Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 2. Hungry eyes and a first date surprise

Episode Date: February 22, 2019

On this week's episode of Sh**ged Married Annoyed, Chris and Rosie have a recap on the foursome (not theirs!), they discuss going hungry on a date, they reminisce (kind of) about when they first moved in together and they answer Comedian Jason Manford's questions. Also on this episode, Rosie is given the task of coming up with a northern based sex pun – not as easy as it sounds! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello. You're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with Chris and Rosie Ramsey. This is episode two and due to the phenomenal success of episode one, we have a message from this week's sponsor. This week's episode is sponsored by water. Are you tired of having a dry mouth and stuff and thinking, hey, this is my lips are like flaking and my throat's

all water. Turn on your tap, get some water. Is your car dirty? Get the hose. I'm just showing them what we're capable of in case a sponsor gets involved. Right?

Is your child dirty? You fill the bath with water. There's eight pints of it in your body or something. You're made up of it. Hey, jellyfish is 93% of water. It's popular. Somewhere you'll not find water. Yep. The desert.

Yeah. Brilliant. So if you're in the, no, if you're in the desert, just come on, we've got a rank. Come on, we've got some serious, no, come on, top of the charts, we've got some serious podcast sponsor money coming in. If you're in the desert, come on, we've got some serious, no, come on, top of the charts, we've got some serious podcast sponsor money coming in. If you're in the desert and you need a sustenance of liquid,

water. And you know when you're on the beach and you're looking out at the blue stuff? That's water. Right, I'm going to stop you now, okay? Oh, there's the phone. There's the phone. Great.

It's probably that water I ordered. Coming up in this episode, we've got more of your questions. We've got what's your beef? We've got some fab questions from Jason Manfred. Yes, indeed. And we're going to find out how the foursome went. Not ours.

If you haven't, go back and listen to the first episode. I thought, well, I mean, no sense. We are not animals. Here's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle Jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle

Jingle So this is the jingle Jingle We hope you like the jingle Jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo Jingle Hello husband.

Hello wife. How are you? I'm really good. How are you? I'm really good. How are you? I'm good. This is episode two. Dead exciting, isn't it? Due to the phenomenal success of episode one, this is episode two. But I'm going to let you in on a little secret. If no one had listened to episode one, we'd still be here doing numbers. Shut up.

Listen. Don't tell them that. Hey guys, sorry. You better listen or this is no more. How are you this week? How's your week been? Pretty uneventful, I'm not going to lie. Same. How was your Valentine's? Did you get loads of Valentine's Day presents?

Oh, yeah, literally the postman never left the door. He wasn't, eh? All day. Yeah. It was just like van after van kind of handing stuff down the drive. It was a convia belt, wasn't it? In real life, I got nothing. No, neither did I.

Funny that. Well, yeah. So what are you going to do? No, we don't celebrate Valentine's Day, do we? No. Well, can I just say as well, Rosie, you've got some flower subscription. They bring flowers every week to you, fresh flowers to the house that you're signed up to. So there's me, knackered.

I can't buy you flowers anymore. But they did come on Valentine's Day, and I did run in with the box of flowers and say happy Valentine's that was nice although you had paid for them very true and ordered them and you knew they were coming we've got more than one room

yeah but oh god that just ends up that ends up being like dead flowers with them like you know how lilies

are like booby trapped and then bits of like they've got like bits of sharpie that grow at the end of them oh that orange stuff yeah and it falls on the carpet so they end up everywhere and then bits of like they've got like bits of sharpie that grow at the end of them orange sharpie yeah and it falls on the carpet so they end up everywhere

and then it just ends up with like swamp water in various vases round the house that is true you don't stay on top of them babes I don't stay on top of anything we've established this

how has your week been? my week's been fine yeah has it been fine though Christopher? are you talking about me week or me weekend? I'm talking specifically about a journey in a car on a road at a set of traffic lights.

So I crashed our car in the most embarrassing way I think I've ever crashed a car in my life. Please explain. So we were at some traffic lights. There was a Fiesta in front, quite a sporty looking Fiesta. We were behind it. We'd been driving for about five minutes

and the little Isofix plastic things had come off Robin's seat because we got a new seat which had new ones. So, I put the spare ones in the little door well thing. And there were rattling and the noise of the rattling was upsetting us. So, at the lights, I put the automatic handbrake on, and I leant into the back to try and grab them out of the door

behind my driving seat. I accidentally, accidentally, while stretching and twisting, put my foot on the accelerator and crashed into the car in front of her. How many times? Well, I crashed, and then I sat up, and I tried, I went, oh, it's okay, I'll fix this, I'll put my foot on the brake. Twice, wasn't the brake, it was the accelerator. So I

hit him three times. Three times. Three times I crashed into that wall. Three times I saw my life flash before my eyes. He was the nicest guy. He got out, he was so lovely. Do you know his name was Johnny? Do you know I saved him in my phone as Johnny Crash? Poor Johnny Crash.

Oh, what a lovely guy. He was lovely, actually. I'm sending him some Budweiser. He asked for some Budweiser. I said, what's your address? What do you drink? He said Budweiser. I'm really glad he didn't say it like that. God, you got out of this totally scot-free. I've been like, I drink Dom Perignon. This is totally scot-free. I've been like, I drink Dom Perignon. A 1986 Dom Perignon vintage,

as seen on Moonraker, James Bond. He has it shaken, not stirred. Well, when he's having a martini, you fucking philistine. The hell's wrong with you? Shaken, not stirred, champagne. What's he having, Alka-Seltzer? I'll have the flattattered champagne you've got going, thank you, bartender. The flat room temperature champagne

that you've fannied on with, please. You thought he had every drink shaken, not stirred. Yes. I'm not a massive James Bond fan. I'm telling you right now, James Bond has two drinks shaken, not stirred. He has his martini shaken, not stirred. Yeah.

And he has his Nesquik chocolate drink. Shaken, not stirred. Shaken, not stirred he has his martini shaken not stirred yeah and he has his Nesquik chocolate drink milk shaken not stirred or it'd be a lump of yourself yeah because when you're stirred you get a couple

of lumps dry powdery lumps and when he's having his protein shake he has that shaken not stirred because he's got a protein shaker

I imagine because he's James Bond and he's got muscles of course he has like a man oh who's the new James Bond we don't know yet do we we don't know it's going to be Idris Elba which I thought would have been amazing but he's James Bond and he's got muscles. Of course he has. Like a man. Oh, who's the new James Bond? We don't know yet, do we? We don't know.

It's going to be Idris Elba, which I thought would have been amazing. Oh, same. But he's denied it loads. What? What? What would you do if they asked you? So sorry. Sorry, can I just say,

I'm really trying to say that with this. Absolutely loving the fact that you couldn't even finish the sentence without pissing yourself laughing gosh that's great um what would i do if they asked me uh i would say you'd have to go to the gym for a start can i can i keep my accent can he be can he be a geordie james bond is that possible the name's bond. James Bond. Jim Bond. So, what's your beef? What's my beef? This week.

Who's going first, you or me? I've got no preference. You've got no preference? Go on, ladies first, you can go. Brilliant. Okay, so other than crashing the car this week. God, this is going to be something epic, isn't it? If crashing the car isn't your beef with me this week, if crashing the car while stationary, while you and me son were in the car, isn't your beef,

what else have I done wrong? Well, this is an ongoing thing, actually. You're very much aware of it, because I always pull you up on it. Right. I'm really, really sick, right, of you asking me. about 25 times a day if I'm okay

you know you do it don't you yeah I do why do you do it I don't know I think you've got a resting bitch face well possibly I do but you know we're married look I'd just like to check that you're alright. Can I just explain? I'll explain, right, how it

happens. So, we'll be sitting watching the telly or a film or something. You know when you're just, like, not smiling? Nah, I've never experienced it. Oh, shut up. Sometimes you can't smile, like, all the time. So I'll just be sitting watching a film and you'll lean over. You'll actually come and

lean over and be like, are you alright? Why? You said I'll come and lean over like I'm not your husband. Like I'm just, like I'm a train conductor. Did you see that?

Train conductor lean over me there. Like I'm allowed to lean over you. You're my wife. No, but why are you asking this if I'm alright? I have not said anything

to make it look like I'm not alright. Because sometimes you don't look like you're alright. But I'm fine. Right, men, men listening make it look like I'm not alright. Because sometimes you don't look like you're alright. But I'm fine. Right, men, men listening to this podcast,

please get in touch, right, shagmarriedannoyed at gmail.com or on me Twitter or on me Instagram. Sometimes, do you just want to ask your wife or your partner

if they're alright? Sometimes she just doesn't look alright. You just look a bit moody and a bit annoyed and I want to ask if you're alright. Occasionally,

it would be fine. You ask me 25 times a day like I've got some sort of incurable disease. Are you alright? Well, if it was incurable, I wouldn't want to ask if you're alright. Occasionally, it would be fine. You ask me 25 times a day, like I've got some sort of incurable disease. Are you alright? Well, if it was incurable, I wouldn't have to ask if you're alright, would I? Because I'd know you weren't alright. Get an incurable disease.

Well, maybe then I do need to get one. Because then maybe asking if I'm alright would be warranted because it gets right on my tits. Wow. And stop. No, the other day though, sometimes, sometimes I just want to sigh.

Don't I? Like sometimes you just want to release a bit of air, right? You've got a bit of air stuck in your lungs and sometimes I just go, straight away, are you all right?

Are you all right though? What's happened? Are you all right? I'm just breathing, Chris. Sometimes you'll sigh just as I'm having a bad thought and my bad thought will coincide with your sigh

and I'll go, oh, did you catch my bad thought? You selfish bastard. All about you, isn't it? And your little thoughts. My God. Although I do have to say, I told this to your mum and dad recently, didn't I? And your dad was like, oh, oh my God.

Oh, that's what Anne does. So your mum does it all the time. Really? Did they say that? I didn't know this you were there was I I don't know

you might not have been there I was probably slagging you off actually can you not remember are you alright what's your beef with me what's my beef right well I'm just going to go through me book here and pick one of the beefs

just one of them this week my beef with you this week is you insist on asking me just one of them this week my beef with you this week is you insist on asking me what I want for my dinner

while I'm eating me breakfast it's infuriating you want you plan three or four meals ahead like we're rationing

like it's the war right I will literally be finishing a bit of toast sometimes you do lunch times we'll be finishing a bit of toast. Sometimes you do it at lunchtime so we'll be having like a decadent lunch. We'll be like,

yo sushi or something. We'll be like, stuffing my face with stuff and then you're like, what do you want for tea? While picking the food you've just had out of your face. Can I explain?

You can. Myself? Of course you can. Thank you. So, the reasons I do this is one, I'm a big greedy fat pig and I always think about food.

I'm never full. I don't think I've ever been full seriously when people get full and they're like I could not me mom does all the time I could not eat another oh yeah went for dinner yesterday Sunday dinner me mom that'll save me through all day what time was it oh we had lunch at half past 12 and she loves it will it Sandra what time was it oh we had our lunch at half past twelve and she didn't eat it though she loves it but I know for a fact come six o'clock

she'll be scoffing at my face sandwiches pasta stir fry whatever no noodles so

reason one is just I love food basically reason two is like it'll come to five o'clock and I'll not be in the shops or whatever because you'll not tell us what you want. And then you expect some sort of decadent meal

and there'll not be the stuff in. And you'll go, well, why haven't we got like everything for duck a la orange? And I'll go, well, because you didn't say you wanted duck a la orange. And I did ask what you wanted at breakfast and you didn't tell us. So up yours. Another thing, just quickly, just to add on to this, before we carry on with the rest of the podcast.

You yesterday called me a chocolate quilted shit pig. So I just want to put that out there. No reason why. I was just a bit annoyed about it. A little bit taken aback as well. I just want to put that out there. No reason why. I was just a bit annoyed about it. A little bit taken aback as well. I don't know where that came from. And it was, do you know what it was, right?

I'm telling you right now. I was spicing up. I was spicing up and changing me thing of asking you if you were alright. Because I remember wanting to ask you if you were alright. Yes, you did. And I thought, I need to make this a little bit, like, sort of different. So you actually said, are you alright, me little chocolate-quilted

shit pig? Great. It may be the greatest pet name ever made up for anyone. God, it's horrible. Chocolate-quilted shit pig. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo,

bah. So, it is time to delve into the, oh, I feel like a 90s TV person. It's time to delve into the mailbag. Oh, what's in the pail box? Ladies and gentlemen.

Here's a part of the show where we answer your questions. Now, if you listen to the first episode of the podcast, we have had, I mean, stalker-level inquiries about a specific question from last week. Oh, yes. I think it's possibly time to give an update on the midweek foursome. Are we doing that now? Oh, yes. I think it's possibly time to give an update on... The midweek foursome.

Are we doing that now? Okay, so I got a reply from Foursome Lady. Sorry, can I set the scene here? Rosie was getting replies from Foursome Lady and asking her how the foursome went and talking about the foursome while we were walking around Ikea. That was good fun, wasn't it? We did some serious whispering.

I know. Very. Well, I just had to find out. So I got back in touch with foursome lady on Instagram. I'm going to keep her anonymous because, you know, she might not want everyone. So can I call her one quarter of the foursome?

I don't want her taking the full credit for what went down that day. She'll call her slice. So I messaged. How did it go? One of them emojis with the teeth. that day. She would call us Slice. So, I messaged, how did it go? One of them emojis with the teeth. Yeah.

Doing that. She put, ha ha, pretty amazing. Everyone was very satisfied. Shh. Laughing emoji. Oh my word.

I put, fantastic. So glad it went well. One of the cheering emojis for Hans. That's so... And then I put, who was it, if you don't mind me asking?

Everyone wants to know. Everyone wants to know. She put, I Tinder matched a woman, in brackets, bored as the football was on. That's another level of boredom. That, like, wow wow so bored that she was chatting up women yeah on tinder so she matched a woman on tinder right then they started

chatting and it escalated instead of us two meeting so just them two meeting they were going to bring the men in two matched and met within 10 days and that's it wow and that yeah everyone was extremely satisfied they met on tinder they all went had a lovely foursome lovely really nice time had a had an absolutely blinding foursome guys i didn't delve anymore one because we were in an Ikea and two I didn't want to ask like who was who was who again

yeah yeah I mean I want to know yeah but that's one below going did you film it like

do you know what I mean it's a really creepy question would you watch it would I watch it I mean I'd watch it but I'd be on my phone at the same time

do what I'd just have something else on in the back something else to look at if not do you know what I mean I'd have it but I'd be on my phone at the same time I'd just have something else on in the back something else to look at if not do you know what I mean I'd have something to really divert my attention from it I'd watch through my fingers if you're going to sit and watch a foursome you've got to sit and watch a foursome where's the camera

is it in the corner of the room looking down or is it mounted on someone's head like a gopro because I thought it was in the corner of the room it would probably be in the corner looking down and do you know what? Because the podcast is going well, we'll have set up a proper camera crew. So it'll have like three angles. Lighting, make-up.

The lot. Well, I'm just glad it went well. And everyone was satisfied, so that's good. Well, you know, she's had a good time. That's absolutely fine. I mean, again, I feel so like... Am I a prude? Am I the prude? But I'm glad you had a nice time. I's absolutely fine. I mean, again, I feel so like, I just, am I a prude?

Am I the prude? But I'm glad you had a nice time. I just think it's different strokes, literally, for different folks. I've had loads of strokes. Fawesome. All the strokes.

Stroke city. So there's the update on the Fawesome. Everyone had a smashing time. Everyone. Thank God. It's because I said smashing. So that's your update on the puzzle.

Everyone was fully satisfied. Everyone was happy. They all got their own clothes back. Everyone had a wash afterwards. Five stars, TripAdvisor. Brilliant. Well done. So on to the questions from this week.

Rosie, what we got? Right. Great first question here. Okay. I got this on my Instagram. Hi Rosie. Long story. Right. Bear with. My grandad died when I was four slash five. Comedy. Gee, I keep it light. Keep it light, mate.

It's pretty intense, right? So, hi Rosie. Long story but please read my granddad died when i was four slash five and he left me almost ten thousand pounds to be put in a high interest savings account in his will for when i turned 21 i'm 31 now and i've only just found out about this money from my brother he got his money when my granddad passed away because he's 18 years There's more, okay. I shouldn't laugh. I shouldn't be laughing. There's more. I might not be as annoyed with them if they had anything to show for it

or they could give me or leave me but they have got zero. Not a thing. They can only afford to pay me back £40 a month. What do I think about that? Oh man, £40 a month. I'm trying to work out.

Isn't that about a 20 year that's like a 20 year mortgage what for 10 to get 10 000 pounds it's gonna take 40 pound a month for 10 i'm sure that's about 20 years no way i'm not amazing at maths but that's a long time that is a long time do you think they've offered to like set up a direct debit and that i think that's exactly what happened so they've spent all of their inheritance shaky bastards spent all of her inheritance and they're offering to give bastards. They've spent all of her inheritance and they're offering to give her £40 a month

of like her inheritance. Wow. But right, right. I mean, yeah, I love, I don't know. I love that you said I wouldn't mind

if they had something to show for it. I mean, you would though. Like if they were just wearing like crowns and loads of bling and they were like, you know, you're skinned.

How mint do we look? Hey. But I mean, they're probably sitting in whatned? How mint do we look? Hey. But, I mean, they're probably sitting in what they've got to show for it. Right. The house and all that kind of stuff. Right, okay.

Well, I just don't know. There's part of us thinks, oh, that's pretty bad. But then at the same time, being a grown adult, I'd have probably spent it as well. Yeah, to be fair, if your kid's got,

if your parents lock some money away for your kid, I don't know. Maybe she'll get it. It's really grim. Maybe she'll get it when they die. I don't know. Oh my gosh. No, do you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. There's part of us that feels bad, but then there's part of us that thinks every time someone

hands Robin a Christmas card or a birthday card with any money in it, I've kept that. Yeah. The amount, as soon as I open his birthday card and there's 20 quid in it, I go, I'll carry the night. Gets enough. Goodness. Lives in here rent-free. My mum and dad

started to save accounts for us, you know. There's three of us. I think they lasted about two weeks. Honestly. And they were like, nah. Just nah. Just couldn't do it or it hang on

I might have that wrong they might have done it for ages and then it's got quite a bit and then spent it all it got quite a bit and I thought hey this saving stuff works

this is great saving for a rainy day is amazing yeah so we don't have all that kind of stuff wow I've always been envious

of people whose parents when they turned 80 and be like he has nine grand that we've been saving for you yeah that's you oh my god that's you no no i got a car out of my savings right when i got my thing so they didn't just give us the money i remember i had a mate who when he turned 18 he got um 10 grand from a settlement because he'd smashed his teeth in a playground when he was younger and i just remember thinking i wish i'd

smashed my teeth in a playground and he kept it in And I just remember thinking, I wish I'd smashed my teeth in a playground. And he kept it in his wallet. He went to the bank just after midnight, the day before his 18th birthday, and he got a printed statement and there was 10 grand in the bank. Shut up. And at the time, we couldn't believe there was an 18-year-old. He spent it in less than a year.

Whose mum and dad is keeping that for them? Do you want... Public service announcement. Do you want, public service announcement, do you want your 18 year old to possibly die? Give them 10 grand for their birthday. You'll never see them again.

That's disgusting. I would have drank myself dead. Same. So yeah, answer to that is maybe you should just let them have their 10 grand.

Just, well, I mean your brother should give you half of his, I'll be honest with you. He's probably spent it. Right. Well, I'll be honest with you, I think your whole right well I'll be honest with you I think your whole family

needs to meet up with some kind of financial advisor stop pissing it all up the well let's start a GoFundMe page for this for her well what we can do is we can start a GoFundMe page

and when it gets really high we'll be like hey this is good and we'll just nick it fucker boo our boo our love you're invited

to an immersive listening party led by Rishikesh Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers

of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth.

Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what?

Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The first omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats

for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Pleasure. Next one. Question here from Rebecca. What was it like when you first moved in together? Did you start fresh and get a new place together or did one of you move into the other's house slash flat?

Me and my boyfriend are thinking about moving in to his flat this year Don't do it. Really? You'll hate it. Well, tell us what's so funny. I had a little bungalow, didn't I? You had like an old nana bungalow. It was really weird. We'd been together three months and you were like,

I'm buying a house. And I was going, oh, mint, great. And you were like, I'm buying a house. And I was going, oh, mint, great. And you were like, do you want to come see it? I was like, yeah, why not? I mean, we're going out together. Let's go have a look. It was a fun... I didn't find it weird at the time

because they were really nice and the rooms were massive and it was quite modern and nice. Oh, it was lovely. But it was a bungalow. It was a full-on bungalow. I was the youngest person in the street by 50 years. The man across the road used to Hoover East Drive. I was about bungalow. It was a full-on bungalow. I was the youngest person in the street by 50 years. The man across the road used to hoover his drive.

I was about to mention him. Honestly, I would look out of my office and he would be hoovering his drive. And to this day, I've got no idea. I don't know if he was losing his mind. I don't know if he had a carpet on his drive. I don't know what it was. It's just really, really weird.

He hoovered his drive and parked his car on the road. It was just really, really weird. Whoever he's driving parked his car on the road. It was well annoying. Well annoying. He waited long. He waited long after the six weeks don't park on your drive rule. Yeah. He did it for like two years.

It's craziness, yeah. But I did, I had a little old person's bungalow. You had a little old person's bungalow. It was brand new, it was a new build. Yeah, it was lovely, but it was just very male. All your furniture was square. And like, it was just a male all your furniture was square and like

it was just a bit sad I didn't really like it I didn't like it at all actually did I hated it no you hated it yeah and you lived there

more than me because I got it and went straight on tour and you moved in I mean I got a very good deal because you were like we've been together for three months

come and see me house just stay here all the time you were never there it was like I bought my own place it It was great. But I just hated it. Not mine. Well, can I say, what you did was you lived there for about three months

with me, right? We lived there together and it was great. You basically lived there. You never went back to your mum's or anything, right? No. Then, when I officially said you can move in, you went back to your mum's and got a load of old school reports and boxes of shit out the loft that you'd never

touched and just brought them into me garage. That's what it meant. I think the word you're looking for, Chris, is memories. It's just like, Olivia now, I'll just bring these massive boxes of shite that I've never touched. I'll just blow all the dust off them and stick them in your garage. You've got to take

them with you. You've got to let them be your mum's. My mum's got a flat. It was taken up room. The memories were scattered all over the place. It's heartbreaking. Bring me memories with us on my back like a little tortoise. Yeah. All my old school reports.

You are heartless. Macaroni pictures. There was no macaroni pictures. There was. I'd have put them on the fire. This is new information, that. I can't believe that you were upset by that No, it was just like, oh I live here now

I'll just bring a load of shit I don't need Oh, that's what happens when you move in with people? You bring your, you know Your retrospective stuff Yeah, I suppose it's just because my mum and dad have got a loft So I just left it at theirs Oh, la-dee-da, well done you I'm dreading them dying, not because I miss them

Because I'll just have to sort through all the shit in their loft It'll be a horrible day. If your mum is anything like you, which I know that she is, you'll have nothing from your childhood. Quality. Absolutely nothing.

I'll be like, have you got any of your school report? Nope, nothing. They were all bad. They were all, he talks too much. I didn't get a good school report. I've never had a good school report

in my life. Oh no, I got one good school report at the comp and it was that good. I'm not joking. I had all the way through infants, all the way through juniors, oh no i got one good school report at the comp and it was that good i'm not joking i had all the way through infants all the way through juniors no good reports first report i got at the comp was amazing they bought us a bike that's how buzzing they were about it you are the most spoiled little brat i've ever known in my whole life that's what everyone at school said you got a bike for a good report i had never had a good report

ever i'd never had one i'd never had a good parents evening i. I've never had one. I've never had a good parents' evening. I've never had a good report. I know a bike was a lot, right? It was before my birthday. I got an early birthday present. I got it as an early birthday present, but I was allowed to get it early because I got a good report because they were literally blown away

that I got a good report. Did you get clothes for Easter? Yes. Did you not get clothes for Easter? No, there was three of us. Really? No. Is that why you love Easter eggs so much?

Well, actually, when I was younger, at Easter, we used to get Easter eggs, but I started asking me mum for just a big bar of chocolate because you got more. Like a drug dealer with some scales. Mum, I've done the maths here. Selection box versus Easter egg. Honestly. Mum, I'm coming off a mug here, Ilection box versus Easter egg. Honestly.

Mum, I'm coming off a mug here, I'll be honest with you. So what we're saying to Rebecca, we're saying if you move in, make sure you're half the stuff. Move in for a bit, save and move out. Get your own place so it's not just his place. Rebecca, it's always going to be his place. Yeah, and then if you have a fight

he's always going to say, get out of my house and you're going to go back to my house as well and go well actually I'm not going to be his place. Yeah. And then if you have a fight, he's always going to say, get out of my house and you're going to go back to my house as well and go, well, actually, I'm going to stay out longer because it does happen. Okay. Didn't happen with us, luckily,

because we weren't there very long, but it would have happened. And because you lived there longer than me. True. I've got a question here. Rosie and Chris, what are your views

on couples who share social media accounts? What do you think? What do you mean? So, do you know sometimes on Facebook or Instagram you can have like

oh, the I don't know the Smiths and it'll be like the couple both use that page. Right, what?

Are they famous? No. Or a company? Just normal no, normal just normal everyday folk in a relationship.

So they're not like a double act? No. So they're just right, so a man and a woman or a woman and a woman or a man and a man who are in a relationship so they're not like a double act no so they'll just right so a man and a woman yeah or a woman and a woman

or a man and a man who are a couple in a relationship will just have a joint Facebook page yeah like they're a band

yes when did this happen who's doing this it's been happening for ages I've got no yeah I'm glad to say

I've got no one on my Facebook who does this I've been friends with a couple of people who've done it. Why? Like Ant and Dec.

Ant and Dec do that with their Twitter. And they put a little D or A at the end. Yeah, it's like that. Who do these people think they are? It's not, Chris, you're taking the total wrong thing of it yet. It's not because they're famous. It's not because they think they're famous. It's because there's no trust left in the relationship

and they should just split up. I didn't think of that how naive am I come on is that what it is well that's what I think it is it's because they're

scared that someone like and photos of people's bums in there well possibly that's that's what I take from it but at the same time it might just be that they both can't

be bothered to have their own separate ones yeah oh but I just think I find it really strange because they're free I don't like that these social

the apps are free yeah Instagram account's free and maybe it's just them sickly horrible people who are like hi hi

we're the Smiths we've been to the park today we got ice cream and and Johnny said I love you in the car I think that's who they are. God, you really hate them.

You just invented a couple in your head and you want to murder them, don't you? She's got red hair. He's dark. Both disgustingly pretty, handsome, perfect eyebrows. Basically, it's like Jessica Rabbit and John Travolta all together. That's the Smiths. John Travolta now or John Travolta back in the day? In Greece. I was going to say, yeah and John Travolta are together that's the Smiths John Travolta now or John Travolta back in the day

in Greece I was going to say yeah John Travolta now that's the Smiths punching for Jessica Rabbit they're like and the child is little Ben

from Friends right okay yeah do you know he was twins two of them they've got twins yeah twins and the twins are just

so perfect and they never... And they say things like, get in touch with us on our Facebook account. Yeah. And you go, oh, which one? Oh, we've got the giant one. And then people go,

nah, I'm not getting in touch with you. No. I genuinely can't believe people do that. So they would have to sign off. They'll have to literally write on each status or anything, it'll have to be, this is who's typed this, by the way. No, it'll probably be giant.

Really? It'll probably be signed both of them. From us. Like every post is a Christmas card. Really? It'll probably be saying both of them. From us. Like every post is a Christmas card. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they can do one. They can do one. I didn't know.

This has been a range of emotions. I didn't know it was a thing. I was confused. I was surprised. I was intrigued. Now I'm angry. Thank you for that. You're welcome.

I'm really glad that you found out about it. Right, I've got one here from Jennifer what is your best brackets disastrous slash hilarious bad date story either with each other or with an

ex I'll lead on this one so I once took a took a girl away

to Dubai hadn't been going over very long got a holiday you're talking about me. I've got a holiday. You're talking about me? Yeah. Talking about a holiday

and I've talked to loads of people in Dubai mate. Loads of people. I'm a jet setter. I'm a rock star. You're a slag. I tell you. Talked to Dubai.

Thought we were having a lovely time lay around the pool all day and you know just chilled and that and you know I kept saying things like it's so hot

I don't really get hungry during the day and she was like yeah I'm exactly the same like retrospectively months later when she moved in with us

into my bungalow and brought all her shite with her she let me know that she actually had had a horrible time because she spent the whole day starving hungry but hadn't told me because you were worried because I was paying for everything.

Yeah. You nutter. False advertising for a start, right? Little did I know I was living with a gannet who's never full, right? Who will raid me cupboards. I can't even have a Twix in the house without you sniffing it out. Right? That was a horrible holiday.

You ate half a packet of biscuits last night that you actually said before eating, I don't like them biscuits. I had three of them. There were six in the packet! No, I don't... Fair enough. Math teacher.

It wasn't a disaster, but I felt really bad afterwards that you just hadn't said that you should have just said you were hungry I know but right okay you were paying for everything we'd only been together six months right

not less than that it was six weeks no it wasn't I'm telling you we got engaged after six months mate oh right okay well it was about

three months it was even less it was about three months or something right probably less than that there'd be no ways or anything in front of each other nothing like that

it was very new I like to call that the golden days it was the great days great old days but you were paying for everything it was very expensive like crazy expensive a salad or something around the pool was like 25 quid it was mental right it was horrible i couldn't believe it i was working what was i doing at the time? I think I was gigging solo. I was skint, basically. And yeah, so in the morning, we'd get like a croissant and a juice, which was lovely. Like one of the French prison.

No, but it was just like a little breakfast. And that was nice. But then come about half nine, I was starving. But you were one of them people. We got up at nine. You're one of them people when you're on holiday and it's sun you're like oh i just don't get hungry i'm just not hungry at all and i was like neither am i i lost weight on that holiday i lost three pounds you're welcome wow uh oh i was

it was and then do you remember when the sun was going down at like five because it was february or something it was like five o'clock and you were like fancy gin and tonic i was like i will be leathered eating the lime i was like um excuse me waitress what comes with fruit what cocktail do you do with fruit i feel really bad you know i felt really bad about that afterwards well don't feel bad but i was honestly i don't feel too bad i'll be honest with you making up for it now mate very funny i've i've got a bad date story oh come on then so you know i think you know this okay once went on a date with a guy who played in a band he was a guitarist in a band we were on a pub in the night out and he was like you know in the band and me and my friends like oh and i was single and bloody asked me out on a date

and i was like right okay i will i think he knew a few people who are new as well okay went on a date chatting it was a daytime date during the day we've been on the date for about an hour and we're chatting about what we do and all this kind of stuff and he was like oh yeah um i should probably tell you this he's like like, please don't judge, but I've just started a new career, a new line of work, whatever. And I was like,

all right, okay, not in the knock of time, what are you doing? Porn. What? He was. Oh my God.

He was. That is a first day of clanger, isn't it? He was in porn. Wow. And I was like, oh, this is horrible. I love that.

Don't judge, I'm in porn. This is horrible. Told me all about it. How did that not judging work out for you? Oh, it was just awful. Told me all about it. Then went and Googled it. Shit.

After. Saw the pictures, but you had to pay for it. And I was like, I don't know how this works. So I didn't end googled it. Shit. After. Saw like the pictures but you had to pay for it and I was like I don't know how this works. So I didn't end up getting it. 25 quid subscription and get a salad in Dubai for that. I didn't have anyone ask either.

I was like I don't know how do I ask someone. Can I watch this specific Geordie porn as well. Geordie porn. It was all Geordie people. The classiest of porn. Yeah.

I can't remember what it was called. It had an X in it anyway. So a week later. Shlong on the time. Well done. I can't think of anything. Oh, God, I'm rambling. Nose is bleeding.

I really want to think of one. Angel of the Bumhole. There you go. That's... No. No, you can't just... It's got to be half a rhyme. You can't just take a thing.

Listen, I'm scarred. I was on a date with him. You can't say Angel of the Bumhole. That's like oh Tyne Bridge arse you can't I mean that's a

that's a dating story and a half that's like that's probably a storyline on sex in the city to be fair I know do you know what's even worse

I did kiss him you did kiss him I did I wonder how many other people you kissed by proxy. Oh, no. Have you been at work?

It's time for the celebrity question. Hello, Rosie and Chris. It's Jason Manford. Hope you're well. So my questions are um which one of you is the favorite parent who owns the remote control and who is the grumpiest in the morning all right best of luck oh three questions in one thank you jason you know what it is with jason manford you get value for money with Jason Manford, I tell you that.

What a guy. Asked him for one question, he sends in three. He's brilliant. Unbelievable. Love him. Right, let's do them quickly then. Who's your favourite parent? I'll let you answer this, Rosie.

Well, I think in love, in love and depth, me. For play and just a bit of fun, probably you. Oh, brilliant. That made me sound so cheap. No, but if he wanted to play with these robots, he'd shout for you. If he broke his leg, he'd probably shout for me. Right, okay.

How many times this week has he played with these robots? A lot, why? How many times has he broke his leg? Oh. It's not very nice. Me, Mr Manford, it's me. I'm the favourite. Because I was away a lot last year,

and at the minute I'm the favourite, because he's... Fickle. He's fickle. That's what he is. He's fickle as out. It went from going, I'm the favourite, to slagging him off. To slagging your own son off,

because I'm the favourite at the minute. I've put three years of solid graft into that kid. I was a full-time mother until I got this job. It's still laboring on the podcast and it's your only job. And we do it once a week for an hour. It takes part-time to another level.

Right. Who owns the remote? 100% you own the remote. I'd have to agree. It's crazy how much you own the remote I'd have to agree It's crazy how much you own the remote The Skybox The recordings on there Is stuff for Robin

Stuff for you I have nothing on the Skybox I sat down the other day I thought I'll just watch a bit of telly There wasn't anything on the telly I went on the remote There's nothing out There's nothing there

Then I'm sorry Little Lord Fauntleroy Record some ink There's nothing I don't I never get a chance And do you know what it is I did this on my Instagram the other day The only stuff you watch there then i'm sorry little lord fonderoy record some ink because there's nothing i don't i never get a chance and you know what it is i did this on my instagram the other day the only stuff you watch is housewives of wherever housewives of minnesota it's not one house yeah minnesota

no atlanta yeah yeah uh orange county yeah new york yeah uh manchester no what's it called chester one of them Cheshire that's the one it's horrible it's just all you do you sit down with the coffee

or whatever you turn it on and it's just people arguing it's wonderful it's non-stop I mean we have a little friendly

it's people screaming at each other I know but they've got nice houses as well so that's why you just look at their houses

yes really yeah well can't argue with that and the clothes I just like to look at them And a lot of the time

Watch it on mute Where's the fun in that? Well I think I've just found A hole in the lie You were just saying Oh well I tell you what When you're playing on your Playstation or whatever

Gameboy, Nintendo X6, 7, 5, 9 Are you alright? Watch it on mute next time I didn't say I just like Looking at it You just said So you're

inviting each other to each other's blooming it's always an event one of them's always I walk in the room and they're always hosting an event yeah because

you didn't come to my event you didn't come to my event event it'd be pretty boring if they were all just sat around playing with the bands of Lego wouldn't it I'd watch that

I'd watch that final one who's the grumpiest in the morning? You. Do you think? Yes. Yeah?

Absolutely. I think I am the grumpiest, especially with Rob, and I think I'm more likely to tell him off in the morning than you are. Oh, yeah, you're horrible to him. Yeah.

You wake up and you're like, hi, my darling son. What will the day have in store for us? I'm like, stop shouting, man. Because, I think that's stop shouting, man. Because, I think that's because I,

as a lady, when you have a child, you, from being about four months pregnant, your body just wakes up all the time

in the middle of the night to get you ready for sleepless nights. I don't know, it's like nature's way or whatever. You just need a way or you're just awake

having nightmares. It's something that happens. And then just need a way or you're just awake having nightmares. It's something that happens. Right. And then from then on, you're doing the night feeds. And don't get me wrong, I know men help and stuff, but it's just, I think we just get better at doing it. I'm just used to it now. Used to getting up.

Seven o'clock is like a lion. If it's got seven in the title, it's the best. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I just love him more than you, so. Well, he loves me more than he loves you at the minute. Yeah. I just love him more than you, so. Well, it's me more than you at the minute, so. Great, thanks. So, yeah.

This has ended on a pretty sour note. I might give that lad a ring. He's not busy. I've downloaded some of these videos for you. Northern noshers! Ners northern nipples but what's what's that a pun on boobs yeah but what's the pun what do you mean well like schlong on the time was fog on the time do you not understand how a pun works come on

I want a porn sex pun based on a northern thing get off your laptop don't google it she was going to google it come on Jimmy nailed great that's it hey thanks for listening, guys.

And just like that, we bid thee farewell. Thank you so much for listening. If you haven't already, please do subscribe. Tell all your friends about it, and we'll be back next week with another instalment of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. Yes, thank you so much for listening, guys. So it's goodbye from me, Chris Ramsey, and goodbye from the little chocolate-quilted chit-pig that is.

Oh, God. Bye, and goodbye from the little chocolate-quilted chit-pig that is. Oh, God. Bye, guys. Bye. Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishikesh Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series.

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