Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 206. What film am I thinking of?

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

On this week's podcast Chris and Rosie discuss The Comedy Awards and what went on afterwards. They chat buffet etiquette and why you should never put a baguette in a toaster. Rosie develops a new board game and Chris attempts to explain Alternate Universes...All of this plus a call with Sister Kate, a brilliant Rosie's Mystery and a story that will never see the light of day. Enjoy! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. 666 is the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday.

Gets it gets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag, Married and Annoyed. Welcome and with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Wow, what the hell was that? I was going to say something else, and then I did the worst introduction ever. Sorry, should I do it again? No, no, no, we'll leave it on. We'll leave it on, because it doesn't really matter about the introduction, because you are listening to the double National Comedy Award winning Shag, Married and Annoyed.

That's what I was going to do. Smars, Daz, everyone who voted, thank you so much. Thank you. That is all for you. Thank Daz everyone who voted thank you so much thank you that is all for you thank you you did it you bloody did it I asked a lot

and I do apologise for how much I asked and how much I posed about and how much I asked on here but you know what it bloody worked apart from the telly thing but the podcast won

telly show didn't but the podcast won it did listen to be to win again is amazing thank you all genuinely from the bottom

of our hearts for voting thank you so much. Tis an honour. And I mean, Christ, Taskmaster. It's on its 16th series now. It's one of the biggest shows on TV. To be even up against that shortlisted and Graham Norton.

Yeah, Graham Norton. And Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer's fishing thing. Just brilliant. But that was our first series of our little TV show. And it was up against those big dogs. Yeah. And I'm really proud of it and it held its own

but the podcast won again and let's be honest the podcast it is my favourite job don't say that you can't say that we're just about to do the next TV show

it's my favourite you can't have favourites podcast me it's like kids you're not allowed to have favourites I can right now I can right now I can be podcast my favourite

I enjoy the TV show it is a good laugh but you know a lot of travelling involved a lot of actual work involved there's a lot more work involved it's like a proper job this is just

this is just fucking fun and we're getting emails and stuff the pressure of the TV show yeah gets to me a little bit oh the guests dropped out oh let's just not do it then

oh no we've got a replacement oh my god it's hard graft I know it's hard graft but we'll have fun I mean I say it's hard graft compared to a real job

it's a piece of piss. But, you know, Diamond Slip has two tight first world problems. The podcast that I sit and do in my house with my lovely wife, she's not here. Rosie's here today. It is... Fucking wish you had two words. Are you kidding us?

I can barely handle one. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you so much. And now we've got one, as Rosie said before, we've got one award each for the divorce. Yes, exciting so there we go um i again regretted what i said yeah um when are we gonna accept an award and just make a good speech that i'm not gonna have anxiety about well i imagine everyone else um plans and goes if we win we'll say this whereas we are both very weird

and we go don't plan or it'll jinx it so then we don't plan and then we get up there on live telly I swore my arse off I then swore mine as well little do we know Sandra had let Robin stay up to watch it and she nearly put her back out going to turn the volume down apparently

well me mum let Robin watch it but had it on mute the whole time so he wouldn't hear any bad language. And then what happened was she unmuted it when we got our award and we were the only ones who swore. Yeah. So I got wrong.

Chris got sort of wrong. In my defence, I was pissed. In my defence, I was really, really pissed. Chris, I was mortal. I was mortal drunk. Yeah. And I had to apologise to Robin the other day. I was like,

I said something. I was like, I'm sorry, Robin. I know Daddy said some bad words. Oh, have you talked to him about it? Yeah, yeah. He said he was scared because I was saying bad words. No, he didn't. When did he say this? The other day I was like I said something I was like I'm sorry Robin I know daddy said some bad words oh have you talked to him about it yeah yeah he said he was scared because I was saying bad words no he didn't

when did he say this the other day in the car he went I got scared because you were saying bad words I went I'm really sorry mate oh shit did he actually

I went stop saying bad words you're scaring us yeah he did I said I was like mate I felt terrible I was like mate I'm really really sorry

and I was like you don't say them words I was like daddy just actually I think I did I might have told him I was drunk I was like daddy was drunk anyway them words I was like daddy just actually I think I did I might have told him I was drunk I was like daddy was drunk anyway

you know look forward to hearing repercussions thank god it's half term at the minute why? because he can't go into the school and tell them all

what we said? yeah you've got me panicked now he's never mentioned anything about being scared to me well yeah he said it to me yeah I might say

well you're scared of a little word are you? fucking throw up mother of the year oh no don't I feel terrible oh that's shocking but you

when you swore and said does he ever fucking shut up about me that was at the point where I was giving you a huge compliment saying I'm glad now everyone else in the world

knows what I knew all along how funny Rosie is oh yeah and you were like does he ever fucking shut up I'm fucking bigging you up sorry you did talk for ages is and you were like doesn't he have a fucking shut up I'm fucking big in your world

you did talk for ages though and I was like I was trying do you know why do you know why I'll tell you why last year

when we won Tom Allen said oh keep it tight everyone keep it nice and tight and we were like right so we got up and the first thing we were the first award

on the record the change on the night and we went oh we've got to keep it tight and we did the shortest little thank you ever every other fucker got up and did

war and peace yeah so but it was a good night far too drunk that was the thing because when you go to these things

there's wine on the table right and I was just like having a nice time because we don't go out much so I was like it was like if you go to a wedding

and you just drink and you don't realise it was wedding drinking it was wedding drinking but then I was like oh crap if we win we've got to get up

and say something oh god by the time I was so glad Taskmaster won because I was fucking even more drunk because I did

celebratory drinks after the podcast of course we would have had to go up and went thank you and just walk off but yeah

buzzing it was a good night shall we tell everyone what they did right at the end which was one of the strangest things I've ever seen oh yes the white noise yeah so oh horrible awful everyone basically Shall we tell everyone what they did right at the end? Which was one of the strangest things I've ever seen. Oh, yes.

The white noise. Yeah. Oh, horrible. Everyone, basically, you watch these events on telly, guys, right? Dear listener, you watch this event on telly and you think, this is really posh and look at all them people there and all those famous people. And ooh, not like that at all.

It was more, by the end, it was more like a school prom and they couldn't empty the fucking hall. They're shouting over the speakers, everyone needs to leave, you all need to leave. And obviously everyone's just standing around chatting because you don't get the fucking hall they're shouting over the speakers everyone needs to leave you all need to leave and obviously everyone's just standing around chatting because you

don't get a chance to chat to everyone at the beginning because it's like sit down the awards are on so everyone's standing chatting

and they just started after asking them to leave 20 to 30 times they just started blasting static white noise through the speakers it worked

I mean in MVs the whole place emptied in seconds I've never known anything like it so loud they don't even do that in nightclubs It worked. I mean, in MVs. Oh, fuck. The whole place ended in seconds. I've never known anything like it. Like, so loud. They don't even do that in nightclubs. Madness.

They just turn the lights on. But they had turned the lights on. It worked, though. Yeah. I mean, it really worked. I might start doing it when we've got people around here. You wouldn't, huh? I fucking right I would.

White noise, full pelt. There's your shoes. Alexa, play the white noise. It's time for everyone to leave you need to do that we're having a party for my mum's birthday yeah yeah yeah

and when it gets to about nine o'clock you need to just there it is yeah Alexa it's the white you're gonna have to leave you're not like the white noise

go in your own fucking house then no but it was good night and I didn't really talk to anyone until I was mortal drunk and I regret a couple of things I've said

yeah you called all of the stafflets flats by their characters names you were like Dean, Carol, Al love yous, Al is his actual name well Al was fine yeah you were chicken shop girl

you supported the chicken shop girl what did you say. Yeah, you were Chicken Shop Girl. Oh, God, yeah. You supported the Chicken Shop Girl. What did you say to her? It's Miss Chicken Shop. It's Miss Chicken Shop. Miss Chicken Shop. That's great. I mean, I've just said Chicken Shop Girl, which isn't bad.

I really miss Amelia. This isn't to her face. Amelia. What did I say? I said Amelia, didn't I? Nice lady. Such a lovely, lovely lass. I was just, it was the end of the night.

It was just before the white noise that I met her. And I can't remember what I said. And I remember I started doing that thing with my feet. When I get really pissed, you know this. I start losing my balance on my feet. And so I'm stood there and I just trip over all the time. Have you never noticed that? No, no.

And I'm wearing heels and I'm talking. I'm trying to keep eye contact, pretend I'm not pissed. And I trip over my feet all the time. And I was like, I'm trying to keep eye contact, pretend I'm not pissed and I trip over my feet all the time and I was like, I need to go. So apologies, Amelia. It was lovely to meet you. She was stone cold sober, actually. Yeah, she's not listening.

By the end of the night, I was so pissed. I was so pissed. I was speaking to people. I thought you said, I kissed then. I was like, who are you being kissy? I kissed everyone. I was so pissed.

I was speaking to people. Do you know how to do that thing when you're so pissed and you speak to people and you are so busy concentrating on not looking pissed, you don't people do I do that thing when you're so pissed and you speak to people and you are so busy concentrating on not looking pissed you don't hear a single

thing that they say well that's yeah yeah I'm just like sorry I'm just trying to hold my face together and not burp into your mouth here

I know so I don't know was that a question we need to leave by then yeah that white noise might not have been through the speakers now

that might have been our own subconscious that might have been our own subconscious that might have been our own subconscious imagining just blasting it into just us or do you think

it was our management team just like right just play the speakers by the rears and they'll leave Chris and Rosie have gone rogue they've gone rogue

they're talking to people like they're all so famous as these people are yeah Rosie for the last 10 minutes Rosie's been asking

to meet the lasses from Smack the Pony let's get the ring out come on abortort, abort, abort Didn't meet them in the end but Yeah Yeah, so you know

it was a good night though Good night Well done Tom Allen by the way He did an amazing job I would not want to host that You could not pay me enough money in the world

to host that and he absolutely nailed it He smashed it Twice in a row now He's perfect He's the perfect He did it better live Yeah, long

You often find that You often find that He's stepped up to the plate and he's gnawing and he's perfect he's the perfect he did it better live yeah long you often find that you often find that he's stepped up to the plate and he's gnawing he's just gone bump and he's turned it up to 11 he's brilliant

he was fantastic I would not want to host that in that room full of those pricks no chance and I'm included in the pricks and Rosie is very much included in the pricks

comedy in front of comedians awful fuck that off lot of sour faces though for being comedians but I think that's just your crack isn't it no hey

you're joking I was having a really lovely time loads of people have watched it who I know said that when the camera panned

no one was smiling we were oh yeah we were because we had like little fucking happy little monkeys to be there and we'd been drinking

since two in the afternoon but yeah apparently a lot of people were just like hmm well no because I know that on some of them they got clips they got cutaways of people

they didn't have enough cameras so they got cutaways of people shots of people before like not at the time so I know that the guys from Have A Word Who were up against us I know the shot of them when I gave them a shout out in our speech the shot of them is from earlier them a shout out in our speech the shot of them is from earlier

when they were just looking at the screen oh well that's probably why then yeah Adam Rowe came running up to me and he went look at this

he went this shot was when we were looking at the screen and they've played it when you've said we're named during your thing and we both just

look fucking furious and he went he was like I'm just gonna have to own it and pretend it was them well that'll be why everyone looked

miserable as sin yeah yeah yeah I'm sure everyone was alright I'm sure everyone was being you know respectful and stuff. Oh, shit.

Right, okay then. But, you know. I didn't know they'd done that. We all now just look like a bunch of dicks on telly, but that's fine. We were right at the front, though, so we always got the live camera. We were okay. Oh, right, okay. Yeah, we were fine.

Oh, thank God for that. Yeah. Picked my teeth at one point, and I was like, oh, this is life. I refuse to watch it back. I'm not watching it back. We haven't watched it. Nothing good can come from watching that back. Fuck it, no way.

I seen me arm on a couple of pictures and I was like I'm ready to watch this what do you mean? just me manky fat arm just one just one of them just the side angle I've seen a picture someone took it off the telly

and I was like oh yeah I'm alright for having that image stop it you're beautiful stop it and I felt really good I felt lovely in my dress but sometimes the camera is awful. It's not forgiving at all

unless you're a size minus two. Minus two, is that a size? Probably in America. Okay. But no, it's just,

it wasn't in a good angle. It wasn't a good angle. So I thought, I'm not going to watch this because then I'll just be sad. Anyway. Wow. Here's to

the gym. Just drinking water now. Good. I mean, I've had me two packs water now good i mean i've had me two packs of quaver yesterday so you've had your two bags yeah and i don't know i don't know in the build-up to the comedy awards why you were having a pint of custard today i don't know why you did that get them arms beefed out oh play the jingle we've rabbit it on genuinely though thank you thank you for voting yeah

should we just send a video next time if we win like Ricky Gervais I'm alright for it again I know that's really bad everyone's like what about next year

I'm like no I've got it now I'm done we've got one each for the divorce let somebody else win let's bow out let's bow out

don't mention it I'm not bowing out you can't vote you better vote I'm not bowing out, you cunts. You better vote, I'm not bowing out, I'm not, never, never! We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Jingle! Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged. Married and Oised. Double award winning. As always, it's lovely, it's really lovely to have you back. Four years we've been doing this now. Yes, thank you so much. And it's great. What's been going on? How are you?

Quick checklist or you will? No. Are you on your period? No. Are you due on your period? In a week. Brilliant. Or so. Wow, okay. I'm around the sixth, I think. This is another good week. will no are you on your period no you're due on your period uh in a week brilliant also wow okay i'm around the six i think this is another good week it's a good week i'm good yeah you got a little uh sparkle in your eyes i do thank you um no i'm really good i've wrote something down here and i don't know when this has come from this is just how obviously people always say what do you do how do you do the podcast what happens is

Chris and I don't talk to each other during the week about things that have happened we write it in our phones and I've got wrote here just and I can't remember when this happened

but it says I'll never be someone who browses the buffet before I choose what I'm getting I'm just always left gutted by my choices what the fuck

I was at a buffet I know what you yeah I've seen you do this so you go first thing you see you go on mint yeah the first thing you see on the buffet. I know what you... Yeah, I've seen you do this. So you go... First thing you see, you go on mint. Yeah. The first thing you see on the buffet,

you assume is the best thing on the buffet. Yeah. And by the time you get to the end, you don't want to pile your plate really high. So normally the good stuff's at the end. Yeah. And I've missed out on the full thing. You go, you stand there and you go,

oh, pineapple hedgehog with bits of yellow cheese on. Thank you. Orange cheese. Thank you. Oh, fucking bone dry sausage rolls. Fantastic. Oh, a cocktail stick with a little bit of cold hot dog and a little pickled onion on. Yeah, definitely.

And then literally two meters down, there's like trays of fucking pasta and curry and there's warm pizza and there's actual stuff. And you're like, oh, it's just... I'm just going to eat these sausage rolls and little things I remember on holiday there's always people, usually man who is looking at the buffet just proper perusing

hands behind the back and being like oh what can I, it's chicken I do a lap of the full buffet lap of the full buffet first we've never been to a buffet together we've never stood in a buffet together no because we you mean? We've never stood in a buffet together. No, because we go up separately. Because one of us sits with the kids.

Yeah. I've never ever... So you look at it first. I do a full lap of the buffet. Do you? I do a full lap of the... And you're right. Arms behind me back.

Folded behind me back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Strolling. Yeah. Like a prison guard. So do you go, right, what am I? Like protein, carb, salad? No, no, no.

I just go, oh, no, no, no. But are you looking out for it? So I just go and put whatever on my plate? I'm looking for what I want, what I like. But also what I'm very good at. I'm very good at going, right, okay, I see the dessert bit here. Quite a lot of desserts that I want. I see the plates for the dessert bit.

They're quite small. I'll go and get one of those plates from the main bit and come back to the dessert bit. Oh, yeah. I circle it like an eagle. I circle it like an eagle and then I swoop. So you know what meat and that you're going to get before you... You've never seen me on a breakfast buffet, have you?

Don't think I have. Breakfast buffet. Got your little plates, get them on me face, right? So you go over to the toaster and where the bread is... They love to put a little plate out, don't they? They're cheap bastards. You go over to the toaster where the bread is, right? Oh, I hate them.

And it's always a little one. It's always... The conveyor belt, it's always a little one it's always the conveyor belt it's always a little little plate no chance no chance right I'll get I go across to the big plate

I come back I get the two bits of bread I put them on my plate and I'll transport them to the toaster they go into the toaster I then have the conveyor belt time

to go and get the other stuff that I want someone else takes your toast there'll be fights I'll be throwing hands there'll be arm locks there'll be throwing hands. There'll be arm locks. There'll be triangle chokes.

I can't leave the toast toaster. I've got to stand away from it. Oh yeah, no, I'm away from it. But sometimes... Really? You leave the toaster? I sometimes leave the toaster. Depends what mood I'm in. I can leave the toast in the toaster

and go and get all my other stuff then I come back and I get me done toasting and I'm done. Or, what I like to do if I've got even more time and this is professional level. This is...

This takes years. This is the man who stays in a hotel a lot. This takes years, right? Toast in. Stand and wait for it. Shoot the shit. Say hello to a couple of people. Maybe check what the juices are. Oh yeah. I do love a juice. Get that toast. Get your butter. Go back to your table.

Butter your toast. Go back up. Pile the toast. Pile the toast with your beans, your hash browns, your bacon, all of that. You've gone and buttered it back. I've gone back. Why don't you just get a separate plate for your toast? I'm a fucking octopus, love. Oh, that is true. And then by the time you get it back to your plate,

by the time you get it back to your table, what's the toast, love? What's the toast? Clay cold. Clay cold. Yeah. Freezing. So, thank you for coming to my TED Talk about hotel breakfasts. Fair enough, fair enough. Did I never tell you the time I was in a hotel

and someone put a little baguette in the toaster when the signs clearly said, sliced bread only in the toaster. Did it set on fire? Fire. Full fire. Full fire. Stood there like an idiot, he did.

Stood there like an idiot. So when I used to work in a hotel, in Rhodes, obviously we got to know the staff really well. And in the restaurant, it was a lot of people who lived on the island worked there and there was also like students who used to come over from Russia and like all these places when they were doing hospitality yeah in university they would come and work in all the hotels right oh like a little work experience yeah oh nice and they honestly every, they were just raging about people changing the settings on the toaster.

Yes! I swear to God. And they'd be like, because obviously you pick up a little bit and they'd be like, Malakas! Like, British Malakas! British wankers changing all the settings on the toaster.

Because people would just, people would ramp them up really high and then they'd burn the toast and they'd have to get all of they'd have to turn it off get rid of all the smoke and all that shit and they'd be like

the Convea the Convea toaster is the worst fucking invention in the world it's only got one setting and that setting is you put it through once you've got warm bread

you put it through twice it's fucking boned that's the only two settings one setting just always used to make us laugh it was every like every day every time i went for breakfast someone was just kicking off about the toast so funny the guy who set his

fucking baguette on fire i'm sure he picked it out with the tongs he shook the flames off it and he just put it on his plate like nothing was wrong and it was black it was it was on fire and he picked it up it came out it was on fire everyone was looking the bread came out he picked up the bit of baguette from the bit that wasn't on fire he shook the flames off it and he put it on his plate like nothing was wrong like and took it back to his table and he was just embarrassed though it was a bit of fucking coal yeah i couldn't take my eyes off him he ate it he buttered it he ate it it must have been horrendous he's probably dead now oh my god that might be what he likes it like. It's awful.

Fire. On fire. Is it carcinogenic? Carcinogenic, right? Yeah, carcinogenic. Is it carcinogenic or carcinogenic? That's quite... Imagine calling your kid carcinogenic.

It's quite nice. What you would call a child carcinogenic? I just think it's quite... It's nice. Carcinogenic. Carcinogenic Ramsey. No. Is it not? No. All right. That's nice. Carsonogenic. Carsonogenic Ramsey. No. Is it not?

No. All right. That's terrible. What the hell's the matter with you? I don't know. You lost your mind. It sounds quite nice. Carson, maybe.

Carson's a name. I think that's why I'm thinking, because that's a name, and then genic's like... No. It's a science word. What the hell's the matter with you? Kids, kids, it's time to go.

Carsonogenic, get in the car egg spontaneously combustible put that down oxidized oxidized get off there we're going fucking lunatic co2 no because that's not a process oh were you naming things in processing well I was just naming the carcinogenic then spontaneously it sort of works carbon dioxide

yeah fair enough carbon dioxide bring that dog over here now hydrogen fluoride come here get your shit done I can't think of a process

I went straight elements after that alright okay gold why I want to join in on the joke we could never be in an improv group we could never be in an improv group you go off piece too much

it's time for what's your beef what's your beef what is your beef my beef with you well it's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? What is your beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef. My beef. Oh, straight in. With you. Well, it's just happened. It's just happened.

Chris has bought a new strap for his watch. So this watch he's had, he's changed the strap. Yeah. You've asked me about 25 million fucking times if I like the new strap on your watch. Every time you roll it up in your sleeve and you make us look at it. I said the first time that I thought it was nice. Stop asking us if I like your watch. Is it an only child thing? Is there something wrong with you?

Maybe. Why do you constantly need reassurance about something that you've bought? It's really odd. Proud of myself. Proud that I made a good choice. Proud that something as simple as a little strap on a watch has changed the entire thing and now I feel like I've got two watches. Why do you have to tell me about it constantly?

You're my wife you're supposed to listen to stuff like this you're not my wife no I am your wife but why it's so weird alright alright alright alright alright

let's put it across here right who would you normally tell if you had to tell someone who would you tell tell what talk to someone about stuff like that

right siblings don't have any mate work colleague that's you wife that's you listen friend you did tell us chris you did tell us and i was like it's so nice oh my gosh it's beautiful no what's this conversation scratch card one use only i buy a new top yeah every time i wear that

top do i say it to you do you like me do you like this top yeah have a touch of this top what do you think oh look at it in this light oh god you just hit me shoot me down more than one thing you don't hear if i say it's just it's too much man it's constant it's all the time so you've got how long you had it how long have you had that couple of days no longer how long genuinely a couple of days i feel like you're just oh it just it feels like since Monday since Monday what what

it's Wednesday now literally two days two days but I've mentioned it so many times that goes to tell you how much you said it please admit

that you do do it a lot yeah I do you know I like stuff you know I like stuff I like stuff you do that is one there's a plus point

of you right you love everything you own yeah you really get so much enjoyment you keep things really nice

and I think that's a really good trait in you you won the other hand stop bringing me into it because I'm so bored of looking at your

new watch strap it's nice but that's as far as I go can I invest you in the Patreon that I got you want to have

a look at them oh you probably which ones you probably told us loads the one they bought in Edinburgh It's nice, but that's as far as I go. Kind of interested in the Patreoners that I got. You want to have a look at them? Oh, you probably... Which ones? You probably told us loads. The one they bought in Edinburgh. The last new Patreoners I got. Oh, yeah, yeah. You tell us all the time.

Got them on. Shall I go and get them? No, I don't want you to go and get them. But my Bonnie hoodie. Remember my Bonnie hoodie? Your Bonnie hoodie, which every time you put on, say, look at my Bonnie hoodie. Still get compliments on that hoodie.

Might wear it tonight. Every new hat you get, every time you put it on, it's like, all right, what do you think of me new hat? Do you like it too? Well, you know what? Fucking shoot me down for wanting my wife's opinion on stuff. Honestly. I'd give you my opinion.

Shoot me down for wanting my wife's reassured opinion multiple times on stuff. It's the reassurance. I don't have the energy. Shoot me down. Wait until the kids are older, then I'll have more time for you. Brilliant. Right now, I don't have the energy shoot me down wait until the kids are older then I'll have more time for you right now

I don't have time I'll tell you right now there's going to be a backlog mate there's going to be a backlog actually you set aside oh god

I've unplugged my headphones you set aside a couple of weeks in your diary for when the kids are older and I'm going to it's going to be like you know the end of Indiana Jones

do you remember these the end of Indiana Jones where they take the Holy Grail into that big massive warehouse and there's like a million things. I don't. It's got me like that. Of course you didn't get the reference.

I'm going to take your name. I'm going to go, here's the warehouse. Get me crowbar out and open all the wooden crates. This is something I bought. What do you think of that? Right, we'll come back to that

after we've done all the rest of the stuff. Well, listen, we can. Because you actually told Robin to be quiet the other day because you were asking as a reassurance of something. And I was like, I find that unfair.

Really? What was it? I can't remember. robin tried talking you were like just a minute daddy's talking to mammy what do you think of this seriously robin stop talking stop talking shush daddy's talking to mammy what do you think that's probably what it was just while we're on the subject right you always do indiana jones references and i genuinely don't think, I've seen it for 20 odd years and I don't get them. The only bit I remember of Indiana Jones.

Oh, here we go. All right, okay, okay, hold on. Guys, just do my, let's play a little game. Let's, let's put a little bet on now whether this is actually something from Indiana Jones. No, it is, I think it is.

Okay, I'm going no. I think this is not going to be something from Indiana Jones, any of the films, right? Oh, two things I remember from Indiana Jones. No, it is. I think it is. I'm going no. I think this is not going to be something from Indiana Jones, any of the films. Two things I remember from Indiana Jones. Okay, two of them. I think one of these will be from Indiana Jones and one of them won't be. Right.

What do you think? Place your bets now. And go. Is Jodie Foster in one of them? This is nice. Is there loads of kids? Do they go to a place where there's loads of kids. To the go to like a place where there's loads of kids. Tell me.

It's not Jodie Foster. They go somewhere outside where there's loads of kids. Are they on horses? Is that the right film? I just couldn't. I'll make up one. I couldn't have been a better. I just couldn't.

Right, where there's loads of kids. There's loads of kids. There is one of them where there's a lot of kids, yes. So who's the woman? It's not Jodie Foster. It's a different blonde woman. Right, okay.

And then, the other bit I remember is the snakes. Do they eat a snake? Yes. There's a really long snake on a table. Yeah, and they cut it. And they eat the snake.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Thank you. No, no. The only two things. What are you talking about going in a cave with the bloody shrine and that? I can't remember that.

That. That is not what I said. Oh, there's a track with the mine thing. Right. They're in the mine. Do you remember? Are you talking about the ball rolling behind him?

Yeah, and they're on the crate going down the thing. That's not what I was talking about. Stop. Stop. I need to watch it again. Robin would probably quite like that. I think it peaked. I think it peaked.

The fact that your first question was, is Jodie Foster in one of them? There's a film with Jodie Foster when she's outside on a horse with all the kids what's that how is it listen listen listen right two seconds this is an idea for an app right if anyone from silicon valley anyone knows anyone in any tech startups i was in a shop today and there was a song playing right and i got the old shazam out on my phone and i listened to what the song was there should be an app there should be an app where you just garble into it what things you remember from a film and it tells you what the film is what what what is that is this jody foster's the horses kids oh you're

ringing kate oh god why because she'll know there's a film that Jodie Foster's in when she's on a horse and there's loads of kids. I think it's Jodie Foster. I think it's Jodie Foster! Hang on. Hello? Hello, it's just me. We're doing the podcast. Dead quickly, right?

Can you remember a film from when we were younger? I think Jodie Foster's on a horse and there's loads of kids around. What is that film? Jodie Foster on a horse with kids? Yeah. This is painful. Can you remember? I think it? Jodie Foster on a horse with kids. Yeah. This is painful. Can you remember? Jodie Foster.

I think it's Jodie Foster. Or any other blonde actress. She's on a horse and there's loads of kids. It's outside. It's quite sunny. God almighty. Is it definitely a horse? And is it definitely Jodie Foster?

No, it might not even be a horse. It's just Jodie Foster. I will also accept Gwyneth Paltrow on a cow. I'm stumped, I don't know. Oh, man. It's not the one with the Irish kids, is it? Oh, God. What's that?

Oh, Jesus. With a white horse. This is painful. With the Irish kids? Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, right, maybe. Is that what you're thinking of?

I don't know. Oh, God. And they've you're thinking of? I don't know. Oh, God. And they've got this big white horse. It's quite sad. Bloody hell. Yeah, it's really sad. Oh. I think it's called Into the West.

You're not selling it to me, I'll be honest with you. Oh, maybe I'm thinking about that. Brilliant. Is it not Anna and the King? Jesus Christ. I've never seen that. Oh. Well, anyway, is Rafe there? Yeah, we never seen that. Oh. Well, anyway, it is my...

Is Rafe there? Yeah, Rafe's here. Oh. Tell him his mum said hello. Wow. But you know what my new name is? What? He's calling me Nana.

He's calling you Nana? Yeah. Why? Well, he just pointed and went Nana. He did it again. Oh, someone needs to get on the Botox and went, Nana. He did it again. Oh, someone needs to get on the Botox. Yeah, Nana.

Oh, funny. But no, I haven't a clue what film you're on about. No, neither do I. No one does. No one does. Could be anyone. Can you, off the top of your head, think of a reference for a part of the Indiana Jones films? Is that what you're thinking of?

I think I am. It's just, it's not Jodie Foster. She was on an elephant. Oh, she was on an elephant? You got a horse and an elephant mixed up. She's on an elephant? Yes, it's the second film, The Temple of Doom, Indiana Jones.

So it's not Jodie Foster? No, it's not Jodie Foster, but she was on an elephant surrounded by kids. Right, that's what I'm thinking of. Okay, Indiana Jones. So it's not Jodie Foster? No, it's not Jodie Foster but she was on an elephant surrounded by kids. Right, that's what I'm thinking of. Okay, thank you. Okay. Right, love you. Love you. Bye. Wow, well we just got a little insight

into the podcast that thankfully Rosie's never going to release with Kate, which is What Film Are You Thinking Of? Welcome to What Film Are You Thinking Of? There's a river and someone's got a horn and there was a bird. Right in. We'll answer your questions next week.

Indiana Jones, Woman on Elephant or The Temple of Doom. There you are. 1984. I wasn't even born. Want me to get references of films I wasn't even born you want me to get references of films I wasn't even born for you've seen it though

fucking hell honestly honestly I regret referencing Indiana Jones and I don't think I'll do it again Willie Scott

that name yeah great oh she was beautiful it's just oh fuck fuck's sake Rock City

you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play.

Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada

will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. We'll see you next time. This Friday. Six is the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Who said that? The First Dome and The In-Theatres Friday. Get tickets now. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. Hold on. What?

I haven't done my beef. Oh, never mind. No, it's past it now. We can't go back on the beefs when we've done the in-row. I haven't done my beef. Can't do it, Chris. You've fannied on so much.

What did you do? I got in your car today and it's like a fucking bin, by the way. It's like driving a bin. Stop using my car, you prick. Yeah, I had to because Robin had left

his Rubik's Cube in the back and you told us to go and get it. Honestly, honestly, three cans that I had to... I had left His Rubik's Cube in the back And you told us to go and get it Honestly Honestly Three cans That I had to I have to open your car If I'm leaving somewhere

If I'm leaving the house To go in your car I have to factor in time To go and put stuff In the recycling bin I have to go right Normally I need to leave An extra minute

Before I leave here Because I need to open the door And collect all of the Cacophony of shit In her car And go and put it in, yeah, the bin. You done? Trips to and from the bin.

You done? It's like a bin on wheels. Oh, are you finished? Tune gum in the door as well. It was horrible. In the rubber? Still there though, innit? I still see it.

What's the matter with you, man? You're not just driving somewhere without grazing and drinking and just doing stuff. Do you know what I mean? Half grazing and drinking and just doing stuff. I mean, half car, half fucking hamster cage. You're just eating and chewing

and slurping and drinking and it's horrible. I love eating in the car. It's awful. I do. It's just like... Well, at the minute as well,

the problem is, Rafe sleeps for ages in the car. And I know me mum, me mum probably slags us off behind me back because I'd rather take him in the car and sit in the car. And I know me mum, me mum probably slags us off behind me back because I'd rather take him in the car and sit in the car park

and be on me phone and read a magazine while he sleeps. And me mum be like, oh, and he's not getting any fresher. You should have him walking for miles. It's like, no, because he wakes up. He doesn't sleep as long when you're out walking because someone will beep or someone will,

you know what I mean? And he wakes up with the noise. He's like such a light sleeper whereas if I'm just in a quiet car park he loves it and then I have a full on picnic

it's great it's horrendous everything just stays in there I don't know how you drive it it's just rattling and clinking and just fluttering

and packets it's awful yeah there is that is annoying and I empty it because you're not arsed by it you'll just drive it

I do sometimes empty it I do sometimes I get a little carrier bag and I go around because you're not asked by it you'll just drive it I do sometimes empty it I do sometimes I get a little carrier bag and I go around all them little footwell things

and all of the doors and that and I do empty it but it does add up Chris it does add up anyway but I do always

it's funny because I didn't get that car that long ago and I kept it really really clean and then I had chips from McDonald's

and I dropped one down the side of the car and I was like, there we go. And from then it was a shit tip. One chip. Just spiralled us out. That was it. When something goes down in between the centre console and your seat, that is bad.

It's gone. You just can't get some of it. You just can't get it. Totally can't get it ever again. It's a pound in mine. I'm devastated. I can't get it out. I drop my keys down there sometimes and I'm like, fuck! What? It's devastating. I hate it.

What, are you just thinking about it? They need to phase it out. They need to put something in the way so that it's like a little, I don't know, just... But then you couldn't move the seat back and forward. Well, I don't know,

maybe some fabric. Or just a fabric. Or a thing of rubber. I agree, actually. Do you know what I mean? Maybe that would be a really good invention so you wouldn't lose shit down there

good idea again we've said one we've said it on the podcast and we can't invent it and two I can't be arsed no I neither can I

can't be arsed but yeah stop it it's like a drug fucking skip on wheels pack it in anyway it's time for questions from the public

we've done this we've done this we've done this as always guys if you want to get in touch it's shagged maryanoid at gmail.com thank you thank com thank you

thank you thank you kindly hi Rosie and Chris I need your help I have been divorced for five years have two kids

aged six and eight and run my own successful business with my sister fantastic cool I have been attempting online dating

for a while now to no avail on there I have met fascist Jimmy sex pest Chris oh that's I know one as well.

Stop telling everyone me online dating. Secret profile. And James slash Russell. He gave me a fake name. Right, okay. So the first one was Racist Jimmy? Fascist Racist. Fascist Racist Jimmy.

Excellent. And then Sex Pest Chris. Sex Pest Chris. And then... James slash Russell. James slash Russell. Russell. Russell.

Isn't Russell really hard to say slash with a slash before it is that what happens it's the slash right so just say Russell

Russell say slash Russell slash yeah oh it can't be done you know what it is we're already

paying for itself this podcast paying for itself say Cecil Cecil say slash Cecil slash Cecil yeah Slash Cecil.

Yeah, that's hard. Oh, shit. Slash Russell. Yeah, it's hard, that. Yeah. Well, have we invented a board game? No. I mean, yeah, the worst board game ever.

Hey, everyone, come on round. Hey, are you coming round to play a Slash Russell? What? What did you say? I said Slash Russell. Don't come round. We're playing it now. You've got a dice for this You've invited 16 people round to play this

No arguments tonight in the place slash Russell. Rosie has no idea what goes into making a board game. Rosie thought that was it. Oh, God. So if you're listening to this, you're not going to actually hear the rest of that story

because it was deemed inappropriate when I read it out loud. Yeah, I was very upset. Because sometimes I skim over these things i was very upset um yeah she met a man online who i was into some really not cool stuff so we're not going to read out the rest but we wanted to keep it in because we laughed quite hard at the rushel and if anyone's listening who owns board games and wants to pick that up no just email my agent never gonna happen so there you go hi rosie and chris we in the last year have moved into a house with an en suite my agent. Never gonna happen. So there you go. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Hi Rosie and Chris,

we in the last year have moved into a house with an en suite. Ooh la la. Fucking who? Honestly. I'm telling you, en suites. Bloody royally

listening to this and emailing us. How lush is an en suite? It's amazing. It is amazing. How unreal. When you don't have one, you don't really

understand the joy. We didn't have one for years. Didn't have one at all. And then we got one in this house and it's like, fuck me. Stand up, have a little waddle around the bed, have a wee, go back. There you are. Yeah. All the joy of weeing in a cupboard with none of the clean up afterwards.

That is true. None of the going on the landing, being terrified you're going to get murdered. Yeah, there is that. That's what used to happen to me. Look, I do all my murdering on the land and being terrified you're gonna get murdered yeah there is that's what used to happen to me look i do all me murdering on the land and i told you i would never change every night pre-bed i heard a rhythmic wiping while my husband got ready in the loom i just assumed he was wiping down the loo seat each night and always wondered why however all became clear last week when he left the door open and from my spot on the bed I saw him pull down his shorts

and still standing begin to wipe his arse. All became clear when he told me that he does a wipe pre-bed to avoid skid marks. He thinks this is a great idea and more hygienic. Personally, I'd prefer he removed any risk of skid marks in the immediate aftermath

of a poo ick erm you do this I do this but what's the rhythmic bit about I think he just goes for it right

and probably leaves little tiny little rolls of toilet roll on the floor because he's just wiped it dry yeah burned us out

makes us feel ill erm yeah no no if I haven't had a shower I oh yeah you've got to have a little i call it a courtesy wipe courtesy wipe a little courtesy wipe before bed well i remember in the beginning of our marriage for a long time actually i didn't know you did this because you were very discreet with it and you'd kind of shut the door and whatever now you're like, don't look at us. And at first I was like,

what are you talking about? And you were like, don't look in my direction. And I caught you in the mirror once, do you remember? And you were devastated. Like a little meerkat. Don't look at me eye.

Either of them. Don't look at any of my three eyes. It's horrible to watch, weirdly. Yeah? You shouldn't be in the room. You've got your boundaries. Sometimes I just can't have a bathroom to myself. You just come in and do stuff.

And then if I've got a door locked, heaven forbid I have a bathroom door locked, you're like, what's happening? What are you doing? You're building a bomb. I'm like, I don't want you in the room. I'm not that bad. You are. I think it's important to have a bit of privacy.

No, no. We've talked about this before. You sit down, you start pissing, you start shitting. I have to leave the room. I have to go and brush my teeth in the fucking utility room sink. I never know. I've told you this for years. I don know what's gonna come when i sit down on the toilet right well all right then right well you're the one playing russian roulette with your

piss don't ever go at me if i wipe my ass before i go to bed at night because what you're doing is a lot more dangerous than me have you ever seen me change a tampon yes you're always doing that i have to you just start doing i have to leave like you pulled a pin from a fucking hand grenade i do not change my time on in front of you so don't even you start to do it and i have to leave like you pulled a pin from a fucking hand grenade I do not change my tampon in front of you so don't even you start to do it and I have to leave the room you tell us to leave

you go you're gonna have to leave I tell you to leave but I'm already I'm the first one in the bathroom is me point my point is I'm the first one in there I'm normally doing something

like brushing me teeth and you're like changing your tampon bye when you're about to like wipe your arse why didn't you shut the door because again

you've came in during my bathroom routine I don't think that's a thing you I don't believe that for a second you don't believe it you've come in during my bathroom routine is I don't think that's a thing. I don't believe that for a second. You don't believe it? You've come in during my bathroom routine is what's happened. I'm doing my bathroom routine and you come in and start your bathroom routine

and then think, what the hell's going on here? Why is he doing it? Because I was there first, mate. How wet's your arse? Not wet. That you got to wipe it before. Why is it wet? Why are we wet?

It's not wet. What are you wiping then? You just check. Normally, nine times out of ten, there's absolutely nothing there. So you're just wasting time at all, eh? Well. I don't wipe my... You kind of put a price on peace of mind. I don't wipe my arse to just see what's there.

Right, well... That's weird. I've never done that in my life. Well, you're not as curious and adventurous as me then. You've got to be... You're not as hairy, I don't think. Is it hair? Is it winnets?

No. Is it sweat? Can we draw a line under this line of questioning? I'd like to I'd like a lawyer. Alright.

I'd like my lawyer. And I'd like him before he comes here I'd like him to have a good wipe of his arse to make sure I just bring the skate marks in this room. Imagine

if we lived in a weird in a weird world alternate universe where actually in the summer we didn't wear any underwear at all on the bottom. We only wore stuff on the top right. And so when you came in, you know

how people wipe their feet? Yeah. You just have to wipe your arse. Wipe your feet on your mat. Wipe your feet on the floor mat. Wipe your arse on the wall mat. Imagine, that might happen somewhere, you know. Why? Dunno. You think there might be, what, are you talking about alternative universe? Yeah.

Are you talking about somewhere in this world? You told me about alternative universes, and talking about some way in this world you told me about alternative universes and I have not stopped thinking about it you told me that I was some way I mean not all the time

I think you've given I think you've given a gleaming thought now and then when we've watched a Marvel film and it's never entered your brain again

no sometimes I do because you told me that I'm somewhere else me but I'm completely different yeah but you're also you but you're very slight very slightly different and then everything in between infinite times and is that true it's it's a it's a scientific theory it's not so it's not being

proven it's not being disproven neither is jesus but you don't believe in him wait wait what what happened there where did that go where did that go you have been brought up a catholic you don't believe in him what happened there where did that go where did that go you have been brought up a Catholic you don't understand how

how like how much this stuff affects my brain we were talking about quantum sort of because I genuinely now think that

there's somebody who's me who's not me 20 million times over but then you're telling it's not true now infinite infinite infinite i didn't tell you it wasn't true when did i tell you it wasn't true i just told you yes i thought it was true but you've said there's not it's not actually got the

scientific evidence no it does it's a site it's a believed scientific theory okay that they're intangible we can't touch them we can't interact with them but there's infinite amounts of you there's a world there's a universe where we've we're having this conversation a half second later and it's exactly the same and then there's a universe where we're having the full conversation in spanish and then there's one where we're having it in french and there's one we're having an italian and there's one where we're having it but you haven't got a head and i haven't got a head and we're talking about my shoulder and everything our face our face just watch rick andy, it'll explain it for you. No, no.

And she won't think about it again for a couple of years. And in a couple of years, she'll claim she hasn't stopped thinking about it. And it'll explain it. And she'll mention Jesus again. And then I'll tell her to watch Rick and Morty or something that explains it. And she'll say no. What language am I doing this in and we'll repeat it forever

I believe we're in the worst universe for this there's a universe where I've explained that and you've went I totally get it and then we've moved on

right is there a universe where I'm three sizes smaller because I want to be in that one no definitely not I don't think they've

managed that one yet babadoo babadoo babadoo because I don't want to be in that one. No, definitely not. I don't think they've managed that one yet. I'm so sad. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Dear Rosie and Chris, I have found something out about my husband that has unsettled me and my best friend beyond words. It could even be a Rosie's Mysteries. Okay. All right?

You in? I'm in. Strap yourself in. Beyond words. Bold, bold, very bold. Okay. The other day, I got into the Strap yourself in. Beyond words. Bold. Bold. Very bold. Okay. The other day, I got into the car

and found a milkshake bottle. I thought, oh, he's had a secret milkshake and not bought me one, the bastard. Fucking hell, marriage is so shit, isn't it? Hey, hey,

what's this? Secret, secret milkshakes? I asked you if you wanted a milkshake. Well, not that day you didn't. And it's shit. It's a fucking... No, not you. Marriage?

It's a crock of shit. If you are planning to do not get married, it's honestly a crock of shit. I wondered if he'd had a secret milkshake and not got me one. Wow. 50-50. Well, if I found a McDonald's wrapper or bag,

I mean, God forbid, I would never because you're always five seconds away from a bin. But if I did find something like that in your car I'd be like when did he get a McDonald's? Right okay. Why didn't I get one? I would be seething. Anyway I mentioned it to him in the evening

because we love catching each other out for not sharing. Fucking hell. I mentioned it to him at our daily petty squabble round table in which we have a go at each other for pointless shit. He claimed he hadn't had a secret milkshake. However, he admitted he had eaten something else secretly in the car the evening before. Right. He told me he had eaten...

Do you want to guess what it is? Right. So the milkshake isn't a thing now. We're disregarding that. Milkshake's gone. But where's the bottle from?

What do you mean? She found a bottle. Yeah. But he claimed he hadn't had a secret milkshake however it must have been I don't know forget about the milkshake.

Fuck I just I don't know I don't know if I can. He admitted he'd eating something else in the car secretly in the car the evening before

secretly in the car the evening before a full tube a full tube Pringles no is that what you're going with no

a full tube tube tube what comes in a tube Pringles Smarties them Doritos things that they try to put in tubes

for a while tube stacks stacks they were Doritos stacks them I try to put in tubes for a while Stacks Stacks they would eat those stacks I don't know Pringles I'll go Pringles

Tube Froobs No Pringles I'll go Pringles It's not Pringles He told me he had eaten a full tube of tomato puree

Sorry That's a fucking hell as a little treat Sorry! That's a fucking hell! As a little treat. A little treat! He's one of the fucking Dolmio puppets. What do you mean? As a little treat.

After I popped into the shops, I was horrified. How was that a treat? It sounds like a fucking endurance test. He had no shame about this. He told me as if it was just the normal thing in the world.

It reminded me of the dad from Friday night dinner, just guzzling ketchup with no shame. I told my best friend, and it unsettled her for an entire work day. We keep her... She fucking thought he wouldn't say HR. I just can't work today are you alright

you're not hitting your targets I'm just so unsettled friend's husband just eating chewing tomato puree I've been spent for an entire day what's he done that for has he used the mug shit

to wash it down because his fucking mouth is just so tamagey and tangy. Hang on. We keep having to talk about it because we can't understand why anyone would buy a tube of tomato puree as a treat and then sit in the car in the driveway in the dark sucking it down like a giant fruit.

Eventually. This is one of the weirdest things. Eventually, we had so many questions, we had to know more. So I asked him how this habit came about. He said when he was still living with his parents, he's now 38, so a long time ago, he was once cooking for himself and got some tomato puree on his hand, licked it off and realised how

sweet and lovely it was. So from then on, went, babe I love it. Right. I eat tomato, when I'm cooking I eat tomato puree. Right. I couldn't eat the full tube of it. See, this is But it's lush. If this it's lush if I was her I'd have literally been like

I'd have been asking so many questions that I went right and I went to the shop and I got one and I put it

down in front of them and I went eat it now or like tab when your mum and dad finally no no not to put them

off it I can't get my head around that someone would do this I'll eat something for you downstairs I don't want that

I don't want that alright I wouldn't eat the full tube it's too rich I would be like how's he done he must have been fucking hunkering his teeth must have been red yeah I can't imagine it's too rich I would be like how's he done he must have been

fucking honking his teeth must have been red yeah I can't imagine it's good for your teeth he shite the next day he said from then on

when he cooked he put some in the pan and some for him he then mimed squirting it into his mouth this has somehow escalated since then eating whole tubes

in the car the more disgusted we are, the funnier he finds a fall of faith. I've now started calling him Puree Pervert as a pet name, which only encourages him. Just goes to show you can be with someone

for almost seven years and still not really know them. Lots of love. Oh, no need to keep me anonymous. Jasmine and the Puree Pervert, Ben. Wow, Ben, man. Have you tried it before? Well, yes, but it's extremely strong.

Have you properly ate a big bit though? I'm weird with tomatoes. Too much ketchup upsets us. It's too tomato-y. Yeah, you don't really like it. It's too much. And the puree, if you're keeping it,

then again, so if he's bought it from the shop and it's brand new, that's room temperature. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what he's done? What? It's the saddest bit.

He's had to do that thing in the car where you turn the lid around and burst the fire.'s the saddest bit he's had to do that thing in the car where you turn the lid round and burst the fire and burst the fire he's had to do that on his own in the car it's not like a tube it's not plastic

it's metal the tubes are normally metal so he's gonna have to really clamp it down but he's had oh how much has he got over because you know

it's like toothpaste it's like it looks empty but you can still get a good few fucking shots out of it he's probably got the full thing out like what a minger I'm gonna I'm gonna have a little bit do you know what i could eat just like

and i don't have to stop myself stock cubes really i love stock cubes there's a lot of salt in loads of salt in them yeah i love like i'm like that you know when it's left in the bottom of the foil i lick the foil i put my tongue on it and eat it oh my god do you know in the other ones you know the no ones which are like the don't no not the ones that look

like fucking little things of cat food yeah but I put them in but then I lick the I lick the tongue out oh you dirty animal it's not there absolutely

it's a concentrated gravy it's fucking yuck but yeah so there you go oh god

I'm kind of on Ben's side I wouldn't eat a full tube, though. No, in the car. I mean, I... Hey, your secret's out now, Ben. You can do it in the house. Hey, Ben. Oh, yeah.

Ben, hey. Stick the match on, mate. Yeah. Oh, what's on? Champions League. Stick that on. A little bottle of beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A little tube puree. Do you know what he could do now? What? Hide it on a rive eater. In front of her. Yeah. Oh, I'm quite glad of that. Tube puree. Do you know what he could do now? What? Hide on a rive, you know? In front of her. Really? Yeah. Oh, I'm quite glad of that.

The truth will set you free. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. Good for him. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Long-time listener, first-time emailer. I have a little Rosie's Mysteries for you.

Wonderful. Rosie's Mysteries, mysteries. I work in a small office with about eight of our colleagues. One of my colleagues, let's call her Lisa to protect her blushes, suddenly started going home at lunchtime at least three out of her five days in work each week. As you can imagine, in a small office environment, it was soon noticed that she would leave regularly at lunchtime.

It would like, wouldn't it? Naughty twats, aren't they, man, in offices? Well, yeah, because you're always, what you're having for your dinner, you're going out, he's staying in. Oh, yeah, I'm having a meal of salad. Oh, I'm going to go to Greg's and blah, blah, blah. Okay, okay. So she's going home three times a week,

which I would ask about that. Right. I would ask. Okay. We were all puzzled, and cue the good old office poll. Not had many of those on the podcast. Oh, we haven't actually.

Well done. Everyone's back to work. Yeah. Was Lisa going home to have something healthier than the shocking canteen food supplied by our company? Or was she trying to be more healthier

and popping down to the road to the local sandwich shop in that much of a cheapo that she didn't want the hassle of buying for everyone else? Or was Lisa going home to have a good old fashioned

number two in the privacy of her bathroom? That was my immediate thought. Because let's face it, who likes to shit in work? That was my immediate thought. Yeah. We had plenty

of unanswered questions until after a few months of Lisa's lunchtime escapades, we'd all had enough. Sorry. Everyone in an office used to fuck all day. Used to do nothing. No wonder they're trialling this four-day work week and everyone's just like,

yeah, we can easily make that happen. The shit you're doing, you can probably do it in two days. Just don't let your boss know. And imagine having the internet now oh my god yeah when I worked in offices we didn't

I think Facebook was more social media that I had yeah we spoke about this oh my god okay then so what you're going home for is the question

well I decided that it would be my job to ask Lisa what she was doing at lunchtime can you guess what Lisa told me she was doing

so throughout the five days she's going home uh annoyingly i like you know is it monday wednesday friday or is it like i don't know the days because i don't know if because if it's if it's spread out it could be something weird like feeding something or you know feeding a fucking house plant or a pet or letting some cat out or something what's she going home for this this it's this podcast so it's got to be something weird but she works with that. She's not just going to turn around and go

I'll go home and masturbate three times a day, is she? I mean, good for her if she is. Fair play, man. So it's not a poo because that's obvious. Is it? Is it to eat something

really weird that she doesn't it's embarrassing that she doesn't want to eat at work? I know it's a vague guess but that's my guess okay you are wrong

god fucking hell wrongo I probably should have said it like this because it says can you guess what Lisa told me she was having having yeah

oh she oh I've just guessed it what a bath oh is that your guess yeah wrong oh for fuck's sake wrongo come on then She... Oh, I've just guessed it. What? A bath. Oh, is that your guess? Yeah. Wrong!

Oh, for fuck's sake. Wrong. Come on, then. She was having a steamy romp on the stairs with her fiancé. Oh! Yes, that's right. Lisa was going home to have a great big sausage dinner in her hallway. Quite literally.

Great big sausage dinner. we big sausage dinner it sounds like they close an argument in like a made up court case I think you'll find your honour

that she was going home to have a great big sausage dinner we could not believe it she was driving home to have sex to then return to work

three times a week and that was during the week. How much sex does she have on a weekly basis with weekends included? This left us with so many unanswered questions which remain to this day. She followed up her confession by having sex on the stairs with a passing comment that he'd always have some spaghetti on toast ready for her when they'd finished. So now every time Lisa goes home for lunch, we ask her if she's off for some sausage and spaghetti on toast.

Brilliant. Brilliant stuff. Lovely little... Please don't say my name. She'd probably kill me for spilling the spaghetti on her secret. Wow. No, good for her.

Yeah, spaghetti on toast, man. That's so disappointing after sex. Do you know... Oh, do you think? Oh, you don't like spaghetti. Yeah, I really like spaghetti. Again, too tomatoey. I don't like the spaghetti from the tins. Do you know all I could think you think? Oh, you don't like spaghetti. Yeah, I really like spaghetti. Again, too tomatoey. I don't like the spaghetti from the tins.

Do you know all I could think from this, though? What? Is because when you first go out with someone, the sex is amazing and you have a lot of it because it's fresh and new and exciting. Yeah, yeah. And then after a while, it becomes a bit mundane and, you know, still very enjoyable, Chris.

Really enjoyable. It's all the right spots, but, you know, you just don't long for it as much as you did. How long's she going to be at this job? Because I would just be really embarrassed, right? If the people were like going home this week and you'd be like, oh, I'm not. And they'd go, oh. Welcome to reality,

sister! What you brought in that Tupperware? Spaghetti on toast! Eating in here now, do you? Oh, look, it's stained the Tupperware orange. That's your life now. Imagine if it didn't go home at all that week. Yeah, she didn't go home at all. Shit. Her fiancé just sits

and has a wank on the stairs. Oh, remembering the good times, baby. Spaghetti on toast for one, please, waiter. I'll eat it on the stairs. Smell like a coma. No, I'm sorry, I took it too far. I know I took it too far. I'll eat it on the stairs smell that coma I'm sorry I took it too far I know I took it too far

thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagmarinoid which is part of the Acast creator network thank you that's a double national comedy award winning Shagmarinoid all thanks to you guys we're not bragging we're just thanking you thank you so so much see you next time

same time next year for more begging for votes but same time next week for more absolute horseshit and bollocks which we love

that you listen to and enjoy thank you so much big love see you bye Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway,

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