Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 201. Don’t tug at your girdle

Episode Date: January 20, 2023

This week on the podcast Chris & Rosie discuss the highs and (big) lows of fancy dress. There’s an update on what Sandra Christmas gifts and Chris reveals what he attempted to change his name to. Beefs get musical and QFTP's involve a new phenomenon that will put you off your yogurt-based deserts.   Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game

and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com Hello, you're listening to Shag Martinoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband Christopher Ramsey. Hello, hello, hello. It's episode 201

how exciting the first of the 200s so there we go thank you for listening it's like the millennium all over again this is like january 1st the millennium so there we go um you join us at a particularly tense moment of rosie's education in the house uh just to let you be it's always nice to let behind the um the curtain here of the podcast we're sitting in the studio there in my house just trying to get ready to do it and we were we've got it we've got a thing to go to next week haven't we we've got an event our management run like a yearly party and I've personally I've never been to one I almost feel like it's a personal vendetta against me every single time they booked one I was working

and they organise your work they organise my work and their parties so it's like when's that Tossa on tour excellent we'll do it that night when he's in Aberdeen and we'll have the party in London however you said

we're just chatting there and you said you might get something new to wear for it I treat myself I'm annoyed because it says on the thing that you've got to dress posh, and I don't like that. I like jeans and T-shirt, or jeans and shirt.

I'll tell you exactly what it says, because you asked me. Hang on. Glitter. They've got glitter in the title, so everyone's going to be dressed like a rabbit, which is irritating as shit. Really?

And I'm going to have to wear a suit, which I hate wearing. Right, it says... Right, what does it say? Dress code, Studio 54 meets 21st Century Chic. Studio 54 meets 21st Century Chic. What in the name of God is this?

I don't. Why am I suddenly busy next week? I honestly don't really know. I've typed it in. It's like 70s flares, sequins, et cetera, et cetera. But the thing is with that, you buy something, and then when are you going to wear it again? Oh, dear, nah.

Do you know what I mean? What are you going to wear? What is it? Oh, a jumpsuit or something. Oh, he has some pictures. Oh, it's very Austin Powers. Trouble pissing. Austin Powers.

Oh, God. People walk around saying groovy baby all night. I'm busy. Someone get me a fucking tour date. I might do a charity night, a charity gig. Is that what Studio... Is that Isa Minnelli? Oh, Jesus Christ.

Best looks from Studio... What was Studio 54? Was it a club? Look, who gives a fuck? The main point I'm trying to say this, the main reason we've started this is because you said you might get something new to wear. And I said, well, we're in London on the day.

There's loads of shops in London. Let's buy something new in London. And you said, oh, I don't know, Chris, that's pretty risque. A bit risque, yeah. And I said, do you mean risky? And you said... No, risky, like... Aren't they the same thing as what you fucking said?

Well, yes, all right, fair enough. I didn't realise. To which I replied, Rosie, risque means, like, sexually seductive. Sexually suggestive, sorry. And you said... I don't know what I said now. Fucking hell. You said you've been saying risque...

Oh, I know I have, yeah, for a while. ...in place of risky to numerous people for quite some time. Yeah. I think I've got away with it, though, because I think people think I'm joking, but I didn't realise that it was like completely different. Have you been doing a slight accent? Like, oh, that's a bit risque.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was just risky, but with like a French's a bit risque yeah yeah yeah i thought it was just risky but with an like a french accent like risky they spell the same no there's a q and a u and an e at the end of risky oh god hey listen every day's a school day oh it really is that's honestly oh there you go how to recreate some of studio 54's very best fashion looks. Oh, what? Hey, what are you wearing to the party?

Oh, I'm just going to sit on Google and work it out. Oh, put your own fucking clothes on, man. You're a nerd. Well, you just go on your own. I quite like a bit of fancy dress. No. The whole week, I'll be planning what they're going to wear. Oh, flared jeans.

I can wear some flared. Oh, great. I can get a fucking stand in a muddy puddle outside. There's your jeans. Oh, for God's sake. You are such a miserable bastard. You know that. Flared jeans.

I'm genuinely looking forward to it. Flared jeans are for people who wear shit shoes. I love flared jeans. Hide your shitty shoes. I've got like three pairs of flared jeans. Can we crack on before you really offend somebody?

Who? Oh, people who like fancy dress. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Oh, turn up. What have you got on? Oh, look at me. Oh, look at you.

Oh, you're a miserable bastard night's fun over right so you are so you're just not wearing anything what are you going to wear tracksuit 70s tracksuit

great yeah I might wear tracksuit you could wear what we wore for the you know the TV show like the oh like knitted t-shirts the bit that we did beforehand

yeah that was that's quite that isn't it I think I just fucking hey man god all day do you know what's really embarrassing?

We're going to have to ring someone from our management and ask about the dress code. Do you know the party next week? Watch your own way. Couple of dicks. Anyway, enough about that. Why do we have to handhold you two through life? Enough about our shitty little social life.

It's episode 201. We hope you're having a lovely time out there. We about our shitty little social life. It's episode 201. We hope you're having a lovely time out there. We hope you know what risque means. We hope you're having a nice little year so far. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the podcast, should I say. I call it a show like Carl Hutchinson calls it a show. Without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor.

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to turn me on. I've gone down the right rabbit hole here. She's not looking at us here. She's just Googling. Who was that? Was that James Caan? Bianca Jagger, Holston and Liza Minnelli. Did Liza Minnelli smoke?

Well, I never. With that voice, Mick Jagger. This is just sitting next to someone who's on Google. Close it. Calvin Klein? Close it. I didn't know Calvin Klein looked like that. Close your laptop.

I can't. Sorry. They're all there. I actually want to know what Calvin Klein looks like. Yeah, do you want to see? I have no know what Calvin Klein looks like yeah do you want to see no idea what Calvin Klein looks like oh my gosh he's fit

no idea what Calvin Klein looks like I imagine it's just a pair of boxer shorts in 1980 no he's nice look at him yeah

I'd book him now listen but this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor this week's sponsor is companies who phone you and then expect you to give them all of your details oh yeah well they're not companies i think they are you know

not companies do do it it's not just people trying to scam you i mean obviously people trying to scam you do it but companies do it as well like an energy company phoned me who i'm with the other week and said hi is that chris ramsey and i said yes and they said oh it's such and such from this enemy come energy company i went okay what do you want they went i've just got to prove it to you first um can you run through these questions and i went right and then she's like what's your address and i went you fucking rang me you rang me she went oh oh well i got that was it she went well i can't do the call i can't do the call if you won't answer the security questions i don't want to talk to you why do you want to talk to us well do you now though do you think the innocent parties

get annoyed because everyone don't get annoyed though you know it's a thing if you've been scammed before you know like I'm really on high alert anytime anyone rings

is why I ring anyone else so I'm always like why do you want me to post code not giving you that yeah so do you think they're getting pissed off though yeah but don't get pissed off

you know scamming's a thing the same company email me and say watch out scammers are about right like watch out scammers are about I don't get pissed off you know scamming's a thing the same company email me and say watch out scammers are about right like watch out i don't get it like that's like getting that's like walking into your local bank with a balaclava on and then going take that off mate and you go oh what i can't win me balaclava in the bank you can't you can't because people with balaclavas and bags pull fucking shotguns out and rob the place you prick like don't be don't be offended when you ring me on a withheld number and start asking me a load of personal shit and i don't be don't be offended when you ring me on a withheld number and start asking me a load of personal shit

and I don't want to immediately spill me guts to you that's true because do you think anyone's robbed a bank recently does that happen anymore do you know what

I've got no idea I don't think it happens anymore I think it's all online it's all done digital it probably are back in the day it was literally ring the buzzer

the bell underneath you I bet they've never touched that I bet they don't work yeah what the buzzer is it a fake alarm yeah they've never touched that I bet they don't work yeah what the buzzer is a fake alarm

yeah yeah yeah I'll ask our mate works at Lloyd I might say do you still have the alarm and she'll go oh it hasn't worked in years that

never had to put never had to press it it's all online now it's all online it is I'll just rob you online have you watched the videos where people

so there's this guy in America I I think, who catches the scammers out and he can hack into their camera. Oh, fantastic. Watching them. The webcam and that. Oh, isn't it beautiful?

Love it, yeah. Isn't it? And they're just shitting their pants and you're going, aye, you fuckers. Yeah. Guy rang me the other day and he was like, hi, I'm such and such from Vodafone. I went, you're from Vodafone?

I went, yeah. I went, what do you want? He went, I'm going to talk about your phone bill. I went, I'm with a different company. He went, what company are you with? I went you're from Vodafone I went yeah I went what do you want you went I'm going to talk about your phone bill I went I'm with I'm with a different company he went what company you with I went EE he went okay no problem and he put the phone down

and I thought if you fucking ring back in two minutes and say you're from EE I'm going to be really impressed imagine same voice everything I am from EE

oh hiya mate he didn't thank god but I was like imagine he did well you get all my scamming calls because I just won't answer oh it was your phone it was your phone yeah yeah it was your phone yeah i always just tell

them with a different one anyway even if they ring up saying that from me yeah go on with all the phone they're gone oh no bother you didn't then you didn't yeah little horrible little dirty bastards yeah it's the fact that they do it to get old people and that really makes me of course it's disgusting it's absolutely shocking awful awful but anyway, comedy! Here's a jingle! We had a fight about the jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle So this is the jingle We hope you like the jingle Jingle!

Watch out, scammers about Watch out, scammers about Yeah, you better watch out Them pesky scammers about You get the words wrong there? Couldn't fit it in Gammas, pesky gammas Little gammon steaks Little gammon steaks

Hello, hello, hello Anyway, how are you? Because you were a right fucking misery before we started this podcast No, I'm'm all right you know i did the risque thing you were like little right misery you kept sitting there going what's wrong with us i've just felt a bit you know some days you just feel a bit down it's blue monday the other day well maybe mine's catching up because i was all right on monday quite a nice day delayed i'm having a bit of blue why is it blue monday i don't understand i don't know the ins and outs signs of it but from what I've gleamed it's like Christmas is over

it's the beginning of the year you know it's that thing of like everyone builds stuff up so much that's why I said the thing last episode about everyone builds it up it's like

I hope you're smashing 2023 you know I'm not meandering into my fucking pyjamas I'll get to it maybe I do need a bit of that though I'll get to it yeah maybe you do

maybe I need it I've had it I've given you a little shake I put all the rules down last week buy a VHS player call a dog mate you'll be alright

Vicky Patterson got in touch on Twitter and said that on Instagram and said that she calls her dog sir quite a lot

oh right nice you're peaking too early she's just bought another one hasn't she madness absolutely nutcase these people with all the dogs

all she does is put photos on big shout out Vicky Patterson but all you do is put photos on of stuff your dog's fucked up

and you've went and bought the little counterpart in crime out of stuff your dog's fucked up and you've went and bought the little counterpart in crime out of the dog crate rings in your house what you're doing and the thing is i mean i don't know dogs but if they're like kids no two kids are the same yeah so there's so many people isn't it when they've had a child and they're like oh my he's so easy absolute walk in the dream and have another one who's like, the devil.

We seem to have gone the other way. Robin was the nightmare. Robin was so, he still is. He's just intense. He's just an intense kid. Rafe's pretty chill. Yeah. So we've had it.

We've already done the hard stuff. Didn't one of our friends say recently that they got one dog and the dog was the chillest dog ever. Now this other dog. Yeah, Alex was telling us. And that dog's an absolute knob. con she says she apologizes to her first dog she's like i'm sorry i gave you a sister i know you didn't want it this is all my fault well they used to do alex was telling us used to leave all the doors open when they went to work they never leave the dogs for long by the

way they used to leave all the doors open ivy ivy the oldest dog would go on all the bed she was absolutely fine didn't have to worry about and now they've got the second one they literally have to shut and lock all the doors because she just pisses on all the beds

and Ivy's like you fucking ruined this for me you bitch he blessed them listen I got so excited last week

with it being New Year and everything I didn't try to not talk about Christmas too much I didn't give Sandra's Christmas present to me update oh yes christmas just gone right so i'm sure everyone's been waiting with bated breath to know what sandra uh obviously in the past she's got as a knife

holder um she's got us for the kitchen yeah what about the pan with the spikes on the tray with the spikes on what she couldn't find on christmas day i had to go and find for her um and it's got spikes on by the way to hold the meat in place yeah it's for cutting meat yeah and i remember opening it and she went well it's for when you when you cook your meat and you cut it and i was like i've never cooked any meat and i've never had i've never it's just ridiculous right and then she used it that day bless her right um she says i'm hard to buy for which i suppose i am in a way because i mean you know you just buy your own shit when you want it but this year um it's it's weird she's she's sort of splits it in two now she gets us some genuinely good shit that i really want and then she throws in something that just reminds us that she's the worst present buyer on the planet she's getting

better she's good she came around i was uh christmas eve um with two what I can only describe as off cuttings from the bit on Jumanji where the plants come to life. Two fucking trees. They're lovely though. They're nice. Indoor ones.

Massive trees. Look, I don't mean to sound like an arsehole. I've already slagged off fancy dress but I don't mean to sound like a dickhead but buying plants

is not a present. You are a dickhead. Chris, you're a comedian. Buying plants isn't a present. Comedians are dickheads. It's not a present. Right, great. Buying plants is not a present. You a dick Chris you're a comedian buying plants isn't a present comedians are dickheads it's not a present right great buying plants

is not a present I've done a full thing when someone bought us an olive tree once I've got two kids I can barely keep them alive I can barely keep them fed and water

I can barely keep up with their demands now there's two fucking trees in my living room they look lovely they're starting to smell a bit weird

are they yeah we're not they're going to be dead really soon right I'm telling you it's responsibility it's not a gift

it's responsibility anyway she gave you them plants and I was like fucking hell you'll go so I had to bite my tongue there because instead of being the guy

going why have you bought these two fucking trees into my house then I opened my again I'm not I'm not expecting anything if your mum could your mum could turn up

with nothing and just say Merry Christmas and give us a hug and I wouldn't care I'm not that guy but it is fun to take the piss she got us some gym stuff which was brilliant

which you love some really good gym shorts gym t-shirt fucking excellent and then there was a little a little bottle wrapped up and I was like

ooh she's bought us like a little whiskey or something plant feed there's a bottle of plant feed for the plants instead of going there's some plant feed

she put it in my she wrapped it up and put it in my she wrapped it up and put it in my bag what confused me about this was the plants were for me did you get the feet because you're a useless fuck and she knows you'll kill them it was wrapped up it was a little bottle i thought what is this I didn't know it was such an odd shape I was like what is this is it a baby's bottle

is it a joke plant feed where is that now that's for the plants I don't know where it is what the she's a fucking lunatic why did she wrap it up

I don't know why didn't she put it with the plants I don't know she's bulking it out man this is all I got when I was a kid, you know. With Christmas presents. We used to get a nice one

and then everything else was just pouched up. I'm surprised your mum didn't open the selection boxes and individually wrap each chocolate bar and go, there you go, you've got six presents. This is one present, this. You've fucking decanted. You've decanted a selection box. You mean bitch.

Oh, well she got it was my sanctuary body butter so I love her forever oh again body butter disgusting couple of words that is

why it actually is isn't it sounds greasy body butter sounds like we've got to change the sheets what was wrong with body lotion

why are you calling it butter but you're basting yourself body butter don't fall on the car What was wrong with body lotion? Why are you calling it butter? What are you basting yourself for? Body butter. Don't fall on the carpet. You'll fall butter side down.

Speaking of butter, I went off brand this week and it's really upset us. You love it though, but I hate the butter. We've changed it. You bought some new butter. Guys, it's been a busy week. We're snowed under.

Absolutely fucking snowed under. So much going on. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Went out with the girls recently. So Angela. You are never in this house, do you know that? Angela, Steph and me and my sister Kate, we went out for a couple of drinks

and then we went for a curry. That's Rosie. Rosie out again with her friends there shirking our responsibilities, leaving me, the beans and the plants and the house to fend for ourselves. You've got the feed, you'll be fine. So we went out.

It was really lovely. We had a lovely night. Got a little bit tipsy, you know. Had pre-drinks and all lovely night got a little bit tipsy you know had pre-drinks and all that so a little bit a little bit tipsy but went for this

gorgeous curry it was all going so well so so well had a look at the wine list and we thought you know what I was going to get

a glass of Pinot Grigio and then the girls so Angela and Kate were like you know we'd love a glass let's get a bottle

so I was like let's get a bottle of wine in the curry house why not right so I've told you this story haven't I you're looking were like, you know, we'd love a glass, let's get a bottle. So I was like, let's get a bottle of wine in the curry house, why not, right? So, I've told you this story, haven't I?

You're looking with bated breath like, I just, I don't, just get a glass each, why are you spashing out for a bottle, what do you think this is? Because it's between three of us,

that's a glass each, a glass and a tiddle each. Tiddle? A little tiddle, tiddle doodle. You get your tiddles out in the curry house when you get that.

So we got a bottle of wine, the gentleman came back and he was like, I'm really sorry, we don't have any of that wine left. And I was like, right, no,

this is a white wine. He's like, well, he went, well, no, we do, we don't have any left in the back,

but we do have a bottle here. And he reached above Angela's head and there's a tiny little shelf the size of the bottle. Right. And he went, this one this is the one

you're after the display bottle of wine on the wall to which I inside died right room temperature display of all wine

don't know how long it's been there Angela and Kate decided that this would be the great the perfect opportunity to give the curry man a

ooooh because he'd gotten off the wall they thought it was special so they were absolutely why there was buzzing

that he like as if he'd done a magic trick so he went so he went sorry I haven't got one in the back chilled in the fridge

where it should be but I've got this one here that's on display on the wall I'll just grab it from up here and they went ooooh

like the fucking aliens in Toy Story exactly like that wall wine and then i was in a really awkward position of am i gonna be the dick and tell him i'm not drinking that bottle of wine that's been on the wall above my friend's head for years could have been years right yes my friends are buzzing about this they think it's really exciting so he went and got a bucket of ice from the back don't tell us he's

drunk with ice in them we put ice in the wine nah because it was warm manky absolutely manky and then we drank the full bottle

oh there we go and I did have a hangover the next day and I think it was yeah out of date wall wine wall wine

yeah it's not just room temperature it's actually warmed up by these LED spotlights That have been on it For six years It did have a light Shining on it

It did have a spotlight above Like an award Why did they get so excited I don't know Why wasn't their first Why wasn't their first thought Like oh Can we not have the one

That's been on the shelf That's like That's like you know When you go for Remember when you went For a pair of shoes When you were younger You'd go for a pair of shoes

You'd be like Have you got these in Or whatever You'd go I'll look out the back And they'd come out With just the left In were younger, you'd go for a pair of shoes. You'd be like, have you got these in or whatever? You've got to look out the back, and they come out with just the left in the box, and they go, so the right one's out here somewhere on display. Oh my God.

And you'd have to stand. The amount of times I had to find a display shoe around the shop, I was like, where's the merchandise? I put the fucking right shoe of this boot. It might be in the window. Oh my God. It might be in the window. And the amount of times I had to stand there waiting for someone to go and get the fucking right adidas oh my god

like i don't want it anymore yeah somebody got a bit offended in a shoe shop i bought not a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes but they weren't cheap like it wasn't just a you know a random little pair of shoes it was a mid mid-range pair of shoes and they brought them like this is display pay and i was like oh so if there's and they brought them and were like this is display pair and I was like oh so is there any money off that and she was like

no I was like I don't want it I don't want this pair of shoes that every fucker has had their feet in so I'm gonna have to break in the left foot

which will never happen because you wear them both at the same time unless I go walk around the streets with just one shoe on it's never gonna fit the same

and I don't understand why they don't give you money off. I remember I gave money off once in all sports, when I worked in all sports in South Shields, because someone was buying a pair of football boots, but one of them had been in the window, and it was a different colour.

It was a different colour than the other one. But it was just for the kids' football, for the PE. The dad wasn't asked, so I got him some money off, and he was just like, I'll get full of mud anyway. But it was literally fucking, it was like a really light shade of black. I must have mentioned that in here because it still really upsets us

to this day. Me mum, remember, I can't remember what the shoe shop was called down the street. Was that a massive one on the corner next to where Marksies used to be?

It began with a B. I can't remember. Can't remember. It was right on the corner in South Shields, right where the buses come round to the bottom of Fowler Street. It was amazing.

I got my first school shoes from there. Yes, aye. Pod, kick-ass. Oh, yeah. Aye, they did all the good stuff. But, well, this was... Did you ever have pods? Yeah, I think so.

Did you leave the key ring on them? Well, yeah, because I'm not a dick. There we go. Because I'm cool as fuck. Of course I did. High five. High five. So, the bargain bin.

Remember the bargain bin? Yep. Where all the shoes were kind of like elastic elastic banded together right okay so I got a pair

of them on Christmas Eve one year yeah I'm sure you must know this story because I was fucking devastated

this doesn't sound like I know this story so big posh shoe shop on the corner in South Shields it wasn't posh I remember it being quite posh big glass windows

and that loads of shoes and that ooh ooh glass windows cranky I donads of shoes in that. Ooh. Ooh. Glass windows. Crikey. I don't know what I expected

the windows. It wasn't posh. I don't think it was posh. Not like the metal windows you get now. Corrugated iron. Well, it was like wood. The shop was like wood.

It looked quite... I don't know. We may be thinking of different shoe shops. Okay, then. Anyway. Are you talking about the Brunswickshire Warehouse that was round the back? Maybe I am Anyway. Are you talking about the Brunswickshire Warehouse

that was round the back? Maybe I am. You might be talking about the Brunswickshire Warehouse that was round the back. That was a good one. Right. Well, anyway, Christmas Eve, went to the shops.

Every Christmas Eve, we used to get a McDonald's. Yeah. And me mum and dad would get away. It was like a treat, right? It was lotioning. Happy Christmas. You won McDonald's of the year.

See you at your birthday. Maybe you'll get two. So I got this pair of shoes and they had a little heel. They were just like canvas but they had a little, tiny little heel and it was Spice Girls era.

I was in year six and I was just buzzing to have this little heel because my mum, my mum was not like mums nowadays. She was dead strict. I wasn't allowed to wear ESPS until I was 15.

I wasn't allowed to wear makeup. Like, she was just proper strict which I'm grateful for now because I had a childhood. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Didn't grow up too quick.

Right. Anyway, so I bought these. I was fucking buzzing. I was like, I'm going to wear these on Boxing Day to me nana's. Right. Absolutely over the moon cock hoop. Got to Boxing Day. Right.

Went to put them on because for some reason, just picked them out the bin my size, didn't actually try them on. Right. Went to try them on and there were two left feet. There were two left feet tied together. There's you walking around in circles all day in that. Right. Went to try them on and there were two left feet. There were two left feet tied together. There's you walking around in circles all day. Basically.

But it was Boxing Day so I couldn't go and change them because none of the shops were open. Unlike now. Unlike now where I would have been able to. Couldn't change them.

I've never, that memory has stuck with me for my entire life and to this day I need to ask my mum because I've got a feeling I might have worn them. Two left feet?

I think I might have worn them. I'm not worn them two left feet I think I might have worn them I'm not even joking I think I might have been so desperate to wear them that I did wear them oh my god can you remember

that's gutted there's Rosie there Merry Christmas what did you get for what did you get for Christmas looks like God looks like Santa gave you rickets

for Christmas Rosie there you can't walk you alright what did he give you a bad back looks like Santa gave you rickets for Christmas. Rosie, there you can't walk. You alright? What did he give you? A bad back? I need to ask my mum if I wore them. Shall I ring her now?

She'll not remember, but go on. She might. She's got the burn. She's got rarefying. She's probably thinking, oh, get in the company, get in early. No. Hi.

Hi, mum. Hello. Hi. Hi, Mum. Hello. Hello. Just dead quickly, we're just recording the podcast. Do you remember that year that I bought that pair of shoes with the little heel, but there were two, like, left feet? Mm-hmm. And I was devastated.

I do, I do. Did I wear them, or did we wait to send them back? I don't think you sent them back. Did I wear them for Boxing Day? Well, how the hell could you have worn two shoes? Well, Sandra, if I like a pair of shoes enough, I will wear two left feet. Ask her what that shop was called.

What was the shop called? From Shields. Aye. Well, it would have been a cheap shop if it was you. It would have been one of the... Was it Brunswick Shoe Warehouse? Was it Brunswick? It was Brunswick.

Oh, my God. That's the one. You're going to dissing me on my shoes knowledge. All right, then. No worries. It was a very vivid memory, and we're just chatting about it now. Okay. All right.

Bye. Your mother. Because it was you. You and Bushy bought them. Your mother letting you get a heel buy shoes with a heel on when you were a child

no wonder you were such a slag now do you know that wow absolutely disgusting I was not a slag I'm not a slag disgusting behaviour

listen on the topic of you being a slag said in a loving way yeah great I found this on Instagram the other day this came up

and I just I thought I'd get I thought I'd throw a couple of these at you and get your opinion on them right right so I found this on Instagram the other day. This came up and I just, I thought I'd get, I thought I'd throw a couple of these at you and get your opinion on them, right? Right. So I was scrolling through Instagram the other day and I follow all these like fact pages

and historical fact pages. So these are vintage dating tips for women from a 1938 magazine. Oh God. Did you see these? No. These are, I just want to,

just want to see what your opinion is. Just throw it out there. Who, so a man's wrote this or a woman? Well, I assume,, Tips for Women. I assume it's a man. I imagine it's a man who wrote it. Or a woman may have wrote it, but then the boss of the magazine may have changed it quite heavily.

Okay. Be the judge. Right. So it's 1938. You're a young lass. You've got your two left feet on. You've got your little heels. You're about to go out dating.

Okay? Men don't like girls who borrow their handkerchief and smudge them with lipstick. Make up in private. Not where he sees you. Fucking hell. Alright? 38.

1938. Wow. Don't be nicking me handkerchief. The amount of times you've tucked my handkerchief with me, with me initials embroidered on it and you've smudged, you've,

you take it off as important as you wipe your lipstick. Yeah, yeah. You slag stick all over, wiping your arse, dabbing your armpits with it.

Do you know what's hilarious though? I'm not, just a, something, even as a woman, right? When women have so much makeup on and they hug you

and it just gets all over your top. Oh my God. and i've done that to some blokes before and i've genuinely some of your mates when they hug me i'm like i'm like craying my neck yeah because i've put makeup on them so many times so there's something in that actually well it's okay then so maybe maybe careless women never appeal to gentlemen don't talk while dancing For when a man dances, he wants to dance. Wow. So. Holy shit, this is horrible.

Well, stop talking while dancing. Don't be familiar with your escort by caressing him in public. PDU. Any open show of affection is in bad taste and usually embarrasses

or humiliates him. Crikey. Well. Wouldn't want to do that. Back off. Right? Back that. Back off, right? Back off. Back off, Slag. We'll dance, we'll dance,

but don't talk and don't caress my bum or anything like that. Oh, God, no. If you need a brazzery, wear one. Don't tug at your girdle. And be careful of your stockings, that they're not wrinkled. I feel like a woman's wrote this. I don't understand any of those words.

So what's a don't tug at your girdle? Don't tug at your girdle. If you need a bra, wear one. Have your tits flapping about in public, man. You're supposed to be dating. Don't let... This one you can take on board now. This is you all over.

Don't be familiar with the head waiter talking about the fun you had with someone else another time men deserve and desire your entire attention Rosie this is disgusting

a lot of times you've spoken to the head waiter don't sit in awkward positions right and never look bored right even if you are don't ever look bored don't ever look bored. Even if you are. Don't ever look bored.

Don't ever look bored. Even if you are, be alert. And if you must chew gum, brackets not advised, do it silently, mouth closed. Oh, God. Don't drink too much. As a man expects you to keep your dignity all evening, drinking may make some girls seem clever,

but most get silly. Right, I'm out. I'm tapping out. I'm tapping out of 1938. I don't belong here. Please unflatter your date by talking about the things that he wants to talk about. Great.

Quite right. Thank you, Andrew Tate, for that. Glorious insight. That's horrendous. Bad, isn't it? I'm happily happy that I never lived in 1938. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. I haven't told you this, but something happened the other day.

A guy I know from years and years ago changed his name. Right. Just changed his name from one... First or second name? Just his first name from one name to another. I'm not sure i'm not sure the reason i don't it might be in his middle name not sure oh okay but every time i say he's nana yeah she never uses the name that he's changed his name to brilliant just always refers like fuck him and i'm like and i've never ever corrected that but every time i think you don't't like that, you change the name, do you? Or do you just forget?

It's so funny. It's so funny. It is that weird thing, And he's not changing it, it's the same sex name, it's not like, He's just picked a different name. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

just a different name, and she will never call him by the name that he's changed it to. Did I ever tell you that I went through, I must have mentioned that I went through a small phase when I was younger

of trying to get people to call us Axel. Oh no, you never, Axel. tell you that i went through i must have mentioned that i went through a small phase when i was younger of trying to get people to call us axel oh no right why when and um where so it'll be it'll coincided with Streets of Rage 2 on the Mega Drive right the main character with the blonde hair and the blue jeans

and the white vest was called Axel okay and then Beverly Hills Cop right Eddie Murphy was called Axel Foley

yeah yeah yeah Axel I was like this is great so I sent my mum I was like can I be called Axel and I was like would you say

no and then I was like well I will and then I sent my friends I was like you've got to call us Axel? And I was like, no. And I was like, well, I will. And then I sent me friends. I was like, you've got to call us Axel. Oh God.

Oh God. What did they, how old were you? Oh, six or seven. Oh, that's fair enough. What did they say?

I was 20. No, six or seven. They just went, no. No. Yeah. And I was like,

come on, like, I've changed my name. I want to be called Axel now. That can be my name. And they were like, right. And then everyone forgot. If Robin came in and was like, come on, I've changed my name. I want to be called Axel now. That can be my name. And they were like, right. And then everyone forgot.

Oh, God. If Robin came in and was like, I want to change my name to fucking Ryder, I'd be like, absolutely not. Stop it and don't say it to your friends. That's the thing, isn't it? When I watch Paw Patrol or anything like that, Chase is quite a one that everyone uses. Paw Patrol characters are called Chase and loads of different things are called Chase.

Ryder, until you said Ryder right there. So the idea of someone in the Northeast going, my name's Ryder now, I'd be things are called Chase. Ryder, until you said Ryder right there, so the idea of someone in the North East calling me names Ryder now, I'd be like, are you a slag, are you? Do you not think all of these names

are going to come back though? Ryder? Well, do you not think in like 15 years time you're going to meet someone called Bluey? Oh, maybe. Or Dougie.

Oh, there is Dougies already, fair enough. I'm Dougies, yeah. Yeah. Who else? Super Tato. Super Tito. Super Tito. Just naming all the CBeebies characters.

Super Tito. What's your name? Evil Pete? You watched a lot of telly when you were a kid, didn't you? Grandmaster Glitch. Right. tell you when you were a kid didn't you grandmaster glitch right what's your name i'm the fit dad out of cocoa melon nice to meet you i'm uber corn right how where this could go on all day this could go on all day if you haven't got kids i apologize for how fucking rats this must sound

shout out to bluey by the way best kids cartoon I've ever made oh it's unbelievable isn't it it's the best thing I've ever we enjoy we sit down nightly to watch Bluey

get a couple of adult writers on Bluey right take it out of the kids column get a couple of adult writers on I'm telling you

you could rival Family Guy and the Simpsons with Bluey it's that fucking good when Bluey does a little singing voice I just honestly best thing ever

you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers

of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth.

Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what?

Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Gets it gets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together

and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef, eh? What is your beef?

What's your beef for me? What have I done to you, eh? I've got loads. You've done loads to us. I've got a backlog. I've got a backlog of beefs, but I'm just going to go with one that happened during the Christmas holidays.

All right, great. I'm going first. Can I go first? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go first. Go on, yeah. You crack on. Okay, so... That's what you do. So, you seem to live in a world where you are normal and level-headed

and I am a neurotic mess. Right, okay. And things like, what's wrong with you? And like, are you serious? All right. Get thrown at us quite a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just an example, when it was windy the other night,

you couldn't function properly. Oh, the wind's really upset us. Apparently, now the wind is a trigger for chris yeah yeah so whenever it's slightly windy chris can't concentrate can't concentrate can't watch a program has to go to bed put it up there so who's neurotic i'm i'm neurotic yeah listen you're not right no i'm just so i get it just so i'm clear i'm not i did not see you're neurotic i did not i said we seem to live in this world where you think I'm constantly neurotic. Okay, sorry. So yes, I have my moments. Wind in everyday life now, when I can hear wind outside,

it's similar to how I feel when there's turbulence on an aeroplane. When there's turbulence on a plane, you see people not even look up from the book and I'm like, have you got a death wish? You're not even bothered by this. Anyway, back to what I'm saying. or you some if you've got a death wish you've got a you're not even bothered by this right anyway anyway back to what I'm saying right we were walking along the street

up to the shop you were picked up Rafe you had a hold of Rafe Rafe took your sunglasses off your head a pair of quite expensive sunglasses that I

that I bought you for your birthday a little while ago yeah a few quid nice little pair of sunglasses shouldn't really be wearing them just to walk to the shop a bit offended that really be wearing them just to walk to the shop. A bit offended that you were

wearing them just to walk to the shop, you know, maybe keep them for best. Getting used to them. Well, fair enough. We walk along, Reeve takes them off your head and I said,

Rosie, careful with them. He's got them glasses in his hand. They're expensive. And you turn. There was someone walking into the drive. They heard the tail end of it. You turned, you were like,

are you serious? Are you, did you honestly, did you honestly just say that to me? Are you serious? What's wrong? What's wrong with you? Why do you feel the need to tell me stuff like that? Why do you feel the need to have

to say that out loud? What's wrong with you? What did you do? What did Rafe do the next second? What did he do the next second after that? After that little fucking play? after that little opera that you did in the street what did Rafe do drop me threw him on the fucking floor didn't he straight on the floor I don't know why right so okay marriage is all about being honest and like i think the way that it works is right i i know i tell you loads of things i know i would say that to you i can't bear it when you do it to me really i can't stand if you just say one thing to me like watch that i'm like

who the fuck do you think you're talking about and i'm so sorry i do i. I know I do it. I can't stand it. I don't know why. I don't know what's happened. What's me trauma? Where's me trauma? I think you're just an arsehole. No, I don't think you're just an arsehole. But yeah, I'd have said that to you.

I'd have said, watch the burns, got your glasses. And yeah, so I'm sorry about that. But yeah, he didn't scratch them luckily, but they were there. Do you want to hear my beef with you? Yeah, go on then. So I'm going to leave your new hobby till next week. We'll get into that next week.

Talk about that later. I was just getting into that new hobby. Yeah, we'll talk about that later. So this is a beef with an ick. Bit of an ick as well. Beef with an ick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes you just say things that instantly make me go,

don't know why I married this man. Jesus. So this was a little while ago. You told me that for New Year, you were like, I'm not going to make a resolution. You said, I'm not going to make any resolutions.

Oh God, this already doesn't sound good. What I am going to do, Rosie, what I'm going to do is, I didn't really say much more of it at the time because I knew I was going to bring it on here. Oh, right.

Okay, so this is, do you think, this is one of the ones where I've said it and I've thought, oh, she's bought that, that's fine. And I've like, I've instantly forgot what it was because you didn't make a thing of it so i'm actually

dreading this so what i am gonna do rosie is i'm gonna learn the what that the rap the tiago what's it called tiago silver tiago silver do you said to me i'm not gonna make any resolutions but you know what i'm gonna do rosie honestly you know what I'm going to do Rosie honestly you know what I'm going to do I'm going to learn all the words to the Thiago Silva rap and I want it to vomit by Dave and AJ Tracy

why why was why did you say that because I don't know actually but you said it so seriously like is that genuinely because I have learnt them aye

you've learnt them have you actually learnt them have you fully is the one he did when he got that Alex from Glassdoor he gotbury yeah and i just remember watching i was thinking fucking hell there's loads of words in this and then i was listening in the car and there's there's a couple of swears but not loads so i let me i let robin listen to it because you can't you can't

spot the swear words because they're so quick and uh i listened to a few times in the car and i was like it's so fucking cool this i was like i wish i knew all the words so i thought i'm gonna learn all the words great and you've done it yeah yeah do you want to do it no come on no no you've ruined it no no howie

I won't do it howie well do a little do a verse no do a verse Chris please no don't do that

that's not even what it sounds like what's it called how's it called it's that like that come on no you've got to do a verse you can't be

you can't be embarrassed there's nobody else here they're listening and you never see them listening. How are we? I just feel sick. Someone will play it back. Someone will clip it up

and play it back and it'll ruin everything. Do it. Nobody's got time for that. Santan from the VutVutX AJ. Man mystic with a pen like JK. Truce Aunt Ria drinker but got a lot for brandy like AJ.

Champagne popper 44 chopper and a black knight bomber. Heartbeat stopper half heart MC dropper 45 whopper leaving the sticks like caca. AJ from the Vut Vut

Exantan. Oh, he's off. He's off. That's from AJ, Tracy Clixon. Does it have the word caca in it? The footballer. Leaving the stakes like caca. Not the poo. I'll leave you standing there when I zip off. Not the poo. Fair enough. Not the poo. Totally, absolutely devastated.

Well done. You've fulfilled your New Year's resolution. That was the biggest ick I've ever known. I agree. Right, stop now. absolutely devastated well done you've fulfilled your New Year's resolution that was the biggest ick I've ever known I agree right stop now stop alright alright

you're not the only one who can rap Chris stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop no it's not there's a different one stop stop too young but they're trying to eat off when i used to eat off a pens in a sandbag now we get money music money money that girlfriend did a handbag stop white t's balenciaga's man right come on left with it with a long stick like a grand egg right babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo back you you

broke my bean telling broke with a mood like grizzy you started this you're gone your breath is too strong wait come back you need a tick tack

you need a tick you need a tack you need the whole damn pack you need to learn another rap because you've done that one before

U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi you ugly hey hey you ugly your mama your daddy

your greasy greasy grand nanny got a hole in your panties got a big behind like Frankenstein go beep beep beep down Sesame Street toot to nanny. Got a hole in your panties, got a big behind like Frankenstein. Go beep, beep, beep down Sesame Street.

Toot, toot, toot, wearing army boots. In your ear, candy beer. Up your butt with a coconut. Woo! Yours is better than mine. Yours is much better. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public.

Public. Public. Public. As always, you beautiful, beautiful people out there, it is shaggedmardinoid at the public. Public. Public. As always, you beautiful, beautiful people out there, it is shaggedmoudanoid at gmail.com if you want to send us

absolutely bloody goddamn fucking anything, mate. Go for it. Yes. Slags. Right. I shouldn't mean

that. Question for you. Yes. You will be able to help me answer this, okay? I'll be able to help you.

This is a question from you, not a question from me. No, sorry, this is from a member of the public, but because of your gender, you'll be able to help you this is a question from you no sorry this is from a member of the public but because of your gender you'll be able to help us out with this okay dear rosie and chris i've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and safe to say he's cringed me out many times but this really got me don't we all last night before we went to bed we were looking through twitter and he's liked this tweet attached so he's like this tweet and it said after a night out most lads run home right so

i then questioned him like what the fuck do you mean you ran home after a night out like as you've been chased by people or right he then proceeded to tell me that after nights out he would run or jog home no reason for it just when he was pissed out his head he's run home apparently it's a boy thing you're nodding your head in agreement yeah i've done it you have you have ran home yeah when you're pissed it's been done not for years right wouldn't fucking dare now um it's something in my day it was when i was younger it was when i didn't have as much money for taxes i didn't have a disposable income so i didn't have money for taxes and stuff the buses were finished and if you're in your local

time you know i'm not running back from fucking Newcastle City Centre to South Shields, but if you're in your local town, South Shields. You've talked a couple of miles, though. Yeah, I've done it loads of times. Have you? I haven't even told you this. So my cousin used to phone his wife.

This was before everyone had mobile phones. He'd go to the phone box at the town hall. He'd phone his wife. He would say, right, I'm going to run home now. Timers, so i know how long it took for us to get in and he would run home and he'd get in and he'd go up the bedroom wake up and he'd go how long was it and she'd go i didn't time you you fucking dick oh my god i'd be furious oh my god i'd be absolutely raging and wife they were married at this time yeah yeah yeah yeah had

kids yeah oh my i know exactly who you mean yeah yeah it's weird though because i do remember Oh my God, I'd be absolutely raging. And wife, they were married at this time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, had kids. Oh my, I know exactly who you mean. It's weird though, because I do remember seeing lads run home. Yeah, loads of times I've run home. That's so odd. In dress shoes, or did you have trainers on? The dress shoes days at the time, yeah. Because you weren't allowed to wear trainers back in the day when we were going out.

When we first started going out and I was like 17, yeah. But yeah, done it loads of times. Loads of people do it loads of my mates have ran home really that's so funny yeah I walked home

that's so weird I don't think I've told you this this is weird I walked home from Sunderland once Sunderland town centre back to South Shield that's a good 6 mile

far it was far yeah 4 maybe 4 well a fucking hike an absolute hike

I've done it twice I did it the coast road way once Yeah And I did it the sort of Inland way once Right The coast road way I was with my mate

And we actually had quite a good laugh Walking back But the The inland way I walked on my own And Can't believe I'm actually going to say this What

Definitely haven't told you Can't believe I'm going to say it on the podcast And let everyone know There may be people out there Who've done it before But numerous At numerous points on the podcast and let everyone know. There may be people out there who have done it before, but at numerous points on the way home I genuinely

tried to fly. Were you taking drugs? No, no drugs. So why? I don't understand. Better if I try hard than if I can. So you ran and jumped? Not when there was any cars going past.

And dry a plan. Yeah, just like... That is so... Like... Oh, my God. Yeah. He's just done the action of, like, what Superman does, but actually takes off.

That is... Why? I don't know pissed pissed thought I could do it just thought I bet you

I bet you so you're older than I was when I tried that I've definitely tried that but I must have been early 20s oh right

I was about 8 I was about Robin's age leather jacket jeans plimsolls push thinking you could fly

push must have tried it 20 times just thought this is the one this is the one i'm i'm the gifted one tell you now out of everyone i know i'm definitely the one emailing i'm telling you people have tried to fly but when pissed on a walk okay great but when a car go past i just start walking right yeah no of course a bit of a run-up yeah if you want to know more about chris

and i walking home we wrote a lot in the book about walking home or was it just me I don't know I love to walk home after a night out it's one of the best parts of the night you're not pissed the next day

if you take a good walk home that is true and you eat your chips on the way home have a piss in the park that was always good fun there we go yeah yeah

yeah babadoo babadoo babadoo bah dear Rosie and Chris hope you're both well I think this could be used as a Rosie's Mysteries mystery

oh great mystery I miss the music for Rosie's Mysteries. Oh, man, no one else does. Waste of time, man. I never knew that. We can use it on the tour, I think. Fuck. Yeah, we can.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a bit behind in listening to your podcast. I've just listened to episode 143, where the man picked his ear with his key, and this reminded me of something. There he is. There he is. What?

The guy who picked his ear with his key my partner of 14 years also does this pixies with his key yeah i don't get that for quite a few months i would say around six months he kept complaining that he couldn't hear properly and thinks something is stuck in his ear for months he kept asking me to look and i would say don't be stupid you would know about it if something was stuck in your ear however I would give a half-arsed look

and say there was nothing there just like oh there's nothing oh yeah right no there's nothing there there's nothing there the way women do

whenever a man has hurt themselves yeah for me if I ever hurt myself or I want you to check anything I'm like will you look at that

yeah fine no you do it you do it when we're out in public and you make us look up your nose and I'm like I just glance but the maybe it's not hanging out your snot not my problem well come on I'm your husband you can't be going out this is me husband with a big dangler hanging out actually to be fair that the respect I lose when people are with their partner and their partner has either got

a spitty mouth a snotty kink or something else going on and I'm like what are you you're with this big long nose hair

is coming off like an elephant's tusk yeah ear hair nose hair sort it out tell him before he leaves the house

yeah exactly so fair enough fair enough take a pack one day he went to work and asked his boss to have a look because I didn't look properly

ah yes yes no I feel his pain yeah she's not looking properly she's glancing I know she's not I know there's something there and I know she's just glancing

and then looking back at the telly yep she had a good look and pork with some tweezers oh god I'm guessing she's not married but the boss because if somebody else's husband

asked me to look in their ear I'd go I haven't got enough time to look at my own husband's ear what are you coming here with your problems for right where do they work

where does it work I don't know I'm desperate to know though where do you think they work well I can just imagine like standard he's got the tweezers just having a good look

in his ear and the customer's just like sorry can I get a sandwich I ordered please two seconds no this is this is definitely an office thing.

Yeah, it's an office where people go. This isn't like a, this is not a school. This is not a hospital or anything like that. It's all, yes, I've got tweezers in me desk. Yeah, I do. I do. Me eyebrows in the car because the light's good. Yeah.

Okay. So she got some tweezers and pulled out. Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. Really? So there was something in his ear. Oh, Jesus. She tweez tweezer is yeah that's a bit out and what did you pull out I saw the clue we did this last week yeah the clue is that the key he scratches up with his case and what has come off the key is it

a big bit of pocket fluff is it a big massive bit of pocket flow from his pocket or what else gonna it be from a key? You only get one guess. Stop taking the piss. It can't be a bit of key because that's mental. That's metal, actually. Fantastic. Great work.

Thank you. I'm going to go with a big bit of pocket fluff. Right, pocket fluff. We all know the kind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's sharp, sometimes it's soft. Pocket length.

Depends what you've had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a tiny little bit of chewing gum wrapper in there. Sometimes. Yeah. I love chewing gum wrapper. There's bits of chewed up chewing gum all over my car and little bits of paper. It's like a fucking bin on wheels.

Yeah. So I'll tell you right now. Yeah. She tweezed and pulled out. I'm wrong, aren't I? I am wrong. You're wrong, yeah. The end of a big pen.

Fuck off! Not the lid, but the other end. The little blue bit. The little bit that goes at the top. The absolute idiot had been scratching the inside of his ear with a pen and it got wedged in there. From then on, they all called him Bic at

work. Right, right. Couple of things here. One, how busy and, right, more than a couple of things here. One, how busy... Right, more than a couple of things. One, how itches your fucking ear? You probably need to go to the doctor. You need drops or something. The inside of your ear is far too dry.

You need an olive oil spray or something. Something going on. Go and see your ear specialist. Two, how vigorously are you scratching your ear to lose the end of a Bic pen? Three, how big is are you scratching your ear to lose the end of a big pen three how big is the inside of your ear that the end of a big pen can go in and you can just think there might be something in there i know and not be like fuck me the end of the pen came off in the ear yeah some people have got big ears though final thing how much of a lazy fucking car was she for glancing

and not realizing that there's an end of a Bic fucking pen in his ear? And another final thing, yeah, the encore. Oh, my God. Can you imagine the atmosphere in that workplace when that boss pulled that out of his ear? Oh, yeah, beautiful. It must have been the best thing that happened that month. Yeah.

Oh, what a journey that was. And then whoever started calling him Bic must have been quite proud of that Bic absolutely bang on

hello Bic oh well it is it's when people when you find out about people's nicknames and how they've come about well I've got the best one

yeah yeah but I can't really talk too much about it because people might know who it is oh shit that's a line but well you

knew someone who I know as well. Yeah. And my family know him as well, and they call him something. And I was like, oh, such and such. And you were like, no. I was like, oh, that's his name.

And then you were like, oh, no, it's not. My family had given this person the nickname because they're talking about this thing every time. This must be a pain to listen to. I'm sorry. We can't put this out. Unless we're just going to go all out and say what this is without the fucking code. Right.

We can't put this out there. Okay, my family called someone who Chris knows Mesh. Mesh. And I went to Chris, oh. I said the guy's name and Rosie went, oh, Mesh. And I went, who the fuck's Mesh? What the fuck do you call Mesh for? And apparently, to numerous members of her family on separate occasions he was banging on about how people have net net curtains net curtains but he was calling

them mesh curtains and he said everyone's got net curtains so that you can't see what they're doing in their house but he said everyone's got mesh curtains and he said there's so many times that his nickname became mesh annoyingly i've known the fucker for years and he's never mentioned that to me and weirdly i remember his house and he hadn never mentioned that to me. And weirdly I remember his house and he hadn't mesh curtains so I don't know what's going on there. He didn't? Yeah he did. Oh he did? Yeah. I don't know why that's gone out but anyway. All windows. So strange.

It was delightful when I found out that. Mesh. Yeah mesh. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. Always. Always. Just relistening to episode 188 and hearing Rosie's ick about Chris eating a froube has brought back an awful memory

of something a friend told me. I can't do anything in this house, can I? I can't do anything. I was dead. Any time, I don't know why, but any time you have a cheese string or a froube or any of the kids' food, you just keep buzzing

and it makes us feel really sad. Yeah, but do i at least get some points for the fact that i don't peel the cheese string i just eat it like a carrot you do i've stopped buying cheese strings yeah i mean mom it's not real cheese for fuck's sake really bad um my friend's girlfriend my friend's girlfriend works in an out of our surgery and recently had a man come in with sores all on his mouth. If you're eating, you might not want to listen to this. Oh, I've never heard you do that before. This is exciting.

Well... You didn't do that for herpes fucking cluster. So this is exciting. Oh my God, herpes... I think of that all the time. Do you remember that? I think of it every time you scratch your vagina. Just putting it out there. I've scratched my... I've got a very itchy vagina. Yeah, we know.

Listen, I'm dead comfortable in my house and I was scratching my vagina. If there's no wind outside, no telly on and the heating's not working, all you can hear is her scratching her vagina. Sounds like someone's trying to light a match. Why is it itchy? It's not the inside.

I've got a very sensitive vagina. We all know this. Everyone who listens to this knows you've got a sensitive vagina it is i should probably use a more sensitive shower gel anyway i will look after that myself don't worry you're not you are not splashing out on sense of shower gel we are a fairy liquid shower family and you will keep using fairy liquid in the shower right what's that one that i just can't use the mint one the green one original sauce is that what it's called

yeah oh holy shit I've used it I used it once when I was seeing a lad for not very long and he had it in his shower and holy shit

yeah the rest of the night was not very fun smothered in toothpaste hot as a motherfucker horrible actually stingy I think we've talked about it before

it's one of them adverts where it's like 70,000 mint leaves going to one bottle I might use up what the motherfucker. Horrible, actually. Stingy. I think we've talked about it before. It's one of them adverts where it's like, 70,000 mint leaves going to one bottle. I'm like, yous up. What? Chill the fuck out.

Why? Put two in. It's burning. It's not weeing. It's burning me areas. It hurts. So this man's come in to the out of hours surgery

with sores all over his mouth. When asked how he thought he had got them, he replied and said he'd liked to go urban frubin do you know what this is

no but I'm I didn't know I feel ill already yeah I did not know what this is and I've got a feeling that some people

listening will know what this is but I didn't urban frubin yeah you ready yeah what is urban frubin

I hear you ask? Well... And why is he openly admitting to it immediately? Because it's one of his hobbies, I think. Hobby. Come on, then. Brace yourself. Urban Fruben.

Urban Fruben. Gluten Gluben. What song's that? Einet werden. Gluten Gluben. It's the beginning of Pretty Fly for a White Guy, isn't it? Urban Froobin, doobin, doobin. Give it to me, baby.

Aha, aha. Fucking hell. I'll get to it. I'm sick. Okay, sorry. Urban Froobin is finding a used condom at a public place and drinking the contents like a frube yogurt no no that's what it is no urban i'm not having i'm not having that it's a thing and i'm not

having that it's such a thing that people have called it that urban so like out in the woods fruben because it looks like a frube like a yogurt that's how you eat them anytime the kids have them now urban is a built to be sick. Urban is a built-up area, not the woods. Oh, that's rural. That's rural. Why is it called urban? Rural Froobin. Urban Froobin, I don't know.

Oh. Right, I'm going to have to Google urban Froobin. Why the fuck? I know what urban and rural is. Genuinely, that's something that I took a long time to learn. The same as portrait and landscape. That took us a long time to learn as well. Oh my God, well. Is it genuinely

a thing? Yeah, it's genuinely a thing. Oh god. Go everywhere. The man goes to the local dogging sites and drinks the cum of strangers like yoga. Send the meteor now. Send it and just eradicate this fucking

race. Oh my Oh nah. Horrible isn't it? Back to the NHS. Just eradicate this fucking, this race. Oh, my. Oh, nah. Horrible, isn't it? Why? Back to the NHS. Back to the NHS to get it sorted out. No wonder you go fucking out of hours,

you dirty, horrible pervert. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Out of hours. Oh, Irvin Froome again. Can I have me ointment? Thank you. Okay, it's all cleared up. Back in the car.

That's made me so sorry. I'm sorry. It's horrible, isn't it? Have we not mentioned that before though on the podcast that's how it's very up our our street all right i just immediately all i'm thinking of i'm thinking is there must be a few people who do it and there must be like you know how like with hobbies and with things that bring people together you've got gripes about stuff imagine like and just imagine a group of these people going oh god how annoying is it when they've tied a knot in it oh

fucking bastards I've had to grow my fingernails it took me 20 minutes to undo a knot in this bus stop people walk past this lad walked past

trying to learn how to fly I don't think you see that many condoms though do you not as many as you used to

there's two things there's two things that have disappeared from the streets these days used condoms and white dog shit both made a rapid

decline what's going on there it's end of life isn't it it's over so do you think I mean they say there's a housing crisis

but clearly people are shagging indoors a lot more often than they used to or they're just not buying condoms oh god guys buying condoms. Oh God. Guys, use condoms. Let's be honest here. There was always

a used condom outside of school. Do you not think that was just kids though filling them up? Probably opening them and just, yeah. But there was always like... They were never full of cum though. The excitement. Not because they'd been pooped the night before. The excitement amongst the lads

in the junior school when there was a condom in the cut junior school oh when we walked up the cut like to the main road and there was if there was a condom

in the cut you could tell you'd look you'd see a bunch of people you'd be right there's two things this could be this is a fight

or they've found a condom that's all this could be I don't remember getting excited about that I do remember getting very excited being in Redhead Park and there'd be porn magazines

in the bushes and you'd be like oh my god look at this tits tits and ass got myself a brand new pair couldn't listen to that

in the car the other day that was annoying tits and ass it's a song it's on chorus line Robin's learning one singular sensation and he was telling us

about it and I was like I'll put it telling us about it and I was like, I'll put it on. I put it on and I was singing along and I instantly got told to stop singing. Yeah, of course I did.

Prick. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. G'day, Chris and Rosie. G'day. Bluey. Sending much love from across the seas in Australia and also begging you

to do another show here. Don't remember doing the first one. Doing the first one. But, yeah, you never know. Long-time listener, first-time emailer. And boy, do I have an ick for you. Come on, then. Okay, so I, 26, female,

have lots of icks with my boyfriend, 28, male. Still always looks like, whenever I say 28, it just looks like you're talking about a baby who's 28 months old, and it freaks us out. So she's mentioned some of the icks yeah walking to the bins in his work clothes and slippers

watching him eat watching TikTok videos sorry sorry walking to the bins in his work clothes and slippers yeah I don't know he's putting the bins out

he's doing a job what's the next one watching him eat she can't watch him eat clearly not no watching TikTok videos on full volume in public

and laughing out loud at them. That's annoying, yeah, fuck him. Yeah, playing nine hours straight of video games. That's nothing wrong with that. Slurping his food when there's nothing to slurp.

I don't know how he's managing that. This is you. Bread, you can slurp bread. Well, some people, some people can clack a penguin biscuit. It's the driest thing

ever known. Laughing at kids' cartoons that a seven-year-old also finds funny. That's you. Fuck it, yeah. Again's the driest thing ever known. Laughing at kids cartoons that a seven-year-old also finds funny. That's you. Fuck it, yeah. Again, Bluey, big shout out. I could go on.

However, there is one ick that trumps them all and I don't know how to get over it. Recently, I just moved into my newly built apartment and he tagged along too. Not my choice,

but it is what it is. Fantastic. He's getting fucking neat. Don't think we should be together anymore. I'll hand it to him here. I like. I was, and still i'm

very particular about what i put in it and what goes away and i and just the overall aesthetic i get that right hence why i didn't want him to move in straight away so she wanted to move into her apartment get it all sorted and then yeah well he moves all of his stuff in which was fine until he brought this small wooden box thing doesn't match the wood in my box in my house even girl that apparently has been in his family for years and then she was putting brackets only from his granddad right okay it's not been that long three generations three generations i found a place for it and all was good one day i come home from work to find the ugly wood box moved in front of the toilet.

Why, you ask? Because he likes to put his feet on it when he is shitting because it makes it easier. He then leaves it out in front of the toilet rather than putting it back in its new position under the sink in the bathroom. What's in the box? There's nothing in the box. Right. So basically my ick is that my partner has a shit stool to put his feet on

that he leaves out whenever he takes a shit for the world to see right so it's not a so it's not a box to put anything in no

it's just a a schvinkner straightener it's just yeah so it's better so you know when you go to you know when you you were actually meant to do that as a westerner

when you go to places where there's the toilets are hole in the floor and you go it's disgusting it's actually the way we're meant to shit you're meant to because we are apes

where were we when it was just a hole in the floor and you had to like bend squat down and at first I was like this is but that's how you're meant

sitting down is stupid actually bends yes shrink that in a way where the shit's harder to come out I get it

but I don't have a hand me down box from me grander that three generations of Ramsey men have been shitting with ease on I think that's what's

really pissing her off because I think she's like this does not match the aesthetic of my new apartment you've said that it's handed down from your grander where in reality

you have just found the perfect height shit box I think it is handed down I think the grander's had a minute he's like come here mate

well hang on listen my father told me and his father told him this box is the perfect hide for us

wallabies bruises bruises put your now don't don't tell anyone outside the outside the family

just put your shit with ease tell him tell him it's an heirloom tell him it's a family heirloom hand it down to

your kids. I've sat on the back. It says here, I'm sure his grandad who built the one step, now shit stool, is so happy with how it's being used. You never know, he might be. And that's from Ella in Australia.

No need to keep me anonymous. The world can know about Paul's stupid shit stool. Hey, listen. When she's sitting there red-faced and he's just sitting there letting his shit slide out like body butter, laughing his head off. Body butter.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Speaking of shits and body butter. Yeah? Listening in from another one here. Hey, Rosie and Chris, listening from Australia. Quick ick for you. My husband, like most men, takes his time when taking a shit.

When he gets up, he will be wandering around washing hands, brushing teeth, et cetera, or whatever. And I have to stare at a bright red imprint of a toilet seat on his white arse.

Makes me want to vom. That's a shame. Then he walks around and he's got a big red toilet mark on his arse. I haven't seen a red toilet mark

on your arse. I don't think I've ever seen that. I have seen a a red toilet mark on his arse. I haven't seen a red toilet mark on your arse. I don't think I've ever seen that. I have seen a big red toilet mark on our son's arse, Robin's arse, because he loves to sit on the toilet. 20 minutes. Oh my word. It takes so long.

And then he does, he does very, like most of the time, wipe his own arse. But if it's before he's about to go to bed, I will wipe his arse because I think, don't want to time, wipe his own arse. But if it's before he's about to go to bed, I will wipe his arse because I think don't want to have a shiny arse for bed. And the bending over that they do,

why does he do it so far? It's horrible. There's no need for the... There's no need for how far he... He's literally on all fours and then he's got that red ring. It's just awful. It's horrible, honestly.

Horrible. We were watching a show last night and there's an adult on the show and her adult mother says to her, I can call you whatever I want, I used to wipe your arse. And I don't think, when our kids are adults,

I don't think I'm going to mention that I used to wipe their arse. Why? I don't know, I think it's just upsetting for everyone involved. I'll just be like, no, I never did, you could do yours straight away.

Put it this way, I was walking past our bathroom last night and you were bathing our kids and I just burst out laughing because all I heard was you saying

to the two boys right that's enough now don't touch tiddlers oh god and I just I just burst out laughing I was like what is life

what is life when that has to be one of the rules laid down in your house well we're at that well there's part of us that's like don't touch

but at the same time it's dead innocent so so just touch it. Were they touching tiddlers with hands or were they touching tiddlers together? So Rafe is obsessed with Robin's tiddler. Right. And Robin hoys his arse in the air so it's on full display to wind him up

and then takes it away. So Rafe's like grabbing onto it like this. And then Rafe realises he's got one, so he's like, ah! And then he touches his. Got one of me own, mate. What do you do? Don't you know he's got one so he's like and then he touches his and it's what do you do what do you do though

what do you say they're just kids they're just what can you do nothing now I'm out just look away my brother used to piss on me

in the bath cool yeah quite often I still let him in now to do it so are you telling me I'm going for a bath

Kev Kev she's in the bath again I'll leave the front door open he doesn't have to do that runs in and pisses on you babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo

once again thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Marinoid which is part of the ACAS creator network yes thank you so much guys genuinely

again I don't like to over egg the pudding but it does feel sort of almost animatronic that we just go thank you so much for listening but I would just go thank you so much for listening but I would genuinely

mean thank you so much what he's trying to say is that we can't believe people still listen to stuff yeah just thank you thank you thank you thank you

we're really glad that you enjoy it I love getting messages and getting told that people enjoy it and have a lovely week we'll be back in years next week

and look at take care Urban for Urban this week just take care yeah pick choose your condoms wisely choose wisely don't just

don't just pick any willy nilly just think about fantastic stuff really think about it there we go I'm gonna if it's yellow

if it's awful colour awful don't do it I'm genuinely not gonna enjoy any of the Froobs I steal off the kids this week

I know genuinely not gonna enjoy I'll buy the other ones what's the other one the tubes the ones with the animals on it's all the same it's all know Genuinely not going to enjoy them I'll buy the other ones What's the other one? The tubes? The ones with the animals on It's all the same It's all the same

It's all been ruined It's all been ruined Thanks Thanks perverts See ya You're invited to an immersive listening party Led by Rishi Keshe Herway The visionary behind the groundbreaking

Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series This unmissable evening features Herway And Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece,

Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now

to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.