years has recently become a police officer and when he told me he has to look up

criminals bum holes and then he said foreskin that's so hard. That can't be an eight. To check for drugs slash weapons etc.

I was shook. I don't think I can ever look at him the same way. We have two kids together and we are getting married next year but honestly

I think I'm going to have to call the wedding house. Are we honest with you? I knew they had to look at bums. I didn't know they

had to look at foreskin. That's news to me Oh god yeah I've told the story in here What could you possibly hide up your foreskin? A bag of coke? What?

Easy How much foreskin you got? What you got? A fucking elephant's trunk? You don't have foreskin There's some polo neck jumpers out there Chris That you've never seen Why have you always got to shame me for not having foreskin?

Because you haven't seen man foreskin I've seen man foreskin like horrible hangy foreskin yeah fully blown massive yeah well my ex-boyfriend

was a police officer wasn't he and the stories were phenomenal god I can't I've told you that that key haven't I I've told you this man

what when the story of when someone had stolen a key right a man had stolen a key from somewhere right and they were like where's this key and they were checking everywhere checking underneath balls and up the bum and that and they were like we need to do you need to squat he squatted a key fell out of his arse and he went oh that key

i've told you that before i I've said it on here. Aren't humans repulsive? Squat. That king. Where are they hidden that thing? Adults. We're talking about adults here. We're not talking children.

Adults. Police officers and grown adults squat until whatever it is falls out your bum. Oh, God. What a fucking dysfunctional society we are. Honestly, get the fucking media down now and wipe us out because we are the pits of the fucking world, aren't we? Oh, get it out. Squat.

Oh, plank. Plank so it drops out your foreskin as well. Oh, God. Because the feel of that foot is out in that foreskin. It was an empty, like a referee trying to get the yellow ball out of a snooker pocket. Oh, God. It's a hard job. Someone's got to do it, though. Big up. Big up, like. referee trying to get the yellow ball out of a snooker pocket. Oh, God. It's a hard job. Someone's got to do it, though.

Big up. Yeah, no. Fair play. I'm just saying as a society. Oh, I know what you're saying. We have just, aren't we just a failure? If there is a God, I bet he's fucking gutted looking down while the police wait for something to fall out of someone's bum.

Come on, wait. Back to the drawing board. Lads, we've fucked it. We've absolutely fucked this. Why have they got so many holes? There's no need for all these holes. Well, listen, God, I'm just saying here, I had to cause on TV,

if you didn't want me to hide stuff, why did you give us so many orifices? Why did you give us so many orifices? We should have been flat. Smooth. Smooth. why did you give us so many orifices we should have been flat smooth thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Maradonoid which is part of the Acast creator yes thank you so much and as always

if you want to get in touch shagmaradonoid at gmail.com and the arena extra arena dates are on sale now for next year's arena tour we're very excited to come out and see you all maybe grab one of them as a little christmas gift and steal someone's little stocking or up their bum or indeed down their foreskin wherever they want it stuck uh it's absolutely up to them that is their choice as long as you've got permission. Thank you very much. Bye. Horrible, that, like. Do-do-do-do-do-do. This evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder.

April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play.

Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.